i’m tired of knowing better and not doing better // closing 20s confessions
Вставка
- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
- every time i post online i deprive myself of real intimacy??? coming out as a reality supremacist amongst other things... resisting starting a substack and reframing discipline after years of subscription to it.
REVZINE: linktr.ee/revelatorium
how i cured my friendlessness feat. whoashell: / 104672296
🎈 join my patreon: / katherout
🎙️ podcast: @revelatoriumpod
🌞 tiktok: / katherout
⚡️instagram: / katherout
🥝 spotify: open.spotify.com/user/1225150...
🌀 twitter: / katherout
🔮 ask me: kather0ut.tumblr.com/ask
TIME STAMPS //
0:00 - i'm a reality supremacist
8:15 - parasocial relationships are like fast food
12:27 - interlude
13:38 - discipline is actually just trust
MUSIC //
/ cant-keep-checking-my-...
www.tiktok.com/@kevinatwaterm...
she/her.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: katherout@gmail.com - Навчання та стиль
what are you cycling through rn 🔁🔄🔃
Feeling like a failure at twenty seven, while my friends have it allll
@@RazorO2Productions you are not alone! I'm feeling that way at 28 sometimes.. i can't say it gets better but i have found some solace in knowing that even though it seems that way on surface, most are fighting their own battles
i deleted instagram and it’s helped sooooooooooooo much bc if im not seeing strays of peoples lives im not seeing them at all so i MISS THEM FR. and when we catch up it’s FR. and i feel less weird texting out of the blue and catching up ANNDDDDDDD close friends (although we may differ in that) since not having my close friends instead of my think pieces being a snappy line on my story i talk it thru w ppl around me and then i work on it myself for like 10 hrs on paper and then it goes on substack saurrr i would say for my reality v unreality. i like where im at now which is twitter (yk gotta be in the know) youtube (she’s perfect) substack (long form yapping). no tiktok been off since 2022 evil app no salvation there. also for full transparency didn’t delete my insta account just the app if i REALLLY want it u( i haven’t) i can go on my desktop. i live in nyc and i thought i would be missing out on sm (events parties etc) without insta but since starting my substack ive found events im actually super interested in thru there and since i reach out to my friends more i see them more!!!!! ok so basically i would say no insta has made my life techno color 🪩
I know exactly what you mean by “knowing better but not doing better”.
I’m in my mid-twenties now and really looking at my financial situation. I was lucky enough to make an alright living last year, but I have nothing to show for it. I partied too much, ate out all the time, and just blew through it. Now I have some credit card debt to pay off. I feel ashamed.
Yes the system is broken, but not taking ANY personal responsibility ultimately disempowers us! I can do better. I want to do better ❤
yes!!!!! not interested in disempowerment anymore
41 here, it does get easier to do what you know you should be doing the older you get, mostly because the list of things you actually care about doing gets smaller and smaller the better you understand yourself and life.
and that is what i’m hearing …
I'm 39 now. My experience is only my own, so I can't say how easy it is for other people. I've never had a huge problem with willpower, like for the most part, if I decide I'm going to do something, I can do it no problem. It's making the decision to do it that's hard sometimes. And as I've gotten older, I've accumulated more data from my past to go back to and think "if I don't do this thing, I'm going to regret it later," and I want my future self to do well and be happy, so I automatically do the good thing. But it does take intention. You really have to make that choice, you can't just sit back and be like "well, this is a problem for future me, hopefully they'll do things better than I do." You have to own the choice because future you is in the hands of present you. It helps to really play the tape until the end, and think how is this going to play out over the next few days, and what outcome do I want for myself? Then I don't think it's a matter of willpower, it's a matter of foresight, because it's easy to choose the thing that's going to make me feel good if I have a clear idea of what that thing is.
Also, I had to confront some insecurities that made it really hard for me to think about the future at all. But I did it, and now I spend a lot of my time doing things that I think are leading me in the right direction.
I am in the closing months of twenty-seven, no money, barely working, no friends, no social life. I feel like a failure while all my "friends" have their partners, lives, and multitudes of friends.
