TL;DR Edition Of All 66 Books Of The Bible

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  • Опубліковано 2 лют 2023
  • With The TL;DR Edition of the Bible, you can forget about reading through the Bible in a year - now you can read through the Bible in about five minutes!
    NOT SATIRE: In all seriousness, do you need to read your Bible more? Of course you do, you sinner. Try listening or reading along to God's Word using Dwell, the most creative Bible experience available in the App and Google Play Store.
    And get this! Dwell is giving all Babylon Bee readers free access to their app for 7 days, plus a coupon for 30% off. Get this exclusive deal now: dwellapp.io/babylonbee
    Follow The Babylon Bee:
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    #babylonbee #bible #comedy #christian #conservative #woke #funny
  • Комедії

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,6 тис.

  • @ohifonlyx33
    @ohifonlyx33 Рік тому +1099

    The Jonah the Asparagus throwback actually slayed me like Jael with a tent peg.

    • @Dargonhuman
      @Dargonhuman Рік тому +53

      The lead-up and follow-up of about fifty "a minor prophet who wasn't Jonah, feel free to skip" to that joke really made it hit harder too.

    • @RealCaptainAwesome
      @RealCaptainAwesome Рік тому +7

      I wish Ethan was here to appreciate it with us.

    • @umaikakudo
      @umaikakudo Рік тому +5

      You won the Bible based Internet today. BB should hire you on the spot.

    • @Thefirstbrady
      @Thefirstbrady Рік тому +11

      ever notice how none of the veggies had arms yet they picked up things and it didn't seem weird to you when you were a kid? Corridor Crew had a react episode with one of the animators recently and he pointed that out. Blew my mind how weird it looks rewatching it now.
      God I loved those songs. CAUSE YOUR HIS CHEESEBURGER HIS TASTY CHEESEBURGER HELL WAIT FOR YOOUUUU YEAAAA HELL WAIT FOR YOOUUUU OHHHHH!!!!! lmfao

    • @RealCaptainAwesome
      @RealCaptainAwesome Рік тому +6

      @@Thefirstbrady yeah, that was a fun episode. Funny how it inspired those guys.

  • @A.J.1656
    @A.J.1656 Рік тому +629

    "Just go ask your parents" made me laugh.

    • @jonathanlong6987
      @jonathanlong6987 Рік тому +16

      Don’t ask this parent! I’m not going there.

    • @hammy_and_britney
      @hammy_and_britney Рік тому +5

      😏

    • @tticusFinch
      @tticusFinch Рік тому +19

      So true. A young adults ministry I went to started going in depth with some of the symbolism and imagery....let's just I say I was impressed SoS hasn't been translated into modern English for a non-Christian audience.

    • @transparentglazier
      @transparentglazier Рік тому +13

      Too much 'begetting' going on there

    • @Swiftninjatrev
      @Swiftninjatrev Рік тому +8

      @@tticusFinch Oh my... That would be a nightmare.... 😬

  • @funhistory
    @funhistory Рік тому +514

    Zechariah should've been, "No, I'm not Zephaniah. Now I know how Elisha must have felt."

    • @ADayintheLifeoftheTw
      @ADayintheLifeoftheTw Рік тому +17

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @AndyZach
      @AndyZach Рік тому +12

      Zechariah could also have been called, Daniel 2.0.

    • @frzstat
      @frzstat Рік тому +18

      Elijah jokes 😂

    • @briansonof
      @briansonof Рік тому +7

      I listened to both the other evening and now they're two of my favorites. God is good!

    • @popjaw1andOnly
      @popjaw1andOnly Рік тому +5

      BB could use another good, funny writer.... you know any??? J/K 🤣Seriously, good stuff!👍

  • @TheNewsInASL
    @TheNewsInASL Рік тому +837

    This was a great summary. Now I can say that I listened to the entire Bible in four minutes.

    • @Katya75RN
      @Katya75RN Рік тому +12

      I listened twice! #DoubleHoly!

    • @Thumper68
      @Thumper68 Рік тому +2

      I made my own jokes through about half of it so I did it in two minutes while writing and narrating the King Thumper version 😂

    • @TagiukGold
      @TagiukGold Рік тому +4

      I listened at double speed, so it took half the time. And of course I skipped the lessor prophets.

    • @pogchamp1038
      @pogchamp1038 Рік тому +2

      🤣

    • @dlondon35
      @dlondon35 Рік тому +1

      No you didn’t! You may have heard some truths, and they were funny! Don’t listen to everything you hear. Read the Book.

  • @MaryGraceMoleski
    @MaryGraceMoleski Рік тому +480

    “If there’s one thing that I’ve noticed about the Bible, it’s that it’s long”
    😂

    • @nschlaak
      @nschlaak Рік тому +7

      Tongue in cheek here, is a library long? Is a trilogy long? Is the game of Thrones long? Read each book as individual books noting that there's a common thread from start to finish. We had perfection and we ruined it. God promised a deliverer and made good on the promise. He will call His own home and He will then come back to Earth to deal with our accuser once and for all. There now, even shorter than the greatest of all time the Babylon Bee. Not my own thinking but from a great Christian apologist.

