And in the spin off series the first 3 lines of dialogue has the fish immediately finding Halligan reprehensible, verbally assaulting him until it too is drowned in apple tinged ethanol, subsequently setting in motion new investigations under Law & Order: Special Fluids Unit.
Given his periodic, weak chiding I feel like he only wants to interject in conversation when he's got a good retort or put-down. He seems slow because he's actually not very witty and struggles to come up with them. He really needs an underhand toss to swing at.
The situation makes for an intriguing phenomena when you stop and think about it. Halligan is out to catch the Skeleton Murderer whereas the fisherman is trying to catch his supper. But when the two men meet, from their union is born an endless dialogue tree and the quests of both men come to a grinding halt until their paths are sundered once more.
12:43 The professor's been lecturing for more than ten minutes, but it's all been bouncing of Halligan, except for the occasional number; he's been thinking "He's in a wheelchair. Why is he in a wheelchair? Should I ask him why he's in a wheelchair?"
Blake: I've been speculating about the writing on an old stone, and I think those Druids are up to some SCARY business. Halligan: YES THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND I BELIEVE YOU ENTIRELY --- Fisherman: There are some big fish here. I'd show you, but I lost the picture I took of them. Halligan: Oh come on now, how stupid do you think I am?
And now, for a Brilliant Moment with Halligan. *Halligan* : "How many fish have you caught?" *Fisherman* : "Not a single one, mon ami." *Halligan* : "That's not a lot." This has been... a Brilliant Moment with Halligan.
Of the 43 minutes, only 9 gave anything resembling game play. In those 9 minutes we: -Kidnapped a cat, which as far as I can tell is only theft. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.) -Stole a fishing rod, which is theft. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.) -Ground salt with evidence, which would be perverting the course of justice. (Imprisoned up to 3 years.) -Destroyed a mausoleum, which is criminal mischief. (Fined up to $50,000, imprisoned up to 10 years.) -Stole the pendant, which is larceny. (Up to 5 years imprisonment) On average, our cop committed .44 crimes, gained 2.78 years of necessary jail time, and should be fined $5,555.56 per minute of gameplay. So you know what? I'm keeping a damn tally here. Last episode we also had: -Theft of chemicals. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.) -Giving the drunk chemicals to drink, which is culpable and reckless conduct. (With a maximum punishment of life in prison!) Meaning that our good detective here has racked up a possible total of: Life in prison + 39 years in prison + $50,000 in fines. Cheers everyone! Let's see what the next episode brings!
I just finished part 2, but don't forget that many of these thefts and crimes were done by a british police officer in foreign soil. This has the makings of a goddamn international incident.
37:28 The fishing rod is still in his inventory. So yeah, he didn't just borrow it for his stupid puzzle, Halligan outright stole it. After the old man told him repeatedly that it is so very dear to him, that fishing is basically all he does in his life now, and that it's very expesive. Probably had to spend good part of his retirement money on it. Compared to Halligan, the Druids don't seem so bad.
You know, this reminds me of something: If Halligan was so broke to the point of drugging a hobo to steal his change for a FUCKING phone call, how in the FUCK did he afford a boat trip to Carmors? Guess the hobo wasn't his only victim...
Two parts into this playthough and Halligan is making several retsupurae protagonists look like absolute saints in comparison. Boy i wonder how far Halligan can go.
"The helmsan _warned_ him that there was no harbor on the right." "You seem to know a lot." "Of course: I was the helmsman. Now you go on with your investigation and leave the fishing to me...is what I'd _like_ to say, but this fishing rod doesn't have a hook."
Blake : "Now Halligan, let me tell you about the MCLAREN F1. ALTHOUGH FOUNDED IN 1989 THE HISTORY OF MCLAREN CARS BEGAN MUCH EARLIER AFTER THE OUTSTANDING RACING CAREER OF THE LATE BRUCE MCLAREN" Halligan : "Next car"
Oh god the conversation with Blake is like being on the phone with an automated phone service that is so long-winded and going on so long that you think he might have already said the option you want but you don't want to start it over by pressing pound in case he's just about to get to it.
Q: Can a fish become a druid? A: While a monkfish does have the discipline to join the druids, the resulting druid magic would affect the salt of their environment, causing them to crumble. Q: How did the dossier open the cemetery gate? A: Halligan showed the gate a picture of one of the murder victims, tricking it into thinking he had a body for burial. Q: How did salt destroy the castle? A: Erosion. Q: Did the writers even try? A: Just a little, before the homemade cider kicked in. Mr Blake getting defensive when he realized Halligan was investigating a murder was pretty neat, right...? Q: Where is Professor Layton during all this? A: Staying out of it. As one of the druid inheritors, his involvement would be a conflict of interests. Q: Why aren't we taking Melanie along with us? A: Erosion. Q: Is Halligan ever going to give that fisherman his rod back? A: Halligan is the only one in this game who owns a fishing rod. Q: Why should we root for Halligan in this story? A: Because you choose what he does. Q: Could we choose to not be terrible? A: No.
He stole an old man's fishing rod and bucket to grab chunks of sea salt and then mashed that salt up in a graveyard. He could have literally just gone to the store and bought some salt, fuck even STOLEN some salt and it would have been easier. And he didn't even return the fucking fishing rod and bucket. I thought for sure he'd be able to fucking return it but NOOOOO. And my lord he fucking kidnapped a cat just to get this fishing rod and bucket for salt. HE KIDNAPPED A CAT FOR SALT. What the fuck is even going on in this game? I love it so much, this has to be my favorite police adventure game yet.
