What Happened To Politeness?
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- When we decide as a culture that trowing polite society out the window is the best way to be real because manners are pretentious, we throw the very idea of civilization out the window along with it. Oh, and people just being who they really are in all situations has never been good for anything. Just FYI.
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My most recent experience with a young person was a little different. I went out for my evening walk, and was heavy breathing and leaning on something to catch my breath. My health isn't great, so this happens a lot. A passing 12-year-old on a bike stopped and asked if I was OK. I was impressed and touched.
Agreed !
I wonder if this is location based. Maybe Philadelphia kids are ruder than elsewhere.
@@kazriko Well it is I guess. I'm living in a city in The Netherlands, the youth isn't as polite as in the village 6 km from here. I'd like to go fishing there and a boy, maybe 10 or 11 years old asked me: "Hey?! Did you catch something?" I didn't. He said: "By the end of noon you have to go over there, under that tree. That's where you can catch fish". We had a chat and he left on his bicycle. Beyond the fact that he was right about that, in the city they are screaming about animal abuse, starring at their phones all day. The children in the village are just living. Fishing, cycling, helping their parents at the farm. They DO have a life already!
yet if the roles were reversed and you touched a 12 year old they'd call the police.
They hadn't been taught to be an asshole by their phone yet.
Reality shows made it acceptable to be rude and crude in public. I don’t watch them, but I’ve seen snippets of a couple. They glorify bad behavior.
+
If the shoe were on the other foot, would they still be abusive anyway ?
TV is poison. People are behavior copying machines.
i dont own a TV. I'm better than that. but recently i hear about 'reality shows' a lot. i thought they were documentaries. apparently not.
It’s funny how they are called “reality shows” when they are the complete opposite!
I've noticed that obnoxious people are more likely to say the most hateful thing they can think of to a total stranger if they have an audience. One on one, with nobody to impress, the compulsion to bully others is weaker. Large groups of immature strangers can be downright dangerous.
All we can do is educate the new generation, they are the ones that (if we are lucky ) will take care of us
Pack Animals
yep, arseholes are arseholes irrespective of age.
Yes, and these kind of people don't belong to any specific generation. However, things have really changed over time, so there is more of it now.
Bad boys running wild, if you don't play along with their games
Bad boys running wild, and you better get out of their way!
- Scorpions
What happened to Politeness? The same thing that happened to critical thinking unfortunately.
We GenXers were lucky to grow up without social networks and people filming us being fools and drunk. I'm glad I grew up in the 80's (in France).
It’s an ugly world we are entering!
I was just in New York and I’m from Australia. I don’t think it’s age, I think it’s how you’re brought up. People can be rude at all ages, and pleasant and courteous at all ages. I found that being in one of the worlds biggest cities, age wasn’t the defining factor on manners.
You make the mistake of thinking "age" and how one was brought up are mutually exclusive. As I mention above, Gen-Z'ers, for the most part were brought up being told the world owes them anything and everything they want, without them having to do anything in return. This all started in the 90's, where keeping score during little league games was considered "harmful" and every kid got a trophy regardless of performance.
Great commentary Fran. Thanks for sharing. 👍😎👍
The north of the US is the worst, but in general this is why all of the US is a sucky place to live now.. the way people drive.. they'll screw you over at work too. Idiots suffering for no reason other than their de-evolution to jerkiness.
Someone acting rude in NYC? Really!!?? But New Yorkers have always been known far and wide for their impeccable manners… Oh Lord, what is this world coming to? 😮🤯🫠
@@wallyman292 for all the people who talk about this “no winner/losers” philosophy being used in otherwise competitive sports, I’ve never once heard of this happening IRL, even though I grew up in the 90s/early 00’s. Also, if you’ve ever actually received a participation trophy, you’d know that most kids above the age of 5 know just as well as you do how meaningless they are, once you see that everyone else got that “award”, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that it doesn’t make you special.
I'm a millennial in my 30s and I try to be nice and polite. I would never call anyone a bitch or something else degrading. I'm really lucky I grew up with very diverse friends so I got to see their perspective at a young age and helped with empathy.
I just start running toward sidewalk-blockers shouting either "Make a hole!" or "Coming through!". I'm 66, and it works every time. Then I immediately stop running one step past them.
And some of us, myself included am guilty of being rude to older people when I was younger, now that I'm the older person I get treated rudely by some of the younger people, almost like I'm ignorant, but am just trying to live my life like everyone else, even when I get a ride customer at work, I stay calm and focused, and try to give that customer the best possible service I can
Eh, my kids are in their 20s and would never behave this way. I have loads of friends in their 20s, and they are all wonderful people. Not fair to generalize an entire generation. And to take it one further, look how OUR generation behaved at Woodstock 99.
People seem to increasingly see other people as either a means to them getting what they want, or an obstacle in their way, but not as another human being. Maybe it has something to do with people living increasinly online, where the actual physical reality around them is not their most important reality. There's also the age factor - younger people, when they notice them at all, seem to see older people as the enemy. I'm a baby boomer, and apparently I'm a mentally defective criminal because I'm preventing them from getting what they want....
@@cloudalien443 Yeah, I'm really disappointed in Fran's reaction, to be honest. She's buying right into the "generational divide" narrative that has been sold to us the past few years by certain powers.
