Is It Better to Be Polite or Frank?
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- Опубліковано 11 жов 2016
- We live in an age that thinks highly of frankness and directness. But there are - nevertheless - a few reasons why politeness remains a hugely important quality.
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FURTHER READING
“For most of human history, the idea of being ‘polite’ has been central to our sense of what is required to count as a good and civilised person. But more recently, politeness has come under suspicion. While we may not outright reject it, it’s not a word we now instinctively reach for when we want to explain why we like or admire someone. ‘Politeness’ can sometimes even carry almost the opposite of its traditional connotations, suggesting an offensive or insolent degree of insincerity and inauthenticity. A ‘polite’ person may come to be judged as a bit of a fake - and in their own way, really rather rude...”
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Although I'm naturally polite, I feel like balance is key. So, I'm constantly striving toward being more direct, but in a tactful way.
Not naturally... you were conditioned that way from kid hood
@@thinkingoutloud675 speak for yourself, not me.
I'm both in a wierd way. I think I got the worse from both views. Anyway, the problem with politeness, etiquete, etc, is that you could easily start lying to please others, and when that becomes a habit, its game over to you. You start lying to yourself and others without noticing.
That sounds like the ideal approach to me. Balance is the path to the most satisfaction over long periods of time
Same. I'm usually firmly on the polite side of things (as described in this video), I generally try to be very conscientious of how I word things, and I _really_ dislike unwarranted rudeness, but I still speak bluntly when I feel it acceptable and/or necessary. The trick is really in the type of language that you use, while also sticking by what you say -- say what you mean and mean what you say, just don't be a dick about it unless the recipient deserves it. It is very possible to be direct with someone and still maintain your couth, without pussyfooting around what you really mean or being so frank that you come across as insulting.
That being said, different situations call for different approaches. There are times when a declaration needs to be made flatly, so that there's *zero* room for misinterpretation, for example "I can not work with that person" vs "that person can sometimes make it difficult for me to be productive."
Likewise, a greater degree of tact might be needed in some encounters, in order to lessen the negative response from the person(s) spoken to and improve their receptiveness to the pov given, for example "you did a shit-poor job" vs "you could improve in these areas of your work"
I don't think being polite and frank are mutually exclusive
I like being respectfully frank
I think there is a degree as always in human nature. We all now people who are rather frank (let's say too much) and others that are really polite, but most of us are somewhere in the middle
indeed when they are bundled together its called sarcasm
I find myself being more polite with friends and acquaintances then my own romantic relationships :/ I think it's pretty upsetting but I can't really help it. I think it's because my father abruptly left my family as a kid :/ I guess trying to focus on it more will help
I'm really frank but I don't assume everyone thinks just like me
This is a very polarizing philosophy. One can be frank and acutely aware that others are thin skinned.
This comment section shows how thin-skinned and non-resilient supposedly frank people are. This needs to be re-examined.
We need more frankness from the overly polite and better politeness from aggressively frank types. The perpetually polite aren't always so empathetic by nature.
Yes, agreed. However, as a start on the nature of human interaction, which is complex, it makes a nice start.
It helped me understand where some behaviours come from. Its just theory, don't take it so literally.
Thanks! As I was watching this I was getting frustrated by the one-dimensional nature they were applying to each type. Your comment perfectly illustrates what I was experiencing.
yaar! I think the video was a net positive, but being Frank doesn't mean that you see others like yourself. I like your description with "Overly Polite" and "Aggressively Frank".
I dislike how much assumption/lack of consideration was attributed to being frank. I'm open, I'm honest, I don't need salt but I still put it on the table. and I glare at people who add salt before their 1st bite.
Respect your chef
Lucky Saumur I agree. The politeness of the narrator also denounces that his final diagnosis is, put frankly, quite biased.
The sheer ease with which MULTIPLE videos from The School of Life describes facets of my own personality is just shocking. It is almost like I am in therapy with a UA-cam channel.
I believe most people (myself included) feel exactly the same. Now if only we could admit this out loud and publicly, instead of silently understanding we do feel this way, then our lives would most likely be filled with true happiness and less conflict.
Totally agree with you on this.
Very true.
Ah seriously, same man!!!
😂
I think the difference between Politeness and Frankness described here is a false dichotomy. There are times to be polite and times to be frank and most people have an amalgamation of both of these characteristics.
of course. I feel that School of live deliberatly chose to overemphesise and personalise the difference between the two just to make it as clear as possible.
Jatischar That's what I was thinking as well.
In my opinion it's best to be in between and not see others as totally different from you or as totally the same. Everyone has similarities but also differences. I think it's best to be aware that other people are like you, human, but also went through different paths in life. Some of these paths may be similar to paths you followed and some might be entirely different from yours. Always respect people for the choices they make, because we all make them for good reasons, because we are who we are and we all followed a certain path which led us to make certain choises. Whenever you don't understand something someone else does, ask them about their path. What led them to make the conclusions and choises they've made?
yeah, it was the same with the "classical or romantic voter", it seems they enjoy classifying people in little boxes that are not true at all
As with almost everything in life.
But it's difficult to present a thesis when you are constantly qualify your statements.
Seriously, try rewriting this video making the change you are recommending.
what if I'm politely frank?
truth be told there's a time for each.
I agree.
