They're envious of anyone who has qualities they don't have, or can achieve something they're unable to. They need to be in competition, and when they realise they can't compete in order to feel like they're no.1, they get very nasty. Who feels the need to be in competion with others?! It's cray cray.
@Pagan Raven yep, they gotta feel like they're no. 1 aka more superior. It's madness. Like you, I experienced this from NM, in less subtle ways, very covert.
@Pagan Raven oops, sorry, I thought you were replying to my comment, but then I saw my email notification that it was a reply to Narc Survivor. He certainly knows his stuff, I've learnt a lot about narcissism from his videos.
i can see my mother aching on odd occasions that i see her. I got 19 years of abuse from her. I have surpassed her in life in every possible way. I just got double f$%ked by a narc ex. Now I am learning where my childhood wounds stem from and healing them and once I have healed they will be the ones running away from me 🙌🏽
Happiness destroyers and confusion makers. Looking for problems where they do not exist. You can never satisfy these people and you will exhaust yourself trying. Cut your losses and walk away...no contact and reduce contact to a minimum with those in your circle who keep in contact your ex narc.
So true Melanie! Omg, this drove me crazy! My ex husband would either issue the silent treatment or some other passive aggressive punishment to me if ANYTHING good happened to me, or if ANYONE said something nice to me. I learned not to speak of any bonuses, promotions or achievements at work. I learned not to decorate my home (he moved in with me) or to be proud of having acquired one as a single parent. He hated everything good about me and anyone who loved me, including my children. Everything was a competition and I lost my light and love for life. Thankfully, I woke up and realized that NO man has the right to put out the LIGHT God gave to ME...that he gave to us ALL! So if the narcissist wants to live in darkness, that's their choice. Pray for them, walk away and don't look back. Love the videos! ❤
Alicia Hill You have described my mother! I am so glad you got away. Thankfully, I live on the other side of the country, but that doesn’t stop her efforts to try to kill my spirit. May God keep you in His safety, and continue to bless you and your children.
I think a husband or wife giving the silent treatment to their partner is absolutely ridiculous this is not acceptable in a marriage much less a regular relationship it in a marriage that is absolutely ridiculous
@@marniegrohs1553 it's horrible how they can destroy friendships and relationship's so all you have is them. It's sad you usually don't notice until after it's too late. 😂
@@Mar.....O There is always hope we just shouldn't allow the narcs find out about it. As long as we can keep then out of our lives them we can begin to heal. 🙏
@@paulzedx636ninja7 , agreed. I can understand why some turn to their own spirituality. Yet, to prostylize to victims in a weakened state (emotionally/mentally/spiritually) has never sat right with me. Just a personal gut feeling.
They even use their kids to bully & harrass for them .They are mad when we feel good but are happy when are not ! They are seriously demented or possessed .
Once i run marathon 10K, i asked my ex covert narcissist partner to pick me up after the competition as i will be excausted. So he did, but did not say a word in a Car going back home, i could feel he was envious of my success in keeping healthy. After that I never asked him to pick me up after the run. Currently no contact for 3 months, after 12 Year of abuse.
I experienced this, as well. I like to run 5K fun runs with my kiddos...well, whenever we came back home from a 5K, all happy with ourselves and feeling amazing, he would refuse to talk to us and pout for the entire day or (days) afterward! And of course he never came with us to cheer us on. I was always confused, until I realized he hated seeing me healthy and happy.
@@Amanda_11811 Hi Amanda, thank you for sharing your experience, too. When our kids were between 4-11 years, my ex cover narcissist would never come to a sports event. All we could get from him is a drop off at the event. After going no contact, there is always a doubt about him, and I question myself, What he was doing while I was at sporting events with kids. 🤨
N create fear and make others mentally weak they make others codependent and poor and make decision-making difficult.they won't allow others to b happy but show much confidence in whatever they do so strangers can t know them well. They r great threat to others progress and development and society won't recognize them
Melanie, you are so right on every time! I am learning so much from you, and i love what you do. My narc would be at my home, and with regularity would fly into a rage. I never understood why,,,but somehow it was always my fault...She would constantly throw and break things and damage my house,,,then storm out making sure to slam the door handle through the wall! (She did this so often, and i fixed it so many times that i quit painting the repair!) What i am now coming to realize, with your help is that her rage was a buildup of jealousy and hatred for me, because my house is better than hers and she begrudged me......while my full intention was always to share everything i had with her . She told me that the only way we could ever be together was to build our own house,,because she could never live here! I bought property in preparation to build "our home" but she would never compromise in any of the planning, and blame me entirely for being unreasonable. All the while i was making concessions that weren't being seen as enough... Again, she was making sure i wouldnt be happy!!! Thank you for this post❤️ Oh, btw, we didnt build😁
I was rushed to the ER immediately after my colonoscopy and needed surgery. My "husband" decided to tell everyone I was doing it to use as an excuse for being "lazy". He couldn't even show an ounce of compassion towards me during everything.
You deserve so much better. Get out. Pack your important papers and things you need. Go to abuse center, they have places to stay. Start your life over. You can get a confidential address thru them, or Attorney General directly, so he won't know where you are. You can do this. YWCA is another place to go. Please stay safe.
You are such a wonderful example of divine feminine in her power and it comes through loud and clear that you care for all of us... thank you... big hug large smile...
I have attracted narcissists like flies to meat! But once I realized the common denominator was me, I started having fun with them! Ignoring a narcissist is heaven!
I was on a camping trip with him and was absolutely delighted when some beautiful birds flew down and were eating out of my hands. It was like a miracle to me because of an old childhood memory. The same species of bird landed on my hand. God was giving me a little miracle to let me know He was thinking of me and loving me. I looked at him and I literally had to hide my reaction because I saw a look of complete hatred on his face. He could not stand seeing me so elated. It terrified me! I realized then that I was in serious trouble! I have since moved away after 2 almost 3 years of soul crushing abuse.
Yes, that is so true. Narcissits can't stand that the other half or other people are happy. They can't feel that from their own inside because they can't get to their basic authentic self. They also can't laugh about themselves, because they feel it as shame. It is uncomfortable for them. They often say: "I am happy and I haven't been so happy, I wish this could be forever". Bla bla bla, it is one huge fake show and façade. Just to continue their game. The most funny part I myself had to deal with was: at the beginning of knowing eachother and starting the relationschip with my covert narcissist ex partner said that I had a good sense of humour. I was funny and she liked my jokes. But as our relationship went from better to worse she only had comments en she was arguing constantly. Nah, I am happy that I ended the relationship with my covert narcissist ex partner almost two years ago. She probably did the same again to another victim for her supply. Joker:" I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a comedy!" Enjoy life, life is just to short.
Hi I just need to look at his passport photo to see the real him. So screwed up , like the worlds troubles are on his face. A face that never smiles. No matter what I did being a funny fool life is funny, no not a smile Ease up and enjoy life. No so obsessed with his mask for me. He can laugh with any stranger. Weirdo.
I never would of dreamed these kinda people excited, I tried and tried to figure out my fiance, finally I figured her out by doing my research work, covert narcissistic,and I'm a empath, I've been in a classic rock band for some year's,but I turned the entire table on her, I made myself happy, I went out and bought me a Harley,and cleared my head and she's on the back burner,you gotten to let your light shine,fine stuff that makes you happy not them you take your life back,there nothing but toxic POS be blessed and good luck healing.
I never understood why my boyfriend was never happy for me. He would get weirdly jealous of the attention I received or mad when I achieved something. Whenever I got a promotion or bought something expensive.. or anything positive was a problem. Even my birthday. He wanted to make everything about him. My day, my career, even down to parenting. Yeah, it would always seem like he was getting this random triggering. I think 2020 is about .. seeing clearly. He always said I was “showing off” when I’m humble af. Yeah, he always made accusations...mostly about me trying to get attention from men. I said exactly that “This is NOT normal,” and I realized I needed to pull away ... OMG I literally said “You are trying to dim my light” Wow 😩he finally said “something is wrong with me, if I cannot be happy for you, if I am jealous of you” and he said “I need to go within myself, because I am hurting you” I walked away. Blocked him. I finally realized that it’s not immature to block him. I use to hope... that he might just change with the grace of God, if I prayed enough but then .. I woke up and understood that.. Thats between him and a higher power .. and i need to go live my life. Hard lesson when you have a good loving heart. Hard when you fall in love for pieces of their soul ... breadcrumbs of their kindness. Yes! I couldn’t agree more...We are here to be ourselves. And just be...❤️🙏🏻 those who love us, will accept us, our clothes, our taste in music, and even the way we speak & they will be genuinely happy for you. wow ... it’s like you spoke what I kept telling myself.When I stopped fighting back and defending myself ...he flipped the switch... I just pointed out what I didn’t like & even told him that I would create space for healing those triggers and that he needed to pray. ✝️🙏🏻❤️ We will never know if he will change and be normal... all I know is.. I got a life to live & a child to protect.
