The way in which you tackled your loneliness was beautiful and unexpected. I think you are right. Everybody is lonely, not just us. I think there is a lot of power in that realization. It can help us move off the "no one in the world is like me, no one understands me, I'm so alone" attitude that is so easy to adopt when we learn how few of us there are. We are different, but we are still just people. We aren't actually aliens. Focusing on differences will only make them bigger and add to the sense of alienation to which we are prone. Your idea of striving to know yourself as an antidote for loneliness is novel. I think my biggest struggle in walking the path you prescribe will be finding people that are interested in me. When you said that they should listen not only to what you say, but also to what you are NOT saying was epiphanic. Thanks for sharing you insight!
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Well said. We are helping each other... I'm still thinking about points you've brought up in past videos. There are things I hadn't seen from your angle. There are things about myself that you shined a light on and I'm am already working to improve some of them, and feel pretty good about others. Thank you!!!
A tipical struggle for an introvert intuitive. Some people said that you can't change your behaviour as a „Gamma“ or „Sigma“ male or female but I think just the opposite. It's all about how confident are you in your own self and that can be change in time. Probably all INFJ-s have a downtimes when they behave as a victim of non lasting missunderstanding and lonelyness so it's not always easy to deal with this but it's not impossible. Just take enough from the outside world to fild your inner world with satisfaction. As I speak about downtimes my last two years as a bachelor in the university were not a perfect experience. My only best friend quit the speciality and the annoying extraverts take the leadership and in result of that I became more and more separated from the group which wasnt the thing I want but thats the only thing I could do. I dont felt good obout that but in the master degree I came to a small speciality with just five people in the group and despite the fact that they are more than five years bigger than me we have just perfect relations and I bacame significantly more talkative just because of the small group. So there are no impossible things and I very much believe that every man can find the right place for himself in this world.
Thank you for offering your perspective. What you said about confidence is very important. There is a confidence in dealing with the outside world and then there is a confidence in dealing with one's self, and knowing who you are. I had a general confidence in life but still didn't know who I was - thus the loneliness. When I had confidence in knowing myself, that's when things changed. It's almost as if the circle has been completed. I'm happy to hear you have found that place for yourself, a place of purpose.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty That's the other introvert weeknes. The problem with finding your own self from time to time because of that mighty selfcriticism. This is sometimes very hard to deal with but from other point of view that's the way we make our personal growth which able's us to do maybe not unique but things that leave signs behind. It's said that you'll never know how wrong can you be because of dont asking yourself am I right.
"Lonely person is not the person who is alone.. But the person who can't stay alone".. said by INFJ.. We are not lonely we just enjoyed our own world..
I felt alone when I was hopeless about where I would go in life. I have God now and I have great satisfaction in the future. That is why I can find so much joy just in my alone time
I guess I was always most content when I was alone. If you can imagine an INFJ child in a family of 10 people, oldest child and parentized very young ... every little bit of alone time I could squeeze out of life was like heaven on earth. I can't say that I have ever been lonely
I can imagine somewhat, but for me, it was oldest of 4 and not 10. Trying to be alone was suspicious to my parents, who were both extroverts, so I didn't even know it was a thing, let alone a thing I needed. It wasn't until I was 12 that I started seeking out alone time and realizing how much I needed it.
Yes, to an extent, I have been alone 10 years now. As a INFJ, it gives you a chance to learn about yourself. Spend time curled up in the warm castle of our mind. It allows me to choose all of my human interactions. When, where and for how long. When my battery needs recharging, I retreat to my quiet- drama free world. Do I get lonely?.....Very very rarely. An occasional memory of my past life squashes it pretty quickly most times. Will I always stay alone?.....Maybe, my standard is so high now perhaps it's not realistic anymore. The freedom I have is hard to give up.😁 Living life on our own terms, in our own way brings peace and tranquility to me. Dont be afraid of it. As I ounce was.😉
I find most people do not realize we are all connected and that it is only ego that creates the illusion of separateness. If you want to break free of loneliness you have to do something that most people avoid. Become vulnerable with another person.
You are correct, many people avoid becoming vulnerable with another. I believe there are many reasons for this. But I don't believe we should be vulnerable with just anybody. Wisdom tells us to be discriminate in choosing who gets to have access to the most delicate parts of us. If you believe this about the ego and separateness, why have you identified yourself as an ENFP? Shouldn't you reject labels as a means to achieving oneness with everyone else?
i found my way out of loneliness when i met my wife at the age of 22, she is my soulmate %100....but now that she has passed on, after 22 years together, i now find myself more lonely then ever before, and since i am an INFJ it is extremely difficult to deal with. no family left, and only a few friends that have demanding life's, so i am truly utterly alone. when she was on this earth i felt complete and never felt alone even when i was alone, always knew she was there for me, now its as if i am experiencing being alone for the first time and its unbearable. those that are lucky enough to experience true unconditioned love and then loose it in the blink of an eye know what i mean, especially INFJ's. worst experience of my life thus far. no cure for this loneliness.☹
I am very sorry. There is not much I can say except the obvious, which is you are grieving right now. Your world has fallen apart, leaving you in an extremely vulnerable state. You need to give yourself lots of patience and lots of grace because this is a journey and even if you did have other loved ones in your life, you must do most of it alone. Grief is a lonely journey because no one experiences it in the exact same way. So give yourself time and understanding to experience it.
I would agree that we can be alone without being lonely. Alone time is very important. But loneliness is a very real problem, and can happen whether we are alone or with others.
Most people are satisfied with superficial connection with many. I need deep connection with few. I know me and love my own company so that's not it. I like people on a more meaningful level and it scares some off so I am careful not to initiate. That's why I get lonely.
Can totally relate. It’s why most people don’t interest me. I know I couldn’t live their lives. It’s like they can’t see what I can. They are engulfed in their egos and drives, and lack ambition/insight, so are ‘happy’. INFJ ambition makes us hard to please and be happy, because we need to be making the world a better place, no easy task.
