3 Reasons Your Kid Won't Follow Directions
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
- This is the topic I’ve been asked the MOST to share more about. In this video I explain the mistakes getting in the way of your kid actually following your directions, and show you how to give directions the right way.
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Video Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
00:56 Mistake 1
02:56 Mistake 2
04:25 Mistake 3
05:48 Solution & Takeaways
I came back to comment because I was skeptical that the advice you gave in the video would work. I definitely thought I was already giving clear directions, but I was actually making statements. Over the last week, I’ve been giving clear, timestamped directions in a firm voice and it’s been effective at least 95% of the time. Thank you!
Way to go! Thanks for coming back to share. I'm proud of both of you.
That firm voice is key!
Lol I thought I was giving directions, but turns put I've been asking questions 🙃
So glad he showed examples and we can be more self aware! ❤
For leaving the park, I give a pre-talk. We will be here for 1 hour. Then I tell them 30 > 15 > 10 > 5 > 1 min left. Give them one last chance to go down the slide and then it's time to go. Hold their hand and redirect them to getting enthusiastic about the next activity, usually lunch or snack time. Also, actively play with them if there's no other kids their age.
Now for vegetables, I believe it's important to have them try a little of everything. They don't have to finish it. If you left it up to them, you'd have kids that just refuse to eat vegetables all together. I know several grown men like this. Sometimes it helps to go back to the drawing board on how a vegetable is cooked/presented. Seasoned and roasted is often tastier than boiled or even steamed. And sometimes you can "hide" pureed veggies in other dishes, especially ones with sauces. Get creative.
Exactly. You are completely doing the right thing. Good mumma. Wish more were like you.
I LOVE THIS! Thats how my mom handled food and all 5 of her kids would try anything! Also i love your advice on the park!
This is also what I do, pre talks always work for every situation. I got my kid into kindergarten without crying and happy to enter the classroom with no hesitation, the teacher told us he had a great time and also he was ready to go to school next day and the following. It works with the park, with whichever games he's into, even with watching tv we set times and let him know whenever something is ''the last chance, the last piece, or the last whatever''. They understand and stop acting against directions.
I get good results with my children this way too. My eldest already has an internal clock to the 10 & 5 min marks. There are a few times I forgot to set my watch and he would ask if they still had 5 mins left or walked over to me ready to leave since the time was up… and I’m the one who forgot or got into a conversation with another parent. Giving them directions on what to expect and what comes next definitely makes transitions easier and avoids a fight or tantrums.
I also sauté vegetables with seasoning and just enough water to get them tender to a texture they’ll like. My grandmother cooked vegetables with nearly every meal and introduced me to many varieties. I love them and make sure to introduce my babies to many varieties as well. They eat broccoli, asparagus, spinach, cabbage, eggplant, chayote, and many others.
I have a 3 bite rule in my house. An I try again every 3 weeks. I actually get them to eat a pretty good array of foods this way.
Do I have kids? No. Am I paying attention to this advice like I have 10 kids? Absolutely 😂😅
Same!
Lol
Same!! Almost pulled out a paper
@@wannabee525😂😂😂
@@wannabee525 soo funny! 😂
I’m 70, a Gma, I wish my
Parents had cared enough to direct me this throughly. I’m watching and have forwarded these to my daughter who is home schooling a 7 yr. old. You had me at “don’t tell the kid he’s smart, he must learn to read and think, It’s a
process we all had to go thru.
I got the shit beat out of me a few times and then I’d learn whatever my parents wanted me to learn. So doing it a different way feels like I’m walking around blind. So grateful to have this lesson here. I’ll try on the playground tomorrow! 😅
Good job breaking that cycle!
Right here with you!
Omg this works!! 😮😮😮 the key thing I keep forgetting is getting to eye level and touching my tiny toddragon. When I do that, it works like magic! Thank you so much! ❤❤❤
😂😢😂
😂😅😅😂😂😂
1. For moving from a preferred activity to a less preferred one I give a 2 minute warning.
2. In my videos you can see my barely 2 year old sounding out "cat". He previously did it independently & surprised us so we've continued doing it with mastered letters!
I don’t have any kids and im not a teacher but i still want to learn these things because i think its important to know this stuff. Sometimes i am put in charge of children and i have no idea how to get them to do stuff they aren’t interested in. Don’t want the lids to learn that im the pushover adult that lets them do whatever. Thanks for your tips! They are very helpful!
I've decided that part of your effectiveness with kids is your bright engaging eyes. Great Vid! I got this tip from one of your shorts - make both decisions result in the outcome you want - thank you!