Wow you're seriously spot on. God forbid me ever being happy, positive or proud about anything. She would usually just ignore me or get extremely irritated. To the point where I just gave up. I just kept things to myself 100% of the time. Almost feeling guilty or unworthy of anything. Not realizing how miserable I truly had became. Thank you for these videos they're alot of help.
I LOVED this video. It is so affirming. I was incredibly puzzled and surprised to find my narc not being happy for me progressing in my work, getting recognized for it or making a better income. It seemed illogical that my success and bringing more money into our relationship (because whatever I contributed was never enough according to him) would threaten him. During presentations I was hosting he would seem obviously bored, sulking and like he was really extending himself just to be present. He soon refused to attend any of my events and seemed hugely inconvenienced by my hosting these. He would repeatedly say things like “you’re one of those people who really love the sound of their own voice” when he knew very well that i was petrified of public speaking and it took huge strides for me to become good at it. If I could avoid it in my line of work I would’ve. When on the contrary he would tell me how much he liked doing presentations which I later figured out was because he was the one who loved the idea of the spotlight. He didn’t need to be threatened by my success as he was successful in his own right yet he did not grant me the joy of doing well. I gently confronted him once and said “it feels like you’re not in my corner, like you don’t support me” and his response was a flat, unflinching “i support you.” It didn’t hold an ounce of truth, he couldn’t even make it sound convincing as it was so blatantly untrue. I left the relationship doubting my abilities, value and whether I have any contribution to make. I wish I never met him.
Hi Makeup by Ryno, I'm so happy that my video connected with you and helps you! The thing is with narcissists, they surface our unhealed wounds and unconscious limiting beliefs we hold within ourselves like no other. It's so good you got out sweetheart. Love and blessings xoxox
Loved your passion on this one. I was doing really well in a crossfit competition and was getting attention from other competitors. He couldn't handle it and caused a huge argument so I couldn't enjoy it. He always said crossfit ruined our relationship. I don't think so buddy. I just got my self esteem back and got stronger physically and emotionally to get rid of you.
I remember when my neighbor gave me a plant 4 mother's day. He got sooooooo pissed off! And when my kiddos teachers gave me thank you cards ❤️ because I thanked them first for doing a great job with them there autism spectrum was hard. And we all working on bettering goals and goals!!! WOW that's definitely the truth!
This brings up a question in me. The first husband once said to me, "every time you see a moment of happiness, you have to take it away from me." I did not internalize that, but rather saw that it was a projection of the shame he had for himself. After he said that, I saw that each time we were enjoying a moment of happiness together, he would claim to be the victim of me having started a fight. I have this meditation I love to do. We first wish ourselves to be well, and happy, and free from suffering. Then we go on to wish that for a person we love, for a neutral person and for a person with whom we feel conflict. Each time I tried to well wish him, I kind of felt like I was being mean to him. He never had any desire to be well, to be happy, and definitely not to be free of suffering. In fact he sought out suffering. If it didn't befall him, he would find it, or create it, or manipulate it into being. He was the powerful co-creator of his victimhood. And I am pleased that I let him go on his way to create himself a victim of someone else.
Wooow..."everytime you see a moment of happiness, you have to take it away from me" omg my narc said pretty much the exact same thing but instead it was, "everytime someone is happy, you have to tear them down" which was a projection of himself!!! He hates when anyone is happy
This is sooo interesting. I am in the middle of a breakup with my girlfriend and I have experienced these things. I have been told so many mean things about myself when I start to take care of myself, when I put myself first and try to heal. I want her to understand that we’re both healing, we are dealing with it a different way, I need the space in order to do so, therefore I blocked her via social media. I pulled away to heal, and I got so much backlash for it 😞 I feel terrible.
I felt terrible too for breaking up with my ex but it's better to have some pain now than spending your whole life with someone narcissitc. You have to let go for your own sanity. So when it comes down to it you shouldn't feel too terrible for doing what's right for yourself :) God bless
Thank you for all you share with so many. August 5th, 2020 will be 10 months free of a 3.5 yr relationship with someone with NPD. It was then that I found your page, and all the wonderful things that you opened my mind and eyes to that otherwise; I never would have know what was truly going on. The path forward had not been easy, but it 's your insight has put me on a different plane of understanding. I have stayed no contact, and blocked all social media outlets. Thank you again for all you offer to so many!! Again thank you for opening my eyes! You're AMAZING!
I just wanted to say Thank you Thank you Thank you for this video. I have been listening to you for awhile and still been on the fence of whether or not my husband was a narcissist. He doesn’t have the normal narcissistic behavior , it’s not lol at me look at me, atleast not in your face. Nine years ago I was a self assured CFO of a large company with over 25k in savings and was proud that I had purchased my home by myself. Today, I’ve missed out on 9 years with my children and grandchildren, I’ve lost all my friends, I walk around on egg shells, and keep so much to myself. A year ago I was working a women’s Christian retreat and everything blew apart I was told I would never work another retreat because I was selfish and I just wanted everyone to see how great I was, and that he hated when the corporate “B” came out in me. I was shocked and floored as this isn’t who I am or what it was about. I am not on any of the vehicles we own, or anything else. I tried to leave him in 2017 and he took everything I didn’t even have $1 to my name. I have no confidence and I’ve been scared to leave. How could I ever make it without him.😂😂😂 This video finally helped me to see the truth and I am going to leave. I’m going to find myself again and heal. So hopefully I’ll never go through anything like this again. Thank you for what you do. Blessings🦋
Such a good video!! New suscriber here. I remember once the narc invited me to a speach at the university where he teaches biology. He asked me to go but at the same time laughing at me "because you wont understand as much as I can". During the event I participated with some questions and I felt how jealous he was when I got an invitation for the next speech."Are you really thinking that you ll go without me? How could they listen to you?? I am the biologist..you have no idea of these subjects!! They even didnt invite me..this is crazy" He was soo jealous and made a scandal in his car telling me that he wouldnt allow me to go..that it was HIM the only one who was suposed to go..not happy at all for me! That was 2years ago and I went away after that night. They really do whatever they can to make us unhappy! (english isnt my language. I hope I could write it ok). Vivien
Thank you for this. Every day feels like a step back to my true self before all the bs my narcissistic ex put me through. I'm so done downplaying myself. 💛
It used to hurt and still does sometimes that my mother will never love and support me and that my dad stuck by for years gaslighting next and adding to the abuse by enabling the circus. At 23 I’m starting to relearn and reparent myself and this is the happiest I have ever been. It’s tough but we can leave these relationships!
What I absolutely LOVE about your videos is that you always bring it back to us. Its energising. I'm living. Its what separates your vids from all others on this topic. Im subscribed to alot of people on this topic but yours has a whole other vibe xo
My extremely narcissistic ex wife certainly doesn’t want me to be happy, which is why she has brainwashed our only kid (now 23) into believing that I am a complete monster. The kid hasn’t spoken to me in more than four years.
They want you down trodden. They relish in this, it makes their heart go pitter patter. They laugh at you, they make fun of you. We as women deserve so much better!
Her mask fell immediately when we met for real, she could not stand my nice happy passionate behaviour. So in 3 days she totally destroyed me. 10 years of healing. "Rejection is Gods protection"
O yes! My mother went raging bonkers when I started my own little business. My oldest daughter has become a very successful business woman and my mother is blatantly jealous and nasty to her and her own grandchildren. It is so disgusting. We are all going no contact. We wouldnt engage with a stranger that behaves the way my mother does, so why should we put up with her? I do pity her. I see the wounded unhealed child in her that can never be whole. But, for my own wholeness and for my children and grandchildren, leaving her behind is the remedy.
Hi Melanie, just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I found you about 8 years ago when I was in the throes of a horrific relationship, filled with narcissist abuse, manipulation and heartbreak. You opened my eyes to NPD, which I had never heard of before, and it was alarming to say the least when I’d watch your videos describing narcissistic abuse and have every light and bell go off - “THAT’S IT!!” You were my turning point and such an integral part of my healing and awakening. I am so incredibly grateful to you and to your work and I can’t thank you enough! Please continue spreading the word and turning people’s lives around- that’s certainly what you did for me. Lots of love, happiness and success to you! 💞
Melanie, Thank you so much for this talk. It has made all the difference in the world. I've been in a relationship with a narcissist for 23 years now and man who is supposed to be my husband/my partner but instead has been a selfish evil force in my life. An evil that has really took a toll on me. Thank you so much for the tough LOVE you just spoke into my life. God Bless You in all your comings and goings. ♥️
Wowwww!!!! This was incredibly helpful!!! Was raised by a Narc, married to one and dated a few. My best friend just cut me off a month ago bc I was hanging out with other people. It was out of nowhere, then sent one of the ppl I was with a message saying “you can have her buddy, take her home with you”. I was shocked!