Hello, Fran. We're close in age. I grew up with Black Southern parents. Manners were a vital part of what we kids were expected to contribute to our environment. I was also given a certain amount of extra enrichment via etiquette classes, due to a shifting expectation of what my future might include. While a good many people might see this as restrictive, I do feel privileged in being given a wider appreciation of patience in myself and for the behavior of other people.
I believe there's a wider world afforded by politeness, via the awareness of others around us. I hope for far more of it, as we are surely lacking this. I wish you the very best.
I was among the last draftees during the Vietnam war. I'm from the sticks. One of my dads had rage problems, and when my Mom managed to divorce him, she then married an alcoholic. I was the scapegoat. I started running away at 13. By 15 I had perfected "running away" and never went back. Found love at 21, Married 18 hours later. Cancer took her from me after 42 years I still work at music,...alone. My opinion....Our Country has lost its empathy generally. The 'Golden Rule' is a distant concept which gets more distant by the day. I think voices like yours, are the only hope for mankind now. I salute you! Our world's only chance is from those who speak truth with heart such as yourself!
Recently subbed (last night).
I'm currently 65 years old so even pre Generation X. Whilst I'm sympathetic to your post, I do think that you have to be careful when you brand any section of society as "they". I've certainly come across self centred behaviour of the sort that you describe but I've also crossed paths with younger people who have exemplified the kind of politeness that we'd both hope to find. Like all human behaviours, they are rarely able to be ascribed exclusively and totally to any subset of society. My fear is that to attempt to do so tends to drive a wedge between said groups.
Aside from that observation, please keep up the good work
I agree, the 'Us vs Them' mentality doesn't help. We're all on the same team.
Politeness was lost when no one could be bothered to look up from their smartphone to give a stranger a smile. Just to remind them that we are all in it together.
Well said!!!!!!!
Definitely caused by smartphones!
For the record... I'm 27 and see this in my own generation. Manners have left the building.
@@BenneWill I see more considerate young people than people my age (50) or older.
There are few things that strike me.
1) Events like Woodstock have self-selecting aspects about who is able to attend that aren't present for random people in a neighborhood.
2) A lot of Generation X people did similar things as young adults. I saw it up close with my younger brother (we're both late Gen X.) In a lot of ways it's a common reaction to being rather newly free of parental control.
3) I noticed a shift in my youth in which older people began to feel that "respect your elders" meant they were entitled to that respect regardless of how they treated the younger person; literally that they could be horrible and falsely accuse us of wrongdoing and that we weren't allowed to respond appropriately to that. In my youth it connected with attitudes that we were always up to no good and endless accusations of things like theft just for going into a store. That breakdown of the social contract has a long term impact, especially as we get into generations raised by the people who experienced it.
Why so few??
I think you just ran into some rude folks (there are a lot around), but I regularly encounter many young people who have perfectly acceptable manners towards others...
There's an element of sexism to it. What would they have said to a man?
I’m sorry that happened! It feels awful. I have found that most people are still polite for the most part. I’m a young gen-X at 46 and I also run a gaming channel for which I have some young audience and I am actually pretty optimistic since they are mostly polite and pretty dang fun and adorable. Politeness and critical thinking are definitely in danger but not fully gone.
Politeness is a rare thing these days, I think the advent of social media and smart phones has stunted all of that alot, ever since becoming a hospitality industry worker, my politeness has increased ten fold, as I realize now just how crucial it is , for instance,, the Golden rule for one, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I learned it when I was in the fifth grade, am now 52 and I still live by it, Fran I'm so sorry that you had this experience, I totally get what your saying here, I know I don't usually leave comments on your vids, but am a regular viewer to you channel, Staysafe, Stay Blessed, and thank you for this video 👍❤
"Politeness is the chief sign of culture."- Baltasar Gracian
Back in the day people didn't feel so entitled.
Fran, courtesy and politeness went by the wayside shortly after my pre-teen years. I was born in 1953 and remember that people were sociable, would speak to one another when passing on the street, and would open doors for women. You don't see that anymore either. In fact, I opened a door for a middle-aged woman on a college campus when I was an undergraduate and she actually looked at me and said, "I can open my own door, thank you." When is the last time you saw a guy stand up when an older woman enters a room? Probably never or a really long time ago. Caring about and for others, and extending courtesy to others disappeared a long time ago.
This is why i watch and love this channel and the community of people who are engaged with it.i feel like Fran and all of yous are good people.
A lot of these young people have no consideration for others.
They live in their own little world.
But I've seen worse: once I was pushing a friend in her wheelchair down the sidewalk when we came upon a whole family standing in the middle of the sidewalk, having some kind of argument.
The man, who must have been around 55 years old, was the one standing directly in our path, after us asking nicely many times, he did not move.
So we got loud and started shouting ( still being polite and saying 'please' ) and still no results.
Finally, we had to go back the way we came and I pushed her past them on the street.
All I'm saying is that while you encountered a rude and unruly young couple, they come in all ages.
I totally agree! Here where I live, the elderly often ride side-by-side down the sidewalk toward you and won't move to let people by. If l don't move off the sidewalk they would run right into me. I'm 50, and I can't believe people around 20 years older than me do this on a daily basis.
