I’m not a nice person.. Why I stopped smiling at strangers and ENABLING losers & bums
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- Опубліковано 15 чер 2024
- I’m not a nice person.. Why I stopped smiling at strangers and ENABLING losers & bums
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Every since I stopped being “nice” and putting up boundaries, my phone stopped ringing 😊
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 facts
Omg same here😂
This the one. I’m cold and mean now apparently.
This is so accurate. I had so many friends, till I start putting up boundaries, now I can say I don’t have friends and I’m okay with that.
Phone is silent😂
When you are nice, people do not respect you. You think they will treat you with kindness as you do but the reality is that they treat you worst!
This is so true.
I recently learned this
Exactly
If everybody thinks like that and everybody does the same thing, will it help? People are the mirror of yourself, so if you show that you want respect from people and stand your boundries, in time people will not handle you the same because you have changed and it doenst mean you dont have to be nice, you can close people of on a nice way and don't take it personal what they are doing to you and the problem will stay at the right person and you dont take those bad feelings on yourself but give love to yourself 🙂 you cant change the world but you can change yourself and its really a waste of time to be even given those people time, they are not happy and they want to drag people with them so that they will be the same as they are and it works to be honest and thats sad! Sorry for the bad writing, im from the Netherlands
That's very true. I stopped being nice and I get more respect now then before.
I learned not to be nice. The reality is, we were conditioned to be nice. Teach your daughters not to be nice, but fair. Being fair teaches her to observe and make a conscious decision. Rather than just accept what’s thrown your way. #niceforwhat
Such great advice, thank you 💖
This was actually a great advice!! Thanks
I glad I watched this I understand exactly how you were because I see that in myself and I am ready to start this journey, working on myself and we’ll being. I have my first appointment next month to speak to a therapist i am crossing my fingers hoping that she’s good with me. 🤞🏾
Great advice and ur so pretty
It’s unfortunate though that men are not taught to be fair. They’re taught to be selfish. I don’t mean that in a negative way. But being fair is just a politically correct way of saying nice. We have to teach our daughters how to be selfish…selfish with their finances, their time, their body, their mental and physical energy and more. They should put their needs first so that they can be all they need to be when the situation arises. They won’t feel guilty for saying no, or feel like they’re not good enough, and they will not be bogged down chasing perfectionism. When you put your personal needs first you don’t overwork herself or deny yourself in the workplace, with your health and family, etc.
I had an old friend get mad at me because I said, “If you’re not going to leave him, shut up about it.” I was tired, girl. 🤷🏽♀️
Oh shit! 😂
Yea I got into a situation like that 😪
😂😂 A few months ago, I told one of my friends/ex-friends? (I’ve recently gone low or no contact with pretty much everyone in my life): “If you’re gonna have s** with a dude, don’t cry about it after the fact” 😂😂
😂😂😂 Yesss they like to Complain
I told that to my mom
All she did was complain about dad.
Being a nice people pleaser attracted physically, mentally, verbally, sexually and financially abusive men and fake friends to me. Nothing but trauma.
A lot of people have the audacity to use and abuse others.
Never again will I lower my boundaries and standards
agreed this was n\me too so sad
Being a people pleaser gave me nothing but a heartache because I stayed in toxic relationships and giving all of me for nothing in return.
This video came just in time. Because I don't physically look "mean", (smaller, wear glasses, dress girly) people always walk all over me. Strangers think I am going to tolerate rudeness, but it is very hard to stick up for myself until recently. I always use to smile at people who didn't smile back, laugh at jokes that weren't funny, let people go first etc. but people will find ways to take advantage and mistake kindness for weakness. 🙃 I am returning to work next week and will be setting boundaries very early. I am not a punching bag for insecure people 😤
Same with me! I’m so glad Karine covers these topics!
Same girl. Especially because I naturally have a really soft feminine voice. No more miss nice girl
I was called naive once by someone I thought knew me and it let me know real quick they didn’t know me at all really. I think the surface really fools a lot of people. The cover of the book. You don’t know what people are or capable of. That’s why I don’t mess with people or call them names🤦🏽♀️
happy for you
Sorry, I just gotta jump on here and say: you’re there to make money, not friends, and no, you don’t need to tell them that 😂 have your resume up-to-date at all times, in case you need to look for a new job. Move in silence, don’t broadcast your moves (e.g. if something doesn’t sit well with you at the job, start looking for a new one, but don’t tell anyone until you get a new job/put your two weeks’ notice in ✌️). If the company has HR and someone does something that you feel should be reported to HR, report them to HR, but do not tell the person in question - just go straight to HR. Some of these people will mess with you because they think you won’t or aren’t capable of taking action(s) like this. And, sadly, these people don’t view it as “kindness” if you go easy on them - it emboldens them to keep acting in these ways, do it to other people, and they will more than likely keep messing with you. I had to learn all these things the hard way ✌️
A kind smile from a stranger healed me during a difficult time in my life. Use discernment.
