The biggest problem isn’t marrying young - I’ve seen many cases where it works out well. But what almost NEVER works at any age is marrying based on someone’s “potential”. You can to assume that the person you’re dating or marrying is the “finished model”.
Yes, and I’ve seen many cases where people smoke their whole lives without getting cancer. But the statistics are bad. Teen marriages are far more likely to end in divorce. Problem number one is that you have so little time to get to know the other person, and frankly you have had so little time to get to know yourself as an adult. Problem 2, which also seems to apply here, is that you’re getting married to escape the situation of your youth rather than getting pulled into some great situation.
The problem is that two unhealed people decided to get into a relationship thinking they would heal each other. This is prime example of a trauma bonding relationship.
That’s not always the case. Not every single unhealed person is looking for someone to fix them. People have an ingrained sense of wanting companionship and sometimes you can get into a relationship before healing yourself and find yourself in a relationship with someone that also has trauma
I wish I had seen more compassion on this message board today. Let's not focus on age, it's done .Let's focus on how the problem has a solution. Thank you, John, for yours. She desperately needs it.
I agree with you but not surprising when someone places their issues into a public forum. People are cruel. Most of those commenting here don’t care one bit about this young lady and her husband. They just want to spout off about their opinions.
Having a husband going through a health crisis is so hard! You just want to fix it all and you can’t. Praying for you two as you navigate this trial. 💗
I've been in his boat, the encouragement of my wife helped me tremendously. I chose to do what was best for my family, keeping myself alive and healthy.
@@calgal5752 Because A. God designed sex for those who make a lifelong commitment to each other in the Sacrament of Matrimony with the intent to procreate and rear their children (society's next generation, if it isn't to age off and die), B. It is better than the often-chosen alternative of our society which involves fornication (sex outside of marital commitment), cohabitation, and sterilized or neutered sex. Often this turns into hopping from one person to the next even if they pretend to be a couple and it lasts a few years. C. The only other moral alternative for the Christian is celibacy, perfect chastity to either engage with the world of business in some way or enter religious life. Why do you presumably disagree with marriage not being an "excellent" choice?
I learned by having a child who is alcoholic that you can’t make anyone decide to recover from whatever problem is there, you can only decide what you will do and what you will accept. You also have to realize that it’s possible that your loved one may die.
A likely outcome is she'll leave him to save him from himself, and he'll either sink or swim. Being in so much as a relationship with a chronically depressed person is soul-draining, I can't imagine a marriage.
I have Crohns Disease diagnosed at 18 years old. Significant childhood trauma. I struggled until my mid-twenties...in that struggle is grief. I had a picture of my adulthood that I never got to actualize. Healing and peace to you both dear girl.
Of course marrying young doesn’t work out for everyone, but I got married at 19 to my then 20 year old girlfriend. We are still together after 35 years. It is possible and we are proof of that! We’ve had challenges, but always work it out because we believe in marriage for life. Marriage takes a lot of patience, compassion and understanding. You will have good times, bad times, happy times and sad times as well. At the end of the day, you make the decision to push through it all or give up, but remember back to when you first began as to what made you love this person and want to spend your life with them. Again, I realize all situations won’t be the same, but mine has been the blessing of a lifetime!
You came from a different time of no internet, it was much simpler. The world was also better for young people. The youth are completely different today. The complexity that the internet has introduced to everyone and is getting exponentially crazier, its affect on the youth and their development is totally not relatable for people that reached adulthood before the internet was a thing.
@ Nope, other than a couple of neighbors. Now my parents were married 42 years before my mother passed away last year. My wife’s parents were married over 30 years as well, before my mother in law passed away. It’s becoming a thing of the past more and more.
Congratulations on 35 years!! It's worth noting that circumstances were significantly different in the past. In contemporary times, the development of children's frontal lobes has been markedly slower since the onset of the pandemic. Previously, individuals were typically fully developed by the age of 25; however, this age has now extended closer to 30. This observation is neither inherently positive nor negative, but it is an important factor to contemplate when reflecting on the behavior of today's 18-year-olds, who often exhibit childlike characteristics, in contrast to the perception of adulthood that prevailed 200 years ago. Not only that, but 18 and 19 year olds can not buy houses or make enough income to move out and start their own families. They're dependent on their parents income for the most part between the ages of 18-23 on average. So it comes as no surprised that teenagers are not even close to being as independent and mature as they used to be centuries ago. People have often call it "infantilism", but that has more to do with societies view on 18 year olds and not based in science. Science shows us that modern kids are not as efficient in developing mentally as they once were, and I believe that is why a lot of people are advocating for the age of consent being raised to 21. But one could also argue that getting married while both parties are younger can make their relationship stable in the future since they're both growing together.
When I first started watching this, I thought she sounds like a little girl and I’m only a few minutes in but while she has a baby voice, she doesn’t sound immature
Stop being his mom, even if there are medical issues, while being nurturing is nice, if you become his mom y’all will both end up hating each other. Be supportive, go to doctors appointments, etc; but don’t become his mom
My ex-husband lost both of his parents due to illnesses and they were a very unhappy, angry and abusive family. I am the oldest of seven kids and helped raise my siblings. He needed a loving parent and I needed to mother him and help him change. My marriage failed when I became a mother of two and I needed a partner to help my put a roof over our heads, raise the 2 children and face the world as an adult. I stayed married to min for 25 years for the kids. I thought he would change - and at times he did for short periods and I thought we had many great family times. We did. But I also raised 2 daughters exposed to my high anxiety with all of the responsibilities on my shoulder. I was never safe with him. My daughters both had to deal with anxiety as adults - my anxiety was passed on to them as they lived in a very anxious house. I don’t know to this day if I should have left him sooner one daughter says yers and the other says no. Thankfully, they married two responsible, loving and kind men and have been happily married. They have had challenges in their marriages but have been able to work through them with love, determination and open minds. Phew! What I learned is you cannot change anyone that does not want to change. It has to come from within. After 20 years of divorce, he still has not changed.
From the health descriptions, it sounds exactly what I went through with my mom with her Crohn's disease, even the 'giving up' part. It doesn't just affect people physically but mentally too. I was my moms care giver when she was first diagnosed (I was 13) and it was extremely difficult for us both. My mother got depressed because she felt guilty for her body betraying her.
I feel bad for her. My dad was this way his whole life. He was always his own worst enemy. Never listened to the doctors or my mom who is a nurse. He smoked and Never took his meds or ate right despite type2 disbetes and heart disease snd 2 heart attacks. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's 18 months ago and also refused to take that seriously. My mom spent 40 years running ragged to try to take care of him even though he could just care less. When my mom got hurt last year he threw a fit when the doctors said she needed to be an assisted living temporarily to get back on her feet so she went home, fell down again and ended up making everything worse. Shes young enough to walk away before she spends a lifetime taking care if a man-child.
Worst decision I ever made was marrying in my 20’s. The brain isn’t even fully developed until late 20’s when you become who you’re going to be. These children had no business marrying. I hope they don’t make the consequential decision to have children for a very, very long time. Young marriages are rarely successful long term and it’s unfair to a child to bring them into such an untenable situation.
And this is how you americans and europeans will go extinct😂 How does it feel that women like you ended the white race? You guys genocided a whole race just by being brainwashed. Unreal.
How can her mum have a full time job, her dad be drunk all the time, and shé be home schooled? Thats insane! How does the US agree with these practices?
