Head's up, your logo is reeeeeeeeeally similar to the Brave Browser logo. I actually thought that's what it was when I clicked the link to your free download.
Interesting! It's pretty close. Thankfully, my logo predates that browser and logo. Also, "Lyon" is my last name so I think there won't be any lasting confusion about it.
I'm 60 years old and just figured out very recently how to sincerely apologize. I grew up in a family where apologies were never accepted and they were used against you. So I always believed that apologizing to somebody would only make my life worse. But now I have different people in my life, and I find it's the opposite.
@buster9106...thanks for your reply of a year ago. I am so glad you escaped that awful family situation. I too, came from a very dysfunctional family. In my early 70's, much better life, and a loving wife who does not have my relationship issues. PS: Wife of 25 years asked how my relationship was with first wife...The answer: We are fine and nice to each other..no lingering animosities, which assured my higher value as her husband. Thanks.
@@darrellborland119 thank you very much for your reply. It's always heartening to hear that people who came from problematic families are able to surpass that legacy and find a happier way to live.
Great teaching! Humility is the first step toward peace. Own your mistakes and work to set things right! We can walk with Joy when we know we are free in Christ to offer forgiveness in the same way we want to have it for ourselves!
Hi, Solea. Always nice to meet a fellow believer. I could tell you might be a fellow Christian even by the time I read that we should "work to set things right." Thank you for sharing.
I've been known my entire life, as ALWAYS apologizing, even to the irritation of close friends & family. It was comforting to discover my thought process was correct, however the process & method was not the best. So grateful for this training & my continued learning!👏
This video is a pretty valuable tool for all of us trying to learn how to communicate better. Apologizing has been kind of daunting for me. I really like the steps you've drawn up! Thanks, Alex Lyon!
Agreed! Will Smith didn't acknowledge the specific action he was sorry for, therefore the apology came across as insincere along with his crocodile tears! Good advice to keep in my back pocket when I need to apologize! God Bless you too😇
Thanks Coach. UA-cam loves you! You came up first in autoplay. I should send this to my sisters. Growing up around people who will never apologise has helped me tremendously. I apologise comfortably & with ease. I'd never want to be seen as someone who can't admit when I was wrong. Few traits are so ugly.
Thank you for this video. It is wonderful! It certainly could help a lot of people! 🤗 I am almost 42 years old. When I was little, my grandmother used to tell me and my cousins & siblings that I'm sorry means: I understand what I did wrong & I wont do it again. (I can see now that she was right.) Im grateful to have been raised in a large Catholic family. I now understand that the process of prayer (which includes reflecting on my actions) & having to humble myself before a priest during Confession from a young age, and of having to do Penance afterwards (the act of trying to make things right) significantly contributed to who I am today. Im far from perfect but am high in conscientiousness, dont hold grudges, always try to put myself in the other persons shoes, dont let the sun set on my anger, am always reflecting on how I can grow as a person/friend/mother/wife/citizen... Mistakes/conflicts weigh heavily on my mind. I think about what I can learn from the incident & feel compelled to talk things through with the other person & to make things right. Its sad & disturbing just how many people seem to lack personal insight & dont know how to take responsibility for their actions. Others avoid problems & act like nothing happened, which can be even more upsetting than the incident... 🙄 May God help us all to help eachother. Thanks for another great video! 🙏🏼
Great advice, Alex. Before apologizing, it's also a good idea to make sure the person you offended is LISTENING. If someone is distracted,--say, texting on their phone--wait until you have their full attention; otherwise, you may craft a perfect apology but it falls on deaf ears. Keep up the fantastic videos. I use several of your videos in my speech communication and public speaking courses.
I shared this video with my wife today. She's a kindergarten teacher. She writes, "Thank you, Jeffrey! I just watched it while I was taking my vitamins. I actually chose to apologize to my class yesterday because we were running out of time for something and I had to rush directions and it confused them. Thankfully it wasn't a giant issue, but it's still something I wanted to take ownership for and learn from. Thankfully, I think I followed the guidelines in the video when I apologized! Who is the guy that did the video? I liked his way of sharing and he was easy to follow. Thanks, again!😘"
Such an easily overlooked topic in communication, but empires and complete world orders have and further will go down just for not sincerely apologizing.
I'll condense this for most. Be sincere and be honest. Everything else doesn't mean shit if you don't do this. Other than that he tells you to follow through on your actions, which that would be, being sincere.
This goes along with what I heard, which is that patients sue doctors they do not like. So being likable, having a good or great bedside manner, & actually caring about a patient, must go a long ways to preventing lawsuits.
Auto insurance expressly tells you not to apologize in the event of an accident. I would expect medical malpractice insurance has guidelines as well. This was naive advice.
You shouldn’t apologize for a medically poor outcome since in court it will be used against you. If you practiced the standard of care and a poor outcome results you may express empathy not apology. It is very true that if a patient likes you you are less likely to be sued , however once sued you are now fighting their attorney and an apology for wrong doing is not advisable .
Apologies that could place you in a weak position going forward, or that could expose you to legal liability, are not in your best interest. This is why the one insurance you must buy if you drive -- auto -- urges you NOT to apologize or discuss blame in case you have an accident. Most people know that their insurance advises this, which is exactly why they are chary about apologies in general. It's less about feelings and more about money. Most people can sense when apologies are win-win. Of course make those apologies, the sooner the better.
