Such an inspiring video!!!! I'm a 53 yr old man who has just learning what and how my childhood sexual trauma has affected my life. The self loathing, feeling worthless or not good enough, the feelings of being a failure, how i percieved things, how i interpreted things from my wife has all been eye opening. Unfortunately it has affected my marriage several times and has again recently in a way that has us currently separated but it was the moment that i realized that after years of asking why, it finally hit me. I'm starting my healing and I hope this heals my marriage once and for all. Thank you for this message and congratulations!!
I'm so glad you recognize the impact and have started the healing process you so deserve. It truly is incredible (and devastating) how impactful, in so many areas, childhood trauma is. Best to you as you take this journey. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️
I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it affect me. It has, and I hate it. I'm 33, living a fairly regular life but am now realising that I've been running away from myself in various ways (drugs, alcohol, promiscuity). I think I have a survival instinct that has saved me my entire life but it's a constant roller-coaster in which everything is going quite well (considering everything) and then I sabotage myself. The fact is I play a role (which I'm very good at) and once I have achieved what I thought I couldn't I spiral down again. My entire family abused me in one way or another - my mother was (in some cases but not all) the instigator in my sexual abuse at a very young age, as well as severe beatings, humiliation, degradation. My father beat me severely also and even as an adult taunted me with his power over me ( I yearned his love and affection). My family and peers knew about the abuse and did nothing, I mean NOTHING, about it. If anything, I was a liar or a whore. It started when I was still in the crib and only ended when I eventually fought back, at around 10 or 11 years of age. I left home at 15, became a junky, recovered from that out of sheer stubborn rebellion (they always labeled and judged me for the faults and injustices my parents committed) and actually created an illusion (even for myself) of success, strength and happiness. This was and is a lie. I am constantly trying to overcome these feelings of worthlessness and although I know (but loathe the fact) that I was a victim I am now coming to realise that I cannot heal myself. I can't pretend anymore - I am a damaged and broken person. It's highly unlikely you can help me but I wanted to thank you for your video, Peggy Oliveira. You are helping a lot of lost souls out there that have noone. There is hope. To anyone that is reading this that has suffered any form of abuse please know it is not your fault. It's so difficult to believe (when you are the recipient of horrors that a person that hasn't experienced this couldn't fathom) and I really get that - you did not deserve ANY of it, you are worth so much to this world and the people around you. Don't give up! I love you (whoever and wherever you are, we share a pain that can transcend into pure love)! Peggy, please excuse my very long message. I am no-one. I just don't want people to suffer what I am suffering.
LeyTan, Thank you so much for commenting. You are wrong...you are someone...you are one of us...and you matter. I'm sorry for all you've endured. I'm glad you are recognizing you can't do this work on your own. I hope you realize none of us can. Thank you for sharing your story. Please don't give up on your own healing.
Thank you for making this 10 years ago and you continue now to make new videos. I will watch them all, I connect so deeply to you. You are very strong, it means so much to see such bravery. Thank you for words ❤
Hi Kelsey. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm really happy to hear it helped you connect with your inner strength. There are far too many of us out there, yet it's so easy to feel completely isolated.
THANK YOU so much for this beautiful and touching video! I`m almost in tears here...Thank you for stepping down from the therapist- pedestal that actually exists on some level...and for sharing your personal story. Thank you also for sharing the fact that one does not really change in one`s core, but rather become able to see oneself the way other, loving people do. Still, it certainly feels like one has changed, because as you say, one starts to see oneself in another light. It is truly a magical journey, when people who have been abused, start to discover themselves, and truly see and feel what an awesome being they actually are. I think the shere joy of that discovery almost can be shocking to some, because it is in such great contrast to being used to feeling bad about oneself. Take care, and keep up the good work. You have a very soothing voice and presence, by the way. Kind regards.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm an attorney and want to help others in the legal field the way you help them in therapy. Your story gives me hope I'll get there someday despite how much CSA and other abuse has effected me.
Thanks so much for watching. Legal support is so important for survivors and sadly, not very accessible. Thank you for your desire and willingness to stand with and for other survivors.
Hi Peggy! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wise words about your healing process, you are truly brave. I'm a survivor of lengthy childhood sexual abuse and I can relate to much of what you are speaking of, this video touched me and almost made me break in to tears. Im not a native english speaker so please excuse my grammar and spelling. My healing process started 7 years ago when I was 20 years old and even thou it's been a long time since then and several years in therapy my lens which I view myself through is not quite cleared yet but not near as tainted as it was 7 years ago. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, engaged even, and studying to become a high school teacher. For me as a child what kept me going during the hard times was the hope for a much better future for myself, a future which I have now created for myself. Thank you again! /Jessica
jessicamedca Thank you for commenting, and your kind words. I'm so happy you've been able to experience what it means to heal. I think it's an ongoing process for all of us. Though just being able to recognize that you can feel different and have a happier life is what healing is really about. Congratulations on your engagement.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW Thank you for your answer! Yes I truly believe that healing is an ongoing process in the same way that you never stop learning and changing as a person. And of course Ive now also subscribed to your channel!
thank you so much for your videos! I just found out in july through EMDR and a very trust worthy wonderful therapist that at 4 years old that the 18 year old son of the pastor at the church we were going to at that time abused me sexually and traumatized me with his means of threatening me. I'm 52 now and I'm excited to finally know the truth and it is setting me free!!
Marten Dekker oh I have totally felt and let myself experience all the emotions it's been so very healing!! I haven't felt desensitized at all. I do not believe all therapists who use EMDR in their therapy truly use it correctly. thanks for your advice!
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment Yvette. I'm sorry I didn't see this until now. I'm glad you are were able to get the support you needed and deserve.
Thank you for your videos. I am a survivor as well and I am thankful I have found my voice to speak out. I am currently study mental health counseling as a grad student. Your example give me hope that once I get my degree so I help teens.
Thank you. I've been watching your videos all night and they really speak to me as a person; where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. You are truly helping me understand that my behaviors, thoughts, etc. make sense as a backlash of trauma and helping me feel more...normal? I'm sure that isn't the "right" word but, it's true. So, thank you for being there when you don't even know I'm here :)
Thank you so much for watching and commenting. I'm glad the videos resonate with you and are able to see a bit more of the truth of who you are. I appreciate you letting me know you're out there listening and connecting. :)
Thank you for this video, please continue to make others. I am a male survivor and shared my story as well. Your testimony and words hit home and that's what we need to know. I know many can't afford counseling and these videos are your way of serving. I don't know if you are a Christian, but you are a strong woman of faith in any aspect. I thank you again for your support to those who endured pain but can come out flourishing with power and amazement at what life CAN bring about AFTER we start to heal. Thanks
I could relate to all your talking about with your beautiful personality,and the way you explain it all about all you were made to go threw,and have to endure,and now your success in getting threw it all,and being able to overcome your shyness,and all of what happened to you which was a lot especially not thinking all the time it was’nt possible,and now you got threw it all great accomplishments❤️🙏Namaste
I’m not sure exactly when you made this, so I’m taking a chance you’ll still read this. I’m a sexual abuse and domestic abuse survivor. I can see pain in people’s eyes. Though you have come very far, you still carry pain. I’m glad for you that you have a supportive loving husband. People who get it like you do make the best therapists. Thank you for your genuineness.
