Yes, I feel like she deserved more - everyone deserves to be the most important in their partner's life - and though I have so much sympathy for his loss, he did not do right by her... a sad, unfair situation ultimately :(
The 1st story - why, WHY would he have gotten married again when he wasn’t fully OVER his late wife… why didn’t HE go to therapy… with her or w/o her to deal with these feelings..
Truly, the fact that he told her "yeah you're my pregnant wife of 10 years but you're not her" That's so disgusting to say to someone because she's alive and she's there for him and I can t imagine how hurtful that must be for her. So selfish, he literally had 5 years to fix that before meeting her and he did nothing.
This is so true, he transferred some of his trauma to another living, breathing human being full of love and can't see how this only perpetuates his suffering. In a way, he could end up making their child feel that same level of rejection because he yearns for a family he can never have in this lifetime.
Like I’m sure she was wonderful but his grief has definitely built her up in his mind since she’s been gone. No one will live up to the perfect image he’s crafted of her…
As a Black woman the story about the white dad perming his daughter’s natural hair literally brought me to tears. My partner is white, no kids between us yet, but if that happened to our hypothetical kids I might cut his hands off. I grew up in a predominantly white community in Kansas and was always teased and belittled for my hair, to the point i kept it straight until i was out of high school. I’ve had natural hair now for 8 years and to imagine getting it relaxed and all of that work being erased in a matter of hours would be so defeating. For many of us who have had this kind of experience, reclamation of our natural hair is a fundamental part of our being and a celebration of our Blackness, and means more than words can express. I am so glad the husband realized his internalized racism and better yet, is holding his mother accountable. Action and accountability is what true allyship is.
Even I, as an obviously white woman, hearing this story broke my heart. I grew up in a "cultural" neighborhood as well as having 2 black sisters. I've seen their struggles. I've seen the dirty looks we get when we're out together as a family. It hurts me to my core, and even the way I feel about it, I know it's not even an ounce of what POC feel, especially WOC.
The first story is so sad. OP put in so much effort to make the relationship work. She dealt with her own issues so maturely and had so much grace and love towards the situation. Meanwhile the husband had some serious issues to deal with and never faced them until the pregnancy. The only happy ending I see is a good co-parenting relationship and perhaps a friendship. I hope she finds someone else who puts in the effort for her.
Heartbreaking story. The second wife is a dream come true. She even went to Elle's grave to apologize and ask her to watch over hubby while he's in therapy?? If I died and my partner acted this way toward such a loving woman, I'd haunt his ass and tell him to appreciate her!!
As someone who is married with another person who lost a spouse, I feel so bad for her. My wife always told me that her first partner was the love of her life and she never stopped loving her, but she also tells me that I'm also the love of her life. OP's husband is a deadbeat and I feel bad for OP and hope Elle comes and hunts him until he gets his mind in place
It’s also so incredibly hurtful that he said “you’re not her.” It’s been ten years-not that someone should ever “get over” a loss like that but if you’re moving forward for years with someone, you owe it to them to not compare and treat them like this. He should’ve come to better terms with the situation before starting a family with OP.
My dad proposed to my mom with a bread tie, on the couch watching a cowboy game. They have been married for 30 years and she proudly tells that story. My husband proposed to me after a 12 hour shift, while I was in my scrubs in our room. The proposal will be perfect with the perfect person, it doesn’t matter where or when. The person makes the proposal, not the proposal itself.
THANK YOU! OMG, they were being so shallow with their "dumb", "you need a ring", "don't propose if you don't have a ring". That was actually painful to watch.
I felt so triggered by the husband who permed his daughters hair. I am a black woman who’s married to a white man. We don’t have kids yet but we have definitely had conversations about these kinds of things. The language the father is using is SO damaging. “Nappy”, “she looks so cute now”. Like what??? So your daughter wasn’t cute before. As someone who is finally embracing their natural hair at 25, I definitely feel like she will internalize these messages and probably won’t believe she or her hair are beautiful. Black hair history runs deep and it sounds like he needs a lesson on it.
I am not black but even I was baffled. I mean, when you are in an interracial relationship (is that the term? If its offensive please let me know, english isnt my first language) wouldnt you inform yourself about stuff like this? I mean, I would inform myself on how to deal with black hair, wich hairstyles you can do or learn to do braids and stuff like that. Plus, the culture my partner has. I obviously would learn about that A: because its a part of who my partner would be and probably important to them and B: Because I would love to teach my daughter or son too. The fact that he didnt find his kid pretty before he permed her hair is heartbreaking to me. it shouldnt even matter if her hair is natural, permed, a total mess or she doesnt have hair at all. That's your kid and you should love her no matter what. And find her pretty no matter what. I hope she doesnt grow up with this cause my mom often told me I am not that pretty aswell (not because of my hair but I got chubby growing up) and it affects me to this day. I wouldnt want anyone going trough this. Plus, its not even something she can change if she wanted to. You have the hairtexture you where born with.
I have three biracial children and I love their textured hair. I would never want to perm it a) because I want them to embrace their natural beauty and b) it's so damaging. Like what?! Throw the whole man away. I'm so sorry that people are still so ignorant! 😔
Yes! I imagine in his family it was so deeply rooted in their day to day culture of racism that he didn't even realise that when his mother said those things that they were so damaging and therefore when he has done the same to his black daughter it unfortunately has possibly created deep rooted trauma and it is very sad to see. But I am glad the mother could correct and educate him, however this should have been step 1 before damaging his daughters hair and self esteem as a black girl, but I hope that the daughter can reclaim her love for her culture and her beautiful black hair
My blood was just boiling at the MIL told the mother to straighten her hair on her wedding day. It sounds like the MIL is racist too, being ashamed to have a black daughter-in-law by having some control over her on her special day. Especially on the fact that OP's edit notes that his mother was a racist bully to his wife and daughter.
Yeah I think she should've communicated that better but also... I feel like I would've figured it out faster than him. I'd assume she either wasn't ready or just spoiled 😅 idk I feel like the relationship won't last because they seem so outta sync. Happy they figured it out but idk 🤷♂️
The curly hair story filled me with rage and brought back memories for when my daughter was born. My MIL started to make comments saying "oh look, good thing she has straight hair" to which I answer: "me and your son have super curly hair, so eventually her hair will curl". Months were passing by and she kept saying things like "Oh, I'm so relieved she has straight hair", "I love she got straight hair", etc. Even though my daughter had a very small chance to get straight hair (my mom's side all have straight hair) we knew she was going to have curly hair. At 8mo, she started to get her amazing and beautiful curls... And ofc my MIL started to make nasty comments "omg, I cant believe she has curly hair", "she looks so dirty", "you should shave her hair until it turns straight"... After those comments (and many more regarding other aspects of my daughter's body and mine) my husband decided to cut communication at all with his parents. We regret nothing. We don't need anyone traumatizing our baby in our lives.
My aunt was the same when I went natural. I was still at TWA faze and couldnt twist it or put it in a ponytail. She would constantly talk smack about my hair but as soon as I did a length check about 2-3 years in and she saw that my hair was longer than hers she shut up and then "went natural" (it lasted like 3 weeks). My mom went natural with me and shes been supportive and to this day we talk about hair stuff but my auntie word still burns. She has 2 daughters and one of them did a big chop too and she didnt say anything about it.