Wonderful advice! Years ago my son told me some of the things i had done as a mother that he resented me for. İ listened, and even though some of the details he remembered i thought were incorrect, I didn't argue. Just listened. Afterwards i wrote him a letter making my apology. İ did not correct his memories. İ admitted that i had made the mistakes he mentioned and i specifically acknowledged how those mistakes affected him. Within a short time after receiving my written apology, he let me know that he forgave me and that he was really more upset about something else going on in his life and was taking it out on me. İ told him it was good that he told me about his resentments and that i was always open to hearing about anything i did that was wrong or hurtful. İ believe that apology made all the difference in the outcome. To this day, we have a very close and loving relationship. We trust each other to say the truth. On the other side of the story, a couple years ago a very close friend did something that put me and her in danger. İ tried to stop her and she resisted my request for her to stop. İ finally had to insist that she stop and since she was in my home at the time, she did stop. She left my home that day and never apologized for what she did. İ have not spoken to her since. İ believe if she had just offered a very simple apology, i would've melted and lost my resentment instantly. She had always proudly said that she never apologized no matter what to her partner. That didn't matter to me till she did something to me that was dangerous and hurtful. Well thought out and heartfelt apologies make all the difference to good relationships. None of us is perfect. We all should try to be good at apologies and at forgiving too. Thank you for the opportunity to tell my apology stories.
@@alexanderlyon thanks, Alex! İ look forward to your words of communication wisdom and often share your videos. When i saw that you were going to talk about apologies today i couldn't wait to hear your advice! Thank you again!
@@alexanderlyon the bonus advice about the legal ramifications of apologies was also a great addition. İ find that subject fascinating and have read articles about laws that allow a person to apologize without using it as evidence against them.
Yes, that's the basic idea behind the laws. An apology is not generally seen as an admission of guilt by judges and juries. And, it will likely prevent the need for court altogether, if the apology is done right.
I always enjoy your content. Thank you for this topic and exploring an apology when future legal action may be involved. I have often wondered about this and how clients are advised to proceed as far as admitting fault by way of an apology.
I had a pretty big life changing experience that involved apologies or lack there of haha. I unknowingly made a comment that alot of people were upset with and I was quickly forced to publicly apologize within an hour of the incident even though I had no time to process what happened. of course it wasn't the best apology and alot of people did not like it and they continued to express that for the coming weeks. By that time I was frustrated that these people were still hammering me so I made a super long "apology" that was more of just me blaming everything else and everyone else and that just threw more gas on the fire. there was never any personal resolution and it still haunts me to this day. But now I can look back and realize what went wrong on my end and how to handle similar situations in the future should they arise. oh and it also didn't help that the apologies had to be in written/text format since it was going to a large amount of people.
Hi, Aaron. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry it still haunts you. That sounds hard. Apologies are really difficult. Even high level CEOs with teams helping them craft and refine prepared apologies often fall short. I know some people who went to a therapist to sort it out to get an apology right. Apologies are even harder when the situation is like yours and other people think you should apologize but you may not be convinced you did something wrong or at least wrong enough to have it held over your head. I once heard a colleague apologize for a joke she made that was 100% harmless. BUT, one person was offended (for reasons I still don't understand) and a small group of vocal people whipped up about it. It was like she was being bullied into apologizing. Our boss was also putting pressure on her about it and used a guilt trip on her. Finally, my colleague apologized just to clear the air and settle the issue. She chose the right words and put things to rest but mostly did it to find a way to move forward. Sadly, many petty people still held it over her head. I don't know your exact situation but it doesn't sound to me like you were set up for success or were surrounded by gracious co-workers. It also sounds like it's time that you let yourself off the hook for all of it. If anybody else is still holding it against you in their hearts, that's their problem now. I think it's time to get your mojo back. Either way, thank you for sharing your experience with me and other viewers.
Alex, that was a wonderful video and thank you for teaching with such clarity. I joke with my wife (and perhaps hold a little grudge) about the number of times I find myself apologising after we have some kind of disagreement. I have often wondered why she seems so reluctant to apologise, however these tips demonstrate that I’ve been doing it wrong! And how important it is to keep the focus on what we can control, commit to, and take ownership of. On reflection, I have not been apologising with this level of ownership. I am curious to see if this kind of apology will catch on in my household ;)
dont apologize for what u are not guilty of. and if u find yourself apologizing a lot, either you are a social emotional klutz who blunders others, or the other party is expecting you to b a total wuss.
I had to give a sort of legal type apologize to a coworker. I told him I was sorry he was on a bad call and sorry our supervisor did not see an email that I sent more than 2 hours earlier. He was angry at me because he said I should have sent the email, to which I sent a screenshot proving that I did. I do not believe that I did anything wrong. I think the supervisor that did not see the email was at fault. I chose this route because he was very angry. I did not want to prostrate because I did not want to set a pattern that blaming me for another person's mistake was acceptable. I wasn't going to be his emotional toilet. In truth, he wasted a lot of time blaming me and giving me the 3rd degree, blaming me for him not quickly working the call and moving on. He said it was my fault that he was on a long call. If he had been more polite and less accusatory, the conversation may have gone differently.
Some people do mean that. You are right. Other people, some of whom I know personally, have a policy about essentially never apologizing or even admitting they've done something wrong.
How do you handle a situation when you’re feel a nervy person has said something to you, you slept on it , feel you deserve an apology and are genuinely hurt, and you never receive an apology? Any action or words?
It's an interesting question, Edward. I don't believe there's a right answer. I can only tell how I handle that situation. I personally don't think I've ever directly asked for an apology in my life outside of my marriage (because marriage is lifelong and it's important to keep short accounts rather than let bad feelings store up). I've certainly been wronged many times by others. In some cases, they apologize but not usually. If I feel strongly about it, then I might give them feedback on how I was hurt, but I'd make sure that it wasn't just my perception or interpretation. Honestly, in most cases, I try to see their side, forgive them (in my heart), and move on. If they repeatedly hurt me, I would likely not put myself in that position any longer. But I never expect or wait on an apology and I can't recall asking for one. But that's just me. I don't think there's a great way to handle it that will lead to an apology.