Excellent video!!
We had a brilliant part-time nanny for one of my kids for a time and she taught me a fantastic tip. Give them heads up: we have 5 minutes then we will... . When times comes tell them it's time to ... And then count them off: I'm going to count to 3 and you will get into the car/put shoes on/ go brush your teeth. Then you count loudly and slowly.
I don't know what magic happens but kids start moving and doing and usually get whatever it is done by 2.
If they get to 3 (that's so extremely rate that I only remember it happening twice) you say - you lose. :) at which point they scramble to finish even faster.
Of course when they finish before the count is out - you have to say WELL DONE! i don't know how but this works.
The main trick is to keep it positive! It's a fun drill, there's nothing impressive about it and there's never a punishment. It's a little hurry up magic tip.
Thanks for sharing
I have 5 kids and often teach other children. You know another tip that gets their attention every time and helps them want to obey? SING your instructions. Works EVERY time.
I just started doing this with my one year old! Kids learn something like 400% faster when something is sung!
I just want to thank you for these videos. When I was a 1st time mom I had no one to helped so I reached out to parent classes books and even when I was breast feeding I joined support groups to learn. I am a person who doesn't want to follow how I was raised which was a very bad abusive emotional and physical childhood. Do I try my best for my kids. I always feel "what can I do better, what am I doing wrong" so learning more is so helpful especially in Non judgement areas. I've been told "oh your kids are spoiled you should spank" nope I don't believe in that nor do I yell. I teach them to express and use words so I can raise children that know to communicate. So watching your teaching videos are so helpful I thank you!!!
This is great, how do I stop yelling tho 🤣🤣🤣
😂
🤣🤣🤣
That part
True story …. Ugh
lol self control really. My mom was a yeller and I became one. I now try to have self control when I hear my voice go up and I have to remind myself that my kids are not deaf lol
Well done, yet again!! It is never too late to start giving clear directions and children will respond, although they may try to get you to be more flexible, stand your ground. I believe getting anyone to follow your directions begins with your mind set. If you have the attitude that you expect your directions to be listened to and followed they usually are. The sooner you establish who is in charge the better and it makes for a more positive relationship with your children. You don't need to be mean, just firm.
Thank you! More examples of “how and what to do”, please. I feel one is not enough. There are different situations that require different words.
I agree! I hope more is shared
😂 When I was 19, I learned how to receive directions at Marine Corps boot camp. In grammatical context, I believe it’s called the imperative mood?
It is. Commands start with a verb. "Open your books to page 12." etc. Advertisers use it every day.
U are such a blessing. You make this so easy. Love how u break it down and make it clear. Having clear directions is what I need for my autistic son. I am somewhat all over the place. So thank you. Will be practing this tip. We got this. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for the examples. I didn’t know what clear directions meant. I’ll try that.
This is Awesome! Thank you
Great help, thanks for the video
Totally agree--excellent advice
Great video!
Thank yyou.
You're so awesome. I can't wait to implement this. Thank you!!
Thank you so much for this video.
I'm grateful for videos, I sent them to my son and daughter in-laws . Blessings on your success ❤
Thanks for sharing, appreciate the support!
Excellent!!
Had to come back to say I definitely tried this; questions vs statements, and I see a big difference in my girls. They are still defiant sometimes but way less than in the past and getting better everyday. This was really good advice.
Thank you, agree
I just want to say thank you so much for being so specific! This is extremely helpful!
Thank you for your contact I will practice this with my kids starting tomorrow🕊️❤️☀️
You are AMAZING!!!
Thank you!!!
While I disagree with the "finish your broccoli" statement, Dude you need to go on a Nationwide Campaign spreading these truths to parents everywhere.❤
You are so on point.
Great Channel! I hope young parents tune into this. Thank You.
Thank you! I have been able to use your methods to help my children. My toddler has such a strong personality with big emotions, I plan to try this technique with him.
Me tooo
This guys just great !
This is so good!!
I needed this. Thank you!
Awesome, awesome video! Thanks so much!!
Thanks! My son is in a “hold on” phase, I hope this helps me 👍🏼🙏🏼
😂😂😂 "Hold on mom" "You got about 12.5 seconds to change that hold on into a yes ma'am"
Haha yeeeea so is my almost 4 year old daughter! Like “ok hold on I’m just doing something right now…”
I give her a second and then I remind her of what she has been gently instructed to do :) she used to try to milk it but I simply explained she was being disrespectful and explained what disrespect is and so on… we live by God’s Word so she quickly reconsidered her poor decisions 🙌🏽
Lol my son will be three next month and he always says give me one second Momma or one second Dad
@@iameli_j do you mind sharing how you explain respect to your child? I try, but I'm not sure I am properly conveying the concept
@@Mt4evr that’s fair and just remember everyone is different:)
In my case, I explain how I feel to her. If her disrespect made me sad or a little angry, etc.
