Frustrated? Defeated? Overwhelmed? Try Quest Not Test!
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- Опубліковано 27 лют 2023
- Our educational system, politics, and sports all indoctrinate us to think of situations as tests. Whenever we feel like a failure, or a loser, or defeated, or overwhelmed, it's almost always because we framed the events as tests. But thinking of situations as quests not tests removes you from the field of failure, suggests what steps to take next, and is more aligned with reality than a simple pass/fail test mentality. Find out more......
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 🎉 *Introduction to "Quest Not Test" concept*
- Introduction by Dr. John Cruz about the "Quest Not Test" concept.
- Explanation of the value of focusing on the quest rather than the test.
- Dr. Cruz emphasizes the significance of this topic for reducing negative emotions like shame, anger, and anxiety.
01:08 🏊♂️ *Bill Boomer's Influence on Quest Not Test*
- Dr. Cruz shares anecdotes about Bill Boomer, a renowned swim coach.
- Discusses how Boomer's approach aligns with the "Quest Not Test" philosophy.
- Highlights Boomer's impact on swimming techniques and mindset.
03:30 🚗 *Applying Quest Not Test in Daily Life*
- Examples of scenarios where the "Quest Not Test" approach can be beneficial, such as dealing with mistakes and anger outbursts.
- Dr. Cruz emphasizes reframing situations from a test perspective to a quest perspective.
- Explains the potential for reducing negative emotions and improving decision-making using this approach.
06:46 🧠 *Social Anxiety and Indecision: Quest Not Test Perspective*
- Dr. Cruz discusses how the "Quest Not Test" approach can help individuals facing social anxiety or indecision.
- Highlights the importance of shifting focus from external evaluations to personal goals and quests.
- Provides examples of how this mindset can alleviate pressure and promote growth.
08:40 🎓 *Cultural and Systemic Emphasis on Testing*
- Dr. Cruz delves into the cultural and systemic emphasis on testing in Western societies.
- Discusses the influence of educational systems, politics, and sports on perpetuating a test-focused mindset.
- Highlights the potential drawbacks of a test-oriented approach for personal well-being and satisfaction.
11:18 🌱 *Benefits of Adopting a Quest Mindset*
- Dr. Cruz elaborates on the advantages of embracing a quest-oriented mindset over a test-oriented one.
- Discusses the autonomy, control, and flexibility that come with defining personal quests.
- Emphasizes how focusing on quests can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life journey.
20:30 🚗 *Control Your Journey, Not Others*
- Emphasizing control over one's actions and reactions rather than external factors.
- Focus on personal quests like arriving safely rather than evaluating others.
- Recognize elements within your control, such as your response to road rage or social anxiety.
21:14 🎯 *Reframing Life Situations*
- Dr. Kruse discusses the importance of shifting focus from evaluations to objectives or goals.
- Highlighting the value of understanding one's primary quest in various situations, such as job interviews.
- Emphasizing the need to align personal needs with external opportunities and settings.
21:59 🔄 *Challenges in Implementing Quest Not Test*
- Dr. Kruse acknowledges the challenges people face when trying to implement the "Quest Not Test" approach consistently.
- Stressing that the approach is a tool for life and not an instant solution.
- Encouraging individuals to recognize when they're treating the quest as another test, highlighting the importance of self-awareness.
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So good ..much gratitude
I really appreciate you sharing this, Dr. Kruse. You have given much helpful info on ADHD for a long time, but this one is especially important for this ADDer (me) at this time as I am looking for ways to simplify my clinical approach to a "non-medical" role I am going to be working in. This language and framework seems, based on your excellent clinical examples, to be very clear and easy to approach with. So, thank you again !!!
I appreciate the positive feedback! Best wishes moving forward.
it occurs to me that if i practice keeping the 'quest framework' in mind- something happens that otherwise just doesn't happen= i'm making goals and choices. GENIUS. i'm more than curious to try...thank you!!
THANK YOU
Thank you so much sir, Dr. Kruze. I found your link on Medium Day.
I am struggling intensely & would say shame is a primary source; assumably from a few decades of things that resulted in cptsd. Things like the compounding consequences from not getting hired despite more than yr of intense pursuit. I feel paralyzed with the 'thing' that matters most to me; trying to free my lil ones from harm.
Ik at least a portion is from all the closed doors & disbelief; it takes quite a bit for even myself to know I'm not nuts. Most of the rest of reasoning for the stuckness bc of that seemingly-oh-so-deep & intrinsic shame & my particular (maybe many others) 'conditioning.'
I'm not sure I've completely caught the test aspect, but the Quest feels actually possible for me to implement. Perhaps I can try to just ground myself in knowing what our experience has been and keep seeking until I find the help/way, not worrying about who will believe along the way. As for interviews, you're so right... I know that going in, but am distracted w things like knowing I'm kinda beat up and am definitely no longer my prev. 'professional' self (hence the Medium attempt. Not getting impression it is any sort of immediate, life-sustaining income though).
Again, thank you Dr. Somehow this is far more plausible than 'what's your mission, etc.' type mantras!! Quest. What is my quest. I think I will call all the distractions, 'fruit flies' lol.
My medium article on ADHD and shame may also be of some use: medium.com/swlh/shrinking-the-shame-of-adhd-4f912e8e2f8f?sk=6f6a9101101d5538dc660639c290104a
and the video was one of my first :
ua-cam.com/video/FjgpIj3rHK0/v-deo.html
Good stuff here. Thank you for all your work. Much appreciated!
Very nice video Dr. Kruse!
Thank you!
THANK YOU!
You're welcome!
This is an insightful distinction and a very helpful exercise in shifting perspectives wisely. ❤
Thanks for the feedback. I've been saying for three years now this is going to be my next book - which I guess itself is part of the quest and not a test.
Hi Dr. John, I really appreciate all of the work that you do. The things you discuss are many times the behaviors I exhibit to the T. Still, I am in denial. I officially have a diagnosis (within the past 8 months) but I somehow feel I'm duping my pysch. Do you have experience with patients being in denial about their diagnosis? What words of advice would you give patients who feel they can't 'truly' express how they feel, or what they're thinking or experiencing, to their psychiatrist?
I see versions of this constantly, some of it may reflect family history, but a big chunk of it probably is exacerbated by how society, including many mental health professionals directly or subtly stigmatize many conditions or differences. I would try to work from the place that you are the expert on yourself, and that your work with your psychiatrist or therapist is based on finding common words and language so you have a shared understanding of what you are experiencing. Sometimes therapists and doctors need some coaching or guidance. Some aren't approachable. If repeated efforts seem to lead nowhere with someone, it may be worth looking elsewhere for the help you need.
Also, if you have had a diagnosis for less than a year, this is only a fraction of your time on earth. It can take time to adjust and sort out what this means for you.
@@dr.johnkruse6708 That makes sense to me! It feels like every day I realize that a new behavior or thought process I’ve historically had, can be attributed to ADHD. Every time I find a new one, I chuckle. This is a very new diagnosis for me and I’m still working through so much but I’m happy to be on this journey, and very grateful to have you creating this content. Side note: I was diagnosed as a child and wasn’t put on medication…and I didn’t learn of my childhood diagnosis up until about 8 months ago ❤️🩹😔😔
Doc we need time stamps and faster playback speed :)
You can change your own playback speed. Do you have these expectations bc you've paid him for those type of services, pls?
What if you don’t know what your quests are because of alexithymia stemming from BPD?
Even with alexithymia I think that one can evaluate their values and sort through what goals seem relevant and what does not feel like it fits you. Exploring these topics with a friend, family member or therapist may help.