How to Stop Feeling Dissatisfied
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- Опубліковано 28 кві 2022
- Dissatisfaction is an epidemic among humans. Most of the time we don't even realize how dissatisfied we feel because it feels so normal. Dissatisfaction feels like who we are to a large extant. In this video I discuss "static" discomfort" which can be a very effective strategy for addressing the underlying cause of dissatisfaction.
Perfect timing. Today I ran into my ex and an amazing thing happen. It did not take long and she begin to criticize things from the past and how I should not have done these things. I begin to feel so much love and she looked so beautiful and the trees were sparking with light. She commented how can you look so happy, how do you live with yourself etc.. I saw I do not want to change anything, everything is OK. This is so different than the thousands of times I have gone down the rabbit whole. Thank you for your book and the videos, they are helping me to wake up from suffering. Thank all those in this community, as your comments have been so helpful.
Awesome! Life glistens! what a blessing that alone is, what more do we need?
Thank you for sharing. It really help the rest of us here.
Agreed!
What’s beautiful post!
🙏💎🌻
Does anyone else notice that Angelo’s daily videos seem to be exactly what you needed to hear at the time you see the video? Thank you for these.
YES
Yep, this one definitely was lol
From a Theravada Buddhist perspective, this background feelings that you talk about can be called "Right Attitude". The attitude of someone who believes that they there happiness comes from the world. In order to be happy, they need to get something, go somewhere, be someone. Dissatisfaction, plain and simple.
We change this attitude one moment at a time. Every time we remember, we remind ourselves that we're the boss here! This present moment is enough. We're satisfied.
This was a hard thing to get past for me but I finally have by about 90%. A lot of emotion work and watching thoughts. Using concentration practices to be able to catch the rapid images/thoughts/beliefs that form at the split second moment something happens and then the mental commentary/images start which causes the shoulds/hopes/judgements which then trip the emotional energy. Extremely rapid at first and missed , with a lot of work soon there a space develops/time slows and they start to pop out a little and then with equanimity they really stand to be seen and let go of. As an example, watching this video I can now just watch one time and there is literally space in between each word you say as if time slowed down (appearing to) because the mental chatter (such as ; hope, does this apply, will this help ? etc..) is not there in that space so clarity is there instead and everything is clearly understood unfiltered. Also as a pro tip - these same mental images create the concepts we use for sensations of all kinds. With equanimity there is catching the conceptual overlay coming up while practicing such as immediately seeing the mind label chair as I look at it instead of just seeing colors and the touch of the chair just being a floating sensation as well, not interlinked. This has been extremely helpful with disentangling concepts from raw experience. Lots of non dual glimpses happening now hopefully soon to be followed by non dual realization and then anatta. LOL see (hopefully). Caught the mind again. ---- Thanks for all your help bud. Tony
Awesome. Glad to hear it
Thank you Angellosss. I have to start getting under that resistance, subconscious trying for things to be different, trying to fix the problems or I'm gonna die. I have these constant judgements about anything and I almost all the time see the "what it should be" rather than what is. The what is is so simple and it isn't that bad, but the shoulds and judgements cover it. I think I have years and years of momentum of resistance and it's now constantly operating without me even knowing, well most processing simply appears as the interface and I use it to operate with the world, take it to be true, to be me. So time to let go 🙏
Wow. Hows this for timing!!. This talk is over a year old and it landed minutes after a conversation with a friend. She's struggling with guilt of not doing enough, lack of sleep, and exhausted with being restless and unhappy in retirement for years and said she can't live like this anymore .
She saw my spare copy of Angelos book weeks ago and asked to borrow it but only opened it today and rang me. And when this landed after, I sent it and she's said she's played it over n over and it's exactly what she needed to hear and that the uinverse is supporting her today.
How marvelous and mysterious This all Is. 🌻
❤️☎️💥
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake💗🙏🌻
The deeper I go into awakening the more profound these messages.
Thank you :))
So profound! ... To drop reaction has been the most important thing that has happened ... Living with what is without going through a dialogue about what the situation presents ... Remaining neutral ... So grateful for this!
