Sweden's UNIQUE Dating Culture: 5 Things To Expect When Dating in Sweden - Just a Brit Abroad
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- Опубліковано 31 сер 2021
- This video is all about dating in Sweden. What is it really like to date someone Swedish? What does a typical date in Sweden look like? What are some of the common misconceptions about dating in Sweden? What are some of the things you should know before dating in Sweden for the first time? What are the main differences between dating someone Swedish and dating someone from another country? We'll be digging into all of these questions in today's video!
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Back in the day when I was dating (60s) the first date was a kind of formal restaurant dinner. He wore suit and tie and I had a very short dress......Second date ended up being a walk with his mother's dog and we talked and talked and kissed kissed kissed....kissed kissed....finally the dog walked us home
Third date we decided to be together forever! That was 54 years ago and yes, we are still together.
Wow! What a story - three steps to a lifelong partnership, I'm impressed!!🤩 interesting also to hear how the dating culture has changed. I mean, you dont hear of that many Swedes going on a first date to a formal restaurant these days! interesting. Perhaps its got less formal as time has gone on?
@@JustaBritAbroad oh yes! Nowadays it is not at all as it was when I was young! But the 60s brought a big culture change to all teenagers all over the world, I think. Thanks to British pop music/art/fashion/film.....Rolling Stones, Beatles, Mersey sound.....but as for dating we were still rather conservative/formal. Of course, as always, it was a difference between countryside and cities.
Hi how are you doing today it's nice to meet you, if you don't mind I hope we can have a private conversation❤️🌹
Can we talk privately? It's nice to meet you
That's so sweet!
A very classic Swedish "date" is the one where you're at a party and become incredibly drunk, then end up in bed with someone equally drunk. I had a colleague who had woken up in bed with a girl the morning after a party, and neither he nor she remembered anything about how they had ended up there. They had been together for four years when he told the story.
That was my thought to. You go out, get drunk-ish, find a sexual interest, follow them home, get laid, go home. Sometimes you stay, but mostly you dont.
That is not a date that happens before the first date. It varies quite a lot but this is the probably the most common development of a Swedish relationship.
1-Have drunk sex
2-Date
3-Move in together
Optional: get children, get married
You can have both, none or either of the optional in any order.
@@cynic7049 while technically true for the most part, when I was young (some 20 years ago) noone ever dated per se. One just made sure to get to a get together with the person you fancied and tried to talk to them and hope it would escalate from there. Liquid confidence often helps 😬
😂😂
Dating in Sweden and UK is a huge difference! In Sweden no courtship. In England a lot of courtship.
Yup, dog walks/long walks and fika have been my favorite first/second date activities. Third/fourth dates usually involved cooking at home or pizza and a whole lot of talking... And other stuff... 😜 (If the mood was right. 😁)
Now I'm ten years into the best relationship ever, so I frankly hope I never have to date ever again. ❤️
aww how sweet Sara! and to think, it all starts with a dog walk🤩 clearly your approach to dating is tried and tested!! 10 years later, it worked for you at least😅
@@JustaBritAbroad
Lol, right!? 😂 Just follow my example, and it will turn out awesome. 😜 😂
@@attesmatte now I know where to come for all of my life advice needs😆
@@JustaBritAbroad
😂 😂
Hi sara how are you doing today it's nice to meet you, if you don't mind I hope we can have a private conversation❤️🌹
It is very true that Swedes in general take "kissing" as much more personal experience. Not something you do with just anyone or try after an average date. It might an advantage coming from a country where that is a more natural step. Swedes can be quite clueless about these things.
I remember chatting with a girl for a long time. Really get to know her the "internet-way". Chat everyday and on some levels knowning her on a deeper level. Which can get very weird when I'd never even talked to her. Chatting someone and meeting them can be very different. I suggest talking on the phone or having videoconversations a few times first for younger who might read this. Anyway. I remember seeing her in the subway and wanting to hug her as a welcome but she was quite shy and didn't want it. I saw that of a sign that she wasn't very interested. The rest of the date was horrible. I am not sure how big difference a hug in the beginning would have made but it did make me feel strange not to. I think Swedes in general would feel better if we were a bit more "close". Many might like that famous "know your distance"-thinking but not everyone. I know I am quite sick of it. Getting a compliment, more hugs and such would brighten my day... For sure!
very good insights, massive thanks bro.
A tip, marchmallow o pankakes on an open bonnfire its NOT a Swedish thing to do. I suggest just looking into the fire and open up a bit about yourself.
And try to listen and no bragging.
Ds
Sooooo useful, thank you!!!