Disrespect is when a boundary or line is crossed. I am here adult. I am responsible for her. I am the authority figure. Mommy and daddy are the leaders. There is a time for the child to be the leader, but right now is not that time.
Something along those lines may work. Or perhaps role reversal/role play. That is fun most times! I even incorporate these lessons and experiences in story time.
We are a very honest family, so keeping it real works best for us. I hope this helps! If not, pray about it :) Father has ALL the answers!
You're a good teacher, this is exactly the way to go. I've been giving directions ever since I first heard about it a few years ago, and let me tell you, it works (like mostly) 😅 There will be days when my kids are but nah, I don't want to, I'll explain them why it has to be and what the (actual !!!!) consequences are when they don't do it. at the latest it works out then. Like for example: If you don't wear a jacket you're probably gonna get cold. The bonus is, my kids know I am reliable. I hope this stays that way for a long long time ☺ I can't wait for puberty when probably everything will go downhill 🤣
😂 it’s my fear as well 😢
Thanks for this video
This is great!!!! Please make more videos like this.
You're so right. Thanks man
Hi can u make a video on defiant children and what strategies we can use as parents.
Wow this was awesome, this guy really gets it.
Good job dear friend
Stay blessed and keep sharing ♥️🥰💚😍
Many love and success
This is great! Thank you for sharing! I saw a clip of you using sound cards/blending, do you have a suggestion on a product? I have a young toddler I would like to get started with teaching how to read but there are so many products out there. Thank you in advance! ❤
Super vidéo 👍🏼 les enfants fonctionnent pareil dans le monde entier.
Back in the 90s, my mom used the Chancleta strategy" to get me to listen. And guess what, I did. 😂 still a mommas boy too, haha
I am a “chancla” survivor 🤣
@@MiriamForehand-xg6ib hahahaha, ¡dios te bendiga!
Those dinosaurs crack me up 😂😂
I'm still working on being a parent... I have a tod and now a newborn 🤦♀️. I always catch myself asking questions... Then i have to rephrase my commands.
I have to admit, I did not even think to myself, my grandson and I have these problems, maybe Ia doing 1 of these things described. Even by 5:48, I still didn't think I was in any of the categories you mentioned, it took me that long to think, duh, maybe you need to AT LEAST observe yourself to see what I MAY BE DOING to cause confusion.
I do think I confuse him!!! AT LEAST OBSERVE OURSELVES, THE LEAST WE CAN DO!. Very least!
Insightful bruh, this one was a blessing ✨✨🙏🏼
I'll try and see how it goes
5:22 lololols literally! Kiddos looking at me like “mmmk…” then take off running
It’s been a journey indeed!
Thank you for this, exactly what I needed to learn! Question, how does this work when you are trying to get your kid to stop doing something you don't want them to do, rather than directing them to do something you do? Looking forward to learning more from you ✌️
Emma Hubbard has a video for this but it's been awhile, and I don't remember the title. She says that instead of simply telling them to not do something, tell them what to do. For instance, if they are throwing their food at dinner, say something like, "leave your food in your plate, unless you are taking a bite. Food is for eating."
I hope this helps. Not sure if this is quite what you are looking for or not 😅
I will try this today. But im sure this should work.
“Jay, its time to go.” I do that all the time! Now im gonna say it out clear. Thank you.
I don't ask. "Alright lets go" they follow now they may say mommy we not ready to go, however they are getting their butts in the car I dont do fits😂🤨
If they don't listen, or they pitch a fit, how do you handle that?
What makes them feel compelled to listen to you?
Asking because I spend time watching my nieces and nephew and 2 of them don't listen.
Makes sense
I hear you on what you are saying, suggestion sounds very close to bargaining ...or could end up bargaining/begging
I love this guy so much, thank you!! I’m definitely more a statement parent.
👍
😢 thank you
Does this work at all ages?
This is the best parenting video ever! Could be improved with more examples, btw...
I might have missed it, but if I give a direction using your method. Is it bad to add please at the end.
Like I find myself saying son throw the trash now for me, but then I add please at the end.
my toddlers used to follow directions because I was really good at getting them to do what they had to do
Do you have advice for teenagers though? Because they don't listen to me at all now that they are grown up hahahaha it is a constant battle, they are way worse than toddlers
Back in Asia my mother would slap me and drag me through the dirt to take me home. And guess what next time she says time to go home I go home. 😂 no questions asked no suggestions made, I love her she loves me.