It's been almost 3 yrs since I hard from someone close to me, I was forcely accused of something I didn't do. I tried calling and sending msgs but didn't get any responses. I miss them all
Excellent, just what we all need. You may have actually said this inside one of the points, so if I missed that, I apologize. 🙂 Here's an apology story that didn't fly with me. I've made this mistake myself, but after reading about this, (? Don't remember which book or article?) I watch myself on it. -- My dear friend got very hateful with me because I said something that she took the wrong way. Her long email apology went well, until this stinger at the end of a long whip - "But if you hadn't said what you said..." That article called that kind of an "apology" a spike at the end of a smooth tail that whips around to get you. I'd almost have felt better if she'd never apologized. She still blamed me for her cruel words. Her taking possession of them throughout her apology suddenly went flat and meaningless. Of course, I forgave her. We are friends as if that had never happened. If I had called her attention to it, the healing wouldn't have taken place. I also apologized. I should have watched my words better. What do you think of this? Is it worth a fifth tip, or does it fit in with the first one? Also, I remember learning the "twelve step program" for AA. (BTW, those 12 steps can apply to so much more than alcoholism). One of those steps is "make ammends - as much as is in your power to do so." Might not be an exact quote. I thought that was a great yet difficult step, and you have it here. Our dad taught us that saying "I'm sorry," to a sibling (our first relationship learning ground), that it means, "I'll never do that again. And, we'd keep each other to that!! You're right, it's the way they know you meant it. On Home Improvement, the dad made the best apologies and made good ammends. Good writers on that. 🙂
I watched again and see you did put in this idea on the first point. I think during that time, someone in the house asked me a question, so I missed it. My bad. Still, since you asked for apology stories, I'll leave it.
I scored a number in my Utme exam but lied to my people that I scored higher than the original score jokingly, without realizing...it has already spread in the entire school and I got called by the principal to congratulate me and send our results to the district but it was all a lie... And I have to apologize to clear the air b4 it's too late, and I get into a worse situation cus I really didn't mean to lie to everyone it was just a friend to friend joke that I would have teased about normally but now I ended up in this kind of situation and I'm sincerely going crazy
Worst apologies I ever got were just used as examples to show me that they apologize properly and I never do. It wasn't a real apology, just another opportunity to tell me I was wrong or something was wrong with me. And deflecting from what they did while they were supposedly apologizing. He said apologize and sorry are different. That sorry is genuine feeling and apologize is just a format thing not real feeling.
when I watch your videos I feel like I'm looking into the code of human behavior, to put it into computer terms. it's like I'm looking at the data from behind the scenes and figuring out what exactly goes on when we talk.
I have lived in or travelled to many countries. Based on my observation, Americans are among those who apologize the least. They only do when it is about trivial things that they won't have to take responsibilities for.
Thanks for sharing, Jason. You may be right. I'm American and we do sort of apologize for little small things like "Sorry, could you pass me the salt and pepper." But I know many people who simply can't apologize no matter how awful an actual mistake was. I would love to see a study on how readily various people groups apologize and see what the results show.
@@alexanderlyon It could be very interesting to do such a study. Either a survey or some kind of social experiment could tell the difference among different countries or cultures. I wish I could put my daily work aside to conduct a task like this. LOL
My husband works with people from all over the world and finds Americans are least likely to take ownership of a mistake and more likely to try to pass blame. I personally wonder if, in a work situation, it’s because Americans feel less secure in their roles than us Europeans, as they can so easily lose their jobs?
Im going to send this to a person who has attacked me several times when i did not instigate any of them. if they refuse to apologize, whatever. I dont want them in my life whether they apologize or not, at this point, but at least i will have given them the TOOLS to do so when they attack other people. Perhaps they will think twice about attacking people to begin with! 🤔😬🙄
Regarding your example on point 2 being phony i.e I am sorry that you feel that way, how do I apologize in a situation where I say something truthfully and sincerely to someone and the person gets offended. I don't want to apologize for being wrong when I don't think I am but how do I assuage the other person's hurt feelings?
I'd really have to hear exactly how you said it to be sure about making a recommendation. The tips in the video about about apologizing truthfully and sincerely. However, truth and sincerity in all communication should be balanced by kindness. There are lots of possible reasons they might be offended. 1. I have no idea if this is your issue (and the reason the person took offense), but sometimes people who are truthful express themselves in an overly direct way that comes across as abrupt. In that way, the person might be reacting to your tone, in other words. 2. It could also be that you said something truthfully and sincerely but they never asked for your opinion in the first place. If that's the case, it's called unsolicited feedback. I could say to an artist about their painting truthfully and sincerely, "I don't think you are very talented." That passes the truth test and the sincerity test but it doesn't pass the "necessary" test. In other words, an insult could be truthful and sincere but it doesn't make it welcome. 3. But, if they ask for your opinion and you expressed it with kindness and they were still offended, then I'm not sure what that means. They might just be sensitive. Like I said, I have no idea about the situation you describe. I'd have to have overheard the conversation to really say anything useful about it.
I broke most these rules before. I apologised to my brother via text, thing is, I didnt do anything wrong and I sure as heck wasnt sincere about it. I did it mostly to keep the peace in the family(he is very sensitive) Should I take back all the apologies I gave him?
It happens. Sometimes we apologize for the wrong reasons. At this point, I'd just move forward and let it go, if you can. I'm not sure much good would come out of it if you revisited your apology. If it were me, I'd just forgive him in my own heart for being sensitive about the issue and move forward.
if hes that sensitive then strongly curtail your contact with him or your conversation with him. some people just want to control others so they demand an apology for every conjured up slight. be congenial but not a wuss.
