Haha this is truly the heterosexual male experience. Congratulations 👏🏻😄 On the flip side, a woman can spend several hours and $$$ getting ready for said date. Pedicure, waxes, salon and other “beauty upkeep.” This reminds me of dud dates (“I shaved for THIS?!!”) 😄😄😄 I love hearing the trans perspective about these invisible privileges the dominant genders have. MTF trans women are blown away by the harassment and “mansplaining” among other things. Hetero dating sucks, you are so right. True Story: I am now voluntarily celibate. Signed, bisexual cis female. p.s. I always went “Dutch” on dates if not picking up the whole tab
Thanks! I'm so glad you can understand what I'm getting at, about traditional straight dating. That's a good point about the time and money women may choose to, or feel pressured to, put into their appearance and stuff. I'm totally fine with them not doing all that, though. But that's just me.
You invite, you pay. I’ve invited and I have covered the entire evening. :-) I do enjoy when I’ve been the recipient BUT I make sure to thank my date and to also comment on how nice or special the evening is so he understands I really had a great time and, as you said appreciated the effort expended. Make sense?
Ugh I totally understand. I'm bisexual and while I totally agree that gender roles are irritating and unnecessary, because I'm very tall and have a deep voice and dress androgynously (maybe other factors too who knows), a lot of my female partners who kind of...throw heteronormative masculinity onto me. Like, expecting me to act like a traditional straight dude. Trans women and cis women, lesbian and bisexual, did this to me frequently. It's like..erm..honey.
I feel like this harks back to a time when women did not have their own money, so the man that they were with would pay for everything. This is ridiculously outdated, as anyone can have almost any job now. I think it's fine to treat your partner by paying for a meal every once in a while (no matter what role you take in the relationship), but honestly if you both have jobs I think the norm should just always be to split the bill.
Well-said! I agree. yes, I think it's totally a throwback to days when women didn't really have jobs, due to our sexist patriarchal culture. And I agree that it's nice for either partner to treat sometimes.
I'd rather alternate picking up the bill than split it. I just don't like splitting things. And if a woman never offers to pay, it's a sign to dump her.
I don t agree... You are the man... You show your appreciation for your special lady... Besides, you invited her.. So you pay... She can pay next time, or maybe later on... It means a lot for a woman when you are gentleman enough to pay the bill..
As the single Independent Dark Skin Hetero FTM. Im still attracted to bio feminine women. Ppl feel because my gender id changes from female to male, my attraction would change. issa nah from mi. Not attracted to men when it was socially acceptable as a female as mi transition to male still not attracted to males. Mi had a transman who stalk me talking about "men" need to conquer yet that transman has been conquered by various "men" involuntary & voluntary. And transmen attempt to disrespect my gender id when mi decline their invites. thats a bitch fit. Mi decline transmen & males bc simply not attracted. And gay men & gay transmen take offence when mi decline. Now difference how mi approch women as butch lesbian mi didnt have to do much to spark ladies interest. Now as the Dark Skin Hetero FTM I'm more forward. Mi should do a video on this topic.
I absolutely agree with you professor Allen. I too am having a hard time dating straight women. I am so glad you make these videos and speak about what's on everyone's minds.
It's the person who asks the other person on the date who is expected to pay, no matter if it's the girl og guy. I's usually the guy who asks the girl out though, i think that's why people expect the guys to pay.
dude, you are my soulmate, finally someone mentions all of this without coming off as anti-women. Its just a fact: Heterosexual dating really, really, really sucks for the male part!
I follow a lot of transgender men on UA-cam, but you're definitely one of my favorites. I'm surprised you don't have more subscribers. I'm not out yet but I have experienced stuff like this through my experiences of being a "masculine lesbian". It's incredibly frustrating.
I'm on the gender roles' side, though the softening of finances when it comes to dates is beneficial society wise, since now men and women are way closer to each other establishing a career, aspiring in it, and so financial issues are more balanced as well, and purely finances shouldn't be an obstacle for a man to ask out a woman. This habit is nearly stuck with us from the times when all women stayed home and the men only used to put the bread on the table. But other than that, I think the traditional kind of common courtesy and the roles and social dynamics of the "gender game" are actually fun, I like to be the gentleman and see my partner acting like a lady. Btw when I decided I wanted to know all about etiquette, which includes dating, I just snapped up a book about it, all clear and on your way to be a real gentleman. All up to preferences. :)
Hi there, I am FTM non-binary, I totally understand where you are coming from with straight women expecting the guys to pay for everything. I had two exes whom when I dated, treated me like I was their personal ATM! It was so frustrating and degrading to be treated like that. Like my income was indispensable and they didn't care at all that I was saving for surgery. They just wanted instant gratification of having everything they wanted paid for without them lifting a finger. Lately, I have been realising that while I believe lower surgery will allow me to reconnect with my body as it should've been, and thus allow me to form a stronger connection and intimacy with others in the bedroom (it just simply isn't working at all with my body being the way it is now), it is like you said, the physical stuff is the least of it when there's shitty gender roles/expectations. I wouldn't ever get surgery for the possibility of my dating pool being larger, my reasons for lower surgery are personal, first and foremost, alleviating the dysphoria and feeling comfortable and at home in my body. I am looking forward to being able to be successfully sexually intimate with others but as I'm asexual, I've rarely felt attraction to others so I won't be holding my breathe on this in case I get disappointed! I agree, traditional gender roles SUCK! I once dated a girl and this was when I was coming to terms with my non-binary identity, she expected me to be masculine but I felt more comfortable expressing androgynous or feminine, she didn't like this one bit! It was like my dressing feminine was threatening her female role in the relationship, like it was "wrong" because in a heterosexual relationship, it should be a masculine man and feminine women, not feminine man and feminine women - truthfully, she was a masculine women though so me being feminine man could've complimented her if she allowed herself to accept that fact. She also expected me fulfil the "male role" in sex, I didn't have the correct anatomy so that didn't really work out at all. What's with straight women with high sex drives? Like they expect you to ALWAYS be in the mood for sex when they demand it? God forbid a guy who says no or isn't in the mood! It was like every night! It's not just straight women but a lesbian I once dated was like this as well. If I didn't orgasm during sex, they took this as evidence that I didn't truly love them! This was SO hurtful! Why are orgasms placed on a higher scale than romantic gestures or non-sexual intimacy (kissing, cuddling, spooning in bed)? Great video! Sorry to hear about your frustrations though. If it's okay, can I make a video discussing similar topics? I need to get all this off my chest, I think it'd be good to open up dialogue, this needs to be talked about more!
AGAIN!!! Another video that relates to a meeting with a friend this past week that my mind was blown and I didn't even know how to respond, which you have just verbally articulated beautifully!!!
Still in society.... We have male and female roles..... Usually men feel the want to take care of the bill even if both parties can split the bill.... Ive offered after the first date but guys tend to want to pay. Personally...its not an expectation in my life.... more just how society has laid it out previously. 😀
I love how well you express yourself on this issue. I can relate so much to that gender role crap. Some guys and gals seem to love the game and can't even recognize it when it's pointed out to them. I never got the clues which which apparently most my peers absorbed. In some ways it seems so hypocritical to me to operate in those ways while claiming to be liberated. You should be putting how you relate on a personal level over the possibility that it might lead towards some mutual sexual activities. This is not a reason to be considering bottom surgery. Good luck in developing those connections that really mean something to both of you.
