In my experience with bullying in the workplace, bullies are empowered by management. The manager is either a bully themself, demonstrating what kind of behaviors the employee-bully sees that they can get away with; or they are considered so valuable and irreplaceable that the manager chooses to overlook or excuse the behavior because she or he is so important to the larger goals of the organization.
Yes. You have hit on some very important organizational factors that create a talk-sick workplace. There is still potential for change and it must be driven from the leadership in these cases. I studied Boss Whispering, and bullies of this nature need a coordinated approach If the org is unwilling, it is better to leave
Your absolutely right. Especially when lines managers are friends with senior management, they know they can get away with it! Luckily people are realising that HR are there to protect the company, not the employees!
Another example is that the tribunal laws can't always be powerful. I live in the UK. And for a company to be taken to a tribunal i.e constructive dismissal, you have to have 2 years continuous service with the company. I'm not sure how the US tribunal laws are, but it 2 years in the UK!
@@tammydunnettleadership I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.[
That will certainly perpetuate the problem. The opportunity for each of us is to recognize it and stop it. If we wait for a leader to notice and do something l, we are at their mercy
Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.
This is a valuable share. Organizational issues definitely exist and are often the reasons people quit. I advocate for each individual participating in the solution
This is why I stay debt free. I've been bullied out of every job I've had. It doesn't change from. Job to job. Being debt free let's me sleep at night.
It is a good strategy to have money saved. Gives a sense of freedom to make those choices. And as my husband said to me: if you are the common denominator in every situation, have you looked at yourself? It was a hard question for me to hear but I was already wondering why it always happens to me I learned some things about my right fighting and the values that I hold strongly to. It helped me realize I could try something different without sacrificing myself
Sue them. You’ll be surprised how willingly they would want to pay you a handsome settlement for fear of being exposed in court. But it’s understandable, if you don’t want to deal with courts and reliving the stuff by giving evidence and all that.
@@OK-wb1dy I agree with this. After I blew up after being bullied for years at a job I had the owner of the business called me straight away and said what did I want - I said nothing what I should have said was lots of money or else but by that point I was too angry.
My experience is much “bullying” is not true bullying - it is bully like behaviours rooted in unresolved conflict That said, bullying behaviours left unaddressed will never resolve
It's always the biggest eff-arounds that want to tattle on everybody else. They get paranoid about getting caught and think they through a smokescreen by throwing the quiet, unpopular coworker under the buss. This is why autistic people "can't work". Because they work way too well.
Yes they’re actually very insecure and have to pull people down so they can feel better about themselves. Also, some people feel like nice people deserve it for being so stupid and trusting.
@@Smith-he6bgNice people are often trusting. These are both positive traits to have in one's makeup. Having healthy trust in others is acknowledging that you're lending someone the benefit of credibility up until the person gives you a reason not to. Those are reasonable expectations of human interaction and engagement. Unreasonable expectations, on the opposite side of spectrum, include persistent feelings of paranoia, suspicion, doubtfulness, the insistence that there is always some new predator "out to get you", etc. Interacting according to these universally accepted terms of healthy engagement like affording people reasonable benefit of the doubt, or as some paranoid people like to call it being "trusting", or practicing good manners and interacting with others with common decency is regarded as "stupid" nowadays apparently.
The ‘just ignore it’ and ‘don’t speak up’ approach is not only detrimental to the victim, but also just serves to further empower the bully to continue their offensive behaviour, as they can see they’re getting away with it. Just my experience as someone currently on stress leave due to one narcissistic toxic individual whose behaviour has been allowed to fester.
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.b
I'm currently practicing the "just ignore it, don't speak up" method and it's grinding me to rubble. I have an employee who is a big bully and rather than find the courage to confront her on her disrespectful behavior, I'm avoiding the issue out of fear. I'm watching this video, and more, hoping to find the key to confront this bully.
@@astromama3474 This is exactly what I did, and it was the worst approach I could have taken. Please get some independent advice (either externally or within your organisation) about how to manage this. But for now start diarising everything - what she did/said exactly with date and time. Preferably do this electronically by sending the reports to yourself via email so that they are date/time stamped. With this evidence you can then later take the matter further in accordance with whatever advice you receive. I did not take these steps and my mental health and self-confidence severely suffered for it. Act now.
This was the poor advice my parents would often give me all my life throughout childhood and adulthood. You would think that ignoring them in an attempt to make the bully/bullies get bored and give up works in the end but in honesty all that does is encourage them to work harder on trying to get a reaction out of you. It's worse once you're an adult and they still try it because you would think that they have grown out of it. But nope, they want to relive their glory days.I went through this at my previous job at a daycare last year because I was new to childcare and was the only worker with no kid. Holy hell it was awful because this bully was nearly ten years my senior, had three kids of her own, and STILL Insisted on acting like a high school bully towards me for no reason other than existing in the building. Everyone complained about her to the boss for different reasons,but because she came and did her job they protected her. One year later and she's now getting bullied over there by someone bigger and badder than her so I guess karma caught up to her in the end. Sadly a lot of these people get away with it though
Honestly in my situation I’m not afraid to be confrontational and speak up, they used that as bait to get a reaction out of me but even when I straight up asked them what the issue was they would just stare at me and say nothing and after that it would continue. So ignoring it wouldn’t have made a difference because if they wanted to they would still laugh or exchange glances with one another for one reason or another. I’ve ignored them before and clearly it didn’t do much either. I am a friendly person and talk to a lot of people so I’m not sure what these people had against me. Overtime though it really makes you feel self conscious about your work ethic and how you perform when all eyes are on you or they are waiting for a screw up. I’m trying to find a job this week and I pray I find a healthy work culture/environment that means the most to me with supportive co-workers. I’ve had shitty co-workers in the past but it never got this immature.
You hit on an important consequence of chronic workplace issues - and that is how you start to question yourself. Stand in your truth. If you need support, I offer coaching services that may help
Everything you said rings true for me. Un/Fortunately, you are not alone. I find there has always been a sociopath and they are always like a moth to a flame with me. I am still working on strategy. It would be nice to just be at peace.
When I stood-up to bullying, I was labeled “the problem”, and went through years of varying degrees of harassment. Unfortunately, by the time I realized things would NOT get better, I was too vested into my retirement to leave. I did find some solace in the fact it was not just happening to me, so we all made a running joke of it-Survivor.😂😂
I was bullied and harassed in front of co workers and patients. When I asked the person to stop. She called the regional and told her I was harassing her. This person complained about my work , my mgr and her would laugh about giving me all the tough patients. I was called loser in front of co workers and patients. Just find new job and get help to deal with the trauma. Staying isn’t going to get better
@@lisawadhams1241never understimate narcissists in a workplace as to how far they will go to gaslight themselves that they are not the problem by projecting everything on those around them. A bunch of psychotic coworkers, trying to make you convince you are the problem when you notice they are off and batshit insane.😂😂😂😂 sometimes you just have to ignore these bastards and let them stay in their psychotic miserable "happy" place of denial.
Without the support of senior management any resolution won't work. In most cases senior management have created the problem by ignoring or even supporting bullying members of staff. The only solution is to leave or move to another department.
Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.
A fish rots from the head first, right? Management either knows or should know, bullying is happening. They just don't care. It's like living out "Mean Girls" at work.
During my first workplace bully experience , someone told me “Keep your head down, stay out of “their” way “ very bad advice. Yet , In my very recent, somewhat ongoing work place bullying saga, I am adopting somewhat the same form of coping . Because of the nature of the bullying , and all the directions it is coming from. Today is Saturday , and I am going into work to clean out my things . I need to do separation paperwork yet, but I want minimal contact. I am leaving, but I am so exhausted my body aches.
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this. You have had bad advice. There is hope! Many great places to work and with some support, you can find new ways to cope so your actions are aligned with what you need and want
If you want to work with a coach who gets it and can help you move forward, book a call with me - If I had known about coaching when I went through my ordeal, I believe I would have recovered faster!
In both of my workplaces I am harassed horribly and forcibly. What I do is live my life and they are not a part of it and never have been. I happen to make smart and sound decisions and I swear that is what p...... them off the most. In every workplace I make it clear that I just work there this happens.... Every single one....
Iit’s not surprising when you realize they are working with the same tools they had in junior high. These skills are simply needed in junior high classes. It’s why it is a top skill for employees - but organizations also don’t prioritize teaching better skills. It’s why I am here doing what I do :)
They were the school bullies. There is research on bullies at school who have high self esteem, good lives etc and they are the main bullies. The others are called bully- victims who have personal problems etc. Yes… those girls grow up… become “professionals”
I followed policy and reported this NURSE , dates names times etc, the bullying was stressing me out. I reported her twice and each time the bullying became worse. Nurses are the WORST. I ended up leaving. Management made the situation worse , it was like being bullied twice. There was no WIn , Win.
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.x
Everything you’re saying is so true. I didn’t have the courage to speak up despite being bullied several times. I eventually brought it to my boss, who pretty much gaslight me about my reality. We had a formal meeting with h, which soon turned into retaliation from the bully. The retaliation never stopped for years though I would call and cry my eyes out and tell my boss about it. I just left the office after another incident and I’m not going back. However, I’m not letting them off the hook. It’s time for me to stand up against this individual and the organization that was suppose to protect me.
oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear your experience. I wish we were able to connect sooner so you could have felt supported. While HR can be brought in as an ally, we also know they are supporting the manager and the company - so the timing and the methods can make a difference. If you want support and help in restoring your reputation, consider joining the Conquer Conflict Academy and we can work together
I joined your Facebook group. I’ve always been taught as a child to keep my head down and not cause any conflict. It’s only worked against me. I wish I have learned more conflict resolution skills. As a 52-year-old woman I’m tired of people taking advantage of my silence. I did all the avoidant things that you’ve mentioned in this video.
As soon as you start getting bullied by just one person, you must realize that this person is a part of a bigger problem and there are workgangs that thrive on that.
Sometimes that is true - if this happened to you, what would you do different in your approach? What is something you could try differently that may give you a better result?
You are right I have both seen it and experienced it. Get legal advice so you know how to protect yourself and possibly sue for constructive dismissal later.Find a new role in a better company, get your reference and move on. When they have huge staff turnover, because they will, and all of the associated negatives that go along with that, they might wake up and smell the coffee. Whatever the case it won't be your headache any longer.
Yes. I still speak up though. I remember 30 years ago had a bullying instructor in uni. I waited for the course to finish, then filed my well-documented grievance. Instructor tried to threaten me and he gave me a crummy grade but ultimately the guy lost his job so I feel I saved future student's the humiliation of having him. I was called a sh*t disturber by some of the class who wanted to gain instructor's favour....even as they were being bullied themselves.
Pretty much, I could walk up to them and just tell them to shut up and how stupid they are, oh I am sure they would love that. Fact is I am not interested who they are and chose to not know what they do. They will brag all day about how great they are and how they live their questionable lives and I know they are lying through their teeth. Have you seen people like that:? On one side they pretend to be super happy and brag about everything, then they turn around and hit you with the evil eye and harass you? Sure, they are normal and happy people, sure they are......
I wish I could have liked this video 100x. I've watched literally 50+ videos over the course of the past 6 months on how to deal with an abusive covert narcissist, and this is the FIRST ONE that actually makes sense to me. All the advice has been to ignore it, not respond, etc. and now the entire department has been hearing this coworker talking poorly about me and since I have listened and not defended myself, they all believe her. Now it feels too late to even try to correct it because it's been almost a year of this narrative that everyone has given into. I was never someone obsessed with what people thought of me, but now people chuckle or walk out of rooms I go into. I'm hypervigilant, avoid doors, have been physically sick, don't sleep anymore, and it's been only getting worse over the year. I swear that I'm usually the type of person that can empathize and resolve conflict, but I've never dealt with a manipulative, lying, triangulating person like this before. I hate being so on guard and paranoid all the time. I just want it to end.
Sorry to hear about this. There is a saying I use “if nothing changes, nothing changes” - It sounds like there are opportunities for you to try something new to reclaim your health and reputation
I disagree with that most people try to blame the mobbing victim for not speaking up. They want to get you to the point where you do nothing but complain, making you look crazy and hard to get along with. Furthermore, I can have positive interactions with them or negative interactions. Bullies will always bully and it actually does not depend on what you do at all.
from my experience and my bully I have tried EVERYTHING if they are narcissists they wont back down, some bullies will step back if you stand up to them but not a narcissistic one they never will. Are there any programs we can get involved in to legislate work place bullying? Make management take acton or pay a consquence if they just blow it off.
I was a teacher in New York and severely harassed by a clique. By the grace of God..I found a book titled: MOBBING that explained it all...just as I experienced it like a playbook.
I wish I found this video last year. I was dealing with these issues and ended up leaving my job. I spoke up to my manager who was doing the bullying but then she played victim and undermined me for about a year and placed me on a performance improvement plan with false accusations. During those 12 months, I started putting my energy into job searching and focusing on new goals. Now that I’m in a new company, I can’t help but think about what else I could’ve said or done to change things around. It really was a painful experience and you don’t get over the wounds and betrayal overnight.