When I heard he was married for 2 years with the previous wife and 10 years with OP I was a little peeved. I may be coming from a place of ignorance but once you have chosen someone and committed to them, you are responsible for making them feel secure in the relationship. He is spending over a decade grieving over a relationship that lasted a fraction of the one he is currently with. Shouldn't have gotten married in the first place if he couldn't abide by the commitment
My grand fathers wife died when she was 28 (they got married at 16) and married my step grandma after he’s still in love with his late wife 31 years later. I think once you find the one it doesn’t matter how long they are gone they are still your person. Not saying it’s right or wrong. When someone dies it’s different then if it’s just a divorce or not being together.
I kinda feel like he is fighting over little things so he has an excuse to go knowing how she feels about it which is wrong and he probably shouldn’t be married if he can’t move on
If you couldn’t get over someone then just don’t start a new relationship. It’s unfair for your new partner to go through something that she/he doesn’t need to go through if they are with someone else. Wait until you are able to love someone fully again. If you couldn’t do it till you die then just live with it. What’s the point of having a new relationship if you still love someone else?
Agree!! It’s very selfish of him to force her to live with a ghost. How dare him neglect her and then tell her that “you’re ok, but just not …” She deserves better. I honestly think op should get a divorce, and start a life where she matters
Also when you having a baby. If his wife and baby in her tommy can't compete with a dead person to him maybe he shouldn't had even tried for the baby or marry her in the first place. I feel so bad for the baby and the wife
I totally agree. Normally I'd say honouring the dead wife is fine and totally normal, bring your new wife along, introduce her leave flowers kind of send her off, visit time to time. HOWEVER, with this guy he was totally obsessive, wasn't even excited about having a child with his new wife and just utterly selfish and disrespectful, how could you bring a life into this world and be more focused on the dead? Maybe this is too far but I feel like the ghost themselves would probably be appalled just seeing that, so its not even some obsessive fucked up loyalty, it's pure selfishness.
My husband proposed to me in a ring of fire in the middle of a dirt road at night in rural Iowa. He had prepared and practiced a mini speech for the proposal but the fumes from the flames cut that short and he asked "Marry me before we die?" It was definitely not the proposal I imagined but it was equally sweet and hilarious 😂 I loved it even if he did almost kill us. His friends helping him forgot a lighter so they used jumper cables and their car to light it. It was quite the event 😂
Ok but thats a amazing id be so proud to tell that story!! How unique and hilarious..im not super romantic humor is more my love language and that speaks to me. Haha
About the dad with his daughters hair. If he was willing and financially able to take his daughter to a salon to get a perm, why not just take her to a stylist that knows how to handle her type of hair instead of spending a ridiculous amount of money on chemicals? He could have handled this situation multiple ways before it should have ever come to the thought of giving his daughter a perm. He chose the white route not the right route.
Omg this!!! He could have taken her to a qualified salon and gotten her hair done and those stylist would have LOVED to help him out and show him some tricks and tips and that’s just the bare minimum effort. Dudes a dickhead
I was thinking the same thing. He couldn’t used that time and money to go to a stylist that could not only style his daughters hair but also teach him how. I know the wife had already taught him some, but that is frankly not her job.
Because it wasn't about him wanting it done then. It was about his overall laziness about not wanted to have to do it for a long amount of time and his microagressions about the concept of straight and curly hair. He was lazy and nearsighted.
Thank you!!!! If you love someone truly and really want to be with them, it doesn’t matter. Almost any scenario could be romantic if it’s special to you.
With the first story, I feel awful for the wife. The first wife that passed away is a fantasy for him. Doesn’t sound like he got to go through the 10 years of marriage with her so she’s become this ideal woman that he’s comparing his long term partner against and the ups and downs that come with a longer marriage.
@@keelabearden9668 I don’t think most people read the whole comment section before responding, you’re all good! Plus it’s good for their engagement anyway helps the algorithm 💗
Period. Who even knows if their relationship would've lasted if it went on longer. You never know. Honor her, but don't stop living and don't forgo your responsibilities
Exactly. It sucks that their long term relationship of 10+ years that has been through many stressors of life (including grieving a major loss & trying to have a child) is being compared to his 2 year marriage in his mid 20s. Who knows if the relationship would have even lasted 10 years. I feel so awful for the OP in that story. I hope the therapy helps the husband really sort through his feelings because he put his wife through…a lot.
I’m straight up a bitch for thinking this- but I mean the late wife has been dead for 15 years and married to another woman for 10 years… late wife was only his wife for something like two years… makes you realize just how unrealistic he’s making this fantasy he has around his late wife- most of this shit he’s imagining about her might not even be really true at this point.
IDK if the first couple can work it out... The words "you're not her" are going to be very difficult to forgive, and impossible to forget. I can't imagine being in her shoes... if after 10 years he says that to me, and then we start again, I would be doubting if he's with me bc he genuinely loves me and finally made peace with the ex-wife passing, or bc in his eyes I'm the next best thing after her.
Jup that one was truly messed up. She did so much for him just to hear „you are just not her“. After 10 f-ing years! Plus I think it‘s so unfair of him to compare his now wife with L. L has passed and now dosen’t even has the change to mess up. She will always be perfect in his mind.
I agree. I usually enjoy the takes on the podcast, but this time it all sounded incredibly shallow and condescending to talk down every single proposal the guy had. If the moment is just 'right', who's to say a proposal in bed can't be an incredibly intimate and happy moment for both partners, too? Then again, I'm not American, so what do I know, maybe it's a cultural thing, too
I agree. If he asked her with no ring and no plan, it means he was in a moment where he realized that he loved her so much and couldn’t imagine live without her and just did it. I think that’s the most romantic.
Tbh my boyfriend and I are almost 3 years in and I'm not even sure he wants to marry me. I don't think even he knows. I know he loves me, but.. yeah, anyway, not gonna get into the whole thing. My point is that how the proposal goes doesn't matter to me. Just to be asked...just to know that I'm the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with...that would be enough for me. I think we put way too much pressure on it in general.
I disagree with you guys about the proposal one. I don't think the guy was clueless, some people like spontaneity and he tried 3 times. She definitely doesn't sound like she wants it
@Kate Howard The first one I'm on board with but I can understand wanting a redo. The second one I also love. By the third one it's clear she just isn't in to it. Poor guy
@@bee-oz4tpwhat she means is read the women’s mind! And follow those instructions, and if you keep getting it wrong that’s ur fault because you were not communicating right. when he was asking her, he even said in his post I even asked her what she wanted. so I’m not understanding why she said talk to her and communicate when that’s what he was doing.
That proposal girl holy shit…if my boyfriend proposed to me even without a ring I’d still say yes. He obviously would never but if he is getting down on a knee and asking no matter what time or place even if it’s candles in the house. That girl is extremely ungrateful. It’s about spending your life together and having the moment be intimate and special.
Hey, so first of all; love this podcast. I have no idea how to use Reddit but I love the conversations that take place. Now I 25 y/o black woman was adopted into a white family at a month old. My hair was the butt of almost all jokes in my household growing up from my step dad saying it looks like I stuck my finger in a “light socket” to my hair looking like “rats nest”. Needless to say I have no relationship with that man to this day. But my mom, adoptive mother, would always tell me that I am not taking care of my hair.. at 5-13 years old. I would’ve taken care of my hair if I had known how.. mind you this is pre UA-cam years and I also grew up in a VERY white state up north. My step father would convince her to get to shaved off, most of my childhood photos are me looking like a boy. Once it would grow out she would either take me to salons who’ve “worked with black hair before” and butcher it, completely uneven and awful looking, or she’d buzz it off again. Every time I got my hair “done” I’d cry, I hated it. I was taught to hate my hair. When I was around the age of 13 I reached out to my biological family (way too soon to do so btw) I met my older siblings who helped me learn. Now, I am apart of the natural hair community and left that awful state to move south and be with other people like me. I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, a baby girl. I am so excited to teach her to love her hair and the skin that she’s in. That she’s beautiful. All the things I, myself is still learning today. I could go on and on regarding this topic but I just thought I’d finally share my experience. Again love the podcast Morgan!