I found your videos last year during a breakdown about co parenting with a toxic narcissist. I can’t even tell you how much you have helped me just by posting videos on UA-cam. I love this message! I have been stuck in a cycle with my ex for 2 years now. I’m getting better at not feeding his supply. But I must say I did feed it 2 weeks ago. It took me about 5 days to reconcile. Now I feel stronger mentally and emotionally and he cannot use me to feed his supply any longer! He is never happy for me, he pretended to be happy for me while we were together but I am much more accomplished than he is and always have been and he doesn’t like it. This video made a whole lot of sense for me! Thank you 😊 ❤️
Once I began going to Celebrate Recovery meetings, she, was livid (after she had PUSHED for me to "go and get help). She was so angry when I began to exude hope and peace. She could not tolerate my happiness (and the fact that SHE "needed help" as well). I never pushed her into getting help for her own afflictions, but she went to a couple of meetings where she went to leadership within the ministry to smear me. 36 year marriage was "over in a moment of time," as I was told I needed to leave the house until I "changed." Wow.....
My wife also the same.when I celebrated my birthday with my relatives.bro, sister .I sent her pictures.she got mad on another day when I came back home..she was so mad..but didnt say anything bad to me..but you can read her face anger inside..
Melanie u r so right darling! I had so much going 4 me & when my narc saw this she didnt like it & told me i was showing off when i was being succesful in the social-arena. Also she wud result to telling me they were just making fun of me. Love ur video its very informartive.
This past week I told a new friend and a friend I met years ago but didn't feel I deserved, but we are friends now, thank you. It is amazing to have 2 women in my life that are legit supportive and genuinely happy for my success. I cut all ties with my family just over a month ago and oh man has it been the most freeing experience. I also do not hide the narcissistic abuse I received anymore. I share my story openly and honestly and if someone has a problem with it I simply say, I do not care what you think is or is not true. You were not there and you do not get to have a say in what I should or should not feel. And then I say goodbye to them as well. I realized about a month ago a woman I was friends with was my mother....I dropped her like a hot potato and since she is like she is I did not even bother explaining because I will be the jerk no matter what so ehhh bye! My 16-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son are finding their voices now as well and the crap my mother has put them through has reached the point of no return. They understand narcism and their therapists are helping them find their voices to tell their grandparents and aunts goodbye. I told them I was not going to be involved in the process of what they wanted to do that they had support with their therapists because I did not want to add my own feelings into their story. They understand and we are all making sure that the boundary stays like that. When they have said their goodbyes and close the door they want to share with me what they said and the actions they took and I said that would be their choice. I AM NOT MY MOM!!! WAHOO!!!! She tried to break me and she did NOT win. I did and now my family will too. Thank you Melanie for sharing your journey and helping me and my family move forward a little quicker as this is in conjunction with intense therapy we are all in currently. My therapist kicks my butt each week when I do not focus on myself. I laugh about it but it is the hardest thing to do when you only have known that doing that made you so selfish and begging for attention. It's not! Who knew! HAHA Thanks again!!!
I can't stop laughing 🤣but at the same time feel sad 😩 at how these ppl are evil 😢, I remember when my narc discarded me the first time, begging her to stay with me, she said I should get a life and how there's way too many women out there instead of putting up with her 🤣I had no idea at time she never meant this🤣 but hey I guess it is what it is then, no contact is the way.
another affirming video. While watching your video I think of "friends" and relatives who had made my life miserable, and now I know why. Thank you, Melanie.
Not accepting other people happiness isn't a childish behavior... children chase their happiness but are not triggered by the others achievements. I disagree narcissist are like children. They are pure evils.
Pathologically narcissistic people have the emotional maturity of a toddler. Think about it. When a child doesn't get their way they throw a temper tantrum. Adult narcissists never grew up from that mentality.
Can't these miserable people be forced to have repercussions for what they do to others? Just walking away isn't always easy or possible. How can they be allowed to treat others this way and never be held responsible just because they won't accept it? Narcissistic rage is verbal abuse and I've been living through it for almost 11 years with my husband. I want to get off this crazy ride but he is making it almost impossible with his cycle of "love" and abuse. The law has shown me that unless he hits me, he can treat me however he wants because they consider it a domestic dispute, even when all I did was sit there shaking while he screamed in my face for no reason. Creating boundaries does nothing to him because he steps right over them when I try to create any. So the only answer I get from professionals is to leave. What if that's not working for me? Narcissists are allowed to behave how they want and nothing EVER happens to them. I'm sorry for venting, I am just really tired of this life with him.
@boba fetta-cheese Thank you. I feel like I've been stuck for so long in this black hole. I've gotten stronger by going back to college to become a nurse and finding happiness in restoring furniture. But I still feel trapped here. How do I stop caring enough so that I can leave and not come back because I feel guilty. He makes me feel like it's all my fault even though I know it's not. How is that possible?
Kristine Walley They want you to carry there shame and all there bad feelings etc, I think a way to leave and not end up going back is to think about your children ( If you ever end up having children with a narc) that your children will be abused and they will either become disfuctional empaths/codependents like us who are vulnerable to abusive people or they will become narcissists like there narc parent, Im a prime example of what narcs do to there children, My dads a narc and Ive been through darkness no child should go through, Atleast think about the children, They will suffer. Break the disfuctional cycle and leave, I know its harder said then done, Good luck.
@@Kinghassz Thank you so much for your support! Thankfully, I do not have children. We have 5 animals and they are my world. Of course he loves them and they love him like crazy. I'm so sorry your father has put you through that. I can't begin to imagine what having a parent like this must be like. My parents were great but were just always gone because they were working. Maybe that's why I end up in bad relationships. I just want to be happy one day soon. Thank you again for taking the time to talk to me.
I can’t imagine what you are going through. 11 years of that. I couldn’t do it. When you do leave I would do it quickly. They get nasty. I know I wish there were consequences too. It’s like being steam rolled only to hear it’s our fault. not fair, but what can you do. Sometimes it’s best just to get out.
@boba fetta-cheese You are absolutely right. I've been staying and hoping he would see what he's been doing to me and decide he needs to get help or change. But no. He is nice during the week because he has to go to work and is sober so he has time to dwell on his life. But as soon as he is upset at anything in his life, he takes it out on me. Everything is turned into my fault. I was just saying to myself that actions speak louder than words. It's definitely true. He tells me he loves me but his actions show me that he thinks I am the enemy so he turns into a monster and tries to drag me down to his level of misery. I honestly feel like a lot of this is my fault. I know it's the gaslighting but it's worked. How can our brain attack us so horribly when someone else is doing it to us?
Yes, they feel like they're losing control over you. Also, if you try and move on... look for them to start setting up a new source of narcissistic supply almost immediately.
hi there! I am long time watcher. I just like to come back every now and then and say hi thank you! you helped me so much on my journey. I have been narc free for 5 years now. Im so happy and engaged to someone who loves me fully as I love myself. there is hope. to anyone who comes across my comment please know you can do it! you can heal and you can thrive! I love you!!
