Do you think it’s selfish for one partner to work hard while the other doesn’t contribute financially? Should both partners share the financial burden in today’s economy? Why or why not? Is the ‘soft life’ trend sustainable or unfair in most relationships? Also, what percent is your phone 🔋 on it is 1:24 AM and my phone is on 85%😎
in my opinion, i do think it’s selfish for ONE person to work hard while the other person is doing nothing. it’s not fair. in my eyes, a marriage is a team so you split your finances. make sure that you & your partner are both making good money or better. have your own bank account + a joint bank account with your partner. i want to be able to be that partner for my man when he gets sick or something happens to him he doesn’t have to worry cause he married a partner who got him & vice versa. my grandparents were married for 50+ years before my grandpa passed and they shared everything except my grandma didn’t drive so my grandpa was the driver but my grandma cooked & took care of him. he also cooked as well & would take her fishing. their marriage was balanced and it’s what i inspire to have. the soft life doesn’t work cos we don’t live in a soft world. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s 7:16am in California & my phone is at 35% . 😹😅🪫
A soft wife is just a drain on generational wealth due to her greed. She wants for the here and now and it actually hurts the possible children and/or cheats a man out of the chance of retirement.
As a person from a country where the minimum wage alone cannot sustain one person and most people have to fall back on their parents’ investments or side businesses, to want to completely leave the full financial burden of an entire family on one person sounds wicked! And I knew people that subscribed to this mindset but ended up working anyway and building themselves from scratch later in life because life happened to their only source of income
Hell yes it’s selfish and my thing is if you want to be a SAHW or MOM do something productive and start a business. Find ways to get y’all both to financial freedom, so that y’all both can enjoy financial abundance.
It's also interesting to see videos where men complain about women looking for providers while also saying they don't care about a woman's finances and degrees. They ask for traditional households but do they actually understand the amount of work it takes to provide for a family....alone??!
They do, that's why those particular people's views on the issue are so conflicted - they want the power being a sole provider would give them, but hate how much / hard they would have to work to make that possible today. It's also why they insist that marriage favours w0men while putting them at a disadvantage, but they want women to want marriage while telling their bros to avoid it, and on and on, around and around... The people with mics should simply be tuned out to maintain some sanity.
It is actually better to be partnered with someone who contributes because it improves your standard of living.Example,people complain about living in NYC but rent is 3k for a one bedroom and 4k in nicer areas.When you have a partner you can share that and live a better standard of life.Ad an adult,you realise the world structures especially in the west are for partners and spouses not single people 😅
@@cryogirlhannayou can also get roommates, which is what a lot of young ppl in NYC do. Jumping into a relationship because you need help with bills brings can cause more issues than just getting a roommate.
I think that everyone lives way above their means and that's why everything seems so out of reach and expensive. A family can be raised on less than 100k a year, hell less than 50k if your in the right parts. Nobody thinks of a simple life. Everyone thinks of the high life. 99% of people will never ever ever touch the highlife but they going to fight claw and scratch to attempt to live it.
The women looking for "providers" are actually looking for ATMs with legs. They want to sit around doing nothing but draining the man's bank account. Those women don't want to do ANY of the domestic work that comes with being a "provided for" woman. Those men are looking for WIVES, not burdensome adult daughters.
I grew up in a home that both my parents ran a business together. My parents managed everything together and it's made their marriage solid 30 years and still going!
I grew up in a house like that too and it RUINED my parent’s marriage. Work and home life was never separated. Always fighting about money. My mom never paid herself and just kept putting it back into the business. Then my father died and the business ended. So she’s a senior with not a penny to her name. She worked her whole life for nothing. But she thought she was being a dutiful wife.
My husband was always a hard worker -- he was working full-time + school full-time when I met him, while I was doing NOTHING! He inspired ME to go to college and get a good job simply because I adored him and didn't want to be "dead weight." He always paid our main bills, but I happily pick up "extras" (phone, internet, groceries). I'm not sure if both people should work, but both should absolutely contribute where they're able -- you should make life easier for each other every chance you get! ❤
Thats exactly what happened to me!! I was just out being wild and not really caring about money or school. Just cleaning house for him for a year or so before realizing that I am not gonna spend the rest of my life as his dead weight. I was so against getting a job but now I’m working full time and beginning part time school again! He is my best friend, my creative muse, and my biggest inspiration to be a better woman.
@@cynabonabelle I wouldn't say I was wild, but definitely "care free" -- not a care, worry or goal in sight and did love a good party! Lol 😂😂😬 It was about a year before I started really paying attention too. Trying to find a job snowballed into going back to school -- once I started setting small personal goals, I realized I could actually achieve them -- one by one. Today I earn 6 figures, myself (truly, it's still shocking to me!!) - this poor little girl from the poorest side of town just started "setting goals" one day. I often wonder if I'd have ever done all I did on my own accord -- I will never know -- I DO know he was my motivation at that time (and has continued to be for 20 years). I believe a GOOD relationship will do that to you. Good luck to your future endeavors AND with your love! ♥️
Been with my husband almost 30 years. He was always the bread winner. When business got slow I went out and got a job. I was a SAHM to our 3 kids. Now that I work he has stepped up even more at home and with our kids. I want my husband happy and healthy so we can have a longer life together. We always do things as a couple and as a family.
Those husbands are not victims. They actively ignored the good ride or die women because they are not attractive enough, and they actively chose and picked the 10/10 high maintenance women and now cry that those women require money??? Give me a break
That’s why men mostly hear about soft life and providing. These ride or die women is so rare when they speak out ITS CONTENT! This video is proof that taking a more realistic approach is actually the outlier and brings in views.
In my case, my husband is the sole provider for our family. He loves taking care of everything and if he had it his way, I would never work. BUT I’m applying to medical school next year and he knows how important that is to me, so he fully supports my dreams. He makes the money but I manage it and it works for us! But this is only temporary, and when I’m a doctor he will be the one that works less so we can have a parent available for our kids.
Your situation is different because you're at home caring for the home and kids (which actually saves money as well because childcare prices out here are ridiculous!) It's the able-bodied ones who just want to lay up & do nothing while he does all the work that I have an issue with.
You have an awesome man there. My husband had done the same for me. Worked his butt off so I can go to school. Now I am trying to do the same so he can take a rest job wise (but inflation is killing that dream)
One thing ALL women should be aware of. If you are a stay at home mom, I don't want you all to end up like so many senior women today. When it comes to Social Security, if you husband dies you get HALF of his social security. You never worked outside the home, so this is all you qualify for if your children are grown. So when you see poor elderly widows scraping by....remember...they where stay at home moms at one time.
I had a coworker in her 70s having to work a shitty part time job bagging groceries and dealing with people while struggling with MS. I'd have to help her bag sometimes because I felt so bad about how difficult it was for her to just put away an item.
My dad is basically retired, but gets money from property rent from a business he sold back in the day. I was pleasantly surprised to learn he gives my mom half of the money so they both claim half on their taxes, lists her as an employee, and has a SS and all that set up for her. My mom was always a SAHM and the default parent, and she sadly never had a formal education after elementary school. I am very relieved knowing my mom has a safety net, considering my parents have a substantial age gap and my dad is in his mid 70's.
Don’t come for them with shade. A lot of the current elderly women were born in the 40s - they didn’t get much of a choice. My grandma always told me how when she was little there were 3 possible educated careers available to women “nurse, secretary, teacher.” She’s an incredible person and I’ve watched her work and struggle through so much and get screwed out of what she was meant to have. She is worked as a child and after her kids were old enough to get to school on their own, but her husband died young and she only just started dating in her 80s. The gender divide between labor cuases each to see the others’ contributions as invisible. The husband working three jobs is too busy for hobbies but so is the stay at home tradwife with four kids who “isn’t working” so must give up all of themselves and their time for the “working” husband. People who choose this life don’t choose it with that much of their will. It traps people into appealing to a performance where no one is happy or has real hobbies.
It's truly NOT A SOFT LIFE! idk what these girls are talking about. We keep the home together and clean, and homeschool the children. That's where we assist, not working a 9a-5p saves us money. I never "just spend his money" and "kickback".. do nothing.
Yep, plus help the family and volunteer in the neighborhood. Also, you need to budget and put some savings away or he really is working for nothing ... Sahm is not easy
@@honieebean No one has said sahm is easy, but it is risky if you don't have an education/career or a side hustle. The man could turn into a douche if he is already that way, or anything can happen that prevent him to work, what you wanna do in those scenarios if you have been years out of the job market?.
It depends. Note that the lady in the first video said she assumes a certain mindset because this is she saw AT HOME while being raised. Your formative years determines a lot about your mindset. This kind of reality is ideal for her because she has been conditioned this way. My grandmother stayed at home while grandad went to work. This is how we were raised/the mindset in that part of the country where I’m from. If the man is equipped enough to command a high value salary, the woman can stay at home! Well raised children are an asset. A clean home is an asset. Home made meals are an asset. A healthy domestic environment is an asset. I think the problem is 1) we are pushing a single mindset across the board when people can live how they please. There is no one size fits all. 2) men are designed to work! Physically they are built to work none stop. Women are not. You also encourage a man to live to his highest potential by encouraging him to provide as opposed to feeling you must contribute to “help” him. Women working can also contribute to making men weaker. This is a very nuanced conversation.
@@yanikeonpurpose Men are not physically built to work non stop. Work is not just physical, and the video goes into that. Some can, and some do. But that's way too general of a statement.
@@yanikeonpurpose Sure mena re suppsoed to work but not 24/7 eight hours a day, its a little unfiar to exp[ect your man to be working all this time and the other partner not even try to get a job or even attempt to find one
Why no body is talking about mothers who are dying to go back to work and bring in second income but can’t just because of the outrageous expenses of childcare, if i work full time that would cover day care for my 3 kids only and i have a degree in healthcare, its a broken system
Yes this!!! And dads too. I am a grandma raising my 3 grandbabies. I am thankful to be retired because I cannot afford childcare. Its impacting dads too. My granddaughter actually did a project recently for school about the childcare crisis. She interviewed a dad who left work to stay home with the kids during the pandemic. The plan was for him to go back to work, but he cannot do that because childcare costs would be as much as his salary. This man has a masters degree.
I've been married for 12 years and my husband and I have 5 kids. He works his butt off supporting us. He's a blue collar guy. He took up competitive trail running a couple years ago. Youbetter believe I'm doing everything I can to support him doing his hobby! After kid 5 was born, I had to let go of my job. I homeschool and try to take financial pressure off him with my military disability (which helps us tons). He takes such great care of us. He set up my own retirement fund in case something happens to him. He really does love me like Christ loves the church and I thank God every day for him.
I’m in my late twenties and unfortunately it’s a mindset thing. So far I understand there’s 3 types of men A: men who want a partnership with someone they see as equal and work as a team. B: A man wants a significant other doing what they don’t want to do because of cultural beliefs or/and religious beliefs in exchange of their finances. C: Bums who will ruin your life and let you take care of them/family while they never take accountability on why they aren’t a functioning husband/father. There’s always a reason why they can’t keep a job, finish a degree but it’s never them the problem. I have two married friends my age who live completely different lives because one has type A and the other has type B. It’s two different conversations getting mixed up all time, people just need to have more honest conversations before marrying. Each lifestyle has "consequences" although type C husbands is always a threat and should be divorced/left.
🎯💯 This is exactly it. M£n are not a monolith, they want different dynamics as you've so clearly explained. What's important is what do you want as a woman? Whatever it is, find a guy that belongs to the category that aligns with that, and go from there.
I mean I am all for women contributing their equal share. But remember what we more often see is the woman working AND then coming home and doing all the housework, cooking and looking after the kids solely. The extra unpaid labour. And this is from experience, my ex contributed nothing to the household, while I did all the cooking, cleaning AND earned 2x more than him at work. So they also better be ready to go 50:50 on maintaining the home too.
They usually never are. The woman, especially if kids are involved, usually takes on more of the unpaid labor and emotional/mental logistics that come with running a household. Add that on top of going out and earning half of the expenses. Many women are burned out. Yet I don't see men online making videos like this when it comes to contributing 50% to the unpaid labor of the household. There's a reason why women initiate divorces more.
My husband asked me to resign and stay home to live a soft life because work was stressing me out. After 8 years with heart failure, a mechanical heart and a heart transplant… I DESERVE IT ❤ I take care of the kids, house, paying bills and making his life as easy as possible when he comes home to his peace. He likes it that way and so it shall be.