My military son married just shy of his 21st birthday & his wife was 19 . . but had been on her own since 16. She comes from a strong SDA church background & was living with a mentor family. FF they have had a few moves since then (military), but have Always landed in solid church & mentor groups. They are on board with financial & life goals. They have both grown So Much & grown together! She has kept progressing thru school (can-Lpn-rn, & working on bsn). Son has finished BS degree while still in the military. A feel a big key for them has been having Great mentors & close church associates. Me (mom) is always supportive but live far away! I think finding adult mentors, especially thru a church, is key. I suggest thins young gal get in with a quality church to help mentor them both . . . Jmho.
To all the commenters posting stating how he needs to get himself in control and stop dragging her down, they physcially and mentally cannot imagine just how hard it is when youre nutrient deprived, in pain and unable to eat your comfrot food or any food for rhat matter and just how devastating it is mentally and physcially on a person with digestive problems. Only people who have truely went throigh something similar car relate. Everyone else who has satiated, content, happy full bellies are priveliged enough to spew garbage about being strong and tough but in reality know nothing about that type of misery and mental/physcial torture. Once your digestion is affected in any aspect, that tie to your mental health goes down hill very quickly and only supprt from loved ones can push them through it.
As difficult as it may sound, you are not responsible for your husband's well-being, he is. Both of you carry past and present family traumas into your marriage, but as newlyweds, clear communication is crucial for healing. You can offer emotional support and be there for him, but his self-care and actions are ultimately his responsibility. You cannot control his decisions, only your own. If communication struggles persist, seeking professional guidance may be beneficial for both of you. Life is a personal journey shaped by the beliefs and experiences we choose. To heal, starting with appropriate therapy to address childhood trauma could provide the foundation needed to move forward. The past has shaped who you are, but healing begins in the present ❤
Can’t imagine being married around 20. There’re so many things to learn and she should work on her trauma too. Being a caregiver is an hard job. She’s already being a caregiver for her dad. I hope at least she gets to live her own life for once. She might regret having to live her life for other people.
I was in this girl's shoes, escaping home with low self esteem, going to the first person who gave me attention. He was so immature and never made any sort of good living or plans for the future beyond scraping by. I realized I should leave by the time I was 22 but tried for 5 more lonely years to make it work. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. It's very hard entering marriage with no adult life experience, bc you have no idea what is right.
This was me, the oldest of four kids, to a single mother after a divorce from an abusive and controlling man. But at times I had to help a lot with my siblings and was in a very strict home so everything was home. I didn’t get to enjoy my childhood but now married and have a daughter, now I’m in a way living my childhood through her by giving her the best time of her life. 😂 I can’t wait until she’s a little older so we can go on trips together
If I’ve learned anything it’s to wait until your mid twenties at the EARLIEST to get married. I’ve known people who’ve gotten married when they were young and let’s just say they didn’t last…..
Ok I don’t necessarily disagree with you but in reality what’s the difference between a 19 and 20 year old and a 24 and 25 year old getting married. I’m confused on everyone who’s harping on a numerical value of when the best time to marry is. In your example you say you know people that got married young and it doesn’t turn out well. How would 3 more years have solved that problem if said people say got married at 35 or 40 they would almost certainly still not have worked out. The problem isn’t age but it’s some people simply aren’t meant to be together. Like how Dave talks about buying a home, the best time to buy a home is when you’ve taken the correct steps and are ready to. Don’t try and game or time the market. If 2 people feel they are ready and assuming they are legal adults why should they wait 10 more years and gamify their relationship.
@@goorange3157Well... The issue of adolescent marriage is significantly influenced by a variety of developmental factors, particularly those related to brain maturation and emotional growth. Research in neuroscience has shown that the frontal lobe, the region of the brain responsible for higher-order functions such as decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation, typically does not reach full maturity until individuals are in their mid to late twenties. This developmental timeline raises important questions about the readiness of contemporary teenagers to engage in the complex and often demanding institution of marriage. In contrast to previous generations, where societal norms and expectations may have encouraged earlier marriages, today's adolescents are navigating a vastly different landscape. The pressures of modern life, combined with the extended period of education and personal development, mean that teenagers today often face unique challenges that can hinder their emotional and cognitive maturity. Factors such as social media, academic stress, and shifting family dynamics contribute to a developmental environment that may not equip young individuals with the necessary skills to make lifelong commitments. Moreover, this perspective highlights a growing concern among those who oppose adolescent marriage. Critics argue that marrying at a young age can lead to a host of challenges, including increased rates of divorce, financial instability, and emotional distress. They contend that the lack of maturity in decision-making can result in choices that individuals may later regret, as young couples may not fully understand the implications of their commitments or possess the coping mechanisms needed to navigate the complexities of marital life. Additionally, the societal context surrounding marriage has evolved significantly over the past century. In the past, early marriage was often seen as a normative step in the transition to adulthood, with clear roles and expectations defined by cultural and economic factors. Today, however, there is a growing recognition of the importance of personal development and self-discovery before entering into such a significant partnership. This shift in perspective underscores the belief that individuals should have the opportunity to explore their identities, pursue education, and establish careers before making lifelong commitments. In conclusion, the interplay between developmental factors and the issue of adolescent marriage is complex and multifaceted. The understanding that the frontal lobe matures later in life suggests that contemporary teenagers may not possess the emotional and cognitive maturity necessary for marriage, a stark contrast to the experiences of previous generations. This evolving perspective reflects a broader societal shift towards valuing personal growth and readiness, ultimately influencing the ongoing debate surrounding the appropriateness of adolescent marriage. We just aren't ready; to provide or to prioritize.
Aww I’m so sorry for her husband I have colitis and I know it’s hard. I think all the stress is also playing a role. Stress attacks digestive and stomach issues. lord God please protect this man heal him in Jesus name
Irritable bowel syndrome sucks. Find a food you can tolerate, and eat that first for awhile. I've had it since early childhood. Nothing drs could do. But you can identify which foods affect you the most. So i could work my 12hr Nursing shifts without sumptoms eating safe foods, and save the morecrisky fun foids for days off. The mans gastritis is high acid, there are one pill a day to decrease scid production to stop that burn. Refusing one of those is self sabotauging. Guy is not coping.
It's a joke in sitcoms. But as a lifelong sufferer I can say it's extremely debilitating. People don't know how awful nausea and constipation feel, chronically. You have to follow a diet, exercise, and medicine like CLOCKWORK otherwise it all falls apart.
He will figure it out after she is gone. She wouldn't be calling a show like this if she weren't already done. After she leaves he will either find inner strength or take the early exit route.
@@donaldjohnson-e8fseeking help and new ways to move forward isn’t necessarily a sign of being “done”. If you’ve realized that this is going to be your life, you may just want to make the best of it
While I’ll be the first to say that 19 is too young to get married, you can hardly blame something like this on age. Male depression is at an all time high in general. My husband and I are almost twice this girl’s age, and we’re dealing with this ourselves. It’s brutal! Nothing more beautiful than a Proverbs 31 wife who stands by her man and builds him up when he’s down. You can do it, sweet girl!