I love you so much beautiful sister of truth & light...this was SO empowering..I walked away from the lot of them and still cutting them out of my life.. no on will EVER try to dim my light again☺....thank you eternally! . 💜
I have a narcissistic coworker and I’ve been learning about her through your videos, Dr. Ramani’s, and Michelle Lee Nieves, and the little shaman. There are real estate overlaps but each of you bring your own perspectives and insights and I thank you ALL for it. Narcissists are just strong winds that blow away the unnecessary people and preoccupations in your life and forces you to look deeply within yourself and own yourself, your decisions,, and who you are. Lesson 1: I’m now in the triangulation and flying monkeys faze, which I take to be a good sign because I’ve successfully shown that my narcissist can no longer affect me or even talk to me directly. She has restored to long rage attacks which is not as accurate as close range person to person abuse and is proving to be dangerous for her as well. By smearing me and me staying grounded in myself, I noticed my other coworkers are starting to doubt her impassioned claims about me, which I’ve pretended to know nothing about. I’m letting it take its course and she’s getting tangled up in her own web. I’m feeling a bit foolish for having feared anything and not having enough faith in the larger situation, the higher power and order which I believe to be good, and wisdom, judgement, and goodness in other people. Most people don’t want conflict or discord which the narcissist breeds. I spent almost a year being preoccupied and ruminating and strategizing and found that the best way to solve this issue is to cut her off and remind me of who I am. I’m a writer and a blogger and I’ve gotten back into it and read past entries and it reminded me of who I am before the narcissist. I was happy. I was whole, and I can still be that person. I am that person. The narcissist has forced me to reconnect with my past and my slightly younger, more carefree self. I’m starting to live in these realizations and I can see that its making the narcissist behave in unbalanced more noticeably wobbly ways. I think she has exposed herself as.I noticed my other coworkers have come to me to reassure me of our bond, not in explicit terms but I sensed it. Lesson 2: The more energy the narcissist puts in, the less energy I put in. The narc has noticeably stepped up the energy and effort In her attacks and I’ve made it a rule to hold tight to myself, keep steady save my own energy for myself, for my writing, for seeing friends in the weekends, and I’m sensing that she is getting depleted. I’m not trying to hurt her but I’m making sure that to get anything from me, she has to spend a lot of energy. The narcissist once shook me so hard that my nervous system was in flight response for 3 whole days, I’m not a drinker, but I was compelled to buy liquor from the store just so I could calm down and go to sleep and I was still tired. I’ve gotten into the habit of thinking of her before going to be and as soon as I wake up. But now I’m thankful because she helped me identify one of my core insecurities which is getting fired from my job. Despite my boss telling me 6 months ago that I’m probably the best foreign English teacher their school has ever had, that the narcissist sowed such doubt in me, that I feared getting fired. As I write this I’m now realizing how I actually whole heartedly believed in HER none-sense. Oh My God!!! Lesson 3: The cure for narcissism is writing about yourself. I’ll be 37 in a few weeks. I’ve been putting off writing a memoir and its forcing me to know who I am,, why I am who I am today. My father was a narc, and I dated him through my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. I have been single for 7 years now and I’ve grown so much and become so strong and self actualized. I’ve only known this narc coworker for only 2 years but she has really rocked my foundations. In writing I create a clear trail of where I was to where I am now, that is all me, my journey, my travels. By remaining clear about this path, about my path and who I am, this narcissist cannot touch me. I’ve come in an epiphany that the vampire I feared who was sucking away my life force was actually just a mosquito. I need to stop wasting energies on mosquitos and write my memoir.
Thank you! I appreciate your words so much. Nobody ever told me the things you just told me. This is my first video of yours. I plan to see ALL your narcissist videos, because I am a huge NARC MAGNET!!!!! I want to heal and let go of their pain.
Aww sweetheart I'm so pleased to be able to help and support you. If you want to I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course where you will receive daily supportive resources to anchor you on your healing path. www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
When I won my award... I said him and he took 45 mnts to say congratulations for winning the award I felt humilated and insulted and never shared my happiness with him again.
Such and inspiring video, Melanie ! 😀I am still living with my husband ( together for 22 years) but we are in the split fase , pre-divorce should I say... we sleep in separate rooms of the same house for about 3 months . I am waiting for my flat to be ready to move for good. Our relationship exploded after my spiritual awakening, last September 2019. My eyes suddenly got opened and I finally could see the disfunction of our marriage.. I really didn't want to see what was happening...I was affraid...I was always trying to work the relationship out , because of the small children...now I speak my truth with no fear and I am free from his manipulations ! He turned my 17 and 15 years old children against me and I feel this is not a fair battle...not easy...but I fell stronger and this is the right thing to do, even though I am 49, alone in life, with no job, no friends, only my elderly parents that are supporting me with much love and strength. I in this world to shine my light and NOW is the moment ! 💟 I just found you and subscribed 🙋🏻♀️ Thank you so much ! Much love from Portugal 🌈 PS : I didn't know what a narcissist was !!!
Not kidding. I remember how stunned I was each time when my now ex-husband went on literal art tack when I achieved a couple of awards at work or when the kids needed me or I swear even the attention I gave my dog. It’s so bizarre it took me years to finally get what the heck was happening.
I met this narc chick at our AA meeting. I was happy, laughing, single, joking around and at ease with the world. After three days she had completely wrecked me and an wiped the smile off my face. After ten months I have not been able to regain my sense of ease, nor do I smile much anymore.
Thanks Mel, you are spot on! I am dealing with a juvenile narc for a few years since age ten. It sucks. Her fury towards me for simply being alive is often a cut down approach mostly when she feels I'm vulnerable. Her Mum plays into this. 'lives in a fantasy world only, thinking she's the best and nothing else matters, unless it is to strip me of my own valour. 'spent most of my life with a younger sibling like this so it seems no surprise. Really odd how I can't as a sincere and developed individual be an influence of benefit in her development as a person. Spot on,,? Yes, there is a completely different wiring to their system, everything else in the world does not comply with their own rationale. Might be a zombie crisis, I puke on toxicity. The lies and denial is like their candy store of shames propensity.
This speaks a lot of truth to me. And I realize it also includes happiness for others associated with in this case your spouse. 2 years ago my oldest graduated from high school, he got into a competitive acting program and everyone but my husband was very proud of him. We threw him a large grad party because we were so proud. My husband got angry because we asked him to clean and organize, he got angry at the cost (even though he didn’t pay for any of it we hold separate accounts). The day of the party there were multiple excuses but he didn’t show op until it was over (he is a stepdad figure). Shortly after the party he briefly moved out and that became the major reason as he says he was was forced out (simply because we asked him to tidy up). He also said he got tired of the “show” of my son. Against my better judgement I took him back. His own kids haven’t done well. Sadly we lost his son due to suicide and there has been issues with his daughter as well. But he can never be happy for me and my own kids when they have success and comes across to others as jealous. At one point I remember asking him why he couldn’t just be happy for my son and he really had nothing to say.
The other night, I was at a pub next to another couple. I asked the man what he does for work, and he described his job as a furniture designer. I was impressed and told him so. He shrugged and then gestured to his girlfriend, saying ‘That’s nothing compared to the job she has. Her job is amazing, and I’m so proud of her.’ He then threw the spotlight on her, and she told me about her work with disadvantaged kids. ‘So, THAT’S what it looks like to have a genuinely loving partner ’ I thought to myself. Almost made me teary.
They can’t stand you being happy because it reveals to them just how miserable they are.
They're envious of anyone who has qualities they don't have, or can achieve something they're unable to. They need to be in competition, and when they realise they can't compete in order to feel like they're no.1, they get very nasty.
Who feels the need to be in competion with others?! It's cray cray.
@Pagan Raven yep, they gotta feel like they're no. 1 aka more superior. It's madness. Like you, I experienced this from NM, in less subtle ways, very covert.
@Pagan Raven oops, sorry, I thought you were replying to my comment, but then I saw my email notification that it was a reply to Narc Survivor. He certainly knows his stuff, I've learnt a lot about narcissism from his videos.
Hey Narc Survivor!
I look at your videos too your awesome on this subject 💪👍
This is my story. My husband went crazy once I started being happy. Let him go... bye Felicia!
i can see my mother aching on odd occasions that i see her. I got 19 years of abuse from her. I have surpassed her in life in every possible way. I just got double f$%ked by a narc ex. Now I am learning where my childhood wounds stem from and healing them and once I have healed they will be the ones running away from me 🙌🏽
🙌 good for you!
Someone I worked with gave me advice not to look happy once lol. It was good advice. I eventually quit.
@@alexborn7142 thats mesed up
? L yeah it was but some people don’t like it when others are happy
We are not allowed to be happy. They are happiness destroyers. (Great video!)
absolutely
Yes, they are constant troublemakers
They can't stand it if you are the least bit happy.
God bless u
Happiness destroyers and confusion makers. Looking for problems where they do not exist. You can never satisfy these people and you will exhaust yourself trying.
Cut your losses and walk away...no contact and reduce contact to a minimum with those in your circle who keep in contact your ex narc.
So true Melanie! Omg, this drove me crazy! My ex husband would either issue the silent treatment or some other passive aggressive punishment to me if ANYTHING good happened to me, or if ANYONE said something nice to me. I learned not to speak of any bonuses, promotions or achievements at work. I learned not to decorate my home (he moved in with me) or to be proud of having acquired one as a single parent. He hated everything good about me and anyone who loved me, including my children. Everything was a competition and I lost my light and love for life. Thankfully, I woke up and realized that NO man has the right to put out the LIGHT God gave to ME...that he gave to us ALL! So if the narcissist wants to live in darkness, that's their choice. Pray for them, walk away and don't look back. Love the videos! ❤
Alicia Hill You have described my mother! I am so glad you got away. Thankfully, I live on the other side of the country, but that doesn’t stop her efforts to try to kill my spirit. May God keep you in His safety, and continue to bless you and your children.
I think a husband or wife giving the silent treatment to their partner is absolutely ridiculous this is not acceptable in a marriage much less a regular relationship it in a marriage that is absolutely ridiculous
Don't waste your time praying for them !!! Pray for yourself 🙏 that you were able to sanely free !!!
Same here with my ex husband.
Narcissist will go way out of their way to destroy your happiness. They'll even spend years chipping away at you, to try to keep you unhappy. 😂
To keep you isolated so all you have is them.