Yeah sounds about right 9 in 10 kids report CA in some Asian counties 😂😂😂
@@Yomommasboyfriendson there is no reporting CA no such concept 🤣 its the culture it’s heritage. Respecting elders is its cornerstone.
@@Yomommasboyfriendson on the contrary 9/10 kids are well behaved and well mannered. They remember the shoes sandals and belts which they ate in childhood.
@@Yomommasboyfriendsonraising respectful adults who understand boundaries and consequences is not CA. It's actually good parenting
Same happens in any other country but USA
Why is telling your kid to finish their broccoli inappropriate? Honnest question.
Seconding this question. Getting used to eating well, varied, and what is served is "important" I think. Is it not worthy of direction, then? If not, why? A suggestion in our home typically leads to, "hmm, no, I'd rather have ice cream".
It’s not.
Because you’re being demanding when you need to understand even though they are kids they are human and they may not like broccoli and have preferences, how would you like to be told to eat something you don’t like? It’s all about learning your child and giving them options to try other things they might enjoy. Also not only does it sound demanding and forceful but that’s not going to give you any results because you’re asking them to do something you know you’re going to fail simply because you do not understand your child.
nothing's wrong with it, people just don't want to put in the effort. My mum made us it Brussels sprouts. it was the grosses thing ever to me as a kid. But she showed us how to eat it quickly, or mix it with food we did like, drink it down with water, Or she turned it into a competition game between me and my brothers. She understood eating vegetables is important for growing bodies. So she made sure we ate them, and a variety of vegetables, not just the ones we liked. Now as a adult I'm not a fussy eater, I can go to anyone's house and eat whatever they serve. I'm glad my mum made the effort.
I think that trying to force kids to finish their food often leads to worse eating habits or even eating disorders. I was told that whatever was on my plate I had to finish. Which leads to a grown up who’s conditioned to clean the plate, even when full. Don’t want to be wasteful. Instead gain weight, feel uncomfortable, and lessen the (totally unnecessary) guilt for leaving food on the plate 🫤
I always encouraged my now adult son to at least try everything. But damn he was the pickiest eater and no amount of threats would make him eat something he didn’t want. He didn’t like ground beef, nothing white, most veggies, no lettuce. He was still healthy.
It all worked out as he grew up. he moved out on his own and had roommates of a different culture and was eager to do new things. Now he eats more types of food than even I like.
Is it too late to try this on my 15 year old? 😩
Dwl...for a 15 year old if I saw let's go and they fuss, I would just leave them at the play ground 😂 with busfare.
@@hopalmorrgen3206 😂😂😂😂
Relevant for age of kid too. Younger need more time to process the fact that they need to go home in 10/5/1 minute. Vs older kids can process, pick one last thing you want to do and we are leaving or we are living soon let’s go lol
Well. I have a 10-month-old. Puppy disobeying me on a daily basis. I need help, please.
I really need help with feeding my child he won’t eat, please refer to a video that may help
Have you tried making protein smoothies?? Thats what I had to do for 1 of my toddlers
Eventually they will eat. Please don't push food. I was nice and thin. Dr told parents to give me milk shake and I became overweight.
Give them healthy food and eventually they eat. Don't substitute junk food
Made them super yummy, peanut butter and jelly(dates) tasting, chocolate cherry, etc. They all (4 kids) enjoyed drinking them and I didn't have to worry about fruit veggies or protein intake
Do not listen to people who say eventually your child will eat! You never should do the wait and see approach there are so many good pages on Instagram with great tips! The mini me dietitian she’s great! And then explore early intervention as well it’s free for all kids 3 and under maybe even older than 3 depending on where you live ☺️☺️ my child went through this and I trusted my gut instead of listening to people say one day he will eat, now he has a waaay better relationship with food! You got this mama💖💖
I've found my boys eat more when they help me cook or they pick a recipe from YT to cook. I think they like being involved in the process.
DO I NEED TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS??? NO! WELL FINE THEN YOU NEED TO FOLLOW DEEZ NUTS
My 3 year old doesn't want to eat food she refuse it and cry and run away how do I get her to eat
Lots of variety! Give them a plate full of color and options at dinner and try to get them to take a bite of everything but dont stress it too much. Its there if they’re hungry and if not you’re not going to make them anything else. Also try to limit their snacks during the day.