You hit the nail on the head in this one. Straight male dating totally sucks. Just expect to do everything and serve her like a prince in a fairy tale and you might get to give her some affection...which will also be judged and graded by her. Your brother and his friend are simply acclimated to the social paradigm. As a male expect to be exploited at all times. males are in general completely exploited by the traditional gender roles and non traditional feminst or feminst influenced females (almost all are) expect to benefit in all situations. That is you as the male pays, opens the doors and all that shit...as equals don't cha know. Be happy with your decision. Jesus I wish I was gay but there's no attraction to the same sex...
There are unwritten rules which will never be written. They are largely female rules that are purposefully vague because if they we're clearly enough defined to understand what they are well then the traditional female would lose her advantage...kinda like how a queen can move in whatever direction she cares in the game of chess...and the male gets to move one little square at a time...
As a cis bi guy, I love FTMs because y'all have seen both sides and really get it. Straight cis women are beautiful and amazing and UGH. One thing I've found very recently is the CG/L community. If I'm dealing with someone who purports to be an adult, but acts like a spoiled 3rd-grader, it's quite off-putting. But when they LITERALLY act like a 3rd-grader, I don't mind doing all the initiating and and paying and stuff. I have a date tonight with an FTM little and I'm very excited.
Great video, thank you very much for taking the time to make it. Dating has been a sore spot for me for over a decade, and I'm in my late 20's now. I dated two lesbians shortly after I graduated high school, and then a dated a trans woman a few years back. I
This is super interesting, and you're definitely not alone. You are totally echoing feelings I've had about this since day one, and I'm a straight cisgender dude who has only ever dated straight cisgender women. It's like, was there some book passed out during puberty about dating that I missed? I feel like I've heard excerpts of this mythical book through the grapevine over the years and it makes steam shoot out of my ears, as you put it. What I find most frustrating is the continually having to ask the other person out for a vague number of times until you just sort of find yourself in a relationship; then it becomes easier and more egalitarian-seeming, but sometimes it takes so long to get to that point that it's just exhausting. (Also, apparently you're not supposed to complain about this, as that is not masculine lol.) The main thing is to not look for validation in someone else, which I think is what you're getting at here. The cool thing about being ignorant of traditional straight dating customs is that that ignorance often translates into having better relationship skills, since you aren't hampered by some incoherent cartoon ideal of masculinity. So once you get over that confusing initial dating period and can be real with each other, your nontraditional masculinity can be an incredible asset to a good and satisfying relationship that lasts years.
Thanks for sharing your perspective! Very interesting. I think it's really cool that you think about all these things, even though you're straight and cisgender. I wish more people really thought about it!
This is a fascinating subject! One that I've never really thought about before. I would love to hear more on the subject. The comments are interesting too! Thanks for sharing!
I used to identify as a straight woman, but I never liked the idea that a man would pay for our date. It makes me feel like he pays for my company or something. My ex was bisexual and even though he knew I was identifying as non-binary, he would still misgender me and treat me like a woman when we went out. He was also against the idea of me transitioning medically. So, unfortunately being not straight doesn't guarantee ignoring gender roles at the same time.
I'm sure communication would help, yes. I just find it hard, if not impossible, to bring up a money/spending disagreement with someone I've only hung out with a couple times. It feels so uncomfortable.
+TheSLOfox exactly same discomfort. It is the little things that are important that we forget when feeling nervous. When you feel uncomfortable internally remind yourself that all relationships are rooted in equal give and take & that is natural to want both of you to feel equal in decisions early in dating. Your natural personality will shine through on the right questions in those moments when dating rules/expectations feel unbalanced.
Same on the dad dying when young so being really out of loop on male gender roles. Also I'm autistic and I never even got any of the female ones down, really.
As a mostly straight woman (though from Germany, where things are similar, but not the same), I get slightly embarrassed when the guy insists on paying. I'd never ever assume it's the guy's treat. Usually, the guy offers, I also offer to pay at least my part, he insists and I thank him (but that's for a coffee or something, not food and drinks and other things). I've also offered to pay on the next date to return the favor. No idea about other gender roles. Well, usually the guy seems to make the first step and more often asks for dates. I feel like this is both a gender role, but as well different strategies (in online dating, as a woman searching for men, you get messages, whereas the other way round seems much, much less common. Therefore, women don't need to take the first step). But all in all, I'd rather not have those gender roles. I'd also rather not have official dates, but just meet someone and when it moves into a certain direction, then that's nice. Pretty sure there are other mostly straight women who think this way. But I understand why for lots of reasons you feel more comfortable dating queer women.
You're NOT alone in this. I, too feel this way. I believe in reciprocity. I don't think a man should have to pay for everything, because he's a man. I'm a high testosterone woman and my brain functions more in line with males. I relate more to men than women. In the past, I've paid for drinks and dinner for men and it was greatly appreciated. I'm very chivalrous too. I let a guy wear my jacket, because he was cold once. It seems a lot of straight women have a since of entitlement like something is owed to them, because they're women. I don't understand this type of thinking. Anyway, dating SUCKS period. I haven't been on a date in 6 yrs. Maybe, I'll find a man who appreciates women like me and doesn't follow rigid traditional gender roles.
Desiree W Oh, that is very interesting! Do you mind telling how you know you found out about your testosterone? Did you have it tested for some reason or are there other indicators for high testosterone that you have? I don't get the entitlement of some women either. I know someone who stated that when she is in a group of males (she studies a male-heavy subject), she assumes one of them will open the door for her. Because is seems that doors are so difficult to open that a mere woman can't/shouldn't open them?? While I am not really chivalrous, I don't expect special treatment because of my gender. The "man pays/offers to pay on first date" is in my opinion only good for one thing: it makes clear it's a first date.
No, I've never had my t level tested. It would be nice if I could though. I don't have health insurance right now. Here it in the US, it has become harder to pay for it. I did research and noticed the indicators of high t in women which explains why I felt the way I did. I experience hirsutism (increased facial and body hair) increased insulin since I'm pre-diabetic, sweatiness to name a few. Since I'm 45 y.o. now, I'm also peri-menopausal, which has another set of issues.I know what you mean. The entitlement of some women is unreal. I've heard some single moms say a man has to support them and their kids smh. I've had married women tell me in so many words that I should have a man taking care of me and I should spent his $. That's why I've heard a lot of men say they don't want to be married anymore.
I'm actually pretty interested in the article you've read, and of course your take on it. Also, I'm so glad someone finally rants about straight dating, so many people rant about gay dating! (Ok, granted I do follow a lot of gay guys, so it's kind of to be expected... *shrug*)
I've only seen another UA-camr being so eloquent while ranting and that's my dear Vesper (QueerAsCat). Very interesting video. I'm pan and genderfluid (AMAB and male presenting) and I've never dated anyone. I've always thought that I'll have problems with "straight dating" lol. There's an amazing video of Laci Green explaining this dating thing. I'm loving your videos
First date: the asker pays; but makes it clear that on subsequent dates they will split costs by who consumes what, or alternate date paying. Just tell them that you have no way of knowing if they value your company; and STICK BY IT1
I don't know. I was raised that the first date is pay your own. After that it is whoever asks or talk over how that kind of things will be handled. Of course I was raised in a household that had different relationship roles than typical.
