The game devs pushed for Jack and Elisabeth, but I think the Colonel's got a thing for Jack. I mean, he REALLY wanted him to come to that Saturday dinner
I played this game more than a decade ago, but I remember in the final room with the colonel, you can infinitely pick up the ink on his desk, so you can fill your inventory with bottles of ink for no reason.
Diane, I had a dream about a one-legged man, but I'm pretty sure that it had absolutely no significance. Man, smell that apple core! Smell that rotten banana peel!
The soundtrack is available on Steam for $10. The complete game (a director's cut with better animation) is $5. Beef and Betus were actually overestimating this game - it LITERALLY has negative value.
I marathoned this entire fucking playthrough in one sitting just now and I feel like I am only half alive, this shit *_DRAINS_* you. Utterly. Entirely.
One of the thing that pisses me off the most is that there's almost no detective work in a freaking DETECTIVE adventure game. It would've been so simple, you know? Like, not once in the entire game Orlando actually investigates about the dead guy? Who he was, who was the last person to see him alive, whereabouts in the night of the crime... He doesn't follow a single clue, he just screws around with random characters, does stupid puzzles for no reason, and accidentally stumbles with the solution. Why even make him a detective and promote the game as a detective adventure, if you're not gonna do any of that?
While many of the conversations were nonsense and filler, Jack actually DID find clues during his adventure: -Orlando retraces Bellinger's(Reynolds's murderer) footsteps by stealing Biff's cranking handle to find a box of cigarettes. -Asks his buddy who runs a store that sold those cigarettes for a description of Bellinger. -Goes to Night O' Granis to tip a woman to give the name of the suspect and where he's staying. -Asks the receptionist what room Bellinger was staying, then finds a notebook containing the name of a guy who he was going to meet, where it's held, and what to bring. -Orlando intercepts their meeting by posing as Bellinger, then as Smith. -Bellinger gets gunned down by Scalletti's men.
I was hoping for a big twist at the end, like Jack knew what he was doing all along, the racism and homophobia was an act, and the garbage would be key evidence. Suddenly everything would fall into place, like Tetris. I was *hoping*, not expecting. I think we lost this round of Tetris.
Jesus fucking Christ, this game... You know, I actually played the demo of this game when I was a kid. Now I'm really, REALLY happy i didn't end up buying it.
After that one section where Jack wanders through an underground abbey and that room full of monitors, I was half-expecting that it would turn into some sort of Westworld-esque "none of this is real" mindfuck sort of story. I get the feeling that the game was also half-expecting that, because it seems like the plot just didn't really go anywhere - it just seems to have waited for things to really get going but gave up. I'll admit that I didn't really keep track of events, but did Jack ever actually do anything more significant than pretty much just hang around?
As interesting as your premise would have actually been, that extra bizarre section was apparently "bonus content". According to TV Tropes, for some reason or another, someone decided that there needed to be a Director's Cut version of this game. The section that started at the castle dungeon all the way up to the room full of monitors, was the only thing added to this new version. So, while it fits in by not making any sense and having absolutely nothing to do with the plot, it still somehow manages to come even further out of left field than the rest of the game did.
Huh. Something tells me they didn't really plan that "addition" out very thoroughly. Y'know what, though? I'm sticking with my headcanon here. Jack Orlando is an android character in Eastearth or whatever, where the Noir section happens to be right next to part of the Medieval section, and he accidentally blundered through a staff exit and had a merry little jaunt through a castle, but his programming prevented him from really acknowledging where he was and he just shrugged it off without realising the greater implications, and forgot about it once he reached his own section again. it's a better story than what we got, I think.
Jack and Julia's conversation was the weirdest shit. Seriously, I know that this was poorly translated, but they didn't have Google Translate, so there must have been at least ONE human involved, and the actors must have realised they were reading nonsense at some point!
I agree, do you know my brother, Indian Joe? He works for the Chinese sailors. Your mother Priestly Tom told Max about the duster, you must remember? We met at the fish bar in January and exchanged prostitutes. Bye Colonel.
So, I realized something about this. It's not just the translation of the dialogue that makes it so incomprehensible. The delivery is also completely wrong in a lot of places. Like, the consider exchange at 7:25. The line, "I promise you won't die of lung cancer," is supposed to be threatening innuendo. The colonel won't die of lung cancer because Stewart is going to shoot him. But the delivery doesn't sound threatening or suggestive at all. So it _sounds_ like a non sequitur even though it isn't.
_Orlando was walking around, picking up cigarette butts from the ground,_ _When suddenly Hartrup escaped from his cell, threatening to blow us all to hell..._
Oh yeah, I'm sure that frameup will work perfectly right after the Colonel put out a fucking warrant for the major's arrest. Sure no one will ever put two and two together!
*THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH JACK ORLANDO, AN INCOMPLETE LIST:* GENERAL PROBLEMS: -Terrible art, that at some times is too flat and at others is WAY too detailed. -Incredibly boring jazz music. -Awful voice acting. -Both of which cuts out so often you hear dead silence more than the actual sounds of the game, supposedly a localisation problem. -God awful, confusing as hell writing, that probably went through several translations and localisations before ending up in English, leading to dialogue that sounds like aliens wrote it. -Most people in this game are REALLY angry and dismissive of Jack. Granted, it's the appropriate reaction, but it doesn't exactly make the game fun to play through (on top of everything else). -Most dialogue trees go nowhere, and the characters have no memory of talking. -Literally useless items, that exist only to clog up the inventory screen and make the adventure game staple of 'rub items on the thing until it works' even worse. -On that note, Jack's coat would not be out of place in a Tabletop campaign what with how much shit he stores in it. -The gun and punch commands are needed to be used all of once, maybe twice. -Using the gun often has Jack smack someone with the gun, not shoot them with it. Why not use punch? -It has been a very long time since I have seen a game that is this bad with absolutely no sense of buildup or conclusion in the plot. -What was with that castle area? PROBLEMS WITH THE PLOT (limited to the antagonists plans because fuck if I can remember anything else): -Jack being framed for the murder of the initial victim was completely spur of the moment. It would have been easier to just kill him too and make it look like they killed each other. Framing Jack might seem like a good idea, except... -When Jack is arrested and brought to the Police Chief/Inspector/Whatever, WHO IS IN ON THE ANTAGONIST'S PLOT, instead of just tossing him in jail, he gives Jack two days to clear his name, effectively sabotaging his own plot. -On that note, letting a suspected murder go free for two days is idiotic as hell anyway. (possible missing problems go here-I can barely remember most of the earlier parts) -Bellinger, the initial murderer and the guy who set Jack up at the beginning of the game, is totally incapable of recognising Jack when he meets him in the bar. -He is also completely willing to follow Jack. -Scaletti's goons gun down Bellinger to keep him from talking, or something. They completely miss Jack, somehow, and don't even try to make sure they killed him. -I'm not sure if the police that caught Jack at the site of the second murder were in on the plot, but either way, they let him walk away with absolutely no resistance. Class act. -Scaletti, when he catches Jack at his casino, opts to lock him up and kill him when he gets back from his meeting with the major instead of, you know, just killing him then and there. -The three goons who confront Jack at the docks are completely scared shitless when Jack goes ballistic, bolting off to god knows where, instead of running to Scaletti, informing other guards, or anything even remotely smart. -How can no one at the docks hear Jack shooting? -The antagonists are completely incapable of seeing Jack riding on the top of the truck, or the rope he used to get there. -The Police Chief is completely incapable of noticing that Jack is doing multiple awful impressions through the phone. -The antagonists are completely incapable of holding onto their guns when the military police burst in at the end of the game. -Somehow Scaletti got captured by the police off camera. -What was even the plot again? THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH JACK ORLANDO HIMSELF: -Racist. -Sexist. -Homophobic -Oblivious idiot. -Sarcastic jerk, and not in the fun way. -Way too lucky for his own good. -Prone to violence with pretty much everybody. -When examining stuff, he varies between the most boring and the most baffling dialogue in the game. -Carries a gun around for almost the entire game. Does not carry any fucking bullets for it except for one puzzle. -Picks up every little bit of literal garbage he sees with no rhyme or reason. -This includes some cases of actually stealing shit. -Flirts with most women in the game despite the fact he's like 50-60. -True to PI drama cliches, he was a famed detective before eventually becoming washed up. The game, however, never really makes clear WHY he became washed up. -Punches out a guy just because he needed to steal something (I barely remember this, somehow). -Knocks out Bellinger's contact and just leaves him in the back alley. The end. We never see that contact again. -Gets Bellinger killed. What was even your plan there, Jack? -Decides the best method to investigate Scaletti is to raise a huge stink in his Casino. He only gets out of this predicament because Bellinger's fiancee takes pity on him or some shit. -Too scared to go near a dog. Admittedly it is apparently a vicious dog, but considering he just walked into Scaletti's casino with no problems this feels out of character. -*BANG BANG BANG BANG* 'I'M JACK 'DEADEYE' ORLANDO'. -Decides the best way to sneak around an army base is to dress up as a Major. Not impersonate one, mind you, just dress as one. This somehow works. -This is despite being as conspicuous as possible while walking around the base. -*Forgets his entire inventory in his other coat when he changes into the Major's coat, forcing the player to go through another puzzle just to backtrack into the changing rooms to retrieve his inventory.* -Cannot remember the phone number of the Police Chief, despite the fact it should be something he knows by heart. -The solution to this puzzle is in the same room. It is literally just busy work, and right at the end of the game too. -I don't get the point of this puzzle, also? What did we accomplish with this aside from getting ourselves held at gunpoint? -Reports a break-in at Warehouse 2, for reasons that also escape me. -Talks in circles with the Colonel for 15 years before finally telling him the pertinent information. -Somehow does not get arrested for all the shit he pulled in the course of his investigation, especially noteworthy considering the events at the army base. -Can't get any. Overall, what Beef and Betus said at the end is 100% accurate: it's a zero-sum game, appeals to no one, and has no fun that can be sucked out of it. 5/5 9/10
you can criticize all you want, but this game might just have the dubious honor of highest composer-salary-to-budget ratio for a video game. it's possible that Harold Faltermeyer is the Bruce Willis of middling blockbuster/point-and-click game score composers
I think what amazes me about this game is the sheer number of "dummy" items it has. A lot of old adventure games did that, but I've never seen a game where probably 75% of the items are never used for anything.