So the captain saw you talk to Pierre like 3 times, catch his cat and toss it at Pierre, steal Pierre's rod and bucket, attach the bucket to the rod and smash it against his ship a couple times, pocket the salt and run the fuck away with the rod, bucket and salt. And then he welcomed you aboard his ship when you came running back like 10 minutes later.
For your convenience - Reasons why Halligan is a terrible character: Part 1/6: -His co-workers hate him. This turns out to be foreshadowing. -He doesn't read about the murders/news. -He lacks wit. (see: conversations where his co-workers insult him) -His office is a mess. -He steals. -He's dumb: He has to dust fingerprints to find ethanol. -He doesn't know what ethanol is. -He poisons a homeless man to get 30 cents to make a phone call (even though his boss has three phones). -He looks dorky (see: run cycle.) An impressive feat, since he wears a cool detective/Tintin trenchcoat. Part 2/6: -He arrives uninvited to a man's house. -He gets bored (see: idle animations) when the man gives him info HE ASKED FOR. -He's rude: He asks the man why he's in a wheelchair. -He steals an elderly, retired captain's valuable (both financially and sentimentally) fishing rod. -He kidnaps a cat and knocks over the captain's bait container into the water to steal salt. -Is fickle: Says he doesn't believe in druids, then quickly believes it after being told about them. -Is a terrible detective: Decides to pursue the druid tip to solve the case, leaving everything else. -He uses a tombstone as a mortar and a murder victim's bone as a pestle. -He wrecks a thousand year old castle monument with the SALT?! -He left the amulet in a place where it would get easily stolen. -When his cabin is broken into and searched (and the only thing stolen was the amulet), he can't put two and two together: He decides it was a petty, random theft. I'm sure this list will grow with episode 3, but there you go.
if you go aroudn the office to ask his cowerkers, it turns out that none of them would let him use their phones, because Halligan has a habit of making prank calls/calling random laces for random shit, adn rackign the police department an *IMMENSE* bill.
So, when the first puzzle in the game involved trying to get 20p by discovering what ethanol is, poisoning a tramp, and making the 60 mile journey from london to oxford several times to use a phone, I still wasn't quite prepared for this.
damnit you're probably right. Although I really hope the woman at scotland yard slowly starts putting more and more appendages akwardly behind her head as she contorts into her true form...
40:20 "A druid stole my amulet?! That's absurd! Anyway, I'm going to go off with Mike Dawson and fire his biomechanical machine gun arm what he got from another dimension whilst together we laugh about how absurd psychics are."
Adventure Game Hero Problem Solving: Dawsonian- Whine impotently about the problem until it largely solves itself. Parkerist- Stoically observe problem, become weirdly animated and do something violent to to solve problem. Hopkinite- Do the most directly inappropriate solution, don't be held accountable for it. Halliganese- Dot he most directly inappropriate solution, be held accountable for it.
Ok this game is desperately trying to be Broken Sword. MOST games of this type try to give you a bit of information at a time and warm the player/protagonist up towards that of the supernatural. This game just dumps it all on you in epically long exposition. In one conversation our character went from being a detective trying to solve a series of murders, into some crazy kook trying to stop a satanic druidic ritual being performed by five super babies with absolutely nothing to separate it. Our Detective even gets a LEAD on the possible murderers and doesn't follow it up in anyway because he has ceased to even pretend to be a competent detective and would rather steal a 800 dollar fishing rod in order to get some table salt.
I can see David Cage was heavily influenced by this game for the plot progression in Indigo Prophecy. Of course, this is far too succinct and cohesive for the Cah-jay's brilliant storyshitting.
To quote The Wizard of Oz: Dorothy: "How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?" Scarecrow: "...I don't know...But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"
"I get the impression this business could get pretty dangerous from now on. I need you to potentially jeopardize someone else's health and well-being by ensuring they know everything we do. You can find Melanie Turner's number in the phone book, but not after stealing some ethanol from a chemistry lab, tricking a bum into drinking it and stealing his money to pay for the call. If you can work a fishing rod and a cat into it somewhere, all the better."
12:32 "And why do you wear your glasses?" "Well several years ago I was attending a wheelchair signing, and two cool men with black sunglasses seemed to materialize and poked me in the eyes, calling me a 'mutton-head' and proclaiming 'nyuk nyuk', before disappearing once more into the shadows from wence they came." Plan B to knock over the fisherman's bait can: Halligan makes meow noises with his mouth as he empties his service weapon at the can. (He keeps missing).
You know what, I'm gonna call it now with no evidence to back it up. He's gonna have to go back in time and beat the professor dude up to put him in a wheel chair as part of some time loop shit.
Lol wait so when the intro went from the baby to Halligan I thought "Is that the baby all grown up" and now Halligan is destroying stone with salt so I guess yeah lol he's an Inheritor that's gonna be the big twist.
So if you want to be a detective at Scotland Yard, do you just send in a coupon off the back of a cereal box or something? Cause I can't figure out how Halligan even got his job unless they just hand out badges to whoever asks for one.
I literally had to go to Dahir Insaat's channel to prove to myself that that guy isn't the voice actor for Dr. Blake. I'm still not entirely convinced that he wasn't at least the voice actor for those fucking Lipozene commercials from ten years ago.
This game is like The Adventures of Tintin, but if instead of being an intelligent boy reporter Tintin was a complete and utter twat incapable of doing anything correctly and everyone around him acted like the Queen herself had spit in their tea and crumpets that morning. If the characters get any stupider in the next episode, I'll be rooting for the Druids to win this time around.
