I started therapy about 3 months ago for the first time at age 44. Childhood sexual abuse from a father figure for years. Along with emotional neglect and other abuse from my parents. I hit a point where I felt like i could trust my therapist and myself within the first few sessions and dumped all of the most intense things like details and suicidal issues. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I realize that she cant save me, but I never had anyone to talk about this difficult stuff so candidly to. I just had myself to stew on it all throughout my life. It seems to help a bit. I've questioned if this is helping, if she understands me, and have even seen her as the enemy at times, but i realize that stuff is in my head. Hard to seperate those thoughts from reality. I'm trying to put my mind back together and she is just one of the tools. I find leaving comments about these issues helps a little. I isolate and I find it hard to open up. I am trying to directly address that. If she fell asleep or was on her phone, I would probably have something nasty to say. I would feel ignored from that, just like some of my childhood trauma made me feel. That's crazy to hear that therapists do this. Thank you for your content.
I'm glad you've found someone you feel comfortable sharing with and that those moments when you wonder if she is the enemy, you are able to recognize it likely isn't true. I'm also glad that participating in the conversation here feels helpful to you as well. Thank you for watching and taking the time to share. ❤️
I agree with what you believed was inappropriate from a therapist towards a client. That is, falling asleep in session, taking a call in session, turning up late, to name a few issues that are inappropriate. As a therapist, I know that not every client believes I'm the right therapist for them, and I'm OK with that. As a client, on occasion, I felt that the therapist I attended may not have been the right person for me. The most difficult experience I have had was a therapist wanting to befriend me. At some level, I was flattered that she believed that I was worthy of being her friend. I liked and cared for her, too. When I thanked her for believing that we could be friends and was honest that I came to her as a therapist, that was what I needed from her and not a friendship. Unfortunately, although it appeared that she took it well, in time, I realised that my saying no to a friendship with her was taken personally. In the end, I moved on from that relationship. There were aspects of my healing that I'm grateful to her for. However, I walked away hurt, and it took me time to recover from that. I know it was her stuff and human but inappropriate, and in truth,I had been hurt enough, and what she did was not right. I'm not convinced that enough therapists have done enough deep healing on themselves and so struggle to be fully present, available, and able to be there for their clients. I too could speak on this for hours!😊
I'm so sorry you lost such an important relationship. I also want to say good for you for being able to stand in what you knew you needed. This can be soooo incredibly challenging. I think most people would have gone along with the therapist's request/desire, in part because of what you mentioned, being flattered and also, I think a lot of people would feel bad or fearful of saying no. It's never a position a client should be put in. I love that you're able to hold things you did gain from your time with her along with acknowledging that it wasn't ok. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤️
I have broken up with a couple therapists by just not returning. One clearly had her own healing that needed done around something I had brought up because she made a comment about it like in a session and it was so invalidating and I knew she couldn't help me get past things that she isn't past. Had another who was 78 and had no reactions to anything, good or bad, and I KNOW I'm never going to connect with someone like that, I need someone with more...umph. The last one was immensely obsessed with enneagram numbers, which I find fascinating, but every other sentence was "that's such a 1 thing to say" or something and I just couldn't handle it. I'm currently with a therapist I've been seeing for years who for the first year was like you-late for every session, used to drive me absolutely nuts. Then she moved her sessions to her house and she's only been late once 😂
I'm so glad you've been able to find someone who is able to provide what you know you need in a good therapeutic relationship. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I started therapy about 3 months ago for the first time at age 44. Childhood sexual abuse from a father figure for years. Along with emotional neglect and other abuse from my parents. I hit a point where I felt like i could trust my therapist and myself within the first few sessions and dumped all of the most intense things like details and suicidal issues. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I realize that she cant save me, but I never had anyone to talk about this difficult stuff so candidly to. I just had myself to stew on it all throughout my life. It seems to help a bit. I've questioned if this is helping, if she understands me, and have even seen her as the enemy at times, but i realize that stuff is in my head. Hard to seperate those thoughts from reality. I'm trying to put my mind back together and she is just one of the tools. I find leaving comments about these issues helps a little. I isolate and I find it hard to open up. I am trying to directly address that. If she fell asleep or was on her phone, I would probably have something nasty to say. I would feel ignored from that, just like some of my childhood trauma made me feel. That's crazy to hear that therapists do this. Thank you for your content.
I'm glad you've found someone you feel comfortable sharing with and that those moments when you wonder if she is the enemy, you are able to recognize it likely isn't true. I'm also glad that participating in the conversation here feels helpful to you as well. Thank you for watching and taking the time to share. ❤️
I agree with what you believed was inappropriate from a therapist towards a client. That is, falling asleep in session, taking a call in session, turning up late, to name a few issues that are inappropriate. As a therapist, I know that not every client believes I'm the right therapist for them, and I'm OK with that. As a client, on occasion, I felt that the therapist I attended may not have been the right person for me. The most difficult experience I have had was a therapist wanting to befriend me. At some level, I was flattered that she believed that I was worthy of being her friend. I liked and cared for her, too. When I thanked her for believing that we could be friends and was honest that I came to her as a therapist, that was what I needed from her and not a friendship. Unfortunately, although it appeared that she took it well, in time, I realised that my saying no to a friendship with her was taken personally. In the end, I moved on from that relationship. There were aspects of my healing that I'm grateful to her for. However, I walked away hurt, and it took me time to recover from that. I know it was her stuff and human but inappropriate, and in truth,I had been hurt enough, and what she did was not right.
I'm not convinced that enough therapists have done enough deep healing on themselves and so struggle to be fully present, available, and able to be there for their clients. I too could speak on this for hours!😊
I'm so sorry you lost such an important relationship. I also want to say good for you for being able to stand in what you knew you needed. This can be soooo incredibly challenging. I think most people would have gone along with the therapist's request/desire, in part because of what you mentioned, being flattered and also, I think a lot of people would feel bad or fearful of saying no. It's never a position a client should be put in. I love that you're able to hold things you did gain from your time with her along with acknowledging that it wasn't ok. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤️
I have broken up with a couple therapists by just not returning. One clearly had her own healing that needed done around something I had brought up because she made a comment about it like in a session and it was so invalidating and I knew she couldn't help me get past things that she isn't past. Had another who was 78 and had no reactions to anything, good or bad, and I KNOW I'm never going to connect with someone like that, I need someone with more...umph. The last one was immensely obsessed with enneagram numbers, which I find fascinating, but every other sentence was "that's such a 1 thing to say" or something and I just couldn't handle it. I'm currently with a therapist I've been seeing for years who for the first year was like you-late for every session, used to drive me absolutely nuts. Then she moved her sessions to her house and she's only been late once 😂
I'm so glad you've been able to find someone who is able to provide what you know you need in a good therapeutic relationship. Thank you for sharing. ❤️