Narcissists Are Unfair
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- In this episode, The Little Shaman discusses unfairness in relationships with pathologically narcissistic people.
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They deflect and attack you instead of acknowledge and apologize for hurting you
🎯❤👈🏾
Bottom line because they willfully refuse to address their issues, keep walking and dont look back. They know exactly] what they do. Totally selfish.
Their behavior should be a crime and tbey should have to go to jail.
Absolutely
Even if you did the impossible, and became "perfect",
guess what, you're STILL not "good enough" for the
narcissist.
Because their definition of "good enough" changes
almost constantly.
Well, if you became perfect, they would actually be more threatened.
What's good one day isn't the next. You do something nice for them, and if they actually appreciate it, you do it again. Only the next time you do it, you're doing it wrong. They are never satisfied; you can't ever win.
Even if you do everything right, even if you love them unconditionally, they flip the script and tell you, "You're too good for me, I have to go now." Unbelievable.
@@thelittleshamanhealing wtf me on svwnth grafe
Definitely have experienced long term anger issues after multiple narcissistic abuse experiences. I see that I now, respond angrily to these people when dealing with them. I’ve learned to recognize it and it’s a daily struggle to rid myself of these feelings. They can bring out the worst in you over time. Leave them, before they change who you are!!
They are. I always felt somehow cheated out of things with these....things called narcissists. It's why I could never read them and lived in a constant state of confusion. I knew things weren't right but I just kept taking it believing my love would be recognized.
I couldn't have been more wrong. If I didn't put them first, it was always something chaotic to follow.
Wow, reading this I was thinkn' i could have written this. I was Controlled to all degrees but couldn't connect the dots when in survival mode. She had me grocery shopping , cooking and terrified to spend any money as she controlled it. No telling how much was money was skimmed.. After she told me she wanted a divorce, I just sat there with no emotion as she was wanting me to jump on the hamster wheel of justification..
I told her either she files or I was which she was not expecting to hear that.. I hope things are better for you now Marie..!!
UNfair is an Understatement
It is a destruction of your soul
Well, now I know why I’m so angry. Thank u.
Love your videos because you tell it like it is.
What makes me angry is I let a low value woman convince me I was low value. I made myself to prove to them I was worthy of their love only for them to say they found a new source of supply.
Oh things definitely change, they get worse.
Oh yeah I didn't realize how absurd our relationship is until it ended.
Even if we make an innocent mistake, they will either get angry, laugh at us--or both!
BERY ANGRY TODDLER RAMRUM W RAGE AND MT DIABOLICAL FATHER IS A SERIAL KILLER
This is exactly what mysticism teaches that we should see the world as it is without adding or diminishing anything . If we can also see people as they are we would be free from all grudges or illusion. Therefore nobody can make us feel low or high
And any mistake or fault of the victim is brought up many, many times. Many, many times, for months, years, and decades. It serves the narcissist as a reminder that their victim is not perfect, and it makes the narcissist look better or superior.
Or at least they are not the only "bad" one.
@@thelittleshamanhealing when my da dmad em cheat in exm for my mom my cjetaing n exam becs I'm literally betaen to sn inche of my life as a survival mech is aWorse than my dad cjetaing on her w affair
@@thelittleshamanhealing can u see the bipolarity they have no flaws they're the best
we play by their rules then they go and change them.
it's funny that you mentioned the burned dinner. A couple of years ago before I finally kicked my husband out we were making dinner together and he was in charge of the bacon. I was making the French toast. I had walked outside for a few minutes and when I came back in I could smell burned bacon. My comment was, "oh no you burned the bacon!"
He immediately replied, "I didn't burn the bacon, you burned the bacon. This is your fault everything is your fault."
