I hear you. I try to believe there are good people, but we can't just immediately believe the ones who say they are good. I'm very isolated now, like a lot of us. Hang in there.
I feel exactly the same. Am experiencing that now as well. I've become numb to relationships yet easily triggered by people with narcissistic traits. I retreat to being along a lot now that I've escaped from the abuser. I wonder if I'll ever be able to really trust and have a relationship ever again.
Same its not that its just the negativity the path the mind brings when very isolated makes you notice pretty much everything negative alot like when someone has a stroke all they can remember is cuss words sometimes because the human brain is weird like that :(
Only you know what you are going through. Don't expect other people to know or understand. Just do what you need to do and don't worry about what other people think. In most cases the less said the better.
The most difficult thing to understand about narcissist, is when they say they hate someone. Then later you see them hanging out with them. They'll even be treating the person like a king or queen. I've seen it and still can't believe it. 🙂
Yes, and they convince people of all sorts of things even your best friends. My friend is so convinced that he even believes he caught me with my ex's friend.... Whoever she is... What he doesn't know is that after all that work I put into helping him find a job here in Japan to work as a musician teacher at Yamaha, she put in a bad word to the company and he never got the interview. But he would never believe me even if I told him. Beware the charm, it certainly has black magic style connotations to it.
@@justingilbert4778 It's looks like maybe at least some karma is catching up to him since he didn't get the job. I've noticed mostly all narcs have a sort of black magic charm to them. Some of them actually do practice black magic there's no extent they won't go to if their dead set on destroying someone. 🙂
@paulzedx636 ninja Yes.. I'd like to know what narcs actually tell their enablers and flying monkeys..(after they've had "them" detach from the target).. as to "why" all of a sudden, the narc is hanging out with the person they've just smeared and proclaimed they hate. Someone just went through a character assassination.. and the narc now has to revive it.
Narcissist keeps me isolated from friends , family and neighbors 😥feel so misunderstood . They twist everything and made accusations & allegations that weren't true . Was accused of things they done !
When I started dating with my ex, she said to me “ no one my friend appreciate you and like you even my families don’t like you “ Then later I hate your friends and your friends are not healthy. She started denying everything. When we had a kid, her attitude escalated. She came back late every night. When I asked her please arrange your times with your daughter, she said to me “ as your salary is not enough, I have to work a lots. If you want me to stay more time with my daughter, earn more money “ When she lost her job, always blame me and daughter. Finally she found a new boyfriend and kicked me out of her life.
I tried everyday to heal, watched thousands of videos, spent an embarassing amount of time isolating. Okay not embarassing, a terrifying five years because now I dont know how to get out of this trap I made to keep safe.
I'm in the same boat mine is 45 yrs when I try it seems like thetes always something or even my own dang mind second guesses its self I. An see a movie and then think well maybe if I try that BUT NOTHING WORKS TO IMPROVE A NARCISSIT MINE SETS UP RELATIONSHIPS with anyone that will believe him so he always has someone to back him up.and its usually someone hes bad mouthed even bosses .I end up finding out later he had lied about things he said I did or said and wondered why these people are acting funny so I get closed off right away from anyone who's had anything to do with him I just know from experience it's not going to go good.good luck you're not alone in that
I'm in it now too. No money, no sanity, no local friends or family because he moved me to different state. Promised he would be better...promised me if I work as office manager for his construction company, we will bwcome millionaires & take trips, buy properties, etc.. I don't get paid,, I've been fired 27Xs...been living in hell for tthis past year. He never listens to my ideas, business suggestions, etc. But if something happens, its my fault, I dropped the ball, I'm lazy, a moocher, a freeloader....I can't find a job. I want to leave but don't have the means...my 23yr old son 💙 can't stand the bickering his dad always creates & the crying 😢 mess I become.
@@kates7088 awe poor poor thing. I am meaning this. You are none of those things and guess what the good news is? Even if you were... Even if you were so messed up even if you drank and cry and were broken... Remember your value is that you are a human on this planet earth and made by God he loved and made you ... Whoever he is. You have every right to be here. They make us feel bad call us names like cripple and say that our purpose is in what we can do or how we can contribute but that is false. You were here to be loved and experience life. Remember that . You only have the government to awnser to not anyone else. not some other human who is just like you but maybe more functional... That is the same shit hitler said. That the cripple and mental handicap are worthless ect... Fk that shit ... Its lies do the best you can . stand for the weak and outcasts and imperfect people . Those ones have the loving hearts. How much you can contribute and function is the goal and the bonus not the value of your worth. Those people they are suffering on their own way because they also tie their worth to how they preform and such and that is a sad place to be. A very sad place.
There is life on the other side. Growth happens outside the comfort zone. You will heal and become so much more than you ever thought you could be. Don’t give up. You can do it! 💐
Melanie, does you Narc leave you alone now? Did he stay in your life because you share a child or once you let go and healed yourself and he got no supply, did he leave you and your child alone?
It shouldn’t be but a few short weeks/months that I’ll be able to move into my own home. I am so eager to then have the time for my mind to heal . Thank you. 💞. Im so close to moving that I’m beginning to cry more. I think that it is because I “see” relief coming for me soon. 🤗 My heart also needs to heal .
Its true that no-one understands, maybe people who have dealt with someone similar in the past do a bit, but it feels like I'm the only one going through it.
