Exactly! You Don't Get To Pee On Your Own Front Porch Then Complain To Me Or The Next Person That It Stinks. You Grab A Mop And Clean The Pee Up Before It Starts To Smell.
What kills me is when shitty parents act surprised when their physical abuse means their kids don't talk to them once they become independent adults. Like, you told me for years "my house, my rules," and you're surprised that I take that to heart when I don't have to live with you anymore?
It's pretty simple: they never think they're wrong, and their mentality reject the thought itself. It's even worse when you're successful, they'll think "I raised my child right". Honestly sickening
@@Double_D__ what pisses me off is when my parents don’t actually follow their own rules in front of my face they make it up as they go along and expect me to do everything perfectly the way they want me to behave and if I make one wrong move I get punished and it’s for nothing because that rule didn’t exist in the first place 😑
„Why don’t you ever come to visit me?“ „Your house, your rules, right? I don’t like these rules, I never did. Back than I had no choice but to stay. Finally I do and I am staying away as far as I can“
They don’t see you as an autonomous subject or person capable of making their own life choices. They still see you as an object and possession tethered to them.
When my mom compared me to other kids, I always answered “well maybe that’s because that kid has a better mom”.. and then I would get my butt whooped..
Dude I got a story for you. Growing up my brother. Sister. And I were not allowed to go to school. My parents never enrolled us in any schooling of any type. My first day at school was when I took my GED test. Not only that my dad was a jailer who worked nights so as kids if we made any noise during the day we were dead. Also because we were not in school my parents hid us from the senses people and other that would come which means we could not go outside a lot of the time. So growing up my childhood was a prison.
@@risingrat5491 God Almighty save my sister my brother and me. We are all better off now in spite of what my parents did. I and they live as a testimony that The Lord Jesus Christ can save and change anyone. Because of my upbringing i became a porn addict at 12. An alcoholic at 18. And much much more after I joined the army. But Christ in His ever abounding grace and mercy saved my siblings and myself from the path we were lead to walk because of our parents. There are a lot of people watching this video and to all who see this comment. Jesus Christ saves. And if He will save a porn addicted. drug addicted. Evil man I was. And change me to be what He wants. He will save anyone. So please all who read this come to Christ. He wont leave you. He wont abandoned you. And He only teaches you good.
My dad used to do this thing where he would be frustrated with one child specifically but then it was always "you three kids are just so disrespectful" and I just knew because he was kind of forced to have kids and a nice house and a job he didn't like he resented us and hated his life. Like first of all I didn't ask to be born.
Right, I learned and when I work with children I just tell them. Tell me the truth and get in less trouble now, or tell me a lie, and maybe fool me, or if I catch the lie now or later and risk getting in more trouble.
Parents say that punishment besides hitting kids doesn't get through to their kids, but that's just because their kids have been taught that it isn't that serious if they didn't get hit. If you go through the steps of coming up with consequences that fit the situation and explaining to your kids why you give these consequences, instead of just hitting your kids, then hitting them won't be necessary. Also, here's a quote i like: "if we hit our partners, it's abuse. If we hit strangers, it's assault. If we hit another adult we know, it's assault. But if we hit our kids, it's called discipline?"
Hello stranger, I am what would be considered still a kid (I'm 17), but I think I might be an example of this "talking to them doesn't get through to them" thing. When I was 4 to 10 years old I was used to whopping regularly, all kinds of them for all kinds of reasons. I have a few social disabilities and I used to have a rough time socializing with family, and for that I would be beat for. I used to have a lot of dietary preferences and for that I would be beat for. I was scared to tell ANYTHING to my parents in fear of a beat down. If I was ever in trouble I would do everything in my power to keep it to myself, and I grew distrustfull of my parents and afraid of them. Until, one day, my parents stopped. They stopped beating me all together, and have since started to talk to me and give me real consequences, and also match the punishment to the crime. And I can say that this type of rigidness from a parent is literally what made me a good functioning member of society. It wasn't the whoppings, it was all the talks and reflection. The real conversations with real consequences. The best thing a child can have from a parent is their trust, and that's what makes me thrive. I want to make my parents feel like they can trust me, and that I can trust them. That's why our relationship works, and you can only get there by conversation and self awareness to do good and bad. Sorry for the long rant, I just found that maybe an experience from a person who experienced both of the parenting techniques would be interesting. So, yeah, beating your kids won't make them respect you, they'll fear you. But talking to them will create a mutual understanding and trust that only a parent could have with their child. And even if you already have beaten your child, it isn't over yet, you can have a meaningful relationship with them, but it needs time and commitment.
Doing the most basic things you're supposed to do as a parent does not make you a saint. Too many parents use the phrase "I gave you the roof over your head, clothes you're wearing and food you're eating" as some sort of huge favour when it is actually, a default setting, a necessity.
Both of my parents are the same thing that you say. They think they are 'saints' just because they gave me "everything". Yet they complain like little babies. Such is society @charlim2479
Getting hit as a punishment only made me better at hiding and lying, it also made me lose respect for my parents. We teach children in preschool it's not ok to hit, yet adults hit children, make it make sense.
I agree, screw anyone who hits a child for this reason, and because children are the most vulnerable people in existence. I'd never hit a child, especially if I already had kids.
The closest my dad ever got to hitting me was when I was learning to shoot, and had a negligent discharge. Even then it was more of a push while giving me a harsh lecture after I had cleared the rifle and put it down. He was not verbally abusive, he wanted to make sure I fully understood the consequences of a negligent discharge. He has physically forced me down once, and he keeps saying that was one of his biggest regrets as his dad was violently abusive towards him and he wants to break that cycle. My dad is a very flawed man, we don't speak much as we are both very different people, but he is still my dad and he has for the most part done right by me.
There are so many studies that confirm the harmful effects of hitting a child. From higher rates of delinquency to homicides, anti social behavior and etc. Some children have been KILLED by their parents too! Because the 'discipline' often becomes a way to relief stress.
My ex bf was Japanese and he accused me of trying to “isolate him from his support system” because I told him his dad beating him as a child was abuse. Really sad how brainwashed he is by them.
Short story : We're swedish, in general hitting children is widely seen as not being a part of parenting, but ofc abuse happens. Years back, the family of an ex of mine lived in Ireland for the moms job during a few years. She was a professor. The mom told me about a conversation with a neighbour. Mom : "Well in sweden we don't hit our children, it s not that it's against the law, we just don t do it." Irish mom : Looks at her in utter confusion ... "...But How do you raise them?!" That mentallity right there... scary
Good on you for being the 1 in 3 billion Asians that actually sees through that, instead of perpetuating the cycle out of weakness, cowardice, and laziness.
Mothers think they have every right to do anything to you just because she gave birth to you. It’s disgusting sometimes, really. Edit: this topic has been popping up lately, but I feel I have to talk about the outside image parenting. Rather than focus on a child’s needs, they make them dress up or wear makeup and shit to please others. They don’t care if their child is comfortable or happy, as long as others think it’s nice.
Yea my mom kept pinching my ass and it hurt and I was so annoyed she'd say she could touch me whenever she wanted and I always thought about pedophiles😭
One of the symptom of comparing your kids is that you make your children hate the others that are better than your child. You (the child) get jealous of them and as a result sometimes, you just want them gone. This is a feeling that I’ve been trying to avoid for so long. It sucks so much.
SAME MAN oh my god it sucks so fucking much whenever my family does that. It’s gotten to the point where I just hate being around my cousins because I feel like I’ll be pointed out for not being as preppy or neat as them. And then they wonder why I don’t like to hang out with them.
@@solarleaf2029 that’s the same story with me too. Moreover, my cousins were bullies too. In addition, My anti social ness has gone so far that when my grandparents were in the US, I barely talked to them. Didn’t even show my face. I mean I technically have nothing to talk about. It’s not like they understand what I go through. They’re simply a brick wall with no solutions and same old bullshit talking point.
Me to I feel like I’ve gotten better but I always felt like they had a better life than me and they didn’t understand how I felt what my life was like and what horrors I’ve seen in my life because I felt so alone…😢
@@Killua_Zoldyck3407 that’s exactly how I feel. My dad keeps saying that I’m not as excellent as other kids but my dad would never be able to raise a son or daughter that good. I’m that example lol. I feel so alone but there’s really nun I can do about it since I go to college and I have no job (yes I do but it pays less). I’m not free whatsoever. Anyways I’m so glad that you told me this and I’m glad you’re doing better. I hope you continue to do better my man. I’m proud of you
Growing up with narcissistic parents, I was treated like a puppet. Voicing an opinion or doing anything outside of the “prescript” laid out for me led to being silenced, sparking a big argument, or even getting my ass whooped. Never felt respected and was always micromanaged as they were strict asl with any aspect in my life showing independence or self autonomy. As a senior graduating next year, I'm joining the military and cutting off all ties from my family. Seeking peace for the first time in 18 years, and I'll have no regrets gaining back control in my life.
I’m glad that you can finally be getting away from your parents. It sucks that they traumatize us and we end up feeling guilty for existing or just needing help
@@elstarnor4628Fax because they played mental games with us at such a young age that we internalize such as “You are going to understand when you get older, Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, When you have kids, You will understand, I gave you life, so I can take it away too.” Let me know if u ever heard these phrases
Man, your story sounds so familiar. I was in the “care” of a pair of abusive parents and grandparents. I was once slapped across the face for accidentally breaking a cigarette and was told I was evil by my bible thumping mother for liking Harry Potter… just 2 examples. I have found a lot of forgiveness in coming to the realization that they were truly doing the best they could. Some people’s best is just not that great. They were parenting me through the lens of their own trauma. I continue to work on it daily. The style that I base the parenting of my own child on now is being polar opposite to how my parents treated me. It took me many years to heal the crippling depression and lack of self worth or boundaries, then having my narcissistic mother tell me I should have stricter boundaries, when it was her and her mother that taught me my own thoughts, desires, beliefs and comfort had no value. None of my efforts were noticed and their only form of discipline was hitting and insults. My mother blatantly favored my obstinate, mis behaved, lazy little brother. She acted as though she never wanted a daughter at all. I’m finally out of the hell that was 16 years of severe alcohol addiction to overcome what they instilled in me. I have forgiven them, but they will be seeing very little of me moving forward, especially since I’m certain my mother would happily use me as her personal assistant/housekeeper, all the while believing she deserves that from me. I’m at peace now with the simple fact that I owe them nothing whatsoever. Especially my valuable time and emotional wellbeing that they clearly don’t see as important anyway. I can’t help but wonder sometimes what amazing things I could have had and achieved if I hadn’t been born to such ignorant people. But dwelling on the past is definitely not conducive to healing. Best wishes for you and your journey 🙏❤️
AT 74 AND A LIFETIME OF FAMILY OF NARC. VAMPIRES, SO GET OUT AND NEVER EVER RETURN, NARCISISISTICS DO NOT LOVE ANYONE,NOT YOU NOT ME, THEY DO NOT LOVE, AND THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!! AND YOU KNOW IT, SO GET OUT AND NEVER LOOK BACK OR THE VAMPIRES GET YOU AGAIN ! GOOD PLANS FOR YOUR FUTURE AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
I went through this! I left at 18...well, four days before I turned 18 actually. Never looked back. It was hard and I suffered a lot, but a lot of that was because I didn't acknowledge what was going on, just kept trying to push forward and run away. I'm 31 now. I have a child of my own, and I've started to dedicate my life to not only my kid, but to the world out there in general. I may have believed the lies told to me as a kid, but I will no longer accept someone's opinion of me as fact. Getting the right kind of therapy has been instrumental in helping me through the toughest of times. Finding support and community is also very helpful. Wishing you luck and success out there! Believe in yourself!
Abusers don't stop abusing. I'm mid-forties and my parents are in their seventies and they are still some of the most awful people I have ever known. If anything they're worse because they can't hide it anymore.
@decidueyezealot8611 My parents are the Peeping Tom's in the world. My dad's like women and my mom is a very uninterested person. I also have a friend of my mom that is a loser
I remember having a family member touching my backside. Nothing sexual but as a comfort to them. They must have thought I'd be okay with it but it was very uncomfortable 😅 Ive grown up to be awkward with physical contact unless it's my partner or kids A good example of the "it's not my body but our body"
My Grandfather's response to breaking a window was to put out a pane of glass, putty, and tools beside the hole and expect you to fix it. And you knew that if you needed help, you only had to ask. Out of two parents, two step-parents, and eight grandparents, he was the only actual adult parent out of the lot.
Natural consequences parenting just makes so much sense. Kids learn life skills, understand why certain things shouldn't be done, and get to be helpful. They also learn to take responsibility for their actions on their own eventually.
Pretty much, he treated the kid like a tiny, dumb adult who is learning to become an older, bigger and smarter adult. Kids are not property. They are humans who are learning to become independent.
This comment has me thinking hard about the book and movie Coraline. The real world mother was negligent and dismissive, the Other mother was indulgent, but manipulative and ultimately physically abusive. Coraline was so blinded by the indulgence that she didn't see the dark side until it got too close to swallowing her. Didn't know the themes ran that deep til now. 😮
Wait can you please tell me how it was if she lost custody that means that you wear under age I am actually going through the same thing and I just wanna know how it is please let me know🙏🏽
@@Oliver_The_GoblinI heard that everyone's families and everything are not perfect, yet like 80% of families in this world are pure evil. It's best to have a pet instead of humans
@@Jiafeiinyourarea me and my older brother were found alone in the house while she was out, nobody was supervising us, and my father built a case because of the bruises and welts on our bodies and the poor cleanliness of our home and ourselves.
I literally went no contact with my mom and I couldn’t be happier. The fact I can see myself going low or no contact with my dad says a lot. They both ignore me and my emotions, minimize my achievements, refuse to admit they’ve screwed up raising me, don’t apologize for mistakes etc etc. And then they wonder why I’m pissed around them..
The reason why they ignore your feelings and think theirs is more valid than yours is, because when they were kids they were brought up the same way and they couldn't handle their own feelings and emotions. That's why they ignore yours, and they don't care about any of it. They only see you as their minion, or their slave to obey to their every command and demand they put towards you. That's not healthy. 😕 I know how you feel, because I been treated a similar way for a long time. I'm glad you found your way on your own. I can't wait til I do the same. ❤️🩹
The saddest thing is that children inherently love their parents so much that they will justify the abuse their parents inflicted on them even after they become adults, saying that it made them into good people and they are proud that they endured that, as if they had the option not to. I really pitty adults that think like this and their children because im sure that if that child is not extremelly quiet, studious and cautios they will get beaten as well
No one loves someone for no reason I never loved my dad after he started to abuse me Stop assuming that kids are idiots and know the differenc between LITERAL LOVE and ABUSE AND BRAINWASH
how come i’m an outlier? at the age of 4 my mom gave me tons of disrespect, as in she would didn’t understand that my temper tantrums were actually me trying to tell her how i felt and that i wasn’t just misbehaving, and also she was seen as the meaner, stricter parent so from that early age i learned not to take her disrespect to heart. How come none of these people can relate, how do you not want to defend yourself when you’re vulnerable even when it’s coming from your parents?
My "mother" has been dead for close to 10 years and I still suffer from her abuse. I would rather stay single than to even risk dealing with an abusive MIL.
@@ktg5713 Forgiveness is something she doesn't deserve. You have to go out of your way to harm others and it takes no energy to be kind. She chose to be kind only when it suited her, other then that it was physical or emotional abuse for whatever random reason she would come up with. Forgiving her to me would be acknowledging she was a shitty human who should be absolved of her crimes just because she died. Specifically I cannot forgive her for beating me within an inch of my life for helping CLEANING and finding her pulse oximeter that battery died. She accused me of breaking it, beat me and grounded me. My father checked it, replaced the battery and all was good. I received no apology and was still punished because I was "doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing." Lesson I learned from her that day, don't help her clean or touch anything of hers less I be accused of breaking something else and beaten again for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the reasoning behind forgiving her. But if you can truthfully tell me that I need to forgive her I need a valid reason.
Strange how as kids we were always lectured to never fight back or retaliate against bullies, yet we were never advocated for when it came to getting hit by our own parents?
@@TheimmureI hate that kinda culture so much Sometimes it's ok to "stoop to their level" because when you think about it yall on the same playing field at that point so it's only fair Hell as long as you didn't kill each other teachers would just monitor the fight make sure things don't go too far
Sometimes when you were younger you probably didn't know about guilt tripping, blackmailing, gaslighting, but now you understood what it caused you to be
i got choked on our wooden stairsteps because i didn't want to go through hell aka getting my really curly hair done, she never let me do it myself nor take me to someone else, this was recently...back in 2021...i still hate my hair getting done i wish it was long again its breaking off now..... her excuse was "child services will come if i dont do it" its always the child services crap. wish you the best
My friends mother got so upset when she found out her other kid got in trouble for hitting another kid on the playground, and she was like “Why would he do that? And I wanted SO BADLY to remind her that she hits him every single day for anything he does. Why he not interpret that as meaning “It’s okay to hurt people who anger you”
My family hid my autism diagnosis from me since I was little going to different therapists looking for a "second opinion" my whole life and made me think I wasn't trying hard enough or that it was all my fault. I'm 32 and didn't know this information until I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia 5 years ago and now looking for adult autism assessment which is extremely difficult. I'm also in therapy for the rest of my life and on permanent disability.
@@qua_xor3348 They had no actual futures plans for me at all beyond living with them and when they couldn't stand me anymore, I was cast out. I'm better off without that kind of "family" and am happy with the people I have now.
I’m sooo sorry this has happened to you. My mom revealed to me I was diagnosed with ADHD but she said she didn’t want me “on medication” she didn’t tell me until my twenties. I wonder what life would’ve been like if I did have the help I needed (medication!!!)
@@ttheartsu My brother was diagnosed but my mom wants to believe it was a misdiagnosis and that medication is evil (even though she takes feckin 3 that never proved to actually be of help!) She also denied to my face that I could ever have ADHD and told me “it’s a label for being lazy” So… So my brother was DIAGNOSED with “lazy” Gotcha. Mhm. Never even attempted a second opinion, just got several outdated books and decided my brother doesn’t actually have a disorder. Still gives him special treatment though because he’s her precious wittle boi and needs more support than her 4 struggling daughters ever could.