TimrodDX like the bucket or the gold bar, I don't remember using any of it, even when jack got his coat back, there was no point, because any item he got at that point was useless, only new items like the keys or pass were used, the last part on the bass didn't even have a puzzle, it was just talking to people for an HR Even the last part giving the proof, the game did it for you, it's like the game ended too soon
I'm trying to imagine a hypothetical 100%/true ending where all of that random shit Jack collected comes into play, but nothing comes to mind, except maybe a hidden side path in that dungeon-library-crypt.
I think Jack Orlando was one of the last Wrongpuraes that Slowbeef and Diabetus did before the channel retired, do you think this game was what helped bring an end to Retsupurae?
@@partlycloudy4664 agreed but I guess Slowbeef & Diabetus have other priorities in their lives they need to do, Slowbeef is married with kids, I'm not sure what Diabetus is doing
It seeems that Jack Orlando did to retsupurae what his "white bourbon" did to his liver. And let's face it, what he probably did to a number of innocent people.
@@uselessmedia858 That too, but really I was meaning the characters rather than the developers. There's a murder and a major conspiracy and these assholes are standing around pontificating about salmon.
I've never finished this Wrongpurae before because I was just THAT confused by this game's plot, pacing, and weird dialogue. I come back and sit through the whole thing and... I'm still confused. This thing makes Ambition look like a masterpiece.
"Is this flirting?!" Haha, Slowbeef you will never get away from bad flirtatious dialogue. It's your Hustle Cat curse. But finally, Jack Orlando got that date....and he's cookin' him fish.
Don't think I've ever seem them as genuinely bored and depressed about a game since that Cobra 3D shooter. No saying that this doesn't deserve the attitude though, this game has been a piece of shit through and through.
It's almost impressive. Every single aspect of Jack Orlando was terrible: the gameplay, the writing, the acting, the pacing, the artwork. Even on an ethical level, it's bad: Jack is about as evil as the villains, yet the story wants us to like him. Some of the music is good, but even that was made bad by being inappropriate for the action and cutting out all the time.
Slowbeef - "I would have expected these people to have been in a fallout vault for a couple of generations." Like living through Cold War-era Poland, perhaps?
I'd actually say Noir was more memorable because at least the stupid disconnected shit happening didn't also have dialogue that felt like it came out of a dream.
Germans aren't very good at video games. From countless shitty point-n-click games of the 90s they moved on to countless shitty simulators. Oh, and also RPGs. Even Poles somehow figured things out with the Witcher games, yet Germans kept dishing out one post-Gothic ARPG travesty after another.
Germany fucking loves adventure games, they've been churning them out while everyone else moved away from the genre for years. Sadly, most of them were absolute shit. Luckily, Daedalic Entertainment came around and they've mostly redeemed the german adventure game scene.
You know I'm actually curious enough to play it in Polish just to see in what way they fucked up the translation or if it's fucked up from the start. Cause the writing and directing staff was all polish so they'd be the ones to blame for the nonsense
I feel like 'You ever see an Apache warrior?' is Jack desperately trying to quote Airplane!/Flying High's 'You ever see a grown man naked?', but just horrendously failing.
You seen an Apache Warrior? You know, an Indian with bow and arrow? That's apparently a pass towards women now. Jack Orlando apparently has a brother now. Thought to be a priest, but apparently is 15 years old to the woman he's talking to instead. What a fascinating conversation that was, indeed...
Are we going to ignore the fact, Even with the paper he gave them, doesn't exactly mean jack didn't kill people, it only meant the mob was getting guns from the army, it would take months to gather evidence, even then it's the mob, doubtful they would admit guilt
Imagine being on the art and animation team for this game, doing all this legitimately beautiful art and sprites and backgrounds, and then all that hard work goes to this dogshit game
One thing I'm guilty of when I watch people's let's plays/reactions is getting frustrated when they miss something obvious, or just straight up don't pay attention. I don't have that problem with this one. This game is vapid, and empty as a black hole. It sucks all your focus with its baffling presentation.
