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Proven Ways To Stop Stonewalling & Gaslighting | It’s Not What You Think
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- Опубліковано 18 бер 2023
- 💪 [FREE MASTERCLASS - SPOTS LIMITED]
Learn The Proven 5-Step Process to Empower Yourself to Rebuild Your Relationship/Marriage urlgeni.us/MCEP122DS
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In this week's video, I show you the 6 steps you need to take yourself through to respond to gaslighting and stonewalling properly...
- Pivoting away
- Logically pinpointing the root of that resistance
- Changing your perspective
- Understanding her psyche
- Flipping the script
Through my years of being a relationship coach, I've guided my clients through every possible scenario and given them the tools they need to not only rebuild trust, but to take their relationship to heights it's never been before.
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How to Properly Lead Conversations to open Up & Heal Your Partner’s Emotions
relationshipsmastered.com/hea...
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#geoffreysetiawan #gaslighting #stonewalling #saveyourmarriage
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
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My lady and I split up a month ago. She became emotionally detached from me, she didn’t know what she wanted, when I asked her questions all I got was “I don’t know”. I started watching Geoff, and quickly started studying his work like a book. Becoming a better person for ME, not to get back with her. The BPV, emotional safety she stopped feeling, changing my interpretations, etc. Geoff made me realize that our problems weren’t because she didn’t love me or care anymore. I was not the good partner for the last 2 years that I should’ve been. Last couple weeks I’ve been studying his videos, and Friday I ended up getting ahold of her, and we spoke face to face for 7 hours straight. It’s crazy if you walk into a conversation with a clear mind and your guard down, it will go along way. Thank you Geoff. I’m going to keep working on myself, and if she wants to be a part of it my door will be open for her.
Great to hear! Keep it going!! Let me know how I can help you at a greater capacity.
Literally exactly same time entirely with you and Geoff accept I still haven’t gotten through to her.. still growing though.. glad you got your lady back man !!❤
@@eggmanslimz you’ll get there. Trust me. Fight the resistance, it’s her trying to self preserve and make sure she doesn’t get hurt again. Just stay by her side and if she doesn’t want to try, better yourself anyways so if she comes back or someone else comes up, you’ll be a better man.
The same just happened to me, except I don't feel like I've grown enough yet to talk to her. When I am ready, how do I go about that? How do I show her my changes with such limited contact.
@@J-Kabar Watch my existing interviews with Eve or Michael. And stay tuned for my upcoming interview with Stephen.
Showing changes despite limited contact is common, but it does require deep mastery of the internal and external shifts.
Powerful stuff G! There is so much FAE that leads to this negative feedback loop you mention. Recognizing this breaks through the behavior of stonewalling/gaslighting.
Hey Geoff! I've been watching a lot of your videos recently since my long distance gf asked for space. I admit I acted very needily, and now finally understand what all I could've done to avoid this situation, and what all I should do when she comes back. I just wanted to request you to make more such videos on long distance relationships, and how to deal with stonewalling in such scenarios.
Hey Geoff! I'd love to see a video covering starting new relationships in the context of building things like emotional and psychological safety and avoiding creating these issues when starting anew. I have gotten great value from your channel already, I think it would be interesting to explore the same principles from the perspective of dating, especially with an abundance mindset. would certainly be a great video to see from you right now!
My partner and I are in a long distance relationship. It's been a month since we broke up, and during the whole time I begged and pleaded him to stay, and now he doesn't want to talk to me.
Thanks for these videos, geoff. I want more than anything to save this relationship and rekindle our love. Through this videos I stopped thinking I'm the victim and started looking inwards and found all the times I broke the trust and safety. Right now, I'm simply giving him space and planting seeds. He doesn't want to talk to me but I've been unblocked, I know there's still hope but I know now it takes time and effort.
Continue making great videos. These have helped me alot.
Thank you! Have you considered placing your application for the program? Based on your brief description here, we can definitely help!
@@GeoffreySetiawan I would love to join the program but I simply don't have the means to.
@@all_alone_ Ah! Well, I hope to see you in the program in the future!
Any updates how did things go?
@@fordshojoe8080 we ended up not working out but im in a better place emotionally and mentally now
Very helpful insightful and unique insights
This video is so packed. I have to go back and watch It again.