I've been noticing also how intensely other people want me to join them in their dissatisfaction with reality. Also how it jolts them when I just don't.
complicity is a real thing 😆
Do you also notice how you want to relate with people here, with this comment, about how other people are doing their best to relate to eachother? It's the same thing for all of us man. Just different appearences
@@Patty_Brard Hmmm, posted reply an hour or so ago and now it's gone. Oh, well....
It's about boundaries. The issue is when someone, all unaware, tries to covertly push me to do what they want me to do when I do not want to do whatever it is. They don't even realize they are doing it. If they did know, and had the courage to ask out loud, it would not be an issue. It is the covert unconscious nature of the act that makes it feel invasive and icky
This is my favorite video I've seen by you out of the many I've watched/listened to, and they've all been great! This is PURE GOLD. I absolutely love the pure lucidity here. It's so awesome, and there's actually a ton of depth here below what you're saying--lots of implications that are really important for people to understand, such as the constant overlying filter we tend to put on nearly every conscious experience that actually serves (deliberately or not, consciously or not) to obscure the raw "is-ness" of what is happening.
I remember sitting on a lounge by my swimming pool one day, doing some tedious reading for a degree program I'm in, and I looked up at my surroundings and wondered if I could just see the "is-ness" in front of my eyes, with no judgement, no overlay, just the visual images juxtaposed and arranged exactly as they were, and for about ten seconds, I could! It was very Zen indeed. Just pure experiencing. I've done this a few times since then, but it's really hard to describe...the "this-ness"...the "is-ness," just as it IS, just as the visual or auditory or olfactory or kinesthetic sensory fields present the information to the mind in the rawest, unlabeled, un-interacted-with form.
expectation = suffering...I'm trying to change expectation into loving kindness (unconditional love)...but its hard. I like the idea of truly giving a gift without expecting anything back.
It may be hard but it is poowerrful work both for the good of the world and for natural enjoyment of your own life :)
Fantastic! Thank you 🙏
"The only way to ease our pain is to experience it fully. Learn to stay with uneasiness, learn to stay with the tightening, so that the habitual chain reaction doesn't continue to rule your life."
Pema Chodron
Yes it would be nice. I hear everything you said. 🙏❤️
This is an excellent talk !! Thank you Dr Grr ✨🌟✨♾️🌀
Thank you Angelo for taking the time to make these videos. You are helping many people :)
My pleasure!
Thank you for the message
👏 amazing as always, thanks!
Welcome !
A very helpful and direct formula to bring on the static... Perfect way to abstract and transmit this practice! 🙏🏻
Glad it was helpful!
"Satisfaction is the death of desire" Hatebreed first album 😅Wonderful. All that you said is very true, to witness the narrative in our head, the overlay, is the very first step. The very nice thing about equinamity practice, is that it has a very direct and beneficial effect on thoses around you. Just that alone is enough to go full throttle into equinamity. All that is required it's to be very honest toward yourself and ready to learn. If you are courageous, it's a bonus. In my experience right now, "bad" situations are 99% of the time resolve under 1-5 seconds and the trouble is not very deep. I know it's not personal. It's look like : "Okay I am angry because of that, I know it's just a narrative, I know why it's there and witness the mental equation, but the anger is honest, it's natural, and because of that, it's very enjoyable". End of the experience, start of the paradox. And you are like " Why was I angry already ?" Just left smiling with the honesty of the experience. That's the key, you can't drop off what you don't recognize. The day to day experience when you practice equanimity is to recognize that every moment, give it's own gift, so you don't focus on what you think life should give you, but what life is already blessing you with, right now, in this moment. Deeper practice of equinamity resolve around facing the worst fear and suffering you can imagine amongst others. It's to see your own world burning and say " It's was worthwhile to do it, and I would do it again and again". It's to say : “Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” It's to be like Avalokiteshvara, looking down not on earth, but into the darkest part of the human heart and still find innocence. For me, this is what equinamity is all about, to drop off everything and smile in the face of hell. Satisfaction is just a side effect.
Thx for your reflections
Well said
Re-viewing this video. It still kicks ass.
Wow! Thank you! An opportunity to practice this came up actually yesterday! I can’t believe how your talks are synchronised with my life situations! 🙈😅🙌🙏🏻
Glad it was helpful!
it is what it is...