Hello, I did all of this when my child was younger but what about when they listened before and now they are 10 years old and say no =(
Your parenting has to grow with them. Be consistent and change the consequences to be appropriate for them. My husband’s parents knew that the worst consequences for him was being grounded because he was a social child where as with me i was a loner so that wouldn’t work with me i just got a spanking and with my brother he got video games taken away. My 10 year old nephew also does best when screens are taken away until he does what he was told.
Hello I have a beautiful daughter who is 10 years old she cannot read fluently please I am reaching out out to you for some help she has a tutor but she cannot fluently read she makes the correct sounds to the letters however she does not blend and put the letters together to make a word she is going into 4th grade and I need her to be able to read before the summer is over is there any suggestions that you have I am open for anything please help me desperate desperate mom I had them hold her back in the first grade cuz I knew something was wrong then since then I have been begging her teachers for more guidance and I have been getting zilch in help fourth grade is a very pivotal year in your educational jourday I know this because number one I had the same issues when she was little I failed 4th grade however I didn't have anybody to advocate for me or be my voice she does I have her a tutor that all I can afford is for her to come one hour a day three times a week I am trying to get grants to put her in private school but I need her to be able to read before school starts
Hi there, I recommend assessing her skills and then learning how to teach those skills at home. I have lots of resources to help you to help her here: www.toddlersread.com/
Yes but what about this kids that hate control, even hate to be a child because he feels parents or teachers are controlling all his life and he can't be himself. He has options but some kiddos question everything, don't like to be followers and and not easy going in a way that they want to be them.
My 6yo won't listen to his teachers!!! It makes me sad because he's a wonderful kid
This work not only with kids but with your spouse
Ok, I’ll let you know if it works out…if it doesn’t I’m going to be a stressed mama sir. Thanks
Basically tell your kids what you want them to do. Mind blown.
I love your videos and your tips! But I have to disagree on one small point - Why is telling them to finish their broccoli not appropriate ?
Eating veggies matters. Nutrition and food matter too.
If you can be direct in some situations where it matters what’s the harm in telling them directly to eat foods that are good for them instead of leaving them the option to say no? (Rhetorical question )
Because you don't want kids to develop a resentment toward food.
I’m bad at giving suggestions 🥴
This didn’t help me because I’ll say “let’s go now” and sometimes it takes them a minute and I’ll have to repeat myself… what to do when they are hardheaded. I’m tired of threatening them with a spanking! I’m tired of it! I just want them to listen to me because I’m their mom.
Stop threatening. Only give a warning of a consequence you will follow through with. It's hard, I know. I'm struggling with getting my kids to listen too. Emma Hubbard has some videos that are helpful. Hers are geared toward very young babies and toddlers, so idk how relevant they would be to you
I have 3yrs baby girl she always use no even if we give her directions 😒
Nope if I work all day and come home and make a hot meal you’re going to eat or go to bed hungry. And no it’s not me letting them go hungry. They’re letting themselves go hungry if they don’t eat what’s given to them.
That's inappropriate for toddlers imo. Once they're a little older and understand consequences better, sure
@@Mt4evr wasn’t inappropriate for mines. She ate the food that was given to her. Toddles can learn just like the older ones.
1. he
2. bad
3. asl
😆
Did he just say, telling your kid, "eat your broccoli," is wrong?!
No he said telling a kid to finish their broccoli is wrong. Forcing kids to eat anything whether healthy or not has been shown to cause issues with their relationship with food later. It’s cool to offer it, ask them to taste it, even say “you’re not getting more of ____ food you like until you take another bite or eat all of your broccoli” but making them finish all of something isn’t healthy.
Is it just me or does anyone else get annoyed when people pronounce frustrated without the r after the f?
Yes its so fustrating!😅
There’s a linguistic and regional reason for a lot of these pronunciations that seem “wrong” to those from different backgrounds and regions but it doesn’t make it wrong. There are a lot of words in English that are pronounced very differently than they are phonetically spelled. It’s hard to get frustrated with one and not the rest. 🤷♀️
O I thought it was because they are just bad AF lol
Ok but some kids will start throwing a tantrum even though you have given directions & then when they are all emotional throwing a tantrum they quit listening altogether
He has videos about how our job in that moment is to help them get back to a calm emotional state (while holding boundaries) until they are capable of following directions in that moment. Definitely a pause situation.
I’m 70, a Gma, I wish my
Parents had cared enough to direct me this throughly. I’m watching and have forwarded these to my daughter who is home schooling a 7 yr. old. You had me at “don’t tell the kid he’s smart, he must learn to read and think, It’s a
process we all had to go thru.