Random thought tonight - I’ve learned recently that worrying about a person does not increase your worth in the eyes of the other person. It just drains you. It seemed relevant, so I thought I’d share. 😊
West Lake Angel how? When the one you like or love measure their own worth by how much you worry about them? ... if someone worried about me, it implies to me they care...? Even if I didn’t need their care, the worry factor shows I’m worthy to them in a sense...
RockAngel7878 For me, it was a matter of realizing that the person I cared about just didn’t feel the same about me. So, I was draining myself by worrying about him, when he simply didn’t care about me. It just depends on the situation. 😊
West Lake Angel truth! If the person you cared for actually valued your worries and knew it was coming from a place of extreme love and care, only then it would matter, meaning if they’re probably as empathic as you are. Otherwise, it serves non any good and you should save your worries. I had this encounter happen to me, when I was literally crying the tears of whom I thought I hurt (out of being empathic) and they just shrugged it off as if I were insane...that put an end to this over extended empathy because I knew I was only inflicting pain upon myself and that it didn’t serve the other party!
Empaths are too beautiful..they don't realise this and this planet as many dangerously sick people...we came to help but if the people we are trying to assist resist via abusive tactics it's time to bow away as graciously as possible and concentrate on the ones who respect our loving hearts...take care everyone..the time of being a garbage dump for others toxicity in all its forms is over ..much love to all here xxx xxx
Kor Nelia. "they know not what they do" , yes this is absolutely true. But, they're still doing it. We forgive them but we don't have to associate with them
Without protection, yes. Still am scared of that. I no longer care so much about being loved. I realize that all humans have a deep need to be loved unconditionally, and the only One Who can love me like that is God. So now I no longer hold people accountable to loving me unconditionally. I am okay with them loving me conditionally and even transactionally but without super strong boundaries. I no longer suffer the delusion of unconditional love. I now realize that relationships are transactional. That’s how God created mankind to be, and that’s how it’s healthy to relate to one another.
Some of us empaths have recovered. It might be nice to address the recovered empath, the empath who is no longer pleasing and in fear of being disliked. The empath who avoids crowds because they don't want to absorb the negative energy of others but pick and choose who's energy they respond to. We are not given enough credit for recovery. I thank God for my recovery but not everyone is in my position..
Live Untied nice to know you’ve recovered! I guess he hasn’t addressed it as much because those of us who are unawakened/healed are struggling/suffering in life as a result so need that support to help us reach it
I’ve dealt with this for so very very very long. I have just embraced whom (I Am Now) the Queen. So I move accordingly to what I like I whom I AM. And they just cannot take they will come to work everyday to be obsessed with you. Pray very very very hard and with intent and meaning. Put your Crown on and move forward. Bump a Coward😜
@@charlesbank3885 you wont be able to stop people from coming to u, but ull be able to manage how u personally deal with them. Learn to give empathy without giving away ur energy and not taking on their problems and do active listening and acknowledge their pain without it making it painful for u.
Are you an empath dear one or are you trying to hard to exploit other s because you your self may have a void to fill hunny I beleive to might be an injured wounded soul on this earth but I do believe you git much wisdom and love in your heart I feel and hunny I am old and learned a little bit .I sense you got a deep need to control
"shaming of self assertion" wow that exactly describes how I was treated growing up and even now in my family and I am still struggling to confidently assert myself. It has gotten me fired from jobs and I have a lot of trouble having friendships because of it. I end up resenting people who can "just be", aka, assert themselves, without even thinking about it.
Duke, keep practicing asserting yourself. Reclaim your sense of authority, bit by bit. It gets easier....and quite fun! I have been there and want to send you encouragement to keep moving forward. Sending you light and love.
Pavanatanaya yes, it certainly was! Every time I showed happiness I was told 'pride comes before a fall', and I wasn't allowed to show any negative emotions either. A life of always being shamed, blamed and guilt-tripped, with pseudo love that was turned off at a moment's notice (all behind closed doors, never in public). It's no wonder people like us fear abandonment is it?
It’s much easier when you accept that you are not loved. It’s not that you don’t deserve love, it’s that you are surrounded by people that can’t or just don’t love you. This can be a devastating realization especially in N relationships but it’s an important step in recovery. I discovered both the lack of love & lack of protection during the exact same time during a major crisis I was having. You expect your family to rally around you like you have always rallied during their minuscule manipulated scenes. But they actually get angry & annoyed that you need help! Wish I hadn’t found this out at 58 but when I was much younger. A family of Ns.
I started empath recovery on my own thinking I had adrenal fatigue from life circumstances at 23 yo. I was taking magnesium and trading my overly intense exercise for yoga (which I was hyper critical of myself for). In meditation and self reflection I came to realize I struggled deeply with a fear of rejection and that I didn't love myself if others rejected me being authentic. I've been trying to make sense of all this seemingly sudden physical, emotional, and spiritual turmoil but after watching your videos, it's so clear that I experienced a downward spiral as an empath from latching onto an unhealthy relationship. Thank you for this clarity.
Finally, a break through!! I've listen to hours and hours of videos on npd. YOU have focused on me, and in a way that has clicked. I'm excited! Today I posted notes in my kitchen with "What do I want?" I hope there is time for me to turn around my life as a "caretaker", "giver" Empath, sad, lonely. The role began in my childhood with my mother. I became her handmaiden. So irrelevant were my needs then that I became nearly invisible (5th of 9 children) and lost my voice at age 13-14. I became mute. But always giving, helpful, kind, sensitive. My mother's phrase "don't ask me for anything" still plays in my head. And another "no one will ever love you"! I can't tell you how grateful I am for this video. You are an amazing. I hope it's not too late for me to have a working relationship, a partner, one who is giving AND who I can let in. And break the pattern of being attracted to narcissistic types/users.
This doctor keeps reading my mind. Lord when I was a child, the hardest thing for me at kindergarten was watching when parents keep picking up their children and I was the last one being picked up.
Oh my goodness, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I never once considered that my parents wouldn't pick me up. I do remember being afraid of getting lost or separated from my parents when I was a toddler I'm so sorry you were left feeling that way. No child should ever have to feel like they are going to be forgotten.
We have the same experience. Im not kidding when i say i cry everyday bec im the only one left in school. The longest i was picked up was 9pm in elementary skul
My mother wouldn’t allow me to hold her hand, her bag or her arm in public...I remember negotiating with her at maybe 2.5/3...she said no to all. I was terrified of getting lost in public. I realized I had to take care of myself
Us empaths just live under a cloud of fear constantly.....sometimes unaware of it. When I was a child I wanted an older brother, to protect me, but I was unaware of being an empath. From the age of 16 I wanted to get married the fear of being alone and being unloved etc. The barometer goes up and down...but it never leaves an empath unfortunately and I am now aware
You are aware now that you are blessed, honey, right? We have us, do you understand that? We easily can build a community. Look ahead and when you wont face something turn around - so easy - turn around !
The true Empath does not have a fear of being alone, the Empath was born alone and no matter how many there are around them will stay alone. Neither do they have a fear of being unloved, to the contrary they have a fear of being unable to give and share love because as a lightworker it is they're task. Empaths greatest difficulty is being understood because it is a lifetime journey to understand themselves.
This is the break out for me. I finally realised that my fear is the fear of loosing protection also (not only fear of being unloved - I that one I coped with ) and that is why I have been overachieving. The next step is learning about my own authority and my own internal resources. This is huge for me. I have been searching for answers since 2011. Thank you so much Abdul Saad and all all all of you that have been part of my healing.
Exactly...once an empath gets out of a narcissistic relationship they should take at least a year for seclusion...that doesn't mean they don't go out with people ...but they should make no bonds with people for minimum of at least a year....volunteer work for worthy causes is a way to get out of the need to please...
How exhausting it is to be in a world which rewards and enables psychopaths, sociopaths and narcs. I love love love how you’re pointing out the underlying core beliefs behind the need to please. Hallmarks. Thank you for all you’re doing.
I have been in two dysfunctional relationships (19 years total) and it’s after I hit rock bottom and cried out to God, the Answers started coming to me or I guess I was ready to listen to the inner voice within (My Creator)! 😇❤️🙏🏽
Wow that's what happened to me at the beginning of this year. I cried out to God. And just last week i decorved i was a empath and now my hole life makes sense. What a relief. Glory be to God. God bless you for sharing.
