Ayahuasca Vlog 10 - Integration and Depression... The Story Continues
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- Опубліковано 12 гру 2015
- I'm sorry to break the narrative arc of the vlogs so far - everything ended on such a positive note last time around. But life goes on, and life has been tough, confusing, and even frightening. So, rather than leave a false sense of completion to the story, I've picked up the camera and wanted to share with you what came next, and where I plan to take them in future. Thanks for watching.
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While I was in Toronto, I was invited to be interviewed on the Toronto Real podcast, where we talked about Ayahuasca, depression, suicide and life in general. It was a great experience and a privilege to be invited. Here's the interview if you'd like to watch: • Managing Depression wi...
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Inspired by the stories of many people who have drunk Ayahuasca to learn more about themselves and to seek physical and spiritual healing in the (often very tough) process, I booked a 10-day retreat in Peru, in the Amazon, to follow in their footsteps. After recording videos every 4 weeks in the run-up, I made several more during the retreat itself and am now continuing the story into the difficult process of integration thereafter.
I'll be going back to the SpiritQuest Sanctuary to take the next step in this journey, and I'll be sharing the experience along the way (next time around, this will involve Huachuma, too).
Send me your questions - about the trip, me, Ayahuasca itself, etc. - and I'll do my best to answer as many as possible.
This is an intensely personal journey, and I'm going to lay it all out in the open here. I want to share this journey with other people, whether they're considering drinking Ayahuasca, have done so already, who feel the same kinds of emptiness and negativity that I do, or who just want to see the journey of someone before and after this intense experience.
This was principally recorded for London Real (www.londonreal.tv) and the London Real Academy (londonrealacademy.com), so do check out that inspiring podcast and new, exciting social community dedicated to helping you 'Build the Best You'.
Hi Jonathan
I have the same issues.
My depression is not gone away but I feel it is different. The medicine is helping me to cope with life in a different way then before.
I am planning to go back again too and do a retreat.
I wish you al the luck and please keep on talking here. We need each other and it feels good to hear people talk about things you understand but your environment doesn't know sh** about it...
People are so ignorant and since the medicine came to me I can't deal with them any more and need people of my own tribe. So keep posting :)
Much love to you and I wish you strength with your decisions x
Same here . I found it has made me less patient to settle on doing things I dont want to do with my life anymore ...like a voice saying no ...if I ignore that voice then the depression comes back, but always with this new sense of ....this means I need to change stuff .
Integration is key....self discipline to eat clean, drink lots of h2o, meditate/pray & key exercise....being in the education 'system' is really hard, understaffed & so stressful...sounds like you need to see a shamanic healer to clear up more of your LEF....huge love to you brother - you're a truth seeker- sending healing vibrations to you xx
Hello, I just ran across your videos. I appreciate the honesty in which you speak about your ayahuasca experience. I'm about 2 months away from going to peru for my first ayahuasca retreat ever and feeling pretty nervous about it at times. Just wondering how you're doing now.. hope to see a new video from you soon.
I see a very clear image of you in my head, presenting one of the most touching and emotional TED TALKS ever! I'm serious :)
+Ramteen Kind words! Thank you :) But (and this is a big but) a TED talk about what, exactly? There ain't no clear message to any of this yet... I guess that's the issue for me: I can talk easily enough, but what about?
+Jonathan Waterlow wouldn't worry about that much. Ever since I started keeping my self calm, Inspirations come without any effort! But they'll come when I least expect them! I'm on the same journey as you are man(Dealing with a divorce at the moment). What I said about Ted Talks was real. I felt it in my guts without thinking much. It might not be any time soon. But it will happen, and I'll be so excited to attend it :) Honestly anyone would love to hear your story when the answers are clearer to your self. Peace
It's nice to get a new video from you. Also, what a surprise that you are in DC. So close to me (Maryland suburbs).
+James Pettigrew Aha! PM me, man - we should get together sometime while I'm in town! (Away for Christmas, but back in Jan :) )
+Jonathan Waterlow MSG sent!
I appreciate you sharing your story as I share of the same fears. My message would be to find a balance where you can make money but still do the things you love. Lakota sweatlogde, plant medicines, being in rivers, sharing real conversations on podcast etc. Be a bank do wealth management w. E but money always comes first in this incarnation
Thank You for sharing, I came across from London Real Academy, after your post. I to suffer from depression at times and other mental Ill health. So I could relate to some of what you said, respect to you for sharing and I'll hopefully start to follow you hear, there (LRA) or elsewhere.... Peace out brother!
I was going to send you a pm but I don't think this is possible in youtube?
Im glad I stumbled across your video.
I've felt like maybe there is something wrong with me for awhile now. I too went to Peru, had the most profound experience aside from maybe birth, and came back feeling...."different". Calm, centered, heart-connected....more alive.
As time has gone on....depression, anxiety, old behaviors coming back just as strong as before.
I empathize a lot with your story as I'm on the cusp of a move and everything feels like a giant question mark.
