My focus became 💯 my kids. I was busy putting my kids through therapy, after a traumatic divorce. I have 2 children and divorcing a cheating husband was like offloading a child. I no longer have 3 kids!😂
As a single mother, I feel males target us for an easy in rather than a partner to build with, they flip it and make it seem like your the desperate one. Crazy part is, single mothers demand more than someone who doesn't have kids, so it's hilarious that they jump in the deep end and can't swim.. hilarious. As a single mother, it's not mentally or emotionally safe to be in a relationship anymore. Raising kids is stressful and awesome all by itself, no sense adding an underdeveloped male to the mix and surviving when you could avoid them and thrive!!
Yep.. No one has the time to train and re-raise a under developed male. The fact that they weren't brought up right.. Is their parents failure. Not the responsibility of a grown woman with kids of her own, to fix a broken male.. Who she didn't birth into the world. That's nonsense.
This is so true and it’s also physically unsafe to be in a relationship as well as a DV survivor from my previous relationship (not my child’s dad) I am no longer interested in dating men anymore. And maybe after my son becomes a young man will I maybe entertain a relationship. As for now I no longer trust men at all .
You don't have to be a single mother for that to happen. I've done it with and without a man and it's less work, less stress, more money, time energy, without a man. There's very few male's who actually parent and husband well. All this, children need both parents is nonsense. They need a good parent.
My kids are my priority. Dating men is a distraction, and I'm already too focused on building the empire I want to leave for my kids. No other explanations needed. Keep doing your thang, mamas! Choose PEACE! Your kids will THANK YOU for it and they will see it reflected through all the happiness you exude. Love y'all.
There are a lot of men who treat single moms as if they came off the clearance rack at the dollar store, and what woman would want to be treated so poorly?
Classy, intelligent Mothers tend to have higher standards and therefore reject alot of men. The reality is that MOST men do not measure up in terms of finances and character. This is why the men are upset and online telling other men not to date mothers. The type of men who listen to angry males online are not the type of men who can attract beautiful women with standards.
Yep.. They're ranting and raging online because they don't have what it takes to get and maintain their desired woman. But they also reject self improvement... So they just double down on stupid, verbally abuse women on the Internet and complain/demand that we should just accept their toxicity. Eww
@@genevieveaniko6492 LOL facts. They should be using all that energy on self improvement instead and not whining about feminism and telling women to hurry up.
Single mom for over 6 years. After all the healing I have gone through, I’ll never let another man touch me again. I focus on my self-preservation and the growth of my child. I am the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been. Best decision I’ve ever made.
Inspiring . Men are selfish for the most part. I personally no longer have the energy to believe in this “nice guy” myth. I am happy for those who have found a great man/partner while having already been a mom- but it’s too risky for me.
Woman are coming to the realization that it’s peaceful & safer to stay single as a single mother‼️ I adore you all‼️🌸🌺💐 Peace, genuine love & care over confusion & abuse‼️
@@sammich-lp2qm men also like to dismiss women's complaints and pain as myth. If it were up to them, women would be stuck back in the 40s and 50s which was considered the good ole days.
That's because women are trained to be good women while men are trained to be bad men. So if you're a bad woman or a good man, you're going against societal expectations.
Men are also racist, and this includes black men black men are nicer to non-black women. I saw an African man up in Asia in an Asian woman straight up knowing there’s a fucking continent caught, Africa asked him why he is black and he laughed and he said I like yellow referring to her and they made a little laugh session out of it black men know how to be corny and nice and understanding with other races of women other men and black men treat black women like trash.
Single mother and abstinent for over 5 years now. My primary focus is my son and me. I had an awful abusive step-father and emotionally absent/neglectful mother. I'm never putting my son through that. His safety and happiness is all that matters.
I grew up with a single mom who was always looking for a relationship. No other purpose in life. And I thought it was just a waste of her time & life. I'm the same now; Ive got too many goals and interests to pursue, why would I waste it on a man? Men NEED you; they take from you (energy, resources etc), it's a bottomless pit. Why would I do that to myself?
Divorced mom here. Devoted to the single life with son. Soon I will Cut ties with my toxic mother and her flying Monkeys. I am organizing our escape to another Land. As soon as possible I will try to Change our identities and apply for citizenship.
Even though u can get land in America for 200$ that 200$ also go along way in other countries or virgin islands and PR which is American soil also but good luck hun
Another reason to keep your interactions with men only recreational. This is exactly what we want from single mothers. I agree, you should wait until your kids are fully grown to do something serious with any man.
My aunt on my mother's side chooses to stay single because she didn't want her kids to be mistreated by the man she picked because their father's new wife didn't like them so their father would only pay child support but ignore them on holidays, birthday, and everyday life I feel sorry for my cousin's and karma will get those two clowns 😊.
We stop dating for the safety of our children…Also men think single moms have to worship them because our “Market Value” has gone down…I simply don’t agree….So Im single and I will stay that way until til the lord decides different…🤷🏾♀️
I applaud any parent that breaks the cycle, finds growth and peace in raising their kids alone. Too many ppl r running around causing chaos with their mental damage because they think they NEED a partner. Because they think a partner will "fix them", or "help them settle down". No child deserves that kind of parent.❤
I agree, my place a business(being vague as possible) I saw divorced and single parents seek relationships. But neglect their child. Chaos ensues and parent can't or won't come to the usual obvious conclusion. Your child first, your needs second. When your child is protected and loved the household chaos is gone.
3 out of 4 of my great aunts stayed single and never married, nor had any children except for one. They never trusted men and wanted nothing to do with them. They lived together until they died in their 90's. My mother married my father, who left her a single mother not too long after I was born because he decided didn’t want the responsibility. Although she had relationships with other men, she never lived with them or bought men into our household who were subpar. She was adamant that she wouldn't have any more children and subsequently got her tubes tied. Left the man who wanted to marry her because he wanted more children. Met a six-figure man and ran the relationship on her terms. He, too ,wanted her to live with him. My mother gave a hard NO! She could've lived comfortably for the rest of her life, but she chose herself every time. She's now 77 living stress free, going on cruises and holidays. Coming home past 1 am in the morning from some event, she went too 😂😂. She's healthy, attractive, and strong with all her mental facilities. That's my definition of a baddie!
I didn't want to deal with anyone like that , especially bm, after my divorce many years ago. I raised my daughter (my only child) got my Masters Degree , moved to another State, got her through college, shes now a music therapist, and she's now married to a soon- to-be Doctor. I chose myself and my daughters' well-being. My life is so PEACEFUL without some ninja dragging me down. I dated here & there on occasion and was just turned off. A lot of guys are extremely emotionally immature even well into their 40s. I dont have patience for bullsh*it that they bring. Im the type of person that will cut ✂️ the cord quickly as soon as I see BS. Stop explaining yourself to grown adult men on why you simply don't want to deal with 99% of them. They know exactly why. I have friends going through pure hell at the hands of some broke ninja. Live your life, travel, love on your family, aging parents, and good friends. Get into health/fitness and establish supportive communities. If i ever allow a man into my orbit, he has to really be something special, and have a lot going for himself and adding something valuable to my already established and good life.
`"Stop explaining yourself to grown adult men on why you simply don't want to deal with 99% of them. They know exactly why. " That´s why they don´t have male friends. They know what the shit they are.
Dear, please ignore anyone that tries to gaslight you into believing these males aren't adept liars, broken and immature boys with daddy/mommy issues. You know what you saw and experienced. It was real. Good men are rare. They understand what women go through and are too busy in their RL to be on the internet, making statements that display a lack of comprehensive discernment about the plight of women and their own emotional immaturity. Be safe, happy, and blessed, ma'am.❤
Facts: no woman who is living her best live wants to be with a mentally, emotionally damaged male.. Who can't be faithful, kind or useful in any way, who also refuses to change and be a good person. That is the quickest way to drag your life and kids wellbeing into the gutter. Absolutely NOT.