Nick Farmer one of the huge things I have noticed is the devs made it so even after using the item, you still had it, normal adventure games remove it But if anyone in the rp community wants I can make a video seeing how much junk he actually had and didn't use
Yourpetcat meow I want to believe there is a ending were jack keeps getting blamed for murders, getting 24 hrs each time, while picking up trash thinking it will come in handy
![Orlando Five-O [Part 10]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NqBICcR5zsk/mqdefault.jpg)
And so Jack Orlando's legend ends. Not with a bang, but with a [audio cuts out]
The game devs pushed for Jack and Elisabeth, but I think the Colonel's got a thing for Jack. I mean, he REALLY wanted him to come to that Saturday dinner
Lemon Melon Not to mention that her fiance just died a few hours ago.
"Maybe when I'm done eating your fish I'll show you my crankin' handle"
The Colonel will be very disappointed when Jack voices his opinion of the LGBT community.
credits as far as the eye can see
A bad video game as far as the eye can see.
And so, Jack Orlando ended as it started: unceremoniously, nonsensically and only harbouring increasingly intense hatred from me.
The Colonel has the most convincing delivery of any VA in the game. I kinda want to go to his house for fish on Saturday now.
I'm firmly convinced the conversation between Jack and the secretary was written by a learning computer that had only been online for 10 minutes.
Flood520 i was reminded of the twitch channel of the two ai that talk to eachother
Don't be so silly, how is your apache brother? My Chinese sister is 15, and No I don't accept fish. Thanks colonel, my name is max.
The Colonel was so insistent on dinner, and harped on it so many times, I don't think we need to ask or he needs to tell.
His reaction to Jack mentioning Elizabeth was very telling
I'm sure that the credits music is somewhere in Jack Orlando's coat pockets.
Maybe there's a good game in there, too?
I wish there was a sequel to this game only so we could use the 1,000 objects in our coat still left.
I played this game more than a decade ago, but I remember in the final room with the colonel, you can infinitely pick up the ink on his desk, so you can fill your inventory with bottles of ink for no reason.
holy shit that's amazing
That was the most awkward conversation while being held at gunpoint
I've certainly had better ones in my life.
That exchange with Julia about Apaches was some David Lynch shit.
Weirdest dialogue since the Manchurian Candidate
ua-cam.com/video/mlGsDHlKUvo/v-deo.html
Diane, I had a dream about a one-legged man, but I'm pretty sure that it had absolutely no significance. Man, smell that apple core! Smell that rotten banana peel!
Through the darkness of future's past
The detective longs to see
The audio is gone. It is in our house now. The dialogue can not be said aloud now. Remember 0 / 10.
Aww. I was hoping that someone would set the tee for my "FATHER! The racist has awakened!"
Hold the fucking phone. You mean to tell me the guy who did the Top Gun Theme composed the music for this game?!
Mr. Plow Yep. The same god-like man that created Axel-F was involved in this trash fire.
Yeah?
this game has some really good music, you know, when you can hear it
It's got some unironically cool jazzy themes.
The soundtrack is available on Steam for $10. The complete game (a director's cut with better animation) is $5.
Beef and Betus were actually overestimating this game - it LITERALLY has negative value.
I marathoned this entire fucking playthrough in one sitting just now and I feel like I am only half alive, this shit *_DRAINS_* you. Utterly. Entirely.
One of the thing that pisses me off the most is that there's almost no detective work in a freaking DETECTIVE adventure game. It would've been so simple, you know? Like, not once in the entire game Orlando actually investigates about the dead guy? Who he was, who was the last person to see him alive, whereabouts in the night of the crime... He doesn't follow a single clue, he just screws around with random characters, does stupid puzzles for no reason, and accidentally stumbles with the solution.
Why even make him a detective and promote the game as a detective adventure, if you're not gonna do any of that?
While many of the conversations were nonsense and filler, Jack actually DID find clues during his adventure:
-Orlando retraces Bellinger's(Reynolds's murderer) footsteps by stealing Biff's cranking handle to find a box of cigarettes.
-Asks his buddy who runs a store that sold those cigarettes for a description of Bellinger.
-Goes to Night O' Granis to tip a woman to give the name of the suspect and where he's staying.
-Asks the receptionist what room Bellinger was staying, then finds a notebook containing the name of a guy who he was going to meet, where it's held, and what to bring.
-Orlando intercepts their meeting by posing as Bellinger, then as Smith.
-Bellinger gets gunned down by Scalletti's men.
Jack Orlando part 10: Gotta respect the uniform
Jack Orlando part 11: Fuck the flag
I was hoping for a big twist at the end, like Jack knew what he was doing all along, the racism and homophobia was an act, and the garbage would be key evidence. Suddenly everything would fall into place, like Tetris.
I was *hoping*, not expecting. I think we lost this round of Tetris.
As he's walking over the horizon at the end he just suddenly turns around like
"Ah, just one more thing ma'am."
Jesus fucking Christ, this game... You know, I actually played the demo of this game when I was a kid. Now I'm really, REALLY happy i didn't end up buying it.
After that one section where Jack wanders through an underground abbey and that room full of monitors, I was half-expecting that it would turn into some sort of Westworld-esque "none of this is real" mindfuck sort of story. I get the feeling that the game was also half-expecting that, because it seems like the plot just didn't really go anywhere - it just seems to have waited for things to really get going but gave up.