    • @MaryGraceMoleski
      @MaryGraceMoleski Рік тому +8

      @@nschlaak I.. I was quoting the video, it was a joke

    • @troy3456789
      @troy3456789 Рік тому

      @@nschlaak The TL;DR Old Testament: Worship Yahweh or get murdered (Yahweh murders and orders ethnic cleansing); and then get rich and live for hundreds of years if you kill enough "wrong thinkers".
      The TL:DR of the New Testament: Sin isn't that bad; just belief in the absurd is required. Pray for everything that's wrong, cause Jesus is magical and grants anything you want. Why do something when you can pray for it? *Slavery is blessed in both the new and old testament, so yeah, welcome communism and government oppression*
      When communism, then Islam takes over the US, it will be Christianity that welcomes it for "persecuted for loving Jesus" whining. They're all busy turning into the same victim narcissists as the lefties that hate them, and they cannot wait to do it more, all in the name of Jeebus. Oh yeah, don't forget loving your enemies; the government is taking away your personal defense tools to make that a lot easier.
      Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi both have repeatedly confirmed their Christianity. 😁

    • @troy3456789
      @troy3456789 Рік тому +1

      @@nschlaak The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." ― Abraham Lincoln, Speeches and Writings 1832-1858

    • @nschlaak
      @nschlaak Рік тому +9

      @@troy3456789 The name Christian was first used by the emperor Tiberius while Sejanus his second in command had just been killed for insurrection against Tiberius. Sejanus used the word Chrestion Chrestun which means fool or fools.
      Abraham Lincoln had a strong relationship with God the Father as seen through his writings especially shortly after his son Todd died unexpectedly.
      "That I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrepect of religion in general, or of any denomination of Christians in particular." Abraham Lincoln
      Abraham Lincoln also said to Horace Greely in August 1862, Lincoln stated: "If I could save the union without freeing any slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that."
      So what. I really am puzzled by your singular quote out of context with his life, his knowledge, and his personal trust through God's Son Jesus which gave him his relationship to the Father.

  • @FourOf92000
    @FourOf92000 Рік тому +47

    Catholic drops in: "you mean 73 right?"

    • @Tricky2109
      @Tricky2109 25 днів тому +2

      I mean, Luther did remove books

    • @jonathansmith4712
      @jonathansmith4712 25 днів тому

      If anyone wants more info on this, look up Gary Michuta’s work. He’s the best. Great UA-cam channel too.

    • @jonathansmith4712
      @jonathansmith4712 25 днів тому

      The best “big picture” Bible study is the Great Adventure series by Jeff Cavins.

    • @FishermensCorner
      @FishermensCorner 12 днів тому +1

      ​@@Tricky2109 Luther didn't make the Jewish canon.

  • @brobafett21
    @brobafett21 Рік тому +521

    “Leviticus…STOP….DOING….GROSS…STUFF” had me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @oliviavanbrink
      @oliviavanbrink Рік тому +22

      And then Deuteronomy: I SAID STOP DOING GROSS STUFF 🤣🤣🤣

    • @TopsideCrisis346
      @TopsideCrisis346 Рік тому +10

      ... and then America - #STOPDOINGGROSSSTUFFALREADY!!! 💥🤬💥
      NOTE: America is not an actual book of the Bible and this comment is meant to be satirical. Think about where you are, people.

    • @copcuffs9973
      @copcuffs9973 Рік тому

      💯 truth @3:26 ✌️

    • @warmtoiletseat5596
      @warmtoiletseat5596 Рік тому

      Deuteronomy says hello 😂😂

    • @Jesusbride515
      @Jesusbride515 4 місяці тому

      Hahahahahahahahaha!

  • @BehavingBradly
    @BehavingBradly Рік тому +97

    All us Bible geeks are cracking up at how well you nailed this. I can see the love and thought behind it, we know y'all have your hearts and minds with God

  • @JohnShawOhio
    @JohnShawOhio Рік тому +526

    I finally got through the bible in one day!

    • @CoolPapaJMagik
      @CoolPapaJMagik Рік тому +11

      We gotta fast reader here! 🎊

    • @jerrys1
      @jerrys1 Рік тому +8

      Imagine actually doing that

    • @matthewcurry3565
      @matthewcurry3565 Рік тому +2

      Good. Read the end of the book. Revelation 22:11. Peace never comes to the living 👍

    • @Jake-Drake
      @Jake-Drake Рік тому +1

      That’s funny 😆.

    • @Dargonhuman
      @Dargonhuman Рік тому +7

      Man, these any%, skip speedruns are getting RIDICULOUS!!!

  • @ellisikundo1591
    @ellisikundo1591 Рік тому +129

    “Songs of Solomon - go ask your parents 🙌🙌” That hit deep

    • @kriegjaeger
      @kriegjaeger Рік тому +13

      Dude just likes his secret garden and pomegranates. 🤷‍♂

    • @eyesyt7571
      @eyesyt7571 Рік тому +5

      I think we all know it's just Christian erotic literature.

    • @akivamagill7719
      @akivamagill7719 2 місяці тому

      @@eyesyt7571 Actually its Jewish. and its a metaphor for God and Israel who are lovers so to speak

    • @eyesyt7571
      @eyesyt7571 2 місяці тому

      @@akivamagill7719 That's an interesting theory, but I'd like evidence of it.