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. This is why I’m so fearful for children in transracial adoptions. Not just black children either. But ultimately, many white people do not realize how racist or bigoted their thoughts and actions can be until they have someone of another race living in their home. Not all white parents obviously. But regardless, I pray for those kids to be loved and accepted for who they are by their parents.
hi Jen! I’m watching all of Morgan’s videos backwards, and I just read your, and it really touched my heart. I then noticed that this video is 11 months old, which means you must have a nine-month-old baby! You are absolutely beautiful in your picture, and I’m sure your baby is absolutely beautiful, too. Some thing about being a mother: we go through life and at times when we really feel hurt, when we really suffer, I think a lot of us make a mental note that when we are parents we won’t make that same mistake. And I think that’s the best kind of parenting! to have so much foresight into what you do and do not want for your child shows the amount of love and dedication you have for your little girl. I hope you and your daughter are well, And I hope she grows to love herself for exactly who she is, all the little beautiful pieces that make her who she is. Sending love, support and hope from Kentucky!
My heart breaks for the girl in the 1st story… That is totally unfair & feels extremely unfair to the baby especially bc I feel like the man will always look at his child like “what would you be like if you had Elle’s DNA” wishing the child was with Elle. Just very strange to me that he’s still that stuck even after 10 years, like I totally get still loving the person you lost but what he is doing & thinking is a bit extreme
The dad with the daughter missed a major issue for his partner when his mother suggested she straighten her hair for the wedding. He missed so many things, but that was such a big red flag. Still proud of him for accepting his blindness, making amends and turning around to go all in for his wife and daughter, and commit to educating himself.
My husband proposed with the ring taped to the part of the baby book where “mommy and daddy got engaged on….” That was great and made me so happy. I didn’t need a huge proposal.
Reacting to the post about the mixed baby girls hair. The post is racist, she is so cute "now" is really not okay to say. Calling her hair "nappy" is not okay, you should never wait days to condition her hair. Having natural balck hair is hard but it's not unmanageable. This podcast is normally very white and I was scared to hear the opinions, but Im glad you addressed it.
I 100% agree and I hate to say it but I’d definitely be questioning my marriage. As a black women I can’t even imagine my white husband saying such things about our daughter. I’d also have an issue with the mother in law making comments like that as well. The micro aggression is REAL and from her own father and grandma makes it worse for the child
@@makeupmonkey123 yea definitely don't know how the marriage lasted this long. Hopefully they can work it out because I'm sure the wife puts up with alot of micro aggressions.
Agreed I felt angry when he said he hadn't taken care of her hair for a few days so he got it permed to be more "manageable". HE neglected his child's needs, she's a young child and needs her parents help with her hair, especially having a hair type as a black child that needs conditioning to keep it healthy. I'm glad his wife stood her ground and I'm glad he eventually saw the errors of his ways.
He’s putting so much effort and energy into a memory rather than his very real family. It’s all going to click for him one day and he will be filled with regrets.
The chick that doesn’t like all of the proposals is not ready or not sure about the guy. If she really loves him and wants to get married she would have already planned the wedding/ gotten married. If they do end up married I foresee a divorce. The entitlement is huge red flag, she is living in Lala land romanticizing the idea of a proposal, while it might be nice but does not make the marriage.
As a mixed person who used to perm her hair, it took over a decade to get comfortable wearing my natural curls, and in some ways, my hair is still recovering from years of damage. A lot of mixed kids have an identity crisis and mine was no exception. To this day, if I could go back in time, I would’ve never gone to get my hair permed, not even once.
My natural hair used to be long and when it was chemically straightened it began to break off and was thin. I have been growing it out for 6 years it finally healthy again. I personally would never chemically straighten my hair again.
Reacting to the first story, man I feel so angry and sad. So, I watched this video last night and this story just stuck with me. I began thinking about everything about it and, I'm sad to say, I honestly don't like that woman's husband. Yes, he was dealing with grief and loss and death is absolutely terrible. To have a relationship cut off so abruptly without seeing that future together is heartbreaking. However, I'm looking at this from what that poor OP must have experienced. First, she was highly sensitive to how close her husband was to his dead SO. However, she went to therapy. Repeat, she went to therapy for this man! She accepted his dead SO onto her altar for Dia de Los Muertos. What I've heard/read about this is that altar is for family. She adopted his dead SO into her family like a sister or best friend! After a decade of being together, they try for a baby. This is their combined decision they are eager and excited for. However, she gets pregnant. She is probably overjoyed while he is just... lackluster about it. Then, they start arguing more. Her body is changing to prepare to bring life into this world and they are arguing about meanless things. She's already experiencing hormonal changes and he is just adding on to her body's stress. Then, when he gets tired of arguing, he runs off to his dead SO's grave. Every. Single. Time. She tells him she doesn't want him to do it and he keeps doing it! He has to know he's hurting her! Yet, he just continues. Finally, she reaches her breaking point. After countless fights where she waits hours for him to return home (while she is pregnant with his child), she snaps. Sure, her comment was pretty ruthless, but I don't blame her. I would have reached that same point and lost it on him too! Honestly, I would have cracked sooner. However, the moment she realizes what she did, she tries to apologize. She realizes she hurt him and wants to take it back. Then, there was what he said. He said to her that she wasn't his dead SO. That is the worst thing he could have ever said to her. After all she went through for this man, he told her that he pretty much wishes she was his dead SO and that since she isn't, she just isn't worthy. He implies that she isn't enough. He doesn't apologize. He doesn't regret it. He hurt her again in the worst sort of way and doesn't attempt to take it back. If he cared about the OP so much, he should have gotten therapy sooner. Personally, I think he should have gone when the OP was going to therapy or when his SO died! The fact that he never did speaks volumes about his inner feelings about her and the situation. Now, as the situation is falling apart, he does the mature thing and moves out. They get their space and he's working on himself, as he should. Yet, there is this poor woman left to go through the process of creating their child by herself. She has to handle it without his love and his support. Honestly, this is so terrible. He wasn't there for her from the start and until he works on himself, I doubt he will be there. Also, a part of myself, if I was her, would be terrified if one day while he was thinking of his SO would turn to my child and say something horrible. Something like "you should have been her kid" or "I wish your mother was [insert dead SO's name]." Like, how could she trust he wouldn't do that?
Honestly i think her cmt on marrying the grave was legit...fuk him he is a man child actin like this he was only married to the dead obe for 2 years idk how long they dated b4 but still why remarry...he sounds like HE needs therapy. He is a jerk to treat his preg wife this way
I feel the exact same. I understand it hurts but the wife put so much effort into her jealousy I just don’t see why the husband couldn’t have gone and worked through his grief sooner.
YES! I do feel bad for him but it doesn't justify his actions. I do think her comment was rough, but his reaction really said it all, he is not over his late wife. If I was her, I don't think I could give him another chance just based on how bad what he said was.
@@dudacanever5440 Exactly! Just imagine how badly it must it have hurt for her to be compared to this idolized version of his dead SO. It must have broken her heart after all those years she had stayed by his side. My heart goes out to the poor girl and I hope she finds happiness for herself.
Reacting to the first one, having lost my mum at rather young age to cancer (15) and seeing my dad going back in the dating pool and now being in a long term relationship (she is great and has been very understanding - bless her). I just hope that my dad has moved on and he is profoundly happy and not like the husband in the story. It's so sad for both but especially for the woman who wrote, it just breaks my heart...