Your beautiful and deep reflexion about loneliness is revealing the "no loneliness" of a deep existence when you finally realize that you were never alone and that from the very beginning of our lives. When this happen, a sweet and tender perfume start invading from the deepest of our heart, slowly and peacefully, all and each one of ours cells, giving them the serenity, the peace and the love that was given to us long time ago well before our existence. When we realize the "Unicity" of all things the word loneliness lost all it sense because you realize you that was never alone and you will never be alone and that the begining was not a begining and that the end will not an end. At that point you "know" and the love and compassion spring from the deep of your heart to your own "past, present and future existence, and the world around you, if it is accepted, which is another story... Loneliness for me is the real life, socialization is the real loneliness. But sometimes I have to distract myself , and I like it with the crowd with its blindness and hapiness. And each time that I can deeply help, aliviate their suffering, I am realizing myself a little more.
Thank you so much for....just all of this. I feel my life would be better if i had an infj friend...i hope more Infjs voice out to show how precious and worthy of understanding and love us Infjs are•And that there's nothing wrong with your first friend and love being yourself
I understand you perfectly, I'm actually amazed to see someone's transition into the quest for self awareness so exactly mirror my own. Though I have we to admit I'm slightly envious of the speed you achieved the realization. I spent many years looking for answers before I realized they were in me the whole time. It took a little time and a lot of forgiving before I could accept myself for who I am . But I found out that I amy own best friend, in my mind almost a separate entity who is always there for me no matter what the situation(yes I talk to myself constantly).No longer just a voice in my head, I have become the companion I've always sought. Now I no longer need 10 "friends" to fulfill my life. Knowing I no longer had to look eyond myself for answers gave me an unparalleled sense of freedom. Lonely? Never. Bored? Who would allow his best friend to be bored. Less "friends, less socializing, not missed. My cons have become pros.strangely enough Instead of feeling I've achieved the goal in life, instead I feel my best friend finally got me to the starting gate prepared for the journey ahead. As an INFJ I truly recommend you learn to know , love and even like yourself. And say Hi for me. I do hope this made sense to y'all, describing the indescribable has me feeling I may be a few thousand words short lol, God bless, good luck and love to all !!!
I guess that finding ways to overcome loneliness, for me is kinda hard, if you have your love one, friend and family, or even lover those you think that can be your perspectives in order to discover who you are, it would be nice, when you in the situation, realizing the most of people you know are not in the same wave length that you do, which you can never share your thought and have it understood, there is no point in telling them, i think this is one of the reason why i m so lonely until now, it always been tough, to remain in loneliness through out these years and unable to overcome it, endure after endure, even now, still searching a way to liberate my self from this loneliness, i wish i could have found a way that could help me feel content, even just a little.
You're already there. "Still searching a way to *liberate* myself from this loneliness" ... that's your start. True freedom comes from knowing who you are. We are in bondage to others and to ourselves until this happens. That's the heaviness in loneliness (the chains) and it is felt acutely, until you are able to find release.
I don't have any friends. I am soft spoken. I wish that I had someone who would truly listen to me and help me find the real me. I am doing meditation and learning more about myself alone but as you say. We are all bias. Thank you for this video. I can relate to it.
It is very hard finding those people, so I completely understand the struggle. Keep searching and stay open to all the possibilities. If you understand typology, you can use it to help you in your search. I wish I could magically find that special person for you. My love and best to you as you search for that meaningful connection.
Feeling different is not the root cause of INFJ loneliness. The root cause is because we do not know ourselves. We only feel different because when you are detached from yourself in the sense of not knowing who you are, it will make you feel strange and isolated. You don't know the person whose body you inhabit. Feeling different is a symptom. There is no overcoming a problem if you only focus on the symptoms. You must address the root of it.
Not too long ago, I sat and stared across the room at a picture of me when I was about three years old and suddenly I went into a time warp where I truly felt no time had passed between me in the picture and me in the present. For that brief period, I was that little child. I had looked at that picture often before in passing and rationally understood it was me but never had this overpowering connection. I think in the past, I abandoned and often didn't like that little child. But in those few moments, the scales fell from my eyes and I saw that there is a permanent source or essence of who I am. I felt exhilarated and also somewhat stunned that I was fully meeting this person called me. I took away from this event that time and experiences are what we pass through but all the while it is our self that is unchanging. Finding our permanent selves through all the muck and grime of time and experiences seems to be the challenge. Confusing ourselves with time and experiences is what mixes us up.
Someone else said something similar a while back. I find this so very interesting. I've thought about it. Perhaps, as you stated, there is the essence of who we are in the child. But it doesn't take long before experiences intrude and muddy the waters. The funny thing is, I think deep down, we know who we are as that child. But we must have the experiences to prove what we always knew all along. We can't be confident in who we are without the experiences. The experiences prove and/or strengthen our convictions. It just takes some time (as you said) to untangle ourselves from the confusion so we can honestly evaluate all the experiences in such a way.
It is possible to do it all by yourself. I have been content being alone for awhile now and I came to that realization simply through introspection and meditation. Though it did take a traumatic experience to sort of nudge me in that direction of self discovery. And it took many years (decade).
I appreciate your perspective here. It's good to hear, because it was different from my experience. I wonder if I would have gotten there on my own eventually. I seemed to find what I needed at the right time in others so that's the path I took.
I have been trying to discover myself through writing, but I am wondering how do you find those special people that will listen to what you have to say. Is it by meeting different people until the right one comes along? I also have a hard time opening up to people because I am scared to trust others. I guess you were trying to say that it's important to become vulnerable with the right people, but how can I tell if it's actually the right person. I have had situations where I opened up to bad people and they used it to manipulate me.