    • @akivamagill7719
      @akivamagill7719 2 місяці тому

      @@eyesyt7571 all of the sages in the talmud say that. “All the books of the Bible are holy; but the Song of Songs is the Holy of Holies” tract yadayim 3:5

  • @cathryneallen9257
    @cathryneallen9257 Рік тому +64

    “Ruth, the Bachelorette Hebrew Edition “ 😂😂😂

  • @funhistory
    @funhistory Рік тому +96

    "Do I have to write a 4th John?!?!" 😂

  • @MatthewSchellenberg
    @MatthewSchellenberg Рік тому +172

    Pro tip: If you're going to read the minor prophets, it helps very much to have some kind of background info on each book as to when it was written and why. "Quest Study Bible" has nice summaries of background info. Basically, get familiar with the history of Israel and Judah and how the kingdom divided and deteriorated by studying Kings and Chronicles first. That will help you understand the minor prophets when you realize what was going on when they were written. A lot of them are warnings of what's to come if people don't shape up, (which they don't), but there's also some beautiful messianic prophecy in them.

    • @stefanwalicord2512
      @stefanwalicord2512 Рік тому +4

      In the context of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles, the minor prophets are very poignant and thematically connected

    • @Joemakatozi1776
      @Joemakatozi1776 Рік тому +7

      Ezekial is one of my favorite books.

    • @silasbogert8866
      @silasbogert8866 Рік тому

      Yea I Have an NIV Quest Study Bible for teens, It is a very good Bible.

    • @goodmusic37
      @goodmusic37 Рік тому

      Agree. Definitely helps to have a Biblically-sound pastor or friend.

    • @MatthewSchellenberg
      @MatthewSchellenberg Рік тому +3

      The other thing I forgot to mention is that the minor prophets are not in chronological order. That's another reason why you really need to know what was happening at the time in order to make sense of those books.

  • @kenjacobsen9386
    @kenjacobsen9386 Рік тому +243

    "Basically, John MacArthur's worst nightmare." Pure gold!

  • @lior38
    @lior38 Рік тому +303

    You killed me with the minor prophets😂

    • @SRose-vp6ew
      @SRose-vp6ew Рік тому +25

      I think churches skip them, but they shouldn't. I was helped so much these past few years thanks to their teachings.

    • @katiegreene4119
      @katiegreene4119 Рік тому +8

      @@SRose-vp6ew Thanks for saying. I laughed so hard during it thinking.. wow.. they do get skipped a lot and I've never read them. But they're in there for a reason. Thanks for saying you liked them. Now we're all going to read these after watching this. :)

    • @janisandrina4256
      @janisandrina4256 Рік тому +1

      @@SRose-vp6ew exactly.. would have loved a part for them too

    • @Swiftninjatrev
      @Swiftninjatrev Рік тому +1

      @@SRose-vp6ew Mines doing a bunch of them right now, we did 2 or three so far in the last couple weeks!

    • @DiggitySlice
      @DiggitySlice Рік тому +2

      It's irresponsible, though. The *entire* Bible has purpose for teaching, reproof, correction.

  • @brett4264
    @brett4264 Рік тому +180

    I want to print this out and tape it to the table of contents of my bible.

    • @andymanaus1077
      @andymanaus1077 Рік тому +11

      @@osakarose5612 Grab your smartphone. Select the Notes app on your phone. Tap the microphone icon. Hold the phone up to your computer speaker and play this video. Email the Notes file to your computer. Edit anything that didn't pick up right. Print it out.

    • @realrickyshea
      @realrickyshea Рік тому +7

      Like most of their videos, this was originally a print article. Just find the article on their site and print it out.

    • @DLB1858
      @DLB1858 Рік тому +1

      @@andymanaus1077boomer here. I lost you at “grab your smart phone”

    • @amytarvin2776
      @amytarvin2776 Рік тому +1

      @@andymanaus1077 you rock!😂

    • @scottowens398
      @scottowens398 Рік тому +2

      Copy and paste the transcript, maybe?

  • @marty8722
    @marty8722 Рік тому +594

    Nooooooo don't skip the minor prophets! They give so much insight as to the divinity of christ and the heavenly kingdom to come! They also have significant prophecies about the end times that we're currently going through right now

    • @richardmead5969
      @richardmead5969 Рік тому +9

      riiiight

    • @marty8722
      @marty8722 Рік тому +51

      @@richardmead5969 read them and prove me wrong :)

    • @MyShiroyuki
      @MyShiroyuki Рік тому +70

      Yeah, there’s definitely a good reason why they’re included in the Bible, God’s Word.

    • @briansonof
      @briansonof Рік тому +13

      @Apsoy Pike Really? When did Amos 8:11-12 happen in the distant past? Everyone I know who is aware only knows for certain it's been happening since less than a decade ago.

    • @jonahnolastnameneeded3130
      @jonahnolastnameneeded3130 Рік тому +17

      @@briansonof I thought the end times are supposed to be unexpected, “no one knows the day or hour” when Jesus will return, right?

  • @christinalafferty6073
    @christinalafferty6073 Рік тому +22

    "Ladies, please stop talking" I'm dead 💀🤣

  • @calebsartor3023
    @calebsartor3023 Рік тому +108

    Who needs the One Year Bible when you have the Bible in 4 minutes right here?