@@marniegrohs1553 it's horrible how they can destroy friendships and relationship's so all you have is them. It's sad you usually don't notice until after it's too late. 😂
paulzedx636 ninja
Very true... i am still recovering
@@Mar.....O There is always hope we just shouldn't allow the narcs find out about it. As long as we can keep then out of our lives them we can begin to heal. 🙏
@@paulzedx636ninja7 , agreed. I can understand why some turn to their own spirituality. Yet, to prostylize to victims in a weakened state (emotionally/mentally/spiritually) has never sat right with me. Just a personal gut feeling.
They even use their kids to bully & harrass for them .They are mad when we feel good but are happy when are not ! They are seriously demented or possessed .
Absolutely true..when I get back from my relative house...she using kids to tell me where were you from last 2 days
Both
Once i run marathon 10K, i asked my ex covert narcissist partner to pick me up after the competition as i will be excausted. So he did, but did not say a word in a Car going back home, i could feel he was envious of my success in keeping healthy. After that I never asked him to pick me up after the run. Currently no contact for 3 months, after 12 Year of abuse.
Well done! Love and blessings xoxox
I experienced this, as well. I like to run 5K fun runs with my kiddos...well, whenever we came back home from a 5K, all happy with ourselves and feeling amazing, he would refuse to talk to us and pout for the entire day or (days) afterward! And of course he never came with us to cheer us on. I was always confused, until I realized he hated seeing me healthy and happy.
@@Amanda_11811 Hi Amanda, thank you for sharing your experience, too. When our kids were between 4-11 years, my ex cover narcissist would never come to a sports event. All we could get from him is a drop off at the event. After going no contact, there is always a doubt about him, and I question myself, What he was doing while I was at sporting events with kids. 🤨
N create fear and make others mentally weak they make others codependent and poor and make decision-making difficult.they won't allow others to b happy but show much confidence in whatever they do so strangers can t know them well. They r great threat to others progress and development and society won't recognize them
V can c 2 types of people everywhere' good 'and 'bad'.
It's dangerous to love someone Narcissistic
Thank you Melanie your absolutely right ❤
Melanie, you are so right on every time! I am learning so much from you, and i love what you do.
My narc would be at my home, and with regularity would fly into a rage.
I never understood why,,,but somehow it was always my fault...She would constantly throw and break things and damage my house,,,then storm out making sure to slam the door handle through the wall! (She did this so often, and i fixed it so many times that i quit painting the repair!)
What i am now coming to realize, with your help is that her rage was a buildup of jealousy and hatred for me, because my house is better than hers and she begrudged me......while my full intention was always to share everything i had with her .
She told me that the only way we could ever be together was to build our own house,,because she could never live here!
I bought property in preparation to build "our home" but she would never compromise in any of the planning, and blame me entirely for being unreasonable. All the while i was making concessions that weren't being seen as enough...
Again, she was making sure i wouldnt be happy!!!
Thank you for this post❤️
Oh, btw, we didnt build😁
Thank you for being honest and to the point. There is no time for games in our healing. I've wasted enough time on the narc.
They do not understand happiness & joy. So they suck it and destroy it in others.
They like to take others accomplishments as either theirs or trash them
THIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!! 100% I am 40 and have just realised this. IT'S NOT OKAY AND WALKING AWAY IS THE ONLY WAY. Thank you for you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Bet you, like me, shined brightly for years and years and were disciplined for it. Freedom DOES ring.
@@dvawva5197 so very much❤
I was rushed to the ER immediately after my colonoscopy and needed surgery. My "husband" decided to tell everyone I was doing it to use as an excuse for being "lazy". He couldn't even show an ounce of compassion towards me during everything.
Wow!!! So sorry! What a jerk! Hope you left or can leave him!
You deserve so much better. Get out. Pack your important papers and things you need. Go to abuse center, they have places to stay. Start your life over. You can get a confidential address thru them, or Attorney General directly, so he won't know where you are. You can do this. YWCA is another place to go. Please stay safe.
💐
You are such a wonderful example of divine feminine in her power and it comes through loud and clear that you care for all of us... thank you... big hug large smile...
I too, dont think their humans.
I have attracted narcissists like flies to meat! But once I realized the common denominator was me, I started having fun with them! Ignoring a narcissist is heaven!
I was on a camping trip with him and was absolutely delighted when some beautiful birds flew down and were eating out of my hands. It was like a miracle to me because of an old childhood memory. The same species of bird landed on my hand. God was giving me a little miracle to let me know He was thinking of me and loving me. I looked at him and I literally had to hide my reaction because I saw a look of complete hatred on his face. He could not stand seeing me so elated. It terrified me! I realized then that I was in serious trouble! I have since moved away after 2 almost 3 years of soul crushing abuse.
Yes, that is so true.
Narcissits can't stand that the other half or other people are happy.
They can't feel that from their own inside because they can't get to their basic authentic self.
They also can't laugh about themselves, because they feel it as shame.
It is uncomfortable for them.
They often say: "I am happy and I haven't been so happy, I wish this could be forever".
Bla bla bla, it is one huge fake show and façade.
Just to continue their game.
The most funny part I myself had to deal with was:
at the beginning of knowing eachother and starting the relationschip with my covert narcissist ex partner said that I had a good sense of humour.
I was funny and she liked my jokes.
But as our relationship went from better to worse she only had comments en she was arguing constantly.
Nah, I am happy that I ended the relationship with my covert narcissist ex partner almost two years ago.
She probably did the same again to another victim for her supply.
Joker:" I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a comedy!"
Enjoy life, life is just to short.
Hi I just need to look at his passport photo to see the real him. So screwed up , like the worlds troubles are on his face. A face that never smiles. No matter what I did being a funny fool life is funny, no not a smile Ease up and enjoy life. No so obsessed with his mask for me. He can laugh with any stranger. Weirdo.
I never would of dreamed these kinda people excited, I tried and tried to figure out my fiance, finally I figured her out by doing my research work, covert narcissistic,and I'm a empath, I've been in a classic rock band for some year's,but I turned the entire table on her, I made myself happy, I went out and bought me a Harley,and cleared my head and she's on the back burner,you gotten to let your light shine,fine stuff that makes you happy not them you take your life back,there nothing but toxic POS be blessed and good luck healing.
I never understood why my boyfriend was never happy for me. He would get weirdly jealous of the attention I received or mad when I achieved something. Whenever I got a promotion or bought something expensive.. or anything positive was a problem. Even my birthday.
He wanted to make everything about him. My day, my career, even down to parenting. Yeah, it would always seem like he was getting this random triggering.
I think 2020 is about .. seeing clearly.
He always said I was “showing off” when I’m humble af. Yeah, he always made accusations...mostly about me trying to get attention from men.
I said exactly that “This is NOT normal,” and I realized I needed to pull away ... OMG I literally said “You are trying to dim my light”
Wow 😩he finally said “something is wrong with me, if I cannot be happy for you, if I am jealous of you” and he said “I need to go within myself, because I am hurting you”
I walked away. Blocked him. I finally realized that it’s not immature to block him. I use to hope... that he might just change with the grace of God, if I prayed enough but then .. I woke up and understood that.. Thats between him and a higher power .. and i need to go live my life. Hard lesson when you have a good loving heart. Hard when you fall in love for pieces of their soul ... breadcrumbs of their kindness.
Yes! I couldn’t agree more...We are here to be ourselves. And just be...❤️🙏🏻 those who love us, will accept us, our clothes, our taste in music, and even the way we speak & they will be genuinely happy for you.
wow ... it’s like you spoke what I kept telling myself.When I stopped fighting back and defending myself ...he flipped the switch... I just pointed out what I didn’t like & even told him that I would create space for healing those triggers and that he needed to pray.
✝️🙏🏻❤️
We will never know if he will change and be normal... all I know is.. I got a life to live & a child to protect.
Wow you're seriously spot on. God forbid me ever being happy, positive or proud about anything. She would usually just ignore me or get extremely irritated. To the point where I just gave up. I just kept things to myself 100% of the time. Almost feeling guilty or unworthy of anything. Not realizing how miserable I truly had became. Thank you for these videos they're alot of help.
I LOVED this video. It is so affirming. I was incredibly puzzled and surprised to find my narc not being happy for me progressing in my work, getting recognized for it or making a better income. It seemed illogical that my success and bringing more money into our relationship (because whatever I contributed was never enough according to him) would threaten him. During presentations I was hosting he would seem obviously bored, sulking and like he was really extending himself just to be present. He soon refused to attend any of my events and seemed hugely inconvenienced by my hosting these. He would repeatedly say things like “you’re one of those people who really love the sound of their own voice” when he knew very well that i was petrified of public speaking and it took huge strides for me to become good at it. If I could avoid it in my line of work I would’ve. When on the contrary he would tell me how much he liked doing presentations which I later figured out was because he was the one who loved the idea of the spotlight. He didn’t need to be threatened by my success as he was successful in his own right yet he did not grant me the joy of doing well. I gently confronted him once and said “it feels like you’re not in my corner, like you don’t support me” and his response was a flat, unflinching “i support you.” It didn’t hold an ounce of truth, he couldn’t even make it sound convincing as it was so blatantly untrue. I left the relationship doubting my abilities, value and whether I have any contribution to make. I wish I never met him.
