It’s weird for me to finally accept that I was raised by a narcissistic father and a codependent mother but I’m happy to see the truth for what it is and use that to move on. I’m 23 and still need my parents financially despite going to college for a career I don’t even truly enjoy but have been manipulated into. It’s crazy but I think this is the beginning of a new season in my life. Pray for me to take wise steps and stay strong while navigating this path.
Thank you for articulating my struggles so well...recently came back to live with my mum and the brain fog has been absolutely insane. It’s been about a year and a half, and I feel like a 27 year old codependent child living in a toxic rut. I can barely recognise myself. Really looking forward to and quite optimistic about taking that leap of faith again, walking away with all the wisdom and confidence that I can find within me, this time for good. 🌻
Yeeeeeessss, brain fog around our triggering family members is SO real and valid! It affects my ability to think, and therefore my thoughts and actions. Surreal. :o I'm sorry to hear you feel you're in a rut, and I really really hope you let that optimistic side of yourself roam free and lead you to bigger and better times. More expansive and positive times. I appreciate you, HQ. Good luck. *virtual hug*
I relate so hard to the things you've navigated! I have also let go of hobbies that became toxic. Mine was soccer. My narcissistic father was obsessed with soccer and forced me to play it for my whole life. I started to hate it and now I never want to do anything related to soccer ever again. I'm finding other things that I love, such as video games and American Football, and I feel much more free! What you said about the mirrors was sort of similar to what I experienced in soccer in that my dad, who was also my coach, constantly unfairly criticized me and yelled at me while I was on the field. He was also obsessed with winning, so when we lost he took that out on me. Not having hobbies that are just about winning anymore makes me feel so free as a person and I can't wait to find more. :)
I’m currently in the middle of trying to buy my first house while also healing myself through adult children meetings, therapy, and whatever else. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. Thank you for this video, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Also I just recently followed you from your first adult children video bcus I wanted a personal perspective. It brought me so much joy to hear you say you’re a coach now, that’s goals baby! And I’m 3 years older than you!
Wow.. I felt you were telling me my story...I'm 28, I have tried to move out 2-3 times but failed, I guess because I didn't focus on building a social structure. It felt safer to be alone, but I couldn't manage life alone... Thanks for pointing it out. Now I will focus on all 3 things: finance, housing & friends before attempting to move out again.
What kind of plants do you have?! I find messing with plants and gardens to be very peaceful and healing! I got hooked about a year ago during the pandemic lol. Great video btw :)
I find it peaceful and healing, too! I love learning what each plant needs to thrive and watching them grow, and I love how they're all so imperfectly perfect in their own way. Having them in my spaces makes the space feel more energized to me. 🥰 I have a fake plant, Stern the Fern on the far left. I garbage picked him once upon a time and love him dearly. Then I have a couple Ivy, a Pilea (new fave), several pothos varieties, a vinca Vine (also a fave), a couple Monsterras, a spider plant, coleusses, hmmm... I got a black eyed Susan recently, I have an elephant plant and a bunny ear cactus!! I want to name all of them after revolutionary psychologists but haven't gotten to that yet. 🤩 What kind of plants do you have?
Hey Allisun! I just read a quote from Bataille that I kept thinking about when you talked about the “transition”. It says that erotism is the approval of life even in death. And I related it with the recent book of John Greene “Anthropocene reviewed” video where he says he is falling in love with the world. I think that winging it is part of these two. Thank you for the video and giving me a reminder that yes, I can move out and yes I can have healthy relationships with others. The very day I leave this house I’m going to pierce my ears and get a tattoo because then my father won’t have that power over my body... I will. I’ll be an adult :)
I am currently preparing to enforce no contact with both of my parents - thank you for speaking out about this, it has helped me in immeasurable ways. :)
Do you ever think that the economy keep us even more as children? As in how expensive it is to be a responsible and dependable adult with his/her stuff together given the fact that probably our professional development was not boosted or even encouraged by our parents...