Philly's been that way for years. I lived in Ardmore from 2001, to 2010. (Heart of the Main Line) I can spot those selfish people, a mile away. Walk to the curb, and go around them, without saying a word, or giving the stink eye, is my personal policy. Reacting never helps. It probably serves to reinforce the behavior, in all actuality. Some people decide to make the world inconvenient for others, just for fun. If you feed into it, they got ya, and some start a habit of it!
Not sure you're wrong, but this makes me sad. 😕
I agree. Walking around gets you mad for 30 seconds. Getting into an insulting dialogue causes you to be grinding your teeth the rest of the day, and they win.
@@sometimesleela5947 I largely agree. The thing is, though, having to walk around them is also them winning. :-/
@@DavidLindes I don't look at it like a competition. I view it as minding my own business, and continuing on with my own life.
@@sometimesleela5947 I don't get annoyed walking around, it's just how I treat every situation, like Fran describes here. I'm 50.
Fran, thanks for this video. You are not alone with this . In my generation, I am 72 now there have been a number of values that were not for discussion because these were needed for living in the community. This has changed, I recognised this already years ago and it is a result of how the young people today grow up without families and respect and their values. Education is another issue, look in our schools today and Universities, this is not how it should be.The only way is that we still live to our values even it is getting harder in the current environment.thanks again and regards from Sydney, Australia.
Fun fact, an idiot go through a stop sign in front of my car, I brake and honk. Then he brake and insult me.
He was the culprit but didn't accept the fact I let kow him he bothred me.
I was stopped at a light, with a big yellow school bus in front of me, and a car hit my bumper from behind while we were stopped, not very hard but it shook me up a bit. When the light changed I pulled over to the side of the road, figuring I should check with the driver, make sure he or she is OK and there wasn't any damage to the other car, but the car, which had out of state plates (it's a university town, so not uncommon) took off! I only had a scuff on my bumper, and my car is a decade old and a little banged up already, so I don't really care, but still.... The responsible thing would be to check with the other driver come make sure everybody's OK, see if there's any damage sufficient to be worth repairing or perhaps reporting to the cops or the insurance company, and generally behaving like decent responsible adults.
good points Fran, As a fellow YuTube creator. I have to be in a strong personal place to even read most comments about my films. Only Patreon keeps me going...feeling there are folk out there who like my efforts at filmmaking...the general UA-cam audience are far too fast, just to criticise, appearance, subjective opinions and to just watch conformation bias supporting content....films like yours...that educate and explore ....or mine, looking at science...are challenging for most viewers.
Obviously there are exceptions to these generational observations, but overall, I completely agree that politeness and common courtesy have all but vanished. I know there are plenty of zoomers who are kind and compassionate, but as an old millennial, I saw the erosion of basic kindness in _my_ generation back in the early 90s, and it's only gotten worse. I've encountered this consensus that civility is phony and facetious, and while it _can_ be, civility can also be a sign that people actually _DO_ care for each other. It's not _always_ an act. Not every "nice" person is hiding behind a mask of politeness. Sometimes that person actually _is_ nice.
It often is an act. In many cases, especially back then, politeness was just a way to keep up appearances. That's what this generation rejects! Can you handle the truth if it hit your ass so hard it leaves a red mark on it or would you rather have polite lies? Besides, you're giving away your real self when you reject fakeness in favor of authenticity!!! Or would you rather there be a veneer again? If the answer to that last question is yes, why?
Bonjour Madame BLANCHE, I'm living in the most beautifull ( they say) city in the world called PARIS. What you experienced, I got it everyday in my city. This often comes from young people but I have to say that it may come from Boomers like me, this mean that Politness is no more a general human behavior !!!!!!!!!! And in this beautifull city of Paris you may see tons of pet's shits on the street and mostly owners are ......boomers !!!!!!
I am deeply sorry for your so bad experience as I see you as a very nice person, smart, pretty and certainly with a gentle behavior . This is our today's world and I agree with you in regard of the future of this world. Truly yours.
Thanks Fran! Your wprb princeton t-shirt got me online for their ALL STAR-WARS SHOW II amazing playlist. Amazing way to end 4. here in Norway :D
Yes! Jon Solomon - a treasure!
In my experience, the people you encountered inevitably meet someone far less pleasant than yourself and it all ends in tears. For them.
A polite and sociable hello from Liverpool. 🙂
I'm sorry that happened to you Fran, that is appallingly rude behavior. Yeah, i've been having a conversation on my facebook timeline with my friends this week about this very issue. it's mind blowing. it's equally if not more appalling that i see parents older than me (im 37) actively showing their kids how to act via their example. it's utterly confounding. and these people are so closed off there is seemingly nothing one can do or say to them to make them be even remotely polite. I'm just learning to keep a half smile and put my energy where it is appreciated. It makes one a lot less willing to extend the common courtesies (in my case holding the door open for a mother and her teenage daughter when a drunk person was rolling on the sidewalk nearby) - when one gets treated so terribly, hurtfully actually for doing what we were raised as the right thing to do. Hang in there, the world is getting better in some ways, and society continues to decompose in others -
You're MOST DEFINITELY not alone. Social media is the death of common courtesy.
It's all about ME.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and frustrations with me. I'm 68. I got a university education, worked, saved and was able to retire in a beautiful, small populated area.
I don't worry about the decline of society anymore. Not my problem. All of the problems with youth today are self-inflicted. You shall reap what you sow. I grew up in the later 50's and 60's. Say what you want about conservatives today, but without my conservative upbringing I would probably not have the sustained the respect for other people that I still display today.