    • @popjaw1andOnly
      @popjaw1andOnly Рік тому +4

      IKR? It's perfect for Gen ADHD!!

    • @louclarcen5690
      @louclarcen5690 Рік тому +5

      Who needs One Year Bible when you have Bible in a Year?

    • @antonandmelissafeitlich5707
      @antonandmelissafeitlich5707 Рік тому +1

      @Ben O Brien You will have to deal with those pesky 7 books not covered by in this video though. Looking forward to a second video from the Bee to follow up.

  • @wingdingthing07
    @wingdingthing07 Рік тому +137

    My Bible version doesn't have the anthro asparagus in it for some reason, so this is incredibly helpful.

    • @single_spaghetto
      @single_spaghetto Рік тому +9

      Check if it has the gourd part, if it does, youv'e got the right Bible

    • @evanevanf4033
      @evanevanf4033 Рік тому +2

      The Bible has mandrakes so called because of their human like appearance 😂

    • @evanevanf4033
      @evanevanf4033 Рік тому

      Mandrakes are also a drug in case you didnt know that

  • @joshvega3329
    @joshvega3329 Рік тому +49

    Zechariah is a must read if you are wanting to understand Revelation. Please do not skip. Daniel also 💥

    • @Silvercrypto-xk4zy
      @Silvercrypto-xk4zy Рік тому +4

      Isaiah is pretty important too if you want to know more about the Messiah

  • @pl1guru
    @pl1guru Рік тому +23

    Ezekiel made laugh out loud, "A totally Lovecraftian mindtrip with eagles, psychadelic wheels and stuff."

  • @pookysgirl7535
    @pookysgirl7535 Рік тому +17

    Jonah was a prophet!
    (OO OO!)
    But he never really got it!
    (Sad but true!)

  • @stagename2
    @stagename2 Рік тому +21

    I actually dig the minor prophets. They use a lot of cool imagery and have one of my favorite verses.
    “Mankind, he has told each of you what is good and what it is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, to love faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
    ‭‭Micah‬ ‭6‬:‭8‬ ‭CSB‬‬

  • @jbullforg
    @jbullforg Рік тому +60

    Best part of this, was learning how to say all the names of the books correctly. (Those minor prophets can be tongue twisters)

    • @jonathancase9934
      @jonathancase9934 Рік тому +4

      More so in the Hebrew. yeshiyahu is isaiah, ezqiel is ezekiel.

  • @JoeHardyCity
    @JoeHardyCity Рік тому +11

    you forgot maccabees. the name literally has "bee" in it

    • @heidinewell3925
      @heidinewell3925 2 місяці тому

      Whoa! Babylon Bee...time for a remake!!

  • @MercenaryGreil
    @MercenaryGreil Рік тому +56

    The year is 2120 a new Bible Version is published with literally only this much words in it taking you about 3 minutes to read front to back. As a result, Kirk Cameron's adventure begins.

    • @astrobuck7023
      @astrobuck7023 Рік тому +3

      Did MrBeast find the cure to cancer. To WW3 happen. What happens in the future.

    • @astrobuck7023
      @astrobuck7023 Рік тому

      Edit
      Did WW3 happen?

    • @oconnke1
      @oconnke1 Рік тому

      @@astrobuck7023 God has already won. He proves that His prophesies are true by making them all happen in a very short period of time. ❤️💥🗯️😵🤬👹👇👼👆

  • @jennasink8743
    @jennasink8743 Рік тому +57

    😂😂😂 This is great, but Habakkuk is kind of one of my favorites. Please don’t skip!!

    • @jr13502
      @jr13502 Рік тому +1

      Agreed

    • @taylorpack1120
      @taylorpack1120 9 місяців тому

      Also, Paul quotes Habakkuk a bunch of times (Habakkuk 2:4 - “The just shall live by … faith”) so it’s useful to know where Paul is quoting from.

  • @GoodNews-px2im
    @GoodNews-px2im Рік тому +11

    The “boogaloo” and “Jesus will be coming around the mountain when he comes,” got me good! 😂😂

  • @asdf8asdf8asdf8asdf
    @asdf8asdf8asdf8asdf Рік тому +32

    Absolutely brilliant. You guys are saving comedy and religion at the same time.

  • @notthefbi7932
    @notthefbi7932 Рік тому +73

    Forgot how many generations of this world have been entertained and taught by the Babylon Bee, over 80 years. Just mind-blowing 🤯
    Thanks Bee hopefully I will be around for your centennial celebration 😁

    • @MK-dn2ll
      @MK-dn2ll Рік тому +1

      I have fond memories of my late father reading me all the silly headlines about the Nixon administration ♥️ I now read them to my grandkids on my Apple iPad

    • @mrmicro22
      @mrmicro22 Рік тому +1

      20 employees each with 4 years of experience....... sounds about right.