True!
Absolutely
That is a great example of an exception to the rule. But I think you missed the point, kindness and niceness are similar but not the same. Think about it like this you stated that a kind smile from a stranger was healing, not a nice smile.
A wise person once told me, “Where’s your integrity? If you’re afraid of offending others, you’re not an honest person.” Whew! Chile!! So true!!! Integrity is honesty and then some!!!
I stopped being friends with a woman that I've known forever. She constantly gossips, complains, and drags me down. I'm done.
I believe in being nice until I’m given a reason not to. Respect is a given. Disrespect is earned. And better brace yourself for the prize you earn once you are awarded for your disrespect.
The element of surprise is satisfying when kindness is taken for weakness
Great video Karine
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Could not have said it better myself.
When you get even you get even
Think about it
Exactly. A few folks got surprised by me in 2022.
Amen.
My people 😂😂😂 We are the spiders to their flies.
People pleasing will literally kill you. It took me meeting a narcissist to learn my lesson. It was hard for me to admit, and it still brings me to tears to admit that I don’t like when people are mad at me. That little girl is still hurting from a childhood full of screaming and punishments and silencing of my voice. But now that I’m grown I refuse to keep letting this be a problem. So I’ve learned how to set boundaries and keep them in place with everyone. If you don’t like it, oh well.
I was always available. Always offering help. Always giving more to other people. Always never putting myself last. Always listening. Always trying to save.
I cut off those people and I don't involve myself in other people's issues. When I was struggling, the best I got was "get therapy "
Unless you are giving people some juicy mess about your life that they want to hear, they don't really want to listen to your problems.
I'm so glad you got your healing.
Amen!!!!!
This is so true. I've said that people "like" me when I'm doing for them. They love the listening ear when they want to vent, but don't reciprocate....even family.
Girl we must be soul twins! Like this is genuinely who i am,but I've stopped as well. I've always given more than I've received in every way. Im tired and worn down now. I have nothing but GODLY love for people. No listening,no encouraging ,no money,no help..just love and prayers. Im in my season to refrain from embracing!
Ohhh the "get therapy" hit hard. I'm in therapy all my life. All I do in therapy is work on myself and how to handle the crap people around me. I'm a therapist to others but the moment I have a bad day or need to cry or vent, I need to see a therapist. 🤷🏾♀️
@@WifeyAFthis is not how God wants us to be while you Amen’ing this.
I’ve been “nice” all my life and when people saw me in a moment of anger or frustration, they were soooooo surprised! Lol. I’m a kind person, but I’m not a pushover. I’m not a perfect angel. I’m human.
I am the villain in a lot of stories. Once I started loving myself I became very unpopular. I'm cool with that. My mental health comes first.
Me too. I prefer hanging with my cats to most people anyway. I’m definitely not popular
Your aloofness is a sign that you have your own identity and you have boundaries❤ ❤❤❤
This is the tough love talk that lots of women NEED to hear. Your "kindness" is killing you!
Girl. I gave EVERYTHING until I was literally homeless with nothing ... And NO ONE literally No 👏🏾 one was there!! They basically spit on me and moved to the next person.....i came so close to dying and no one cared... Super painful. Took me a year to grieve in silence and pull my life back together but it woke me the hell up.. i vowed no more and never again. My life is slowly coming back together and these people are all hurt that I'm done with them. They're actually trying to keep fights going with me about how I 'havent been there' and it hurts that they don't even see my struggle or pain (like I was literally homeless what did you expect to continue to get from me!!!! It's appalling! The audacity!! ) ...it's like I'm not even a person...but I now know....no more no more no more no more . Thx for this message. I might have to make my own video on this subject 🙂
I learn to be selfish just this year. And I realize I am just learning to love me and I don’t feel guilty no more!
I have decided to bé 100 percent selfish
This is mee too.. wish I had done this years ago :)
@@nehemilia5033 love it. I saw a mindset coach sat recently there is no such thing as selfish.
Loving yourself is being self-full not being selfish! 👍
Faxxx
BTW, LOVED that part when you say that part of healing is forgiving yourself! for being easily manipulated/influenced....that resonated with me 100% I learned to forgive myself an NOT be so hard on myself....think of it as a good experience to NOT allow it to happen EVER AGAIN!!! Sometimes I feel so embarrassed, stupid for being so dumb, lost a lot of great opportunities because of those fake friendships and bad bad choices!! :( and alcohol! which I am still in that healing process of fully forgiving myself :(
Yes same I feel very naive for what I used to allow but I’m forgiving myself!