Yup, I'm polite af until someone does something incredibly stupid... What happens next depends on if I have a rock to hand...
Frank people do say "please" and "thanks" only on very special occasions
while Polite people constantly do it. Frank doesn't have to be just plain rude.
I think whole video is based on false dichotomy...
you sure can be both, especially if you are acknowledging that you're just frankly stating your preferences and opinions.
You can be inconsiderate and polite and considerate and frank...
it's ...complex
Politeness implies sugar coating, which does not fall under "frank". Saying "this is stupid" to something that is stupid, is frank. Saying "ok...I understand, BUT...what if we try....." is polite.
When you are ussually frank, people believe when you are polite and sincere, but do not really care what you say, since you made their skin thick.
When you are ussually polite, people are more likely to take it from you when you say something frank, but you might look some times fake.
Both are double edged swords.
Usually
Well said.
I like this.
I recently lost a new friend.
She is polite, but if she says something damning, you believe her.
I am frank, but if I say something polite, I don't know that I'm believed...
i could see that . but from my experience , people dont often doubt my politeness . wich im very greatful for . i simply communicate that well i may add sweet remarks often . its not because im lying , its because there is a lot of good to remark on . im very pleased with how people respond to my politeness !! they seem to enjoy it :)
I’m frank but also very demonstrative with gratitude (I.e. tips, thank you notes, noticing small things). These videos are helpful but we need to understand that all people are unique and aren’t so easily categorized.
Right!
This is the thing with a lot of psychopsychology, the thesisses are always about extremes.
This is mostly because these are all spectra, no single human being is ever 100% polite or direct. It is a spectrum.
They only ask of us to reflect on the position on that spectrum we hold, at the moment atleast.
Balance is always great, but different situations call for different behaviour. Nothing is black or white, everything is grey.
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
Holy fuck, that was actually in the video. Wasn't expecting that...
lol, yeah sure, we believe you
houseofigs
Gone with the wind
***** Gone With the Wind.
just like i feel watching this bore😪😪😪 of 😂 video i must say so myself!
I really just want to thank this channel so much. The content you create really helps me gain new perspectives, healthy ones, hard truths and sometimes some much needed relief. I got into reading recently: philosophy, psychology and about design. I saw that usually I had so much repressed emotions and the worst part was that I thought they shouldn't even exist, that what I was thinking about someone or something was utterly stupid or some other type of emotion. Also, growing up in a not so healthy family (in almost every type of way) this channel is a big contributor to my education, thank you and keep educating, intriguing us!
I just hope that people realize that you were exploring the severe forms of both politeness and frankness instead of the shaded versions that we actually see in day-to-day life.
Dude Edud
Good point, my guess is anyone watching this video probably has the underlying experience to assume that, but I could be wrong.
Arianit Haxha f
I hope things are going fine, as 2 years have passed,
We care 🖤
im sorry you went thru so much . i understand what it is like . take care of yourself , you've got this !! ♡♡
I tried to be polite for most of my life. I tried to please everyone. This got me nowhere. I felt so empty and depressed. People took advantage of me left and right. I only had temporary friends or acquaintances. A few months ago i realized I lost all my friends. Slowly I became more Frank and outspoken. I stopped pleasing everyone. I started being myself. This set me free. I don’t feel depressed anymore. I feel like I’m getting to know myself more everyday. So I think being Frank has more pros than being polite. Of course we should strive to be kind and approach things in a nice way but at the same time stay true to ourselves and values.
For me it was exactly the opposite
One can be deceant without being taken advantage of. I refuse to give up my humanity; if for no other reason besides it makes me; feel better! I can't imagine behaving towards others like trump does!
same thing happened to me.
I totally agree! 🎉
I have worked with some truly evil polite people. It’s scary really. I prefer to know where I stand with people.
You’re right. But also, I have found that some frank people actually enjoy saying cutting things, and then adopt an air of outraged virtue when challenged, declaring “ I speak as I find!”, or “I was brought up to be honest!” - as if truth (as they see it) justifies any unkindness. Some polite people are just trying to be kind. It cuts both ways. The balance is to realise when it is necessary to be frank, and when it is just self-indulgent meanness, disguised as honesty.
@@ldavies3280 Facts. It's like house rules to an extent.
The people who stormed the capitol were all very frank people. I think the world needs some politeness
One can be evil with or without manners.
To be frank, you'll just like this comment based on no other reason than because it has the word frank in it.
BogusChip *than
+Richard Parker are you a tiger?
Frank Cotton is Ramón Escalante in Benedict's casino...
Damn right.
BogusChip *than. Disliked
I consider myself both very polite and very honest. I aways respect other people's personal space, never assume their opinions without asking, don't make much noise and don't talk about things that don't involve me. On the other hand, when asked about my opinion on something, I'm aways brutally honest. But what if that honesty hurts someone's feelings? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
I agree, I'm definitely shades of both but as I've grown older I've grown more polite.
Being frank is, among others, means to state your opinion even when not being asked for it. You can be polite and honest, frank and dishonest, and vice versa. That's not what this video is about. The video isn't about honesty or dishonesty, it's about politeness and frankness
If someone asks for your opinion you can be completely honest AND polite, they are not mutually exclusive, but if you go around aggressively telling others about your opinions when no one asked, you are rude. (Not saying you do that, just pointing out the difference)
I think you're overestimating your frankness....just as most "polite" people do, because it's "cool" to talk about how "honest" they are, when they actually are far from it. Honesty is a state of mind, which dictates your perception and behavior, not just something you say when you're asked.
