THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL TRAUMA & DETACHED PARENTS|Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
- Detached parents are very complicated.
They often cause betrayal trauma in their adult children.
Most detached parents have unresolved mental health needs of their own.
No one ever wants to believe a parent doesn't care about the very thing they brought into this world.
Most people believe that all parents are loving and engaging and would never intentionally harm their child.
But research tells us something different about a small group of detached parents.
Most detached parents run highly emotional households full of critical, hostile, and enmeshed behaviors.
Children who grow up in these kind of families become adults with betrayal trauma -- feeling abandoned, unloved, and disregarded.
In this video, I discuss characteristics of the detached parent and the behaviors that lead to betrayal trauma.
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#trauma #DETACHEDPARENTS #betrayaltrauma
#tamarahilllpc
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
2:30 abusive and emotionally immature parents
4:00 they don't have the right to...
4:45 betrayal trauma experience
5:48 signs a parent has given up (verbal signs, behavioral signs, priorities)
7:24 characteristics of a messy childhood
9:01 8 things you may have experienced
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Mentioned In The Video:
1. High expressed emotion: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti....
2. Expressed emotion care-clinics.com/high-express...
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Music:
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🎵 Track Info:
Epidemic Sound
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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I apologize for the lighting in this video! My light blew out just before I recorded this video. :(
The life of a therapist youtuber. LOL
It’s generational…which is why it’s important to know the history of one’s family.
My birth mother turned on me once I moved away and began to find myself outside of her.
She never found herself outside of her mother because she never tapped into her own identity due to her mother’s extreme narcissism and her weak personality traits.
Sounds like my parents exactly. I finally went no contact three years ago. Best decision I’ve ever made. Learning how to be a human being at 59 years old.
😔
Glad you have found some peace.
Did you write a goodbye letter? Did you explain? They know what they did to me, I've told them every time and now I'm just ready to leave. Planning the exit now but wondering if you said bye
I'm 40 just learning how to be a human, you're not alone! ❤️
This is a MASIVE topic. So much compassion is needed to and from each and every one of us.
The Way You Illustrated These Non Verbals I Felt My Whole Body Stiffen * Ready to React.
Feel StrongNeed to Defend,
OverExplain,
Excuse this Parent,
Run Out of the Room Ect Ect
Oh my. That's what we call a stress or trauma response. I'm sorry Fairy Gurl.
Also, imagine other family members give him/ her a pass from their siblings and my sisters.
Thanks Tamara for today's session! You really brought things home for me. I feel validated. You make things a little easier for me as I move into the next chapter of life without my very much alive elderly parents who are parents in name only. Have a great week!
Thank you :) I'm really glad to hear that you have been validated and feeling positive about the things learned on this channel. You guys are wonderful and I'm so grateful to have you all on here. I wish you all the best in moving forward.
A LOT of her videos speak directly to my family situation, particularly of my mother who in the past 1 yr suffers with dementia now. the dementia has surfaced so much. wished my mother would’ve gotten HELP decades ago, she would’ve been perhaps a great mom had she. wish u better mental health as well as myself. 🙏🏾
I'm so sorry to hear that @richmproject. May God strengthen you. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's Disease and was never the same after the diesease progressed. It was scary. We didn't know her anymore.
That doesn't work with a selfish hyper abusive parent, especially those who operate off the slaver and slaverholder entitlement that putting up with their mess is tribute for them giving you life.
Great job!! *Please keep posting this valuable education!! Your helping save people's lives!! Learning to set boundaries and enforce them without accepting guilt trips is vital!!! Too many narcissistic toxic people who are full of envy!! We need to learn how to set firm boundaries or no contact to protect ourselves from emotional, psychological, mental, physical, and financial abuses!!! Thank you for your podcast!!! 🙏
In a nutshell, I come from a difficult, dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, they thought I was a gift from grandma that passed away, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, their love was like a benchmark, I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I wouldn’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. It’s just unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord invalidates me saying “you haven’t made it sound any better” when I told him that I finally got to be with my brother I never got to grow up with, and he even went on to say “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person made a negative comment about me wanting a life there with my family and he said “you don’t seem to realize you want a warped and distorted view of your family.” and calling me a “poster child of emotional immaturity”. 😓…even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…and my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life with their families and their siblings, I believe it is the most basic thing a kid can have… but I can’t? I’m not supposed to?… I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said “how on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more”. all that I wanted was a life there with my family… why would anyone be wrong for that?