I understand, I truly do. I won't lie - finding such people as I described is not easy. Meeting many different people could reveal a gem, but I guess it depends on where you are meeting the people. So I guess common sense says in order to find the gem, you have to put yourself in places where you are able to be seen, where there are people who are more like you, who value what you value, and are more like-minded. Sometimes you have to make things happen - that person isn't always just going to appear for you. It's okay to go after it. Study people carefully. Who really looks at you? Listens to you? There is some testing that must first happen. If you have a feeling about someone, show little bits of yourself and see what this person does with it. Do they look at you harder? Do they ask questions? Is there a genuine interest? I believe our intuition can be a strong force in having a feeling about someone, but some of this is age dependent. Intuition becomes stronger and more trustworthy as we mature, but I know for me, in my youth, I did open up to the wrong people so this can be a problem. My advice now would be not to jump too quickly. That's what I always did in the past. I got too involved way too quickly. It's wise to go slow, bit by bit.
I must admit to be lonely when i was younger, even in a crowd of people. I think it became more apparent in my 20's, but as ive gotten older it has ceased being a problem for me. I love to spend time alone with my thoughts, and scenarios, and ideas that swim around in my mind. I find these fascinating, and can get lost in them. But also i love spending time with those who understand me, and the way i think and express myself. People watching is a passtime of mine too,i envisage what their lives are like to a certain degree,but most are not in my eyeline for long as they move on from where i am, i find myself hoping they will stay a while especially children. Children are so authentic, maskless,and energetic. I find that to love people of all types, is to live people. I'm learning this now, and yes i am loving myself more too, and don't mind spending time with me alone, it doesn't scare me to be alone like it used to when i was younger. 💛💙❤🧡💜💚
You hit the nail on the head. Maturing solves a lot of problems. I love spending time alone as well - as you said, it doesn't scare me anymore. And it only scared me because I didn't know who I was ... she was a stranger and I didn't want to be alone with her. But once I got to know her, I realized how much I enjoy her company. Children are the best. I have learned so many important things in my life by being around children, and observing them.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty when I was young i didn't care for my own company too much because my in depth thoughts kind off scared me a little, i didn't understand why I would lose myself and time passed so quickly during this activity. At one point in my life i thought i was suffering a mental illness. Since finding out i was infj personality type, it all began to make sense to me. I truly wish i knew this many years ago. Would of made life a little easier to understand from a personal perspective. From understanding comes much wisdom. 💛💙🧡💜💚❤
So in short, everyone feels loneliness in their lives. But INFJs are the ones that felt loneliness the most other than others, and added to that, we crave for intimate relationship and high expectations that someone else understands us. This craving to be understood, simply hard to be obtained, unless you met someone who's also INFJ, but that chances quite low, and EVEN if you managed to meet one, there's other chances only around 40-45% that INFJ will understood you through and through. Each INFJ are unique to their lives, experiences, circumstances. So, instead of putting that responsibility to be understood, why not reverse it back and make it us understanding our own selves, and our own need, and our own feeling. INFJ's are built to be self-sufficient in the end.
That's hard to say, because it's either heaven or hell if INFJ vs INFJ. As u said every INFJ is unique, as other people do. And every INFJ has their own value...i mean it's already hard to find an INFJ because they're already the rarest personality typez it is even harder to have another INFJ who share similar values, because if it's to opposite it is either you stripped down the other INFJ core value, or it is we being stripped down our own value, hence it's heaven or it's hell.
When an INFJ experiences loneliness, they find that they have a mental writers block. The INFJ can sit for hours on end just lost in their own mind, replaying events and/or discussions, envisioning all sorts of scenarios because their mind is more than just a computer, it is a playground, rich in contrast compared to any we see around us or those we have experienced, but when we become mentally stagnant - that is when loneliness sinks in and we could find ourselves without a voice to be heard or action to be seen.
This is not how I experienced loneliness. Loneliness hounded me, harassed me, and haunted me like a specter on my shoulder that would just not go away. It was the internal prison from which I could not escape. I was not lonely because no one could hear me. I was lonely because I could not hear myself. Have you ever looked into someone else's mind? The INFJ does not hold exclusive real estate in the playground listings. I have found INTJ, INTP, ENTP and INFP (among others) to have some of the richest minds I have ever encountered. I could literally get lost in their mind playgrounds and gladly so, trying out all the equipment and never ceasing to be amazed.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty , before the MBTI, we find that we are fragmented and have not understood ourselves, yet our minds were all in turmoil trying to adjust to one aspect or another but never quite fitting in with any of them - something is amiss, we travel through our lives in confusion and silence. After MBTI, the puzzle pieces are placed together and we can not only understand ourselves but know that we are not alone in our way of thinking - we have that connection. Have I ever looked into someone else's mind? yes, I have, and I know that each mind has their own playground, if that person wishes to access it or not. But after discovering the MBTI, I did not just remain content. I continued to rediscover myself and uncover more aspects that broaden my mind, give light to areas of my persona which the MBTI could not enlighten, to know that I am more than just what the MBTI labels. I can share my experiences and help others grow into themselves, to become better, emotionally stronger and more protected so that they can help others in their own way (passing it forward).
I agree we are so comfortable with being alone and yet not lonely but Realize that INFJs also have a higher need for sexual expression from time to time. how do you deal with that? It is not about being in a relationship because I myself don't see the need to be in a relationship. I mean to be in a relationship is fine and being alone is fine too. Im just saying there are days when one is... I mean sexual expression is a physical need while loneliness or happiness is emotional... sexual need had nothing to do with loneliness right and yet, it is there... My struggle is, do I need to be in a relationship in order to fill a human need and yet I sacrifice being alone?
I can’t answer this question for you. You can only answer it for yourself because it depends on what you value, doesn’t it? It's about coming to terms with how you personally view sexual expression, and what beliefs you've formed around it. For me, sex is more than a physical need - it is emotional as well. For that reason, I believe sex outside of a committed loving relationship actually makes the loneliness worse. It’s not worth it just to satisfy a physical need.