First video from School of Life that I don't agree with! But hey, 1 in 20 is still damn good.
There are quite a few generalizations in this one. I can't relate on most of the categorizing of polite and frank traits, nor correlate them with other's behavior.
What I've experienced in my 33 years so far in the US is a mix of these traits, and some confusion on etiquette, or when to assert one's 'frankness'. Main point being, I see both p/f traits and habits in individual personalities very often. I.E. something common I see 'frank' individuals having thin skin.
That being said I still very much enjoy this channel!
Thanks for sharing.
This seems to lump together being honest (or not) and being kind to individuals (or not), and even confidence and interspection (or not). Being British might encourage treating all of those as one single thing. Try not comparing the British and American, but perhaps Swiss and the British, if you want to take a look at this for the national culture angle.
Tyler Muschara, same. I tend to be the frank person but that did very me into quite some trouble. But guess what? I did not go down "being polite path." Instead, I've learnt to be frank, but to do it tactfully, which can be quite difficult at times. In other words, be honest in the way that offends and hurts the least.
You should see the colors and not all is white or black, then you might be more one than other, most of my familly behave as frank but I do as polite even sometimes I feel about to collapse around them
I certainly do see your point, however i believe that possible the video was looking at the extremes on both ends. And also I do believe that you can be frank or polite while not having all of those points but so long as one has a majority of them
I believe in kindness to everyone, including ourselves.
Would you kill Hitler if you had the opportunity?
@@coreycox2345 He's already dead.
@@jackhester5414 Good point. Would you kill Mike Pompeo, who would kill so many? I don't mean to be difficult, but not everyone deserves kindness.
@@coreycox2345 I wouldn't kill anyone unless they were trying to directly kill me. I don't think Mike Pompeo is a fair comparison to Hitler, so to answer your original question; I would not kill Hitler given the opportunity, I think the world has learned a lot from the tragic world wars. At the time the modern warfare was devastating, but perhaps if these lessons were not learned during this period, it could have happened in our modern day and the cold war could have ended a lot differently.
@@jackhester5414 In reality, neither would I. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could do it. I like it as an ethical question, though. An evil to prevent a greater evil may be transformed into good? I have to admit that it falls apart as a thought experiment when it turns out I would want to kill Hitler, and then could not.
I'm Frank but you can call me Dan
Bigg How polite of you
cracked me up xD
+Bigg
Some people call me the space cowboy yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
I'm Jillian, but realize that I'm Frank.
Bruce Dunn: I thought that was the "pompatus" of love?
I'm frank in a polite manner. Honesty is always the best and you don't have to be rude or inconsiderate to make a point.
so you basically try to sugar coat your honesty......that's politeness.
if your priority lies in "making a point" against your dialogue partner, you are most likely more frank than polite.
if you checked the video closely, you would understand that polite people are okay with -not- promoting their point -all the time-.
which doesn't mean they don't have a point or opinions. they just don't feel the need to ALWAYS shout those out.
That's the difference.
Honesty is my weapon
An unnecessary honesty is anyone's weapon!
Tact.
What I have observed through my years is this: anybody can be polite but dishonest, and anybody can be frank but rude. And anybody can vacillate between the two. But it is a science and an art to consistently be both polite and frank. This is the sweet spot!
I feel that this video is slightly under-representational of "frank" people. You can be both frank/direct as well as polite. In fact frankness without politeness is the surest way of being considered rude. And politeness without frankness is deceitfulness and lack of authenticity.
Poor Frank. What did he ever do to you people?
It's ironic that you say that in a very frank manner
You're right. That is so Frank.
He is just TooDamnFilthy
quite frankly, everything
frank is right guys its already time to grow up miserable ones god is waiting
but what if there is a middle way? ;) a way to be authentic while still remaining tactful? a way to be frank without offending your audience? you don't have to be impolite to be authentic...nor do you have to lie in order to avoid offending someone. what if the idea that "politeness and frankness are mutually exclusive" is actually a subconscious enabling device for the use of hurtful language whenever the mood should strike? no more than a sneaky way to allow ourselves the "i was just trying to be honest with you!" excuse for whenever we offend our audience...
i think thats what the video was actually suggesting. to be less frank, but more polite inside of our honesty
***** true, I'm trying to suggest that being frank or direct doesn't necessarily equate to being offensive, and to think in such ways encourages offensive people to use "honesty/authenticity" as an excuse to hurt others with their words or actions...i'm not saying its a slippery slope, but its certainly downhill from there ;)
I've wanted to state my honest opinion to people I know wouldn't want to hear it, and I usually form my statement as a kind of joke, so that nobody will take it seriously, despite it being my serious opinion. It's my favorite way of being polite while being frank.
I always assume that intelligent people will also explore the serious aspect of my joke and gain insight, while those who don't care or are just stupid will only see the joke side, getting a laugh and not knowing what they're missing.