Sometimes leaving is the option - there are a lot of moving parts and resolution does not always look like what we thought. It is useful to reflect and learn from the experience. If you want some help with that - I can help
Oh my goodness I’ve been with an employer for 11 yrs and have tried it all. I’ve gotten older on them- and learned to stand up for myself in ways that really count. It’s been a blessing to see it come full circle. No one’s immune to human problems - bad behavior always catches up to the one behaving badly
The bullies are so subtle and there's a lack of integrity among the management that's absolutely seeing the bullying and thinking "oh well - not my problem!"
Thank you for this advice. I feel heard. I have been struggling for close to a decade at a toxic company. Thankfully I have good people around me now. However, I have become so sick to the point that every waking moment I question if I want to be alive anymore. Yet I have to get up and go to work everyday. I have no true support. It’s not as bad as it once was. I have tried to get new employment. I feel stuck. I feel incredibly guilty for taking time off work. No one believes me. I have to work to stay alive. It it such a viscous cycle. Thank you. This is how I feel. I feel like I’m going insane.I’ve started to develop physical pain and no one believes me.
Sorry to hear you have been affected to this degree. The one thing that stood out to me is “I feel stuck” … even in all the work you have done to find another job, take your power back in deciding to stay. You are dealing with enough, don’t give them any more power in your life It may sound silly, or even a little crazy, but when you stand in your power to make decisions, you find strength in new places
There is an old Book titled: MOBBING, psychological abuse in the workplace....this may help you for your own mental health...and also show people ( along with sites like these) that these things DO happen....I was Mobbed on my job 25 years ago and there was little information online..but I did find some sites......nowadays I see many sites and the comments...just show how prevalent this is..is IS ABUSE.............................I had years of it and got so sick I had to do on Disability for depression and anxiety........if you can leave..( that is a risk you may find another toxic place)..or work from home..or have another stream of income.....like selling on ebay...turtoring....even cleaning homes and offices..may be better.
If you are being bullied/backstabbed/undermined by a sociopath coworker, and management isn't on your side, the only thing to do is begin looking for another job, and leave asap. Don't wait until you are so beaten down, mentally/emotionally worn out and physically exhausted that you're unable to successfully look for and obtain a new job.
Best advice I’ve seen re: workplace bullying if you are the victim, start applying on other jobs, have a neutral story for interviews about a command and control workplace with pervasive micromanagement (if true), and if needed get a doctor’s note to take a legitimate medical leave. No one deserves abuse and HR is never a place to report it. Even grievances can result in reprisals to make for a worse work environment. Poor organizational culture, bad bosses and Ill treatment causes people to vote with their feet. If enough people leave, that should be a learning opportunity for the organization’s senior management.
Only problem with this method is you are giving them what they want by leaving. That same person will then go on to bully someone else. That person may have no where to go and might not be as strong. Could you live with that knowing you could have done something to prevent it from happening to someone else
Well, they followed me to every job I ever took, and in every job they try to bully me out because: Why? I am sane, not abnormal, I am intelligent and I sure know my worth, and I sure know my capabilities and no I will not be one of them. Does not matter what job I take, they have turned it into stalking that spanned them stalking and harassing me with stories while flying into different states and even across the globe. Hair raising stories that put them into power, they are mentally ill, that is what they are.
If you submit paper work, and nothing happens then you have to expect retaliation at some point. The HR at my job is the bosses brother in law, and some people are inter related. You have to figure out what your bullie has or will say. If you work with people who have close relationship connections outside the work place. It seems you should expect to either take it to a court or accept more harassment, or try to be civil.
There is a great deal of nepotism to include married couples (some keeping maiden names so it can't be detected), close relatives, neighbors and co-workers/friends from previous jobs, etc. They build empires, and this is the united front aka mob that victims have to deal with. In this case, I think it's no-win and you should get a new job.
My hr woman manager was a friend of HR woman director. There was no change to look for suportt. I feel total anxity and lonileness and i was scared. The manager pushed 3 experts to leave the job in 5 months. And nobody cares.. next she recruite new employees.
If I decide to confront someone if the behavior doesn't change, I leave asap if they seem dangerous or are friends with managers. Sometimes to get a good reference I won't be rude, but again I'm already planning my exit. Sometimes I notice the boss badmouthing other employees or humiliating them, I'm again planning my exit. If the harassment is turning criminal and you have recorded proof see a lawyer. If your union fights for you go to a therapist and keep a work diary with events and witnesses. It's really a case by case scenario and it depends on if you wanna stay there long-term.
As an Ohio University Organizational Communication graduate from the 80's with experience in the corporate world, the best way to deal with bullies is to be direct, brutal but talk in a whisper.
I think It is a good strategy to stay calm and reduce the energy with a low calm voice. Sometimes this may aggravate the other, and we need to remind ourselves that we do not own their emotions or reactions. We own our emotions
@@tammydunnettleadership It should be in the interests of the company to resolve things in a positive manner, however a lot of companies see that as admitting liability, so for them it is easier to get rid of the person that raises the grievance rather than resolve it properly.
What I have experienced...every single time.....is when I have a solid case against them, they will fabricate some fireable wrong doing on my part. They will plant evidence, and their flying mokeys who were promised a raise or promotion for their cooperation have no problem acting as witness to your horrendous deeds. You need to GET OUT at the first signs of bullying because it never gets better and you have a lot to lose.
You are very good at this. Understanding people has always been un natural to me. When I was bullied in school, I would ask adults about it and none of their answers to my questions made any sense to me. I think that it is because they were all wrong. I have been trying to understand human behavior with an evolutionary psychology lens. Under which, all behavior is selected into the genome, because it offered some genetic advantage. I was told as a child that if you are nice to others, they will be nice to you. I think that having the capacity to induce fear is the basis for respect and a key for getting power. In schools, they need to spend all of their time reinforcing the victims. My life would have been much better if someone like you would have helped me understand in 1979. All of the adults back then were clueless, as if it were an entirely new problem.
Thank you for sharing. Many people don’t know what to say so they give what feels like their best advice. It may work sometimes; and even be the right approach, but it often falls flat
Completely agree with the comments section: bullying exists and persists because management puts up with it. At my last job, they extolled the virtues of being a jerk and laughed off every unprofessional thing that a co-worker did. The advice I got was to become a jerk to deal with that jerk. If I have to change fundamentally who I am to keep a job, I'll do something else.
Sometimes that is the best thing, and not always necessary. Most bullies are not aware of their impact. I have had successful resolutions myself and with clients through improving communication skills, boundaries, etc
The bullying will stop instantly if and when the bullies realize that behavior will not be tolerated. You have to assess the management, their willingness to deal with the problem and potentially run off the problematic employee (perhaps multiple if they are unable to identify the ring leader). If the bully smells weakness or desperation on the meagers part, best to start looking for the door. They are running this place and will continue to do so. That manager is just there to pick up the slack for when the bully doesn't feel like doing their job, which happens a lot.
I agree...I tried to communicate how the bullies were effecting me.. and it got worse.....you Try ONCE...and this will tell you if the people are not malicious......I tried and tried....the best thing is to leave or get a lawyer( but these things are hard to prove). standing up for yourself is good for self respect .
@@CynthiaBiel If the manager doesn't do anything about the behavior, or worse yet, takes the bully's side, it gives the bully extra satisfaction when you complain. They get to victimize you twice and you do half the work. I find in that situation, its best to act like none of it affects you while you look for another job. Don't give them the satisfaction. They can have that horrible job with the incompetent management. Go find someplace decent to work. I'll never understand why so many good people chose to stay in these places, just pleading with terrible people to like them.
I am now in my mid 60s. I have seen a number of workplaces go from really great, to bullying toxicity with a management change. However, I have NEVER seen it reversed. I have never seen a toxic workplace become healthy. It is like a virus and it contaminates everyone because the healthy ones leave and only the toxic supporters stay. So eventually, all are toxic or supporters of toxicity.
I've gone to management. This employee that I am issues with, has a chummy relationship with our supervisor, and when e had a meeting they looked at me as if I was the problem, she laughed it off when i confronted her. Nothing has changed in our department.
I can not agree with you more. I am a nurse and Ive worked in a very small opioid clinic in Sweden. Because of many factors among them low staffing, education and low work moral I became increasingly overloaded with work. I asked a good friend for advice but the advice often was that I was being overly sensitive or overthinking stuff, to just ignore things. As I got increasingly ill, tired and depressed, the advice was that perhaps I was not seeing things clearly since I was /am depressed. I believed it those words, since I consideted the person to be kind and well intended, even when it felt wrong. When I finally asked for help I was seen as the problem. Or they did see that I was struggling but.. one made a comment that hurt me. " I dont have the energi to hear it" at an actual work meeting that was meant to adress such things. I though, you cant even hear it, but Im suposed to shut up and deal with it? I felt like they meant (nurse colleges), yeah poor you but this is not our problem. I got burned out and Im on sick leave still. After 4 years dealing with the same issues I felt betrayed, unheard and bitter. Today Im working temporarily at a different clinic 25% and getting better by each day. Funny conversation I had with that same person who felt I was oversensitive. They now expressed the same frustrations after 6 months and they were surprisingly very upset and even shocked at the situation. They were clearly expecting support. They complained that the situstion at work was so hard, toxic and that they felt unheard and overworked. My answer: oh, same old thing, different people affected. Mmhh. Yes, very sad.
My boss put me in a different department although I learned how to work most machines in a short amount of time (3 months) whereas most employees took an average 4-6 months for one. Last machine I was trained on prior to being moved somewhere else, the person improperly trained me which led to one bad day and an excessive amount of downtime although my downtime wasn’t the worst. I’ve been targeted and sabotaged within the first month of my employment because I was offered a higher position and some people knew about it. Does anyone know why I was moved instead of fired if I’m so problematic and incompetent? Also found out from other people in new apartment that the people who targeted me have also gotten previous employees fired or made them quit. Why are they promoted and treated with favor when they are ultimately going against company’s increase in productivity by harassing and sabotaging efficient employees who are beneficial?
Hey Terra Nova, is this a union position? It is possible the supervisor/ boss moved you because they recognized you were being treated unfairly and they are trying to reduce issues in the workplace. It may also be because they see potential in you and this move is to help you. One will only know the truth if you ask them about the move
They move you so the next department can also sabotage and complain about you. That way they can say we tried to resolve the problem by moving her but she still had issues in the new position. They increase the lies about you but it looks like the truth when others (toxic people) support the lies.
@@reginathomas4478 THAT is a twisted process - and I know it happens. The best defence is a great offence. I have worked with a client who was dealing with this situation - and we worked to help turn things around
@@tammydunnettleadership I respectfully disagree. These bullies have mental health issues and hide in public schools and act as tyrants. Because…. They can!
Bullies are always empowered by management and a workplace can quickly become toxic when managers support negative behviour. I have found it's often bullying by management or bullying by mobbing where more than one employee gangs up against a single employee to force them to leave. I once worked for a company and was the only person in a small department who was over 50. My work colleagues were in their early twenties and they decided to mob me, making my life unbearable on a daily basis. When I spoke to my Manager, I was told to make more of an effort and try to socialise with them after work, dismissing my situation completely. In the end, I did leave for the sake of my mental health.
Sometimes leaving is the option - and it sucks and feels unfair at the time. Leaders need training in how to support employees through these situations- it is where I can help. If you need me - or have a referral, connect with me
Thanks for such vital information. I like having diversity in the workplace. Most of all if that person from a far different family background than mine likes diversity in both his workplace and among his family members too. A leader like that is so hard to find. Not someone whom we should be ever taking for granted; Nor should we be taking his family for granted as well.
This has been happening to me for 7 months, I recently quit just last week I just felt way too uncomfortable to go back and truly isolated. It was an issue an older lady had with me for some reason when I first started and then it spread to the majority of the other people around or her clique so to speak as they were all fake and clearly talking shit as I didn’t even talk to some of them. Quitting in my case wasn’t me giving up, it was me putting myself first and taking back my power. I’m not going to put up with shit and just let people use me for amusement and for a reaction. The supervisor and one of my coworkers told me to ignore it and to not quit but it just really got to me when all I’d hear were condescending things also being said to me by everyone “you sweat a lot do you have a problem? … you seem tired” well no shit I’m on the fastest machine I’m going to be sweating a bit but not anything crazy and it was hot inside because of the heat. The guy I was working for was at the front laughing his ass off with another lady on his line while I worked at the back, I would see everyone exchanging glances with one another and laughing by turning their head away from me and putting on fake smiles all night the day I quit. I explained this incident to the supervisor and she deflected it by saying well you don’t even know they were talking about you, but I’m not stupid. This is just one of the incidents too which is the sad part, one time I had someone leave a trash bin in front of my working station on purpose because when I came back from lunch all I saw was everyone in the corner laughing their asses off. These were people in their 40s and 50s who I felt just wanted me gone and couldn’t believe I was even there for that long. This older lady who first had an issue with me never spoke to me, always had attitude, avoided me as much as possible. Even some people I thought understood my situation and even told me they did were secretly exchanging glances and laughing too. Only 3 coworkers were upset about me leaving and told me not to but it was targeted because people came after me too and still it was something about me they couldn’t stand.