My American friend came up with the "Swedish woman theorem" in which he concluded that since Swedish women tend to be open and inviting to new people, it is impossible to know from the first few interactions whether they are romantically interested in you. Therefore the concept of dating can be daunting and quite exhausting. Is this something you have encountered?
You people are weird.... Back in my day we just woke up together and had no idea how that happened.
Never been kayak or skiing, skating on a first date. But it's a way to check if you have an interest in common....
when you meet someone for the first time always handshake except if you're insanely drunk. But it's alright to give a hug when you say goodbye after the first meeting. But read the mood
Hi sweet how are you doing today it's nice to meet you, if you don't mind I hope we can have a private conversation❤️🌹
@@jensrbuddrich3220 hello I'm great, hbu? Though no I don't want s private conversation
So.... this is about round 5, maybe 6 or 7 of how my Swedish boyfriend is not very Swede-like. I've lost count hahaha. My Per, though a natural born Swede, hates the outdoors LOL. On a date, Per would prefer to get sushi as takeout and go back to the apartment to eat it and watch a movie. While a walk would be acceptable for him, it would only be as an excuse to hold hands on the way to the restaurant. Otherwise, he would rather take the car. However, he does like the beach in summer now since he conquered his fear of the water, but goes often to the car to be inside for a bit as well. No hiking, camping, or strolling through the woods for Per, that's just not his cup of tea , tea being operative because of course you remember that Per hates coffee. The perfect date for Per would be for us to stay home and I cook, then snog and cuddle while watching tv.
I think this thing about swedes being so outdoorsy is a bit exaggerated, i would say most swedes are up for a walk but more advanced hiking, camping and stuff like that is not necessarily super common here. But idk about other countries, maybe we are more outdoorsy on average than many other nationalities. The pandemic has certainly made more people going hiking it seems.
@@draug7966 Maybe a stereotype but I feel our neigbors in Norway are more outdoorsy stuff like "hiking" and so on. Of course the "friluftsmänniskorna" in Sweden love too. It could just be that most of the swedish friends and acquiantances that this brit abroad has happen to be "friluftsmänniskor".
@@draug7966 Yeah, I can see that. It's funny though because we have this running kind of joke here on the channel that my boyfriend isn't very Swedish because of the stereotypes of all Swedish people loving coffee and that king of thing hahaha. If it's something you hear that Swedish people like or do, you can bet that he doesn't LOL. At least it was good for those who do like to be out in nature that they weren't all told they had to stay inside almost all the time like America did. I'm inside a lot anyway though, so it's just another thing Per and I share hahahaha
As a Swedish single mom new to the dating world after being in a relationship for 12 years I appreciate when he takes the bill, but I always make the gesture of pulling up my wallet and offer to pay for my part of it. From my experience it's probably easier to pick someone up at the bar or as we swedes call it krogen. I have found it hard to make connections though since I became single and all the dating apps that you have these days aren't making it easier either the opposite in my experience. But I prefer dates that are in a public place so that you can get to know the person and feel each other out if there might be any chemistry.
Please can i asked one question
😊
Hope your dating experiences improve
single mom after 12 years? wtf are u doing? go back to your man and bring your family back together, the grass isnt any greener on the other side
Can’t wait ❤
I took the whole bill on a dinner date recently and the guy (he’s Swedish) was noticeably uncomfortable with this. He swished me back immediately. So there’s still some stigma about women paying, even here. :)
Nah some people dont like having other people pay for them. I try to pay for my friends dinner and they refuse too.
@@hannayoung9657 yeah, and I totally get that :)
oh really? interesting! did he swish for the whole thiing or just his half?
But he paid only half back? Not the whole sum... or?
@@hannayoung9657 yeah good point, some people feel more comfortable paying for themselves, which is fair enough really!
If you split the bill you are not dating in my opinion, just eating like mates. It's like being invited to a dinner at someones home and then expects to pay half.
haha interesting comparison!
Guess me and my (now) husband never went on a real date then haha.
@@smalm86 Then whats the different between a date and other persons you happen to eat with? None. So why call some meals dating? I don't get it.
@@annicaselberg3158 the romantic interest? Like, with my husband it was a date because we named it a date. Because we liked eachother more than as just friends.
@@smalm86 Yes I guess for me a date is more of a concept than an intention :) Have a great life with your guy!
Video I have been waiting for!
hehe yaaaay! I hope it didn't disappoint Asli!
I love your Chanel:)
Thanks Malin!!
We're not all on board with the outdoors, you just won't meet us because we're inside.
Yep. I'm not an outdoor person at all. It just tires me out.