Your first video was 100% spot on. This however: how about the fear of not fulfilling your contribution to humanity? Yes, it may seem a need to please. And it IS a need to give. And not receiving appreciation or self-worth is hurtful. However the difficulty for some may be to see others in pain, trouble, etc. and to genuinely feel it is wrong via humanity to put yourself above others. How does THIS cycle get stopped. When your empathic nature runs so deep to FEEL the suffering and pain of others and have a sense of duty on this planet to put this or that person above yourself, even when it is hurting you as an individual. Not negative persons (ie: energy vampires, narcissists, etc) but ageing parents, ill friends, people in need. Please continue your series into these fields as well! I am highly sensitive to all of these and have been trapped in the loop for so long, my health is failing so badly I haven’t been able to work in years, and now living with/caring for my wonderful mother: who has literally died 4 times and yet keeps going. We are the same. Stubborn yet empathic. With my father being a narcissistic pessimistic alcoholic nightmare, who I could care less about. But I have been caring for her and carrying her pain since I was 11. Which was when it all started for me.
You amazing man - I wish social workers, court officers and the legal profession could all understand the conditions you describe for an empath trying to depart a covertly narcissistic abusive relationship. So grateful for your videos. Hitting the nail on the head for me. Sad that so few other professionals see past the narcissist's charming mask. Keep up the great work.
In our sick society, the over-riding corporate culture is narcissistic. Resulting in enslavement, by triggering these fears you describe, not only psychologically but on a real situational level through economics and lack of options. Intentionally pidgeon-holing people by categorizing them with corporate money motivated biased descriptors. This is then perpetuated by the corporate owned government, at least here in the United States. Thank you for your helpful video.
This assessment is spot on and incredibly insightful. Here is an observation regarding the solutions for the "fear of lack of protection". For many, these wounds occurred as toddlers during the attachment/bonding process from brutally domineering parents. We never developed a personal sense of authority therefore we can't regain it. We have no concept of what it feels like to not have the threatening voice in the back of our minds and to be looking over our shoulders hyper-vigilantly in every human interaction.
I learned a phrase that has helped me out “Non serviam” which means “this does not serve me”. For empathetic people, we don’t think of ourselves first or even at all. We don’t even think about if we have the energy to help someone; we just fight through our own exhaustion. So give yourself permission to ask how something serves you. It’s not selfish for someone to not give once in a while.
Thank you for the wonderfully insightful video.Over and over again I hear the same story from empaths ,how they are choosing to be loved by people who are incapable of loving.This is the empath child ,as an adult,still impaling themselves on the same childhood thorn,when the narcissistic parent was incapable of authentic unconditional love for the child. The pattern repeats itself tragically,with the empath adult spinning their wheels,burning their adrenals up in this compulsive pleasing dance for love(and survival) ,from pathetically scarce and unavailable sources.Its a habit that came from childhood of the wounded child,whose individual needs were rarely acknowledged or met and who learned that the inly source of love and self esteem came from caring for the needs of the narc parent..
weird the fear of being unloved might be true, but my feeling is that I don't want others to feel bad, abandoned, as I was. I hate the thought of anyone feeling that. I oftened wondered if I was trying to heal others, in the guise of trying to heal myself. In other words, I can't get better, so I might make someone else better. IT DOESN'T WORK!!! Kinda like you project yourself into another because you were never allowed to feel yourself! I gave to them all of the niceties that I thought would make me better. I was kind to sharks. They gave me sad stories, and I fell for that. (however, I am not a rescuer, that sounds strange, I want to heal and I want them to heal.) In the relationships, I feel this 'new' beginning. I guess I have been idealistic. and honestly, did never take much time to consider the person in relation to me. Naivety. I didn't have role models to represent anything healthy Please Comment!
unfetteredphoenix -I can relate to your description exactly. I treat people as I wanted to be treated. And I presumed that almost everybody is as honest and straight as I am. So I fell in the trap more than once to selfish predatory men. Believing their sob stories and thinking: "With me he will have a good life and true love". And though I opened myself for exploitation and abuse. Yes - and I wanted to be loved from a person who is simply not capable of love.
Oh my goodness yes! I totally get this. It took me YEARS to figure out that my tendancy to see the solitary, uncomfortable, ignored person in a crowd was to do with my own fears and feelings. I was always hyper aware of anyone being left out in a group situation and would shun the 'in crowd' in favour of talking to any excluded people I saw because I couldn't bear to see anyone being left out. And once I figured out the origins of those feelings, I could stop projecting my own feelings onto 'exlcuded' people and be more realistic about what was going on. It's actually quite a burden (and maybe even egotisical in a way?) to feel respomsible for everyone elses's comfort! And it's a good point you make about not taking time to consider the other person in relation to yourself. Role models are so important which is why YT psychologists like Abdul Saad are SO important. I just hope lots of young people are watching him because life is too short to spend figuring this stuff out alone - I wish I'd had someone like him when I was in my 20s. Instead, I had/have bookshelves overloaded with psychology books, as I suspect many of us do!
Rainbow Lane hey, there are many people who grow up this way, I did myself: I wanted to help people who I saw were being shunned, and I still do. This was a great video, I’ve been studying psychology for several years; personality disorders; poor parenting; and rewiring yourself. This has all been very helpful in general terms, but something fascinating happened to me after watching this video. The YT algorithm recommended a video relating to the subject of “childhood emotional neglect.” I had never looked up this topic because I thought it was stupid. I thought “I was never physically abused, why should I complain about my upbringing when others have had it a million times worse.” Well a bombshell dropped after I watched that video. I found out that Childhood Emotional Neglect effects A LOT of people. It’s been two or three hours since I saw the vital mind video and I began looking into this condition, and I realized that this was the root cause to my “empathic nature”. I saw the life of others as more important and colorful then my own, and therefore want to help and assist those that I could. I’ve never felt that I’ve wanted to be a savior, I just know that a big part of me loves helping people (not in a an un healthy way) but when someone extends help to me, I feel u comfortable and I feel it’s un-necessary. And I just found out people who suffer form Emotional Childhood Neglect have this symptom because that had to lower their and almost exterminate their emotional needs because they had an emotionally immature parent, who are often distant, and self involved. My friend, I would extremely recommend that you look into this, because maybe this is you. As of about an hour ago, I found out that this is a real thing. I’m 32, and it feels strange to finally be abled to shine the light on the demon that has been following me. In case you are interested, there are to popular books I’ve found on amazon. 1. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect 2. Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. I hope this helps in some way or form. Setting boundaries to protect yourself is essential as an empath. Understanding where this manifested can be a game changer, it is now for me. Best wishes!
"What Gives Me Worth?" I'm from the olde...Children are to be Seen & Not Heard, F'd-up era. Both triggers are me @ 56 y/o and now having to live with & care for my exhausting, unhealthy mother, well it's a hard unnerving task at hand. This is NOT the life I imagined for my later years and being disabled myself. 😒 oy. Thank you for something tangible to grasp as a life jacket 🌱
I find this really helpful even though I don't quite fit into this perfectly - but it actually opened my mind to something I might have been doing that brought out a similar fear in me. Another thing I would like to mention though (having no expert knowledge, just my experience), is the fear of other peoples emotion and pain. I only lately realized, that sometimes the compulsive need to help people and make them feel better (or run away from the situation :P) can be triggered by sensing the distress/anger/pain in other people very strongly and not being able to endure it, because you are afraid it will take over your own mood and emotions. Thus, when you are around someone who is portraying negative emotions, you immediately want to alleviate that and make the other person happy, so that you don't have to feel it because it affects you in such a strong way. Sometimes I even had someones anger affect me even after they had already forgotten about it... of course this isn't inherently a flaw, since empathy is a good thing, but I guess the dosage makes the poison. :P
Thankyou for not using words like "codependant". This video really helped me. I have a lifelong fear of expressing in an adult way my legitamate voice to authority figures.
I am both Of these...feeling from a very young age that I was unlovable and unwanted...wandering why God gave me a family that wouldn't love me...I've been looking for love all my life. so understanding these two motives is a huge plus. my whole life I've lived in fear..did these outta fear or wouldn't do things because of fear. I can't thank you enough for making these videos...each one I watch make me cry as I begin to understand my being. praise God and may God continue to bless you Dr.
I'm now binge watching your entire channel, and rewatching several videos that I want to fully digest. This one, with your description of 'Fear of being without protection' could not describe me any better if you'd known me since the day I was born. I've never seen better understanding anywhere. I'm in the process of going no contact with a life-long tormenter. I've decided the best way will be to say that I'm going non-social/isolating, rather than tell them I'm specifically cutting them out of my life. It's a family member, so rather awkward :( Do you have any advice on cutting contact without causing arguments and unpleasantness please? I would be very grateful for a video on this topic.
Your model you explain during these videos makes al lot of sense. It is simple and straightforward, and gets to the core of the condition. Thanks for this!
