HOW TO DEAL WITH PUTDOWNS AT WORK
Вставка
- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- How To Deal With Putdowns At Work: A lot of workplace bullying takes the form of snide remarks and subtle power plays. The truth is that people will always find ways to put you down and lift themselves up in life, especially at work. This doesn’t usually happen in a dramatic way, but as you will see in the video, it happens more subtly.
In this video, you will learn one of the most effective verbal techniques to deal with putdowns and subtle insults made by coworkers.
MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
VERBAL DOMINATION, a course on how to dominate and win verbal confrontations.
To learn three other "verbal domination" techniques for free and to be notified when Verbal Domination is released ► www.artofverbal...
NEXT STEPS:
BOOKS BY MIN LIU ► www.artofverbal...
COURSES BY MIN LIU ► www.artofverbal...
BLOG ► www.artofverbal...
SUBSCRIBE to The Art of Verbal War UA-cam channel, where people learn to EXCEL in verbal skills ► www.youtube.com...
Man I just can never think of a good response until later after the interaction. So I always look weak when someone verbally attacks me.
:( same.... I really hope you can overcome that, I know how you feel!
so fucking true
i have a nice trick where instead of pushing back at the attack directly i start fighting fire with fire.
basically if someone starts making me the butt of the joke i start doing the same to them.
i start dropping the jokes about them in the middle of the convo when they don't expect it.
a lot of verbal confrontations like that are straight up about timing.
if they insult you and you respond right away(even if it's witty) you've still done what they wanted to do, aka reacted.
it's like a feint jab in boxing. feint a jab and when the counters comes you slip.
it's the verbal equivalent of that and no witty comeback will change this law.
instead what you should do launch your own feint jab and even if it's not clever you'll still trigger and damage them.
this little trick is why i roll my eyes whenever i hear stuff like "you are overreacting,they are just joking with you", because i've literally made people hate my guts because of this, some of the "funniest", most sarcastic, jester-like dudes turned into quiet balls of rage and resentment after i used this trick on them to defend myself.
i have a scientific AND the anecdotal evidence to justify the feeling of stanky bullshit odor when i hear stuff like "you are overdramatic, learn to take a joke".
it's also easier cuz i have enough time to come up with response.
@@absolutenothing7094 so in short: start making jokes about them or insult them out of nowhere if they did it to you? not straight after he said anything but like 5 minutes later?
and the "learn to take a joke" part being bullshit bc if you do the same thing to them they are the ones to overreact themselves?
@@eskaban_edits_beats_and_more exactly, summed it up perfectly.
- Why are you even here?
- (amused smile) Wine, of course, and...the, uhm (look at the person up and down), pleasant company. Excuse me.
Fernando Lyrio - brilliant response! 👏👍
I'll answer you if you first tell me why you are here.
Pausing, looking her up and down and saying "er....the pleasant company" is the best!!!!! Thanks!!!
Hahaha! So funny and great!! 🙏💖
Any uncomfortable questions I just reply with "Im not answering that question" with a smile on my face. People that don't like you hate it when you smile in their face 😂😂😂😂
Im going to steal that! 😍
Bullies should go to jails. They are the worst creations
🤣why who would they bully then
@@MattMussett that's the point!! In jail, THEY would get bullied!! 😂😂😂 Their turn!!!
Its sad you have to act like this with ppl.
C Breeden I agree. To be fair, only certain nasty people.
Currently dealing with someone older than me who is training me at work, total bully. Doing my best & learning all I can to find solutions.. but yes, it really is such a shame to have to act like this with people.
What happens inside the human brain is that serotonin is boosted when you feel better than another person. Cortisol happens in the victim when they're attacked, humiliated, what have you. When this happens in a group Cortisol happens to the viewers of whatever incident. That's frightening enough to induce submission in them to a large extent, for fear of being hurt by Cortisol in a similar way. Cortisol actually slowly kills people, so although it's not a bloodbath it sort of is, it literally hurts and kills other people. That's why responding in kind doesn't work if you're a moral person and snark is just a tiny bite out of your fellow human being's neck. The question is how to stop the abuse without becoming a murderer, not by just crushing the opponent.
dont murder. beat them up. as a person who used to be at the bottom of the foodchain and disrespected by everyone i ended up respected and feared since i started using violence. never start but defend mercilessly. the bullies that used to make me feel like shit avoided me like the plague after i broke his jaw. fight dirty and effective friend
Wow, cortisol makes people fat too, so working in a abusive environment will make you fat - I have been working in a abusive environment for three months now and I already gained 6 lbs… mmmm .. 🤔
@@eskaban_edits_beats_and_moreTell me more, I’m in a similar situation.