@@ttheartsuyea same happened to me wasn’t told I had ADHD until I was failing COLLEGE, said he thought I grow out of it and didn’t want me on meditation, no it’s MY FAULT because I’m an adult now and it’s my job to fix it 😂😂😂 but I’m like wtf ? Why not make sure I was getting proper help but he wanted to put me in “normal classes” so he didn’t feel like he had a special Ed kid or anything 😢 he is retired teacher so he wanted the best grades and it made me sad not once when I was failing in middle school or highschool did I know I had ADHD.
Abusive parents breed sneaky kids. Whether it's being too strict or hitting your kids, they won't learn to follow the rules, they will learn how not to get caught.
I love it when you actually try to tell someone your trauma, and people just go: "Aw, i get it, but he IS your father..." "Oh, his love must be a little rough, but everyone needs tough love..." "Are you really going to cut ties? But he will suffer SO much, what about daddy?" Like legitimately, i will only have peace of mind when this son of a bitch dies, but yeah sure, his feelings matter so much, sure.🙄
My dad died and i danced like never before. I might be crazy for it , but i felt relieved and ""revenged"" somehow. but it obviously doesn't solve what's in your soul.
I hear you on this. I struggled for a long time with feeling guilty for taking care of me because of statements like you described. I finally accepted that I deserved to be healthy and happy and that people who didn’t support that did not care about me. I wish they’d spend the energy telling the abuser: hey, this is your kid, you need to treat them better than this because you are causing harm.
Regrettably, many individuals who hail from stable and healthy families may struggle to grasp the profound meaning and experience of trauma. For them, it's nearly inconceivable to fathom how close relatives can incessantly undermine, disrespect, and degrade one's humanity simply because of one's existence. This alien concept disturbs their mental comfort, leading them to rationalize and diminish the severity of the situation. They may suggest that it's not as bad as it seems or propose a seemingly simple fix by urging the victim to "play nice" and ignore the abuse, although unknowingly. Some people are genuinely unaware of the privilege they hold until they walk in the shoes of those who endure such challenges. Nevertheless, congratulations to you for prioritizing yourself and your peace of mind. This decision is undoubtedly challenging and very commendable.
FUCK "tough love." Tough love, as these people see it, is just another word for abuse, but reframed so we feel bad about being upset. Tough love doesn't exist. It's either love or it's not. And most of the time, IT'S NOT.
I don't talk to my own mom anymore because she was toxic herself. She didn't treat me well and did bad things to my dad and myself. After all that she even tried to reconcile with me during covid-19. I absolutely refuse to talk to her and I cut ties with her.
Sorry you had to go through that, it hurts even more if you feel their attempt at reconciliation isn’t genuine. Clear boundaries are always a go-to for scenarios like that
@@TyrekeS thank you. Your kind words are very comforting to me. And your right about what's not clear as to why parents want to reconcile with their own children. However my dad he saved me and raised me the best he could, he was a kind man who cared about his children. Sadly though he passed away from cancer four years ago before covid-19 started. I cry every time I talk about him because I really love my dad and he will always be my hero.😊
I feel you. My mom is an asswipe and people would make excuses for her (including my dad). Just because she’s mentally ill doesn’t mean I have to take her shit. Haven’t spoken or seen her in years and I’m more than happy with that
@@lulusmith780 If it was a stranger you’d bet they’d be all like “Oh they should at least be on medication.” But noooo, just because it was your mother and you were completely defenseless it means she gets a free pass for all the damage she “didn’t” do to you! No, in fact it’s YOUR fault you’re damaged because of screens and the internet! It’s not because of the people who were supposed to teach you how to be a human!
My really strict teacher has two kids, she once said that her kids HATE winter or summer break cuz she makes them do math problems or writing useless essays(not school related) for the entire day, she makes her kids say “I love you”
Imagine having a teacher as a parent? You'd think it would mean they are going to be wonderful with kids and understand what they need and want. Unfortunately college isn't as hard as ppl think it is. And a lot of ppl manage to get into careers they have no business in. I always say even the top careers have their "C" passing graduates. Look out for them when it comes to doctors. Yikes. Poor kiddos.
@@Not_QuQuthat's the problem with a lot of families, is that some parents care about what's going on on the outside of their children but never what's going on in the inside.Some Parents disregarding their children's feelings and not really listening to their children when they need to get something of the their chest, it can be catastrophic. That's why some kids let their emotions bottle up inside and let it consume them, that's why some children lash out and have outburst towards their parents. But yet Parents discipline their children for it, this is why children have certain mental problems and the reason why children can't express themselves properly or at all. This is a big reason why some children can't handle it anymore and they lose control of themselves and the big reason why children commit suicide
@@Not_QuQu To this day; my mother still doesn't really understand my own emotions either, she might think she does but the fact that she is very impatient with both me and my older brother (we are both autistic) is a huge red flag; she thinks it's because of either my dad or older brother (who tbf do sometimes not listen to what she says) not listening and me having to pick up the slack that makes me snap but the main reason why I've been lashing out as of late (no punches thrown, I've genuinely never punched ANYONE in my entire 24/25 years of living) is simply because I cannot handle all of the yelling and insults thrown all the time And it's not because the yelling and insults are untrue, sometimes they are valid... the issue is when mum KNOWS that dad or my brother are about to get really mad if she keeps throwing insults but does it anyway; I can see it coming from a million miles away but mum; despite "knowing that we're upset", seems to not account for the fact that 9 times out of 10, she is the reason why we get upset And when she gives us a "reason" as to why she's in the right, it usually comes off as an insult as well, like how I have my full driver's license but she doesn't want me driving by myself because I had a bit of panic attack (if you can even call you that) after driving home from a holiday, in the dark and we took a wrong turn early in the trip (anyone would get anxious from that) and mum insisted that my dad and I take the Defensive Driving Course... it's probably a good idea, but here's the thing; my dad has driven for longer than I've been alive and I'm not exactly incompetent either... so mum's suggestion sounds more like "You suck at driving, you need to get better" which is not true in the slightest If mum knew half of the stuff I've wanted to say to her over the years; she'd probably have a heart attack!
I have a mother who tends to say that as a way to cope that she is never wrong. And the worst part is she doesn't have any proof of what she claimed happened to her between her and my dad. She had given my dad so much crap despite him being the most hard working and best dad I ever had. He never hits me, he listens to my problems at school, he even gave up on his hobbies, music just to keep my mom from throwing false accusations about him sleeping with a woman. My dad has always come home, and he always lets me know where he is which he doesn't have to. And the funny thing about this, it all started because my mom had a dream about him with a another girl, THAT's IT! And everytime I defend my father, she would always used this back when I was like 10. "Wait till you're 12, wait till you're 14, wait till you're 16, wait till you're an adult! You'll see." Hence why I close myself off from her.
As a person that grew up in foster homes, I often tell friends with toxic parents how lucky I think I was compared to them. They usually say "Well I can't complain, atleast I did have parents". But for all the trauma I went through, nobody who hurt me was actual family. I've always had the "luck" that It was easy for me to work through it emotionally. I can't imagine growing up in a family and having the people that hurt you be your actual parents.
There are different kinds of suffering, its hard to understand something weve never experienced. Idk why humans feel the need to always rank who had it the worst when we can all just be compassionate instead
My mom did a variety of things from threatening to disown me, to hitting me, to comparing me to other children, to destroying my things, to streight up taking my room away poking and proding me while I slept on the floor all while telling me about her traumatic childhood expecting me to be her free therapist and marriage counselor. And then she wonders why I stopped talking to her and my dad who would do nothing but enable her by saying "Yeah she's like that BUT she's mentally ill so what can you do?"
@@pria7538 It's okay. I've been healing slowly and learning about what is and isn't okay. Hell I had to learn about setting boundaries which I'm getting a little better at.
😂 poor kid. Make sure you never make mistakes when you have your own children. One day they may be posting comments about their terrible childhood to strangers on the internet.😂
@@dollardeals01 Good thing I decided to never have children since mom said they rob you of your freedom amd to never get married since according to my mom all men are scum who look to knock you up and leave you with a kid you didn't ask for.
@@dollardeals01there's mistakes, like acting out or saying something hurtful to your kids, and then there's chronic abuse, aka a habit. Habits are addictions.
I grew up in a family that treated me like their circus monkey on a leash. Living vicariously through my natural talents and forcing me into a career and profession I hated. Only seeing any value in my talent while hating everything else about be. Completely disrespecting my autonomy of body and even thought. Dealing with a decade of my issues with insomnia by refusing to get me proper help and calling me lazy. Trying to force me into having children I didn't want. The list goes on... Parents are just people and most people are dangerous idiots.
The decade of insomnia without help hits very close to home. I was living with my mom for 20+ years. She knew I barely slept all throughout high school and college. Why no therapist, no nothing? (She has a university degree and was a social worker, so she knew what was available). I grew up religious and she blamed me for "keeping both of us in that church", because I "didn't want to leave", and she supposedly did, but she stayed "for me". I was a baby when she took me to that church to be guilt-tripped, fear-mongered and brainwashed... what agency did I have? This is my trauma, but your family situation sounds a lot more overtly toxic. They hate you because they are jealous, because they have no self-esteem and a fear of relying on their own talents. You however can stand on your own. PLEASE break out of this. Pursue the lifestyle you want to live. It's YOUR life, time, energy, happiness. It's never too late te start making small and bigger changes. I'm quitting my job at the end of the year. I can do better and so can you! I broke away from my church, made the decision to be childfree and focus on my own life. I'm cutting nasty people out and learning to rely on the little handful of good and great people I know (because you're right, most people are dangerous idiots). And I'm going to therapy again. If a sad little loser like me can do it, so can you! One step at a time. You're already writing inspiring comments! I believe in you.
@@opheliaoftheripples9472 Thank you. I already solved all of my issues with them. I permanently cut off the most abusive narc, survived being jumped by everyone for doing so, cut them all off temporarily and now I'm slowly talking more with some family members if I see that they're putting effort into respecting my boundaries. I went to therapy, overcame absurdly intense period of ruminations and live with inner peace as for 2023. I hope you will achieve same level of existential victory for yourself! Everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect and dignity. ^^
My mother thought she could violently beat me into some elite achievement machine. She had an extreme fake it till you make it attitude. Taught me to be paranoid of being judged and never to be myself but to conform to society but she knew so little about the world she couldn't even force me to conform right. She told me my teachers graded my papers in red ink because they secretly hated me. I tried to explain that wrong answers are always marked with a red pen but she wasn't having it. I had to play every sport from being the the track team, basketball, soccer, Lacross, I even had to compete on the fucking swim team! I hated swimming races. Fuck me the anxiety of those was unbearable. And if I came second place, my team lost, or I got even a B- minus I was beaten. My mom would give me extra homework, padlock the TV. I wasn't aloud to play with my freinds of have fun on the weekends. My mother would sit me down to my extra work, slam a kitchen timer onto the table and stand over me while I nervously tried to do math problems before the timer went off and often before the timer was even halfway done she had already flown into a rage and started punching me in the head or smashed the nearest thing she could find over my skull while I was wuitely trying to finish my assignment. By the time I was a teenager she'd fucked me up so bad and since I couldn't live up to her expectations, she hadjust given up on me and had me put in a phsyc ward, which led to my first suicide attempt before I was 15. I haven't seen my family since I was 16. My parents abondanoed me. They were divorced by that time anyway and my dad had moved on to his new family which he treated so much better than he treated us. I was the oldest of three siblings and I got it the worst. I haven't seen my younger brother and sister either. They were to young to even understand what was going on at the time.
Guys, please don’t let people who say “Enjoy your cats” or “Good luck getting old” scare you into being a parent. Your worth and existence is not defined by being a parent. Don’t have them if you’re going to regret them.
I don’t get why living with cats is such a thrown around insult when it comes to mainly woman. Like is there a problem with me wanting to live with a bunch of cuddly furry felines then a whiny baby that cost to much money to take care of and cry’s nonstop if it’s slightly bothered or wants attention
@@l1liapad81 Everytime I've seen that insult, it goes to the women who settles for husband and kids very late in life after sleeping with several other guys or if she has an Onlyfans.
100% agree that corporal punishment is bullsh@t. It never taught me why things I did was wrong nor healthy ways to cope with things or adjust my behavior... It only taught me to lie better to avoid punishment, and that hitting other people was acceptable. Also taught me to fear my father... and you can't respect a person you fear. Heck, if anything this lack of respect made me more defiant and likely to lash out because my parents became foes instead of allies.
I saw my parents as cruel, unreasonable, childish jailers, not as loving caretakers. They are the reason I don't think people should have kids in their 20s
I honestly think that corporal punishment is ideal for select situations, (not a single society in history has had problems with corporal punishment until the 20th century) you need to explain to the child what was wrong, and also not being a dumbass about it. Lying does not deserve a whooping. Assaulting a kid does. Kid breaks something, he either has to fix it or pay for it. Most people who still use corporal punishment nowadays are mostly either brain dead about it or abusive though, we have completely forgotten as a society how to correctly use corporal punishment, especially when and what kind to use. Also make sure the child knows beforehand what his boundaries are, and don’t give corporal punishment unless he has violated one of those clear boundaries, while also using common sense (ie if he, say, steals something, I would do however many slaps on the forearm with a wooden ruler what he stole is worth in dollars, while if he assaults someone he’s getting an ass whooping)
Yep. Granted I appreciate it a bit because I’d literally fist fight my dad which made a lot of other shit seem small. After throwing hands with an adult at seven, grown men aren’t scary as an adult woman. Still would not recommend though.
@@IslandersFan100 No, they didn't have a problem with it because they didn't understand the terrible results of corporal punishment, and it wasn't an issue to kill or damage children in those times. If you have to use physical punishments and can't think of better ways to deal with problems then you shouldn't have kids - or be in any position of having power over any people or animals.
@@rennnnn914 did you stop reading after three sentences of that text wall? I advocate very limited corporal punishment in certain situations. And the belt is not the only form of corporal punishment either. There are much weaker forms of physical discipline that suffice
The very idea of grabbing a belt to strike an infant blows my mind. That’s crazy how people from our past, and even some today, have adopted this method of punishment. It’s cruel, unusual, and causes more harm than good.
dawg i first got hit when i was 6-7 and it hurt ALOT which lead to me being like completely invulnerable to pain but the damage is still done so i tend to underestimate stuff for example a car crash that happened when i was 9 my sister went to the ER even with her seatbelt on but me? i didnt have my seatbelt on ended up bouncing around the car extremely fast and the car that crashed into my families car the collision was the seat infront of me so i got the most force on me crazy how im still alive and i got kidnapped my some crazy dude when i was 5 and my mom found me after like 15 mins and i was completely fine but if she didnt bro id be 6 feet under for the past 6 years
0:08 I wonder if this is because the father is usually more violent... My dad was the one who handed out woopins and once I get a life I plan on cutting ties from him. That punishment isn't even the entire reason. He falsely accuses me of things, not willing to change his stupid parenting style, doesn't want me to get a bf until I'm 30, doesn't listen to me, etc.
Bruh, I remember my dad saying no boys until 30, but like, even as a wee wat he was clearly joking. Most of the time he would say it because it made me laugh! He would not have kept making that joke if it upset me! I don’t even know how to fathom an actual adult thinking that’s reasonable!
Growing children requires knowledge that you can pass onto them. You teach them the ways of life through what you know, carefully guiding them into adulthood. People who don’t understand that (abusers) should never have kids.
Real, i got so used to my mom hitting me that i also decided to hit my sis when i'm mad, thank god i decided that i aint getting a guy for the rest of my life, no frickin way i'll take a kid with my anger issues loose.
Haven't talked to either parent in like 10 years. Don't plan to. I remember hearing "You'll thank me when you're grown up" a lot....No, no I do not. Being someones parent does not give you any right to treat them badly. Quite the opposite, It gives you the obligation to treat them right. You don't owe your parents for giving birth to you (without consent mind you), they're the ones owing you.
I was whipped with a belt or a hickory switch followed by a hug and an "I love you" while I was bawling in physical and emotional pain...yet everyone is so shocked how I ended up in abusive relationships.
Because females under the age of about 35 when they realized it by o’clock is about up and it’s getting serious to find a proper long-term partner or die alone are absolute shit at evaluating character and picking good mates.
Saw somebody said/commented “Kids nowadays will call this abuse, we old-time kids calls this dicipline 😂😂😅” to a 7 y/o getting beaten up by their mother for not sleeping; No, its not sleep schedule. What kind of sleep schedule have their kids sleep in broad daylight?? 🙁
Bro I got beaten since I was 3 or 4 to 8 years old for not sleeping in afternoon too, my mom often yell at me, calling me "satan" and hurt me with broom until my body red 😥
What about parents that spend no time to teach you fundamentals like morals or social standards? My father was always there but never spent time with his kids but pries into their kids privacy. Somehow, he thought he did a good job, and is confused as to why I no longer go to him.
My parents never taught me a goddamn thing. NO-THING. Not right vs. wrong, not safe vs. unsafe. They didn't teach me how to cook or clean or keep a household. They didn't even teach me how to wash the dishes. At a certain age, they just EXPECTED that I'd know. EVERYTHING I know, I learned it from the Internet.
@@zadarasimoleons1019same lazy parents who were abused as kids but want “better” for you and think doing nothing at ALL leads to a better life, they didn’t have a good example so they are better off doing nothing MOST o the time cause when they try they cause damage , you have to have these conversations jus like a friend or partner , or else the relationship will decline naturally
@@zadarasimoleons1019 Same here. I have recently learnt that this is a shining element of narcissistic personality disorder. They assume that you know everything from birth, without being told, and their only function is to tell you what you did wrong.
@@zadarasimoleons1019😂 when you have your kids, make sure to teach them all you know. I'm sure they will be receptive and open to your parental gudance.
I hear you. It was the same for me. There was no guidance or emotional support. I eventually left my Dad behind, and pretty much my Mom, but we're able to reconcile as I realized her own lack of support for me happened because she too was a victim of his manipulation. Sadly, just lately went NC with my sister, who is a covert narcissist just like Dad. I hope that over time you can recover from your emotionally neglectful childhood. It does get easier. 🌤
trust me crying will not fix anything god told us to obey our parent and god will reward u (Whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it for him with something better.)