You are just a wonderful person Alan and like all the videos you make. I'm just about falling off the chair laughing. Dating is a minefield at the best of times. I want to give you a hug and say you'll find someone. Entitled princesses (that's putting it politely) don't go down well with most men. Especially the one that have Daddy paying for everything. it's not just you Alan.
I've heard a similar sentiment from A LOT of men about the sense of entitlement that a lot of women seem to possess nowadays. That's why it seems a lot of men are going MGTOW (men going their own way). I've heard of women wanting men to pay their bills and support their kids too. Sad state in the dating world. smh
Pretty much you don t feel a connection with those women... Don t waste your time inviting them again, except if it s a friendly invitation... Dating with somebody you really like, is magical, my love... Don t go for anything less... ❤️❤️🤗🎄
Worst for me is if you pay for a woman's date and then get ghosted afterwards. Also always having to make the first move and getting rejected multiple times kinda doesnt want me to make a move at all anymore. It might be better to stay single than to build up courage and strength to ask someone out and get shut down.
That's one of my concerns about relationships with girls after transitioning: falling into heteronomative and subtly sexist dynamics. But on the other side I think my relationships with guys will improve (the joys of being bisexual/pansexual XD).
screw gender roles, that sounds like flat out lack of manners. But nonetheless it's probably better that you didn't pursue the people with those values- neither strict gender roles nor impoliteness are good ingredients to a healthy relationship. get you a girl that treats ya right lol
That's why in another life I'd only date feminist women. I never have, because I'm not in the right circles and were often in long term relationships but my dream was to "marry" a woman that does not conform to women stereotypes and does not expect the opposite ones from me. A couple in which everything from sex, clothes and appearance to raising kids would be more equal. To the point that the kids would not differentiate us much. And in our society that is nigh impossible with women that do not at the very least share some form of feminism. Cause even within feminist circles, women will do a LOT of girly stuff and even defend LOTS of girly behaviour like even the "right" to put on make-up... At any rate not being familiar with LGBT stuff, I must say seeing this video that it's insane how the physical and behavioural differences disappear with some hormones, surgery and education. If we keep this trend, and finally get socialism in this world, gender might become a thing of the past :D
Do you mean the supposed phenomenon of butches transitioning? I think more people who formerly were butches are transitioning. But I think it's because so many butches have, or butches in the past had, gender dysphoria. I believe, based on my observations, that if transition were as accessible and do-able in past decades or centuries as it is now, that we'd see the same numbers of butches transition back then as we do now.
Yes that's what I mean. But then there are those who don't transition like Jack Halberstam. Transition has been available since 1970s though (cf Stephen Whittle who transitioned about that time I think). It makes me genuinely sad that I think because society is so intolerant of non traditional looking women that it seems a lot of butches feel pressured into transitioning as in oh my life would be so much easier if I transitioned as i wouldn't get so much crap directed at me. I know I have had those feelings.
I think a lot of butches do have that thought, that life would be easier if they appeared to fit the binary. But I do believe it's a myth that women who genuinely are butches (rather than feel male) transition. Having watched thousands of YT videos and having known many butch women and trans men, I've seen butch women stay women and be happy, and I've seen trans men transition and be happy. My observations indicate to me that it is a complete myth, a fear-based one, that people who feel like women transition in order to be cool or live an easier life. Being trans is not easy, period.
It's interesting that you go from "no thanks to straight women, except those who are really liberal/feminist" to "i guess i'm a trans guy who wants to date lesbians, as in women who date women and trans guys" but no mention of just good ol' bisexual women, lol. Just an observation, thanks for sharing your experiences!
I didn't mean to make it sound that way; I actually look primarily for bisexual women to date. I guess I meant "lesbian" in the sense of women who have spent significant time in the community of women who aren't straight, who date each other.
Its not really gender roles it's more dating styles. It's pretty common for the guy to pay for hetro males and females on dates though it depends on the person. I would say after the second/third date you should say something if you think this is impolite. Like you find them rude but they might find you cheap And also rude especially if you asked them out. If someone asked me out and expected me to pay I would be offended. It wouldn't matter if I was dating a man or woman.
Many women feel more comfortable when a man ask them out on a date then the other way around. That is is one of the reasons men often find that dating women can mean their pockets empty faster than the women's pockets.
what happened to being an independent woman? I also never experienced this pre-transition. Thankfully I'm married, so finances are joint, but if not I'd be furious.
I’m glad you brought this up. I’m with you on this. As a cis-gender guy, who never learned to play the heterosexual dating game and prefers a more balanced approach, this has always irritated me. I feel like the more typical guys learn certain clues that allow them to navigate some of these expectations and the same goes for most heterosexual women in such dating situations. The guys may come to see it as a challenging skill. In many cases I believe that they get so used to it that they don’t even notice how sexually dimorphic their behavior actually is when dating. Consider that may be the case with your brother. I was interested in seeking women who considered themselves as feminist, believing they would be more likely to take the lead on dating dinners and that that would be consistent with their sexual desires. It seemed to me that when many of such women are with guys they often feel more comfortable when the guy takes the lead and they assume that, taking the lead, is what most guys feel prefer. To me this betrays part of the feminist philosophy. That has made me wonder if sexual selection in humans has led to this dimorphic behavior and that for many it is hard-wired in them. I hope it isn’t and that increasing cultural influences can shift our relationships to a more balanced approach. This difference can also be used to explain why many people are so adamant that there should be a clear distinction between the appearance of women and men so one can tell, at a glance, which side of the polar spectrum they lie on. If it is very important to use the correct approach to gain the confidence of the opposite sex, or to at least not come off as insensitive, then there are advantages to learning the gaming steps in those early formative years. This pattern can clearly be seen in other species, where sexual selection has led to many extreme examples of sexual dimorphism as seen in the courtship rituals that select for the the reproducing pairs. Who is to say that some of this applies to human behaviors, though we like to believe all such behaviors, in our species, are learned from our culture and that we have free choice to override any biological drives in such matters. I believe that you are correct when you question whether having a phalloplasty would prove helpful. I have the traditional equipment but that has nothing to with the social constructs that most people seem to depend upon as they get into relationships.
Welcome to the straight heterosexual cis male experience. The less than human way that women (who aren't your family) treat you is not a sometimes ,it's a majority of the time.
+TheSLOfox maybe they were even more inclined to play into stereotypical gender roles because perhaps they thought it might be validating of your maleness??? Idk, just a possible though.
I can't ignore the misuse of the term heterosexual, which simply means attraction to the opposite sex just as homosexual means attraction to the same sex. It's impossible for a female to date you and be heterosexual. I find it baffling how difficult this seems to grasp. I can't tell you how many times that I've heard transguys complain about males not wanting to date them and how supposedly transphobic they are because they won't date transguys, as if it's difficult to understand why a homosexual male wouldn't be interested in dating someone who is concretely a female. And while genitalia isn't the whole of a person, they damn well do matter to the majority of people. Maybe, it simply sparks dysphoria for a transguy to call a relationship with a female a lesbian relationship, or to call a relationship with a male a heterosexual relationship?