It sounds like it was a challenging environment and you had a mix of issues in the workplace from inexperienced leaders, bad advice, and communication breakdowns. I hope your new work environment is also healthy. Be careful not to take the past experiences with you. My own growth and learning, and my coaching of others, highlights the importance of learning and growing through experience. There is a risk you may be hyper vigilant for behaviors that mimic the past experience, resulting in a more intense response from you than normal
One of the worst advice people give is tell the target to quit the work. If you love your job, why should you? Take your courage and expose them. You’ll be surprised with the results .
It is easier to walk away - at least that is what the advice suggests- and there are times where that will end up being the best decision- but as long as there are options on the table, why not try to be the different in your own life 💕
I am so glad some said “ignoring it” is not the right way to handle. I have been “ignoring it” for 8 months all day everyday. They just get worse and grow in numbers until you are actually running away all the time. I spoke with my manager and was gaslit. I am doing the best out of the entire department. So I know they don’t care about who is doing well lol
@@tammydunnettleadership Wow I wasn’t expecting a reply. I mean since I posted this comment it’s become dare I say theatrical. They are creating plans without me knowing. They all got up and left the other day. I still do not actually know what I did there is nothing official filed on their side
I almost filled out the grievance. Of course no one told me that it would not necessarily be a good thing. Watching your video stopped me from doing that. I still believe it was the right decision to not fill out the grievance for me anyway
I refuse to let them get away with stupid stuff, turn on my heels and yes I have ran away from monsters millions of times and will continue to do so, as if I don't have the right to remove myself from a lunatic?
Well I sought out videos because I am now dealing with anxiety from a workplace bully. I was told exactly to avoid the bully. I feel so worthless because even after a meeting with HR I don't feel better. Was actually asked to meet with the bully who is a total narcissist, didn't see a big problem and at this moment has refused to the meeting. I have been physically ill for weeks dealing with this issue that has not only happened to me but with other employees. He's a plain jerk. I have tried to find some counseling through my insurance and there's no availability for months. I dread my job that I really actually love. I can't and don't want to leave my job. But in the world we live in today I fear this person. He is absolutely the type to crack and do something horrible. This has damaged me.
If you want to stop bullying successfully. 1) Audio record throughout your entire shift everyday. 2) When you have illegal harassment consult with a civil attorney. 3) Go to the manager and explain the law. Let them no mobbing, harassment etc is illegal based on race, gender etc and that you have comments recorded. 4) Document everything and let them see you doing it. Include date, time location, who was there what was done or said etc. 5) Tell the abuser you will file a lawsuit against them personally for harassment and present them with a lawyers business card.
Yes this is common and there are many possible reasons why this bad advice is so prevalent- one that comes to mind is that people truly think it is the best they can offer because it is what they would do - it is not to fault people, because we are not taught how to be in a space like this - where someone is struggling- Find a different job is also poor advice. Does nothing to solve the issues. Sometimes that is a decision we make as a result of unreasonable workplaces, but as advice, two thumbs down
@@tammydunnettleadership and I've left those jobs and had to take the next job out of desperation where it was a complete repeat of the last job. Nothing but the places and faces changed. The issues never got fixed. I was then told I needed to use my voice to speak my truth and stand up for myself by some.trusted friends and family who started seeing a pattern. I also reached a point where I was so fed up with how people were treating me that I felt I would just say the stuff I always wanted to say, but was too afraid to say. I thought that if I was going to go down I'll take somebody with me who was abusing me and have a seckle at least of some.self respect.
@@patriciahill4619 you share a reality many people, myself included, experience. It has become my understanding that until we do the work ourselves to understand why we are targets, the experience will continue. I hope you are in a better place now.
@@tammydunnettleadership I am better where I'm at despite the location leader having it out for me. The higher up managers see the true quality of the work I do and I'm being fairly compensated. This I believe makes the bully jealous. He wants to keep me in line and he's frustrated that I am not controllable; so he tries to create new policies hoping I'll mess up so he can write me up. He threatened recently to give me a bad review, but I got a raise from a higher up instead. The bully continues to try to harm me and I fear that he will never stop trying. **please give me advice not to fall into his trap, etc .
@@tammydunnettleadership .. I have a wealth of experience (30 years) defeating bullies mainly *by proxy* .. i.e. writing hard hitting emails for friends and family who are getting bullied at work.. emails that lay traps for HR and Managers in question, and checkmates them when they fall into those traps! Would love a conversation with you! .. will share methods and techniques you may have never heard of.
I called out a colleague who made racist remarks about another colleague. Managers talked to him and he simply denied (of course), so the managers asked me to come and speak with him. The managers asked if I could have heard wrong, so I told them and the colleague sitting in front of me 'no'. He didn't look at me. The managers told me I'm not allowed to speak about it and not to mention it again. I now worry what will happen next time I have to go to the office...
Let’s hope the other person has learned a lesson … in the meantime, what would it look like for you to take the lead, approach the colleague and have a “clear the air” conversation? A reset?
One trick is to tell someone to concentrate on the training or work, which is basically a combination of what you say about being told to keep quiet and gaslighting. That message says concentrate on this - not that, as if it's the targetted person's response in dealing with a nothing matter while not learning the job or not attending to the job enough the same time. I see that message as a nasty way to wash the brain to take the assaults and be better the same time. There are various ways these bad suggestions you mention can be presented. And they are equally as bad or worse depending on the person issuing the messages, the harms and fears already involved and the person hearing them. There's also the messages (excuses) you may have shared or may look into sharing which are the excuses for bullying, harassment and worse workplace crimes. They are nothing but lame. Here's one lame excuse: "(The men) weren't ready for you." And believe me, I have heard this one reworded from a few people who actually care and who listen to me when I correct them. And the bullies say it too, they started it as: "(We) weren't ready for you." Well, on social media these days, we find lots more than news covered in the days of radio, TV and newspapers on what some men do in men-only workplaces, they assault visitors during workplace tours, they go as far as to do the same stuff to male colleagues, animanls and yes machines, using gendered slurs against them, ignoring their needs and even doing the disgusting acts to them just to get away with something and all that has been going on throughout history even when very few women worked outside of homes. I say 'Every person, of any gender is ready for you, some looking forward to a new colleague, some curious how things will go and some looking for something more available to pick on and with the expectations of getting reactions - every day getting reactions unlike what the workplace tour visitors, animals and machines mentoned above will or won't react to.' The workers are all ready in their own ways and when I tell that to a genuine person who cares but has been misinformed and then tell who started that lame excuse, I get a reaction, the person taking that in and saying a lesson was taught and learned or something to that nature. Yes, on UA-cam, I saw a disgusting video and another time read a comment under a better video from men who say and do to machines what is typically said and done to women in hate and anger, and I have seen that sort of stuff go on in a number of workplaces I was hired at, not realizing all these years that is actually common. Here's another lane excuse: "This job is not for you." Like the bullies hear from the job it is not the job for you. Nope. It's not the job, don't gaslight the job for that one. The job doesn't care who can do the work, the job is not doing the offending and the job is not with all of its parts and all of its staff going at you, it's the bullies who are part of the staff - one or more and the bullies have no excuse to blame the job for their attitudes. That excuse doesn't come from well intentioned people in my experience, usually resource people who may be "helping" clients but not doing it correctly are the people who share that excuse the bullies started and continue to voice, and these people are doing more than that wrongly, as in misdirecting clients to other places which can't help, gaslighting the clients, and not putting their full efforts into helping their clients to getting justice. I could go on about lame excuses. But it serves us all better if we use logics before we speak, think from above example: in regards to harassment, men suffer that and other bad acts too, even where women are on staff it still happens to men whike women are bullies too; and to the second example, work is not a thing which picks who can work in peace and who must suffer or leave. When people who care for employees, colleagues, family members and clients think that way, they won't recycle such bad suggestions and lame excuses. And when we combine our efforts by that thinking, we will shut down every bit of these bad suggestions and lame excuses and potentially shut down most if not all bullying in short order. The content in your video is not something I could have gotten decades ago, even a few years back. What you did is tell us valueable information and invite us to comment. And I sure hope people tune in, because the words you told, I didn't hear these bad suggestions that way, people will recognise these matters better when we share how these messages are said. Best for all though, is for the authorities to take action to prevent bullying, even if that means some of them leave to make way for better leadership to take their places and stand up to bullying and to put enough bullies through the justice systems to scare the rest of them straight out of their desires to harm. Thank you kindly for this informative video. 😊
It was almost four years before I learned that I was scapegoated and six years to see what my supervisor was doing while she was working in my office. The whole thing still makes me physically sick. In fact, it's been 12 years and this is all I think about.
I have been disrespected, insulted and belittled by a woman at my school for 8 years. I have tried different tactics to deal with her but it never works long term. She thinks she is my boss, she’s not, she simply oversees a few aspects of the department I teach in. She is (wilfully) ignorant about my subject and yet she tries to control and interfere with what I do. She relishes the slightest opportunity to undermine me and she does it to other people too. For the most part I don’t talk to her and rarely reply to her emails as they are usually a ploy to engage me in an interaction where she can gaslight me. I get happier when I am able to avoid her as I love my work but sooner or later it starts again. I only teach in this place 2 days a week but I always feel sick and unsafe when I go in. It is demoralising that I am not appreciated or respected as I am very good at what I do. My other colleagues love me and see my worth which is nice but this one person is emotionally damaging me. I get insomnia and depression and sometimes I’m so angry and frustrated that I feel traumatised.
Is this a place you can leave? Loving your work will only go so far and unless you find a way to protect yourself with boundaries and can shed the fear
It can be hard to prove if everything is happening in isolation or where others can’t see / hear it. Even when it is done in public, people usually don’t come forward to support targets for fear of job action
I’ve learned that keeping my Mouth shut is the best advise. I tried to speak out and now I’m targeted… I can’t move anywhere in the company because this person badmouth me to all managers and apparently she’s trustworthy because she works here ok her than me. I’ve decided to let it go and work on my education and better myself.
It's none of my business what others think of me. I love my life and what I do. I love other people. If they have issues that is their concern. I mind my own business. I'm ok, they are probably ok too. Self acceptance helps me accept others.
It can happen - the reflection is “what could I have done differently that may have changed the outcome”; and were you able to walk away and feel good with what you said?
@@tammydunnettleadership unfortunately, nothing I can do differently other than find another job. Management supports the bully. It's not a healthy place to work.
I got work mobbed today. I’m not eating with them, talking to them much, and figuring things out on my own unless it’s a burning question or they check in on me(since they acted so dismissive to me every time I asked for help as a newbie.) I am documenting all the times they picked on me, including a guy who is flirting and making me feel uncomfortable. I will be reporting g this to admin and will get an employment lawyer if it gets worse. If they try to work mob me again, I’m going to say, “Can we please talk about this private instead of with the whole team?” Or I will refuse to join them, or I’ll bring the healthiest admin to be in the room to rid of the intimidation tactics. Other than that I’m not investing in any of them. If I get fired oh well. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean you take advantage of me, and they need to learn that
None of that is going to work. It’s more damaging to try to gain their respect. The saying, “kill them with kindness…” is bs. The nicer you are to those that mistreat you, the more powerful they feel. It has never worked. I just leave and go somewhere else. The damage to my health, mental health, and wellbeing is more important.
It can happen - sadly. So many good people experience this same outcome. As a leader, I hope they can begin to see that a person who brings issues forward actually cares about the place
In a place I worked the company policy was that bullying was banned and did not happen so anyone that complained of bullying was a liar. Furthermore anyone who reacted whilst allegedly being bullied was subject to disciplinary action. I developed a new form of martial art which is to stay calm, stay still and wait to be be hit. The bullies went to management and admitted threatening to beat me up and complaining that I had stood still and should therefore be disciplined as I had reacted to bullying. One complained that in pushing past me she had hurt herself on my elbow and this was an assault, it was an ambush, she'd been waiting for me to reach the doorway out of a narrow passage. The 2 pieces of bad advice you gave apply not to the victim of bullying but to the witness of bullying, ignore it, don't report it and try to get on, you won't get bullied but the bullies now control you. Your solutions don't work, the bullies face zero consequences for their actions and may eventually cause the closure of an entire factory as people that join the bullies become exempt from doing useful work.
Sometimes that is the best thing to do - quitting is not the same as healing though. If you ever find yourself seeing the same pattern repeating - that is a sign that more work needs to be done el
All my life, I was always told to ignore bullies and harassers and I hate it. I just want these idiots to leave me alone because they're the ones with the problem.
Yes. People often share that advice because they 1) used it and it “worked” - because the other person got bored and left them alone 2) they don’t know any other way and 3) they don’t have the confidence or skill to try something different It really is the best advice they have to offer - so I don’t take it as mean or with an ill intention. It just does not work
I was harassed, I complained, didn’t hear back for 3 month and asked about it & it got worse and I left. When there is poor leadership, poor HR, no caring except for themselves then you have to do the best thing for you so it does not harm you and you keep a positive mindset. Close to 37 people left and they did nothing. They Mgmt was getting paid a lot of money and kept the bully there.