You need to up sticks and come to Scotland Fran. I'm your generation, live in Glasgow (shock, horror) and feel truly blessed every day because everyone has a smile for you- no matter the age, gender or how shitty a day they might be having.
I tuned into WPRB (upon looking at your shirt) and I'm hearing Billy Holiday sing "I;ll Wind" . Webster on Sax... wonderful! Thanks for cueing me in.
I love you Fran! As an old (78) retired Electronics Technician I look forward to more of your bench work. You inspire me to keep learning
btw I like your hair this way, _OA (means Only Anthony) in central Florida
Fran, I am a professor who researches the relationship between human behavior and information technology, and I teach university students in one of the largest public university systems in the U.S. From my prospective of my mostly quantitative research, humans are simply not equipped to communicate the way technology allows us to communicate. We are evolutionarily wired to communicate and interact face-to-face, and to the extent that technology allows us to interact virtually, we are precipitating our own social demise. I do not recall if you drew the link directly, but you certainly noted that we are consumed by living in a virtual world, and we are losing our ability to interact with decorum in the physical world. If you were to ask me what we can do to resolve this issue, I would tell you that we need to unplug, at least from a social perspective. I do not see this happening, and because of this, I hold out little hope for humankind. On the other hand, I teach students here in the south who are respectful (in the university environment anyway), and who mostly know how to behave, even though they sometimes fail to do so. This said, all bets are off when we transition the discussion to the general population in larger cities across the U.S. I am saddened that you experienced such rude behavior, but my research suggests that things are going to get far worse unless the U.S. figures out how teach current and future generations the importance of decorum. For all the wonderful things that arpanet brought us, Pandora’s box has been opened and I fear it will never be shut.
Joe
Maybe you ran into the rare rude one... or location has something to do with it.
I work near a college campus, and the vast overwhelming percentage of the people I meet are very polite. Many of the clerks at local shops are college students. Here being central Kentucky.
Polite people are very much still around.... it's been my experience the vast majority of people are polite and decent.
Kind of an example. A twenty something coworker was reading " Hardwired" by Walter Jones Williams ( a cyberpunk novel I read in the late '80s)...which led to many discussions about science fiction.
I am one of the latter baby boomers, and built my first computer ( kit form of the Timex Sinclair)...which has led to many discussions. Old school in person role playing games are very much still a thing ( like D and D)..but I do work with a group of nerds ( a good thing).
I wouldn't worry about the future. There will always be jerks, but the majority of people are decent...
I'd say it's about that over-confident and under-compassionate, under-competent kind of people; you get these in all generations and it's indeed a maladaptive pattern. Let's not make it the "us vs them" where "us" (the previous generations) are inherently better. Assholes are everywhere.
Oh Fran, you are SO spot on! I'm a GenXer and I work with young people that are starting their first job. I'm a friendly person and always greet everyone when they come to work but there are a few that just walk by without even acknowledging my presence. I suppose I'm just an old cranky bitch too. Sigh.
When I worked in retail, I could always tell what high school younger employees went to or graduated from. We had kids from 4 different high schools and everyone I said hi to, or talked to were polite etc. One high school had students that would just ignore me.
The elderly people from that town would be nastier than people from other towns as well, so I'm not singling out younger people.
So true, there's a real lack of courtesy amongst young people in the real world... they can be quite hostile. Sorry to hear that couple on the street were so rude to you... ugh. Older people make better friends, anyway - they're more knowledgeable and have more life experience to share.
Total respect for you, Fran.
I’m 22 and I can’t agree. I hear all the time about young people disrespecting and being rude to older people but I don’t see it. I work in customer service and the rudest and least patient and most impolite customers are the older ones.
@@blakekaveny I agree, but when the young are impolite it's hurtful for some reason, whereas I can always excuse old people for being rude or impatient.
@@axonis2306 Why do you old people get excuse though. Yes some times theirs situations in witch being rude is acceptable but they shouldn’t get a pass just because they’re older. In fact they should be held to a higher standard. They should be leading by example.
@@axonis2306 Like I see older people all the time complain when they have 5 people ahead of them in line when no one else is complaining.
@@blakekaveny Because being old can be very difficult.
I'm sorry that happened to you, Fran. I am a Boomer and I see that Society is devolving on many basic human levels. Ethics, morals, and common decency are being eroded away on a daily basis. On the one hand, I fear for the future of our species, and on the other, I'm glad I won't be here to watch it anymore.
Nihilism isn't so bad or frightening the older I get.
ok boomer. I love fran, but stop.
Are we not men?
People were never polite, you were just high and drunk.
Ethics, morals, and common decency are no longer required for the new generation. Character no longer matters.....only your intersectionality determines what you can get away with.
Truly, one of the best videos you've ever made, definitely a home run. Thank you!
Fran, I am 28 years old. Grew up in the school of hard knox as a farm boy from BFE Kansas. Looking at people my age all around me, I can agree that people have gotten soft and sheltered. I was a geek and a "gifted kid" in school so I had my fair share of encounters with abuse and bullies. Some of my best friends throughout high school were older gentlemen who were like father figures to me, much like your war vet friend was to you. I would not trade my upbringing for a SECOND because I really do feel as if I was raised in the crucible. Anything life happens to throw at my me I seem to be much better equipped to handle than some of my peers. I also have manners and am always courteous. I recognize I am the exception not the rule, though. I just try my best to instill some of my learnings and values into the youngsters below me and hope that some of it will stick. I think it's all we can really do at this point.