Kings2beat You are writing, "while genitalia isn't the whole of a person", but all of your arguments go into this direction - like what?? If a transguy is attracted to women, exclusively, he's clearly heterosexual. I am a cis heterosexual woman attracted to males (cis- and transguys) - no matter the genitalia. Otherwise, according to your logic, I should be feeling attracted to transwomen, beside heterosexual cis men and this is so far from reality, it makes me laugh! I am attracted to maleness not femaleness. And I would not have any problem to admit, that I am bi or homosexual, but I am simply not.
Mira2015 If a transguy is attracted to a female that person is homosexual as the transguy is female. It's very simple. Heterosexual equals attracted to the opposite sex. HomoSexual means attracted to the same sex. Bisexual equals attracted to both sexes. It doesn't matter how these individuals have artificially attempted to mimic males. They are females and no heterosexual female would be attracted to someone with the same genitalia as no heterosexual person would be attracted to the same genitalia they have. Unless, you're looking for something inauthentic. These individuals play roles that don't gel with basic science, then they'll call you transphobic for not wanting to date them because they aren't male. That's some bs.
Mira2015 If you are attracted to maleness you are looking in the wrong place as only males are males. You probably are saying that you're attracted to masculinity. Well, these are more masculine females. Are you attracted to butch females? They are lesbian and look like this. So, you'd be attracted to them too. They are also females.
I realize, it's not worth fighting with you - I just don't get why ppl like you watch these videos, but pls do me a favor and don't answer to my rhetorical question... And I am ok with it, if you think, that I am bi-sexual.
Mira2015 actually by definition he is right so you are right not to argue. But people commonly misuse hetrosexual, homosexual and etc. I think what the guy in the video means to say is he is tired of the women who are attracted only to masculinity expecting him to take on a traditional masculine role. However that might be confusing for some people. And actually you are bisexual as you are attracted to trans men who are biologically female. Sexuality is based on sex not gender but most people's sex kinda matches up to their gender to put it simply. So I can see why you wouldn't think "oh I'm bisexual." This is Because you see sexuality as gender based but it's not. Most people are attracted to femininity or masculinity however there are a lot of people who are attracted to sex.
Try to think of the whole gender roles thing differently. Everyone expresses their gender in their own way right? Well some of us (both male and female) really love those gender roles you are bashing. Obviously the degree to which those roles are observed/expressed is different for everyone but if a couple loves the idea of Victorian era gender roles for example and it is something that they both identify with and consent to in their relationship who is anyone else to say it's wrong? The key to all of this is personal choice and consent. Be you and let others be them and even if you don't understand why, understand that it is who they are. It does make dating hard because there are so many different people but that is life. You may be uncomfortable with paying for dates but that girl you are with might be just as uncomfortable with splitting the check. Neither of you has more valid feeling than the other, just different.
You have to come onto women strong that's just the way it is. Straight women are used to it. You have to man up. Plus many women totally expect men to pay for everything. It's your call that's why it's good to become friends with other straight guys to get advice about when you are dating a woman and think she is a gold digger.
I teach English at the college level. No, I am not aware of any students finding my channel, except for one trans guy student, and I'm Facebook friends with him anyway, so that was fine.
dating sis gender women they are weird I don't know because we are done understand if I was you I trans women they understand and they are in the same boat
All the girls I've been with have been straight and not feminists. Im not attracted to any other girls. But dating and tinder is really difficult, I've got a date with one and I think she might want sex within a couple of dates and I don't know what to do! I feel I should strike while the iron is hot kind of thing but I'll need some time to bond with her more so she might be more accepting. This is making me want phalloplasty just for this reason but what the hell am I getting into here. It doesnt seem the right reason for phallo.. Argh
I think that honesty is best, in dating. I tell women I date that I'm trans, usually within the first two dates. I think that unless we trans people are dating someone who already knows we're trans, we just aren't able to plunge into sex quickly like cis people can do sometimes. So you may need to work on accepting that dating and starting a sexual relationship is simply not going to be quite how it is for cis people. I think the only option is to be honest early on, and get to know each other. (Unless someone is totally down to jump into things once they know you're trans! haha. That can happen!)
No no no no no. I'm 100% straight (disclaimer: I tried dating girls for a minute ~15 years ago hoping I could avoid all the boy drama, but soon realized that I was the most unenthusiastic lesbian that ever tried to lesbian. Every single bone and spirit beam in my whole being was screaming at a billion watts per second for patrick swayze from Dirty Dancing). And as a 100% straight girl, that is NOT cool for girls to treat guys the way your describing. There's a badass straight girl out there for you as well as a badass bi- lesbian- whatnot. Sexual preference doesn't predict a person has manners or empathy or humour or grace while dining. I agree with you that it would SUCK to date girls, because we are hella emotional and passionate and unpredictable, but I'd like to argue that us ladies' suck at the same suck-ratio across all sex/gender orientations, SES status, cultures, etc. Straight girls are all kinds of people too. Please don't give up on us!
omg and don't let bitchy girls convince you or scare you into changing your body o.O or conforming into something else. That girl is not worth your time if she doesn't appreciate you as you are now and support you in reaching your personal dreams and goals. Her priority should be that you are happy. She should NOT try to change you, be snarky or make you feel like a taken-for-granted fill-in dude. Oh dear, sorry.. got carried away on my high horse again. Getting down now. :P
I’m straight and straight dating is awesome because I’m not dating a girl and also I only date boys because that’s what I’m comfortable with you do you btw I’m not hating
keep it 400 He doesn’t “want to be” a guy, he is a guy. He’s not just bitching for no reason, he’s sharing his experience as a trans man for other people to learn from.
Being fed up with women’s expectations of men is not just because you’re trans. A lot of straight men feel the same way - it’s one of the many complaints made by the MRA and MGTOW communities (for more info check out Cassie Jaye’s documentary “The Red Pill”). But most men go along with it because if you don’t follow women’s rules you don’t get laid, and if you complain about male disadvantages you are called a “misogynist” because supposedly men are “privileged”. Strange how the “privileged” gender has to pander to the whims of the “disadvantaged” gender.
When, complaints, such as that above are made, many women can't accept that it is something that is real. It is something many people avoid giving much thought to. When complaints like this are made it is true that the complainer may be attacked, or at least be considered insensitive to the other person's desires.
Haha this is truly the heterosexual male experience. Congratulations 👏🏻😄 On the flip side, a woman can spend several hours and $$$ getting ready for said date. Pedicure, waxes, salon and other “beauty upkeep.” This reminds me of dud dates (“I shaved for THIS?!!”) 😄😄😄
I love hearing the trans perspective about these invisible privileges the dominant genders have. MTF trans women are blown away by the harassment and “mansplaining” among other things.
Hetero dating sucks, you are so right.
True Story: I am now voluntarily celibate. Signed, bisexual cis female.
p.s. I always went “Dutch” on dates if not picking up the whole tab
Thanks! I'm so glad you can understand what I'm getting at, about traditional straight dating. That's a good point about the time and money women may choose to, or feel pressured to, put into their appearance and stuff. I'm totally fine with them not doing all that, though. But that's just me.
You invite, you pay. I’ve invited and I have covered the entire evening. :-) I do enjoy when I’ve been the recipient BUT I make sure to thank my date and to also comment on how nice or special the evening is so he understands I really had a great time and, as you said appreciated the effort expended. Make sense?