This topic hits me hard. I I went through many mixed emotions about sex, the physical side and emotional side. In the beginning the emotions was my driving force. The feeling of giving to another was like the most fulfilling experience I had known. Unfortunately over time my giving nature were expected and not reciprocated and my mind wondered off. I started to think the same, do I really need the emotions? I went through a time thinking it must be just an act a thing we just do for pleasure. The intimacy has completely been nonexistent in my marriage for quite a few years now. Although I’m frustrated and feel lonely I’ve not stepped outside of my marriage. Deep down inside I know it’s just not physical it’s the emotional connection that makes it so beautiful. I still believe if you find that special person that shows you the emotional side of themselves our emotional side will be revealed. I hope this makes sense. Good luck
So cute!!!!!))))) So wise!!!!!!! Bravo!!!!!!! Older sister large family oh I am so oo oo needed but still...omg....Lonely! Try being 40, rejected for truth telling. Including 17y.o. son. Just for ...asking questions. Refusing to engage in toxic, once you recognize it as toxic.... As I understand....u still do) so...b....please!
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Did you watch Madagascar 1,2,3....? I realized I'm a black zebra with white stripes. Others are white zebras with black stripes. I guess you suggest writing it down for myself. 🤔 The INFJ spheres give me a feeling of belonging. It puts loneliness in a home atmosphere. Being in deep water will resonate strongly with other INFJ's.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I love guiding and coaching people cause loneliness is very much a thing of this era too. I very much enjoyed the weirdness of Madagascar; thank you for asking. This 'zebra thing' does not cover it all. The world we live in seems not to be ready for soul connected people (but this is how I experience it at this moment). 😏
Change Its impractical to love you But its impossible to find new Nothing ever feels the same I obsess about the change The seclusion helps me make due But there is no one I can talk to No one ever takes the place Illogical Queue the afterglow I search for new voids to fill the holes Yet all of these lives are set in stone I'm interred with the same But mine won't decay They say let it go But that's impossible Some new kind of alchemy I dont trust this feeling you put in me I won't be your casualty I won't touch your bright faced brutality This blue sky is a forgery Only lust an animal oddity Fake Nothing real it's only half truth An invention just to dilute A counterfeit reality A forgery Same scenario I'll do what I must to hide the show An opportunistic cameo Were both just the same? It's all just a game They say let it go But that's impossible Some new kind of alchemy I dont trust this feeling you put in me I won't be your casualty I won't touch your bright faced brutality This blue sky is a forgery Only lust an animal oddity...
It's a privilege to read such powerful writing. It's so strange, because some of your lines are so much like some of mine ... similar things which are expressed, and they exit us and manifest also in a very similar way.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I'm not sure who manages your emails. But I went to your website and asked a deep question in a lengthy way. What inspired this was your poem, For Her. Pierced straight the soul, which is good art in my opinion. Hang in there.
I manage my own emails - I'm just a one-woman show here. I read your lengthy question. Were you wanting me to answer? It seemed to me that this was a question you were asking yourself, and that you are the best one to answer it.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty It seems that you assume I have not asked myself this question. I have spent literally hours a day every day for years staring at my ceiling or closing my eyes. I drown in the silence that makes a louder noise than any. Consumed by my creativity and imagination. But still never coming closer to any kind of revelation. If you aren't willing to help because its healthier for me to do it myself or whatever that's ok but I was just longing for advice from experience
I know you’ve asked yourself the question. Many times, as well. You just haven’t arrived at a satisfactory answer. It’s not my answer to find for you. And all I mean by that is that we are very independent creatures. Someone else’s answer will not satisfy you. You must discover it on your own, in order to make it your own. I am very willing to help - why do you think this channel exists? There are thousands of words here, directly from my experience and from my mind and heart. Freely given, so that many can possibly find something in my words to unlock something in themselves. It's your journey to take, this discovering of yourself.
It means that I understand why I am the way I am ... the reason for it, which gives me purpose. Set apart, in the sense that I can do something in life that's special, which is unique to me. Others can have it too ... their own purpose in life, but they have to search their own lives, and their circumstances, and experiences, to find it.
You will, I know you will. Get creative. It's hard finding people in your everyday life so use the internet to your advantage. What are your interests? What kinds of videos do you watch? Look at comments, look for interesting people. Strike up a conversation and see what happens. I did this and I met someone who has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Be wise, but at the same time, don't be afraid to take a chance. In the meantime, get to know you as much as you can. Knowing who you are is solid ground for growing a beautiful relationship with another.
My mother is intj and sister entp.. they show me the mirror i think bit not in right way.. .they don't understand me they only want me to change. My entp sister doesn't understand that i am an introvert and feeler,helper and will always want to help myself and other and i always say right from wrong..she want me to change that ..she want me to let our relationships with siblings and parents as it is demaged and talk only about tv shows gossip etc ..not emotional staff because she doesn't understand . Same with my intj mother i should do what she says and don't question it
The way in which you tackled your loneliness was beautiful and unexpected. I think you are right. Everybody is lonely, not just us. I think there is a lot of power in that realization. It can help us move off the "no one in the world is like me, no one understands me, I'm so alone" attitude that is so easy to adopt when we learn how few of us there are. We are different, but we are still just people. We aren't actually aliens. Focusing on differences will only make them bigger and add to the sense of alienation to which we are prone. Your idea of striving to know yourself as an antidote for loneliness is novel. I think my biggest struggle in walking the path you prescribe will be finding people that are interested in me. When you said that they should listen not only to what you say, but also to what you are NOT saying was epiphanic. Thanks for sharing you insight!
I pinned this comment because you heard what I did not say, and then you said it. No sense in me adding to it - you expressed it quite excellently.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Well said. We are helping each other... I'm still thinking about points you've brought up in past videos. There are things I hadn't seen from your angle. There are things about myself that you shined a light on and I'm am already working to improve some of them, and feel pretty good about others. Thank you!!!