I’m 23 years old my wife is 24 we’ve been married for 3 years but we’ve been together for 8 years we have 2 boys of our own We met in cps in a emergency child removal from home shelter for kids we lived there together for a year I was 14 she was 16 but I turned 15 before she turned 17 we both have went through a lot at home let alone CPS as its own monster we both have issues but we’re both in therapy from things that happened to us as children and we’re happy and in love with each other
I wish this lovely girl..so mature and yet so burdened had not taken on this huge thing called marriage. Proud of her for calling for help. Lord help her, help them.Amen.
The advice I would give her is to be there for her husband instead of trying to fix everything. Women often get exacerbated by men doing this, but then women do the same thing. While the intent is good, it makes things more difficult for her husband. I myself struggle with many chronic illnesses that no doctors have answers for and I am tired of people telling me to “drink more water” “see this chiropractor” or “try this diet”.
I kept forgetting she was 19. She sounds way older. I’m not sure that’s totally a good thing. I hope she gets to have some fun too. Play banjo. Or something. 🤓🪕💃🌺
Peace ... how will she know how to get to inner peace? I'm glad Dr. Delony told her to go to therapy eventually. I always hold Dr. D's advice in high esteem - but here it was a little thin. For helpers like that girl it can be quite a long way to find inner peace - you have to be 'selfish' (or so it can seem to someone that always put others before themselves) at times. You have to be centered within yourself. She needs more tools.
Getting married by 20 is insane to me. You will go through more growing pains and rough patches if you’re married during those years because you’re very young and inexperienced with life. Plus we evolve many times by the time we’re in our 30s. This is why so many divorces happen as well. Marrying too young before discovering and settling into who you truly are which may not be compatible with your current partner.
The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. Facts. ✌🏼♥️😊🌈
I think there is not a right or wrong and it 100% depends on the individual people!!! My husband and & have been married for 19years (together 20 1/2) and we just turned 41. We have three amazing boys and have an amazing, strong marriage and are still passionately in love with each other. 🥰
Why risk growing together through your 20's because you might grow apart and end up exactly where you'd be anyway? Marriage isn't for perfect, established people; it's for people who love each other and want to put in the work.
Honestly many times when they say it's a somatic symptom, it could mean they can't figure out what's wrong yet. Then ofcourse being sick with no effective medication & being malnourished will make a person anxious & depressed and therefore blame the whole illness on anxiety.
pain is a legitimate reason not to eat. that's not giving up, that's more like being trapped. why can't they feed him nutrients intravenously? pain can break ANYONE.
The risk of infection from IV TPA is incredibly high due to the requirement for an implanted IV port and the high glucose concentration in TPA. Also the risk of ileus with completely paraenteral nutrition is incredibly high. So unless a person is near death it is generally avoided because the risks involved don’t outweigh the benefit. Also getting IV nutrition isn’t even close to having real food go through your GI tract. Particularly if this is IBS, it is very responsive to CBT or DBT for anxiety and a low FODMAP diet. Both of which have a very low risk profile.
It's hard to let go and watch someone you love deteriorate because of their own choices. Everyone blames you for it and it seems no one cares how much you've been destroyed in the process, but oh well. We have to take accountability and take care of ourselves. That's life.
I bet this woman has never taken a step back from being someones caregiver she doesnt know what her safe place is shes never had a moment to herself. 1. I bet he married her cauee no one else wanted him, 2. She married a man cause it reminds her of home its all she knows, 3. They need to breaknup and she needs a year long vacation
I’m sorry girl but you married someone that has unprocessed baggage. It may have been an effort to get out of your house and away from the burden of caring for your dad, but it’s no better than what your dad put you through. I’m so sorry that this is life at 19 for you.
Hey I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’m gonna write this here and I hope you guys share your thoughts. Me and my girlfriend have been together a little over a year now and my depression/anxiety is slowly killing me. She has always wanted to be independent and strong, she can’t communicate and pushes me away in hard conversations. I’m more of an anxious type and want to feel connected. Her brickwalling me in every crucial conversation or disagreement has made me very jealous and insecure, and my insecurity/jealousy has made her more distant and less honest over time. We can’t talk about anything and she goes out of her way to do things on her own, like calling her father for help about “manly” building or fixing stuff (reason I say manly is because it’s things I’d love to do to feel like a young man and needed in the relationship, like hanging up a TV on a wall kind of things…) this has made me more anxious over time and we have come to a point where I’m not respected and she is not loved properly. I loved her very much and I believe she is a great women, but I don’t know if this still is love or desperation for connection and if it is I don’t feel it’s fair to do this to her. There is always two sides of a story and I want to make it clear that she is a really good person and not the “bad guy” in the relationship. I’ve always felt lonely, got diagnosed with ADD couple months ago and depression/anxiety. I still feel very lonely in my relationship and im not respected. I’m afraid my growing jealousy/insecurity has destroyed most of my relationships, but I can’t stop thinking about her part in this either. Me calmly and quietly sitting with her for hours and she doesn’t say a word, always being the one who wants to connect. Saying nice things to her and trying to make her feel beautiful. She never initiates intimacy and never gives me compliments other than “cute”. She is more distant the more I come close. I always initiate intimacy, I always go for deeper conversations. I always try to build something emotionally stronger. I’m so lost and sad, Any thoughts good or bad?
The thing is certain issues like the one described here😊(Crohn's, IBS) do get worlds better with proper care. It's just a lot of work, discipline, diet, exercise, icky medicine. All things people don't like.
IBS is a treatable condition though. Low FODMAP diet, an elimination diet controlled by a physician to look at allergies, and then also getting appropriate treatment for the anxiety/depression/mental health issues often associated with IBS. This is a manageable, treatable condition. It is a chronic illness, sure, but millions of people around the world live with chronic illness. Life isn’t a black or white “if it’s not 100% perfect I’m just going to kill myself” situation. But that kind of black and white thinking is absolutely a common cognitive distortion with depression.
If you feel broken, I recommend googling the term 'kintsugi'. Maybe use this as a guide. (After making sure you've seen relevant health professionals who have the correct training and expertise!).
You don't need to be carrying with other people's karma. Their health is their responsibility, and if they can not fight for themselves, then you need to step back and think of yourself. Also, your body is telling you he's not the one. 😬
19 going on 52. She sounds like a woman who has LIVED life. That’s what parentalization does to kids. Robbing them of the experience of weightlessness that childhood confers. I pray they both heal individually and that she stops being a martyr and starts revealing her authentic self that is buried underneath the caretaker identity.
Wow big surprised she got with a problem just like her dad has, girl i pray for you , good thing you have many yrs to grow up, and mature get educated to know we all seek what we are use to from childhood.
Love self first & foremost precious one. He can either come along or stay in the dumps. Has he tried carnivore or keto for the bowel issues?? Lots of folks healed themselves.
It’s kind of hilarious to see all the 18-24 year olds in the comments who’ve been married less than 3 years be like “I got married at 18 and it worked out for me!” Yeah, SO FAR. There’s a reason people are getting married older and later nowadays. The only reason why marriage “worked” when people got married young back in the day is because divorce was heavily stigmatized/outlawed and we didn’t have the internet to tell us what abusive behavior or a trauma bond is or location sharing and dating sites to find out if our partner is cheating on us. Marriage and life in general is so much more complicated in many ways now thanks to the internet, finances, politics, and a surplus of other unique to 2020’s issues the world has never faced before. We literally just had a pandemic, too, that I’m sure messed up a whole array of things we are yet to learn about. Tired of people shitting on young people for not getting married fresh out of high school. Look at the world, dude.