@@azizouslati1598"Honor thy mother and father" is part of the problem. Just because someone has the physical ability to breed offspring doesn't mean they have any business being parents.
I'm pretty sure my stepfather beat me because I was autistic. To those who may not know; in the early 2000’s, autism was still not well received, and that went 5x over for black children. I am a black autistic man who was beat nearly every day from 1-5 years old. At the time, it was easier for families to punish children with autism rather than understand them. We don't understand what we did wrong. We just know that pain feels bad. So, my coping mechanism for the physical punishment was to suck my thumb. That led to me getting harmed even more frequently. Said stepfather is in prison now, and I don't know where he is, but my babyhood will forever be burned in my head. I do have a question for anyone who red this much: if you are a 2000 baby and you grew up with autism, is my story similar to your life?
Wow Man I'm sorry that u have gone thru this I agree with u it's always the adults rights And Autism is still Not WELL understood to this day, Also It's good that ur stepfather is in prison, also btw REMEMBERING bad childhood and traumatic moments Is a symptom of PTSD, Infact I prob have PTSD too honestly
This happened to my little brother… he joined the army and we don’t talk much. He prefers his solitude. I try to respect it since my mom always feels entitled to him. It haunts me all the time. I hope he’s feeling more at peace now.
As annoying as I find my mom now, I'm glad my parents never did any of these things to me. I had a great childhood. It puts my current relationship with her in a new, positive perspective. I also am careful to not do any of these things to my daughter. I have definitely said things to her when I was angry that I regret, but I've always apologized afterwards.
😂 ah, so parenting isn't as easy as you youngins' think? Don't worry , you'll make more mistakes as they get older and you'll continue to apologize and they'll one day look back and consider you a toxic parent for causing them trauma. It's a generational thing. Your mom did it to you, her mom did it to her, your daughter will do it to her kid and on and on.
thats understandable but not every paremt apologise, not every parent is understanding some are arrogant and naracistic that they, deny and have selective memory, and avoid accountability. your own experience isn't uiversal!!!! @@dollardeals01
@@dollardeals01 The thing is, I've never thought my mom was a toxic parent while I was growing up. IShe only became annoying in my adulthood. I have watched old family videos and can compare her current behavior to them. She's so much more toxic now than she was then. And I don't believe it's inevitable that your kids grow to think you're a toxic parent at I've seen plenty of adults who adore their parents and love spending time with them.
@@socialmoth4974, my point being, every generation always thinks they know better, are smarter, have more resources, and therefore, will be better parents to their own kids, yet these issues continue and will do so into the distant future. Kids, teens, adults, all perceive their family relationships through different lenses. I complain about my parents, they complain about theirs, mine complain about me, and I know theirs will complain about them. It's a never ending cycle.
Yup, my mom just pulled the guilt trip on me last night because I dared to make myself dinner and lunch for the next day. Considering the fact that I have work in an hour (7 AM), I just wanted to make sure I had food. She asked if there was enough for her, and all I said was "I have to make more" Somehow this turns into a rant about how ungrateful I am and how she fed me for 29 years (I've been buying my own food as long as I've had a job) . Okay, if you didn't want an extra mouth to feed, why did you have me????? EDIT: SHE ONLY EVER COOKS FOR HERSELF, WHY SHOULD I BE EXPECTED TO FEED HER TOO? SHE DIDN'T USE PROTECTION AND HAD A CHILD WITH A MAN SHE DIDN'T LOVE AND SHE TOOK IT OUT ON SAID CHILD, I HAVE NO SYMPATHY ANYMORE. I AM DONE.
That whole "i fed you and took care of you", is so crazy to me. These people woke up and chose to have children but some how feel like they are doing their children a favour!!! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
@@gmylap7344 I have PSTD because of my family and if you can understand what had happened to you, and you can accept that your parents did it reeeally wrong, you will not going to repeat the behaviour. Those who repeat the behaviour are those who can't accept theirs parents are wrong or they in fact don't love them (if it is the case). So they normalize violence in order to not having to accept all of that. I have a kid and I am not repeating their behavoiur. I am the parent I wanted to have for me, but for this little and amazing person, with her own personality, dreams and goals. So, it is ok if you dont want have childrens but if you want, that do not have to be a reason.
My father used to beat me with a belt even if I did nothing wrong. For example he would yell at me for talking to my aunt he hates, and I start crying. So he tells me to clean my room and suddenly gets out the belt because I can’t do it because I was sobbing. And my mom and dad wonder why I had so much bad aggression in school. My parents divorced when I was 2, and there was a brutal custody battle when I was 14 after my dad actually punched me and kicked me because I kicked a wall lightly because he wouldn’t give me my medication correctly. I developed bipolar 1 when I was 4 years old and diagnosed at 5 years. Which is rare. I also regrettably use to beat other kids up at school for bullying me and then get secluded and Restrained for it by school staff. I was also later diagnosed as autistic. I often feel like I just make everything worse for everyone around me and I can’t do anything right. I stopped talking to my dad a little over a year ago. I found out through my mom that he’s been trying to find ways to get back at me for cutting ties with him. Sometimes it’s physically painful to hear that.
@@poot-pootthanks, it means a lot. I don’t like to be touched any longer without flinching, and I get triggered really easily. I’m trying to create a better life for myself without him in it. I write lyrics about him a lot.
I may be no parent but even thats to far, punching you? Kicking you? Punishing you for no reason? That guy has gotta be one of the worst people I heard of. I wish the best for you in life.
I would definately look into a something about restraining orders or something similar. Being that vindictive towards your own child that you abused is demented as hell.
Imma flex in yall: I'm a gen Z, almost gen A kid (2010) and I dint speak or watch any form of brainrot while maintaining real life school relationships and going outside to bike and be with friends all while having loving parents ❤️
@@AngeallsTo be clear Gen Z goes from 1997-2012 as you would've grown up with consoles like the Xbox 360 or PS3 (just an example, yeah, I'm 12, no I dont spout utter brainrot but I have hope that I'm Gen Z as those are my beliefs)
My parents were neglectful (emotional and supervision neglect mostly, but later in teens artificial financial and food insecurity) and emotionally abusive. Not sure if she is but my mom definitely has narcissistic traits. And I swear they all got selective memory. Some less gross highlights I feel like sharing: Not going to my sister's 18th birthday party because 'I didn't get a special invite', Screaming at us for not understanding homework and laying hands on my sister, Telling me how would anyone ever love me. Dont remember. Never happened. Never said that. Then dad had the guts to write me "I feel like I am losing my children, you all barely talk to me. Are you mad at me? I think it is unfair you are treating me like this. Are you blaming me for things? Parent arent perfect you know". So thats close to a confession I guess
I had the same things happen to me but I'm always surrounded by people who have a good relationship with their parents and they assume everybody else had, I can never relate to these types. I was literally kicked out on to the street at 18 to fend for myself cause I quit my 12 hour job so I'd have time to focus on music. I never went back home besides Christmas. Then at 25 I went back into education to change my position in life, my mom after all those years not supporting me says, don't forget to focus on your music. she never supported me before then or showed any interest. I hate them.
That last thing is what I like to call a backhanded confession. Admitting _that_ there were mistakes made-but then not only neglecting to acknowledge what those mistakes were, but also guilt-tripping their victim for calling them out or distancing themselves. It's a bit sneakier than straight-up gaslighting the victim about it, but not by much. It sounds like a confession, but it's still designed to make the victim feel bad about it rather than what a confession (ideally followed by an apology) _should_ be about: taking accountability for harm done. My dad usually did a mix of the two. He and I haven't spoken in a year and a half, and my life has been so much better for it. I will never understand how certain people can bring themselves to treat other people like that, especially when said people are as vulnerable and dependent on them as their own children
Bruh. -I literally have no motivation in life -I have dreams but I'm uncertain if I'll ever a) Be able to accomplish it or b) Have my parents/loved ones accept it -I used to see school as a nightmare but not only do I see both home and school as a nightmare, I get angry everytime I see my mother's car parked outside the house from my bus. -I wake up unhappy, go to school unhappy, get energised and be happy from school, then immediately get back unhappy from the bus, and only be happy at home when nobody talks to me -I am constantly unsure of myself -I constantly think of other's opinions about me -I constantly say that I hate myself -I constantly want to please people -I constantly put other people's needs before mine -I constantly think I'm a waste of sperm -I constantly feel guilty for doing things that make me happy -I constantly think that my only purpose in life is to make other people happy -I'm constantly unsure if my friends are actual friends, or even good people in the first place -I constantly wonder about my purpose in life -I constantly wish to avoid people, even my father who lives abroad with my half-sisters, even though he did absolutely nothing wrong to me -After every argument, I wonder if she even puts herself in my shoes, I wonder what she actually thinks of me, and no matter how backwards she made herself in the conversation, I always end up being guilt-tripped by myself and her -I constantly regret my actions -I cry at least 5-6 times a month -I make scenarios in my head that makes me want to fight my mother after every argument -I constantly feel like nobody loves me -I constantly want to be in the conversation, but everytime I'm in there, I feel like I ruin it -I constantly want to be in the conversation, but it doesn't feel like I could be in it -Ever since 2023 my own teachers have been asking me if I'm alright -I constantly lie to everyone who asks if I'm alright -I constantly feel like I want to scream but I should either stop because it's a pussy-thing to do, or stop because nobody will hear me -I constantly want to curl up into a ball and weep -My bedroom is my only safe space -I'm afraid to do what I want to do because I feel like she'll ruin it, mock me for it, or make me feel like a child -She never learns from our arguments -She constantly makes me feel worthless -She constantly uses Christianity, how worthless I am, or how worthful others are to shun me away -I hate wearing masks to other people -Every argument she says I have this rebellious,, pent up anger (lol), and says I need to move out and get a job quickly But, then again, I'm supposed to bear with this for the next 3 years, give her money when she retires, and give her kids and a lavish lifestyle because I'll become a millionaire -I want her to die lonely, angry, and miserable -I never want her to see my kids -And I never want to see her again after I successfully and permanently moveout I do. Not. Care. For the bare minimum things she has done as a parent. I don't remember a single 'I love you', I don't remember a reasonable 'I'm sor', and I can't for the life of me see how she'll self-reflect and see the countless times she's in the wrong, and see how badly she's affected my mental state for the past 5 years Highschool so far is the worst period of my life, and I have 3 more years to see how worse it could get I hope to God I'll be saved I hope to God all of my prayers will be answered to And I hope to God that none of the bad things I wish for my mother will actually happen. I just want her to understand and improve. But the definition of insanity is right there, and I'd be more insane than I already am to think that anything would change from the last 16 years of my life Read your Holy Book, be honest with yourself, and preserve your mental sanity. Please. If you're like me, you 100% also feel like you can't say this to anybody else. Don't try to take your anger out in the world, yourself, or other people. Just do the things you're able to do that make you happy, and preserve yourself so you don't grow insane with a case in the future. Hopefully I will too.
I relate to you, even though my parents learned very quickly that doing these type of stuff with me, might mess my mental health in the future. To be honest, I don't think I want to leave my parents alone, because most of the things that happened between us served as a stepping stone to improve our relationship nowadays. Anyways I hope your life will be better and that you can be truly happy. (English is not my first language, sorry for any mistake)
Relating to alot of this, except I mostly think and know I'm too good for the bullshit I'm in and I only hate myself when I hurt others I care about I'm sorry
I was in this exact same situation up until just a few days ago. My solution? Put yourself first. I stopped caring about everything else and just decided to focus on myself. I got back into art and music, rearranged my room, reconnected with friends, and I found a good therapist free of charge (my tutor's husband). I'm self isolating from my shitty parents and I've proven to them that I am no longer under their jurisdiction. My parents gave up on me a long time ago, but instead of feeling miserable about it and worrying about everyone else (like I have always done my whole life, which led to me having no sense of self) I realised that I was finally free. No one expected anything from me anymore. I wasn't the perfect golden child anymore, I was myself. I haven't felt this happy in years. I have finally discovered myself. Regarding your mother, I'd just say you should isolate from her and just ignore her as much as possible. Lighten your heart, big man. Hopefully my advice can be of some help to you ❤ P.S: I'm gonna confess to my crush today so wish me luck!
I’m so happy that this video was made and people are finally starting to understand this, I always feel like a villian whenever I say I don’t have a relationship with my parent
My mom always compared me to other kids whether it’s my siblings or my classmates. She always assumed that other kids were better than me every time I said “try meeting the kids in my class”.
There needs to be a task force in the justice system to identify parents with NPD who are abusing their children. This is literally one of the most significant issues that bring disaster to the world. NPD child abusers are beyond sickening.
so so so many of them, but they're not getting caught because they're everywhere and think its normal and ok. there are instances of this being a bloodline problem too, my mom was beat and she beat and abused me and my sibling
It took me years to realize I had trauma from how my mom treated me. It wasn't even the belt. I was calling me "destructive," always comparing me to my peers in a negative light, shaming me for not being her dress-up doll or liking girly things, calling everything I love a phase, threatening to kick me out over setting boundaries, financially punishing me for trying to become independent (ie. suddenly charging me rent that takes half my income just because I got a retail job), and gossiping about me to friends and family. The only family member who understand is my brother going through it too. Now she wonders why we don't trust her and have depression and self-confidence issues. My mom bullied me worse than my middle school and high school classmates combined.
Omg, do we have the same mom and brother? Lol, I feel a lot of pain sometimes remembering the good times, but everyday I'm reminded that my mental health is more important than dealing with someone who lacks a fundamental respect for my personhood.
The worst part is I know my dad’s a narcissist, and I know the best course of action is therapy, and my sister who’s getting her PhD in psychology agrees, too bad my dad thinks he’s above therapy and he can’t have anything wrong with him
In his defence, the social stigma surrounding psychiatric care is stronger in the older generations, and it doesn't help that establishment mental health care is slow to recognize CPTSD as a major factor in our mental health crisis. Abuse is so engrained in our culture that it's hard to recognize.
@@kellywalker1664 I don't think there's a question of social stigma stopping narcissists getting help: I think it's because narcissists refuse to admit to being ill or in pain or needing help of any kind. Surely we know by now that they're perfect people?
ohhh so u use the excuse Called "But come on ur parents had worser parents that is why they're acting like this" Bro If Parents can't be parents they shouldn't be parents
I'm someone who doesn't love my mom anymore and has a bit of a strained relationship with both of my parents because of it. I didn't realize it was a problem until I was telling stories about my childhood to my friends and everyone thought my mom sounded like she was controlling. I don't plan to attend my mother's funeral whenever that happens (she has a condition where she's more likely to die before my father statistically) and it's solely because I can't feel love towards her anymore. My partner even thinks my mom is manipulative and that's only after seeing the less harsh aspects of the verbal abuse for a week.
I want to be a parent one day and I grew up with excellent parents so learning about all this is just shocking to me. Yeah they weren't the best since they were abused themselves, but it's all about healing and being able to not repeat the same mistakes.
Some parents say they won't make the same mistakes, and maybe they don't -- but they definitely make their own mistakes. My parents both suffered severe physical abuse. And while I did get spanked (something I will NEVER do to my children), that was all they did in that regard. The mistake they made was not abuse but neglect. Emotional, mental neglect. I never learned anything. I never learned how to handle big emotions, I never learned how to learn new things. I was never given space to fail, I was never taught. They never TAUGHT me anything.
@@zadarasimoleons1019well, remember the lessons you weren't taught and make sure to teach your kids those things. They will surely appreciate your efforts and honor you by going online and complain about their slave driver mother, who forced them to do things they don't want to do.
@@MomeGnome "All parents make mistakes" is an excuse. EVERYBODY makes mistakes. That doesn't mean they aren't responsible for their mistakes. Doesn't mean they don't have a responsibility to apologize for their mistakes. Definitely doesn't mean that their mistakes should just be accepted and expected.
Negligence, narcissism and addiction ruled my childhood, resulting in physical, psychological and sexual abuse and violence. And all before I hit 10. It’s taken another 40 years of living, therapy and change to get me here. Literally every one of your points feature in my youth. But you can make it, there is light at the end ❤❤❤
The worst thing is, when you try to do something to help with the family for example, trying to make a channel on UA-cam. It takes you months, even years to get a channel together, and when you take a break and they see you, they call you lazy when they don't know what your feelings are and what you've been through just to start something to help your family. What I mean is that some parents don't appreciate what their kids do for them.
im a teen who is raised in an asian household and who has parents who treat me like property, guilt trip me, compare me, treat me as a trophy child and gets corporal punishment
I’m a daughter of a mother with a lot of her own issues, and when I got to an age where I felt really uncomfortable with her seeing my body, she took it personally. It actually creeped me out about how she felt she had a right to see me without clothes on until I left at 18. It felt so weird and almost sexual, and I’m having a hard time processing this in my 30s now.
"I made you; I can touch you if I want," is a thing my dad used to say all of the time. He didn't touch me in a creepy way, I want to make clear. It was more like he'd pet my head in a, "Look at how cute my daughter is," way. I'd always ask, "Why are you touching me?" and he'd always say that. It didn't really bother me, but I'm not really a touchy person, so I didn't find it necessary.
He just loved you a lot. That's actually good, because most people here didn't experience growing up with good parents. I'm an only child and my father used to pat my head every day 😆
That's very true. When you have your kids, make sure to ask for permission before any physical contact. It could be misconstrued as sexual abuse. Never hug or touch your kids. It makes them soft.
@@NikosM112 Bro, those type of people hate when they’re kid is expressing themselves. They would also call you stupid if their opinion is different from yours.
When I was a child my narc father treated me like garbage because I knew nothing and couldn't do anything. So I grew up, did exactly what everyone told me to do and now he hates me for knowing more and doing more than him. You can't even fix the relationship between yourself and a narc parent and the worst mistake I made was listening to normal people with zero clue was going back to them repeatedly. And then those same people have the gall to tell me I should have known better.
Agreed, the video gets into some very difficult and triggering subject matter but is able to soften the blows with humor, so we can face the gaping maw without getting shut down. Not an easy feat as far as I know.