This video series on empaths is speaking to a part of me that has never been spoken to before. People often think that people like me don't need help or they have no clue how to help when an empath gets into trouble emotionally. We are so used to helping others and others are so used to receiving our help that everyone is at a loss when the empath is the one who needs help. We are not well-researched in the realm of psychology because we are not generally problematic for others. Our issues are deep and seem amorphous (at least it has always seemed that way to me), and it is very difficult to understand our needs because we often don't or can't express them clearly. These videos aare such a valuable resource for me.
The majority of healthcare are Empaths , no system even debrief after stressful emergencies, left our own devices .. this is on major scale and results in people leaving, burn out, becoming resentful or indifferent.. sadly ...
What you seem to be describing are the core fears of codependency. It would make sense, then, that many empaths who give to their own detriment are conditioned in early life to be codependents (usually by a narcissistic family member).. I love your very perceptive analysis. You get down into what's really going on, here, in the deeper psyche (the inner dialogue/struggle with the self)...as well as with the parasitic environment.
Thank you so much, your videos are really helping me. I have just cut off contact with my narcarcistic mother. Sadly I have been her scapegoat/whipping boy for 67 years. All my life I have been dogged with trying to please her but nothing was ever good enough, desperate to be loved. When you asked the question at the start my answer was because I owe her. She always said constantly how I owed her because she had given birth to me. I cannot and didn't believe that such evil people exist in this world, and I think its even worse if the perpetrator is a parent. Keep up the good work.
The need to be safe and reaching out spot on both married to a narc for 25 years not sure if I am an empath but you have described my feelings and emotions well I am now free and moving forwards my health suffered but has now improved still hitting brick walls but believe I see light at the end of the tunnel thank you so much for all that you do 😉
This is so good. I've been watching narc videos for about 6 months now. I've gone from not even knowing what NPD was to realizing I've been married to one for almost 17years and that explains the years of pain. The knowledge of that has caused me to go from high anxiety to much lower anxiety, high confusion to no confusion. This is the first time I've seen videos that address mostly the empath with tools to help them continue to heal and improve. Thank you!!! I am really excited to watch more. I am realizing that I still struggle with the desire to please, but I am owning my "authority" more. At this time the narc is quickly become a much smaller part of my life only because we have children together, otherwise I would walk away completely. I realize I have to really do the work on me to correct the issues that opened me up to the narc in the first place.
I feel you are spot on. The adjustment is felt by others too. They don’t understand why you’re not so giving of yourself and you have to find a balance between no giving and giving all ,to your own detriment. It is empowering and change is ...you being conscious of you and what your patterns have been. It’s a challenge and I hope in time and being present it will settle. I check in first and ask myself why am I doing this and being honest with myself ...who am I doing this for? You have to dig deep as it’s in my subconscious as a pattern / addiction. Truth hurts , I do feel you have to learn to stay present and ask questions of yourself in recovery. Patterns ,patterns , it’s good to care about others but not to our own detriment.
I was a “gifted child”, so at a really young age, adults made me feel like I was better than everyone else when I wasn’t really even trying very hard. So now, if I’m not accepted and approved of, I feel awful. I’ve been trapped in lots of unhealthy friendships with energy vampires because of it. I still struggle with my own self worth and self care, but I’m a lot better now. Thank you so much for these videos!!
My parents put me on a pedestal w high praises and one parent flipped into extreme criticism. In adulthood my self perception of how I should be treated was out of touch reality. A painful reality check for me.
All children are special To be told by parents that you are more special than your peers can make you vulnerable to becoming a narcissist very selfish and entitled human being. As a parent we need to moderate how we show worthiness to children.
I have started doing this.....be a bit selfish about looking after me. I still make few mistakes here and there, but can now recognize it more quickly, which tends to trigger my strong inner critic, so I am looking forward to the next video. Thankyou again ☺
Ditto! But isn't it wonderful to see the mistakes when we make them! My stock phrase now when someone asks me for some of my time, if I am in danger of jumping in with the old habit of saying yes, is to say 'I'll have to give that some thought and come back to you." Then, if they even bother to get back to me for and answer, I say no unless I REALLY want to do whatever it is. I am actually enjoying being selfish and looking after me after decades of being walked over. And saying no straight off the bat is getting easier every day. Do you find that too?
Rainbow Lane Absolutely is. I use this stalling mechanism too, so I can mull over the impact it may have on me....ie: a negative feeling. If it does not suit me or FEELS wrong in some way for me.....I don't do. 😊
Looking after yourself has nothing at all to do with being a bit selfish,,,that's really not what it is being taught here. Becoming truly 'self caring' is responsible, essential, tough, robust, wise and compassionate. Should be taught as you grow. If you fail to apply self awareness and self caring to yourself then what you give to anyone else is not giving at all. Its kind of manipulative response...I'll give you something if you give it back to me.... that's what. I have learnt to understand about truly self caring.
These types of videos always seem to be related to an empath being in a personal relationship. The other type of relationship that doesn't seem to get addressed is employee-employer relationships. I am an empath, for sure, but there were many instances in my job when I really wanted to voice my opinion with difficult and/or abusive customers but couldn't. This, most definitely, was the cause of my burn-out. I had to quit my job. Now I am trying to recover and, in time, I must seek out another job that will not be so stressful. This not directly related to your videos - I find your explanations very helpful - but in many I have watched.
Your videos are top notch--the best! I like how you deliver information--being direct and not long-winded--also the (shorter) length of your videos. I'm grateful and able to apply what I learn from you. Thank you!
Fear of not being liked, and fear of catastrophe. "If I don't help these people, who will? Society will suffer and I have the ability to invest in the greater good".
I'm so happy I found you on You Tube. I've been struggling in personal relationships for probably 20 years now. I have developed huge wall around myself and only focus on what is needed to survive in life. I have not dated anyone in three years and keep myself from meeting new people for my fear of disappointment and lack of trust in people in general. I have noticed my 19 year old son is picking up these same patterns. I was concerned he would loose the joy of life. Thank you for posting these videos. I have him watching them to understand himself better and hopefully can catch it before he turns into me.
Your way of teaching is extrordinary. I've taken 30+ therapy sessions in recovery. Helpful for symptoms of trauma however the core deep issue I felt stuck and and was missing in my recovery. On why I was empathic and needing to please but also assertive in recognizing when it was taken for granted and enabling. Codependancy didn't manifest in all my relationships or relations because of my assertiveness and awareness but got complete hijacked with a narc. It makes sense now why I felt completely off and unrecognizable inside following. I just wasn't aware it was underneath because I functioned with it and learned to manage/protect until I got into a problematic relationship that my managing no longer worked. I highly appreciate your direct approach! I just learned so much about myself and can reflect and grow! 😊
After listening to another of your videos on empaths I have been pondering what I am hoping the other person will do for me if I love and serve them well enough without asking very much in return - it boils down to “allow me to stay here with you in peace” - and now I see another way to say that is “please accept and protect me”. I am excited to see what this insight will yield going forward! Thank you so much for these wonderful videos!
This is incredibly helpful content. You are describing me to a T, and it's hard to hear but hey I'm 44 years old and it's about time I understood why I do what I do.💛
Dr. Saad is the only doc on You Tube that knows exactly what I've been going through. So happy that I was patient with my healing and waited to go with the best help available IN THE WORLD. Thank you again for you knowledge and insights.
Educational, brilliant and meaningful for all of the ten minutes, with faith in the audience´s intelligence. Also, a language that testifies your understanding that the subject touches us - who do not have English as a native language. The "simple whiteboard" tells more than delicious photos and flourishing chat. It says you are an authentic grounded professional.
Wow. You have described my life situation and ongoing internal struggle in such a unique comprehensive and succinct way that I have not come across thus far. You understand me so well, which reveals to me that I am playing out a deep archetypal program of the empath using the backdrop I call my life. If only other psychologists could understand this, I wouldn't have wasted so much money on their completely useless therapy. I've gained more in watching a half hour of your videos than countless hours with other practitioners. Thank you so much for this.
When I was in hospital they taught me to assert my needs , when I left . But when I left and tried to assert my needs , I was ignored , minimised & shut down . It makes healing hard , & asserting yourself ever again , extremely difficuit. I think that’s one of the reasons why vulnerable people end up in abuseive toxic environments & relationships & situations. But these videos help to clarify what others haven’t or don’t have the time for. Thanks for taking your time to heal people , without these videos from caring professionals , a lot of people wouldn’t survive or heal wounds. God bless you 🙏🏻❤️
Extremely beneficial! Have experienced fears - both growing up and in almost 50 yr marriage. Significant other passed away 8 mos ago and have been free to study and learn about covert narcissism, codependency, & now empaths. I experience fear just writing or analyzing my life, and also experience fear for others when I sense they are in poor relationships. I can easily get anxious or stressed. One son observed that I seem to get stressed even when discussing “every day” things, and he is correct. I do try to have high protein meals to improve my nervous system, so I was encouraged to hear you address that. I had a hair analysis many years ago - took lots of vitamins and minerals to improve. You have addressed many things and pulled them together for me which is very helpful. Don’t know what steps to take next. I have been doing a lot of Bible studying and that has also helped enormously. You addressed fear in this video... very helpful for me. Thank you.