I'm Swedish and live in Värmland, and yeah you're pretty much spot on, though the outdoorsy part might be a bit exaggerated it's still a good point. And actually I've never dated in Sweden either cause I have a habit of only falling for women living in other continents LOL
I don't know what I would do without the existence of internet 😂
Haha how has it been going so far budd? Also whats your favorite country to meet potential mates? I've also come to the point on putting the brakes on American girls and trying other cultures like Sweden for example.
@@varsityeagle89 haha happy you asked and I think there are many wonderful women in all cultures and countries, however I do agree with you and personally, since you asked, I'm getting lots of attention both on the web and IRL, even though I haven't entered any new relationship since I don't feel ready for it quite yet (quite recently divorced) and I haven't been active on any dating site for a year cause I'm now in a situation where I need less options, not more LOL
I'm so much into Asian women in general and Filipinas in particular so I always end up falling for one of them no matter what site I tried haha
Regarding Swedish women... I'm always happy to hear people from far away showing interest in my own country and culture, however my point of view in this case is not the same as yours so you would probably get a more accurate answer from another American man like yourself. But here are my 5 cents... Swedish women are in general used to often getting their way in society as a whole and in the social life. Sometimes it can be too much even for me as a Swedish man who grew up here. But of course not all Swedish women are like bossy bullies and yeah some men like and even prefer strong women with attitude (I can be somewhat submissive towards women so I like that a little LOL). Oh and I often hear Swedish women are so beautiful and I guess they are but I'm so used to seeing them and I'm mostly attracted to unfamiliar and "exotic" cultures, especially when it comes to food and women haha I hear we Swedish men are handsome too so I guess it's maybe due the cold air up here in the North (joking)
Take care out there and good luck with everything 😄
Oh and I should add, since it's quite relevant information, that my exwife is not Swedish, she is Egyptian.
Thanks for sharing. I'm thinking about perhaps moving to Sweden this summer and I'm a but unsure about social life there
@@sofiakatelyn you're welcome. And welcome to Sweden in advance if you will move here :) the 99% of the country that doesn't feature in the global news is a peaceful and serene place, there are many advantages that I probably take more or less for granted but that I'm grateful for. Social life in Sweden can be a turn off for some, but with so many people from other nationalities, you would sure find social people among them and among the fairly large group of Swedes who are more social than the average :)
The best line to me personally from a young Swedish woman date was "do you want to have sex or not"
What a sad line and how sad you found it good
Wow there that open 😺😺😺
I do not think men should "have to pay" but
"Pay for your own..." not so great when there is an large income discrepancy or you don't want to spend money on an activity. Not dating but my inlaws don't think twice about spending 1,000 SEK per person at a restaurant. Just bought an apartment, have lots of things to buy. I just don't think it is worth it so when we travel with them it is either not go or spend a lot more than I fell comfortable with. In S. Korea the one who invites pays, then a guest never has to say "I can't afford it"
Just don't go to places you can't afford. Simple. I pay for my own meals even if a guy invites me out because I don't like that most men see that as an investment into earning sexual favors in the US.
Hi sweet how are you doing today it's nice to meet you, if you don't mind I hope we can have a private conversation❤️🌹
@@bleachedout805 Oh, do the men see it as investing for sexual contact later? Not to value and celebrate the woman? Maybe it differs. Hopefully.
@@bleachedout805 You're painting with an awfully broad brush. That was never my attitude, nor any of my friends. We all had terrific gfs when single and are all in 20+ year marriages now. I guess I ran with a crowd that knew how to treat women.
OMG!! Am loving Sweden each and everyday and I always wish to move there... how can I get a Swedish boyfriend??
Step one, move to Sweden, step 2, join social groups, step 3, collect the attention, step 4 chose.
@@Landofsensi 🤣🤣🤣
Hi😊
Hi I need a Sweden boyfriend will I get one??
am available
The strangest thing you've said in this entire video is that Swedes roast Pancakes on a Camp Fire.
That sounds like a really good way to ruin your pancakes.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking that. 😂
We invented them so...never.
Swedish woman are very direct I went out with one for 2 years but I live in London and she lived in malmo so we used to travel to London and malmo I know Sweden very well she wanted to stay in Sweden and I have a very good job in London so I could not leave so we broke up we are in contact again I we both love each other so I am thinking about moving to Sweden
Sidenote: even before Swish it was common for women to pay for themselves (I am born -70). Equal society.
Otherwise, fika, a small picnic or a walk are great as a start. If she is interested, she will keep in touch (be aware of the friend zone though). If she is really interested, she might take the initiative - might be important for folks from other countries to know. Equal society again.
Well, even the vikings had a kinda gender -"fair" society, atleast for it's time. Even if we kinda had a "darkage" on that matter when we'd became christian I guess.