  • @Lazybuttery
    @Lazybuttery Рік тому +44

    You had me at “this was a minor prophet that’s not Jonah feel free to skip” then killed me at “an anthropomorphic asparagus” XDD

  • @danthebookhunter
    @danthebookhunter Рік тому +18

    John MacArthur's worst nightmare. This is why I love you guys🤣

  • @davida.2947
    @davida.2947 Рік тому +14

    I just finished a Bible in a year study. If you’d come out with this one year earlier it really would have saved me a bunch of time. Thanks Bee. 😢

  • @krave07
    @krave07 Рік тому +12

    Acts…”basically it’s John MacArthur’s worst nightmare.” 😂

  • @pfcampos7041
    @pfcampos7041 Рік тому +15

    🤣😂Hosea is one of my favorite books of the OT!! DO NOT Feel free to skip! 😋Hosea great love story, hallmark style. Man and woman fall in love, Man and woman have a falling out, Man will do everything to win her heart back so they can live happily ever after. All reflective of the great love story between God and man.

    • @Susurro
      @Susurro Рік тому +2

      Great love story?! In the middle, man and woman are married and fall out because woman has multiple extramarital affairs.
      Since man as faithful husband is a stand in for God and adulterous wife is a stand in for God's idolatrous people, Hosea is extremely humbling. But a great love story? Only for the idolatrous people; for God it's excruciatingly unfair.
      Otherwise the lesson is: God loves us much more than we will ever deserve. That humbles me and makes me want to be a more obedient daughter who loves God more. But I still can't call it a great love story.

    • @bradleydiggs
      @bradleydiggs Рік тому +1

      @@Susurro Heyyy! That’s the best (and fair) assessment of that book I’ve ever heard, and what I always sort of hoped a woman would say about it. May God bless you thank you for your conclusion. (Maybe others get it and just gloss over, and it was just a struggle for me, but, from a human relationship perspective, the book can get used out of context against men to say the woman can be as sinful as she wants and the man has to be God and accept everything, all the time, no matter what) or I suppose vice-versa if you flipped the script.
      Well, sure, from the relationship with God perspective, we’re all her and it took Jesus and the cross to even have a way to justify it, and thank God if we come to repentance in Christ we don’t get what we deserve.
      But from the earthly romance perspective I’ve struggled a lot with “being a Hosea” and you’ve covered more or less why. I maybe could get okay with it all if there’s genuine repentance and a commitment to change but if there’s not then I’m not God and maybe I’m not called to be a Hosea, and therefore should distance myself from becoming super close in such toxic relationships.
      Which is a part of having healthy (and biblical) boundaries. Either they need more awareness, or repentance, or both to be able to reconcile and fully trust each other (and God) and function the way it was designed.
      I’ve never heard a woman see this side of things and it was awesome to read that. Thank you.

  • @petrazhang2409
    @petrazhang2409 Рік тому +10

    Acts: “John McArthur’s worst nightmares “ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂this one floored me…

  • @harryallenpearce89
    @harryallenpearce89 Рік тому +10

    66 books?
    You mean 73.

  • @nemoyatpeace
    @nemoyatpeace Рік тому +182

    So good! Loved almost every moment, until you said Psalms was a long Hillsong album, then you fixd it with the heresy line and had me laughing again!
    Thanks!

    • @Jay_in_Japan
      @Jay_in_Japan Рік тому +5

      The Psalms are really good in the Eastern Arabic church's chants... the way they were meant to be heard

    • @endless3cho
      @endless3cho Рік тому +2

      @@Jay_in_Japan in a language that Judaism nor the early church spoke? 🤔

    • @Sablespartan
      @Sablespartan Рік тому

      Guess I'm out of the loop but why is hillsong heresy?

    • @Sablespartan
      @Sablespartan Рік тому

      @Abbie Holman Really? Why is that?

    • @boomnailedit1609
      @boomnailedit1609 Рік тому +2

      @@Sablespartan it’s what they say outside the songs that makes people look at them funny.

  • @Swiftninjatrev
    @Swiftninjatrev Рік тому +6

    Song of songs: You know what go ask your parents
    Acts: basically, John Macarthur's worst nightmare.
    Best ones in there 😂🤣

  • @Joel_Jumpman
    @Joel_Jumpman Рік тому +17

    As a Joel, I feel outraged that you skipped Joel!

    • @Huntnlady7
      @Huntnlady7 Рік тому +1

      Right? And Hosea's story is touchingly sad.

    • @ASLunar
      @ASLunar Рік тому

      A lot of unnecessary pain happens in the church because people haven't read Habakkuk.

  • @kaylynn4750
    @kaylynn4750 Рік тому +5

    “Basically John MacArthur’s worst nightmare” is the line that made me wheeze. I was not expecting it!

  • @AdirondackRuby
    @AdirondackRuby Рік тому +12

    My brother was named Micah because my parents DIDN'T skip that Minor Prophet...actually, just kidding, he was named after a Calvary Chapel song about Micah 6:8

  • @humberto4344
    @humberto4344 Рік тому +16

    There are 73. Thank you very much

    • @robertthompson3447
      @robertthompson3447 Рік тому +2

      Kyle is a Baptist, not a Mormon. 😅

    • @billyjonesy2972
      @billyjonesy2972 2 місяці тому +3

      Right.
      The Protestants removed 7 books for some reason; they only have 66.

    • @PieMaster2425
      @PieMaster2425 Місяць тому

      @@billyjonesy2972 Protestants match the Hebrew Tanakh

  • @2ndarymotion
    @2ndarymotion Рік тому +8

    "John MacArthur's worst nightmare"... LOL!!!