I worked with a guy that was in upstate New York and went to Woodstock. My best friend had a older brother that went too. There will never be a coming together like that.
Now we have a much more closed minded section of society that has no shame, compassion, or empathy towards others.
I am 65, and except for the aches and pains and health issues that come with old age, and a body that has taken some abuse due to the physical work I've always done, I'm glad I'm old. I often tell people that I wish I was 5 or 6 years older, because I definitely would have been at the original Woodstock!
I know it's wrong, but i can't help fantasizing that Fran then pulled out a large Spanner and gave them them both concussion.
No excuse for rudeness.
Pretty much how politeness was enforced decades ago.
reminded me of the old country western song "Attitude Adjustment "
Sorry you went through this Fran you are such an inspiration to me (((hugs)))
A commendable comment on dysfunctions attributable to tech overtaking humanity in the modern world. One cannot disagree with the multitude of negative aspects, nor the positive ones that often go unobserved, while we evolve through the tools we create. A stoic would insist that only the virtuous will thrive while others, like the creeps revealed in this cautionary tale, wither away and meet much less desirable fates. Ehrmann's poem from 1927, Desiderata, which was also prevalent in 'Woodstockian' thought of decades past, still brings solace at such times with the sage advice to go placidly through the noise, haste, and to avoid those stooges who will continue to remain vexatious to one's spirit, but only if we allow them that liberty.
There were certainly TVs and fast food restaurants back in the late 60's. Aside from that, your observations are right on.
My partner and I recently attended a local high school production of “Matilda, The Musical”. I love Roald Dahl but hadn’t read this. Downloaded it to the Kindle, read that, and we watched the current musical version and DeVito’s ‘90’s movie. Not sure where I’m going with this. I empathize and agree with your theories , knowing there are pockets of kindness amid the chaos. Matilda demonstrates the contrast between the cruelty of the self-obsessed and those who see themselves in a garden which is only maintained by the attention of the ones who see it’s potential and not only their own concerns. So much to know, so much I don’t know, looking up the publication date, it appears Dahl’s initial take on Matilda was twisted the other way. Regardless of that, I do know when I experience kindness and try to be the kindness I wish to see in the world.
Apart from the natural selection at play with their zero situational awareness, I feel sorry for their kids, I see young mums all the time, focus entirely on their smartphones, meanwhile the child sits in the pram ignored completely. A whole generation of children who wish they were phones. This won't end well.
It is not just 'kids'. A manufacturing company I know of replaced some older managers, who were very involved and 'problem solving' with younger (not not all THAT young) managers. Suddenly, it is if their departments have no managers, but they can be recognized by their cell phones always in front of their faces. Even the company I used to work for had some pretty bright people (in their early 30s probably) working there who still could not figure out that if they put their phones away while walking down the hallways to the bathroom, they would probably stop walking into the pillars all the time. And from what I heard, few people in the department I worked for ever read a book if they could avoid it, and many had poor spelling, and thought that having to write even a paragraph or two was a huge task.
I'm sorry to say but this problem existed already long long before mobile phones ever came into existence. Don't blame phones for. Blame people unfit for being parents.
'just be cool'. Those 3 words transcend generations. The common denominator.
I think it would be "Just be chill" with the youngest generation.
Apparently the old saying needs to be updated: "Vanity, thy name is youth".
Hi Fran! If you think your sidewalk incident was bad, you should see what middle and high school teachers deal with. It's totally sickening. It's not surprising that so many teachers are retiring early.
Hi Chevy, nice to see you're still active after community
Thanks for sharing your perspective Fran. Keepin it real as always.
EXCELLENT editorial, Fran! As an aging Boomer, I can relate to your observations.
The reason you were polite is because you were afraid of getting beat. You just hide it.
I really enjoyed todays post, so much. You fit into ANY generation, Fran and that takes talent! I only wish I could. Maybe if I keep watching you…
Civility. Some colleges now offer classes in how to talk each other. All smart phones are turned off and put in a box at the door.
I'm sorry you had that experience on the sidewalk. I'm in my early 30s and I feel like an alien with people my age. Ghosting is super common. Etiquette is not a thing. I've recently asked some friends for clarification on struggles I've been having with in terms of friendship navigation and each time I've been dismissed. It feels like everyone is punching down and it's so depressing. I want to interact with people and be social, but it's not worth it.