I agree. I was beating myself up for the longest time.❤
I feel like the devil wants to use whatever lie he can to keep us unhappy such as guilt or shame. But the truth is we are aware now of wisdom we once didn't know and we are now doing better. What's done is done and now we are free to live our lives and make better choices with the wisdom we now have. Fight against feeling ashamed because it's a tactical lie. The past is the past and we are set free!!! Be in the present. We know better now. Let's live this lovely life that God has for us. ☮️🙏🏼💖
@@Carefree_Stephanie Absolutely! Thank you for your message. In my journey, I have been becoming more spiritual and becoming closer to God. Never felt better! and stronger to fight those negative feelings and avoid temptations. Awareness is key...This time in my life I am focusing in my personal goals and asking God to place the right people in my life this time...lol avoid the old patterns and we will be good! Blessings!
@@erikagaleana9340 That's awesome Erika! Same here. I have similar prayers for myself and I'll be adding you to my prayer book. I know God will answer. Keep up the great work. God is with you. Thanks for your reply! 💜
My mom told me that I was too nice. As I have gotten older I see exactly what she was talking about. And my father also told me not to put so much trust into people….. because if they disappoint you will not be surprised surprised. Take care of yourself, do not allow anyone to disrespect you but still remain calm. Just distance yourself from negative people whether it school, work or even certain family members. Do not be afraid to use the block button on your phone. One more thing. I asked my mother why she never had a “Welcome mat” on the front porch. She told me because some people are not welcomed into her home. She protected her peace of mind. And I will do the same protect my peace of mind.
As a recovering people pleaser I am proud of myself for not saving this other girl who told me she was being abused by her parents.
I didn't give her advice. I just validated her.
Also this other addict, told me he was quitting and I just told him the negative side of looking for a job.
People know who is empathetic and they are trying to get what they can get. I don't allow that. My empathy is only reserved for my plants and animals. And kids. Grown people can miss me.
Was she lying about the abuse? How old was she? ..
@@EM-zt4ul she was not lying.
I just can't "save" her.
@vectorex Wow! That's crazy.
How come you should be responsible for other people's actions?
No ways. I love kids but I can't take them other's responsibility.
You did great by prioritizing yourself and getting out of a toxic home at 12! Kudos to you for that.
Toxic people are entitled. That's their problem.
One of my friends had to learn something similar, the way she described her earlier views before her life war incident, I wouldn’t say she’s a people pleaser, because she did mentioned she kicks out toxic people right off even if it’s a family member and that’s why she’s demonized in her conservative country, because everyone else is too forgiving, however the thing about her how she described it is that she’s naturally a BIG PICTURE PERSON, she’s naturally happy-go-lucky that when she sees a person with a similar interest as her she says it’s like she’s PROGRAMMED to rightfully think they’d get along already and has potential to be a part of our friend group, she said SHE TRIED TONS OF TIMES NOT TO ENCOUNTER FAKE OR TOXIC PEOPLE AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL but she explained that it comes out from her without her noticing again that’s she’s being too friendly with someone new she again naturally think is a part of our tribe. HER LAST STRAW WAS A MONSTROUS MEAN ONE that is highly competitive and only wants to be the only one excellent in a similar interest they have that has heavily hate attacked her, from that day we started to help her not to use Social Media for a while and less interactions with other strangers, because she’s really friendly without her noticing, so we started doing our mutual activities of interest together, we did some to do list of the day that will help her stop from her bad habit of being too friendly with strangers. It’s actually working lately, I notice she’s giving off more snobbish gestures to people we barely know whenever we’re in a girls’ time out together. She’s getting more confident about it.
@vectorex you continue to stay strong we are both in a similar situation me with my own brother people really hate when you set boundaries and do for yourself stay strong you are doing the right things.
BOOM! And ladies, stop being AirBnBs and ATMs for these dusties. PERIOD.
Just had a discussion with my bestie about this. Plus, Karine, can you talk about rotational dating and maintaining femininity and mysterious allure during dating? I find that I'm struggling to get back into my femininity especially with money challenges. Can you do a video for that too? Plus, it's nice to be first 😌. Saying hello from the Jersey side of the friendship circle. 😊 Also, is the discord still around?
Hey sis! These are so great requests and I love these topics so I got you ❤ thank you for being a supporter 😘🙏🏼
@@karinealourdementalgems Anytime and everytime ❤️😘
I have a cousin who is a hobosexual, homeless ass will live with any woman who let's him...