  • @cameronoleary3916
    @cameronoleary3916 Рік тому +5

    Can't wait to hear about the other 7 in the Old Testament

  • @FireFox64000000
    @FireFox64000000 Рік тому +4

    You forgot to throw in that Jesus loves John in your TLDR of John. John was really big on that. He literally mentions it every chance he gets 😂

  • @appalachiangunman9589
    @appalachiangunman9589 Рік тому +12

    I liked the Mr. T reference for Proverbs. I’ve joked before about who holds the record for calling people fools and I know it has to come down to Mr. T and the book of Proverbs.

  • @rogen8094
    @rogen8094 Рік тому +29

    Catholics: "Ya'll missed 7 books."
    Very funny as always, well done!

    • @stefanhennel5490
      @stefanhennel5490 Рік тому +1

      Chadyes.jpg

    • @ffddsk
      @ffddsk Рік тому

      we are just sad that we still have to read that remaining books =D =D

    • @DG-hw8it
      @DG-hw8it Рік тому

      Catholic bible containing 73 books! 🤔

    • @ffddsk
      @ffddsk Рік тому +2

      @@DG-hw8it challenge: can you give TLDR for the remaining seven books?

  • @bencirco
    @bencirco Рік тому +7

    Can I like this multiple times!!? 👏👏👏👏👏
    Loved the minor prophets especially Jonah!!!

  • @melissag.664
    @melissag.664 Рік тому +10

    I loved this!! Make worship great again! 😂

  • @ShadowsOnTheScreen
    @ShadowsOnTheScreen Рік тому +16

    I really, really enjoyed this. Thank you!

  • @scottclay4253
    @scottclay4253 Рік тому +12

    It seems like it took me a lot longer last time I went through the Bible.

  • @meganfoster8838
    @meganfoster8838 Рік тому +3

    Minor prophets: Hosea: Prophet marries prostitute; Joel: The locusts are coming! Get your act together or else!; Amos: Get your act together or else!; Obadiah: Edom, you're in BIG trouble; Micah: Get your act together or else!; Nahum: GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!; Habakkuk: Sneak preview of Revelation; Zephaniah: Get your act together or else; Haggai: Nehemiah from a different point of view; Zechariah: Weird visions in a sneak preview of Revelation; Malachi: How many times do I have to tell you to get your act together?

  • @NyssaOwens
    @NyssaOwens Рік тому +2

    "AND 100% LESS HERESY" !!!!! 🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

  • @superjoel25
    @superjoel25 Рік тому +4

    I feel like I have a much deeper understanding of the Bible than I ever have before! Thanks Babylon Bee!!

  • @Dr.VonBraun
    @Dr.VonBraun Рік тому +11

    Incredibly accurate, great job. (Job was a man in the land of Uz, and he was a righteous man)...

  • @jacquevanlopeznoroff8827
    @jacquevanlopeznoroff8827 Рік тому +7

    “This is a minor prophet who is not Jonah. Feel free to skip.” 😂😂😂 Oh no! C’mon! such good stuff in there! That’s it, after Psalms the fam is moving to the minor prophets. 😂😂😂

  • @Bad_Llama
    @Bad_Llama Рік тому +7

    Job as Hebrew Country Music had me laughing. Love you guys.

  • @ramtigerfalcon8387
    @ramtigerfalcon8387 Рік тому +1

    Man. Yall never failed to encourage me to love yall more.

  • @mainstream7306
    @mainstream7306 Рік тому +6

    an absolute joy to watch this video. I dont feel free to skip the minor prophets though when Jesus refers to them often and fulfills prophesy.

    • @lFunGuyl
      @lFunGuyl Рік тому +1

      But lots of churches shy away from them for some reason. That's the joke

  • @AllanSanches
    @AllanSanches Рік тому +7

    This comment was written by a minor prophet who's not Jonah, feel free to skip...

  • @kfishr8
    @kfishr8 Рік тому

    Thank you for this summary! I needed an answer and god has spoken to me through this video.

  • @roseweleski8622
    @roseweleski8622 Рік тому +2

    😆 Thanks for summing it up so creatively! You are so talented (and funny!)

  • @ryanhamstra49
    @ryanhamstra49 Рік тому +5

    This is the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time, great job!

  • @Kitttzi
    @Kitttzi Рік тому +8

    Hilarious video! I've been making my way through the Bible and it is long! I have a little trick my mom taught me to help out, read a few smaller books like Colossians, Philemon, John 1-2-3, then go to longer books like the gospels, then back to a couple shorter books Ecclesiastes, Habakkuk then then maybe psalms. Getting through a few shorter books makes you feel like you're accomplishing some reading and gets you motivated to read through a longer book next time. The bible is a great read and I don't see anything wrong with skipping around the books to make it more enjoyable.

  • @Vitamortis.
    @Vitamortis. Рік тому +53

    as a non-Calvinist, Judges is definitely a riveting documentary on the doctrine of total depravity, just without the inability part 😎

  • @Spry011
    @Spry011 Рік тому +6

    Hilarious!!! Ezekiel - nailed it with "flaming psychedelic wheels and stuff" 😂

  • @couchcaptain9379
    @couchcaptain9379 Рік тому +3

    That hook at the end, brilliant! Way to go guys!