I ate my lunch in the bathroom the other day. My bully in the lunchroom. I walked in, saw her and walked out. I just couldn’t have one more interaction with her that day. She’s a passive aggressive nightmare with narcissistic tendencies. I’m no pushover. I will defend myself - but why should I? I just want to do my days work and go home. This woman lives rent free in my brain. I HATE it!! Thank you for this presentation. I’m going to rethink my reactions and see if I can find some peace in myself because I’m not going anywhere and neither is she. The owner loves her (why???). She keeps threatening to quit or retire. I swear I will do a happy dance if either happens 💕 The funny thing is: I like her. It’s her behaviour I can’t stand, if that makes sense.
Oh my goodness - when the bathroom feels like a lunchroom, you know things are bad! Sorry to hear about this 1. Write the “rent free brain dweller” an eviction notice - seriously give it a try, can be a powerful activity to reclaiming your mental space- and then act accordingly when she shows up in your brain post eviction 2. Find a better place to eat lunch :)
Just left my job due to bullying from my boss. I’m really needing help to find out what I did to be the target. I start a new job in another week and I’m already terrified of this happening again. What can I do to avoid this? I just want to do my job and have peace with coworkers and managers.
It sounds like leaving was the right thing and your nervous system also sounds overwhelmed and on high alert. Working with a therapist and coach who can help you navigate this recovery and reclamation phase is going to be helpful If you are interested in seeing what I can help you with - check out my website tammydunnett.com and book a discovery call
Thank you for this empowering video. I totally know what it's like to be bullied and then get labelled a troublemaker. Or I've been made to think it won't work! I have been bullied for my sexuality. I chose to ignore it thinking that I was the bigger person and that things would get better. They didn't, they got worse! I had to put with nasty homophobic comments like: "faggot" "poof" or a "poofter". When I requested secret video recording my HR manager told me that that was highly illegal. Despite me telling him that undercover workers used this method to bring abusers in care homes to justice!
@@tammydunnettleadership left saying anything else, thinking may be I was, six months down the line, I am hoping to start new job next month. It has just got worse. I have found out, last October when I was off. The MD complained about the bully who covered my work. Explains alot, only fours weeks left there, I am not joking, I am scared but at least light at end of the tunnel
Every job I was bullied every job I was harassed to horrible levels …. But they always fight for me to stay lol …. Like I could scream at someone and they’d give me another chance lol 😂 prolly cause they know I’m targeted non stop
when narcs know they cannot manipulate you, they see it is a challenge to sometimes try and bully you, they know it will hurt them and they will get their fingers burned in the process. I guess these sad sacks of 💩💩💩 just want to feel something, even if hurting you gets them burned.
Have tried to speak up and hold a conversation to resolve the conflict/stop the bullying thats happening against me in my workplace Sorry to say, the bullies are not genuine enough to understand their bad behaviour or to stop They just do it and like to crush other people, they feel happy about it and no conversation can become an eye opener for that kind of people Leaving is better but I personally had myself cyberbullied even after leaving, thats how some bullies can be Hurting others from across a screen especially has become an addiction and kind of fun for people who perform this heinous act How do we even get away
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. We won’t always get the response or resolution we are wanting - and being in conversation is the most effective method. So good on you for having the courage to talk to them.
Hey tammy i came across yoir video and was wonding how to deal with this situation cause it line up to well with having a horribke management team. A company with no HR rep and. A staff ive caught red hand in the cookie jar associated with telling employees to just be silent. Have the email to. Also long time ago had a situations full blown out of the hat when i was called a mall shooter due to rumours being spread.
@@tammydunnettleadership hello so I've tried talking using points I've learned about bring this convo into debate and came to realize that the client is aware of his action team lead is aware of his actions they are waiting for someone to complain. This i got today from mobile supervisor. And I can see it dosnt bother me now I know what this video talking about his action are his own. Is being reviewed, there seeing how much patience i can be with him. Right now he went on a 1h patrol. And it takes 15min. So im gunna shut up n keep what I've learned. He's exposing himself.
This sounds horrible I am interpreting your statement as a generalization - or do you mean they literally talk about how / what you eat, drink, and do anything
This video started really interesting and true but ended up with very poorly. A leader you have to approach isn’t skilled up will continue to destroy you.
I am sorry but I was annoyed at one point and stopped listening. I will go back and listen to the end. My son is dealing with a work place where they refuse to listen to him. They know that they can get away with denial. My son has pointed out areas of improvement they need to correct regarding health and safety violations and more. He is a threat due to his work ethic and their negligence they bullied him out of the door.
I wish companies would publish in their website the set of values they preach and then to be up to the person to select the values that are best aligned to their personal beliefs. Like .. would people like the values of companies such as Procter, Unilever or Reckitt ?
@@tammydunnettleadership Yes and feel forced into ignoring it, because EveryTime I try to address it or get it addressed, I’m shut down, shut up, derailed & It gets worse. They seem to have a huge network of people working together or convinced of who knows what.? I’m actually scared I won’t have my job constantly or that they make my job a hundred times harder and pass me up for promotion. It’s been devastating to say the least. HR is a part of the problems and or protect the company. I’m 55 started over at this job at the bottom only to be constantly pushed back & down. I live in a small town with very few jobs, let alone jobs making more than $8.00 an hour. I have to take so much abuse that it’s effecting my health. The laws in ID protect the landlords & the employers. Thank you for listening. Nowhere to Go 🙁
It is my immediate supervisor that is bullying me. I’ve been at the position about two months. I’ll be with the company over two years. All of my previous supervisors and evaluations have been great but this one doesn’t want to train me. This one doesn’t want to answer questions this one has made me feel unsafe scared I cry could work sick every day, I really don’t know how to handle this, but I have to learn my job and I have to ask her ask him questions and they don’t wanna answer the questions when I ask if you sent a format that I can make my corrections to scan the paper and show to me he refused to do so when I needed to make corrections to documentI’m definitely working fear and I’m making more mistakes. What do I do?
At Dormakaba the management were the bullies and wanted every one of their workers to do it with them. I asked management to have it stop. She pulled everyone in that area while I was there and had a meeting so they could pretend they weren't doing it. They then went to HR and HR said they talked to all the people doing it. Those said people said they weren't. They told me I needed psychological help and put me on leave. They then a month later said I could come back if a psychologist checked off a list stating that I was in the wrong. That I was doing something to them instead. Dormakaba HR blames the abused. I was recording them though so now it is all over the Internet. Yep I was the problem by them being disgusting.
It all comes down to numbers. If there are a lot of complaints against one person, then management will act. Even if people are ganging up on that person and they are the victim not the perpetrator. Management don't like problems, period. Also, people might not have another job to go to. Unemployment, poverty, homelessness isn't a good alternative.
I agree. Staying in a toxic job because there are no options (and we all have bills to pay) is not something anyone should feel shame over. It is choosing a path from two less desired choices
Hi I enjoyed your video. I have tried clicking on the free resource of scripts of what to say in certain situations. However, it says it’s expired. Is there anyway of getting this another way?
Whether you decide to be quiet or speak up i find most of the time if there is favouritism between management/supervisors/co workers it wont make a difference either way, once you are targeted that is generally it, a bully is a bully
A true bully - yes, the problem is most “bullies” are not intentionally trying to hurt people. When 85% of offensive behaviors stop with a conversation- we know that people will change
Notice the quotes - what we call a bully is often a bully-like or bad day behaviour. Left unaddressed, these can become chronic issues, and even those chronic behaviors can change. Speaking from experience
In my experience with bullying in the workplace, bullies are empowered by management. The manager is either a bully themself, demonstrating what kind of behaviors the employee-bully sees that they can get away with; or they are considered so valuable and irreplaceable that the manager chooses to overlook or excuse the behavior because she or he is so important to the larger goals of the organization.
Yes. You have hit on some very important organizational factors that create a talk-sick workplace. There is still potential for change and it must be driven from the leadership in these cases.
I studied Boss Whispering, and bullies of this nature need a coordinated approach
If the org is unwilling, it is better to leave
Your absolutely right. Especially when lines managers are friends with senior management, they know they can get away with it! Luckily people are realising that HR are there to protect the company, not the employees!
Another example is that the tribunal laws can't always be powerful. I live in the UK. And for a company to be taken to a tribunal i.e constructive dismissal, you have to have 2 years continuous service with the company. I'm not sure how the US tribunal laws are, but it 2 years in the UK!
@@tammydunnettleadership I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.[
Exactly! I have noticed that in my place of work.
I think bullying comes from lack of leadership by management
That will certainly perpetuate the problem. The opportunity for each of us is to recognize it and stop it. If we wait for a leader to notice and do something l, we are at their mercy
Exactly. I literally just left my job because I was being bullied and the boss was too much of a Beta to do anything about it.
@@ryangordon133 Sorry to hear about your experience .... maybe send my video to the company lol
@@tammydunnettleadership thanks Tammy. Maybe I will 🤔 lol
9 out of 10 leaders are the biggest bullies that's why they promote the same prototype. Values reflection as above so below
Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.
This is a valuable share. Organizational issues definitely exist and are often the reasons people quit. I advocate for each individual participating in the solution
💯
Agreed, it's emotional abuse.
We need to stop calling it bullying. Its harassment. Its Pathological and demonic.
Excellent comment. Totally agree.
This is why I stay debt free. I've been bullied out of every job I've had. It doesn't change from. Job to job. Being debt free let's me sleep at night.
It is a good strategy to have money saved. Gives a sense of freedom to make those choices.
And as my husband said to me: if you are the common denominator in every situation, have you looked at yourself?
It was a hard question for me to hear but I was already wondering why it always happens to me
I learned some things about my right fighting and the values that I hold strongly to. It helped me realize I could try something different without sacrificing myself
Sue them. You’ll be surprised how willingly they would want to pay you a handsome settlement for fear of being exposed in court. But it’s understandable, if you don’t want to deal with courts and reliving the stuff by giving evidence and all that.
@@OK-wb1dy I agree with this.
After I blew up after being bullied for years at a job I had the owner of the business called me straight away and said what did I want - I said nothing what I should have said was lots of money or else but by that point I was too angry.
@@tammydunnettleadershipWould like to know what are those values you held strongly that made you a target
What has debt free got to do with bullying in jobs?
Workplace bullying isn't about resolving conflict. It's about the need to dominate, and to maintain that social dynamic through reinforcement.
My experience is much “bullying” is not true bullying - it is bully like behaviours rooted in unresolved conflict That said, bullying behaviours left unaddressed will never resolve
Yeah, has nothing to do with work, you are basically in a crowd of wolves trying to survive.
I notice that they target ones who are 'well put together'.Kinda like seeing if they can take you down a couple notches.🤔🙄
It can certainly seem that way
It's always the biggest eff-arounds that want to tattle on everybody else. They get paranoid about getting caught and think they through a smokescreen by throwing the quiet, unpopular coworker under the buss. This is why autistic people "can't work". Because they work way too well.
😢
Yes they’re actually very insecure and have to pull people down so they can feel better about themselves. Also, some people feel like nice people deserve it for being so stupid and trusting.
@@Smith-he6bgNice people are often trusting. These are both positive traits to have in one's makeup. Having healthy trust in others is acknowledging that you're lending someone the benefit of credibility up until the person gives you a reason not to. Those are reasonable expectations of human interaction and engagement. Unreasonable expectations, on the opposite side of spectrum, include persistent feelings of paranoia, suspicion, doubtfulness, the insistence that there is always some new predator "out to get you", etc. Interacting according to these universally accepted terms of healthy engagement like affording people reasonable benefit of the doubt, or as some paranoid people like to call it being "trusting", or practicing good manners and interacting with others with common decency is regarded as "stupid" nowadays apparently.
The ‘just ignore it’ and ‘don’t speak up’ approach is not only detrimental to the victim, but also just serves to further empower the bully to continue their offensive behaviour, as they can see they’re getting away with it. Just my experience as someone currently on stress leave due to one narcissistic toxic individual whose behaviour has been allowed to fester.
It is true, in order to implement an effective strategy, we must be willing to acknowledge the real problem first
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.b
I'm currently practicing the "just ignore it, don't speak up" method and it's grinding me to rubble. I have an employee who is a big bully and rather than find the courage to confront her on her disrespectful behavior, I'm avoiding the issue out of fear. I'm watching this video, and more, hoping to find the key to confront this bully.
@@astromama3474 This is exactly what I did, and it was the worst approach I could have taken. Please get some independent advice (either externally or within your organisation) about how to manage this. But for now start diarising everything - what she did/said exactly with date and time. Preferably do this electronically by sending the reports to yourself via email so that they are date/time stamped. With this evidence you can then later take the matter further in accordance with whatever advice you receive. I did not take these steps and my mental health and self-confidence severely suffered for it. Act now.