But now we are one of the most atheist countries in the world
@W W Well, not equal but more than most. The wife was always no 2 after her husband. But if you are running a large estate with a few hundreds of staff, to be second in command isn't a bad deal. And excavating graves had shown that unlike in many other parts of the World Scandinavian females during the Viking age were only malnourished when the males also where.
Do Swedish have "friends with benefits" or is that more of an American thing?
@@Nightraven26 it definitely exists in Sweden, but I guess it is more a question of generation? Still perhaps not? I guess there are young folks everywhere that want to live a very traditional life and others that are more open.
A question for you! Growing up in the UK we never had kissing on both cheeks, only on one cheek. When did the kissing on both cheeks start?
He said Italians and the French do that, no? And that Brits do it on one cheek.
@@linusfotograf I’ve noticed on recent British tv shows and films that the 2 cheek kisses have made their entrance! (I’ll listen again to what he said!)
@@linusfotograf Yes, you're right. He did say that Brits only kiss on one cheek which is what I've experienced growing up in the UK. However, like I said there is a lot of 2 cheek kissing in British TV shows now. Maybe a class thing! (Jag bor i Sverige sen många år tillbaka.)
@@wendajones9040 Jag har bara upplevt en enda gång att någon har kysst mig på kinderna. Det var i Tjeckien!
Kissing cheeks is very common around the world. It's more common than not. Northern europeans are the odd ones in almost everythig related to social codes and gestures.
MySwedish man is very laid back until he gets road rage and shouts in flawless English what the other driver can do to himself while he flips them the bird
I'm single and as a Swedish 22 year old, somewhat overweight guy with the weirdest sense of humor, it's not easy dating or finding love. I weigh around 116-120 kg, so i'm not a small guy, and i can be a bit loud. I can be a bit rude too, but that's only on social media and on UA-cam. Most people who've talked to me in person says i'm a really darn nice guy with lots of brain, meaning i'm way smarter than i look. I see myself as the bad guy in most cases, but my friends and family might disagree. I gotta admit, i'm not really into dating or wanting love really. I honestly only want to be in a relationship where there's an understanding and mutual respect. I don't really know what i want in a relationship to be honest. The longest relationship i've been in lasted around one year and i was in a relationship with the same person twice. Still don't know what i want in a relationship though. Still. Life isn't that bad as i thought it would be, but as i'm a communal worker in southern Sweden, i don't earn much. How i'm even able to pay my taxes at all is beyond me, so i don't excpect many to find me as a good partner. I don't care if i'm in a relationship with a woman or another man, as long as they're my age. No one wants me anyway. I wouldn't count on it. That's just me being too hurt too many times
Feeling pain is part of growing up and becoming your best version. If you don't like your weight, do some activities and maybe that will give you some confidence. There's always someone out there for us. I had different partners and only recently I found the right one for me. Give yourself time to heal and know yourself a bit better. Find some hobbies, travel outside of Sweden, get some certificates to find other jobs... become the guy that you dream to be. Girls love a confident man, some us don't run after money or body image. So, heal, take care of yourself and love yourself because you don't nobody will do it for you. Hugging you 🫂
Hej... U are beautiful what u are darling ❤
You have juste touhched a very importante part about dating in sweden!
But I can only refer to that as a male!!
And it goes like this.. if one got a date, its only becuse she want to know you, se if there are some comon thaugts that could be explored.
And another difficult part as a male on dating, its to take the whole bill after a date!
I dont know, but I have some thoghts about it, and it goes like this.. your not gonna make any expression on them, becuse they are equal and can pay for there own dating expenditures!
Its more like, seperat bills or cut the bill in two.. and its about equalty and independens.
At first, you alredy know a bit of swedish independancy thing.. everyone pay to be independant.. its this, they dont own you nothing.
And that goes for dating altso, we split the bill, and if one ask fore another date, we still split the bill, till we get a couple, then we split the rent and other things, like the rent and household dutyes!
I went out with a Swedish guy here in the US, he always paid for the meals and he gave the best massages ☺️
I think I'd prefer dating English speaking natives as their values and mindset is more gentlemen and chivalrous which is romantic and beautiful.
I'd also prefer German guys as they are honest, direct and trustworthy.
“Massages”?
What do you prefer? English or Swedish girls?
you heard "cup of tea" when you go home and only have sex.
There even funnier when they get really drunk and their J's turn into Y's
Wow
Swedish men are 🔥🔥🔥
So you have seen me? ;)
I hope we never go back to hugging as a default greeting post-pandemic.
Right! I can't even tell you how many awkward hugs I've had with people..