Tactfulness, as explained in the video, comes from an understanding of people's weaknesses, and doubts, and your own. It also may come through having an interest in understanding opinions that may clash with your own, an understanding that taste and ideas aren't set in stone, that personal experience makes radically different characters. Politeness doesn't have to be unauthentic, although it may come across as such, but rather it can be the expression of an overly empathetic, contemplative mind.
Real life example: I've never "fallen in love" with any piece of music the first time I heard it. It just doesn't happen. I even hated pieces that are today some of my favorites. My interaction with people seem to work much the same way. What does it tell me about how I form opinion and relationships? That they may radically change with time. Considering this, being tentative, which comes out as politeness, leaves doors open for personal development.
vpsaxman don't forget, sometimes tactfulness is exercised for its application in persuasion...
I disagree with the notion that politeness is the antithesis of frankness. Being frank is polite. Being dishonest is impolite.
I believe the idea of being frank is that you don’t take other people’s emotions and feelings into consideration or their current situation in mind. You say what you think and believe it’s the ultimate truth and have a sense of being right always. You don’t have to be frank about everything because if you believe you are for the good of others then hurting people’s feelings is not a good way to go about it in most cases it can have the opposite effect. Being polite while being honest is showing kindness by doing extra steps to both save people from embarrassment while nudging them in the right direction at the same time. And we must remember not everyone is interested in hearing our opinions anyway so we really shouldn’t be going around giving it unless we are in the rightful position to do so.
@@pichuun So, you need a balance of polite and frank?
👏🏼👏🏽👏🏼👏🏽😊
@@pichuun this is a really good take on the video!
Frank kindness
Going to either extreme is foolish. The reason why we teeter between the two is because we overcorrect.
While you might say we need more politeness, I think I've seen plenty of people, possibly just as many, who need frankness. In a world where we can't call a brutal dictator a bad person, I'd say a dose of frankness is needed.
This.
I do not think of a light person is either shy or unsure of themselves. I think politeness has a lot to do with manners, and making sure but people around you are comfortable and being treated fairly.
Well said
"In a world where we can't call a brutal dictator a bad person"...really? I call BS on that
@@skyblazeeterno Do you think there is not a place where that statement doesn't hold true? If so, I can fish up some youtube videos. Truth can be stranger than fiction
The School of Life really has something against romanticism huh?
I see it quite the opposite. School of Life strongly leans towards continental philosophy, which is typically more Romantic than the analytic philosophy it under represents
Tessiegril Read Alain de Botton's "How to think more about sex", to see some further blame put squarely on the shoulders of the romantics. Quite justly I might add
this comment proves that video!
Its manipulation encouraging people to act submissive so that certain people gain more power, like themselves.
I agree, but throughout their videos they make a good case for it.
i am like the polite, but working on being more frank and strong, because this is exhausting and I am annoyed by myself.
On the same journey mate
Feels like I've done so much wrong to myself by this
fiza siddiqui I feel you.
Knowing when to be frank or polite is the skill. Being polite all the time can be a mask for being cowardish but being too frank can be inconsiderate and cause more agg. Humour is good to use when being frank. Silence is also useful. Have an array of communication skills.
It’s all about balance. The fact that we care more about small details can make us overall enjoy simple things, and even though “frank” people solve problems effortlessly, we can take more things in mind while making a decision. It’s all about balance my friend:D
As a polite person who's trying to be to be more frank, this was much needed 💗
Great takeaway point I for from this ::🙏❤️
- the Frank person has the inner belief that other people are quite like them
- the Polite person believes people are mostly in a much different place than them
Wait. Being Frank isn't the same as being honest? because he makes it seems like being Frank speaks your mind no matter what
Not really.
Being frank is more about HOW you act.
For example if you tell someone that "You are a bad driver because you crashed into that car in the parking lot. You need more training." you are frank.
If you say "Well, it was quite sunny outside and you probably had a lot going on in your head, shit happens!" you're polite.
But if they crashed into a car, to tell them they don't need more training would be a dangerous lie, don't you think?
thats why balance is needed, you can be frank in a polite manner, although that's hard to achieve
Jose, not honest, frank. The two definitions are way apart, though on the surface I thought as you.... Frank - blunt; candid. Honest - a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Furthermore, honesty means being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.
I'd say being honest is more general than being frank. You can be 100% honest while being very polite as well. I think the difference between being frank and being polite is not how honest you are, but what part of the truth you tell and how you tell it.
This video was pretty good, but there is something missing.
Hahaha XD
SirNate Mushrooms?
actual facts based on every single persons unique characteristics?
Perhaps look at some alternatives.
It almost feels like this needs a follow up to encourage a synthases of the valuable qualities of both, or a discussion of how to balance the points that are at odds with the other. As BookBreakdowns put it, they are not mutually exclusive, I for one am overly frank and identify with most of those aspects mentioned int eh video, but I (would like to think) i have the utmost respect for anyone in the service industry I encounter.
As the American idiom states, we don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Being honest and being respectful should go together, and have equal importance. I think people can take things to the extremes, becoming unbalanced and not discerning when to be frank, and communicating disagreement in a respectful manner. You can still remain civil and disagree with a person without being belligerent. Some people in the UK don't want to offend anyone so much to the point where they lose their own voice, or put on a facade in a conversation like they agree, when they are really truly just annoyed. In Japan, sometimes people are so submissive that it veers into looking like they are oppressed. On the opposite hand, you have a number of people in the American population (not all Americans) who are disrespectful and crude. Crudeness is not the same as honesty. There is intelligent honesty and good input, and the ramblings of fools who think their opinions are absolute truth. Empathy is sorely lacking. But being polite and not really meaning it is insincere and deceptive. People should be able to be honest, while also treating people who they wish to be treated.