Hi Makeup by Ryno, I'm so happy that my video connected with you and helps you! The thing is with narcissists, they surface our unhealed wounds and unconscious limiting beliefs we hold within ourselves like no other. It's so good you got out sweetheart. Love and blessings xoxox
You are beautiful! Thank you for all your videos they have helped me heal for the last 2 years! 😘
Loved your passion on this one. I was doing really well in a crossfit competition and was getting attention from other competitors. He couldn't handle it and caused a huge argument so I couldn't enjoy it. He always said crossfit ruined our relationship. I don't think so buddy. I just got my self esteem back and got stronger physically and emotionally to get rid of you.
Yassssss! That’s how you do it!
I remember when my neighbor gave me a plant 4 mother's day. He got sooooooo pissed off! And when my kiddos teachers gave me thank you cards ❤️ because I thanked them first for doing a great job with them there autism spectrum was hard. And we all working on bettering goals and goals!!! WOW that's definitely the truth!
I love the conviction with which you speak, its obvious you know what this is all about and what people are going through. Thank you Melanie
It's my pleasure Abdul and thank you for your comment! xoxo
This brings up a question in me. The first husband once said to me, "every time you see a moment of happiness, you have to take it away from me." I did not internalize that, but rather saw that it was a projection of the shame he had for himself. After he said that, I saw that each time we were enjoying a moment of happiness together, he would claim to be the victim of me having started a fight.
I have this meditation I love to do. We first wish ourselves to be well, and happy, and free from suffering. Then we go on to wish that for a person we love, for a neutral person and for a person with whom we feel conflict. Each time I tried to well wish him, I kind of felt like I was being mean to him. He never had any desire to be well, to be happy, and definitely not to be free of suffering. In fact he sought out suffering. If it didn't befall him, he would find it, or create it, or manipulate it into being. He was the powerful co-creator of his victimhood. And I am pleased that I let him go on his way to create himself a victim of someone else.
Wooow..."everytime you see a moment of happiness, you have to take it away from me" omg my narc said pretty much the exact same thing but instead it was, "everytime someone is happy, you have to tear them down" which was a projection of himself!!! He hates when anyone is happy
I’m currently not dealing with this stuff. Because Thank God there’s no reason to deal with them.
After 23 years of being married to a narc I can count the times he has given me any validation on 1 hand. Seriously.
This is sooo interesting. I am in the middle of a breakup with my girlfriend and I have experienced these things. I have been told so many mean things about myself when I start to take care of myself, when I put myself first and try to heal. I want her to understand that we’re both healing, we are dealing with it a different way, I need the space in order to do so, therefore I blocked her via social media. I pulled away to heal, and I got so much backlash for it 😞 I feel terrible.
I felt terrible too for breaking up with my ex but it's better to have some pain now than spending your whole life with someone narcissitc. You have to let go for your own sanity. So when it comes down to it you shouldn't feel too terrible for doing what's right for yourself :) God bless
Thank you for all you share with so many. August 5th, 2020 will be 10 months free of a 3.5 yr relationship with someone with NPD. It was then that I found your page, and all the wonderful things that you opened my mind and eyes to that otherwise; I never would have know what was truly going on. The path forward had not been easy, but it 's your insight has put me on a different plane of understanding. I have stayed no contact, and blocked all social media outlets. Thank you again for all you offer to so many!! Again thank you for opening my eyes! You're AMAZING!
They program you to fear success and failure. Therefore: constant anxiety. That was my state growing up
I just wanted to say Thank you Thank you Thank you for this video. I have been listening to you for awhile and still been on the fence of whether or not my husband was a narcissist. He doesn’t have the normal narcissistic behavior , it’s not lol at me look at me, atleast not in your face. Nine years ago I was a self assured CFO of a large company with over 25k in savings and was proud that I had purchased my home by myself. Today, I’ve missed out on 9 years with my children and grandchildren, I’ve lost all my friends, I walk around on egg shells, and keep so much to myself. A year ago I was working a women’s Christian retreat and everything blew apart I was told I would never work another retreat because I was selfish and I just wanted everyone to see how great I was, and that he hated when the corporate “B” came out in me. I was shocked and floored as this isn’t who I am or what it was about. I am not on any of the vehicles we own, or anything else. I tried to leave him in 2017 and he took everything I didn’t even have $1 to my name. I have no confidence and I’ve been scared to leave. How could I ever make it without him.😂😂😂
This video finally helped me to see the truth and I am going to leave. I’m going to find myself again and heal. So hopefully I’ll never go through anything like this again. Thank you for what you do. Blessings🦋
This video is a masterpiece. Everyone going through narc abuse should watch it. Congrats, Melanie.
Aww thank you and so pleased that it is helpful and resonates with you. Love to you xoxox
You just described my wife of 23yrs. Thank you for the encouragement
Such a good video!! New suscriber here. I remember once the narc invited me to a speach at the university where he teaches biology. He asked me to go but at the same time laughing at me "because you wont understand as much as I can". During the event I participated with some questions and I felt how jealous he was when I got an invitation for the next speech."Are you really thinking that you ll go without me? How could they listen to you?? I am the biologist..you have no idea of these subjects!! They even didnt invite me..this is crazy" He was soo jealous and made a scandal in his car telling me that he wouldnt allow me to go..that it was HIM the only one who was suposed to go..not happy at all for me! That was 2years ago and I went away after that night. They really do whatever they can to make us unhappy! (english isnt my language. I hope I could write it ok). Vivien
Welcome Vivi! I'm so pleased that my resource is resonating with you! Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you for this. Every day feels like a step back to my true self before all the bs my narcissistic ex put me through. I'm so done downplaying myself. 💛
Absolute truth
Hahaha my ex narc was furious when I got promoted and actually told me not to tell anyone when I got a promotion. 😂
🥴
It used to hurt and still does sometimes that my mother will never love and support me and that my dad stuck by for years gaslighting next and adding to the abuse by enabling the circus. At 23 I’m starting to relearn and reparent myself and this is the happiest I have ever been. It’s tough but we can leave these relationships!
My mom also she had abuse herself
"An unconscious being " that makes so much sense.
Melanie, you are being a conduit for so much healing and so much enlightenment. Thank you.
"You get Nowhere!" "It's not human and it's not normal and they are babies!"
Been there and it's the worst. You helped me so much to define narcissism. You saved my life.
My narcs favourite way of reacting to my happiness was to inflict drunken phone calls on me, trying to put a downer on my good feeling.
What I absolutely LOVE about your videos is that you always bring it back to us. Its energising. I'm living. Its what separates your vids from all others on this topic. Im subscribed to alot of people on this topic but yours has a whole other vibe xo
Thank you Abdul C! I love that my mission resonates and connects with you! Love and blessings xoxox
My extremely narcissistic ex wife certainly doesn’t want me to be happy, which is why she has brainwashed our only kid (now 23) into believing that I am a complete monster. The kid hasn’t spoken to me in more than four years.
They want you down trodden. They relish in this, it makes their heart go pitter patter. They laugh at you, they make fun of you. We as women deserve so much better!
We all do absolutely, all people! xoxox
Her mask fell immediately when we met for real, she could not stand my nice happy passionate behaviour. So in 3 days she totally destroyed me. 10 years of healing. "Rejection is Gods protection"
O yes! My mother went raging bonkers when I started my own little business. My oldest daughter has become a very successful business woman and my mother is blatantly jealous and nasty to her and her own grandchildren. It is so disgusting. We are all going no contact. We wouldnt engage with a stranger that behaves the way my mother does, so why should we put up with her? I do pity her. I see the wounded unhealed child in her that can never be whole. But, for my own wholeness and for my children and grandchildren, leaving her behind is the remedy.
Hi Melanie, just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I found you about 8 years ago when I was in the throes of a horrific relationship, filled with narcissist abuse, manipulation and heartbreak. You opened my eyes to NPD, which I had never heard of before, and it was alarming to say the least when I’d watch your videos describing narcissistic abuse and have every light and bell go off - “THAT’S IT!!” You were my turning point and such an integral part of my healing and awakening. I am so incredibly grateful to you and to your work and I can’t thank you enough! Please continue spreading the word and turning people’s lives around- that’s certainly what you did for me.