Definitely resonates because telling others of what is going on, even if they’ve never met the narcissist and, particularly, if they’re a parent? You may as well be hiring flying monkeys and enablers for the narcissist. People don’t believe you and, here’s the other thing. Even if they do believe you - it’s still your mother. If she wishes to end your life, you’re to help her do so. People will cajole you back into the abuse, even if it’s merely because it fits their picture of what a family should be. If you “choose” to complain about it, that’s your problem. Another way it’s isolating in the narcissist not even needing to have flying monkeys and enablers? People act as if you don’t know how to speak English (or whichever language you speak), when you say you’re being abused by a narcissist and, again, especially a narcissistic parent. So, even if you’re a pretty articulate person and are actually known to be articulate, the very response of, “How could you do this to your mother!”, after you’ve shared information of the abuse, makes it feel as if something ENTIRELY different came out of your mouth. You may actually almost feel like you’ve just said, “I just beat up my mother.” No! You said that she was abusing you! Which part of this did they not understand? But, as a result, you learn to pull away from people and isolate, either because you are made to feel ashamed or because you become quite angry with other people, in general and, really, how much more toxicity can you tolerate? You don’t want to create more yourself, that you’ll again have to suffer through. You learn that conveying your situation causes people to look upon you quite dimly, while the narcissist winds up with enablers they don’t even know they have. I also mentioned on another channel that you must be careful who you tell. As my narcissistic mother had been my BFF for so many decades, I had no one to talk to and the only people in my life, when my mother discarded me, were my coworkers. I received the reaction described above, including being told that I didn’t love my mother, even after telling of details of the abuse and another coworker comes from a culture where parents run their children’s lives so, she is absolutely closed to hearing anything but me acquiescing to the abuse. More importantly is that these people are associated with my income, which is one of the reasons I’m able to be low contact with my mother. Otherwise, I’d be in economic free fall. One must be aware that those who don’t approve of “how you’re treating your mother” may try to force the situation. That, you may find yourself unemployed, so that, in their quite uneducated point of view, you can do the “right thing” by having to live with your abusive parent. It also goes further than that. If you’re trying to begin anew, how strange do you sound, when you say you don’t have a family??? How so? Did they dump you? There are dating channels that say that, if you even have a bad relationship with your parents, you’re damaged goods. Other channels that discuss the topic of narcissism say that, if a person doesn’t want to talk about their past or starts talking about them being a victim, don’t date them. Well, I guess that means victims and targets of narcissistic abuse need to embrace the fact that they’ll be without family and alone forever as, it’s a complete prison! You either stay with your family and smile through the abuse OR you leave and remain completely isolated for the remainder of your existence. Even if you tell a romantic prospect about your situation yourself, it leave a stain, even if they’re the most understanding person in the world, because they’ll always look for telltale signs of the abuse. The ONLY thing I have on my side? The police are growing tired of my mother’s faux welfare check calls and asked me to send her a 2nd certified cease and desist letter, which was delivered just yesterday. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one as, it’s become clear that she feels that, as long as she doesn’t admit to calling, both I and the police are lying.
In my case, I was convinced that I needed to protect the privacy of our marriage, that people would not understand and they would just criticize... So I tried to paint a beautiful and happy life to everyone. I didn't want to accept that I had failed, in choosing the person I married and in keeping a good marriage. And the NP would always tell me that people where just jealous. That if I told them about our problems they would rejoice in criticizing and make the problem worst and unsolvable.
Naty, I hear you and this is something myself and others went through too. Please Google my name and 'cognitive dissonance' to understand more. Love and blessings xoxox
Hello! I'm 31, I suffer from quiet/implosive more than explosive BPD and massive anxiety, and recently discovered that my mother is a narcissist. Your video helped me to understand why I'm so alone in life. I always run from people because of both fear of abandonment and rejection, and also because I wasn't raise with a sense of confidence towards people. So I hardly commit, engage with people, friends, colleagues, neighbors, anybody is a threat. I can't even work because of this social anxiety. Yet know I understand I have to take distances with my mother to gain freedom. It's hard, I am honestly unable to go full silence with her, yet some distances are clearly necessary to progress in life. Thanks 🙏 I've discovered so much on UA-cam, it feels good to be understood. Hello from France 🇫🇷👋 (it's not known here, but the different concept of narcissistic pervert is very popular)
I recently realised that how much selfish a narcisst can be.... Alhamdulillah may be God sometimes really sends a Goliath in our lives to find the David within ourselves.
Mel, you said (in essence that), "if everything you are internally FEELING is "trauma", then EVERYTHING that you try to DO (to rescue or to help yourself) is going to Give You MORE TRAUMA". I get it. That makes perfect sense. Thank you, I can see how that happened for decades in my life. I am so grateful that I found NARP! Thanks for also all of your Thriver videos; I can relate....
Melanie I have good news for you and a huge thank you for giving my family the tools to deal with my son’s narcissist ex-wife. He has stood up to her and developed boundaries to keep her from mining him so easily. She has tried several times, even calling him when she couldn’t get into her parents house a couple evenings ago. He was clear in his response that it was no longer his problem. Thank you for your informative videos! ❤️❤️
I totally relate, im teying to do betyer connecting into the NARP forum, my physical body is going through serious healing. I am so grateful for the QFH light at the end of the tunnel. 6 mos. In THRIVER group partivipant. Spent all morning overcoming fear
Absolutely!!!!! There was a point in time during the relationship that in order to explain how messed up things were, I contemplated recording conversations with the women I was with ( whom I convinced myself was my soulmate), but I didn't because it had to be me ,not her that was manipulating the emotions ,,,,,,OMG.... This would make a great modern day drama movie. Narcissistic people are the new modern day bullies
Hi David ! I agree with everything you said . Yet I am telling you flat out it’s was and never was / is yours fault ! You are enough ! You don’t have to jump through hoops to prove your love to anyone ever !!! They studied books on POWER .... you can do it too ... just google it and comes up ....
I live with my narcissistic elder parents and go from there to my narcissistic partner place. Have no home of my own. We've been on and off for 2 years. I'm hooked to him despite all his hatred and abuse. I have no support and can't afford theraphy. I've learnt to supress all my emotions and keep on going 'avoiding' showing my depression and need of support and 'smiling'...