This was the poor advice my parents would often give me all my life throughout childhood and adulthood. You would think that ignoring them in an attempt to make the bully/bullies get bored and give up works in the end but in honesty all that does is encourage them to work harder on trying to get a reaction out of you. It's worse once you're an adult and they still try it because you would think that they have grown out of it. But nope, they want to relive their glory days.I went through this at my previous job at a daycare last year because I was new to childcare and was the only worker with no kid. Holy hell it was awful because this bully was nearly ten years my senior, had three kids of her own, and STILL Insisted on acting like a high school bully towards me for no reason other than existing in the building. Everyone complained about her to the boss for different reasons,but because she came and did her job they protected her. One year later and she's now getting bullied over there by someone bigger and badder than her so I guess karma caught up to her in the end. Sadly a lot of these people get away with it though
Honestly in my situation I’m not afraid to be confrontational and speak up, they used that as bait to get a reaction out of me but even when I straight up asked them what the issue was they would just stare at me and say nothing and after that it would continue. So ignoring it wouldn’t have made a difference because if they wanted to they would still laugh or exchange glances with one another for one reason or another. I’ve ignored them before and clearly it didn’t do much either. I am a friendly person and talk to a lot of people so I’m not sure what these people had against me. Overtime though it really makes you feel self conscious about your work ethic and how you perform when all eyes are on you or they are waiting for a screw up. I’m trying to find a job this week and I pray I find a healthy work culture/environment that means the most to me with supportive co-workers. I’ve had shitty co-workers in the past but it never got this immature.
You hit on an important consequence of chronic workplace issues - and that is how you start to question yourself. Stand in your truth. If you need support, I offer coaching services that may help
It’s just awful trying to survive in these kinds of sick work environments. I’m so sorry for your stress. Nobody deserves to be marginalized.
Everything you said rings true for me. Un/Fortunately, you are not alone. I find there has always been a sociopath and they are always like a moth to a flame with me. I am still working on strategy. It would be nice to just be at peace.
I know what you mean about having all eyes on you, waiting for you to screw up. I really do believe management creates these bullying environments
I am interested in your coaching services, pls I need help with work place bullies @@tammydunnettleadership
When I stood-up to bullying, I was labeled “the problem”, and went through years of varying degrees of harassment. Unfortunately, by the time I realized things would NOT get better, I was too vested into my retirement to leave. I did find some solace in the fact it was not just happening to me, so we all made a running joke of it-Survivor.😂😂
Oh gosh - your experience is sooo common (and one I resonate with) and you point to a well used coping strategy (we are all in it together)
Yes, my manager told me my reactions were not normal like gping to work anxious. After I sas bullied😩
I was bullied and harassed in front of co workers and patients. When I asked the person to stop. She called the regional and told her I was harassing her. This person complained about my work , my mgr and her would laugh about giving me all the tough patients. I was called loser in front of co workers and patients. Just find new job and get help to deal with the trauma. Staying isn’t going to get better
@@tammydunnettleadership well, didnt you advice that supposedly helps, speaking up?
@@lisawadhams1241never understimate narcissists in a workplace as to how far they will go to gaslight themselves that they are not the problem by projecting everything on those around them. A bunch of psychotic coworkers, trying to make you convince you are the problem when you notice they are off and batshit insane.😂😂😂😂 sometimes you just have to ignore these bastards and let them stay in their psychotic miserable "happy" place of denial.
Without the support of senior management any resolution won't work. In most cases senior management have created the problem by ignoring or even supporting bullying members of staff.
The only solution is to leave or move to another department.
Yes I agree management plays a critical role. I add that we don’t need management to be the change in our relationships. That is up to us
Employment law needs to give more power to targets. Bullying is a form of corruption, in my view. Look at personnel handbooks and there is no support for the abuse of power that bullying behavior is. Also, I do not think there are individual bullies. Bullying is an organization structure. Individual bullies can easily be dealt with in a well managed organization. Bullying is a health and safety issue and top management must be held accountable for providing a safe and fair work environment.
I put up with a bully and toxic work environment for 6 months. I went to management, and they did nothing! I got fed up and quit!
@@reginacarr4633 I feel you, and its ashame especially if that person has history with not getting along with other employees in the past
A fish rots from the head first, right? Management either knows or should know, bullying is happening. They just don't care. It's like living out "Mean Girls" at work.
During my first workplace bully experience , someone told me “Keep your head down, stay out of “their” way “ very bad advice. Yet , In my very recent, somewhat ongoing work place bullying saga, I am adopting somewhat the same form of coping . Because of the nature of the bullying , and all the directions it is coming from. Today is Saturday , and I am going into work to clean out my things . I need to do separation paperwork yet, but I want minimal contact. I am leaving, but I am so exhausted my body aches.
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this. You have had bad advice. There is hope! Many great places to work and with some support, you can find new ways to cope so your actions are aligned with what you need and want
If you want to work with a coach who gets it and can help you move forward, book a call with me - If I had known about coaching when I went through my ordeal, I believe I would have recovered faster!
In both of my workplaces I am harassed horribly and forcibly. What I do is live my life and they are not a part of it and never have been. I happen to make smart and sound decisions and I swear that is what p...... them off the most.
In every workplace I make it clear that I just work there this happens.... Every single one....
What I'm reading on the comments and my own experience is adults acting the same as in junior high school. The SAME!
Iit’s not surprising when you realize they are working with the same tools they had in junior high. These skills are simply needed in junior high classes. It’s why it is a top skill for employees - but organizations also don’t prioritize teaching better skills. It’s why I am here doing what I do :)
They were the school bullies. There is research on bullies at school who have high self esteem, good lives etc and they are the main bullies. The others are called bully- victims who have personal problems etc. Yes… those girls grow up… become “professionals”
I followed policy and reported this NURSE , dates names times etc, the bullying was stressing me out. I reported her twice and each time the bullying became worse. Nurses are the WORST. I ended up leaving. Management made the situation worse , it was like being bullied twice. There was no WIn , Win.
Thanks for sharing. There is a huge gap between policy and organizational action. I hope you are in a better job now
Same, my manager and director became even worse and found a way to get me out.
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.x
My sister in law is a nurse and a bully. I worry about her patients 💙🙏🏻💙
@@tamarathejudeochristianmedium She's only there for the money. One day a patient will report her behavior. Then later on end up loosing her license
Everything you’re saying is so true. I didn’t have the courage to speak up despite being bullied several times. I eventually brought it to my boss, who pretty much gaslight me about my reality. We had a formal meeting with h, which soon turned into retaliation from the bully. The retaliation never stopped for years though I would call and cry my eyes out and tell my boss about it. I just left the office after another incident and I’m not going back. However, I’m not letting them off the hook. It’s time for me to stand up against this individual and the organization that was suppose to protect me.
oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear your experience. I wish we were able to connect sooner so you could have felt supported. While HR can be brought in as an ally, we also know they are supporting the manager and the company - so the timing and the methods can make a difference. If you want support and help in restoring your reputation, consider joining the Conquer Conflict Academy and we can work together
I joined your Facebook group. I’ve always been taught as a child to keep my head down and not cause any conflict. It’s only worked against me. I wish I have learned more conflict resolution skills. As a 52-year-old woman I’m tired of people taking advantage of my silence. I did all the avoidant things that you’ve mentioned in this video.
As soon as you start getting bullied by just one person, you must realize that this person is a part of a bigger problem and there are workgangs that thrive on that.
When you speak to them you re the trouble maker and lose your job . Easy😂
Sometimes that is true - if this happened to you, what would you do different in your approach? What is something you could try differently that may give you a better result?
You are right I have both seen it and experienced it. Get legal advice so you know how to protect yourself and possibly sue for constructive dismissal later.Find a new role in a better company, get your reference and move on. When they have huge staff turnover, because they will, and all of the associated negatives that go along with that, they might wake up and smell the coffee. Whatever the case it won't be your headache any longer.
Yes. I still speak up though. I remember 30 years ago had a bullying instructor in uni. I waited for the course to finish, then filed my well-documented grievance. Instructor tried to threaten me and he gave me a crummy grade but ultimately the guy lost his job so I feel I saved future student's the humiliation of having him. I was called a sh*t disturber by some of the class who wanted to gain instructor's favour....even as they were being bullied themselves.
Pretty much, I could walk up to them and just tell them to shut up and how stupid they are, oh I am sure they would love that. Fact is I am not interested who they are and chose to not know what they do. They will brag all day about how great they are and how they live their questionable lives and I know they are lying through their teeth.
Have you seen people like that:? On one side they pretend to be super happy and brag about everything, then they turn around and hit you with the evil eye and harass you?
Sure, they are normal and happy people, sure they are......
I wish I could have liked this video 100x. I've watched literally 50+ videos over the course of the past 6 months on how to deal with an abusive covert narcissist, and this is the FIRST ONE that actually makes sense to me. All the advice has been to ignore it, not respond, etc. and now the entire department has been hearing this coworker talking poorly about me and since I have listened and not defended myself, they all believe her. Now it feels too late to even try to correct it because it's been almost a year of this narrative that everyone has given into. I was never someone obsessed with what people thought of me, but now people chuckle or walk out of rooms I go into. I'm hypervigilant, avoid doors, have been physically sick, don't sleep anymore, and it's been only getting worse over the year.
I swear that I'm usually the type of person that can empathize and resolve conflict, but I've never dealt with a manipulative, lying, triangulating person like this before. I hate being so on guard and paranoid all the time. I just want it to end.
Sorry to hear about this. There is a saying I use “if nothing changes, nothing changes” - It sounds like there are opportunities for you to try something new to reclaim your health and reputation
I disagree with that most people try to blame the mobbing victim for not speaking up. They want to get you to the point where you do nothing but complain, making you look crazy and hard to get along with.
Furthermore, I can have positive interactions with them or negative interactions. Bullies will always bully and it actually does not depend on what you do at all.
from my experience and my bully I have tried EVERYTHING if they are narcissists they wont back down, some bullies will step back if you stand up to them but not a narcissistic one they never will. Are there any programs we can get involved in to legislate work place bullying? Make management take acton or pay a consquence if they just blow it off.
I was a teacher in New York and severely harassed by a clique. By the grace of God..I found a book titled: MOBBING that explained it all...just as I experienced it like a playbook.
A great resource!
I wish I found this video last year. I was dealing with these issues and ended up leaving my job. I spoke up to my manager who was doing the bullying but then she played victim and undermined me for about a year and placed me on a performance improvement plan with false accusations. During those 12 months, I started putting my energy into job searching and focusing on new goals. Now that I’m in a new company, I can’t help but think about what else I could’ve said or done to change things around. It really was a painful experience and you don’t get over the wounds and betrayal overnight.
Sometimes leaving is the option - there are a lot of moving parts and resolution does not always look like what we thought. It is useful to reflect and learn from the experience. If you want some help with that - I can help
Oh my goodness I’ve been with an employer for 11 yrs and have tried it all. I’ve gotten older on them- and learned to stand up for myself in ways that really count. It’s been a blessing to see it come full circle. No one’s immune to human problems - bad behavior always catches up to the one behaving badly
Awesome! Sounds like some wisdom talking here - with each new opportunity we have to practice our communication skills, we level up a little bit more
Great advise. How did you stand up for yourself without being turn against you as confrontation. Kkndly guide
The bullies are so subtle and there's a lack of integrity among the management that's absolutely seeing the bullying and thinking "oh well - not my problem!"
I have seen this as well. In my opinion, it is everyone’s problem - especially the leadership
@@tammydunnettleadership Indeed and probably has a subconscious influence on the team's faith and trust in the company over time.
Most HRs in large companies are not there to even represent the employees, they are their to protect the corporation.
It is true
@@C.C-k1y this is why when I reported mine…I sent a detailed, professional email :)
I have had several polite and professional conversations with my direct supervisor, nothing helps. He will not stop until I either quit or get fired.
Sometimes leaving is the right decision, especially if the organization is not willing to make changes
no way, wouldn't give them the satisfaction. i get paid rather well; they'll have to fire me outright@@tammydunnettleadership
Hope things are improving!
Thank you for this advice. I feel heard. I have been struggling for close to a decade at a toxic company. Thankfully I have good people around me now. However, I have become so sick to the point that every waking moment I question if I want to be alive anymore. Yet I have to get up and go to work everyday. I have no true support. It’s not as bad as it once was. I have tried to get new employment. I feel stuck. I feel incredibly guilty for taking time off work. No one believes me. I have to work to stay alive. It it such a viscous cycle. Thank you. This is how I feel. I feel like I’m going insane.I’ve started to develop physical pain and no one believes me.
Sorry to hear you have been affected to this degree. The one thing that stood out to me is “I feel stuck” … even in all the work you have done to find another job, take your power back in deciding to stay. You are dealing with enough, don’t give them any more power in your life
It may sound silly, or even a little crazy, but when you stand in your power to make decisions, you find strength in new places
There is an old Book titled: MOBBING, psychological abuse in the workplace....this may help you for your own mental health...and also show people ( along with sites like these) that these things DO happen....I was Mobbed on my job 25 years ago and there was little information online..but I did find some sites......nowadays I see many sites and the comments...just show how prevalent this is..is IS ABUSE.............................I had years of it and got so sick I had to do on Disability for depression and anxiety........if you can leave..( that is a risk you may find another toxic place)..or work from home..or have another stream of income.....like selling on ebay...turtoring....even cleaning homes and offices..may be better.