Marriage rate is down because women find 80% of men unattrcative. In the past women married for safety. Today they can lie in court and get away with it so women really don't care about men. And that is fine. The population will go down, young people won't find partners, they won't have kids. People will lose their jobs, old people will suffer, chaos and anarchy in every country. And then only then men will become so violent that women will have no choice but to change their behavior and get married young again. History always repeats itself.
Get that boy some meat. Many testimonials about the carnivore diet and the benefits for mental health and depression. All his medical problems would disappear in 30 to 90 days.
Most people’s brains aren’t even finished developing until around 25 so I’m not sure why people in the comments are acting like it’s wild to suggest making a life defining decision like getting married at 19 isn’t for everyone let alone most people. Also, everyone keeps saying “she sounds so mature!” Ofc she SOUNDS mature. People love saying that phrase to traumatized young people who seem “mature” solely because they were trained to shove all their own issues down so as to not add onto the issues the adults around them are already dealing with. I can’t imagine going from being a caretaker of a grown adult man who is supposed to be caring for me to then being caretaker of the man I married to get away from my angry father. I’m sure that causes anyone, but especially a timid young woman to shove her own needs/wants down even further. I would bet that it’s gonna be years before she fully unpacks all of this and when she does, that “maturity” is going to drop for a while as well. Props to her for having the courage and intelligence to reach out for help, though. She does sound very intelligent and probably had to be to survive her childhood. I’m rooting for her
Nope. According to science women's brain stop developing at 16. Men's brain develop till 25. So this adult woman knows what she is doing. Stop feeling sorry.
03:13 I hate when John goes off track like that. Just guessing off the top of his head on what happened. It's blown up on his face on other calls where they say that never happened. Stick to the story 😂😂😂
When I first started getting sick, I wish somebody had told me that it's okay to use my precious resources to build the best life that I could at that time instead of investing 100% of my time, energy and money into trying to heal so my life could start again. Hugs and healing to this couple ❤️🩹
I don’t understand why we see 18 or 19 year olds as children, because if that’s the case 18 year olds shouldn’t have the right to vote or do other things at 18
Gettin married at 19 is a virtuous thing, it should not be frowned upon , it should be encouraged. Unmarried people are vulnerable to stds, housing instability, job instability, addiction, becoming a care giver to a parent who thinks because you’re not married you should be taking care of them. Now so many people are down low and having sex with both men and women . The alternative of not getting married young is actually frightening .
Traveling to Mexico to a gastroenterologist could save this husband’s life. I have the exact same thing for the same reasons and I found an actual cure in Mexico. Mexican gastroenterologists are highly experienced in these areas.
I would suggest you read up on abuse, women’s rights, finances, religion, history in general, and stigmas back then versus now to understand exactly why people got married so young and why divorce wasn’t as common. I’m sure the divorce rate would’ve been the same or even higher than it is now had it not been so stigmatized or legally hard to achieve.
She is going to have to let him decide on his own health and she is going to have to accept that men hate it when women want to tell them what to do. If she concentrates on her own life and her own goals, and simply tells him that she accepts that he is an adult and will figure it out, he will. It may not be how she wants it, but he will figure it out.
btw, I have a few thousand dollars saved up; I'm waiting for Dr Delony to offer a workshop or curriculum of effective counseling. The man is simply 🔥🔥🔥
@@michaelallen1154 yeah, thanks for that insight, or whatever that was supposed to be. random, but sure. whatever. i'm interested in his approach, his style and method, not necessarily his answers, although i agree more than i disagree. he should teach people HOW to communicate, not what to believe.
This woman at 19 is more mature than most of us at 40. Proud of her for having the courage for growth. You're going to be ok!
Speak for yourself
10000%
@@tonytoni1150 I did
@@Mari-us1vi
The pre frontal cortex isn’t developed yet, she shouldn’t vote also
More than you, yes!
The biggest problem isn’t marrying young - I’ve seen many cases where it works out well. But what almost NEVER works at any age is marrying based on someone’s “potential”. You can to assume that the person you’re dating or marrying is the “finished model”.
@@shannalee80 very good.
Yes, and I’ve seen many cases where people smoke their whole lives without getting cancer. But the statistics are bad. Teen marriages are far more likely to end in divorce. Problem number one is that you have so little time to get to know the other person, and frankly you have had so little time to get to know yourself as an adult. Problem 2, which also seems to apply here, is that you’re getting married to escape the situation of your youth rather than getting pulled into some great situation.
@@greenAbbot Preach!!!! Thanks for sharing.
She is mature , he isn’t ..
@@GUITARTIME2024Nobody's finished at 20. Marrying young is foolish
The problem is that two unhealed people decided to get into a relationship thinking they would heal each other. This is prime example of a trauma bonding relationship.
That’s not always the case. Not every single unhealed person is looking for someone to fix them. People have an ingrained sense of wanting companionship and sometimes you can get into a relationship before healing yourself and find yourself in a relationship with someone that also has trauma
I'm proud of her for seeking help. She got some great advice. It's so hard to watch someone you love suffer.
I wish I had seen more compassion on this message board today. Let's not focus on age, it's done .Let's focus on how the problem has a solution. Thank you, John, for yours. She desperately needs it.
Same. This woman is VERY mature at 19. I send her love and best wishes.
This young lady has been through so much and is so courageous 🙌
I agree with you but not surprising when someone places their issues into a public forum. People are cruel. Most of those commenting here don’t care one bit about this young lady and her husband. They just want to spout off about their opinions.
People are always so ready to hate on young marriage its sad
She sounds more put together than most women that I've met in their 20s/30s these days.
Having a husband going through a health crisis is so hard! You just want to fix it all and you can’t.
Praying for you two as you navigate this trial. 💗
I have a 19 year old … I just wanna hug this little lady so much 🥺💚 she’s taken on so much that’s not hers
I've been in his boat, the encouragement of my wife helped me tremendously. I chose to do what was best for my family, keeping myself alive and healthy.
Amen brother. A true partnership.
Why does John think it’s “excellent “ that someone gets married at 19?
If you are having sex and living with someone you should be married to them. It’s called having Morals and not being jezebel who’re
@@calgal5752 Because
A. God designed sex for those who make a lifelong commitment to each other in the Sacrament of Matrimony with the intent to procreate and rear their children (society's next generation, if it isn't to age off and die),
B. It is better than the often-chosen alternative of our society which involves fornication (sex outside of marital commitment), cohabitation, and sterilized or neutered sex. Often this turns into hopping from one person to the next even if they pretend to be a couple and it lasts a few years.
C. The only other moral alternative for the Christian is celibacy, perfect chastity to either engage with the world of business in some way or enter religious life.
Why do you presumably disagree with marriage not being an "excellent" choice?
You've been the weak link? That's a shame.
I learned by having a child who is alcoholic that you can’t make anyone decide to recover from whatever problem is there, you can only decide what you will do and what you will accept. You also have to realize that it’s possible that your loved one may die.
This guy has won the lottery, and he better realize it quick.
Absolutely, hope he sees how valuable she is.
A likely outcome is she'll leave him to save him from himself, and he'll either sink or swim. Being in so much as a relationship with a chronically depressed person is soul-draining, I can't imagine a marriage.
😢 His situation looked familiar for her, therefore attractive...
