A certain class of woman is both highly attractive to (and potentially dangerous for) many men, namely: the woman without a life of her own. In this episode, I argue that these women are like construction workers: they're potentially one setback away from a forced retirement without a backup plan. As a result, they will typically be very pushy for commitment (and very contentious in separation). Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #women
Oh, it's a metaphor 😂 I was going to relate how I have been driving for 30 years and every single time I drive by a construction site the only thing women are doing is holding the flag that says "slow down". 😂 I've seen it hundreds of times.
@dkz280 I hope you’re doing it as an experience, knowing it won’t be much like hiring men. If so, why not? An adventure. Like to hear how it goes after you’ve done it and can give it in some hindsight. Whether it was smooth or rough.
I was kind of like this at one point. What snapped me out of it was the man (eight years older) that I was dating writing me an email that said, "Life must be a blend of people and activities. I can be the man in your life, but not life itself."
Having a dedicated wife (devoted, loving, loyal, fit, feminine, submissive, dutiful, good mother) is most men's dream. Men would do anything to provide and protect such wives.
@@Melissa-1210VW _"It goes both ways."_ Everyone knows that, genius. There's more than enough people telling women to beware of toxic men, it's about time men got to hear the same advice about toxic women, wouldn't you say?
Also, women without friends usually aren't attractive. If you're a hot 22 year old, you kinda automatically just get friends, or at least fake friends.
Bingo. You see this with criminals too. If someone is stupid enough to see crime as a viable option, they're probably also too stupid to cover their tracks and get away with it. "Stupid is, as stupid does"
Idk about this one because I know plenty of women with great careers who still don’t really have the soft skills to keep men around for extended periods of time either. Not sure how it really correlates
In youth, theres no way to have any foresigjt WITHOUT being 1st trained to do something....... just like men need to be taught things by older men in their lives...
That's why traditional society trained women to use their strongest card. Access. No milk until he buys the cow. At the same time, society limited her ability to destroy her family and her husband via divorce. The marriage only protected her from 'wrongful dismissal', or abusive or unsafe working conditions. She couldn't just quit, or stop coming to work, and get a handsome retirement package. So he was incentivized to commit, (and she didn't end up pregnant unless he committed). BUT that commitment only protected her as long as she kept her side of the bargain. If she decided to break up without a legitimate 'fault', the marriage contract would evaporate, and she would be back to that intensely vulnerable position she was in before she got married. This made divorce very rare. It was very expensive for him, if he initiated it (as Orion points out, a woman whose entire life was her family gets a lot of moral and legal sympathy if her husband initiated or caused the divorce). And it was devastating for her, if she was at fault. With today's system, he can get easy access before marriage (this somehow 'empowers' women), and she can easily divorce on favorable terms. There's really no reason for him to get married at all. It's a contract that rewards her for breaking it.
@@budbas Chad has easy access. Other men DON'T. You should've added that to in comment: they're picking the top 20% of men for reproduction leaving the remaining 80% for providing.
@@budbas Chad has easy access. Other men DON'T. You should've added that to in comment: they're picking the top 20% of men for reproduction leaving the remaining 80% for providing.
I was driving to my comfortable air conditioned office this morning, and drove past a job site where a new quick trip is being built. I live in Phoenix and it was already 83 out at 6:40 am when I passed by. I noticed how all the workers were men. I don’t think I could handle that job. It’s supposed to be about 110 today and many of them will stop working by 1pm because of the heat, but others will not and continue plugging away. I think of the women that say men are not needed and laugh.
Women say they don't need men with confidence because the men who build everything they need (like construction workers and utility hands) are beneath them, therefore those men don't exist in women's worlds. The janitor who cleans her corner office, the cop/firefighter who serves in emergencies, the mechanic who fixes her sports car or the cashier at the local coffee shop where she gets her $15... None of those men are actual people, therefore she doesn't need them
I’d say that’s a mistake. Relationships and people are what life is all about. It’s where you find joy and purpose. This goes for men and women. I think it’s a mistake so many people are willing to atomize themselves for the pursuit or career
That’s because when it comes to dating, women seek to enter into a life and men seek to share a life. So if a man’s life isn’t better than the woman’s, she won’t see a point in joining it. Women swap out their life for the life of their spouse, they don’t add their life to their husband’s life for 1 + 1 = 2.
That is usually the case but if the man is both physically and emotionally very appealing to this woman that no other man can be, she will make the relationship with him a priority. So guys please take care of your body and your woman's feelings, this will benefit you long term.
@@Dubtred that doesnt mean anything. If you have a great looking face and are tall she will like you. Thats all you need. The end. BTW how does 1 person have a better life than another exactly? how do you measure that?
This describes my wife and hits home hard. I’m the complete opposite, extremely busy and diversified interests and friends. She has no friends, they always leave her because they see her as extremely blessed: very beautiful, a homeowner and humble. So I’m her only friend and her husband.
@@elchucapablas yea I don’t get attached. Secure but tending towards avoidant when a woman shows high interest in me. I was definitely a womanizer before I met her. And she found me near 40 and very stuck in my ways so it has been challenging.
@@ayowser01 yea I really want her to have a gf or two, but they get jealous of us and ghost her. So she has no real friends. My wife is a 70 year old granny in a 30 year old woman’s body. She has no interests in mainstream shit which makes it harder
Summer after I graduated HS, I had visions of hanging out at the neighborhood pool; my dad had other plans and I ended up working in a welding/tool & die shop. Brutal work and even as a naive teenager, I could figure out that my body probably wouldn't take a lifetime of it (and even if it did, I'd be a wreck). I don't look down on anyone doing blue collar work, trades, manual labor, etc., but the lesson learned that summer have served me well.
The ones that are “independent” don’t want to let go of that and be “interdependent” with you. The ones that are not independent become totally “dependent” on you. I’ve seen it many times in my personal life.
Could you possibly make a video on this to help young women out who may be in this position? And how to create the healthy balance. What it takes from both parties etc. You have women watching your videos too just so you know!!
He already did a series for women, IIRC, titled "how to get any man". And as a man I can assure that if a girl does what he talks about, I'll be absolutely up to taking things extremely long-term - in fact, I'm considering long-term with my current girlfriend, who does maybe 75% of the things he talks about.
If she’s a ‘construnction worker’ and your building has a great prospect, you should promote her. Otherwise she lost her time then you lost your best employee
She can also make adjustments as she goes. For example, when they have children she might be the soccer coach. Or PTA president. Or get a certification in something and then pursue a career.
Good idea in theory but a woman who wants to have children will need a man who can fully support and protect her and her babies and she will need to be fully there as a mom and housewife as that’s what the children need. She should definitely have her own “life”, but also she should be willing to put everything aside, at least temporarily, for her family. A woman who would rather work than raise her children and clean her home is not ideal. She should, though, have a friend or two and a community of supportive people such as at church or family. Relying on a man for all your social needs is not a good idea.
I was going to say something similar. They stay at home mom can certainly have a lot of fulfillment by getting involved in the town she lives in. This can be PTA and other organizations like that
I’ve known a few women like this. They can also become a danger to themselves then, because they’re more likely to accept successful men they should not accept, who have major problems like alcoholism/drug addiction, emotional/physical abuse, repeated infidelity, etc. the stuff that destroys souls. But these women have no leverage, nothing to fall back on, no walking away power, no sense of confidence they can make it on their own, so they stay and hope he changes. And want a marriage commitment despite all this because they’re dependent on him for survival. It’s healthy for women to cultivate their own life, just make sure you’re able to be flexible, integrate, and prioritize a good partner and relationship as well. My 2 cents.
A man who fully financially supports a woman 'destroys her soul' by getting a little on the side?! GTFO. If a woman gets to retire in their late 20's and live off of my labor; then allowing me to exercise my options without giving me drama, along with taking care of all the domestic labor is the absolute LEAST they can do. With the cost of supporting a woman in the west today she should be lining up 3somes, and other women for me to play with when I get home from work.