This I blowing my mind. It speaks to me in so many ways. In so many ways this is what I needed. Thank you. Will listen again and again. It reminds me a lot of yoga. In your practice you have to learn to be still when there is physical discomfort. So to me this mental yoga. Your brain needs to learn to be still with emotion. Thanks.
Welcome 💜
I was extremely disappointed that I didn't already know this....
😆
Thanks Angelo!!
Thank you! 🙏🏻🥰
I've found that as the desire to be in charge or to have control of circumstances dwindles, the freedom to be fully involved and engaged in my life blossoms. I am so often genuinely surprised by what occurs now in my lived experience. Thanks for yet another salient video, Angelo! Much love to you.
Yes! I should cut and past this comment as the answer to several of the other comments 😂
So how do you make decisions? Or do you believe that you aren’t in charge?
And if you aren’t in charge, then if someone decides to throw everything they’ve worked for aside (family, job, friends, money) and become a full blown hedonist, they can enjoy it even more knowing that they aren’t in control of that and so they should just enjoy the ride?
Would a non duality minded person think like anyone else in that those decisions would have consequences in the future? That person being homeless, broke, and their family now hates them, for example? Or is their no use thinking about consequences because literally anything could happen between now and then. Some people do seem to get very lucky sometimes.
@@KK-sg5gl You just don’t pay attention to all those fear thoughts and things work out fine :)
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake, hmm, I’m confused. This video is about being okay with your circumstances, right? But doesn’t your reply to me here indicate that it didn’t matter that this person drastically changed their life (circumstances)? What if the reason they quit their job was because their boss made them stay an extra 30 minutes one too many times? What if they ditched their family and friends because they felt burdened by them? Shouldn’t they have just sucked it up?
Does the reason they made the change matter? Because it seems like the change itself doesn’t matter. I hear a lot of people say, “whatever happens is what’s happening”, and I kind of get that. I’m just used to questioning everything, even non duality now haha.
Thanks for interacting with us in the comments btw! 🙂
@@KK-sg5gl It sounds to me like you're swinging between two opposites which we can call "control" and "helplessness". If you picture this as a pendulum swinging, can you also picture slowing the rate at which the pendulum swings? As the pendulum slows it comes into a middle area which we can call the sweet spot or "full involvement in life". The Middle Way. The limits of the extremes get pulled in and the pendulum swings within an ever-increasing balanced state. Motion does not stop for it is in the nature of the pendulum to swing. That's where you find yourself being fully involved and engaged in your life experience.
One difficulty of "non-dual" thinking is that there's a mix-up between metaphysics and ethics. From a metaphysical perspective, the duality exists on the level of the Soul which is a type of splitting of the Oneness of Existence (God). From this perspective, we are encouraged to remember God (the "not two"). But we, as human beings, are part of the myriad or the "10 thousand things". This is where life is lived. Once we are in an ethical/moral sphere (as clearly you are and rightly so!), we must find that sweet spot in the middle. Only you can find this. This looks different and unique to every human being. And this shifts and changes along with the human being who lives their life experiences. Yes, it is all ultimately governed by the Soul and God, but you are K K and you are living this, too. Teamwork makes the dream work.
Brilliant! Thank you ☺️
You're so welcome!
This is a relevant video for me mate - thanks..
Glad it was helpful!
This was a very uncomfortable video for me. It almost caused me physical pain and some tears. Over the last year I’ve put in lot of extra hours to just combat the feeling of isolation and lack of control over things. This was actively avoiding my reality. It’s reached to a point where overwork is such a tangible necessity for me to feel normal. (There is so much I want to mention here but it’s irrelevant)
***
Thank you.
@@markfuller thank you!
thank you so much ❤️🙏
You're welcome 😊
Thank you!
You bet!
My biggest is guilt and regret. Especially when it comes to me taking the wrong decision. Eating the wrong food, saying the wrong thing, giving my number to the wrong guy…etc. any insights!
make friends with the emotions, feel them in the body. Remind yourself that what is done is done, there's no changing it, so you can lean into the senses now, see what comes/ just this, then the next
Static discomfort great discription. I'm starting to feel sympathy for the mind, it tries so hard to protect it's self. When I challenge it, it gets crazy reactive. then i laugh and feel guilty for laughing! This weird loop i'm in ,Static discomfort.Stop identifying with the mind right? any tricks?