Pp
If a woman needs to be told this about men she needs more than this video. She needs to use her health benefits for some mental services. Because that's a symptom of larger problems.
You are 1000,000 percent right! Being nice allows disrespect. Being too eager to help, and always sacrificing to please others gets you no where. Most people are natuarlly predators and will use you and discard you with no remorse.
We as BLACK women need this video !!!!!!
Due to our race always reaping the benefit less. I’m starting to believe that what I find attractive in a man is no longer or has ever been !
I’m not black and also need this message.
I'm Irish White Caucasian and I also needed to hear this message actually. It totally resonated with me. Why even bring colour or race into this? We are all one sister!
All girls/women need to hear this beautiful message, not just black girls/women or just one particular race. Let's all stay away from loooooosers! Standard! 🎯 💯
Peace, love & light 🙏🏻😇 🌈 💜 ✨️
Respectfully....^^^ yall should really get in the habit of making posts about your own culture instead of piggy backing off of black women. Yeah we all struggle but the majority of black women were not raised the same as other races and we have struggles that yall simply can't understand. Just like yall have experiences we didn't have. If the mention of race triggers you that much, just keep scrolling. We can't even mention our own race without other races coming in to "All Lives Matter" the conversation. You think you're relating but you're actually taking the attention away and downplaying our struggles to make it about YOU when it's not. You weren't thinking about your race or heritage til a black woman mentioned hers.
@@AngelicaAngel888_ was this video jus about black women? I musta missed that part
@@Rose_budd the comment that you clicked on was. Surely you saw that before clicking on it and scrolling to my comment 🤔. I'm not here to argue or go back and forth with you or anyone else. I said what I said. Be blessed.
Yes oh god it was SO hard to stop being nice. I had to literally hold my self back from constantly being a fucking airhead, goody too shoes. I had become a people pleaser to fit into new groups and I slowly had to rebuild myself. It kills me today to see how I was back then. The mindset was so different.
Femininity isn’t being passive. It’s being assertive.
Thank you for the video! ❤
What a lot of women don’t realize is that people pleasing is actually masculine behavior.
I disagree. Being assertive takes masculine energy and being passive takes feminine energy. Passive is definitely not masculine.
@@tropicaoptica I never said that ma’am. I said that people pleasing or being a giver is actually masculine; being receptive is feminine.
@@shamarrialexandre-little3158 okay I agree with you there but you literally said femininity is being assertive. I think that being assertive takes masculine energy which all feminine woman need to master in themselves. It’s like that little masculine white circle in the the yin part of a yin/yang symbol. I mean I think we agree mostly, I just definitely think assertion or directness is masculine while passive is feminine. I don’t think passive means pushover, it means you can quietly express your boundaries without even having to verbalize them. The Universe Guru does a good video on boundaries as a feminine woman explaining this.
Feels good knowing that I'm not alone. Those people you help will manipulate you into believing it's still not enough which keeps you giving until you have less than them. No more.
Amen.🤜🏼
I don't give to anyone that doesn't give to me anymore. Food doesn't count in my opinion.
This. Yep.
@@SpiritualWarrior96 😂😂😂😂 I’m hungry af rn and foreal
Yep I decided to stop being nice this year too. I'm not smiling or speaking to people first, especially at work. I also stopped thinking the best of people first and try to see them as they truly are. I don't have any friends now because I realized that they were truly not my friends at all. I gave everyone a piece of my mind and stirred things up and I feel GREAT!!!
You’re not being mean,it’s just protecting yourself from being hurt.You’re directing your kindness to the right people who need it.
I stopped being nice real bad this year 😂
Real bad !
This is the line from my "friend" that woke me up: "I appreciate that from your point of view, you didn't feel that you could come to my baby's first birthday party because of your health, but from my point of view my baby will only ever have one first birthday party." Context: I have some serious chronic health issues and there were around 100 people at this party. Her email was a gift! There it was in black and white, it was so outrageous that she made it easy for me to end the unhealthy relationship. She's tried every trick over the last 5 plus years to get me back but I have not responded to any of it. Great video, thank you 🙏💕
So she felt her baby’s first birthday party was more important than your health! First off it’s a damn baby that doesn’t care who shows up. Sounds like she wanted to show off and you missed it. I would’ve hung up in her face.
This video is spot on I've been trying to figure out why i feel guilty for spending time with myself and doing this for me, saying no and your video explained it perfectly. I remember going broke multiple times helping other people who wouldn't bat an eye if i were in need of them and enabling family members to be free loaders . Thank you for this video you got my sub Karine !!!