Unfortunately all facts. Thanks for bringing this insight to the public because this is a really sad topic. Had to break up with my ex recently just due to these reasons. No job, no friends, no good relationship with parents on her side. I had to provide everything in the world to her even stuff that I shouldn’t. I’ve spent a lot of effort to keep the relationship going and still she would often perform the hissy fit that she will not feel secure until she has a ring on a finger. This stuff suffocates and turns attraction into pity. Dodged that bullet and really thankful to my friends and parents for pointing this stuff out for me first
excellent analysis. I want to add about the housewife/divorce thing. There is a world of difference between the woman who had some education and a job and became a housewife vs the woman who got out of high school with zero ambition, zero skills and just got married. It's the latter that is going to be aggressive from start to finish as you said. Another nasty situation is the "housewife" of the wealthy man. She doesn't cook, clean or take care of kids. Staff does that. She's got nothing but time on her hands and she gets bored. But the woman who is domestic, and enjoys taking care of her husband, children and her home is a woman to be treasured. I know men don't care for the career woman where he is just one facet of her multi-faceted life. That is very understandable. Especially the career woman who is the breadwinner. Watch her turn into an 1800s man real quick the first fight they have when she reminds her husband that she pays the bills and it's her house. But the other extreme of that type of woman is the woman you mentioned. The one who expects the man to be all things to her. Men need to find the woman who is in the middle. She has some work and life skills. She has a life, hobbies and interests. But none of those things mean more to her than a man she wants to build a life with. It's not the tall order men think it is. I had a degree and work experience but I was happy to give it all up and support my husband's career. We struggled together. Now we're comfortable together.
You nailed it.. Housewives will always be #1 first class citizens.. Call me old fashioned, but it's still the most important part of a real lasting, and loving relationship.🍷😎👌
You’re absolutely right! The discussion needs to be more nuanced. Us men are obviously not perfect either 😂 but most are a lot more middle of the road/reasonable than currently portrayed in the Left wing men demonising legacy media. Finding a similar, ‘middle of the road/ reasonable woman, I’m afraid to say is more difficult though than you suggest unfortunately 🤷. Ah we’ll, hope springs eternal 🤙
"There is a world of difference between the woman who had some education and a job and became a housewife vs the woman who got out of high school with zero ambition, zero skills and just got married." Um, what? When college/university educated, women are almost always the ones to file for divorce. Women without such an education are far less likely to divorce their husbands.
It's ironic how women have been proving that age != wisdom, by showing how over the last 30 years, they make worse and worse choices as they get older.
I’ve always guessed this was the case. And yet many RP creators are selling the whole housewife virtue. I wonder if they’re sowing seeds for future recruits?
Damn, I wanted to avoid a feminist career woman because I wanted a stay at home mom to raise my future kids. Now He's saying the woman without a career may be a huge problem. WTF am I supposed to do about this?
Not all women with jobs and interests are "feminist career woman" boss bitches who don't need no man. Some women realise that they need to work and want to work to feel useful and contribute to society and a relationship. Finding these women can be a challenge, but they do exist.
@@tiffanyapril5458He mentions the healthy balance at the end of the video. A healthy relationship is one where both partners have their own lives but are willing and able to fit into each other’s spaces. Like with almost everything in life, there’s a happy medium.
Everything in life is about balance. Family/Career ; Husband/Friends ; Couple hobbies/Solitary hobbies etc. Women who don't have a life of their own will always be extremely clingy, and women who focus too much on their career will spend little time with their husband and children. Look for the women who are emotionnally and spiritually mature and who are willing to submit to a man (their future husband), even if they decide to pursue a career. After all, either the woman submits to the man, and her career will be less important than her husband's career; or the man submits to the woman, and his career will be less important than his wife's career. But you can't have both, two ambitious individuals who aggressively pursue a time-consuming career. Or if you have both, then you don't have children (1 maximum, maybe), because then no one will spend time with the children. The problem with people nowadays is that they think they can have it all. The sooner you abandon this idea, the sooner you'll be able to enjoy life.
I didn't realize this is what was happening, but about 5 years ago I was casually dating a average 41 year old single mom who was apartment living and barely making it. She constantly pushed for a serious commitment and I constantly denied. I was/am a successful man middle class with a house, vehicles, etc. I dodged a bullet.
All of this is correct. A woman who is clingy and possessive at the outset presents red flags. They usually have little in the way of outside interests and will prove difficult to disentangle from if things go sour. It is no surprise then, as Dr. Taraban mentions, that these marriages result in acromonious divorces because the female partner is so heavily invested in it. Much of the litigation will be driven not by rational considerations but by a desire to inflict revenge on their spouse.
Hmm... This is the only ep that I don't fully agree with. Isn't it good that you are her world? Yes, its stressful and its alot of pressure on you, but as long as she's willing to give you her all, and take good care of you and the family, isn't it a good thing? From personal experience, the problem comes when these women demand everything but refuse to give anything
Right. Especially since you should take into account that if the man wants to have children, then the woman's focus will switch more to the children when she starts a family anyway. If you as a man were not a big focus for her before, you will never be the focus of the woman again after starting a family. THEN you as a man will only be perceived as a father. Good luck with being sincerely desired by the woman. Yes, a woman should have a life of her own, but for some women sport and books, for example, are enough. They don't necessarily have to have a career or have girlfriends who interfere in their lives. And it may not be fair that it's the housewives who want to have everything after the relationship ends, but the woman is all in - the man has to do the same. The fact that men are now coming around the corner with “don't give her the promotion”: EMBARRASSING! It reeks of fear of responsibility and fear of emotional discipline.
Literally, that’s why with these type of women early on, I place a strict boundary regarding my time and never get into a relationship with them…I’m not finna dance around like a monkey to spike u some dopamine 24/7 just to keep u interested.
My wife has some of these qualities but not all. I think the important part here is effort. I WANT her home and I WANT her dedicated to me. My wife is not likely to cheat because I'm her best friend and she is mine. She does make time to see and talk to her family, loves her hobbies, and goes to work, but I am a big part of her life and we do depend on eachother to have our needs met. I know she would survive without me although her heart may not survive.
Having such a wife (devoted, loving, loyal, fit, feminine, submissive, dutiful, good mother) is most men's dream. Men would do anything to provide and protect such wives.
I feel like my husband could have written this comment. It's nice to hear there are still young couples like us. Social media has us convinced the relationship world for most folks is doomed.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful comment. I feel so happy to know that men like you still exist. Thank you for providing for your wife and making it easy for her to be in her feminine for the sake of the children. I pray more men become like you
My wife was exactly like this. Just kidding, I wouldn’t pick one like that or get married. Remember, you’re not allowed to pick a loser and then complain about them.
I had a similar analogy for the same type of women, comparing them to professional athletes who try to get the most money they can at the end of their careers when they have the least to offer. Then again, I like your analogy better
Guys should also keep in mind that not everything is as it might appear from a distance. A portion of us single women enjoy a more solitary life than some others, & have job choices that are motivated by our giftings, not earning potential. Some of us live simply, but entertain ourselves with a rich inner life. It's also important for guys to remember that some of the women who have so much "going on" are also the ones who cannot be alone with themselves & are actually the ones who "need all these things" from others, a man in their life, included.
I agree with this and ive been in these situations with 3 different women. But ive found all you have to do is guide them into external endevours. This way you can get them off your ass but you are choosing what they do and get involved with so they arent getting into shit that will put the relationship at risk.
Yes! Very much so. I'm currently seeing a woman just like this. Very nice girl but you pointed out a lot of what could be potential issues down the line. The real conundrum is how does a young man navigate a relationship like this, if he doesn't have a lot of options
@@iammaximus614 I found dictionaries far less useful than a thesaurus. With a thesaurus, you can take what you know and brick by brick build out to the unknown. Have a good one!