Dr.Saad U r the best help for narcissistic abuse victims.U focus more on abuse n abuse recovery methods than on defining narcissism n the psychology of narcissistic mind like most other experts on narcissism.God bless You.
You reach a point as an empath where you choose to evolve (recovery) or continue to repeat. It's draining to spend a lifetime repeating. Thank you for these videos. As an empath this was on point and I am in recovery.
Thank you so much for putting words to what I went through in my past and how I can take my spiritual awakening further. I do feel I’m getting to the point of intuitive altruist but am still having some issues creating boundaries with people who tend to drain my energy. Really appreciate your work thank you!
I wish I could have reached this information 10 years ago!!! Thank you so much!!!🙏Knowing oneself is a big step when healing!!!Such valuable information!!! 🦋
Thank you. I am a holistically oriented mental health professional and appreciate your series on empaths and narcissistic abuse recovery. Your recommendation to start with HTMA lab work as step one was especially helpful. I encourage folks to do this but few follow through. It needs to become more well known. Sharing on my counseling page; keep up the good work!
where were you all my life??! so many psychologists have failed me, I discovered HSP/empath info on my own. I love these videos! You are so detailed, knowledgable. I lived in sydney for a while and i miss it too. Great stuff!
You are a true messenger. This is my entire life since young in a nutshell. Been on this journey for so long, I never knew it would take this long and that it would lead me to such a practical source for solutions. This will be the fulcrum for my transition into success. I thank you again!
These videos are so on point. I’m definitely acting somewhere between proud helper and altruist with a group of people who left an unhealthy church (cult). It’s so complicated but this is definitely what’s going on.....relating with everything in this video and humbling to know I still have a long way to go
Today in bed as totally burnt out and learn to rest and relax ...burn out because I work as a clairvoyant healer etc and having had so many narcissists in my life ..I learn now putting down boundaries . So hard initially ....getting better at it ...u have taught me so much by confirming so much i know but hearing it from you today , has strengthened me today greatly ..THANK U FOR UR INPUT
This video is excellent. This is the first time I’ve been able to understand where I go wrong in my relationships. The explanations here go deeper than books I’ve read, or other videos. By looking at the two main psychological motivations that underpin the pathological need to please, I am now able to see clearly what it is that I’m doing when I engage with others, especially he narcissists in my life. It also explains why I’m a magnet to Narcissistic personalities. Thank you 🙏 for this video.
I guess ultimately, it all comes down to fear of death.......survival mode. Maybe to counter this, a trust in some higher power/universe/god that takes care of us and maybe is inside of us, will alleviate this primal fear of being abandoned.
Thank you for this. I've never quite had these motivations tied to my core approach as an empath. It was described only in terms of attachment disorder, and as a fear not motivation for behaviours that create attachment and security. Your work deepens the understandings out there about empaths/hsp individuals. I feel more acceptance coming up from within myself through watching your videos. Thank you again for your help and for sharing this knowledge. I appreciate it!
Your videos are so beyond fantastic. The information is so helpful to me.. I think you need to find an talent agent and bring your gift to the world.. I am very serious..
You strike again, I’m pretty sure you made me not want to give up anymore and there’s real people like you who take us empath’s serious for once and normalize us. I don’t feel alone/alien anymore I can feel normal again. You are one soul that deserves many blessings. You could save so many lives from this.
these videos are fantastic. I've been studying what it means to be an empath for some years now and this is the first time I'm seeing such a clinical, biological explanation, especially for the physical pains and issues that can develop (and that I've been starting to develop). very empowering; I'm now focusing on healing and this video in particular is very helpful
I was 11 months old when my younger sister was born, making me the middle child. My mother was a glamorous pampered only child of Norwegian parents. She became an alcoholic early in my life and was a binge drinker and alcoholic until she died when I was 53. Saying that, I am reminded, through this coaching session of a recurring dream that I have had since being a small child. In the dream there is a roll of toilet paper or paper of some kind that is unrolling and becoming very thin, and I can feel the thinness in my being and it scares me to death. It feels like thin cord or thread stretched very tight and thin. I have many of the typical traits of an adult daughter of an alcoholic and have been through 12 step recovery and counseling. Your coaching is so wonderful!! I used to have occasional rages. I have identified these rages as coming on whenever I have been invalidated. The rages were violent and I have become hysterical in them. I have never harmed anyone, but have broken things and was almost arrested once when I lost it in public. My husband came up behind me and put his arms around me and saved me that one time. Since then I have learned to say no to rage, but I battle with depression constantly. So, I am going to keep listening!!!
The basic principal for empath, its not the fear of being unloved, or the love itself at all! Its about peace in their environment. Their sensitivity is simply absorb everything and they trying to please just to calm the negativity. Love and fear and other things- are depends on the personality type. Other words- they feel the energy so acutely, that the problem lays in the sensing plane rather thinking.
I've watched probably 1000+ videos on all this throughout my recovery process, and I've seen a lot of talk about the fear of being unloved, and I've worked on that a lot in myself. But I haven't come across the idea you described here of the fear of vulnerability...i.e., the fear of being blamed, fear of retribution, perhaps the fear of being the bad guy on the drama triangle?...in the context of the need to please. Can you talk about that more? Looking back, I can see I've been working on this. But I didn't make this connection on it causing the need to please. "Internal authority"...that's a piece I've been missing.
One thing that I got out of your talk is the dynamic in a family headed by a narcissist, where everyone vies to be the hero when a situation has gone wrong or when the narcissist is displease with an outcome. The fear of being unloved = the need to fix things, even when you were not the one who caused the breakage.
Random thought tonight - I’ve learned recently that worrying about a person does not increase your worth in the eyes of the other person. It just drains you. It seemed relevant, so I thought I’d share. 😊
West Lake Angel how? When the one you like or love measure their own worth by how much you worry about them? ... if someone worried about me, it implies to me they care...? Even if I didn’t need their care, the worry factor shows I’m worthy to them in a sense...
RockAngel7878 For me, it was a matter of realizing that the person I cared about just didn’t feel the same about me. So, I was draining myself by worrying about him, when he simply didn’t care about me. It just depends on the situation. 😊
West Lake Angel truth! If the person you cared for actually valued your worries and knew it was coming from a place of extreme love and care, only then it would matter, meaning if they’re probably as empathic as you are. Otherwise, it serves non any good and you should save your worries. I had this encounter happen to me, when I was literally crying the tears of whom I thought I hurt (out of being empathic) and they just shrugged it off as if I were insane...that put an end to this over extended empathy because I knew I was only inflicting pain upon myself and that it didn’t serve the other party!
RockAngel7878 Exactly. 😊
Hey. Empaths SERVE. Narcs. NEED SLAVES !?!?!? ;) xx
I think because we can feel everything, we want all the energy around us to be calm and happy.
Yes!!!
So true but it's impossible if it then world become heaven.
@@hamzaawan6489 without us, the world would forget what heaven was like.
Exactly!
I agree with you 100% Laura!
What a fantastic helpful man you are. How kind of you to offer this valuable advice for free. God bless you
He gets paid via subscriptions and viewings
Still amazing regardless!!!
Betty Boos' Sister so what ?
Best things in life are for free
He is rich in heart and soul,
Say thank you and apply and share the Goods
Empaths are too beautiful..they don't realise this and this planet as many dangerously sick people...we came to help but if the people we are trying to assist resist via abusive tactics it's time to bow away as graciously as possible and concentrate on the ones who respect our loving hearts...take care everyone..the time of being a garbage dump for others toxicity in all its forms is over ..much love to all here xxx xxx
👍
Angel D hear again pleaaaaaseee what Jesus told us : They do not know what they are doing. Its so simple.
Angel D
Amen ❤️
Kor Nelia. "they know not what they do" , yes this is absolutely true. But, they're still doing it. We forgive them but we don't have to associate with them
Angel D I am sending you a feisty "high five" to what you said so well!
"The fear of being unloved and without protection." Bingo!
Without protection, yes. Still am scared of that. I no longer care so much about being loved. I realize that all humans have a deep need to be loved unconditionally, and the only One Who can love me like that is God. So now I no longer hold people accountable to loving me unconditionally. I am okay with them loving me conditionally and even transactionally but without super strong boundaries. I no longer suffer the delusion of unconditional love. I now realize that relationships are transactional. That’s how God created mankind to be, and that’s how it’s healthy to relate to one another.