Ayyyeeee Lord Hec!! Thank you, it was my issue too! You always have to save your self first before saving anyone else. Going broke won’t be good for your mental health or the health of others so don’t ever feel guilty for spending time with yourself!
Yes the meaning of nice means foolish, stupid or naive..I was battling with this all my life I was a people pleaser due to childhood trauma and being picked on..this was also a past life issue.. i was a martyr to narcissists in relationships but once I started my healing journey this life after my last relationship I have no tolerance for users and I'm firm with my boundaries now and choose myself. You gotta let people know you are not nice or foolish and to not play with you.
Right on Mot Available. We tend to be hard on ourselves however they are evil and walk among us to steal and no one call them foolish which they are.
People pleasing has caused me immeasurable pain. From toxic relationships to manipulative friendships I’m in the process of healing and learning to say no.
I am working on not being so nice now. People have definitely taken advantage in the past and disregarded my feelings, time, etc. I’m over it!
I used to be a "yes" person. I stopped being one about 5 years ago and my life changed immensely - for the better. Setting boundaries is the best thing I could've done. I've been nice my entire life since a child. Just naturally sweet, always smiling, always friendly. It's just my personality. While smiling has gotten me far and served me well, it's a double edged sword. Ppl definitely take your kindness for weakness. Some ppl are so miserable and want to put that miserable spirit onto you. I've heard everything from "she smiles too much", "why is she so happy", "never trust someone who smiles all the time". My joy has always come from God. I just protect it more. Everyone doesn't deserve my niceness. Peace and blessings ❤
I had someone tell me I’m the gift that don’t stop giving… I knew then I couldn’t do it no more
Givers have to set limits because takers don't have any. Don't be someone's last option if you're not their first choice.
I was depressed when I was living selfishly. Volunteering and helping others got me out of my head and humbled me. I prioritized self care every morning. Loving others can help you love yourself. I don’t disagree with video just sharing my experiences.
There is a time and place for charity. Too many times we give with the expectations the person will reciprocate. Being about to help others is a blessing but in the appropriate context.
My husband always waves or smiles at strangers, I told him that's the earliest lesson I remember from my guardians of what not to do - predators are attracted to perceived weakness. It means being comfortable when you're perceived as a harsh B, but also means rarely if ever being harassed, win win 🤭
You’re not stupid , you’re just kind hearted, compassionate , loving, caring , nurturing and awaken. You just described me, in a nutshell 💯
What a great reminder. Thanks sis. I can’t trust men. They take kindness for weakness to make sexual advances on us. I was just trying to be nice he seemed sad we were talking about the lord I used to think I have to help God or would want to tell people about the lord but I can’t be vulnerable with strangers. I prayed for him and gave him a hug and he ran his hand down my back. It felt so slimy
dont blame yourself this was a awakening you are wiser now
I love your videos. When I tell you I have no friends left b/c I set boundaries and am no longer the “nice” friend. I’m open to making real loving friendships but this video is the truth. I often tell people I’m not a good person, I’m a regular person, because anyday I may do something that they don’t like or want to hear and I won’t be that good or nice person anymore. Soooooo only look at me as a person! Not nice or good
This is word!! Very powerful!
I am not a nice person i am a regular person
Love it!
Im a good person who keeps ot real and speaks my mind! They can take it or leave it!
@@Lotus-wl9ll I agree! It does saves a lot of energy because emotional/mental drainers, users, liars, etc... flee faster!
I think the key here is that we feared disappointing people. The moment that fear stops, that’s the moment we are liberated to be who we want to be. 🎉
This video really spoke to me. This has definitely been a mindset that I had to let go. Church can help to breed this toxic mindset of having no boundaries in the name of “forgiveness” and “being nice”.
Agreed. I was at church like every Sunday as a baby/child, I have no idea the level of programming I had from it until I became an adult. Unlearning relearning and learning is all necessary
Karine, you are describing exactly what altruism.is; sacrificing yourself, your physical, mental, spiritual health and energy for people who don't value you.
I felt this 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I used to ppl please not anymore. These ppl will make it appear as if you’re evil once you no longer allow the abuse.
I can relate to this so much. I dated a guy for 2 years before I was finally able to break it off. The funny part was, I didn't even like him. I felt bad about wanting to reject him so I said yes. It was the most toxic, mentally and physically draining relationship I've ever been in. I'm so glad I started to shed my people-pleasing side.