Married to a now Single Mom here. I'm at peace and that's all that matters. I may have struggled but I had SO much peace. My son and I could be silly, stay up late, eat chocolate chips cookies for breakfast. I brought art, museums, dancing, travel and love of animals to my son, without the comments. I lived in the world smallest space but we had so much fun and love. My son is now off at a prestigious college and off to a wonderful life. Why would I choose chaos and toxicity?
Love it ! A big thing they missed it what you described here a place to express yourselves freely. So many want to come in and disrupt everything and pound their chest like cavemen, claiming to bring order to the house. Being in your little bubble with the kids is the best!
I was very cautious dating after my divorce and did not meet anyone that was worthy. I've been single for quite some time and given the landscape of men, I think I'll stay single. I'm happy, healthy, healed and thriving. Good luck out there ladies. Stay safe!
Definitely the field of men looks a lot crappier after having a child, my standards are much higher.. Thats why there is so much single mom hate - they want access but we simply dont bend whatsoever
After my divorce I discovered that my husband was actually a liability holding me back from achieving my potential both in parenting the children & economically, so there was no incentive to replace him with another man.
As a single mom, I choose my peace, myself, and stability over everything. Then comes my child. That way i can pour into my child effortlessly. I have no tolerance to raise a grown man, hold them down on hard times, or be someone ride or die. I know what I'm bringing to the table so please come correct or dont even bother.
Ive YET to meet a grown ass man. Most are needy and demanding. They are CHILDREN THEMSELVES. As a single mom i hooked up and got rid of them. They were asking ME FOR MONEY. NO.
If a single mother dates she's blamed if the guy turns out to be a predator and she brought him into the home. If she doesn't date she's denying her children a father figure and role models of healthy relationships. We really can't win.
@@ashleykathryn9038I feel the same guilt but it’s really not worth it just put him into a mentor program where men mentor the younger generation, sports , and school clubs that’ll keep him grounded .
Women are always told to neglect them selves and mule for everything and everybody. You share your life with your child but no, your life is still your own. Don’t ever forget who you are your hobbies and things like that and don’t let yourself go.. just like a lot of women forget about themselves when they get married and it’s all about the family, they will suffer in the end, you can lose your family any time you can lose your kid any time. One of our friends sons just passed away Wednesday and then what the hell do you have? Never forget who you are. You are always the main character in your life, and other people, including your kids, will toot their ass is up and tell you where to kiss it, will abandon you in a nursing home at a time when you need them most, we will not talk to you for years over a partner they choose, Make no mistake about that.
I can't speak for anyone else but YES! This is definitely a thing for me! I focused on my kid. She graduates highschool this month with honors. NO REGRETS!!! I have no idea if I will ever get into a serious relationship going forward. Im not against it. Just not actively pursuing anything right now.
Yeah it’s true and I believe (from personal experience) we are dealing with a sense of mistrust and betrayal as well as a weariness with whom we let in. I don’t know who I can trust and I rather not waste my time. Plus we’re rediscovering ourselves at the same time.
I know not one, not two but THREE seperate women that were SA by their stepfather/moms boyfriend. Plus, If you already have kids, then what you need a man for?? 😂
I don't do coparenting, and I don't believe in coparenting because I see a lot of women suffer in silence pretending they are happy coparenting. I find being a single mother easier than being with their father. I am in control and I am more organized and orderly without a man. Men put monkey wrenches all the time. Plus I don't want some adult controlling my home. I'm the King of my home.
I stopped dating after my divorce because dating and being with someone takes a lot of work. Also, i dont want to bring someone bad into their lives. My step father was a pedophile....I work hard, and i have found a lot of peace being single and not bringing harm and chaos into my children's lives.
I dated 1 TIME, 1 MAN after my daughter’s father passed (she’s 8), NEVER AGAIN!!!! Like many women said, it’s peaceful here alone 🤎🥹……. We have a safe home ALL ON OUR OWN!!!! We’ve built this on OUR OWN. Yea you want companionship, but not just from someone that doesn’t have any self worth or respect
Imo, the best thing a man can give you is children. Once you have them... There is little desire to date because aside from having kids... What sense does it make to deal with a toxic abusive male. 🤷♀️
As a PNP, I sadly see the reality of too many single moms choosing men or chasing men to the detriment of their kids. I wish it were true that single moms were choosing to remain single, but most are NOT. I have CPS on speed dial because single mothers are so thirsty. Every time I walk into an exam room, mom is on her phone on a dating app, not concentrating on her sick and injured child. Sad, but true. 😢😢😢
@lookatyou5809 Unfortunately, it's not as simple as "they shouldn't have kids." The pressure on women to have kids, despite their mental/emotional/financial circumstances, is HUGE. Many women have kids to fit in, not because they really want to be mothers.
I think that's what you may see in your area. Your location doesn't represent "most". Just as I know more single moms are getting off apps, giving up dating all together and going back to school. This is what I legit see and talk about with multiple women daily. But that doesn't make it "most" because that's what I experience. Yes, there are a lot of women who have, were, and probably still go after men, but more and more are saying no. I agree with your take if it were the last 5+ years ago. Not that it's not true just not as it was.
@@nikkilong7377 NOT my "area" at all. Do you know how many states I travel to for work? Walk into the homes of most single moms, and you will find a random boyfriend or stepfather. FACTS!!!
It was the combo of being exhausted from the abuses & reality setting in, taking the place of hope. It’s realizing there are too many ignorant, abusive men out there that it’s a freaking risk more than anything else.
All the elder women in my family never remarried after their husbands died and if they got some on the side we were never aware. We never saw them. Thats how it should be
It’s crazy how many women in the comments say no thank you. Kids or no kids it’s often not worth it or outright dangerous for a woman and her children. If this is our collective experience, I am scared to think of the future. We as mothers have to do better with our male children.
I think many also don't have as much time to date like a childfree woman, it's a jungle out here. It's hard enough finding a good man, talk less of a good and willing stepfather. When you're a single mother you're not just dating for yourself, if you're dating seriously.
My grandmother remarried after my grandfather abandoned the family..the second husband was worse! She said never again. If my marriage doesn't last.. I know I'm following in her footsteps..
I was a single mother and I never put myself back out there. It wasn't that I was putting my kid first it was for my peace and the safety of my daughter. When she grew up I remained single because I still protect my peace and just don't want to be bothered with the drama that comes with having a man.
As a mom, I could never bring anyone around my kids either ( man or woman) .. I'm very selective on that and yes most men think single mothers are desperate. Since I divorced my ex I've been single by choice 15 years and don't need the drama in my life
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g you men are a liability and I don't need you men in my home around me or my kids - were at peace ✌🏾 in my home without that extra drama or toxicity
We become resilient thru the grief and loss. We achieve a level of peace and observe today's men latched firmly to gender roles and their desire for women to give a lot for very little in return. The imbalance becomes so obvious and disgusting that it turns us off from engaging in relationships. And you can't forget that social media has given us a glimpse into the minds of men who openly discuss the best ways to use and manipulate women to get their way. I like my peaceful life and it would take an act of God and all my ancestors and angels to look at a man with desire, much less act on said desire. Nope! No thank you.
Single mom here 🙋🏾♀️For 15yrs now! Honestly, Honestly Idk if I’m ready to parent to another Adult… Her dad, I had to stay on top of.. Did you do it’s, Did you do that, remember this, blah-blah-blah. NoT saying ALL men. But like damn near 90% of them need so form of parenting..😂😂 Teaching them -How to communicate their feelings -reciprocation(Dammit) -How I’m NOT your maid -How to think logically etc.. -How Im NOT a therapist -How I’m not a sex doll The list goes on 🤦🏾♀️ sheesh. I’m scared, bc I luv My ☮️
As a single mom, I chose to raise my son, work my job and run my house. After my son became a young man, I began to get that desire for a spouse again. At first, I ignored it but now I'm out and about. I chose this route because I didn't want to deal with a man who thought he was doing me a favor because he was dating or married to me IN SPITE! of my single mom status. I still do the choosing. Contrary to popular narrative, single moms are not desperate. We are just biding our time.