She's going to be his mother
That's sad. The way he's trending she'll be a widow shortly. I hope she doesn't marry a second husband who is terminally ill.
This young lady sounds way beyond 19yrs old.
She sounds like she’s 15 but talks like she’s 30. Very smart beyond her years.
She was forced to grow up early
So proud of this young woman. Peace what you need. It's tough. Love and light ❤
She is one strong woman
I have Crohns Disease diagnosed at 18 years old. Significant childhood trauma. I struggled until my mid-twenties...in that struggle is grief. I had a picture of my adulthood that I never got to actualize. Healing and peace to you both dear girl.
Look up Dr Ken Berry and the carnivore diet for Crohns Disease
Of course marrying young doesn’t work out for everyone, but I got married at 19 to my then 20 year old girlfriend. We are still together after 35 years. It is possible and we are proof of that! We’ve had challenges, but always work it out because we believe in marriage for life. Marriage takes a lot of patience, compassion and understanding. You will have good times, bad times, happy times and sad times as well. At the end of the day, you make the decision to push through it all or give up, but remember back to when you first began as to what made you love this person and want to spend your life with them. Again, I realize all situations won’t be the same, but mine has been the blessing of a lifetime!
You came from a different time of no internet, it was much simpler. The world was also better for young people. The youth are completely different today. The complexity that the internet has introduced to everyone and is getting exponentially crazier, its affect on the youth and their development is totally not relatable for people that reached adulthood before the internet was a thing.
@ I wholeheartedly agree with you!
There aren't many people around you with the same outcome, though, is there? Not even at the church.
@ Nope, other than a couple of neighbors. Now my parents were married 42 years before my mother passed away last year. My wife’s parents were married over 30 years as well, before my mother in law passed away. It’s becoming a thing of the past more and more.
Congratulations on 35 years!!
It's worth noting that circumstances were significantly different in the past. In contemporary times, the development of children's frontal lobes has been markedly slower since the onset of the pandemic. Previously, individuals were typically fully developed by the age of 25; however, this age has now extended closer to 30. This observation is neither inherently positive nor negative, but it is an important factor to contemplate when reflecting on the behavior of today's 18-year-olds, who often exhibit childlike characteristics, in contrast to the perception of adulthood that prevailed 200 years ago.
Not only that, but 18 and 19 year olds can not buy houses or make enough income to move out and start their own families. They're dependent on their parents income for the most part between the ages of 18-23 on average. So it comes as no surprised that teenagers are not even close to being as independent and mature as they used to be centuries ago. People have often call it "infantilism", but that has more to do with societies view on 18 year olds and not based in science. Science shows us that modern kids are not as efficient in developing mentally as they once were, and I believe that is why a lot of people are advocating for the age of consent being raised to 21. But one could also argue that getting married while both parties are younger can make their relationship stable in the future since they're both growing together.
I grew up in an alcoholic home with a disabled parent. Peace is still stressful for me at 58 - the "antenna" never real goes down
When I first started watching this, I thought she sounds like a little girl and I’m only a few minutes in but while she has a baby voice, she doesn’t sound immature
Stop being his mom, even if there are medical issues, while being nurturing is nice, if you become his mom y’all will both end up hating each other. Be supportive, go to doctors appointments, etc; but don’t become his mom
People who have been through hardship early on, usually mature faster than the average person
It's true!
Or can’t cope and turn to drugs or alcohol to cope.
Wonderful insight! Your advice is right on the button.
The wisdom this young woman is showing is beyond her years. I do wish you all the best.
She's a fool to stay with this guy
You're guidance was perfect here John.
it's so weird to hear a 19 year old say "my husband". and she has such a young voice. she sounds like a kid playing pretend family. poor girl 😭
Sadly, you can't make an adult care. No matter how hard you know what needs to be done, you still can't make an adult care.
I’m 53 and I’m struggling to stay here period.
We all are...
We're all in this together
@@fire12731 Please see help. We all struggle. Know when you're in too deep. Prayer's.
I'm sure more people than you know are glad you're still here.
My heart hurts for you dear Person..wish I could wrap my arms around you.
Praying right now for you…❤❤❤
My ex-husband lost both of his parents due to illnesses and they were a very unhappy, angry and abusive family. I am the oldest of seven kids and helped raise my siblings. He needed a loving parent and I needed to mother him and help him change. My marriage failed when I became a mother of two and I needed a partner to help my put a roof over our heads, raise the 2 children and face the world as an adult. I stayed married to min for 25 years for the kids. I thought he would change - and at times he did for short periods and I thought we had many great family times. We did. But I also raised 2 daughters exposed to my high anxiety with all of the responsibilities on my shoulder. I was never safe with him. My daughters both had to deal with anxiety as adults - my anxiety was passed on to them as they lived in a very anxious house. I don’t know to this day if I should have left him sooner one daughter says yers and the other says no. Thankfully, they married two responsible, loving and kind men and have been happily married. They have had challenges in their marriages but have been able to work through them with love, determination and open minds. Phew! What I learned is you cannot change anyone that does not want to change. It has to come from within. After 20 years of divorce, he still has not changed.
From the health descriptions, it sounds exactly what I went through with my mom with her Crohn's disease, even the 'giving up' part. It doesn't just affect people physically but mentally too. I was my moms care giver when she was first diagnosed (I was 13) and it was extremely difficult for us both. My mother got depressed because she felt guilty for her body betraying her.
Did it ever get better?
Proud of you, Jane ❤ I'm 22 but you are well ahead of me and so many others 🙏🏿
I feel bad for her. My dad was this way his whole life. He was always his own worst enemy. Never listened to the doctors or my mom who is a nurse. He smoked and Never took his meds or ate right despite type2 disbetes and heart disease snd 2 heart attacks. He was diagnosed with Parkinson's 18 months ago and also refused to take that seriously. My mom spent 40 years running ragged to try to take care of him even though he could just care less. When my mom got hurt last year he threw a fit when the doctors said she needed to be an assisted living temporarily to get back on her feet so she went home, fell down again and ended up making everything worse. Shes young enough to walk away before she spends a lifetime taking care if a man-child.
Sadly, this is all too common.
Men like this don't care at all about their wives. At all.
I feel so bad for her. It's hard watching someone that you love suffer. I hope her husband listens, being a caregiver is exhausting.
Worst decision I ever made was marrying in my 20’s. The brain isn’t even fully developed until late 20’s when you become who you’re going to be. These children had no business marrying. I hope they don’t make the consequential decision to have children for a very, very long time. Young marriages are rarely successful long term and it’s unfair to a child to bring them into such an untenable situation.
And this is how you americans and europeans will go extinct😂
How does it feel that women like you ended the white race? You guys genocided a whole race just by being brainwashed. Unreal.
Same. Worst decision made was getting married in my 20's.
Having been married to an alcoholic and subsequently divorced from, this is the best advice!
I married a man who is so much like my father. Some of his behaviors are things I said I would never marry someone who drank or was arrogant
Its easy to die for someone. What is hard is to live for someone. He needs to start living. Best of luck!
How can her mum have a full time job, her dad be drunk all the time, and shé be home schooled? Thats insane! How does the US agree with these practices?
Exactly
I'm so glad that home schooling is forbidden in Germany/Europe. It's so bad for the children 😢
Because Christian Theocracy.