A tipical struggle for an introvert intuitive. Some people said that you can't change your behaviour as a „Gamma“ or „Sigma“ male or female but I think just the opposite. It's all about how confident are you in your own self and that can be change in time. Probably all INFJ-s have a downtimes when they behave as a victim of non lasting missunderstanding and lonelyness so it's not always easy to deal with this but it's not impossible. Just take enough from the outside world to fild your inner world with satisfaction. As I speak about downtimes my last two years as a bachelor in the university were not a perfect experience. My only best friend quit the speciality and the annoying extraverts take the leadership and in result of that I became more and more separated from the group which wasnt the thing I want but thats the only thing I could do. I dont felt good obout that but in the master degree I came to a small speciality with just five people in the group and despite the fact that they are more than five years bigger than me we have just perfect relations and I bacame significantly more talkative just because of the small group. So there are no impossible things and I very much believe that every man can find the right place for himself in this world.
Thank you for offering your perspective. What you said about confidence is very important. There is a confidence in dealing with the outside world and then there is a confidence in dealing with one's self, and knowing who you are. I had a general confidence in life but still didn't know who I was - thus the loneliness. When I had confidence in knowing myself, that's when things changed. It's almost as if the circle has been completed. I'm happy to hear you have found that place for yourself, a place of purpose.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty That's the other introvert weeknes. The problem with finding your own self from time to time because of that mighty selfcriticism. This is sometimes very hard to deal with but from other point of view that's the way we make our personal growth which able's us to do maybe not unique but things that leave signs behind. It's said that you'll never know how wrong can you be because of dont asking yourself am I right.
I love this line---"I'm no longer lonely, because I've met ME."
Can you say the same about yourself? I hope you can, or will soon ❤️
I love the way she is a mature INFJ nurturing me a 22yr old INFJ into a better person
22 years old and already striving to be a better person ... I admire you for this desire and send you my love and best wishes for your success.
"Lonely person is not the person who is alone..
But the person who can't stay alone".. said by INFJ..
We are not lonely we just enjoyed our own world..
I felt alone when I was hopeless about where I would go in life. I have God now and I have great satisfaction in the future. That is why I can find so much joy just in my alone time
I guess I was always most content when I was alone. If you can imagine an INFJ child in a family of 10 people, oldest child and parentized very young ... every little bit of alone time I could squeeze out of life was like heaven on earth. I can't say that I have ever been lonely
I can imagine somewhat, but for me, it was oldest of 4 and not 10. Trying to be alone was suspicious to my parents, who were both extroverts, so I didn't even know it was a thing, let alone a thing I needed. It wasn't until I was 12 that I started seeking out alone time and realizing how much I needed it.
Thank you for redirecting me in my painful re-realisation of how desperatly lonely I am to something that makes me rather hopeful. :)
What a beautiful thing to say to me. I am hopeful, as well as thankful, for you too ...
Yes, to an extent, I have been alone 10 years now. As a INFJ, it gives you a chance to learn about yourself. Spend time curled up in the warm castle of our mind.
It allows me to choose all of my human interactions. When, where and for how long. When my battery needs recharging, I retreat to my quiet- drama free world.
Do I get lonely?.....Very very rarely. An occasional memory of my past life squashes it pretty quickly most times.
Will I always stay alone?.....Maybe, my standard is so high now perhaps it's not realistic anymore. The freedom I have is hard to give up.😁
Living life on our own terms, in our own way brings peace and tranquility to me.
Dont be afraid of it. As I ounce was.😉
I find most people do not realize we are all connected and that it is only ego that creates the illusion of separateness.
If you want to break free of loneliness you have to do something that most people avoid. Become vulnerable with another person.
You are correct, many people avoid becoming vulnerable with another. I believe there are many reasons for this. But I don't believe we should be vulnerable with just anybody. Wisdom tells us to be discriminate in choosing who gets to have access to the most delicate parts of us.
If you believe this about the ego and separateness, why have you identified yourself as an ENFP? Shouldn't you reject labels as a means to achieving oneness with everyone else?
i found my way out of loneliness when i met my wife at the age of 22, she is my soulmate %100....but now that she has passed on, after 22 years together, i now find myself more lonely then ever before, and since i am an INFJ it is extremely difficult to deal with. no family left, and only a few friends that have demanding life's, so i am truly utterly alone. when she was on this earth i felt complete and never felt alone even when i was alone, always knew she was there for me, now its as if i am experiencing being alone for the first time and its unbearable. those that are lucky enough to experience true unconditioned love and then loose it in the blink of an eye know what i mean, especially INFJ's. worst experience of my life thus far. no cure for this loneliness.☹
I am very sorry. There is not much I can say except the obvious, which is you are grieving right now. Your world has fallen apart, leaving you in an extremely vulnerable state. You need to give yourself lots of patience and lots of grace because this is a journey and even if you did have other loved ones in your life, you must do most of it alone. Grief is a lonely journey because no one experiences it in the exact same way. So give yourself time and understanding to experience it.
I know how that feels I lost my soulmate too
Discovering Internal Peace. Difficult path, Soothing arrival.
We are alone but not lonely..
We enjoyed freedom and peacefulness being alone.
I would agree that we can be alone without being lonely. Alone time is very important. But loneliness is a very real problem, and can happen whether we are alone or with others.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty yeah you are right.. loneliness is for the person who can't stand alone..
Most people are satisfied with superficial connection with many. I need deep connection with few. I know me and love my own company so that's not it. I like people on a more meaningful level and it scares some off so I am careful not to initiate. That's why I get lonely.
Can totally relate. It’s why most people don’t interest me. I know I couldn’t live their lives. It’s like they can’t see what I can. They are engulfed in their egos and drives, and lack ambition/insight, so are ‘happy’. INFJ ambition makes us hard to please and be happy, because we need to be making the world a better place, no easy task.
Your beautiful and deep reflexion about loneliness is revealing the "no loneliness" of a deep existence when you finally realize that you were never alone and that from the very beginning of our lives.
When this happen, a sweet and tender perfume start invading from the deepest of our heart, slowly and peacefully, all and each one of ours cells, giving them the serenity, the peace and the love that was given to us long time ago well before our existence.