I finally found women thinking like me. YAY! Single mom from Germany, and I feel each and every woman in the comment section, who don't want to put their kids, or themselves at the risk of being bullied, or even worse: abused. Nope. We are and maybe have other family. No "man" needed. Self-love and love for our lovely kids. Much love and strength from Germany.
I agree. It's because we don't have time for the games, we've heard it all before. After dealing with an ex who told me people would think something was wrong with me if I left, at this point, I'm only looking for companionship. I don't want a man in my life who doesn't see me as a package deal, and I don'twant anybodyaroundcmy child. My son's father is very toxic, and because of that experience, I vet everything and proceed with precaution. I've healed and moved on, so I'm going to choose my child and me if it doesn't suit us. I'm single because I want to be at this point no one else Me!!
Co-parenting can suck so bad at times. I have to, but sometimes I really wish I was on my own. Even if he is a good dad and pays alimony. But how he acts with me does really turn/set me off at times...
I don’t know, I was raised by a single mom and I’m kind of glad that my mom didn’t have a successful remarriage (it failed rather quickly). I just feel like, being a kid, I wanted my mom to myself. I don’t think I would’ve liked sharing her with a man that I don’t know and now we live together and I have to deal with it. I think if the child is under 4, they might be more adjustable, but as they get older, I think it will be a harder adjustment and I’m just grateful I never had to adjust. We had our mom to ourselves and it was very peaceful that way. She was mom and dad to us and I’m grateful I didn’t have to deal with a step parent. If I ever became a single mom (I’m married with a kid right now), I don’t think I would remarry until my children were over 18 or if I was desperate enough to need the financial help. I don’t think I could risk bringing another man into my child’s life and possibly causing chaos or trauma to my kids. I don’t feel like it’s worth it and I feel like it will cause mental health issues for my kids down the line. Then again, I don’t know the experience of having a good step-parent so maybe I’m wrong. I just feel like the risk of bringing a potential crazy man into the home is high. Also when you experience real love and companionship with a man, the bar will be very high if you need to find another. I feel like if a man is not providing you that companionship + financial and domestic help, then what would be the point of remarrying? No woman wants to take care of another person when they already got kids. I feel like when you become a single mother, getting with another man realllllly has to be worth it.
not speaking for everyone, just me. I wanted to concentrate on son and college. If i met someone, great, but if i didn't that was fine as well. I never met met anyone who i thought was worth adding to my family. I was also adamant I had one child, i didn't want any more. I'd already been dumped while pregnant once, i wasn't in a rush to do it again. I was also cautious about who I brought home, i didn't want a parade of different men at my breakfast table. I didn't want to add someone abusive or neglectful to my son's life. Most of the men I met were of a certain type, once they found out i was a single mum. they either bowed out because it wasn't for them and i respected that. Or they pushed hard to get into my life because they thought I was desperate and would accept any crap treatment. After all single mums usually have their own houses fully stocked with good stuff, he's walking out his bachelor pad or his mums and into yours and then he's going to start treating like his doss house for him and his mates and telling me and my kid to get bent in our own house that I pay for? Nah, mate, don't think so. Saw it too many times. once son was 16,, too many guys were thinking that or mentioning they wanted kids or they had young kids and I didn't want to raise more kids, mine or anyone elses'. I know lots of single mums do meet great guys and it all works out - i know several - but it never happened for me, nor was i looking. I mean one time, a male friend, with whom we were skirting round each other had come over to fix my pc, i was going to make him dinner in return and Son was watching tv, when fella flicks over the telly because he always watches the news at 7! I was making tea, so I didn't know until Son comes in and I flicked the telly right back. He wasn't happy, i gave him his tea and then turfed him out. he dropped big hints at work about doing something the three of us, but I just said no. I am still single, son is 29 now. I have grown used to my space, i never met anyone yet who's worth adding to my life as a partner. but that's ok, I have a rich and active life. I come and go as I please, I perform in storytelling events, I am on a housing committee. I am single, but I'm not alone.
The quality of men after having a child seems really crappy. The standards are higher. Thats why there is so much single mom hate. Many of us simply do not bend or lower our standards, at all, and they get so upset and attack us. Jokes on them, now women dont want to even have their kids in the first place, so they didnt think that thru. Thats why the 2nd woman mentioned they want to talk about kids so fast. These men made having their children a lose/lose situation. You said it lowers our value sir, so its logical that we no longer want to have your children.
I am not a single mom but I have a different side from my single father. He told me dating was hard because often the partner didn't like his children and would try to compete for his attention with his children. And he told me men are the same when it comes to single mothers. It was basically explained to me that there were a number of people he could’ve been very happy if you decided to date them, but they would make his children’s lives miserable because they wanted all of his attention and didn’t want his children in the way of that. I lived with my father, and I lived with him for a good reason because my mother lived in an area where the schools weren’t great and he was not going to sacrifice my education “for a piece of tail.” my father also explained that sometimes when asked about his priorities, either his partner or his children, they would get upset that his priority was always his children, no matter what.
You could do a whole series on Step parents. As a man my experience with my mother dateing and eventually getting married to get divorced was terrible. The men dont like you as a son because they are jealous and your not their blood. I didnt have it as bad as some of my friends with step parents. They got beat. I also got a healthy dose of the son husband from mom. My step mother hated me at lest that how I felt and she was very convincing. Now in my older years with adult children and grandchildren. It made me a better father. If you can avoid it especially if you have daughter's avoid it. Get your Son and daughter's into a mentor program. People are broken and false out here. Your comming with a serious topic. People dont talk enough about step parents.
😢 I am so sorry you went through that. I really don't understand why people can't just concentrate on being parents after their relationships/marriages end. It would be so much better for the children, who already have to deal with a broken home. I hope you are in a better place now. ❤
Guess what… Even biological fathers are jealous of their sons. This is not unique to step fathers. The same type of men who would abuse their step children, would abuse their own children.
@Childfree334 thanks. If in any way my experience made a better father to my family. It was worth it. Im not bitter, but I deal with a lot of people with a long handled spoon. Life is too short to spend it broken because of the past. But like Antwon Fisher said, "I remember everything you did." Stay strong, family.
@ThinWaistedPrimaDonn Im sure, but most of the men I know in my age group. Are working to keep their sons and daughters on point. A persons character is so important when selecting a mate.
Don't be fooled , some men will only date single Moms , b/c they know she will always have food . The kang babies will sit up all night, eating up all of the snacks & juice boxes . Also , they will eat all of the lunch meat & bread & will probably take your food home for him or his kids . # trifling # drizzle drizzle # broke man era 😅
It's not like you lying.Also for a place to stay and consistent cootie cat.Theres a reason some hobosexuals target them.They know she gotta keep food on the table.
It's true. If you are a good mom, you are putting your kids first. You won't have the bandwidth or patience to add a man child into the mix. You also have to take being a role model seriously. You can't have men playing in your face in front of your kids. When so much is at stake you're able to see men as the liability that they are.
Yep. Exactly what I did. I tried dating 4 years after splitting with my son's father, but my boyfriend didn't get on with my son, and it brought a lot of conflict to my life. I won't date again. I'm very happy being single and focusing on my son - I have peace now.
I am a single mom. I wouldn’t be a single mom if I was seeing someone seriously. I like being a single mom because I like being a mom and I like my son. Of course, I love my son, I also *like* him. I enjoy spending time with him. I enjoy his personality and interests (sometimes 😅). I am neither resentful nor angry that I get to have a great kid and a great family with two loving, happy, healthy members. If someone comes along who is also great and wants to make our lives even more great, then that is, well, great, I guess. Is that necessary or mandatory? Of course not. Is the standard so high that I am not interested in paying any attention to anyone who doesn’t make my life better? Absolutely. Imma do me some South Park James Cameron and raise the bar for myself. I’m doing it for love and because of love. In the end, I know there will be love regardless.