I could relate to most of what your talking about,and there’s always triggers which bring back many memories with what happened the way it did,and how there was no way out of it for me until one day getting closer to someone to help me escape from it With Her sometimes I think what it would of been like if that didn’t happen,and thank you for coming forward with your great videos with your courage to talk about it all😘Love ❤
Thank you so much hearing about practical recovery from the perspective of a recovering therapist has been extremely helpful to me as I am presently in what feels like death struggle with depression and my abuse past. So thank you very much
Hi Livva. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. In the beginning, allowing yourself a moment to believe in the possibility for your healing is a step toward healing. In fact, it's the first and probably most important step. Though it can sometimes take a while to get there. I, as well as most of the clients I've worked with over the years, have had difficulty allowing myself to even hope for something different. The idea that it can happen for other people but not you is part of the comparison trap that keeps people feeling completely isolated. You are not alone! Hope and healing are available for you too :). Good luck! Check out the blog for more information and resources.
Thank you so much for commenting back :) I hope you are right (even though I'm scared I'm a hopless case :P I've been in therapy for almost 13 years, so I absolutely know things can take a while ;) I've subscribed to you channel, and I will be watching your videos
Livva Lin My pleasure :). I've worked with so many people who have believed they were the exception to the possibility of healing. It's many, many, tiny steps that get you there. Thanks so much for subscribing and your kind words. If you are interested, I am considering doing an online group sometime in the relative near future. I will post info on my website as details are settled.
thank you so much for telling this, you give hope :) Online group sounds interesting, but I'm not from the US, so I'm not sure if that will work then? what's the link to your website? :)
Thanks for sharing your journey. I can tell that I'm healing from my past sexual abuse. I got away from the situation almost two years ago. Sometimes I feel like I should be "over it" by now, which is really discouraging. Today I posted a video about the emotional side of the abuse I experienced from my ex boyfriend. I'm the kind of person who feels better after talking about what happened.
Sarah Acree Thank you for commenting! I'm glad you were able to leave your abusive situation. Abuse is something we cannot "get over", though I think most of us wish it were that simple. You deserve to allow yourself the time you need to heal. While it can be difficult to talk about, I think it most always feels better to talk about. It helps us know we're not alone and we are able to release the secrecy and shame.
Thanks :) It's always comforting to know that we aren't alone, and I've been working on adding positive energy to my everyday routine, as well as surrounding myself with supportive people. It's inspiring to watch your videos, and hear how far you've come and how much you've healed!
I went very briefly to a therapist and I am afraid to go to another. I told him something and he looked appalled and disgusted and I know it probably wasn't at me but I couldn't handle it and I left before the session was over and didn't go back. I feel like maybe this is something I should try again but I can't handle seeing something like that again. That's why I don't talk about it-I *know* how messed up all of that stuff is and that's why I keep it to myself.
I'm sorry you had this experience. :( I don't know what his reaction was about but I'm glad you recognize it may have been more about his thoughts about what was done to you than something about you. Though I know this does little to change the shame and fear that is triggered in that moment. You're right, all THIS is messed up. That is not the same as you being messed up. Please don't give up on the healing you deserve. I would suggest looking into a local rape crisis center for counseling. Their counselors are typically better trained in sexual trauma and the services are free or low cost. You can do an internet search for "rape crisis" and your zip code.
I'm so sorry for the unsafe world you find yourself in. I hope you know it's not personal. You were born healthy and this culture warps many people into painful shapes. Blessings on your journey and your pain.
thank you so much for sharing this , you gave me new prospective about how to heal from sexual abuse or how to even believe i can be okay and to see myself worthy saving
Thank you for your video. I stumbled upon your video accidentally and it is just what I need to hear right now. Maybe one day I will be able to move on.
I am really stuck on the fact that this happened to me and no one did anything about it. And over the years my family has distanced themselves from and I from them because I am angry about it all. And then over the years when they were inconsiderate and lied about me, I cussed them out and it drove even more of a wedge. Now I am basically estranged from my family and now that is difficult to deal with and not sure if/how to fix it! Suggestions?
Hi Suzie. So often, dealing with our families is one of the biggest hurdles to healing. The sense of betrayal can feel as bad as the betrayal from the abuse itself. Sometimes we have to accept that our families are not capable of being who we deserve them to be. If this is the case it's important to understand what your boundaries are and practice staying committed to them. A therapist or coach can definitely help with this. Good luck to you.
Suzie Jones just go to church or something and try to find other people with common interests as you. get yourself into a hobby, such as running. one tip is with exercise it is very theraputic in helping you deal with the struggles of this life.
I've learned that your family is who you want and need it to be. Keep positive and loving people in your circle. Just because you were born into a group of people doesn't mean they have the right to be toxic to you. You have the right to say that's enough. "I'm ( you) a wonderful and awesome person to be friends/family with. If you don't have respect and kindness towards me, you can't be near me." My life became much more positive having great people who love and care about me be my family.
You look amazing! And I am a sexual abuse survivor, trying to find ways of healing my terrible coping mechanisms healing from abusive Narcisst Pedophiles. No self esteem is very familiar, not being able to have a relationship yet longing for a relationship. Promiscuity is my most embarrassing side. I dont have children, I am 41 years old and pretty much isolated and I get triggered all the time when humans come near me. Maybe you can recommend me a good Therapist who is specialised in this Field?
In many communities (in the U.S. as well as some places internationally) you can get counseling/therapy through a local rape crisis center. You can do an online search for "rape crisis" with your zip or area code. They typically offer free or low cost services. In the U.S. I would also recommend GoodTherapy.org to look for someone in private practice. You can search there for people experienced in trauma. I would suggest finding someone who has a lot of experience specifically with childhood abuse.
for me I have been through hapephobia, eating disorders, sever insomnia, selfabuse, depression, anxiety, ocd, and ptsd. I have been through these mental struggles because when I was little I was sexually abused by one of my peers that I thought would be my friend. I didn't have any friends, so I tried to tag along with my sister to spend the night at her house. her friend had a sister so I hung out with her. I really didn't know her and I don't think I remember her name. but I remember the first sleepover I had the girl kicked me in a closet. after that I started to develop hapephobia (fear of touch) because of what happened. at the time I had just blocked it out. long story short my parents would think I was just trying to revel by not t ouching them and I never got the right counseling to fully heal from all of this. any one have any advice? I feel so alone.