I'll admit that I didn't really keep track of events, but did Jack ever actually do anything more significant than pretty much just hang around?
evilegg288 he stole a plate of sausages
As interesting as your premise would have actually been, that extra bizarre section was apparently "bonus content". According to TV Tropes, for some reason or another, someone decided that there needed to be a Director's Cut version of this game. The section that started at the castle dungeon all the way up to the room full of monitors, was the only thing added to this new version. So, while it fits in by not making any sense and having absolutely nothing to do with the plot, it still somehow manages to come even further out of left field than the rest of the game did.
Huh. Something tells me they didn't really plan that "addition" out very thoroughly.
Y'know what, though? I'm sticking with my headcanon here. Jack Orlando is an android character in Eastearth or whatever, where the Noir section happens to be right next to part of the Medieval section, and he accidentally blundered through a staff exit and had a merry little jaunt through a castle, but his programming prevented him from really acknowledging where he was and he just shrugged it off without realising the greater implications, and forgot about it once he reached his own section again.
it's a better story than what we got, I think.
The music cutting out at the end really fits with everything. Maybe it was intentional....And maybe money will fly out of my crank and handle.
After they walked as far as the eye can see, they took an escalator down into the skybox.
Jack and Julia's conversation was the weirdest shit.
Seriously, I know that this was poorly translated, but they didn't have Google Translate, so there must have been at least ONE human involved, and the actors must have realised they were reading nonsense at some point!
I agree, do you know my brother, Indian Joe? He works for the Chinese sailors. Your mother Priestly Tom told Max about the duster, you must remember? We met at the fish bar in January and exchanged prostitutes. Bye Colonel.
So, I realized something about this. It's not just the translation of the dialogue that makes it so incomprehensible. The delivery is also completely wrong in a lot of places.
Like, the consider exchange at 7:25. The line, "I promise you won't die of lung cancer," is supposed to be threatening innuendo. The colonel won't die of lung cancer because Stewart is going to shoot him. But the delivery doesn't sound threatening or suggestive at all. So it _sounds_ like a non sequitur even though it isn't.
It's extremly interesting how these "amazing" video games never seem anywhere near wrapped up only minutes before the end.
The sound couldn't have cut out at a better time.
The End!
Lacks time-travel to Druid-times. 8/10.
Jack Orlando isn't worst than Detective Halligan confirmed?
People found this review helpful
Crazy Luigi Jack Orlando is the worse game, but Halligan is by far the worse protagonist.
Yeah, that's a fair compromise I can agree with! :)
"What kind of snake oil salesman you gotta be to pitch something like this?"
David Cage.
Peter Molyneux.
Sean Murray
b-but the link between smoking and lung cancer was only discovered in the 50's
SupaPhly This game was way ahead of its time.
Actually, strangely enough the Nazis were the first to discover it in the 30's and 40's.
"I just remembered, I don't have any coffee, or audio!"
This anti-game was quite the journey that took us right where we started. As in nowhere. Thanks for the ride, my boys.
Everytime someone say "as far as the eye can see" I start singing Ultimate Showdown.
"Cool guys, bad guys... and explosions" BANG BANG
_Orlando was walking around, picking up cigarette butts from the ground,_
_When suddenly Hartrup escaped from his cell, threatening to blow us all to hell..._
He pressed the button on his detonator but found that Halligan had already stabbed him in the sphincter (Look I'm bad at this)
Oh yeah, I'm sure that frameup will work perfectly right after the Colonel put out a fucking warrant for the major's arrest. Sure no one will ever put two and two together!
Jack Orlando: The almost-silent adventure of the drunken bigoted detective.
(Or; My inventory is full of junk.)
*THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH JACK ORLANDO, AN INCOMPLETE LIST:*
GENERAL PROBLEMS:
-Terrible art, that at some times is too flat and at others is WAY too detailed.
-Incredibly boring jazz music.
-Awful voice acting.
-Both of which cuts out so often you hear dead silence more than the actual sounds of the game, supposedly a localisation problem.
-God awful, confusing as hell writing, that probably went through several translations and localisations before ending up in English, leading to dialogue that sounds like aliens wrote it.
-Most people in this game are REALLY angry and dismissive of Jack. Granted, it's the appropriate reaction, but it doesn't exactly make the game fun to play through (on top of everything else).
-Most dialogue trees go nowhere, and the characters have no memory of talking.
-Literally useless items, that exist only to clog up the inventory screen and make the adventure game staple of 'rub items on the thing until it works' even worse.
-On that note, Jack's coat would not be out of place in a Tabletop campaign what with how much shit he stores in it.
-The gun and punch commands are needed to be used all of once, maybe twice.
-Using the gun often has Jack smack someone with the gun, not shoot them with it. Why not use punch?
-It has been a very long time since I have seen a game that is this bad with absolutely no sense of buildup or conclusion in the plot.
-What was with that castle area?