My fiance proposed without anything. He asked me in the car on the way to Lowes to get a ceiling fan lol and I was perfectly happy! It really depends on each relationship
As an asexual who has almost an irrational fear of sex (therefore it is not present in my wonderful relationship) I felt very seen and happy when Justin mentioned that sex and relationships are not mutually exclusive. It’s hard when everyone assumes that you have to be having good sex in order to have a good relationship (I totally understand that it is normal for most people and isn’t talked about enough though!) so it was nice to hear it discussed 😌 great work. I always love listening to you guys
I usually listen on spotify but after hearing the story about the biracial girl I had to come over here. First of all the title is miss leading he did not straighten her hair he gave her a perm. When I heard the title I was like oh it's not that bad that he took her to a salon and got her a blow out or flat ironed it because if she got it done right her hair would be back to normal in a week. But a perm is literally permanent you are putting harsh chemicals that probably burned your daughter's scalp to alter her hair texture and your wife is right, to get it back she'll most likely have to cut it. I after talking to my mom about it for about year got a perm when I was in 8th grade to fit in more at my predominantly white school it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because less than a year later my hair was so damaged by the perm that I had to cut most of my hair off and start new. To put this in terms that non black people can understand. Imagine your young daughter is a brunette and her father thought she'd look better as a blonde. So he bleached her hair without talking to you. I've never bleached my hair but from what I can understand sometimes you can't just dye it back. And I've never seen parents allow their young kids to bleach their hair. Second, this is why not everyone can have interracial relationships. I feel like some people think that biracial kids (white/black)only come out looking one type of way. Type three hair (loose curly pattern), light skinned, light eyes, slim noses, full lips and that is not true. Both parties have to be prepared for the fact that the child can be born white passing (straighter hair, white ) or black passing (kinky hair, dark skin). It sound like (and I'm making an assumption) that the girls hair is more kinky and "blacker" than the man expected and he's upset. He called her "pretty now" and her natural texture "nappy". And the fact that her hair was so tangled a brush broke is completely on OP. I have 4c hair (the kinkyiest or as OP would say nappiest type of hair) and I have never had a comb or brush break on me because my parents never neglected my hair. He neglected her daughter's hair for days to the point that it was so mated he couldn't fixed it. And my heart goes out for this little girl because I know she was in pain if a comb broke. Third, it sound like op has a lot of internalized racism. His mother is completely inappropriate for having any opinion on how OP's wife should wear her hair, especially because for most black women it took us a lot of time to get comfortable with the idea that our hair is beautiful and is not something that needs to be fixed. The fact that he's taking his mother's side, obviously favouring her straight hair to her natural hair makes me scared for his daughter. I always felt that if I ever had kids they wouldn't have to go through the identity crisis and self hatred I and so many others had to, because they'd have other kids at school wearing their hair natrual and parents at home that instill in them that they are beautiful regardless. But having a father who so openly favors his child looking a way that is chemically altered is going to mess up her confidence (imagine your parent saying you only look good with make up), she's going to get enough flack from society she doesn't need it at home. I'm happy that he's acknowledged where he went wrong. And is now taking his wife's side. The grandmother is obviously racist and should not be let around that little girl. I wish them both luck.
My husband proposed to me after we had cooked dinner in our one bedroom apartment. No candles, no roses, and it was STILL the best proposal I could have asked for because he was asking me to spend the rest of our lives together. That is all that matters. You can make the wedding as glamorous as you want. People are really loosing sight of what a proposal signifies. This is about your love, not an IG post.
I would have loved that proposal.❤️ And I don’t care for rings, they’re too impractical for me to wear in my daily life, and I also think it’s absolutely insane to spend so much money on something that is just a symbol, when that money could be spent on the marriage instead. Same goes for the massive amount of money that some people spend on weddings. I just don’t get it.
@@MatildaV1980 yup agreed. My ring is like $100 and honestly I can't belief my now husband spend that much since he wasn't getting paid and living off $20 a week on food. Our proposal went all sorts of wrong as well. If she was sure, the ring and proposal wouldn't matter.
Loved the way you two handled the hair story! As a black woman, perms are so damaging to our hair because it straightens our curls. But all it those chemicals aren't good for our hair at all. It can be permanently damaging for our hair, especially at a young age. I'm glad he learned from this but there is still so much more he needs to learn. But he's definitely on the way there.
Him being like that after 10 years makes me feel like there's other things and he's using his passed wife as a scapegoat. Wouldn't he have realized she wasn't Elle in tbe first decade?
I like the first 2 proposals honestly haha. Presumably knowing you are both on the same page with the direction of your relationship... laying in bed with the person you love and suddenly overwhelmed with knowing it's the right time. Ring or no ring, if its right it's right and that's beautifully romantic
The story about the guy who permed his daughters hair was absolutely heart breaking but has a heart warming end. I’m mixed, half black and half Mexican, but my hair used to make me feel so conflicted about my self esteem and self image. Even though I know I’m half black, I’ve always felt like I can’t do black hair styles like braids because I don’t look black. The one time I did box braids on myself was such a difficult decision for me because of those feelings. I went through with it because my younger sister wanted braids but didn’t want to be alone. It make me happy to be able to give her the confidence she needed to embrace her blackness. She was given nothing but compliments (side note she looks like a light skin) but I was told I couldn’t because I’m not black even though I’m half. It took me more then four years after that to even consider wanting to do braids again. What makes it crazier is my boyfriend, he’s white, has encouraged me as well and always tells me he wants to do my hair and help me in anyway with my hair so that he can learn for our kids someday. I’m glad the guy came to the realization that he was wrong and wants to fix the damage he caused. That part made me smile after being so sad for his daughter end her hair.
She definitely shouldn’t have said that but I still feel bad for this girl! I would be crushed! It probably feels like he’s emotional cheating. “You’re not her” I would’ve been broke. He needs help in moving on. The grieving process never ends but he needs therapy to move on from Elle.
I am so glad the dad in “The Hair” story realized his mistake and is doing everything he can to fix it. As a “mostly white” girl with Hispanic heritage I am pretty much the only person in my family with curly/ coiled hair. It took me years to accept and embrace my natural curls and I can’t imagine how much harder it would have made it if someone who is supposed to love me for who I am, decided to chemically straighten my hair. Please hype up your kid’s curls! Make them see the beauty in their hair!!
As someone who is mixed and lived with my mother (white) who’s never took the time to learn how to take care my hair. It took my years to get it to the health it is now due to her excessive washing and drying out my scalp and constantly straightening and almost destroyed my curl pattern. It made me sad and I was bullied in school for my destroyed hair to the point that I cut it most of it off. I also now have a very distant relationship with my mother and that side of the family. I still am learning on how to care for my hair as well which I sometime resent my mother for never taking my to my fathers or just to someone who knew how to help me. I love my hair. I just wish more people realize the beauty of curly, coily, and 4c hair.
This!!! The hosts seem to be more concerned about how this could apply to their future proposal, rather than actually discussing the story at hand. At least Justin kind of gets it 😅
As a Black woman who takes her natural hair very seriously (and destroyed it through her middle and high school years), I seriously respect your take on the father perming his daughter’s hair. You are one of my fav podcasters and I appreciate how knowledgeable and gentle you are with subjects. You state when you don’t know about something and you are honest with your viewers. You even know that box braids are “protective” hairstyles! I love your effort in the podcast. Thank you so so much!!!
The guy who straightened his daughter's hair, he educated himself AND he confronted his mother + whole family. Honestly the best thing he could have done after that mistake.