Yes, and also that consumerism is marketed heavily. Must earn to consume, must consume and own to have worth/be respected by others, a protective attempt.
I'll also say, unfortunately, family dysfunction does not make for a great consumerist market. So, it is largely kept in the shadows. Alcoholic and Narcissistic parents keep teachers and education systems from informing and supporting so many children in need, and pharmacelutical (spelling ooooops) solutions are marketed over low cost or free, proactive and sustainable solutions that work. It's incredibly upsetting to me. If you haven't heard of ACE's, adverse childhood experiences, watch that ted talk... this stuff will all be recognized and healed in time. Returning to your observation, though, right now, capitalism will determine when that time comes.
@@ProactiveResilience Thanks Allisun, you, your work, your answers, are always appreciated. Edit: I just finished watching the video, I had an idea on how this was a problem but of how common and widespread and the high probablilities I was simply not aware... I don't live in the US, so apparently this A.C.E. score is not common here, Imma search books and links about this topic with the hope of finding a professional who can help (and who knows what next):) thanks
Wow, if only UA-cam was around 40 years ago. I had a hard time leaving my home. I even signed up for the military at the age of 16 so my parents couldn't stop me for leaving. At the time, I had no idea why a cloud of guilt was always over me.
![GRIEVING our lack of Safety + Self to Let those Feelings Go [children of narcissistic parents] ♡](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/koQTrOksiQg/mqdefault.jpg)
![GRIEVING our lack of Safety + Self to Let those Feelings Go [children of narcissistic parents] ♡](/img/tr.png)
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
It’s weird for me to finally accept that I was raised by a narcissistic father and a codependent mother but I’m happy to see the truth for what it is and use that to move on. I’m 23 and still need my parents financially despite going to college for a career I don’t even truly enjoy but have been manipulated into. It’s crazy but I think this is the beginning of a new season in my life. Pray for me to take wise steps and stay strong while navigating this path.
I relate to this so much. Only difference is I am 22. What a world. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for articulating my struggles so well...recently came back to live with my mum and the brain fog has been absolutely insane. It’s been about a year and a half, and I feel like a 27 year old codependent child living in a toxic rut. I can barely recognise myself. Really looking forward to and quite optimistic about taking that leap of faith again, walking away with all the wisdom and confidence that I can find within me, this time for good. 🌻
Yeeeeeessss, brain fog around our triggering family members is SO real and valid! It affects my ability to think, and therefore my thoughts and actions. Surreal. :o I'm sorry to hear you feel you're in a rut, and I really really hope you let that optimistic side of yourself roam free and lead you to bigger and better times. More expansive and positive times. I appreciate you, HQ. Good luck. *virtual hug*
How are you doing? Hope you made it out! Keep the faith this journey gives you strength 💛
I relate so hard to the things you've navigated! I have also let go of hobbies that became toxic. Mine was soccer. My narcissistic father was obsessed with soccer and forced me to play it for my whole life. I started to hate it and now I never want to do anything related to soccer ever again. I'm finding other things that I love, such as video games and American Football, and I feel much more free! What you said about the mirrors was sort of similar to what I experienced in soccer in that my dad, who was also my coach, constantly unfairly criticized me and yelled at me while I was on the field. He was also obsessed with winning, so when we lost he took that out on me. Not having hobbies that are just about winning anymore makes me feel so free as a person and I can't wait to find more. :)
I'm excited for you (:
@@ProactiveResilience Thank you! Your channel gives me hope and strength always :)
I’m currently in the middle of trying to buy my first house while also healing myself through adult children meetings, therapy, and whatever else. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. Thank you for this video, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Also I just recently followed you from your first adult children video bcus I wanted a personal perspective. It brought me so much joy to hear you say you’re a coach now, that’s goals baby! And I’m 3 years older than you!
YOU are goals! Keep workin', Alexis! Invest in yourself. You got this.
Hi! I'm 24 having the exact same transition.
moving out soon , for good this time.
sending my love and support.