I hope that you are doing better right now. What I do is imagine myself as an adult right now saving my young self from the abuse that happened. The hard part is remembering everything when I want to forget
Hello, thank you for sharing your experience and I admire where you are bases on where you came from. I'm looking for advice about someone very dear to me, she was sexually abused as a little girl by her step grandfather, she was raised by this man and her grandmother. Her grandmother knew about the abuse and did very little about it. When she got older this step grandfather became I'll and her grandma made her take care of him till he died. As a daughter I would like to know how to help but my mom says she's over it but there are so many fears that I see in her that I know are linked to this abusive experience she went through for many years. scared of the dark, scared of closing doors and getting annoyed by people eating crunchy things since she always remembers him doing that near her ear. They might seem like little things but the fact that she still remembers thus and fears these things now as a 51 year old woman just makes me feel like she has unresolved things to talk about. She has never been to therapy to treat this specific subject. It saddens me that she minimises when I can see that some part of her is still living trauma. She also gets involved in very toxic relationships with people that are toxic to her but she always thinks she is there to change them but their problems are so BIG, things like addictions and abuse and dominance are always involved. Could someone please give me some guidance about what I can do as a daughter that has already adviced her to treat this specific trauma? I would appreciate it immensely. Thank you for your time!
Thank you for watching. I know how hard it is when someone you love is struggling and is unable to or chooses not to get help. You might consider sharing with her what you've learned about the impact of abuse and the possibility of healing from it. You could also share my channel with her. I've heard from quite a few people who've shared it with someone and that person decided to get the support they deserved.
Thank you! I hope to get to where you are. I was sexually abused before 5 and the memory started returning around 15. Im also from a dysfunctional family (mental health issues mostly) and learned not to tell anyone and so it just got worse and worse throughout the years. I’m getting better but my inner critic still goes crazy around other people. It seems I’m afraid they are going to hurt me.
Thank you for watching and commenting, Sarah. I, too, hope you are able to experience the healing you deserve. It's hard to not feel the need to self-protect but you can get there.
EuRice Queen Oh, but you are a survivor, EuRice! You may have a lot of healing to do, but you are a survivor. Many therapists have difficult hisotries. I think it can give a helpful perspective in the work. I would just STRONGLY encourage you to make sure you've had your own therapy first so you don't unintentionally create more difficulty for your client. Thanks for watching and commenting.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW Hi again Miss Peggy. First off, thank you for replying to my comment. I'm sorry if i seem intrusive, but if someone is abused is it really necessary to tell the people who matter most that you were abused instead of just keeping quiet all your life? Thank you again.
EuRice Queen It is not necessary to tell anyone you were abused (aside from the need to share with somone to free you from the secrecy, could be a friend, coach, or therapist). However, in your question you ask about "keeping quiet all your life". This would suggest to me that you believe it's what you "should" do. That maybe "everyone is better off" if they don't know. It is not your responsibility to "protect" others from the truth.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW I told my mother about it 2 years ago but she acts like I never told her anything. Thank you for the advice on getting therapy first. I think I really need that.
thank you. one day i hope to actually be able to see myself in a decent way. Any advice on how to move toward loving myself without going to therapy. i cant afford it but i really really wanna get better
Aundrea Hunt Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Healing on your own is nearly impossible to do. Depending on where you live, there may be low cost or even free counseling available to you. Many communities in the US have rape crisis centers that provide counseling for survivors of childhood abuse. They also provide support groups which are an important part of a healing journey. I woud encourage you to look into those options. They generally have people specifically trained in these issues so can sometimes be an even better alternative to a general therapist in private practice. Practicing self-care is a really important step in being able to see yourself differently. While it can be difficult to do on your own, The Courage to Heal is a great book for survivors.
thank you. i actually decided to ask my grandma to help me get into therapy again and she agreed to. ive only been twice so far, but i think it will really help thanks for replying to me
So if I some comes to you self harming them self & not wanting to be here. They have also been diagnosed With anxiety & depression and tells you they were abused physical, sexually but no one believes in fact blames them and tells them they wanted it would you Be able to help
Hi Savanna. Thanks for asking. If you're asking in general if someone who has experienced and struggles with these things can be helped, can heal, I would say absolutely yes. It's not something that happens quickly or easily but it can happen. Most of the people I've worked with have struggled with many of these same things. If you're asking if I specifically can help, I would need to know more information to make sure doing the work virtually or meeting with someone in person would be most beneficial. If you're interested in learning more about working with me you can check out all the info @ courageousjourneys.com/work-with-me/ I hope you get the help and support you deserve.
Thanks for the video. I had sexual assault when I 13 and just a couple of months ago. I do have alot of negative self talk. My husband wont touch me. I am going to therapy June 17. My husband wont go.
I'm so glad you will be going to therapy soon. Having a recent assault with a history of assault can be so incredibly difficult. You deserve to have support as you navigate through this. I'm sorry to hear that your husband seems to be less than supportive and certainly less than you deserve. Please know that you are not alone. ❤️
Hi again, Peggy. I'm having a very bad time and felt the urge to write to pretty much anyone who understands... I hope you don't mind. I know you probably don't have the time to answer a bunch of questions from peoples personal troubles, so I'll try to keep it simple and short. When it feels like your whole family and relatives suffers and seem more or less insane and screwed up lives, how do I know I'm not crazy aswell, and how do I know what's healthy? I'm thinking about my family and feels like I'm in a prison... especially that I share their genes. A girl I've been liking for a long time seems to like me back as more than a friend, but I'm not sure I should try anything becouse of this. I really appreciate an answer, but if you're busy, I completely understand. Thanks for the videos. :)
+ErikM I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now. I know how difficult it is, how overwhelming it can feel, when you realize everyone around you is even more dysfunctional than you are. The fact that you recognize how "crazy" they are likely says a lot about how you are not. :) Whatever your struggles are, they can be healed. Don't allow your perceived "craziness" keep you from connecting with positive, healthy people in your life.
Have you any tools to share when an individual begins to remember the past trauma of sexual abuse....At first it can be overwhelming and frightening to relive the memories. Any words of wisdom on how to mover forward rather than run from these overwhelming memories and feelings and horror?
+Bill Woollam Thank you for taking the time to comment Bill. First, I would say to remind yourself that is normal to have difficulty when you have new memories. Not only for the obvious reason, but also because it can cause you to doubt yourself. It's important to have someone you can talk to about what is coming up for you. Ideally, one of those people would be someone experienced in understanding the significance of what it means to be a survivor of sexual abuse. In regards to feeling overwhelmed, using breathing and meditation can be incredibly helpful. I have a free guided meditation on my site you might find helpful.