The story of the little girl's hair literally made me cry. I think most of us who have textured or curly hair, grow up with the struggle of people constantly telling us our hair isn't pretty. I spent my whole childhood hating my hair and comparing it to my girls classmates who had straight hair and when I was around 12 I started to straighten it constantly until I got my perm. Everything about my hair made me feel upset and it lowered my self esteem for many years until I started to read about other people who went through the same struggle and I understood it was all caused by racism. Straight hair has been the beauty standard for ages and textured hair has always been viewed as an ugly type of hair, so most of us grow up hating the way our hair naturally is. Last year I decided that I no longer wanted to feel that way about myself and I chopped all my hair off to let it grow naturally again. I felt so good about myself after that and even if I'm still learning to love it the way it is I am glad I came to that decision. I am still receiving harsh comments from family members about it and other people as well, but I don't really care anymore. They can say I look untidy all they want, I'm not gonna stop loving who I am.
I love how you and Justin talk about marriage without any problems, this means that you are not stressed about it and that is really good for your relationship
The perm story. I'm latina and I was getting perms to straighten my hair since I was 10 because I hated my "mated" and "messy" hair, but it was simply because no-one in my family knew how to care for it. And let me tell you, those chemicals BURN. They are so harmful, no child should be getting expose to that. I'm now 23 and learning to embrace my curls, and it's honestly so liberating. And Justin is 100% right on how hair is so important to someone's identity.
I have so many thoughts about the first story but my main one is that, that woman is an extraordinarily beautifully kind soul who deserves so much love and happiness in this world she’s beyond understanding and selfless. I hope her husband finds peace and I hope his late wife watches over both of them and their baby.
My great grandfather proposed with a cigar band, my grandfather with a bread tie. In carrying on that tradition, my partner proposed with a hair tie. I still have it! ♥ The right proposal doesn't have to be big or flashy. Or it can be if that's what you're into. Rings are not required for a proposal. Just the love and commitment!
I love that you and Justin are so clearly devoted to each other but also comfortable enough in your relationship and yourselves that you’re not in a rush Edit: also Justin being on the gf’s side in the two first proposals speaks volumes! What a good guy
My husband didn't even ask me to marry him lol! We were celebrating Christmas with our 1 year old at the time, and opening presents. He told me to check my stocking, and inside was the ring. It was hilarious because it was so my husband's style. I did love that it was private with just our little family.
The story about the little girl’s hair broke my heart so much! Growing up I wasn’t allowed to wear my natural hair. When I did, I would get left at home. I was stubborn and only caved in when I needed to go out to get tampons. You guys handled the discussion well! Because so many girls with kinky or curly hair go through this. And only recently were anti discrimination laws passed to prevent schools and employers from discriminating against natural hair styles. Before then it was a toss up that could get you kicked out of school for having “unkempt hair and grooming”.
Story 2- I proposed to my husband. It was during a very sweet, emotional moment. I was sitting in his lap and we were having the greatest conversation and I just said "marry me" he said yes. I told I was being serious, he said so was he. I started crying and told him I didn't know why I was crying. His response "because you are happy and happiness looks amazing on you"
My current girlfriend's dated someone who passed away 5 years ago while they were dating. She has told me that he was the only person she ever considered starting a family even though she doesn't like or want kids. For me, I haven't felt much jealousy. Its hard to compare me to her boyfriend since I am a woman and I am a completely different person from him in many regards. Not really the jealous type in the first place. I'm not sure myself if we will get married but I know we will be life long friends. I haven't been treated this good in a long time (not by past so's but by people in general)! She has been very open to talking about it probably cause I lost my best friend of 7 years right before what our senior year of high school. So no matter what, my gf and I will always be trauma buddies lol
Justin, stop saying its dumb. My husband had a ring, but literally he proposed while we were laying in bed. It was super romantic. It was our special place where we felt safe and happy. I just feel like youre calling my husband dumb!! We have been married for 15 years and have 3 kids. We also never got to have a wedding, because my dad made a huge deal about how expensive it would be instead of congratulating us... So like... some people dont need to be the centre of a huge ordeal to feel chosen and special. Morgan might hate that, but it's not dumb.
With the first story, my neighbour was an old lady probably in her late 80’s, she had a husband (hank) that was amazing he was so kind and gentle and they both looked after us a lot growing up. A few months ago, I can’t remember how the story came up or how we got to talking about it, but she tells my mum and I about her first husband who had passed when she was in her 30’s. she met and married Hank a few years later, but when they met and started dating she told him that she was always going to love her first husband more than she loves him, he was her first and biggest love and no other man will change that, and he was okay with that and accepted that. She said that she to this day is still in love with her first husband, her and Hank are still happily married and he is fully aware of her feelings and okay with them. That’s the most important thing I think, is that they always communicated so well and were both on the same page, that’s what led them to have such a healthy and happy marriage
To Justin's position on surprise vs not surprise proposals: I think the circumstance of the exact proposal is fun to have an element of surprise, but the couple's communication and understanding of the relationship should be in the same place so it's not a "surprise" that they want to get married. Like, on/around a birthday people are not surprised if someone says happy birthday or gives a present, but the exact present or circumstance or like a party can have an element of spontaneity. IDK if I'm just talking in circles, lol
coming from a mixed 15 year old with 3 sisters, our hair is not “difficult” it’s just very annoying to do because it takes a lot of time. By using perm to make curly hair straight is very damaging. My sister lost all of her curls and had to use a lot of products and trimming to get her hair back and now it looks better than ever. I even had damage just from straightening my hair every month. It’s crazy. I had to work to get some curls back also but it did not take me as long but my sisters took at least a year or 2. They will also get there daughters hair back with good care. But something that is never talking about among people is that how mostly mixed girls always go through a phase of only wanted straight hair because they think it is what “ makes them fit in” I even went through this and had to realize my hair is beautiful even tho it is different! ( and also my dad is white and my mom is black, he never has done my hair but it was never an issue as a child because most of the time (not all) when you are mixed you are born with more straight with light curls, then when you get older it gets thicker)
My husband proposed to me in the car on our way to a concert. I admit, I would have liked something a little more romantic but it was still nice & intimate. In the almost 10 yrs we’ve been married, he has been nothing short of amazing. This girl must not want to married to this guy because I would have loved a candlelit proposal ❤️
As someone who is mixed and got their hair relaxed at 10 because "it was time I do my own hair." I can say that, it doesn't do great things for the self-esteem. Up until that point my mom, who is my black parent, was the only person who could do my hair because I'm also tender-headed. My dad tried about twice and tried to take me to a Salon but even they couldn't do it. I will say these were black women too that tried. My dad was the one to make the decision, big surprise there, but I also feel like he may have been pressured to do it as well. It took me 10 years to stop getting it relaxed but I like to keep it short. It was the best decision I ever made, I get so many compliments and it really helps my self-esteem. I love my dad's side of the family but they just don't understand. So I'm glad he's trying now, better late than never. I think OPs mother is an awful person as well and needs to learn some things.
This parent, admitting their mistake, making updates, understanding the root of this problem brought me to TEARS. Some personal growth has happened regardless of difficulties comming from standing up for their family.
For story 3, I want to preface that you guys did an amazing job tackling this subject. As a person who comes from an indengonius-mexican background, I've been subjected to believe eureo-centric hair was ideal. Although very beautiful, I am now appreciating my curly, somewhat coily hair, as it is. Hair is a huge factor in how someone identifies themselves. I'm glad OP learned from his mistakes and is learning from it!