Looking back, my mom made my live into 7 days. With always the same things in them and always reminding me oh is Sunday don’t forget school at 4! Or oh it’s Monday don’t forget tonight you have to clean at my job (somehow bringing your child to your cleaning job is not frowned upon) anyway it always felt like I lived life day to day with schedule and that was and would be my life. One time I got sick at school around 10 in the morning, I walked home and it felt so strange. The light and sun were different I saw different people and I felt so different (accidentally stepped out of my moms beats) now as an adult I try not to make everyday rituals because if my week looks the same as the next it’s like I’m trapped again in that hell house where time is lost and everything is the same
It’s sometimes makes it harder to participate in life because I’ve been molded into this weird weekly rhythm that made my suicidal and depressed, but once I realized this i have my power back. Keep strong everyone 💓
One step at a time. Focus your mind on making and executing your plan to get free. Even the smallest step forward matters. Do not breathe a word of your plan to the narcissist. Be neutral to the narcissist, and use all of your energy for making and executing your plan. You can do this. Act in the certainty that you can get free, even if you are not fully convinced. You can do it. You can.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is more difficult and mostly inexplainable than recovering from a disease, such as ; cancer... ( cancer leaves VISIBLE changes to the person ) quite often with narcissistic abuse; our scars are all on the inside. Not factoring in DV. Ugh. ☹️ Much Love 💖 to you all.
My narcissistic messed up dad didn’t let me have friends or family. It was so awkward when my mom forced us at holiday gatherings bc they’d come up to say hi and I was trained to not even acknowledge them. Worst feeling of anxiety ever. Not allowed to cry at my grandmas funeral. Not allowed to see my mom when she had cancer. My mom made a bday party for me n my dad told me to invite ppl I don’t like. Called cops to interrogate me if I went on vaca with my mom when I was like 10 lol. N was interrogated by him nonstop after each time I saw my mom or wherever n never the right answer to him even tho yes Stockholm syndrome def took a part. Even against my own brothers n them to me and each other to show loyalty to our dad. To this day, 23 yrs old, I have no friends or family. not to mention everything else he’s done n all the other problems that’s caused mentally for me. Lmao thanks dad and our fked up legal system👌🏻
Does anyone else on here feel utterly alone. My friend and her father literally drove 2 and a half hours because I withdrew during a devaluation in which the Narc was trying to destroy me, and they literally told me, never to withdraw like that again, and not to worry about hurting their feelings, but tonight the Narc Psycopath was literally stalking me, locking/unlocking the car when I would exit/enter the car, so you can imagine not in a great headspace. I told my friend this, and her response was “can’t believe he would have the nerve”. That really upset me even more than the stalking because it invalidated the evil and fear I felt. So I decided to communicate how I felt, since they drove 2 and a 1/2 hours to tell me to do so! And she got angry. Saying she doesn’t want to have to watch everything she says. This is EXTREMELY traumatizing because my entire family turned against me during the abuse. I was better and stronger on my own. I feel like I’m going through what I went through with my family all over again I’m shaking… I’d appreciate ANY ADVICE.
@Joy-zn2lo Why did her comment upset you? Wasn’t she saying she was shocked by his behaviour? You know best what was happening though. (I’ve many experiences of people who offer be support, ending up being dangerous too..) I guess what’s important here was the intent, was she trying to support you? Because if that was her intent and she just used a phrase that wasn’t the best, it’s a shame to lose that support. Wishing you lots of support and safety 💖
Jenny Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module are powerful for literally anything that doesn't fit into the other Modules. I use them all the time. Especially the SH and R! xoxo
Married 45 yrs since I was 14 he was 22 the first ten years were complete hell which he groomed me to make me feel like I was immature and this is how grown ups are. Beatings couldnt leave or he would stalk me threaten to take my three babies HE NEVER EVEN TOOK CARE OF.kicked me in the face broke my nose.the odd thing is I could take that more than the crazy circles he took me in emotionally.i didnt even get a drivers license till I was almost 26.now at 58 after a couple years reflecting after finding out what the problem was is I'm totally stuck financially support wise I have no one No one understands and ends up saying nasty things so I've become defensive and bitter HOW DO YOU LEARN TO BE YOURSELF YOU LOST AND FIGHT THESE PEOPLE. YOU LOSE EVERYTHING
JAYNEmM1962, my heart reaches out to sweetheart. I absolutely understand the devastation and painful feelings you are going through. I've been there. Hun please sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course here www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse . You'll receive daily support via email and discover so much and how you can start taking your power back so you can begin your healing journey. This is such a vital first step. And you so deserve to heal and go free from the suffering dear lady. Love and blessings xoxox
My parents’ murders included this and been left unsaid for over 30 years.. And my town chronically commits exploitation alongside defamation- you can’t defame the deceased yet I was and continued to be based on false narratives for profits of paranormal tours. Just because 1990’s toxicity increases most every day in Lavaca County in Texas >SEEK If it’s okay if I can use clips of audio from your videos in the mixtapes I’m using to take my power back and help educate and heal for those who choose to in Lavaca county? It’s been such an automatic immunity from wrong doing because abuse of power happens frequently and I’ve paper trail to prove so.. Let me know Thank you very kindly! “Harmonizing hearts one beat at a time” I’m not depending on others to change for my healing to excel just.. At least give them input for their own choices more accurately opposed to this conformity that’s been going on way before 1990s I’ll see you All my best! -Brae ✍🏽 I’d buy some of your things and classes but even employers here try keeping me from work or any source of income because they know I’m one to not conform and will get truth out.. But once I get funds on track I’ll definitely contribute
Melanie Tonia Evans Yes ma’am, I’ll always credit. And you helped me put terms into the situations I found myself in. On what I attracted because I came from a very narcissistic environment. I just would never conform and so was strong enough to venture off and find out what works and bring it back to share.. So thank you because there was some heart breaking nights and you helped me stay grounded. If any education that is going to work.. It’ll be origins from what you sincerely helped with Thank you for being detailed. I have a form of autism and it helps clarify without over thinking more so 🤗 I’ll keep in touch ✍🏽 Dream sweet (Well an all nighter for me lol and I’m sure time zone puts you in daylight? Hah) 🙏🏽😃✨
I had so much Anxiety and nothing happened yesterday. He’s been gone for a year but our trama was so bad. But so much abuse happened in my house I don’t what to do
Debra hun, my heart reaches out to you. I absolutely understand and I know how painful and confusing it is. Sweetheart I'm holding a full day live event this weekend, there's still time if you want to experience with me to understand in depth and how you can start taking your power back by doing the healing insid your body with my healing system Quanta Freedom Healing in NARP my healing program. You can purchase here if you're drawn towards it. melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass or come into my free healing webinar melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar this is always available to you and truly, from my heart to yours I cannot encourage you enough to try either one so you can start getting better. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thank I will try I have some appointments tomorrow but love all you do for everyone. Healing is hard and therapy is exspensive. I have to pay for mine and my daughters attorneys and he hadn’t had to pay any child support yet. He’s 10,000 behind it’s all so frustrating and I worry 24 7 about everything
I went to whwre thw Narcs live today and got just what I thought I would. Lolol. I actually wantwd to laugh myself to be honest. Was just too funny. Even funnier is they have to teack me and have me followed because they are afraid to see me in public. What does that say. The more I am followed and the flying monkey's come around the more I have become totally sure I actually have to power now.