How do you even defend yourself to that? What are you even supposed to say? It was INSANE. I wish I knew what a narcissist was years ago. I'm trying to recuperate by listening to your podcasts, as well as therapy.
burnt chicken wings here :)
@@astercite burnt dinner rolls here! :)
Thank you for this Podcast. The cycle of love bombing and abuse with a narcissist is a rollercoaster ride. This kind of relationship is totally unfair. Getting to know a narcissist begins with fake compliments and flattery and is followed by insidious angry attacks. It may take months before the anger turned into rage begins to surface, but when it does it can take you by surprise. That is why it is so important to observe all of the narcissistic behavior and then make a rational decision. The narcissist is always looking to get something out of the relationship. They are completely unfamiliar with the concept of unconditional giving. When they give, in the slightest way, they expect something in return. This is always the case. There is no fairness in their minds. There is only what they want and how soon they will get it. It doesn't matter how much you have given to them, they will always want more and will punish you if you don't give it to them. This unfair, unbalanced communication with another individual is unhealthy and should be avoided at all costs. Remember to set your boundaries.
Your back this is awesome welcome back hun
I'm always thinking of how would a Narcissist act if the 'shoe is on the other foot' ?
The Narcissist is basically a child in a grown-up's body, with all the self-absorption and vulnerability of a child, and outside superior forces can easily put them into submission !
" How long have you waited to matter?" that hit
I seriously just got my feelings hurt by the narcissist I live with. So now I'm sitting here watching these videos to help....... basically my narcissist just yelled at me for doing something he told me I could.
@Lesbian Amazon Sister ahhhh yes, the double bind. These people are infuriating as well as unfair.
Thank you, Little Shaman for your usual brilliant work.
I'd like to hear you on how coward narcissists are.
5:01 ❤ the deck is stacked against you from the get-go
Anger is always there
At the very end of this video I felt as though you were speaking directly to me. I felt as though you knew me personally. I am so glad I ran across this video!
I'm finally realizing how unfair they are. I have tried for the last time to see them the way they say they are, believe that they feel the way they say they do. They don't. Actions , once again, have shown otherwise. You should not have excuse after excuse about why you don't do something you say you want to do, or show the feelings you say you feel.
They are unfair because they do not want to lose the imaginary competition . Win win is not in the forecast.
Not anywhere. It's not even on the horizon.
@@thelittleshamanhealing nope
You are the best my dear the best
You know what this just made me think of? That “game” when youre little where you make someone “hit” themselves by manipulating their arm why saying “whyre you hitting yourself!?” In a mocking fashion.
Thank you
I feel very informed therefore empowered after listening to you!!! Im so glad I ran across your channel, you are awesome!!!!
When the police interviewd him he told them, ''it's unfair'', he then smeared me and lied, he evaded a question and gave an answer not connected to the question. The police let him go. Police: Did you do this crime? Him: No I would never do that.
It's always your fault. Yet that's what my narcissists said. One day he was angry and said he was going somewhere else to sleep. I said then do that and 5 hours later he came back saying i had forced him to go? Like wtf?
I’m always relieved when I have watched one of your videos. They are so clear and “no bs allowed”.
I haven’t watched them for a while, it’s always when I’m triggered (depressed) that I start binge watching them. A moment ago I have been asking myself if I’m just like the narcissist, looking for sb to blame for feeling so horrible - because the trigger is NOTHING for other people. For me, it smashes a world and I find myself crawling up crying in a corner. Binge watching replaces taking action, though, in the long run. I keep feeling as if I was exaggerating, feeling so low. Taking action for me means actually keeping up a the vast distance I have taken from my brother and sister who are flying monkeys to my mother who probably has NPD or at least strong narcissistic traits. My father is kind as a person in general - but he always defends her, and that’s not kind and not fair. This half out, half in is destroying my health, though. I get triggered and everybody’s asking why I neglect my old parents and now my brother and sister as well. But they have recently told me very clearly that they have a completely unchangeable image of me. I’m “the burden of the family” - because of the depression and relationships that were toxic - but both are things that happend only because of the abuse. They even still blame me for becoming anorexic in my teens (it stopped when I moved out at 20) - and I had become anorexic because my mother refused to protect me from an abusive family they were friends with, she even kept inviting them and allowed their extremely abusive daughter to live with us for months.
Wow! So true!! This is everything my kids and I have had to endure through the years with my narcissistic alcoholic ex husband. He narcissism and alcoholic abusive rages have only gotten worse as he’s aging just like his narcissistic dad. Thank you so much for your very helpful videos!