This really hits. Even though I’m just 21, I was dating this girl, and the only thing she’d do is work the regular 40hr/week. Barely had any friends of her own, and she was not going to college. At the beginning everything was good, but then shit started to happen. There was a point where she’d get easily mad at me, and I eventually decided to end the relationship.
Hopefully this episode will prompt all men to realize that good and easy sex (the one thing that these women can offer) is not the basis for choosing a life partner and they can and should be more selective when choosing a woman.
I think after a point and vetting well, it could be worth taking a chance and leaving the rest up to fate (only after extensive vetting and learning about all this stuff) Can't keep worrying about all this 24/7
Right on track doc, made that mistake 30 years ago, being able to do heavy lifting metaphorically speaking is not the same as building someone without a life into someone with a life, Great way to train wreck yourself... You may need to use a bigger stick to get this through the young men's heads.
There are 3 sources of cheating triggers for a career wife: 1) work husband. Over months/years she develops feelings for a colleague/boss who shows interest in her. Once that affair ends, she finds a replacement (another workplace associate) because she gets addicted to the workplace affairs. 2) female friends or colleagues who are single/divorced or cheater. They influence her and encourage her to seek new feelings. 3) ex bfs and ex flings. She keeps their contact info and the ex resurface. For the housewives, there are 3 cheating triggers : 1) other bored cheating housewives who influence her 2) interested male neighbors , 3) fathers who drop their kids to the same daycare she uses. Other common cheating triggers: a) social media, facebook etc, b) gym trainers, gym bros, c) dating/hookup apps.
Other common triggers: being alive. Antidote: romantic marital love. Quit disparaging the idea of "in love" for marriage, cut the sanctimonious conventional advice along the lines of "cats in your future," "you'll hit the wall," "nobody's perfect," I want to be a father, etc. Also Tarban: If it's not "Hell Yes!," it's a no. People who settle in some way, even subconsciously, are prone to cheating. Rationalize, pay the price.
Haven’t watched this one yet and short of time - just commenting to say you’re awesome. That “plumber” short… wow friend, you’re getting to solid bedrock, and not just that one. Thank you. I just hope I can learn from it the easy way.
Construction is one of these industries, where hard working person with average intelligence and good work ethic can earn shit tone of money. I was always very impressed by people with no traditional education raising very high and being excellent employees. As an engineer I can say that enjoy every single moment with people like that.
This is a very excellent topic and it’s true I look forward to seeing the flipside the under performing males, who insist on the woman being their entire focus
As someone who worked construction in my colllege years, this is absolutely correct. You are just one injury away from being completely sidelined. It is a young man's game and once you hit 30, that's it, you're on the downward slope if you haven't developed another sikill. How many 50 year old men do you see felling trees or pouring concrete? The reflexes and strength are just not there. It's just like the NFL, once you hit 30 your days are numbered. Your body just does not recover the way it used to.
A fit 50 year old will have no problem getting the job done. But he's not as fast as he was when he was 20, and he's hopefully moved on to better things. If the 50 year old can do only 75% of the day's work that a 20 year old can do, the employer gets a better deal with the younger guy. And if the 20 year old doesn't have a mortgage, or kids, he can pay him less.
@malachi405 Interestingly, I was that guy that started construction work post-40 having made a conscious decision to get away from decades at the computer. (wanted to acquire skills and solve problems *once* as opposed to iterative bug fixing forever) I tend to agree with you and disagree with you, however. I overcompensated for 'green' by working 85-90% harder. 3 years later I was a job foreman. The part I disagree with is the perspective that a 20 year old will out-produce the 50 year old. Had a 20 year old under me and he may have worked faster on some things, but cost MORE time by making errors (not fully listening to requirements) and had issues with paying consistent attention to the work required daily. Anyhow, from my experience that downward slope post 30 is *maybe* rated 'bunny slope'.
Many tradesmen can easily make it to retirement if they lead a decent lifestyle. Blue collar professions are now often less stressful and offer better pay than many white collar jobs.
@@marktapley7571 This is correct if they are in a relatively skilled trade, such as an electrician or a pipefitter. The gold standard is a Union job; they will protect you. The Union does the negotiating with the contractor and you report to the Union Hall for your assignment. Indeed, any contract with Federal or State monies typically requires a Union contractor and a prevailing wage rate.
I know an example with an opposite outcome. Such a woman, who is smart enough to be completely aware of her limitations, and admitted it all her life, but she works, and she became the best wife her man can imagine.
Can I disagree here? A high value man will usually want the woman to fit into his FRAME and not the other way around. He's the one on a mission and he wants a mate who will willingly and enthusiastically take on the mission. I had a woman like this and she told me that it was my ambition and passion that drove her to me when she had other suitors. Unfortunately, cancer took her away in 2019 but we had a wonderful 15 years of marriage. Finding another woman like that at age 47 seems almost impossible. Every woman is doing the exact opposite and refuses to fit into a man's frame. (SIGH).
I think I got it. The less a woman has going on. The more her man should expect to fulfill the needs that would normally be filled by other people or hobbies. A man has to be careful because a woman can have too much going on. If her life is inflexible or she is not willing to put the relationship first, then the relationship will not work out.
Being a housewive must be a very difficult position to be in, because they need to rely on a capable man and if he isn't, then her situation worsens as soon as they divorce. It is certainly better for everyone when the woman has a backup net and her own life to rely on, *if they don't get told that relationships are bad for them.* My grandmother and mother are excellent with finances, but they couldn't even access a bank account on their own and when they took charge, everything improved. Couples need to work things out and nobody should be in a compromising situation because it is a rough spot to be in if you cannot rely on your husband as a wife, split up and be left with nothing.
Men need to focus totally on themselves. A man's purpose is NOT a woman. When we get that, none of this stuff matters. We don't need partners or wives. They are wants.
hi @psychacks is it okay if we have more content for long term relationships even if you dont like them? also i LOVE your work thank you so much no one is telling people this kind of information seriously not even exaggerating :DDDDD
Great idea. Please!! There’s not much info on what healthy balance looks like between both parties. And how to maintain a healthy yet loving relationship.
You nailed it. As usual, my assessment is correct, like always. I’ve said this for years but self appointed intruders and assholes, have worked overtime to ruin my life. You have said EXACTLY what I think, most people think and what men think. The worst situation a woman can be in is to have no pedigree and any man can play with her however he pleases, abuse her or leave her broke, because she went in to the relationship deprived. She came with nothing. No pedigree. Anything she obtains after meeting him, he will claim that HE gave her and rescued her. Even if it’s a job, he’ll claim that his presence in her life blessed her to the point that everything started working out. All friends she’ll meet will be via him. She’ll essentially owe her new life to him. And that will make him feel like he has power over her. And power imbalances lead to abuse. That’s common sense. Any high value accomplished man will feel egoistic about the fact that you OWE your life’s biggest moves to him and that your life changed because of him. That will embolden him to feel entitled. Even if you worked for it, he’ll believe that it’s because of him because he offered or influenced the opportunity. Most men wouldn’t even trust that a girl with no pedigree genuinely likes them because they’ll think that she’s only trying to get married because she’s deprived and desperate. They’ll actually misjudge her character because of it irrespective of how calm she is. They might even think that she’ll leave for someone else who has more, out of desperation. She’s certainly not high value in any man’s eyes whether he’s high value or low value. And that’s the revenge a dick wants. To make her lose value in the eyes of all.
This is invaluable advice. I used to be that young constriction worker with my sole interest being the gym. It was partly miserable because I ended up developing co-dependence issues when dating- developed insecurities about my communication style with men seeming rather clingy, which made me prone to emotional abuse. I'm 25 now and realised that it is always best to have something going for yourself, skills, and interests. Moreover, the only men that took keen interest in me seemed to have known that i was potentially a liability and never took me seriously. Having other things going for onself also helps in character development and building discernment from exposure to various experiences.