@@MelanieToniaEvans Awww...thanks Melanie. You've helped me so much. Can you also have someone check to see if there are connection problems between my Instagram account - dsmurfy1 - and it's connection to yours. I can't get to your account and it is so helpful.
I went to Thailand thinking they were as lovely as the Thais at the local Thai restaurant..fool that I was. Thais are big on family and the theory was correct. I was 49 when our daughter was born a tad late I know. But she is the best thing that has ever happened to both of us. But as soon as she landed in oz her legs closed. After a time we are at the doctors surgery and she`s saying we are desperately trying for a baby but nothing is working.. I could`nt believe my ears. That was a lie but I said nothing. My daughter one night said she felt concerned that one day we , mum and dad will die and she will be left in the world all alone.. my heart sank. I said to her " are you hearing this mum?" She has ruined my life and her daughter`s because she is fixated on taking the family home + super after only 4.5 years of us "living together". Soon after getting her permanent residency the real her emerged. She`s never worked which is ok by me if she was loving/caring but with no trust I not only could`nt provide a sibling for my daughter I now am forced with splitting up her family. She loves us both . Mum says she`ll be fine..
Layla, I so know how painful and distressing this must be for you. Dearest lady please sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course here www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse so you can start taking the first steps towards your healing and recovery whilst learning more and how you can heal to breakthrough into your empowerment and Truths. Love and blessings xoxox
LAF I'd love you to come into my workshop in two days time. It will help you find relief and clarity and help you to get your soul back. You can join in here www.melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass If you can't spare a full day then I thoroughly suggest coming into my free workshop www.melanietoniaevans.com/freeworkshop which will also help you greatly. It is a two hour session. I hope that this helps xoxo
do you have anything about breaking no contact? i know those drug addicts and the dealers. they owe me money. winky face because emojis are lame and i am a bit humorous at times
Doesn't Matter, please know breaking No Contact is so normal! We all did it. Please come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where I can help you understand why you are breaking it and how to get beyond that. I hope that this helps xoxox
off topic, and inappropriate most likely. not that you are unaware. but we all enjoy compliments. you are insanely hot. take it how you want. i could give two shites. just felt compelled to emote my opininion and hooe it made you smile.
When I became socially isolated, I stopped believing that people were inherently good.
I'm going through that right now.
You can only feel pain if you have a heart! Pat yourself on the back!
I hear you. I try to believe there are good people, but we can't just immediately believe the ones who say they are good. I'm very isolated now, like a lot of us. Hang in there.
I feel exactly the same. Am experiencing that now as well. I've become numb to relationships yet easily triggered by people with narcissistic traits. I retreat to being along a lot now that I've escaped from the abuser. I wonder if I'll ever be able to really trust and have a relationship ever again.
Same its not that its just the negativity the path the mind brings when very isolated makes you notice pretty much everything negative alot like when someone has a stroke all they can remember is cuss words sometimes because the human brain is weird like that :(
Only you know what you are going through. Don't expect other people to know or understand. Just do what you need to do and don't worry about what other people think. In most cases the less said the better.
Julia, so true, I so agree sweetheart. Love to you xoxox
Wise words..
Yes good advice..
I feel more understanding now of other people’s lack of understanding..
I've heard it said...****IF SATAN CAN'T GET TO YOU HE'LL SEND A NARCISSIST!!!****
The most difficult thing to understand about narcissist, is when they say they hate someone. Then later you see them hanging out with them. They'll even be treating the person like a king or queen. I've seen it and still can't believe it. 🙂
What's even more confusing to me is how they are able to pretend to love and then turn their back on you so easily
@@araliyaflowers3681 Their pretty good at pretending to care for you, and then betray you at the drop of a hat. 😂
Yes, and they convince people of all sorts of things even your best friends. My friend is so convinced that he even believes he caught me with my ex's friend.... Whoever she is... What he doesn't know is that after all that work I put into helping him find a job here in Japan to work as a musician teacher at Yamaha, she put in a bad word to the company and he never got the interview. But he would never believe me even if I told him. Beware the charm, it certainly has black magic style connotations to it.