Man food cost too much these days
Ugh I totally understand. I'm bisexual and while I totally agree that gender roles are irritating and unnecessary, because I'm very tall and have a deep voice and dress androgynously (maybe other factors too who knows), a lot of my female partners who kind of...throw heteronormative masculinity onto me. Like, expecting me to act like a traditional straight dude. Trans women and cis women, lesbian and bisexual, did this to me frequently. It's like..erm..honey.
S. Arden Barlow it's very frustrating, isn't it? hope you find someone who won't try to push that role onto you!
I feel like this harks back to a time when women did not have their own money, so the man that they were with would pay for everything. This is ridiculously outdated, as anyone can have almost any job now. I think it's fine to treat your partner by paying for a meal every once in a while (no matter what role you take in the relationship), but honestly if you both have jobs I think the norm should just always be to split the bill.
Well-said! I agree. yes, I think it's totally a throwback to days when women didn't really have jobs, due to our sexist patriarchal culture. And I agree that it's nice for either partner to treat sometimes.
I'd rather alternate picking up the bill than split it. I just don't like splitting things. And if a woman never offers to pay, it's a sign to dump her.
I don t agree... You are the man... You show your appreciation for your special lady... Besides, you invited her.. So you pay... She can pay next time, or maybe later on... It means a lot for a woman when you are gentleman enough to pay the bill..
As the single Independent Dark Skin Hetero FTM. Im still attracted to bio feminine women. Ppl feel because my gender id changes from female to male, my attraction would change. issa nah from mi. Not attracted to men when it was socially acceptable as a female as mi transition to male still not attracted to males. Mi had a transman who stalk me talking about "men" need to conquer yet that transman has been conquered by various "men" involuntary & voluntary. And transmen attempt to disrespect my gender id when mi decline their invites. thats a bitch fit. Mi decline transmen & males bc simply not attracted. And gay men & gay transmen take offence when mi decline. Now difference how mi approch women as butch lesbian mi didnt have to do much to spark ladies interest. Now as the Dark Skin Hetero FTM I'm more forward. Mi should do a video on this topic.
I absolutely agree with you professor Allen. I too am having a hard time dating straight women. I am so glad you make these videos and speak about what's on everyone's minds.
It's the person who asks the other person on the date who is expected to pay, no matter if it's the girl og guy. I's usually the guy who asks the girl out though, i think that's why people expect the guys to pay.
Dating sucks. Period :')
dude, you are my soulmate, finally someone mentions all of this without coming off as anti-women. Its just a fact: Heterosexual dating really, really, really sucks for the male part!
I follow a lot of transgender men on UA-cam, but you're definitely one of my favorites. I'm surprised you don't have more subscribers.
I'm not out yet but I have experienced stuff like this through my experiences of being a "masculine lesbian". It's incredibly frustrating.
I'm on the gender roles' side, though the softening of finances when it comes to dates is beneficial society wise, since now men and women are way closer to each other establishing a career, aspiring in it, and so financial issues are more balanced as well, and purely finances shouldn't be an obstacle for a man to ask out a woman. This habit is nearly stuck with us from the times when all women stayed home and the men only used to put the bread on the table.
But other than that, I think the traditional kind of common courtesy and the roles and social dynamics of the "gender game" are actually fun, I like to be the gentleman and see my partner acting like a lady.
Btw when I decided I wanted to know all about etiquette, which includes dating, I just snapped up a book about it, all clear and on your way to be a real gentleman.
All up to preferences. :)
I had some great laughs! I know what you mean about the passive/making the moves thing. And you keep wondering, am I the only one into this?
Thanks, Forest! Yeah, it can be super confusing.
Hi there, I am FTM non-binary, I totally understand where you are coming from with straight women expecting the guys to pay for everything. I had two exes whom when I dated, treated me like I was their personal ATM! It was so frustrating and degrading to be treated like that. Like my income was indispensable and they didn't care at all that I was saving for surgery. They just wanted instant gratification of having everything they wanted paid for without them lifting a finger.
Lately, I have been realising that while I believe lower surgery will allow me to reconnect with my body as it should've been, and thus allow me to form a stronger connection and intimacy with others in the bedroom (it just simply isn't working at all with my body being the way it is now), it is like you said, the physical stuff is the least of it when there's shitty gender roles/expectations. I wouldn't ever get surgery for the possibility of my dating pool being larger, my reasons for lower surgery are personal, first and foremost, alleviating the dysphoria and feeling comfortable and at home in my body. I am looking forward to being able to be successfully sexually intimate with others but as I'm asexual, I've rarely felt attraction to others so I won't be holding my breathe on this in case I get disappointed!
I agree, traditional gender roles SUCK! I once dated a girl and this was when I was coming to terms with my non-binary identity, she expected me to be masculine but I felt more comfortable expressing androgynous or feminine, she didn't like this one bit! It was like my dressing feminine was threatening her female role in the relationship, like it was "wrong" because in a heterosexual relationship, it should be a masculine man and feminine women, not feminine man and feminine women - truthfully, she was a masculine women though so me being feminine man could've complimented her if she allowed herself to accept that fact. She also expected me fulfil the "male role" in sex, I didn't have the correct anatomy so that didn't really work out at all.
What's with straight women with high sex drives? Like they expect you to ALWAYS be in the mood for sex when they demand it? God forbid a guy who says no or isn't in the mood! It was like every night! It's not just straight women but a lesbian I once dated was like this as well. If I didn't orgasm during sex, they took this as evidence that I didn't truly love them! This was SO hurtful! Why are orgasms placed on a higher scale than romantic gestures or non-sexual intimacy (kissing, cuddling, spooning in bed)?
Great video! Sorry to hear about your frustrations though. If it's okay, can I make a video discussing similar topics? I need to get all this off my chest, I think it'd be good to open up dialogue, this needs to be talked about more!
AGAIN!!! Another video that relates to a meeting with a friend this past week that my mind was blown and I didn't even know how to respond, which you have just verbally articulated beautifully!!!
Still in society.... We have male and female roles..... Usually men feel the want to take care of the bill even if both parties can split the bill.... Ive offered after the first date but guys tend to want to pay. Personally...its not an expectation in my life.... more just how society has laid it out previously. 😀
I love how well you express yourself on this issue. I can relate so much to that gender role crap. Some guys and gals seem to love the game and can't even recognize it when it's pointed out to them. I never got the clues which which apparently most my peers absorbed. In some ways it seems so hypocritical to me to operate in those ways while claiming to be liberated. You should be putting how you relate on a personal level over the possibility that it might lead towards some mutual sexual activities. This is not a reason to be considering bottom surgery. Good luck in developing those connections that really mean something to both of you.
You are such a lovely person just looking at you on UA-cam brings a tear to my eye and makes me smile
You hit the nail on the head in this one. Straight male dating totally sucks. Just expect to do everything and serve her like a prince in a fairy tale and you might get to give her some affection...which will also be judged and graded by her.
Your brother and his friend are simply acclimated to the social paradigm. As a male expect to be exploited at all times. males are in general completely exploited by the traditional gender roles and non traditional feminst or feminst influenced females (almost all are) expect to benefit in all situations. That is you as the male pays, opens the doors and all that shit...as equals don't cha know.
Be happy with your decision. Jesus I wish I was gay but there's no attraction to the same sex...
