major tw i dont know i just dont feel well lately and I blocked everyone and cut off everyone in my life so the only interaction I ever even have any more is with my mother but me and her aren't on great bonding terms so I cant ever talk to her. the reason I dont feel well is because I feel like I constantly need to be in love because if im not I dont feel real, I was recently diagnosed with bpd (borderline personality disorder) and I feel like the reason I feel like this ties into that and that is maybe some of the reason im like this but I dont know, when im in love I become extremely delusional, in my last relationship I worshipped him I truly believed with all my heart that he was actually god or an angel at the least, he gave me severe trauma, and added onto the trauma o had as well, he attempted suiside multiple times leaving me to believe he was dead, so when he came back, that fed my delusion of him being god. but my fear of abandonment is very severe, I would cry till I vomited and made myself pass out every time he left for too long because I was worried he was dead again, he was sweet and nice but he left me with more trauma then before. now that hes gone I feel worthless, the only way I can try to recreate that feeling of love is by showing off my body to strangers, I keep putting myself in dangerous situations just so I can feel that love again, I dont see myself as anything more then a s-x toy without him, he was everything to me he was basically a saint, that mindset of me thinking he's a god probably comes from religious trauma but still I just need that feeling back but I never want to feel like how he made me feel again, god I bottled all this up for so long I havnt ever talked about it I want to say so much I'm crying, when he committed the first time he was gone for three months, i couldn't sleep or eat I was in and out of the hospital constantly and it got so bad to the point I started hallucinating him from the lack of sleep and food and medicine I had to take or had taken from previous attempts, I kept hallucinating during school of him whispering to me telling me to k--- myself because he was god and we could recreate the world, I know it sounds insane thats why I haven't talked about this ever but its getting so bad again im. in and out of the mental hospital every few months, he had blocked me randomly one day, just like he did before an attempt, I made at least 30 accounts begging him to respond and when he did he just said we couldn't be together because of his "mental health" and "it wasn't fair to put me through that" I kept asking him to please at the least stay in contact with me but he kept blocking every account I made, the last time i made an account, his bio said "matching with my bf ____" i yelled at him for hours before he responded, i hardly remeber what happend but he had finally responded and I don't remeber all he said but the only thing i remeber is he ended the text with "i tried to love you again but i couldnt i wish i never met you" after that i was in the hospital i just want to be in love again i feel useless if i dont love someone, there isnt anything special about me untill im in love but I never wanna be in love again its so stressful and it makes me constantly feel like I'm dying. the closest thing I can feel is showing off my body and I hate it but its like its the only way I feel loved, ive been hypersexual since I was 5 and I just recently realized what had happened to me as a child was sa I was too young to realize at the time but it makes so much since now. i just wanna feel loved again not just for my body I wish I could be more then that but I feel like I'll never be anything more the that now that hes gone, i dont even know if hes alive i keep getting paranoid that his ghost is watching me, there is so much i wanna say ive bottled this up for so long it's making me sick I haven't left my house in almost 3 months im homeschooled too so i wont ever be able to talk to anyone about this and its eating me alive bottling this up i dont even know how to word all this i have so much to say and i dont know how to say all of it. I've never talked about my sa or how I was affected by him doing all that to me, none of it and it feels like I giant weight on my shoulders thats ruining my life I just wanna be normal I dont wanna worship the people I'm in love with I don't wanna give my body away I wanna feel normal I wanna feel like im in my own skin, i did everything for him i comforted him i gave him money i loved him with every fiber of my being i never got mad at him ir called him out on stuff that made me uncomfortable but he gets mad at me for yelling at him for replacing me a day after our relationship ended when i thought he was dead somewhere. i just wanna love like normal i wanna live without needing to be in love i dont wanna constantly feel like i need to be in love i wanna be at pease by myself and i just hate that i cant feel normal
and please please I'm genuinely begging you don't think I'm weird for this I know how insane this all probably sounds from an outside perspective, I have religious trauma, sexual and trauma from abandonment that's the reason I act the way I do I dont wanna be like this at all Id give the whole world away if it ment I could feel normal ive never talked about this so please dont like I dont know please just dont think this is weird