Blake: Mystical Neo Wizard Druids are killing people to bring about the end times. Use a magic stink line amulet to stop them using voodoo. Halligan: I see, makes sense. Fisherman: I caught a huge fish. Halligan: Pfft, what a bunch of bullshit.
God, I forgot how long Blake's fucking exposition dump went on. But if I remember right, the dialogue trees in the game never again get quite as drawn out as they do in this part. Really happy to finally see this being Wrongpuraed, by the way. If you can believe it, the writing actually gets worse. Much, much worse.
At first I thought the first guy had so much dialogue because they hired a FM radio announcer and wanted their moneys worth, but turns out every shitbiscuit in this game has inane shit to ramble about. Surprised he didn't start talking to the cat, spending 10 minutes talking about catnip.
The homeless man, the fisher and the guy in the wheelchair are all the same person and he's a druid! And Halligan might not be a druid but he'll magically be the one person destined to stop them. Oh and the cat is a druid too.
alright so run it back for me he had to meet the captain to steal his cat to then steal a fishing rod so that he could scrape salt off the side of a boat THEN he broke into a cemetery so that he could grind up the salt into table salt so he could blow up a castle
It's not fair that _Blade Runner_ gets blamed so often for the supposed death of adventure games. Sure, the true endings were a bit disgusting and their attempt at extended game play was Ripper-esque (which characters are Replicants are randomized), but it's not like anyone but me managed to get to those endings.
BugPope Adventure games didn't so much die; they committed suicide. Even the later _Gabriel Knight_ games became "chugging the bleach" stupid near the end. I mean--using duct tape on a hole that's on a shed so the tape would rip off fur from a scared cat to slab some tree sap on it to make it into a mustache to disguise ourselves as a character _who doesn't have a mustache?_ Even the "good" ones ran on dream logic from the mind of a skitzo Martian.
I think the problem was more a lack of fresh ideas and good game design. Plenty of classic adventure games had wacky puzzles too, it was part of the fun.
Even as a fan of the Lucas Arts adventure games, I've personally always had a tough time telling apart what's supposed to be good adventure games from bad. I hear about how games like The Longest Journey are supposed to be these rich, cleverly written masterpieces, and then when I play them all I get is bad dialogues, obtuse backtracking and completely nonsense puzzles like the candy puzzle *. I definitely get the feeling that they'd gotten way too out of touch with actual human logic by the turn of the century, though. *At one point, you must get past a guard. To do this, you first push a barrel right in front of him, that appeared to be part of the set. This reveals a puddle of glowing, green ooze. You dip a piece of candy in the ooze, and give it to the guard. Remember, he's been standing literally right in front of you while you did all this, and despite there being absolutely no reason why he shouldn't know you're feeding him poison, he eats the candy and immediately falls asleep. Because that's obviously what you should've expect from someone ingesting industrial waste. And this is a game with a Metacritic rating of 91/100, ladies and gentlemen. One of the gems in the adventure game genre, according to many.
And while a lot of the classic early to mid nineties games like Sam & Max, Monkey Island and Space Quest did have weird, wacky puzzles (put the fish in Max's ear, use rubber chicken on pulley etc), it worked because they were clearly set in weird, wacky cartoon worlds where everything operated on cartoon logic, and the absurdity of the puzzles were usually played for laughs. I think there's a difference between that and puzzles that contradict in-game logic as well (like the candy puzzle, or the aforementioned cat hair mustache one), or where the solution is completely arbitrary.
I love how this game goes from 0 to 100; you go through 3 incredibly lengthy and exposition-filled dialogue trees, and then the events it took to get into that mausoleum
Over several years I've said again and again: games like this are how we get Newgrounds "classics" like Nocturnal Letters, Trapped, and Arrival in Hell. And frankly those games, amateur efforts made by one or two people, have better puzzle logic than this pile of dead fish made by an entire staff with a budget!
oh my god, we are the worst and most ironic cop. we poison a drunk homeless man with alcohol to steal his money, and now we steal a fishermans rod which the guy told us to watch because he was afraid of it being stolen!
I was trying to use this video to lull myself to sleep but now I’m all riled up because I’m so angry about the fisherman plot. He didn’t even return the guy’s stuff I’m so fuckin mad
I like how everyone's first assumption when hearing that the murders match the proposed description of druidic sacrifices in a recent publication is "oh my god, the druids are back!" instead of, you know, some nut read the article and decided to try it for themselves.
Finally a video game that understands what we really want in a game. Who wants archaic concepts like 'gameplay' and 'tension,' when you can have a game that consists entirely of expository dialogue?
I used to be disappointed with the non-existent reaction I got from putting ordinary salt onto a stove pan, but now I know I'm just saving myself from explosions.
I swear, that homeless fisherman in the marina sounds exactly like Temuera Morrison. I wonder if he's supposed to be Jango Fett before he was a bounty hunter. Back when he was trying to find his place in the universe, and was taking a passing interest in fishing. Would explain why he was on Kamino in episode 2, best honey holes and pattern fishing beyond the Rishi Maze.
Salt is really expensive in France, scraping some of a ship and grinding some with a piece of evidence on a headstone is the only way to get some! Also we stole the really fucking expensive fishing rod we where supposed to watch and fled back to england ... great job, Detective! We'll probably flogg it at some point to be able to call more people. "the thief must be on board ... buuut, we are almost at the harbour and it has been a long day ... welp, time to give up" Even the other absurd scene is nothing against the sheer incompetence of our protagonist and his descision making. Compared to him Hopkins looked like a professional! Now i get why Halligan never gets paid!