When we realize the "Unicity" of all things the word loneliness lost all it sense because you realize you that was never alone and you will never be alone and that the begining was not a begining and that the end will not an end.
At that point you "know" and the love and compassion spring from the deep of your heart to your own "past, present and future existence, and the world around you, if it is accepted, which is another story...
Loneliness for me is the real life, socialization is the real loneliness.
But sometimes I have to distract myself , and I like it with the crowd with its blindness and hapiness. And each time that I can deeply help, aliviate their suffering, I am realizing myself a little more.
Thank you so much for....just all of this. I feel my life would be better if i had an infj friend...i hope more Infjs voice out to show how precious and worthy of understanding and love us Infjs are•And that there's nothing wrong with your first friend and love being yourself
You're very welcome.
I'm never lonely, just alone.
I like how you see this. Yes ... lonely is an feeling - alone is just a state of being.
I can relate to this dear. Once again. I absolutely adore your voice.
Thank you.
I realise that the main idea of your video is summarising the broad plot of Serial Experiments Lain, I love it.
I had to look that up, very interesting.
I understand you perfectly, I'm actually amazed to see someone's transition into the quest for self awareness so exactly mirror my own. Though I have we to admit I'm slightly envious of the speed you achieved the realization. I spent many years looking for answers before I realized they were in me the whole time. It took a little time and a lot of forgiving before I could accept myself for who I am . But I found out that I amy own best friend, in my mind almost a separate entity who is always there for me no matter what the situation(yes I talk to myself constantly).No longer just a voice in my head, I have become the companion I've always sought. Now I no longer need 10 "friends" to fulfill my life. Knowing I no longer had to look eyond myself for answers gave me an unparalleled sense of freedom. Lonely? Never. Bored? Who would allow his best friend to be bored. Less "friends, less socializing, not missed. My cons have become pros.strangely enough Instead of feeling I've achieved the goal in life, instead I feel my best friend finally got me to the starting gate prepared for the journey ahead. As an INFJ I truly recommend you learn to know , love and even like yourself. And say Hi for me. I do hope this made sense to y'all, describing the indescribable has me feeling I may be a few thousand words short lol, God bless, good luck and love to all !!!
The only real speed came when I finally opened my eyes. It took years to get to that point so you are not alone in this.
I guess that finding ways to overcome loneliness, for me is kinda hard, if you have your love one, friend and family, or even lover those you think that can be your perspectives in order to discover who you are, it would be nice, when you in the situation, realizing the most of people you know are not in the same wave length that you do, which you can never share your thought and have it understood, there is no point in telling them, i think this is one of the reason why i m so lonely until now, it always been tough, to remain in loneliness through out these years and unable to overcome it, endure after endure, even now, still searching a way to liberate my self from this loneliness, i wish i could have found a way that could help me feel content, even just a little.
You're already there. "Still searching a way to *liberate* myself from this loneliness" ... that's your start. True freedom comes from knowing who you are. We are in bondage to others and to ourselves until this happens. That's the heaviness in loneliness (the chains) and it is felt acutely, until you are able to find release.
I don't have any friends. I am soft spoken. I wish that I had someone who would truly listen to me and help me find the real me. I am doing meditation and learning more about myself alone but as you say. We are all bias. Thank you for this video. I can relate to it.
It is very hard finding those people, so I completely understand the struggle. Keep searching and stay open to all the possibilities. If you understand typology, you can use it to help you in your search. I wish I could magically find that special person for you. My love and best to you as you search for that meaningful connection.
That seems very odd to me I've always enjoyed solitude right from the time I was a small child .
We feel lonely is because we r different!
Feeling different is not the root cause of INFJ loneliness. The root cause is because we do not know ourselves.
We only feel different because when you are detached from yourself in the sense of not knowing who you are, it will make you feel strange and isolated. You don't know the person whose body you inhabit. Feeling different is a symptom. There is no overcoming a problem if you only focus on the symptoms. You must address the root of it.
Not too long ago, I sat and stared across the room at a picture of me when I was about three years old and suddenly I went into a time warp where I truly felt no time had passed between me in the picture and me in the present. For that brief period, I was that little child. I had looked at that picture often before in passing and rationally understood it was me but never had this overpowering connection. I think in the past, I abandoned and often didn't like that little child. But in those few moments, the scales fell from my eyes and I saw that there is a permanent source or essence of who I am. I felt exhilarated and also somewhat stunned that I was fully meeting this person called me. I took away from this event that time and experiences are what we pass through but all the while it is our self that is unchanging. Finding our permanent selves through all the muck and grime of time and experiences seems to be the challenge. Confusing ourselves with time and experiences is what mixes us up.
Someone else said something similar a while back. I find this so very interesting. I've thought about it. Perhaps, as you stated, there is the essence of who we are in the child. But it doesn't take long before experiences intrude and muddy the waters. The funny thing is, I think deep down, we know who we are as that child. But we must have the experiences to prove what we always knew all along. We can't be confident in who we are without the experiences. The experiences prove and/or strengthen our convictions. It just takes some time (as you said) to untangle ourselves from the confusion so we can honestly evaluate all the experiences in such a way.
It is possible to do it all by yourself. I have been content being alone for awhile now and I came to that realization simply through introspection and meditation. Though it did take a traumatic experience to sort of nudge me in that direction of self discovery. And it took many years (decade).
I appreciate your perspective here. It's good to hear, because it was different from my experience. I wonder if I would have gotten there on my own eventually. I seemed to find what I needed at the right time in others so that's the path I took.
I have been trying to discover myself through writing, but I am wondering how do you find those special people that will listen to what you have to say. Is it by meeting different people until the right one comes along? I also have a hard time opening up to people because I am scared to trust others. I guess you were trying to say that it's important to become vulnerable with the right people, but how can I tell if it's actually the right person. I have had situations where I opened up to bad people and they used it to manipulate me.