You think of the time and effort it takes to establish a relationship, and then to nurture and maintain it. I would personally rather put that time and effort into my children and I. The thought that I might bring a man into my home that merely tolerates my children, and will never love them, frightens me. And that’s tame compared to the horror some men will bring into your home. It’s not to say that it’s impossible to find a good man who will be a loving father figure, but that’s a lot to ask a complete stranger who has no responsibility to children that are not his own.
That's the decision that a lot of parents probably need to make to keep the kid safe. There are just so many predators out there. Even women are preying on kids in school like crazy.
I've been around offenders and a lot of them say that they go for single moms cause you have direct access to their kids. So yeah, I wouldn't get into anymore relationships. My closest friend dated so many guys when she had her son and they treated her son horribly. Then she made a mista Of staying with the worst one because she needed a place to stay and he lived with his dead, so she's moved right Inc cause she was desperate for a roof over her head. Little did she know that his dad wanted a crack at her as well.
This a huge change to just a few generations back! MASSIVE!! I'm 60. I can remember exactly what was said when a guy took up with a divorced/widowed/abandoned woman who had children ..." It's very good of him to take her and the children on. Hope she knows how damn lucky she was to find him." She was supposed to be grateful to a man who would consider that her children were a burden he was taking on with great reluctance!! Men and woman both expressed this joyless, loveless attitude. And if things got crappy, she should remember that, remember he took on her kids - and that 'favour' was a forever debt. I also remember women who were bruised and bleeding but still hanging onto that bloody gratitude, "She was lucky, not many men would take on, the kids do annoy him, if I can get them ..." Because we were prevented from working, having a decent home, bank accounts, access to any money, they got us believing that keeping the man happy was the woman's priority. Is generational brainwashing a thing? Even over the children. I remember several cases where the man was happy to marry the woman, but he didn't want her children. SO THE CHILDREN WENT! Even as a kid I was horrified by that. I'm glad to see such a bold, strong, confident, swing the hell away from that crap. Most of you knew what your job was before you even saw the child's face. I know it's hard. Anyone with sense can see single mothers who do at least half a dozen full-time jobs worth of work every day. From their employment to the needs of individual children, the nursing care, on call therapist, personal assistant and chef, then the needs of the roof over your heads, your transport .... on and on! You're fecking amazing. When it gets hard, remember that you don't have a 200lb child who drinks, wilfully will not learn, creates mess they never clean, and complain loudly, even get violent - petulantly pulling on the strings of your life. I wish you all fair winds and following seas on your journeys!
Yes! They are narcissistic and will make everyone in their circle believe that they are taking care of the woman and child/ children when it's the other way around. I was raised by the silent generation and boomers and brainwashed to believe I needed a man before and after I became a mom. No these mooching guys need you. Not the other way around and they'll try to sabotage your resources, groom you and your child. To a narcissistic person, you and the child are assets and something to look normal with , like they're a good guy. Then they'll smear campaign you and your child, smear you to your child , brainwash your child to be like them and abuse you and so on. All his exes are crazy and unstable he says and you'll be the next crazy unstable one not to mention a bad mom to his flying monkeys. Look up male npd and bpd . Stay safe.
There are several reasons I choose singleness. I lived with my child's father and hated it. I don't want to raise a grown man. I don't want to worry constantly about my child's safety with this man when I'm sleeping or not around. I had males available for relations but realized these types of males are highly problematic, and I was doing myself a disservice. So, I chose celibacy. I'm happy. My child is happy. We have a great relationship. We laugh a lot. We travel. We are getting a cat.😂 Once my child no longer needs me, I have a huge list of things I want to do. None involve a man. I never liked relationships. I was interested in monogamous sex. Which doesn't work. So, I choose celibacy and happiness, peace, and my health.
If this is true I’m glad more single moms are doing this.I see the opposite especially on the news.It’s always mommy’s boyfriend doing something to the kids.
The amount of stories I hear about dudes unaliving the baby mom or kids or SA and grape 😮💨 makes me feel like even single child-free women should choose the bear. I was a victim as a child I refuse to be one now. I'll put a mark on their temporal lobe
If for some reason I found myself single again, there's next to nothing that would compel me to marry again. The dating pool is a swamp and I hate mosquitoes.
There's way too many predatory men that use the woman and the child and even put a wedge between the mother and child. Don't bring anyone around your child ever until you have known them for a long time. Don't even tell them where you live your trauma especially, where you work , until you know that man really well.
We don't just choose our kids, we choose to NO LONGER RAISE a grown ass kid we didn't push ever again #IAintYoMama
I refused to raise a man. I had to go.
Play with ya momma not me.😂😂😂
Saying louder for the people in the back ❤ amen
Yall love to give it up to these men tho 😂
Men are boy checking for yall.
My focus became 💯 my kids. I was busy putting my kids through therapy, after a traumatic divorce. I have 2 children and divorcing a cheating husband was like offloading a child. I no longer have 3 kids!😂
Some single mums choose men over their kids, unfortunately. Bringing in abusive boyfriends and stepdads.
My cousins' mother did that and brought harm to their 4 year old sister. 😠😩 Many years ago now but changed everything for the child.
@@yahainHotPink
Exactly! I warned my ex husband not to do that. Now, our son hates him and refuses to have anything to do with him
Poor baby…
My natural dad was abusive when he married my mom. Some stepdads step up when real dad doesn't.
the algorithm likes five words! 😂❤
I am this woman. I didn’t want to put my daughter in risk or at least discomfort living with a man.
They can’t be trusted. Period.
SAME!! 💯
I don't have kids, but I always thought this.
@@BrittBrattBossLady - same here!
As a single mother, I feel males target us for an easy in rather than a partner to build with, they flip it and make it seem like your the desperate one.
Crazy part is, single mothers demand more than someone who doesn't have kids, so it's hilarious that they jump in the deep end and can't swim.. hilarious.
As a single mother, it's not mentally or emotionally safe to be in a relationship anymore. Raising kids is stressful and awesome all by itself, no sense adding an underdeveloped male to the mix and surviving when you could avoid them and thrive!!
"Single mothers demand more than someone who doesn't have kids." Make those demands to the baby daddy.
Yep.. No one has the time to train and re-raise a under developed male. The fact that they weren't brought up right.. Is their parents failure. Not the responsibility of a grown woman with kids of her own, to fix a broken male.. Who she didn't birth into the world. That's nonsense.
Male detected
This is so true and it’s also physically unsafe to be in a relationship as well as a DV survivor from my previous relationship (not my child’s dad) I am no longer interested in dating men anymore. And maybe after my son becomes a young man will I maybe entertain a relationship. As for now I no longer trust men at all .
@@kevinc3342if you don't want to deal with kids don't date a parent. Simple
My experience as a single mom is that men will treat you terribly because they think you’re desperate.
You’re absolutely right !!
Same
You don't have to be a single mother for that to happen. I've done it with and without a man and it's less work, less stress, more money, time energy, without a man. There's very few male's who actually parent and husband well. All this, children need both parents is nonsense. They need a good parent.
BINGO 💯💡
yup
My kids are my priority. Dating men is a distraction, and I'm already too focused on building the empire I want to leave for my kids. No other explanations needed. Keep doing your thang, mamas! Choose PEACE! Your kids will THANK YOU for it and they will see it reflected through all the happiness you exude. Love y'all.
❤that's the Spirit, go on empress
There are a lot of men who treat single moms as if they came off the clearance rack at the dollar store, and what woman would want to be treated so poorly?
You have no value that's why/
Yall the low bottom shelf liquor. I never heard a man say I want a good woman with kids
Classy, intelligent Mothers tend to have higher standards and therefore reject alot of men. The reality is that MOST men do not measure up in terms of finances and character. This is why the men are upset and online telling other men not to date mothers. The type of men who listen to angry males online are not the type of men who can attract beautiful women with standards.
Some mothers tend to prioritize having a man over anything else tho and their kids suffer because mom is bringing home strange men.