Girl get in line you’re not alone
Are you me? 😂
This is me in my 40’s 🙃
Girl this was me at like 25/26 and now I’m 29 and life is sooooo different and beautiful and full in the best ways. Life WILL change!!! But I know it doesn’t feel like it🫶🏼
Are you really me? I'm about to turn 28 and resonate with a lot of that too. Very few friends and no job :/
LOVED the interlude clips! my screentime is also unfortunately like 7 hours a day + additional time on my computer... screentime + eating habits are both things that i know better about but don't do better
THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING..
thank you i really enjoy getting to put all my lil b-roll somewhere
I love you so much. Never stop being yourself. Your willingness and steadfastness in your committment to your values is inspiring and soulful. You're a grounding force in this crazy, yet beautiful, world.
ok what this was so nice 😭😭😭
I have about 30-35 people in my close friends but they rarely all see whatever the story is. I decided to have a 90’s summer that is super slow and part of that is sending snail mail to 5 of my friends all summer. Whether they write back doesn’t really matter because it brings me joy. lol. But I’ve sent the first one and included old school friendship bracelets that I made in each one. I’m going to include something small I make with each letter. The next round will be origami bookmarks :) And then scrunchies! And little paintings… etc..
Editing to add: I’m going to be 42 in august and I don’t think that gap between knowing and doing better closes too much in most people but maybe for some areas of your life but not for others. For example, you might know the food you eat causes bad side effects but it tastes really good so you still eat it sometimes. At the same time you’ve learned certain personality traits are toxic so you now steer clear when there are red flags. It’s a balance… like anything else. But no matter how old you get, you’ve never been that age before and that goes for everyone. The older I get the more I realize we’re ALL just winging it.
FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS??? making stuff for your friends is so generous i bet they’re gonna love it
thank you for the perspective at 42 as i requested cause it’s really appreciated!!
sadly I do like 16 hours on a screen a day. 8-9 hours of work 8-9 hours of mixed phone use and gaming as a hobby. I'm starting to look like gollum.
and this is why I adore you.
So resonating!! super appreciate the way you articulated this!
The analogy about parasocial relationships is so good. And I do agree about it not being good for my bones if I weren’t striving for irl relationships, but I honestly feel like it is good for bones while I’m in the process. Kinda like a supplement. Not real food, but helps the real food along.
Katherine, I started watching your videos in 2015/16 when I was preparing for college. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to grow and evolve alongside a creator like you who so authentically shares from the heart and real experiences
Been telling myself the same exact thing with going to bed!!!!!!! Right there with ya kath
WE WILL BUILD THE SELF-TRUST EMILY!!!!
There are no closing the gaps only a continuation of the journey. Life ebbs and flows once you think you’ve mastered one thing another comes along and you begin down that path and onto the continuation of the life journey.
i would just lovvvve to be further down the path but i’ll get there
wow this is such a beautiful sentiment!! thank you for sharing :)
that interlude was SO beautiful omg
as an almost 35 year old, I was practically yelling out loud NO! that gap has not closed! to your last question 🤣 it’s an endless cycle of not being “enough”. at least that’s what it comes down to for me. the awareness and desire to change, to improve yourself can be enough. the trying and doing your best is enough. despite the cycles, with each year I gain a tiny bit more compassion, love, and trust for myself. at least I like to think that’s what happening haha.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts that I relate to so deeply. I appreciate you 💞
love these thoughts on discipline and willpower and trust. I want to be trustworthy to myself and others
Insightful and thought-provoking as always, Kath! As I'm learning the ropes of content creation, I really appreciate the farm vs fast food metaphor as I work through what percentage of my "crop" I want to share with the internet 😄And sometimes the produce is ripe during the witching hours!
A new katherout upload?! Noo way
I use the web for fun and all, and I never really understood parasocial relationships much tbh. I have a couple of friends, but I do feel behind in life, that i recently lost my job due to layoffs, and living at home, but it's not the end all be all. I turned 28 a couple days ago, and I believe that life will be great!!
Good Video Katherout!!
belief and faith in the goodness of life is all we have sometimes …
I struggle with revenge bedtime procrastination too and lately, it’s just been getting worse and worse. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts about discipline and self-compassion! I definitely struggle to be self-compassionate when it comes to this, especially because I was doing better for a while but it got bad again. I love the reframing of discipline as trust, I can definitely relate to that and I’m going to try to apply it to my revenge bedtime procrastination rather than shaming myself
it’s worked so well in other areas i know it can for sleep too 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
what the hell my art and confession are in the zine, I never expected it 😭😭😭
thank you for featuring me, in the midst of burnout, it made my day
The times I've felt like I've known myself most deeply have been through completely private experiences. The times I've felt most connected with others is when I've been able to offer a window into some deeply personal experience and see that they know it too. Getting too caught up in the translation method is the addiction and the disease
I clicked on this video because of the title and it resonating so much with my thoughts (knowing better but not doing better). My screen time is also around 5-6 hours not counting my 9-5 which is all online. I’ve been beating myself up lately for not being disciplined and staying off my phone more but I also don’t think disciplined is a word I’d use to describe myself and I don’t really want to be disciplined? Kind of like you said. I hope it comes with time I’m 23 and mostly just trying to make sure I just keep doing things I love in the real world (not online world) and this video was so refreshing. I’ve been a long time subscriber but don’t watch every video🙈 but keep being you this was so comforting and refreshing compared to a lot of online content.
i’m glad you tuned in !!