You really need to put all these videos in a book and call it THE BIBLE OF NARCISSISTIC VALUES
you will make a lot of money, I have endless ideas on how you can profit from your energy💵
Great idea. She is the best
Totally correct spot on this is my childhood
Well spotted. When I was a child, whenever my mother dropped an object or broke or missed something and I was around, she yelled at me or even slapped me, even though I had done nothing wrong. So I learned that "what's wrong is not even what I do, it's who I am - so I will try to be as perfect as I can, I will always do my best, unrestly, to become better and better". And "I have no value at all, I am a monster - and I must be grateful that my parents still take care of me".
OMG yes! If I drop something, I'm a clumsy idiot. If he drops something, he shrugs it off. If I step on his foot while we're walking the dogs, I get "Don't you know how to WALK!?" When he steps on my foot, instead of apologizing to me, he yells at me for getting in his way. If he makes a mistake, he either shrugs it off or blames me for it. If I make a mistake no matter how insignificant, I'm berated for hours. I could go on and on. I've already left the relationship mentally (living in a constant state of grayrock), now I need to check out physically. I wish he'd just leave, but that's never going to happen.
Hypocrite
Thank you. So glad you are back. I love your straight forward way of explaining.
YES!!! ; SO much validation........,thank you Soo much......
The bell goes off on this one big time. The narcissist has trained it's mate like a drill instructor trains their soldiers. The mate has been mentally broken and shattered into so many pieces that they have become robotic to the narcs commands. Although the Robot still has empathy they are careful to express it to others without permission from the Narcissist. The robot also condones the lies and deceit of the narcissist 100%. I was shocked when I watched this unfold in living color repeatedly and never knew why the robot stayed attached to the narcissist. When I tried to express my sorrow to the robot they responded with an abusive insult. It was unbelievable!
Great video! I lived through everything you spoke on. You're the doctor of all doctor's on narcissism!
Spot on .. Need to hear more on the healing process for us that have been traumatized by these awful beings .. Thank you for your channel !!!!
Brilliant
I loved a narcissist
Got triangulated..criticized belittled every sentence was negative about me..left one behind now fallen for another..she said she needs me translation I need your money...I got run over by a car recently instead of sympathy my new narc just laughed
Trying to escape her
Unfortunately I could probably post examples until UA-cam blew up lol. Here's another great one. On Saturday mornings, a lot of the time I have to go to work for a few hours. My wife is usually off and home with the kids. The big kids 13 & 15 usually sleep in, but my 9 yr old, who is also autistic, wakes up early. 6-7am and I'm gone. Alot of the time when I get home like maybe 10 ish, hes awake, big kids maybe, and mom is usually still asleep. And hes immediately telling me hes hungry. She refuses to wake up and feed him breakfast, and if he even manages to wake her up at all, shell maybe give him a bag of chips(spicy nacho doritos-breakfast of champions 😠). He has a hard time communicating his needs. Her excuse is that she works all week and is tired and I shouldn't go to work on Saturdays. It's not her fault I have to work, so if I want him to eat, i should be home. She 'never' gets to sleep in. Although every single weekend day that shes off she sleeps in , which is over half the days of the month. Hell, I haven't slept in since I was 23 lol. ( looong time ago) if the big kids are awake, they should've fed him. So basically if he isbt being fed, it's our fault becuase she deserves to get to sleep in , and it's our responsibility to take care of. You know, because she works. Even though she maybe its 30 hrs I week, while i work usually over 70, yet none of her money is allowed to be spent on anything but her(that's a whole other post). But you get my point. His health, well being , nothing matters more than her sleeping. And there is no solution to it . It's my fault or the kids fault . Of course if u lost my job due to staying home to care for him, that would be my ass too. And he doesnt even really know that's the situation. he just runs around the house. Alone. Unsupervised. Hungry. Waiting for someone to feed him. Only silver lining to this, is this along with many other examples like this, are going to be my ace up the sleeve when I finally get moved out and take her to court and take my kids. I hate the thought of taking kids from their mother. She plays them well and they only kind of get what she does, but not mature enough to really get it, and it will be very sad for them. But at the same time, it most definitely would be in their best interest. I'm not a huge fan of my 9 year old becoming a diabetic by 15 because he only gets fed shit. I want my kids to learn how to savemoney, treat people, not be selfish, see what a real marriage looks like, and not have to worry about their mom taking 200 dollars of their birthday money from their piggy bank 3 years ago and never paying it back , and blaming me. Another true story. 😞
I hope you get away soon. Be careful and plan your strategy well. She will fight you in court and try to destroy you.