Will Smith should have watched this video before recording a half-baked excuse and upload it in UA-cam. By the way, I crashed on someones car last summer. He was furious. I apologized him properly at that moment and told him that I take full responsibility on crashing his car with my car and that I felt sorry for making him feel bad. He calmed down quickly. Never send me a bill from the repair. Instead he send me a message: "Have a great rest of the summer!"
Don't you just hate those lame apologies where the person starts out with: "I apologize for XYZ..." And then, he or she says: "BUT... (blah, blah, blah)" -- thus negating the whole purpose of the apology in the first place. Lame!! 🙄
Very true, Cheryle. The unfortunate part is that if we just do the apology well and patiently wait, the other person will often take a moment, reflect on their part, and sometimes give a pretty good apology in return. It might even take a few days of patience but it often happens if we can wait.
Don't take the blame if you didn't do anything wrong. Only apologize if you genuinely made some sort of mistake. But also, you can't make other people apologize. You can let the know how they may have hurt you and clarify that as patiently and calmly as you can. It's up to them to have the good character to apologize.
You have no obligation to continue a relationship (especially after being insulted) and there's no reason to apologize unless you have done something wrong.
Maybe jail time for you is part of them making you apologize some feel this is better way though what you apologized for was the thing that you thought will apologize towards
It's pretty close to an apology. When people make an honest attempt, I personally give them the benefit of the doubt and a much grace as I can. Is it an A+ apology? It doesn't sound like it, but most people don't have the benefit of a video like this. If it were me, I'd give the person credit for doing their best.
It's hard to accomplish that in the comments section with any level of quality. Instead, I recommend using the talking points in the video and then asking somebody you trust to listen and they can give you feedback. You should share this video with them so they don't give you advice out of left field.
Yes, it's an American expression. "Out of left field" means the advice would come from out of nowhere or an unexpected place. In other words, I'm recommending you show the person you'd practice in front of this video so they understand the talking points you used to draft your apology. Otherwise, they might give you advice based on their own understanding of what makes an apology a good one. Their advice or feedback could be based on their momentary opinion and not informed by any research on apologies. In contrast, if you've both watched the video, then you will have a common understanding of what makes a good apology.
Like I said at the beginning, I only recommend apologizing if you've done something. These days, there's lots of pressure to apologize nowadays even when there's no real mistake, error, or harm done.
Saying the word " I'm Sorry" is pathetic drivel! ad nauseam, It is an insensitive and meaningless word, only low character individuals use such vomit when offending someone I'm Sorry!.. as if this five letter word encompasses perhaps a cascade of hurt and harm to another human being.. I'm sorry is best used for trivial things, like, I'm sorry, I didn't take out the trash, or I clogged the toilet, or forgot to stop for milk..An apology is a combination of two verbs, correcting your error with words that leaves a healing balm to the offended, one should go about it quickly.. I'd say more, however coach Alex summed it up quite well...
Thanks for posting, Rev Zone. I agree with most of what you said. I'd never recommend apologizing simply because I offended somebody. People are going to disagree and then act offended. That doesn't mean I did something wrong. I'm not going to apologize unless I really did make a mistake of some sort (and I have made many mistakes in my life). When I do make mistakes, I really take the time to think about it and make sure I am sincere in my apology. Then I follow the steps in the video. Mostly importantly, I follow up with concrete action to fix the problem I caused (if possible). Thanks for posting!
Free download on the Essential Communication Skills for Professionals: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
Head's up, your logo is reeeeeeeeeally similar to the Brave Browser logo. I actually thought that's what it was when I clicked the link to your free download.
Interesting! It's pretty close. Thankfully, my logo predates that browser and logo. Also, "Lyon" is my last name so I think there won't be any lasting confusion about it.
I'm 60 years old and just figured out very recently how to sincerely apologize. I grew up in a family where apologies were never accepted and they were used against you. So I always believed that apologizing to somebody would only make my life worse. But now I have different people in my life, and I find it's the opposite.
@buster9106...thanks for your reply of a year ago. I am so glad you escaped that awful family situation. I too, came from a very dysfunctional family. In my early 70's, much better life, and a loving wife who does not have my relationship issues. PS: Wife of 25 years asked how my relationship was with first wife...The answer: We are fine and nice to each other..no lingering animosities, which assured my higher value as her husband. Thanks.
@@darrellborland119 thank you very much for your reply. It's always heartening to hear that people who came from problematic families are able to surpass that legacy and find a happier way to live.
Great teaching! Humility is the first step toward peace. Own your mistakes and work to set things right! We can walk with Joy when we know we are free in Christ to offer forgiveness in the same way we want to have it for ourselves!
Hi, Solea. Always nice to meet a fellow believer. I could tell you might be a fellow Christian even by the time I read that we should "work to set things right." Thank you for sharing.
Amen.
@@alexanderlyon Really appreciate your teaching, wisdom, and example! Blessings 🙏🕊️🌼❤️
I've been known my entire life, as ALWAYS apologizing, even to the irritation of close friends & family. It was comforting to discover my thought process was correct, however the process & method was not the best. So grateful for this training & my continued learning!👏
This video is a pretty valuable tool for all of us trying to learn how to communicate better. Apologizing has been kind of daunting for me. I really like the steps you've drawn up! Thanks, Alex Lyon!
Glad it was helpful, Daniel. Thank you for sharing.
this guy should be teaching all of our education systems the fundamentals of a better society
Agreed! Will Smith didn't acknowledge the specific action he was sorry for, therefore the apology came across as insincere along with his crocodile tears! Good advice to keep in my back pocket when I need to apologize! God Bless you too😇
Thanks, Brenda!