@@justingilbert4778 It's looks like maybe at least some karma is catching up to him since he didn't get the job. I've noticed mostly all narcs have a sort of black magic charm to them. Some of them actually do practice black magic there's no extent they won't go to if their dead set on destroying someone. 🙂
@paulzedx636 ninja Yes.. I'd like to know what narcs actually tell their enablers and flying monkeys..(after they've had "them" detach from the target).. as to "why" all of a sudden, the narc is hanging out with the person they've just smeared and proclaimed they hate. Someone just went through a character assassination.. and the narc now has to revive it.
Narcissist keeps me isolated from friends , family and neighbors 😥feel so misunderstood . They twist everything and made accusations & allegations that weren't true . Was accused of things they done !
He separated me from everyone then left me.
Evil intend
@@tayogreatajibade3830 They are evil they love blaming me for all their problems .
When I started dating with my ex, she said to me “ no one my friend appreciate you and like you even my families don’t like you “ Then later I hate your friends and your friends are not healthy. She started denying everything. When we had a kid, her attitude escalated. She came back late every night. When I asked her please arrange your times with your daughter, she said to me “ as your salary is not enough, I have to work a lots. If you want me to stay more time with my daughter, earn more money “ When she lost her job, always blame me and daughter. Finally she found a new boyfriend and kicked me out of her life.
was it like COMPLETE isolation? Like no contact al all?
Or It was like no parties, no meeting etc but you were able, for example, chat online??
Hello Melanie! I’ve been healing for 2 years now. You are a lifesaver!!
So proud of you dear one! 🙏🏼💜
Yes! Me too and recommended to my mother and friends. She's amazing
It’s pure hell I left my ex husband of 33years free 4 weeks free now never going back ever I had a spiritual awakening about seven years ago
I tried everyday to heal, watched thousands of videos, spent an embarassing amount of time isolating. Okay not embarassing, a terrifying five years because now I dont know how to get out of this trap I made to keep safe.
I'm in the same boat mine is 45 yrs when I try it seems like thetes always something or even my own dang mind second guesses its self I. An see a movie and then think well maybe if I try that BUT NOTHING WORKS TO IMPROVE A NARCISSIT MINE SETS UP RELATIONSHIPS with anyone that will believe him so he always has someone to back him up.and its usually someone hes bad mouthed even bosses .I end up finding out later he had lied about things he said I did or said and wondered why these people are acting funny so I get closed off right away from anyone who's had anything to do with him I just know from experience it's not going to go good.good luck you're not alone in that
I'm in it now too. No money, no sanity, no local friends or family because he moved me to different state. Promised he would be better...promised me if I work as office manager for his construction company, we will bwcome millionaires & take trips, buy properties, etc.. I don't get paid,, I've been fired 27Xs...been living in hell for tthis past year. He never listens to my ideas, business suggestions, etc. But if something happens, its my fault, I dropped the ball, I'm lazy, a moocher, a freeloader....I can't find a job. I want to leave but don't have the means...my 23yr old son 💙 can't stand the bickering his dad always creates & the crying 😢 mess I become.
I completely relate. Am in the same situation.
@@kates7088 awe poor poor thing. I am meaning this. You are none of those things and guess what the good news is? Even if you were... Even if you were so messed up even if you drank and cry and were broken... Remember your value is that you are a human on this planet earth and made by God he loved and made you ... Whoever he is. You have every right to be here. They make us feel bad call us names like cripple and say that our purpose is in what we can do or how we can contribute but that is false. You were here to be loved and experience life. Remember that . You only have the government to awnser to not anyone else. not some other human who is just like you but maybe more functional... That is the same shit hitler said. That the cripple and mental handicap are worthless ect... Fk that shit ... Its lies do the best you can . stand for the weak and outcasts and imperfect people . Those ones have the loving hearts. How much you can contribute and function is the goal and the bonus not the value of your worth. Those people they are suffering on their own way because they also tie their worth to how they preform and such and that is a sad place to be. A very sad place.
@kates7088
I hope you got away..
There is life on the other side. Growth happens outside the comfort zone. You will heal and become so much more than you ever thought you could be. Don’t give up. You can do it! 💐
Melanie, does you Narc leave you alone now? Did he stay in your life because you share a child or once you let go and healed yourself and he got no supply, did he leave you and your child alone?
I definitely became more of an introvert and I don’t trust as much.
Im married to him for 40yrs
Finally realized he is a narc.
Trying to heal
Hey Mel! "when I came home to be the one for myself" love that
It shouldn’t be but a few short weeks/months that I’ll be able to move into my own home. I am so eager to then have the time for my mind to heal . Thank you. 💞. Im so close to moving that I’m beginning to cry more. I think that it is because I “see” relief coming for me soon. 🤗 My heart also needs to heal .
She's speaking the truth! I can testify ❤
Yes, we must step out of the darkness and into the light ✨
I can't smile right now Melanie, I'm kind of winded in my soul. But I always look forward to your caring words. Love. Xx
Sending love and healing support to you xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans ❤
Its true that no-one understands, maybe people who have dealt with someone similar in the past do a bit, but it feels like I'm the only one going through it.
This is probably the most important video you have ever done. Thank you, earth angel. X
So pleased you loved it Caitriona xoxo
I would suggest - "surrender your ego, be free to yourself". There is no need to "fight with the windmills". Be the wind, not the Don Quijote ;)
Definitely resonates because telling others of what is going on, even if they’ve never met the narcissist and, particularly, if they’re a parent? You may as well be hiring flying monkeys and enablers for the narcissist. People don’t believe you and, here’s the other thing. Even if they do believe you - it’s still your mother. If she wishes to end your life, you’re to help her do so. People will cajole you back into the abuse, even if it’s merely because it fits their picture of what a family should be. If you “choose” to complain about it, that’s your problem.