Well, it was for a friend that I was asking for some tools. I have experienced loss, abandonment, and overwhelming sorrow that bubbled up over my childhood loss and abandonment. It was overwhelming at times in my healing, but I knew I needed to just 'feel the loss' rather than keep repressing it. I didn't have a hang-up about crying and going deep into that 'release of grief'. So when I had a heartbreak in my later years , it helped that I just went with it, felt the sadness, cried the tears, and stayed the coarse until that healing was completed over time. I do meditate each day. And often I find I may experience some sadness or grief on its way out. Afterwards there is a calm, warm presence of mind. I feel like a great weight has been lifted. I can well imagine that someone who has the grief of a childhood sexual trauma, must need to move through the memory, the loss, the rage, the fear, the sorrow ....as well, in order to allow for healing to occur. thank you for your sincere approach.
+Bill Woollam Allowing yourself to feel and move through grief is imperative to having a healthy, happy life. I love how you talked about how years later when you experienced heartbreak, you were able to allow it and move through it. This is a key to healing.
Hello. You can reach out to me through my website @ Courageous Journeys or email direct @ healing@courageousjourneys.com. I'll look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you so much Peggy. Part of what you said really hit home for me (well, a lot of what you said!) - I saw my father recently after many, many years and he came up to me and said how different I was. That I wasn't that scared wallflower I used to be. I'm looking forward to watching more of your videos and also of reading your blog. I also was classic case, but didn't realize for such a long time. Thank you for helping so many! Debbie www.ifiwereabutterfly.com
I have been stressed out a lot and afraid to tell my mom but at my middle School a kid named Mason touches my butt and loves to rub my hair. He really creeps me out. he even says weird things like I love your big cheeks. he has said he loves me. I'm to embarrassed.
Hi Brody. If I'm reading correctly you are in middle school? If you can't tell your mom, please tell your teacher or a school nurse what is happening. Maybe even consider telling them even if you do tell your mom. What he is doing isn't ok. It's important for you to feel safe. You have nothing to feel badly or embarrassed about.
Brody Mathis I'm really sorry to hear that this violation is happening to you. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It's disrespectful. Have you tried standing up to that person by yelling at him, telling him to stop touching you because you don't want that and it's disrespectful? Have you tried telling him that his words like "I love your hair" are creepy and mak8ng you uncomfortable?
Why does everything say not to push therapy on the Teen, when clearly they will go through so many other problems because of the abuse. Why not stop the other problems before they begin? In Californai, kids 12 and older have to authorize the therapy. We can't just take them and hope they talk to them.
This is a difficult situation. I agree with your thoughts about it. However, I also know if a teen really doesn't want to go, it's not likely going to help. Having said that, if my teenager came to me and told me they had been abused, I would absolutely have them see someone. Even if it was family counseling.
Right now she is seeing the school Pycologist. And we are trusting God to provide us a way to pay for family counseling for my Grand daughter and her Mom. The step father is the abuser so he is completely out of the picture awaiting trail.
I'm glad she's getting that support. If you live in the US or even in some other countries, maybe consider searching for rape crisis in your area. They often provide free or low cost counseling for survivors and sometimes family members.
Since she is 12 yrs. old, she gets to make that decision and she refuses to talk to anyone. She is visiting with the school phycologist because the principal isn't giving her a choice. But in the private sector, she has the choice. Rape crisis counseling was a total bust.
Hi Savanna. I don't know where you live, but in the U.S. (and some other countries) there are many communities with low cost or free counseling through rape crisis centers. Just do a search for rape crisis in your zip code or area. If you haven't connected with me on FB, I would encourage you to join our (free) tribe there for inspiration and support.
i wish, one time, if the 'healing experience' was so great, that 'survivors ' could PLEASE be responsive to the innocent people who tried to love them in their lives, but instead became so much fodder on the side of the road in their past. Great damage has been done second and third hand to people who were married to childhood sexual 'survivors', or survivor's children. There is very little ever mentioned or concern or resources at all available to us ~
all things matter Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are absolutely right, to love someone who has been abused can be incredibly difficult and often hurtful, in many different ways. I am sorry the person in your life has not been able to acknowledge how their struggles have impacted you. There is a book you may find helpful in understanding why some things may have happened (though not at all as an excuse), so you can begin to heal too. The book is Allies in Healing by Laura Davis. I also just found this book, though I'm not familar with it...When a Woman you love was Abused by Dawn Scott Jones. I imagine if you loved a man, the book could still be helpful (with some obvious differences).
So. since you were a victim (Childhood Trauma) and developed PTSD . you cannot be a therapies because that triggers your past experience and it seems to me that you aren't cure yet. in Psychology we call Second Trauma effects . you need psycho therapy.
You have a very soothing voice, and seem very nice. I wish you were my therapist.
Thank you Lab444.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW ua-cam.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/v-deo.html
Such an inspiring video!!!! I'm a 53 yr old man who has just learning what and how my childhood sexual trauma has affected my life. The self loathing, feeling worthless or not good enough, the feelings of being a failure, how i percieved things, how i interpreted things from my wife has all been eye opening. Unfortunately it has affected my marriage several times and has again recently in a way that has us currently separated but it was the moment that i realized that after years of asking why, it finally hit me. I'm starting my healing and I hope this heals my marriage once and for all. Thank you for this message and congratulations!!
I'm so glad you recognize the impact and have started the healing process you so deserve. It truly is incredible (and devastating) how impactful, in so many areas, childhood trauma is. Best to you as you take this journey. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️
I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it affect me. It has, and I hate it. I'm 33, living a fairly regular life but am now realising that I've been running away from myself in various ways (drugs, alcohol, promiscuity). I think I have a survival instinct that has saved me my entire life but it's a constant roller-coaster in which everything is going quite well (considering everything) and then I sabotage myself. The fact is I play a role (which I'm very good at) and once I have achieved what I thought I couldn't I spiral down again.
My entire family abused me in one way or another - my mother was (in some cases but not all) the instigator in my sexual abuse at a very young age, as well as severe beatings, humiliation, degradation. My father beat me severely also and even as an adult taunted me with his power over me ( I yearned his love and affection). My family and peers knew about the abuse and did nothing, I mean NOTHING, about it. If anything, I was a liar or a whore. It started when I was still in the crib and only ended when I eventually fought back, at around 10 or 11 years of age.
I left home at 15, became a junky, recovered from that out of sheer stubborn rebellion (they always labeled and judged me for the faults and injustices my parents committed) and actually created an illusion (even for myself) of success, strength and happiness. This was and is a lie.