Thanks Coach. UA-cam loves you! You came up first in autoplay.
I should send this to my sisters. Growing up around people who will never apologise has helped me tremendously. I apologise comfortably & with ease. I'd never want to be seen as someone who can't admit when I was wrong. Few traits are so ugly.
I totally agree. It's even harder when one has to live (daily) with such a person. 😞
Oh my goodness, this is awesome!! Apologizing the RIGHT way, is a marriage saver, INDEED!! 😅🥰🙏❤💕
Thank you for this video. It is wonderful! It certainly could help a lot of people! 🤗
I am almost 42 years old. When I was little, my grandmother used to tell me and my cousins & siblings that I'm sorry means: I understand what I did wrong & I wont do it again. (I can see now that she was right.)
Im grateful to have been raised in a large Catholic family. I now understand that the process of prayer (which includes reflecting on my actions) & having to humble myself before a priest during Confession from a young age, and of having to do Penance afterwards (the act of trying to make things right) significantly contributed to who I am today.
Im far from perfect but am high in conscientiousness, dont hold grudges, always try to put myself in the other persons shoes, dont let the sun set on my anger, am always reflecting on how I can grow as a person/friend/mother/wife/citizen...
Mistakes/conflicts weigh heavily on my mind. I think about what I can learn from the incident & feel compelled to talk things through with the other person & to make things right. Its sad & disturbing just how many people seem to lack personal insight & dont know how to take responsibility for their actions. Others avoid problems & act like nothing happened, which can be even more upsetting than the incident... 🙄
May God help us all to help eachother. Thanks for another great video! 🙏🏼
Great advice, Alex. Before apologizing, it's also a good idea to make sure the person you offended is LISTENING. If someone is distracted,--say, texting on their phone--wait until you have their full attention; otherwise, you may craft a perfect apology but it falls on deaf ears. Keep up the fantastic videos. I use several of your videos in my speech communication and public speaking courses.
Hi, Brian. Good point. If they are not listening then it may no be received. Also, I'm glad the videos have been helpful for your courses!
I shared this video with my wife today. She's a kindergarten teacher.
She writes,
"Thank you, Jeffrey! I just watched it while I was taking my vitamins. I actually chose to apologize to my class yesterday because we were running out of time for something and I had to rush directions and it confused them. Thankfully it wasn't a giant issue, but it's still something I wanted to take ownership for and learn from. Thankfully, I think I followed the guidelines in the video when I apologized!
Who is the guy that did the video? I liked his way of sharing and he was easy to follow.
Thanks, again!😘"
Thanks for passing this on, Jeff. I appreciate it.
Such an easily overlooked topic in communication, but empires and complete world orders have and further will go down just for not sincerely apologizing.
I'll condense this for most. Be sincere and be honest. Everything else doesn't mean shit if you don't do this. Other than that he tells you to follow through on your actions, which that would be, being sincere.
This goes along with what I heard, which is that patients sue doctors they do not like. So being likable, having a good or great bedside manner, & actually caring about a patient, must go a long ways to preventing lawsuits.
Auto insurance expressly tells you not to apologize in the event of an accident. I would expect medical malpractice insurance has guidelines as well. This was naive advice.
You shouldn’t apologize for a medically poor outcome since in court it will be used against you. If you practiced the standard of care and a poor outcome results you may express empathy not apology. It is very true that if a patient likes you you are less likely to be sued , however once sued you are now fighting their attorney and an apology for wrong doing is not advisable .
Apologies that could place you in a weak position going forward, or that could expose you to legal liability, are not in your best interest. This is why the one insurance you must buy if you drive -- auto -- urges you NOT to apologize or discuss blame in case you have an accident. Most people know that their insurance advises this, which is exactly why they are chary about apologies in general. It's less about feelings and more about money. Most people can sense when apologies are win-win. Of course make those apologies, the sooner the better.
Wonderful advice!
Years ago my son told me some of the things i had done as a mother that he resented me for. İ listened, and even though some of the details he remembered i thought were incorrect, I didn't argue. Just listened.
Afterwards i wrote him a letter making my apology. İ did not correct his memories. İ admitted that i had made the mistakes he mentioned and i specifically acknowledged how those mistakes affected him.
Within a short time after receiving my written apology, he let me know that he forgave me and that he was really more upset about something else going on in his life and was taking it out on me.
İ told him it was good that he told me about his resentments and that i was always open to hearing about anything i did that was wrong or hurtful.
İ believe that apology made all the difference in the outcome. To this day, we have a very close and loving relationship. We trust each other to say the truth.
On the other side of the story, a couple years ago a very close friend did something that put me and her in danger. İ tried to stop her and she resisted my request for her to stop. İ finally had to insist that she stop and since she was in my home at the time, she did stop.
She left my home that day and never apologized for what she did. İ have not spoken to her since. İ believe if she had just offered a very simple apology, i would've melted and lost my resentment instantly.
She had always proudly said that she never apologized no matter what to her partner. That didn't matter to me till she did something to me that was dangerous and hurtful.
Well thought out and heartfelt apologies make all the difference to good relationships. None of us is perfect. We all should try to be good at apologies and at forgiving too.
Thank you for the opportunity to tell my apology stories.
Awesome examples! Thank you so much for sharing! Wow!!!
@@alexanderlyon thanks, Alex! İ look forward to your words of communication wisdom and often share your videos. When i saw that you were going to talk about apologies today i couldn't wait to hear your advice! Thank you again!