Hi!! I'm happy for you. I hope your moving out goes as smoothly as possible, and brings about a lot of great things for you!
Mental abuse is so destructive day after day...year after year. I'm so glad that you are learning about yourself so early in life.
Wow.. I felt you were telling me my story...I'm 28, I have tried to move out 2-3 times but failed, I guess because I didn't focus on building a social structure. It felt safer to be alone, but I couldn't manage life alone... Thanks for pointing it out. Now I will focus on all 3 things: finance, housing & friends before attempting to move out again.
What kind of plants do you have?! I find messing with plants and gardens to be very peaceful and healing! I got hooked about a year ago during the pandemic lol. Great video btw :)
I find it peaceful and healing, too! I love learning what each plant needs to thrive and watching them grow, and I love how they're all so imperfectly perfect in their own way. Having them in my spaces makes the space feel more energized to me. 🥰 I have a fake plant, Stern the Fern on the far left. I garbage picked him once upon a time and love him dearly. Then I have a couple Ivy, a Pilea (new fave), several pothos varieties, a vinca Vine (also a fave), a couple Monsterras, a spider plant, coleusses, hmmm... I got a black eyed Susan recently, I have an elephant plant and a bunny ear cactus!! I want to name all of them after revolutionary psychologists but haven't gotten to that yet. 🤩 What kind of plants do you have?
Hey Allisun! I just read a quote from Bataille that I kept thinking about when you talked about the “transition”. It says that erotism is the approval of life even in death. And I related it with the recent book of John Greene “Anthropocene reviewed” video where he says he is falling in love with the world.
I think that winging it is part of these two.
Thank you for the video and giving me a reminder that yes, I can move out and yes I can have healthy relationships with others. The very day I leave this house I’m going to pierce my ears and get a tattoo because then my father won’t have that power over my body... I will.
I’ll be an adult :)
I am currently preparing to enforce no contact with both of my parents - thank you for speaking out about this, it has helped me in immeasurable ways. :)
Do you ever think that the economy keep us even more as children? As in how expensive it is to be a responsible and dependable adult with his/her stuff together given the fact that probably our professional development was not boosted or even encouraged by our parents...
Yes, and also that consumerism is marketed heavily. Must earn to consume, must consume and own to have worth/be respected by others, a protective attempt.
Yes (: Family and Society play equal roles in our delayed development, in my opinion.
I'll also say, unfortunately, family dysfunction does not make for a great consumerist market. So, it is largely kept in the shadows. Alcoholic and Narcissistic parents keep teachers and education systems from informing and supporting so many children in need, and pharmacelutical (spelling ooooops) solutions are marketed over low cost or free, proactive and sustainable solutions that work. It's incredibly upsetting to me. If you haven't heard of ACE's, adverse childhood experiences, watch that ted talk... this stuff will all be recognized and healed in time. Returning to your observation, though, right now, capitalism will determine when that time comes.
ua-cam.com/video/nx-tLOtRwyk/v-deo.html
I think this is a leap from your original comment but worth mentioning!! I appreciate you.
@@ProactiveResilience Thanks Allisun, you, your work, your answers, are always appreciated. Edit: I just finished watching the video, I had an idea on how this was a problem but of how common and widespread and the high probablilities I was simply not aware... I don't live in the US, so apparently this A.C.E. score is not common here, Imma search books and links about this topic with the hope of finding a professional who can help (and who knows what next):) thanks
Wow, if only UA-cam was around 40 years ago. I had a hard time leaving my home. I even signed up for the military at the age of 16 so my parents couldn't stop me for leaving. At the time, I had no idea why a cloud of guilt was always over me.
So relatable. Thanks for articulating and sharing.
I miss your videos so much ❤
Thank you so much for this!!
Ps where did you get your necklace?
Etsy! I searched moon cycle choker necklace. (:
Hiiii!
Your understanding of personality is GOALS. Hope you're doing okay, Alexander. (:
Yeah everyone seems to be into plants nowadays