I say document everything they say and give them no reaction whatsoever. Silence kills and being unbothered annihilates.
I've had a job where the head of HR was the worst bully of all - hilarious.
And you get some people working in HR who are "mental health champions" lol but just laugh at people.
i have been looking for these lessons all my life
Id like to know how to defend yourself against people who are trying to get you fired
Document things
Bring up lies and inconsistence at some point
What happened though
Whenever I have a fart coming , I hold it and wait for that person to come near me to let it out 💨 ! It helps ! So whenever I feel a fart coming I hold it until that person comes near me to blow it out !!!!!😄
Devin Peirce do you know in ancient times farting got rid of demons and devils. This is from Martin Luther. I do this too.🤣🤣🤣
Wow this is fartastic
This is actually great!
😂😂😂😂
I try to do this.
I would of told her that I'm here because I was asked. Then I would ask her why she asked me that, it would make the women feel award for asking then. I would ask her if everything is OK and that I'm here if she needs to talk lol
Scott Geoffrey smart.
Smooth man
I was translating for my boss and the girl we were doing the house for told me if I’m not the boss I shouldn’t be speaking. Only when spoken to. It’s made me so mad, but also it’s pushing me to become better
They did that to you too??!? She just decides to promote herself to conversation-that-doesn't involve-her umpire, get involved to you in what isn't her business, put you down, leave you stunned by her rudeness and then walk away like she really is your superior? But then you get rebuked by someone else if you stand up to her and then they rumour that you are hard to work with.
tell the bitch you can speak whenever you want and she doesnt have a say in it AT ALL
Nice description. Responding with snark may work in some situations, but I had to deal with this aggressive type guy who one time I snarked back like you describe and he got more aggressive and got in my face because his ego was hurt so bad. He started trying to find one up things to get me on and got louder in front of everyone. I would have prefered to defuse him in a calmer way
Good point, how you respond should be very contextual, this is just one idea. Thanks for sharing.
captaincalibration Him getting mad and losing control over his emotions like that is an obvious win for you! The poor little twat .. imagine his blood pressure! LOL. I’d just bust out laughing in their face and then be all “oh goodness I’m sorry... I’m so sorry hahahahahaha”
Dear Min. I have to disagree with you. Your idea is reasonable yet as you pointed out, it is a sensitive situation. I would not put them down on the invite police. Actually I was in such a disconfortable situation and I kindly responded "If you do not know what I did here then it is obvious you did not keep track of everything happening in the project". Unless that person is the project manager (which he wasn't) this is usually a killer because it throws back the question in an indirect way and switches the power dynamics of the discussion without asking questions. This also avoids escalation as some people may be sensitive to a "Police/Door guy" comment may offend them deeply. What do you think ?
Philippe Lott Thanks for your feedback and I think your suggestion is quite fair. i think you have to calibrate accordingly depending on the person and the situation. I was envisioning a bitchy peer who my friend may have already had some unpleasant encounters with. Your suggestion is also a great solution in the circumstances you describe, so thank you for sharing!
Dear Min, Thanks a lot for your answer and great channel!!
Thanks Philippe! I always appreciate thoughtful feedback (like yours).
@@Artofverbalwar meh... just lean in and whisper "fk off" 🤗
i had an english teacher that picked on me all the time, she looked round the class and nearly always picked on me to read out some poem i was meant to write, in the end id had enough and sat there without doing anything. At the end of the half hour, she said i want you to read out your poem and guess what her gaze fell on me. i said guess what i couldnt
Good video!
I get abused from coworker he runs into my face threatening me that he will knocked me off.
Reported him management and HR they won't do anything.
