Be willing to let go and walk away from people and things not meant for you. It'll hurt, no doubt, but hanging on, chasing, and hoping will hurt a lot more.
Listen, sometimes is luck, sometimes is love and sometimes is both, don’t over analyze, just love yourself, work on yourself, and if it’s so hard go to see a professional. Please don’t forget to love God first , don’t become your own idol, don’t let seeking for a relationship to become your idol. Balance in life is the key 🔑!
The way she communicated with her husband is incredible. I wish more people, not men, not women, EVERYONE would go to these lengths to appreciate, communicate and acknowledge each others effort...this is mind blowing.
If you seek external validation, you make yourself depend on these types of toxic people. Have a purpose in life, pursue it and derive self esteem from that. You'll attract different people as a result.
I appreciate the transparency of both of you. Some valuable takeaways, in my opinion: - So important to know yourself. - Hold to your values. - Know how you want to be seen and appreciated (treated). - What do you accept and not accept? - How you want to show up? - Try to understand others. - What do the words MEAN that you are both using? Why is that meaning important to you/them? - Remember everyone wants to be appreciated! (:
I love what Matthew said about a partner appreciating how hard it is to unwire the pattern of overworking. That there is a reason for it. And understanding where that comes from is so important. That made me think of family members and friends with more compassion as well.
The gap between desires being met is rooted in the shift that’s occurred with women who now value themselves and can provide for themselves. We used to value the things but now we can get those things ourselves so it’s the turn of men to realise then have inherent value in who they are not what they do. It’s a painful transition but fascinating. His worth IS. Her worth IS and then together they get to choose what they work for (not validation from each other). Interesting times that need time and a much higher ongoing perspective that some have the privilege to spend time in and pave the way for others still logically caught up in survival. ❤❤❤
People see glimpses of good & v good, as well as bad behaviours. But they hope the good times might increase. It's the cycle of an addiction. Our mind is programmed to seek pleasure and cope with hardship. It is this toxic cycle that keeps them addicted
Thank you for this beautiful episode and your insights. It made me a bit sad, though. reminding me of my last relationship attempt. I wanted to learn her, meaning I was doing my best. she didnt really open up so much. She did take good care of me and also appreciated me being around and then just ran off out of nowhere. :/ I think we were a pretty good match regarding our value systems.
WOW i have learned a LOT in this episode, and you guys really not only gave me new perspectives, but the language to even explore these concepts. Thank you so much!
People in general want to feel appreciated . And we also need to place the relationship at the core ,rather than fighting to be right and have your own opinion at the top. It is about making sure you are BOTH valued and heard. In the past i found that when a man is shown appreciation, he takes it for granted. It 's almost like they want to fight for it ,but once they have it ,they dont value it anymore.
Thank you so much Matthew for your sharing about attention on empathy and the sense of validation. Very precious intervention!.. Feeling reassured and touched knowing that some men are offering this level of commitment to Self to their partners 🙏🏾 exactly what she was saying initially, love oneself first as it's the only reality I'm a unique responsible receiptor and creator
Another great duo episode AND another great book to add to my collection!!📚 TyBoth!🙏💕 Looking forward to that added chapter as I can totally relate & know I made the right decision in choosing ME over his BS & chaos.. . I chose "peace & love for self & life" 💕
If people embrace their problems or weakness.....its actually the moment they solve the problem, they no longer look at things as problem but opportunity to think differently....and scientists explain that as you think differently (not as the tv media tell you) the body also behaves and feels differently, it feels healthier younger,..not so tired, the immunity of body increases, because every problem is temporary but possibilities are unlimitede in quantum physics.
I think she was lucky in finding her husband because she chose him first for very superficial reasons. It turned out he was a very open minded man and ready to work on his relationship as much as her.
Wow, this is a fascinating subject! I also believe there are hard-working women (naturally engineered) who would love their partners to understand and appreciate (to be seen) all their hard works! 'Cause that's part of their identities and make them who they are too to feel happy and satisfied in life! I
Fantastic podcast!! So much truth and insight! Even though I'm not even thinking about dating at least in the immediate future, it gave credence to a lot of thoughts and beliefs that I have in my mind, as well as things to consider. One thing that Lisa said that I think is very valuable, is to understand the words that you use with someone, so that they understand the words being said and what they mean.