The comparing to other kids thing is so real; the daughter of our family friend is a talented artist, and my mum would constantly gas up her artwork, but never say anything about mine or even encourage me. I was never jealous of this girl or her artwork, I just felt sad about being treated as invisible by my own mother. It wasn’t until I started a job in a creative workplace where my ideas and artwork were praised, encouraged, critiqued and improved upon where I finally started to feel better about myself and my own artwork where her lack of support no longer affected me, cos it became her word vs my coworkers. Not only that, but the girl’s art career took off and I was in her cheering corner. She put her prices up and now all of a sudden, my mum’s got nothing to say! Now this girl and I are becoming friends. Sure, I still find it a bit sad that my mum made me feel this way for years, as if I should see this girl as competition or something, but now I feel a lot better about myself.
I remember hearing my mom talking about the physical abuse as a scare tactic into respecting her, little does she know it’s made me grow a deep seed of resentment for her! I’m 21 now and she still does it to this day, backing me into corners and making me second guess my decision of speaking up for my boundaries!
Moving out was one of the best decisions I ever made. I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. Both of my parents blame the other for my mental problems, but it was a combination of both of them...
I grew up with a narcissistic mom. She was physically abusive, but i always defended her. I thought it was normal, everyone in my family witnessed it and never did anything about it. It isn’t normal. A lot of people who grew up in the culture where physical abuse its used as the primary form of discipline are so desensitized to it that they excuse it. I get it though, we love our families and we tend to forgive alot of the harmful things they do, but as an adult i could never look at a child and want to lay my hands on them, and it terrifies me that being physical with a person half your size as a solution to behavioral issues is so common. Generational trauma, teaching kids violence is the answer, bitterness and resentment towards parents, this is all that hitting your kid is causing
Whooping occured with hands only, but solitary confinement to the bathroom with just bread and a water cup for weeks other than school was so much worse. I literally pulled my hair out I was so bored in there. But there'd have been hell to pay for just walking out. Also, don't lock your autistic meltdown-ing child in the garage in just a towel and wet hair in all seasons before and after puberty!! Ugh, cruel and unusual "natural consequences." They told me if i behaved like an animal, I'd be treated like an animal. But honestly, if your autistic kid is ending in meltdown more days than not during "discipline," i think the parents are the problem. And they threated me with boarding school at 12!!
When I was a child, I straight up told my mother I'd never call or visit her once I was an adult. She brushed it off as if I wasn't serious. To this day I haven't responded to her 50 unanswered texts.
Another style is ghost parenting. They are Always physically there but never mentally for you. They always are tired and never have energy for you. This is how my childhood was like. I never had any bonding moments between my dad or mom and each time i tried it didnt last long at all before they made up excuses to not do it or just said they'll get to it but never do. I'm not close to either one of them to this day and feel the deep consequences of this kind of parenting. No friends and strong feelings of apathy and aimlessness in life bombard my head daily. Wish more could relate so I could connect but in the end I wouldn't wish it upon any other children out there
@@dollardeals01 Actually, studies show that repressing your emotions reduces your lifespan. So, instead of living, you'd only be surviving at best. If you had absolutely nobody in your life, you wouldn't be able to "suck it up."
My father is immature and abusive to his family and my mother is a ghost parent. She didn’t want to play games, joke with you, stop her kids from crying and etc. So now I’m trying to express emotion and not get so physically angry. What a great combo lol
“Golden child” syndrome makes me think of the song number in the recent Adam Sandler kids movie Leo, where the titular lizard character gets the rich girl in class to learn that she doesn’t need to constantly push herself to be “that great,” in order to feel happy and validated. We really need to stop putting so much pressure on literal children’s shoulders.
I don't know why this made me cry. In my childhood, I was subjected to bullying at school and abuse and beatings from my mother at home. I lived in hell, and the ironic thing is that I direct all that hatred towards myself. I treat everyone with kindness, even those who hurt me, but I am the last person I treated with kindness. I don't understand why This happens to me, I feel like trash and that I don't matter
You remind me of Jesus, accused, tortured and murdered when he was trying to save the world (according to christianity). Maybe religion would help you, choose either christianity or islam and pray in secret. Their books are the most uplifting things for a believer
why did the parent in my life do everything on this list. Ive always told my therapists my father was a narcissists but every time they would say no, he probably just doesnt know how I feel. Ive told this man, the way he treats me was always the reason I tried to end my life. And I got a, why havent you then.
@@MaddieSchnitzel thankfully that one quit herself, I couldnt ask for a new one at the time since I was a minor but as an adult I have an amazing therapist and family doctor. Things get better even if its small steps at first
ohmahgod... i was a toxic parent raised by toxic parents. almost every single thing youve described was me and was my parents before. my youngest was 17 when i even began to realize the words i had heard as a child and repeated to my child were so extremely wrong. im lucky because my kids walked me through this reality. it was hard and painful to realize all the ways i thought i was honoring my child only to fully realize i was doing the opposite based on my needs for life to be the picture i had in my mind. do not do this alone. seek therapy and listen to your kid with only the intention of hearing (not listening but Hearing). it feels like an attack at first but how they feel is how they feel and we need to acknowledge this fact first. let them be heard and marinate in their words before responding..
Being compared to other successful kids and watching all my efforts not being good enough legit made me think my parents will be so much happier if I were to die or disappear someday and get replaced with the golden trophy child of their dreams, no kid should ever be in a situation where they start thinking as I did
I had a really good family, now I don't know if it's a stereotype for people to think Asian families are strict. But I kinda see why but I don't fully agree with that. I have an understanding and nice mom, it doesn't matter what subject it is, she'll try her best to help me with it. Same thing with my dad, He was nice, he'd question me if I do something wrong like punch a kid (I'd do that only for a good purpose such as defending myself) and then he will understand but he will tell me to not do it again, and only if it comes to it. My dad's side of the family was extremely strict and he is still kind of scarred from it. He is not exactly comfortable talking about it but he's cut contact with his parents and grandparents, and I mean STRICT STRICT. He refuses to go anywhere if he knows his grandparents or parents are there. But anyways, I just see these comments and I never really think families are generally bad. EXCEPT when I read these comments, lordy these experiences are just something I can't imagine having to go through. I genuinely hope you have therapy and someone to talk to if you are really thinking of this.
My PhD interests brought me here. This was legit and I'm glad to see more people making content on shitty parenting. In a time where "parental rights" are being fought over, these points need to be a lot more mainstream.
Ironically more than half of my trauma comes from teachers: blame, guilt tripping, frustrated for anything we did, never good enough, golden pedestol student we had to be etc
Brazil seems to not have this much of a problem, because the school i go to (and went to for well over... I dunno, 13 years at this point) doesn't have thse shitty teachers... But... I'm so sorry to hear that you jad to go through horrible, HORRIBLE things in such an important part of your life, man.
This video seems painfully accurate. Not saying my personal experience was that bad but they are switching with being normal and being so toxic. And that changing thing is so awkward boundaries and privacy is so important.
I recently admitted that I did grow up in an abusive environment. It was very difficult, scary, and freeing. Now, I am looking for good family counselors to start the healing process.
Yep. My dad would beat me and my siblings if we got bad grades on tests, report cards, or just didn't turn in our homework because we didn't finish it. Really he'd beat us for anything we did bad. that was the only punishment. My mom on the otherhand didn't beat us. She just took our phone or told us to read a book and sit in our room with no tv. Sometimes my dad would do these with the addition of beating us. It's why we really don't speak to him much now that our parents are divorced. We all live with our mother.
@ShinoriDelfrim Your mother is a good woman, treasure her while you can. People like that who are reasonable and give punishments that logically correlate with the offence, are the parents and teachers we need in the world. And let's be real, in your adult life, you will never be beaten for a mistake of unscrupulous action. It isnt okay to beat a literal rspist or murderer, how the hell do these people defend beating a child? It's pure hypocrisy at its roots
I hate when parents consider themselves like an angel from heaven saying things like "maybe if I would hit you like other parents do maybe you will be grateful" well no actually hitting your children to "educate" them is not normal Giving me a roof over my head and food is a normal thing that all parents are supposed to do I'm not going to kiss your feet because of that or consider you a god because I simply exist as your responsibility 
My parents doted on me when I did well at school. When I struggled they drank or withdrew, which caused me to struggle more. By the end of school, I had no emotional support at all.
@@dollardeals01of course they did. The point is they ignored me if they couldn't use me to prop up their own sense of worth. Parenthood was only worth investing in when it made them feel good about themselves.
I'm mad that after all they did, now my parents get to have a great relationship with a sucessful child. Especially my father. But my friend said "he doesn't deserve a kid after all of that, but you do deserve a father". My therapist agreed but wants me to set boundries by making them admit the abuse.
I got sexually assaulted by my mom’s boyfriend last year and my mom’s whole response was “it’s your fault” and “people change, you should forgives him.” She was there and I kept telling her that he was creeping me out and she didn’t fucking believe me. Then she went back downstairs and he came back groped me… this is literally the tip of the iceberg and I’ve tried cutting her out of my life a few times but I can’t bc I need her 😭 I don’t feel comfortable around her boyfriend (she’s never gonna leave him) so yeah
I am so sorry that happened to you and I am so sorry you have her in your life still because you need her. None of that was your fault and that’s not how forgiveness works. They’re bastardizing it and you don’t have to ever forgive if you don’t want to. Please keep trying and I hope you can get away from them asap ): You deserve better and you always did. They don’t deserve you in their life. I know this doesn’t help or change anything but please keep hanging on and please reach out to others who might be able to help you. I’m in a somewhat similar situation if you ever need anyone to talk to ):
well i know this sound dumb but try cintacting your friend for a place to lives and get as much evidence as possible when your mom bf violated you and have stable income and connection then report this to the police as much as you need your mom there couple way to make you not depend on her
Dude.. Now I don't have any personal experience with this nor do I understand how it feels but I can read this and already know this is not acceptable. That boyfriend is shit.
Abusive fathers and men like this put a bad image on our reputation. Not every small action we do has malicious intent. And we're not always trying to be thanked. Most of us are just normal ass people. Im so sorry that happened to you and fuck that dude.
Many times when parents do harmful stuff to their children they don't think of the lifelong consequences of those actions later in life for both the parent and child. Sadly as an adult I am now in the situation where I am beginning to turn away from my father and walk away. In my case he was never emotionally there for me and was always very distant, I know that emotional distance and lack of emotional support and proper communication is another reason why adult children walk away. There was never any affection, he just thought doing the bare bones of parenting such as keeping a roof over the head and the materialism was all that was needed. My father also decided to have a mistress on the side when my mother got hurt and needed him, he then dumped her for said mistress and pretty much abandoned me as well, he pretty much destroyed the family, we lost almost everything. Almost 2 decades have passed since then and he has never bothered to say sorry for the abandonment and never bothered to be more involved in my life, zero acknowledgment to all the pain and ruin he caused. To this day I suffer from depression and anxiety, my social life in my adult hood suffered because of the trauma and ptsd that came with it. Due to me feeling like I never mattered due to his distance and betrayal I had to really work with myself to understand that I am worth something even if my so called father never made me feel that way by his actions. Sometimes making the decision to leave is the healthiest thing to do.
blaming children for existing is like shitting on the floor and blaming the shit for being on the floor
are you literally comparing child to a shit
Damn, I am definitely using that later
lol 100+ likes yippee happy happy happy
Exactly! You Don't Get To Pee On Your Own Front Porch Then Complain To Me Or The Next Person That It Stinks. You Grab A Mop And Clean The Pee Up Before It Starts To Smell.
Blaming me for my existence? Bru you gave birth to me
What kills me is when shitty parents act surprised when their physical abuse means their kids don't talk to them once they become independent adults. Like, you told me for years "my house, my rules," and you're surprised that I take that to heart when I don't have to live with you anymore?
Couldn't have said it any better
It's pretty simple: they never think they're wrong, and their mentality reject the thought itself. It's even worse when you're successful, they'll think "I raised my child right". Honestly sickening
@@Double_D__ what pisses me off is when my parents don’t actually follow their own rules in front of my face they make it up as they go along and expect me to do everything perfectly the way they want me to behave and if I make one wrong move I get punished and it’s for nothing because that rule didn’t exist in the first place 😑
„Why don’t you ever come to visit me?“
„Your house, your rules, right? I don’t like these rules, I never did. Back than I had no choice but to stay. Finally I do and I am staying away as far as I can“
They don’t see you as an autonomous subject or person capable of making their own life choices. They still see you as an object and possession tethered to them.
All children deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children.
Quote of the century
Literally@@TyrekeS
From a comment in a dhaar man vid
Well said
What the f does that mean. To have children it comes from a place of selfishness. It about what you want not about the kid.
When my mom compared me to other kids, I always answered “well maybe that’s because that kid has a better mom”.. and then I would get my butt whooped..
I say similar things to my father when he runs his mouth.
Dude I got a story for you. Growing up my brother. Sister. And I were not allowed to go to school. My parents never enrolled us in any schooling of any type. My first day at school was when I took my GED test. Not only that my dad was a jailer who worked nights so as kids if we made any noise during the day we were dead. Also because we were not in school my parents hid us from the senses people and other that would come which means we could not go outside a lot of the time. So growing up my childhood was a prison.
@@ByGraceWeAreSave dude, that’s horrible, but if it makes it easier, school is not a place of freedom either
@@risingrat5491 God Almighty save my sister my brother and me. We are all better off now in spite of what my parents did. I and they live as a testimony that The Lord Jesus Christ can save and change anyone. Because of my upbringing i became a porn addict at 12. An alcoholic at 18. And much much more after I joined the army. But Christ in His ever abounding grace and mercy saved my siblings and myself from the path we were lead to walk because of our parents. There are a lot of people watching this video and to all who see this comment. Jesus Christ saves. And if He will save a porn addicted. drug addicted. Evil man I was. And change me to be what He wants. He will save anyone. So please all who read this come to Christ. He wont leave you. He wont abandoned you. And He only teaches you good.
yeah, parents don't like it when you're right
My dad would always guilt trip me about raising me. I grew up feeling a lot of shame for my existence.
I hate that excuse because no one asks to be here including your father so parents guilt tripping their children merely for existing is so asinine
I felt like a burden
serouisly like you had us why do i have to always your job
Same I wished I was never born man.
My dad used to do this thing where he would be frustrated with one child specifically but then it was always "you three kids are just so disrespectful" and I just knew because he was kind of forced to have kids and a nice house and a job he didn't like he resented us and hated his life. Like first of all I didn't ask to be born.
The biggest lie I was ever told as a child was “Tell the truth and you won’t get in trouble.”
same i wish i was adult so i can have my own house
At this point, I come up with the most convincing lie. Or the most unconvincing truth just to see them getting pissed off before coming with proof
Same here
Right, I learned and when I work with children I just tell them. Tell me the truth and get in less trouble now, or tell me a lie, and maybe fool me, or if I catch the lie now or later and risk getting in more trouble.
And this is why I have trouble even speaking let alone telling the truth😢
Parents say that punishment besides hitting kids doesn't get through to their kids, but that's just because their kids have been taught that it isn't that serious if they didn't get hit. If you go through the steps of coming up with consequences that fit the situation and explaining to your kids why you give these consequences, instead of just hitting your kids, then hitting them won't be necessary.
Also, here's a quote i like: "if we hit our partners, it's abuse. If we hit strangers, it's assault. If we hit another adult we know, it's assault. But if we hit our kids, it's called discipline?"
THISS
It is illegal in Europe.
@@eveperiod4402The parents create ipad kids themselves.
Hitting kids teaches them violence, not discipline.
Hello stranger, I am what would be considered still a kid (I'm 17), but I think I might be an example of this "talking to them doesn't get through to them" thing. When I was 4 to 10 years old I was used to whopping regularly, all kinds of them for all kinds of reasons. I have a few social disabilities and I used to have a rough time socializing with family, and for that I would be beat for. I used to have a lot of dietary preferences and for that I would be beat for. I was scared to tell ANYTHING to my parents in fear of a beat down. If I was ever in trouble I would do everything in my power to keep it to myself, and I grew distrustfull of my parents and afraid of them. Until, one day, my parents stopped. They stopped beating me all together, and have since started to talk to me and give me real consequences, and also match the punishment to the crime. And I can say that this type of rigidness from a parent is literally what made me a good functioning member of society. It wasn't the whoppings, it was all the talks and reflection. The real conversations with real consequences. The best thing a child can have from a parent is their trust, and that's what makes me thrive. I want to make my parents feel like they can trust me, and that I can trust them. That's why our relationship works, and you can only get there by conversation and self awareness to do good and bad. Sorry for the long rant, I just found that maybe an experience from a person who experienced both of the parenting techniques would be interesting. So, yeah, beating your kids won't make them respect you, they'll fear you. But talking to them will create a mutual understanding and trust that only a parent could have with their child. And even if you already have beaten your child, it isn't over yet, you can have a meaningful relationship with them, but it needs time and commitment.
Doing the most basic things you're supposed to do as a parent does not make you a saint. Too many parents use the phrase "I gave you the roof over your head, clothes you're wearing and food you're eating" as some sort of huge favour when it is actually, a default setting, a necessity.
Agreed!
Both of my parents are the same thing that you say. They think they are 'saints' just because they gave me "everything". Yet they complain like little babies. Such is society @charlim2479
"Oh but some parents don't do that!" ffs
Yeah like I wasn't asked to be born I don't mean to be rude but if someone decides to become a parent they have to take that responsibility seriously
@@jking4854That's why they are in jail, shunned and disgusted by the mass with their children removed from them for good
Getting hit as a punishment only made me better at hiding and lying, it also made me lose respect for my parents. We teach children in preschool it's not ok to hit, yet adults hit children, make it make sense.
Yup children kinda understand bad lazy parenting 😂 if your children hate you without mental problems you are most likely the problem
I agree, screw anyone who hits a child for this reason, and because children are the most vulnerable people in existence. I'd never hit a child, especially if I already had kids.
The closest my dad ever got to hitting me was when I was learning to shoot, and had a negligent discharge. Even then it was more of a push while giving me a harsh lecture after I had cleared the rifle and put it down. He was not verbally abusive, he wanted to make sure I fully understood the consequences of a negligent discharge.
He has physically forced me down once, and he keeps saying that was one of his biggest regrets as his dad was violently abusive towards him and he wants to break that cycle.
My dad is a very flawed man, we don't speak much as we are both very different people, but he is still my dad and he has for the most part done right by me.