Hugging is my favourite greeting and I’m looking forward to start hugging people again… It signals that we are comfortable with each other and eases the tension a bit. Though if I don’t want to hug someone I’ll just not go to close in the beginning, staying at least 1,5 metres away.
@@espnoberg6130 It's not the actual hug that is bad for me, it's the awkwardness when one of us goes in for a hug and the other one goes in for a handshake. I stopped hugging my girlfriend's dad because of that. Now I just stand as far away from everyone as possible when we say hello or goodbye.
Hugs are a big contributor for my better-than-it-could've-been mental health.
@@PowerSpirit50 In that case you should keep doing it. Another tip is to take walks among trees. That is also good for your mental state.
In Sweden we prefer getting to the message directly. Cut the beginning
Interested to date a swedish
I dont date and thanks for reminding me why.
Perfect date for a Swede? Trip to Ikea, a biltemakorv, and Lindahls on the way home for a weinerbröd. Thank me later!
Its Biltemakörv.
EQUAL SOCIETY ???? GIMME A BREAK !! THAT'S MORE TO DO WITH ISLAMIC IMMIGRATION
in my opinion all sounds good only point one which i find not so good. I think i copy it to the dates in Germany now.
Why are all the Swedish females dating black men in this video ? Just asking.
Barely any swedish women dates black people, it's just when you look at social media you see it. Quiet pathetic really
Because Swedish women are taught from childhood that they are to good for Swedish men, and that they themself and black men are superiour to everybody else!
Dating in Sweden back in the 80s and 90s was much easier. Chinese buffet and a stor stark or white wine. Just saying.😁
NIck Schalin: Did you invite her out?
@@Medietos it was common to go dutch, but depending on the situation how you met, sue i would invite sometimes.
@@nickschalin6594 -Go dutch, meaning?Never headrrif the term.
@@Medietos split the bill from dinner.
In Sweden you can date forever and not get anything for/from it.
Sounds good lmao
Man måste vara genomtänkt vem man är, vad man kan bidra med i en relation,och vad man söker /behöver hos den andre för att trivas. Göra obduktion på siina tidoigare relationer. Inte slarva och förhasta sig. Månge beter sig som om lovet vore oändligt, har ingen (själv)disciplin och visioner, söker på måfå. Föga chans att finna den rätte då.Och det svåra är att vi måste förberda oss, bygga upp oss så att vi kan attrahera och matcha, passa med en som vi vill ha och tillbringa livet med och som vill ha och älska oss..
What do you think one ought to get from it? Weren't they nice? And did they themselves give anything? Many want to get without giving.
Maybe I am talking about the old days but I remember when the man would be very attentive during a meal and start almost.feeding one like child. Non swedes reported this also which made them feel incomfortable.
Splitting the bill would be the point for me to not date a swede. It may sounds entitled but if you are invited and than you have to pay sounds rude to me.
It's also an act of manner.
What do you mean with "invited"? To me a date would be that both agree on doing something or going somewhere. Not that one is "inviting" the other...
This was ways in Sweden in the 70’s and 80’s as well.
When you see Swedish movies in Netflix for example you dont get the impression that all Swedes are "stereotypical". They brake laws, cheat, booze up, and get into fights. Maybe all those movies are just wishful thinking of a lifesyle they would prefer. My son dates a Swedish girl and she was loud and feisty.
When would Swedes find it appropriate to kiss on a date?
interesting question! I guess its best I leave this one for a Swedish viewer to answer, but my thoughts would be that its completely individual. I'm sure there would be some Swedes who would be comfortable doing it from date 1, and others who maybe want to wait until the 2nd or 3rd. So I guess its just a case of feeling the room - seeing how the other person is responding and using that as a guide! Swedish viewers, what do you guys think?!
That's an impossible question to answer really. 😜 "When it feels right" is probably the best answer I can come up with. 😁
In my opinion and experience Swedes are not very prude (quite the opposite) but are not very comfortable with talking about feelings.
So to kiss or even shag on a first date is fairly normal but to discuss how we feel and really open up to someone can take months! (I generalise and I don’t speak for all Swedes, of course!!)
@@attesmatte glad I wasn't the only one that reached this conclusion Sara haha
@@Jony5173 interesting observation Johanna! I'd never thought about that before!
If I like them than I will hug them but if I don't I won't. I only hug men I plan on sleeping with. I don't even hug my brothers.
I hug those I feel human connection with or sympathy for, or have fun with. I don't want to hug instead of having contact, the hug is the expression of contact.
Gee I don't know about dating in Sweden all the outdoors stuff loses me at once . I could not stand it ohhh ...hmm it's a very strange dating culture that's for sure .I think it would be just to hard.