Another way it’s isolating in the narcissist not even needing to have flying monkeys and enablers? People act as if you don’t know how to speak English (or whichever language you speak), when you say you’re being abused by a narcissist and, again, especially a narcissistic parent. So, even if you’re a pretty articulate person and are actually known to be articulate, the very response of, “How could you do this to your mother!”, after you’ve shared information of the abuse, makes it feel as if something ENTIRELY different came out of your mouth. You may actually almost feel like you’ve just said, “I just beat up my mother.” No! You said that she was abusing you! Which part of this did they not understand? But, as a result, you learn to pull away from people and isolate, either because you are made to feel ashamed or because you become quite angry with other people, in general and, really, how much more toxicity can you tolerate? You don’t want to create more yourself, that you’ll again have to suffer through. You learn that conveying your situation causes people to look upon you quite dimly, while the narcissist winds up with enablers they don’t even know they have.
I also mentioned on another channel that you must be careful who you tell. As my narcissistic mother had been my BFF for so many decades, I had no one to talk to and the only people in my life, when my mother discarded me, were my coworkers. I received the reaction described above, including being told that I didn’t love my mother, even after telling of details of the abuse and another coworker comes from a culture where parents run their children’s lives so, she is absolutely closed to hearing anything but me acquiescing to the abuse. More importantly is that these people are associated with my income, which is one of the reasons I’m able to be low contact with my mother. Otherwise, I’d be in economic free fall. One must be aware that those who don’t approve of “how you’re treating your mother” may try to force the situation. That, you may find yourself unemployed, so that, in their quite uneducated point of view, you can do the “right thing” by having to live with your abusive parent.
It also goes further than that. If you’re trying to begin anew, how strange do you sound, when you say you don’t have a family??? How so? Did they dump you? There are dating channels that say that, if you even have a bad relationship with your parents, you’re damaged goods. Other channels that discuss the topic of narcissism say that, if a person doesn’t want to talk about their past or starts talking about them being a victim, don’t date them. Well, I guess that means victims and targets of narcissistic abuse need to embrace the fact that they’ll be without family and alone forever as, it’s a complete prison! You either stay with your family and smile through the abuse OR you leave and remain completely isolated for the remainder of your existence. Even if you tell a romantic prospect about your situation yourself, it leave a stain, even if they’re the most understanding person in the world, because they’ll always look for telltale signs of the abuse.
The ONLY thing I have on my side? The police are growing tired of my mother’s faux welfare check calls and asked me to send her a 2nd certified cease and desist letter, which was delivered just yesterday. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one as, it’s become clear that she feels that, as long as she doesn’t admit to calling, both I and the police are lying.
In my case, I was convinced that I needed to protect the privacy of our marriage, that people would not understand and they would just criticize... So I tried to paint a beautiful and happy life to everyone.
I didn't want to accept that I had failed, in choosing the person I married and in keeping a good marriage.
And the NP would always tell me that people where just jealous. That if I told them about our problems they would rejoice in criticizing and make the problem worst and unsolvable.
Naty, I hear you and this is something myself and others went through too. Please Google my name and 'cognitive dissonance' to understand more. Love and blessings xoxox
Hello! I'm 31, I suffer from quiet/implosive more than explosive BPD and massive anxiety, and recently discovered that my mother is a narcissist. Your video helped me to understand why I'm so alone in life. I always run from people because of both fear of abandonment and rejection, and also because I wasn't raise with a sense of confidence towards people. So I hardly commit, engage with people, friends, colleagues, neighbors, anybody is a threat. I can't even work because of this social anxiety. Yet know I understand I have to take distances with my mother to gain freedom. It's hard, I am honestly unable to go full silence with her, yet some distances are clearly necessary to progress in life. Thanks 🙏 I've discovered so much on UA-cam, it feels good to be understood. Hello from France 🇫🇷👋 (it's not known here, but the different concept of narcissistic pervert is very popular)
I recently realised that how much selfish a narcisst can be.... Alhamdulillah may be God sometimes really sends a Goliath in our lives to find the David within ourselves.
Mel, you said (in essence that), "if everything you are internally FEELING is "trauma", then EVERYTHING that you try to DO (to rescue or to help yourself) is going to Give You MORE TRAUMA". I get it. That makes perfect sense. Thank you, I can see how that happened for decades in my life. I am so grateful that I found NARP! Thanks for also all of your Thriver videos; I can relate....
Aww Laurel, you're so welcome! That's so great that you have NARP and you are healing! Love and blessings xoxox
Oh dear Thank you so much, I reallly needed to hear this today❤️🙏🏼
Melanie I have good news for you and a huge thank you for giving my family the tools to deal with my son’s narcissist ex-wife. He has stood up to her and developed boundaries to keep her from mining him so easily. She has tried several times, even calling him when she couldn’t get into her parents house a couple evenings ago. He was clear in his response that it was no longer his problem. Thank you for your informative videos! ❤️❤️
Love this Rodney, thank you for reporting! xoxox
I believe this so much..... I got a lot of work to do healing old wounds. Thank you Melanie 😊💕
I totally relate, im teying to do betyer connecting into the NARP forum, my physical body is going through serious healing. I am so grateful for the QFH light at the end of the tunnel. 6 mos. In THRIVER group partivipant. Spent all morning overcoming fear
Thank you for this. Great validating content. Early morning in Europe, starting the day with Melanie's videos, my daily affirmations
Loved EVERYTHING about this video and could relate to every word. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thanku so much respect to you 😊
Suddenly, there is a glimmer of possibility that everything is wonderful as it is. Namaste 🙏
Brilliant! I've been through, but I got my closure by figuring them with proof.
Absolutely!!!!! There was a point in time during the relationship that in order to explain how messed up things were, I contemplated recording conversations with the women I was with ( whom I convinced myself was my soulmate), but I didn't because it had to be me ,not her that was manipulating the emotions ,,,,,,OMG.... This would make a great modern day drama movie. Narcissistic people are the new modern day bullies
Hi David ! I agree with everything you said . Yet I am telling you flat out it’s was and never was / is yours fault ! You are enough ! You don’t have to jump through hoops to prove your love to anyone ever !!! They studied books on POWER .... you can do it too ... just google it and comes up ....
