Childhood Lies Making Us Feel Lost & Empty - How To Raise Mentally Resilient Children | Dan Siegel

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  • Опубліковано 7 січ 2025

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  • @deepdiveoffical
    @deepdiveoffical 2 місяці тому +20

    00:06 Parent's attachment stance impacts child's emotional resilience
    02:16 Attachment theory summarized in four S's for parents
    06:40 Setting limits and creating security is crucial for children's resilience.
    08:46 Hope for the future through intentional choices and awareness
    13:41 Divisions based on race, nationality, and religion lead to conflicts and environmental destruction.
    16:19 Challenging individualism as the root of modern psyche
    20:43 Integrating the individual self with the relational self
    22:48 Childhood upbringing influences living intentionally vs reactively
    26:55 Childhood experiences shape our identity
    29:06 Shifted from a competitive mindset to a more enlightened and calmer adult
    33:11 Benefits of using the Pod technology for improving sleep quality
    35:19 Parenting with temperament in mind is key for a child's thriving.
    39:08 Recognizing a child's efforts is important for their growth and resilience.
    41:14 External success doesn't always lead to contentment
    45:45 Importance of feeling whole and coherent
    47:53 The experience of wholeness in the womb and the reliance on others after birth
    52:21 The human journey is about getting back to wholeness.
    54:25 Temperament and personality are distinct yet interconnected.
    58:27 Understanding the relationship between temperament and personality
    1:00:21 Temperament shapes personality but lifestyle influences its development
    1:04:42 Personality is defined by the big five traits: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.
    1:06:52 Temperament and personality development influenced by attachment and adaptive strategies
    1:10:43 Competitiveness as a misguided attempt for wholeness
    1:12:59 Cultural learned behavior impacts childhood upbringing
    1:17:22 Identity and belonging are intertwined concepts.
    1:19:21 Understanding temperament and seeking wholeness in different ways
    1:23:13 Being in a questioning pattern helps in finding inaccuracies and improving quality.
    1:25:07 Encouraging children to enjoy activities for the sheer pleasure of doing them
    1:29:03 Developing an inner compass for children leads to resilient adulthood
    1:31:02 Pure awareness is the source of thoughts and awareness arises from pure potential.
    1:35:15 Open awareness and living with intention lead to physiological and brain changes
    1:37:24 Operating from a place of Love instead of fear
    1:41:49 Love as the connector in the plane of possibility
    1:43:44 The Wheel of Awareness is a daily meditation practice for tapping into a more open and aware state.
    1:47:40 Seeking receptiveness and interconnectedness
    1:49:26 Understanding parents' states of mind crucial for child attachment security
    1:53:20 Seeing and soothing children for mental resilience
    1:55:16 Repairing ruptures in parent-child relationships is crucial for creating a sense of security in children.
    1:59:12 Embracing imperfection leads to resilience and growth

    • @chrish4199
      @chrish4199 2 місяці тому +2

      Thanks. They really long these podcasts out, so a helpful summary

    • @TheShavedleggs
      @TheShavedleggs 2 місяці тому

      wow, thank you!

  • @evaormandyova
    @evaormandyova Місяць тому +3

    He wrote the most amazing book about parenting I have ever read. I am so happy that someone finally invited him to make a podcast.

  • @rochellemills4162
    @rochellemills4162 Місяць тому +3

    Oh wow, I've loved this. The return to wholeness is something I've been experiencing but unable to understand/articulate. I read the alchemist and put these feelings down to a returning to myself but this has offered another perspective. Always learning😊

  • @moniquemitchell7326
    @moniquemitchell7326 Місяць тому +2

    Awww Dr Chatterjee
    You are so respectful of your parents & upbringing. Its so easy to blame our parents for our adult issues, but you impress me with your love & compassion - they did they best they could with what they understood at the time.
    Ive applied that approach to my parents, and it is freeing. I hope my kids have the same compassion for me...that they come to understand that I did the best I could for them ❤

  • @juliesmith4539
    @juliesmith4539 2 місяці тому +15

    I had such a rotten childhood I have cptsd I was neglected and was sexual abuse I told myself that I was stronger than them .and I brought up five children. I know I wasn't a perfect parent, but I didn't want my kids to have a rotten childhood like I had. I was so alone as a child had no one to help, and I needed help

    • @upendasana7857
      @upendasana7857 2 місяці тому +3

      I'm sorry that happened to you,its terrible.I hope you can continue healing and continue building a healthier realtionship with yourself and your own children.

