Reacting to My Pre-Transition Journey | Transgender woman reacts to past self
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- Reflecting on my past representations helped me appreciate my capacity for growth and change.
Twitch ➤ / cozykyra
Being a trans woman creator is awkward when you have a lot of content before you were out.
This is all of me in the last 7 years of being on the internet, both on UA-cam and Twitch, and how much I've changed and grown throughout all that time, even before coming out as trans.
I've seriously thought about deleting everything pre-2022, anything where I am male presenting, but I think (for me) it's better not to erase my past. I made this to help me process and come to terms with that, and to appreciate just how far I've come.
Also, I'm considering this all Pre-Transition because most of this is before I was out and actually transitioning.
ALSO, the beginning song is a recording of me playing Weird Fishes by Radiohead with a reverse pedal from 2010. It felt really meaningful to me to take a recording I made from a pretty dark and hard part of my life and make it something new by mixing in some ambient guitar and piano. The piano btw is the same soundkit Lena uses in the Celeste soundtrack :) Just paying homage my own little ways.
Chapters:
0:00 - Pre-Transition Montage
2:47 - Hi UA-cam!
6:45 - UA-cam Years
12:22 - Twitch 2019-2020
19:35 - Twitch 2021
27:49 - Twitch 2022
31:18 - 6 Year Comparison
34:00 - Capacity for Change
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Various music by GameChops
Seeing the progression of your mannerisms from 2015 to 2021/2022 is crazy. @22:20 you've got so much expression and just over all seem so comfortable at expressing anything other that stoicism! I definitely agree that the goth november event was the turning point into you expressing not only yourself physically, but I think emotionally and through mannerisms as well. Within that small period you went through so many changes, and looking back on it now, you can definitely see point A from point B. I'm so proud of your journey of self discovery
OH NO I DO AAAAA
Haha but thank you so much
god the fucking pre-transition to now part of the video literally made me start crying so hard. every time i see trans people going from being depressed and dysphoric before transitioning in any way to being so happy and visibly more comfortable just existing and being after transition never fails to make me sob dude 😭😭 i may be a trans guy, so i cant relate to a lot of your experiences or anything, ive just been so dysphoric lately and after my 16th birthday i remembered when i first tried to come out to my mom as trans at like 12 or 13 and she was like "come back to me about this when you're 16 or something. youre too young" and ive been suffering silently ever since and it seems like no one gives a shit and nothing can get better for me sometimes ... im just really fucking emotional rn after seeing that and theres still well over 30 mins left in this video 😭 ready to cry ig lol. so glad to see you happy and i cant wait until i can feel the same way one day
So nice to see other girls from the community here on UA-cam uwu I hope you keep growing through your transition and achieve your desired goal 😊 Great channel!
Pd: Trans girl here too :3 I wanna share my love for video games too in my channel 😊 (if only I started uploading stuff more frequently 😆)
This was such a beautiful look into your life and transition of self discovery! I could not stop smiling the entire time, and when I got to the part of your visit with Celina, I was sobbing. You look and act SO much happier now! :D Having seen much of this transition over the last few years, being able to hear your own perspective was such a joy. Being so open with all of this has truly shown how far you have come, and I love seeing more and more of the real you presented in this online space. I would fully understand wanting to get rid of all the old content, but appreciate that it is still going to be around for now. There were a lot of great amazing times, and regardless of how you presented, I felt like you have always put out those cozy, warm, loving vibes that have attracted so many amazing friends to your community. Girl, you are amazing, I love you, and I wish for this happiness to grow even more! Great editing btw!
OH my, so many thoughts, so i am writing them down as i go through:
somewhere before this you talked about not smiling and smiling much more now, and it made me remember how hard it used to be to make me smile lmao. and now people still call me grumpy, but as soon as my brain wakes up around 1 PM i become an actual happy person on good days. ( i realise this is going to be me yelling SAME HAT in many different ways)
12:23 - the time between realising you're trans, or suspecting it. and then actually coming out to yourself (as in "imma do it. Imma do the thing") and then DOING the thing!?! i was so scared that i wasnt trans enough!? lmao, like, kid you were always so trans.
a scrunchy at like 16:40 hehe
"I look at this clip and i see a lot of myself in it", i know you meant the current you in past clips, but its funny out of context YES! those are clips of you!
31:46 SIX YEARS IT TOOK SIX YEARS TO HAVE A FULL SMILE ON CAMERA (not really cuz, y'know, but still) the progression is very good to look at. you look so much happier. I am so glad you came out, I am so glad to know you and it makes me so happy to see you be your happiest self now. honestly, it reminds me how much better i am now than i used to be, you keep doing this to me Kyra. stop making my days better! I have nothing to offer in return!
33:10 the final fantasy music is a nice touch 👀 i see what youre doing!
*same hat intensifies*
Omg the fear of "not being trans enough" was so real. But people being like "yeah, we're not surprised" when coming out is unexpectedly validating. Even making this video is weird like, I'm entering a space/community I've only ever felt on the outside of before. Is what I'm saying and sharing going to be received well by that community? It's nice to know me sharing myself like this is taken well by other queer/trans folk
Never he, only goddess
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