@corimoon3360 low self esteem single mothers who need to heal do this; not the majority of higher vibe single mothers
Yep.. They're ranting and raging online because they don't have what it takes to get and maintain their desired woman. But they also reject self improvement... So they just double down on stupid, verbally abuse women on the Internet and complain/demand that we should just accept their toxicity. Eww
Say it again for the people in the back
@@genevieveaniko6492 LOL facts. They should be using all that energy on self improvement instead and not whining about feminism and telling women to hurry up.
Single mom for over 6 years. After all the healing I have gone through, I’ll never let another man touch me again. I focus on my self-preservation and the growth of my child. I am the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been. Best decision I’ve ever made.
How old are you?
Stay safe, happy and healthy ❤❤
Inspiring . Men are selfish for the most part. I personally no longer have the energy to believe in this “nice guy” myth. I am happy for those who have found a great man/partner while having already been a mom- but it’s too risky for me.
@@AmberColeman-gq1wna lot of these dudes are also predators and are sexually attracted to kids . They will target single mothers…
The world created a new lesbian?
Woman are coming to the realization that it’s peaceful & safer to stay single as a single mother‼️
I adore you all‼️🌸🌺💐
Peace, genuine love & care over confusion & abuse‼️
I always deep down believed that it is harder for a woman to find a good man than it is for a man to find a good woman.
That’s the truth. Women are just more loyal and helpful. Men act like they just gave up.
@@sammich-lp2qm men also like to dismiss women's complaints and pain as myth.
If it were up to them, women would be stuck back in the 40s and 50s which was considered the good ole days.
That's because women are trained to be good women while men are trained to be bad men. So if you're a bad woman or a good man, you're going against societal expectations.
It's absolutely true. Men don't have to worry about babysitting or compatibility because the child is usually with the mother. It's SO easy for them.
Men are also racist, and this includes black men black men are nicer to non-black women. I saw an African man up in Asia in an Asian woman straight up knowing there’s a fucking continent caught, Africa asked him why he is black and he laughed and he said I like yellow referring to her and they made a little laugh session out of it black men know how to be corny and nice and understanding with other races of women other men and black men treat black women like trash.
Single mother and abstinent for over 5 years now. My primary focus is my son and me. I had an awful abusive step-father and emotionally absent/neglectful mother. I'm never putting my son through that. His safety and happiness is all that matters.
Divorced mom and have been single 15 years.. no intentions of dating again
I grew up with a single mom who was always looking for a relationship. No other purpose in life. And I thought it was just a waste of her time & life. I'm the same now; Ive got too many goals and interests to pursue, why would I waste it on a man? Men NEED you; they take from you (energy, resources etc), it's a bottomless pit. Why would I do that to myself?
Divorced mom here. Devoted to the single life with son. Soon I will Cut ties with my toxic mother and her flying Monkeys. I am organizing our escape to another Land. As soon as possible I will try to Change our identities and apply for citizenship.
Wow all the best!
Damn! I hope everything works out for you and your kid.
Even though u can get land in America for 200$ that 200$ also go along way in other countries or virgin islands and PR which is American soil also but good luck hun
Wish you all the luck in the world ❤
Lol, her flying monkeys. I completely understand that! I wish you success, happiness, joy, peace, safety, and contentment. ❤
Life is safer for your children without the anxiety of a man in your house, you just never know…..
SAY IT LOUDER!!!!!!
Amen
Another reason to keep your interactions with men only recreational. This is exactly what we want from single mothers. I agree, you should wait until your kids are fully grown to do something serious with any man.
Yall come with no benefits straight liability
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g when it comes to our children YOU are the liability!
No men = No disappointment
This is the best comment!
All day everyday!
You let him hit it raw and now you're a single mom..
@@Samuraiwarrioranthemfacts then their kids come out like degenerates
My aunt on my mother's side chooses to stay single because she didn't want her kids to be mistreated by the man she picked because their father's new wife didn't like them so their father would only pay child support but ignore them on holidays, birthday, and everyday life I feel sorry for my cousin's and karma will get those two clowns 😊.
My daughter’s safety is number one. There’s no reason for a man to be around my child unless he’s her pediatrician
CORRECT
Your daughter is blessed
We stop dating for the safety of our children…Also men think single moms have to worship them because our “Market Value” has gone down…I simply don’t agree….So Im single and I will stay that way until til the lord decides different…🤷🏾♀️
You market value is low. You come with no benefits . And you know it.
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g
I know you shouldn’t talk about your mother that way…but Go off…👀🤷🏾♀️
They probably wouldn't feel this way if most men didn't end up being nothing more than another child in their house.
3 kids by 1 man. Been single since 2004. Started excepting suitors in 2019 after my youngest graduated from HS.
For me, that's how you do it. Congrats to an happy future.
I applaud any parent that breaks the cycle, finds growth and peace in raising their kids alone. Too many ppl r running around causing chaos with their mental damage because they think they NEED a partner. Because they think a partner will "fix them", or "help them settle down".
No child deserves that kind of parent.❤
I agree, my place a business(being vague as possible) I saw divorced and single parents seek relationships. But neglect their child. Chaos ensues and parent can't or won't come to the usual obvious conclusion. Your child first, your needs second. When your child is protected and loved the household chaos is gone.
ALL OF THIS 💯💯💯💯
I only have patience and time for my children i don’t have patience for men anymore 😅
3 out of 4 of my great aunts stayed single and never married, nor had any children except for one. They never trusted men and wanted nothing to do with them. They lived together until they died in their 90's.
My mother married my father, who left her a single mother not too long after I was born because he decided didn’t want the responsibility. Although she had relationships with other men, she never lived with them or bought men into our household who were subpar. She was adamant that she wouldn't have any more children and subsequently got her tubes tied. Left the man who wanted to marry her because he wanted more children. Met a six-figure man and ran the relationship on her terms. He, too ,wanted her to live with him. My mother gave a hard NO! She could've lived comfortably for the rest of her life, but she chose herself every time. She's now 77 living stress free, going on cruises and holidays. Coming home past 1 am in the morning from some event, she went too 😂😂. She's healthy, attractive, and strong with all her mental facilities. That's my definition of a baddie!
ABSOLUTELY 🎉🎉🎉🎉
I didn't want to deal with anyone like that , especially bm, after my divorce many years ago. I raised my daughter (my only child) got my Masters Degree , moved to another State, got her through college, shes now a music therapist, and she's now married to a soon- to-be Doctor. I chose myself and my daughters' well-being. My life is so PEACEFUL without some ninja dragging me down.
I dated here & there on occasion and was just turned off. A lot of guys are extremely emotionally immature even well into their 40s. I dont have patience for bullsh*it that they bring. Im the type of person that will cut ✂️ the cord quickly as soon as I see BS. Stop explaining yourself to grown adult men on why you simply don't want to deal with 99% of them. They know exactly why. I have friends going through pure hell at the hands of some broke ninja. Live your life, travel, love on your family, aging parents, and good friends. Get into health/fitness and establish supportive communities. If i ever allow a man into my orbit, he has to really be something special, and have a lot going for himself and adding something valuable to my already established and good life.
`"Stop explaining yourself to grown adult men on why you simply don't want to deal with 99% of them. They know exactly why. " That´s why they don´t have male friends. They know what the shit they are.
"I have friends going through pure hell at the hands of some broke ninja." Your friends choose broke men?!
Dear, please ignore anyone that tries to gaslight you into believing these males aren't adept liars, broken and immature boys with daddy/mommy issues. You know what you saw and experienced. It was real. Good men are rare. They understand what women go through and are too busy in their RL to be on the internet, making statements that display a lack of comprehensive discernment about the plight of women and their own emotional immaturity. Be safe, happy, and blessed, ma'am.❤
Facts: no woman who is living her best live wants to be with a mentally, emotionally damaged male.. Who can't be faithful, kind or useful in any way, who also refuses to change and be a good person. That is the quickest way to drag your life and kids wellbeing into the gutter. Absolutely NOT.
Women who choose the well-being of their children are the good ones! Don't ever get it twisted!
This!!!!! ❤🎉
Spot on!