Always appreciate your take. I've always been puzzled by those in the red pill community who put young women on such a high, high pedestal without reference to any other feature. Always seemed a bit shortsighted.
Met a girl just like this at a dead end job. She rejected my advances but once we got a promotion she started to become a work wife and then cut ties with me because I got a better paying job in my field of study
Yes it fit ,Im in the middel of the firts example relationship .but fortunitly for me i have experience and a the same time also leraning from your channel .thanks
My next door neighbor is a housewife. Married at 18 and has been married for 73 years, now at age 93. Modern women (boomer generation American women and younger) being housewives is the issue, not women of a respected generation.
Most men were able to provide an upgrade in lifestyle back then. It isn't the women that changed, it was the middle class shrinking because of manufacturing being outsourced to slave wage countries.
@@Xenozillex I own a house next my next door neighbor. There house looks like the 70s, my house looks closer to the present (remodeled). My girl still complains about wanting to spend 50k on upgrades or move into a new 800k house. My gf has little in savings but makes 100k+. Yes, women have changed...thank economic independence, feminism, and materialism.
Very different circumstances. And in so many way it's hard to even list all. For example at that time a housewife had a ton of actual work to do, that today is mostly automated. I can easily manage my own household while working 60 ours a week, because almost everything is done by machines. But if managing a household is a full time job, that's a very different stpry. In other words a housewife back then was more explicitly an employee than modern wives. Or if you wan to put it more nicely, there was a clear division of labor, and the two parties together constituted a single functional unit. Imagine a housewife today. Without young children they have very little to do. And with today's economics, likely the men is wealthy, so they can afford to outsource even the remaining work. Which means boredom for the wife. There are ways to mitigate that, a few good, and more bad ones. The healthy way is to get a job anyway, or to have a hobby that's not just a way to kill time, but provides meaning too (like charity work). And the other direction is harassing the husband, excessive spending, cheating, then alcohol, drugs, and likely suicide.
@@andrasbiro3007 Have 4+ kids like they use to have and support the local community and church like people use to. Things have not changed that much. People are just more selfish.
@@ShawnOfTheDead-v6o Thing changed a ton. For example no chance to be able to afford 4 kids. Even on two incomes, let alone one. For the affluent, who can afford kids, that's a good option. There the problem is way too much social media distraction. It's hard to escape it, even if you recognize the problem.
There's nothing wrong with that. I know quite a few ladies (central America) that cut grass, do construction work, painting, hats off to these women. Hard work without bit...ng.
This is very true.. my ex fits that bill exactly. And because I was her world and she didn't have a life of her own she was very insecure. The one time that a cute girl that worked at a gas station actually flirted with me in my entire life she was there to see it and never let me forget it. 6 months later she had an explosion of anger because she bottled that up.
Agreed…. I am the woman who has her own life…. Financially/professionally successful. Recently married…. More for him than for me. ‘We’ make our lives easier financially and in emotional support. But neither of us will put up with BS. We are together because we love and like each other. We still have our outside relationships and spend time apart. I hope this lasts a long time but who knows. His first wife was a construction worker…. Got pregnant, got second husband, and had him for 10 years. Shortly after divorce, she had another man on the hook and my husband took on the primary parenting role.
Ladies! Do not ever be a "Barbara the Builder". That's a trap. Go and build your own material security first, keep up your looks and then go and get a man if you want one. It's no problem for an attractive woman to get a husband in her 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.
This was me. I met my ex right when I was starting college, by the time I finally left him 9 years later he'd made sure I had no degree, no larger career prospects than entry level work, no friends, cut off ties with family, no self esteem, self image, hobbies, interests, or expectation of any kind of life outside of him.
@@moviesynopsis001 I didn't know he was controlling me. It's weird, I spent years hiding bruises from neighbors because I thought "they wouldn't understand, he just loves me so much." I still don't know why I didn't comprehend that I should have left all those years, it took an older family member putting together the pieces and setting up restraining order and security for me to finally get away, but you're right I was ultimately responsible for staying.
A certain class of woman is both highly attractive to (and potentially dangerous for) many men, namely: the woman without a life of her own. In this episode, I argue that these women are like construction workers: they're potentially one setback away from a forced retirement without a backup plan. As a result, they will typically be very pushy for commitment (and very contentious in separation).
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #women
Oh, it's a metaphor 😂 I was going to relate how I have been driving for 30 years and every single time I drive by a construction site the only thing women are doing is holding the flag that says "slow down". 😂 I've seen it hundreds of times.
Instructions unclear
Currently hiring female construction workers
Could be a profitable business, but not necessarily with building things. Start with selling a calendar to male construction workers.
Sounds like diversity quota hiring 😊
Instructions unclear
Bridges engineered by women are collapsing.
There's a joke in there somewhere about an Erector set. Ha, ha
@dkz280 I hope you’re doing it as an experience, knowing it won’t be much like hiring men. If so, why not? An adventure. Like to hear how it goes after you’ve done it and can give it in some hindsight. Whether it was smooth or rough.
I was kind of like this at one point. What snapped me out of it was the man (eight years older) that I was dating writing me an email that said, "Life must be a blend of people and activities. I can be the man in your life, but not life itself."
Hot damn that's a "wake up" call
Man! You ain’t ever lied. The less of a life a person has, the more they expect you to fulfill for them and in them.
Accurately summerized!!
I agree
Another thought: the less the life the more they expect *things* to fill in for them.
Facts! I suffered from this with my.last one
Having a dedicated wife (devoted, loving, loyal, fit, feminine, submissive, dutiful, good mother) is most men's dream. Men would do anything to provide and protect such wives.
@@Melissa-1210VW _"It goes both ways."_
Everyone knows that, genius. There's more than enough people telling women to beware of toxic men, it's about time men got to hear the same advice about toxic women, wouldn't you say?
The women who have no career prospects, friends, etc are also typically the ones without the foresight to secure a man in their youth.
Also, women without friends usually aren't attractive. If you're a hot 22 year old, you kinda automatically just get friends, or at least fake friends.
Bingo. You see this with criminals too. If someone is stupid enough to see crime as a viable option, they're probably also too stupid to cover their tracks and get away with it. "Stupid is, as stupid does"
Idk about this one because I know plenty of women with great careers who still don’t really have the soft skills to keep men around for extended periods of time either. Not sure how it really correlates
I would argue most women lack the foresight to secure a man. Young/old, career/no career.
In youth, theres no way to have any foresigjt WITHOUT being 1st trained to do something....... just like men need to be taught things by older men in their lives...
7:38: "the women who demand the LEGAL commitment, are those who are least in the position to do so..."
That's why traditional society trained women to use their strongest card. Access.
No milk until he buys the cow.
At the same time, society limited her ability to destroy her family and her husband via divorce. The marriage only protected her from 'wrongful dismissal', or abusive or unsafe working conditions. She couldn't just quit, or stop coming to work, and get a handsome retirement package.
So he was incentivized to commit, (and she didn't end up pregnant unless he committed). BUT that commitment only protected her as long as she kept her side of the bargain.
If she decided to break up without a legitimate 'fault', the marriage contract would evaporate, and she would be back to that intensely vulnerable position she was in before she got married.
This made divorce very rare. It was very expensive for him, if he initiated it (as Orion points out, a woman whose entire life was her family gets a lot of moral and legal sympathy if her husband initiated or caused the divorce). And it was devastating for her, if she was at fault.
With today's system, he can get easy access before marriage (this somehow 'empowers' women), and she can easily divorce on favorable terms.
There's really no reason for him to get married at all. It's a contract that rewards her for breaking it.
@@malachi405You explained it very well. Thank you.
@@budbas Chad has easy access. Other men DON'T.