Being a female I fell head over heels on someone very charismatic, i literally chased him and after few talk he told me straight he thinks it won't work out. I feel devastated!! And the problem is the men who show interest in me i don't find them that good that I fell head over heels over them and I don't feel the same passion!!?
Maybe you can look for a pattern in the way you choose men. They ones that attract you might not be the best fit for you. And charisma might be misleading, sometimes it is very superficial.
@@mo_6298 i don't know about pattern but the difference is looks and charm in the man I chase is far greater than those who approach me and that's what I dislike. If someone with charm and looks would approach me i would fall for them as well. What the hell is this I am experiencing (sigh)?!
@@fun2speakenglish431I think you just need to become more attractive yourself then, if it comes to attraction for you. It is the only sane way if dealing with this situation, and it will work out for sure
What came to my mind is the Platinum Rule. Rather than “Do unto others as you would have them do onto you” (the golden rule) you were really discussing “Do unto others, as they would like you to do unto them. (The platinum rule) what do you think?
When person feels a pain or anxiety, the brain isnt able to to do two big tasks at once feeling his pain and at the same time feelk pain or anxiety of someone else... therefore our mind reacts in a way that we start to either be silent, or accuse each other of laziness.... or other thing is when they feel our pain, they are not able to feel their own pain and anxiety and solve their own pain. So the best resolution is some mediattion or therapy, where both people heal their traumas and anxiety, to calm the mind, and selfregulate, so they may use deep emphatic conversation with each other. and they should forgive each other for being ignorant to someones anxiety because brain isnt able to do two big tastks at once, feel pain and feel empathy at once.
Its not that she isnt pursuing a man, she just gives him a hint that she likes him, or his personality. as in ancient times they used to do. so as she gives him a hint, he dosen´t have to pursue anybody in wrong way, which destroys his charisma, if he uses wrong tactics, because not knowing who likes him for right reasons.
WRONG!! A man works hard for his girl, not for himself! “Appreciating” individual points in your man is offensive to a normal man. You appreciate all of him or nothing. You don’t pick apart parts of a whole to appreciate. Your man’s patience is herculean if you actually do that. Can’t believe Mathew didn’t correct her.
It’s very simple Lisa. He’s saying if you want me to show up as Tom your loving husband, I need to do this work to feel empowered enough to be able to be vulnerable for you. If you asked him to stop doing what is so much a part of his identity to spend more time with you, sure, he can do that physically, but his spirit will be somewhere else. If you want his full presence, this is his non-negotiable. Therefore, he’s doing it for the relationship. He’s doing what he needs to do as a man so that he can deliver what you need in the relationship. Does it mean he couldn’t use some help in defining his masculinity and self-identity? No, I think there is certainly room to grow in that area. But for now, it is what it is, and it goes back to do you accept this man for who he is and what he needs to do on his own time in order to show up for you in the way you want him to occasionally, or can you not accept that at all?
Okay, so here's the thing. My favorite colleague keeps coming to my desk for a talk. Most of the times he touches my arm or back when he is greeting me. We have a good laugh and are planning lunch together. My workbestie sits right next to me. When she is there, he will not come by for a talk. What does that mean? 🤔
Hello sir, I am regular viewer of your videos, please help me. Please guide me. i am from India. My partner ignores me from many days, he is acting distant suddenly. No idea why. I chase him I call him, text him.. Now he said he dont want to be with me. He dont want this relationship with me. I am not able to control myself so I call him every night. He always pick my call but talk very rudely. I am stuck. I am not getting how to proceed further. Please help me. Please help me. Please provide me some sort of advice to how to proceed further. Its feel like my life will end soon
Sounds kinda unfair. I really like Lisa and I bought Radical Confidence. And now it's the same book just with one more chapter?? Why do I have to buy the book again to read it. Really strange and doesnt feel right. Or I don't understand something??