Dude, if I got proposed on Times Square... I would pee myself with happiness, seriously 😂 but I would probably pee myself if I was there, even without the proposal 😆 I live in Czech Republic and New York is my dream ... I love me some billboards 😂
I feel for the mother and daughter in the Black/mixed hair situation ❤️ I’m also mixed but I have a white mother and Black father, and have always felt so lucky that my mom took amazing care of my hair when I was little. I am so glad that this father actually learned from this and has promised to do better. We can only imagine how harmful of an experience that was for the daughter! It would have been awful for her to continue having contact with the racist white family. The mother was absolutely in the right, I hope that she is getting the support she needs now, and that this family is healing together. Your response and empathy for this one was so lovely, thank you.
As a black woman, that Reddit story made me livid I can't lie. Black girls especially while young, see everyone else with straight hair, and not enough representation as is. Many salons cant even style/cut our hair to this day. Personally, I went to all-white schools, with zero representation of people who look like me, thus making me want to fit in and not accepting my hair for what it is. It took me till college to love my hair. That creates self-confidence issues that many black girls face. That girl's dad and grandma more than likely make comments like "wow it looks so much better", or "it's so much easier to do" which ignites the idea that her natural hair doesn't look as good because of daddy and grandma like this better. Not to mention how damaging the perm is for hair alone. I used to get them. Only recently is my hair healthy because I cut it all off. The only way to save your curls is to truly cut them off. Props to the mom for not leaving his ass honestly, shes told him before I 100% know she has.
The hair one is 100% getting on my nerves. The fact that the dad didn't even mention his daughter is such a red flag to me (even if she is really young). How did she feel? Was she happy with her new hair? Damn, she probably felt in pain because he couldn't even brush her hair properly. I 100% agree that the mom should have been consulted, and even tho I agree with Justin that any change in hair would have been dramatic, in this case it doesn't seem like it's just the hair. The fact that the mom has to deal with the (not so) micro agressions of her mother in law AND THEN see her child suffer from the same thing is absolutely unacceptable. And he even has the audacity to say that she is overeacting. In a relationship, I feel like we should try to understand who our partner is and where they come from, and in this case he is absolutely neglecting this important aspect of his partner's and CHILD's identity. Even if they had never talked about this before and he was ignorant , if he doesn't at least recognize his mistakes, it's because he's racist.
the proposal story puzzles me SO much and as much as I typically agree with Morgan I can’t on this one. if you truly love your partner it doesn’t matter if they have a ring or not. it isn’t about the ring, it’s about making a commitment to see a future with your partner, to say you’re ready for forever, you know? I get though, some people have their hopes, but no way would I ever even think of making my partner propose not a fourth time, not a third time, not even the second time. it kind of takes the special moment away. also think about it, how much stress would this be putting on your partner? is the perfection of your proposal so much more important to you than their well being?
The proposal story: yes as a girl I have dreamed of the perfect proposal but people tend to forget it’s also the guy’s proposal. It’s also I huge moment in their life the same way it is ours. Neither persons dream proposals could be the same and that ok. But that girl was just hating on all his efforts belittling it. At that point I would just leave
my husband proposed to me in his underwear in our living room after a failed proposal (imagine sitcom scenarios of forgetting the ring, the restaurant not working out lol) I said yes, of course. Was it the most romantic? No. But it's our proposal story, and I love it. The proposal, the wedding.. not important. What's important is the marriage.
After 4 proposals that weren‘t enough he should just quit. She will never be happy. And people should only propose if they talked about getting married to each other beforehand.
Honestly, with the whole proposal, I feel like the women just wants something to show off, not to tell her kids in the future but to her friends or the people around her, which explains why she brought up her friends proposal. I feel like she wants something to top that. A proposal does not need to be flashy, it should be intimate (but I guess everyone has there own preferences, which I respect.) Edit: this was my thought before they talked it out and she explained her reasoning
When my parents where still just dating, they said they'd get a scanner when they'd get married. And one night, on the couch, my dad was looking at ads, he saw one for a scanner and told my my mom "should we get it ?". My mom answered "so we're getting maried ?" And that was it, they improvised a ring with something they had and I find it really cute !
i’m at the part where they’re talking about proposals, and honestly it’s sounding pretty privilege. If someone brought me to Times Square and propose to me, it would probably be like a dream come true! I live in the south in a town that I do not like, money is tight and all of those proposals sound amazing! Just getting to Times Square, having a ring with real diamonds in it… it all seems so far away.
That proposal story that girl is just ridiculous.. Justin not everything “is dumb” my husband spontaneously gave me my engagement ring while we were sitting on the sofa watching a movie and we’ve been married 20 years.. So not every spontaneous engagement would be dumb..
This is my favourite episode with Justin. He is really well spoken and empathic in this episode, I've never respected him more!! He's such a great guy. Love you two 🥰
I agree with Morgan on wanting it intimate but wanting someone taking pictures. My boyfriend knows not to do it in front of strangers. He’s asked me what type of ring and I’ve showed him what style I like. I’m not one for surprises but I want this to be a surprise.
Justin talking about envisioning everything he wants to experience with you is just so heartwarming 🥺
I know ❤❤❤🥲😭
Yeah that was super cute
and then taking notes about the proposal... adorable
Hope you get Married
Morgan and justin are relationship goals
The line in the first story “you’re just not her” literally made me cry. Its sad that the husband did not see how a good person she is.
Yes, I feel like she deserved more - everyone deserves to be the most important in their partner's life - and though I have so much sympathy for his loss, he did not do right by her... a sad, unfair situation ultimately :(
The 1st story - why, WHY would he have gotten married again when he wasn’t fully OVER his late wife… why didn’t HE go to therapy… with her or w/o her to deal with these feelings..
Truly, the fact that he told her "yeah you're my pregnant wife of 10 years but you're not her" That's so disgusting to say to someone because she's alive and she's there for him and I can t imagine how hurtful that must be for her. So selfish, he literally had 5 years to fix that before meeting her and he did nothing.
This is so true, he transferred some of his trauma to another living, breathing human being full of love and can't see how this only perpetuates his suffering. In a way, he could end up making their child feel that same level of rejection because he yearns for a family he can never have in this lifetime.
if I was her and heard my husband say "you're just not her" I would have been crushed
^^^^ This story....breaks my heart for the woman.
Like I’m sure she was wonderful but his grief has definitely built her up in his mind since she’s been gone. No one will live up to the perfect image he’s crafted of her…
As a Black woman the story about the white dad perming his daughter’s natural hair literally brought me to tears. My partner is white, no kids between us yet, but if that happened to our hypothetical kids I might cut his hands off. I grew up in a predominantly white community in Kansas and was always teased and belittled for my hair, to the point i kept it straight until i was out of high school. I’ve had natural hair now for 8 years and to imagine getting it relaxed and all of that work being erased in a matter of hours would be so defeating. For many of us who have had this kind of experience, reclamation of our natural hair is a fundamental part of our being and a celebration of our Blackness, and means more than words can express. I am so glad the husband realized his internalized racism and better yet, is holding his mother accountable. Action and accountability is what true allyship is.
Exactly. Im so pissed for her.
I feel the exact same what. I was shocked the whole time Morgan was reading the post
IF THATS U IN UR PFP, UR HAIR IS ABSOLUTELY STUNNUNG
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, story, and take ❤️
Even I, as an obviously white woman, hearing this story broke my heart. I grew up in a "cultural" neighborhood as well as having 2 black sisters. I've seen their struggles. I've seen the dirty looks we get when we're out together as a family. It hurts me to my core, and even the way I feel about it, I know it's not even an ounce of what POC feel, especially WOC.