The last line should be "how" not "who." I was not able to edit it above. It said unknown error.
Your comment wasn't long enough. Can you please go on?
I like many of this channel's videos, and am quite grateful for its existence... but at times they can get quite full of themselves. Still, their hearts are in the right place, and it's touching to see people struggle so hard to save humanity.
I never realized that i am actually polite! i always assumed i was direct and frank :o well maybe im both... Very Eye Opening Schooloflife!
I don´t think you can judge him/her to be polite or frank just based on that little comment.
Unexpected Surprise ok you can't *reliably judge their politeness or frankness from a single brief comment.
Keep in mind that the School of Life is not the ultimate authority on the definitions of words (no one/thing is). A lot of things that they are describing the "polite" person as, many other people would consider "frank".
Evi1M4chine
After the halocaust, why would we let a German tell us anything, "evil machine"?
And, FYI, not all Americans speak English/only English. We have no native language.
Bry Alien don't pretend Americans haven't contributed to the eradication of communities when the very establishment of your country was derived from the death and suppression of native Americans. Just because someone's German doesn't mean they're sympathetic to the Nazis. Quite the opposite I believe, given that their educational system encourages them to be apologetic towards that event.
How about tailoring our reactions to the situations and the people we are facing at the given time. It's best to be conscious and not habitual. Your motivation behind your actions what will make a difference. Love and respect.
Peter Simon Right? Felt like this dude was reading waaaaaay too deep into this, and presented a stereotyped perspective that lacks the nuance of actual reality
" It's best to be conscious and not habitual." - So basically be a cold calculating sociopath.
@@SimbaBrank23 That's being polite
I always feel smart listening to Alain speak. 😂 The levels of communication and vocabulary intrigues me.
I can relate to the politeness of myself and frankness of some people ive met. This is amazing, i knew there were people out there like me but it feels good to actually see a video or hear people talk about it.
I feel like being polite in some situations is an extreme hassle , for example when facing extremely frank people . In some situations to be polite means sacrificing your self for the sake of others , which sometimes these others are frank people which wouldnt do the same because they are not polite , therefore sometimes being polite or not is a dilemma. I think a solution for this would be to put a cap on the ratio (self sacrifice):(value gained by the other entity) , if that value is too high , politeness should be avoided . For example , offering a seat in a bus to an elder is acceptable , the sacrifice is not sitting for a few minutes and the value for the elder is pretty huge in some cases , since they cant stand for long and might injure themselves , but when letting someone get in front of a line you have been waiting in just for them to save some time , the ratio (self sacrifice):(value gained by the other entity) in a case when the other person is just lazy is too high to be polite , therefore one should say "get the fuck to the end of the line". Also i believe one should not exceed a certain amount of self sacrifice in a set period of time , if that would be the case , the politeness should also be avoided to avoid self hatred and other unpleasant stuff.
p.s. I spewed out quite a bit of bullshit here , so let me know what u think and correct me
supertigik I totally agree.
+supertigik
Do you mind if I cut in front of your comment? I want all your likes. Uh, please?
I agree, there's definitely times when politeness is not necessary. At the same time frank people are just as likely to commit acts of self sacrifice but perhaps in different ways, honesty is a bravery that many are too intimidated to employ, but a useful and necessary part of society too. Your comment summarises how we should approach both virtues of politeness and frankness very well :))
Unexpected Surp
supertigik actually, being polite, in the face of an extremely frank person, takes quite a deal of restraint and strength. Polite people, don't feel the need to "one up" another person, nor do they always have to appear to be right, precisely because they are secure, in their sense of self and are mentally and emotionally mature. People often mistake politeness, with weakness, which it is not.
the concept of being either polite or frank never makes sense to me.
why should I be one at a time?
why should I have one favourite colour? one fav dish? fav subject, fav philosopher, etc?
why should one forcefully bound oneself to choose one of the given options just because everybody else is doing it?
i adamantly agree with u,friend,perhaps it is the uncertainty of life that makes us cling or obsess over one thing,to get the most it from,before any imagined pending doom falls on us
I feel the same way!
A lot of people have more than one favorite, so don't feel too bad.
This sounds like a seperation of the upper class and working class, and that the diminishing value of truth has somehow been magnified by it.
This animation is one of the funniest from School of Life. Have you seen how the Frank person wobbles with people like him? So funny!
What's more important is knowing the difference between opinions and facts. Maybe you guys can make a video about it.
I usually can get behind the messages here but this one irked me. Example: polite members of people's families didn't tell a decade plus worth of people that they sang horribly because they were being polite. They went on American Idol and Simon told them frankly they were terrible. Had the family been less polite they could have worked to improve their singing and, if they weren't able, find a new dream to pursue. Politeness wasted their time and set them up for failure.
This is a good point. I've been wondering if all facts are simply strongly believed opinions. For instance, things as simple as colour - this object is green - no its blue! Because each person actually experiences different hues - one green and one blue - because of either eye function or brain function or both. Both are expressing facts. Or are they. Ehhgghhh! Lots of good stuff in here.