@@alexanderlyon the bonus advice about the legal ramifications of apologies was also a great addition. İ find that subject fascinating and have read articles about laws that allow a person to apologize without using it as evidence against them.
Yes, that's the basic idea behind the laws. An apology is not generally seen as an admission of guilt by judges and juries. And, it will likely prevent the need for court altogether, if the apology is done right.
I always enjoy your content. Thank you for this topic and exploring an apology when future legal action may be involved. I have often wondered about this and how clients are advised to proceed as far as admitting fault by way of an apology.
I’m glad it was helpful. Many lawyers advise against apologies but that makes a lawsuit more likely and hurts you in court. It’s very paranoid advice.
Apologize in a structured approach, thank you for the video !
I had a pretty big life changing experience that involved apologies or lack there of haha. I unknowingly made a comment that alot of people were upset with and I was quickly forced to publicly apologize within an hour of the incident even though I had no time to process what happened. of course it wasn't the best apology and alot of people did not like it and they continued to express that for the coming weeks. By that time I was frustrated that these people were still hammering me so I made a super long "apology" that was more of just me blaming everything else and everyone else and that just threw more gas on the fire. there was never any personal resolution and it still haunts me to this day. But now I can look back and realize what went wrong on my end and how to handle similar situations in the future should they arise. oh and it also didn't help that the apologies had to be in written/text format since it was going to a large amount of people.
Hi, Aaron. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry it still haunts you. That sounds hard. Apologies are really difficult. Even high level CEOs with teams helping them craft and refine prepared apologies often fall short. I know some people who went to a therapist to sort it out to get an apology right. Apologies are even harder when the situation is like yours and other people think you should apologize but you may not be convinced you did something wrong or at least wrong enough to have it held over your head.
I once heard a colleague apologize for a joke she made that was 100% harmless. BUT, one person was offended (for reasons I still don't understand) and a small group of vocal people whipped up about it. It was like she was being bullied into apologizing. Our boss was also putting pressure on her about it and used a guilt trip on her.
Finally, my colleague apologized just to clear the air and settle the issue. She chose the right words and put things to rest but mostly did it to find a way to move forward. Sadly, many petty people still held it over her head.
I don't know your exact situation but it doesn't sound to me like you were set up for success or were surrounded by gracious co-workers. It also sounds like it's time that you let yourself off the hook for all of it. If anybody else is still holding it against you in their hearts, that's their problem now. I think it's time to get your mojo back. Either way, thank you for sharing your experience with me and other viewers.
Perfect way to apologize:”I am sorry”
Just found your channel and liked what I have seen so far. New subscriber. Thanks for the good tips.
Alex, that was a wonderful video and thank you for teaching with such clarity. I joke with my wife (and perhaps hold a little grudge) about the number of times I find myself apologising after we have some kind of disagreement. I have often wondered why she seems so reluctant to apologise, however these tips demonstrate that I’ve been doing it wrong! And how important it is to keep the focus on what we can control, commit to, and take ownership of. On reflection, I have not been apologising with this level of ownership. I am curious to see if this kind of apology will catch on in my household ;)
Thanks for sharing, Paul. I really appreciate your open attitude about it. That says a lot about your character.
dont apologize for what u are not guilty of. and if u find yourself apologizing a lot, either you are a social emotional klutz who blunders others, or the other party is expecting you to b a total wuss.
So basically, be sincere and be honest. 2-4 were only true if you're sincere.
I like the parts legal implication and recap.
It's a wonderful tool for our working life. Thanks coach !
Nailed it! Very well explained. I'll be showing this to students.
Hi, Ryan. Great to hear from you!
I had to give a sort of legal type apologize to a coworker. I told him I was sorry he was on a bad call and sorry our supervisor did not see an email that I sent more than 2 hours earlier. He was angry at me because he said I should have sent the email, to which I sent a screenshot proving that I did. I do not believe that I did anything wrong. I think the supervisor that did not see the email was at fault. I chose this route because he was very angry. I did not want to prostrate because I did not want to set a pattern that blaming me for another person's mistake was acceptable. I wasn't going to be his emotional toilet. In truth, he wasted a lot of time blaming me and giving me the 3rd degree, blaming me for him not quickly working the call and moving on. He said it was my fault that he was on a long call. If he had been more polite and less accusatory, the conversation may have gone differently.
I think people mean when they say don't apologize is some thing like don't apologize for the wrong reasons. Don't be coerced into an apology.
Some people do mean that. You are right. Other people, some of whom I know personally, have a policy about essentially never apologizing or even admitting they've done something wrong.
Thank you Alex for sharing. Grateful.
Really great content! Thank you Coach Alex :)
My pleasure, Malthael.
Really needed this word today.
Thank you and God bless you.
I'm glad it helped, Connie. God bless you!
Your methods of apology has real sense & v practical
Thank you. I didn't event these steps. There's been a lot of research on it. I'm glad you find it practical.
How do you handle a situation when you’re feel a nervy person has said something to you, you slept on it , feel you deserve an apology and are genuinely hurt, and you never receive an apology? Any action or words?
It's an interesting question, Edward. I don't believe there's a right answer. I can only tell how I handle that situation. I personally don't think I've ever directly asked for an apology in my life outside of my marriage (because marriage is lifelong and it's important to keep short accounts rather than let bad feelings store up).
I've certainly been wronged many times by others. In some cases, they apologize but not usually.
If I feel strongly about it, then I might give them feedback on how I was hurt, but I'd make sure that it wasn't just my perception or interpretation.
Honestly, in most cases, I try to see their side, forgive them (in my heart), and move on. If they repeatedly hurt me, I would likely not put myself in that position any longer. But I never expect or wait on an apology and I can't recall asking for one.