My military son married just shy of his 21st birthday & his wife was 19 . . but had been on her own since 16. She comes from a strong SDA church background & was living with a mentor family. FF they have had a few moves since then (military), but have Always landed in solid church & mentor groups. They are on board with financial & life goals. They have both grown So Much & grown together! She has kept progressing thru school (can-Lpn-rn, & working on bsn). Son has finished BS degree while still in the military. A feel a big key for them has been having Great mentors & close church associates. Me (mom) is always supportive but live far away! I think finding adult mentors, especially thru a church, is key.
I suggest thins young gal get in with a quality church to help mentor them both . . . Jmho.
I grew up SDA. What a bunch of kooks.
What is an SDA church?
To all the commenters posting stating how he needs to get himself in control and stop dragging her down, they physcially and mentally cannot imagine just how hard it is when youre nutrient deprived, in pain and unable to eat your comfrot food or any food for rhat matter and just how devastating it is mentally and physcially on a person with digestive problems. Only people who have truely went throigh something similar car relate. Everyone else who has satiated, content, happy full bellies are priveliged enough to spew garbage about being strong and tough but in reality know nothing about that type of misery and mental/physcial torture.
Once your digestion is affected in any aspect, that tie to your mental health goes down hill very quickly and only supprt from loved ones can push them through it.
As difficult as it may sound, you are not responsible for your husband's well-being, he is. Both of you carry past and present family traumas into your marriage, but as newlyweds, clear communication is crucial for healing. You can offer emotional support and be there for him, but his self-care and actions are ultimately his responsibility. You cannot control his decisions, only your own. If communication struggles persist, seeking professional guidance may be beneficial for both of you. Life is a personal journey shaped by the beliefs and experiences we choose. To heal, starting with appropriate therapy to address childhood trauma could provide the foundation needed to move forward. The past has shaped who you are, but healing begins in the present ❤
Can’t imagine being married around 20. There’re so many things to learn and she should work on her trauma too. Being a caregiver is an hard job. She’s already being a caregiver for her dad. I hope at least she gets to live her own life for once. She might regret having to live her life for other people.
I was in this girl's shoes, escaping home with low self esteem, going to the first person who gave me attention. He was so immature and never made any sort of good living or plans for the future beyond scraping by. I realized I should leave by the time I was 22 but tried for 5 more lonely years to make it work. Leaving was the best thing I ever did. It's very hard entering marriage with no adult life experience, bc you have no idea what is right.
This was me, the oldest of four kids, to a single mother after a divorce from an abusive and controlling man. But at times I had to help a lot with my siblings and was in a very strict home so everything was home. I didn’t get to enjoy my childhood but now married and have a daughter, now I’m in a way living my childhood through her by giving her the best time of her life. 😂 I can’t wait until she’s a little older so we can go on trips together
If I’ve learned anything it’s to wait until your mid twenties at the EARLIEST to get married. I’ve known people who’ve gotten married when they were young and let’s just say they didn’t last…..
Ok I don’t necessarily disagree with you but in reality what’s the difference between a 19 and 20 year old and a 24 and 25 year old getting married. I’m confused on everyone who’s harping on a numerical value of when the best time to marry is. In your example you say you know people that got married young and it doesn’t turn out well. How would 3 more years have solved that problem if said people say got married at 35 or 40 they would almost certainly still not have worked out. The problem isn’t age but it’s some people simply aren’t meant to be together. Like how Dave talks about buying a home, the best time to buy a home is when you’ve taken the correct steps and are ready to. Don’t try and game or time the market. If 2 people feel they are ready and assuming they are legal adults why should they wait 10 more years and gamify their relationship.
@@goorange3157Well... The issue of adolescent marriage is significantly influenced by a variety of developmental factors, particularly those related to brain maturation and emotional growth. Research in neuroscience has shown that the frontal lobe, the region of the brain responsible for higher-order functions such as decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation, typically does not reach full maturity until individuals are in their mid to late twenties. This developmental timeline raises important questions about the readiness of contemporary teenagers to engage in the complex and often demanding institution of marriage.
In contrast to previous generations, where societal norms and expectations may have encouraged earlier marriages, today's adolescents are navigating a vastly different landscape. The pressures of modern life, combined with the extended period of education and personal development, mean that teenagers today often face unique challenges that can hinder their emotional and cognitive maturity. Factors such as social media, academic stress, and shifting family dynamics contribute to a developmental environment that may not equip young individuals with the necessary skills to make lifelong commitments.
Moreover, this perspective highlights a growing concern among those who oppose adolescent marriage. Critics argue that marrying at a young age can lead to a host of challenges, including increased rates of divorce, financial instability, and emotional distress. They contend that the lack of maturity in decision-making can result in choices that individuals may later regret, as young couples may not fully understand the implications of their commitments or possess the coping mechanisms needed to navigate the complexities of marital life.
Additionally, the societal context surrounding marriage has evolved significantly over the past century. In the past, early marriage was often seen as a normative step in the transition to adulthood, with clear roles and expectations defined by cultural and economic factors. Today, however, there is a growing recognition of the importance of personal development and self-discovery before entering into such a significant partnership. This shift in perspective underscores the belief that individuals should have the opportunity to explore their identities, pursue education, and establish careers before making lifelong commitments. In conclusion, the interplay between developmental factors and the issue of adolescent marriage is complex and multifaceted. The understanding that the frontal lobe matures later in life suggests that contemporary teenagers may not possess the emotional and cognitive maturity necessary for marriage, a stark contrast to the experiences of previous generations. This evolving perspective reflects a broader societal shift towards valuing personal growth and readiness, ultimately influencing the ongoing debate surrounding the appropriateness of adolescent marriage. We just aren't ready; to provide or to prioritize.
Awful awful awful advice.
Poor babies both of them😢
Please, please, please try GAPS. Sadly, most doctors don’t understand how to fix the gut.
Aww I’m so sorry for her husband I have colitis and I know it’s hard. I think all the stress is also playing a role. Stress attacks digestive and stomach issues. lord God please protect this man heal him in Jesus name
Irritable bowel syndrome sucks. Find a food you can tolerate, and eat that first for awhile. I've had it since early childhood. Nothing drs could do. But you can identify which foods affect you the most. So i could work my 12hr Nursing shifts without sumptoms eating safe foods, and save the morecrisky fun foids for days off. The mans gastritis is high acid, there are one pill a day to decrease scid production to stop that burn. Refusing one of those is self sabotauging. Guy is not coping.
It's a joke in sitcoms. But as a lifelong sufferer I can say it's extremely debilitating. People don't know how awful nausea and constipation feel, chronically. You have to follow a diet, exercise, and medicine like CLOCKWORK otherwise it all falls apart.
This is a very tough thing for them to endure at such a young age
So sad. Prayers for them 🙏
Wait until he’s 40. It will twice as worse. At 60? Three times as bad.
He will figure it out after she is gone. She wouldn't be calling a show like this if she weren't already done. After she leaves he will either find inner strength or take the early exit route.
@@donaldjohnson-e8fseeking help and new ways to move forward isn’t necessarily a sign of being “done”. If you’ve realized that this is going to be your life, you may just want to make the best of it
Why marry into all this at 19 🥺. She is just a kid.
While I’ll be the first to say that 19 is too young to get married, you can hardly blame something like this on age. Male depression is at an all time high in general. My husband and I are almost twice this girl’s age, and we’re dealing with this ourselves. It’s brutal! Nothing more beautiful than a Proverbs 31 wife who stands by her man and builds him up when he’s down. You can do it, sweet girl!