I don't get it. I have a crush on a nerdy guy who is so sweet. I'm a pretty woman and very sweet and loving. We both flirt and have great conversations at work and on the phone while we are both doing our jobs in various locations. He is mostly talking about work , maybe some personal topics, and still doesn't ask me out. We gravitate toward each other. I don't get it. We don't call or text on our off days. Our coworkers come to me and tell me how they notice how genuine we are when we are together and that we should go on a date. Why can't I get even a nerdy guy to ask me out?????😂
Quick question for the audience: Asked a girl who kinda flirts with me if she wanted to go hang out. She seemed genuinely disappointed when she said she had to work, but absolutely did not attempt to figure out how to possibly hang out in the future (e.g. I can't tomorrow but give me your number and we can plan it out... etc etc). Is that a red flag? Should I try again? I don't particularly want to give up, but I don't want to waste my time and hers if possible, not to mention making things awkward.
I think you could turn this around a bit like saying:it's pity we can't meet tomorrow, what do you suggest in this case? Something like that wouldn't be bad in my opinion.
@@eutrepe03 That is a great idea for future interactions, thank you. I'm terrible at thinking on my feet like that, high functioning autism sucks for dating.
@@iambiggusi am sorry, i can only imagine. I think, being simple honest without overthinking (or making it strange awkward) is mostly the best solution. Being direct is not bad but we stress ourselves too much sometimes. From my female perspective.
@rajkhatri8131 Thank you, more great advice. I do much better if I have some kind of script, for sure. Not that I don't want to be myself, but I definitely need the help with the casual interactions.
I f you want get ripped offHave a relationship.Then your life will be ruined.I know i have been there.Honestly you cant trust.I got used once.Never got over it.25 years single.
You know there are many of us that have been used by the opposite sex including me a few times over. It just makes you learn how to stop that before it happens and leave. I have grown from my poor choices and making better choices and taking it slow in the beginning is important. We are also resilient and holding grudges just hurt you not them!! There are good people on this earth to date but we need to be discerning about who we choose and kick them to the curb when these bad behaviours start showing up in them. I have been through the gamet with abusive, narcissist men and I had to make changes and put new boundaries up against that b.s. I'm 61 and I'm looking to find my last love. I could take all my deep hurt and anger and empower myself to choose better without becoming cynical. Just my thoughts thanks.
But you can tell that Matthew's mind is racing regarding the secret conversation his new wife had with Lisa about him building what he's building for selfish reasons - and his new wife wanting more time with him. Lisa dropped a bit of a bomb on this newlywed couple....
I don't want another relation ship.What have another woman rip me off .once is enough.Single 25 years now.Sorry I don't.trust.Never will.All they want is money.And ruin your life.
Be willing to let go and walk away from people and things not meant for you. It'll hurt, no doubt, but hanging on, chasing, and hoping will hurt a lot more.
Amen!
Listen, sometimes is luck, sometimes is love and sometimes is both, don’t over analyze, just love yourself, work on yourself, and if it’s so hard go to see a professional. Please don’t forget to love God first , don’t become your own idol, don’t let seeking for a relationship to become your idol. Balance in life is the key 🔑!
The way she communicated with her husband is incredible. I wish more people, not men, not women, EVERYONE would go to these lengths to appreciate, communicate and acknowledge each others effort...this is mind blowing.
Lisa is a pocket rocket. Absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, funny and comes over as really warm and authentic.
If you seek external validation, you make yourself depend on these types of toxic people. Have a purpose in life, pursue it and derive self esteem from that. You'll attract different people as a result.
So good !!!!
I appreciate the transparency of both of you. Some valuable takeaways, in my opinion:
- So important to know yourself.
- Hold to your values. - Know how you want to be seen and appreciated (treated).
- What do you accept and not accept?
- How you want to show up?
- Try to understand others.
- What do the words MEAN that you are both using? Why is that meaning important to you/them?
- Remember everyone wants to be appreciated!
(:
Matthews emotional intelligence is so profound.
Yes!!😮😊😊
His wisdom is brilliant!! How the heck does he do it?!! He was born that way!!
I love what Matthew said about a partner appreciating how hard it is to unwire the pattern of overworking. That there is a reason for it. And understanding where that comes from is so important. That made me think of family members and friends with more compassion as well.