If you are being bullied/backstabbed/undermined by a sociopath coworker, and management isn't on your side, the only thing to do is begin looking for another job, and leave asap. Don't wait until you are so beaten down, mentally/emotionally worn out and physically exhausted that you're unable to successfully look for and obtain a new job.
Sociopath is one thing - and not all bullies are sociopaths.
Best advice I’ve seen re: workplace bullying if you are the victim, start applying on other jobs, have a neutral story for interviews about a command and control workplace with pervasive micromanagement (if true), and if needed get a doctor’s note to take a legitimate medical leave.
No one deserves abuse and HR is never a place to report it. Even grievances can result in reprisals to make for a worse work environment. Poor organizational culture, bad bosses and Ill treatment causes people to vote with their feet. If enough people leave, that should be a learning opportunity for the organization’s senior management.
I agree with your share. For those who feel unable to leave for whatever reason, they will have to find another way
Only problem with this method is you are giving them what they want by leaving. That same person will then go on to bully someone else. That person may have no where to go and might not be as strong. Could you live with that knowing you could have done something to prevent it from happening to someone else
Well, they followed me to every job I ever took, and in every job they try to bully me out because: Why? I am sane, not abnormal, I am intelligent and I sure know my worth, and I sure know my capabilities and no I will not be one of them. Does not matter what job I take, they have turned it into stalking that spanned them stalking and harassing me with stories while flying into different states and even across the globe.
Hair raising stories that put them into power, they are mentally ill, that is what they are.
If you submit paper work, and nothing happens then you have to expect retaliation at some point. The HR at my job is the bosses brother in law, and some people are inter related. You have to figure out what your bullie has or will say. If you work with people who have close relationship connections outside the work place. It seems you should expect to either take it to a court or accept more harassment, or try to be civil.
Family business / connections are a level all on their own. Thanks for sharing this perspective.
There is a great deal of nepotism to include married couples (some keeping maiden names so it can't be detected), close relatives, neighbors and co-workers/friends from previous jobs, etc. They build empires, and this is the united front aka mob that victims have to deal with. In this case, I think it's no-win and you should get a new job.
My hr woman manager was a friend of HR woman director. There was no change to look for suportt. I feel total anxity and lonileness and i was scared. The manager pushed 3 experts to leave the job in 5 months. And nobody cares.. next she recruite new employees.
“Get along,” Yeah right! You really expect a person to get along after being bullied? That’s really insulting. 🙄
That’s why it’s the worst advice ;)
get along to me know means - "learn to laugh at the sad sacks of 💩💩 "
If I decide to confront someone if the behavior doesn't change, I leave asap if they seem dangerous or are friends with managers. Sometimes to get a good reference I won't be rude, but again I'm already planning my exit. Sometimes I notice the boss badmouthing other employees or humiliating them, I'm again planning my exit. If the harassment is turning criminal and you have recorded proof see a lawyer. If your union fights for you go to a therapist and keep a work diary with events and witnesses. It's really a case by case scenario and it depends on if you wanna stay there long-term.
Finding what you can control and exercising your options is empowering!!!
Oh they are always friends, all the losers gang up, it is their life's work....
As an Ohio University Organizational Communication graduate from the 80's with experience in the corporate world, the best way to deal with bullies is to be direct, brutal but talk in a whisper.
I think It is a good strategy to stay calm and reduce the energy with a low calm voice. Sometimes this may aggravate the other, and we need to remind ourselves that we do not own their emotions or reactions. We own our emotions
If you do lodge a grievance, then the company will find that you are at fault and they will find a way to bully you out of your job.
Sometimes that can happen, unfortunately. Not always. Many people successfully resolve issues
@@tammydunnettleadership It should be in the interests of the company to resolve things in a positive manner, however a lot of companies see that as admitting liability, so for them it is easier to get rid of the person that raises the grievance rather than resolve it properly.
What I have experienced...every single time.....is when I have a solid case against them, they will fabricate some fireable wrong doing on my part. They will plant evidence, and their flying mokeys who were promised a raise or promotion for their cooperation have no problem acting as witness to your horrendous deeds. You need to GET OUT at the first signs of bullying because it never gets better and you have a lot to lose.
@@l.5832they due that becuase u got them, so they lie and give a dravo response and play the blame game
My husband always tells me to keep my head down. I knew something wasn’t right with that advice because it’s truly exhausting.
I agree - it is a lot of work trying to pretend things are ok
Conversations matter because they expose each persons core intent and sheds light on and helps you move forward
Yes it does! We often see and measure impact, intent is a critical piece to resolution
You are very good at this. Understanding people has always been un natural to me. When I was bullied in school, I would ask adults about it and none of their answers to my questions made any sense to me. I think that it is because they were all wrong. I have been trying to understand human behavior with an evolutionary psychology lens. Under which, all behavior is selected into the genome, because it offered some genetic advantage. I was told as a child that if you are nice to others, they will be nice to you. I think that having the capacity to induce fear is the basis for respect and a key for getting power. In schools, they need to spend all of their time reinforcing the victims. My life would have been much better if someone like you would have helped me understand in 1979. All of the adults back then were clueless, as if it were an entirely new problem.
Thank you for sharing. Many people don’t know what to say so they give what feels like their best advice. It may work sometimes; and even be the right approach, but it often falls flat
"You have to move on." or "You have to let it go." Are so infuriating to hear.
Yes - when we care about the work we do, it is disheartening to hear
i am slowly beginning to laugh at narcs and their psychosis they are trapped in....
Go off on them!!! The best advise!!!
Not what I would recommend
@@tammydunnettleadership and why not
It may feel good in the moment, but has its own set of consequences.
How about confronting them? @@tammydunnettleadership
@Dippmip Because the entire bullying operation is to get you fired and the outburst is the desired reaction.
Completely agree with the comments section: bullying exists and persists because management puts up with it. At my last job, they extolled the virtues of being a jerk and laughed off every unprofessional thing that a co-worker did. The advice I got was to become a jerk to deal with that jerk. If I have to change fundamentally who I am to keep a job, I'll do something else.
Yes - bullies tell us the same thing. Leaders must take action, but they are not the only ones. It is a collective effort
we need to get together to start a nation wide bill to hold managers and HR accountable its the problem of blowing this off
This was by far the MOST useful video on this topic. This content creator just gets it.
Thanks! I lived it so much of my knowledge comes from experience, and I blend my work and research into all that I do
The only advice that you can apply for you if you are in a bullyplace is get out of there, they will not be able to support if you get out of there
Sometimes that is the best thing, and not always necessary. Most bullies are not aware of their impact. I have had successful resolutions myself and with clients through improving communication skills, boundaries, etc
The bullying will stop instantly if and when the bullies realize that behavior will not be tolerated. You have to assess the management, their willingness to deal with the problem and potentially run off the problematic employee (perhaps multiple if they are unable to identify the ring leader). If the bully smells weakness or desperation on the meagers part, best to start looking for the door. They are running this place and will continue to do so. That manager is just there to pick up the slack for when the bully doesn't feel like doing their job, which happens a lot.
I agree...I tried to communicate how the bullies were effecting me.. and it got worse.....you Try ONCE...and this will tell you if the people are not malicious......I tried and tried....the best thing is to leave or get a lawyer( but these things are hard to prove). standing up for yourself is good for self respect .
@@CynthiaBiel If the manager doesn't do anything about the behavior, or worse yet, takes the bully's side, it gives the bully extra satisfaction when you complain. They get to victimize you twice and you do half the work. I find in that situation, its best to act like none of it affects you while you look for another job. Don't give them the satisfaction. They can have that horrible job with the incompetent management. Go find someplace decent to work. I'll never understand why so many good people chose to stay in these places, just pleading with terrible people to like them.
I am now in my mid 60s. I have seen a number of workplaces go from really great, to bullying toxicity with a management change. However, I have NEVER seen it reversed. I have never seen a toxic workplace become healthy. It is like a virus and it contaminates everyone because the healthy ones leave and only the toxic supporters stay. So eventually, all are toxic or supporters of toxicity.
It's interesting how colleagues say you should speak up but i can see them being bullied too.
Yes. Speaking up has shifted for me … it has a lot of energy in it. Like I have to first be heard and overcome a power imbalance… so try speak with …
I've gone to management. This employee that I am issues with, has a chummy relationship with our supervisor, and when e had a meeting they looked at me as if I was the problem, she laughed it off when i confronted her. Nothing has changed in our department.
What are you doing now to navigate the situation?
I can not agree with you more. I am a nurse and Ive worked in a very small opioid clinic in Sweden.
Because of many factors among them low staffing, education and low work moral I became increasingly overloaded with work.
I asked a good friend for advice but the advice often was that I was being overly sensitive or overthinking stuff, to just ignore things.
As I got increasingly ill, tired and depressed, the advice was that perhaps I was not seeing things clearly since I was /am depressed. I believed it those words, since I consideted the person to be kind and well intended, even when it felt wrong.
When I finally asked for help I was seen as the problem. Or they did see that I was struggling but.. one made a comment that hurt me. " I dont have the energi to hear it" at an actual work meeting that was meant to adress such things.
I though, you cant even hear it, but Im suposed to shut up and deal with it?
I felt like they meant (nurse colleges), yeah poor you but this is not our problem.
I got burned out and Im on sick leave still. After 4 years dealing with the same issues I felt betrayed, unheard and bitter.
Today Im working temporarily at a different clinic 25% and getting better by each day.
Funny conversation I had with that same person who felt I was oversensitive.
They now expressed the same frustrations after 6 months and they were surprisingly very upset and even shocked at the situation.
They were clearly expecting support.
They complained that the situstion at work was so hard, toxic and that they felt unheard and overworked.
My answer: oh, same old thing, different people affected. Mmhh. Yes, very sad.
I am so sorry you went through such a difficult time. Delighted to also learn you are getting better everyday!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Wow! This video by far has been the most helpful and insightful! The first one about "just ignore it", I get that all the time. It is so frustrating.
Thanks for sharing your experience
My boss put me in a different department although I learned how to work most machines in a short amount of time (3 months) whereas most employees took an average 4-6 months for one. Last machine I was trained on prior to being moved somewhere else, the person improperly trained me which led to one bad day and an excessive amount of downtime although my downtime wasn’t the worst.
I’ve been targeted and sabotaged within the first month of my employment because I was offered a higher position and some people knew about it.
Does anyone know why I was moved instead of fired if I’m so problematic and incompetent? Also found out from other people in new apartment that the people who targeted me have also gotten previous employees fired or made them quit.
Why are they promoted and treated with favor when they are ultimately going against company’s increase in productivity by harassing and sabotaging efficient employees who are beneficial?
Hey Terra Nova, is this a union position?
It is possible the supervisor/ boss moved you because they recognized you were being treated unfairly and they are trying to reduce issues in the workplace. It may also be because they see potential in you and this move is to help you.
One will only know the truth if you ask them about the move
They move you so the next department can also sabotage and complain about you. That way they can say we tried to resolve the problem by moving her but she still had issues in the new position. They increase the lies about you but it looks like the truth when others (toxic people) support the lies.
@@reginathomas4478 THAT is a twisted process - and I know it happens. The best defence is a great offence. I have worked with a client who was dealing with this situation - and we worked to help turn things around
Document, Document, Document from day one!
Important to do, as is finding a way to stay safe and healthy in the process
But even if you do document, it doesn't guarantee any success at stopping the bullying.
@@tammydunnettleadership No job is worth losing your health for.
This is so true!
Adult bullying is pervasive in public schools
It is! Many of us never really learn how to resolve conflicts in healthy ways until something bad happens
It sure is. For that reason, I never again want to work in education.
@@tammydunnettleadership I respectfully disagree. These bullies have mental health issues and hide in public schools and act as tyrants. Because…. They can!
Bullies are always empowered by management and a workplace can quickly become toxic when managers support negative behviour. I have found it's often bullying by management or bullying by mobbing where more than one employee gangs up against a single employee to force them to leave. I once worked for a company and was the only person in a small department who was over 50. My work colleagues were in their early twenties and they decided to mob me, making my life unbearable on a daily basis. When I spoke to my Manager, I was told to make more of an effort and try to socialise with them after work, dismissing my situation completely. In the end, I did leave for the sake of my mental health.
Sometimes leaving is the option - and it sucks and feels unfair at the time. Leaders need training in how to support employees through these situations- it is where I can help. If you need me - or have a referral, connect with me
Yup. Reporting it and all of a sudden you’ve got a target on ur back. I’m being bullied at my current job. It sucks.
What support do you need?
Revise your resume now and take a medical leave if needed.
i have learned this the hard way....
I’ve always struggled at jobs ….. but made it farther than most …..
Great
Bullying does come from a lack of leadership. Managers would have you take crap then deal with it.
Thanks for such vital information. I like having diversity in the workplace. Most of all if that person from a far different family background than mine likes diversity in both his workplace and among his family members too. A leader like that is so hard to find. Not someone whom we should be ever taking for granted; Nor should we be taking his family for granted as well.