This is the best comment ❤
Love this comment❤
I’m 23 years old my wife is 24 we’ve been married for 3 years but we’ve been together for 8 years we have 2 boys of our own
We met in cps in a emergency child removal from home shelter for kids we lived there together for a year I was 14 she was 16 but I turned 15 before she turned 17 we both have went through a lot at home let alone CPS as its own monster we both have issues but we’re both in therapy from things that happened to us as children and we’re happy and in love with each other
I got marry when I was 17 years old and I marry someone just like my dad. So I know how you feel.
I wish this lovely girl..so mature and yet so burdened had not taken on this huge thing called marriage. Proud of her for calling for help.
Lord help her, help them.Amen.
I love how all the Incels are screaming about their young age when that literally has nothing to do with this issue.
So what was the other alternative? Just sleep around and waste time/money on romantic relationships that will lead to nothing?
Please and thank-you!! This is about him not wanting to deal with something he should which can happen at any age.
I know the “law” says your an adult at 18 years old in 2024/25 but there are a lot of 40 + year olds that are infants emotionally?!?!?!?
Exactly!
The advice I would give her is to be there for her husband instead of trying to fix everything. Women often get exacerbated by men doing this, but then women do the same thing. While the intent is good, it makes things more difficult for her husband. I myself struggle with many chronic illnesses that no doctors have answers for and I am tired of people telling me to “drink more water” “see this chiropractor” or “try this diet”.
I kept forgetting she was 19. She sounds way older. I’m not sure that’s totally a good thing. I hope she gets to have some fun too. Play banjo. Or something. 🤓🪕💃🌺
he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays
I listen to a lot of these. You can distinctly hear when a caller is moved by what John says.
Peace ... how will she know how to get to inner peace? I'm glad Dr. Delony told her to go to therapy eventually. I always hold Dr. D's advice in high esteem - but here it was a little thin.
For helpers like that girl it can be quite a long way to find inner peace - you have to be 'selfish' (or so it can seem to someone that always put others before themselves) at times. You have to be centered within yourself.
She needs more tools.
Getting married by 20 is insane to me. You will go through more growing pains and rough patches if you’re married during those years because you’re very young and inexperienced with life. Plus we evolve many times by the time we’re in our 30s. This is why so many divorces happen as well. Marrying too young before discovering and settling into who you truly are which may not be compatible with your current partner.
I’m 29 and think I’d be ready in a couple of years 😅
The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature.
Facts. ✌🏼♥️😊🌈
I think there is not a right or wrong and it 100% depends on the individual people!!! My husband and & have been married for 19years (together 20 1/2) and we just turned 41. We have three amazing boys and have an amazing, strong marriage and are still passionately in love with each other. 🥰
Why risk growing together through your 20's because you might grow apart and end up exactly where you'd be anyway? Marriage isn't for perfect, established people; it's for people who love each other and want to put in the work.
@@tbass94 thats pushing it lol theres a middle ground
Honestly many times when they say it's a somatic symptom, it could mean they can't figure out what's wrong yet. Then ofcourse being sick with no effective medication & being malnourished will make a person anxious & depressed and therefore blame the whole illness on anxiety.
pain is a legitimate reason not to eat. that's not giving up, that's more like being trapped. why can't they feed him nutrients intravenously? pain can break ANYONE.
The risk of infection from IV TPA is incredibly high due to the requirement for an implanted IV port and the high glucose concentration in TPA. Also the risk of ileus with completely paraenteral nutrition is incredibly high. So unless a person is near death it is generally avoided because the risks involved don’t outweigh the benefit. Also getting IV nutrition isn’t even close to having real food go through your GI tract. Particularly if this is IBS, it is very responsive to CBT or DBT for anxiety and a low FODMAP diet. Both of which have a very low risk profile.
It's hard to let go and watch someone you love deteriorate because of their own choices. Everyone blames you for it and it seems no one cares how much you've been destroyed in the process, but oh well. We have to take accountability and take care of ourselves. That's life.
Wow Dr John. That's me I hold on so tight and it makes things worse. Severe anxiety.
I bet this woman has never taken a step back from being someones caregiver she doesnt know what her safe place is shes never had a moment to herself. 1. I bet he married her cauee no one else wanted him, 2. She married a man cause it reminds her of home its all she knows, 3. They need to breaknup and she needs a year long vacation
I’m sorry girl but you married someone that has unprocessed baggage. It may have been an effort to get out of your house and away from the burden of caring for your dad, but it’s no better than what your dad put you through. I’m so sorry that this is life at 19 for you.
Imagine if she had chosen higher education, a career, friends, travel, adventures and a life instead.
JOHN YOU ARE THE GOAT
What does this mean?
@ greatest of all time
Hey I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’m gonna write this here and I hope you guys share your thoughts.
Me and my girlfriend have been together a little over a year now and my depression/anxiety is slowly killing me. She has always wanted to be independent and strong, she can’t communicate and pushes me away in hard conversations. I’m more of an anxious type and want to feel connected. Her brickwalling me in every crucial conversation or disagreement has made me very jealous and insecure, and my insecurity/jealousy has made her more distant and less honest over time.
We can’t talk about anything and she goes out of her way to do things on her own, like calling her father for help about “manly” building or fixing stuff (reason I say manly is because it’s things I’d love to do to feel like a young man and needed in the relationship, like hanging up a TV on a wall kind of things…) this has made me more anxious over time and we have come to a point where I’m not respected and she is not loved properly.
I loved her very much and I believe she is a great women, but I don’t know if this still is love or desperation for connection and if it is I don’t feel it’s fair to do this to her.
There is always two sides of a story and I want to make it clear that she is a really good person and not the “bad guy” in the relationship.
I’ve always felt lonely, got diagnosed with ADD couple months ago and depression/anxiety. I still feel very lonely in my relationship and im not respected.
I’m afraid my growing jealousy/insecurity has destroyed most of my relationships, but I can’t stop thinking about her part in this either. Me calmly and quietly sitting with her for hours and she doesn’t say a word, always being the one who wants to connect. Saying nice things to her and trying to make her feel beautiful.
She never initiates intimacy and never gives me compliments other than “cute”. She is more distant the more I come close.
I always initiate intimacy, I always go for deeper conversations. I always try to build something emotionally stronger.
I’m so lost and sad, Any thoughts good or bad?
Class act by Dr Delony here
If i ever had health issues like that, I'd pack it in, too. I get it.
The thing is certain issues like the one described here😊(Crohn's, IBS) do get worlds better with proper care. It's just a lot of work, discipline, diet, exercise, icky medicine. All things people don't like.
IBS is a treatable condition though. Low FODMAP diet, an elimination diet controlled by a physician to look at allergies, and then also getting appropriate treatment for the anxiety/depression/mental health issues often associated with IBS. This is a manageable, treatable condition. It is a chronic illness, sure, but millions of people around the world live with chronic illness. Life isn’t a black or white “if it’s not 100% perfect I’m just going to kill myself” situation. But that kind of black and white thinking is absolutely a common cognitive distortion with depression.
I'm 35 and feel pretty broken. The good news is that you can only go up.
If you feel broken, I recommend googling the term 'kintsugi'. Maybe use this as a guide. (After making sure you've seen relevant health professionals who have the correct training and expertise!).