Married to a now Single Mom here. I'm at peace and that's all that matters. I may have struggled but I had SO much peace. My son and I could be silly, stay up late, eat chocolate chips cookies for breakfast. I brought art, museums, dancing, travel and love of animals to my son, without the comments. I lived in the world smallest space but we had so much fun and love. My son is now off at a prestigious college and off to a wonderful life. Why would I choose chaos and toxicity?
Love it ! A big thing they missed it what you described here a place to express yourselves freely. So many want to come in and disrupt everything and pound their chest like cavemen, claiming to bring order to the house. Being in your little bubble with the kids is the best!
I was very cautious dating after my divorce and did not meet anyone that was worthy. I've been single for quite some time and given the landscape of men, I think I'll stay single. I'm happy, healthy, healed and thriving. Good luck out there ladies. Stay safe!
Definitely the field of men looks a lot crappier after having a child, my standards are much higher..
Thats why there is so much single mom hate - they want access but we simply dont bend whatsoever
After my divorce I discovered that my husband was actually a liability holding me back from achieving my potential both in parenting the children & economically, so there was no incentive to replace him with another man.
Good for you realizing this ❤❤❤
I'm a mother myself. Life honestly got easier once I left the father. I feel like that man aged me.
As a single mom, I choose my peace, myself, and stability over everything. Then comes my child. That way i can pour into my child effortlessly. I have no tolerance to raise a grown man, hold them down on hard times, or be someone ride or die. I know what I'm bringing to the table so please come correct or dont even bother.
Ive YET to meet a grown ass man. Most are needy and demanding. They are CHILDREN THEMSELVES. As a single mom i hooked up and got rid of them. They were asking ME FOR MONEY. NO.
If a single mother dates she's blamed if the guy turns out to be a predator and she brought him into the home. If she doesn't date she's denying her children a father figure and role models of healthy relationships. We really can't win.
I feel that guilt, I want my son to have a healthy male figure in his life
@@ashleykathryn9038I feel the same guilt but it’s really not worth it just put him into a mentor program where men mentor the younger generation, sports , and school clubs that’ll keep him grounded .
@@meababy5409PRECISELY
My advice is if you have children especially girls. Do not bring some guy around. Wait until your is out the house.
I guarantee you do not take on other men children. You are not doing them any favors by bringing a man around. @@ashleykathryn9038
My mother was a single mother and I’ve never seen her with a man. Last man she was with was my father
This me 100%...and happy af!
My mother told me when you are raising a kid your life is no longer your own.
Women are always told to neglect them selves and mule for everything and everybody. You share your life with your child but no, your life is still your own. Don’t ever forget who you are your hobbies and things like that and don’t let yourself go.. just like a lot of women forget about themselves when they get married and it’s all about the family, they will suffer in the end, you can lose your family any time you can lose your kid any time. One of our friends sons just passed away Wednesday and then what the hell do you have? Never forget who you are. You are always the main character in your life, and other people, including your kids, will toot their ass is up and tell you where to kiss it, will abandon you in a nursing home at a time when you need them most, we will not talk to you for years over a partner they choose, Make no mistake about that.
I can't speak for anyone else but YES! This is definitely a thing for me! I focused on my kid. She graduates highschool this month with honors. NO REGRETS!!! I have no idea if I will ever get into a serious relationship going forward. Im not against it. Just not actively pursuing anything right now.
Yeah it’s true and I believe (from personal experience) we are dealing with a sense of mistrust and betrayal as well as a weariness with whom we let in. I don’t know who I can trust and I rather not waste my time. Plus we’re rediscovering ourselves at the same time.
I know not one, not two but THREE seperate women that were SA by their stepfather/moms boyfriend.
Plus, If you already have kids, then what you need a man for?? 😂
I don't do coparenting, and I don't believe in coparenting because I see a lot of women suffer in silence pretending they are happy coparenting.
I find being a single mother easier than being with their father. I am in control and I am more organized and orderly without a man. Men put monkey wrenches all the time. Plus I don't want some adult controlling my home. I'm the King of my home.
It does seem like correcting is worse most of the time.
I coparent and no one runs my house because my ex husband remarried
Yes they do since my ex remarried he thinks he runs shyt not on my clock or in my house
This right here. I wholeheartedly agree. ❤
same here. i call all shots, the ex sends $$. much preferred than fake coparenting
I think alot of single mothers don't bother dating until their kids are adults due to the high probability of the male being a pdf file
I stopped dating after my divorce because dating and being with someone takes a lot of work. Also, i dont want to bring someone bad into their lives. My step father was a pedophile....I work hard, and i have found a lot of peace being single and not bringing harm and chaos into my children's lives.
Stay strong for your peace and children. God bless.
Not worth it at all to date men in general but especially as a single mom ,stay single and stay safe
I dated 1 TIME, 1 MAN after my daughter’s father passed (she’s 8), NEVER AGAIN!!!! Like many women said, it’s peaceful here alone 🤎🥹……. We have a safe home ALL ON OUR OWN!!!! We’ve built this on OUR OWN. Yea you want companionship, but not just from someone that doesn’t have any self worth or respect
Imo, the best thing a man can give you is children. Once you have them... There is little desire to date because aside from having kids... What sense does it make to deal with a toxic abusive male. 🤷♀️
As a PNP, I sadly see the reality of too many single moms choosing men or chasing men to the detriment of their kids. I wish it were true that single moms were choosing to remain single, but most are NOT. I have CPS on speed dial because single mothers are so thirsty.
Every time I walk into an exam room, mom is on her phone on a dating app, not concentrating on her sick and injured child. Sad, but true. 😢😢😢
Sadly these type of women place their own desires over their kids. They shouldn't have become a parent, that's the problem.
@lookatyou5809 Unfortunately, it's not as simple as "they shouldn't have kids." The pressure on women to have kids, despite their mental/emotional/financial circumstances, is HUGE. Many women have kids to fit in, not because they really want to be mothers.
@@lookatyou5809you mean they shouldn’t have had sex with men that have not had vasectomies.
I think that's what you may see in your area. Your location doesn't represent "most".
Just as I know more single moms are getting off apps, giving up dating all together and going back to school. This is what I legit see and talk about with multiple women daily. But that doesn't make it "most" because that's what I experience.
Yes, there are a lot of women who have, were, and probably still go after men, but more and more are saying no. I agree with your take if it were the last 5+ years ago. Not that it's not true just not as it was.
@@nikkilong7377 NOT my "area" at all. Do you know how many states I travel to for work? Walk into the homes of most single moms, and you will find a random boyfriend or stepfather. FACTS!!!
It was the combo of being exhausted from the abuses & reality setting in, taking the place of hope. It’s realizing there are too many ignorant, abusive men out there that it’s a freaking risk more than anything else.
All the elder women in my family never remarried after their husbands died and if they got some on the side we were never aware. We never saw them. Thats how it should be
Exactly how it should be
It’s crazy how many women in the comments say no thank you. Kids or no kids it’s often not worth it or outright dangerous for a woman and her children. If this is our collective experience, I am scared to think of the future. We as mothers have to do better with our male children.
This‼️
It is facts from true experience. I am sorry for the reality.
@@m_b_s_l Actually makes sense when you consider that 80% of women tend to only date 20% of men.
I think many also don't have as much time to date like a childfree woman, it's a jungle out here.
It's hard enough finding a good man, talk less of a good and willing stepfather. When you're a single mother you're not just dating for yourself, if you're dating seriously.
My grandmother remarried after my grandfather abandoned the family..the second husband was worse! She said never again. If my marriage doesn't last.. I know I'm following in her footsteps..
I was a single mother and I never put myself back out there. It wasn't that I was putting my kid first it was for my peace and the safety of my daughter. When she grew up I remained single because I still protect my peace and just don't want to be bothered with the drama that comes with having a man.