I think part of the feminine journey is realizing that we need to get out of that "servant" and "resource to others" mentality. Those things are the antithesis of what a feminine woman is. People are not going to respect us if we are seen as either of those roles. You're right. You don't owe your smile to anyone or your paycheck. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be a venting friend because they are just never there for me. People change the subject in conversation where I can't even share my good news. It's really THAT bad. So no one is allowed to trauma dump. I give money to the homeless and I give things away which I'm no longer using but people know not to ask me for favors.
You’re completely right! When I sit and remembered all the times I was nice, I was taken advantage of all those times and I still wanted to think the best of people, even though they never came through for me in my most vulnerable state. I had a lot of resentment because I was getting nothing in return and my feelings were unconsidered, but I had to take responsibility and realize that part of it is my fault because I never set any boundaries and put myself first.
@@shamarrialexandre-little3158 Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. That was one of my most painful life lessons 💋🌹
I had to learn the difference between being nice and kind. Setting boundaries is kind since it benefits me and others I interact with. Great video.
Nice people finish last.
I have to back of from a friend where the basis of our friendship is trauma dumping.
The origin of the word nice actually means ignorant/stupid!!!
I don’t like nice people. Nice in old English means “fool/foolish” I usually roll solo and I only want to be around people who are working on themselves and have some kind of discipline. People feed off of you if you let them, and those are the “nice” people. They are only nice because they are desperate.
I needed this. I hate being nice and I be feeling guilty if I don’t feed the homeless or be nice to people. But people be doing some grimmy shit.
It took me being in my last relationship earlier this year to truly come to terms with the fact that I was being too nice and used by not just him, but also my best friend. Had to learn that lesson the hard way. Keep sharing your light and knowledge queen ❤
In my culture, asking for money is rare, but people want to use you for info, energy, and as a dumping ground 💙🙏🏻💙
Amen, well said. I stopped being available to family members and guess what? They stopped talking to me, that's the biggest favor they could have ever done for me. People pleasing is exhausting and it DOES not benefit you at all.
Amen. I am happy that we’re on the same journey since 2020 Miss Karine. Every six months God is telling me an important lesson too. Currently we are at the same season, “Stop being a people pleaser… and be a God pleaser.”
It’s really finding the balance between being a loving, feminine person but having boundaries.
Sounds like you're saying that a person can't be feminine and have boundaries at the same time...like you're saying if I say NO!...I am giving off masculine energy...I can't vibe with that...being feminine and being able to say NO...are beautiful peas in the pod of emotional intelligence.
I’m in the same place, too!❤🙏🏻❤
There is an alternative to being mean/shut down. Asserting yourself with dignity
Ie saying” no I’m not willing/able/comfortable to do that”
I did a communication course w high really helped me. They taught us
“the better we communicate the better we survive “
I had a random man tell me that I’m evil 👿 for not smiling at him and his dusty friends. I’ll be evil. I don’t wanna hang with y’all.
And let me add that the people I had to cut off and change my energy around included my parents and family - done with them. They're the reason I became a doormat for everyone to walk on or a place to take out their frustrations and send their negativity . No more
same girl its so sad
It’s also okay to block those who don’t serve a good purpose in your life meaning there is no reason to explain why you left a situation where you were not Respected if they don’t come in to teach you help you grow or expand and grow up and glow up Its your time to Blow Up! Put the Energy into Yourself Love You!
Girl, you ain’t nothing but the truth .
It’s a hard lesson to learn but everybody’s heart is not like yours. You may be coming from a genuine place but the next person may not be. I’ve decided as of late that I will match energy. If you nice to me I’m nice to you. Simple as that! Keep putting out your message. New subbie here😀
Wow I was raised by a single father and came from trauma. At 23 years old, I am converted Muslim, and growing into the woman I imagined myself to be even though I was never raised to be this woman…I will make sure I become that woman. Thank you for relating to young black women. Thank you!
Im so sorry that happened to you at that age and in general, at first I was thinking “I’m smiling idc I enjoy it and people smile back and I don’t owe anyone anything” but hearing what happened to you in this video I 100% understand. I’ve been used alot by “friends” and “men” and In not nice anymore because of it and now I have friends who think I’m cold or mean and I’m not In actually too giving so I can’t let anyone take advantage of that, that’s now saved for special people like true friends and certain family
Same
I rarely tell the other person I’m getting off the phone first. I really hate being on the phone but I feel like their feelings will be hurt so I just wait for them to say it. When I do have to do something and I try to hang up people get frustrated with me because I’ve done it my entire life so now they’re used to it. I can tell because they never just hang up when I tell them I have to go, they have to tell me why THEY are getting off the phone. From now on every time I get on the phone I’m going to get off first. I’m going to stop allowing others to talk over me and I’m going to stop telling people my business every time they ask. I will no longer say yes every time others ask me for favors. I will no longer be a people pleaser. 🙌🏽 ASE ASE ASE
You don't even have to answer the phone when you see it's them!😊
This is so relatable for me. Feeling like my value only comes from what people GET from me… but if I have only myself as I really am? I’m alone. I hope I can channel your growth and strength and follow your example 💜
🙏🏻😇🌈 💜
That’s a profound statement. Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤
This is why solitude is so important for me at this point in my life. Years of people pleasing and where are these folks now? Lol. I'm cool with my small circle and I appreciate the lessons I learned from those experiences
Yep! I wonder too, where are all those people I did so much for ( the takers including family) my phone never rings!