I'm 21 and can't imagine getting married right now, that's crazy
"I just got married" -ok, why?
You don't need to be carrying with other people's karma. Their health is their responsibility, and if they can not fight for themselves, then you need to step back and think of yourself.
Also, your body is telling you he's not the one. 😬
Her body is telling her to sleep with every guy thats 6'2, 6 pack abs and has money + attractive.
It took me till my late thirties to give up
Giving up is letting them win. Don't let them win. Victory is vengeance.
I made it to my mid fifties. I was blessed to save up enough money to take a year off work and go to counseling twice a week. It saved my life.
I’m hitting that now at 43. But trying to think of ways to improve it all. We all can’t change our past. If only we could
19 going on 52. She sounds like a woman who has LIVED life. That’s what parentalization does to kids. Robbing them of the experience of weightlessness that childhood confers. I pray they both heal individually and that she stops being a martyr and starts revealing her authentic self that is buried underneath the caretaker identity.
Wow big surprised she got with a problem just like her dad has, girl i pray for you , good thing you have many yrs to grow up, and mature get educated to know we all seek what we are use to from childhood.
I love this. Its hard to listen to. Thanks dr john. I nedded this
Love self first & foremost precious one. He can either come along or stay in the dumps. Has he tried carnivore or keto for the bowel issues?? Lots of folks healed themselves.
It’s kind of hilarious to see all the 18-24 year olds in the comments who’ve been married less than 3 years be like “I got married at 18 and it worked out for me!” Yeah, SO FAR. There’s a reason people are getting married older and later nowadays. The only reason why marriage “worked” when people got married young back in the day is because divorce was heavily stigmatized/outlawed and we didn’t have the internet to tell us what abusive behavior or a trauma bond is or location sharing and dating sites to find out if our partner is cheating on us. Marriage and life in general is so much more complicated in many ways now thanks to the internet, finances, politics, and a surplus of other unique to 2020’s issues the world has never faced before. We literally just had a pandemic, too, that I’m sure messed up a whole array of things we are yet to learn about. Tired of people shitting on young people for not getting married fresh out of high school. Look at the world, dude.
Marriage rate is down because women find 80% of men unattrcative. In the past women married for safety. Today they can lie in court and get away with it so women really don't care about men. And that is fine.
The population will go down, young people won't find partners, they won't have kids. People will lose their jobs, old people will suffer, chaos and anarchy in every country.
And then only then men will become so violent that women will have no choice but to change their behavior and get married young again. History always repeats itself.
They’re divorced in 3 years tops.
After they have children. Single mother in the making
Yup
If he survives that long
She should check out Barbara O’Neill. She could help!! ❤
Why is John cheering on people who marry at 19?
Get that boy some meat. Many testimonials about the carnivore diet and the benefits for mental health and depression. All his medical problems would disappear in 30 to 90 days.
Severe anxiety can cause all of those GI issues? Poor guy
Most people’s brains aren’t even finished developing until around 25 so I’m not sure why people in the comments are acting like it’s wild to suggest making a life defining decision like getting married at 19 isn’t for everyone let alone most people. Also, everyone keeps saying “she sounds so mature!” Ofc she SOUNDS mature. People love saying that phrase to traumatized young people who seem “mature” solely because they were trained to shove all their own issues down so as to not add onto the issues the adults around them are already dealing with. I can’t imagine going from being a caretaker of a grown adult man who is supposed to be caring for me to then being caretaker of the man I married to get away from my angry father. I’m sure that causes anyone, but especially a timid young woman to shove her own needs/wants down even further. I would bet that it’s gonna be years before she fully unpacks all of this and when she does, that “maturity” is going to drop for a while as well. Props to her for having the courage and intelligence to reach out for help, though. She does sound very intelligent and probably had to be to survive her childhood. I’m rooting for her
Nope. According to science women's brain stop developing at 16. Men's brain develop till 25. So this adult woman knows what she is doing. Stop feeling sorry.
That's a lot of life for a 20 year old. I believe she is tired.
03:13 I hate when John goes off track like that. Just guessing off the top of his head on what happened. It's blown up on his face on other calls where they say that never happened. Stick to the story 😂😂😂
When I first started getting sick, I wish somebody had told me that it's okay to use my precious resources to build the best life that I could at that time instead of investing 100% of my time, energy and money into trying to heal so my life could start again. Hugs and healing to this couple ❤️🩹
Annul, get counselling, and then decide later if you want marriage.
I feel sorry for this girl.
If the roles would be reversed you wouldn't care about the boy i bet 100k on that.
Why is a 20-year-old married he should be in college and having fun. Don’t celebrate foolishness
NGL I wish I was 20
Yes getting trashed and fucking everything in sight at college is so much better than having a stable relationship and starting a family >.>
@@traceyrinaldi4759Well said….some of these comments are atrocious.
Sorry, but children shouldn't get married. And yes, you know nothing when you're 19 or 20. You need to evolve as a human before you marry.
People shouldn't get married anyway
@ElimEx1 Disagree.
I don’t understand why we see 18 or 19 year olds as children, because if that’s the case 18 year olds shouldn’t have the right to vote or do other things at 18
I’ve been with my wife since we were 15. Together for 16 years with 2 kids. It’s not about age, it’s maturity.
@@chasesnightmares todays 18 year olds are not raised to be adults.
Gettin married at 19 is a virtuous thing, it should not be frowned upon , it should be encouraged. Unmarried people are vulnerable to stds, housing instability, job instability, addiction, becoming a care giver to a parent who thinks because you’re not married you should be taking care of them. Now so many people are down low and having sex with both men and women . The alternative of not getting married young is actually frightening .
Traveling to Mexico to a gastroenterologist could save this husband’s life.
I have the exact same thing for the same reasons and I found an actual cure in Mexico.
Mexican gastroenterologists are highly experienced in these areas.
What was the cure if I could ask? Was it a pill/some type of therapy?
A man only saves himself when he no longer has a choice. When she leaves that will be it.
The title with age completely influenced comments! 30 ,40 ,50 years ago almost everyone was married by 20 old and there were much less divorces
And school ended at age 12. Work started by 13.
Yep, we all lived unhappily ever after!
I would suggest you read up on abuse, women’s rights, finances, religion, history in general, and stigmas back then versus now to understand exactly why people got married so young and why divorce wasn’t as common. I’m sure the divorce rate would’ve been the same or even higher than it is now had it not been so stigmatized or legally hard to achieve.
Those were very different times
@@jareyawhen women had no rights.
The first minute sounds like her husband is on drugs.
She is going to have to let him decide on his own health and she is going to have to accept that men hate it when women want to tell them what to do. If she concentrates on her own life and her own goals, and simply tells him that she accepts that he is an adult and will figure it out, he will. It may not be how she wants it, but he will figure it out.
btw, I have a few thousand dollars saved up; I'm waiting for Dr Delony to offer a workshop or curriculum of effective counseling. The man is simply 🔥🔥🔥
Except for the topic of unfaithful women. He should be sued for the dumpster fires he commits on that topic.
@@michaelallen1154 yeah, thanks for that insight, or whatever that was supposed to be. random, but sure. whatever. i'm interested in his approach, his style and method, not necessarily his answers, although i agree more than i disagree. he should teach people HOW to communicate, not what to believe.