My parents do this to me and in my relationships (single now thankfully) I ended up with boyfriends who did the same thing. I know it's connected. People raised by healthy parents would walk away the first time somebody treats them like this but unfortunately I thought 'oh I hope one day I can be good enough' or 'oh i hope one day I can make them understaaaaaaaand''. Nope.
Like I said in my other comment to you:
Sorry you feel that! If you're open to different approaches that will change your opinions on this, we would love to help.
But if you insist that you have done EVERYTHING you can perfectly, and that the issue lies with those people, then feel free to keep thinking that!
We've enrolled 1,500+ clients per year for the past 4 years, and not once have we seen someone do the work, learn the right skills, and still think this.
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My partner tells me her reason is because she is too pissed and feels like she cannot even look at me, let alone speak to me... I think that is space?
Nah this is top tier
Hey Geoffrey I have been following your channel and watched alot of your videos. I must say they are phenomenal.
They have help me so much in seeing a clear path going forward and buliding healty relationships.
Do you have any video for couples who wants to better themself for a thriving relationship in the future having making a mutual decision to be separated after an abusive relationship?
Hey Christopher - I would say the process for this case remains the same.
Start with the internal shifts. All of these are crucial to get your mind to a place where it can let go & thrive despite the past traumas. Without this, you're fighting an uphill battle.
- Untether
- Remove victim mindset
- Build BPV
- Build antithetic mind
Then learn the external shifts (e.g. Frameworks) to begin to lead & receive conversations better, and guide it to a more productive and healing space.
So technically, all of my videos address these.
Thank you so much Geoffrey ur Awesome!
Thanks geoff i cannot pay for the course im going to create safety by just being my new self and using i statements and leaning in better
Being told that she will never talk to be again, other than that she's silent or has a go at me to I'm staying silent
Yoooo this video is a must!!! Now I see my why people fail at reconciliation because they don’t have these key ingredients to make the relationship work!!! Geoffrey brother you are beast 🫡🙏🏾💯
hey geoff! does ex tests in many ways while getting back togeather
Hi Geoffrey thanks for your good works, but I'm in a distance relationship and I'm facing stonewalling, she doesn't want to talk about anything, she barely answers my calls and gives straight answers to text messages. She told me a month ago she has lost interest in the relationship and she is out. Now what do I do
is there anything i can do if she broke up with me saying she doesn’t feel in love anymore and doesn’t want to try to fix the problems we have in the relationship? she also said she wants to do other stuff and wants to experiment. is there any point in trying? i tried for a few days but i can’t change her mind.plz answer
I encourage you to watch any and all of my client interviews, and after you watch them, as yourself:
1) Is my situation even that bad?
2) Is my situation unique?
3) How can these people do it?
4) Is there a point in trying?
My partner has said she doesn't like receiving sympathy / consolation from other people and finds it annoying so she avoids opening up since she dislikes sympathy. She's had trust issues from past friendships etc and from me aswell in the past . So is this hating sympathy/consolation thing a lack of trust issue
I would say she has more avoidance attachement, its deeper than not just "disliking" but more about being uncomfortable with it
Its been 8 months since my GF broke up and ive been following you since then. She says she trusts me a lot more and feels really nice to spend time with me but wants to remain friends and not date. We were together for 5 years what do you suggest i do(I am afraid to get FRIENDZONED forever)
If you are creating safety properly, that should NOT result in being friendzoned.
Do we have the wrong idea of what creating safety means?
Creating safety does not mean being a doormat...
It's creating safety in a balanced and very powerful way.
Three videos below that might help you:
ua-cam.com/video/zlg8zJ326zo/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/x5_02jH5F5E/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/JOlcKIln--o/v-deo.html
What if your partner has BPD? I've been working hard on myself, and spent the last year writing down the conversations when we've argued, in an effort to see *why* they happen, and what I can do differently. I do my best to listen with the purpose of understanding, to treat him kindly, lovingly, and without resentment regardless of his behavior. He is in an intense 6-month episode of idealization/devaluation of a neighbor, and that very much affects his mindset. I feel like I understand him, but he is too afraid and emotionally wrapped up to understand me.
I used to think this way and was convinced my partner has BPD.
But I realize that at the end of the day, I was also playing as a lot of victim, tethered as heck, and no bulletproof enough.
Once I made these internal shifts, and began to source my strength within, and began to LEAD the creation of emotional safety, it's amazing how my partner changes as well. :)
I know this is not what you WANT to hear, but virtually all my clients start out saying the same things...