The gap between desires being met is rooted in the shift that’s occurred with women who now value themselves and can provide for themselves. We used to value the things but now we can get those things ourselves so it’s the turn of men to realise then have inherent value in who they are not what they do. It’s a painful transition but fascinating. His worth IS. Her worth IS and then together they get to choose what they work for (not validation from each other). Interesting times that need time and a much higher ongoing perspective that some have the privilege to spend time in and pave the way for others still logically caught up in survival. ❤❤❤
Love Lisa, and really like the way Matt makes interviews like having a coffee with a mate. Really loved the content and have ordered the book.
People see glimpses of good & v good, as well as bad behaviours. But they hope the good times might increase. It's the cycle of an addiction. Our mind is programmed to seek pleasure and cope with hardship. It is this toxic cycle that keeps them addicted
Such great insight! I love when they spoke about appreciating your partner but also not dismissing your needs.
Wow, this just popped up! I got extremely lucky today. Glad to see you guys doing so well with the books.
Great convo on communication, values, and keeping your love on.
Two things can both be true with the whole appreciation and acts of service thing
So great! This is so complex even in a close healthy relationship
Thank you for this beautiful episode and your insights.
It made me a bit sad, though. reminding me of my last relationship attempt. I wanted to learn her, meaning I was doing my best. she didnt really open up so much. She did take good care of me and also appreciated me being around and then just ran off out of nowhere. :/
I think we were a pretty good match regarding our value systems.
WOW i have learned a LOT in this episode, and you guys really not only gave me new perspectives, but the language to even explore these concepts. Thank you so much!
People in general want to feel appreciated . And we also need to place the relationship at the core ,rather than fighting to be right and have your own opinion at the top. It is about making sure you are BOTH valued and heard. In the past i found that when a man is shown appreciation, he takes it for granted. It 's almost like they want to fight for it ,but once they have it ,they dont value it anymore.
Thank you so much Matthew for your sharing about attention on empathy and the sense of validation. Very precious intervention!.. Feeling reassured and touched knowing that some men are offering this level of commitment to Self to their partners 🙏🏾 exactly what she was saying initially, love oneself first as it's the only reality I'm a unique responsible receiptor and creator
Really loved this conversation. Thank you, both! 🙌
Loving Lisa’s new hairstyle. she is so sweet and adoreable
Lisa is soooo sweet! Love how she alsways looks when Matt reveals something new.
Another great duo episode AND another great book to add to my collection!!📚 TyBoth!🙏💕
Looking forward to that added chapter as I can totally relate & know I made the right decision in choosing ME over his BS & chaos.. . I chose "peace & love for self & life" 💕
If people embrace their problems or weakness.....its actually the moment they solve the problem, they no longer look at things as problem but opportunity to think differently....and scientists explain that as you think differently (not as the tv media tell you) the body also behaves and feels differently, it feels healthier younger,..not so tired, the immunity of body increases, because every problem is temporary but possibilities are unlimitede in quantum physics.
25:57 smart answer Matthew 😂😂the reasoning did crack me up
I think she was lucky in finding her husband because she chose him first for very superficial reasons. It turned out he was a very open minded man and ready to work on his relationship as much as her.
Wow, this is a fascinating subject! I also believe there are hard-working women (naturally engineered) who would love their partners to understand and appreciate (to be seen) all their hard works! 'Cause that's part of their identities and make them who they are too to feel happy and satisfied in life! I
Fantastic podcast!! So much truth and insight! Even though I'm not even thinking about dating at least in the immediate future, it gave credence to a lot of thoughts and beliefs that I have in my mind, as well as things to consider. One thing that Lisa said that I think is very valuable, is to understand the words that you use with someone, so that they understand the words being said and what they mean.
This is one of the best talks I’ve seen from you both! Thank you so much for this ❤
So beautiful ❤️
May God bless you both with lots of love and happiness 🙏🙏🙏
Sending lots of good vibes and positive energies 🥰
Interesting and valuable discussion. Thank you
38:00 + Yes!!! I want to cry. Absolutely beautiful @
Being a female I fell head over heels on someone very charismatic, i literally chased him and after few talk he told me straight he thinks it won't work out. I feel devastated!! And the problem is the men who show interest in me i don't find them that good that I fell head over heels over them and I don't feel the same passion!!?
Maybe you can look for a pattern in the way you choose men. They ones that attract you might not be the best fit for you. And charisma might be misleading, sometimes it is very superficial.