I am constantly trying to overcome these feelings of worthlessness and although I know (but loathe the fact) that I was a victim I am now coming to realise that I cannot heal myself. I can't pretend anymore - I am a damaged and broken person.
It's highly unlikely you can help me but I wanted to thank you for your video, Peggy Oliveira. You are helping a lot of lost souls out there that have noone. There is hope.
To anyone that is reading this that has suffered any form of abuse please know it is not your fault. It's so difficult to believe (when you are the recipient of horrors that a person that hasn't experienced this couldn't fathom) and I really get that - you did not deserve ANY of it, you are worth so much to this world and the people around you. Don't give up! I love you (whoever and wherever you are, we share a pain that can transcend into pure love)!
Peggy, please excuse my very long message. I am no-one. I just don't want people to suffer what I am suffering.
LeyTan,
Thank you so much for commenting. You are wrong...you are someone...you are one of us...and you matter. I'm sorry for all you've endured. I'm glad you are recognizing you can't do this work on your own. I hope you realize none of us can. Thank you for sharing your story. Please don't give up on your own healing.
Thank you for the kind words. Don't give up. Maybe I won't either
laboomerang Sending you love and strength!!! You can do this
LeyTan FS .
laboomerang Best wishes to you both :) 'They're' lucky to have you
Thank you for making this 10 years ago and you continue now to make new videos. I will watch them all, I connect so deeply to you. You are very strong, it means so much to see such bravery. Thank you for words ❤
Thank you so much for watching and your very kind words. ❤️ I'm so glad you resonate with the videos.
Love this video! I'm a survivor as well and it takes a lot of strength to share your story. This is very healing and gives me strength as well. xoxo
Hi Kelsey. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm really happy to hear it helped you connect with your inner strength. There are far too many of us out there, yet it's so easy to feel completely isolated.
THANK YOU so much for this beautiful and touching video! I`m almost in tears here...Thank you for stepping down from the therapist- pedestal that actually exists on some level...and for sharing your personal story. Thank you also for sharing the fact that one does not really change in one`s core, but rather become able to see oneself the way other, loving people do. Still, it certainly feels like one has changed, because as you say, one starts to see oneself in another light. It is truly a magical journey, when people who have been abused, start to discover themselves, and truly see and feel what an awesome being they actually are. I think the shere joy of that discovery almost can be shocking to some, because it is in such great contrast to being used to feeling bad about oneself. Take care, and keep up the good work. You have a very soothing voice and presence, by the way. Kind regards.
Thanks so much for watching and your kind words.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm an attorney and want to help others in the legal field the way you help them in therapy. Your story gives me hope I'll get there someday despite how much CSA and other abuse has effected me.
Thanks so much for watching. Legal support is so important for survivors and sadly, not very accessible. Thank you for your desire and willingness to stand with and for other survivors.
Your video was a bath of warm light on a cold soul. Thank you for being who you are and doing what you do
I'm feeling a little speechless :). Thank you for such incredible, beautiful words.
Thank you for being so open and honest.
Thank you for watching.
Hi Peggy! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wise words about your healing process, you are truly brave. I'm a survivor of lengthy childhood sexual abuse and I can relate to much of what you are speaking of, this video touched me and almost made me break in to tears. Im not a native english speaker so please excuse my grammar and spelling. My healing process started 7 years ago when I was 20 years old and even thou it's been a long time since then and several years in therapy my lens which I view myself through is not quite cleared yet but not near as tainted as it was 7 years ago. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, engaged even, and studying to become a high school teacher. For me as a child what kept me going during the hard times was the hope for a much better future for myself, a future which I have now created for myself. Thank you again! /Jessica
jessicamedca Thank you for commenting, and your kind words. I'm so happy you've been able to experience what it means to heal. I think it's an ongoing process for all of us. Though just being able to recognize that you can feel different and have a happier life is what healing is really about. Congratulations on your engagement.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW
Thank you for your answer! Yes I truly believe that healing is an ongoing process in the same way that you never stop learning and changing as a person. And of course Ive now also subscribed to your channel!
Love how insightful and real this is and gives hope ❤️
I'm so glad this video brought a sense of hopefulness. ❤️ Thank you for commenting.
thank you so much for your videos! I just found out in july through EMDR and a very trust worthy wonderful therapist that at 4 years old that the 18 year old son of the pastor at the church we were going to at that time abused me sexually and traumatized me with his means of threatening me. I'm 52 now and I'm excited to finally know the truth and it is setting me free!!
Marten Dekker oh I have totally felt and let myself experience all the emotions it's been so very healing!! I haven't felt desensitized at all. I do not believe all therapists who use EMDR in their therapy truly use it correctly. thanks for your advice!
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment Yvette. I'm sorry I didn't see this until now. I'm glad you are were able to get the support you needed and deserve.
You are an inspiration to my girlfriend and myself. Bless you, Doctor.
Thank you. I"m honored you feel inspired by the video. Just to clarify, I am not a "Doctor" by profession. I am a master's level psychotherapist. :)
Thank you. I feel like I'm listening to myself. Thank you indeed
Thank you for your videos. I am a survivor as well and I am thankful I have found my voice to speak out. I am currently study mental health counseling as a grad student. Your example give me hope that once I get my degree so I help teens.
I'm so glad the video helps you feel hopeful.
Thank you. I've been watching your videos all night and they really speak to me as a person; where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. You are truly helping me understand that my behaviors, thoughts, etc. make sense as a backlash of trauma and helping me feel more...normal? I'm sure that isn't the "right" word but, it's true. So, thank you for being there when you don't even know I'm here :)
Thank you so much for watching and commenting. I'm glad the videos resonate with you and are able to see a bit more of the truth of who you are. I appreciate you letting me know you're out there listening and connecting. :)
Thank you for this video, please continue to make others. I am a male survivor and shared my story as well. Your testimony and words hit home and that's what we need to know. I know many can't afford counseling and these videos are your way of serving. I don't know if you are a Christian, but you are a strong woman of faith in any aspect. I thank you again for your support to those who endured pain but can come out flourishing with power and amazement at what life CAN bring about AFTER we start to heal. Thanks
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment, and your very kind words :)
I could relate to all your talking about with your beautiful personality,and the way you explain it all about all you were made to go threw,and have to endure,and now your success in getting threw it all,and being able to overcome your shyness,and all of what happened to you which was a lot especially not thinking all the time it was’nt possible,and now you got threw it all great accomplishments❤️🙏Namaste
I’m not sure exactly when you made this, so I’m taking a chance you’ll still read this. I’m a sexual abuse and domestic abuse survivor. I can see pain in people’s eyes. Though you have come very far, you still carry pain. I’m glad for you that you have a supportive loving husband. People who get it like you do make the best therapists. Thank you for your genuineness.