Lots of love, happiness and success to you! 💞
Lynn, thank you for your kind words and beautiful message. This makes my heart sing! I'm utterly delighted for you Angel! Love and blessings xoxox
Melanie, Thank you so much for this talk. It has made all the difference in the world. I've been in a relationship with a narcissist for 23 years now and man who is supposed to be my husband/my partner but instead has been a selfish evil force in my life. An evil that has really took a toll on me. Thank you so much for the tough LOVE you just spoke into my life. God Bless You in all your comings and goings. ♥️
Sorry you went through that. You are amazing.
It's awful when you fully realise eventually that they were/are never on your side :(
Greatest thing about us, is when narcissists are all exes 🙏
Thank you so much for your quality posts. You are amazing. Peace and love 💖
It's like listening to a good friends advice. Thank you!
Wowwww!!!! This was incredibly helpful!!! Was raised by a Narc, married to one and dated a few. My best friend just cut me off a month ago bc I was hanging out with other people. It was out of nowhere, then sent one of the ppl I was with a message saying “you can have her buddy, take her home with you”. I was shocked!
Nice talk Melanie real people boost each other these things want you to be miserable and insecure like they are
I found your videos last year during a breakdown about co parenting with a toxic narcissist. I can’t even tell you how much you have helped me just by posting videos on UA-cam. I love this message! I have been stuck in a cycle with my ex for 2 years now. I’m getting better at not feeding his supply. But I must say I did feed it 2 weeks ago. It took me about 5 days to reconcile. Now I feel stronger mentally and emotionally and he cannot use me to feed his supply any longer! He is never happy for me, he pretended to be happy for me while we were together but I am much more accomplished than he is and always have been and he doesn’t like it. This video made a whole lot of sense for me! Thank you 😊 ❤️
Bless you! I'm so happy that my resources have helped you so much! Love to you xoxox
Keep up your inspirational videos gives me hope someday soon I'll be free from this nightmare to live the life I'm meant to live and be at peace
Once I began going to Celebrate Recovery meetings, she, was livid (after she had PUSHED for me to "go and get help). She was so angry when I began to exude hope and peace. She could not tolerate my happiness (and the fact that SHE "needed help" as well). I never pushed her into getting help for her own afflictions, but she went to a couple of meetings where she went to leadership within the ministry to smear me. 36 year marriage was "over in a moment of time," as I was told I needed to leave the house until I "changed." Wow.....
My wife also the same.when I celebrated my birthday with my relatives.bro, sister .I sent her pictures.she got mad on another day when I came back home..she was so mad..but didnt say anything bad to me..but you can read her face anger inside..
You are an amazing healer of narcissistic abuse. Thank you for your hard work and love.
Melanie u r so right darling! I had so much going 4 me & when my narc saw this she didnt like it & told me i was showing off when i was being succesful in the social-arena. Also she wud result to telling me they were just making fun of me. Love ur video its very informartive.
Spot on as always! 👌🏼
Thanks Mel, you’re a wonderful roll model xo
This past week I told a new friend and a friend I met years ago but didn't feel I deserved, but we are friends now, thank you. It is amazing to have 2 women in my life that are legit supportive and genuinely happy for my success. I cut all ties with my family just over a month ago and oh man has it been the most freeing experience. I also do not hide the narcissistic abuse I received anymore. I share my story openly and honestly and if someone has a problem with it I simply say, I do not care what you think is or is not true. You were not there and you do not get to have a say in what I should or should not feel. And then I say goodbye to them as well. I realized about a month ago a woman I was friends with was my mother....I dropped her like a hot potato and since she is like she is I did not even bother explaining because I will be the jerk no matter what so ehhh bye! My 16-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son are finding their voices now as well and the crap my mother has put them through has reached the point of no return. They understand narcism and their therapists are helping them find their voices to tell their grandparents and aunts goodbye. I told them I was not going to be involved in the process of what they wanted to do that they had support with their therapists because I did not want to add my own feelings into their story. They understand and we are all making sure that the boundary stays like that. When they have said their goodbyes and close the door they want to share with me what they said and the actions they took and I said that would be their choice. I AM NOT MY MOM!!! WAHOO!!!! She tried to break me and she did NOT win. I did and now my family will too. Thank you Melanie for sharing your journey and helping me and my family move forward a little quicker as this is in conjunction with intense therapy we are all in currently. My therapist kicks my butt each week when I do not focus on myself. I laugh about it but it is the hardest thing to do when you only have known that doing that made you so selfish and begging for attention. It's not! Who knew! HAHA Thanks again!!!
He went into a rage when I turned music on my phone and started singing when I was cooking. Pretty outrageous.
I can't stop laughing 🤣but at the same time feel sad 😩 at how these ppl are evil 😢, I remember when my narc discarded me the first time, begging her to stay with me, she said I should get a life and how there's way too many women out there instead of putting up with her 🤣I had no idea at time she never meant this🤣 but hey I guess it is what it is then, no contact is the way.
Nice to hear your personal ordeal/interactions with these individuals
another affirming video. While watching your video I think of "friends" and relatives who had made my life miserable, and now I know why. Thank you, Melanie.
I heard so many times I was showing off
..."you think you're something, DON'TCHA?" ...ever heard that? Uh huh. Me too.
I was told I was cheating just cuz I was talking to a male colleague
Not accepting other people happiness isn't a childish behavior... children chase their happiness but are not triggered by the others achievements. I disagree narcissist are like children. They are pure evils.
I see your point. It's like an insult to children to compare the two. In a way it also excuses their behavior too.
@@signsofplay yes. They have some childish behavior but not as unaware children.
I think she would have meant " childish" in such a way as "immature". But I see your point
Pathologically narcissistic people have the emotional maturity of a toddler. Think about it. When a child doesn't get their way they throw a temper tantrum. Adult narcissists never grew up from that mentality.
Can't these miserable people be forced to have repercussions for what they do to others? Just walking away isn't always easy or possible. How can they be allowed to treat others this way and never be held responsible just because they won't accept it? Narcissistic rage is verbal abuse and I've been living through it for almost 11 years with my husband. I want to get off this crazy ride but he is making it almost impossible with his cycle of "love" and abuse. The law has shown me that unless he hits me, he can treat me however he wants because they consider it a domestic dispute, even when all I did was sit there shaking while he screamed in my face for no reason. Creating boundaries does nothing to him because he steps right over them when I try to create any. So the only answer I get from professionals is to leave. What if that's not working for me? Narcissists are allowed to behave how they want and nothing EVER happens to them. I'm sorry for venting, I am just really tired of this life with him.
@boba fetta-cheese Thank you. I feel like I've been stuck for so long in this black hole. I've gotten stronger by going back to college to become a nurse and finding happiness in restoring furniture. But I still feel trapped here. How do I stop caring enough so that I can leave and not come back because I feel guilty. He makes me feel like it's all my fault even though I know it's not. How is that possible?
Kristine Walley They want you to carry there shame and all there bad feelings etc, I think a way to leave and not end up going back is to think about your children ( If you ever end up having children with a narc) that your children will be abused and they will either become disfuctional empaths/codependents like us who are vulnerable to abusive people or they will become narcissists like there narc parent, Im a prime example of what narcs do to there children, My dads a narc and Ive been through darkness no child should go through, Atleast think about the children, They will suffer. Break the disfuctional cycle and leave, I know its harder said then done, Good luck.
@@Kinghassz Thank you so much for your support! Thankfully, I do not have children. We have 5 animals and they are my world. Of course he loves them and they love him like crazy. I'm so sorry your father has put you through that. I can't begin to imagine what having a parent like this must be like. My parents were great but were just always gone because they were working. Maybe that's why I end up in bad relationships. I just want to be happy one day soon. Thank you again for taking the time to talk to me.
I can’t imagine what you are going through. 11 years of that. I couldn’t do it. When you do leave I would do it quickly. They get nasty. I know I wish there were consequences too. It’s like being steam rolled only to hear it’s our fault. not fair, but what can you do. Sometimes it’s best just to get out.
@boba fetta-cheese You are absolutely right. I've been staying and hoping he would see what he's been doing to me and decide he needs to get help or change. But no. He is nice during the week because he has to go to work and is sober so he has time to dwell on his life. But as soon as he is upset at anything in his life, he takes it out on me. Everything is turned into my fault. I was just saying to myself that actions speak louder than words. It's definitely true. He tells me he loves me but his actions show me that he thinks I am the enemy so he turns into a monster and tries to drag me down to his level of misery. I honestly feel like a lot of this is my fault. I know it's the gaslighting but it's worked. How can our brain attack us so horribly when someone else is doing it to us?
Yes, they feel like they're losing control over you. Also, if you try and move on... look for them to start setting up a new source of narcissistic supply almost immediately.
They can never be alone with themselves; hence, the multiple sources of simultaneous supply.
hi there!
I am long time watcher. I just like to come back every now and then and say hi thank you! you helped me so much on my journey. I have been narc free for 5 years now. Im so happy and engaged to someone who loves me fully as I love myself. there is hope. to anyone who comes across my comment please know you can do it! you can heal and you can thrive!