When I hear her describe the soft life I think of that one couple on Caleb Hammer's podcast where The husband was busting his ass to the breaking point and the wife was spending his money like candy. Getting boob jobs, planning vacations, taking out loans and going on shopping sprees all without his knowledge or approval. I think that's the life a lot of women imagine as the "soft life"
Some of the comments were talking about how being a stay-at-home wife is not a "soft life," which is true. True stay-at-home wives that are contributing to the household will be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and more. Who I understood this video was talking about is the people who don't do any of that. The so-called "stay-at-home wives" who just want to be pampered, wined and dined, taken on trips, all without lifting a finger. There's a difference between these two, and there is something to be said about both cases. I believe there are plenty of women taking advantage of men to get that princess treatment without giving anything in return. But I also believe there are women working like slaves at home without being given proper acknowledgement and compensation. I also believe there are men who get women in their lives to serve as trophies or maids they can have sex with. On the flip side, there are hardworking men who are doing the best they can to provide for their families, not only financially but also emotionally. There's got to be balance for both people involved in the relationship. Being overworked at home or outside of it could lead to serious issues (mental, physical, emotional) to anyone.
but I feel like unless you're taking care of kids just housework alone does not take all day and you definitely have time in the day to work part time or something to help provide for yourself and your family
@@justme98632 lotta things have to align and be happening for it being "easy" to actually end up being the case. Kids are not easy in any means as soon as they learn one thing, another thing they need to learn comes up. If you were truly interested in raising physically, emotionally capable adults to the best of your ability, you would know by default that its a duty that is virtually non stop, little rest makes thing difficult to do, thus hard by default. Cooking and cleaning is also non stop work, especially with kids. Mom and Dad need to be on the complete same page, and actively demonstrating respectful, loving support and behavior to one another so that the child learns without confliction how a relationship should work. Conflicting information being fed to the child is the usual thing happening, thus both parents are failing in their duties to raising a healthy functioning adult.
I have seen firsthand the stress of this when our household went from 50/50 to my partner being the main provider when I was off on maternity leave with our son, and I don't know how anyone could watch their partner deal with that stress long term and be fine with just sitting back and letting them. I'm thrilled to be back at work, paying my way again.
The thing is a lot of husbands don't want their wives to work. They wanna feel like the big man and take care of the wife. I know this because my sister's man kept telling her to stop working cuz.He liked the old fashioned way of keeping her at home, and they're both struggling because of that
And I think most husband would like their women not to work, but it should make sense financially. Or like you said in your situation with your sister, financial strain can come with that.
I'm so glad sensible women are speaking up about this! I've been happily married for 7 years & my husband and I do indeed split EVERYTHING 50-50 (including chores, childcare, etc) because we make similar incomes & we are a PARTNERSHIP. Why women want to be "taken care of" & given allowances like they're children is beyond me (but yet they want to be "equals?")... They're the ones who'll either remain single, or be left high & dry with nothing when the man gets tired and leaves with all the money!
Idk about anywhere else in the world, but in the US, women still perform a disproportionately higher amount of unpaid household labor and caretaking than men, that estimates up to 10 trillion $$ annually. While i understand its nice to be supportive of your man, you better make sure that support is reciprocated. Theres a reason why women initiate divorces at higher rates and this is one of them. And its been shown that a lot of these soft life girlies parading on the internet are putting up façades and dealing with a lot of extra BS that they aren't open to admitting to. That soft life comes at a price when you choose the wrong person. And some of the creators in that space have already been exposed for lying about their lifestyle.
Are men not autonomous beings capable of choosing a partner that will help them? Any man that ends up in this situation CHOSE that. They want those women and that’s what they get.
And to each their own, some people are OK with that, but I also have seen situations change where perhaps the person didn't want to work anymore or was it putting in effort to get another job if they got laid off... There is a lot of different situations, but I agree if that's something you chose it's different...
So people who end up in abusive marriages or relationships is entirely their fault? If it's a women in a financially or psychologically abusive marriage, is it their fault?
@@eldojoseph8718this isn’t abuse tho, they agreed to this lifestyle before entering it. This is their ideal marriage. The man wanted the crushing burden of being the sole provider and the wife wanted the endless burden of the bulk of the house/child work along with the risk of being left destitute if he dies/ leaves her. I don’t get it but these adults want this
I'm a man and I have to say, I fully disagree with this video. I do get a very strong pick me vibe from it. Men aren't the victims y'all are trying to make us to be. No woman who doesn't work and is with an average earning man is having a soft life so I don't understand this video. If the man has an average salary and is paying everything (rent, bills, food etc...) for both of them, there's likely barely no money left so how is the wife having a soft life? He likely can't buy her clothes/stuff, go out to dinner or go to vacation. In that situation, they are both struggling and just breathing in their homes because how can the wife has any kind of hobby, pleasure in that situation? Obviously her life is easier that the man because she's not the one working but herself doesn't have a soft life, she's just surviving, sleeping and waiting for food at the table. That's not what I would call soft life. A woman can't have a soft life if the man doesn't earn a high income and the men with high income aren't slaving away, going broke. If y'all are talking about gold digger women who only care about money, why on earth would they be with an average earning man who can barely pay the rent, bills and food ? Why would they stay with a man who can't provide anything other than bare necessities to them? The women described in this video aren't having a soft life at all so the whole topic makes no sense. What y'all are actually describing is average earning men going for women with high standards and pretending they can keep up with their standards. Those men weren't forced to be with those women. You can usually spot those women because they look very high maintenance due to their standards and the soft life they always settle for. Some average earning men see those women and willingly decide to go for them instead of the average woman (99% of women) because they love what they see and are ready to do anything to have those women with them so who is to blame? Themselves. I'm a man but I'm fair, making those women the bad guys like they forced those men to do anything is crazy. Those men are fully responsible for their own situations. I forgot to say, I'm not American and I can tell from what I've seen that American women are so accepting, too much accepting. The stuff I be seeing American men complain about is crazy from a non American man because that's not even the bare minimum where I'm from. American men don't realize how lucky they are with American women because these men wouldn't survive out there crying and complaining about every little thing a woman ask. The man who said that the men who talk about providing for women are always in it with the goal of controlling them is immature and clueless. I'm for providing and I do not want to control a woman, not at all. Where I'm from that's what men do and we do not oppress or control women. My dad was and is still the provider of our family. I'm 23 and my mom has been a Stay at home wife/mom since she got her first kid 24 years ago. Since that day, she never worked. Seeing their relationship shapes me to become the man I am today. My dad doesn't control my mom, never did despite him being the sole provider for our family. He has so much love and respect for her. Him providing was always just his duty and nothing special that gives him superiority. My mom actually runs the house lol. I was always more scared of her than my dad. Everytime I would go to my dad and ask to go somewhere or do something, he would say "If you're asking me, it means mom said no right? I'm sure she has a good reason for it" because he respected her opinion and never went over her despite him bringing all the money. They have been happily married for 25 years and my dad is still working and my mom is still a stay at home wife. I repeat, men are not the victims even tho all the anti-women red pill men on the internet today are trying hard to make us seem like the victims of women. Unfortunately some women are delusional enough to help them spread that narrative ( I'm not talking about you Symone, I really appreciate your content).
Some men want their relationship like that. I’m sure there are a lot of potential reasons for this dynamic, but I have several girl friends who don’t work. I work, I’m the bread winner in fact, but I never want to be in a position where my life and choices and future depend entirely on my partner or anyone else. Many of my girl friend’s husbands don’t have life insurance and my girls have little to NO job experience or education and that’s absolutely wild IMO.
Both my parents worked to support three children, but still made time to enjoy life and each other. Married for 59 years before my dad passed. My dad made sure before he died, my mother would always be taken care of. Find someone who loves you and will look out for you. 🙏🏽
The reality is working class women have been *working* since the victorian era. Folks look at 1950s microwave advertisements in chrome kitchens targeted at upper middle class folks and think that all folks let the wife stay at home and not work and take xanax lol.... Yall: those are the equivalent of us watching a weird fake laundry detergent commercial where the couple lives in a 6br 4 car garage house with 12 foot tall cielings and a pure white kitchen where the only hobby the wife has is taking kids to soccer practice and thinking thats accurate daily living for everyone
My husband works the exact same amount as he would if I were working a job, too. However, because I don't have a job, his paycheck is bigger (less income tax), and he comes home to a clean house, fully stocked with all the necessities, happy wife, and, well, his work day is done too early for us to go straight into dinner, but often I'll have fresh baked cookies or bread or something for him. We're able to enjoy our evenings and weekends relaxing and spending time together. It is a softer life than when I was working - but it's a softer life for BOTH of us.
One of the real tragedies of our society is that people only value actions that bring in MONEY! Why is it that when a woman is a “stay-at-home” mom/wife, ppl immediately equate that to “doing nothing”?! REALLY?!? “Being equal” to many ppl means MONEY! “50/50” means, again, MONEY! And the list goes on. Every family has their own unique needs and dynamics. Some households NEED to have someone who, on a consistent basis, can make sure the household functions well. The physical (and mental) wellbeing of the children, healthy homemade meals (not just dinner, but also breakfast AND snacks), running errands, appointments, managing house maintenance issues, staying on top of bills, phone calls, etc. Ppl who claim all of that and more is “nothing” are obviously either not doing it right (i.e. taking shortcuts), have never done it (single, no kids, yet have strong opinions about situations they haven’t experienced yet 🙄), or flat out take these things for granted. When you have a GOOD spouse, you will both decide on what is best for YOUR family’s circumstances and plan accordingly. Peace ☮️
The part yall are missing, is cultural. The man works, the woman does literally everything else at home including stuff with the kids. Teamwork. Plus the women go out and help their older relatives or the community by volunteering (soup kitchen, schools, old people programs, veteran programs, etc)
Respectfully, cultures shift, especially when the necessity to shift (to accommodate environmental factors) presents. Today’s culture is negatively impacted by increasing financial obligations and degradation in the partnership mentality, *in my opinion and observation.
Well since we brought up the cultural aspect of it let's really talk about it. When we talked about the traditional marriages that are grandmothers and our great-grandmothers had did they really want to be homemakers or did they just not have any other options. I mean a lot of colleges didn't even accept women 70-80 years ago they couldn't build their own credit. I'm just going to keep it real I think traditional gender roles are a scam. And it's bad for women AND men! And I'm going to go here when we talked about toxic masculinity it's mostly a conversation between men, but women also put these toxic societal expectations on men and this whole conversation is a huge part of it. And I think until society moves past these like traditional expectations were always going to have strife
Its a fragile constellation in my opinion. If only one is capable of earning, and only one knows how to run a household, if one gets sick or dies the other is in trouble. And for the toxicity part, I would like to second that. Men are not ATM machines. But I have been told by men that providing is something they expect from themselves even if it hurts, for example, their health or quality of life. So if that was to shift, I agree that its mostly for men to talk amongst each other. Its an identity subject from what I gathered
Im a stay at home Christian mom with a side hustle. My husband is the main provider. He says he has the best life because i keep the home together, and i dont nag him. People say im spoiled, but I shop at goodwill and avoid spending his hard earned money friviously. My side hustle money is used for kids monthly school tuition, activities, and yes, my hair (i still want to look good) LOL. All my man really wants is peace and calm, his kids taken care of, and a comfortable home (his words), and I give him that. He still very much helps out at home but its not chaos. That is so important. We are NOT rich, very middle class lol. It is definitely hard out here, read your bible for guidance. It has been the best thing for my family. Without the word we'd be lost!
Absolutely. And the facts are that sometimes mom being home is the only option. Not everyone has family or friends that can give you free childcare and oftentimes the amount of $ that day care would cost, doesn’t make going to work a job worth it financially.
I agree with this wholeheartedly!!! This is exactly my family’s way of life. I worked full time and contributed to our household before we had kids and never planned on being a stay at home mom BUT GOD had other plans and we followed His guidance. My husband enjoys our peaceful, clean,happy home and providing for his family. What we do is what works for BOTH of us ❤
Please make sure you are socially secure later. Not telling you what to do, just saying we have to stay informed for different situations that could arise.
@h.neubert8770 absolutely! Better to have and not need than need and not have. Before we got married I was in corporate America and made some investings that I still contribute to. We also have agreements in place for the "what ifs."