@@mo_6298 i don't know about pattern but the difference is looks and charm in the man I chase is far greater than those who approach me and that's what I dislike. If someone with charm and looks would approach me i would fall for them as well. What the hell is this I am experiencing (sigh)?!
@@mo_6298 how to settle for less and not being resentful towards the man ( as in the heart i beleived i deserve more in terms of look and charm)?
@@fun2speakenglish431I think you just need to become more attractive yourself then, if it comes to attraction for you. It is the only sane way if dealing with this situation, and it will work out for sure
Great title!!!
What came to my mind is the Platinum Rule. Rather than “Do unto others as you would have them do onto you” (the golden rule) you were really discussing “Do unto others, as they would like you to do unto them. (The platinum rule) what do you think?
Such a super smart conversation! Thank you!
Oh wow I didn’t know Lisa cofounded quest! I’ve always loved her!
Amazing convo ❤ thank you ✨
Matt bro you dosed off in min 32 😂 he had no idea what she was talking about
When person feels a pain or anxiety, the brain isnt able to to do two big tasks at once
feeling his pain and at the same time feelk pain or anxiety of someone else...
therefore our mind reacts in a way that we start to either be silent, or accuse each other of laziness....
or other thing is when they feel our pain, they are not able to feel their own pain and anxiety and solve their own pain.
So the best resolution is some mediattion or therapy,
where both people heal their traumas and anxiety, to calm the mind, and selfregulate,
so they may use deep emphatic conversation with each other.
and they should forgive each other for being ignorant to someones anxiety because
brain isnt able to do two big tastks at once, feel pain and feel empathy at once.
Fascinating interview! ❤
I love Lisa! ❤️
Lisa is great!
This man/ woman values problem is textbook. Read John Gray. 😅
Fabulous Chat Thank you both ❤❤xx
G'mourning! 🧡
Wow.thank you
Its not that she isnt pursuing a man, she just gives him a hint that she likes him, or his personality.
as in ancient times they used to do.
so as she gives him a hint,
he dosen´t have to pursue anybody in wrong way, which destroys his charisma, if he uses wrong tactics,
because not knowing who likes him for right reasons.
I really love Matthew’s content but I kind of tuned out when Will Smith and Jada Pinkette were mentioned 🙄
Question .. .
If I buy the book on Amazon.. .
Would it include the new chapter?🤔
so,if it's not chemistry, it's history
WRONG!! A man works hard for his girl, not for himself! “Appreciating” individual points in your man is offensive to a normal man. You appreciate all of him or nothing. You don’t pick apart parts of a whole to appreciate. Your man’s patience is herculean if you actually do that. Can’t believe Mathew didn’t correct her.
😅
It’s very simple Lisa. He’s saying if you want me to show up as Tom your loving husband, I need to do this work to feel empowered enough to be able to be vulnerable for you. If you asked him to stop doing what is so much a part of his identity to spend more time with you, sure, he can do that physically, but his spirit will be somewhere else. If you want his full presence, this is his non-negotiable. Therefore, he’s doing it for the relationship. He’s doing what he needs to do as a man so that he can deliver what you need in the relationship. Does it mean he couldn’t use some help in defining his masculinity and self-identity? No, I think there is certainly room to grow in that area. But for now, it is what it is, and it goes back to do you accept this man for who he is and what he needs to do on his own time in order to show up for you in the way you want him to occasionally, or can you not accept that at all?
Okay, so here's the thing. My favorite colleague keeps coming to my desk for a talk. Most of the times he touches my arm or back when he is greeting me. We have a good laugh and are planning lunch together. My workbestie sits right next to me. When she is there, he will not come by for a talk. What does that mean? 🤔
He’s either already dating her, is talking to her as well and doesn’t want you to know, or she was his ex. That’s what I can think of.
It could mean that he doesn't want her to know that he's interested in you.