Hey, are you sailing for Portsmouth? Cool. Let me just get on with the expensive fishing rod and bucket that you just saw me steal from your friend on the harbor. Oh no, I'd better hide the amulet in my room, even though nobody can see me carrying a massive fishing rod..
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give Halligan a fish, you'll start a dialogue tree that lasts a lifetime.
And he'll find a way to cause death and destruction using that fish.
And in the spin off series the first 3 lines of dialogue has the fish immediately finding Halligan reprehensible, verbally assaulting him until it too is drowned in apple tinged ethanol, subsequently setting in motion new investigations under Law & Order: Special Fluids Unit.
I don't think Halligan's actually stupid, he just grasps onto the stupid questions to keep the conversation going because he's lonely
Well, he IS a compulsive runner.
Given his periodic, weak chiding I feel like he only wants to interject in conversation when he's got a good retort or put-down. He seems slow because he's actually not very witty and struggles to come up with them. He really needs an underhand toss to swing at.
+James Koch
"no, im afraid you're the loser"
i can relate
Lemon Melon And he drives everyone away with the stupid questions... it's a vicious cycle.
"What are you planning to catch" " *Sound of pure frustration* FISH!" I swear, those moments where Diabetus just loses all composure are the best!
The situation makes for an intriguing phenomena when you stop and think about it.
Halligan is out to catch the Skeleton Murderer whereas the fisherman is trying to catch his supper. But when the two men meet, from their union is born an endless dialogue tree and the quests of both men come to a grinding halt until their paths are sundered once more.
Aromus Baspet Well, in the fisherman's case his quest never started again since Halligan stole his fishing rod.
Halligan's like "That's weird, I only catch salt from the side of boats."
"This will explain everything!"
*Castle Explodes*
We've been waiting over an hour for this shit?!
"Why did you steal the amulet?"
"Because I'm a druid!"
"Throws the salt at him."
(BOOM)
so ... he kills a homeless man and a castle? I have a feeling this guy now writes for Michael Bay!
Would've been better if there's some weird wet splat noise like that scene in Darkseed II to go with it.
Doctor Blake eventually gave up on lecturing about Druids and found work doing the voice overs for Dahir Insaat videos.
Sadly, he was struck down by a druidic fireball before he could provide a voiceover for the Quadcopter demo.
i came here to say this, it's an uncanny resemblance
He still hasn't heard back from Putin about his housing crisis solution.
12:43
The professor's been lecturing for more than ten minutes, but it's all been bouncing of Halligan, except for the occasional number; he's been thinking "He's in a wheelchair. Why is he in a wheelchair? Should I ask him why he's in a wheelchair?"
Blake: I've been speculating about the writing on an old stone, and I think those Druids are up to some SCARY business.
Halligan: YES THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND I BELIEVE YOU ENTIRELY
---
Fisherman: There are some big fish here. I'd show you, but I lost the picture I took of them.
Halligan: Oh come on now, how stupid do you think I am?
Was it a magic fish? That would make much more sense.
And now, for a Brilliant Moment with Halligan.
*Halligan* : "How many fish have you caught?"
*Fisherman* : "Not a single one, mon ami."
*Halligan* : "That's not a lot."
This has been... a Brilliant Moment with Halligan.
Lmao
Of the 43 minutes, only 9 gave anything resembling game play. In those 9 minutes we:
-Kidnapped a cat, which as far as I can tell is only theft. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.)
-Stole a fishing rod, which is theft. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.)
-Ground salt with evidence, which would be perverting the course of justice. (Imprisoned up to 3 years.)
-Destroyed a mausoleum, which is criminal mischief. (Fined up to $50,000, imprisoned up to 10 years.)
-Stole the pendant, which is larceny. (Up to 5 years imprisonment)
On average, our cop committed .44 crimes, gained 2.78 years of necessary jail time, and should be fined $5,555.56 per minute of gameplay. So you know what? I'm keeping a damn tally here. Last episode we also had:
-Theft of chemicals. (Imprisoned up to 7 years.)
-Giving the drunk chemicals to drink, which is culpable and reckless conduct. (With a maximum punishment of life in prison!)
Meaning that our good detective here has racked up a possible total of: Life in prison + 39 years in prison + $50,000 in fines.
Cheers everyone! Let's see what the next episode brings!
DARKLY REVIEWS Sir, sir, please. We're trying to save the world here.
I just finished part 2, but don't forget that many of these thefts and crimes were done by a british police officer in foreign soil. This has the makings of a goddamn international incident.
37:28 The fishing rod is still in his inventory. So yeah, he didn't just borrow it for his stupid puzzle, Halligan outright stole it. After the old man told him repeatedly that it is so very dear to him, that fishing is basically all he does in his life now, and that it's very expesive. Probably had to spend good part of his retirement money on it.
Compared to Halligan, the Druids don't seem so bad.
You know, this reminds me of something: If Halligan was so broke to the point of drugging a hobo to steal his change for a FUCKING phone call, how in the FUCK did he afford a boat trip to Carmors?
Guess the hobo wasn't his only victim...
Two parts into this playthough and Halligan is making several retsupurae protagonists look like absolute saints in comparison.
Boy i wonder how far Halligan can go.
Next up Halligan lifts a library card off of the old mans corpse after he commits suicide over the loss of one of the few things that makes him happy.
sock2828 The problem I have is that I'm not entirely sure you're joking.