This is a topic in intersectional feminism. We agree that gender archetypes like "the provider" negatively affect men like they do women. We do want to change what the conversations are centered on but this is one of them. The "I hate all men" crowd tend to be hyperbolic as they're talking about traumatic topics such as SA. Most of them have male friends, some of them get dogmatic about feminist theory and start to miss the point and actually believe the hyperbole.
I def fell into the trap of wanting my husband to “retire” me. When we were newlyweds we both left the teaching field. His new career worked out my plans were not as solid and I ended up working low income jobs for over a year. I did not realize the strain it was putting on him. It took me working multiple jobs (fyi: my husband also has a second job & a business in addition to his main job ) in order for me to realize I took my salary , benefits and teaching certifications for granted . I am now back in teaching full time and we are working as a team on finances instead of me avoiding them. He is more peaceful and I feel happy to be able to pitch in 🙏❤️. Life is not a fairytale it needs to be a win, win for both people.
I think it is an interesting take to put all the blame on women for men's stresses in a relationship. And I say this as someone who likes men and is happily married to one. My husband and I are big on being 50/50 equal partners in our relationship, but I know an uncomfortable number of men who are intimidated by the idea of their wives making their own income and being 50/50. I know several men who are married to "high maintenance women" without jobs/careers not because they were tricked, but because those women were better "options" than being with a woman with the agency and means to leave them. One even admitted to me that he sabotaged his wife's chances at being a nurse because he would rather she make no money than enough money to "think she's running anything". Are there men who are taken advantage of in this way? Absolutely and being with someone who desires their own agency and has their own goals complementary to your own is important in not being taken advantage of. But let's not pretend that a good chunk of these stressed out men would rather break their backs being the main bread winner just so they could keep their partner under their thumb.
I think Symone has another video of a man on a radio show admitting to such, he wants poor women because they have to listen to him and depend on him… Some people want to act like men provide cause it’s innate to them, and maybe for some it is actually selfless. But I’m not taking any chances ending up with an insecure dude who can’t handle the idea I can be independent from him and decide to leave if he doesn’t treat me right.
I agree with both comments here. Not everyone who is with a lady who expects to be provided for fully is suffering. For every w0man who wants to live a life of leisure / doesn't want to work, there is a guy who is seeking someone just like her while actively avoiding financially independent women, for various reasons. We have to watch this one quietly from the sidelines.
I think the issue is that 1) people don’t have these important conversations BEFORE marriage or think they can change the other. No my dude, if she tells you she wants princess treatment, take heed and bear the consequences of your choice. 2) All sense of balance is lost: the woman is not a MAID and the husband is not a SLAVE! Love each other and do what’s best for EACH OTHER. Even this whole “traditional” wife thing. Traditional as to what? The Bible? The Proverb 31 woman is a working woman with a business outside the house as well. For the Christian ladies: let’s go back to the Word in its TOTALITY (cause some like to pick and choose) to see what it really says about being a Godly woman, mother and wife! 3) Live within your means, Instagram ain’t real life! Peace to all!
I have not seen ANYONE actually happily married who talks like this. I am concerned. Calling stay at home a soft life diminishes the invisible labor and seems a bit pick me imo. I work, my husband works, we both do household chores and ALL of that labor, domestic or professional, is equally important and we are partners. Some of this rhetoric is concerning and dangerous.
😳 Me either..They usually work together to build the lives they want and have the love and support for each other... It's almost like if they work as a team people should be worried and say that is a horrible life..It's getting scary out here..
You edited your original comment that said "I have not seen ANYONE actually happily married who talks like this. I am concerned." that was what I initially responded to.. However, I named all the things that go into these roles in this video. by no means are the things I referred to easy in my opinion. But make no mistake. There are women who are staying at home wives who do nothing but things for themselves not their spouse or marriage. There are women who quite literally won't contribute to the home by doing anything and want everything, with the ability to work to take the load off of their spouses, but do not want to. I have met many women like this in real life and there are many of them online! Many of them do not care how their husbands feel about anything, about working, about being tired from him doing hard labor to support the family. That is what we are referring to. Again to stay at home wives and stay at home moms who are providing value somehow in their marriage. This is not about them. And why do y'all call things? Pick me content when women who are married say these things I think that that is ridiculous... This is married folks Content. This is teamwork content. This is content for people who want to grow together. This is content for women who aren't trying to leach off of men. This is content for men who aren't trying to leach off of women. This is Content for women who have compassion. This is content for people who don't hate other people. This content for people who know the statistics of how to grow financial wealth in this country.
My husband fully provides. I don’t work and cook sometimes. We support each other emotionally and I organize the household while he pays all the bills. He is one of the kindest souls I ever met and we respect and love each other very much.
Yeah this was what I saw in my family growing up too. And it’s unfortunate cause I don’t want to say my Mom didn’t pick good men, there were decent qualities about them. But I don’t think she looked for responsibility/discipline in them and they would end up like another child for her to take care of along with me and my brothers. It probably explains a lot of my own personal choices to be extremely picky with men and choosing a career that can sustain my own life very comfortably so I wouldn’t be in the position to depend on someone else.
I think both partners need to work and earn, not only because of the money but also for self respect. Having a profession makes difference in someone’s status both in the society and the family 😊
I’m married and let’s not start acting like men are victims. We live in a patriarchy where men are set up to win first! In the end, it comes down to what the couple decides works best for their relationship and family dynamics. There’s not just one choice to make.
I hated being a stay at home parent. Now I’m fortunate in that I work full time predominantly from home so I get the best of both worlds. My twins are 12 now but do have additional needs
Speaking about helping a man out is so contentious, it’s content. It shows what the prevailing narrative is. If women who also help contribute was the popular option a video like this would be boring and redundant. Instead it’s refreshing and rare.
People need to stop the cap! Most married women are helping out in their marriages if they are in the working class, this is how most people are able to move up and gain more financial resources! Everybody is not going to get a rich man!
@ it’s another one of those “the internet is not real life” situations. Another lie I see going around is the idea that men are leaving ride or die women to get with soft girls. Hell no. First off divorce rates show women are the ones more likely to want to trade up. But besides that, men are far more likely to say in an Interdependent relationship.
@@SocialSymone Exactly. Why is this a topic? Some people act like there is a significant number of women watching their husbands working themselves to death. Most women are contributing financially. If they are not, they are contributing with their labor in the household and childrearing while the husband works.
A lot of people do not love or even like their partners, so all their partner is good for is material gain. There are a lot of down low guys and girls who will never be truly satisfied in their relationship as they don’t even want it.
I don't think couples have to be financially 50/50, but you have to contribute 50/50--taking care of the house and kids is a major contribution, way more than a 40 hour a week job. And most of those women looking for a 'provider' are going to end up paying some other way.
My husband and I were married at 23, and it took us until 29 for me to resign from my job to stay home and care for our kids full time. It is still a ton of work, my husband is very involved with both chores and childcare and it's still so hard. We budget every month and I know it's a burden for my husband to carry being the sole income earner. I appreciate him endlessly and try to show my gratitude for all he does. All of us sacrifice something to get what you truly desire. ❤
Me and my husband would LOVE for me to be a SAHM…but we both understand it’s not realistic. We both have to contribute to create a fully functioning home. Coming from a home where my mom didn’t work, my dad took care of everything. He was so tired and could barely make our events because if he wasn’t working, he was utterly exhausted. I’m so grateful for that but I truly wished my dad could be there more. I don’t want my children to not see their dad because he’s ALWAYS at work to make sure we are provided for. I want my husband home to spend time with us because the home isn’t complete without him. I gladly work 40 hours a week so we can have a working home for everyone in it
A lot of the women in this video are keepers. When I get married I want us to be a partnership like this. I think people dont realize that 50/50 isnt both partners having the same amount of money or always going half and half all the time, its about equal support and being able to fall back on the other person when the other is down
If you have young kids at home, someone needs to take care of that child, right? Unless one figures out a way to pay for child care, work, and share household/ parenting duties, that seems unrealistic. Daycare is expensive. I don't have kids yet, but this is my rationale.
So, to comment, my wife and I have been married for a quarter century, and we both came from homes with broken families. We were both in the military, so the whole subject of work never came up, but when it came to our character and what we wanted to build for the future, we both knew that we would have to put in 100%. I wouldn't have been able to accomplish 20+ years in the military without her love, support, and willingness to be my ride or die through all of it. Would I consider our marriage successful? Yes, but only time will tell how much further we can go. Looking back, I couldn't have asked for a better woman in my life.
My husband works all the time but has a flexible schedule, I work full time as well and I do 3-12 hour shifts. We work together as a team and are able to enjoy life together! If he made enough that I could be a SAHM one day, I would do it but I’d need a side hustle or something. Now he wants to help me get a new car and pay for school, he really wants to support me and build me up! In case something happens to him, I’ll be in a better position to hold it down.
Every couple works differently. You don’t have to put one down to uplift another. I’ve seen plenty of 50/50 relationships fail as much as I seen one income houses. Being a stay at home mother and wife is a respectable job. My family has happily done so for generations.
I was in the Army for 8 years, I got out with my husbands and I second child. Hubs went and finished out his 20 while I took care of the home and got a degree (with that GI BILL). We had that conversation. He still did his part to take care of the home when he wasn’t in the field or working even while in the Army. Seeing these videos makes me feel very fortunate we had that conversation, he’s that type of man, and we were able to support each other. Our kids are both in school and we both work from home now. With no consumer debt and living below are means while paying this house off. We both worked together after that convo to plan for our future.
As a single and childfree woman who busts her ass to support herself and is struggling, if I ever had a man in my life and we lived together or got married, I could NEVER in good consciousness stay at home while he works. I would be helping him make ends meet no question. I would feel so guilty if I didn't work and just sat at home all day while he worked hard. Even if we had kids I would still be working. You can't survive on one income especially if there are more mouths to feed.
@@pantegohummus8215 I’m sure you clean your own house, do your own laundry, handle all your finances etc… on top of having a job. I don’t understand the argument of “he goes to work and brings home the paycheck but I do such and such around the house so it’s 100% even”. No, you would have to do those things anyway if you worked outside the home. Some of these women need to own it and admit that they have more free time than their employed counterparts. It’s 2024 and the average American woman isn’t spending hours beating her laundry on a rock or churning butter.
I stayed home until my twins were 13. I’ve gone back to work now because I saw the stress this economy put on my husband. He never worked any less hard, everything got more expensive. Son got a truck, I got a financed car, insurances, gas. Life changed. I had to accept it and help bring in money.
Why aren’t we finding someone whose goals align with the lifestyles we are seeking? If you want to be a stay at home mom, find someone who’s okay with that. If you both want to contribute find someone okay with that. If you want to be fully supported and do NOTHING all day with no kids, find someone who wants to support you. I don’t care what you want to do. People are different with different ideas of how relationships should work. I’m over the internet being in an uproar over people being nuanced. And commentators having to be worried about expressing reasonable stances.
right now my husband stays home with the kids because childcare is so expensive. if roles were ever to reverse and he made more than enough for me to stay home i would. i feel like it's just different strokes for different folks.
I dated a man who said he wanted to take care of me and once I moved in an was in love he did a 180 (he was very irresponsible with his finances actually which I came to realize). I had no problem working but he WANTED me to stay home (to avoid me interacting with other men I realized). I also dated someone who was an addict and drained me of a lot of money, time, and peace of mind. I learned my lesson and now I want a man to AT LEAST be able to pay his own bills, and if he makes enough money to provide for me then cool, but I will ALWAYS have my own income because I don’t want to be in a position where I am reliant on someone else to provide for me. I say if one person is more responsible with money they should be the saver/investor and the other one with holes in their pockets can pay the bills 😂 it’s best for everyone, because some people can’t handle having money in their hands 🤷🏼♀️
My husband is the main provider and he wants to be. But there was a point where he couldn’t afford to buy himself some replacement shirts that he wanted. I had to sit down and tell him that when and if he needs my support (as a working woman myself!!!) he should speak up. He said he takes pride as a provider, so therefore - I bought him those items he needed, I booked those holidays for us and I put a good sum in. I told him he needed to also look after HIMSELF otherwise that “pride” will quickly turn into resentment.
It’s fine to have hurt and anger against men as a whole, it’s understandable. But having that mindset towards the man you chose and love is unacceptable and means you should not be in a relationship
Where does the “wife is at home chilling” coming from though? Usually stay at home partner (and parent) takes care of the household stuff for the family, and it’s a lot of work.