How we download her e- version book
Hello sir, I am regular viewer of your videos, please help me. Please guide me. i am from India. My partner ignores me from many days, he is acting distant suddenly. No idea why. I chase him I call him, text him.. Now he said he dont want to be with me. He dont want this relationship with me. I am not able to control myself so I call him every night. He always pick my call but talk very rudely. I am stuck. I am not getting how to proceed further. Please help me. Please help me. Please provide me some sort of advice to how to proceed further. Its feel like my life will end soon
Once again .Take it from me.Stay single.You lose every thing I have been there.I rather have my car
Sounds kinda unfair. I really like Lisa and I bought Radical Confidence. And now it's the same book just with one more chapter?? Why do I have to buy the book again to read it. Really strange and doesnt feel right. Or I don't understand something??
I always advise to stay single
I don't get it. I have a crush on a nerdy guy who is so sweet. I'm a pretty woman and very sweet and loving. We both flirt and have great conversations at work and on the phone while we are both doing our jobs in various locations. He is mostly talking about work
, maybe some personal topics, and still doesn't ask me out. We gravitate toward each other. I don't get it. We don't call or text on our off days. Our coworkers come to me and tell me how they notice how genuine we are when we are together and that we should go on a date. Why can't I get even a nerdy guy to ask me out?????😂
LOL she is talking about when she was 15, at that age girls should not be focusing on boys and enjoy life
No disrespect but oh man this sounds like too much work! I think single sounds more peaceful lol
Quick question for the audience:
Asked a girl who kinda flirts with me if she wanted to go hang out.
She seemed genuinely disappointed when she said she had to work, but absolutely did not attempt to figure out how to possibly hang out in the future (e.g. I can't tomorrow but give me your number and we can plan it out... etc etc).
Is that a red flag? Should I try again? I don't particularly want to give up, but I don't want to waste my time and hers if possible, not to mention making things awkward.
I think you could turn this around a bit like saying:it's pity we can't meet tomorrow, what do you suggest in this case? Something like that wouldn't be bad in my opinion.
@@eutrepe03 That is a great idea for future interactions, thank you. I'm terrible at thinking on my feet like that, high functioning autism sucks for dating.
@@iambiggusi am sorry, i can only imagine. I think, being simple honest without overthinking (or making it strange awkward) is mostly the best solution. Being direct is not bad but we stress ourselves too much sometimes. From my female perspective.
@rajkhatri8131 Thank you, more great advice. I do much better if I have some kind of script, for sure. Not that I don't want to be myself, but I definitely need the help with the casual interactions.
My advice.Stay single.Have s good car instead.
That’s a bit cynical, don’t you think?
I f you want get ripped offHave a relationship.Then your life will be ruined.I know i have been there.Honestly you cant trust.I got used once.Never got over it.25 years single.
You know there are many of us that have been used by the opposite sex including me a few times over. It just makes you learn how to stop that before it happens and leave. I have grown from my poor choices and making better choices and taking it slow in the beginning is important. We are also resilient and holding grudges just hurt you not them!! There are good people on this earth to date but we need to be discerning about who we choose and kick them to the curb when these bad behaviours start showing up in them. I have been through the gamet with abusive, narcissist men and I had to make changes and put new boundaries up against that b.s. I'm 61 and I'm looking to find my last love. I could take all my deep hurt and anger and empower myself to choose better without becoming cynical. Just my thoughts thanks.
Dont bother.You only get ripped off.Women want to much.
But you can tell that Matthew's mind is racing regarding the secret conversation his new wife had with Lisa about him building what he's building for selfish reasons - and his new wife wanting more time with him. Lisa dropped a bit of a bomb on this newlywed couple....
I agree, that really had Matt thinking. Him and Audrey are sound though 🙂
@@obiblooze5902 Not convinced.
I wonder if she feels the pressure on one side of her head due to that haircut
💜💜💜
My woman these days .Is my car.More faithful.
God put us on this planet.To be loved.He made one mistake..He put Goldddiggers here.And ruined lifes .Like my was.Single 25 years .sorry i dont trust.
Will there be a time .when Golddiggers dont exist.Relationships might work.To late for me.I will never trust .
I don't want another relation ship.What have another woman rip me off .once is enough.Single 25 years now.Sorry I don't.trust.Never will.All they want is money.And ruin your life.
Men dont waste your time.Stay single.You only get ripped off.And lose everything.My life is ruined. Irather have my car.Better off.
Shut up and seek help.. you and your bloody car. 💀🤡