Sorry for the poor grammer
There are unwritten rules which will never be written. They are largely female rules that are purposefully vague because if they we're clearly enough defined to understand what they are well then the traditional female would lose her advantage...kinda like how a queen can move in whatever direction she cares in the game of chess...and the male gets to move one little square at a time...
As a cis bi guy, I love FTMs because y'all have seen both sides and really get it. Straight cis women are beautiful and amazing and UGH.
One thing I've found very recently is the CG/L community. If I'm dealing with someone who purports to be an adult, but acts like a spoiled 3rd-grader, it's quite off-putting. But when they LITERALLY act like a 3rd-grader, I don't mind doing all the initiating and and paying and stuff. I have a date tonight with an FTM little and I'm very excited.
Great video, thank you very much for taking the time to make it. Dating has been a sore spot for me for over a decade, and I'm in my late 20's now. I dated two lesbians shortly after I graduated high school, and then a dated a trans woman a few years back. I
This is super interesting, and you're definitely not alone. You are totally echoing feelings I've had about this since day one, and I'm a straight cisgender dude who has only ever dated straight cisgender women. It's like, was there some book passed out during puberty about dating that I missed? I feel like I've heard excerpts of this mythical book through the grapevine over the years and it makes steam shoot out of my ears, as you put it. What I find most frustrating is the continually having to ask the other person out for a vague number of times until you just sort of find yourself in a relationship; then it becomes easier and more egalitarian-seeming, but sometimes it takes so long to get to that point that it's just exhausting. (Also, apparently you're not supposed to complain about this, as that is not masculine lol.) The main thing is to not look for validation in someone else, which I think is what you're getting at here.
The cool thing about being ignorant of traditional straight dating customs is that that ignorance often translates into having better relationship skills, since you aren't hampered by some incoherent cartoon ideal of masculinity. So once you get over that confusing initial dating period and can be real with each other, your nontraditional masculinity can be an incredible asset to a good and satisfying relationship that lasts years.
Thanks for sharing your perspective! Very interesting. I think it's really cool that you think about all these things, even though you're straight and cisgender. I wish more people really thought about it!
This is a fascinating subject! One that I've never really thought about before. I would love to hear more on the subject. The comments are interesting too! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the video.
I used to identify as a straight woman, but I never liked the idea that a man would pay for our date. It makes me feel like he pays for my company or something.
My ex was bisexual and even though he knew I was identifying as non-binary, he would still misgender me and treat me like a woman when we went out. He was also against the idea of me transitioning medically. So, unfortunately being not straight doesn't guarantee ignoring gender roles at the same time.
you are such a lovely person. thanks for your great videos :)
Thank you!
Been in similar situations. Discovered it was more about lack of communication in my dating & relationship experiences.
I'm sure communication would help, yes. I just find it hard, if not impossible, to bring up a money/spending disagreement with someone I've only hung out with a couple times. It feels so uncomfortable.
+TheSLOfox exactly same discomfort. It is the little things that are important that we forget when feeling nervous. When you feel uncomfortable internally remind yourself that all relationships are rooted in equal give and take & that is natural to want both of you to feel equal in decisions early in dating. Your natural personality will shine through on the right questions in those moments when dating rules/expectations feel unbalanced.
Same on the dad dying when young so being really out of loop on male gender roles. Also I'm autistic and I never even got any of the female ones down, really.
As a mostly straight woman (though from Germany, where things are similar, but not the same), I get slightly embarrassed when the guy insists on paying. I'd never ever assume it's the guy's treat. Usually, the guy offers, I also offer to pay at least my part, he insists and I thank him (but that's for a coffee or something, not food and drinks and other things). I've also offered to pay on the next date to return the favor.
No idea about other gender roles. Well, usually the guy seems to make the first step and more often asks for dates. I feel like this is both a gender role, but as well different strategies (in online dating, as a woman searching for men, you get messages, whereas the other way round seems much, much less common. Therefore, women don't need to take the first step).
But all in all, I'd rather not have those gender roles. I'd also rather not have official dates, but just meet someone and when it moves into a certain direction, then that's nice. Pretty sure there are other mostly straight women who think this way. But I understand why for lots of reasons you feel more comfortable dating queer women.
You're NOT alone in this. I, too feel this way. I believe in reciprocity. I don't think a man should have to pay for everything, because he's a man. I'm a high testosterone woman and my brain functions more in line with males. I relate more to men than women. In the past, I've paid for drinks and dinner for men and it was greatly appreciated. I'm very chivalrous too. I let a guy wear my jacket, because he was cold once. It seems a lot of straight women have a since of entitlement like something is owed to them, because they're women. I don't understand this type of thinking. Anyway, dating SUCKS period. I haven't been on a date in 6 yrs. Maybe, I'll find a man who appreciates women like me and doesn't follow rigid traditional gender roles.
Desiree W
Oh, that is very interesting! Do you mind telling how you know you found out about your testosterone? Did you have it tested for some reason or are there other indicators for high testosterone that you have?
I don't get the entitlement of some women either. I know someone who stated that when she is in a group of males (she studies a male-heavy subject), she assumes one of them will open the door for her. Because is seems that doors are so difficult to open that a mere woman can't/shouldn't open them?? While I am not really chivalrous, I don't expect special treatment because of my gender.
The "man pays/offers to pay on first date" is in my opinion only good for one thing: it makes clear it's a first date.
No, I've never had my t level tested. It would be nice if I could though. I don't have health insurance right now. Here it in the US, it has become harder to pay for it. I did research and noticed the indicators of high t in women which explains why I felt the way I did. I experience hirsutism (increased facial and body hair) increased insulin since I'm pre-diabetic, sweatiness to name a few. Since I'm 45 y.o. now, I'm also peri-menopausal, which has another set of issues.I know what you mean. The entitlement of some women is unreal. I've heard some single moms say a man has to support them and their kids smh. I've had married women tell me in so many words that I should have a man taking care of me and I should spent his $. That's why I've heard a lot of men say they don't want to be married anymore.
Thanks for the info.
In Munich we split the bill naurally and organically . where are you based.
I'm actually pretty interested in the article you've read, and of course your take on it.
Also, I'm so glad someone finally rants about straight dating, so many people rant about gay dating!
(Ok, granted I do follow a lot of gay guys, so it's kind of to be expected... *shrug*)
I've only seen another UA-camr being so eloquent while ranting and that's my dear Vesper (QueerAsCat). Very interesting video. I'm pan and genderfluid (AMAB and male presenting) and I've never dated anyone. I've always thought that I'll have problems with "straight dating" lol. There's an amazing video of Laci Green explaining this dating thing. I'm loving your videos
The way I see it, the person who has asked pays. Each person should do about half of the asking (depending on economic standings.).
Exactly 👍
First date: the asker pays; but makes it clear that on subsequent dates they will split costs by who consumes what, or alternate date paying. Just tell them that you have no way of knowing if they value your company; and STICK BY IT1
I don't know. I was raised that the first date is pay your own. After that it is whoever asks or talk over how that kind of things will be handled. Of course I was raised in a household that had different relationship roles than typical.
love this video you are gorgeous!!! keep it up
You are just a wonderful person Alan and like all the videos you make. I'm just about falling off the chair laughing. Dating is a minefield at the best of times. I want to give you a hug and say you'll find someone. Entitled princesses (that's putting it politely) don't go down well with most men. Especially the one that have Daddy paying for everything. it's not just you Alan.