Hiiii, these were such interesting thoughts that I watched this twice. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You think very similarly to me so it's fun to hear what's on your mind.
nice to find others online that do mirror us !
Love the way your brain works, I always gain some new insights or inspirations from your videos. Something I keep cycling through even though I know better is drinking. I keep using alcohol to overcome my social anxiety and shame, but I'm not actually overcoming anything--the alcohol is. And I feel more anxious and ashamed the next day because alcohol literally raises your cortisol levels, and any strides I made in social connection or self-expression are undercut by doubting the authenticity and worrying that I embarrassed myself because I was too drunk. I really want to let it go and give myself permission to show up in a fun, heart-forward way even while me and everyone else is sober
Btw, I don't see a link in the description for that zine mentioned at the end of the video
THE CORTISOL LIFT OF ALCOHOL IS NOT TO BE IGNORED!! fwiw you seem to have processed your relationship between social anxiety and alcohol more than most i know.
JUST ADDED ZINE LINK THANK U i am fallible and you’re helpful
@@Katherout thank you!💖
I SO fucking relate to you. The sad reality is that it is easier to speak to a camera and people in the community and feel understood than talk to your friends when they can't relate or understand your life, especially in your late twenties.
there are ppl who will understand but not everyone!
Your bedtime scenario is my morning routine scenario REGULARLY… gorl get out of your damn bed on time and begin your day
you’re talking to me and you with that second half
every time you post, I feel called out - and UA-cam will recommend it to me indefinitely because it knows I will eventually watch a re-binge your channel🥺
HAHAHA i need to stop keeping it so real for the algorithm
cycling through my relationship with working out and eating nourishing food as it relates to fat loss. over and over and over and over and over again. i reach some epiphany about a new way to approach it over and over again, trying to be gentle with myself, trying to go slow, trying to build trust, coming from love for my body instead of hatred for my body, etc etc. but at 28 it still feels like my teenage self is running the show and that i will always end up falling back to the same patterns of feeling hopeless/defeated/self-hatred mid-journey and giving up for no conceivable reason. it’s unbelievably frustrating and makes me feel trapped and shackled to my lifelong patterns even though objectively i know so much better. the gap is driving me crazyyyyyyy
My screen time on my phone is about 5 hours a day and close friends is definitely like 20 people max 25. I am a creative person but only dipped my toe in being a creator online. Social media marketing is my job so it’s nice having the boundary.
im 34 now and did vlogging in 2008-2011 during my loneliest college years. i think you’re right in that having someone to talk to about a lot of your thoughts changes that desire so much, because i met my spouse in 2011 and i haven’t done any videos since. i don’t have many friendly acquaintances but do have a few extremely close friendships including my bff from high school who has a kid within a year of mine, so we wake at 4am and text a lot lol yeah idk, i can imagine myself struggling if i didn’t have my partner and close friendships. it really grounded me in terms of my goals in life and stuff
Haven't even watched a full minute of this yet but I am HERE for the Lincoln Park content!
my first time!!!
i subscribed to your channel ever since I watched your "i no longer aspire to have a career" video. i love it so much. it's so full of wisdom. it's thought-provoking and reflective. i still go back and rewatch it from time to time. i was wondering if you could make a video on the support or resistance you experienced during the period when you quit / since you quit your full time job. i'm especially interested in whether your family had their opinions, and also the money side of things, like how the finances work out in the end. i am hoping to take a long sabbatical from work, like a gap year, but i worry about my parents' reactions (i'm asian) and my finances. i worry i will use up my savings, and hence delay my retirement by doing so.
appreciate you!! i covered some of this in my Q&A video i did in summer of 2022 but i can talk more about other people’s reactions since there’s been a huge range!
only 3 people in my close friends :) Legit the only people I trust with all the details of my life haha
using the tool literally is amazing. i used to use snapchat to communicate w my most trusted peoples but that fell away and now i want more attention on my CF stories or they don’t feel worth posting 😭
Love the acoustic UMO song used at the end of the vid! From New Zealand Aotearoa x
multi love by UMO changed my life in 2018
I think a video on the phrasing "capturing my life" would be an interesting extension to this; Do you really "capture life" by recording it, or by living it in the moment? What does it mean to capture your life?
true...
to me, having an “eye” for photography/videography is a quality that confers a sense of presence or mindfulness because i stop in my tracks to really take it in and preserve it!! it’s something i inherited from my grandpa and my dad, we’re documentarians because it almost locks in the meaning of a moment more profoundly ?