By the by in US Dollars that Fishing rod was worth 800 dollars! Seriously what a jerk!
"The helmsan _warned_ him that there was no harbor on the right."
"You seem to know a lot."
"Of course: I was the helmsman. Now you go on with your investigation and leave the fishing to me...is what I'd _like_ to say, but this fishing rod doesn't have a hook."
Blake : "Now Halligan, let me tell you about the MCLAREN F1. ALTHOUGH FOUNDED IN 1989 THE HISTORY OF MCLAREN CARS BEGAN MUCH EARLIER AFTER THE OUTSTANDING RACING CAREER OF THE LATE BRUCE MCLAREN"
Halligan : "Next car"
Oh god the conversation with Blake is like being on the phone with an automated phone service that is so long-winded and going on so long that you think he might have already said the option you want but you don't want to start it over by pressing pound in case he's just about to get to it.
Q: Can a fish become a druid?
A: While a monkfish does have the discipline to join the druids, the resulting druid magic would affect the salt of their environment, causing them to crumble.
Q: How did the dossier open the cemetery gate?
A: Halligan showed the gate a picture of one of the murder victims, tricking it into thinking he had a body for burial.
Q: How did salt destroy the castle?
A: Erosion.
Q: Did the writers even try?
A: Just a little, before the homemade cider kicked in. Mr Blake getting defensive when he realized Halligan was investigating a murder was pretty neat, right...?
Q: Where is Professor Layton during all this?
A: Staying out of it. As one of the druid inheritors, his involvement would be a conflict of interests.
Q: Why aren't we taking Melanie along with us?
A: Erosion.
Q: Is Halligan ever going to give that fisherman his rod back?
A: Halligan is the only one in this game who owns a fishing rod.
Q: Why should we root for Halligan in this story?
A: Because you choose what he does.
Q: Could we choose to not be terrible?
A: No.
Is the gate the living one with teeth from "Swing, you sinners?"
But what do you think the first fish was?
He stole an old man's fishing rod and bucket to grab chunks of sea salt and then mashed that salt up in a graveyard. He could have literally just gone to the store and bought some salt, fuck even STOLEN some salt and it would have been easier. And he didn't even return the fucking fishing rod and bucket. I thought for sure he'd be able to fucking return it but NOOOOO.
And my lord he fucking kidnapped a cat just to get this fishing rod and bucket for salt. HE KIDNAPPED A CAT FOR SALT.
What the fuck is even going on in this game? I love it so much, this has to be my favorite police adventure game yet.
And he used the bone of a murder victim to grind the salt, because apparently it wasn't morally reprehensible enough already.
At least it was wrapped up, just the way it should be.
George Moose Why'd he even need the fishing rod? Just grab the bucket and jump in the water.
He needed an excuse to rob an old man who has been nothing but helpful.
So the captain saw you talk to Pierre like 3 times, catch his cat and toss it at Pierre, steal Pierre's rod and bucket, attach the bucket to the rod and smash it against his ship a couple times, pocket the salt and run the fuck away with the rod, bucket and salt.
And then he welcomed you aboard his ship when you came running back like 10 minutes later.
Hey, its probably the best laugh hes had in years
Probably just stoked you got the amulet for him. He knew all that salt lore, and who the fuck else was on the ship!?
Well they did say he lost his last job to the bottle so
Nothing better than catching some hexadecapuses in the marina with my Telescope Ultralight 47.
Blake sounds so familiar, but his actor's IMDB page has almost nothing on it. Maybe he did TV commercials or something.
He sounds like the Dahit insaat guy
Halligan's really done it this time, a salt is a crime.
CYBURGeris : D
Damehasclass doesn't talk too much but her deadpan sends me fucking reeling almost every time. Perfect person to be a guest for this game.
Halligan keeps announcing "I'm back" to the people he speaks with, as if he's expecting some kind of fanfare..
Blake's dialogue sounds directly stolen from one of those science museum displays that lights up and lectures you when you press the button.
Never mind, listening to Slowbeef lose his mind over all the long dialog sections is way better than the cackling from Jack Orlando
I know right? Just realized that over a third of the video (16 minutes) is just talking to Blake.
This is a bizarre new level of police corruption, incompetence, and brutality that I have never seen before.
Blake spent like 15 minutes Tom Brokaw'ing all over Halligan.
For your convenience - Reasons why Halligan is a terrible character:
Part 1/6:
-His co-workers hate him. This turns out to be foreshadowing.
-He doesn't read about the murders/news.
-He lacks wit. (see: conversations where his co-workers insult him)
-His office is a mess.
-He steals.
-He's dumb: He has to dust fingerprints to find ethanol.
-He doesn't know what ethanol is.
-He poisons a homeless man to get 30 cents to make a phone call (even though his boss has three phones).
-He looks dorky (see: run cycle.) An impressive feat, since he wears a cool detective/Tintin trenchcoat.
Part 2/6:
-He arrives uninvited to a man's house.
-He gets bored (see: idle animations) when the man gives him info HE ASKED FOR.
-He's rude: He asks the man why he's in a wheelchair.
-He steals an elderly, retired captain's valuable (both financially and sentimentally) fishing rod.
-He kidnaps a cat and knocks over the captain's bait container into the water to steal salt.
-Is fickle: Says he doesn't believe in druids, then quickly believes it after being told about them.
-Is a terrible detective: Decides to pursue the druid tip to solve the case, leaving everything else.