I'm sorry you are going through that, and I totally feel yah. I'm probably a bit older than you at 37. but I feel similarly much of the time. to the extent that though I spent my whole teens and twenties living in cities as an artist, I moved to one of the most rural places in the continental US (or at least it was a few years ago) --- I know a handful of people who don't punch down, but I would have to travel to another state or even across the country to see them (which I have done and will continue to do so, even a couple hours with coffee with those folks is like years of surface level socializing). there's a few people in my community that are kindred spirits, some you have to catch in the right mood, a lot of people that just fade into the periphery because they are perfectly confounding. Adopting a dog from the shelter has been one of the most helpful things in my life. A pet will never replace a person, but it goes a long ways. I also run a small business that does landscaping and handyman work so I am finding friends that way. even when it is transactional. I will say volunteer work can lead to some really great friends and rewarding, fulfilling, deeply meaningful social interaction. For instance my small town gets together and volunteers for "Streetscaping" on Main Street - doing the planters and hanging baskets. I'm looking forward to going this saturday to help with that. there will certainly be a few grouches, a few people I know and love and delight and seeing, and probably make some new friends :) - before that my best friends came from Art College, but art college, for me at least was a soul suck for the first 3 years - since art students (and professors) are often so pretentious and the environment i found suffocating, eventually a small group of people formed around me who felt similarly and those were some of the best friends I ever had.
sorry I know you didn't ask for advice, I just empathize with your situation. :)
@@kodyjbosch1 no no, that was really nice to hear actually. I recently moved out of the inner city as an artist and into a house in a much quieter neighborhood and we recently adopted a dog. I might be realizing I don't always need to be mad and it's an emotional detox. It'll probably be better in the long run, just a brutal transition.
Thank you for a kind interaction over the internet ✌️
One of my core values is "Politeness counts".
I'm sorry that was part of your walk that day Fran. 💜 gen-x, hemoglobin, Logan's Run.... nice btw, win on the merits, perspective.
The Movie is called Idiocracy. I recognized it as prophetic when I first saw it. That was nearly 20 years ago now. ....resistance is futile. 👾
"Fast food" and "junk food" had been solid parts of American life for a quarter century BEFORE Woodstock. McDonald's and Hostess Twinkies were early post WWII developments that we boomers had grown up with.
I agree with your comments and let’s remember Woodstock turned into a mud bath and was an awful place to be but they all got on with it and created a special occasion beautifully captured on film- the quality of the film is so inviting to view as well
Fran, that was my generation. As I'm writing this, I've only watched about a minute of your video. You speak of the Woodstock generation, that we were 'different'. It was a different era, a different mindset, and what was then and is missing now was the newness of it all, the sea change of consciousness that unfolded, it's the sea change of consciousness that was existent then that does not exist now, from the uptight 50s to the sexual revolution of the early sixties, and then the music revolution, psychedelic and spiritual revolution of the mid to late sixties. It's all history now, but was very new then, and there was no internet, cell phones, etc. We just had each other, and the music. Spirituality was much more predominant, kids into meditation, Maharishi, etc. All the guys had long hair (I'm 72 and I finally cut my hair, after all these years). We were more cerebral, spiritual, political, but much less materialistic than we are now. I didn't miss Viet Nam, which hung over every young man's head like a dark ominous cloud, but I miss everything else about the late 60s, and the music, it was all so new, and so good. All the crap that people in society were not allowed to talk about in the open was suddenly okay to talk about it, and talk about it, we did. But, the newness of it all, that is what is missing today. Nothing is really new today except AI, which, in my view, from an artist''s viewpoint, is going to destroy the artist, and once you destroy the artist, you destroy a nation's soul.
But, of course, the rest of your video is about how impolite the younger generation is. I think, Fran, you just had a bad day. My contact with kids is pretty much limited to going to starbucks in the morning, and the kids there seem pretty polite. My grand-nieces are of that generation and they are extremely polite. Methinks you just had a bad day.
Wow, it’s interesting to see this video from you tonight because it was literally just this afternoon when I realized that the most valuable part of human existence is peace and the most fragile component of that is cooperation - the ability to work together, respect each other, and get along with people who are different from us. I was trying to visualize what the actual total number of man and machine hours were to produce a single modern “necessity” like an iPhone, because as expensive as they are and as much as people complain about them, I think if we added up the total number of human hours and machine hours necessary to be worked to locate and mine resources, refine those resources, produce components, design and develop a product, and to manufacture it with the level of quality and reliability that something like an iPhone has today - it’s not even within the realm of possibility for one person to have all of the necessary knowledge, much less expertise and experience to be able to pull such a thing off. And that’s with a commodity so common that almost everyone has one and that they get used and consumed and replaced within usually a few years. Even excluding all the transportation time and focusing purely on locating, acquiring, processing, designing and developing, and just producing such a product is only possible through the ability for at least a few thousand different people who dedicate their lives to one sliver of the processes involved.
Nevermind anything like landing on the moon, developing and building the cellular infrastructure and internet and voice networks needed to make those phones actually _do_ anything, or any of the other supportive or ancillary things like transportation networks or food production and distribution, education, housing, sewage, drinking water, and all of those sorts of things.
When you look at the true scope and scale of what’s necessary for all the things we depend on and have almost no conscious awareness of, and what all is necessary and required for any, much less all of those things to actually work and happen - the only conclusion that you can draw is that the most valuable human commodity in the universe is peace, and the most fragile component of that is the ability to cooperate with each other. So anything destructive or not in service to those things is ultimately counterproductive, and anyone who fosters the things that go against or prevent those things from happening is really kind of a parasite or enemy of humanity and human civilization and existence.