This resonates so hard on a day where I just let my partner down for completely preventable reasons. I know better so I assume I will do it, but I need to put actual Shan gems in place to actually do things!
So in regards to closing the gap between knowing better and doing better, there's a card spread you can do with the Realest Oracle deck (the how to is in the book that comes with it) that helps you to bring the gap between your conscience mind (knowing better) and unconscious mind (often governs the actions we actually take). Truth be told I am yet to try that particular spread, but I've found the cards generally to be so useful in helping me to listen to my inner wisdom while navigating life, so maybe it's something you could try.
Also, I'm turning 30 in 2 months and I remember having the biggest freakout about getting older and not feeling like I was ready when I was 28. Ironically now I am actually on the cusp of my 30s, I really don't feel bothered by it at all, whereas a lot of my peers feel the way I did at 28. I think what you're going through now will ultimately lead you to a place of self acceptance. Things will start feeling better, I promise.
this title hit me like a ton of bricks - i’m 4 months into being 20 and they have been the 4 most frustrating months because i’ve been trying to shake unhealthy habits (like dependence on weed) from my teen years and what’s frustrating is that i’ve gone through these motions so many times, just to end up where i thought i had guided myself out from. and i’m just realising that being an adult is being at war with the things that used to bring you comfort but now just bring more struggle and displeasure. and also realising that how no matter how intelligent you are and how much useful knowledge you have, nothing will get you out a pattern of self-sabotage or self-destruction except brute force; like a life-changing event or the utter lack of joy that the discomfort of change finally seems inviting enough. like i said, i am fresh in this decade of life so to see how inevitable it is that as soon as we are adults and become conscious of how our choices impact us, makes me sad but also relieved that it’s the game of life that is unlikely to change so at least knowing that, i can start familiarising myself with it. love from cape town, SA🇿🇦
dependence on weed is so tough… i’m a friend to many lifelong stoners and it takes so much to resist
Lollll you’re a charlatan at midnight. I struggle w the bedtime revenge procrastination too, that’s when I hop on Reddit and read about reality tv shows in watching lmao. My screen time hovers around 6 and it always perplexes me. I spend quite a bit of screen time corresponding w my long distance bf but the rest feels like a black box. I journaled again for the first time since January tho so progress being made in the real world, touching paper, etc. I don’t have a close friends story but I barely post on IG tbh.
Schedule the text! Hold down on the send button and then set a later time.
i don’t think iphones do this ?? unless i just haven’t updated the iOS
"Closing the gap" is wishful thinking. The die is cast well before 30. The only thing that changes with time, is your capacity for grace and acceptance.
YESSSSS i want more grace and acceptance
Screen time is 4hours and today is a good day 😢😢😢
ok but sometimes it’s like google maps or spotify which SHOULDNT COUNT right
@@Katheroutagreeeee
Gentle productivity - reminds me of another favorite UA-camr you could check out! Zoe Pritchard - she uses the phrase gentle productivity as her work mindset and she created a planner to help with it :)
ngl the best youtubers as a viewer are those who are kind of loners and are starved of connection so they can successfully vlog to the camera like a friend lol
:,(
i wish it weren’t true
The friends all go away from 30-50 to have their families & marriages. They don't want anything to do with the single people for fear of divorce & loss of assets. After 50 they get divorced & lose their assets anyways, their kids go to school, & they come back.
[Checking the nutrition facts label again] Well, I've been considering this my desingated nutritious snack for my revenge bedtime
HAHAHHAHAHAHA cause eating before sleep is always advised for your health
😂
Your description of your desire to be one-to-many communication as a knee-jerk/automatic decision now is part of the 'disruption' of networked technologies like social media. Some scholarship suggests that it brought the "public square" to our fingertips. Still, at the same time (as is all technology), it has also re-constituted how we consider communication!! You're disclosing the ways that social media is social constructivist. For example, we can see how, a generation from now, speaking one-to-many could be the norm (dystopian to me) in human communication.
my screen time just on my phone is like 10-11 hours but i’m hoping the majority of that is coming from me putting on youtube videos and listening to them while i’m on my computer at work.. not that there’s a difference which screen is consuming your time
but yeah i know what you mean like im not actively glued to it its passive screen time almost
I have 34 people in my close friends
what office chair do you have there sorry
sihoo!
pal, let's not even start discussing Tinder ...
Hey you can be my email pen pal 😅
first 🎉
Romans 7:15 " I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
Amen!
Damn but your frenetic mind chatter seems like it would very difficult for you to deal with day to day...
exactlyyyyyyy why else would i be posting on here
do you have a bf yet
What do you have on your face
turn your brain on
Get a life roger