The compass that felt to be pointing so strongly to the north after my ceremonies now feels to be spinning a bit. Anxiety....Depression....
Anywho. It's good to hear your story. Life isn't "solved" after the ceremonies but keeps going on with all its continuing questions eventhough the after-effects of our time with the plants fades.
Hope we get an update soon,
Love
Hey there! Thanks for sharing your experience, too - it's good to know it's not just me feeling these things... It's so easy to fall back into familiar patterns, even when we know they're not ultimately positive for us. Like binging on junk food, or similar.
I've inadvertently ended up homeless (i.e. staying with friends with no place of my own, not on the streets, thankfully), but if it's any help, the 'up in the air' feeling has quickly come to feel remarkably liberating. Choose what feels good; you don't have to be anything you don't want to be. Of course, I write that as much to remind myself as I do to prompt you, so I'm not preaching from enlightenment, believe me!
I keep almost recording an update and then finding excuses not to. I'm not entirely sure why, but I guess it only gets tougher as time goes by and there's more to share. Let's see if I can get my arse in gear and do it this week...!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I really can relate with what you're feeling. All your videos were inspiring and I can't wait to go on my journey. Have hope that I can at least relief a little bit of this pain that is constantly crushing my chest is the light in the end of this dark tunnel. I really hope that you can find your way. It's easy to understand that you're a kind soul. I wish you well. Keep on move forward. You're not alone. Thank you Jonathan.
Thanks so much, Ruben! I've been a bit off the grid for a while, so sorry for the late reply. Are you going to work with Ayahuasca too...?
when your to much in the mind cofusion sets in.. i have that problem.
These videos have been great! Thanks for sharing your life with us. I've watched all of your videos, which have been very insightful as to your journey. I've came up with a few questions after watching the series unfold with the main question being about your depression itself. Have you been able to shake it off entirely and make some lasting changes as so many people suggest this medicine is capable of? Do you have a new video coming soon to shed light your progress after this video? Was it worth doing and do/would you plan to make another journey back to Peru?
Hey there! Thanks very much for watching and for the kind comments:)
As to the questions... Well, that's tricky. No, I haven't shaken off depression and I don't know if it's something that'll ever happen. I think it may be more about finding a way for it to be integrated in a non-destructive way. A new video is coming shortly, and I'd 100% say that drinking Ayahuasca had profound and lasting changes... The thing is, it doesn't just fix things. For me and many other people I've spoken to, it actually raises more questions and adds lots of complications to life. But in a productive way... It's just a lot of work to digest and interpret and move forwards.
I definitely plan to go back to SpiritQuest in Peru, yes - I just haven't had the money to do it yet. It's absolutely worth the money, but you still have to have it to get there. Thanks again for watching :)
Hey! Haven't seen anymore vids of you, nor did I watch the previous ones.
BUT in regards to what you are saying on this one. Yes! It does feel like a depression,but you have to be sure if it's a depression or an anxiety attack.
Depression are common in Ayahuasca, but can also be anxiety. Why?
Simple most of us realize that our previous life, endeavours, motivations were "off course" (depression) yet we struggle in finding our new way, path, life or motivation (anxiety).
Stop mentalizing! Meaning stop digesting and thinking with your brain!!! Start feeling, follow your heart and disregard what your brain dictates.
You come from academia which makes this switch in attitudes quite difficult. You learned to believe and trust your brain, hence you became isolated from the natural world that surrounds you. The latter is where YOUR life counts, not in the knowledge of the world. BUT in the wisdom of nature.
You desperately need a guide who understands this, and give yourself a chance.
Ad I am sorry but whoever gave you ayahuasca failed to guide you properly and to explain many many things.
Cheers Mate!
Truly wish, pray and desire you are ok.
Namaskar!
Your life is worth much more than you actually perceive, give your heart a chance to express it.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to share this - I appreciate it!
Yes, it's tough to get out of my own head and out of my own way. I often don't really feel anything very clear at all in terms of what I want. More often it's just what I don't want... and sometimes that's just being a little bitch and not wanting to do stuff that'll actually benefit me. So, I dunno. I'm working on it :)
so glad I've watched this. I am going through this now. 🌍
Thanks for checking it out - the more people talking about it, the better :) Hope you're doing well
super video! :)
Where are you now brother
What about the next blog?
Hey hey - thanks for checking in! You're right - a new video would be a good idea... a lot has been going on for me, so I'll compose my thoughts and get something up soon :)
What would you do gladfully and easily and for sure in your life if you already are happy?
What woud you do if you already are rich and don't have to think about money till the end of this physical life?
What did you love doing when you were a kid?
What would you do if you don't have to worry about what others may think, or about ideas that you got from others?
PS Have you read, by any chance, a book called "Veronika decides to die" by Paulo Coelho?
June 2020 Jonathan. How is life treating you now? Did you go back to SpiritQuest? I would like to try Ayahuasca, but as Don Howard Lawler said, the work on oneself begins when one leaves SpiritQuest.