The first story is so sad. OP put in so much effort to make the relationship work. She dealt with her own issues so maturely and had so much grace and love towards the situation. Meanwhile the husband had some serious issues to deal with and never faced them until the pregnancy. The only happy ending I see is a good co-parenting relationship and perhaps a friendship. I hope she finds someone else who puts in the effort for her.
I agree, I think she can do a lot better with a person that’s head over heels for her and loves her truly and only HER
Heartbreaking story. The second wife is a dream come true. She even went to Elle's grave to apologize and ask her to watch over hubby while he's in therapy?? If I died and my partner acted this way toward such a loving woman, I'd haunt his ass and tell him to appreciate her!!
As someone who is married with another person who lost a spouse, I feel so bad for her. My wife always told me that her first partner was the love of her life and she never stopped loving her, but she also tells me that I'm also the love of her life. OP's husband is a deadbeat and I feel bad for OP and hope Elle comes and hunts him until he gets his mind in place
Truly agree , I want to reach her level of maturity but I know I would never
It’s also so incredibly hurtful that he said “you’re not her.” It’s been ten years-not that someone should ever “get over” a loss like that but if you’re moving forward for years with someone, you owe it to them to not compare and treat them like this. He should’ve come to better terms with the situation before starting a family with OP.
My dad proposed to my mom with a bread tie, on the couch watching a cowboy game. They have been married for 30 years and she proudly tells that story. My husband proposed to me after a 12 hour shift, while I was in my scrubs in our room. The proposal will be perfect with the perfect person, it doesn’t matter where or when. The person makes the proposal, not the proposal itself.
You had me at bread. Thank you for sharing!
THANK YOU! OMG, they were being so shallow with their "dumb", "you need a ring", "don't propose if you don't have a ring". That was actually painful to watch.
My fiancé proposed to me in our living room while we were cooking dinner together…..their view felt really shallow and it hurt ):
AGREED!!!!
@@sarahmrqss right I was shook
I felt so triggered by the husband who permed his daughters hair. I am a black woman who’s married to a white man. We don’t have kids yet but we have definitely had conversations about these kinds of things. The language the father is using is SO damaging. “Nappy”, “she looks so cute now”. Like what??? So your daughter wasn’t cute before. As someone who is finally embracing their natural hair at 25, I definitely feel like she will internalize these messages and probably won’t believe she or her hair are beautiful. Black hair history runs deep and it sounds like he needs a lesson on it.
I am not black but even I was baffled. I mean, when you are in an interracial relationship (is that the term? If its offensive please let me know, english isnt my first language) wouldnt you inform yourself about stuff like this?
I mean, I would inform myself on how to deal with black hair, wich hairstyles you can do or learn to do braids and stuff like that. Plus, the culture my partner has. I obviously would learn about that A: because its a part of who my partner would be and probably important to them and B: Because I would love to teach my daughter or son too.
The fact that he didnt find his kid pretty before he permed her hair is heartbreaking to me. it shouldnt even matter if her hair is natural, permed, a total mess or she doesnt have hair at all. That's your kid and you should love her no matter what. And find her pretty no matter what. I hope she doesnt grow up with this cause my mom often told me I am not that pretty aswell (not because of my hair but I got chubby growing up) and it affects me to this day. I wouldnt want anyone going trough this. Plus, its not even something she can change if she wanted to. You have the hairtexture you where born with.
I have three biracial children and I love their textured hair. I would never want to perm it a) because I want them to embrace their natural beauty and b) it's so damaging. Like what?! Throw the whole man away. I'm so sorry that people are still so ignorant! 😔
Yes! I imagine in his family it was so deeply rooted in their day to day culture of racism that he didn't even realise that when his mother said those things that they were so damaging and therefore when he has done the same to his black daughter it unfortunately has possibly created deep rooted trauma and it is very sad to see. But I am glad the mother could correct and educate him, however this should have been step 1 before damaging his daughters hair and self esteem as a black girl, but I hope that the daughter can reclaim her love for her culture and her beautiful black hair
As soon as I heard him say happy I was instantly triggered! And to say “she looks so cute now” that poor woman and her child.
My blood was just boiling at the MIL told the mother to straighten her hair on her wedding day. It sounds like the MIL is racist too, being ashamed to have a black daughter-in-law by having some control over her on her special day. Especially on the fact that OP's edit notes that his mother was a racist bully to his wife and daughter.
Proposal girl isn’t “not sold on the proposal” she’s not sold on the guy. My gut says she has heavy subconscious doubts.
❤
I kinda get the vibe she isn’t maybe ready for marriage?
Yeah I think she should've communicated that better but also... I feel like I would've figured it out faster than him. I'd assume she either wasn't ready or just spoiled 😅 idk I feel like the relationship won't last because they seem so outta sync. Happy they figured it out but idk 🤷♂️
It's giving major CompHet
❤❤❤
The curly hair story filled me with rage and brought back memories for when my daughter was born. My MIL started to make comments saying "oh look, good thing she has straight hair" to which I answer: "me and your son have super curly hair, so eventually her hair will curl". Months were passing by and she kept saying things like "Oh, I'm so relieved she has straight hair", "I love she got straight hair", etc. Even though my daughter had a very small chance to get straight hair (my mom's side all have straight hair) we knew she was going to have curly hair. At 8mo, she started to get her amazing and beautiful curls... And ofc my MIL started to make nasty comments "omg, I cant believe she has curly hair", "she looks so dirty", "you should shave her hair until it turns straight"... After those comments (and many more regarding other aspects of my daughter's body and mine) my husband decided to cut communication at all with his parents. We regret nothing. We don't need anyone traumatizing our baby in our lives.
I would’ve punched her in the face at ‘she looks so dirty’. Thank god you guys cut her out. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
@@TwoHotTakes omg, thank you for reading me!! I love yall so much
I throw hands at your MIL for you-- like damn.
My aunt was the same when I went natural. I was still at TWA faze and couldnt twist it or put it in a ponytail. She would constantly talk smack about my hair but as soon as I did a length check about 2-3 years in and she saw that my hair was longer than hers she shut up and then "went natural" (it lasted like 3 weeks). My mom went natural with me and shes been supportive and to this day we talk about hair stuff but my auntie word still burns. She has 2 daughters and one of them did a big chop too and she didnt say anything about it.
HI DANIELA, I'm so sorry you passed through that but I'm happy your husband was so supportive and cared just as much for your baby 💜💜
The first story, he should be the one to be in therapy. He’s not done with his late wife and should never have gotten married.
When I heard he was married for 2 years with the previous wife and 10 years with OP I was a little peeved. I may be coming from a place of ignorance but once you have chosen someone and committed to them, you are responsible for making them feel secure in the relationship. He is spending over a decade grieving over a relationship that lasted a fraction of the one he is currently with. Shouldn't have gotten married in the first place if he couldn't abide by the commitment
@@mahmeme I completely agree with you
My grand fathers wife died when she was 28 (they got married at 16) and married my step grandma after he’s still in love with his late wife 31 years later. I think once you find the one it doesn’t matter how long they are gone they are still your person. Not saying it’s right or wrong. When someone dies it’s different then if it’s just a divorce or not being together.
I kinda feel like he is fighting over little things so he has an excuse to go knowing how she feels about it which is wrong and he probably shouldn’t be married if he can’t move on
M
If you couldn’t get over someone then just don’t start a new relationship. It’s unfair for your new partner to go through something that she/he doesn’t need to go through if they are with someone else. Wait until you are able to love someone fully again. If you couldn’t do it till you die then just live with it. What’s the point of having a new relationship if you still love someone else?
