How To Be More Assertive Now!
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- Опубліковано 19 гру 2018
- SocialConfidenceCenter.com Dr. Aziz, Confidence Coach
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If you wish you could develop the confidence to speak up and start affecting people more deeply, then this is the episode for you!
Today, we’re going to be discussing how to become the most powerful, assertive version of yourself so that you can learn to speak up and stop being afraid of what other people will think of you.
When you’re feeling frustrated, irritated, or resentful, that is just one sign that you need to be more assertive.
Often, we experience these emotions because we can’t get away from the situation that is making us feel them. This is why they usually rear their ugly heads around coworkers, bosses, partners, and spouses. Hence, when we notice the recurring patterns that bring these emotions about, we need to take note and introduce assertive communication.
Instead, thought, people who are afraid to speak up prefer to avoid confrontation by telling themselves a story that keeps them safe:
- It’s my fault because I should be more tolerant.
- Everyone acts like that once in a while.
- What s/he said wasn’t that bad, and I deserved it, anyway.
Whenever that urge to speak up for yourself begins to arise, you must resist the need to stuff it down and ignore it. Acknowledge the feeling and understand that you have a right to speak up.
The next thing you need to do is actually make your voice heard.
This part is especially hard for people who worry about what others are going to think. We imagine it coming out all wrong, we see the other person or people getting upset with us, and we invent a ridiculous set of circumstances from which we’ll never bounce back.
Fact: communication is healthy, essential part of any ongoing relationship.
No matter what kind of relationship you’re working with-friend, colleague, lover-it will be made stronger if you are able to communicate openly and directly.
In fact, if you’re in an ongoing relationship and have never come across a reason to disagree or discuss conflict, then there’s something wrong: you’re stuck, distant, or doomed.
So, if direct, assertive communication is essential to a thriving relationship, how to we work toward being able to speak up for ourselves in an honest way?
Discover what’s bothering you, and dive right in.
Maybe this sounds obvious, but let me tell you why it needs to be said: even after we finally admit that we have a problem with assertiveness, we will still do anything to avoid conflict.
- Ok, I know I need to speak up and have a conversation with this person, but first I’m going to figure out exactly what to say.
- Now I’m going to go figure out exactly how to say it, so I don’t upset them.
- Now I have to practice it so it comes out perfectly.
- Now I need to consider how they’re going to react, so I know how to respond.
We can literally spend decades of our lives timidly avoiding conflict and never actually having the conversation that needs to happen.
The truth is that there is no way to avoid conflict: no matter how much time you spend planning, the conversation is going to be a little uncomfortable, and you’re probably going to have to work through an emotion or two together.
When something is bothering you, avoiding the conflict is not going to work-you must confront the issue and solve the problem.
This does not mean, however, that you have to have an attitude. It is possible to be direct without being aggressive (hence, the word “assertive”).
The best way to accomplish this is by invoking curiosity, rather than anger. I like to do this by using the phrase, “I noticed. . . .”
Topics covered in this video:
dr. aziz, confidence coach, build confidence, increase self-confidence, overcome social anxiety, overcome shyness, get more confidence, confidence tips, life coach, how to be confident, positivity, attitude, self-esteem, zizard411
#DrAziz #BoldAction #ConfidenceCoach #SocialAnxiety
Assertiveness is about working WITH the other person... that makes the whole affair so much more manageable
👍
Having an example of exact words to say is so helpful. I'll be trying this. Thanks!
Fantastic, let me know how it goes!
“But what happens if that shit doesn’t work?” The look on your face and the way you delivered that line was awesome! Thanks for the great advice and a good laugh!
My pleasure. :)
Your channel is AMAZING!!!
Thank you so much!!
Man, your advices are literally changing my life.
I am a lot happier with the way I am nowadays.
Thanks for doing this
So good to hear Jay!
I'm intimidated by aggressive people especially women and I feel uneasy holding eye contact with nearly everyone I meet and it might sound funny I was on a bus the other day and a baby was staring at me and I just felt very uncomfortable averting my eyes the mother apologised it's a horrible feeling but thank god I'm reading your not nice book I'm starting to accept that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings but I have to keep reminding myself I feel like I'm ready to do whatever it takes to change because I can't live the rest of my life like this, looking forward to the action part in your book thanks Aziz for being a beacon of light and showing the way out of this cage I've created for myself
I can empathize for sure Brian. This is just another way social anxiety rears its ugly head. The good news is it can be defeated! If you've read about the Levels of Commitment, where would you rank yourself?
@@GetMoreConfidence Thanks for replying Aziz, I'd rank myself at level 5 whatever it takes I've been like this most of my life and I can't live like this anymore i live in constant fear when I go outside even though I've a calm exterior I'm ready to whatever needs to done with this
Thanks for your honesty
Most helpful! Thank you!