Love below your means. Yes! My husband and I always direct deposited 50% of our paychecks directly into savings so we just learned to live off of less, before and after having kids. I’m now a stay at home mom (thanks to our savings and my husband’s success) and when I resigned from my job I had no idea how much I was even making 😆🤷🏻♀️ you don’t NEED most things you have.
my wife is awesome so i try my best to make my life as soft as possible. she hates seeing me stress so she tries her best to help and goes beyond to express how much she loves her family. hell, she wants to give me the soft life. we both put in 150% and that's why our marriage has lasted happily a decade+. narcissists aren't good for relationships, they just leech off their partner's love and are bound for divorce.
This is the type of content I like... My husband cooks throughout the week, cleans, and does the picking up with our son. I cook on weekends, clean on weekends, and do the drop offs in the morning. I have more leave at my job so I take the sick days. Its OUR money and we use it to pay bills. Whatever is leftover after that, is his personal money and my personal money.
I was always fascinated by the fact that lots of people see their significant others as assets at best and enemies at worst. No wonder the divorce rates are so high.
My pastor often says what may work for my family and household may not work for another. Everyone goes through different seasons. I have experienced and gained wisdom from all seasons discussed. What I've learned is it is 100% as a team and some days and seasons that may mean 60/40, 80/10, 50/50 and I don't mean just money. It all depends on where your value's and priorities lie for your marriage. You both are also different versions of yourself in each season/state. There may be one that brings out the best in you both and thats your thing. Like she said pray about it. But don't knock others who have a different flow. There's nothing wrong with either. 🙏🏾
As a married man, real simple..ask each other what are your expectations of them and validate that request by their actions. If it doesn’t line up, move on….simple logic
Personally I’ve always had aspirations in life regarding having my own career and having the ability to live my dream life ( on my own ) and when it comes to my partner I don’t care how much money he makes I will contribute to the household because like yall are saying in this video it’s a partnership. We are a team. We are both going to take care of the household and one another. My man can make more or less than me and it won’t matter because I will have my own 📌
Partnerships can look different and still be fair for both. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom. While my Dad worked, she homeschooled my sister and I, and made sure the house was clean and that there were always homemade meals for us. In spite of being only on an enlisted Air Force salary (things were better after my Dad retired and started his civilian job), this was a division of labor that worked for their marriage and our family. They needed to be more mindful about how they spent and there was a lot of coupon clipping by Mom (and us kids), but my Mom was able to teach us full-time like she and Dad wanted. It gave my sister (who is on the autism spectrum and developmentally delayed) and myself a more personalized education experience and provided a level of consistency in spite of us having to move semi-frequently for Dad’s work. Before we were born, though, my Mom definitely worked a job like my Dad did. Her staying at home was never about pampering her. It was just the way they divided up labor within the marriage.
I grew up with the women in my family telling me to make sure I can take care of myself, because relying solely on a man is dangerous. My current partner wants to be able to make me a homemaker who doesn't have to work. I told them from the jump that I would compromise by working full remote once I'm able to. Anything could happen to either of us, their job is very labor intensive with 13+ hour days, and they're trying to build a business from the ground up. I'm not letting them do everything alone.
If you call it “helping a man” you’re not in a relationship. In the past, women were barred from high paying jobs or paid less than men for the same work (still happens but much better). Because of that, they had to protect themselves because they didn’t have the protections (bank accounts, credit cards, etc.) that men did if they left. Many women have their own stuff now. Y’all in this together. Marry someone who has financial goals and habits that are aligned with yours. Marry someone who takes your goals seriously and whose goals you take seriously. Marry someone who is helping you the same amount you’re helping them. This is all predicated on the fact that you yourself have those things and are stable/actively stabilizing. I don’t see it as “dating a man”; I see it as “adding another person to my life”. Even my close friends have to be stable, boo.
Men NEED to provide for women. This is what men are born to do. There is nothing wrong with women expecting to be fully provided for WITHOUT RECIPROCATING ANYTHING because men are SUPPOSED to do that.
When I met my partner, he was already so focused and hardworking. His dedication to providing for his family and being a steady, reliable man inspired me to level up in my own life. I was already passionate about helping others, but he motivated me to pursue higher education and dream bigger. Not to mention the fact he is such a phenomenal actively involved father! He has always taken care of the main responsibilities in our household, and I make sure to handle everything I can to support us, whether it’s covering extras or being his biggest cheerleader. I truly believe that relationships thrive when both people contribute however they’re able-whether financially, emotionally, or just through daily acts of love. Life is so much better when you’re working together to make it easier for each other. Teamwork makes the dream work!
My husband works and I stay home. I cook three meals a day, do all the housework, and do 90% of the daily care for our kids including dr. appointments and helping with homework. He has more time for hobbies, not less
My husband and I started, like most millennials, doing married life 50/50 financially. Then I ended up the bread winner for a few years after series of unfortunate events. It was difficult. I became resentful of my husband, even though he did keep up with house work and was home taking care of our daughter. After I suffered an injury, and he became the bread winner, our marriage improved. I think that there’s something to say about roles in a marriage and traditional roles. While some couples are able to have dad at home and mom at work (and that’s great), some of us naturally gravitate to the provider role and nurturer role. For me I couldn’t handle being the sole provider, I wanted and needed to be home with my babies and making our home, and my husband blossomed when he became the provider. He kicks ass at work and he still helps with the kids when he gets home and he still has his hobbies and friends. It’s been a beautiful thing.
I'm a stay at home, homeschool mom. We got married when we were 20 and had a baby at 21. I haven't worked in 10 years, but before I did work and I even worked when he didn't. He works really hard, goes out with his friends, and gets to play video games whenever he wants. Our house is paid for and so are our cars so I don't feel bad about him working and me staying home. I am providing just not monetarily. When we got together at 18 I told him straight up I wanted to be a stay at home mom even though I did get a college degree.
Raising kids well is a pretty demanding job. Its also 24/7, no vacation. I respect SAHP. However, it is not traditional, its cultural. Before modern day family structures and industrialisation, everybody worked in the family businesses. Weaving, agriculture, metal work, animals, whatever it was everyone including kids worked or supported those who worked. And only the ones that could own and inherit, the oldest male heirs, had a position of financial stability given. Everyone else, including second’s sons, had to figure things out.
I think you misunderstand the “pick me” idea. It’s not a way to hate on women who like men or stand up for men. It’s a way to call out women who put other women down to make themselves more appealing to men. Like the woman in the tiktok saying how she sees so many other women expecting xyz from men, but she would never do that. I think people forget that men are just as responsible for their situations. They are responsible for the destructive social culture they’ve created where they don’t feel comfortable sharing emotions, work to feel worthy, etc. It’s absolutely a group effort to change these things but putting the responsibility solely on women to fix it isn’t productive.
this is a wild topic 😂 I certainly don't want to see a man doing 100%... but mostly because my prerogative is to be financially independent and whole, with or without a man! there's no way I could sit back and watch someone else do everything for me! we gotta build together so we can travel hard together and be in control of our precious time!
As a wife who is disabled, it kills me to see my husband work every day and bring himself to burnout. He works, he helps with the kids, he cooks. I do what I can around the house but I can't do much and I really want to help and give my husband a break. He's suffering, and I can't ease the burden. I cannot imagine doing this on purpose. If I could work or fully take care of the house, I absolutely would. To purposely sit back, do nothing, and watch your husband break his back to provide for you when you have the ability to help is a level of selfish I cannot get behind.
Me and my fiancé both agree it’s better for us to both work and not just me the solo bread winner of the family. Plus she likes having her own money in her bank account plus we are making a joint account. The joint account is mainly for our kids and things we will NEED to buy them.
Aside from the Christian talk (especially telling people they'll go to hell? Yikes😬), i totally agree! People think relationships are just taken and no give. But when you love someone, you WANT to do things for them. Many people are unfortunately scared to be vulnerable and getting hurt. I blame the internet for misusing words like simp and Pick Me. For people being genuine.
I love that I (a working mother/wife) am listening to this while our robo vacuum is cleaning the kitchen floor… if I didn’t have a job, I’d be in there cleaning the floor the old fashioned way🤣
Both my parents came from matriarchal households, if I can use that term. Even while one of them was a housewife the first half of her adult life, she was very outspoken in saying that women who did not work should still have an education, understand how to manage the household finances, and should ALWAYS have her own money or ways to attain her own money in case it goes belly up. That stuck with me.
I don't want my man to just work and exhaust himself,, i want him to enjoy the fruit of his labor. I can encourage him to do work that makes more for the same hours, not live above our means, manage money better, make sure he's welcomed when he comes home, etc. but get a job to help with bills... he'd have to about 2/3 jobs thennnn i'd see the need to financially contribute, after he applied himself. If a war broke out, my husband would have to fight, i wouldn't want him to go through the trails of war, however, that's his God given role. Im not gong to enlist with him either. Same with being a provider and maintainer. he cannot take childbearing, breastfeeding etc from me, so I'm not about to take his role from him.
I feel like alot of this comes from women that were expected to provide 50/50 in a household, but the husband doesnt do 50/50 in domestic contributions. Alof of women are expected to have a job but also do EVERYTHING with the kids, all the errands, cook dinner, clean, etc. while all the husband does it work and come home and expect to be served. I think that alot of women have seen this behavior growing up at home and have responded by going the total opposite.
Men and women aren't robots. No wife or girlfriend should never treat their partner like that. Society always pushing stuff and try to program [brainwash] us into treating others and ourselves. He deserves peace too. He shouldn't serve just as a hard worker. He's a person and should be treated like one. Tell him you appreciate him. That also goes to men. Your wife or girlfriend does not serve you as your slave. Marriage or any relationship should be treated as a gift that both appreciate but unfortunately not many people do that
I would really be happy to have a friend like you Symone. May the Lord keep you safe you and your family. Your content is very enriching and helpful in times like this when people have sadly sunk into the binary thinking mode. God bless you ! You are a good role model 🙏🏾
Do you think it’s selfish for one partner to work hard while the other doesn’t contribute financially? Should both partners share the financial burden in today’s economy? Why or why not? Is the ‘soft life’ trend sustainable or unfair in most relationships? Also, what percent is your phone 🔋 on it is 1:24 AM and my phone is on 85%😎
in my opinion, i do think it’s selfish for ONE person to work hard while the other person is doing nothing. it’s not fair. in my eyes, a marriage is a team so you split your finances. make sure that you & your partner are both making good money or better. have your own bank account + a joint bank account with your partner. i want to be able to be that partner for my man when he gets sick or something happens to him he doesn’t have to worry cause he married a partner who got him & vice versa.
my grandparents were married for 50+ years before my grandpa passed and they shared everything except my grandma didn’t drive so my grandpa was the driver but my grandma cooked & took care of him. he also cooked as well & would take her fishing. their marriage was balanced and it’s what i inspire to have.
the soft life doesn’t work cos we don’t live in a soft world. 🤷🏻♀️
it’s 7:16am in California & my phone is at 35% . 😹😅🪫
A soft wife is just a drain on generational wealth due to her greed. She wants for the here and now and it actually hurts the possible children and/or cheats a man out of the chance of retirement.
As a person from a country where the minimum wage alone cannot sustain one person and most people have to fall back on their parents’ investments or side businesses, to want to completely leave the full financial burden of an entire family on one person sounds wicked! And I knew people that subscribed to this mindset but ended up working anyway and building themselves from scratch later in life because life happened to their only source of income
Hell yes it’s selfish and my thing is if you want to be a SAHW or MOM do something productive and start a business. Find ways to get y’all both to financial freedom, so that y’all both can enjoy financial abundance.
As long as you’re contributing in some way, doesn’t necessarily have to be financially
It's also interesting to see videos where men complain about women looking for providers while also saying they don't care about a woman's finances and degrees. They ask for traditional households but do they actually understand the amount of work it takes to provide for a family....alone??!
They do, that's why those particular people's views on the issue are so conflicted - they want the power being a sole provider would give them, but hate how much / hard they would have to work to make that possible today. It's also why they insist that marriage favours w0men while putting them at a disadvantage, but they want women to want marriage while telling their bros to avoid it, and on and on, around and around... The people with mics should simply be tuned out to maintain some sanity.
It is actually better to be partnered with someone who contributes because it improves your standard of living.Example,people complain about living in NYC but rent is 3k for a one bedroom and 4k in nicer areas.When you have a partner you can share that and live a better standard of life.Ad an adult,you realise the world structures especially in the west are for partners and spouses not single people 😅
@@cryogirlhannayou can also get roommates, which is what a lot of young ppl in NYC do. Jumping into a relationship because you need help with bills brings can cause more issues than just getting a roommate.