But that's just me. I don't think there's a great way to handle it that will lead to an apology.
It's been almost 3 yrs since I hard from someone close to me, I was forcely accused of something I didn't do.
I tried calling and sending msgs but didn't get any responses.
I miss them all
Excellent, just what we all need. You may have actually said this inside one of the points, so if I missed that, I apologize. 🙂
Here's an apology story that didn't fly with me. I've made this mistake myself, but after reading about this, (? Don't remember which book or article?) I watch myself on it. -- My dear friend got very hateful with me because I said something that she took the wrong way. Her long email apology went well, until this stinger at the end of a long whip - "But if you hadn't said what you said..."
That article called that kind of an "apology" a spike at the end of a smooth tail that whips around to get you.
I'd almost have felt better if she'd never apologized. She still blamed me for her cruel words. Her taking possession of them throughout her apology suddenly went flat and meaningless. Of course, I forgave her. We are friends as if that had never happened. If I had called her attention to it, the healing wouldn't have taken place. I also apologized. I should have watched my words better.
What do you think of this? Is it worth a fifth tip, or does it fit in with the first one?
Also, I remember learning the "twelve step program" for AA. (BTW, those 12 steps can apply to so much more than alcoholism). One of those steps is "make ammends - as much as is in your power to do so." Might not be an exact quote. I thought that was a great yet difficult step, and you have it here.
Our dad taught us that saying "I'm sorry," to a sibling (our first relationship learning ground), that it means, "I'll never do that again. And, we'd keep each other to that!! You're right, it's the way they know you meant it.
On Home Improvement, the dad made the best apologies and made good ammends. Good writers on that. 🙂
I watched again and see you did put in this idea on the first point. I think during that time, someone in the house asked me a question, so I missed it. My bad. Still, since you asked for apology stories, I'll leave it.
I scored a number in my Utme exam but lied to my people that I scored higher than the original score jokingly, without realizing...it has already spread in the entire school and I got called by the principal to congratulate me and send our results to the district but it was all a lie... And I have to apologize to clear the air b4 it's too late, and I get into a worse situation cus I really didn't mean to lie to everyone it was just a friend to friend joke that I would have teased about normally but now I ended up in this kind of situation and I'm sincerely going crazy
Worst apologies I ever got were just used as examples to show me that they apologize properly and I never do. It wasn't a real apology, just another opportunity to tell me I was wrong or something was wrong with me. And deflecting from what they did while they were supposedly apologizing. He said apologize and sorry are different. That sorry is genuine feeling and apologize is just a format thing not real feeling.
A great video! I'm going to try my best to practice Alex's four steps of a good apology.
when I watch your videos I feel like I'm looking into the code of human behavior, to put it into computer terms. it's like I'm looking at the data from behind the scenes and figuring out what exactly goes on when we talk.
That's an interesting way to put it. I like that. Thanks for describing it that way.
@@alexanderlyon Thank you for all your videos! They've helped me so much with my communication skills.
Great content! Thanks for that. It makes me think about my own behavior for sure.
Glad it was helpful, Andrea.
Hello, thank you so much for your efforts Alex.
Hi, Ahmed. Thanks!
Thank you! This was helpful!
Gobless you too
Thanks for sharing. It is great!
Excellent info. Thanks for sharing
Glad it was helpful, Jeff.
Lisa gave a very good word of you and’s true. Thanks.!!!
Lisa is great!
I have lived in or travelled to many countries. Based on my observation, Americans are among those who apologize the least. They only do when it is about trivial things that they won't have to take responsibilities for.
Thanks for sharing, Jason. You may be right. I'm American and we do sort of apologize for little small things like "Sorry, could you pass me the salt and pepper." But I know many people who simply can't apologize no matter how awful an actual mistake was. I would love to see a study on how readily various people groups apologize and see what the results show.
@@alexanderlyon It could be very interesting to do such a study. Either a survey or some kind of social experiment could tell the difference among different countries or cultures. I wish I could put my daily work aside to conduct a task like this. LOL
My husband works with people from all over the world and finds Americans are least likely to take ownership of a mistake and more likely to try to pass blame. I personally wonder if, in a work situation, it’s because Americans feel less secure in their roles than us Europeans, as they can so easily lose their jobs?
It always helps to say WHAT you’re apologizing for. 🙄
Im going to send this to a person who has attacked me several times when i did not instigate any of them. if they refuse to apologize, whatever. I dont want them in my life whether they apologize or not, at this point, but at least i will have given them the TOOLS to do so when they attack other people. Perhaps they will think twice about attacking people to begin with! 🤔😬🙄
Nice piece of advice.
Regarding your example on point 2 being phony i.e I am sorry that you feel that way, how do I apologize in a situation where I say something truthfully and sincerely to someone and the person gets offended. I don't want to apologize for being wrong when I don't think I am but how do I assuage the other person's hurt feelings?
I'd really have to hear exactly how you said it to be sure about making a recommendation. The tips in the video about about apologizing truthfully and sincerely. However, truth and sincerity in all communication should be balanced by kindness.
There are lots of possible reasons they might be offended.
1. I have no idea if this is your issue (and the reason the person took offense), but sometimes people who are truthful express themselves in an overly direct way that comes across as abrupt. In that way, the person might be reacting to your tone, in other words.
2. It could also be that you said something truthfully and sincerely but they never asked for your opinion in the first place. If that's the case, it's called unsolicited feedback. I could say to an artist about their painting truthfully and sincerely, "I don't think you are very talented." That passes the truth test and the sincerity test but it doesn't pass the "necessary" test. In other words, an insult could be truthful and sincere but it doesn't make it welcome.
3. But, if they ask for your opinion and you expressed it with kindness and they were still offended, then I'm not sure what that means. They might just be sensitive.