  • @pianogal853
    @pianogal853 Рік тому +13

    You guys are so hilarious 😂

  • @sheilaabraham4350
    @sheilaabraham4350 Рік тому +2

    This is great!😂 My church actually had a class that ran through the Bible in a similar way but with hand motions. It’s actually a great way to outline the Bible.

  • @illdoitmyself9181
    @illdoitmyself9181 Рік тому +28

    Hilarious as usual! Now, what about the 7 books you forgot?

    • @tenhundredkills
      @tenhundredkills Рік тому +9

      They're probably just minor books, feel free to skip!

    • @maryangelica5319
      @maryangelica5319 Рік тому +3

      ​@tenhundredkills nah they're referring to the Deuterocanonical books in the older Catholic Canon of scripture.

    • @illdoitmyself9181
      @illdoitmyself9181 Рік тому +5

      @@maryangelica5319 which have and still are included in the Catholic bible

    • @lFunGuyl
      @lFunGuyl Рік тому

      Most people prefer to only read the books inspired by God. Just sayin

    • @illdoitmyself9181
      @illdoitmyself9181 11 місяців тому

      @@lFunGuyl you keep believing that.

  • @benitollan
    @benitollan Рік тому +3

    Thank you for this, really

  • @Jonah-tm2zq
    @Jonah-tm2zq Рік тому +4

    When you have such an uncommon name it's wild when you hear it this many times and it's not being addressed to you lol

    • @DWalter.27
      @DWalter.27 Рік тому +5

      Man I'd be upset with my parents for naming me "minor prophet, feel free to skip".

  • @AmandaFessler
    @AmandaFessler Рік тому +1

    This is gold. That being said, on the matter of minor prophets. I just attended a Valentine's sermon taking a close look at Hosea this morning. Please don't skip, it's a wonderful love story and an illustration of God's love for Israel.

  • @spencergsmith
    @spencergsmith Рік тому +1

    Song of Solomon
    “You know what, just go ask your parents.” ROFL 😂

  • @Joel_Jumpman
    @Joel_Jumpman Рік тому +17

    You forgot “Jasper, not a real book of the Bible. This was a test.”

    • @matthewcurry3565
      @matthewcurry3565 Рік тому

      Revelation 22:11. The entire story had no point, peace never comes to the living, and you use a tortured mans body as an idle after him saying do not have idols.

    • @Joel_Jumpman
      @Joel_Jumpman Рік тому +5

      @@matthewcurry3565 The next verse literally says Jesus is coming soon to bring peace.

    • @Dargonhuman
      @Dargonhuman Рік тому +1

      @@matthewcurry3565 The verses against idols can be summed up with the First Commandment to not have any gods (idols) before God, and since Jesus is the Son of God, and therefore an extension of God, as well as the Holy One that the saved are _supposed_ to pray to ("None shall come to the Father except by me." John 14:6) having a statue of Jesus to focus prayers on is actually the exact opposite of idolatry.
      As for peace never coming to the living, that's why being saved is often described as dying to the wants and desires of the flesh and being reborn in the spirit.

    • @matthewcurry3565
      @matthewcurry3565 Рік тому

      @@Joel_Jumpman No it does not Revelation is the end when jesus is already present lmao

    • @matthewcurry3565
      @matthewcurry3565 Рік тому

      @@Joel_Jumpman he just says he comes quickly in 3rd person a few times before and after.

  • @jonathanlunger2775
    @jonathanlunger2775 Рік тому +10

    That revelations summary made more sense than actual revelations

    • @susangarland6869
      @susangarland6869 Рік тому +3

      Revelation -- no "s"

    • @shadowprovesunshine
      @shadowprovesunshine Рік тому +4

      Revelation = Jesus, The Lion and The Lamb

    • @SN1PERx64
      @SN1PERx64 Рік тому +1

      That is surely because you have never heard it correctly. But don't worry! I have a self-published book from someone you have never heard before that will explain everything!

    • @YSLRD
      @YSLRD Рік тому

      @@SN1PERx64 😆😉

  • @whitennerdy07
    @whitennerdy07 2 місяці тому

    Minor prophets and Gospels had me rolling!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
    So good guys. Well done! 👏👏

  • @commehter
    @commehter Рік тому +1

    I was expecting something like your Christianity Lite skit. I was not prepared!
    Great stuff, Bee! Keep it up!

  • @bluekclay
    @bluekclay Рік тому +29

    This was actually hilarious, I was laughing the whole time😂

  • @cherubin7th
    @cherubin7th Рік тому +4

    James: "No faith doesn't save you alone, stop saying that Paul is bad at explaining such stuff."

    • @YSLRD
      @YSLRD Рік тому

      James never contradicts salvation by faith alone. He expands that true faith is illustrated by works.

    • @xn85d2
      @xn85d2 Рік тому +2

      ​@@YSLRD That depends what you mean by 'faith alone'. James explains that faith without works is not really faith at all.

    • @viperstriker4728
      @viperstriker4728 2 місяці тому

      @@xn85d2 Yes, but not really. Pointing out that some people have fake faith doesn't justify criticism of faith alone. It would be more accurate to say that some people have a straw-men of what faith alone means.