I think that everyone lives way above their means and that's why everything seems so out of reach and expensive. A family can be raised on less than 100k a year, hell less than 50k if your in the right parts. Nobody thinks of a simple life. Everyone thinks of the high life. 99% of people will never ever ever touch the highlife but they going to fight claw and scratch to attempt to live it.
The women looking for "providers" are actually looking for ATMs with legs. They want to sit around doing nothing but draining the man's bank account. Those women don't want to do ANY of the domestic work that comes with being a "provided for" woman. Those men are looking for WIVES, not burdensome adult daughters.
I grew up in a home that both my parents ran a business together. My parents managed everything together and it's made their marriage solid 30 years and still going!
I am happy for them. I love to hear stories like this!! 30 years is such a long time! Congratulations to them! ❤️
I grew up in a house like that too and it RUINED my parent’s marriage. Work and home life was never separated. Always fighting about money. My mom never paid herself and just kept putting it back into the business. Then my father died and the business ended. So she’s a senior with not a penny to her name. She worked her whole life for nothing. But she thought she was being a dutiful wife.
My husband was always a hard worker -- he was working full-time + school full-time when I met him, while I was doing NOTHING! He inspired ME to go to college and get a good job simply because I adored him and didn't want to be "dead weight." He always paid our main bills, but I happily pick up "extras" (phone, internet, groceries).
I'm not sure if both people should work, but both should absolutely contribute where they're able -- you should make life easier for each other every chance you get! ❤
I'm in total agreement with you, it's about teamwork. ❤
Thats exactly what happened to me!! I was just out being wild and not really caring about money or school. Just cleaning house for him for a year or so before realizing that I am not gonna spend the rest of my life as his dead weight. I was so against getting a job but now I’m working full time and beginning part time school again! He is my best friend, my creative muse, and my biggest inspiration to be a better woman.
@@cynabonabelle I wouldn't say I was wild, but definitely "care free" -- not a care, worry or goal in sight and did love a good party! Lol 😂😂😬
It was about a year before I started really paying attention too. Trying to find a job snowballed into going back to school -- once I started setting small personal goals, I realized I could actually achieve them -- one by one. Today I earn 6 figures, myself (truly, it's still shocking to me!!) - this poor little girl from the poorest side of town just started "setting goals" one day. I often wonder if I'd have ever done all I did on my own accord -- I will never know -- I DO know he was my motivation at that time (and has continued to be for 20 years). I believe a GOOD relationship will do that to you.
Good luck to your future endeavors AND with your love! ♥️
Been with my husband almost 30 years. He was always the bread winner. When business got slow I went out and got a job. I was a SAHM to our 3 kids. Now that I work he has stepped up even more at home and with our kids. I want my husband happy and healthy so we can have a longer life together. We always do things as a couple and as a family.
You are so blessed with a beautiful and healthy family!
Those husbands are not victims. They actively ignored the good ride or die women because they are not attractive enough, and they actively chose and picked the 10/10 high maintenance women and now cry that those women require money??? Give me a break
@@hagiedh6349 You cane in ready! We ain't even post the video yet 😂
That’s why men mostly hear about soft life and providing. These ride or die women is so rare when they speak out ITS CONTENT! This video is proof that taking a more realistic approach is actually the outlier and brings in views.
👏👏👏
I agree 😂😂😂😂😂 they wanna act surprised like they don’t know who they married
This!! A lot of men use the ride or die woman as a come up and get these high maintenance women and get mad at the consequences 🙄
In my case, my husband is the sole provider for our family. He loves taking care of everything and if he had it his way, I would never work. BUT I’m applying to medical school next year and he knows how important that is to me, so he fully supports my dreams. He makes the money but I manage it and it works for us! But this is only temporary, and when I’m a doctor he will be the one that works less so we can have a parent available for our kids.
@@_smartyshorts This is awesome. Both of you will be working. He works a job, you work in medical school. I hope you both win!
Thank you!
Yeah when a man can easily pay, he usually enjoys it.
Your situation is different because you're at home caring for the home and kids (which actually saves money as well because childcare prices out here are ridiculous!) It's the able-bodied ones who just want to lay up & do nothing while he does all the work that I have an issue with.
You have an awesome man there. My husband had done the same for me. Worked his butt off so I can go to school. Now I am trying to do the same so he can take a rest job wise (but inflation is killing that dream)
One thing ALL women should be aware of. If you are a stay at home mom, I don't want you all to end up like so many senior women today. When it comes to Social Security, if you husband dies you get HALF of his social security. You never worked outside the home, so this is all you qualify for if your children are grown. So when you see poor elderly widows scraping by....remember...they where stay at home moms at one time.
Yeah at least a part time, maybe when their partner is at home.
I had a coworker in her 70s having to work a shitty part time job bagging groceries and dealing with people while struggling with MS. I'd have to help her bag sometimes because I felt so bad about how difficult it was for her to just put away an item.
My dad is basically retired, but gets money from property rent from a business he sold back in the day.
I was pleasantly surprised to learn he gives my mom half of the money so they both claim half on their taxes, lists her as an employee, and has a SS and all that set up for her.
My mom was always a SAHM and the default parent, and she sadly never had a formal education after elementary school. I am very relieved knowing my mom has a safety net, considering my parents have a substantial age gap and my dad is in his mid 70's.
Don’t come for them with shade. A lot of the current elderly women were born in the 40s - they didn’t get much of a choice. My grandma always told me how when she was little there were 3 possible educated careers available to women “nurse, secretary, teacher.” She’s an incredible person and I’ve watched her work and struggle through so much and get screwed out of what she was meant to have. She is worked as a child and after her kids were old enough to get to school on their own, but her husband died young and she only just started dating in her 80s.
The gender divide between labor cuases each to see the others’ contributions as invisible. The husband working three jobs is too busy for hobbies but so is the stay at home tradwife with four kids who “isn’t working” so must give up all of themselves and their time for the “working” husband. People who choose this life don’t choose it with that much of their will. It traps people into appealing to a performance where no one is happy or has real hobbies.
Yeah never want to be a at home wife I want to WORK always.
It's truly NOT A SOFT LIFE! idk what these girls are talking about. We keep the home together and clean, and homeschool the children. That's where we assist, not working a 9a-5p saves us money. I never "just spend his money" and "kickback".. do nothing.
Housewifes are never appreciated. That's why i won't become one
Exactly! Unpaid labor
Yep, plus help the family and volunteer in the neighborhood. Also, you need to budget and put some savings away or he really is working for nothing ... Sahm is not easy
@@honieebean No one has said sahm is easy, but it is risky if you don't have an education/career or a side hustle. The man could turn into a douche if he is already that way, or anything can happen that prevent him to work, what you wanna do in those scenarios if you have been years out of the job market?.
People forget that making a home and raising kids is work. All of that is labor
Seriously yall, your financial life will be so easy once you work together
It depends. Note that the lady in the first video said she assumes a certain mindset because this is she saw AT HOME while being raised.
Your formative years determines a lot about your mindset. This kind of reality is ideal for her because she has been conditioned this way.
My grandmother stayed at home while grandad went to work. This is how we were raised/the mindset in that part of the country where I’m from.
If the man is equipped enough to command a high value salary, the woman can stay at home! Well raised children are an asset. A clean home is an asset. Home made meals are an asset. A healthy domestic environment is an asset.
I think the problem is 1) we are pushing a single mindset across the board when people can live how they please. There is no one size fits all. 2) men are designed to work! Physically they are built to work none stop. Women are not. You also encourage a man to live to his highest potential by encouraging him to provide as opposed to feeling you must contribute to “help” him. Women working can also contribute to making men weaker. This is a very nuanced conversation.
@@yanikeonpurpose Men are not physically built to work non stop. Work is not just physical, and the video goes into that. Some can, and some do. But that's way too general of a statement.
True
@@yanikeonpurpose Sure mena re suppsoed to work but not 24/7 eight hours a day, its a little unfiar to exp[ect your man to be working all this time and the other partner not even try to get a job or even attempt to find one
No one works 24/7!!!
Please stop overstating how much men work!!
That is giving pickme vibes!!
Why no body is talking about mothers who are dying to go back to work and bring in second income but can’t just because of the outrageous expenses of childcare, if i work full time that would cover day care for my 3 kids only and i have a degree in healthcare, its a broken system
Yes this!!! And dads too. I am a grandma raising my 3 grandbabies. I am thankful to be retired because I cannot afford childcare. Its impacting dads too. My granddaughter actually did a project recently for school about the childcare crisis. She interviewed a dad who left work to stay home with the kids during the pandemic. The plan was for him to go back to work, but he cannot do that because childcare costs would be as much as his salary. This man has a masters degree.
What about working at a daycare ?
Thats what school is for. 😅 you work when they are at school and if you cant afford it quit popping them out.
@AlexxxCrossss you still have to pay the fees..lol
@@lailaalanna315 you get a discount though ……
I've been married for 12 years and my husband and I have 5 kids. He works his butt off supporting us. He's a blue collar guy. He took up competitive trail running a couple years ago. Youbetter believe I'm doing everything I can to support him doing his hobby! After kid 5 was born, I had to let go of my job. I homeschool and try to take financial pressure off him with my military disability (which helps us tons). He takes such great care of us. He set up my own retirement fund in case something happens to him. He really does love me like Christ loves the church and I thank God every day for him.
I’m in my late twenties and unfortunately it’s a mindset thing. So far I understand there’s 3 types of men A: men who want a partnership with someone they see as equal and work as a team. B: A man wants a significant other doing what they don’t want to do because of cultural beliefs or/and religious beliefs in exchange of their finances. C: Bums who will ruin your life and let you take care of them/family while they never take accountability on why they aren’t a functioning husband/father. There’s always a reason why they can’t keep a job, finish a degree but it’s never them the problem.
I have two married friends my age who live completely different lives because one has type A and the other has type B. It’s two different conversations getting mixed up all time, people just need to have more honest conversations before marrying. Each lifestyle has "consequences" although type C husbands is always a threat and should be divorced/left.
Oh yes, I agree with you the type C husband you described is dangerous!!! It would be extremely difficult to build with somebody like that!
🎯💯 This is exactly it. M£n are not a monolith, they want different dynamics as you've so clearly explained. What's important is what do you want as a woman? Whatever it is, find a guy that belongs to the category that aligns with that, and go from there.
I mean I am all for women contributing their equal share. But remember what we more often see is the woman working AND then coming home and doing all the housework, cooking and looking after the kids solely. The extra unpaid labour.
And this is from experience, my ex contributed nothing to the household, while I did all the cooking, cleaning AND earned 2x more than him at work. So they also better be ready to go 50:50 on maintaining the home too.
They usually never are. The woman, especially if kids are involved, usually takes on more of the unpaid labor and emotional/mental logistics that come with running a household. Add that on top of going out and earning half of the expenses. Many women are burned out. Yet I don't see men online making videos like this when it comes to contributing 50% to the unpaid labor of the household. There's a reason why women initiate divorces more.
That is a great point!!!
@@peacejoylove8542you’re so very right.
My husband asked me to resign and stay home to live a soft life because work was stressing me out.
After 8 years with heart failure, a mechanical heart and a heart transplant… I DESERVE IT ❤ I take care of the kids, house, paying bills and making his life as easy as possible when he comes home to his peace. He likes it that way and so it shall be.
This is what teamwork looks like!!! ❤️
When I hear her describe the soft life I think of that one couple on Caleb Hammer's podcast where The husband was busting his ass to the breaking point and the wife was spending his money like candy. Getting boob jobs, planning vacations, taking out loans and going on shopping sprees all without his knowledge or approval. I think that's the life a lot of women imagine as the "soft life"
I think i saw that episode, was that the blonde lady??? I think her hubby had brown hair?!
@@SocialSymonehis hair was white from all the stress, poor guy
😂😂😂@@johnrivers3813
Some of the comments were talking about how being a stay-at-home wife is not a "soft life," which is true. True stay-at-home wives that are contributing to the household will be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and more. Who I understood this video was talking about is the people who don't do any of that. The so-called "stay-at-home wives" who just want to be pampered, wined and dined, taken on trips, all without lifting a finger. There's a difference between these two, and there is something to be said about both cases.
I believe there are plenty of women taking advantage of men to get that princess treatment without giving anything in return. But I also believe there are women working like slaves at home without being given proper acknowledgement and compensation.