Thanks Dr Tamara. I was in need of listening this session. Sad to say I’m giving up on my parents … I had enough! All the best to you and please keep up the good work 😊
🤗 you're welcome! I truly hope you have peace moving forward on this journey.
Thank you, you have explained my family in detail.
My pleasure! Glad it was helpful to you.
Can't wait to watch this. Adding to notify list! 💜💜💜
You're the best!
Being betrayed is not the same as feeling betrayed.
You are lucky to have had a parent. Us kids in our family never had one. Not even one. And no uncle or aunt who'd genuinely cared about us either. I had 2 children who are half-brothers. Well at least i think they are half-brothers but i cannot be sure as one of my son's mothers would get drunk and then sleep with anyone. I treated the children as if they were my children anyway. Our mental health system here in our country doesn't even bother to train professionals knowledgeable in trauma based mental health problems. And in our family, all of us have had to make our way away from an extreme cult. There is an alcohol abuse problem in the cult I'm speaking of as well too. I can remember walking into a church meeting, aged 12, while needing help to stand up and walk, as i was so highly intoxicated. Most everyone there was too. And had sat there and felt like being sick from alcohol. Our social welfare system here makes it absolutely worthwhile too, for single parenting. Both my boys' mothers were taught that allowing the babies to lay in bed crying for hours on end, wouldn't do the children any great harm. I now found out that evidently this may be perhaps what causes avoidant attachment style. I've attempted to get close to both my boys but i haven't been able to mend this situation. Neither of my children would even listen to me either, if i'd beg for them to go to see a psychologist to get help with avoidant attachment. There's assistance available for them to go to see someone if they'd so desire to be proactive. I don't blame God. I don't even know if i believe in God. I'm agnostic. I do feel that religion has played a huge part in upholding the full extent of this family dysfunction though. Even globally. As they have deemed the right of religious liberty as being = to the right of religious liberty + right of liberty of abuse. And then they'll allow the groups to grow so wealthy from abuse of charity status, that anyone who'd attempt to stand up for their own right, will be run dry of funds, because of how those groups have vast amounts of money-pool so they can utilize it to string out the court cases, for so long, until people on the outside would completely run out of funds to employ their own lawyers. I really do hope that perhaps a God might exist. Ive longed to see justice. Meanwhile it is us who feel like we are complete failures.
💯👊😁😁😁🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
🤗 Thank you!
Id really like to have been born among the Pirahã people. I guess some would call their ways of living as being highly enmeshed. However, they are all absolutely happy together. I won't post any link to a video with info of what i mean, as i just noted that my last comment, which was equipped with a link to a video, has been deleted by someone. Which surprised me. But i just take good note of that though, as i also feel it's best for us to be able to be aware of it happening. I feel that perhaps the modern-day lifestyle of human could be far too fractured and far to focused on people's individuality and desire to own things for themselves rather than knowing how to share material things together, and to genuinely care about one and other. People can censor my comments but if God exist then he will surely still always be very well aware of exactly what ive said. So therefore, im not too worried about it. People can research into the life of the Pirahã people. I recommend it
I will certainly look further into the Piracha people. My family, on my grandfather's side (my mother's side) has roots in the Navajo Native American culture. LOVE their cultural values -- so close to my heart. But I'm sure the Piracha People are interesting too.
@@TherapistTamaraHill yeah they are from Brazil. The Piriha. They interest scientist as they dont bother to count. Other than to say there's one, or there's more than one. Not bothered to know any concept of any exact number. Perhaps because they are a type of socialists? They can speak to each other either by talking, or by singing. A missionary named Daniel Everrett went to live among them. Now the Brazilian government is attempting to change them to become capitalists and is attempting to stop Daniel from going back again to revisit them. Linguist scientists are presently squabbling over aspects of their language. Yes i feel i would also been happy enough among native American culture. I feel our modern world could learn so much from ways of native peoples. And i suspect that future times might cause families to reunite back to olden style ways of sharing and caring. More like ways of our grandparents. Especially when climate is about to change the world so greatly. And when the inflation seems so unstoppable. Perhaps this situation won't necessarily end up being all bad . If they'd be emmeshed then they dont seem to suffer at all from it, or mind about it
❤❤❤Thank you as always, Támara. Your advice is always on point!
You are so welcome💖 And thank you.