I think the problem shouldnt be seen as a way to boost ones own ego. A bully is someone who is struggling with something and doesn't have the correct way of articulation for those feelings. We should be showing them the correct way without turning it into a battle.
@NoseKey it is very hard for us, yes. But that reward is much greater. When a person resorts to those tactics of dragging a reputation through the mud it shows an inability to correctly lead in times of struggle. They doom themselves by their own character. Their name is tarnished, because they seek to do harm to others reputation. It's not always in our control and it doesn't have to be. But ya, its very hard to do the correct way under that sort of stress.
@@zacharynash4990 not all bullies are like that.
there are two types of bullies.
"pure bullies" and "bully-victims".
the "sad, problematic, troubled child" tyoe of bully that you describe are called "bully-victims", they are victimized at home or victimized by their peers and then go on to bully others in order to raise self-esteem, alienating themselves from their communities completely. some of them don't have any friends.
they are more dangerous and more religious with their activities, unlike "pure bullies", who might not have trouble achademically, have high self-esteem and high sociometric status.
they also grow out of their behavior,
bully-victims are direct danger because they might develope antisocial personality disorder and machiavelian,cynical attitude. more likely to commit violent crimes.
but pure bullies are more dangerous in a way that they go on to become politicians and get the oppontunity of hurting larger masses.
Orrr, they are just horrible people that thrive from bullying. It feeds them. Sooo, good luck trying to "correct" them.
I think "I was invited" and walk away is good. I used to say "you didn't get the memo?" until I was accused of manufacturing fraudulent inter-departmental communications.
But what if you've already shown that you are bothered and now they know they can push your buttons?
You've played your hand, so will need to outright call something out the next time they give you shit.
You can overturn the scenario easily, but it is just easier to do it early on.
I love this video! I've worked at a store for 8 years and sometimes can't stand my job anymore. New management has been taking over and I don't feel like I sync in too well with the job culture.
I've had plenty of instances where younger colleagues talk down to me. --It's bullshit. They'd never speak to me that way when higher-ups are around.
To learn three more "verbal domination" techniques for free, go to www.artofverbalwar.com/verbaldomination
Art of Verbal War Sir Harvey Specter guide!? where is it?
Hey GHOST snow, thanks for asking! The Harvey Specter Guide will be re-released this coming quarter. If you're not on the list to be notified, make sure you sign up here -> artofverbalwar.com/harveyspecter/
Easy? Just say whatever! Then walk/ get away. It's ADULT bullying and I get this everyday! Attack that person? No. Laugh and say whatever! Try not to hate people. Practice saying "whatever!". Uk 🇬🇧
Very helpful, thank you.
We need to have in America 🇺🇸 anti bullying and threatening policy that those who assaulting another workers can be terminated by low.
I agree with you're examples I've used similar ones , before this video. You are definitely on point brother.
Thanks Anime Life!
The bouncer one was the only good example but I'm stealing it
"i'm asking the same question"
“To annoy you.”
My answer would be: "I'm worthy enough of being here, are you?" Very matter of fact.
How do you deal with someone mocking you
You say wow and they copy the same wow back
Explain
What if your boss does that? I lost my job in the pandemic because my boss wanted to use me like a slave duplicating code libraries that are already present in the firm.
then you get a new job where the boss gives you the respect you deserve and human decency
Hi Min:
It happened to me, that in a very aggressive context, sometimes you gotta answer even more aggressive or the other part will continue with the nasty comments. So, in this case I use a stubborn approach, like in your example, I'd say (smiling, btw): "well I came because I wanted some free drinks and food, so you gotta excuse me.." and then I'll continue walking inside and saying hello to people. Well, at least it works in Spain 😄 😆
Thanks for sharing your ideas LavaUp. I agree with you, you need to calibrate your aggressiveness as necessary. I think your idea works great too, I just think in this situation it would be good to go on the offense a bit because she's deserving. She needs to be called out.
That's a good one. I like how it relies on body language and attitude. It's the obvious answer to the question and makes her look stupid for asking. It's the attitude that's the key piece
Art of Verbal War You're right.. I'd definitely see myself thinking "STFU **tch" 😂 but it wouldn't nice, so maybe something like "girl, better mind your own business" could work?