I love you!!
Adriana, I am so happy for you darling lady! Thrive on and so much love xoxox
I love you so much beautiful sister of truth & light...this was SO empowering..I walked away from the lot of them and still cutting them out of my life.. no on will EVER try to dim my light again☺....thank you eternally! . 💜
Aww, bless you Beautiful. Love to you xoxox
I play guitar in a band and my ex girlfriend hated it if I interacted with any other humans but her..
@Bunny Bubs she had elements of all them things...very unpredictable from one day to the next,
@Bunny Bubs let's hope so!! Haha
I have a narcissistic coworker and I’ve been learning about her through your videos, Dr. Ramani’s, and Michelle Lee Nieves, and the little shaman. There are real estate overlaps but each of you bring your own perspectives and insights and I thank you ALL for it. Narcissists are just strong winds that blow away the unnecessary people and preoccupations in your life and forces you to look deeply within yourself and own yourself, your decisions,, and who you are. Lesson 1: I’m now in the triangulation and flying monkeys faze, which I take to be a good sign because I’ve successfully shown that my narcissist can no longer affect me or even talk to me directly. She has restored to long rage attacks which is not as accurate as close range person to person abuse and is proving to be dangerous for her as well. By smearing me and me staying grounded in myself, I noticed my other coworkers are starting to doubt her impassioned claims about me, which I’ve pretended to know nothing about. I’m letting it take its course and she’s getting tangled up in her own web. I’m feeling a bit foolish for having feared anything and not having enough faith in the larger situation, the higher power and order which I believe to be good, and wisdom, judgement, and goodness in other people. Most people don’t want conflict or discord which the narcissist breeds. I spent almost a year being preoccupied and ruminating and strategizing and found that the best way to solve this issue is to cut her off and remind me of who I am. I’m a writer and a blogger and I’ve gotten back into it and read past entries and it reminded me of who I am before the narcissist. I was happy. I was whole, and I can still be that person. I am that person. The narcissist has forced me to reconnect with my past and my slightly younger, more carefree self. I’m starting to live in these realizations and I can see that its making the narcissist behave in unbalanced more noticeably wobbly ways. I think she has exposed herself as.I noticed my other coworkers have come to me to reassure me of our bond, not in explicit terms but I sensed it. Lesson 2: The more energy the narcissist puts in, the less energy I put in. The narc has noticeably stepped up the energy and effort In her attacks and I’ve made it a rule to hold tight to myself, keep steady save my own energy for myself, for my writing, for seeing friends in the weekends, and I’m sensing that she is getting depleted. I’m not trying to hurt her but I’m making sure that to get anything from me, she has to spend a lot of energy. The narcissist once shook me so hard that my nervous system was in flight response for 3 whole days, I’m not a drinker, but I was compelled to buy liquor from the store just so I could calm down and go to sleep and I was still tired. I’ve gotten into the habit of thinking of her before going to be and as soon as I wake up. But now I’m thankful because she helped me identify one of my core insecurities which is getting fired from my job. Despite my boss telling me 6 months ago that I’m probably the best foreign English teacher their school has ever had, that the narcissist sowed such doubt in me, that I feared getting fired. As I write this I’m now realizing how I actually whole heartedly believed in HER none-sense. Oh My God!!! Lesson 3: The cure for narcissism is writing about yourself. I’ll be 37 in a few weeks. I’ve been putting off writing a memoir and its forcing me to know who I am,, why I am who I am today. My father was a narc, and I dated him through my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. I have been single for 7 years now and I’ve grown so much and become so strong and self actualized. I’ve only known this narc coworker for only 2 years but she has really rocked my foundations. In writing I create a clear trail of where I was to where I am now, that is all me, my journey, my travels. By remaining clear about this path, about my path and who I am, this narcissist cannot touch me. I’ve come in an epiphany that the vampire I feared who was sucking away my life force was actually just a mosquito. I need to stop wasting energies on mosquitos and write my memoir.
Right on!!! I like your passion in this video.
Thank you! I appreciate your words so much. Nobody ever told me the things you just told me. This is my first video of yours. I plan to see ALL your narcissist videos, because I am a huge NARC MAGNET!!!!! I want to heal and let go of their pain.
Aww sweetheart I'm so pleased to be able to help and support you. If you want to I'd love to invite you to sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course where you will receive daily supportive resources to anchor you on your healing path. www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
When I won my award... I said him and he took 45 mnts to say congratulations for winning the award
I felt humilated and insulted and never shared my happiness with him again.
Such and inspiring video, Melanie ! 😀I am still living with my husband ( together for 22 years) but we are in the split fase , pre-divorce should I say... we sleep in separate rooms of the same house for about 3 months . I am waiting for my flat to be ready to move for good. Our relationship exploded after my spiritual awakening, last September 2019. My eyes suddenly got opened and I finally could see the disfunction of our marriage.. I really didn't want to see what was happening...I was affraid...I was always trying to work the relationship out , because of the small children...now I speak my truth with no fear and I am free from his manipulations ! He turned my 17 and 15 years old children against me and I feel this is not a fair battle...not easy...but I fell stronger and this is the right thing to do, even though I am 49, alone in life, with no job, no friends, only my elderly parents that are supporting me with much love and strength. I in this world to shine my light and NOW is the moment ! 💟 I just found you and subscribed 🙋🏻♀️ Thank you so much ! Much love from Portugal 🌈 PS : I didn't know what a narcissist was !!!
Not kidding. I remember how stunned I was each time when my now ex-husband went on literal art tack when I achieved a couple of awards at work or when the kids needed me or I swear even the attention I gave my dog.
It’s so bizarre it took me years to finally get what the heck was happening.
they can be number one the level of cray cray 🤷🏽♀️
Stage 5
GREAT VIDEO MELANIE!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I LEARNED SO MUCH!!!!
This is some tough love that I needed to hear 👍
Melanie you are fantastic!
I met this narc chick at our AA meeting. I was happy, laughing, single, joking around and at ease with the world. After three days she had completely wrecked me and an wiped the smile off my face. After ten months I have not been able to regain my sense of ease, nor do I smile much anymore.
Very helpful video. Thank You!
Thank you for your justified anger! Once we know it is okay to claim our power, the world around us changes. Love you so much, longtime fan.
Aww that's so sweet, love to you sweetheart xoxox
Thank you . This has happened to me . It’s nice now to be aware!
Great video! I can relate on so many levels. Thank you!
You're so welcome Laurel! xoxo
Thanks Mel, you are spot on!
I am dealing with a juvenile narc for a few years since age ten. It sucks. Her fury towards me for simply being alive is often a cut down approach mostly when she feels I'm vulnerable. Her Mum plays into this. 'lives in a fantasy world only, thinking she's the best and nothing else matters, unless it is to strip me of my own valour. 'spent most of my life with a younger sibling like this so it seems no surprise. Really odd how I can't as a sincere and developed individual be an influence of benefit in her development as a person. Spot on,,? Yes, there is a completely different wiring to their system, everything else in the world does not comply with their own rationale. Might be a zombie crisis, I puke on toxicity. The lies and denial is like their candy store of shames propensity.
This speaks a lot of truth to me. And I realize it also includes happiness for others associated with in this case your spouse. 2 years ago my oldest graduated from high school, he got into a competitive acting program and everyone but my husband was very proud of him. We threw him a large grad party because we were so proud. My husband got angry because we asked him to clean and organize, he got angry at the cost (even though he didn’t pay for any of it we hold separate accounts). The day of the party there were multiple excuses but he didn’t show op until it was over (he is a stepdad figure). Shortly after the party he briefly moved out and that became the major reason as he says he was was forced out (simply because we asked him to tidy up). He also said he got tired of the “show” of my son. Against my better judgement I took him back. His own kids haven’t done well. Sadly we lost his son due to suicide and there has been issues with his daughter as well. But he can never be happy for me and my own kids when they have success and comes across to others as jealous. At one point I remember asking him why he couldn’t just be happy for my son and he really had nothing to say.
This is so true Melanie. It has happened to me too. This video is very helpful. Thankyou !!!
Beautiful message from a beautiful woman! Thank you for the wonderful content!
Where are the good people ? It seems like the world is full of these nasty beings !
This is so true my mom acted like lunatic when my friend and I were listening to music and singing cooking
What a show
I'm happy for you 🤗
The other night, I was at a pub next to another couple. I asked the man what he does for work, and he described his job as a furniture designer. I was impressed and told him so. He shrugged and then gestured to his girlfriend, saying ‘That’s nothing compared to the job she has. Her job is amazing, and I’m so proud of her.’ He then threw the spotlight on her, and she told me about her work with disadvantaged kids. ‘So, THAT’S what it looks like to have a genuinely loving partner ’ I thought to myself. Almost made me teary.