As hard as it is to be a single mom, it's still easier and more peaceful than being married/in a relationship
We're choosing peace ✌🏻🕊️
As a mom, I could never bring anyone around my kids either ( man or woman) .. I'm very selective on that and yes most men think single mothers are desperate. Since I divorced my ex I've been single by choice 15 years and don't need the drama in my life
Men dont think that they just know your a liability it's a difference
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g you men are a liability and I don't need you men in my home around me or my kids - were at peace ✌🏾 in my home without that extra drama or toxicity
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g I'm not cleaning up behind a man as I do that with my children
@@CharlesPinkett-b7g you men are a liability why do I want you around my children and I - were at peace without a man involved
@77kc_77 but yet you expect a man to be a father figure to your kids. No benefits
I'm a 4 year divorced mom of 4. I choose me. The kids have benefit tremendously from this move.
Cause your not a benefit to the next man with 4 kids
"They come in to single mother's lives for snacks' lmaooo!
😂❤
We become resilient thru the grief and loss. We achieve a level of peace and observe today's men latched firmly to gender roles and their desire for women to give a lot for very little in return. The imbalance becomes so obvious and disgusting that it turns us off from engaging in relationships. And you can't forget that social media has given us a glimpse into the minds of men who openly discuss the best ways to use and manipulate women to get their way. I like my peaceful life and it would take an act of God and all my ancestors and angels to look at a man with desire, much less act on said desire. Nope! No thank you.
Single mom here 🙋🏾♀️For 15yrs now!
Honestly, Honestly Idk if I’m ready to parent to another Adult…
Her dad, I had to stay on top of..
Did you do it’s, Did you do that, remember this, blah-blah-blah.
NoT saying ALL men. But like damn near 90% of them need so form of parenting..😂😂 Teaching them
-How to communicate their feelings
-reciprocation(Dammit)
-How I’m NOT your maid
-How to think logically etc..
-How Im NOT a therapist
-How I’m not a sex doll
The list goes on 🤦🏾♀️ sheesh.
I’m scared, bc I luv My ☮️
🗣🗣🗣
They are choosing peace ✌️
As a single mom, I chose to raise my son, work my job and run my house. After my son became a young man, I began to get that desire for a spouse again. At first, I ignored it but now I'm out and about. I chose this route because I didn't want to deal with a man who thought he was doing me a favor because he was dating or married to me IN SPITE! of my single mom status. I still do the choosing. Contrary to popular narrative, single moms are not desperate. We are just biding our time.
I finally found women thinking like me. YAY! Single mom from Germany, and I feel each and every woman in the comment section, who don't want to put their kids, or themselves at the risk of being bullied, or even worse: abused. Nope. We are and maybe have other family. No "man" needed. Self-love and love for our lovely kids. Much love and strength from Germany.
I agree. It's because we don't have time for the games, we've heard it all before. After dealing with an ex who told me people would think something was wrong with me if I left, at this point, I'm only looking for companionship. I don't want a man in my life who doesn't see me as a package deal, and I don'twant anybodyaroundcmy child. My son's father is very toxic, and because of that experience, I vet everything and proceed with precaution. I've healed and moved on, so I'm going to choose my child and me if it doesn't suit us. I'm single because I want to be at this point no one else Me!!
Co-parenting can suck so bad at times. I have to, but sometimes I really wish I was on my own. Even if he is a good dad and pays alimony. But how he acts with me does really turn/set me off at times...
I don’t know, I was raised by a single mom and I’m kind of glad that my mom didn’t have a successful remarriage (it failed rather quickly). I just feel like, being a kid, I wanted my mom to myself. I don’t think I would’ve liked sharing her with a man that I don’t know and now we live together and I have to deal with it. I think if the child is under 4, they might be more adjustable, but as they get older, I think it will be a harder adjustment and I’m just grateful I never had to adjust. We had our mom to ourselves and it was very peaceful that way. She was mom and dad to us and I’m grateful I didn’t have to deal with a step parent. If I ever became a single mom (I’m married with a kid right now), I don’t think I would remarry until my children were over 18 or if I was desperate enough to need the financial help. I don’t think I could risk bringing another man into my child’s life and possibly causing chaos or trauma to my kids. I don’t feel like it’s worth it and I feel like it will cause mental health issues for my kids down the line. Then again, I don’t know the experience of having a good step-parent so maybe I’m wrong. I just feel like the risk of bringing a potential crazy man into the home is high.
Also when you experience real love and companionship with a man, the bar will be very high if you need to find another. I feel like if a man is not providing you that companionship + financial and domestic help, then what would be the point of remarrying? No woman wants to take care of another person when they already got kids. I feel like when you become a single mother, getting with another man realllllly has to be worth it.
Well said, especially the last part of your comment. It has to be WORTH IT… Otherwise, what are you here for?
Choosing better for yourself is Choosing better for your kids...
💯
Cause your s liability to the next man
I CHOOSE MY KIDS.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Same and self
not speaking for everyone, just me.
I wanted to concentrate on son and college. If i met someone, great, but if i didn't that was fine as well. I never met met anyone who i thought was worth adding to my family. I was also adamant I had one child, i didn't want any more. I'd already been dumped while pregnant once, i wasn't in a rush to do it again. I was also cautious about who I brought home, i didn't want a parade of different men at my breakfast table. I didn't want to add someone abusive or neglectful to my son's life.
Most of the men I met were of a certain type, once they found out i was a single mum. they either bowed out because it wasn't for them and i respected that. Or they pushed hard to get into my life because they thought I was desperate and would accept any crap treatment. After all single mums usually have their own houses fully stocked with good stuff, he's walking out his bachelor pad or his mums and into yours and then he's going to start treating like his doss house for him and his mates and telling me and my kid to get bent in our own house that I pay for?
Nah, mate, don't think so. Saw it too many times.
once son was 16,, too many guys were thinking that or mentioning they wanted kids or they had young kids and I didn't want to raise more kids, mine or anyone elses'.
I know lots of single mums do meet great guys and it all works out - i know several - but it never happened for me, nor was i looking.
I mean one time, a male friend, with whom we were skirting round each other had come over to fix my pc, i was going to make him dinner in return and Son was watching tv, when fella flicks over the telly because he always watches the news at 7! I was making tea, so I didn't know until Son comes in and I flicked the telly right back. He wasn't happy, i gave him his tea and then turfed him out. he dropped big hints at work about doing something the three of us, but I just said no.
I am still single, son is 29 now. I have grown used to my space, i never met anyone yet who's worth adding to my life as a partner. but that's ok, I have a rich and active life. I come and go as I please, I perform in storytelling events, I am on a housing committee. I am single, but I'm not alone.
The quality of men after having a child seems really crappy. The standards are higher.
Thats why there is so much single mom hate. Many of us simply do not bend or lower our standards, at all, and they get so upset and attack us.
Jokes on them, now women dont want to even have their kids in the first place, so they didnt think that thru. Thats why the 2nd woman mentioned they want to talk about kids so fast. These men made having their children a lose/lose situation. You said it lowers our value sir, so its logical that we no longer want to have your children.
I am not a single mom but I have a different side from my single father. He told me dating was hard because often the partner didn't like his children and would try to compete for his attention with his children. And he told me men are the same when it comes to single mothers.
It was basically explained to me that there were a number of people he could’ve been very happy if you decided to date them, but they would make his children’s lives miserable because they wanted all of his attention and didn’t want his children in the way of that. I lived with my father, and I lived with him for a good reason because my mother lived in an area where the schools weren’t great and he was not going to sacrifice my education “for a piece of tail.” my father also explained that sometimes when asked about his priorities, either his partner or his children, they would get upset that his priority was always his children, no matter what.
He's a good man indeed ❤
You could do a whole series on Step parents. As a man my experience with my mother dateing and eventually getting married to get divorced was terrible. The men dont like you as a son because they are jealous and your not their blood. I didnt have it as bad as some of my friends with step parents. They got beat. I also got a healthy dose of the son husband from mom. My step mother hated me at lest that how I felt and she was very convincing. Now in my older years with adult children and grandchildren. It made me a better father. If you can avoid it especially if you have daughter's avoid it. Get your Son and daughter's into a mentor program. People are broken and false out here. Your comming with a serious topic. People dont talk enough about step parents.