I also believe there are men who get women in their lives to serve as trophies or maids they can have sex with. On the flip side, there are hardworking men who are doing the best they can to provide for their families, not only financially but also emotionally.
There's got to be balance for both people involved in the relationship. Being overworked at home or outside of it could lead to serious issues (mental, physical, emotional) to anyone.
This is a normal take! Thank you so much!
Oh yeah love this take
but I feel like unless you're taking care of kids just housework alone does not take all day and you definitely have time in the day to work part time or something to help provide for yourself and your family
Yes, only cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids is a soft and ridiculous life for a grown adult. Plenty of people do those things AND go to work.
@@justme98632 lotta things have to align and be happening for it being "easy" to actually end up being the case. Kids are not easy in any means as soon as they learn one thing, another thing they need to learn comes up. If you were truly interested in raising physically, emotionally capable adults to the best of your ability, you would know by default that its a duty that is virtually non stop, little rest makes thing difficult to do, thus hard by default. Cooking and cleaning is also non stop work, especially with kids. Mom and Dad need to be on the complete same page, and actively demonstrating respectful, loving support and behavior to one another so that the child learns without confliction how a relationship should work. Conflicting information being fed to the child is the usual thing happening, thus both parents are failing in their duties to raising a healthy functioning adult.
I have seen firsthand the stress of this when our household went from 50/50 to my partner being the main provider when I was off on maternity leave with our son, and I don't know how anyone could watch their partner deal with that stress long term and be fine with just sitting back and letting them. I'm thrilled to be back at work, paying my way again.
The thing is a lot of husbands don't want their wives to work. They wanna feel like the big man and take care of the wife. I know this because my sister's man kept telling her to stop working cuz.He liked the old fashioned way of keeping her at home, and they're both struggling because of that
And I think most husband would like their women not to work, but it should make sense financially. Or like you said in your situation with your sister, financial strain can come with that.
An example of one man wanting something does not mean “most men” want it. 😭
I'm so glad sensible women are speaking up about this! I've been happily married for 7 years & my husband and I do indeed split EVERYTHING 50-50 (including chores, childcare, etc) because we make similar incomes & we are a PARTNERSHIP. Why women want to be "taken care of" & given allowances like they're children is beyond me (but yet they want to be "equals?")... They're the ones who'll either remain single, or be left high & dry with nothing when the man gets tired and leaves with all the money!
agreed!!!
your man is a unicorn
exactly!! both my parents work full time and both were involved in raising us and housework
@@Ehlaar A lot of men call women like her a unicorn and that is simply not true.
Get off the internet and actually talk to people in relationships.
Not everyone wants this dynamic though. That’s cool for you but I don’t want my kids in daycares with strangers, I don’t trust people like y’all do
Idk about anywhere else in the world, but in the US, women still perform a disproportionately higher amount of unpaid household labor and caretaking than men, that estimates up to 10 trillion $$ annually. While i understand its nice to be supportive of your man, you better make sure that support is reciprocated. Theres a reason why women initiate divorces at higher rates and this is one of them.
And its been shown that a lot of these soft life girlies parading on the internet are putting up façades and dealing with a lot of extra BS that they aren't open to admitting to. That soft life comes at a price when you choose the wrong person. And some of the creators in that space have already been exposed for lying about their lifestyle.
Are men not autonomous beings capable of choosing a partner that will help them? Any man that ends up in this situation CHOSE that. They want those women and that’s what they get.
And to each their own, some people are OK with that, but I also have seen situations change where perhaps the person didn't want to work anymore or was it putting in effort to get another job if they got laid off... There is a lot of different situations, but I agree if that's something you chose it's different...
So people who end up in abusive marriages or relationships is entirely their fault? If it's a women in a financially or psychologically abusive marriage, is it their fault?
@@eldojoseph8718this isn’t abuse tho, they agreed to this lifestyle before entering it. This is their ideal marriage. The man wanted the crushing burden of being the sole provider and the wife wanted the endless burden of the bulk of the house/child work along with the risk of being left destitute if he dies/ leaves her. I don’t get it but these adults want this
@@stonecake313not necessarily. Some people are good at faking certain things until the ring is on their finger. Just saying.
Exactly.. women are told to vet their husbands but men on the other hand do not vet their future wives and they act surprised when they get burnt 😭
I'm a man and I have to say, I fully disagree with this video. I do get a very strong pick me vibe from it. Men aren't the victims y'all are trying to make us to be. No woman who doesn't work and is with an average earning man is having a soft life so I don't understand this video. If the man has an average salary and is paying everything (rent, bills, food etc...) for both of them, there's likely barely no money left so how is the wife having a soft life? He likely can't buy her clothes/stuff, go out to dinner or go to vacation. In that situation, they are both struggling and just breathing in their homes because how can the wife has any kind of hobby, pleasure in that situation? Obviously her life is easier that the man because she's not the one working but herself doesn't have a soft life, she's just surviving, sleeping and waiting for food at the table. That's not what I would call soft life.
A woman can't have a soft life if the man doesn't earn a high income and the men with high income aren't slaving away, going broke. If y'all are talking about gold digger women who only care about money, why on earth would they be with an average earning man who can barely pay the rent, bills and food ? Why would they stay with a man who can't provide anything other than bare necessities to them? The women described in this video aren't having a soft life at all so the whole topic makes no sense.
What y'all are actually describing is average earning men going for women with high standards and pretending they can keep up with their standards. Those men weren't forced to be with those women. You can usually spot those women because they look very high maintenance due to their standards and the soft life they always settle for. Some average earning men see those women and willingly decide to go for them instead of the average woman (99% of women) because they love what they see and are ready to do anything to have those women with them so who is to blame? Themselves. I'm a man but I'm fair, making those women the bad guys like they forced those men to do anything is crazy. Those men are fully responsible for their own situations.
I forgot to say, I'm not American and I can tell from what I've seen that American women are so accepting, too much accepting. The stuff I be seeing American men complain about is crazy from a non American man because that's not even the bare minimum where I'm from. American men don't realize how lucky they are with American women because these men wouldn't survive out there crying and complaining about every little thing a woman ask.
The man who said that the men who talk about providing for women are always in it with the goal of controlling them is immature and clueless. I'm for providing and I do not want to control a woman, not at all. Where I'm from that's what men do and we do not oppress or control women. My dad was and is still the provider of our family. I'm 23 and my mom has been a Stay at home wife/mom since she got her first kid 24 years ago. Since that day, she never worked. Seeing their relationship shapes me to become the man I am today. My dad doesn't control my mom, never did despite him being the sole provider for our family. He has so much love and respect for her. Him providing was always just his duty and nothing special that gives him superiority. My mom actually runs the house lol. I was always more scared of her than my dad. Everytime I would go to my dad and ask to go somewhere or do something, he would say "If you're asking me, it means mom said no right? I'm sure she has a good reason for it" because he respected her opinion and never went over her despite him bringing all the money. They have been happily married for 25 years and my dad is still working and my mom is still a stay at home wife.
I repeat, men are not the victims even tho all the anti-women red pill men on the internet today are trying hard to make us seem like the victims of women. Unfortunately some women are delusional enough to help them spread that narrative ( I'm not talking about you Symone, I really appreciate your content).
this is the sassiest paragraph ever your dad had a degrading kin k for himself lol
you're a man and this paragraph sounds so feminine sad you're dad wasn't masculine enough to rule
Please tell, where are you from?
Some men want their relationship like that. I’m sure there are a lot of potential reasons for this dynamic, but I have several girl friends who don’t work. I work, I’m the bread winner in fact, but I never want to be in a position where my life and choices and future depend entirely on my partner or anyone else. Many of my girl friend’s husbands don’t have life insurance and my girls have little to NO job experience or education and that’s absolutely wild IMO.
It's wild!!
Both my parents worked to support three children, but still made time to enjoy life and each other. Married for 59 years before my dad passed. My dad made sure before he died, my mother would always be taken care of. Find someone who loves you and will look out for you. 🙏🏽
The reality is working class women have been *working* since the victorian era.
Folks look at 1950s microwave advertisements in chrome kitchens targeted at upper middle class folks and think that all folks let the wife stay at home and not work and take xanax lol....
Yall: those are the equivalent of us watching a weird fake laundry detergent commercial where the couple lives in a 6br 4 car garage house with 12 foot tall cielings and a pure white kitchen where the only hobby the wife has is taking kids to soccer practice and thinking thats accurate daily living for everyone
My husband works the exact same amount as he would if I were working a job, too. However, because I don't have a job, his paycheck is bigger (less income tax), and he comes home to a clean house, fully stocked with all the necessities, happy wife, and, well, his work day is done too early for us to go straight into dinner, but often I'll have fresh baked cookies or bread or something for him. We're able to enjoy our evenings and weekends relaxing and spending time together. It is a softer life than when I was working - but it's a softer life for BOTH of us.
One of the real tragedies of our society is that people only value actions that bring in MONEY! Why is it that when a woman is a “stay-at-home” mom/wife, ppl immediately equate that to “doing nothing”?! REALLY?!? “Being equal” to many ppl means MONEY! “50/50” means, again, MONEY! And the list goes on. Every family has their own unique needs and dynamics. Some households NEED to have someone who, on a consistent basis, can make sure the household functions well. The physical (and mental) wellbeing of the children, healthy homemade meals (not just dinner, but also breakfast AND snacks), running errands, appointments, managing house maintenance issues, staying on top of bills, phone calls, etc. Ppl who claim all of that and more is “nothing” are obviously either not doing it right (i.e. taking shortcuts), have never done it (single, no kids, yet have strong opinions about situations they haven’t experienced yet 🙄), or flat out take these things for granted.
When you have a GOOD spouse, you will both decide on what is best for YOUR family’s circumstances and plan accordingly. Peace ☮️
Especially Black people…we don’t value those “non income producing activities.”
Amen!!! ❤
The part yall are missing, is cultural. The man works, the woman does literally everything else at home including stuff with the kids. Teamwork. Plus the women go out and help their older relatives or the community by volunteering (soup kitchen, schools, old people programs, veteran programs, etc)
Respectfully, cultures shift, especially when the necessity to shift (to accommodate environmental factors) presents. Today’s culture is negatively impacted by increasing financial obligations and degradation in the partnership mentality, *in my opinion and observation.
You know most of these women aren't doing any kind of volunteer work 😅 most of them can't even cook
Well since we brought up the cultural aspect of it let's really talk about it. When we talked about the traditional marriages that are grandmothers and our great-grandmothers had did they really want to be homemakers or did they just not have any other options. I mean a lot of colleges didn't even accept women 70-80 years ago they couldn't build their own credit. I'm just going to keep it real I think traditional gender roles are a scam. And it's bad for women AND men! And I'm going to go here when we talked about toxic masculinity it's mostly a conversation between men, but women also put these toxic societal expectations on men and this whole conversation is a huge part of it. And I think until society moves past these like traditional expectations were always going to have strife
@ I wholeheartedly agree with you. I tell my acquaintances OFTEN that it’s not fair for a man to carry such a burden.
Its a fragile constellation in my opinion. If only one is capable of earning, and only one knows how to run a household, if one gets sick or dies the other is in trouble.
And for the toxicity part, I would like to second that. Men are not ATM machines. But I have been told by men that providing is something they expect from themselves even if it hurts, for example, their health or quality of life. So if that was to shift, I agree that its mostly for men to talk amongst each other. Its an identity subject from what I gathered
Im a stay at home Christian mom with a side hustle. My husband is the main provider. He says he has the best life because i keep the home together, and i dont nag him. People say im spoiled, but I shop at goodwill and avoid spending his hard earned money friviously. My side hustle money is used for kids monthly school tuition, activities, and yes, my hair (i still want to look good) LOL. All my man really wants is peace and calm, his kids taken care of, and a comfortable home (his words), and I give him that. He still very much helps out at home but its not chaos. That is so important. We are NOT rich, very middle class lol. It is definitely hard out here, read your bible for guidance. It has been the best thing for my family. Without the word we'd be lost!
Absolutely. And the facts are that sometimes mom being home is the only option. Not everyone has family or friends that can give you free childcare and oftentimes the amount of $ that day care would cost, doesn’t make going to work a job worth it financially.
I agree with this wholeheartedly!!! This is exactly my family’s way of life. I worked full time and contributed to our household before we had kids and never planned on being a stay at home mom BUT GOD had other plans and we followed His guidance. My husband enjoys our peaceful, clean,happy home and providing for his family. What we do is what works for BOTH of us ❤
Incredible! Go @lecs9385 this is the way!