Some of us empaths have recovered. It might be nice to address the recovered empath, the empath who is no longer pleasing and in fear of being disliked. The empath who avoids crowds because they don't want to absorb the negative energy of others but pick and choose who's energy they respond to. We are not given enough credit for recovery. I thank God for my recovery but not everyone is in my position..
Live Untied nice to know you’ve recovered! I guess he hasn’t addressed it as much because those of us who are unawakened/healed are struggling/suffering in life as a result so need that support to help us reach it
Speaking my truth without kindness IS kindness. Being a true mirror as I walk away!
I am recovering as well.
@@samar7151 Someone who is healthy and recovered IS what we need to have as a model of what IS possible💝
As an empath I find it hard dealing with people that feel the need to compete with me.
Same here! So glad I'm not alone!
I’ve dealt with this for so very very very long. I have just embraced whom (I Am Now) the Queen. So I move accordingly to what I like I whom I AM. And they just cannot take they will come to work everyday to be obsessed with you. Pray very very very hard and with intent and meaning. Put your Crown on and move forward. Bump a Coward😜
How do I stop people from coming to me and It like they know I can feel their pain again and sometimes there thought pleas Explain sir
@@charlesbank3885 you wont be able to stop people from coming to u, but ull be able to manage how u personally deal with them. Learn to give empathy without giving away ur energy and not taking on their problems and do active listening and acknowledge their pain without it making it painful for u.
Are you an empath dear one or are you trying to hard to exploit other s because you your self may have a void to fill hunny I beleive to might be an injured wounded soul on this earth but I do believe you git much wisdom and love in your heart I feel and hunny I am old and learned a little bit .I sense you got a deep need to control
The fear of abandonment was cultivated, it didn't just happen. Couple that with the shaming of self assertion by care takers. Not care givers
"shaming of self assertion" wow that exactly describes how I was treated growing up and even now in my family and I am still struggling to confidently assert myself. It has gotten me fired from jobs and I have a lot of trouble having friendships because of it. I end up resenting people who can "just be", aka, assert themselves, without even thinking about it.
Duke, keep practicing asserting yourself. Reclaim your sense of authority, bit by bit. It gets easier....and quite fun! I have been there and want to send you encouragement to keep moving forward. Sending you light and love.
Pavanatanaya yes, it certainly was! Every time I showed happiness I was told 'pride comes before a fall', and I wasn't allowed to show any negative emotions either. A life of always being shamed, blamed and guilt-tripped, with pseudo love that was turned off at a moment's notice (all behind closed doors, never in public). It's no wonder people like us fear abandonment is it?
Exactly what I realised today. I was shamed any time I spoke my truth. Every time. Jesus is finally healing me ♥
Care takers 💔😿 I aim to be a care giver now ❤
It’s much easier when you accept that you are not loved. It’s not that you don’t deserve love, it’s that you are surrounded by people that can’t or just don’t love you. This can be a devastating realization especially in N relationships but it’s an important step in recovery.
I discovered both the lack of love & lack of protection during the exact same time during a major crisis I was having. You expect your family to rally around you like you have always rallied during their minuscule manipulated scenes. But they actually get angry & annoyed that you need help! Wish I hadn’t found this out at 58 but when I was much younger. A family of Ns.
I started empath recovery on my own thinking I had adrenal fatigue from life circumstances at 23 yo. I was taking magnesium and trading my overly intense exercise for yoga (which I was hyper critical of myself for). In meditation and self reflection I came to realize I struggled deeply with a fear of rejection and that I didn't love myself if others rejected me being authentic. I've been trying to make sense of all this seemingly sudden physical, emotional, and spiritual turmoil but after watching your videos, it's so clear that I experienced a downward spiral as an empath from latching onto an unhealthy relationship. Thank you for this clarity.
Finally, a break through!! I've listen to hours and hours of videos on npd. YOU have focused on me, and in a way that has clicked. I'm excited! Today I posted notes in my kitchen with "What do I want?" I hope there is time for me to turn around my life as a "caretaker", "giver" Empath, sad, lonely. The role began in my childhood with my mother. I became her handmaiden. So irrelevant were my needs then that I became nearly invisible (5th of 9 children) and lost my voice at age 13-14. I became mute. But always giving, helpful, kind, sensitive. My mother's phrase "don't ask me for anything" still plays in my head. And another "no one will ever love you"!
I can't tell you how grateful I am for this video. You are an amazing. I hope it's not too late for me to have a working relationship, a partner, one who is giving AND who I can let in. And break the pattern of being attracted to narcissistic types/users.
This doctor keeps reading my mind. Lord when I was a child, the hardest thing for me at kindergarten was watching when parents keep picking up their children and I was the last one being picked up.
Priszena Bandeira omg same
Oh my goodness, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I never once considered that my parents wouldn't pick me up. I do remember being afraid of getting lost or separated from my parents when I was a toddler
I'm so sorry you were left feeling that way. No child should ever have to feel like they are going to be forgotten.
We have the same experience. Im not kidding when i say i cry everyday bec im the only one left in school. The longest i was picked up was 9pm in elementary skul
Whoa.. me too. 😞
My mother wouldn’t allow me to hold her hand, her bag or her arm in public...I remember negotiating with her at maybe 2.5/3...she said no to all. I was terrified of getting lost in public. I realized I had to take care of myself
Us empaths just live under a cloud of fear constantly.....sometimes unaware of it. When I was a child I wanted an older brother, to protect me, but I was unaware of being an empath. From the age of 16 I wanted to get married the fear of being alone and being unloved etc. The barometer goes up and down...but it never leaves an empath unfortunately and I am now aware
You are aware now that you are blessed, honey, right? We have us, do you understand that? We easily can build a community. Look ahead and when you wont face something turn around - so easy - turn around !
The true Empath does not have a fear of being alone, the Empath was born alone and no matter how many there are around them will stay alone. Neither do they have a fear of being unloved, to the contrary they have a fear of being unable to give and share love because as a lightworker it is they're task. Empaths greatest difficulty is being understood because it is a lifetime journey to understand themselves.
awareness is gold
Omg! I used to wish I had a big brother to protect me too when I was little! I always felt so vulnerable!
@@orridgenalcurlsncoir9253 Crazy huh, I wanted the same. Just some one to Protect me..🙏🏼🙏🏼
This is the break out for me. I finally realised that my fear is the fear of loosing protection also (not only fear of being unloved - I that one I coped with ) and that is why I have been overachieving. The next step is learning about my own authority and my own internal resources. This is huge for me. I have been searching for answers since 2011. Thank you so much Abdul Saad and all all all of you that have been part of my healing.
Exactly...once an empath gets out of a narcissistic relationship they should take at least a year for seclusion...that doesn't mean they don't go out with people ...but they should make no bonds with people for minimum of at least a year....volunteer work for worthy causes is a way to get out of the need to please...
How exhausting it is to be in a world which rewards and enables psychopaths, sociopaths and narcs.
I love love love how you’re pointing out the underlying core beliefs behind the need to please. Hallmarks. Thank you for all you’re doing.
I have been in two dysfunctional relationships (19 years total) and it’s after I hit rock bottom and cried out to God, the Answers started coming to me or I guess I was ready to listen to the inner voice within (My Creator)! 😇❤️🙏🏽
Wow that's what happened to me at the beginning of this year. I cried out to God. And just last week i decorved i was a empath and now my hole life makes sense. What a relief. Glory be to God. God bless you for sharing.
ditto🙏💜🕊
Your first video was 100% spot on. This however: how about the fear of not fulfilling your contribution to humanity? Yes, it may seem a need to please. And it IS a need to give. And not receiving appreciation or self-worth is hurtful. However the difficulty for some may be to see others in pain, trouble, etc. and to genuinely feel it is wrong via humanity to put yourself above others. How does THIS cycle get stopped. When your empathic nature runs so deep to FEEL the suffering and pain of others and have a sense of duty on this planet to put this or that person above yourself, even when it is hurting you as an individual. Not negative persons (ie: energy vampires, narcissists, etc) but ageing parents, ill friends, people in need. Please continue your series into these fields as well! I am highly sensitive to all of these and have been trapped in the loop for so long, my health is failing so badly I haven’t been able to work in years, and now living with/caring for my wonderful mother: who has literally died 4 times and yet keeps going. We are the same. Stubborn yet empathic. With my father being a narcissistic pessimistic alcoholic nightmare, who I could care less about. But I have been caring for her and carrying her pain since I was 11. Which was when it all started for me.