-He uses a tombstone as a mortar and a murder victim's bone as a pestle.
-He wrecks a thousand year old castle monument with the SALT?!
-He left the amulet in a place where it would get easily stolen.
-When his cabin is broken into and searched (and the only thing stolen was the amulet), he can't put two and two together: He decides it was a petty, random theft.
I'm sure this list will grow with episode 3, but there you go.
To be fair he could just be playing Devil's Advocate with the Druids until the salt trick works but even that is a stretch
Dommo Thornio
In all fairness, anyone playing devil's advocate deserve what's coming to them.
if you go aroudn the office to ask his cowerkers, it turns out that none of them would let him use their phones, because Halligan has a habit of making prank calls/calling random laces for random shit, adn rackign the police department an *IMMENSE* bill.
So, when the first puzzle in the game involved trying to get 20p by discovering what ethanol is, poisoning a tramp, and making the 60 mile journey from london to oxford several times to use a phone, I still wasn't quite prepared for this.
Calling it now. The other detective who got pulled off this case is a neo-druid
damnit you're probably right. Although I really hope the woman at scotland yard slowly starts putting more and more appendages akwardly behind her head as she contorts into her true form...
the original version of mystery of the druids has lowry floating above his office chair so yeah he totally was a druid
@@redvelvetunderground Some say images of Lowry in the chair (instead of floating above it) are either fake or some sort of copy-protection...
the modern gog version has him floating above his chair like vivec, so this checks out.
40:20 "A druid stole my amulet?! That's absurd! Anyway, I'm going to go off with Mike Dawson and fire his biomechanical machine gun arm what he got from another dimension whilst together we laugh about how absurd psychics are."
"slowbeef i'm trying to learn about druids shut up" unexpectedly same
16:22
"Now we're gonna start playing Diablo."
Appropriate, as the tagline to this game might as well be "Stay a while and listen!"
Adventure Game Hero Problem Solving:
Dawsonian- Whine impotently about the problem until it largely solves itself.
Parkerist- Stoically observe problem, become weirdly animated and do something violent to to solve problem.
Hopkinite- Do the most directly inappropriate solution, don't be held accountable for it.
Halliganese- Dot he most directly inappropriate solution, be held accountable for it.
Ok this game is desperately trying to be Broken Sword. MOST games of this type try to give you a bit of information at a time and warm the player/protagonist up towards that of the supernatural. This game just dumps it all on you in epically long exposition. In one conversation our character went from being a detective trying to solve a series of murders, into some crazy kook trying to stop a satanic druidic ritual being performed by five super babies with absolutely nothing to separate it. Our Detective even gets a LEAD on the possible murderers and doesn't follow it up in anyway because he has ceased to even pretend to be a competent detective and would rather steal a 800 dollar fishing rod in order to get some table salt.
I can see David Cage was heavily influenced by this game for the plot progression in Indigo Prophecy. Of course, this is far too succinct and cohesive for the Cah-jay's brilliant storyshitting.
It's no Dracula Unleashed, anyway. That took so long to build up toward the supernatural that it ran out of time to put in any build-up.
So what you're trying to say is that Germans were making bad point-n-click games? Is that what you're saying?
I find that hard to believe.
A conversation between Detective Halligan and Mike Dawson would be both legendary and painstakingly never-ending.
To quote The Wizard of Oz:
Dorothy: "How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?"
Scarecrow: "...I don't know...But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"
ive been working on a jrpg and i will now include a high-level enemy called a Neo-Druid. thank you for this
"I get the impression this business could get pretty dangerous from now on. I need you to potentially jeopardize someone else's health and well-being by ensuring they know everything we do. You can find Melanie Turner's number in the phone book, but not after stealing some ethanol from a chemistry lab, tricking a bum into drinking it and stealing his money to pay for the call. If you can work a fishing rod and a cat into it somewhere, all the better."
12:32 "And why do you wear your glasses?"
"Well several years ago I was attending a wheelchair signing, and two cool men with black sunglasses seemed to materialize and poked me in the eyes, calling me a 'mutton-head' and proclaiming 'nyuk nyuk', before disappearing once more into the shadows from wence they came."
Plan B to knock over the fisherman's bait can: Halligan makes meow noises with his mouth as he empties his service weapon at the can. (He keeps missing).
This is Britain, Halligan dorsn't have a service weapon. No loicense.
You know what, I'm gonna call it now with no evidence to back it up. He's gonna have to go back in time and beat the professor dude up to put him in a wheel chair as part of some time loop shit.
Lol wait so when the intro went from the baby to Halligan I thought "Is that the baby all grown up" and now Halligan is destroying stone with salt so I guess yeah lol he's an Inheritor that's gonna be the big twist.
That can't be it. It makes too much sense.
I'm calling it now, Druid expert is really leading the Druid cult, and the amulet he says will stop the ritual is really needed to complete it.
Man finds out a weird trick that instantly destroys any castle, medieval architects hate him.
So if you want to be a detective at Scotland Yard, do you just send in a coupon off the back of a cereal box or something? Cause I can't figure out how Halligan even got his job unless they just hand out badges to whoever asks for one.
I literally had to go to Dahir Insaat's channel to prove to myself that that guy isn't the voice actor for Dr. Blake. I'm still not entirely convinced that he wasn't at least the voice actor for those fucking Lipozene commercials from ten years ago.
From the original video description: "Hope you guys like long dialogue trees! (It never again gets as bad as it does in this episode, I swear.)"
'I haven't told you the WHOLE story...'