Like I said, I have no idea about the situation you describe. I'd have to have overheard the conversation to really say anything useful about it.
Thank u very much much.🙏
Excellent advice.
Thank you, Amy! :-)
Thank you 😊.
I’m not only taking Valuable information and guidance but English to BTW I got your channel Through Lisa from accurate English thanks for everything
Welcome! Lisa is great.
I broke most these rules before. I apologised to my brother via text, thing is, I didnt do anything wrong and I sure as heck wasnt sincere about it. I did it mostly to keep the peace in the family(he is very sensitive)
Should I take back all the apologies I gave him?
It happens. Sometimes we apologize for the wrong reasons. At this point, I'd just move forward and let it go, if you can. I'm not sure much good would come out of it if you revisited your apology. If it were me, I'd just forgive him in my own heart for being sensitive about the issue and move forward.
@@alexanderlyon correct.
if hes that sensitive then strongly curtail your contact with him or your conversation with him. some people just want to control others so they demand an apology for every conjured up slight. be congenial but not a wuss.
Very good
Anyone here to find out if they apologize the right way?
Another great one!
Thanks again!
Will Smith should have watched this video before recording a half-baked excuse and upload it in UA-cam. By the way, I crashed on someones car last summer. He was furious. I apologized him properly at that moment and told him that I take full responsibility on crashing his car with my car and that I felt sorry for making him feel bad. He calmed down quickly. Never send me a bill from the repair. Instead he send me a message: "Have a great rest of the summer!"
salut salut bon samedi bon week end 🙂
Woow incredible video
Thanks. I appreciate it.
Don't you just hate those lame apologies where the person starts out with: "I apologize for XYZ..." And then, he or she says: "BUT... (blah, blah, blah)" -- thus negating the whole purpose of the apology in the first place. Lame!! 🙄
Very true, Cheryle. The unfortunate part is that if we just do the apology well and patiently wait, the other person will often take a moment, reflect on their part, and sometimes give a pretty good apology in return. It might even take a few days of patience but it often happens if we can wait.
@@alexanderlyon -- Amen!! So true!! ❤
Do you have online class for learning speak English?
No, sorry about that. I don't offer that type of class.
What if they won’t apologize and you are always taking the blame?
Don't take the blame if you didn't do anything wrong. Only apologize if you genuinely made some sort of mistake. But also, you can't make other people apologize. You can let the know how they may have hurt you and clarify that as patiently and calmly as you can. It's up to them to have the good character to apologize.
why do you ACCEPT the blame? WHY are you continuing to be in their company? WHY do you still talk or text them? AVOID THEM!
Upload more video with images
The whole video is an image, though. Not sure what you mean.
what if someone insulted you with racist jokes and you just don't need/want to continue the relationship?
You have no obligation to continue a relationship (especially after being insulted) and there's no reason to apologize unless you have done something wrong.
@@alexanderlyon thank you Alex
dont you know how to say GOOD BYE? and KEEP IT???
Maybe jail time for you is part of them making you apologize some feel this is better way though what you apologized for was the thing that you thought will apologize towards
When you cant afford the money to repair how does your apology count.
an old co-worker sent me a letter. he said that he had regrets that he was not a better friend. is that an apology ?
It's pretty close to an apology. When people make an honest attempt, I personally give them the benefit of the doubt and a much grace as I can. Is it an A+ apology? It doesn't sound like it, but most people don't have the benefit of a video like this. If it were me, I'd give the person credit for doing their best.
If I tell you the context of my situation, can I hear your advice for how I apoIogize?
It's hard to accomplish that in the comments section with any level of quality. Instead, I recommend using the talking points in the video and then asking somebody you trust to listen and they can give you feedback. You should share this video with them so they don't give you advice out of left field.
@@alexanderlyon Don't give me advice out of left field?
Yes, it's an American expression. "Out of left field" means the advice would come from out of nowhere or an unexpected place. In other words, I'm recommending you show the person you'd practice in front of this video so they understand the talking points you used to draft your apology. Otherwise, they might give you advice based on their own understanding of what makes an apology a good one. Their advice or feedback could be based on their momentary opinion and not informed by any research on apologies. In contrast, if you've both watched the video, then you will have a common understanding of what makes a good apology.
Wow
Just call us the "I'm sorry" generation.
Like I said at the beginning, I only recommend apologizing if you've done something. These days, there's lots of pressure to apologize nowadays even when there's no real mistake, error, or harm done.
Saying the word " I'm Sorry" is pathetic drivel! ad nauseam, It is an insensitive and meaningless word, only low character individuals use such vomit when offending someone I'm Sorry!.. as if this five letter word encompasses perhaps a cascade of hurt and harm to another human being.. I'm sorry is best used for trivial things, like, I'm sorry, I didn't take out the trash, or I clogged the toilet, or forgot to stop for milk..An apology is a combination of two verbs, correcting your error with words that leaves a healing balm to the offended, one should go about it quickly.. I'd say more, however coach Alex summed it up quite well...
Thanks for posting, Rev Zone. I agree with most of what you said. I'd never recommend apologizing simply because I offended somebody. People are going to disagree and then act offended. That doesn't mean I did something wrong. I'm not going to apologize unless I really did make a mistake of some sort (and I have made many mistakes in my life).
When I do make mistakes, I really take the time to think about it and make sure I am sincere in my apology. Then I follow the steps in the video. Mostly importantly, I follow up with concrete action to fix the problem I caused (if possible). Thanks for posting!
@@alexanderlyon
Well said!
This video shoud have 8 bilion views, not 30 thousand. Thank you. :o)
Thank you for your encouragement.