So agree with you. This year I am investing in ME because one thing I have learn about people is that they will FIGURE IT OUT!
I put the superbitch cape down and let people save themselves why do you think there are more male superheroes than females ones it’s because it’s there job to be the hero
I really needed this today. Thank you Karine. I always feel like I’m missing out at 27 in grad school with limited friends. And when I do go out, it’s often at my own expense so I’m trying to dial it back and reevalauate who I give this energy to.
31 and in the final year of my PhD. I lost so many "friends" during grad school and ultimately I'm grateful. The right people will find me and vice versa.
Its a sin to not fulfill your potential
Friends can be extremely dangerous and distracting. A lot of women do not like themselves and seek other women to feel good..learn the art of socialising vs friendships. There is a book called networking 101. Don't be jealous of all these social media friendships. You need you and thats more important than these dangerous manic women as friends.
@@munix9351 I forgot to comment but thank you for this information ❤️
😮 it’s that “always available” that was the nail in the coffin!
I had to step up and called my parents out. The disrespect started there and it ended there. I had to go no contact over ten years ago. It was heartbreaking 💔 but it saved my sanity and my life. Trusted Jesus; and He led me all the way.
🙏🏻 ✨️🌈 💜
Great message! I have always been a people person, even though I am also a true introvert I have no problem making friends and being social. However I also have been a people pleaser too :( I had to learn the hard way to STOP being the latter! People do not respect you and take advantage of you! not all people are genuinely nice unfortunately...LOL...and that is OK too. It is possible to be a kind, nice person without being a people pleaser. It took me a while but I now understand it and from a couple of years ago until now have been applying it and you have no idea how many "friends" I lost on the way...and that is ok. I am working on myself in all aspects of my life and have no time for people's BS. Putting myself first and just being peaceful & happy! 🥰
Ok, Your video just popped up on my timeline and you’re words literally stop from doing my weekend housework….I’m 54 and just leaning not to let people take advantage of me 😢 You’re so blessed at your age to figure out how not to be a people pleaser
Thank you so much for sharing your story ❤ You spoke about things that I didn’t even know how to put these feelings in words…
God bless you lil sister ❤
Better late than never ❤
I need this reminder every so often. Thanks Karine.
Being NICE gets you used and abused. Learning to match energy. Boundaries set. To grow you have to isolate and practice self discipline.
Excellent advice!!! I myself am a former people pleaser. After years of trying to get the wrong people to like me and friending users I finely wised up! It’s really sad that I was once such a sweet girl but life has made me toughen up. We have to protect ourselves!
Stay sweet for yourself and maintain boundaries ❤
Telling a person NO will quickly reveal how they really feel about you. #maskoff
Yes Karine! Louder for the ones in the back! Yes men are currently very gross creatures who are extremely focused on sex and control BUT they are still impressed and affected by a nice smile and interaction with a pretty lady. Don't bother even giving them that. Your perfume alone is a blessing to these dusties who won't bother to change their own bed sheets. You don't need to be sprinkling kindness on the world like a lost flower girl. They know the game they play trying to convince women to play along with all their weirdo shit. Case in point: men who frequent businesses so that they get interaction/attention from the female staff. The more I see this the more it stands out to me and reminds me how much women still cater to men in their daily lives.
Weed the losers out ASAP! The people who have labelled me rude, selfish, hard headed and self centered were also the most manipulative, abusive and were enablers (who just wanted to make themselves feel better for enabling the abusers). Stop being so nice and breaking your back for social leeches and don't be afraid to lose those walking weights from your life will have way less drama, problems and issues once they're removed.