You amazing man - I wish social workers, court officers and the legal profession could all understand the conditions you describe for an empath trying to depart a covertly narcissistic abusive relationship. So grateful for your videos. Hitting the nail on the head for me. Sad that so few other professionals see past the narcissist's charming mask. Keep up the great work.
Wow. I'm just sad I made it all the way to 35 years of age without knowing this information. Rainbow Lane is right, this is PRICELESS!!!
In our sick society, the over-riding corporate culture is narcissistic. Resulting in enslavement, by triggering these fears you describe, not only psychologically but on a real situational level through economics and lack of options. Intentionally pidgeon-holing people by categorizing them with corporate money motivated biased descriptors. This is then perpetuated by the corporate owned government, at least here in the United States. Thank you for your helpful video.
Stephanie Gilley
Amen ❤️
I agree and off they go to college. Be all you can be.
Bravo!
Thank you for this series. I relate to the anxiety and loss of protection, while feeling unlovable. Great video.
You are a star, thank you sir.
suzanne damage
👍🏻❤️🙏🏻
This assessment is spot on and incredibly insightful. Here is an observation regarding the solutions for the "fear of lack of protection". For many, these wounds occurred as toddlers during the attachment/bonding process from brutally domineering parents. We never developed a personal sense of authority therefore we can't regain it. We have no concept of what it feels like to not have the threatening voice in the back of our minds and to be looking over our shoulders hyper-vigilantly in every human interaction.
I learned a phrase that has helped me out “Non serviam” which means “this does not serve me”. For empathetic people, we don’t think of ourselves first or even at all. We don’t even think about if we have the energy to help someone; we just fight through our own exhaustion. So give yourself permission to ask how something serves you. It’s not selfish for someone to not give once in a while.
Thank you for the wonderfully insightful video.Over and over again I hear the same story from empaths ,how they are choosing to be loved by people who are incapable of loving.This is the empath child ,as an adult,still impaling themselves on the same childhood thorn,when the narcissistic parent was incapable of authentic unconditional love for the child. The pattern repeats itself tragically,with the empath adult spinning their wheels,burning their adrenals up in this compulsive pleasing dance for love(and survival) ,from pathetically scarce and unavailable sources.Its a habit that came from childhood of the wounded child,whose individual needs were rarely acknowledged or met and who learned that the inly source of love and self esteem came from caring for the needs of the narc parent..
I read recently that siblings that grew up in the same environment turn out differently because of the personality they were each born with.
weird the fear of being unloved might be true, but my feeling is that I don't want others to feel bad, abandoned, as I was. I hate the thought of anyone feeling that. I oftened wondered if I was trying to heal others, in the guise of trying to heal myself. In other words, I can't get better, so I might make someone else better. IT DOESN'T WORK!!! Kinda like you project yourself into another because you were never allowed to feel yourself! I gave to them all of the niceties that I thought would make me better. I was kind to sharks. They gave me sad stories, and I fell for that. (however, I am not a rescuer, that sounds strange, I want to heal and I want them to heal.) In the relationships, I feel this 'new' beginning. I guess I have been idealistic. and honestly, did never take much time to consider the person in relation to me. Naivety. I didn't have role models to represent anything healthy Please Comment!
unfetteredphoenix ,totally and completely just described me!!! Wow.
unfetteredphoenix -I can relate to your description exactly. I treat people as I wanted to be treated. And I presumed that almost everybody is as honest and straight as I am.
So I fell in the trap more than once to selfish predatory men. Believing their sob stories and thinking: "With me he will have a good life and true love". And though I opened myself for exploitation and abuse.
Yes - and I wanted to be loved from a person who is simply not capable of love.
Oh my goodness yes! I totally get this. It took me YEARS to figure out that my tendancy to see the solitary, uncomfortable, ignored person in a crowd was to do with my own fears and feelings. I was always hyper aware of anyone being left out in a group situation and would shun the 'in crowd' in favour of talking to any excluded people I saw because I couldn't bear to see anyone being left out. And once I figured out the origins of those feelings, I could stop projecting my own feelings onto 'exlcuded' people and be more realistic about what was going on. It's actually quite a burden (and maybe even egotisical in a way?) to feel respomsible for everyone elses's comfort! And it's a good point you make about not taking time to consider the other person in relation to yourself. Role models are so important which is why YT psychologists like Abdul Saad are SO important. I just hope lots of young people are watching him because life is too short to spend figuring this stuff out alone - I wish I'd had someone like him when I was in my 20s. Instead, I had/have bookshelves overloaded with psychology books, as I suspect many of us do!
That's good to know - the world needs you!
Rainbow Lane hey, there are many people who grow up this way, I did myself: I wanted to help people who I saw were being shunned, and I still do.
This was a great video, I’ve been studying psychology for several years; personality disorders; poor parenting; and rewiring yourself. This has all been very helpful in general terms, but something fascinating happened to me after watching this video.
The YT algorithm recommended a video relating to the subject of “childhood emotional neglect.” I had never looked up this topic because I thought it was stupid. I thought “I was never physically abused, why should I complain about my upbringing when others have had it a million times worse.” Well a bombshell dropped after I watched that video.
I found out that Childhood Emotional Neglect effects A LOT of people. It’s been two or three hours since I saw the vital mind video and I began looking into this condition, and I realized that this was the root cause to my “empathic nature”. I saw the life of others as more important and colorful then my own, and therefore want to help and assist those that I could.
I’ve never felt that I’ve wanted to be a savior, I just know that a big part of me loves helping people (not in a an un healthy way) but when someone extends help to me, I feel u comfortable and I feel it’s un-necessary. And I just found out people who suffer form Emotional Childhood Neglect have this symptom because that had to lower their and almost exterminate their emotional needs because they had an emotionally immature parent, who are often distant, and self involved.
My friend, I would extremely recommend that you look into this, because maybe this is you. As of about an hour ago, I found out that this is a real thing. I’m 32, and it feels strange to finally be abled to shine the light on the demon that has been following me.
In case you are interested, there are to popular books I’ve found on amazon.
1. Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
2. Adult Children or Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.
I hope this helps in some way or form. Setting boundaries to protect yourself is essential as an empath. Understanding where this manifested can be a game changer, it is now for me.
Best wishes!
Thank you Dr. Saad for this priceless information. You are a true Blessing and I am grateful to have found your channel.
God all the self work I have done and I still have so much to learn!!! Thank you so much for explaining with kindness and gentleness!! 💙
"What Gives Me Worth?"
I'm from the olde...Children are to be Seen & Not Heard, F'd-up era.
Both triggers are me @ 56 y/o
and now having to live with & care for my exhausting, unhealthy mother, well it's a hard unnerving task at hand. This is NOT the life I imagined for my later years and being disabled myself. 😒 oy.
Thank you for something tangible to grasp as a life jacket 🌱
I find this really helpful even though I don't quite fit into this perfectly - but it actually opened my mind to something I might have been doing that brought out a similar fear in me. Another thing I would like to mention though (having no expert knowledge, just my experience), is the fear of other peoples emotion and pain. I only lately realized, that sometimes the compulsive need to help people and make them feel better (or run away from the situation :P) can be triggered by sensing the distress/anger/pain in other people very strongly and not being able to endure it, because you are afraid it will take over your own mood and emotions. Thus, when you are around someone who is portraying negative emotions, you immediately want to alleviate that and make the other person happy, so that you don't have to feel it because it affects you in such a strong way. Sometimes I even had someones anger affect me even after they had already forgotten about it... of course this isn't inherently a flaw, since empathy is a good thing, but I guess the dosage makes the poison. :P
Thankyou for not using words like "codependant". This video really helped me. I have a lifelong fear of expressing in an adult way my legitamate voice to authority figures.
Man he's good! It's all true! I found myself recognizing all of me and my fears and nodding right along to everything!
I am both Of these...feeling from a very young age that I was unlovable and unwanted...wandering why God gave me a family that wouldn't love me...I've been looking for love all my life. so understanding these two motives is a huge plus. my whole life I've lived in fear..did these outta fear or wouldn't do things because of fear. I can't thank you enough for making these videos...each one I watch make me cry as I begin to understand my being. praise God and may God continue to bless you Dr.
I'm now binge watching your entire channel, and rewatching several videos that I want to fully digest. This one, with your description of 'Fear of being without protection' could not describe me any better if you'd known me since the day I was born. I've never seen better understanding anywhere. I'm in the process of going no contact with a life-long tormenter. I've decided the best way will be to say that I'm going non-social/isolating, rather than tell them I'm specifically cutting them out of my life. It's a family member, so rather awkward :( Do you have any advice on cutting contact without causing arguments and unpleasantness please? I would be very grateful for a video on this topic.
Your model you explain during these videos makes al lot of sense. It is simple and straightforward, and gets to the core of the condition. Thanks for this!