Diversity is an important element to building compassion and empathy and inclusion
I needed to see this. Thank you ❤
Hope you are well
This has been happening to me for 7 months, I recently quit just last week I just felt way too uncomfortable to go back and truly isolated. It was an issue an older lady had with me for some reason when I first started and then it spread to the majority of the other people around or her clique so to speak as they were all fake and clearly talking shit as I didn’t even talk to some of them. Quitting in my case wasn’t me giving up, it was me putting myself first and taking back my power. I’m not going to put up with shit and just let people use me for amusement and for a reaction. The supervisor and one of my coworkers told me to ignore it and to not quit but it just really got to me when all I’d hear were condescending things also being said to me by everyone “you sweat a lot do you have a problem? … you seem tired” well no shit I’m on the fastest machine I’m going to be sweating a bit but not anything crazy and it was hot inside because of the heat. The guy I was working for was at the front laughing his ass off with another lady on his line while I worked at the back, I would see everyone exchanging glances with one another and laughing by turning their head away from me and putting on fake smiles all night the day I quit. I explained this incident to the supervisor and she deflected it by saying well you don’t even know they were talking about you, but I’m not stupid. This is just one of the incidents too which is the sad part, one time I had someone leave a trash bin in front of my working station on purpose because when I came back from lunch all I saw was everyone in the corner laughing their asses off. These were people in their 40s and 50s who I felt just wanted me gone and couldn’t believe I was even there for that long. This older lady who first had an issue with me never spoke to me, always had attitude, avoided me as much as possible. Even some people I thought understood my situation and even told me they did were secretly exchanging glances and laughing too. Only 3 coworkers were upset about me leaving and told me not to but it was targeted because people came after me too and still it was something about me they couldn’t stand.
It sounds like it was a challenging environment and you had a mix of issues in the workplace from inexperienced leaders, bad advice, and communication breakdowns. I hope your new work environment is also healthy.
Be careful not to take the past experiences with you. My own growth and learning, and my coaching of others, highlights the importance of learning and growing through experience. There is a risk you may be hyper vigilant for behaviors that mimic the past experience, resulting in a more intense response from you than normal
One of the worst advice people give is tell the target to quit the work. If you love your job, why should you? Take your courage and expose them. You’ll be surprised with the results .
It is easier to walk away - at least that is what the advice suggests- and there are times where that will end up being the best decision- but as long as there are options on the table, why not try to be the different in your own life 💕
I like what you said, but how?
I am so glad some said “ignoring it” is not the right way to handle. I have been “ignoring it” for 8 months all day everyday. They just get worse and grow in numbers until you are actually running away all the time. I spoke with my manager and was gaslit. I am doing the best out of the entire department. So I know they don’t care about who is doing well lol
So sorry to hear things are worse - what do you see as an option now?
@@tammydunnettleadership
Wow I wasn’t expecting a reply. I mean since I posted this comment it’s become dare I say theatrical. They are creating plans without me knowing. They all got up and left the other day. I still do not actually know what I did there is nothing official filed on their side
I almost filled out the grievance. Of course no one told me that it would not necessarily be a good thing. Watching your video stopped me from doing that. I still believe it was the right decision to not fill out the grievance for me anyway
it sounds like you made a choice, and that is where you have power.
I refuse to let them get away with stupid stuff, turn on my heels and yes I have ran away from monsters millions of times and will continue to do so, as if I don't have the right to remove myself from a lunatic?
Unbelievable! Great video. Each piece of advice had me look at myself and the individual that gave it. Id share but it would be to those that gave it.
Thanks - and why not share it anyway, it might spark some self reflection
Well I sought out videos because I am now dealing with anxiety from a workplace bully. I was told exactly to avoid the bully. I feel so worthless because even after a meeting with HR I don't feel better. Was actually asked to meet with the bully who is a total narcissist, didn't see a big problem and at this moment has refused to the meeting. I have been physically ill for weeks dealing with this issue that has not only happened to me but with other employees. He's a plain jerk. I have tried to find some counseling through my insurance and there's no availability for months. I dread my job that I really actually love. I can't and don't want to leave my job. But in the world we live in today I fear this person. He is absolutely the type to crack and do something horrible. This has damaged me.
So sorry to hear this. Your mental and physical health is a priority and I see you reached out for support. Talk soon 💕
If you want to stop bullying successfully.
1) Audio record throughout your entire shift everyday.
2) When you have illegal harassment consult with a civil attorney.
3) Go to the manager and explain the law. Let them no mobbing, harassment etc is illegal based on race, gender etc and that you have comments recorded.
4) Document everything and let them see you doing it. Include date, time location, who was there what was done or said etc.
5) Tell the abuser you will file a lawsuit against them personally for harassment and present them with a lawyers business card.
So glad i found this channel Tammy 😊
Thank you 😊
I've been told all these things in the past and NONEof it EVER worked. The worst is find a different job!
Yes this is common and there are many possible reasons why this bad advice is so prevalent- one that comes to mind is that people truly think it is the best they can offer because it is what they would do - it is not to fault people, because we are not taught how to be in a space like this - where someone is struggling-
Find a different job is also poor advice. Does nothing to solve the issues. Sometimes that is a decision we make as a result of unreasonable workplaces, but as advice, two thumbs down
@@tammydunnettleadership and I've left those jobs and had to take the next job out of desperation where it was a complete repeat of the last job. Nothing but the places and faces changed. The issues never got fixed.
I was then told I needed to use my voice to speak my truth and stand up for myself by some.trusted friends and family who started seeing a pattern. I also reached a point where I was so fed up with how people were treating me that I felt I would just say the stuff I always wanted to say, but was too afraid to say. I thought that if I was going to go down I'll take somebody with me who was abusing me and have a seckle at least of some.self respect.
@@patriciahill4619 you share a reality many people, myself included, experience. It has become my understanding that until we do the work ourselves to understand why we are targets, the experience will continue. I hope you are in a better place now.
@@tammydunnettleadership I am better where I'm at despite the location leader having it out for me. The higher up managers see the true quality of the work I do and I'm being fairly compensated. This I believe makes the bully jealous. He wants to keep me in line and he's frustrated that I am not controllable; so he tries to create new policies hoping I'll mess up so he can write me up. He threatened recently to give me a bad review, but I got a raise from a higher up instead. The bully continues to try to harm me and I fear that he will never stop trying. **please give me advice not to fall into his trap, etc .
THE WORSE IS when HR turn their head the other way and allow bullying this is y don’t trust HR.
Just watched a great video on LI about the problems with HR investigations - 🤦🏻♀️
Not sure this will work … but here it is: www.linkedin.com/posts/tammy-dunnett_employmentlawyer-nyclawyer-njlawyer-activity-7075435986742120448-nBy2?
Any advice that panders to or facilitates the bully is a red flag. Any advice that's poses some deterrent to the bully is valuable!
Red flags they are!
@@tammydunnettleadership .. I have a wealth of experience (30 years) defeating bullies mainly *by proxy* .. i.e. writing hard hitting emails for friends and family who are getting bullied at work.. emails that lay traps for HR and Managers in question, and checkmates them when they fall into those traps! Would love a conversation with you! .. will share methods and techniques you may have never heard of.
I called out a colleague who made racist remarks about another colleague. Managers talked to him and he simply denied (of course), so the managers asked me to come and speak with him. The managers asked if I could have heard wrong, so I told them and the colleague sitting in front of me 'no'. He didn't look at me. The managers told me I'm not allowed to speak about it and not to mention it again. I now worry what will happen next time I have to go to the office...
Let’s hope the other person has learned a lesson … in the meantime, what would it look like for you to take the lead, approach the colleague and have a “clear the air” conversation? A reset?
In this case they deem you as the gossiper. Never say anything like that unless you have proof.
Great advice, better than others i seen on this topic.
Thank you
One trick is to tell someone to concentrate on the training or work, which is basically a combination of what you say about being told to keep quiet and gaslighting. That message says concentrate on this - not that, as if it's the targetted person's response in dealing with a nothing matter while not learning the job or not attending to the job enough the same time. I see that message as a nasty way to wash the brain to take the assaults and be better the same time.
There are various ways these bad suggestions you mention can be presented. And they are equally as bad or worse depending on the person issuing the messages, the harms and fears already involved and the person hearing them.
There's also the messages (excuses) you may have shared or may look into sharing which are the excuses for bullying, harassment and worse workplace crimes. They are nothing but lame.
Here's one lame excuse: "(The men) weren't ready for you." And believe me, I have heard this one reworded from a few people who actually care and who listen to me when I correct them. And the bullies say it too, they started it as: "(We) weren't ready for you." Well, on social media these days, we find lots more than news covered in the days of radio, TV and newspapers on what some men do in men-only workplaces, they assault visitors during workplace tours, they go as far as to do the same stuff to male colleagues, animanls and yes machines, using gendered slurs against them, ignoring their needs and even doing the disgusting acts to them just to get away with something and all that has been going on throughout history even when very few women worked outside of homes. I say 'Every person, of any gender is ready for you, some looking forward to a new colleague, some curious how things will go and some looking for something more available to pick on and with the expectations of getting reactions - every day getting reactions unlike what the workplace tour visitors, animals and machines mentoned above will or won't react to.' The workers are all ready in their own ways and when I tell that to a genuine person who cares but has been misinformed and then tell who started that lame excuse, I get a reaction, the person taking that in and saying a lesson was taught and learned or something to that nature. Yes, on UA-cam, I saw a disgusting video and another time read a comment under a better video from men who say and do to machines what is typically said and done to women in hate and anger, and I have seen that sort of stuff go on in a number of workplaces I was hired at, not realizing all these years that is actually common.
Here's another lane excuse: "This job is not for you." Like the bullies hear from the job it is not the job for you. Nope. It's not the job, don't gaslight the job for that one. The job doesn't care who can do the work, the job is not doing the offending and the job is not with all of its parts and all of its staff going at you, it's the bullies who are part of the staff - one or more and the bullies have no excuse to blame the job for their attitudes. That excuse doesn't come from well intentioned people in my experience, usually resource people who may be "helping" clients but not doing it correctly are the people who share that excuse the bullies started and continue to voice, and these people are doing more than that wrongly, as in misdirecting clients to other places which can't help, gaslighting the clients, and not putting their full efforts into helping their clients to getting justice.
I could go on about lame excuses. But it serves us all better if we use logics before we speak, think from above example: in regards to harassment, men suffer that and other bad acts too, even where women are on staff it still happens to men whike women are bullies too; and to the second example, work is not a thing which picks who can work in peace and who must suffer or leave. When people who care for employees, colleagues, family members and clients think that way, they won't recycle such bad suggestions and lame excuses. And when we combine our efforts by that thinking, we will shut down every bit of these bad suggestions and lame excuses and potentially shut down most if not all bullying in short order.
The content in your video is not something I could have gotten decades ago, even a few years back. What you did is tell us valueable information and invite us to comment. And I sure hope people tune in, because the words you told, I didn't hear these bad suggestions that way, people will recognise these matters better when we share how these messages are said.
Best for all though, is for the authorities to take action to prevent bullying, even if that means some of them leave to make way for better leadership to take their places and stand up to bullying and to put enough bullies through the justice systems to scare the rest of them straight out of their desires to harm.
Thank you kindly for this informative video. 😊
It was almost four years before I learned that I was scapegoated and six years to see what my supervisor was doing while she was working in my office. The whole thing still makes me physically sick. In fact, it's been 12 years and this is all I think about.
So sorry to hear this. The ramifications are far more than people realize. I hope you find peace so you are no longer kept captive by it
@@tammydunnettleadership I'm still having difficulty landing a job.
@@johnorr8094 what type of work are you looking for? maybe someone watching will have a tip or a lead
@@tammydunnettleadership I'm an EMT. I'm working to get my certification current.
@@johnorr8094 listen to abraham hicks about workplace bullying. take care
I have been disrespected, insulted and belittled by a woman at my school for 8 years. I have tried different tactics to deal with her but it never works long term. She thinks she is my boss, she’s not, she simply oversees a few aspects of the department I teach in. She is (wilfully) ignorant about my subject and yet she tries to control and interfere with what I do. She relishes the slightest opportunity to undermine me and she does it to other people too. For the most part I don’t talk to her and rarely reply to her emails as they are usually a ploy to engage me in an interaction where she can gaslight me. I get happier when I am able to avoid her as I love my work but sooner or later it starts again. I only teach in this place 2 days a week but I always feel sick and unsafe when I go in. It is demoralising that I am not appreciated or respected as I am very good at what I do. My other colleagues love me and see my worth which is nice but this one person is emotionally damaging me. I get insomnia and depression and sometimes I’m so angry and frustrated that I feel traumatised.
Is this a place you can leave? Loving your work will only go so far and unless you find a way to protect yourself with boundaries and can shed the fear
I am sorry for your situation! You might try an response to her commands by simply and firmly telling her " I don't report to you! "
My boss been bullying me and from what I was told since I got autism it will be hard for someone to believe me
It can be hard to prove if everything is happening in isolation or where others can’t see / hear it. Even when it is done in public, people usually don’t come forward to support targets for fear of job action
I’ve learned that keeping my
Mouth shut is the best advise. I tried to speak out and now I’m targeted… I can’t move anywhere in the company because this person badmouth me to all managers and apparently she’s trustworthy because she works here ok her than me. I’ve decided to let it go and work on my education and better myself.