Gunshot
So this detective not only poisons a homeless man but steals someone's fishing rod and knocking his bait in the water.
spyro76 And desecrates graveyards.
Also kidnaps cats and throws them at people. Put animal abuse on the list.
Guess this game should have been called "The Mystery of 'Why this Guy is still a Detective and was not Arrested yet?'".
The only reason he hasn't been arrested is because every other cop in this game is just as incompetent and immoral as him.
Also add destruction of property to the list.
i wanna live like slowbeef did back then: putting a 100% adventure game playthrough on, and getting mad at how much extra dialogue there is
It's always sad when an impressionable young police detective gets swept up in a fringe academic's crackpot conspiracy theories.
Jordan Etherington A smooth, soothing radio voice has swayed many a man, my friend.
3/4ths of an hour.
99% Dialogue
1% Gameplay
Do not forget Ethanol and old apple juice.
AceAttorny But hey, it's all worth it with these brilliant and highly logical puzzles.
Sounds like every JRPG in existence.
Dunno, you got stuff like SMT Nocturne that barely even has a story or Metal Saga where the game tells you to go out and fuck around.
A movie has more gameplay.
3:25 that dialogue would be perfect with Edwyn Tiong's voiceover.
This game is like The Adventures of Tintin, but if instead of being an intelligent boy reporter Tintin was a complete and utter twat incapable of doing anything correctly and everyone around him acted like the Queen herself had spit in their tea and crumpets that morning.
If the characters get any stupider in the next episode, I'll be rooting for the Druids to win this time around.
35:35 Of all the things I expected the salt to be used for, THAT was not one of them.
What about that case file from earlier, though?!?
The professor always sounds like he's the narration of a new employee orientation video.
Alright! I've been looking forward to this all weekend.
Blake: Mystical Neo Wizard Druids are killing people to bring about the end times. Use a magic stink line amulet to stop them using voodoo.
Halligan: I see, makes sense.
Fisherman: I caught a huge fish.
Halligan: Pfft, what a bunch of bullshit.
“I don’t believe it”
“You shouldn’t”
😂😂😂
*throws salt at castle*
*obtains macguffin*
This whole thing is a "treasure".
you know a game is bad when RP puts time stamps in the description.
octopuses with twice the number of tentacles would be Decahexapuses
God, I forgot how long Blake's fucking exposition dump went on. But if I remember right, the dialogue trees in the game never again get quite as drawn out as they do in this part.
Really happy to finally see this being Wrongpuraed, by the way. If you can believe it, the writing actually gets worse. Much, much worse.
I honestly thought that when Halligan opened Blake's door I thought Blake was on a toilet.
At first I thought the first guy had so much dialogue because they hired a FM radio announcer and wanted their moneys worth, but turns out every shitbiscuit in this game has inane shit to ramble about. Surprised he didn't start talking to the cat, spending 10 minutes talking about catnip.
Bet you anything the old dude in the wheelchair or Halligan himself is one of the druids. That's the big "twist" of the game.
Tollie Emmett Nah, it's gotta be the homeless man he killed and the guy whose fishing rod he stole.
The homeless man, the fisher and the guy in the wheelchair are all the same person and he's a druid!
And Halligan might not be a druid but he'll magically be the one person destined to stop them.
Oh and the cat is a druid too.
+Tollie Emmett
Uh, you're gonna have to narrow that one down a bit more for me.
I love these speculations. None of you could have guessed
Yeah, it's pretty beautiful that we all expected this game to even attempt to have a clever twist, and instead we got... well...
alright so run it back for me he had to meet the captain to steal his cat to then steal a fishing rod so that he could scrape salt off the side of a boat THEN he broke into a cemetery so that he could grind up the salt into table salt so he could blow up a castle
Please note he could ONLY grind the salt on a headstone with the bone of a murder victim.
Salt breaks off magic energy or something in a lot of myths and literature. I think they are implying the mausoleum is held together by magic.
I'm really starting to understand why the adventure game genre was widely declared dead by 2001, when this was released.
It's not fair that _Blade Runner_ gets blamed so often for the supposed death of adventure games. Sure, the true endings were a bit disgusting and their attempt at extended game play was Ripper-esque (which characters are Replicants are randomized), but it's not like anyone but me managed to get to those endings.
BugPope
Adventure games didn't so much die; they committed suicide. Even the later _Gabriel Knight_ games became "chugging the bleach" stupid near the end. I mean--using duct tape on a hole that's on a shed so the tape would rip off fur from a scared cat to slab some tree sap on it to make it into a mustache to disguise ourselves as a character _who doesn't have a mustache?_
Even the "good" ones ran on dream logic from the mind of a skitzo Martian.
I think the problem was more a lack of fresh ideas and good game design. Plenty of classic adventure games had wacky puzzles too, it was part of the fun.
Even as a fan of the Lucas Arts adventure games, I've personally always had a tough time telling apart what's supposed to be good adventure games from bad. I hear about how games like The Longest Journey are supposed to be these rich, cleverly written masterpieces, and then when I play them all I get is bad dialogues, obtuse backtracking and completely nonsense puzzles like the candy puzzle *.
I definitely get the feeling that they'd gotten way too out of touch with actual human logic by the turn of the century, though.
*At one point, you must get past a guard. To do this, you first push a barrel right in front of him, that appeared to be part of the set. This reveals a puddle of glowing, green ooze. You dip a piece of candy in the ooze, and give it to the guard. Remember, he's been standing literally right in front of you while you did all this, and despite there being absolutely no reason why he shouldn't know you're feeding him poison, he eats the candy and immediately falls asleep. Because that's obviously what you should've expect from someone ingesting industrial waste.