I could relate to most of what your talking about,and there’s always triggers which bring back many memories with what happened the way it did,and how there was no way out of it for me until one day getting closer to someone to help me escape from it With Her sometimes I think what it would of been like if that didn’t happen,and thank you for coming forward with your great videos with your courage to talk about it all😘Love ❤
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. ❤️
Loved your Voice Peggy.
I am pretty sure your voice will be heard and believe me, it's real hard to imagine your head being down, at any place, ever.
Thanks so much for watching and your kind words.
Thank you so much hearing about practical recovery from the perspective of a recovering therapist has been extremely helpful to me as I am presently in what feels like death struggle with depression and my abuse past.
So thank you very much
I'm so glad you found connection in this video.
WOW, jackpot if you are studying body language. This is some of the most clear non-verbals i have seen in awhile
peace
KOTT
Thank you for posting this video! You are so inspirational
Hi Livva. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. In the beginning, allowing yourself a moment to believe in the possibility for your healing is a step toward healing. In fact, it's the first and probably most important step. Though it can sometimes take a while to get there.
I, as well as most of the clients I've worked with over the years, have had difficulty allowing myself to even hope for something different. The idea that it can happen for other people but not you is part of the comparison trap that keeps people feeling completely isolated.
You are not alone! Hope and healing are available for you too :). Good luck! Check out the blog for more information and resources.
Thank you so much for commenting back :)
I hope you are right (even though I'm scared I'm a hopless case :P I've been in therapy for almost 13 years, so I absolutely know things can take a while ;)
I've subscribed to you channel, and I will be watching your videos
Livva Lin My pleasure :). I've worked with so many people who have believed they were the exception to the possibility of healing. It's many, many, tiny steps that get you there.
Thanks so much for subscribing and your kind words. If you are interested, I am considering doing an online group sometime in the relative near future. I will post info on my website as details are settled.
thank you so much for telling this, you give hope :)
Online group sounds interesting, but I'm not from the US, so I'm not sure if that will work then? what's the link to your website? :)
The time difference would probably be the biggest potential obstacle, but could possibly still work. The website is courageousjourneys.com
This is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing. It's helpful to hear of healing from a therapists personal experience.Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad you found connection.
thank you so much ♥️♥️, you showed me why I used to behave in certain ways!!
Thanks for watching. I'm so glad the video helped. I hope it also helps you release any shame you've held onto.
Thanks for sharing your journey. I can tell that I'm healing from my past sexual abuse. I got away from the situation almost two years ago. Sometimes I feel like I should be "over it" by now, which is really discouraging. Today I posted a video about the emotional side of the abuse I experienced from my ex boyfriend. I'm the kind of person who feels better after talking about what happened.
Sarah Acree Thank you for commenting! I'm glad you were able to leave your abusive situation. Abuse is something we cannot "get over", though I think most of us wish it were that simple. You deserve to allow yourself the time you need to heal. While it can be difficult to talk about, I think it most always feels better to talk about. It helps us know we're not alone and we are able to release the secrecy and shame.
Thanks :) It's always comforting to know that we aren't alone, and I've been working on adding positive energy to my everyday routine, as well as surrounding myself with supportive people. It's inspiring to watch your videos, and hear how far you've come and how much you've healed!
Sarah Acree Thank you Sarah. You are certainly not alone and I hope the same for you in your healing.
Thank you so much for making this video. I really feel seen and understood.
Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤ I'm so glad the video helped you feel this way.
I went very briefly to a therapist and I am afraid to go to another. I told him something and he looked appalled and disgusted and I know it probably wasn't at me but I couldn't handle it and I left before the session was over and didn't go back. I feel like maybe this is something I should try again but I can't handle seeing something like that again. That's why I don't talk about it-I *know* how messed up all of that stuff is and that's why I keep it to myself.
I'm sorry you had this experience. :( I don't know what his reaction was about but I'm glad you recognize it may have been more about his thoughts about what was done to you than something about you. Though I know this does little to change the shame and fear that is triggered in that moment. You're right, all THIS is messed up. That is not the same as you being messed up. Please don't give up on the healing you deserve. I would suggest looking into a local rape crisis center for counseling. Their counselors are typically better trained in sexual trauma and the services are free or low cost. You can do an internet search for "rape crisis" and your zip code.
I'm so sorry for the unsafe world you find yourself in. I hope you know it's not personal. You were born healthy and this culture warps many people into painful shapes. Blessings on your journey and your pain.
thank you so much for sharing this , you gave me new prospective about how to heal from sexual abuse or how to even believe i can be okay and to see myself worthy saving
I'm so, so glad the video helped you believe in you and your journey.
Thank you for your video. I stumbled upon your video accidentally and it is just what I need to hear right now. Maybe one day I will be able to move on.
I am really stuck on the fact that this happened to me and no one did anything about it. And over the years my family has distanced themselves from and I from them because I am angry about it all. And then over the years when they were inconsiderate and lied about me, I cussed them out and it drove even more of a wedge. Now I am basically estranged from my family and now that is difficult to deal with and not sure if/how to fix it!
Suggestions?
Hi Suzie. So often, dealing with our families is one of the biggest hurdles to healing. The sense of betrayal can feel as bad as the betrayal from the abuse itself. Sometimes we have to accept that our families are not capable of being who we deserve them to be. If this is the case it's important to understand what your boundaries are and practice staying committed to them. A therapist or coach can definitely help with this. Good luck to you.
Suzie Jones just go to church or something and try to find other people with common interests as you. get yourself into a hobby, such as running. one tip is with exercise it is very theraputic in helping you deal with the struggles of this life.
I've learned that your family is who you want and need it to be. Keep positive and loving people in your circle. Just because you were born into a group of people doesn't mean they have the right to be toxic to you. You have the right to say that's enough. "I'm ( you) a wonderful and awesome person to be friends/family with. If you don't have respect and kindness towards me, you can't be near me."
My life became much more positive having great people who love and care about me be my family.
Suzie Jones fund support groups in your area
thank you so much for this video ❤️
Thank you for making the videos. They bring me understanding and hope. X
dowopmissthing My pleasure :). I'm so happy you've found them helpful.
Thank you! ❤
You're very welcome. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️
You look amazing! And I am a sexual abuse survivor, trying to find ways of healing my terrible coping mechanisms healing from abusive Narcisst Pedophiles. No self esteem is very familiar, not being able to have a relationship yet longing for a relationship. Promiscuity is my most embarrassing side. I dont have children, I am 41 years old and pretty much isolated and I get triggered all the time when humans come near me. Maybe you can recommend me a good Therapist who is specialised in this Field?