PROBLEMS WITH THE PLOT (limited to the antagonists plans because fuck if I can remember anything else):
-Jack being framed for the murder of the initial victim was completely spur of the moment. It would have been easier to just kill him too and make it look like they killed each other. Framing Jack might seem like a good idea, except...
-When Jack is arrested and brought to the Police Chief/Inspector/Whatever, WHO IS IN ON THE ANTAGONIST'S PLOT, instead of just tossing him in jail, he gives Jack two days to clear his name, effectively sabotaging his own plot.
-On that note, letting a suspected murder go free for two days is idiotic as hell anyway.
(possible missing problems go here-I can barely remember most of the earlier parts)
-Bellinger, the initial murderer and the guy who set Jack up at the beginning of the game, is totally incapable of recognising Jack when he meets him in the bar.
-He is also completely willing to follow Jack.
-Scaletti's goons gun down Bellinger to keep him from talking, or something. They completely miss Jack, somehow, and don't even try to make sure they killed him.
-I'm not sure if the police that caught Jack at the site of the second murder were in on the plot, but either way, they let him walk away with absolutely no resistance. Class act.
-Scaletti, when he catches Jack at his casino, opts to lock him up and kill him when he gets back from his meeting with the major instead of, you know, just killing him then and there.
-The three goons who confront Jack at the docks are completely scared shitless when Jack goes ballistic, bolting off to god knows where, instead of running to Scaletti, informing other guards, or anything even remotely smart.
-How can no one at the docks hear Jack shooting?
-The antagonists are completely incapable of seeing Jack riding on the top of the truck, or the rope he used to get there.
-The Police Chief is completely incapable of noticing that Jack is doing multiple awful impressions through the phone.
-The antagonists are completely incapable of holding onto their guns when the military police burst in at the end of the game.
-Somehow Scaletti got captured by the police off camera.
-What was even the plot again?
THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH JACK ORLANDO HIMSELF:
-Racist.
-Sexist.
-Homophobic
-Oblivious idiot.
-Sarcastic jerk, and not in the fun way.
-Way too lucky for his own good.
-Prone to violence with pretty much everybody.
-When examining stuff, he varies between the most boring and the most baffling dialogue in the game.
-Carries a gun around for almost the entire game. Does not carry any fucking bullets for it except for one puzzle.
-Picks up every little bit of literal garbage he sees with no rhyme or reason.
-This includes some cases of actually stealing shit.
-Flirts with most women in the game despite the fact he's like 50-60.
-True to PI drama cliches, he was a famed detective before eventually becoming washed up. The game, however, never really makes clear WHY he became washed up.
-Punches out a guy just because he needed to steal something (I barely remember this, somehow).
-Knocks out Bellinger's contact and just leaves him in the back alley. The end. We never see that contact again.
-Gets Bellinger killed. What was even your plan there, Jack?
-Decides the best method to investigate Scaletti is to raise a huge stink in his Casino. He only gets out of this predicament because Bellinger's fiancee takes pity on him or some shit.
-Too scared to go near a dog. Admittedly it is apparently a vicious dog, but considering he just walked into Scaletti's casino with no problems this feels out of character.
-*BANG BANG BANG BANG* 'I'M JACK 'DEADEYE' ORLANDO'.
-Decides the best way to sneak around an army base is to dress up as a Major. Not impersonate one, mind you, just dress as one. This somehow works.
-This is despite being as conspicuous as possible while walking around the base.
-*Forgets his entire inventory in his other coat when he changes into the Major's coat, forcing the player to go through another puzzle just to backtrack into the changing rooms to retrieve his inventory.*
-Cannot remember the phone number of the Police Chief, despite the fact it should be something he knows by heart.
-The solution to this puzzle is in the same room. It is literally just busy work, and right at the end of the game too.
-I don't get the point of this puzzle, also? What did we accomplish with this aside from getting ourselves held at gunpoint?
-Reports a break-in at Warehouse 2, for reasons that also escape me.
-Talks in circles with the Colonel for 15 years before finally telling him the pertinent information.
-Somehow does not get arrested for all the shit he pulled in the course of his investigation, especially noteworthy considering the events at the army base.
-Can't get any.
Overall, what Beef and Betus said at the end is 100% accurate: it's a zero-sum game, appeals to no one, and has no fun that can be sucked out of it.
5/5
9/10
Apparently it was semi-humorous and satirical, and also made more sense in Polish.
Yeah, I doubt that as well.
flaws, as far as the eye can see
vaguely? We can probably agree he's definitely sexist. or at least an Incel
Make this a review on this game's Steam page.
That would involve buying this putrid game, so I'd recommend against that. Or at least do it while it's on sale.
Everything changes...except this game being _not_ shit.
shit. shit never changes.
you can criticize all you want, but this game might just have the dubious honor of highest composer-salary-to-budget ratio for a video game. it's possible that Harold Faltermeyer is the Bruce Willis of middling blockbuster/point-and-click game score composers
I think what amazes me about this game is the sheer number of "dummy" items it has. A lot of old adventure games did that, but I've never seen a game where probably 75% of the items are never used for anything.