And to be fair, I’m pretty sure I’m autistic but never been diagnosed. And I distinctly remember going through a phase when I was younger where I realized that the things that made up politeness were actually just unnecessary and a waste of time and effort, because they weren’t “functional”. I can borrow a book from someone by just saying, “I want to borrow this book”, and they can respond with “OK”, or “no.” There’s no utility behind “excuse me” before “I want to borrow this book”, nor in saying “may i, please?” afterwards. Those are just empty filler words that have nothing to do with the want or need nor in the granting or refusal of the request. A robot wouldn’t need to use any of those words and they could get the same thing done in less time using fewer resources because they’d skip the extra, wasted language. However, human beings are human beings and we’re social animals, and we have psychological needs and social needs as a result, and those extra words are basically just the vitamins and minerals that support the social and psychological needs that human beings have as a result of being human beings. It took me some years to finally really recognize and understand that, but I have, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that while it’s not optimal from a purely logical perspective, it’s a fundamental part of the reality in which we all exist, so it’s useless to ignore that fact or to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Social lubricant is necessary because we’re social animals. To deny that is to engage in self-destruction through self-delusion.
And with regard to your video Description, “people being who they really are” - the thing is, you can be who you really are without also being an asshole. There are a nearly infinite number of ways to say or do any given thing. Being “real” or “being who you really are” doesn’t require also being a callous, unempathetic jerk. It only involves that if you’ve happened to choose to be a callous, unempathetic jerk or asshole. You can just as easily choose to be a kind, supportive person who fosters personal growth and self-improvement. I think the reason it may initially seem otherwise is that people who’ve chosen to be assholes just use “being who they really are” as a license to treat other people like crap because they like to treat other people like crap and they don’t like being called out for who they really are. There are people in the world who, if you tell them they can be who they really are, would rather choose to be softer, kinder, gentler, more sensitive than they are, because a harsh world teaches people who are really those things not to be because they’re “weak” or “sissy”, etc. - but again, they’re only considered those things because of people who are actually assholes not liking it when other people point out the facts about who they are, because who they are is counterproductive to what they want, and they don’t want to be held accountable but they do want the things that they want, and that’s how they get it.
I’m a proud boomer with a Gen X daughter. We both did well and are respectful and polite. Thanks Fran
I'm 54, and I've see this as well. I've said it for years and years. One word sums up the problems of today.
It's narcissism.
All these kids care about getting attention and wanting to be recognized as being special for no reason. Everything revolves around them and if it doesn't they get mad. They think they are owed the things, that people that have worked their whole lives for, without earning it. Sure, there are many adults that are this way, but it isn't as prevalent as it is in the younger generation. When their coddling parents are gone, they will fall apart because there won't be anyone around to enable them anymore.
You are 💯% correct Fran about the future of the 20s generation. Social media has changed people. Kindness and rapport isn’t as important from when humans had to socialize in person.
Don't feel bad, you're not alone Fran. These pricks have completely taken over my home town too. I am not a mean person by nature and I do not like the person they've forced me to be.. Just some guy trying to grocery shop having to force his way into the store, down the sidewalk etc etc etc. People completely unaware of others and largely the world around them
Wow.....too much to comment on here.....I agree totally.....I have retired from 54 years in architecture and find it more than disappointing that after all my time of connecting the dots on human function, art and design, materials, structure, durability and long term performance, environmental influences, history and philosophy....all that the regulatory bodies with 30 somethings in the bureaucracy that govern my work... want from me is to check the boxes and move over for the next in line. My accumulated knowledge discounted to irrelevance due to age. I retired from architecture to art....maybe show SOMEONE who cares- the world that they missed while they were on the phone....or worse..while constantly taking selfies of themselves stylin' and profilin'.........
Abbie Hoffman was the 'over 30' quote owner. He was 32 when he said don't trust 'em! Fran is a voice of reason! ❤
This is the first completely antisocial generation, and it’s all our (adults’) fault. They aren’t socialized as kids like previous generations, our fault. Most never went outside to play, our fault. Most can’t even look after themselves, our fault. They have their heads in their phones 18hrs/day mostly on social media which weirdly has resulted in hyper antisocialism. They’ll sit there in groups in public spaces texting each other instead of actually talking and interacting. This is our fault as well. When they behave badly and are called out for it, their rabid parents defend the kids, in some cases to ridiculous lengths, instead of supporting the corrective actions and using it as a teaching moment, which only reinforces this entitlement and social disfunction. It is completely our fault, and I think we’ll greatly regret this later in life when these kids, now adults, are looking after us and making decisions for us….
It happened the complete opposite to me, i was about to cross a narrow area because lots of people, and an old lady (about her 60s) just streched out her hand to the wall to block me because she HAD to cross first, i was quite confused and a bit in shock xD
For the longest time I battled feeling these very same feelings. I just assumed that I was becoming a grumpy old man. But after giving it a lot of thought and really giving myself room to be introspective about it, I won hundred percent agree with everything that Fran said in this video. I think it’s time we make it OK to say that this generation of young people could very well be dangerously off the rails. Not only is it affecting how we interact with each other as human beings but art, music, comedy, and our general forms of entertainment are becoming intolerably mediocre and non-innovative. We need to start holding our young people to much higher standards, even if that means taking a step back in terms of our technological progress.
Next time, appeal to the dog. They're probably the one in charge of that situation anyway. 😁 I do wonder if your being in Philly is a factor here. I also wonder if this is an extension of the "don't talk to strangers" we (older millennial and all younger) were all drowned in through our formative years. It makes sense that a long-term side effect of not talking to strangers would be losing the ability to relate to them. (Edited because grammar. 🙄🤪)
Fran, I Imagine you could do an entire hour over pedestrians' phone-habits!