There are so many studies that confirm the harmful effects of hitting a child. From higher rates of delinquency to homicides, anti social behavior and etc.
Some children have been KILLED by their parents too! Because the 'discipline' often becomes a way to relief stress.
@@CodenamePrinceGod that is so revolting. Abusing your little defenseless child as an outlet for your stress.
I was raised in an Asian household and my parents somehow convinced me that literal physical abuse was good parenting.
My ex bf was Japanese and he accused me of trying to “isolate him from his support system” because I told him his dad beating him as a child was abuse. Really sad how brainwashed he is by them.
@III-bite087 if or when u have children and he EVER lays a hand on them set his ass straight
the same sh1th also happen here in Mexico, unfortunately 😢
Short story : We're swedish, in general hitting children is widely seen as not being a part of parenting, but ofc abuse happens. Years back, the family of an ex of mine lived in Ireland for the moms job during a few years. She was a professor. The mom told me about a conversation with a neighbour.
Mom : "Well in sweden we don't hit our children, it s not that it's against the law, we just don t do it."
Irish mom : Looks at her in utter confusion ... "...But How do you raise them?!"
That mentallity right there... scary
Good on you for being the 1 in 3 billion Asians that actually sees through that, instead of perpetuating the cycle out of weakness, cowardice, and laziness.
Mothers think they have every right to do anything to you just because she gave birth to you. It’s disgusting sometimes, really.
Edit: this topic has been popping up lately, but I feel I have to talk about the outside image parenting. Rather than focus on a child’s needs, they make them dress up or wear makeup and shit to please others. They don’t care if their child is comfortable or happy, as long as others think it’s nice.
Like bitch! Just because you held them for nine months doesn’t mean you can say that like it’s a one way ticket out of the argument!!
Yea my mom kept pinching my ass and it hurt and I was so annoyed she'd say she could touch me whenever she wanted and I always thought about pedophiles😭
I thought it was "i didn't ask to be born".
@@ReySchultz121idk what you mean
lol remeber that cote when mom go super saiyen 3 on your ass and say i brought you in this world and i can take you out of it lmao
One of the symptom of comparing your kids is that you make your children hate the others that are better than your child. You (the child) get jealous of them and as a result sometimes, you just want them gone. This is a feeling that I’ve been trying to avoid for so long. It sucks so much.
SAME MAN oh my god it sucks so fucking much whenever my family does that. It’s gotten to the point where I just hate being around my cousins because I feel like I’ll be pointed out for not being as preppy or neat as them. And then they wonder why I don’t like to hang out with them.
@@solarleaf2029 that’s the same story with me too. Moreover, my cousins were bullies too. In addition, My anti social ness has gone so far that when my grandparents were in the US, I barely talked to them. Didn’t even show my face. I mean I technically have nothing to talk about. It’s not like they understand what I go through. They’re simply a brick wall with no solutions and same old bullshit talking point.
Me to I feel like I’ve gotten better but I always felt like they had a better life than me and they didn’t understand how I felt what my life was like and what horrors I’ve seen in my life because I felt so alone…😢
@@Killua_Zoldyck3407 that’s exactly how I feel. My dad keeps saying that I’m not as excellent as other kids but my dad would never be able to raise a son or daughter that good. I’m that example lol. I feel so alone but there’s really nun I can do about it since I go to college and I have no job (yes I do but it pays less). I’m not free whatsoever.
Anyways I’m so glad that you told me this and I’m glad you’re doing better. I hope you continue to do better my man. I’m proud of you
Growing up with narcissistic parents, I was treated like a puppet. Voicing an opinion or doing anything outside of the “prescript” laid out for me led to being silenced, sparking a big argument, or even getting my ass whooped. Never felt respected and was always micromanaged as they were strict asl with any aspect in my life showing independence or self autonomy. As a senior graduating next year, I'm joining the military and cutting off all ties from my family. Seeking peace for the first time in 18 years, and I'll have no regrets gaining back control in my life.
I’m glad that you can finally be getting away from your parents. It sucks that they traumatize us and we end up feeling guilty for existing or just needing help
@@elstarnor4628Fax because they played mental games with us at such a young age that we internalize such as “You are going to understand when you get older, Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, When you have kids, You will understand, I gave you life, so I can take it away too.” Let me know if u ever heard these phrases
Man, your story sounds so familiar. I was in the “care” of a pair of abusive parents and grandparents. I was once slapped across the face for accidentally breaking a cigarette and was told I was evil by my bible thumping mother for liking Harry Potter… just 2 examples. I have found a lot of forgiveness in coming to the realization that they were truly doing the best they could. Some people’s best is just not that great. They were parenting me through the lens of their own trauma. I continue to work on it daily. The style that I base the parenting of my own child on now is being polar opposite to how my parents treated me. It took me many years to heal the crippling depression and lack of self worth or boundaries, then having my narcissistic mother tell me I should have stricter boundaries, when it was her and her mother that taught me my own thoughts, desires, beliefs and comfort had no value. None of my efforts were noticed and their only form of discipline was hitting and insults. My mother blatantly favored my obstinate, mis behaved, lazy little brother. She acted as though she never wanted a daughter at all. I’m finally out of the hell that was 16 years of severe alcohol addiction to overcome what they instilled in me. I have forgiven them, but they will be seeing very little of me moving forward, especially since I’m certain my mother would happily use me as her personal assistant/housekeeper, all the while believing she deserves that from me. I’m at peace now with the simple fact that I owe them nothing whatsoever. Especially my valuable time and emotional wellbeing that they clearly don’t see as important anyway. I can’t help but wonder sometimes what amazing things I could have had and achieved if I hadn’t been born to such ignorant people. But dwelling on the past is definitely not conducive to healing. Best wishes for you and your journey 🙏❤️
AT 74 AND A LIFETIME OF FAMILY OF NARC. VAMPIRES, SO GET OUT AND NEVER EVER RETURN, NARCISISISTICS DO NOT LOVE ANYONE,NOT YOU NOT ME, THEY DO NOT LOVE, AND THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!! AND YOU KNOW IT, SO GET OUT AND NEVER LOOK BACK OR THE VAMPIRES GET YOU AGAIN ! GOOD PLANS FOR YOUR FUTURE AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!
I went through this! I left at 18...well, four days before I turned 18 actually. Never looked back. It was hard and I suffered a lot, but a lot of that was because I didn't acknowledge what was going on, just kept trying to push forward and run away.
I'm 31 now. I have a child of my own, and I've started to dedicate my life to not only my kid, but to the world out there in general. I may have believed the lies told to me as a kid, but I will no longer accept someone's opinion of me as fact.
Getting the right kind of therapy has been instrumental in helping me through the toughest of times. Finding support and community is also very helpful. Wishing you luck and success out there! Believe in yourself!
Abusers don't stop abusing. I'm mid-forties and my parents are in their seventies and they are still some of the most awful people I have ever known. If anything they're worse because they can't hide it anymore.
Some don't, but that doesn't apply to all of them. Some can change.
Getting old is just an excuse to stop pretending, less of them not being able to hide and more not caring enough too
That’s what nursing homes are for
@decidueyezealot8611 My parents are the Peeping Tom's in the world. My dad's like women and my mom is a very uninterested person. I also have a friend of my mom that is a loser
i dont really wanna be disrespectful but how did they abuse you?
It's incredibly important to teach children boundaries. If you teach them that grown ups can touch them anyway they want - very bad stuff happen
I remember having a family member touching my backside. Nothing sexual but as a comfort to them. They must have thought I'd be okay with it but it was very uncomfortable 😅 Ive grown up to be awkward with physical contact unless it's my partner or kids
A good example of the "it's not my body but our body"
Ooof, dude this is such an underrated comment, seriously.
💯
it already happens if the parent does it to you
worse betrayal already
the parents have to know healthy boundaries themselves and most do not so their kids don't learn about them till way later in life if at all.
My Grandfather's response to breaking a window was to put out a pane of glass, putty, and tools beside the hole and expect you to fix it.
And you knew that if you needed help, you only had to ask.
Out of two parents, two step-parents, and eight grandparents, he was the only actual adult parent out of the lot.
Natural consequences parenting just makes so much sense. Kids learn life skills, understand why certain things shouldn't be done, and get to be helpful. They also learn to take responsibility for their actions on their own eventually.
Holy shit, that sounds amazing
Pretty much, he treated the kid like a tiny, dumb adult who is learning to become an older, bigger and smarter adult.
Kids are not property. They are humans who are learning to become independent.
@@Ozzianman Exactly!
@@uniquenewyork3325 And that they're not alone. If you needed help you just had to ask.
My mother:abused, guilt tripped, manipulated, and neglected her children.
Also her after losing custody: "I love you! Why are you accusing me?"
This comment has me thinking hard about the book and movie Coraline. The real world mother was negligent and dismissive, the Other mother was indulgent, but manipulative and ultimately physically abusive. Coraline was so blinded by the indulgence that she didn't see the dark side until it got too close to swallowing her. Didn't know the themes ran that deep til now. 😮
@@kellywalker1664 yeah the themes of the movie and book are telling of many things
Wait can you please tell me how it was if she lost custody that means that you wear under age I am actually going through the same thing and I just wanna know how it is please let me know🙏🏽
@@Oliver_The_GoblinI heard that everyone's families and everything are not perfect, yet like 80% of families in this world are pure evil. It's best to have a pet instead of humans
@@Jiafeiinyourarea me and my older brother were found alone in the house while she was out, nobody was supervising us, and my father built a case because of the bruises and welts on our bodies and the poor cleanliness of our home and ourselves.
I literally went no contact with my mom and I couldn’t be happier. The fact I can see myself going low or no contact with my dad says a lot. They both ignore me and my emotions, minimize my achievements, refuse to admit they’ve screwed up raising me, don’t apologize for mistakes etc etc. And then they wonder why I’m pissed around them..
Yeah bruv keep your own peace, fuck that shit
The reason why they ignore your feelings and think theirs is more valid than yours is, because when they were kids they were brought up the same way and they couldn't handle their own feelings and emotions. That's why they ignore yours, and they don't care about any of it. They only see you as their minion, or their slave to obey to their every command and demand they put towards you. That's not healthy. 😕
I know how you feel, because I been treated a similar way for a long time. I'm glad you found your way on your own. I can't wait til I do the same. ❤️🩹
I feel u!
I feel u best of wishes to u 🙏🏽
I also went no contact with my mom but my dad was my savior in adulthood until he just passed away last year
The saddest thing is that children inherently love their parents so much that they will justify the abuse their parents inflicted on them even after they become adults, saying that it made them into good people and they are proud that they endured that, as if they had the option not to. I really pitty adults that think like this and their children because im sure that if that child is not extremelly quiet, studious and cautios they will get beaten as well
Absolutely
No one loves someone for no reason
I never loved my dad after he started to abuse me
Stop assuming that kids are idiots and know the differenc between LITERAL LOVE and ABUSE AND BRAINWASH
Shame (Sometimes anyway)!
Sometimes there is a bad parents and good child who loved them,not always good parents love bad kids
how come i’m an outlier? at the age of 4 my mom gave me tons of disrespect, as in she would didn’t understand that my temper tantrums were actually me trying to tell her how i felt and that i wasn’t just misbehaving, and also she was seen as the meaner, stricter parent so from that early age i learned not to take her disrespect to heart. How come none of these people can relate, how do you not want to defend yourself when you’re vulnerable even when it’s coming from your parents?
I always find it interesting when people say “my parents beat me all the time for discipline, and I turned out fine”
No.. no you didn’t … 🤦🏻♂️
my brothers say this and they're terrible people, ones been in prison for something disgusting and the other lived on assistances for 10 years
My sister said this after telling me she would punish her future kids psychically and yikes she is the furthest from fine… 😢
I noticed that all of the people who said this tend to not really have good relationships with their parents though
They're probably laughing nervously and squirming in their seat as they say this.
Yea those people end up being hardasses or arrogant people lmao
My "mother" has been dead for close to 10 years and I still suffer from her abuse. I would rather stay single than to even risk dealing with an abusive MIL.
You have to forgive her.
@@ktg5713 Forgiveness is something she doesn't deserve. You have to go out of your way to harm others and it takes no energy to be kind. She chose to be kind only when it suited her, other then that it was physical or emotional abuse for whatever random reason she would come up with. Forgiving her to me would be acknowledging she was a shitty human who should be absolved of her crimes just because she died.
Specifically I cannot forgive her for beating me within an inch of my life for helping CLEANING and finding her pulse oximeter that battery died. She accused me of breaking it, beat me and grounded me. My father checked it, replaced the battery and all was good. I received no apology and was still punished because I was "doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing." Lesson I learned from her that day, don't help her clean or touch anything of hers less I be accused of breaking something else and beaten again for no reason.
Don't get me wrong, I fully understand the reasoning behind forgiving her. But if you can truthfully tell me that I need to forgive her I need a valid reason.
@@ktg5713 no
@@ktg5713Sometimes forgiving is something people doesn't deserve
Not everyone stays in touch with their parents so hopefully you can find a woman like that who is still sweet!
Strange how as kids we were always lectured to never fight back or retaliate against bullies, yet we were never advocated for when it came to getting hit by our own parents?
Oh my parents weren't like that. They wanted me to stand up for myself against everyone but themselves!
@@amazinggrapes3045 not every parent is the same
No thats just you.
@@adonisrose6217”The bigger person” culture makes it so that it’s, unfortunately, not just them.
@@TheimmureI hate that kinda culture so much
Sometimes it's ok to "stoop to their level" because when you think about it yall on the same playing field at that point so it's only fair
Hell as long as you didn't kill each other teachers would just monitor the fight make sure things don't go too far
Sometimes when you were younger you probably didn't know about guilt tripping, blackmailing, gaslighting, but now you understood what it caused you to be
god, i feel so called out.
Dad tried to kill me via choking me out, I got told by a nurse that I need to "Respect my parents.".
i got choked on our wooden stairsteps because i didn't want to go through hell aka getting my really curly hair done, she never let me do it myself nor take me to someone else, this was recently...back in 2021...i still hate my hair getting done i wish it was long again its breaking off now..... her excuse was "child services will come if i dont do it" its always the child services crap. wish you the best
wtf
@@FuchsiaRosaah yes, the child services hate curly hair but choking is a okay 🤦♀️
Holy shit im so sorry
I wonder how much that nurse was choked by their dad.
My friends mother got so upset when she found out her other kid got in trouble for hitting another kid on the playground, and she was like “Why would he do that? And I wanted SO BADLY to remind her that she hits him every single day for anything he does. Why he not interpret that as meaning “It’s okay to hurt people who anger you”
It's not even that they think it's okay, it's that they don't know what else to do
From my experience, they do it because it makes them feel good.
Their children are nothing more than a punching bag.
@@amazinggrapes3045bingo
@@amazinggrapes3045isn’t any better imo
Your silence is complacency, you should've told her
My family hid my autism diagnosis from me since I was little going to different therapists looking for a "second opinion" my whole life and made me think I wasn't trying hard enough or that it was all my fault. I'm 32 and didn't know this information until I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia 5 years ago and now looking for adult autism assessment which is extremely difficult. I'm also in therapy for the rest of my life and on permanent disability.
Truly... The most "respecting" parents ever
@@qua_xor3348 They had no actual futures plans for me at all beyond living with them and when they couldn't stand me anymore, I was cast out. I'm better off without that kind of "family" and am happy with the people I have now.
I’m sooo sorry this has happened to you. My mom revealed to me I was diagnosed with ADHD but she said she didn’t want me “on medication” she didn’t tell me until my twenties. I wonder what life would’ve been like if I did have the help I needed (medication!!!)
@@ttheartsu My brother was diagnosed but my mom wants to believe it was a misdiagnosis and that medication is evil (even though she takes feckin 3 that never proved to actually be of help!)
She also denied to my face that I could ever have ADHD and told me “it’s a label for being lazy”
So… So my brother was DIAGNOSED with “lazy”
Gotcha. Mhm. Never even attempted a second opinion, just got several outdated books and decided my brother doesn’t actually have a disorder. Still gives him special treatment though because he’s her precious wittle boi and needs more support than her 4 struggling daughters ever could.
@@ttheartsuyea same happened to me wasn’t told I had ADHD until I was failing COLLEGE, said he thought I grow out of it and didn’t want me on meditation, no it’s MY FAULT because I’m an adult now and it’s my job to fix it 😂😂😂 but I’m like wtf ? Why not make sure I was getting proper help but he wanted to put me in “normal classes” so he didn’t feel like he had a special Ed kid or anything 😢 he is retired teacher so he wanted the best grades and it made me sad not once when I was failing in middle school or highschool did I know I had ADHD.
Abusive parents breed sneaky kids. Whether it's being too strict or hitting your kids, they won't learn to follow the rules, they will learn how not to get caught.
I love it when you actually try to tell someone your trauma, and people just go:
"Aw, i get it, but he IS your father..."
"Oh, his love must be a little rough, but everyone needs tough love..."
"Are you really going to cut ties? But he will suffer SO much, what about daddy?"
Like legitimately, i will only have peace of mind when this son of a bitch dies, but yeah sure, his feelings matter so much, sure.🙄
My dad died and i danced like never before. I might be crazy for it , but i felt relieved and ""revenged"" somehow. but it obviously doesn't solve what's in your soul.
I hear you on this. I struggled for a long time with feeling guilty for taking care of me because of statements like you described. I finally accepted that I deserved to be healthy and happy and that people who didn’t support that did not care about me. I wish they’d spend the energy telling the abuser: hey, this is your kid, you need to treat them better than this because you are causing harm.
Regrettably, many individuals who hail from stable and healthy families may struggle to grasp the profound meaning and experience of trauma. For them, it's nearly inconceivable to fathom how close relatives can incessantly undermine, disrespect, and degrade one's humanity simply because of one's existence. This alien concept disturbs their mental comfort, leading them to rationalize and diminish the severity of the situation. They may suggest that it's not as bad as it seems or propose a seemingly simple fix by urging the victim to "play nice" and ignore the abuse, although unknowingly.
Some people are genuinely unaware of the privilege they hold until they walk in the shoes of those who endure such challenges.
Nevertheless, congratulations to you for prioritizing yourself and your peace of mind. This decision is undoubtedly challenging and very commendable.