THIS‼️‼️‼️..... is PHENOMENAL‼️
Thank you❤🕊
You are a gift from God. Narp saved my life.
I live with my narcissistic elder parents and go from there to my narcissistic partner place. Have no home of my own. We've been on and off for 2 years. I'm hooked to him despite all his hatred and abuse. I have no support and can't afford theraphy. I've learnt to supress all my emotions and keep on going 'avoiding' showing my depression and need of support and 'smiling'...
You've got the behaviors exactly right, of course.
Looking back, my mom made my live into 7 days. With always the same things in them and always reminding me oh is Sunday don’t forget school at 4! Or oh it’s Monday don’t forget tonight you have to clean at my job (somehow bringing your child to your cleaning job is not frowned upon) anyway it always felt like I lived life day to day with schedule and that was and would be my life. One time I got sick at school around 10 in the morning, I walked home and it felt so strange. The light and sun were different I saw different people and I felt so different (accidentally stepped out of my moms beats) now as an adult I try not to make everyday rituals because if my week looks the same as the next it’s like I’m trapped again in that hell house where time is lost and everything is the same
It’s sometimes makes it harder to participate in life because I’ve been molded into this weird weekly rhythm that made my suicidal and depressed, but once I realized this i have my power back. Keep strong everyone 💓
100% my life. 35 years and I’m an empty shell. Looking for a way to gtfo.
Im in for 40yrs
You are a great help to me Melanie ❤
...Insidious things!.
Thank you darling x
How can you get away from this when you have kids and can't find a job, and no one to stay with?
One step at a time. Focus your mind on making and executing your plan to get free. Even the smallest step forward matters. Do not breathe a word of your plan to the narcissist. Be neutral to the narcissist, and use all of your energy for making and executing your plan. You can do this. Act in the certainty that you can get free, even if you are not fully convinced. You can do it. You can.
Mel you put it how it is . Real check with ones own soul . You helped me in many ways .Many thanks for me coming home to me.
It's my pleasure Susan xoxo
Yes exactly my experience!!!
Healing from narcissistic abuse is more difficult and mostly inexplainable than recovering from a disease, such as ; cancer... ( cancer leaves VISIBLE changes to the person ) quite often with narcissistic abuse; our scars are all on the inside. Not factoring in DV.
Ugh. ☹️
Much Love 💖 to you all.
People will say your crazy if you try to tell the truth it's a secret storm only you God and the narcissist knows.
My narcissistic messed up dad didn’t let me have friends or family. It was so awkward when my mom forced us at holiday gatherings bc they’d come up to say hi and I was trained to not even acknowledge them. Worst feeling of anxiety ever. Not allowed to cry at my grandmas funeral. Not allowed to see my mom when she had cancer. My mom made a bday party for me n my dad told me to invite ppl I don’t like. Called cops to interrogate me if I went on vaca with my mom when I was like 10 lol. N was interrogated by him nonstop after each time I saw my mom or wherever n never the right answer to him even tho yes Stockholm syndrome def took a part. Even against my own brothers n them to me and each other to show loyalty to our dad. To this day, 23 yrs old, I have no friends or family. not to mention everything else he’s done n all the other problems that’s caused mentally for me. Lmao thanks dad and our fked up legal system👌🏻
That's awful but I hope Melanie's teachings have helped you and I pray that things get better for you. x
@imarielmermaid
I’m so sorry!! That’s awful!
I hope you’ve found help and support.
Does anyone else on here feel utterly alone. My friend and her father literally drove 2 and a half hours because I withdrew during a devaluation in which the Narc was trying to destroy me, and they literally told me, never to withdraw like that again, and not to worry about hurting their feelings, but tonight the Narc Psycopath was literally stalking me, locking/unlocking the car when I would exit/enter the car, so you can imagine not in a great headspace. I told my friend this, and her response was “can’t believe he would have the nerve”. That really upset me even more than the stalking because it invalidated the evil and fear I felt. So I decided to communicate how I felt, since they drove 2 and a 1/2 hours to tell me to do so! And she got angry. Saying she doesn’t want to have to watch everything she says. This is EXTREMELY traumatizing because my entire family turned against me during the abuse. I was better and stronger on my own. I feel like I’m going through what I went through with my family all over again I’m shaking… I’d appreciate ANY ADVICE.
@Joy-zn2lo Why did her comment upset you? Wasn’t she saying she was shocked by his behaviour?
You know best what was happening though.
(I’ve many experiences of people who offer be support, ending up being dangerous too..)
I guess what’s important here was the intent, was she trying to support you? Because if that was her intent and she just used a phrase that wasn’t the best, it’s a shame to lose that support.
Wishing you lots of support and safety 💖
NARP really works, it just does.
Which modules are best for dealing with isolation?
Jenny Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module are powerful for literally anything that doesn't fit into the other Modules. I use them all the time. Especially the SH and R! xoxo
Married 45 yrs since I was 14 he was 22 the first ten years were complete hell which he groomed me to make me feel like I was immature and this is how grown ups are. Beatings couldnt leave or he would stalk me threaten to take my three babies HE NEVER EVEN TOOK CARE OF.kicked me in the face broke my nose.the odd thing is I could take that more than the crazy circles he took me in emotionally.i didnt even get a drivers license till I was almost 26.now at 58 after a couple years reflecting after finding out what the problem was is I'm totally stuck financially support wise I have no one No one understands and ends up saying nasty things so I've become defensive and bitter HOW DO YOU LEARN TO BE YOURSELF YOU LOST AND FIGHT THESE PEOPLE. YOU LOSE EVERYTHING
JAYNEmM1962, my heart reaches out to sweetheart. I absolutely understand the devastation and painful feelings you are going through. I've been there. Hun please sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course here www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse . You'll receive daily support via email and discover so much and how you can start taking your power back so you can begin your healing journey. This is such a vital first step. And you so deserve to heal and go free from the suffering dear lady. Love and blessings xoxox
THKS
My parents’ murders included this and been left unsaid for over 30 years..