You should've added that to in comment: they're picking the top 20% of men for reproduction leaving the remaining 80% for providing.
@@budbas Chad has easy access. Other men DON'T.
You should've added that to in comment: they're picking the top 20% of men for reproduction leaving the remaining 80% for providing.
I was driving to my comfortable air conditioned office this morning, and drove past a job site where a new quick trip is being built. I live in Phoenix and it was already 83 out at 6:40 am when I passed by. I noticed how all the workers were men. I don’t think I could handle that job. It’s supposed to be about 110 today and many of them will stop working by 1pm because of the heat, but others will not and continue plugging away. I think of the women that say men are not needed and laugh.
But I do see the analogy he is making in this topic
Women say they don't need men with confidence because the men who build everything they need (like construction workers and utility hands) are beneath them, therefore those men don't exist in women's worlds.
The janitor who cleans her corner office, the cop/firefighter who serves in emergencies, the mechanic who fixes her sports car or the cashier at the local coffee shop where she gets her $15...
None of those men are actual people, therefore she doesn't need them
The body can adapt to anything, for $45 an hour you'd adapt. The overtime!
Men provide that car, house, and office Air Conditioning. White collar workers thank a blue-collar worker when you see em.
Phoenix resident here as well. And now that we are in "road construction season," I am amazed at the guys who can work in those conditions.
A woman with her own life is much less likely/willing to make the relationship a priority.
I’d say that’s a mistake. Relationships and people are what life is all about. It’s where you find joy and purpose. This goes for men and women. I think it’s a mistake so many people are willing to atomize themselves for the pursuit or career
That’s because when it comes to dating, women seek to enter into a life and men seek to share a life. So if a man’s life isn’t better than the woman’s, she won’t see a point in joining it. Women swap out their life for the life of their spouse, they don’t add their life to their husband’s life for 1 + 1 = 2.
That is usually the case but if the man is both physically and emotionally very appealing to this woman that no other man can be, she will make the relationship with him a priority. So guys please take care of your body and your woman's feelings, this will benefit you long term.
@@Dubtred that doesnt mean anything. If you have a great looking face and are tall she will like you. Thats all you need. The end. BTW how does 1 person have a better life than another exactly? how do you measure that?
@@MsLilflyer exactly. Look good and be friendly and act normal. thats all you need
Impressively illustrates the idea that women see relationships the way men see jobs.
This describes my wife and hits home hard. I’m the complete opposite, extremely busy and diversified interests and friends. She has no friends, they always leave her because they see her as extremely blessed: very beautiful, a homeowner and humble. So I’m her only friend and her husband.
It's a sad reality of this jealous society.
This could be really good, or really bad. Totally depends on your attachment styles
That’s good. No one to slither ideas in her ear. She sticks to you. I’m jelly over here.
@@elchucapablas yea I don’t get attached. Secure but tending towards avoidant when a woman shows high interest in me. I was definitely a womanizer before I met her. And she found me near 40 and very stuck in my ways so it has been challenging.
@@ayowser01 yea I really want her to have a gf or two, but they get jealous of us and ghost her. So she has no real friends. My wife is a 70 year old granny in a 30 year old woman’s body. She has no interests in mainstream shit which makes it harder
Summer after I graduated HS, I had visions of hanging out at the neighborhood pool; my dad had other plans and I ended up working in a welding/tool & die shop. Brutal work and even as a naive teenager, I could figure out that my body probably wouldn't take a lifetime of it (and even if it did, I'd be a wreck). I don't look down on anyone doing blue collar work, trades, manual labor, etc., but the lesson learned that summer have served me well.
The ones that are “independent” don’t want to let go of that and be “interdependent” with you. The ones that are not independent become totally “dependent” on you. I’ve seen it many times in my personal life.
Alot of professional women are lonely and miserable
“Perspicacity”
the word of the day.
Thank you.
Could you possibly make a video on this to help young women out who may be in this position? And how to create the healthy balance. What it takes from both parties etc. You have women watching your videos too just so you know!!
He already did a series for women, IIRC, titled "how to get any man". And as a man I can assure that if a girl does what he talks about, I'll be absolutely up to taking things extremely long-term - in fact, I'm considering long-term with my current girlfriend, who does maybe 75% of the things he talks about.
You do not need a balance between good and bad. You should not have a W-4 as a 💃
@@Straga_Severa thanks for the video suggestion!
Great timing. This perfectly sums up the girl I’m seeing & why she’s been pushy for her “promotions.” Thanks again, doc
😂👍
Just out of curiosity: after hearing what the doc said, will you give her the promotion?
DO NOT PROMOTE HER
Don't be so eager to ruin your life.
Then let her go and quit wasting her time.
If she’s a ‘construnction worker’ and your building has a great prospect, you should promote her. Otherwise she lost her time then you lost your best employee
It's fine if she is a construction worker as long as you know what you are getting into. Plan the rest of your life accordingly.
I see no upside to this situation when there’s women out there that won’t be potentially harmful to you in the long run.
She can also make adjustments as she goes. For example, when they have children she might be the soccer coach. Or PTA president. Or get a certification in something and then pursue a career.
Female construction worker is an oxymoron. Women aren't laborers.
More reasonable logic to why women push for marriage even if the relationship started out as casual.
because women naturally want kids with you if you are handsome and tall, thats it
“The Wall” is always approaching. For women in their mid-thirties, desperate times call for desperate measures.💍
@@RobertJohnson-bj5lk for men its also approaching, but they dont realize it cause they consume too much redpill bs
Good idea in theory but a woman who wants to have children will need a man who can fully support and protect her and her babies and she will need to be fully there as a mom and housewife as that’s what the children need. She should definitely have her own “life”, but also she should be willing to put everything aside, at least temporarily, for her family. A woman who would rather work than raise her children and clean her home is not ideal. She should, though, have a friend or two and a community of supportive people such as at church or family. Relying on a man for all your social needs is not a good idea.
I was going to say something similar. They stay at home mom can certainly have a lot of fulfillment by getting involved in the town she lives in. This can be PTA and other organizations like that
As long as she is not getting paid
I’ve known a few women like this. They can also become a danger to themselves then, because they’re more likely to accept successful men they should not accept, who have major problems like alcoholism/drug addiction, emotional/physical abuse, repeated infidelity, etc. the stuff that destroys souls.
But these women have no leverage, nothing to fall back on, no walking away power, no sense of confidence they can make it on their own, so they stay and hope he changes. And want a marriage commitment despite all this because they’re dependent on him for survival.
It’s healthy for women to cultivate their own life, just make sure you’re able to be flexible, integrate, and prioritize a good partner and relationship as well. My 2 cents.
Partner is "letter community" terminology. That's a problem.
A man who fully financially supports a woman 'destroys her soul' by getting a little on the side?! GTFO. If a woman gets to retire in their late 20's and live off of my labor; then allowing me to exercise my options without giving me drama, along with taking care of all the domestic labor is the absolute LEAST they can do. With the cost of supporting a woman in the west today she should be lining up 3somes, and other women for me to play with when I get home from work.
Unfortunately all facts. Thanks for bringing this insight to the public because this is a really sad topic. Had to break up with my ex recently just due to these reasons. No job, no friends, no good relationship with parents on her side. I had to provide everything in the world to her even stuff that I shouldn’t. I’ve spent a lot of effort to keep the relationship going and still she would often perform the hissy fit that she will not feel secure until she has a ring on a finger. This stuff suffocates and turns attraction into pity. Dodged that bullet and really thankful to my friends and parents for pointing this stuff out for me first
She may be a better alternative than "I don't need a man" type of women who always have one foot outside the door.
excellent analysis. I want to add about the housewife/divorce thing. There is a world of difference between the woman who had some education and a job and became a housewife vs the woman who got out of high school with zero ambition, zero skills and just got married. It's the latter that is going to be aggressive from start to finish as you said. Another nasty situation is the "housewife" of the wealthy man. She doesn't cook, clean or take care of kids. Staff does that. She's got nothing but time on her hands and she gets bored.