What's the difference?
Is that a fact?
If so there must be a shitload of people with less than half a brain.
starting polite and becoming increasingly frank works in pretty much any relationship imo
It's really important to be honest, but you can be polite while being honest.
Facts.
This channel has helped me see a lot of things better. I didn't know I was feeling this way about myself and others. This has been really helpful for me to understand myself better. Thank you so so much!
I'm both. I offend people constantly but feel bad about it.
Sam Sarsam same
Actually, frank people get offended really easily, it is annoying that they are incapable to hold themselves for a minute, I rather stoicisms than lose control of your self-being.
Sam Sarsam even though you feel bad afterwards isn’t necessarily polite, but just empathy or sympathy.
Sam Sarsam yet you failed to add "sorry" to that.... 😉
@@cesarabrahamcastanedavalen3788 Being frank doesnt mean you get offended by everything it just means you're not afraid to be honest and just say what is up. I dont really understand what you mean by they all get offended, there are frank people who do get offended and there are frank people that don't.
This video taught me that it is important to remember frank people are all muscular hotties and that all you can expect from a polite person is to end up surrounded by tinned soup.
😂
Hahahaha!
I couldn’t stop laughing because you were the only person to be able for a good job of making a great time of training
See, I find myself leaning towards polite in most situations because I don't want to make a big deal over assumptions that could turn out to be wrong, which would make me look stupid or rude, but deep down I'm an extremely frank person who doesn't want to give a damn.. I just don't have the self confidence to pull it off.
Thank you for this! I feel that I fit fairly neatly in the polite box and people I really don't get along with for mostly in the frank one and I noticed that my brain went from "this video has my back" to "this video hates people like me" a few times until I started realizing that it's actually exploiting both side's ups and downs quite well. Props to you for that, and also I feel like I get the other side a little bit better now
Damn. I'm polite
(EDIT: towards the end of the video it got better. Lol)
EDIT: towards the end of the video it got better. Lol
same
G.
Same! Also, frank people scare me a bit :S
Well, fuck me, if it wouldn't be any trouble.
From what I've noticed being polite will increase the number off characters in your life ... being frank/honest will leave you with a small circle
Quality beats quantity. I've been on the both side of the fence and I wouldn't exchange my extremely small circle of people I have at the moment for anything else in the world. The bigger the circle, the shallower the relationships are.
If you can't be straight with someone. Are they worth being in your circle? If they can't be straight with me, then it's not a proper friendship. Be kind, but never walk on egg shells (unless they have just found out someone died for example )
I've come to realize that life is all about ratios. Being polite can close in so much of yourself and induce much censorship in ones life,becoming a poison. Being frank on the other hand is impulsive,thus instinctive and not rational. So the ideal person for me is both,sometimes more the one than the other. Ever changing and adapting, feeling true to ones self and acknowledging difference!
i really appreciate this video (& many others on this channel).
we all need to get an overview of things now and again, particularly ourselves.
these concepts delivered with appropriate animation and explanations are gold.
Th School of Life always suggests to behave propperly and kind of boring... so classical, polite.... that's so brittish LOL
iBryan so youre wild, rude, and eat spaghetti with bare hands ?
I didn't said I prefer the frank way of thinking. But to be honest, do you really think the polites are fun at parties?
hhey hey hey heyheeeyy
dont stop
that shit's HOT
Actually, no one is 100% frank, or polite-- Most of us are somewhere in the middle, with minority going a bit towards the one.
And hay, I wouldn't like that totally frank person at a party ruining it for everyone with his brutish criticism !!
So let's just keep it in the middle :)
Kalyan Arc 2122
It's official-
I'm polite. What's more, I'm proud of it.
AgentXPQ i cant believe you are watching these videos, it's first time i see you comment on something I'm watching and it striked me odd to see your youtube name show up but I'm glad you are. (Watching videos from school of life that is) :) sorry i got excited :D nvm have a nice day! And eat pancakes!
Me too.
You're very frank about your politeness.
it's something to be proud of :-)
Ho ! Hey ! "Tales of mere existence" ! I used to watch (and appreciate) your videos a lot. Coming accross you here is logical, after all. :-)
Thank you once again Alain. I listen to you at night and it helps me fall asleep. Not because you are boring but because you have a lovely way of speaking and your ideas are so comforting and affirming. 🙏
really enjoyed the animation that you put together in this video. thank you.
Whenever I read philosophy his voice is the one I use
Frank people, to me, confuse their opinions with actual facts. They believe just the act of being outspoken is somehow honest. yet it's just them forcing their opinions on others. I'm tired of rewarding the loudest bully.
Granted. However it's something that comes with the territory. On the other side, polite people often lack a back bone, in order to express themselves. Of course if you're always confident in what you speak, you're bound to be wrong sometimes, but....what can you do? Constantly doubt yourself?
Being outspoken is not the same as being frank. And being polite is not the same as being considerate or open-minded
Thank you... I find your comment enlightning. Will sleep on it
I tried being frank but it makes people dislike me so I'm returning to where I came from, politeness.
bink just remember, if you have to bite your tongue, don't. It will hurt you later.
this video can not be more accurate and it gave me perspective, i keep getting the " you are so polite" as if i have low confidence level or that i should toughen up, i could be totally honest to you and still deliver it politely.