Alright dear.. this is way worse than everything that happened to my old friend.. in truly sorry about your experience.. but please remember.. I'm always here for you to ask comfort and care with.. I'm always here for you.. open up and waiting as always.. I'll give you everything you need if your feeling down.. and I'll be staying at your side and I'll never leave you side.. but always remember god made us a pathway to where to go and might end it up to make it beautiful and lovely for you.. or not.. but I'm here for you if you got your prep of your life failed.. I would be here for you my sweets.. *Virtual hugs*
@@ANXIOUS___871 hsbdkdkd thank you I seriously needed to get that off my chest im really sorry I haven't been able to talk about any of this so I just needed to I feel bad about it but thank you sm im really sorry
Sigh... Warning: SA,SH,Trauma bonding I was dating my ex gf, and i look at her for the first time, i comfort her, motivated her and make her happy But it's changes when it's at April When i having chat with her, she sending me a lot of nud3s of her and make me to sent her nud3s of mine. I feeling uncomfortable and saying her it was enough, but she refused and send her pic sleeping naked...and also she asked me for a m0an voice, it was too far..but for my gf, i let her do anything she want from me And also she made nsfw art of me and her which is without permission from me..she has said alot dirty minded like *"Im sleeping naked now wanna see"* or maybe *"im wet"* bc it's the most scariest thing i had conversations w her Well..finally i broke up w her, but she misinformation people on TikTok about me that was fake... I cutt1ng my thighs and stomach everytime when it's stressed, and I cant take it anymore
@@Lick.urtoes oh my.. that's bad.. your ex gf is a fucking whore/slut for that.. my heart was thumping my chest hard when I read this.. I feel so bad.. but always remember Rehan.. I'm here.. here for you to ask comfort.. i know she took it way to far but I know.. it's sometimes part of life.. yk what god(if yours is diff then alr.) has put some pathways for us to go Right.? Well.. don't worry.. In the future everything would be fixed up together (or not..). It's truly disgusting that she did that to you.. and I would never forget about that.. everythings going to be fine unless I'm here rehan.. I'm just here to give you comfort whenever you need it.. I just hope I could meet you in irl and hug you for life till the afterlife but I can't.. and please don't cut yourself ever again.. it's making me worry about you more and more now sweets.. A virtual hug would kinda help.. *virtual hugs*
major tw
i dont know i just dont feel well lately and I blocked everyone and cut off everyone in my life so the only interaction I ever even have any more is with my mother but me and her aren't on great bonding terms so I cant ever talk to her. the reason I dont feel well is because I feel like I constantly need to be in love because if im not I dont feel real, I was recently diagnosed with bpd (borderline personality disorder) and I feel like the reason I feel like this ties into that and that is maybe some of the reason im like this but I dont know, when im in love I become extremely delusional, in my last relationship I worshipped him I truly believed with all my heart that he was actually god or an angel at the least, he gave me severe trauma, and added onto the trauma o had as well, he attempted suiside multiple times leaving me to believe he was dead, so when he came back, that fed my delusion of him being god. but my fear of abandonment is very severe, I would cry till I vomited and made myself pass out every time he left for too long because I was worried he was dead again, he was sweet and nice but he left me with more trauma then before. now that hes gone I feel worthless, the only way I can try to recreate that feeling of love is by showing off my body to strangers, I keep putting myself in dangerous situations just so I can feel that love again, I dont see myself as anything more then a s-x toy without him, he was everything to me he was basically a saint, that mindset of me thinking he's a god probably comes from religious trauma but still I just need that feeling back but I never want to feel like how he made me feel again, god I bottled all this up for so long I havnt ever talked about it I want to say so much I'm crying, when he committed the first time he was gone for three months, i couldn't sleep or eat I was in and out of the hospital constantly and it got so bad to the point I started hallucinating him from the lack of sleep and food and medicine I had to take or had taken from previous attempts, I kept hallucinating during school of him whispering to me telling me to k--- myself because he was god and we could recreate the world, I know it sounds insane thats why I haven't talked about this ever but its getting so bad again im. in and out of the mental hospital every few months, he had blocked me randomly one day, just like he did before an attempt, I made at least 30 accounts begging him to respond and when he did he just said we couldn't be together because of his "mental health" and "it wasn't fair to put me through that" I kept asking him to please at the least stay in contact with me but he kept blocking every account I made, the last time i made an account, his bio said "matching with