In many communities (in the U.S. as well as some places internationally) you can get counseling/therapy through a local rape crisis center. You can do an online search for "rape crisis" with your zip or area code. They typically offer free or low cost services. In the U.S. I would also recommend GoodTherapy.org to look for someone in private practice. You can search there for people experienced in trauma. I would suggest finding someone who has a lot of experience specifically with childhood abuse.
Thank you.
for me I have been through hapephobia, eating disorders, sever insomnia, selfabuse, depression, anxiety, ocd, and ptsd. I have been through these mental struggles because when I was little I was sexually abused by one of my peers that I thought would be my friend. I didn't have any friends, so I tried to tag along with my sister to spend the night at her house. her friend had a sister so I hung out with her. I really didn't know her and I don't think I remember her name. but I remember the first sleepover I had the girl kicked me in a closet. after that I started to develop hapephobia (fear of touch) because of what happened. at the time I had just blocked it out. long story short my parents would think I was just trying to revel by not t ouching them and I never got the right counseling to fully heal from all of this. any one have any advice? I feel so alone.
I hope that you are doing better right now. What I do is imagine myself as an adult right now saving my young self from the abuse that happened. The hard part is remembering everything when I want to forget
I love this peggy ❤️
Thanks so much for watching and commenting. ❤
Hello, thank you for sharing your experience and I admire where you are bases on where you came from. I'm looking for advice about someone very dear to me, she was sexually abused as a little girl by her step grandfather, she was raised by this man and her grandmother. Her grandmother knew about the abuse and did very little about it. When she got older this step grandfather became I'll and her grandma made her take care of him till he died. As a daughter I would like to know how to help but my mom says she's over it but there are so many fears that I see in her that I know are linked to this abusive experience she went through for many years. scared of the dark, scared of closing doors and getting annoyed by people eating crunchy things since she always remembers him doing that near her ear. They might seem like little things but the fact that she still remembers thus and fears these things now as a 51 year old woman just makes me feel like she has unresolved things to talk about. She has never been to therapy to treat this specific subject. It saddens me that she minimises when I can see that some part of her is still living trauma. She also gets involved in very toxic relationships with people that are toxic to her but she always thinks she is there to change them but their problems are so BIG, things like addictions and abuse and dominance are always involved. Could someone please give me some guidance about what I can do as a daughter that has already adviced her to treat this specific trauma? I would appreciate it immensely. Thank you for your time!
Thank you for watching. I know how hard it is when someone you love is struggling and is unable to or chooses not to get help. You might consider sharing with her what you've learned about the impact of abuse and the possibility of healing from it. You could also share my channel with her. I've heard from quite a few people who've shared it with someone and that person decided to get the support they deserved.
Thank you! I hope to get to where you are. I was sexually abused before 5 and the memory started returning around 15. Im also from a dysfunctional family (mental health issues mostly) and learned not to tell anyone and so it just got worse and worse throughout the years. I’m getting better but my inner critic still goes crazy around other people. It seems I’m afraid they are going to hurt me.
Thank you for watching and commenting, Sarah. I, too, hope you are able to experience the healing you deserve. It's hard to not feel the need to self-protect but you can get there.
Hello Miss Peggy. I am a sexual abuse victim (i'm not a survivor YET, though i hope to be someday.) i really want to be a therapist.
EuRice Queen Oh, but you are a survivor, EuRice! You may have a lot of healing to do, but you are a survivor. Many therapists have difficult hisotries. I think it can give a helpful perspective in the work. I would just STRONGLY encourage you to make sure you've had your own therapy first so you don't unintentionally create more difficulty for your client. Thanks for watching and commenting.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW Hi again Miss Peggy. First off, thank you for replying to my comment. I'm sorry if i seem intrusive, but if someone is abused is it really necessary to tell the people who matter most that you were abused instead of just keeping quiet all your life? Thank you again.
EuRice Queen It is not necessary to tell anyone you were abused (aside from the need to share with somone to free you from the secrecy, could be a friend, coach, or therapist). However, in your question you ask about "keeping quiet all your life". This would suggest to me that you believe it's what you "should" do. That maybe "everyone is better off" if they don't know. It is not your responsibility to "protect" others from the truth.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW I told my mother about it 2 years ago but she acts like I never told her anything. Thank you for the advice on getting therapy first. I think I really need that.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW thank you, again, for replying Miss Peggy. Bless your heart.
You are really amazing and an inspiration.. Thank you.
Thank you so much Tagrid. I really appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment. You're welcome to join us on the blog or facebook.
And thank you so much for your kind words Tagrid :)
thank you. one day i hope to actually be able to see myself in a decent way. Any advice on how to move toward loving myself without going to therapy. i cant afford it but i really really wanna get better
Aundrea Hunt Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Healing on your own is nearly impossible to do. Depending on where you live, there may be low cost or even free counseling available to you. Many communities in the US have rape crisis centers that provide counseling for survivors of childhood abuse. They also provide support groups which are an important part of a healing journey. I woud encourage you to look into those options. They generally have people specifically trained in these issues so can sometimes be an even better alternative to a general therapist in private practice.
Practicing self-care is a really important step in being able to see yourself differently. While it can be difficult to do on your own, The Courage to Heal is a great book for survivors.
thank you. i actually decided to ask my grandma to help me get into therapy again and she agreed to. ive only been twice so far, but i think it will really help thanks for replying to me
ok I figured out how to send it now.
Is there an email address where I can send you my comments without being public?
You can send to healing@courageousjourneys.com
I need some help on how to tell her because this has been going on for five months and I can't take it.
What's going on how old are you?
So if I some comes to you self harming them self & not wanting to be here. They have also been diagnosed With anxiety & depression and tells you they were abused physical, sexually but no one believes in fact blames them and tells them they wanted it would you Be able to help
Hi Savanna. Thanks for asking. If you're asking in general if someone who has experienced and struggles with these things can be helped, can heal, I would say absolutely yes. It's not something that happens quickly or easily but it can happen. Most of the people I've worked with have struggled with many of these same things.
If you're asking if I specifically can help, I would need to know more information to make sure doing the work virtually or meeting with someone in person would be most beneficial. If you're interested in learning more about working with me you can check out all the info @ courageousjourneys.com/work-with-me/
I hope you get the help and support you deserve.
Thanks for the video. I had sexual assault when I 13 and just a couple of months ago. I do have alot of negative self talk. My husband wont touch me. I am going to therapy June 17. My husband wont go.
I'm so glad you will be going to therapy soon. Having a recent assault with a history of assault can be so incredibly difficult. You deserve to have support as you navigate through this. I'm sorry to hear that your husband seems to be less than supportive and certainly less than you deserve. Please know that you are not alone. ❤️
Hi again, Peggy. I'm having a very bad time and felt the urge to write to pretty much anyone who understands... I hope you don't mind. I know you probably don't have the time to answer a bunch of questions from peoples personal troubles, so I'll try to keep it simple and short. When it feels like your whole family and relatives suffers and seem more or less insane and screwed up lives, how do I know I'm not crazy aswell, and how do I know what's healthy?