TimrodDX like the bucket or the gold bar, I don't remember using any of it, even when jack got his coat back, there was no point, because any item he got at that point was useless, only new items like the keys or pass were used, the last part on the bass didn't even have a puzzle, it was just talking to people for an HR
Even the last part giving the proof, the game did it for you, it's like the game ended too soon
It's rare to see Diabetus this disgusted with a game.
Oh the flirting hurt, I am in pain
You ever see an Apache warrior?
I learned it from my brother.
Orlando might have to sleep on the couch but I am sure the colonel has a nice warm bed for him.
A bunk bed, that is. In a barrack.
The barrack in his heart.
"Elisabeth? Who is ... Elisabeth?"
*single tear*
I'm gonna have to re-watch all 11 parts again because I have no fucking clue what went on through the entire game!
Private Detective? But then why are you wearing a major's uniform?
*(rims* _[audio cuts out]_
So Jack Orlando was going through this whole charade to get a date.
Good reflection on the end there
Having watched this entire thing now, I have to concur wholeheartedly.
And the game ends with Audio issues
Yourpetcat meow It's just right on a cosmic level.
So, what have we learned?
Whipping out your gun and shooting wildly can solve everyth *BANG BANG BANG BANG*
Everything changes
They've really got to screen their games better.
Books, art, and stuff
We learned that the target audience is so desperate for new point-and-clicks that you can fool all of the people, one of the time.
That's what it reminds me of! I've heard this sort of awkward dialog before from Oblivion NPCs
"And I understood everything."
Well, that makes _one_ of us.
War never changes.
When Jack handed over the documents, I (for some unknown reason) expected it to be the photocopy of Halligan's face.
I'm trying to imagine a hypothetical 100%/true ending where all of that random shit Jack collected comes into play, but nothing comes to mind, except maybe a hidden side path in that dungeon-library-crypt.
2:50 "I could salute, but I'd rather kneel."
I'd salute, but I'm too embarrassed.
Someone voice acted this dialogue. People heard the lines spoken out loud and decided to go ahead with it.
They must have acted it line by line without context
I think Jack Orlando was one of the last Wrongpuraes that Slowbeef and Diabetus did before the channel retired, do you think this game was what helped bring an end to Retsupurae?
I don’t think they should’ve stopped at all !
@@partlycloudy4664 agreed but I guess Slowbeef & Diabetus have other priorities in their lives they need to do, Slowbeef is married with kids, I'm not sure what Diabetus is doing
@@CrazyGamerDragon64 yeah and if it’s best for them to move on I’m so supportive of that. They have plenty of content that is worth binging lol
Aww, he lived...
Death reel imminent?
Art?
Don't know it.
Oh shit, the composer is the guy who did Axel Foley's theme
But what if it turned out that some of the staff on this game went to work on the Witcher series?
I'm not saying I know this, but _WHAT IF_ ?
Apparently they got working conditions of a Gulag over at CD Projekt, so they could even make a man out of Mike Dawson.
It seeems that Jack Orlando did to retsupurae what his "white bourbon" did to his liver.
And let's face it, what he probably did to a number of innocent people.
Well that was abrupt. It feels like that they ran out of money and had to drop the actual last act and had to end it here.
They spent far too much time on the conversation about salmon for dinner. More than they spent on, you know, actually solving the murder.
Or making the game actually...good. lol
@@uselessmedia858 That too, but really I was meaning the characters rather than the developers. There's a murder and a major conspiracy and these assholes are standing around pontificating about salmon.
I've never finished this Wrongpurae before because I was just THAT confused by this game's plot, pacing, and weird dialogue. I come back and sit through the whole thing and...
I'm still confused. This thing makes Ambition look like a masterpiece.
Harold Faltermeyer did the music? The guy who did Axel F for Beverly Hills Cop? What the fuck is he doing on this game?
I wonder how many Polish people who worked on this game moved on to work on the witcher series.
I think it's more likely they went on to work on Afterfall Insanity.
"Is this flirting?!"
Haha, Slowbeef you will never get away from bad flirtatious dialogue. It's your Hustle Cat curse.
But finally, Jack Orlando got that date....and he's cookin' him fish.
Wow, Harold Faltermeyer's career had fallen a long way since scoring Beverly Hills Cop
an abrupt ending to a rather confusing story, but it was fun.
I liked their chuckle when she says "this will explain everything" lol
Don't think I've ever seem them as genuinely bored and depressed about a game since that Cobra 3D shooter.
No saying that this doesn't deserve the attitude though, this game has been a piece of shit through and through.
It's almost impressive. Every single aspect of Jack Orlando was terrible: the gameplay, the writing, the acting, the pacing, the artwork. Even on an ethical level, it's bad: Jack is about as evil as the villains, yet the story wants us to like him. Some of the music is good, but even that was made bad by being inappropriate for the action and cutting out all the time.