THIS IS SO REAL like my dad would always defend my mom SIR you had a normal parent do not invalidate me 😑
FUCK "tough love." Tough love, as these people see it, is just another word for abuse, but reframed so we feel bad about being upset. Tough love doesn't exist. It's either love or it's not. And most of the time, IT'S NOT.
I don't talk to my own mom anymore because she was toxic herself. She didn't treat me well and did bad things to my dad and myself. After all that she even tried to reconcile with me during covid-19. I absolutely refuse to talk to her and I cut ties with her.
Sorry you had to go through that, it hurts even more if you feel their attempt at reconciliation isn’t genuine. Clear boundaries are always a go-to for scenarios like that
@@TyrekeS thank you. Your kind words are very comforting to me. And your right about what's not clear as to why parents want to reconcile with their own children. However my dad he saved me and raised me the best he could, he was a kind man who cared about his children. Sadly though he passed away from cancer four years ago before covid-19 started. I cry every time I talk about him because I really love my dad and he will always be my hero.😊
I feel you. My mom is an asswipe and people would make excuses for her (including my dad). Just because she’s mentally ill doesn’t mean I have to take her shit. Haven’t spoken or seen her in years and I’m more than happy with that
@@lulusmith780 If it was a stranger you’d bet they’d be all like “Oh they should at least be on medication.” But noooo, just because it was your mother and you were completely defenseless it means she gets a free pass for all the damage she “didn’t” do to you! No, in fact it’s YOUR fault you’re damaged because of screens and the internet! It’s not because of the people who were supposed to teach you how to be a human!
i know I’m late but how are things with you and your dad
why is it always the worst people that decide "yeah I wanna be a parent", LIKE WHY?
they may have just not decided to use protection and it just snowballed from there
@@j-hk2kd 💯
Because the people who don’t want to have kids are probably the most qualified in some cases
@@agentblackbird9435 it’s good that you added “in some cases.” but i do agree with you. a bit of a stretch but it’s similar to “dad and the dog”
To have a punching bag
My really strict teacher has two kids, she once said that her kids HATE winter or summer break cuz she makes them do math problems or writing useless essays(not school related) for the entire day, she makes her kids say “I love you”
That's tough
Imagine having a teacher as a parent? You'd think it would mean they are going to be wonderful with kids and understand what they need and want. Unfortunately college isn't as hard as ppl think it is. And a lot of ppl manage to get into careers they have no business in. I always say even the top careers have their "C" passing graduates. Look out for them when it comes to doctors. Yikes. Poor kiddos.
Mom: "YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW *SHIT!*
Also Mom: "I don't like it when you don't talk to me..."
Imagine parents not realizing kids' emotions
my dad literally says that first sentence but differently sometimes..
@@Not_QuQuthat's the problem with a lot of families, is that some parents care about what's going on on the outside of their children but never what's going on in the inside.Some Parents disregarding their children's feelings and not really listening to their children when they need to get something of the their chest, it can be catastrophic.
That's why some kids let their emotions bottle up inside and let it consume them, that's why some children lash out and have outburst towards their parents. But yet Parents discipline their children for it, this is why children have certain mental problems and the reason why children can't express themselves properly or at all. This is a big reason why some children can't handle it anymore and they lose control of themselves and the big reason why children commit suicide
@@Not_QuQu To this day; my mother still doesn't really understand my own emotions either, she might think she does but the fact that she is very impatient with both me and my older brother (we are both autistic) is a huge red flag; she thinks it's because of either my dad or older brother (who tbf do sometimes not listen to what she says) not listening and me having to pick up the slack that makes me snap but the main reason why I've been lashing out as of late (no punches thrown, I've genuinely never punched ANYONE in my entire 24/25 years of living) is simply because I cannot handle all of the yelling and insults thrown all the time
And it's not because the yelling and insults are untrue, sometimes they are valid... the issue is when mum KNOWS that dad or my brother are about to get really mad if she keeps throwing insults but does it anyway; I can see it coming from a million miles away but mum; despite "knowing that we're upset", seems to not account for the fact that 9 times out of 10, she is the reason why we get upset
And when she gives us a "reason" as to why she's in the right, it usually comes off as an insult as well, like how I have my full driver's license but she doesn't want me driving by myself because I had a bit of panic attack (if you can even call you that) after driving home from a holiday, in the dark and we took a wrong turn early in the trip (anyone would get anxious from that) and mum insisted that my dad and I take the Defensive Driving Course... it's probably a good idea, but here's the thing; my dad has driven for longer than I've been alive and I'm not exactly incompetent either... so mum's suggestion sounds more like "You suck at driving, you need to get better" which is not true in the slightest
If mum knew half of the stuff I've wanted to say to her over the years; she'd probably have a heart attack!
I have a mother who tends to say that as a way to cope that she is never wrong. And the worst part is she doesn't have any proof of what she claimed happened to her between her and my dad. She had given my dad so much crap despite him being the most hard working and best dad I ever had. He never hits me, he listens to my problems at school, he even gave up on his hobbies, music just to keep my mom from throwing false accusations about him sleeping with a woman. My dad has always come home, and he always lets me know where he is which he doesn't have to. And the funny thing about this, it all started because my mom had a dream about him with a another girl, THAT's IT!
And everytime I defend my father, she would always used this back when I was like 10. "Wait till you're 12, wait till you're 14, wait till you're 16, wait till you're an adult! You'll see." Hence why I close myself off from her.
My father literally told me once “I made you so I can do whatever I want with you”
wth
That sounds pervy
💀
☠️
Oh my God that's wild 😮
As a person that grew up in foster homes, I often tell friends with toxic parents how lucky I think I was compared to them.
They usually say "Well I can't complain, atleast I did have parents". But for all the trauma I went through, nobody who hurt me was actual family. I've always had the "luck" that It was easy for me to work through it emotionally.
I can't imagine growing up in a family and having the people that hurt you be your actual parents.
What a beautiful display of empathy my friend
The only escape is moving out, so you basically have to deal with it till you are able
There are different kinds of suffering, its hard to understand something weve never experienced. Idk why humans feel the need to always rank who had it the worst when we can all just be compassionate instead
Getting beat isn’t “discipline” it’s assault
My mom did a variety of things from threatening to disown me, to hitting me, to comparing me to other children, to destroying my things, to streight up taking my room away poking and proding me while I slept on the floor all while telling me about her traumatic childhood expecting me to be her free therapist and marriage counselor. And then she wonders why I stopped talking to her and my dad who would do nothing but enable her by saying "Yeah she's like that BUT she's mentally ill so what can you do?"
I’m so sorry.
@@pria7538 It's okay. I've been healing slowly and learning about what is and isn't okay. Hell I had to learn about setting boundaries which I'm getting a little better at.
😂 poor kid. Make sure you never make mistakes when you have your own children. One day they may be posting comments about their terrible childhood to strangers on the internet.😂
@@dollardeals01 Good thing I decided to never have children since mom said they rob you of your freedom amd to never get married since according to my mom all men are scum who look to knock you up and leave you with a kid you didn't ask for.
@@dollardeals01there's mistakes, like acting out or saying something hurtful to your kids, and then there's chronic abuse, aka a habit. Habits are addictions.
To sum this video up:
Generational trauma
Just because you had a shitty childhood doesn’t mean you should reflect it on your child
We're victims of victims
@@hicehamer1337 Fr
This is literally one of the big reasons I don't plan on having kids until I've worked through A LOT of issues my family gave me.
I hate it when its used as an excuse 😭
@@cherrypopscile3385 W future parent 🫡
I grew up in a family that treated me like their circus monkey on a leash. Living vicariously through my natural talents and forcing me into a career and profession I hated. Only seeing any value in my talent while hating everything else about be. Completely disrespecting my autonomy of body and even thought. Dealing with a decade of my issues with insomnia by refusing to get me proper help and calling me lazy. Trying to force me into having children I didn't want. The list goes on... Parents are just people and most people are dangerous idiots.
The decade of insomnia without help hits very close to home. I was living with my mom for 20+ years. She knew I barely slept all throughout high school and college. Why no therapist, no nothing? (She has a university degree and was a social worker, so she knew what was available). I grew up religious and she blamed me for "keeping both of us in that church", because I "didn't want to leave", and she supposedly did, but she stayed "for me". I was a baby when she took me to that church to be guilt-tripped, fear-mongered and brainwashed... what agency did I have?
This is my trauma, but your family situation sounds a lot more overtly toxic. They hate you because they are jealous, because they have no self-esteem and a fear of relying on their own talents. You however can stand on your own. PLEASE break out of this. Pursue the lifestyle you want to live. It's YOUR life, time, energy, happiness. It's never too late te start making small and bigger changes. I'm quitting my job at the end of the year. I can do better and so can you! I broke away from my church, made the decision to be childfree and focus on my own life. I'm cutting nasty people out and learning to rely on the little handful of good and great people I know (because you're right, most people are dangerous idiots). And I'm going to therapy again. If a sad little loser like me can do it, so can you! One step at a time. You're already writing inspiring comments! I believe in you.
@@opheliaoftheripples9472 Thank you. I already solved all of my issues with them. I permanently cut off the most abusive narc, survived being jumped by everyone for doing so, cut them all off temporarily and now I'm slowly talking more with some family members if I see that they're putting effort into respecting my boundaries. I went to therapy, overcame absurdly intense period of ruminations and live with inner peace as for 2023. I hope you will achieve same level of existential victory for yourself! Everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect and dignity. ^^
Yes, to the statement, …”most people are dangerous idiots.”
My mother thought she could violently beat me into some elite achievement machine. She had an extreme fake it till you make it attitude. Taught me to be paranoid of being judged and never to be myself but to conform to society but she knew so little about the world she couldn't even force me to conform right. She told me my teachers graded my papers in red ink because they secretly hated me. I tried to explain that wrong answers are always marked with a red pen but she wasn't having it. I had to play every sport from being the the track team, basketball, soccer, Lacross, I even had to compete on the fucking swim team! I hated swimming races. Fuck me the anxiety of those was unbearable. And if I came second place, my team lost, or I got even a B- minus I was beaten. My mom would give me extra homework, padlock the TV. I wasn't aloud to play with my freinds of have fun on the weekends. My mother would sit me down to my extra work, slam a kitchen timer onto the table and stand over me while I nervously tried to do math problems before the timer went off and often before the timer was even halfway done she had already flown into a rage and started punching me in the head or smashed the nearest thing she could find over my skull while I was wuitely trying to finish my assignment. By the time I was a teenager she'd fucked me up so bad and since I couldn't live up to her expectations, she hadjust given up on me and had me put in a phsyc ward, which led to my first suicide attempt before I was 15. I haven't seen my family since I was 16. My parents abondanoed me. They were divorced by that time anyway and my dad had moved on to his new family which he treated so much better than he treated us. I was the oldest of three siblings and I got it the worst. I haven't seen my younger brother and sister either. They were to young to even understand what was going on at the time.
@@BurningQuestion my sympathies, my parents were similar with me
"The axe forgets but the tree remembers"
That tree might be dead
@@Alium4060Obero what about the stump
@@Alium4060Obero thats why worse with the context of this quote
@@olivescoveindeed, way worse and unfortunately very likely
@@Matrixorialessentially a husk of what the tree was. and in this context, the husk of a person.
Guys, please don’t let people who say “Enjoy your cats” or “Good luck getting old” scare you into being a parent.
Your worth and existence is not defined by being a parent. Don’t have them if you’re going to regret them.
Plus, cats are absolute goofy goobers, and I wouldn't mind adopting a lot of them.
I don’t get why living with cats is such a thrown around insult when it comes to mainly woman. Like is there a problem with me wanting to live with a bunch of cuddly furry felines then a whiny baby that cost to much money to take care of and cry’s nonstop if it’s slightly bothered or wants attention
Besides, babies are cute, but because of my childhood behaviors, I would rather have no kids than hurt a baby.
I agree to this. No one should be forced to have children.
@@l1liapad81 Everytime I've seen that insult, it goes to the women who settles for husband and kids very late in life after sleeping with several other guys or if she has an Onlyfans.
100% agree that corporal punishment is bullsh@t. It never taught me why things I did was wrong nor healthy ways to cope with things or adjust my behavior... It only taught me to lie better to avoid punishment, and that hitting other people was acceptable. Also taught me to fear my father... and you can't respect a person you fear. Heck, if anything this lack of respect made me more defiant and likely to lash out because my parents became foes instead of allies.
I saw my parents as cruel, unreasonable, childish jailers, not as loving caretakers. They are the reason I don't think people should have kids in their 20s
I honestly think that corporal punishment is ideal for select situations, (not a single society in history has had problems with corporal punishment until the 20th century) you need to explain to the child what was wrong, and also not being a dumbass about it. Lying does not deserve a whooping. Assaulting a kid does. Kid breaks something, he either has to fix it or pay for it. Most people who still use corporal punishment nowadays are mostly either brain dead about it or abusive though, we have completely forgotten as a society how to correctly use corporal punishment, especially when and what kind to use. Also make sure the child knows beforehand what his boundaries are, and don’t give corporal punishment unless he has violated one of those clear boundaries, while also using common sense (ie if he, say, steals something, I would do however many slaps on the forearm with a wooden ruler what he stole is worth in dollars, while if he assaults someone he’s getting an ass whooping)
Yep. Granted I appreciate it a bit because I’d literally fist fight my dad which made a lot of other shit seem small. After throwing hands with an adult at seven, grown men aren’t scary as an adult woman.
Still would not recommend though.
@@IslandersFan100 No, they didn't have a problem with it because they didn't understand the terrible results of corporal punishment, and it wasn't an issue to kill or damage children in those times. If you have to use physical punishments and can't think of better ways to deal with problems then you shouldn't have kids - or be in any position of having power over any people or animals.
@@rennnnn914 did you stop reading after three sentences of that text wall? I advocate very limited corporal punishment in certain situations. And the belt is not the only form of corporal punishment either. There are much weaker forms of physical discipline that suffice
The very idea of grabbing a belt to strike an infant blows my mind. That’s crazy how people from our past, and even some today, have adopted this method of punishment. It’s cruel, unusual, and causes more harm than good.
sin controls people so awfully and makes their hearts so rotten more than a moldy fruit...humanity needs to learn from their past
dawg i first got hit when i was 6-7 and it hurt ALOT which lead to me being like completely invulnerable to pain but the damage is still done so i tend to underestimate stuff for example a car crash that happened when i was 9 my sister went to the ER even with her seatbelt on but me? i didnt have my seatbelt on ended up bouncing around the car extremely fast and the car that crashed into my families car the collision was the seat infront of me so i got the most force on me crazy how im still alive and i got kidnapped my some crazy dude when i was 5 and my mom found me after like 15 mins and i was completely fine but if she didnt bro id be 6 feet under for the past 6 years
@@the-coriander-kid I can’t tell if bro is serious or his life’s a movie in the making.
I saw my dad hit his infant cousin for not going to sleep fast enough, yet he wonders why I only talk to him once a month…
Correction: It is ONLY psychotic and COMPLETELY NONSENSE!
ONLY causes harm!
0:08 I wonder if this is because the father is usually more violent... My dad was the one who handed out woopins and once I get a life I plan on cutting ties from him. That punishment isn't even the entire reason. He falsely accuses me of things, not willing to change his stupid parenting style, doesn't want me to get a bf until I'm 30, doesn't listen to me, etc.
It was all ways my mom beating me untill there were small cuts
Did you finally fought back to him?
30?!!!!!! HOLY GOD 😭😭😭😭😭
😭😭
Bruh, I remember my dad saying no boys until 30, but like, even as a wee wat he was clearly joking. Most of the time he would say it because it made me laugh! He would not have kept making that joke if it upset me! I don’t even know how to fathom an actual adult thinking that’s reasonable!
If your first instict as a parent to teach/discipline your child is to use fear and pain, you dont deserve to be a parent.
Growing children requires knowledge that you can pass onto them. You teach them the ways of life through what you know, carefully guiding them into adulthood.
People who don’t understand that (abusers) should never have kids.
Fr
Real, i got so used to my mom hitting me that i also decided to hit my sis when i'm mad, thank god i decided that i aint getting a guy for the rest of my life, no frickin way i'll take a kid with my anger issues loose.
Haven't talked to either parent in like 10 years. Don't plan to. I remember hearing "You'll thank me when you're grown up" a lot....No, no I do not. Being someones parent does not give you any right to treat them badly. Quite the opposite, It gives you the obligation to treat them right. You don't owe your parents for giving birth to you (without consent mind you), they're the ones owing you.
THIS.
I was whipped with a belt or a hickory switch followed by a hug and an "I love you" while I was bawling in physical and emotional pain...yet everyone is so shocked how I ended up in abusive relationships.
Because females under the age of about 35 when they realized it by o’clock is about up and it’s getting serious to find a proper long-term partner or die alone are absolute shit at evaluating character and picking good mates.
i’m so sorry that happened r u ok
goofy ahh emoji😭
The comment is very sad but then i bursted out looking at the emoji, im sorry💀
Huh, just unique emojis. But yea, shock values.
Saw somebody said/commented “Kids nowadays will call this abuse, we old-time kids calls this dicipline 😂😂😅” to a 7 y/o getting beaten up by their mother for not sleeping; No, its not sleep schedule. What kind of sleep schedule have their kids sleep in broad daylight?? 🙁
Also do they know what dicipline even is?
It meant to KEEP US SAFE. Harm does the OPPOSITE.
This shouold sum up that brainless mindset.
Bro I got beaten since I was 3 or 4 to 8 years old for not sleeping in afternoon too, my mom often yell at me, calling me "satan" and hurt me with broom until my body red 😥
@@chibi_okami omg are you ok now ? 😢
Then they got the nerve to say "I turned out just fine." But I didn't...
Childhood forges us into what we are as adults. It literally breaks my heart whenever I see a child is neglected by their parents. 😢
Mostly but NOT entirely
This is why you CAN heal trauma
It is just usually takes a very long time and a lot of people pass before whitnessing it :(
What about parents that spend no time to teach you fundamentals like morals or social standards? My father was always there but never spent time with his kids but pries into their kids privacy. Somehow, he thought he did a good job, and is confused as to why I no longer go to him.