No tricks K K 😂 just good old fashioned *noticing* _what_ is happening right now. What IS. ✨
The mind only lives in a time line referencing what is NOT happening right now.
1.) Observe what IS
2.) Recognize what is NOT
3.) Acceptance over what is happening despite discomfort. Feel this, whatever it is, this resistance.
Struggle is the resistance to what is, due to internal reactivity against what is, and preference for an alternative outcome, a preference.
4.) you don't need to react, it's simply learnt behavioural patterns.
5.) you rock! 😎🤘❤️
Bonus tip: remember the Serenity Prayer... God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... ☮️✨🙏
@@nat998 Morning Nat. I think it's more that I'm comfortable with the static discomfort. Yesterday when the pipe burstt, no water for a few hours. the mind goes you might die of thirst! And I'm llaughing and feeling sorry for the poor mind trying so hard to get my attention.
I'm not sure if I'm stuck, sometimes it's really quite and others i'm laughing at all the weird thoughts. I might be to comfortable here.
WOW thats a thought I don't want to be comfortabl??? and i'm laughing again! 🤣🤣💜
@@KK-qd6ro 😂😂😂😂😜 I am laughing right with ya!!! You wanna know why? When you said in yesterday's message that your pipe burst I thought you were speaking symbolically about your brain hahaha ha! Your literal pipe burst, lololol 😂. Also, how stressful! We had a biblical flood a week or so ago where we had constant heavy rain for two solid days. Total mayhem. Unreal. We are on 1100mls for the summer. Our ave annual rainfall is 750mls. 5 months of rain in 20 hrs. Mother Earth giving us a few subliminal messages 😜
I think laughter is the best medicine. It reminds me of that scene in Mary Poppins where Bert and the kids float up to the ceiling for that tea party ("I love to laugh"). I was raised on musicals 😂
@@nat998 lololol😂😂 My eyes are leaking now!! It wasn't stessful, it just was. the mind wanted to make it something, and all i could do was laugh at the empty taps 🤣
I watched musicals growing up too. i loved all the costumes and dancing, Fred and Ginger.
Thanks for the chukles Nat.
Got to start my day now.😄💜👍
@@KK-qd6ro 😂😜 Have a good one!
I find myself drawn towards this type of surrender practice, I can feel my personality wanting something to stand on, wanting to make itself real, but its always just trying to get away from feeling.
Is there any reason you usually recommend this practice after first shift? Because I havent had an I am shift
If you are called to it and it resonates go for it! Just take it all the way in! Give yourself fully to it
I've watched this a few times now. Thank you for all this!! What about the ideas of "positive visualization", visualizing and/or thinking about what you think you want to manifest (health, abundance, whatever), Law of Attraction/conscious Manifestation concepts, only focusing on what you want/what feels good, raising your vibration to align with "higher vibration" emotions/feelings/energies/manifestation, etc.?? After years of these being talked about as ways to manifest anything, manipulate energies and be the creator of your reality, these approaches now seem contradictory to me to just being with what is without any kind of narrative, overlay. My body mind AND intuition haven't been able to reconcile these "methods" with what you are sharing about. Are these methods just creating new overlays?? What about Law of Attraction? I've watched a lot of Abraham Hicks LOA and Joe Dispenza going into "the void" and creating what you want/anything (those of the 2 that come to mind easily altho there are soooo many) even Eckhart Tolle has been talking about "Conscious Manifestation". Do you happen to have a video on this that I may have missed?? If not, thank you for any input!!
I should make one, good suggestion
@@SimplyAlwaysAwake that would be amazing. Thank you! 🙏💖🙏
you mentioned recently that we tend to not notice moments of presence. can you offer some advice in this area, or have you made a video already on the topic? thanks!
well generally I orient pewople to first awakening through self inquiry, one pointed approach or investigating the nature of thought and consciousness to begin with. With this shift in identity it becomes far easier to disidentify from thought which reveals presence naturally :)
I hear a lot of non duality speakers say that preferences still exist. Aren’t there also preferences to conditions too though?
I could give many examples but I’ll just go to an extreme:
What if someone is being bullied. Everyday their boss makes them work extra hard for the same pay. Everyday their older brother whom they live with hits them and takes some of their money. They barely get by, are malnourished, and don’t get to eat enough because of their circumstances.