Sounds like you made a choice that will allow you to continue to work there in a way the supports your future you!
It's none of my business what others think of me. I love my life and what I do. I love other people. If they have issues that is their concern. I mind my own business. I'm ok, they are probably ok too. Self acceptance helps me accept others.
I love this so much!!!
When i tried to stand up to the bully, i was accused of harassment.
I like the tips.
It can happen - the reflection is “what could I have done differently that may have changed the outcome”; and were you able to walk away and feel good with what you said?
@@tammydunnettleadership unfortunately, nothing I can do differently other than find another job. Management supports the bully. It's not a healthy place to work.
That is sometimes the hard reality
I got work mobbed today. I’m not eating with them, talking to them much, and figuring things out on my own unless it’s a burning question or they check in on me(since they acted so dismissive to me every time I asked for help as a newbie.) I am documenting all the times they picked on me, including a guy who is flirting and making me feel uncomfortable. I will be reporting g this to admin and will get an employment lawyer if it gets worse. If they try to work mob me again, I’m going to say, “Can we please talk about this private instead of with the whole team?” Or I will refuse to join them, or I’ll bring the healthiest admin to be in the room to rid of the intimidation tactics. Other than that I’m not investing in any of them. If I get fired oh well. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean you take advantage of me, and they need to learn that
None of that is going to work. It’s more damaging to try to gain their respect. The saying, “kill them with kindness…” is bs. The nicer you are to those that mistreat you, the more powerful they feel. It has never worked.
I just leave and go somewhere else. The damage to my health, mental health, and wellbeing is more important.
It does get worse.
With bad advice? It sure does. If you want a different outcome, you have to try something different
I tried to stand up for myself but it backfired, and ultimately, I lost my job. They turned it all around on me.
It can happen - sadly. So many good people experience this same outcome. As a leader, I hope they can begin to see that a person who brings issues forward actually cares about the place
In a place I worked the company policy was that bullying was banned and did not happen so anyone that complained of bullying was a liar. Furthermore anyone who reacted whilst allegedly being bullied was subject to disciplinary action.
I developed a new form of martial art which is to stay calm, stay still and wait to be be hit.
The bullies went to management and admitted threatening to beat me up and complaining that I had stood still and should therefore be disciplined as I had reacted to bullying. One complained that in pushing past me she had hurt herself on my elbow and this was an assault, it was an ambush, she'd been waiting for me to reach the doorway out of a narrow passage.
The 2 pieces of bad advice you gave apply not to the victim of bullying but to the witness of bullying, ignore it, don't report it and try to get on, you won't get bullied but the bullies now control you.
Your solutions don't work, the bullies face zero consequences for their actions and may eventually cause the closure of an entire factory as people that join the bullies become exempt from doing useful work.
Your situation is horrible and I hope you have found a better place to work
You are right.
Quitting is the only thing that works in my experience.
Sometimes that is the best thing to do - quitting is not the same as healing though. If you ever find yourself seeing the same pattern repeating - that is a sign that more work needs to be done el
Going through this as we speak. Trying to stick it out till this company closes but I'm having a hard time.
So sorry to hear this - Let’s connect and see what might help you
Someone who finally gets it
All my life, I was always told to ignore bullies and harassers and I hate it. I just want these idiots to leave me alone because they're the ones with the problem.
Yes. People often share that advice because they 1) used it and it “worked” - because the other person got bored and left them alone 2) they don’t know any other way and 3) they don’t have the confidence or skill to try something different
It really is the best advice they have to offer - so I don’t take it as mean or with an ill intention. It just does not work
I was harassed, I complained, didn’t hear back for 3 month and asked about it & it got worse and I left. When there is poor leadership, poor HR, no caring except for themselves then you have to do the best thing for you so it does not harm you and you keep a positive mindset. Close to 37 people left and they did nothing. They Mgmt was getting paid a lot of money and kept the bully there.
That is a horrible experience! So sorry you (and maybe 37 others) had to go through that!! Sounds like an awful place
Thank you for your advice. What do you do (besides quitting) when a manager is the bully?
Have a “reset” conversation .. keep eyes open for new job opportunities if nothing changes
I ate my lunch in the bathroom the other day. My bully in the lunchroom. I walked in, saw her and walked out. I just couldn’t have one more interaction with her that day. She’s a passive aggressive nightmare with narcissistic tendencies. I’m no pushover. I will defend myself - but why should I? I just want to do my days work and go home. This woman lives rent free in my brain. I HATE it!! Thank you for this presentation. I’m going to rethink my reactions and see if I can find some peace in myself because I’m not going anywhere and neither is she. The owner loves her (why???). She keeps threatening to quit or retire. I swear I will do a happy dance if either happens 💕 The funny thing is: I like her. It’s her behaviour I can’t stand, if that makes sense.
Oh my goodness - when the bathroom feels like a lunchroom, you know things are bad! Sorry to hear about this
1. Write the “rent free brain dweller” an eviction notice - seriously give it a try, can be a powerful activity to reclaiming your mental space- and then act accordingly when she shows up in your brain post eviction
2. Find a better place to eat lunch :)
Ok. So true!
😊
Just left my job due to bullying from my boss. I’m really needing help to find out what I did to be the target. I start a new job in another week and I’m already terrified of this happening again.
What can I do to avoid this?
I just want to do my job and have peace with coworkers and managers.
It sounds like leaving was the right thing and your nervous system also sounds overwhelmed and on high alert. Working with a therapist and coach who can help you navigate this recovery and reclamation phase is going to be helpful
If you are interested in seeing what I can help you with - check out my website tammydunnett.com and book a discovery call
Thank you for this empowering video. I totally know what it's like to be bullied and then get labelled a troublemaker. Or I've been made to think it won't work! I have been bullied for my sexuality. I chose to ignore it thinking that I was the bigger person and that things would get better. They didn't, they got worse! I had to put with nasty homophobic comments like: "faggot" "poof" or a "poofter". When I requested secret video recording my HR manager told me that that was highly illegal. Despite me telling him that undercover workers used this method to bring abusers in care homes to justice!
Oh my goodness! Sounds like a horrible situation.
I was told I was being paranoid, this was HR. The manager seem to be encouraging this behaviour
That’s a red flag! What did you do?
@@tammydunnettleadership left saying anything else, thinking may be I was, six months down the line, I am hoping to start new job next month. It has just got worse. I have found out, last October when I was off. The MD complained about the bully who covered my work. Explains alot, only fours weeks left there, I am not joking, I am scared but at least light at end of the tunnel
Just seeing this now - I hope you found a new place to work
Every job I was bullied every job I was harassed to horrible levels …. But they always fight for me to stay lol …. Like I could scream at someone and they’d give me another chance lol 😂 prolly cause they know I’m targeted non stop
Most the shit they dew is from the deep state anyways 😂 …. I think the deep state is jealous of meh 🫤
Sounds talksick
when narcs know they cannot manipulate you, they see it is a challenge to sometimes try and bully you, they know it will hurt them and they will get their fingers burned in the process. I guess these sad sacks of 💩💩💩 just want to feel something, even if hurting you gets them burned.
Have tried to speak up and hold a conversation to resolve the conflict/stop the bullying thats happening against me in my workplace
Sorry to say, the bullies are not genuine enough to understand their bad behaviour or to stop
They just do it and like to crush other people, they feel happy about it and no conversation can become an eye opener for that kind of people
Leaving is better but I personally had myself cyberbullied even after leaving, thats how some bullies can be
Hurting others from across a screen especially has become an addiction and kind of fun for people who perform this heinous act
How do we even get away
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. We won’t always get the response or resolution we are wanting - and being in conversation is the most effective method. So good on you for having the courage to talk to them.
I was told to, stay positive
Ooophf!
Hey tammy i came across yoir video and was wonding how to deal with this situation cause it line up to well with having a horribke management team. A company with no HR rep and. A staff ive caught red hand in the cookie jar associated with telling employees to just be silent. Have the email to. Also long time ago had a situations full blown out of the hat when i was called a mall shooter due to rumours being spread.
You have to decide what your goals are - and weigh out the options of speaking with this individual about their behaviour
@@tammydunnettleadership hello so I've tried talking using points I've learned about bring this convo into debate and came to realize that the client is aware of his action team lead is aware of his actions they are waiting for someone to complain. This i got today from mobile supervisor. And I can see it dosnt bother me now I know what this video talking about his action are his own. Is being reviewed, there seeing how much patience i can be with him. Right now he went on a 1h patrol. And it takes 15min. So im gunna shut up n keep what I've learned. He's exposing himself.
I’ve been a target for about a month now, can’t speak, eat, drink or anything at work without it being used against me.
This sounds horrible I am interpreting your statement as a generalization - or do you mean they literally talk about how / what you eat, drink, and do anything
This video started really interesting and true but ended up with very poorly. A leader you have to approach isn’t skilled up will continue to destroy you.
That is why I train and teach skills
I am sorry but I was annoyed at one point and stopped listening. I will go back and listen to the end. My son is dealing with a work place where they refuse to listen to him. They know that they can get away with denial. My son has pointed out areas of improvement they need to correct regarding health and safety violations and more. He is a threat due to his work ethic and their negligence they bullied him out of the door.
I wish companies would publish in their website the set of values they preach and then to be up to the person to select the values that are best aligned to their personal beliefs. Like .. would people like the values of companies such as Procter, Unilever or Reckitt ?
It has been my experience that a companies values and mission / vision can be found on their website
What they write is beyond meaningless
Thank You 🙏💝
You are welcome! Have you heard similar bad advice?
@@tammydunnettleadership Yes and feel forced into ignoring it, because EveryTime I try to address it or get it addressed, I’m shut down, shut up, derailed & It gets worse. They seem to have a huge network of people working together or convinced of who knows what.? I’m actually scared I won’t have my job constantly or that they make my job a hundred times harder and pass me up for promotion. It’s been devastating to say the least. HR is a part of the problems and or protect the company. I’m 55 started over at this job at the bottom only to be constantly pushed back & down. I live in a small town with very few jobs, let alone jobs making more than $8.00 an hour. I have to take so much abuse that it’s effecting my health. The laws in ID protect the landlords & the employers. Thank you for listening. Nowhere to Go 🙁
It is my immediate supervisor that is bullying me. I’ve been at the position about two months. I’ll be with the company over two years. All of my previous supervisors and evaluations have been great but this one doesn’t want to train me. This one doesn’t want to answer questions this one has made me feel unsafe scared I cry could work sick every day, I really don’t know how to handle this, but I have to learn my job and I have to ask her ask him questions and they don’t wanna answer the questions when I ask if you sent a format that I can make my corrections to scan the paper and show to me he refused to do so when I needed to make corrections to documentI’m definitely working fear and I’m making more mistakes. What do I do?
OMG - you need me (or someone to support you). Book some time in my calendar and let’s get you a game plan asap
calendly.com/relationshiprevolution/samplecoaching
At Dormakaba the management were the bullies and wanted every one of their workers to do it with them. I asked management to have it stop. She pulled everyone in that area while I was there and had a meeting so they could pretend they weren't doing it. They then went to HR and HR said they talked to all the people doing it. Those said people said they weren't. They told me I needed psychological help and put me on leave. They then a month later said I could come back if a psychologist checked off a list stating that I was in the wrong. That I was doing something to them instead. Dormakaba HR blames the abused. I was recording them though so now it is all over the Internet. Yep I was the problem by them being disgusting.
Oh gosh! This is an experience that happens too often! I am assuming you have left the company and found a better place to work
@@tammydunnettleadership Absolutely!!!!!!
I documented thoroughly and over a period of time. Then I called the union and the EEOC.
I hope it works. My hunch is it won’t be a quick win - long investigations, mediation, lots of potential for frustration
It all comes down to numbers. If there are a lot of complaints against one person, then management will act. Even if people are ganging up on that person and they are the victim not the perpetrator.
Management don't like problems, period.
Also, people might not have another job to go to. Unemployment, poverty, homelessness isn't a good alternative.
I agree. Staying in a toxic job because there are no options (and we all have bills to pay) is not something anyone should feel shame over. It is choosing a path from two less desired choices
Hi I enjoyed your video. I have tried clicking on the free resource of scripts of what to say in certain situations. However, it says it’s expired. Is there anyway of getting this another way?
Thanks for letting me know - head to www.tammydunnett.com/thetalkshop
Whether you decide to be quiet or speak up i find most of the time if there is favouritism between management/supervisors/co workers it wont make a difference either way, once you are targeted that is generally it, a bully is a bully
A true bully - yes, the problem is most “bullies” are not intentionally trying to hurt people. When 85% of offensive behaviors stop with a conversation- we know that people will change
No, they know perfectly what they do.
Notice the quotes - what we call a bully is often a bully-like or bad day behaviour. Left unaddressed, these can become chronic issues, and even those chronic behaviors can change. Speaking from experience