    • @chrisnam1603
      @chrisnam1603 2 місяці тому +3

      yes... my experience is different than yours, result is same tho... no one in my 'family' of my age have children : no one STILL realises what happened... i only 'see' how cruel & mean my mom could be & only 'behind closed doors', i'm very ill due to that & it's also 'learning realising' what is really going on... not one doc even looked into it, i hope u could give y children what they needed. Cptsd & much more going on, regards from Flanders

    • @daissie2
      @daissie2 Місяць тому

      You are so strong!!!!!!!

  • @elisabeth_krista
    @elisabeth_krista 17 днів тому

    I refer so many parents to the work of Dan Siegel, because it's so profound and practical. Thanks so much for your work, taking the time for this in depth interview.

  • @jenniferbalogh4090
    @jenniferbalogh4090 2 місяці тому +7

    I like the idea of focusing on the little victories of our child, rather than just the end result. Because really, if the child may fail to achieve the end result, it can be pretty traumatizing for them, and they may really gonna believing that "oh, doesn't matter my efforts, doesn't matter how hard I tried, I failed, and that's what only matters, so I am a piece of sh*t."
    Thank you for this really open and vulnerable conversation.❤

  • @katiefaith5381
    @katiefaith5381 2 місяці тому +19

    Decide to know what your parents came out of how they were parented where they were wounded. This will allow you to show them more grace in how they raised you. Now hold your head up and move on in the strength God gave you❤

    • @chrisnam1603
      @chrisnam1603 2 місяці тому +4

      sure...that most of us realise, it's not 'enough' tho, the partner we live with needs to 'see' it as well (and cannot), it's not surpirsing, the 'comedy' is too well done, smiles & kindness to 'everyone', they never lived what i lived and in constant 'danger vibe', which gave serious ilnesses etc. it's really not so simple, if one still is 'partly' hanging on, i'm still really afraid bc i know what she-they are capable off. I don't blame them, i know & see their trauma, oh i heard 'the stories' so often, sadly they did it worse than what they said about their parents. If everyone could be 'rather stable' before having children... maybe that's the hope for future genreations with all that is 'coming out' now.

    • @Phoenix4Ever
      @Phoenix4Ever 2 місяці тому

      Sadly, both WWll survivers, neither talked about their childhood. My Dad marched towards Stalingrad, got captured and survived years of captivity in Kasakhstan. My Mother had a Nazi father who also survived in a POW camp, but a British one, I wish they would have shared more than the few tidbits. My Grandmother was a neverending source about her life. Not about my mother's, mind You. "That for your mother to tell You!" Silch. But three words: too proud, egotistical. And boy was she right. My Dad was the sweetest, kindest man You ever want to meet. I got my mother's anger and my Dad's kind helpfulness. And I only was able to get a good grib on my anger by my mid 30s. Thank You for this fabulous broadcast. A true eye opener.

  • @barbaratoth7882
    @barbaratoth7882 Місяць тому

    I loved this episode, I feel like return to wholeness would need to come through ease and relaxation, not strain and effort.

  • @JLBiddle
    @JLBiddle 2 місяці тому +1

    Everything people do against me, my mother, father and sister (they are all deceased) come in my dreams and side with my enemies, even now.

  • @FrancesFoody
    @FrancesFoody 2 місяці тому +2

    Another great episode, thanks Dr. Chatterjee!