More extreme situations exist in this world, of course. But should this person just accept their circumstances? I understand about seeing reality for what it is. Yes, these things already happened. But should this person make an attempt at changing things for tomorrow? Like moving out of his brothers house and finding a new job, for instance?
And if so, is there a line where a situation is so minuscule that attempting to change it isn’t worth the suffering, and if so, where is that line? Is that an individual decision? An example of a small circumstance would be ditching a gathering with a friend because they’re late and you’ve had a bad day so you don’t want to deal with anything else “not going as planned”. I don’t know if that’s a good example! 😅
I would say ,when you see that there is no control, only thoughts give the impression that you are in control...the simple events remain.
Similar to a football game, the commentator reports on the game but has no influence on the game.
It's the whole that creates action and reaction...neither right nor wrong...just evaluating thoughts💭
It remains what has always been, result.... acceptance.... equanimity.... conditioning......, this can result in other behavior patterns 🙃
I see what you're saying. If suffering is a result of seeing what is happening now, and feeling discordant with what simply is occurring; desiring, instead, an outcome you feel you can personally pick and choose... then the moral dilemma is should we simply roll over and meekly accept what _IS_ even if it's unbearable?
The key message here, insofar as I can tell, is that there is no "sufferer". There's simply suffering but no one for whom this is happening to. It comes down to that first major experiential shift in who you take yourself to be. Once this illusion is dispelled, it can be seen that there is no personal self who controls reality/life. If you think back to your first example, decisions are simply being made. The presumption is that an autonomous individual is making it happen, but is that so? When you wake up from sleep every morning, did you personally control your circadian rhythms and brainwave function to achieve this feat.
The body/mind has cognitive functioning abilities (memory, executive planning etc) which allows for social functioning. This happens automatically for every human, and conditioned behavioral responses are habituated and performed effortlessly. Situations unfold regardless of whether we will an alternative outcome. If reality and personal desire align, credit is taken for causing such a thing to happen. If the opposite occurs, and we don't get what we want, then we don't take personal credit for failing to manifest an outcome. We're a victim of circumstance...
The mind is reactive and I would say the illusion of free agency is a strong one to see through because of conditioned behaviour. Can you choose whether or not you see, hear, perceive reality? Can you choose what thoughts enter your consciousness? If you could, you could choose not to have any streaming sensations and yet these all arise and dissipate without your ability to control. The real mystery is where exactly are you? What is _THIS_ ? How are we even here at all?
@@markfuller, thanks for the response.
Can I ask what happened after you started thinking about living on the streets? Did you compromise by making smaller changes to your life? I’ve been having more and more thoughts along the same line as that. And I’ve heard other people say the same. Many have quit their jobs or changed careers. Some have even become full on nomads or hermits.
I think a part of my problem is that I’m listening to a variety of people talk about non duality, and hearing all these different ideas make me question things a lot more.
I’m not really a fan of guided meditations but I remember having less questions when I meditated a lot vs not really meditating at all. But then I wonder if that isn’t just an egoic coping mechanism in itself? 😂😂😂
@@nat998, thanks.
At one point I used to think that the next evolution for humanity would be for people to break free from their conditioned behavior or being a victim of circumstance. I’m not sure if I got this right, but non duality speakers don’t seem to think this is possible. Decisions are being made by no one. Therefore those decisions are probably made based on the characters past experiences (maybe??).
But then recently I’ve been thinking that if our decisions are based on our past conditioning, then do habits play a role? It is said that one can develop a habit in 21 days. So could we just start all the habits we’d like to have and then let it go on autopilot? But then again that’s probably not up to us either…
My head hurts! 🤣
Thanks Mark and Nat for sharing! Lots to absorb now.
Hmm being comfortable with feeling disappointed? This is challenging for me.
It definitely takes some time but the benefits are immeasurable
Do not be disappointed by disappointment.
a lot of the discomfort comes from the beliefs that there’s a future and that I am a doer... do these beliefs just naturally fall away as emotion work and self inquiry gets deeper?
yes but it's mostly after clear non-dual realization that the FEEL of timelessness is obvious moment to moment
Let the dead bury the dead
There is no free will
you just typed that bc conditions compelled you to