Well, I'll continue around here, learning 😉
Richard Barrett Thanks Richard! 😁
Haha works for me too! Maybe put it slightly less directly: "Do us a favor and leave all of us a bit of air"
Yeah I first got to a job over night... it's hard to associate and talk to co- worker . When having looking at a person so much and talking.. it is uncomfortable and don't know why... Work is a work place nothing else. All workers is thinking about is making it through the day or night.. with Welcome's.... Let time takes it's course with dissension to feel alright with the job or not.... Yes it also sucks to the fullest.... For real.. sometimes I think is these co workers are jealous? 🤔.
I used to deal with it from management all them time they knew more about my relationship then I did.and the jibes and jokes
I need tools for a research for work place verbal abuse😢
I thought you were going to say she took a glass of wine and splashed it into that rude person's face
Game? Sadly, it's not a game. Its real and it DOES affect one. Greatly. 😥
Or you can confront the person about their behavior, like an adult. Who tf has time to prepare snarky comebacks at the office? Besides, you are just turning into them. Using snarky lines and sarcasm is being passive agressive.
Stand your ground, keep your cool and simply tell them that they should take their snarky behavior someplace that tolerates snarky behavior, not at the office.
even if that was the case, that you "turned into them", why do you think it's a bad thing if you are able to control it and use it accordingly??
maybe you should turn into them.
also, being weak and pushed around a lot is what's more likely to corrupt you and make you abuse your power the first opportunity you get your dirty vengefull-ass hands on it.
weak people are more likely to commit catastrophically violent crimes than strong people who are able to control it.
p.s. contronting them won't work when you lack the choices and power.
Putdown at work? I would just quit my job
hey min
i have a suggestion, how do i avoid answering questions like Trudeau and like johnny depp in the recent ellen video
Thanks blue man, do you have a link to that video? I'm not familiar with it.
ua-cam.com/video/L147kFfchtI/v-deo.html
Thanks, I'll watch it and let you know!
Nice vid bro respect from Macedonian in Australia
Bro I searched dominate office💀
did you missed point no. 2 ?
Thanks Ritin! You're right. Point #2 is to Never Respond Directly.
thanks
I would have said that i was invited just like her. Then walk away.
In that situation my response would have been "Yes, I'd heard you were confused about the project." My go to, and ruder, comeback is. "Well, your mother told me you'd say that. At least I think that's what she said, she had something in her mouth." Y'see, arguably too rude for these comments
the scenario i'm mentioning here will be different in the video, let's say someone said along the lines of 'oh look the dumbass made it here first', something along the line of that instead of a question rather a indirect snarky statement directed towards you, I found one method works pretty good and it's the 'oh you would know ___ is', so you respond back 'oh you would know what a dumbass is' just reverting or play with their words in a sarcastic tone back, it usually does the work, they're going to take the defensive approach or continue with the game and trying to pinpoint another jab back, at this point you can use the same phrase again with their 'punch' word in that statement, of course it has to be a statement or a sometimes it works on a question if it has a punchline word in it.
Jesus Christ Thanks JC! That's a good one. Another way to do a bit more indirectly is: "You would know all about that all these years looking in the mirror."
Good one, thanks JC!
Put Downs 👇 is a form of Bullying and Harassment!!!
My suggestion is to do nothing. Dont respond or react. Try to use the poker face
🤬🤑🤬🤑🤬🤑🤬 I just bought a gun went to my friend house and show him cuz I thought we was cool and we work at the same place and his sister likes me and it made a lot of his friends and employees man makeup trying to find reasons to fire me a lot of these people be wrong and outer body anyway and they tried to fight me and call the police but I was calm I had no gun so it made the employees look some type of way cuz they always take stuff a step further and it was trying to make my bed for me
Uh-huh!, Not in this world, Today, am l gonna lower myself down, To scum-level, Like that, and play their game. If a Co-worker persists, On the Verbal-Abuse, l'm gonna go straight to my Manager and Bring this issue to them, lmmediately!
respond with sarcasm
first
Indeed! That was fast!