My parents never taught me a goddamn thing. NO-THING. Not right vs. wrong, not safe vs. unsafe. They didn't teach me how to cook or clean or keep a household. They didn't even teach me how to wash the dishes. At a certain age, they just EXPECTED that I'd know.
EVERYTHING I know, I learned it from the Internet.
@@zadarasimoleons1019same lazy parents who were abused as kids but want “better” for you and think doing nothing at ALL leads to a better life, they didn’t have a good example so they are better off doing nothing MOST o the time cause when they try they cause damage , you have to have these conversations jus like a friend or partner , or else the relationship will decline naturally
@@zadarasimoleons1019 Same here. I have recently learnt that this is a shining element of narcissistic personality disorder.
They assume that you know everything from birth, without being told, and their only function is to tell you what you did wrong.
@@zadarasimoleons1019😂 when you have your kids, make sure to teach them all you know. I'm sure they will be receptive and open to your parental gudance.
@@zadarasimoleons1019THIS ONE RIGHT HERE ^
I’m still gripping with the realization that my mom was a covert narcissist and uncovering all the harm that has done to me.
I hear you. It was the same for me. There was no guidance or emotional support.
I eventually left my Dad behind, and pretty much my Mom, but we're able to reconcile as I realized her own lack of support for me happened because she too was a victim of his manipulation. Sadly, just lately went NC with my sister, who is a covert narcissist just like Dad.
I hope that over time you can recover from your emotionally neglectful childhood. It does get easier. 🌤
❤
same ;(
trust me crying will not fix anything god told us to obey our parent and god will reward u (Whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it for him with something better.)
@@azizouslati1598"Honor thy mother and father" is part of the problem. Just because someone has the physical ability to breed offspring doesn't mean they have any business being parents.
I'm pretty sure my stepfather beat me because I was autistic. To those who may not know; in the early 2000’s, autism was still not well received, and that went 5x over for black children. I am a black autistic man who was beat nearly every day from 1-5 years old. At the time, it was easier for families to punish children with autism rather than understand them. We don't understand what we did wrong. We just know that pain feels bad. So, my coping mechanism for the physical punishment was to suck my thumb. That led to me getting harmed even more frequently. Said stepfather is in prison now, and I don't know where he is, but my babyhood will forever be burned in my head.
I do have a question for anyone who red this much: if you are a 2000 baby and you grew up with autism, is my story similar to your life?
Wow Man I'm sorry that u have gone thru this
I agree with u it's always the adults rights And Autism is still Not WELL understood to this day, Also It's good that ur stepfather is in prison, also btw REMEMBERING bad childhood and traumatic moments Is a symptom of PTSD, Infact I prob have PTSD too honestly
as someone with mild autism, THATS HORRIFYING. sorry to hear you went through that...
Well,I was born in 2011,i have autism but Fluence,my mother had autism also but knows me and my brothers pain when discipline...
Dad to hear that man I’m autistic too I’m 14 and I’m still sucking my thumb to this very day everyday but not in sleep my teeth look like a bird beak
This happened to my little brother… he joined the army and we don’t talk much. He prefers his solitude. I try to respect it since my mom always feels entitled to him. It haunts me all the time. I hope he’s feeling more at peace now.
As annoying as I find my mom now, I'm glad my parents never did any of these things to me. I had a great childhood. It puts my current relationship with her in a new, positive perspective.
I also am careful to not do any of these things to my daughter. I have definitely said things to her when I was angry that I regret, but I've always apologized afterwards.
lucky, I kinda despise people like you really
😂 ah, so parenting isn't as easy as you youngins' think? Don't worry , you'll make more mistakes as they get older and you'll continue to apologize and they'll one day look back and consider you a toxic parent for causing them trauma. It's a generational thing. Your mom did it to you, her mom did it to her, your daughter will do it to her kid and on and on.
thats understandable but not every paremt apologise, not every parent is understanding some are arrogant and naracistic that they, deny and have selective memory, and avoid accountability. your own experience isn't uiversal!!!!
@@dollardeals01
@@dollardeals01 The thing is, I've never thought my mom was a toxic parent while I was growing up. IShe only became annoying in my adulthood. I have watched old family videos and can compare her current behavior to them. She's so much more toxic now than she was then. And I don't believe it's inevitable that your kids grow to think you're a toxic parent at I've seen plenty of adults who adore their parents and love spending time with them.
@@socialmoth4974, my point being, every generation always thinks they know better, are smarter, have more resources, and therefore, will be better parents to their own kids, yet these issues continue and will do so into the distant future. Kids, teens, adults, all perceive their family relationships through different lenses. I complain about my parents, they complain about theirs, mine complain about me, and I know theirs will complain about them. It's a never ending cycle.
Yup, my mom just pulled the guilt trip on me last night because I dared to make myself dinner and lunch for the next day. Considering the fact that I have work in an hour (7 AM), I just wanted to make sure I had food. She asked if there was enough for her, and all I said was "I have to make more"
Somehow this turns into a rant about how ungrateful I am and how she fed me for 29 years (I've been buying my own food as long as I've had a job) . Okay, if you didn't want an extra mouth to feed, why did you have me?????
EDIT: SHE ONLY EVER COOKS FOR HERSELF, WHY SHOULD I BE EXPECTED TO FEED HER TOO? SHE DIDN'T USE PROTECTION AND HAD A CHILD WITH A MAN SHE DIDN'T LOVE AND SHE TOOK IT OUT ON SAID CHILD, I HAVE NO SYMPATHY ANYMORE. I AM DONE.
That whole "i fed you and took care of you", is so crazy to me. These people woke up and chose to have children but some how feel like they are doing their children a favour!!! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Wtf?! Why the hell wouldn't you make enough for her in the first place though?! That's actually rude af. She shouldn't have to ask you.
Man becus of my shitty upbringing i decided i wont have kids myself. The thought of me behaving like my parents did disgusts me!
@@gmylap7344 I have PSTD because of my family and if you can understand what had happened to you, and you can accept that your parents did it reeeally wrong, you will not going to repeat the behaviour. Those who repeat the behaviour are those who can't accept theirs parents are wrong or they
in fact don't love them (if it is the case). So they normalize violence in order to not having to accept all of that.
I have a kid and I am not repeating their behavoiur. I am the parent I wanted to have for me, but for this little and amazing person, with her own personality, dreams and goals.
So, it is ok if you dont want have childrens but if you want, that do not have to be a reason.
Are you living in her home? I’m confused about why you’re still at home?
My father used to beat me with a belt even if I did nothing wrong. For example he would yell at me for talking to my aunt he hates, and I start crying. So he tells me to clean my room and suddenly gets out the belt because I can’t do it because I was sobbing. And my mom and dad wonder why I had so much bad aggression in school. My parents divorced when I was 2, and there was a brutal custody battle when I was 14 after my dad actually punched me and kicked me because I kicked a wall lightly because he wouldn’t give me my medication correctly. I developed bipolar 1 when I was 4 years old and diagnosed at 5 years. Which is rare. I also regrettably use to beat other kids up at school for bullying me and then get secluded and Restrained for it by school staff. I was also later diagnosed as autistic. I often feel like I just make everything worse for everyone around me and I can’t do anything right. I stopped talking to my dad a little over a year ago. I found out through my mom that he’s been trying to find ways to get back at me for cutting ties with him. Sometimes it’s physically painful to hear that.
Never let him back in your life. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
@@poot-pootthanks, it means a lot. I don’t like to be touched any longer without flinching, and I get triggered really easily. I’m trying to create a better life for myself without him in it. I write lyrics about him a lot.
I may be no parent but even thats to far, punching you? Kicking you? Punishing you for no reason? That guy has gotta be one of the worst people I heard of. I wish the best for you in life.
@@TheBurningNovazethank you
I would definately look into a something about restraining orders or something similar. Being that vindictive towards your own child that you abused is demented as hell.
Imma flex on y'all:
I live in a black household and my parents knock before entering my room and close the door after they leave.
I'm not black, but my parents also knock!.. then come into my room anyway.
I'm gonna flex to y'all:
I have a loving mother who cares about me and my brother and has actually working punishments
“ N-no it can’t b-b-be NOoOoOoOO “ ~ my parents when they realise they and I both have a choice
Imma flex in yall:
I'm a gen Z, almost gen A kid (2010) and I dint speak or watch any form of brainrot while maintaining real life school relationships and going outside to bike and be with friends all while having loving parents ❤️
@@AngeallsTo be clear Gen Z goes from 1997-2012 as you would've grown up with consoles like the Xbox 360 or PS3 (just an example, yeah, I'm 12, no I dont spout utter brainrot but I have hope that I'm Gen Z as those are my beliefs)
My parents were neglectful (emotional and supervision neglect mostly, but later in teens artificial financial and food insecurity) and emotionally abusive. Not sure if she is but my mom definitely has narcissistic traits. And I swear they all got selective memory. Some less gross highlights I feel like sharing:
Not going to my sister's 18th birthday party because 'I didn't get a special invite', Screaming at us for not understanding homework and laying hands on my sister, Telling me how would anyone ever love me. Dont remember. Never happened. Never said that.
Then dad had the guts to write me "I feel like I am losing my children, you all barely talk to me. Are you mad at me? I think it is unfair you are treating me like this. Are you blaming me for things? Parent arent perfect you know". So thats close to a confession I guess
I had the same things happen to me but I'm always surrounded by people who have a good relationship with their parents and they assume everybody else had, I can never relate to these types. I was literally kicked out on to the street at 18 to fend for myself cause I quit my 12 hour job so I'd have time to focus on music. I never went back home besides Christmas. Then at 25 I went back into education to change my position in life, my mom after all those years not supporting me says, don't forget to focus on your music. she never supported me before then or showed any interest. I hate them.
That last thing is what I like to call a backhanded confession. Admitting _that_ there were mistakes made-but then not only neglecting to acknowledge what those mistakes were, but also guilt-tripping their victim for calling them out or distancing themselves. It's a bit sneakier than straight-up gaslighting the victim about it, but not by much. It sounds like a confession, but it's still designed to make the victim feel bad about it rather than what a confession (ideally followed by an apology) _should_ be about: taking accountability for harm done.
My dad usually did a mix of the two. He and I haven't spoken in a year and a half, and my life has been so much better for it.
I will never understand how certain people can bring themselves to treat other people like that, especially when said people are as vulnerable and dependent on them as their own children
Yeah, the food insecurity gets me every time. We had to ask our mother if we can eat or pay money for it……
Bruh.
-I literally have no motivation in life
-I have dreams but I'm uncertain if I'll ever a) Be able to accomplish it or b) Have my parents/loved ones accept it
-I used to see school as a nightmare but not only do I see both home and school as a nightmare, I get angry everytime I see my mother's car parked outside the house from my bus.
-I wake up unhappy, go to school unhappy, get energised and be happy from school, then immediately get back unhappy from the bus, and only be happy at home when nobody talks to me
-I am constantly unsure of myself
-I constantly think of other's opinions about me
-I constantly say that I hate myself
-I constantly want to please people
-I constantly put other people's needs before mine
-I constantly think I'm a waste of sperm
-I constantly feel guilty for doing things that make me happy
-I constantly think that my only purpose in life is to make other people happy
-I'm constantly unsure if my friends are actual friends, or even good people in the first place
-I constantly wonder about my purpose in life
-I constantly wish to avoid people, even my father who lives abroad with my half-sisters, even though he did absolutely nothing wrong to me
-After every argument, I wonder if she even puts herself in my shoes, I wonder what she actually thinks of me, and no matter how backwards she made herself in the conversation, I always end up being guilt-tripped by myself and her
-I constantly regret my actions
-I cry at least 5-6 times a month
-I make scenarios in my head that makes me want to fight my mother after every argument
-I constantly feel like nobody loves me
-I constantly want to be in the conversation, but everytime I'm in there, I feel like I ruin it
-I constantly want to be in the conversation, but it doesn't feel like I could be in it
-Ever since 2023 my own teachers have been asking me if I'm alright
-I constantly lie to everyone who asks if I'm alright
-I constantly feel like I want to scream but I should either stop because it's a pussy-thing to do, or stop because nobody will hear me
-I constantly want to curl up into a ball and weep
-My bedroom is my only safe space
-I'm afraid to do what I want to do because I feel like she'll ruin it, mock me for it, or make me feel like a child
-She never learns from our arguments
-She constantly makes me feel worthless
-She constantly uses Christianity, how worthless I am, or how worthful others are to shun me away
-I hate wearing masks to other people
-Every argument she says I have this rebellious,, pent up anger (lol), and says I need to move out and get a job quickly
But, then again, I'm supposed to bear with this for the next 3 years, give her money when she retires, and give her kids and a lavish lifestyle because I'll become a millionaire
-I want her to die lonely, angry, and miserable
-I never want her to see my kids
-And I never want to see her again after I successfully and permanently moveout
I do. Not. Care. For the bare minimum things she has done as a parent. I don't remember a single 'I love you', I don't remember a reasonable 'I'm sor', and I can't for the life of me see how she'll self-reflect and see the countless times she's in the wrong, and see how badly she's affected my mental state for the past 5 years
Highschool so far is the worst period of my life, and I have 3 more years to see how worse it could get
I hope to God I'll be saved
I hope to God all of my prayers will be answered to
And I hope to God that none of the bad things I wish for my mother will actually happen. I just want her to understand and improve. But the definition of insanity is right there, and I'd be more insane than I already am to think that anything would change from the last 16 years of my life
Read your Holy Book, be honest with yourself, and preserve your mental sanity. Please. If you're like me, you 100% also feel like you can't say this to anybody else. Don't try to take your anger out in the world, yourself, or other people. Just do the things you're able to do that make you happy, and preserve yourself so you don't grow insane with a case in the future.
Hopefully I will too.
I relate to you, even though my parents learned very quickly that doing these type of stuff with me, might mess my mental health in the future. To be honest, I don't think I want to leave my parents alone, because most of the things that happened between us served as a stepping stone to improve our relationship nowadays. Anyways I hope your life will be better and that you can be truly happy. (English is not my first language, sorry for any mistake)
Relating to alot of this, except I mostly think and know I'm too good for the bullshit I'm in and I only hate myself when I hurt others I care about I'm sorry
My brother, i feel like you were my parallel universe person.
Good luck in ur life and take care.
I was in this exact same situation up until just a few days ago. My solution? Put yourself first. I stopped caring about everything else and just decided to focus on myself. I got back into art and music, rearranged my room, reconnected with friends, and I found a good therapist free of charge (my tutor's husband). I'm self isolating from my shitty parents and I've proven to them that I am no longer under their jurisdiction. My parents gave up on me a long time ago, but instead of feeling miserable about it and worrying about everyone else (like I have always done my whole life, which led to me having no sense of self) I realised that I was finally free. No one expected anything from me anymore. I wasn't the perfect golden child anymore, I was myself. I haven't felt this happy in years. I have finally discovered myself. Regarding your mother, I'd just say you should isolate from her and just ignore her as much as possible. Lighten your heart, big man. Hopefully my advice can be of some help to you ❤
P.S: I'm gonna confess to my crush today so wish me luck!
Tbh using Christianity to tell a kid its worthless is one of the most pervert things i hear in my entire life, its for me already some kind of heresy.
I’m so happy that this video was made and people are finally starting to understand this, I always feel like a villian whenever I say I don’t have a relationship with my parent
My mom always compared me to other kids whether it’s my siblings or my classmates.
She always assumed that other kids were better than me every time I said “try meeting the kids in my class”.
I remember the time when they compared to a literal drug addicts .
@@luci4463 at least you can take smugness in the fact that you don’t take drugs, unlike them
This is too relatable, honestly it is just a painful exsistence because I can't even have the privacy of my own room like bruh
There needs to be a task force in the justice system to identify parents with NPD who are abusing their children. This is literally one of the most significant issues that bring disaster to the world. NPD child abusers are beyond sickening.
so so so many of them, but they're not getting caught because they're everywhere and think its normal and ok. there are instances of this being a bloodline problem too, my mom was beat and she beat and abused me and my sibling
The thing is most parents are like this. It's a big part of the reason people have children
@@FuchsiaRosalearned behavior also runs in families
It took me years to realize I had trauma from how my mom treated me. It wasn't even the belt. I was calling me "destructive," always comparing me to my peers in a negative light, shaming me for not being her dress-up doll or liking girly things, calling everything I love a phase, threatening to kick me out over setting boundaries, financially punishing me for trying to become independent (ie. suddenly charging me rent that takes half my income just because I got a retail job), and gossiping about me to friends and family. The only family member who understand is my brother going through it too. Now she wonders why we don't trust her and have depression and self-confidence issues. My mom bullied me worse than my middle school and high school classmates combined.
Omg, do we have the same mom and brother? Lol, I feel a lot of pain sometimes remembering the good times, but everyday I'm reminded that my mental health is more important than dealing with someone who lacks a fundamental respect for my personhood.
The worst part is I know my dad’s a narcissist, and I know the best course of action is therapy, and my sister who’s getting her PhD in psychology agrees, too bad my dad thinks he’s above therapy and he can’t have anything wrong with him
Therapy doesn’t help narcissists so just don’t worry about him and help yourself
Of course not. He probably thinks he's a perfect parent!
In his defence, the social stigma surrounding psychiatric care is stronger in the older generations, and it doesn't help that establishment mental health care is slow to recognize CPTSD as a major factor in our mental health crisis. Abuse is so engrained in our culture that it's hard to recognize.
@@kellywalker1664 I don't think there's a question of social stigma stopping narcissists getting help: I think it's because narcissists refuse to admit to being ill or in pain or needing help of any kind. Surely we know by now that they're perfect people?
@@lesleyvivien2876 if we know they're narcissists. One doesn't have to necessarily be one to be toxic.
the reason for all this “totally not abuse”™️ is the fact that their parents were worse then them and so on and so on
ohhh so u use the excuse Called "But come on ur parents had worser parents that is why they're acting like this" Bro If Parents can't be parents they shouldn't be parents
@@archinstall123I'm pretty sure the guy was being sarcastic
Brother, according to that logic, our generation will be even worse parents.
@@divipromstojakovo3859well in modern times mental health is taken very seriously I think we will turn out to be decent parents.