Thank you school of life for all the wisdom youve shared whick led me to new perspective and knowing/creating myself. Many curuiosity i have in this world has been verified by some of your topics
This is a very polarized dichotomy. This is the first time I have a look of WHAT? on my face watching a school of life lesson.
see them as an excess and deficiency of the virtue of respect
Dragon Skunk z
+Dragon Skunk Nice to see I am not the only one. I usually follow along with this channel nicely. This is my first time being confused too.
Maybe you should consider watching the video again.
***** You can't grasp the meaning of none of them... It's not you it's them that is full of BS. Right...
I think that being both is better! None of them are better, it just depends on how you are with it. A person can be TOO frank, and look careless. A person can be TOO polite, and look suspicious. But none of them are better or worse. Being "frank" or honest and straightforward are things I think people should work on these days. As well as being "polite" or well mannered and respectful are things people should work on. Being a 'frank' person who is polite, is what is better. Because you will get the truth from them in a "polite" caring manner.
Agreed, I think what you are highlighting is that this is also a matter of ethics. And as such has no absolute answers.
Rebecca MarieYah Balance is always better
Why does someone "too polite" can be suspicious?
Kinda funny. I live in Japan so the final conclusion was completely unexpected. I get praised a lot for speaking my mind. Sometimes things get stale when noone says what they think.
It's really helpful listening to this and comparing the two.
Where does one buy a sandwich that poops out trophies like the one at 7:26?
Dollar tree. Next to the
Bullshit pies
I am one of those who used to complain about the presence of intrusive and out of topic annotations during the video. I am grateful and pleased to see they are gone. Thank You.
I developed the habit of always turning off annotations before watching SoL videos.
I'm a Brit, typically so in many respects and can be painfully polite, I think that kindness to strangers is noble, it contributes to a societal feel good factor. Of course there is a difference between being good and goodness. I've an admiration for those that speak their mind, I agree with the videos analysis, I feel that my impulses can be distasteful, the world would not be a nice place if I shouted at waiters, got into fights with motorists, and mocked the faithful.
A good way I always use to figure out if a person is more polite or frank is making them fetch you a good drink of their choice.
A frank person picks what he/she likes while the polite person suddenly have difficulties finding out what a good drink is.
Yeah, I know self-confidence does play a crucial part in this, but doesn't it always?
"so, do you want a friendly or frank assessment?"
Do you know what you really want?
Tell me what you want what you really really want.
@@gejnijeokej314 I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
As someone who values politeness, thank you for your kind treatment of our cause. It feels good to have your vindication.
This is not to say that you weren't also polite to people who favor frankness. To the contrary and with all due respect to them and their cause, I dare say you were practically gracious to a fault
Be frank when the topic at hand is important. Be polite when the consequences are just personal or small. That's my motto. If one doesn't agitate for their beliefs the status quo will continue to reign supreme. But if its over something petty, like someone's taste in food or their weight, be polite, don't be a dick.
I really appreciated this. I have always been one of those "frank" types and alienated people every which way but loose with my "honesty" and "directness." It is a side of myself that I have a love-hate relationship with. As a practicing Buddhist and as someone in a kind of "retreat" for 10 years, I have worked on meditating through my reactivity tendency. The conclusion of this piece really helped me face up to that aspect of my nature that tends to separate me from others, adhering to a narcissistic love of my own feelings at the expense of others, and my unwillingness to see the goodness of others and their need to be treated with fairness. So, a long-winded way of saying THANKS.
I am impressed! Thank you for the lessons!
This is similar to the " History of Manners" video. I agree w/ it. I think polite people are better. I was born and raised in Los angeles w/ some of the most rude ppl. I moved to the Midwest 2 months ago and love it. This video explains why Southerns (who have Southern Hospitality) hate Northerners so much. More frank people are drama queens who have no problem disrespecting everybody, but get butt hurt when you criticize them. Polite people take criticism like adults and behave accordingly.
Yeah, like that polite racism the south is known for. They're so genteel.
Bruce Dunn Yeah, because racism only exists in the South nowhere else, right? I've met more racists in LA and Portland, OR than I ever did in the Midwest and South. LA is filled with Black and Mexicans who kill each other. Sounds pretty racist to me.
MR.X
But the South institutionalized it while putting on airs of refinement. There are many other such examples but I was pointing out the hypocrisy in the South since that's one the original post mentioned. I'm from the Midwest and there's no shortage of it there either, believe me.
A Southern woman will say 'Bless your heart' when she really means 'Oh my god, you are the most retarded (or boring, or pathetic) person I have ever met.' And she'll do it with a kind and loving smile on her face. No kidding. It's a common trait. I think it's passed down through the generations from mother to daughter. She secretly loves a man like Rhett Butler, who will tell her 'I don't give a damn what happens to you', but she will act all insulted and outraged by such talk. Then she has to go upstairs and change her soaking petticoat. If she can make it past the fainting couch, that is. If she can't, there are a dozen gallant Southern gentlemen (whom she secretly despises) to assist her, and remark in concert what a cad that Rhett Butler is.