Thanks 🙏. Gonna watch more of your videos
I think important is also having faith that the other person is going to follow through with the task. It doesn’t even enter your mind that they “wouldn’t” do it. I agree, reasonableness always works better, focusing on the issue rather than the person and using I statements, and waiting for an answer!! Got to let that silence fill the air! It is so powerful. Thanks! Excellent topic.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Awesome as usually!
Thank you!
I enjoyed this so much, I hope I get this result for me to have the destiny to stand up for myself. I know it didn't go well when I was a kid and a teenager, that's how I grew up to be an outcast
You are a blessing. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
thank you so so helpful
I'm so glad you found it useful!
Thanks Dr. Aziz for sharing ur expertise on your channel. More power to you!
My pleasure!
This is so helpful, thank you. I hate controlling people, but I do love influencing, relating, and encouraging others
You're welcome!
Keep these videos coming 🙂👍
Never stopping! :)
I just wanted to say that you sir, are a badass. Also you look a lot like one of our actors. I've wanted to change my thinking since 2014 when i was 15, but only now can i really feel a shift coming, and your videos are seriously my favorite. Keep up the great work.
Thank you so much!
Awesome information here!
Thank you!
I've not bought the book or listen to the audio version of the book but what I heard first time listen to the video sounded very good
Thank you!
Did you drop the book recently? I just wanted to say that I’ve been watching for a really long time and I’m so happy for you
Thank you so much Lizzie! My next book is due out in 2019, so excited!
thanks doc i just found ur channel and im dating someone online and this kinda helps me im super socially awk
Glad to have you hear and glad to here you're putting yourself out there! Don't miss out on all my other resources.
1) First, stay in the loop by going here and signing up for my newsletter:
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You’ll also receive a lot of helpful tips and information on a regular basis as well as access to resources only available to subscribers.
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If offers great information for both men and women, including interviews with other leaders in the field of confidence and social anxiety.
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@@GetMoreConfidence thanks
You're the best
Thank you, and so are YOU!
Sir your technique makes me want to listen to you with acceptance, can you make a video on how to wake up without being lazy and do new things? Much love Master Aziz
Thank you, and that one is going on the video list!
Hey Dr Aziz, I was actually pretty assertive when I was younger, but I'm so disagreeable by nature that I got a lot of problems at school and conditioned myself to become quiet. Nowadays I'm mostly reserved, but sometimes when I argue with someone, I revert back to my old self. People are usually surprised and get anxious because I get so dominant (someone even compared me to Hitler once).
The thing is, I feel SO GOOD when I dominate the conversation and I kind of lose control and don't care that I hurt people.
How can I be in that state of flow without being a dick?
That could be quite a complex answer. Without knowing a lot more certainly not something I can address in a short UA-cam comment. When you're ready for a change and want to explore your options, reach out to me here: www.socialconfidencecenter.com/about/contact/
Couldn't download the book from the link in email. Help.
Which book?
Side note, looks like you upgraded your camera?
Not in the last couple of years, but definitely since I got started.
Sir
Your book 'Not Nice' is not available on Indian Version of Amazon (Amazon.in).
Kindly make it available for Indian users too at a reasonable price.
Thank you.
I'll look into it!
@@GetMoreConfidence
Sure Thanks
Sir the issue is book is only available in Kindle format and not in paperback form on Amazon.in.
Kindly make it available on the same.
Eagerly waiting to read this book sir.
Here because of sean cooper
Great to have you here!
"I noticed you aren't speaking." That's a tough one.
What do you imagine is a good response to that?
Well, you got me. They will probably either not answer at all or claim they were busy and didn't notice anyone spoke to them. Silence can be kind of threatening-- almost passive aggressive when the person is your work supervisor. :)
If I understand the context correctly, try something like, "You're right, I wasn't...yet. I wanted to make sure I had all the facts before offering my viewpoint. Give me a quick rundown on what you think the most important facts are here."
Great answer!!
Floppy noodle experience 😂
it does bother me a lot that assertiveness is expected of men more than women
We're changing that one video at a time. :)
@@GetMoreConfidence ya, because despite how modern human society has become, women almost never make the first move when it comes to dating and relationships
@@janwest8544 That would be an assumption and one that isn't accurate. I realize that may be your own experience so far, but woman are often the initiators. Men and women both make first moves and experience the same social anxieties when it comes to dating and relationships.
Maybe because men are more respected, like they are taken more seriously. And sometimes it's not an advantage when more is expected from men.
I feel like they'll get angry on me and I'll get scared and I get scared that I'll get eyes watering and I'll cry like a girl
Try this daily exercise to get more comfortable with being assertive: ua-cam.com/video/0xUUEWW1baY/v-deo.html