Ladies, I'm so proud of you all! I'm here smiling away. Blessings loves.❤️
Preach those lessons!!! I'm down to help people willing to help themselves. I started prioritizing myself with the latter being a possibility a few years back. After trying to help a narcissistic alcoholic (sad & could be very sweet) ex.. I realized that it's a flaw trying to "help" or "change" someone that doesn't see a need to change their behavior. Like drinking a fifth first thing in the morning and bullying his mom & dad for rent money after he spent his check on booze, cigarettes, tattoos, and guitars 😂 I almost married that dude after my mom died young. Friendly reminder there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for- like the bullets you've dodged 😉
When I was younger and very insecure and unsure of myself id let others make fun of me at work and laugh along with them thinking they were just joking. But as im older im wiser i still smile but my posture and the way i hold myself tells people not to disrespect me , yeah people can joke with me but they need to earn that respect first
When the Virgo taps into her dark feminine energy she becomes Scorpio ❤
Karine, I have never watched a video that I could 100% relate to until I watched this video. 100%!!!! Every word. I went through this, as a man. I am just recently changing my ways with pleasing people. I’m saying “No” for the first time in my life, without excuses or reasons. I’ve learned being a yes man doesn’t get you anything but used and being taken advantage of. And those people never respect you enough to do for you. Not only did I always say yes, I also easily accepted their “No’s” to my requests, as if I asked too much. I had relatives I regularly visited long distance who never visited me. And I excused them saying, “I understand, it’s a long distance to drive…too much traffic in NY.” Thanks for posting.
It's just as Many miles for them to visit you as it is for you to visit them! Did you ever think about it that way?
Ya I feel this way. And I was the same as you.
Setting boundaries inner NO is exactly what I started doing. My therapist told me the same thing. I’ve always supported my sister through out her life. She’s now 22.… I just recently actually thought about our relationship and the way she treats me. She’s never invited me anywhere it’s always me that get her out and away from her boyfriend. I always ask for her opinion she’s never really asked me for mine…
When I txt her she takes days to reply back to me.. I would always get back to her asap.
I just decided I could just be Freinds with a random person to be treated this way. Im done going out of my way to show my love.
Like I’ll still be there but I’m only going to put in exactly what she put in. She recently asked me for a 4000$ dollars. I had to tell her no. It just sucks that I even have to be put in that position. I would never ever ask her for that.
I always felt she was my responsibility and I had to make sure she’s ok and made it. Her actions have only showed she could care less about me and our relationship. I just can’t do it anymore
Prayers for you to stand strong ❤
I know exactly what you mean. All that nice girl shit is cancelled.
Ppl will think you being mean...no...you're just not letting certain demons in....
This is EXACTLY what I'm struggling with 😥
Im so happy you’re uploading this video again! I need this, thank you 🥺🖤.
Aww sending you hugs and kisses Nicole 💖🦋
i’m always watching your videos because i relate heavily and i know God is calling me out of this habit of people pleasing. it’s a struggle but we will make it through and become resilient women.
Me toooooo!❤
@@JuliaShalomJordan halleluyah ☺️
Not offended this is super relatable content. Your makeup is gorgeous too. Love the use of scripture
I can relate......you realise somewhere down the line that people want everything their way! Just not prepared to meet you halfway even. It's called being taken for granted! And when you put your for down on that, they label you "mean". Which i am fine with now! 😊
Exactly those ppl are reaping karma because they've been sowing bad seeds mentally and physically...don't feel sorry for them... don't feel guilty.....they need to get right with God ...that's all....
Edit: I want a community, that is the right word. I used to people please because I wanted a “friend group” so bad. Turns out I want a community.
My family moved form Ghana and all our relatives were left behind. This made me miss them so much and feel lonely.
Another timely msg on why being a nice girl does not serve you .. As a female who has struggled with “nice girl” syndrome my whole life 😂 .. God has finally been dealing w me in this area .. I’ve started enforcing healthy boundaries of respect, limiting access to my energy, and am slowly re-building my self confidence back after ending an 18 month toxic/ narcissistic relationship/ engagement. Sounds like you’re the only financially responsible person in your circle .. that’s why for the most part whenever we get on, it’s not like we wanna just forget where we came from .. but we become like the 5 closest ppl around us .. I’m very familiar w 1 cor 15:33 being raised a 😢JW, and love how u tied that in to ur msg ❤.. also.. Matt tells us to be shrewd as serpents and gentle as doves (in the midst of wolves in sheep’s clothing.. & I had to google the word shrewd) you ain’t said or did nothing wrong sis💯.. To the nice girl(s) reading this .. may God’s gift of discernment guide you on who to be what with. Peace ✌🏽
Simple
@@nehemilia5033 💜
Amen! 🙏🏻 thank you and same to you! I just love this friendship circle.❤
You described me too sis. I’m coming out of this over sacrificial, way too niceness linked to guilt, and I truly thank the Lord🤍 Thank you for this valuable content.
When I put up boundaries
People disappeared
Good