I'm thinking about my family and feels like I'm in a prison... especially that I share their genes. A girl I've been liking for a long time seems to like me back as more than a friend, but I'm not sure I should try anything becouse of this. I really appreciate an answer, but if you're busy, I completely understand. Thanks for the videos. :)
+ErikM I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now. I know how difficult it is, how overwhelming it can feel, when you realize everyone around you is even more dysfunctional than you are. The fact that you recognize how "crazy" they are likely says a lot about how you are not. :) Whatever your struggles are, they can be healed. Don't allow your perceived "craziness" keep you from connecting with positive, healthy people in your life.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW Thank you so much, I'll try to keep your words in mind.
The best wishes,
Erik
Have you any tools to share when an individual begins to remember the past trauma of sexual abuse....At first it can be overwhelming and frightening to relive the memories. Any words of wisdom on how to mover forward rather than run from these overwhelming memories and feelings and horror?
+Bill Woollam Thank you for taking the time to comment Bill. First, I would say to remind yourself that is normal to have difficulty when you have new memories. Not only for the obvious reason, but also because it can cause you to doubt yourself. It's important to have someone you can talk to about what is coming up for you. Ideally, one of those people would be someone experienced in understanding the significance of what it means to be a survivor of sexual abuse. In regards to feeling overwhelmed, using breathing and meditation can be incredibly helpful. I have a free guided meditation on my site you might find helpful.
Well, it was for a friend that I was asking for some tools. I have experienced loss, abandonment, and overwhelming sorrow that bubbled up over my childhood loss and abandonment. It was overwhelming at times in my healing, but I knew I needed to just 'feel the loss' rather than keep repressing it. I didn't have a hang-up about crying and going deep into that 'release of grief'. So when I had a heartbreak in my later years , it helped that I just went with it, felt the sadness, cried the tears, and stayed the coarse until that healing was completed over time. I do meditate each day. And often I find I may experience some sadness or grief on its way out. Afterwards there is a calm, warm presence of mind. I feel like a great weight has been lifted. I can well imagine that someone who has the grief of a childhood sexual trauma, must need to move through the memory, the loss, the rage, the fear, the sorrow ....as well, in order to allow for healing to occur. thank you for your sincere approach.
+Bill Woollam Allowing yourself to feel and move through grief is imperative to having a healthy, happy life. I love how you talked about how years later when you experienced heartbreak, you were able to allow it and move through it. This is a key to healing.
thanks
how do I reach out to you?
Hello. You can reach out to me through my website @ Courageous Journeys or email direct @ healing@courageousjourneys.com. I'll look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you so much Peggy. Part of what you said really hit home for me (well, a lot of what you said!) - I saw my father recently after many, many years and he came up to me and said how different I was. That I wasn't that scared wallflower I used to be.
I'm looking forward to watching more of your videos and also of reading your blog. I also was classic case, but didn't realize for such a long time.
Thank you for helping so many! Debbie
www.ifiwereabutterfly.com
Deborah Barry Thank you for watching and commenting. I'm so glad you were able to connect with what I shared.
The eyes can be very misleading if you rely on them only to make your decision?
Half the time you don't know the people you're talking to. what you see is not always what you get
I have been stressed out a lot and afraid to tell my mom but at my middle School a kid named Mason touches my butt and loves to rub my hair. He really creeps me out. he even says weird things like I love your big cheeks. he has said he loves me. I'm to embarrassed.
Hi Brody. If I'm reading correctly you are in middle school? If you can't tell your mom, please tell your teacher or a school nurse what is happening. Maybe even consider telling them even if you do tell your mom. What he is doing isn't ok. It's important for you to feel safe. You have nothing to feel badly or embarrassed about.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW ok
Brody Mathis I'm really sorry to hear that this violation is happening to you. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It's disrespectful. Have you tried standing up to that person by yelling at him, telling him to stop touching you because you don't want that and it's disrespectful? Have you tried telling him that his words like "I love your hair" are creepy and mak8ng you uncomfortable?
Why does everything say not to push therapy on the Teen, when clearly they will go through so many other problems because of the abuse. Why not stop the other problems before they begin? In Californai, kids 12 and older have to authorize the therapy. We can't just take them and hope they talk to them.
This is a difficult situation. I agree with your thoughts about it. However, I also know if a teen really doesn't want to go, it's not likely going to help. Having said that, if my teenager came to me and told me they had been abused, I would absolutely have them see someone. Even if it was family counseling.
Right now she is seeing the school Pycologist. And we are trusting God to provide us a way to pay for family counseling for my Grand daughter and her Mom. The step father is the abuser so he is completely out of the picture awaiting trail.
I'm glad she's getting that support. If you live in the US or even in some other countries, maybe consider searching for rape crisis in your area. They often provide free or low cost counseling for survivors and sometimes family members.
Since she is 12 yrs. old, she gets to make that decision and she refuses to talk to anyone. She is visiting with the school phycologist because the principal isn't giving her a choice. But in the private sector, she has the choice. Rape crisis counseling was a total bust.
I wish I could afford it
Hi Savanna. I don't know where you live, but in the U.S. (and some other countries) there are many communities with low cost or free counseling through rape crisis centers. Just do a search for rape crisis in your zip code or area. If you haven't connected with me on FB, I would encourage you to join our (free) tribe there for inspiration and support.
i wish, one time, if the 'healing experience' was so great, that 'survivors ' could PLEASE be responsive to the innocent people who tried to love them in their lives, but instead became so much fodder on the side of the road in their past. Great damage has been done second and third hand to people who were married to childhood sexual 'survivors', or survivor's children. There is very little ever mentioned or concern or resources at all available to us ~
all things matter Thank you for taking the time to comment. You are absolutely right, to love someone who has been abused can be incredibly difficult and often hurtful, in many different ways. I am sorry the person in your life has not been able to acknowledge how their struggles have impacted you. There is a book you may find helpful in understanding why some things may have happened (though not at all as an excuse), so you can begin to heal too. The book is Allies in Healing by Laura Davis. I also just found this book, though I'm not familar with it...When a Woman you love was Abused by Dawn Scott Jones. I imagine if you loved a man, the book could still be helpful (with some obvious differences).
So. since you were a victim (Childhood Trauma) and developed PTSD . you cannot be a therapies because that triggers your past experience and it seems to me that you aren't cure yet. in Psychology we call Second Trauma effects . you need psycho therapy.
That made no sense.
Hmmm. Not really sure how to respond to this. You may find my website helpful.