I understand, I truly do. I won't lie - finding such people as I described is not easy. Meeting many different people could reveal a gem, but I guess it depends on where you are meeting the people. So I guess common sense says in order to find the gem, you have to put yourself in places where you are able to be seen, where there are people who are more like you, who value what you value, and are more like-minded. Sometimes you have to make things happen - that person isn't always just going to appear for you. It's okay to go after it. Study people carefully. Who really looks at you? Listens to you? There is some testing that must first happen. If you have a feeling about someone, show little bits of yourself and see what this person does with it. Do they look at you harder? Do they ask questions? Is there a genuine interest? I believe our intuition can be a strong force in having a feeling about someone, but some of this is age dependent. Intuition becomes stronger and more trustworthy as we mature, but I know for me, in my youth, I did open up to the wrong people so this can be a problem. My advice now would be not to jump too quickly. That's what I always did in the past. I got too involved way too quickly. It's wise to go slow, bit by bit.
I must admit to be lonely when i was younger, even in a crowd of people. I think it became more apparent in my 20's, but as ive gotten older it has ceased being a problem for me. I love to spend time alone with my thoughts, and scenarios, and ideas that swim around in my mind. I find these fascinating, and can get lost in them. But also i love spending time with those who understand me, and the way i think and express myself. People watching is a passtime of mine too,i envisage what their lives are like to a certain degree,but most are not in my eyeline for long as they move on from where i am, i find myself hoping they will stay a while especially children. Children are so authentic, maskless,and energetic. I find that to love people of all types, is to live people. I'm learning this now, and yes i am loving myself more too, and don't mind spending time with me alone, it doesn't scare me to be alone like it used to when i was younger. 💛💙❤🧡💜💚
You hit the nail on the head. Maturing solves a lot of problems. I love spending time alone as well - as you said, it doesn't scare me anymore. And it only scared me because I didn't know who I was ... she was a stranger and I didn't want to be alone with her. But once I got to know her, I realized how much I enjoy her company.
Children are the best. I have learned so many important things in my life by being around children, and observing them.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty when I was young i didn't care for my own company too much because my in depth thoughts kind off scared me a little, i didn't understand why I would lose myself and time passed so quickly during this activity. At one point in my life i thought i was suffering a mental illness. Since finding out i was infj personality type, it all began to make sense to me. I truly wish i knew this many years ago. Would of made life a little easier to understand from a personal perspective. From understanding comes much wisdom. 💛💙🧡💜💚❤
❤
So in short, everyone feels loneliness in their lives. But INFJs are the ones that felt loneliness the most other than others, and added to that, we crave for intimate relationship and high expectations that someone else understands us. This craving to be understood, simply hard to be obtained, unless you met someone who's also INFJ, but that chances quite low, and EVEN if you managed to meet one, there's other chances only around 40-45% that INFJ will understood you through and through. Each INFJ are unique to their lives, experiences, circumstances. So, instead of putting that responsibility to be understood, why not reverse it back and make it us understanding our own selves, and our own need, and our own feeling. INFJ's are built to be self-sufficient in the end.
That's hard to say, because it's either heaven or hell if INFJ vs INFJ. As u said every INFJ is unique, as other people do. And every INFJ has their own value...i mean it's already hard to find an INFJ because they're already the rarest personality typez it is even harder to have another INFJ who share similar values, because if it's to opposite it is either you stripped down the other INFJ core value, or it is we being stripped down our own value, hence it's heaven or it's hell.
Beautiful. Thank you. ♡♡
You're welcome 💜
When an INFJ experiences loneliness, they find that they have a mental writers block. The INFJ can sit for hours on end just lost in their own mind, replaying events and/or discussions, envisioning all sorts of scenarios because their mind is more than just a computer, it is a playground, rich in contrast compared to any we see around us or those we have experienced, but when we become mentally stagnant - that is when loneliness sinks in and we could find ourselves without a voice to be heard or action to be seen.
This is not how I experienced loneliness. Loneliness hounded me, harassed me, and haunted me like a specter on my shoulder that would just not go away. It was the internal prison from which I could not escape. I was not lonely because no one could hear me. I was lonely because I could not hear myself.
Have you ever looked into someone else's mind? The INFJ does not hold exclusive real estate in the playground listings. I have found INTJ, INTP, ENTP and INFP (among others) to have some of the richest minds I have ever encountered. I could literally get lost in their mind playgrounds and gladly so, trying out all the equipment and never ceasing to be amazed.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty , before the MBTI, we find that we are fragmented and have not understood ourselves, yet our minds were all in turmoil trying to adjust to one aspect or another but never quite fitting in with any of them - something is amiss, we travel through our lives in confusion and silence. After MBTI, the puzzle pieces are placed together and we can not only understand ourselves but know that we are not alone in our way of thinking - we have that connection.
Have I ever looked into someone else's mind? yes, I have, and I know that each mind has their own playground, if that person wishes to access it or not. But after discovering the MBTI, I did not just remain content. I continued to rediscover myself and uncover more aspects that broaden my mind, give light to areas of my persona which the MBTI could not enlighten, to know that I am more than just what the MBTI labels. I can share my experiences and help others grow into themselves, to become better, emotionally stronger and more protected so that they can help others in their own way (passing it forward).
I agree we are so comfortable with being alone and yet not lonely but Realize that INFJs also have a higher need for sexual expression from time to time. how do you deal with that?
It is not about being in a relationship because I myself don't see the need to be in a relationship. I mean to be in a relationship is fine and being alone is fine too. Im just saying there are days when one is...
I mean sexual expression is a physical need while loneliness or happiness is emotional... sexual need had nothing to do with loneliness right and yet, it is there... My struggle is, do I need to be in a relationship in order to fill a human need and yet I sacrifice being alone?
I can’t answer this question for you. You can only answer it for yourself because it depends on what you value, doesn’t it? It's about coming to terms with how you personally view sexual expression, and what beliefs you've formed around it. For me, sex is more than a physical need - it is emotional as well. For that reason, I believe sex outside of a committed loving relationship actually makes the loneliness worse. It’s not worth it just to satisfy a physical need.