    • @xn85d2
      @xn85d2 2 місяці тому +1

      @@viperstriker4728 True, I'm not saying "faith alone" is wrong, but I am saying that if you really have faith, that faith will motivate you to produce good works. Not that the works can contribute to your salvation, but that they should be present as a sincere expression of gratitude towards your Savior.

  • @veggiesaremurder
    @veggiesaremurder Рік тому +1

    "Deuteronomy: I said stop doing gross stuff, what is wrong with you?!". 😂😂😂

  • @robertheerdink7721
    @robertheerdink7721 Рік тому +1

    Great stuff as usual! I am fine with the normal speed, but this is the first video I had to slow down to 0.5 to hear all the books, then have time to laugh so I could hear the next book's summary.!

  • @curiousgent54
    @curiousgent54 Рік тому +5

    "Micah is a minor prophet, feel free to skip." Really? Micah includes this: "What does God ask of you? ONLY to do what is just, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). Would you really want to skip this profound teaching?

  • @gabismom77
    @gabismom77 Рік тому +14

    Bro, there's 73 Books....

    • @thatcatholiclawyer
      @thatcatholiclawyer Рік тому +4

      Amen! Bro amen

    • @ASLunar
      @ASLunar Рік тому +1

      It depends what type of Christian you are. All three major branches (Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox) disagree on how many books there are.

  • @Crusader_Joe
    @Crusader_Joe Рік тому +2

    Fun Fact, the Bible never refers to believers in Christ as sinners. Only as saints. Saints who sometimes sin, but still saints.

  • @robertwarrenburg2971
    @robertwarrenburg2971 Рік тому +2

    That was a firehose of laughs! Had to play over a few times to get them all!😂 😂😂😂

  • @762x69
    @762x69 Рік тому +6

    Rolling at all the minor prophets that aren't Jonah. Nailed that one

  • @TheCaptain14
    @TheCaptain14 Рік тому +3

    *Deuterocanonical books have entered the chat*

  • @dfmrcv862
    @dfmrcv862 Рік тому +1

    Hosea: "I can fix her" but turned into a metaphor for God's relationship with humanity.

  • @michaeldeloatch7461
    @michaeldeloatch7461 Рік тому

    I am currently reading the Bible cover to cover in 2023 and I _am_ going to do this now I am retired. No way am I going to play your spoilers 'til I'm done! But you nailed to O/T I've covered so far, LOL.

  • @kove
    @kove Рік тому +4

    Lmao those unnecessary jump clips in the intro. Nailed it

  • @drawingdragon
    @drawingdragon Рік тому +11

    These alternate between silly and startlingly accurate
    You could make the TL;DR Old Testament even more TL;DR by summing it up with "GUYS STOP DOING GROSS STUFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU" tbh

    • @Dargonhuman
      @Dargonhuman Рік тому +1

      And the Geneaologies... Cause like 1/3 of the entire OT is just who is related to whom.

    • @troy3456789
      @troy3456789 Рік тому

      The TL;DR Old Testament: Worship Yahweh or get murdered (Yahweh murders and orders ethnic cleansing); and then get rich and live for hundreds of years if you kill enough "wrong thinkers".
      The TL:DR of the New Testament: Sin isn't that bad; just belief in the absurd is required. Pray for everything that's wrong, cause Jesus is magical and grants anything you want. Why do something when you can pray for it? *Slavery is blessed in both the new and old testament, so yeah, welcome communism and government oppression*
      When communism, then Islam takes over the US, it will be Christianity that welcomes it for "persecuted for loving Jesus" whining. They're all busy turning into the same victim narcissists as the lefties that hate them, and they cannot wait to do it more, all in the name of Jeebus. Oh yeah, don't forget loving your enemies; the government is taking away your personal defense tools to make that a lot easier.
      Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi both have repeatedly confirmed their Christianity. 😁

    • @Vitamortis.
      @Vitamortis. Рік тому

      @@Dargonhuman have you ever read it? it's definitely not

    • @Dargonhuman
      @Dargonhuman Рік тому

      @@Vitamortis. have you heard of being facetious?

  • @dadgum677
    @dadgum677 Рік тому

    You took taking a year to read the Bible and condensed it to 4 minutes! Thank you!!!!

  • @kojikicklighter371
    @kojikicklighter371 Рік тому +2

    Can you imagine talking to God twice and becoming the smartest person ever, then worshiping other gods? That's my take on 1 Kings.

  • @cmonkey63
    @cmonkey63 Рік тому +5

    The part about Lamentations, ironically, had me rolling with laughter. I know, right? Micah should have gotten a bit more love, though. Heavy spoiler alert: it's mostly about doing the right thing, humility, and something called "love", whatever that is.

  • @jengaatc
    @jengaatc Рік тому +4

    The minor prophet thing...🤣 Until I was an adult and read them myself, that was completely how it seemed.

  • @MarSprite
    @MarSprite Рік тому +1

    I like this because it presents itself as a synopsis of the bible for people who haven't read the bible, but almost all of the jokes are only going to make sense to people who have some understanding of what the book being joked on is about. Pretty funny too.

  • @kriegjaeger
    @kriegjaeger Рік тому

    I was enjoying the bible paraphrased in the NLT and the bible illustrated and summarized by the bible project, but now I don't have to!
    Thanks, Babylon bee!