And my town chronically commits exploitation alongside defamation- you can’t defame the deceased yet I was and continued to be based on false narratives for profits of paranormal tours. Just because 1990’s toxicity increases most every day in Lavaca County in Texas
>SEEK
If it’s okay if I can use clips of audio from your videos in the mixtapes I’m using to take my power back and help educate and heal for those who choose to in Lavaca county?
It’s been such an automatic immunity from wrong doing because abuse of power happens frequently and I’ve paper trail to prove so..
Let me know
Thank you very kindly!
“Harmonizing hearts one beat at a time”
I’m not depending on others to change for my healing to excel just.. At least give them input for their own choices more accurately opposed to this conformity that’s been going on way before 1990s
I’ll see you
All my best!
-Brae ✍🏽
I’d buy some of your things and classes but even employers here try keeping me from work or any source of income because they know I’m one to not conform and will get truth out..
But once I get funds on track I’ll definitely contribute
Hi VH, my heart goes out to you, and yes you can share as long as you credit me. Much love xoxoxo
Melanie Tonia Evans Yes ma’am, I’ll always credit. And you helped me put terms into the situations I found myself in. On what I attracted because I came from a very narcissistic environment. I just would never conform and so was strong enough to venture off and find out what works and bring it back to share..
So thank you because there was some heart breaking nights and you helped me stay grounded. If any education that is going to work.. It’ll be origins from what you sincerely helped with
Thank you for being detailed. I have a form of autism and it helps clarify without over thinking more so
🤗
I’ll keep in touch ✍🏽
Dream sweet (Well an all nighter for me lol and I’m sure time zone puts you in daylight? Hah)
🙏🏽😃✨
Oh dear sweetheart, it can get much worse than that......
I had so much Anxiety and nothing happened yesterday. He’s been gone for a year but our trama was so bad. But so much abuse happened in my house I don’t what to do
Debra hun, my heart reaches out to you. I absolutely understand and I know how painful and confusing it is. Sweetheart I'm holding a full day live event this weekend, there's still time if you want to experience with me to understand in depth and how you can start taking your power back by doing the healing insid your body with my healing system Quanta Freedom Healing in NARP my healing program. You can purchase here if you're drawn towards it. melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass or come into my free healing webinar melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar this is always available to you and truly, from my heart to yours I cannot encourage you enough to try either one so you can start getting better. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thank I will try I have some appointments tomorrow but love all you do for everyone. Healing is hard and therapy is exspensive. I have to pay for mine and my daughters attorneys and he hadn’t had to pay any child support yet. He’s 10,000 behind it’s all so frustrating and I worry 24 7 about everything
I went to whwre thw Narcs live today and got just what I thought I would. Lolol. I actually wantwd to laugh myself to be honest. Was just too funny. Even funnier is they have to teack me and have me followed because they are afraid to see me in public. What does that say. The more I am followed and the flying monkey's come around the more I have become totally sure I actually have to power now.
I don't have access to the NARP Community.
If you wish to get that going please email support@melanietoniaevans.com Jenny xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Awww...thanks Melanie. You've helped me so much. Can you also have someone check to see if there are connection problems between my Instagram account - dsmurfy1 - and it's connection to yours. I can't get to your account and it is so helpful.
I went to Thailand thinking they were as lovely as the Thais at the local Thai restaurant..fool that I was. Thais are big on family and the theory was correct. I was 49 when our daughter was born a tad late I know. But she is the best thing that has ever happened to both of us. But as soon as she landed in oz her legs closed. After a time we are at the doctors surgery and she`s saying we are desperately trying for a baby but nothing is working.. I could`nt believe my ears. That was a lie but I said nothing. My daughter one night said she felt concerned that one day we , mum and dad will die and she will be left in the world all alone.. my heart sank. I said to her " are you hearing this mum?" She has ruined my life and her daughter`s because she is fixated on taking the family home + super after only 4.5 years of us "living together". Soon after getting her permanent residency the real her emerged. She`s never worked which is ok by me if she was loving/caring but with no trust I not only could`nt provide a sibling for my daughter I now am forced with splitting up her family. She loves us both . Mum says she`ll be fine..
Nobody my mom is a narcist i Am so mad and only i want is crying😭😭😭😭
Layla, I so know how painful and distressing this must be for you. Dearest lady please sign up for my free 16 Day Recovery course here www.youcanthrivebook.com/freecourse so you can start taking the first steps towards your healing and recovery whilst learning more and how you can heal to breakthrough into your empowerment and Truths. Love and blessings xoxox
My mom is too a narcissist
How do i get out of this :_
LAF I'd love you to come into my workshop in two days time. It will help you find relief and clarity and help you to get your soul back. You can join in here www.melanietoniaevans.com/digitalpass If you can't spare a full day then I thoroughly suggest coming into my free workshop www.melanietoniaevans.com/freeworkshop which will also help you greatly. It is a two hour session. I hope that this helps xoxo
Amen amen 🙏 amen
🎯♥️
I love you
Took my fathers meds
do you have anything about breaking no contact? i know those drug addicts and the dealers. they owe me money. winky face because emojis are lame and i am a bit humorous at times
Doesn't Matter, please know breaking No Contact is so normal! We all did it. Please come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar where I can help you understand why you are breaking it and how to get beyond that. I hope that this helps xoxox
off topic, and inappropriate most likely. not that you are unaware. but we all enjoy compliments. you are insanely hot. take it how you want. i could give two shites. just felt compelled to emote my opininion and hooe it made you smile.