And this is a game with a Metacritic rating of 91/100, ladies and gentlemen. One of the gems in the adventure game genre, according to many.
And while a lot of the classic early to mid nineties games like Sam & Max, Monkey Island and Space Quest did have weird, wacky puzzles (put the fish in Max's ear, use rubber chicken on pulley etc), it worked because they were clearly set in weird, wacky cartoon worlds where everything operated on cartoon logic, and the absurdity of the puzzles were usually played for laughs. I think there's a difference between that and puzzles that contradict in-game logic as well (like the candy puzzle, or the aforementioned cat hair mustache one), or where the solution is completely arbitrary.
Man I miss these
The puzzles in this game are making the infamous "cat hair mustache" puzzle seem downright logical.
Is it just me, or does this professor guy sound like a game show host?
Mr. Blake sounds like a text to speech voice
I love how this game goes from 0 to 100; you go through 3 incredibly lengthy and exposition-filled dialogue trees, and then
the events it took to get into that mausoleum
Really wish mr. blake would stop milking that invisible cow during conversations
This is one of the better Retsu's in quite some time. I'm loving just how ridiculous this game is!
Over several years I've said again and again: games like this are how we get Newgrounds "classics" like Nocturnal Letters, Trapped, and Arrival in Hell. And frankly those games, amateur efforts made by one or two people, have better puzzle logic than this pile of dead fish made by an entire staff with a budget!
"pile of dead fish"
Sounds interesting! Tell me more about dead fish!
16:02 - Halligan, Hopkins you are not.
Well, Halligan didn't kill the female archeologist, yet...
"Excuse me, do you have the time?"
"Yes, but first let me give you a 3-hour lecture on the history of The Druids"
oh my god, we are the worst and most ironic cop. we poison a drunk homeless man with alcohol to steal his money, and now we steal a fishermans rod which the guy told us to watch because he was afraid of it being stolen!
I was trying to use this video to lull myself to sleep but now I’m all riled up because I’m so angry about the fisherman plot. He didn’t even return the guy’s stuff I’m so fuckin mad
I'm sorry.
The old man says he's literally fishing for his dinner but our "hero" couldn't give two fucks
I'm getting flashbacks to Shadow of the Comet
I like how everyone's first assumption when hearing that the murders match the proposed description of druidic sacrifices in a recent publication is "oh my god, the druids are back!" instead of, you know, some nut read the article and decided to try it for themselves.
Loving your laugh at 33:04 Slowbeef, that's the laughter of someone trying to hold their mind together.
Finally a video game that understands what we really want in a game. Who wants archaic concepts like 'gameplay' and 'tension,' when you can have a game that consists entirely of expository dialogue?
Just gonna say, I love how often the VA and subtitles diverge. You'd think that would be an easy thing to get right, but apparently not.
Guest starring that guy from The Story Of London.
aw man, the professor does a great 'milking the giant cow'
There's a surprising amount of anthropological, historical and ichthyological lectures in this game.
"It seemed to have worked."
I'm not sure if that was really the effect you thought the salt would have on it.
I miss this video channel, I wish they come back
They doing some collabs on slowbeefs channel but it's definitely not the same.
Does the professor moonlight as the voice for Dahir Insaat's voiceovers? Or maybe phone menus?
Mousieur le Capitaine, your french accent is impeccable.
^underrated joke of the episode
Isn't it sad that this game still has a better dialogue system than Fallout 4?
I used to be disappointed with the non-existent reaction I got from putting ordinary salt onto a stove pan, but now I know I'm just saving myself from explosions.
I love how Blake wasn't even trying with the accent outside of, like, "Frawnce" (and then his head seems to morph as he moves it)
Hear me out... maybe he's an American who happens to have a residence in Britain?
I swear, that homeless fisherman in the marina sounds exactly like Temuera Morrison. I wonder if he's supposed to be Jango Fett before he was a bounty hunter. Back when he was trying to find his place in the universe, and was taking a passing interest in fishing. Would explain why he was on Kamino in episode 2, best honey holes and pattern fishing beyond the Rishi Maze.
Salt is really expensive in France, scraping some of a ship and grinding some with a piece of evidence on a headstone is the only way to get some!
Also we stole the really fucking expensive fishing rod we where supposed to watch and fled back to england ... great job, Detective! We'll probably flogg it at some point to be able to call more people.
"the thief must be on board ... buuut, we are almost at the harbour and it has been a long day ... welp, time to give up"
Even the other absurd scene is nothing against the sheer incompetence of our protagonist and his descision making. Compared to him Hopkins looked like a professional! Now i get why Halligan never gets paid!
"What role do bones play in my life, professor?" - Halligan
Inheritor-druids, did you kill Rita?
Is it me or does Mr. Blake sound like the Dahir Insaat guy?
Are they looking for fluid druids or regular druids?
Semi-Liquid druids; they're able to melt partially.
They're looking for non newtonian druids.
Solid Druid and his brother Liquid Druid.
Metal Druid Solid 3: Salt Eater.
Do Fluid Druids have bones?
The slow descent into madness as retsupurae has to listen to mr blake 👌
Hey, are you sailing for Portsmouth? Cool. Let me just get on with the expensive fishing rod and bucket that you just saw me steal from your friend on the harbor. Oh no, I'd better hide the amulet in my room, even though nobody can see me carrying a massive fishing rod..