Please make sure you are socially secure later. Not telling you what to do, just saying we have to stay informed for different situations that could arise.
@h.neubert8770 absolutely! Better to have and not need than need and not have. Before we got married I was in corporate America and made some investings that I still contribute to. We also have agreements in place for the "what ifs."
This is a topic in intersectional feminism. We agree that gender archetypes like "the provider" negatively affect men like they do women. We do want to change what the conversations are centered on but this is one of them. The "I hate all men" crowd tend to be hyperbolic as they're talking about traumatic topics such as SA. Most of them have male friends, some of them get dogmatic about feminist theory and start to miss the point and actually believe the hyperbole.
Yup 🔥
I def fell into the trap of wanting my husband to “retire” me. When we were newlyweds we both left the teaching field. His new career worked out my plans were not as solid and I ended up working low income jobs for over a year. I did not realize the strain it was putting on him. It took me working multiple jobs (fyi: my husband also has a second job & a business in addition to his main job ) in order for me to realize I took my salary , benefits and teaching certifications for granted . I am now back in teaching full time and we are working as a team on finances instead of me avoiding them. He is more peaceful and I feel happy to be able to pitch in 🙏❤️. Life is not a fairytale it needs to be a win, win for both people.
I think it is an interesting take to put all the blame on women for men's stresses in a relationship. And I say this as someone who likes men and is happily married to one. My husband and I are big on being 50/50 equal partners in our relationship, but I know an uncomfortable number of men who are intimidated by the idea of their wives making their own income and being 50/50. I know several men who are married to "high maintenance women" without jobs/careers not because they were tricked, but because those women were better "options" than being with a woman with the agency and means to leave them. One even admitted to me that he sabotaged his wife's chances at being a nurse because he would rather she make no money than enough money to "think she's running anything". Are there men who are taken advantage of in this way? Absolutely and being with someone who desires their own agency and has their own goals complementary to your own is important in not being taken advantage of. But let's not pretend that a good chunk of these stressed out men would rather break their backs being the main bread winner just so they could keep their partner under their thumb.
I think Symone has another video of a man on a radio show admitting to such, he wants poor women because they have to listen to him and depend on him…
Some people want to act like men provide cause it’s innate to them, and maybe for some it is actually selfless. But I’m not taking any chances ending up with an insecure dude who can’t handle the idea I can be independent from him and decide to leave if he doesn’t treat me right.
I agree with both comments here. Not everyone who is with a lady who expects to be provided for fully is suffering. For every w0man who wants to live a life of leisure / doesn't want to work, there is a guy who is seeking someone just like her while actively avoiding financially independent women, for various reasons. We have to watch this one quietly from the sidelines.
This comment needs launched to the top for all to see.
I think the issue is that 1) people don’t have these important conversations BEFORE marriage or think they can change the other. No my dude, if she tells you she wants princess treatment, take heed and bear the consequences of your choice. 2) All sense of balance is lost: the woman is not a MAID and the husband is not a SLAVE! Love each other and do what’s best for EACH OTHER. Even this whole “traditional” wife thing. Traditional as to what? The Bible? The Proverb 31 woman is a working woman with a business outside the house as well. For the Christian ladies: let’s go back to the Word in its TOTALITY (cause some like to pick and choose) to see what it really says about being a Godly woman, mother and wife! 3) Live within your means, Instagram ain’t real life! Peace to all!
I have not seen ANYONE actually happily married who talks like this. I am concerned. Calling stay at home a soft life diminishes the invisible labor and seems a bit pick me imo. I work, my husband works, we both do household chores and ALL of that labor, domestic or professional, is equally important and we are partners. Some of this rhetoric is concerning and dangerous.
😳 Me either..They usually work together to build the lives they want and have the love and support for each other... It's almost like if they work as a team people should be worried and say that is a horrible life..It's getting scary out here..
You edited your original comment that said "I have not seen ANYONE actually happily married who talks like this. I am concerned." that was what I initially responded to..
However, I named all the things that go into these roles in this video. by no means are the things I referred to easy in my opinion. But make no mistake. There are women who are staying at home wives who do nothing but things for themselves not their spouse or marriage. There are women who quite literally won't contribute to the home by doing anything and want everything, with the ability to work to take the load off of their spouses, but do not want to. I have met many women like this in real life and there are many of them online! Many of them do not care how their husbands feel about anything, about working, about being tired from him doing hard labor to support the family. That is what we are referring to. Again to stay at home wives and stay at home moms who are providing value somehow in their marriage. This is not about them. And why do y'all call things? Pick me content when women who are married say these things I think that that is ridiculous...
This is married folks Content. This is teamwork content. This is content for people who want to grow together. This is content for women who aren't trying to leach off of men. This is content for men who aren't trying to leach off of women. This is Content for women who have compassion. This is content for people who don't hate other people. This content for people who know the statistics of how to grow financial wealth in this country.
@@SocialSymoneperiod!!!!!
My husband fully provides. I don’t work and cook sometimes. We support each other emotionally and I organize the household while he pays all the bills. He is one of the kindest souls I ever met and we respect and love each other very much.
Ironically I grew up with the opposite. Deadbeat men taking advantage of working women. Sad
Yeah this was what I saw in my family growing up too. And it’s unfortunate cause I don’t want to say my Mom didn’t pick good men, there were decent qualities about them. But I don’t think she looked for responsibility/discipline in them and they would end up like another child for her to take care of along with me and my brothers.
It probably explains a lot of my own personal choices to be extremely picky with men and choosing a career that can sustain my own life very comfortably so I wouldn’t be in the position to depend on someone else.
I think both partners need to work and earn, not only because of the money but also for self respect. Having a profession makes difference in someone’s status both in the society and the family 😊
I’m married and let’s not start acting like men are victims. We live in a patriarchy where men are set up to win first! In the end, it comes down to what the couple decides works best for their relationship and family dynamics. There’s not just one choice to make.
I hated being a stay at home parent. Now I’m fortunate in that I work full time predominantly from home so I get the best of both worlds. My twins are 12 now but do have additional needs
Speaking about helping a man out is so contentious, it’s content. It shows what the prevailing narrative is. If women who also help contribute was the popular option a video like this would be boring and redundant. Instead it’s refreshing and rare.
People need to stop the cap! Most married women are helping out in their marriages if they are in the working class, this is how most people are able to move up and gain more financial resources! Everybody is not going to get a rich man!
@ it’s another one of those “the internet is not real life” situations. Another lie I see going around is the idea that men are leaving ride or die women to get with soft girls. Hell no. First off divorce rates show women are the ones more likely to want to trade up. But besides that, men are far more likely to say in an Interdependent relationship.
@@SocialSymone Exactly. Why is this a topic? Some people act like there is a significant number of women watching their husbands working themselves to death.
Most women are contributing financially.
If they are not, they are contributing with their labor in the household and childrearing while the husband works.
A lot of people do not love or even like their partners, so all their partner is good for is material gain. There are a lot of down low guys and girls who will never be truly satisfied in their relationship as they don’t even want it.
I don't think couples have to be financially 50/50, but you have to contribute 50/50--taking care of the house and kids is a major contribution, way more than a 40 hour a week job. And most of those women looking for a 'provider' are going to end up paying some other way.
As a man, I respect you and other women calling out the girls who take advantage of their partner like this.
Fairness does go both ways. Everytime I see this soft life bull I cringe.
My husband and I were married at 23, and it took us until 29 for me to resign from my job to stay home and care for our kids full time. It is still a ton of work, my husband is very involved with both chores and childcare and it's still so hard. We budget every month and I know it's a burden for my husband to carry being the sole income earner. I appreciate him endlessly and try to show my gratitude for all he does. All of us sacrifice something to get what you truly desire. ❤
I agree with her in the grey sweater. I don't want my man to do that either. My man and I will work together ❤️.
Me and my husband would LOVE for me to be a SAHM…but we both understand it’s not realistic. We both have to contribute to create a fully functioning home. Coming from a home where my mom didn’t work, my dad took care of everything. He was so tired and could barely make our events because if he wasn’t working, he was utterly exhausted. I’m so grateful for that but I truly wished my dad could be there more. I don’t want my children to not see their dad because he’s ALWAYS at work to make sure we are provided for. I want my husband home to spend time with us because the home isn’t complete without him. I gladly work 40 hours a week so we can have a working home for everyone in it
A lot of the women in this video are keepers. When I get married I want us to be a partnership like this. I think people dont realize that 50/50 isnt both partners having the same amount of money or always going half and half all the time, its about equal support and being able to fall back on the other person when the other is down
If you have young kids at home, someone needs to take care of that child, right? Unless one figures out a way to pay for child care, work, and share household/ parenting duties, that seems unrealistic. Daycare is expensive.
I don't have kids yet, but this is my rationale.
So, to comment, my wife and I have been married for a quarter century, and we both came from homes with broken families. We were both in the military, so the whole subject of work never came up, but when it came to our character and what we wanted to build for the future, we both knew that we would have to put in 100%.
I wouldn't have been able to accomplish 20+ years in the military without her love, support, and willingness to be my ride or die through all of it.
Would I consider our marriage successful? Yes, but only time will tell how much further we can go. Looking back, I couldn't have asked for a better woman in my life.
Please don't tell me that rising kid's, doing daily house chores and cleaning and cooking is mentioned as "soft life".
Right because I don’t even have kids but cleaning and cooking is not for the weak 😂
Honestly , if doing housework without kids is such a hassle for you, you’ll never make it in the corporate world🤷🏻♀️
@@gamerbabyyThat’s like 3 hours a day without kids. And once children are in school??
Kids go to school eventually.. this is a terrible counter point.
@@JokerMimi-e1e are you kidding me. Yes you will😂😂😂
My husband works all the time but has a flexible schedule, I work full time as well and I do 3-12 hour shifts. We work together as a team and are able to enjoy life together! If he made enough that I could be a SAHM one day, I would do it but I’d need a side hustle or something. Now he wants to help me get a new car and pay for school, he really wants to support me and build me up! In case something happens to him, I’ll be in a better position to hold it down.
Getting together in relationship should make each other's life easier never easier to one and tough to other...
Every couple works differently. You don’t have to put one down to uplift another.
I’ve seen plenty of 50/50 relationships fail as much as I seen one income houses.
Being a stay at home mother and wife is a respectable job. My family has happily done so for generations.
I was in the Army for 8 years, I got out with my husbands and I second child. Hubs went and finished out his 20 while I took care of the home and got a degree (with that GI BILL). We had that conversation. He still did his part to take care of the home when he wasn’t in the field or working even while in the Army. Seeing these videos makes me feel very fortunate we had that conversation, he’s that type of man, and we were able to support each other.
Our kids are both in school and we both work from home now. With no consumer debt and living below are means while paying this house off. We both worked together after that convo to plan for our future.
I never date a woman who doesn't work. Cause no woman is dating me without a job.
Literally watching this on my lunch break before going back to work so husband and I can pay the mortgage lol.
As a single and childfree woman who busts her ass to support herself and is struggling, if I ever had a man in my life and we lived together or got married, I could NEVER in good consciousness stay at home while he works. I would be helping him make ends meet no question. I would feel so guilty if I didn't work and just sat at home all day while he worked hard. Even if we had kids I would still be working. You can't survive on one income especially if there are more mouths to feed.
@@pantegohummus8215 I’m sure you clean your own house, do your own laundry, handle all your finances etc… on top of having a job. I don’t understand the argument of “he goes to work and brings home the paycheck but I do such and such around the house so it’s 100% even”. No, you would have to do those things anyway if you worked outside the home. Some of these women need to own it and admit that they have more free time than their employed counterparts. It’s 2024 and the average American woman isn’t spending hours beating her laundry on a rock or churning butter.
I stayed home until my twins were 13. I’ve gone back to work now because I saw the stress this economy put on my husband. He never worked any less hard, everything got more expensive. Son got a truck, I got a financed car, insurances, gas. Life changed. I had to accept it and help bring in money.
Why aren’t we finding someone whose goals align with the lifestyles we are seeking? If you want to be a stay at home mom, find someone who’s okay with that. If you both want to contribute find someone okay with that. If you want to be fully supported and do NOTHING all day with no kids, find someone who wants to support you. I don’t care what you want to do. People are different with different ideas of how relationships should work. I’m over the internet being in an uproar over people being nuanced. And commentators having to be worried about expressing reasonable stances.
right now my husband stays home with the kids because childcare is so expensive. if roles were ever to reverse and he made more than enough for me to stay home i would. i feel like it's just different strokes for different folks.