Indeed I could.... but I won't.
@@FranLab , while creeping my car as slowly as possible through parking lots in search of a space to park, twice I've had people literally walk into the side of my car because they were looking at their phones! I'm super careful and super slow when driving through parking lots, but the pedestriaans going into and coming out of the stores are extremely distracted. One of these idiots called the cops and had them make out a report because "my knee hurts"; the cop who responded took a copy of the store videocamera footage, and when I asked him if he viewed it, he laughed and told me there was no way I could be found liable for the other guy's carelessness. Still, I had to call my insurance several times, answer questions, fill out a bunch of forms....all cause some idiot thought maybe he could sue me for a chunk of change.
Last week I was stopped at a light in a nearby university town, with a big yellow school bus in front of me, and some guy hit me from behind, even though together we would have made a highly visible target, easy to spot. He didn't hit me very hard, but when the light changed and the bus proceeded onward, I pulled over, and the other car (with Maine plates) took off instead. No real damage to my car, just a scuffed bumper, and my older car is a bit dented already, so I don't really care; but the right thing to do is pull over and make sure everybody's alright and there's no major damage. I wasn't planning on calling the cops or getting insurance involved....but that other person was obviously distracted (texting?), and so I hope they learned their lesson!
I'm sorry to report that this is not an age driven issue. I encounter people in their 50's, 60's, and 70's routinely that act as if the world has been tailored specifically for them. And, everyone they engage with is there to serve them.
Same here.
More well thought out observations from Fran. Thanks Fran.
i've been thinking along a similar line recently. it used to be that someone wouldn't dare misbehave out in public. society's judgement and criticism would be rather harsh, depending on the severity of one's transgression. and there was the desire to have your neighbors think well of you. i see so many videos promoting peoples' bad behaviors like it's something to aspire to when it's just sad, frightening, and disappointing. what the world is turning into is not a place i want to live.
The same thing that happened to tolerance, compassion, consideration, common sense, civility, etc. It’s been said that compassion is the hallmark of a healthy society. If that’s true, we’re in deep shit……..
Fran I love you... continue your videos and I love you more and more ! pity im in Europe ... I cry
You are right about the selfish generation now. My parents taught me values which now longer seem to exist. I had a confrontation with a new neighbour last year over something that was affecting neighbours all around, when confronted his response was " I can do what I want". Now I'm in my 60s but I changed his mind set!
Considering the alternative, I'm perfectly OK getting old.👍
Fran... sadly the politeness faded away together with education these days. And I'm not talking about "University education"... but the one parents have to offer. Sadly these days that doesn't matter as the social media does the rest... they just tell you is all about you... you are the... you, you, you.. there is no more us. People became too self loving and selfish. People that care for each other are less and less these days unfortunately. I am amazed sometimes that people respond back when I say good morning haha. That didn't happen when I was little. Hopefully people will wake up at some point and realize where the "social media education" takes them... clearly on the wrong road. But... this is just what I see.
TBTH I was taught politeness and manners in the mid 60's. "Do it or else". But it's served me so well in my life. Common courtesy to everyone I meet. Holding doors for people with full hands, genuine gratitude for people who serve us... Politeness gives us the opportunity to really communicate.
I think it's weird how my dad raised me to be respectful, but people my age aren't.
WPRB Princeton . Great station way back when I was listening in back in the early '80's. Hope they still are.
Still great, and completely listener supported.
Jerry Springer died the other day. Back when his show was on, I wondered if it was somehow normalizing shitty behaviour.
you hit the nail on the head there Fran , i am glad i was brought up with manners and show respect , and then we get the stupidity of no reply is a reply , errr no !
I call it the Bart Simpson syndrome. 30 or so years ago when The Simpsons was starting, Barts behavior was funny because it was cheeky and recognized as such. Now his behavior has become more role model.
The people that are rude and inconsiderate of others are the one who will not be successful and then blame everyone else for their shortcomings.
OMG! I know exactly what you mean! I interact with younger people in my area of work and it’s just like that. There is such poor interpersonal connection and inability to understand another’s needs. It’s frustrating.
Fran,
My family enjoys your videos. We've learned so much and you truly have many gifts.
Don't let the punks get you down 😊
But I AM a punk!
I was 16 at the time of Woodstock. I wanted to attend but my parents wouldn't let me go. I had to settle for the documentary when it came out. At least I got to see it in the theater when it was released. I also wanted to attend a Saturn 5 Apollo launch but again my parents wouldn't let me go to Florida.
I'm 70 years old and I like the age that I am. I'm a retired engineer, healthy, have more than enough income, and time to travel and pursue my hobbies. I always try to avoid generational stereotypes. There are losers and winners from every generation. The one thing that I do notice though is the lack of attention span in young people.
An excellent book I can recommend for listening is "How to Speak, How to Listen" by Mortimer Adler.
Bloody hell. This lack of spacial awareness and lack of acknowledgement of others.. this really pisses me off..
I completely agree with you, Fran. ✌🏻
Carousel! Love the throwback references in these vids. I watched the documentary on WoodStock 2, that was a psychological experiment for sure.
The attitude is "I want, what I want and I want it right now!
Thank you for this video. Wishing you a wonderful day.
I'm exactly your age. I don't think it's a generational thing.