This video series on empaths is speaking to a part of me that has never been spoken to before. People often think that people like me don't need help or they have no clue how to help when an empath gets into trouble emotionally. We are so used to helping others and others are so used to receiving our help that everyone is at a loss when the empath is the one who needs help. We are not well-researched in the realm of psychology because we are not generally problematic for others. Our issues are deep and seem amorphous (at least it has always seemed that way to me), and it is very difficult to understand our needs because we often don't or can't express them clearly. These videos aare such a valuable resource for me.
The majority of healthcare are Empaths , no system even debrief after stressful emergencies, left our own devices .. this is on major scale and results in people leaving, burn out, becoming resentful or indifferent.. sadly ...
What you seem to be describing are the core fears of codependency. It would make sense, then, that many empaths who give to their own detriment are conditioned in early life to be codependents (usually by a narcissistic family member).. I love your very perceptive analysis. You get down into what's really going on, here, in the deeper psyche (the inner dialogue/struggle with the self)...as well as with the parasitic environment.
Our self worth is in God firstly. He loved us first. We are whole in him.
Oh my goodness you are completely spot on. I'm a total people pleaser and I didn't even realize how significant these two fears are. Security is huge.
Thank you so much, your videos are really helping me. I have just cut off contact with my narcarcistic mother. Sadly I have been her scapegoat/whipping boy for 67 years. All my life I have been dogged with trying to please her but nothing was ever good enough, desperate to be loved. When you asked the question at the start my answer was because I owe her. She always said constantly how I owed her because she had given birth to me. I cannot and didn't believe that such evil people exist in this world, and I think its even worse if the perpetrator is a parent. Keep up the good work.
@Susan Hills I totally agree, had no clue evil people existed. It hurts when you realize one was your parent.
Great series of videos! I also believe that the narcissist triggers the pleasing by manipulation and coercion
True!
Usually manipulation by playing the victim when in fact they are the aggressors, covert and overt.
Absolutely.
The need to be safe and reaching out spot on both married to a narc for 25 years not sure if I am an empath but you have described my feelings and emotions well
I am now free and moving forwards my health suffered but has now improved still hitting brick walls but believe I see light at the end of the tunnel thank you so much for all that you do 😉
As an empath, I find that you’re giving me hard truths to think about and really digest, Dr Saad.
In tears listening to this. Fear has been a very big part of my life.
This is so good. I've been watching narc videos for about 6 months now. I've gone from not even knowing what NPD was to realizing I've been married to one for almost 17years and that explains the years of pain. The knowledge of that has caused me to go from high anxiety to much lower anxiety, high confusion to no confusion. This is the first time I've seen videos that address mostly the empath with tools to help them continue to heal and improve. Thank you!!! I am really excited to watch more. I am realizing that I still struggle with the desire to please, but I am owning my "authority" more. At this time the narc is quickly become a much smaller part of my life only because we have children together, otherwise I would walk away completely. I realize I have to really do the work on me to correct the issues that opened me up to the narc in the first place.
I feel you are spot on. The adjustment is felt by others too. They don’t understand why you’re not so giving of yourself and you have to find a balance between no giving and giving all ,to your own detriment. It is empowering and change is ...you being conscious of you and what your patterns have been. It’s a challenge and I hope in time and being present it will settle.
I check in first and ask myself why am I doing this and being honest with myself ...who am I doing this for? You have to dig deep as it’s in my subconscious as a pattern / addiction. Truth hurts , I do feel you have to learn to stay present and ask questions of yourself in recovery.
Patterns ,patterns , it’s good to care about others but not to our own detriment.
This video hit me to the core. I'm in tears.
I was a “gifted child”, so at a really young age, adults made me feel like I was better than everyone else when I wasn’t really even trying very hard. So now, if I’m not accepted and approved of, I feel awful. I’ve been trapped in lots of unhealthy friendships with energy vampires because of it. I still struggle with my own self worth and self care, but I’m a lot better now. Thank you so much for these videos!!
My parents put me on a pedestal w high praises and one parent flipped into extreme criticism. In adulthood my self perception of how I should be treated was out of touch reality. A painful reality check for me.
All children are special
To be told by parents that you are more special than your peers can make you vulnerable to becoming a narcissist very selfish and entitled human being. As a parent we need to moderate how we show worthiness to children.
I have started doing this.....be a bit selfish about looking after me. I still make few mistakes here and there, but can now recognize it more quickly, which tends to trigger my strong inner critic, so I am looking forward to the next video.
Thankyou again ☺
Ditto! But isn't it wonderful to see the mistakes when we make them! My stock phrase now when someone asks me for some of my time, if I am in danger of jumping in with the old habit of saying yes, is to say 'I'll have to give that some thought and come back to you." Then, if they even bother to get back to me for and answer, I say no unless I REALLY want to do whatever it is. I am actually enjoying being selfish and looking after me after decades of being walked over. And saying no straight off the bat is getting easier every day. Do you find that too?
Rainbow Lane
Absolutely is. I use this stalling mechanism too, so I can mull over the impact it may have on me....ie: a negative feeling.
If it does not suit me or FEELS wrong in some way for me.....I don't do. 😊
🤗😙🦋
The same here! It has taken me a long time but better late than ever.
Looking after yourself has nothing at all to do with being a bit selfish,,,that's really not what it is being taught here. Becoming truly 'self caring' is responsible, essential, tough, robust, wise and compassionate. Should be taught as you grow. If you fail to apply self awareness and self caring to yourself then what you give to anyone else is not giving at all. Its kind of manipulative response...I'll give you something if you give it back to me.... that's what. I have learnt to understand about truly self caring.
These types of videos always seem to be related to an empath being in a personal relationship. The other type of relationship that doesn't seem to get addressed is employee-employer relationships. I am an empath, for sure, but there were many instances in my job when I really wanted to voice my opinion with difficult and/or abusive customers but couldn't. This, most definitely, was the cause of my burn-out. I had to quit my job. Now I am trying to recover and, in time, I must seek out another job that will not be so stressful. This not directly related to your videos - I find your explanations very helpful - but in many I have watched.
Your videos are top notch--the best! I like how you deliver information--being direct and not long-winded--also the (shorter) length of your videos. I'm grateful and able to apply what I learn from you. Thank you!
Fear of not being liked, and fear of catastrophe. "If I don't help these people, who will? Society will suffer and I have the ability to invest in the greater good".
I'm so happy I found you on You Tube. I've been struggling in personal relationships for probably 20 years now. I have developed huge wall around myself and only focus on what is needed to survive in life. I have not dated anyone in three years and keep myself from meeting new people for my fear of disappointment and lack of trust in people in general. I have noticed my 19 year old son is picking up these same patterns. I was concerned he would loose the joy of life. Thank you for posting these videos. I have him watching them to understand himself better and hopefully can catch it before he turns into me.
Thankyou for these uploads nobody else seems to get me sometimes not even me. Within these uploads I am finding answers. Namaste 🙏
This man is the truth! Where have you been all my life. Thank you sir..
You nailed it. Often all who go into helping professions operate from this depth.
Your way of teaching is extrordinary. I've taken 30+ therapy sessions in recovery. Helpful for symptoms of trauma however the core deep issue I felt stuck and and was missing in my recovery. On why I was empathic and needing to please but also assertive in recognizing when it was taken for granted and enabling. Codependancy didn't manifest in all my relationships or relations because of my assertiveness and awareness but got complete hijacked with a narc. It makes sense now why I felt completely off and unrecognizable inside following. I just wasn't aware it was underneath because I functioned with it and learned to manage/protect until I got into a problematic relationship that my managing no longer worked. I highly appreciate your direct approach! I just learned so much about myself and can reflect and grow! 😊
After listening to another of your videos on empaths I have been pondering what I am hoping the other person will do for me if I love and serve them well enough without asking very much in return - it boils down to “allow me to stay here with you in peace” - and now I see another way to say that is “please accept and protect me”. I am excited to see what this insight will yield going forward! Thank you so much for these wonderful videos!
This is incredibly helpful content. You are describing me to a T, and it's hard to hear but hey I'm 44 years old and it's about time I understood why I do what I do.💛
This video hits so close to home. I have experienced these situations my whole life and its beautiful that all empaths are similar 🐦
Dr. Saad is the only doc on You Tube that knows exactly what I've been going through. So happy that I was patient with my healing and waited to go with the best help available IN THE WORLD. Thank you again for you knowledge and insights.
Educational, brilliant and meaningful for all of the ten minutes, with faith in the audience´s intelligence. Also, a language that testifies your understanding that the subject touches us - who do not have English as a native language. The "simple whiteboard" tells more than delicious photos and flourishing chat. It says you are an authentic grounded professional.