I've heard a similar sentiment from A LOT of men about the sense of entitlement that a lot of women seem to possess nowadays. That's why it seems a lot of men are going MGTOW (men going their own way). I've heard of women wanting men to pay their bills and support their kids too. Sad state in the dating world. smh
Whenever I’ve paid for anything, the guy looks at me like I just neutered him myself.
You're looking fantastic. Totally hear you on the paying thing, too.
thank you! :)
Pretty much you don t feel a connection with those women... Don t waste your time inviting them again, except if it s a friendly invitation... Dating with somebody you really like, is magical, my love... Don t go for anything less... ❤️❤️🤗🎄
I think you're right! I didn't have any of these little problems at all with the woman I'm now in a relationship with.
Thank you!
Worst for me is if you pay for a woman's date and then get ghosted afterwards.
Also always having to make the first move and getting rejected multiple times kinda doesnt want me to make a move at all anymore. It might be better to stay single than to build up courage and strength to ask someone out and get shut down.
Do not spend your energy on anyone who plays head games.
Welcome to the world of men.
Amen brother! I totally feel your pain!
That's one of my concerns about relationships with girls after transitioning: falling into heteronomative and subtly sexist dynamics. But on the other side I think my relationships with guys will improve (the joys of being bisexual/pansexual XD).
You are fucking hilarious "ah, hell no!" 😆
screw gender roles, that sounds like flat out lack of manners. But nonetheless it's probably better that you didn't pursue the people with those values- neither strict gender roles nor impoliteness are good ingredients to a healthy relationship. get you a girl that treats ya right lol
That's why in another life I'd only date feminist women. I never have, because I'm not in the right circles and were often in long term relationships but my dream was to "marry" a woman that does not conform to women stereotypes and does not expect the opposite ones from me. A couple in which everything from sex, clothes and appearance to raising kids would be more equal. To the point that the kids would not differentiate us much. And in our society that is nigh impossible with women that do not at the very least share some form of feminism. Cause even within feminist circles, women will do a LOT of girly stuff and even defend LOTS of girly behaviour like even the "right" to put on make-up...
At any rate not being familiar with LGBT stuff, I must say seeing this video that it's insane how the physical and behavioural differences disappear with some hormones, surgery and education. If we keep this trend, and finally get socialism in this world, gender might become a thing of the past :D
Ps I saw your earlier videos where you identified as butch and I wanted to ask you what is your view if any on "butch flight" ? Thanks :)
Do you mean the supposed phenomenon of butches transitioning? I think more people who formerly were butches are transitioning. But I think it's because so many butches have, or butches in the past had, gender dysphoria. I believe, based on my observations, that if transition were as accessible and do-able in past decades or centuries as it is now, that we'd see the same numbers of butches transition back then as we do now.
Yes that's what I mean. But then there are those who don't transition like Jack Halberstam. Transition has been available since 1970s though (cf Stephen Whittle who transitioned about that time I think). It makes me genuinely sad that I think because society is so intolerant of non traditional looking women that it seems a lot of butches feel pressured into transitioning as in oh my life would be so much easier if I transitioned as i wouldn't get so much crap directed at me. I know I have had those feelings.
I think a lot of butches do have that thought, that life would be easier if they appeared to fit the binary. But I do believe it's a myth that women who genuinely are butches (rather than feel male) transition. Having watched thousands of YT videos and having known many butch women and trans men, I've seen butch women stay women and be happy, and I've seen trans men transition and be happy. My observations indicate to me that it is a complete myth, a fear-based one, that people who feel like women transition in order to be cool or live an easier life. Being trans is not easy, period.
+TheSLOfox thank you for the reply :)
It's interesting that you go from "no thanks to straight women, except those who are really liberal/feminist" to "i guess i'm a trans guy who wants to date lesbians, as in women who date women and trans guys" but no mention of just good ol' bisexual women, lol. Just an observation, thanks for sharing your experiences!
I didn't mean to make it sound that way; I actually look primarily for bisexual women to date. I guess I meant "lesbian" in the sense of women who have spent significant time in the community of women who aren't straight, who date each other.
Its not really gender roles it's more dating styles. It's pretty common for the guy to pay for hetro males and females on dates though it depends on the person. I would say after the second/third date you should say something if you think this is impolite. Like you find them rude but they might find you cheap And also rude especially if you asked them out. If someone asked me out and expected me to pay I would be offended. It wouldn't matter if I was dating a man or woman.
Many women feel more comfortable when a man ask them out on a date then the other way around. That is is one of the reasons men often find that dating women can mean their pockets empty faster than the women's pockets.
what happened to being an independent woman? I also never experienced this pre-transition. Thankfully I'm married, so finances are joint, but if not I'd be furious.
also, there's the issue of your dates expecting you to pay for everything, but you better not dare expect anything from her romantically. Hypocrisy!
Well, I do think that giving out money and giving out one's body are totally different things.
+TheSLOfox yes. BOTH are unacceptable expectations.
I’m glad you brought this up. I’m with you on this. As a cis-gender guy, who never learned to play the heterosexual dating game and prefers a more balanced approach, this has always irritated me. I feel like the more typical guys learn certain clues that allow them to navigate some of these expectations and the same goes for most heterosexual women in such dating situations. The guys may come to see it as a challenging skill. In many cases I believe that they get so used to it that they don’t even notice how sexually dimorphic their behavior actually is when dating. Consider that may be the case with your brother.
I was interested in seeking women who considered themselves as feminist, believing they would be more likely to take the lead on dating dinners and that that would be consistent with their sexual desires. It seemed to me that when many of such women are with guys they often feel more comfortable when the guy takes the lead and they assume that, taking the lead, is what most guys feel prefer. To me this betrays part of the feminist philosophy.
That has made me wonder if sexual selection in humans has led to this dimorphic behavior and that for many it is hard-wired in them. I hope it isn’t and that increasing cultural influences can shift our relationships to a more balanced approach.
This difference can also be used to explain why many people are so adamant that there should be a clear distinction between the appearance of women and men so one can tell, at a glance, which side of the polar spectrum they lie on. If it is very important to use the correct approach to gain the confidence of the opposite sex, or to at least not come off as insensitive, then there are advantages to learning the gaming steps in those early formative years.
This pattern can clearly be seen in other species, where sexual selection has led to many extreme examples of sexual dimorphism as seen in the courtship rituals that select for the the reproducing pairs. Who is to say that some of this applies to human behaviors, though we like to believe all such behaviors, in our species, are learned from our culture and that we have free choice to override any biological drives in such matters.
I believe that you are correct when you question whether having a phalloplasty would prove helpful. I have the traditional equipment but that has nothing to with the social constructs that most people seem to depend upon as they get into relationships.
Welcome to the straight heterosexual cis male experience. The less than human way that women (who aren't your family) treat you is not a sometimes ,it's a majority of the time.
Thanks for agreeing with me 👍
you are just to cute i do think you are a very special person your cute to
For more context, these straight women you've been out with, were they aware of your trans status? Also, where did you meet them? Online?
Yes and yes. :)
+TheSLOfox maybe they were even more inclined to play into stereotypical gender roles because perhaps they thought it might be validating of your maleness??? Idk, just a possible though.
hmm... that could be a possibility. It'd be pretty ironic!
new subscriber here 🤟🏾 nice content dude , do you have an instagram ?