And when they make the internal shifts I talked about above, they see for themselves that their partner's BPD is not a personality/fixed issue at all, but an issue bred of our self-preservation.
You rebuild safety & the 5 pillars -> Remove the need to self-preserve -> You'll be amazed at a human being's potential for change when you help change their circumstances. :)
Note: The things you listed above are great, but it takes a great deal more to create safety. Safety is a falling outcome and created in the subtle moments, not in the overt. A LOT of my clients begin being convinced they know what it means to create safety, until they TRULY learn what it ACTUALLY means.
e.g. I realized that one of my issues was that I was CONVINCED my partner had BPD and no matter what I was doing to "create safety", at the end of the day, she KNEW I didn't believe in her deep down.
Geoffrey-- what I WANT to hear is what will work. I've been advised this week by a therapist that the only way my husband will change is if he sees a need, and that the best solution is separation. If that works, I'm willing to try it, but I am not interested in giving up on the marriage. I've also read, though, that hard/fast boundaries can be in themselves manipulation, and can backfire. I'm currently gathering and sorting through information, and want what will be for the best health of him, me, and our relationship.
@@user-mg8in3ku1l Great! Good thing we give so much material & in-depth interviews with clients facing very similar issues you can guide yourself with!
My ex and I split cause she was going back to school and work , yes I supported her . When she started going to school again she went in her own lil bubble and barely talked to anyone . She even said to me please wait for me and told me she gets this way when in school has done it all her life ,now after 12 months of getting her doctrine it’s gotten worse and she’s doing it to everyone her family her friends and even me yeah she will answer me but light conversations and she won’t initiate anything. After 6 months of this I left her house where I was living at the time to go my home , help my parents and work on my house 6 months later we are now ex’s and she’s still doing the same thing just work and school . I’ve decided not to wait for her and let us both dour thing but some days it’s sad cause we had such a connection went on a trip to California and so much more and after two years it’s just gone . I still love her and i know how important this is to her and I guess maybe it wasn’t the right time or place for us if we are ment to be so be it . I tried for 7 months of gas lighting her being busy all the time and her putting work and school first but in the end it I have to do what’s right for me . I know men or the other member in the relationship are suppose to support and want the best for them but sometimes I wonder did I do the right thing?
You're assuming that there are people who aren't completely averse to communication. I know that my mother cannot have a conversation. I have tried. It makes her angry. I obviously (given that she is my mother) wasn't raised with conflict resolution skills but i'm brave enough to TRY when there's a lot at stake. I tried to talk to my mother and it made her angry. Unless I accept that i'm paranoid, sensitive, angry and emotional and she is PERFECT, then that's it, I'm written out of the family, and as for ''safety'' she is backed up by a couple of foot soldiers in the family so it's me that doesn't have safety. I know you're talking about couples, but some people just cannot communication because they cannot put down their mask. They are perfect so in their eyes, there's nothing they could have done better.
Sorry you feel that! If you're open to different approaches that will change your opinions on this, we would love to help.
But if you insist that you have done EVERYTHING you can perfectly, and that the issue lies with those people, then feel free to keep thinking that!
We've enrolled 1,500+ clients per year for the past 4 years, and not once have we seen someone do the work, learn the right skills, and still think this.
@@GeoffreySetiawan it's not me that can't admit fault, it's my mother. I admit that I'm very angry and that I have expressed that. But why am I angry? We can never ever get close to a conversation. She just will not countenance any other narrative besides her ideal one, she is perfect, I'm crazy. I missed your comment that you made 11 months ago but thank you. I've given up now. Just trying to accept things for the mess they are. You're overestimating my power to control this situation. All she ever wanted from me is a grey rock relationship. HER parents messed her up. But I listen to my children.
@@SusanaXpeace2u If you insist your view is right, I'll just say "Okay". :)
Is not contacting her for about 4 weeks gonna help me
this is maybe possbile to pull off when someone is not doing this on purpose, so a narcisst will gaslight and remain toxic. at work people with gaslighting behaviour are dicks!
Like I said to another comment here --
Sorry you feel that! If you're open to different approaches that will change your opinions on this, we would love to help.
But if you insist that you have done EVERYTHING you can perfectly, and that the issue lies with those people, then feel free to keep thinking that!
We've enrolled 1,500+ clients per year for the past 4 years, and not once have we seen someone do the work, learn the right skills, and still think this.