😢 I am so sorry you went through that. I really don't understand why people can't just concentrate on being parents after their relationships/marriages end. It would be so much better for the children, who already have to deal with a broken home. I hope you are in a better place now. ❤
Guess what… Even biological fathers are jealous of their sons. This is not unique to step fathers. The same type of men who would abuse their step children, would abuse their own children.
@Childfree334 thanks. If in any way my experience made a better father to my family. It was worth it. Im not bitter, but I deal with a lot of people with a
long handled spoon. Life is too short to spend it broken because of the past. But like Antwon Fisher said, "I remember everything you did." Stay strong, family.
@ThinWaistedPrimaDonn Im sure, but most of the men I know in my age group. Are working to keep their sons and daughters on point. A persons character is so important when selecting a mate.
Thanks for sharing ❤
divorcee and now single Mom here. I tried to date and it was hell.I choose myself and my children over any random soul sucker
Don't be fooled , some men will only date single Moms , b/c they know she will always have food . The kang babies will sit up all night, eating up all of the snacks & juice boxes . Also , they will eat all of the lunch meat & bread & will probably take your food home for him or his kids . # trifling # drizzle drizzle # broke man era 😅
It's not like you lying.Also for a place to stay and consistent cootie cat.Theres a reason some hobosexuals target them.They know she gotta keep food on the table.
It's true. If you are a good mom, you are putting your kids first. You won't have the bandwidth or patience to add a man child into the mix. You also have to take being a role model seriously. You can't have men playing in your face in front of your kids. When so much is at stake you're able to see men as the liability that they are.
Yep. Exactly what I did.
I tried dating 4 years after splitting with my son's father, but my boyfriend didn't get on with my son, and it brought a lot of conflict to my life. I won't date again. I'm very happy being single and focusing on my son - I have peace now.
I am a single mom. I wouldn’t be a single mom if I was seeing someone seriously. I like being a single mom because I like being a mom and I like my son. Of course, I love my son, I also *like* him. I enjoy spending time with him. I enjoy his personality and interests (sometimes 😅). I am neither resentful nor angry that I get to have a great kid and a great family with two loving, happy, healthy members.
If someone comes along who is also great and wants to make our lives even more great, then that is, well, great, I guess. Is that necessary or mandatory? Of course not. Is the standard so high that I am not interested in paying any attention to anyone who doesn’t make my life better? Absolutely.
Imma do me some South Park James Cameron and raise the bar for myself. I’m doing it for love and because of love. In the end, I know there will be love regardless.
They are choosing life and peace. It’s that simple.
You think of the time and effort it takes to establish a relationship, and then to nurture and maintain it. I would personally rather put that time and effort into my children and I.
The thought that I might bring a man into my home that merely tolerates my children, and will never love them, frightens me. And that’s tame compared to the horror some men will bring into your home.
It’s not to say that it’s impossible to find a good man who will be a loving father figure, but that’s a lot to ask a complete stranger who has no responsibility to children that are not his own.
Beautifully stated ❤💯
That's the decision that a lot of parents probably need to make to keep the kid safe. There are just so many predators out there. Even women are preying on kids in school like crazy.
I wish my mom would have stay single until her kids were grown.
We need to make a video on how men just use women for breeding.
I've been around offenders and a lot of them say that they go for single moms cause you have direct access to their kids. So yeah, I wouldn't get into anymore relationships.
My closest friend dated so many guys when she had her son and they treated her son horribly. Then she made a mista Of staying with the worst one because she needed a place to stay and he lived with his dead, so she's moved right Inc cause she was desperate for a roof over her head. Little did she know that his dad wanted a crack at her as well.
Amen. I've been single so me and my children can enjoy life and peace, on my end.
This a huge change to just a few generations back! MASSIVE!! I'm 60. I can remember exactly what was said when a guy took up with a divorced/widowed/abandoned woman who had children ..." It's very good of him to take her and the children on. Hope she knows how damn lucky she was to find him."
She was supposed to be grateful to a man who would consider that her children were a burden he was taking on with great reluctance!! Men and woman both expressed this joyless, loveless attitude. And if things got crappy, she should remember that, remember he took on her kids - and that 'favour' was a forever debt. I also remember women who were bruised and bleeding but still hanging onto that bloody gratitude, "She was lucky, not many men would take on, the kids do annoy him, if I can get them ..." Because we were prevented from working, having a decent home, bank accounts, access to any money, they got us believing that keeping the man happy was the woman's priority. Is generational brainwashing a thing? Even over the children. I remember several cases where the man was happy to marry the woman, but he didn't want her children. SO THE CHILDREN WENT! Even as a kid I was horrified by that.
I'm glad to see such a bold, strong, confident, swing the hell away from that crap. Most of you knew what your job was before you even saw the child's face. I know it's hard. Anyone with sense can see single mothers who do at least half a dozen full-time jobs worth of work every day. From their employment to the needs of individual children, the nursing care, on call therapist, personal assistant and chef, then the needs of the roof over your heads, your transport .... on and on! You're fecking amazing. When it gets hard, remember that you don't have a 200lb child who drinks, wilfully will not learn, creates mess they never clean, and complain loudly, even get violent - petulantly pulling on the strings of your life.
I wish you all fair winds and following seas on your journeys!
Wow , im speechless. Thank you so much for sharing ❤
Yes! They are narcissistic and will make everyone in their circle believe that they are taking care of the woman and child/ children when it's the other way around. I was raised by the silent generation and boomers and brainwashed to believe I needed a man before and after I became a mom. No these mooching guys need you. Not the other way around and they'll try to sabotage your resources, groom you and your child. To a narcissistic person, you and the child are assets and something to look normal with , like they're a good guy. Then they'll smear campaign you and your child, smear you to your child , brainwash your child to be like them and abuse you and so on. All his exes are crazy and unstable he says and you'll be the next crazy unstable one not to mention a bad mom to his flying monkeys. Look up male npd and bpd . Stay safe.
Idk I got married to a wealthy man after having 3 kids with a bomb .
A lot do it for their own kids protection
There are several reasons I choose singleness. I lived with my child's father and hated it. I don't want to raise a grown man. I don't want to worry constantly about my child's safety with this man when I'm sleeping or not around. I had males available for relations but realized these types of males are highly problematic, and I was doing myself a disservice. So, I chose celibacy. I'm happy. My child is happy. We have a great relationship. We laugh a lot. We travel. We are getting a cat.😂 Once my child no longer needs me, I have a huge list of things I want to do. None involve a man. I never liked relationships. I was interested in monogamous sex. Which doesn't work. So, I choose celibacy and happiness, peace, and my health.
If this is true I’m glad more single moms are doing this.I see the opposite especially on the news.It’s always mommy’s boyfriend doing something to the kids.
I’m a single mother and I don’t want to be alone I still want to be married
I agree we are not on a time clock.
The amount of stories I hear about dudes unaliving the baby mom or kids or SA and grape 😮💨 makes me feel like even single child-free women should choose the bear. I was a victim as a child I refuse to be one now. I'll put a mark on their temporal lobe
All these situations are true. There's also the case where they have smaller spectrum of guys (like i said, this applies to SOME)
None of these women are saying that they are not hooking up or having sex, they are just saying that they are single and not dating LOL😅😅😅
Yes why have drama? Kids are tough enough
Besides mostly they want XXX
If for some reason I found myself single again, there's next to nothing that would compel me to marry again. The dating pool is a swamp and I hate mosquitoes.
There's way too many predatory men that use the woman and the child and even put a wedge between the mother and child. Don't bring anyone around your child ever until you have known them for a long time. Don't even tell them where you live your trauma especially, where you work , until you know that man really well.
There are too many predatory men because they are the only ones who want a single mom because they want access to the child
Congrats on 30K subscribers sis ❤
THEY JUST REALIZE A MAN JUST ADDS MAJOR STRESS TO THEM....RARELY ARE THEY AN ASSET.
Stepfathers are just men women would not date if they did not have any children
Girl in blue with glasses just told my story ok😂