  • @carlapedro9788
    @carlapedro9788 2 місяці тому

    What a beautiful conversation. Thank you .

  • @institutoifabr
    @institutoifabr 2 місяці тому +2

    Amazing!! Perfect

  • @vaishalivaidya7978
    @vaishalivaidya7978 2 місяці тому

    I'm so thankful to you for having Dr.Dan Seigal for this conversation.
    Would love it, if you could have Martha Beck and Andre Agassi on your podcast as well.

  • @SherryTomlinson-r2y
    @SherryTomlinson-r2y 2 місяці тому +8

    It’s a bit too late for me. The curse was passed down from me to my daughter and granddaughter. I had to learn and study narcissism. My father a psychopath my daughter’s dad a narcissist and my granddaughter dad a wounded alcoholic. We had parental alienation problems, gaslighting and manipulation and lying. My granddaughter doesn’t even remember her childhood she’s 23 now. I am 68 i have fully studied narcissism. I am hoping late than never to expose the narcissist who had way to much influence in all our lives. Narcissistic behaviors in our family was extremely damaging!

  • @peterikonberg7490
    @peterikonberg7490 2 місяці тому +1

    Am i watching a private therapy session of Dr Rangan Chatterjee? I guess thats just ok, but also the extra private information adds nothing to me specifically. I hope it does to others. The knowledge in general in the interview was great though. Thanks to all involved for bringing this together!

  • @ritalima7410
    @ritalima7410 2 місяці тому +1

    🇧🇷 Sempre assisto seus vídeos, são muito interessantes, thanks! 🙏❤️🙏😜🇧🇷👏👏👏

  • @ChildPerson
    @ChildPerson 2 місяці тому +1

    You rushed past the many infants being born from an already traumatic environment, into an even more traumatic life. Would love to know more about how we repair.

  • @PaulaSmith-c3r
    @PaulaSmith-c3r 2 місяці тому +1

    Haven't watched this yet but I have been brainwashed to believe my parents for 50+ years. It was/is ALL A LIE !
    Everything. Yes it is very painful learning the truth 😢❤

    • @user-pq9ji7kt4l
      @user-pq9ji7kt4l 2 місяці тому

      Everything was a lie? Is that possible!

    • @PaulaSmith-c3r
      @PaulaSmith-c3r 2 місяці тому

      @user-pq9ji7kt4l
      the whole family pretend!
      You wouldn't believe me if I told you 💔

    • @patrickconnolly7799
      @patrickconnolly7799 2 місяці тому +1

      Yes, it’s possible. When we begin to move away from parents to protect ourselves from the abuse, we get lured into their web. Usually it’s a gift or sweet talk.

  • @chaitrakeshav
    @chaitrakeshav 2 місяці тому +1

  • @csmith5611
    @csmith5611 2 місяці тому +1

    I think these guys are floundering about in considering the aim of back to-the-womb "wholeness". That is an immature aim. Perhaps signified by them both lacking individuation from the folks in continuing to reside minutes away as grown men. My 21yr old grandson has a more healthy individuation and independence.
    Rangan would be better off in seeking another therapist. These two are propping up each other's "stories" as successful adaptations to the vicissitudes of life. I don't think so. A lot of word salad from Dr Siegel with all his " measures" of personality. I'm afraid we mysteriously defy such easy characterisations. I'd perhaps stick with Family Systems Therapy and its mature and smart developer if I were him. Or get some input from Bessel van der Kolk or Gabor Maté. Or my grandson.

    • @backbeat33
      @backbeat33 День тому

      Actually, I think your assessment of Dr. Siegel is mistaken, respectfully. I have read most of his books and my impression is of a highly intelligent, awakened human, who is trying to find evidence for his spiritual experiences. His wheel of awareness resembles Eastern training of attention. I deeply appreciate his efforts in shifting the Western paradigm, especially in parenting, and have found his writings very useful as a first time parent.