But the woman who is domestic, and enjoys taking care of her husband, children and her home is a woman to be treasured.
I know men don't care for the career woman where he is just one facet of her multi-faceted life. That is very understandable. Especially the career woman who is the breadwinner. Watch her turn into an 1800s man real quick the first fight they have when she reminds her husband that she pays the bills and it's her house.
But the other extreme of that type of woman is the woman you mentioned. The one who expects the man to be all things to her.
Men need to find the woman who is in the middle. She has some work and life skills. She has a life, hobbies and interests. But none of those things mean more to her than a man she wants to build a life with. It's not the tall order men think it is. I had a degree and work experience but I was happy to give it all up and support my husband's career. We struggled together. Now we're comfortable together.
You nailed it.. Housewives will always be #1 first class citizens.. Call me old fashioned, but it's still the most important part of a real lasting, and loving relationship.🍷😎👌
You’re absolutely right! The discussion needs to be more nuanced. Us men are obviously not perfect either 😂 but most are a lot more middle of the road/reasonable than currently portrayed in the Left wing men demonising legacy media. Finding a similar, ‘middle of the road/ reasonable woman, I’m afraid to say is more difficult though than you suggest unfortunately 🤷. Ah we’ll, hope springs eternal 🤙
"There is a world of difference between the woman who had some education and a job and became a housewife vs the woman who got out of high school with zero ambition, zero skills and just got married."
Um, what? When college/university educated, women are almost always the ones to file for divorce. Women without such an education are far less likely to divorce their husbands.
@@RavenMobileJust about 80% of all divorces are initiated by the woman, rising to 90% among the higher-educated.
I’ve been a construction worker for 18 years and man I think you just scared me straight.
This was my ex. She was more like a pet than a partner, and it killed the relationship.
Omniman out here calling women pets
>partner
you are not going to make it
@@jamesgreenwood1703 She wanted it that way, not me.
It's ironic how women have been proving that age != wisdom,
by showing how over the last 30 years, they make worse and worse choices as they get older.
8:10: "The most acrimonious and litigious divorces almost always involve housewives."
90% of Dorces filed by 💃 are by ones with college degrees. So it's not uneducated housewyfs that you should fear
Or very religious individuals!
Makes sense.
I’ve always guessed this was the case.
And yet many RP creators are selling the whole housewife virtue. I wonder if they’re sowing seeds for future recruits?
It’s housewives without kids, not housewives in general.
Without a kid, it’s just a woman sitting around getting fat
Damn, I wanted to avoid a feminist career woman because I wanted a stay at home mom to raise my future kids. Now He's saying the woman without a career may be a huge problem. WTF am I supposed to do about this?
Not all women with jobs and interests are "feminist career woman" boss bitches who don't need no man. Some women realise that they need to work and want to work to feel useful and contribute to society and a relationship. Finding these women can be a challenge, but they do exist.
As a woman, I would like to hear what a healthy balance looks like in his POV… since he’s blaming women for either extremes.
@@tiffanyapril5458He mentions the healthy balance at the end of the video. A healthy relationship is one where both partners have their own lives but are willing and able to fit into each other’s spaces. Like with almost everything in life, there’s a happy medium.
Ya Matt we have to play this gamble even though we know the rules just enough to get in n out . GL
Everything in life is about balance. Family/Career ; Husband/Friends ; Couple hobbies/Solitary hobbies etc. Women who don't have a life of their own will always be extremely clingy, and women who focus too much on their career will spend little time with their husband and children. Look for the women who are emotionnally and spiritually mature and who are willing to submit to a man (their future husband), even if they decide to pursue a career.
After all, either the woman submits to the man, and her career will be less important than her husband's career; or the man submits to the woman, and his career will be less important than his wife's career. But you can't have both, two ambitious individuals who aggressively pursue a time-consuming career. Or if you have both, then you don't have children (1 maximum, maybe), because then no one will spend time with the children.
The problem with people nowadays is that they think they can have it all. The sooner you abandon this idea, the sooner you'll be able to enjoy life.
I didn't realize this is what was happening, but about 5 years ago I was casually dating a average 41 year old single mom who was apartment living and barely making it. She constantly pushed for a serious commitment and I constantly denied. I was/am a successful man middle class with a house, vehicles, etc. I dodged a bullet.
All of this is correct. A woman who is clingy and possessive at the outset presents red flags. They usually have little in the way of outside interests and will prove difficult to disentangle from if things go sour. It is no surprise then, as Dr. Taraban mentions, that these marriages result in acromonious divorces because the female partner is so heavily invested in it. Much of the litigation will be driven not by rational considerations but by a desire to inflict revenge on their spouse.
Hmm... This is the only ep that I don't fully agree with. Isn't it good that you are her world? Yes, its stressful and its alot of pressure on you, but as long as she's willing to give you her all, and take good care of you and the family, isn't it a good thing?
From personal experience, the problem comes when these women demand everything but refuse to give anything
Right. Especially since you should take into account that if the man wants to have children, then the woman's focus will switch more to the children when she starts a family anyway. If you as a man were not a big focus for her before, you will never be the focus of the woman again after starting a family. THEN you as a man will only be perceived as a father. Good luck with being sincerely desired by the woman. Yes, a woman should have a life of her own, but for some women sport and books, for example, are enough. They don't necessarily have to have a career or have girlfriends who interfere in their lives. And it may not be fair that it's the housewives who want to have everything after the relationship ends, but the woman is all in - the man has to do the same. The fact that men are now coming around the corner with “don't give her the promotion”: EMBARRASSING! It reeks of fear of responsibility and fear of emotional discipline.
Literally, that’s why with these type of women early on, I place a strict boundary regarding my time and never get into a relationship with them…I’m not finna dance around like a monkey to spike u some dopamine 24/7 just to keep u interested.
This is, hands down, the best, the most valid, clear and understandable argumentation against relationship with housewife.
My wife has some of these qualities but not all. I think the important part here is effort. I WANT her home and I WANT her dedicated to me. My wife is not likely to cheat because I'm her best friend and she is mine. She does make time to see and talk to her family, loves her hobbies, and goes to work, but I am a big part of her life and we do depend on eachother to have our needs met. I know she would survive without me although her heart may not survive.
Having such a wife (devoted, loving, loyal, fit, feminine, submissive, dutiful, good mother) is most men's dream. Men would do anything to provide and protect such wives.
I feel like my husband could have written this comment. It's nice to hear there are still young couples like us. Social media has us convinced the relationship world for most folks is doomed.
This was too cute 🥹
Thank you for sharing this beautiful comment. I feel so happy to know that men like you still exist. Thank you for providing for your wife and making it easy for her to be in her feminine for the sake of the children. I pray more men become like you
My wife was exactly like this. Just kidding, I wouldn’t pick one like that or get married. Remember, you’re not allowed to pick a loser and then complain about them.
I had a similar analogy for the same type of women, comparing them to professional athletes who try to get the most money they can at the end of their careers when they have the least to offer. Then again, I like your analogy better
Guys should also keep in mind that not everything is as it might appear from a distance. A portion of us single women enjoy a more solitary life than some others, & have job choices that are motivated by our giftings, not earning potential. Some of us live simply, but entertain ourselves with a rich inner life. It's also important for guys to remember that some of the women who have so much "going on" are also the ones who cannot be alone with themselves & are actually the ones who "need all these things" from others, a man in their life, included.
You said it clearly, a portion
@@josedanielrodriguez1126 I was also contrasting that portion with another segment of women; worth noting.
I agree with this and ive been in these situations with 3 different women. But ive found all you have to do is guide them into external endevours. This way you can get them off your ass but you are choosing what they do and get involved with so they arent getting into shit that will put the relationship at risk.