This topic hits me hard. I I went through many mixed emotions about sex, the physical side and emotional side. In the beginning the emotions was my driving force. The feeling of giving to another was like the most fulfilling experience I had known. Unfortunately over time my giving nature were expected and not reciprocated and my mind wondered off. I started to think the same, do I really need the emotions? I went through a time thinking it must be just an act a thing we just do for pleasure. The intimacy has completely been nonexistent in my marriage for quite a few years now. Although I’m frustrated and feel lonely I’ve not stepped outside of my marriage. Deep down inside I know it’s just not physical it’s the emotional connection that makes it so beautiful. I still believe if you find that special person that shows you the emotional side of themselves our emotional side will be revealed. I hope this makes sense. Good luck
So cute!!!!!)))))
So wise!!!!!!!
Bravo!!!!!!!
Older sister large family oh I am so oo oo needed but still...omg....Lonely!
Try being 40, rejected for truth telling. Including 17y.o. son. Just for ...asking questions. Refusing to engage in toxic, once you recognize it as toxic....
As I understand....u still do) so...b....please!
Thank you.
I can write a book about loneliness. 🤔
Write about it, but then write about what you did to overcome it, or even what your plans are to overcome it.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Did you watch Madagascar 1,2,3....?
I realized I'm a black zebra with white stripes. Others are white zebras with black stripes.
I guess you suggest writing it down for myself. 🤔
The INFJ spheres give me a feeling of belonging. It puts loneliness in a home atmosphere.
Being in deep water will resonate strongly with other INFJ's.
I haven't seen it ... was it good? Yes, write it down for yourself. It's your story, and you will see yourself in what you write.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I love guiding and coaching people cause loneliness is very much a thing of this era too.
I very much enjoyed the weirdness of Madagascar; thank you for asking.
This 'zebra thing' does not cover it all. The world we live in seems not to be ready for soul connected people (but this is how I experience it at this moment). 😏
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I wrote it down today. It was quite an unexpected turn I must say. ✨🍀
Change
Its impractical to love you
But its impossible to find new
Nothing ever feels the same
I obsess about the change
The seclusion helps me make due
But there is no one I can talk to
No one ever takes the place
Illogical
Queue the afterglow
I search for new voids to fill the holes
Yet all of these lives are set in stone
I'm interred with the same
But mine won't decay
They say let it go
But that's impossible
Some new kind of alchemy
I dont trust this feeling you put in me
I won't be your casualty
I won't touch your bright faced brutality
This blue sky is a forgery
Only lust an animal oddity
Fake
Nothing real it's only half truth
An invention just to dilute
A counterfeit reality
A forgery
Same scenario
I'll do what I must to hide the show
An opportunistic cameo
Were both just the same?
It's all just a game
They say let it go
But that's impossible
Some new kind of alchemy
I dont trust this feeling you put in me
I won't be your casualty
I won't touch your bright faced brutality
This blue sky is a forgery
Only lust an animal oddity...
It's a privilege to read such powerful writing. It's so strange, because some of your lines are so much like some of mine ... similar things which are expressed, and they exit us and manifest also in a very similar way.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I'm not sure who manages your emails. But I went to your website and asked a deep question in a lengthy way. What inspired this was your poem, For Her. Pierced straight the soul, which is good art in my opinion. Hang in there.
I manage my own emails - I'm just a one-woman show here. I read your lengthy question. Were you wanting me to answer? It seemed to me that this was a question you were asking yourself, and that you are the best one to answer it.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty It seems that you assume I have not asked myself this question. I have spent literally hours a day every day for years staring at my ceiling or closing my eyes. I drown in the silence that makes a louder noise than any. Consumed by my creativity and imagination. But still never coming closer to any kind of revelation. If you aren't willing to help because its healthier for me to do it myself or whatever that's ok but I was just longing for advice from experience
I know you’ve asked yourself the question. Many times, as well. You just haven’t arrived at a satisfactory answer. It’s not my answer to find for you. And all I mean by that is that we are very independent creatures. Someone else’s answer will not satisfy you. You must discover it on your own, in order to make it your own.
I am very willing to help - why do you think this channel exists? There are thousands of words here, directly from my experience and from my mind and heart. Freely given, so that many can possibly find something in my words to unlock something in themselves. It's your journey to take, this discovering of yourself.
can you say more about being set apart being for a purpose? what do you mean by that?
It means that I understand why I am the way I am ... the reason for it, which gives me purpose. Set apart, in the sense that I can do something in life that's special, which is unique to me. Others can have it too ... their own purpose in life, but they have to search their own lives, and their circumstances, and experiences, to find it.
thank you
You're welcome.
What if I never find those people like you did? or the one person?
You will, I know you will. Get creative. It's hard finding people in your everyday life so use the internet to your advantage. What are your interests? What kinds of videos do you watch? Look at comments, look for interesting people. Strike up a conversation and see what happens. I did this and I met someone who has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Be wise, but at the same time, don't be afraid to take a chance. In the meantime, get to know you as much as you can. Knowing who you are is solid ground for growing a beautiful relationship with another.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Wow, thank you. 🌹
The mirror infjs need is ENTP Te trickster
They mirror some things ... INTJs mirror others. It's been a good combination for me, having each in my life.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Yes both are really good in combination!!! ENTP called me out on my Fi critic bullshit, helped me so much.
My mother is intj and sister entp.. they show me the mirror i think bit not in right way.. .they don't understand me they only want me to change.
My entp sister doesn't understand that i am an introvert and feeler,helper and will always want to help myself and other and i always say right from wrong..she want me to change that ..she want me to let our relationships with siblings and parents as it is demaged and talk only about tv shows gossip etc ..not emotional staff because she doesn't understand . Same with my intj mother i should do what she says and don't question it
Thank you
I'm glad you listened.