I'm someone who doesn't love my mom anymore and has a bit of a strained relationship with both of my parents because of it. I didn't realize it was a problem until I was telling stories about my childhood to my friends and everyone thought my mom sounded like she was controlling. I don't plan to attend my mother's funeral whenever that happens (she has a condition where she's more likely to die before my father statistically) and it's solely because I can't feel love towards her anymore. My partner even thinks my mom is manipulative and that's only after seeing the less harsh aspects of the verbal abuse for a week.
I want to be a parent one day and I grew up with excellent parents so learning about all this is just shocking to me. Yeah they weren't the best since they were abused themselves, but it's all about healing and being able to not repeat the same mistakes.
Some parents say they won't make the same mistakes, and maybe they don't -- but they definitely make their own mistakes. My parents both suffered severe physical abuse. And while I did get spanked (something I will NEVER do to my children), that was all they did in that regard.
The mistake they made was not abuse but neglect. Emotional, mental neglect. I never learned anything. I never learned how to handle big emotions, I never learned how to learn new things. I was never given space to fail, I was never taught. They never TAUGHT me anything.
@@zadarasimoleons1019i couldve written this. I feel u
@@zadarasimoleons1019well, remember the lessons you weren't taught and make sure to teach your kids those things. They will surely appreciate your efforts and honor you by going online and complain about their slave driver mother, who forced them to do things they don't want to do.
@@dollardeals01Or worse they might wander comment sections bitching about people feeling shit 😂
@@MomeGnome "All parents make mistakes" is an excuse. EVERYBODY makes mistakes. That doesn't mean they aren't responsible for their mistakes. Doesn't mean they don't have a responsibility to apologize for their mistakes. Definitely doesn't mean that their mistakes should just be accepted and expected.
Negligence, narcissism and addiction ruled my childhood, resulting in physical, psychological and sexual abuse and violence. And all before I hit 10. It’s taken another 40 years of living, therapy and change to get me here.
Literally every one of your points feature in my youth. But you can make it, there is light at the end ❤❤❤
addiction before 10? What were you addicted to? Were you forced into it?
The worst thing is, when you try to do something to help with the family for example, trying to make a channel on UA-cam. It takes you months, even years to get a channel together, and when you take a break and they see you, they call you lazy when they don't know what your feelings are and what you've been through just to start something to help your family.
What I mean is that some parents don't appreciate what their kids do for them.
im a teen who is raised in an asian household and who has parents who treat me like property, guilt trip me, compare me, treat me as a trophy child and gets corporal punishment
(im being serious)
are you describing yourself or me?! cause one time i got slapped so hard that my left nostril starts to bleed heavily…😞
🐟
Ya same.. asian here too. :(
I’m a daughter of a mother with a lot of her own issues, and when I got to an age where I felt really uncomfortable with her seeing my body, she took it personally. It actually creeped me out about how she felt she had a right to see me without clothes on until I left at 18. It felt so weird and almost sexual, and I’m having a hard time processing this in my 30s now.
Hope this is okay to say, but this reminds me of Jennette McCurdy and her mom (her book I’m Glad My Mom Died talks about it)
😂i think you're reading way too much into this. I think i might have a solution. To make things fair, you must insist that she show you hers as well.
@@dollardeals01 LOL no thanks! But that would be funny.
@@Chouninatte I’ve heard of this book. I need to read this.
I guarantee if she was a man she would've got arrested.. smh
"I made you; I can touch you if I want," is a thing my dad used to say all of the time. He didn't touch me in a creepy way, I want to make clear. It was more like he'd pet my head in a, "Look at how cute my daughter is," way. I'd always ask, "Why are you touching me?" and he'd always say that. It didn't really bother me, but I'm not really a touchy person, so I didn't find it necessary.
He just loved you a lot. That's actually good, because most people here didn't experience growing up with good parents. I'm an only child and my father used to pat my head every day 😆
@@NikosM112 True, but if the child doesn't like it being expressed that way, it's their right to make that clear and have that change take effect.
That's very true. When you have your kids, make sure to ask for permission before any physical contact. It could be misconstrued as sexual abuse. Never hug or touch your kids. It makes them soft.
nah to me its creepy too even if it was my mom. i hate being touched
@@NikosM112 Bro, those type of people hate when they’re kid is expressing themselves. They would also call you stupid if their opinion is different from yours.
When I was a child my narc father treated me like garbage because I knew nothing and couldn't do anything. So I grew up, did exactly what everyone told me to do and now he hates me for knowing more and doing more than him. You can't even fix the relationship between yourself and a narc parent and the worst mistake I made was listening to normal people with zero clue was going back to them repeatedly. And then those same people have the gall to tell me I should have known better.
It's okay to quit contact with people that treat you badly.
This was really well made and entertaining, as well as insightful.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you were able to find value!
Agreed, the video gets into some very difficult and triggering subject matter but is able to soften the blows with humor, so we can face the gaping maw without getting shut down. Not an easy feat as far as I know.
The comparing to other kids thing is so real; the daughter of our family friend is a talented artist, and my mum would constantly gas up her artwork, but never say anything about mine or even encourage me. I was never jealous of this girl or her artwork, I just felt sad about being treated as invisible by my own mother. It wasn’t until I started a job in a creative workplace where my ideas and artwork were praised, encouraged, critiqued and improved upon where I finally started to feel better about myself and my own artwork where her lack of support no longer affected me, cos it became her word vs my coworkers. Not only that, but the girl’s art career took off and I was in her cheering corner. She put her prices up and now all of a sudden, my mum’s got nothing to say! Now this girl and I are becoming friends. Sure, I still find it a bit sad that my mum made me feel this way for years, as if I should see this girl as competition or something, but now I feel a lot better about myself.
I remember hearing my mom talking about the physical abuse as a scare tactic into respecting her, little does she know it’s made me grow a deep seed of resentment for her! I’m 21 now and she still does it to this day, backing me into corners and making me second guess my decision of speaking up for my boundaries!
but ur 21 godammit, just stand up for yourself, u can do what ever you want
Moving out was one of the best decisions I ever made. I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. Both of my parents blame the other for my mental problems, but it was a combination of both of them...
I grew up with a narcissistic mom. She was physically abusive, but i always defended her. I thought it was normal, everyone in my family witnessed it and never did anything about it. It isn’t normal. A lot of people who grew up in the culture where physical abuse its used as the primary form of discipline are so desensitized to it that they excuse it. I get it though, we love our families and we tend to forgive alot of the harmful things they do, but as an adult i could never look at a child and want to lay my hands on them, and it terrifies me that being physical with a person half your size as a solution to behavioral issues is so common. Generational trauma, teaching kids violence is the answer, bitterness and resentment towards parents, this is all that hitting your kid is causing
Whooping occured with hands only, but solitary confinement to the bathroom with just bread and a water cup for weeks other than school was so much worse. I literally pulled my hair out I was so bored in there. But there'd have been hell to pay for just walking out. Also, don't lock your autistic meltdown-ing child in the garage in just a towel and wet hair in all seasons before and after puberty!! Ugh, cruel and unusual "natural consequences." They told me if i behaved like an animal, I'd be treated like an animal. But honestly, if your autistic kid is ending in meltdown more days than not during "discipline," i think the parents are the problem. And they threated me with boarding school at 12!!
Oh my God! One of the most horrifying things i've read. 😳
How harsh
Please tell us you’re no contact with them now
These are criminal offenses, I hope you press charges
dude even regular prisoners receive a better treatment than what you had endured...with enough evidence you could literally sue them
Hitting your children is actually illegal in many countries
As it should be
Fr i will never lay a finger on any of my kkds for any reason
Well it should be otherwise both the cops & inmates would find out what any parents truly are!
Reason number 1,344,567 that you shouldn’t move to America.
@@EntropyAndSingularity so what are the other 1,334,566?
When I was a child, I straight up told my mother I'd never call or visit her once I was an adult. She brushed it off as if I wasn't serious.
To this day I haven't responded to her 50 unanswered texts.
w child
@@Matrixorial WSSSSSS IN DA CHAT Y'ALL WWWWW KID BRU🔥🔥🔥🔥
At least say hi?
@@LetsFollowGod123 why the hell should they?
Lol no? @@LetsFollowGod123
Who needs who more, the narcisistic parent, or the helpless and hopeless child?
Parent? Therapy and serving jail time. Helpless and hopeless kid? Therapy and a good family as well as living a good life.
I’m horrified that we were all going through this and had no idea! All of us suffering next door to a peer suffering and we were all kept isolated 😢
Another style is ghost parenting. They are Always physically there but never mentally for you. They always are tired and never have energy for you. This is how my childhood was like. I never had any bonding moments between my dad or mom and each time i tried it didnt last long at all before they made up excuses to not do it or just said they'll get to it but never do. I'm not close to either one of them to this day and feel the deep consequences of this kind of parenting. No friends and strong feelings of apathy and aimlessness in life bombard my head daily. Wish more could relate so I could connect but in the end I wouldn't wish it upon any other children out there
Suck it up. You'll live.
@@dollardeals01how unnecessarily nasty and aggressive of you
@@dollardeals01 Actually, studies show that repressing your emotions reduces your lifespan. So, instead of living, you'd only be surviving at best. If you had absolutely nobody in your life, you wouldn't be able to "suck it up."
My father is immature and abusive to his family and my mother is a ghost parent. She didn’t want to play games, joke with you, stop her kids from crying and etc. So now I’m trying to express emotion and not get so physically angry. What a great combo lol
@@dollardeals01bro doesn’t have toxic parents
“Golden child” syndrome makes me think of the song number in the recent Adam Sandler kids movie Leo, where the titular lizard character gets the rich girl in class to learn that she doesn’t need to constantly push herself to be “that great,” in order to feel happy and validated. We really need to stop putting so much pressure on literal children’s shoulders.
Unironically that was a good movie
I don't know why this made me cry. In my childhood, I was subjected to bullying at school and abuse and beatings from my mother at home. I lived in hell, and the ironic thing is that I direct all that hatred towards myself. I treat everyone with kindness, even those who hurt me, but I am the last person I treated with kindness. I don't understand why This happens to me, I feel like trash and that I don't matter
You don’t deserve this! I suggest going to therapy!
Get therapy if you can, secretly, your "mother" would not be so happy if she heard about that.
i feel you
You remind me of Jesus, accused, tortured and murdered when he was trying to save the world (according to christianity). Maybe religion would help you, choose either christianity or islam and pray in secret. Their books are the most uplifting things for a believer
Michael Jackson said the same about himself x
Not a parent but in the future, if my kid managed to beat me in a debate I honestly, probably wouldn't be mad. I'd be impressed.
why did the parent in my life do everything on this list.
Ive always told my therapists my father was a narcissists but every time they would say no, he probably just doesnt know how I feel.
Ive told this man, the way he treats me was always the reason I tried to end my life.
And I got a, why havent you then.
Wow, this is reprehensible. I hope you changed therapists.
@@MaddieSchnitzel thankfully that one quit herself, I couldnt ask for a new one at the time since I was a minor but as an adult I have an amazing therapist and family doctor.
Things get better even if its small steps at first
@@gotmilf1980 good to hear that. I wish you all the best!
Well, i suppose you're more resilient than you think otherwise...
That's not okay and I'm really sorry you had to put up with that. Please report this "professional" if you haven't already.
ohmahgod... i was a toxic parent raised by toxic parents. almost every single thing youve described was me and was my parents before. my youngest was 17 when i even began to realize the words i had heard as a child and repeated to my child were so extremely wrong. im lucky because my kids walked me through this reality. it was hard and painful to realize all the ways i thought i was honoring my child only to fully realize i was doing the opposite based on my needs for life to be the picture i had in my mind. do not do this alone. seek therapy and listen to your kid with only the intention of hearing (not listening but Hearing). it feels like an attack at first but how they feel is how they feel and we need to acknowledge this fact first. let them be heard and marinate in their words before responding..
It is very interesting seeing it through the parents' perspective 🤔
Hey atleast you realised it, many dont
You not really should feel guilty if it you only wanted the best for your child,you just having a bad mindset
Being compared to other successful kids and watching all my efforts not being good enough legit made me think my parents will be so much happier if I were to die or disappear someday and get replaced with the golden trophy child of their dreams, no kid should ever be in a situation where they start thinking as I did
I had a really good family, now I don't know if it's a stereotype for people to think Asian families are strict. But I kinda see why but I don't fully agree with that. I have an understanding and nice mom, it doesn't matter what subject it is, she'll try her best to help me with it. Same thing with my dad, He was nice, he'd question me if I do something wrong like punch a kid (I'd do that only for a good purpose such as defending myself) and then he will understand but he will tell me to not do it again, and only if it comes to it.
My dad's side of the family was extremely strict and he is still kind of scarred from it. He is not exactly comfortable talking about it but he's cut contact with his parents and grandparents, and I mean STRICT STRICT. He refuses to go anywhere if he knows his grandparents or parents are there. But anyways, I just see these comments and I never really think families are generally bad. EXCEPT when I read these comments, lordy these experiences are just something I can't imagine having to go through. I genuinely hope you have therapy and someone to talk to if you are really thinking of this.
Relatable
My PhD interests brought me here. This was legit and I'm glad to see more people making content on shitty parenting. In a time where "parental rights" are being fought over, these points need to be a lot more mainstream.
Ironically more than half of my trauma comes from teachers: blame, guilt tripping, frustrated for anything we did, never good enough, golden pedestol student we had to be etc
Brazil seems to not have this much of a problem, because the school i go to (and went to for well over... I dunno, 13 years at this point) doesn't have thse shitty teachers... But...
I'm so sorry to hear that you jad to go through horrible, HORRIBLE things in such an important part of your life, man.
This video seems painfully accurate.
Not saying my personal experience was that bad but they are switching with being normal and being so toxic.
And that changing thing is so awkward boundaries and privacy is so important.
I recently admitted that I did grow up in an abusive environment. It was very difficult, scary, and freeing. Now, I am looking for good family counselors to start the healing process.
This was a very well-written video, I was shocked to see how few views this has gotten. Definitely a hidden gem!
Thanks you so much! That means so much to me, I appreciate it!
Yep. My dad would beat me and my siblings if we got bad grades on tests, report cards, or just didn't turn in our homework because we didn't finish it. Really he'd beat us for anything we did bad. that was the only punishment. My mom on the otherhand didn't beat us. She just took our phone or told us to read a book and sit in our room with no tv.
Sometimes my dad would do these with the addition of beating us. It's why we really don't speak to him much now that our parents are divorced. We all live with our mother.
@ShinoriDelfrim Your mother is a good woman, treasure her while you can. People like that who are reasonable and give punishments that logically correlate with the offence, are the parents and teachers we need in the world. And let's be real, in your adult life, you will never be beaten for a mistake of unscrupulous action. It isnt okay to beat a literal rspist or murderer, how the hell do these people defend beating a child? It's pure hypocrisy at its roots
I hate when parents consider themselves like an angel from heaven saying things like "maybe if I would hit you like other parents do maybe you will be grateful" well no actually hitting your children to "educate" them is not normal
Giving me a roof over my head and food is a normal thing that all parents are supposed to do I'm not going to kiss your feet because of that or consider you a god because I simply exist as your responsibility

My parents doted on me when I did well at school. When I struggled they drank or withdrew, which caused me to struggle more. By the end of school, I had no emotional support at all.
Maybe they had other problems besides worrying about your academics.
@@dollardeals01of course they did. The point is they ignored me if they couldn't use me to prop up their own sense of worth. Parenthood was only worth investing in when it made them feel good about themselves.
I'm mad that after all they did, now my parents get to have a great relationship with a sucessful child. Especially my father. But my friend said "he doesn't deserve a kid after all of that, but you do deserve a father". My therapist agreed but wants me to set boundries by making them admit the abuse.
I got sexually assaulted by my mom’s boyfriend last year and my mom’s whole response was “it’s your fault” and “people change, you should forgives him.” She was there and I kept telling her that he was creeping me out and she didn’t fucking believe me. Then she went back downstairs and he came back groped me… this is literally the tip of the iceberg and I’ve tried cutting her out of my life a few times but I can’t bc I need her 😭 I don’t feel comfortable around her boyfriend (she’s never gonna leave him) so yeah
I am so sorry that happened to you and I am so sorry you have her in your life still because you need her. None of that was your fault and that’s not how forgiveness works. They’re bastardizing it and you don’t have to ever forgive if you don’t want to. Please keep trying and I hope you can get away from them asap ): You deserve better and you always did. They don’t deserve you in their life. I know this doesn’t help or change anything but please keep hanging on and please reach out to others who might be able to help you. I’m in a somewhat similar situation if you ever need anyone to talk to ):
well i know this sound dumb but try cintacting your friend for a place to lives and get as much evidence as possible when your mom bf violated you and have stable income and connection then report this to the police as much as you need your mom there couple way to make you not depend on her
Dude.. Now I don't have any personal experience with this nor do I understand how it feels but I can read this and already know this is not acceptable.
That boyfriend is shit.
Sorry to hear that :(
Abusive fathers and men like this put a bad image on our reputation. Not every small action we do has malicious intent. And we're not always trying to be thanked. Most of us are just normal ass people. Im so sorry that happened to you and fuck that dude.
Many times when parents do harmful stuff to their children they don't think of the lifelong consequences of those actions later in life for both the parent and child. Sadly as an adult I am now in the situation where I am beginning to turn away from my father and walk away. In my case he was never emotionally there for me and was always very distant, I know that emotional distance and lack of emotional support and proper communication is another reason why adult children walk away. There was never any affection, he just thought doing the bare bones of parenting such as keeping a roof over the head and the materialism was all that was needed. My father also decided to have a mistress on the side when my mother got hurt and needed him, he then dumped her for said mistress and pretty much abandoned me as well, he pretty much destroyed the family, we lost almost everything. Almost 2 decades have passed since then and he has never bothered to say sorry for the abandonment and never bothered to be more involved in my life, zero acknowledgment to all the pain and ruin he caused. To this day I suffer from depression and anxiety, my social life in my adult hood suffered because of the trauma and ptsd that came with it. Due to me feeling like I never mattered due to his distance and betrayal I had to really work with myself to understand that I am worth something even if my so called father never made me feel that way by his actions. Sometimes making the decision to leave is the healthiest thing to do.