You just spoke of my whole life that I could never put into words..... thank you for your insight.... just wow!!!
GOD BLESS YOU!!! Thank you for your Kindness & Wisdom.
Wow. You have described my life situation and ongoing internal struggle in such a unique comprehensive and succinct way that I have not come across thus far. You understand me so well, which reveals to me that I am playing out a deep archetypal program of the empath using the backdrop I call my life. If only other psychologists could understand this, I wouldn't have wasted so much money on their completely useless therapy. I've gained more in watching a half hour of your videos than countless hours with other practitioners. Thank you so much for this.
When I was in hospital they taught me to assert my needs , when I left .
But when I left and tried to assert my needs , I was ignored , minimised & shut down .
It makes healing hard , & asserting yourself ever again , extremely difficuit.
I think that’s one of the reasons why vulnerable people end up in abuseive toxic environments & relationships & situations.
But these videos help to clarify what others haven’t or don’t have the time for.
Thanks for taking your time to heal people , without these videos from caring professionals , a lot of people wouldn’t survive or heal wounds.
God bless you 🙏🏻❤️
So great. This is the second video I’ve watched and will watch many more. It all circles back to self love and self validation.
Can't thank you enough for explaining this. :) Burnt out from working in a narcissistic environment, but feeling hopeful.
Extremely beneficial! Have experienced fears - both growing up and in almost 50 yr marriage. Significant other passed away 8 mos ago and have been free to study and learn about covert narcissism, codependency, & now empaths. I experience fear just writing or analyzing my life, and also experience fear for others when I sense they are in poor relationships. I can easily get anxious or stressed. One son observed that I seem to get stressed even when discussing “every day” things, and he is correct. I do try to have high protein meals to improve my nervous system, so I was encouraged to hear you address that. I had a hair analysis many years ago - took lots of vitamins and minerals to improve. You have addressed many things and pulled them together for me which is very helpful. Don’t know what steps to take next. I have been doing a lot of Bible studying and that has also helped enormously. You addressed fear in this video... very helpful for me. Thank you.
Dr.Saad U r the best help for narcissistic abuse victims.U focus more on abuse n abuse recovery methods than on defining narcissism n the psychology of narcissistic mind like most other experts on narcissism.God bless You.
You reach a point as an empath where you choose to evolve (recovery) or continue to repeat. It's draining to spend a lifetime repeating. Thank you for these videos. As an empath this was on point and I am in recovery.
Thank you so much for putting words to what I went through in my past and how I can take my spiritual awakening further. I do feel I’m getting to the point of intuitive altruist but am still having some issues creating boundaries with people who tend to drain my energy. Really appreciate your work thank you!
I wish I could have reached this information 10 years ago!!! Thank you so much!!!🙏Knowing oneself is a big step when healing!!!Such valuable information!!! 🦋
Thank you. I am a holistically oriented mental health professional and appreciate your series on empaths and narcissistic abuse recovery. Your recommendation to start with HTMA lab work as step one was especially helpful. I encourage folks to do this but few follow through. It needs to become more well known. Sharing on my counseling page; keep up the good work!
where were you all my life??! so many psychologists have failed me, I discovered HSP/empath info on my own. I love these videos! You are so detailed, knowledgable. I lived in sydney for a while and i miss it too. Great stuff!
My mom and sister are already talking about Christmas ...
Perfect time to watch this one, thank you!
You are a true messenger. This is my entire life since young in a nutshell. Been on this journey for so long, I never knew it would take this long and that it would lead me to such a practical source for solutions. This will be the fulcrum for my transition into success. I thank you again!
Finaly someone Who know what high sensitive empath is!
Thankfull for help against feeling others feeling.
These videos are so on point. I’m definitely acting somewhere between proud helper and altruist with a group of people who left an unhealthy church (cult). It’s so complicated but this is definitely what’s going on.....relating with everything in this video and humbling to know I still have a long way to go
Today in bed as totally burnt out and learn to rest and relax ...burn out because I work as a clairvoyant healer etc and having had so many narcissists in my life ..I learn now putting down boundaries . So hard initially ....getting better at it ...u have taught me so much by confirming so much i know but hearing it from you today , has strengthened me today greatly ..THANK U FOR UR INPUT
This video is excellent. This is the first time I’ve been able to understand where I go wrong in my relationships. The explanations here go deeper than books I’ve read, or other videos. By looking at the two main psychological motivations that underpin the pathological need to please, I am now able to see clearly what it is that I’m doing when I engage with others, especially he narcissists in my life. It also explains why I’m a magnet to Narcissistic personalities. Thank you 🙏 for this video.
I guess ultimately, it all comes down to fear of death.......survival mode. Maybe to counter this, a trust in some higher power/universe/god that takes care of us and maybe is inside of us, will alleviate this primal fear of being abandoned.
I agree, particularly as anything outside of ourselves is unpredictable and changeable and therefore unreliable.
Thank you for this. I've never quite had these motivations tied to my core approach as an empath. It was described only in terms of attachment disorder, and as a fear not motivation for behaviours that create attachment and security. Your work deepens the understandings out there about empaths/hsp individuals. I feel more acceptance coming up from within myself through watching your videos. Thank you again for your help and for sharing this knowledge. I appreciate it!
I’m so glad I’ve found your channel 😭
I need this exact help and have needed it for years now. I’m reaching out to your business site. Thank you 🙏
Dr. this information is astonishing. Empaths have a gift and a curse.
Your videos are so beyond fantastic. The information is so helpful to me.. I think you need to find an talent agent and bring your gift to the world.. I am very serious..
Fear of being unloved (rejection)
Fear of being without protection - being vulnerable (abandonment)
Makes sense. Thank you!
You strike again, I’m pretty sure you made me not want to give up anymore and there’s real people like you who take us empath’s serious for once and normalize us. I don’t feel alone/alien anymore I can feel normal again. You are one soul that deserves many blessings. You could save so many lives from this.
these videos are fantastic. I've been studying what it means to be an empath for some years now and this is the first time I'm seeing such a clinical, biological explanation, especially for the physical pains and issues that can develop (and that I've been starting to develop). very empowering; I'm now focusing on healing and this video in particular is very helpful
Thanks for making the series. Suffered my whole life with this, only now beginning to bring it under control in my late 30s.
This is killing me. Thank you!
I was 11 months old when my younger sister was born, making me the middle child. My mother was a glamorous pampered only child of Norwegian parents. She became an alcoholic early in my life and was a binge drinker and alcoholic until she died when I was 53. Saying that, I am reminded, through this coaching session of a recurring dream that I have had since being a small child. In the dream there is a roll of toilet paper or paper of some kind that is unrolling and becoming very thin, and I can feel the thinness in my being and it scares me to death. It feels like thin cord or thread stretched very tight and thin. I have many of the typical traits of an adult daughter of an alcoholic and have been through 12 step recovery and counseling. Your coaching is so wonderful!! I used to have occasional rages. I have identified these rages as coming on whenever I have been invalidated. The rages were violent and I have become hysterical in them. I have never harmed anyone, but have broken things and was almost arrested once when I lost it in public. My husband came up behind me and put his arms around me and saved me that one time. Since then I have learned to say no to rage, but I battle with depression constantly. So, I am going to keep listening!!!
This makes so much sense. I was threatened with abandonment if I didn’t come into perfect alignment (in thought, word and deed) with my partner.
The basic principal for empath, its not the fear of being unloved, or the love itself at all! Its about peace in their environment. Their sensitivity is simply absorb everything and they trying to please just to calm the negativity. Love and fear and other things- are depends on the personality type. Other words- they feel the energy so acutely, that the problem lays in the sensing plane rather thinking.
I've watched probably 1000+ videos on all this throughout my recovery process, and I've seen a lot of talk about the fear of being unloved, and I've worked on that a lot in myself. But I haven't come across the idea you described here of the fear of vulnerability...i.e., the fear of being blamed, fear of retribution, perhaps the fear of being the bad guy on the drama triangle?...in the context of the need to please. Can you talk about that more? Looking back, I can see I've been working on this. But I didn't make this connection on it causing the need to please. "Internal authority"...that's a piece I've been missing.
One thing that I got out of your talk is the dynamic in a family headed by a narcissist, where everyone vies to be the hero when a situation has gone wrong or when the narcissist is displease with an outcome. The fear of being unloved = the need to fix things, even when you were not the one who caused the breakage.
I have to say that I took more from step one and two then I did in 17 years of therapy, I wish I found this 3 years ago,but grateful I found today
This is really deep. Really thank you dr for such a beautiful insight on this subject
Wow! You have answered alot of my questions and cleared alot of my doubts. Thank you so much! 🤗