Yes! Very much so. I'm currently seeing a woman just like this. Very nice girl but you pointed out a lot of what could be potential issues down the line. The real conundrum is how does a young man navigate a relationship like this, if he doesn't have a lot of options
She may be a better alternative than "I don't need a man" type of professional women who always have one foot outside the door.
Word of the day: Perspicacity
I am not a fan of Tate but he was the one who I heard first say that word and it instantly became one of my favorite words to hear.
… also having a dictionary is very helpful
Something that is perspicuous has perspicuity. A person who is perspicacious has perspicacity, or if you're vulgar, perspicaciousness
I love discombobulated. For the other end of the spectrum.
@@iammaximus614 I found dictionaries far less useful than a thesaurus. With a thesaurus, you can take what you know and brick by brick build out to the unknown. Have a good one!
This video has some wonderful insights ,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.the bottom line is a woman that has a support system working is the better candidate.
This really hits. Even though I’m just 21, I was dating this girl, and the only thing she’d do is work the regular 40hr/week. Barely had any friends of her own, and she was not going to college. At the beginning everything was good, but then shit started to happen. There was a point where she’d get easily mad at me, and I eventually decided to end the relationship.
From a 66 year old man
Good to see you have learned this one lesson early in life
Word of the day!
Perspicacity
Hopefully this episode will prompt all men to realize that good and easy sex (the one thing that these women can offer) is not the basis for choosing a life partner and they can and should be more selective when choosing a woman.
I think after a point and vetting well, it could be worth taking a chance and leaving the rest up to fate (only after extensive vetting and learning about all this stuff) Can't keep worrying about all this 24/7
Thank you so much, that has cleared up something for me, which has been pressing on my mind for years!
Right on track doc, made that mistake 30 years ago, being able to do heavy lifting metaphorically speaking is not the same as building someone without a life into someone with a life, Great way to train wreck yourself... You may need to use a bigger stick to get this through the young men's heads.
The metaphor ive always used is, "they age like pro athletes".
lol that's good
There are 3 sources of cheating triggers for a career wife: 1) work husband. Over months/years she develops feelings for a colleague/boss who shows interest in her. Once that affair ends, she finds a replacement (another workplace associate) because she gets addicted to the workplace affairs. 2) female friends or colleagues who are single/divorced or cheater. They influence her and encourage her to seek new feelings. 3) ex bfs and ex flings. She keeps their contact info and the ex resurface.
For the housewives, there are 3 cheating triggers : 1) other bored cheating housewives who influence her 2) interested male neighbors , 3) fathers who drop their kids to the same daycare she uses.
Other common cheating triggers: a) social media, facebook etc, b) gym trainers, gym bros, c) dating/hookup apps.
I think you nailed it. For housewives, I would also add bros from her gym or yoga class as potential triggers.
Other common triggers: being alive.
Antidote: romantic marital love. Quit disparaging the idea of "in love" for marriage, cut the sanctimonious conventional advice along the lines of "cats in your future," "you'll hit the wall," "nobody's perfect," I want to be a father, etc. Also Tarban: If it's not "Hell Yes!," it's a no. People who settle in some way, even subconsciously, are prone to cheating.
Rationalize, pay the price.
Haven’t watched this one yet and short of time - just commenting to say you’re awesome. That “plumber” short… wow friend, you’re getting to solid bedrock, and not just that one. Thank you. I just hope I can learn from it the easy way.
Construction is one of these industries, where hard working person with average intelligence and good work ethic can earn shit tone of money.
I was always very impressed by people with no traditional education raising very high and being excellent employees. As an engineer I can say that enjoy every single moment with people like that.
This is a very excellent topic and it’s true
I look forward to seeing the flipside the under performing males, who insist on the woman being their entire focus
Wow, this is describes so accurately a girl I dated when i was much younger. I wish i could have received this advice.
Great deal of knowledge. Thanks Orion!
One of your more subtle insights.
As someone who worked construction in my colllege years, this is absolutely correct. You are just one injury away from being completely sidelined. It is a young man's game and once you hit 30, that's it, you're on the downward slope if you haven't developed another sikill. How many 50 year old men do you see felling trees or pouring concrete? The reflexes and strength are just not there. It's just like the NFL, once you hit 30 your days are numbered. Your body just does not recover the way it used to.
A fit 50 year old will have no problem getting the job done.
But he's not as fast as he was when he was 20, and he's hopefully moved on to better things.
If the 50 year old can do only 75% of the day's work that a 20 year old can do, the employer gets a better deal with the younger guy. And if the 20 year old doesn't have a mortgage, or kids, he can pay him less.
@malachi405
Interestingly, I was that guy that started construction work post-40 having made a conscious decision to get away from decades at the computer. (wanted to acquire skills and solve problems *once* as opposed to iterative bug fixing forever)
I tend to agree with you and disagree with you, however.
I overcompensated for 'green' by working 85-90% harder. 3 years later I was a job foreman. The part I disagree with is the perspective that a 20 year old will out-produce the 50 year old. Had a 20 year old under me and he may have worked faster on some things, but cost MORE time by making errors (not fully listening to requirements) and had issues with paying consistent attention to the work required daily.
Anyhow, from my experience that downward slope post 30 is *maybe* rated 'bunny slope'.
Many tradesmen can easily make it to retirement if they lead a decent lifestyle. Blue collar professions are now often less stressful and offer better pay than many white collar jobs.
@@marktapley7571 This is correct if they are in a relatively skilled trade, such as an electrician or a pipefitter. The gold standard is a Union job; they will protect you. The Union does the negotiating with the contractor and you report to the Union Hall for your assignment. Indeed, any contract with Federal or State monies typically requires a Union contractor and a prevailing wage rate.
This is a nuanced but effective analogy. I was skeptical at the outset of the video, but it really pans out. Thanks.
Orion, you nailed it!
Spot on, I clearly see it now from past relationships I needed to exit from.
I know an example with an opposite outcome. Such a woman, who is smart enough to be completely aware of her limitations, and admitted it all her life, but she works, and she became the best wife her man can imagine.
Dr. T, can you explain "How money works?" Because I am a fool for not being to keep the money I do make....seriously. I keep spending it all.
Thanks for describing my ex bad life choice. I can confirm all this in my own experience.
Can I disagree here? A high value man will usually want the woman to fit into his FRAME and not the other way around. He's the one on a mission and he wants a mate who will willingly and enthusiastically take on the mission. I had a woman like this and she told me that it was my ambition and passion that drove her to me when she had other suitors. Unfortunately, cancer took her away in 2019 but we had a wonderful 15 years of marriage. Finding another woman like that at age 47 seems almost impossible. Every woman is doing the exact opposite and refuses to fit into a man's frame. (SIGH).
You must have misunderstood what he said. He still mentioned that women who have a life, will still 'fit' in a man's life. Which is what you said.
Did you watch the entire episode?
I feel the same way.
I think I got it. The less a woman has going on. The more her man should expect to fulfill the needs that would normally be filled by other people or hobbies. A man has to be careful because a woman can have too much going on. If her life is inflexible or she is not willing to put the relationship first, then the relationship will not work out.
Being a housewive must be a very difficult position to be in, because they need to rely on a capable man and if he isn't, then her situation worsens as soon as they divorce. It is certainly better for everyone when the woman has a backup net and her own life to rely on, *if they don't get told that relationships are bad for them.* My grandmother and mother are excellent with finances, but they couldn't even access a bank account on their own and when they took charge, everything improved. Couples need to work things out and nobody should be in a compromising situation because it is a rough spot to be in if you cannot rely on your husband as a wife, split up and be left with nothing.
Men need to focus totally on themselves. A man's purpose is NOT a woman.
When we get that, none of this stuff matters. We don't need partners or wives. They are wants.