I had an argument with a Narc- I honestly thought it was a joke- but the Narc was convincing me that they were indeed "PERFECT". Naturally I thought this was hysterical because it was the first time I ever heard anyone say such a thing with conviction. I replied," No one is perfect." His response,"But I am!" And I kept trying to make eye contact with this person as I explained to him there isn't a single person on the planet that is. Human beings are flawed, they make mistakes, they aim for things and they sometimes succeed, sometimes fail- we evolve for better or for the worse.
I told this Narc that whatever expectations he had of ME, that I was somehow supposed to be perfect too, needed to stop. That it was a ridiculous thing to assume of anyone.
And to be honest with you this Narc shared so much of their personal life with me that is littered with flaws and self admitted crimes and shame.... the audacity to try and weave a mental landscape of personal perfection was ludicrous. I am no way convinced, in fact I was even repelled by the idea that someone would even try this as a conversation piece.
Anger=Pain/ HURT
The kitchen thing was REAL. Lived through that
Thank you for your videos. It helps me understand the reality of my ex-girlfriend. I've known her for over 9 years and have always adored her. We started dating the beginning of 2018 but it was always so awkward. She professed to be attracted to and cared about me but would prefer to spend time with another male mutual friend that was obsessed over her. They had nothing romantic but it was so hard that she gravitated to him just because he was willing to bow down to her every need. This was confusing.
Alcohol has been a big issue.. lies.. irresponsibility, lost her job AND thus a major source of narcissistic supply.. came back toe as a "needy" child would.. defimite arrested development and immaturity in everything she did. March attacked her daughter.. off to jail.. sentencing next month.. assault 2 on a minor.. ugh
3:08, ohhhhh
Just genious and true!!! Thank You!!:))!!
Do you think that (since the narcissist want to blame someone else) they actually want you to do something they can accuse you over?
I think that can happen, yes.
@@thelittleshamanhealing I truly do deeply appreciate your reply. Your work is excellent. Thank you
You have helped many people to see this condition in a clearer light. You deserve a pat on the back.
Ty
Totally spot on as usual, thankyou xx
I’m in this situation. I live with my mom and her siblings and I always feel like I’m a target for whatever negative feelings that my mother has. I do not know what to do. Whenever I try and have an honest heart to heart with her about my feelings, she always makes it seem like there’s something wrong with me and that she’s had no participation in the conflict.
She blame shifts and never takes any accountability for the abusive behavior she displays towards me. And had a very sadistic satisfaction from know how bothered I am from her oversteping her boundaries. When I set boundaries she flips the script and makes whatever issues that I’m talking to her about seem like it’s my fault and that I’m the one that needs to change in order for the situation to change, but no later what I do I’m always the mark or the target for the abuse.
My question is how do I begin to talk to her and set firm boundaries with my mother?I don’t know of any consequences that I can give out that will let her know that she’s crossed the line.
My narc had an affair and he told me it’s hard to be held to my perfect standards - and I do not allow him to make mistakes and don’t accept him for who he is. Flaws and all
When I found out my narc husband was cheating on me and I confronted him with it, he raged back "You have no right invading my privacy!" I yelled back "You have no right to privacy that includes cheating on me!" Idiot.
Thank you!
LMAO he told me he was the sun 😂😂😂
There always selfish they will never change its sad for them I'm so thankful I've never met one or been with one and I'm learning about them!
💯💯💯💯
+The Little Shaman do you have any examples of Narcissists decompensating?
I have an episode of the show in it. I'll see about putting it up.
👍👍👍
hooveredfor Halloween so unfair!
"Trick or Hoover"!