I completely agree.
I can't ignore the misuse of the term heterosexual, which simply means attraction to the opposite sex just as homosexual means attraction to the same sex. It's impossible for a female to date you and be heterosexual. I find it baffling how difficult this seems to grasp. I can't tell you how many times that I've heard transguys complain about males not wanting to date them and how supposedly transphobic they are because they won't date transguys, as if it's difficult to understand why a homosexual male wouldn't be interested in dating someone who is concretely a female. And while genitalia isn't the whole of a person, they damn well do matter to the majority of people. Maybe, it simply sparks dysphoria for a transguy to call a relationship with a female a lesbian relationship, or to call a relationship with a male a heterosexual relationship?
Kings2beat You are writing, "while genitalia isn't the whole of a person", but all of your arguments go into this direction - like what?? If a transguy is attracted to women, exclusively, he's clearly heterosexual. I am a cis heterosexual woman attracted to males (cis- and transguys) - no matter the genitalia. Otherwise, according to your logic, I should be feeling attracted to transwomen, beside heterosexual cis men and this is so far from reality, it makes me laugh! I am attracted to maleness not femaleness. And I would not have any problem to admit, that I am bi or homosexual, but I am simply not.
Mira2015 If a transguy is attracted to a female that person is homosexual as the transguy is female. It's very simple. Heterosexual equals attracted to the opposite sex. HomoSexual means attracted to the same sex. Bisexual equals attracted to both sexes. It doesn't matter how these individuals have artificially attempted to mimic males. They are females and no heterosexual female would be attracted to someone with the same genitalia as no heterosexual person would be attracted to the same genitalia they have. Unless, you're looking for something inauthentic. These individuals play roles that don't gel with basic science, then they'll call you transphobic for not wanting to date them because they aren't male. That's some bs.
Mira2015 If you are attracted to maleness you are looking in the wrong place as only males are males. You probably are saying that you're attracted to masculinity. Well, these are more masculine females. Are you attracted to butch females? They are lesbian and look like this. So, you'd be attracted to them too. They are also females.
I realize, it's not worth fighting with you - I just don't get why ppl like you watch these videos, but pls do me a favor and don't answer to my rhetorical question... And I am ok with it, if you think, that I am bi-sexual.
Mira2015 actually by definition he is right so you are right not to argue. But people commonly misuse hetrosexual, homosexual and etc. I think what the guy in the video means to say is he is tired of the women who are attracted only to masculinity expecting him to take on a traditional masculine role.
However that might be confusing for some people. And actually you are bisexual as you are attracted to trans men who are biologically female. Sexuality is based on sex not gender but most people's sex kinda matches up to their gender to put it simply. So I can see why you wouldn't think "oh I'm bisexual."
This is Because you see sexuality as gender based but it's not. Most people are attracted to femininity or masculinity however there are a lot of people who are attracted to sex.
date a feminist
Try to think of the whole gender roles thing differently. Everyone expresses their gender in their own way right? Well some of us (both male and female) really love those gender roles you are bashing. Obviously the degree to which those roles are observed/expressed is different for everyone but if a couple loves the idea of Victorian era gender roles for example and it is something that they both identify with and consent to in their relationship who is anyone else to say it's wrong? The key to all of this is personal choice and consent. Be you and let others be them and even if you don't understand why, understand that it is who they are. It does make dating hard because there are so many different people but that is life. You may be uncomfortable with paying for dates but that girl you are with might be just as uncomfortable with splitting the check. Neither of you has more valid feeling than the other, just different.
You have to come onto women strong that's just the way it is. Straight women are used to it. You have to man up. Plus many women totally expect men to pay for everything. It's your call that's why it's good to become friends with other straight guys to get advice about when you are dating a woman and think she is a gold digger.
This has nothing to do with the topics discussed in this video, but what do you teach? And have your students ever found your channel?
I teach English at the college level. No, I am not aware of any students finding my channel, except for one trans guy student, and I'm Facebook friends with him anyway, so that was fine.
I soo feel you, man.
SAME!!
dating sis gender women they are weird I don't know because we are done understand if I was you I trans women they understand and they are in the same boat
guapo
All the girls I've been with have been straight and not feminists. Im not attracted to any other girls. But dating and tinder is really difficult, I've got a date with one and I think she might want sex within a couple of dates and I don't know what to do! I feel I should strike while the iron is hot kind of thing but I'll need some time to bond with her more so she might be more accepting. This is making me want phalloplasty just for this reason but what the hell am I getting into here. It doesnt seem the right reason for phallo.. Argh
I think that honesty is best, in dating. I tell women I date that I'm trans, usually within the first two dates. I think that unless we trans people are dating someone who already knows we're trans, we just aren't able to plunge into sex quickly like cis people can do sometimes. So you may need to work on accepting that dating and starting a sexual relationship is simply not going to be quite how it is for cis people. I think the only option is to be honest early on, and get to know each other. (Unless someone is totally down to jump into things once they know you're trans! haha. That can happen!)
No no no no no. I'm 100% straight (disclaimer: I tried dating girls for a minute ~15 years ago hoping I could avoid all the boy drama, but soon realized that I was the most unenthusiastic lesbian that ever tried to lesbian. Every single bone and spirit beam in my whole being was screaming at a billion watts per second for patrick swayze from Dirty Dancing). And as a 100% straight girl, that is NOT cool for girls to treat guys the way your describing. There's a badass straight girl out there for you as well as a badass bi- lesbian- whatnot. Sexual preference doesn't predict a person has manners or empathy or humour or grace while dining. I agree with you that it would SUCK to date girls, because we are hella emotional and passionate and unpredictable, but I'd like to argue that us ladies' suck at the same suck-ratio across all sex/gender orientations, SES status, cultures, etc. Straight girls are all kinds of people too. Please don't give up on us!
omg and don't let bitchy girls convince you or scare you into changing your body o.O or conforming into something else. That girl is not worth your time if she doesn't appreciate you as you are now and support you in reaching your personal dreams and goals. Her priority should be that you are happy. She should NOT try to change you, be snarky or make you feel like a taken-for-granted fill-in dude. Oh dear, sorry.. got carried away on my high horse again. Getting down now. :P
No it doesn’t lol
👍👍👍🙃
Uff am f to incel
I’m straight and straight dating is awesome because I’m not dating a girl and also I only date boys because that’s what I’m comfortable with you do you btw I’m not hating
U wanna b a guy right ? well deal with the good n bad
keep it 400 He doesn’t “want to be” a guy, he is a guy. He’s not just bitching for no reason, he’s sharing his experience as a trans man for other people to learn from.
Being fed up with women’s expectations of men is not just because you’re trans. A lot of straight men feel the same way - it’s one of the many complaints made by the MRA and MGTOW communities (for more info check out Cassie Jaye’s documentary “The Red Pill”).
But most men go along with it because if you don’t follow women’s rules you don’t get laid, and if you complain about male disadvantages you are called a “misogynist” because supposedly men are “privileged”. Strange how the “privileged” gender has to pander to the whims of the “disadvantaged” gender.
When, complaints, such as that above are made, many women can't accept that it is something that is real. It is something many people avoid giving much thought to. When complaints like this are made it is true that the complainer may be attacked, or at least be considered insensitive to the other person's desires.