To be fair, it still outshines Noir... I mean, we got some laughs out of this one, but Noir was a snoozefest almost from the get-go.
I'm saying this right now. Cobra The Shooting is still better than this piece of dog shit, and that game was beyond awful.
Slowbeef - "I would have expected these people to have been in a fallout vault for a couple of generations."
Like living through Cold War-era Poland, perhaps?
Joseph Campbell's take on Jack:
The zero's journey: The zero with a thousand pockets
I was sure the game would end on it being the rambling of a man in a nursing home talking to confused children.
Still a more memorable game than Clock Tower 2 or Alone in the Darks 2 and 3.
Or Noir.
I'd actually say Noir was more memorable because at least the stupid disconnected shit happening didn't also have dialogue that felt like it came out of a dream.
19:51 "Jack Orlando: the appendix of video games"
"It sucked in a very interesting way." That's me, my life, and my plans for the future.
~8:30
I'm surprised more jazz music wasn't queued up when that happened...
And the Germans and Poles in the retsuaudiance became deeply ashamed
I wasn't very surprised. At least it's more interesting than the typical awkward German simulator with bad physics.
Germans aren't very good at video games. From countless shitty point-n-click games of the 90s they moved on to countless shitty simulators.
Oh, and also RPGs. Even Poles somehow figured things out with the Witcher games, yet Germans kept dishing out one post-Gothic ARPG travesty after another.
I believe that Germans also did The Mystery of The Druids.
Germany fucking loves adventure games, they've been churning them out while everyone else moved away from the genre for years. Sadly, most of them were absolute shit.
Luckily, Daedalic Entertainment came around and they've mostly redeemed the german adventure game scene.
You know I'm actually curious enough to play it in Polish just to see in what way they fucked up the translation or if it's fucked up from the start. Cause the writing and directing staff was all polish so they'd be the ones to blame for the nonsense
I feel like 'You ever see an Apache warrior?' is Jack desperately trying to quote Airplane!/Flying High's 'You ever see a grown man naked?', but just horrendously failing.
i want to see how Jack wraps this up mess up
In a piece of paper he's been carrying around for just that purpose.
Jack never wraps his mess up. It's what inspired ODB.
... Well... that was certainly... an ending. I honestly have no idea what to say.
He was thrown in jail because he actually felt pride in making this game.
Also it it is better if you don't think about it.
*DAMMIT I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!*
Yeah?
We hope you've enjoyed No Moral Theatre.
I figured out what the dialogue reminds me of: dreams. Literal dreams.
You seen an Apache Warrior? You know, an Indian with bow and arrow?
That's apparently a pass towards women now.
Jack Orlando apparently has a brother now.
Thought to be a priest, but apparently is 15 years old to the woman he's talking to instead.
What a fascinating conversation that was, indeed...
I unironically love the character of Jack Orlando.
This was my first video game
I’m sorry
This game is like Jack Orlando's inventory: A collection of worthless junk
Did the sound cut out through out the long play because of emu problems or was the programming that bad?
Are we going to ignore the fact, Even with the paper he gave them, doesn't exactly mean jack didn't kill people, it only meant the mob was getting guns from the army, it would take months to gather evidence, even then it's the mob, doubtful they would admit guilt
18:18
Jaaaack... Jack will tear us apaaaart... Again...
Imagine being on the art and animation team for this game, doing all this legitimately beautiful art and sprites and backgrounds, and then all that hard work goes to this dogshit game
This game's whole dialog reminds me of Hey Good Lookin'. Sentences that make absolutely no sense.
Welp, we're finally ridden of this guy. What does the future of Retsupurae hold now?
One thing I'm guilty of when I watch people's let's plays/reactions is getting frustrated when they miss something obvious, or just straight up don't pay attention. I don't have that problem with this one. This game is vapid, and empty as a black hole. It sucks all your focus with its baffling presentation.
So, I take it they liked the game?
Why did the music during the confrontation with the corrupt cop and military guy sound like techno menu music from a mid-2000s sci-fi racing game?
How the hell did we get here from the start of the game? The "no fucking" ending was pretty great though.
1:26 So she grew older and became Dark World Mike Dawson’s mother?
Wow this game really broke them... and everyone else who's been unfortunate enough to be following along! Not that there's much to follow...
It's mainly due to the dialog (options), if we're being honest here.
I feel as if jack didn't even half of his inventory, I actually would like to go back and make a check list
Jack must of picked up 30 or more things
He definitely passed 22. I checked once. Then I lost count again.
Nick Farmer one of the huge things I have noticed is the devs made it so even after using the item, you still had it, normal adventure games remove it
But if anyone in the rp community wants I can make a video seeing how much junk he actually had and didn't use
I refuse to believe this, Jack is victorious, no I refuse
Yourpetcat meow I want to believe there is a ending were jack keeps getting blamed for murders, getting 24 hrs each time, while picking up trash thinking it will come in handy