My wife used to cook dinner- a very long time ago. She was/is a great cook. We always said that. One time, ONE time, she made some chicken with some odd seasoning she was experimenting with, and it was awful lol. At the time we all had a huge laugh about it. It was funny. She laughed ans even warned us jokingly it may be bad. It was one night, one time, life moved on. Fast forward 10 or so years now and my wife hasn't cooked in prob 6 or 7 years. Maybe a little more. Shell throw some nuggets in the oven or some pizza rolls in microwave about once a week,but thatz it. Me and the kids always ask why she does t cook anymore. We dramatically over emphasize how much we liked it and beg her to cook again. And her response- yall hate my cooking. Yall always complained and said it was gross. Which is so far from reality. Shell bring up that one time, and well ask for other references, and ofcourse there is no other reference, so the answer is 'everything' or ' all the time" but shes just using that as an excuse to not cook. Cuz shes doesnt want to. She wants to sit on the porch and drink and stare at her phone for 6 hours . Shes always 'dieting' , u know, cuz shes always fat(all 115 pounds of her lol) so when shes dieting we all are dieting. She dont care cuz it just puts her out. She dont care about the nutrition of our kids . It's just ridiculous and painfully obvious. And if she is asked to cook , get ready for the guilt trip and the most difficult experience of preheating the oven u have ever seen in your life. It's a miracle she survives such brutal tasks 😂😔
This is a perfect example, thank you for sharing it. Not only is it an excuse, it's probably the only thing about her cooking she even remembers ever hearing. Narcissists often do that. They build one thing that hurt their feelings into a lifetime of being mistreated by other people. So ridiculous.
@@reneekatz no. Its total bs is what it is. Shes an extremely selfish person and anything that requires her doing something that isn't for her or doesnt make her look good she doesnt do. Funny thing is, depending on her mood or her audience, shell either just flat out lie and day she cooks all the time, or shell try and make me and then kids look bad and like shes a victim and say to someone , with me and my kids present, " oh I try to cook, but they are so hard to please . They always hate everything I try. And I try so many things" and blah friggin blah. Me and my kids will just be sitting there like wtf are you talking about? Most of the time my kids will stay quiet, but the older they get, theyll speak up and say right out in the open point blank that that isnt true. They get sick of it too. Always trying to make it seem like shes this poor pitiful housewife with her mean family. Of course when they do speak up, shell just change the subject real fast. But you can bet your ass we will pay for it later. Hurt feelings , no. It's just more of her cons. And I'm sorry, if we all have 1 joke, that she participated in and was literally not a big deal, and your feelings get hurt to the point that 10 years later you still refuse to cook based on that event, you need to have your head examined . I mean boo friggin hoo. Get over yourself. Damn near 40 year old woman.🤦♂️
@@reneekatz I'm sorry. I reread what I posted. Sounded pretty combative. And didnt mean that towards you at all. And I didnt think that you were. But it did remind me of her lol. Just cuz she tried to make that argument now and then when she was a little more vulnerable and being a little more forthright with her behavior. I was in a crappy mood yesterday too. I've still got ALOT of work to do as far as things triggering my anger about the whole situation. Wasn't long ago while I was learning all of this for the first time , i was super defensive/aggressive about the whole topic. After being in the dark for so long , always felt like I needed to fight against it with all I have at all times no matter what. I'm getting over that, but obviously not finished 😕. I never was an angry person growing up or early in my adult life. The things that involved me didn't even really invoke real anger. But what this has done to my children has put alot of anger in my life and has become alot bigger part of me than it ever was or should've been. They are innocent. Didn't ask for any of this. And in spite of it all, they are still so amazing and loving and compassionate. They just dont deserve this. They deserve a wonderful happy life and family. That infuriates me beyond words..
Hello Noahkbo80, Your comments at the end "They just don't deserve this, they deserve a wonderful happy life and family. That Infuriates me beyond word". So the question you need to ask yourself is, what am I going to do about this situation that is in front of me and how much responsibility am I going to take for this situation that I know is having (not potentially having) a negative effect on my kids. Well Noahkbo80, the ball is fully in your court, Sister Shaman has given you all the Information that you need to start making the right decisions, if not for you then for your kids. Look at it as your goal for 2019. Good Luck
I am really sorry, bro. My narc mother is the same way so I feel your pain. If my wife acted that way, I'd divorce her.