Most of the women I know that are divorced and took all their husband's stuff had really good jobs and separate life from their husband.
score!
Bingo! That's where he is off.
@@joevallone7313 No... he's not off. He's broadly right. You have experience of exceptions - that is all.
@@somebloke5565 I dont think so Bloke, but who cares
warms my heart to see equality applied
Good sound guy. That gated reverb sounds good on you, Orion.
hi @psychacks
is it okay if we have more content for long term relationships even if you dont like them?
also i LOVE your work thank you so much
no one is telling people this kind of information seriously not even exaggerating :DDDDD
Great idea. Please!! There’s not much info on what healthy balance looks like between both parties. And how to maintain a healthy yet loving relationship.
Yeah, we need more of those stop/slow flaggers.
You nailed it. As usual, my assessment is correct, like always. I’ve said this for years but self appointed intruders and assholes, have worked overtime to ruin my life. You have said EXACTLY what I think, most people think and what men think.
The worst situation a woman can be in is to have no pedigree and any man can play with her however he pleases, abuse her or leave her broke, because she went in to the relationship deprived. She came with nothing. No pedigree. Anything she obtains after meeting him, he will claim that HE gave her and rescued her. Even if it’s a job, he’ll claim that his presence in her life blessed her to the point that everything started working out. All friends she’ll meet will be via him.
She’ll essentially owe her new life to him. And that will make him feel like he has power over her. And power imbalances lead to abuse. That’s common sense. Any high value accomplished man will feel egoistic about the fact that you OWE your life’s biggest moves to him and that your life changed because of him. That will embolden him to feel entitled. Even if you worked for it, he’ll believe that it’s because of him because he offered or influenced the opportunity.
Most men wouldn’t even trust that a girl with no pedigree genuinely likes them because they’ll think that she’s only trying to get married because she’s deprived and desperate. They’ll actually misjudge her character because of it irrespective of how calm she is. They might even think that she’ll leave for someone else who has more, out of desperation. She’s certainly not high value in any man’s eyes whether he’s high value or low value. And that’s the revenge a dick wants. To make her lose value in the eyes of all.
You pretty much nailed it sir.
Best analogy I've heard!
Awesome insights! Thanks for sharing.
I’m 55 and will still outwork the young guys. Had a heart attack and a new valve last year. Let’s go!
🌴🐈🐈🐈🌴🏴☠️
You're not going to live much longer.
great video again. i'll keep this is mind
Very good video! Thank u Mr Orion
This is invaluable advice. I used to be that young constriction worker with my sole interest being the gym. It was partly miserable because I ended up developing co-dependence issues when dating- developed insecurities about my communication style with men seeming rather clingy, which made me prone to emotional abuse. I'm 25 now and realised that it is always best to have something going for yourself, skills, and interests. Moreover, the only men that took keen interest in me seemed to have known that i was potentially a liability and never took me seriously. Having other things going for onself also helps in character development and building discernment from exposure to various experiences.
Always appreciate your take. I've always been puzzled by those in the red pill community who put young women on such a high, high pedestal without reference to any other feature. Always seemed a bit shortsighted.
Yes, it exactly fits with my experience. Thank you very much.
Met a girl just like this at a dead end job. She rejected my advances but once we got a promotion she started to become a work wife and then cut ties with me because I got a better paying job in my field of study
you are very brave 👍🏽
I am actually a construction worker / ironworker. But that’s where my “construction work” ends. 😂 I’m too busy for that.
Yes it fit ,Im in the middel of the firts example relationship .but fortunitly for me i have experience and a the same time also leraning from your channel .thanks
8:54: "Appropriately interdependent."
so..self-sufficiency is the key here..
My next door neighbor is a housewife. Married at 18 and has been married for 73 years, now at age 93.
Modern women (boomer generation American women and younger) being housewives is the issue, not women of a respected generation.
Most men were able to provide an upgrade in lifestyle back then. It isn't the women that changed, it was the middle class shrinking because of manufacturing being outsourced to slave wage countries.
@@Xenozillex I own a house next my next door neighbor. There house looks like the 70s, my house looks closer to the present (remodeled). My girl still complains about wanting to spend 50k on upgrades or move into a new 800k house. My gf has little in savings but makes 100k+. Yes, women have changed...thank economic independence, feminism, and materialism.
Very different circumstances. And in so many way it's hard to even list all.
For example at that time a housewife had a ton of actual work to do, that today is mostly automated. I can easily manage my own household while working 60 ours a week, because almost everything is done by machines. But if managing a household is a full time job, that's a very different stpry. In other words a housewife back then was more explicitly an employee than modern wives. Or if you wan to put it more nicely, there was a clear division of labor, and the two parties together constituted a single functional unit.
Imagine a housewife today. Without young children they have very little to do. And with today's economics, likely the men is wealthy, so they can afford to outsource even the remaining work. Which means boredom for the wife. There are ways to mitigate that, a few good, and more bad ones. The healthy way is to get a job anyway, or to have a hobby that's not just a way to kill time, but provides meaning too (like charity work). And the other direction is harassing the husband, excessive spending, cheating, then alcohol, drugs, and likely suicide.
@@andrasbiro3007 Have 4+ kids like they use to have and support the local community and church like people use to. Things have not changed that much. People are just more selfish.
@@ShawnOfTheDead-v6o
Thing changed a ton. For example no chance to be able to afford 4 kids. Even on two incomes, let alone one.
For the affluent, who can afford kids, that's a good option. There the problem is way too much social media distraction. It's hard to escape it, even if you recognize the problem.
Good analogy
Great insight and knowledge. Thanks so much. I wish I would have known this 20 years ago.! 😂
There's nothing wrong with that. I know quite a few ladies (central America) that cut grass, do construction work, painting, hats off to these women. Hard work without bit...ng.
Commenting so you know your comment escaped
You missed the entire point of this video.
wow. wish I saw things in this perspective sooner
I agree. Especially the older I’ve gotten.. woman who are about something are more attractive to me overall..
This is very true.. my ex fits that bill exactly. And because I was her world and she didn't have a life of her own she was very insecure.
The one time that a cute girl that worked at a gas station actually flirted with me in my entire life she was there to see it and never let me forget it.
6 months later she had an explosion of anger because she bottled that up.
Nice one again! Thnx, mr Taraban.
That is Dr. Taraban to you
@@Soshiki should i call you mistah?
***S M A S H the LIKE***
I would love to hear Orion talk about this verbosely.
Thanks!
Agreed…. I am the woman who has her own life…. Financially/professionally successful. Recently married…. More for him than for me. ‘We’ make our lives easier financially and in emotional support. But neither of us will put up with BS. We are together because we love and like each other. We still have our outside relationships and spend time apart. I hope this lasts a long time but who knows. His first wife was a construction worker…. Got pregnant, got second husband, and had him for 10 years. Shortly after divorce, she had another man on the hook and my husband took on the primary parenting role.
Ladies! Do not ever be a "Barbara the Builder". That's a trap. Go and build your own material security first, keep up your looks and then go and get a man if you want one. It's no problem for an attractive woman to get a husband in her 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.
Exceptional foresight
This was me. I met my ex right when I was starting college, by the time I finally left him 9 years later he'd made sure I had no degree, no larger career prospects than entry level work, no friends, cut off ties with family, no self esteem, self image, hobbies, interests, or expectation of any kind of life outside of him.
Sounds like excuses to me. If you knew he was controlling you could have left at any point.
@@moviesynopsis001 I didn't know he was controlling me. It's weird, I spent years hiding bruises from neighbors because I thought "they wouldn't understand, he just loves me so much." I still don't know why I didn't comprehend that I should have left all those years, it took an older family member putting together the pieces and setting up restraining order and security for me to finally get away, but you're right I was ultimately responsible for staying.
How does this account for the documented dramatic increased chance of a woman filing for divorce if she is college educated?
That was my ex. Damn