Arlis Tyner Yeah, I know I had a women say that when I was applying for a job and they weren't hiring. 1)Not all Southerners are fake 2) I've met plenty of fake assholes in LA and Portland, OR 3) I'd rather have people PRETEND to be nice than be a dick. I used to be a Punk from LA. I'm tired of drama. It's easier to be polite and live/work that way.
Actually I find both ways at different times important. Are there absolutes with no change? Can a Frank person never be polite, or a polite person never be rude ( whatever gesture per culture )?
The okay gesture is not always okay for example....
Jennifer Isaacs I think the same
I think that the point of this video that there are good aspects to both viewpoints, and to be a balanced person you need to find a compromise between them. In this way, we can be honest enough to get the point across, while not accidentally stomping on people's feelings and appearing like a bull in a china shop.
Great video! I think it's spot on. There really is a lot of people that don't understand this and your video explains it better than I ever could.
I am so grateful to have known this channel.
(I am in the group of polite people.)
I used to think being frank people are better because they're more confident, more honest and easier to live with(I won't have to guess their feeling and pretend I am happy with them).
However, I recently feel it's not so right to think that I should try to become a frank person but I can't come up with any reason.
After watching this video, I finally see the problem of frank people. It's really pointed out things clearly and that we don't normally notice.
Hi Polite. I'm Frank.
Well played.
Everyone should be polite and respectful, but be ready to be frank when you need to...
You are unanimously the most relevant youtuber in my opinion. Very accurate videos. You raise simple questions and give simple answers to some questions we found hard to answer at first but are actually very easy to answer if we take that time, just to think a little bit. Lol hehe
Interesting video, thank you for sharing
I'm moderated. I'd say I have the best of both.
Sounds like something a frank person would say. :P
sound very polite
I'll politely say stop being frank..
Frank is actually a really nice guy.
frank of the filth
? um frank people are boasting careless assholes and thank god their arnt that many in the world. but you know I THINK THEIR BOTH ATTRACTIVE BUT HAVE U TRIED THIS?
I really like your videos! I wish you had a podcast on Spotify
Very well put, it had to be said! Amazing podcasts you have. I am most grateful to be able to benefit from your invaluable, fine tuned insights! Thank you!
I'm frank
Hi Frank.
I'm Dad. XD
hello frank, Im polite
Shirley you and be serious.
How frank
As an Englishmen the most polite people I've ever met were in the U.S. It's called Southern Hospitality.
i think the best course of action considering which "type" is best to be; is to consider situationally which attitude is best suited. in other words alternate between the two attitudes depending on the situation at hand. balance.
I just love this guy's voice. i could listen to it all day.
sometimes it's about finding the right balance between confidence and humility
Kindness would dictate "frankness" at some points and "politeness" at others.
It is much more important to me to be truthful rather than being fake and superficial
They're sort of conflating being polite with being considerate, or just nice. Being socially present and unselfish aren't exclusive to the rigorous rule following that "polite" implies, and their point would be better served by saying "considerate" instead.
I like to be politely frank or frankly polite
This is "YES" or "NO" philosophy, you can choose "YES" or you can choose "NO", but you can also choose "OR". With "OR" philosophy you are less limited...
Vero Cantoreanu nice sniffing out of a third door
You can think what you like, but always be careful what you say. Not everybody is on your wavelength and it is sometime difficult to tell. Frankness, like salt and advice should only be given when asked for. Even in relationships, trust must be established before one embarks on frank discussions. However, the irony is that sometimes we wish people would be honest, but only those who we consider have our best interests at heart. What we say to others matters because words can change someone's day, or even their lives.
I have the polite mindset but the frank approach. I do think about how others feel and wonder how different they are compare to me. I choose to be mostly frank because even if I don't like the things I have to say, at least you know what I'm saying is the truth and you don't have to worry about me using or deceiving you. And that, in my eyes, is a very valuable trait.
Polite and Frank seem pretty poor descriptions of the mindsets described in the video.
Polite: considerate, open-minded, thoughtful, kind.
Frank: pig-headed, mean, selfish, narrow-minded, harsh.
There's a girl around us who thinks she's being frank, when she's just being bitter. at the end of the day she lost most of the friends and everyone hates her. You can still be polite while being frank, being polite is not all the time about fake and being frank doesn't always mean you've got to be bitter. It begins with not always needing to look at other's flaws and imperfections and you can be frank about good things on others.
I didn't really know any of this. Thanks. I think what is explained in this video is why we (Americans) have a fascination with the manners in the Jane Austen novels. It is foreign to us, but we like it and crave it.
Yet another excellent and thought provoking video! I worked for 40 years in retail \ customer service based jobs; I well appreciate the part about how pleasantries can be very helpful. In my life, I have encountered many people who identified themselves as being "frank," but infallibility, they were using it as a shield to excuse their rudeness. A sure fire sign of this is if they use the tired phrase, "My own personal truth, as I see it!" Apparently, they can not say the word "opinion", and, as my great - grandfather used to say, " Opinions are like a certain part of the anatomy and they are quite often full of the same organic matter, so one should not go around showing it off in public all the time!" We like to think that he was alluding to navels, but with great - grandfather, we could never be quite sure. Of course, I wonder if this post qualifies me as, shudder," being revoltingly frank. I am stating my opinion (sorry, great - grandfather!), but I am not addressing it to a particular person....oh, the conundrums of the YT comments section.