Unfair yes they don’t are but nature will catch up with them,they feel like Goliath .God heal their soul
❤️
Can somebody help me understand this: my older brother (58) is a narcissist. Our mom (84) spends a lot of time and energy enabling, "cleaning up" after he offends people, etc. They are deeply, deeply enmeshed and I've just begun to see the pattern between them. Mom has been widowed for 20 years, narc bro has been divorced for about 23 years, my husband & I have been married for 30 years, recently empty-nesters. All 3 of us (Mom, narc and I) live in the same town in Texas. Here's my question: I've seen my brother's marriage and relationships fail, been treated cruelly, called names, accused of everything from exploiting Mom to being dishonest with family by him - I never understood it, but didn't know it had a name. However, he is also the person who will drop everything to help or "be there" in an emergency or crisis, especially if he knows Mom will be involved or aware of it. He loathes needing help himself, despises it, but insists on being told anytime you need help. This has always kept me confused about his overall character because, frankly, his drop everything to "be there" has made me feel like an insensitive person, sometimes. For example, my mom's siblings all live in another state. She visited them in February, for the primary purpose of saying goodbye to one of her sisters, Carol, who was in hospice care. Two days after she returned, she called to tell me Aunt Carol had died. We spoke for 10 minutes or so about the fact she didn't want or feel she needed to return for Carol's funeral because she'd just been there, said goodbye, etc. I agreed with her, and said she shouldn't feel obligated to go, and that her siblings would understand, etc. Several months later, I was at Mom's and she was showing me a bunch of photos she was arranging into albums. A small stack of them were pics of Mom, both my brothers (one lives in the same state as Mom's siblings, the ), their families, all my aunts and uncles and cousins together at restaurants, etc. I couldn't place the get-together, so I asked Mom where they'd been taken. She became very flustered and as she was leaving the room, she muttered, "That was Aunt Carol's funeral". I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. She scurried away, but when she returned, she was indignant that I was hurt about not being included in the family get-together Aunt Carol's funeral became. She said after she talked to me and told me she wasn't going, she called narc bro and told him the same. He called her back to let her know he had a "red eye flight" (she sounded very impressed when she repeated this) to the funeral. So, she changed her mind and got a ticket on the same flight, let my other brother know they were coming, etc. She said I could have gone, too, so why was I upset? I still feel badly about not "being there", and alternately angry because I feel duped and left out. Do narcissists randomly make large, generous or helpful gestures publiclu and then revert to impatient, condescending, silent-treatment mode? It's very, very confusing.
That's not uncommon, generally speaking. Everything is about image with people who are pathologically narcissistic.
@@thelittleshamanhealing Thank you so much. I've listened to and read so much trying to figure this out. But this is the first time I've begun to realize my mom isn't a passive, naive actor in the dynamic. . .I just listened to your "Narcissist Fantasy" video, and it's hitting me pretty hard, as to my relationship with my Mom. But info helps, it does, so thank you for putting everything out there in the light for me.
They yell☹️
I investigated and found the women that he was cheating with. It was my fault for looking.
✔
Is there are way, that a narcissistic person can come to peace with the fact someone cannot see their needs or that people can love them without seeing you and your emotional need as their responsibility?
I sometimes had boyfriends, but I had expectations for them, and at the slightest thing where they put their desire over my need. (That's how I kind of see it, I have need, they have superficial desire that they can sacrifice for my need idk I theorically understand other people have history and emotional need too, but I don't feel it the way I should I think, I was never diagnosed with npd) and when they don't, I can only translate it as a form of disrespect and that I deserve better.
However I don't really try to convince or fight. I usually just leave and don't talk to them anymore, and I feel betrayed and I won't get in a relationship for a long time after that. As soon as someone may show signs of "failling" me, I leave, or I refuse to furthermore any kind of relationship with them. I don't really feel loneliness or the need for physical contact. Like I know I feel happier when I am surrounded, but I have a very hard time valuing other people's personality when they may cause a downside on my part, although they bring a thousand thing to me but take one from me, I feel like i'd rather be alone. It's like I can't bear it.
What do you think about this? I'm a 19 years old girl. I go to college and have decent grades.
She thinks *she's* the narc.
You sound like him he just disgard me resicly.you fit him to a tee.his an Aquarius rising.im going to let him go because of the narcissism.what if I get used or abuse
??. could he have full blown narcissistic personnaty desorder
??has me asking questions??
I really like your videos, I just wish you would talk a little slower. You have alot to say and I don't want to miss any of it. Thank you!
I like how she talks fast and gets to the point