my bf ____" i yelled at him for hours before he responded, i hardly remeber what happend but he had finally responded and I don't remeber all he said but the only thing i remeber is he ended the text with "i tried to love you again but i couldnt i wish i never met you" after that i was in the hospital i just want to be in love again i feel useless if i dont love someone, there isnt anything special about me untill im in love but I never wanna be in love again its so stressful and it makes me constantly feel like I'm dying. the closest thing I can feel is showing off my body and I hate it but its like its the only way I feel loved, ive been hypersexual since I was 5 and I just recently realized what had happened to me as a child was sa I was too young to realize at the time but it makes so much since now. i just wanna feel loved again not just for my body I wish I could be more then that but I feel like I'll never be anything more the that now that hes gone, i dont even know if hes alive i keep getting paranoid that his ghost is watching me, there is so much i wanna say ive bottled this up for so long it's making me sick I haven't left my house in almost 3 months im homeschooled too so i wont ever be able to talk to anyone about this and its eating me alive bottling this up i dont even know how to word all this i have so much to say and i dont know how to say all of it. I've never talked about my sa or how I was affected by him doing all that to me, none of it and it feels like I giant weight on my shoulders thats ruining my life I just wanna be normal I dont wanna worship the people I'm in love with I don't wanna give my body away I wanna feel normal I wanna feel like im in my own skin, i did everything for him i comforted him i gave him money i loved him with every fiber of my being i never got mad at him ir called him out on stuff that made me uncomfortable but he gets mad at me for yelling at him for replacing me a day after our relationship ended when i thought he was dead somewhere. i just wanna love like normal i wanna live without needing to be in love i dont wanna constantly feel like i need to be in love i wanna be at pease by myself and i just hate that i cant feel normal
and please please I'm genuinely begging you don't think I'm weird for this I know how insane this all probably sounds from an outside perspective, I have religious trauma, sexual and trauma from abandonment that's the reason I act the way I do I dont wanna be like this at all Id give the whole world away if it ment I could feel normal ive never talked about this so please dont like I dont know please just dont think this is weird
Alright dear.. this is way worse than everything that happened to my old friend.. in truly sorry about your experience.. but please remember.. I'm always here for you to ask comfort and care with.. I'm always here for you.. open up and waiting as always.. I'll give you everything you need if your feeling down.. and I'll be staying at your side and I'll never leave you side.. but always remember god made us a pathway to where to go and might end it up to make it beautiful and lovely for you.. or not.. but I'm here for you if you got your prep of your life failed.. I would be here for you my sweets..
*Virtual hugs*
@@ANXIOUS___871 hsbdkdkd thank you I seriously needed to get that off my chest im really sorry I haven't been able to talk about any of this so I just needed to I feel bad about it but thank you sm im really sorry
@@randoll2008 no need to be sorry dear.
Sigh... Warning: SA,SH,Trauma bonding
I was dating my ex gf, and i look at her for the first time, i comfort her, motivated her and make her happy
But it's changes when it's at April
When i having chat with her, she sending me a lot of nud3s of her and make me to sent her nud3s of mine. I feeling uncomfortable and saying her it was enough, but she refused and send her pic sleeping naked...and also she asked me for a m0an voice, it was too far..but for my gf, i let her do anything she want from me
And also she made nsfw art of me and her which is without permission from me..she has said alot dirty minded like *"Im sleeping naked now wanna see"* or maybe *"im wet"* bc it's the most scariest thing i had conversations w her
Well..finally i broke up w her, but she misinformation people on TikTok about me that was fake...
I cutt1ng my thighs and stomach everytime when it's stressed, and I cant take it anymore
@@Lick.urtoes oh my.. that's bad.. your ex gf is a fucking whore/slut for that.. my heart was thumping my chest hard when I read this.. I feel so bad.. but always remember Rehan.. I'm here.. here for you to ask comfort.. i know she took it way to far but I know.. it's sometimes part of life.. yk what god(if yours is diff then alr.) has put some pathways for us to go Right.? Well.. don't worry.. In the future everything would be fixed up together (or not..). It's truly disgusting that she did that to you.. and I would never forget about that.. everythings going to be fine unless I'm here rehan.. I'm just here to give you comfort whenever you need it.. I just hope I could meet you in irl and hug you for life till the afterlife but I can't.. and please don't cut yourself ever again.. it's making me worry about you more and more now sweets..
A virtual hug would kinda help.. *virtual hugs*
@ANXIOUS___871 THANK YOU VERY MUCH I ALMOST TOUCHED 💞💞
**hugs bacc**