I dated a man who said he wanted to take care of me and once I moved in an was in love he did a 180 (he was very irresponsible with his finances actually which I came to realize). I had no problem working but he WANTED me to stay home (to avoid me interacting with other men I realized).
I also dated someone who was an addict and drained me of a lot of money, time, and peace of mind.
I learned my lesson and now I want a man to AT LEAST be able to pay his own bills, and if he makes enough money to provide for me then cool, but I will ALWAYS have my own income because I don’t want to be in a position where I am reliant on someone else to provide for me. I say if one person is more responsible with money they should be the saver/investor and the other one with holes in their pockets can pay the bills 😂 it’s best for everyone, because some people can’t handle having money in their hands 🤷🏼♀️
I appreciate your message and I didn't know how much I needed to hear it as a young man who's still looking for his partner. Thank you
My husband is the main provider and he wants to be. But there was a point where he couldn’t afford to buy himself some replacement shirts that he wanted. I had to sit down and tell him that when and if he needs my support (as a working woman myself!!!) he should speak up. He said he takes pride as a provider, so therefore - I bought him those items he needed, I booked those holidays for us and I put a good sum in. I told him he needed to also look after HIMSELF otherwise that “pride” will quickly turn into resentment.
It’s fine to have hurt and anger against men as a whole, it’s understandable. But having that mindset towards the man you chose and love is unacceptable and means you should not be in a relationship
Where does the “wife is at home chilling” coming from though? Usually stay at home partner (and parent) takes care of the household stuff for the family, and it’s a lot of work.
My man and I love frugally so we can both work part time and have more family time. ❤
Love below your means. Yes! My husband and I always direct deposited 50% of our paychecks directly into savings so we just learned to live off of less, before and after having kids. I’m now a stay at home mom (thanks to our savings and my husband’s success) and when I resigned from my job I had no idea how much I was even making 😆🤷🏻♀️ you don’t NEED most things you have.
my wife is awesome so i try my best to make my life as soft as possible. she hates seeing me stress so she tries her best to help and goes beyond to express how much she loves her family. hell, she wants to give me the soft life. we both put in 150% and that's why our marriage has lasted happily a decade+. narcissists aren't good for relationships, they just leech off their partner's love and are bound for divorce.
This is the type of content I like... My husband cooks throughout the week, cleans, and does the picking up with our son. I cook on weekends, clean on weekends, and do the drop offs in the morning. I have more leave at my job so I take the sick days. Its OUR money and we use it to pay bills. Whatever is leftover after that, is his personal money and my personal money.
I was always fascinated by the fact that lots of people see their significant others as assets at best and enemies at worst. No wonder the divorce rates are so high.
My pastor often says what may work for my family and household may not work for another. Everyone goes through different seasons. I have experienced and gained wisdom from all seasons discussed. What I've learned is it is 100% as a team and some days and seasons that may mean 60/40, 80/10, 50/50 and I don't mean just money. It all depends on where your value's and priorities lie for your marriage. You both are also different versions of yourself in each season/state. There may be one that brings out the best in you both and thats your thing. Like she said pray about it. But don't knock others who have a different flow. There's nothing wrong with either. 🙏🏾
As a married man, real simple..ask each other what are your expectations of them and validate that request by their actions. If it doesn’t line up, move on….simple logic
Being married for over 15yrs I'm impressed hearing a woman bringing this content
Being a stay at home mom is a job and taking care of home is a job! A lot of yall have never been in a real relationship and it shows
Personally I’ve always had aspirations in life regarding having my own career and having the ability to live my dream life ( on my own ) and when it comes to my partner I don’t care how much money he makes I will contribute to the household because like yall are saying in this video it’s a partnership. We are a team. We are both going to take care of the household and one another. My man can make more or less than me and it won’t matter because I will have my own 📌
We think alike!
Partnerships can look different and still be fair for both. My Mom was a stay-at-home Mom. While my Dad worked, she homeschooled my sister and I, and made sure the house was clean and that there were always homemade meals for us. In spite of being only on an enlisted Air Force salary (things were better after my Dad retired and started his civilian job), this was a division of labor that worked for their marriage and our family. They needed to be more mindful about how they spent and there was a lot of coupon clipping by Mom (and us kids), but my Mom was able to teach us full-time like she and Dad wanted. It gave my sister (who is on the autism spectrum and developmentally delayed) and myself a more personalized education experience and provided a level of consistency in spite of us having to move semi-frequently for Dad’s work. Before we were born, though, my Mom definitely worked a job like my Dad did. Her staying at home was never about pampering her. It was just the way they divided up labor within the marriage.
I grew up with the women in my family telling me to make sure I can take care of myself, because relying solely on a man is dangerous. My current partner wants to be able to make me a homemaker who doesn't have to work. I told them from the jump that I would compromise by working full remote once I'm able to. Anything could happen to either of us, their job is very labor intensive with 13+ hour days, and they're trying to build a business from the ground up. I'm not letting them do everything alone.
If you call it “helping a man” you’re not in a relationship. In the past, women were barred from high paying jobs or paid less than men for the same work (still happens but much better). Because of that, they had to protect themselves because they didn’t have the protections (bank accounts, credit cards, etc.) that men did if they left. Many women have their own stuff now. Y’all in this together. Marry someone who has financial goals and habits that are aligned with yours. Marry someone who takes your goals seriously and whose goals you take seriously. Marry someone who is helping you the same amount you’re helping them. This is all predicated on the fact that you yourself have those things and are stable/actively stabilizing. I don’t see it as “dating a man”; I see it as “adding another person to my life”. Even my close friends have to be stable, boo.
Men NEED to provide for women. This is what men are born to do. There is nothing wrong with women expecting to be fully provided for WITHOUT RECIPROCATING ANYTHING because men are SUPPOSED to do that.
New sub here, I just binge watched every video of yours🌻👏🏽
Sneding a Warm Welcome to you! I appreciate your support!!! 💖
When I met my partner, he was already so focused and hardworking. His dedication to providing for his family and being a steady, reliable man inspired me to level up in my own life. I was already passionate about helping others, but he motivated me to pursue higher education and dream bigger.
Not to mention the fact he is such a phenomenal actively involved father!
He has always taken care of the main responsibilities in our household, and I make sure to handle everything I can to support us, whether it’s covering extras or being his biggest cheerleader. I truly believe that relationships thrive when both people contribute however they’re able-whether financially, emotionally, or just through daily acts of love. Life is so much better when you’re working together to make it easier for each other.
Teamwork makes the dream work!
My husband works and I stay home. I cook three meals a day, do all the housework, and do 90% of the daily care for our kids including dr. appointments and helping with homework. He has more time for hobbies, not less
My husband and I started, like most millennials, doing married life 50/50 financially. Then I ended up the bread winner for a few years after series of unfortunate events. It was difficult. I became resentful of my husband, even though he did keep up with house work and was home taking care of our daughter. After I suffered an injury, and he became the bread winner, our marriage improved. I think that there’s something to say about roles in a marriage and traditional roles. While some couples are able to have dad at home and mom at work (and that’s great), some of us naturally gravitate to the provider role and nurturer role. For me I couldn’t handle being the sole provider, I wanted and needed to be home with my babies and making our home, and my husband blossomed when he became the provider. He kicks ass at work and he still helps with the kids when he gets home and he still has his hobbies and friends. It’s been a beautiful thing.
I'm a stay at home, homeschool mom. We got married when we were 20 and had a baby at 21. I haven't worked in 10 years, but before I did work and I even worked when he didn't. He works really hard, goes out with his friends, and gets to play video games whenever he wants. Our house is paid for and so are our cars so I don't feel bad about him working and me staying home. I am providing just not monetarily. When we got together at 18 I told him straight up I wanted to be a stay at home mom even though I did get a college degree.
Always on point! 🎯
Appreciate you, thank you!
You and the first video were preaching!! 👏🏼👏🏼 also Timmy Turner internet?! That’s hilarious 😂😂😂
Raising kids well is a pretty demanding job. Its also 24/7, no vacation. I respect SAHP. However, it is not traditional, its cultural. Before modern day family structures and industrialisation, everybody worked in the family businesses. Weaving, agriculture, metal work, animals, whatever it was everyone including kids worked or supported those who worked. And only the ones that could own and inherit, the oldest male heirs, had a position of financial stability given. Everyone else, including second’s sons, had to figure things out.
I think you misunderstand the “pick me” idea. It’s not a way to hate on women who like men or stand up for men. It’s a way to call out women who put other women down to make themselves more appealing to men. Like the woman in the tiktok saying how she sees so many other women expecting xyz from men, but she would never do that. I think people forget that men are just as responsible for their situations. They are responsible for the destructive social culture they’ve created where they don’t feel comfortable sharing emotions, work to feel worthy, etc. It’s absolutely a group effort to change these things but putting the responsibility solely on women to fix it isn’t productive.
Exactly
Interesting video, as usual. I feel like my husband and I are a team! We both bring bread to the table. We can help each other out. 😊
this is a wild topic 😂 I certainly don't want to see a man doing 100%... but mostly because my prerogative is to be financially independent and whole, with or without a man! there's no way I could sit back and watch someone else do everything for me! we gotta build together so we can travel hard together and be in control of our precious time!
As a wife who is disabled, it kills me to see my husband work every day and bring himself to burnout. He works, he helps with the kids, he cooks. I do what I can around the house but I can't do much and I really want to help and give my husband a break. He's suffering, and I can't ease the burden. I cannot imagine doing this on purpose. If I could work or fully take care of the house, I absolutely would. To purposely sit back, do nothing, and watch your husband break his back to provide for you when you have the ability to help is a level of selfish I cannot get behind.
Me and my fiancé both agree it’s better for us to both work and not just me the solo bread winner of the family.
Plus she likes having her own money in her bank account plus we are making a joint account. The joint account is mainly for our kids and things we will NEED to buy them.
23:38 my dad still grumbles if my mom doesn't have laundry done "in a timely manner" as if he doesn't know how to run a washing machine
Aside from the Christian talk (especially telling people they'll go to hell? Yikes😬), i totally agree! People think relationships are just taken and no give. But when you love someone, you WANT to do things for them.
Many people are unfortunately scared to be vulnerable and getting hurt. I blame the internet for misusing words like simp and Pick Me. For people being genuine.
I love that I (a working mother/wife) am listening to this while our robo vacuum is cleaning the kitchen floor… if I didn’t have a job, I’d be in there cleaning the floor the old fashioned way🤣
Both my parents came from matriarchal households, if I can use that term. Even while one of them was a housewife the first half of her adult life, she was very outspoken in saying that women who did not work should still have an education, understand how to manage the household finances, and should ALWAYS have her own money or ways to attain her own money in case it goes belly up. That stuck with me.
I don't want my man to just work and exhaust himself,, i want him to enjoy the fruit of his labor. I can encourage him to do work that makes more for the same hours, not live above our means, manage money better, make sure he's welcomed when he comes home, etc. but get a job to help with bills... he'd have to about 2/3 jobs thennnn i'd see the need to financially contribute, after he applied himself. If a war broke out, my husband would have to fight, i wouldn't want him to go through the trails of war, however, that's his God given role. Im not gong to enlist with him either. Same with being a provider and maintainer. he cannot take childbearing, breastfeeding etc from me, so I'm not about to take his role from him.
This is an interesting conversation
I feel like alot of this comes from women that were expected to provide 50/50 in a household, but the husband doesnt do 50/50 in domestic contributions. Alof of women are expected to have a job but also do EVERYTHING with the kids, all the errands, cook dinner, clean, etc. while all the husband does it work and come home and expect to be served. I think that alot of women have seen this behavior growing up at home and have responded by going the total opposite.
Men and women aren't robots. No wife or girlfriend should never treat their partner like that. Society always pushing stuff and try to program [brainwash] us into treating others and ourselves. He deserves peace too. He shouldn't serve just as a hard worker. He's a person and should be treated like one. Tell him you appreciate him. That also goes to men. Your wife or girlfriend does not serve you as your slave. Marriage or any relationship should be treated as a gift that both appreciate but unfortunately not many people do that
I would really be happy to have a friend like you Symone. May the Lord keep you safe you and your family.
Your content is very enriching and helpful in times like this when people have sadly sunk into the binary thinking mode.
God bless you ! You are a good role model 🙏🏾