Agree!! It’s very selfish of him to force her to live with a ghost. How dare him neglect her and then tell her that “you’re ok, but just not …”
She deserves better. I honestly think op should get a divorce, and start a life where she matters
Also when you having a baby. If his wife and baby in her tommy can't compete with a dead person to him maybe he shouldn't had even tried for the baby or marry her in the first place. I feel so bad for the baby and the wife
You can still love your deceased partner but you need to realise that they are gone and this is your new life. You can love more then one person.
@@Hamster_Joy I completely agree and I have horrible first hand knowledge of this.
I totally agree.
Normally I'd say honouring the dead wife is fine and totally normal, bring your new wife along, introduce her leave flowers kind of send her off, visit time to time.
HOWEVER, with this guy he was totally obsessive, wasn't even excited about having a child with his new wife and just utterly selfish and disrespectful, how could you bring a life into this world and be more focused on the dead? Maybe this is too far but I feel like the ghost themselves would probably be appalled just seeing that, so its not even some obsessive fucked up loyalty, it's pure selfishness.
My husband proposed to me in a ring of fire in the middle of a dirt road at night in rural Iowa. He had prepared and practiced a mini speech for the proposal but the fumes from the flames cut that short and he asked "Marry me before we die?" It was definitely not the proposal I imagined but it was equally sweet and hilarious 😂 I loved it even if he did almost kill us. His friends helping him forgot a lighter so they used jumper cables and their car to light it. It was quite the event 😂
Okay this sounds incredible though. The story you have to tell now from it!!
Ok but thats a amazing id be so proud to tell that story!! How unique and hilarious..im not super romantic humor is more my love language and that speaks to me. Haha
He’s a keeper. Never let him go 😊🎉
About the dad with his daughters hair. If he was willing and financially able to take his daughter to a salon to get a perm, why not just take her to a stylist that knows how to handle her type of hair instead of spending a ridiculous amount of money on chemicals? He could have handled this situation multiple ways before it should have ever come to the thought of giving his daughter a perm. He chose the white route not the right route.
Omg this!!! He could have taken her to a qualified salon and gotten her hair done and those stylist would have LOVED to help him out and show him some tricks and tips and that’s just the bare minimum effort. Dudes a dickhead
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
I was thinking the same thing. He couldn’t used that time and money to go to a stylist that could not only style his daughters hair but also teach him how. I know the wife had already taught him some, but that is frankly not her job.
Because it wasn't about him wanting it done then. It was about his overall laziness about not wanted to have to do it for a long amount of time and his microagressions about the concept of straight and curly hair. He was lazy and nearsighted.
Why must The Proposal be such a big deal? The point should be two people who love each other that decides to share their lives together.
Yes! This!
It seems like she just wants -The Proposal ™️- to brag about online
She used the thing about wanting a big proposal as an excuse to postpone it. She didn't want to say that she wasn't ready for engagement.
Thank you!!!! If you love someone truly and really want to be with them, it doesn’t matter. Almost any scenario could be romantic if it’s special to you.
What is there even left to “propose” if they both agreed to get married 🤦♀️ that whole story was so bat shit insane.
With the first story, I feel awful for the wife. The first wife that passed away is a fantasy for him.
Doesn’t sound like he got to go through the 10 years of marriage with her so she’s become this ideal woman that he’s comparing his long term partner against and the ups and downs that come with a longer marriage.
Should have read more before responding this is exactly what I was thinking
@@keelabearden9668 I don’t think most people read the whole comment section before responding, you’re all good! Plus it’s good for their engagement anyway helps the algorithm 💗
Period. Who even knows if their relationship would've lasted if it went on longer. You never know. Honor her, but don't stop living and don't forgo your responsibilities
Exactly. It sucks that their long term relationship of 10+ years that has been through many stressors of life (including grieving a major loss & trying to have a child) is being compared to his 2 year marriage in his mid 20s. Who knows if the relationship would have even lasted 10 years. I feel so awful for the OP in that story. I hope the therapy helps the husband really sort through his feelings because he put his wife through…a lot.
I’m straight up a bitch for thinking this- but I mean the late wife has been dead for 15 years and married to another woman for 10 years… late wife was only his wife for something like two years… makes you realize just how unrealistic he’s making this fantasy he has around his late wife- most of this shit he’s imagining about her might not even be really true at this point.
IDK if the first couple can work it out... The words "you're not her" are going to be very difficult to forgive, and impossible to forget. I can't imagine being in her shoes... if after 10 years he says that to me, and then we start again, I would be doubting if he's with me bc he genuinely loves me and finally made peace with the ex-wife passing, or bc in his eyes I'm the next best thing after her.
Jup that one was truly messed up. She did so much for him just to hear „you are just not her“. After 10 f-ing years! Plus I think it‘s so unfair of him to compare his now wife with L. L has passed and now dosen’t even has the change to mess up. She will always be perfect in his mind.
I bet his first wife is cursing him out in heaven. Like what the fuck are you doing?
@@MrsDaedalus_ 100% beacuse he is using her name to win in petty arguments. If she was alive they probably would be divorced by now.
Even if they were to work it out...those words would always be at the back of my mind. I think he ruined it...
Am I the only who actually liked the first proposal? I like the idea of doing it privately and in a moment of pure comfort between us both.
I agree. I usually enjoy the takes on the podcast, but this time it all sounded incredibly shallow and condescending to talk down every single proposal the guy had. If the moment is just 'right', who's to say a proposal in bed can't be an incredibly intimate and happy moment for both partners, too? Then again, I'm not American, so what do I know, maybe it's a cultural thing, too
sooo much more romantic i agree
I agree. If he asked her with no ring and no plan, it means he was in a moment where he realized that he loved her so much and couldn’t imagine live without her and just did it. I think that’s the most romantic.
Tbh my boyfriend and I are almost 3 years in and I'm not even sure he wants to marry me. I don't think even he knows. I know he loves me, but.. yeah, anyway, not gonna get into the whole thing.
My point is that how the proposal goes doesn't matter to me. Just to be asked...just to know that I'm the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with...that would be enough for me. I think we put way too much pressure on it in general.
I disagree with you guys about the proposal one. I don't think the guy was clueless, some people like spontaneity and he tried 3 times. She definitely doesn't sound like she wants it
idk how you can still be with someone who is like "yeah but do it better because I want to be vain about it on twitter"
@Kate Howard The first one I'm on board with but I can understand wanting a redo. The second one I also love. By the third one it's clear she just isn't in to it. Poor guy
yes especially when morgan said to jus communicate WHEN HE DID ASK like????
I think they became too caught up in their own future proposal to even consider the story itself. At least Justin seems to have a decent take on it.
@@bee-oz4tpwhat she means is read the women’s mind! And follow those instructions, and if you keep getting it wrong that’s ur fault because you were not communicating right. when he was asking her, he even said in his post I even asked her what she wanted. so I’m not understanding why she said talk to her and communicate when that’s what he was doing.
That proposal girl holy shit…if my boyfriend proposed to me even without a ring I’d still say yes. He obviously would never but if he is getting down on a knee and asking no matter what time or place even if it’s candles in the house. That girl is extremely ungrateful. It’s about spending your life together and having the moment be intimate and special.
❤
Hey, so first of all; love this podcast. I have no idea how to use Reddit but I love the conversations that take place. Now I 25 y/o black woman was adopted into a white family at a month old. My hair was the butt of almost all jokes in my household growing up from my step dad saying it looks like I stuck my finger in a “light socket” to my hair looking like “rats nest”. Needless to say I have no relationship with that man to this day. But my mom, adoptive mother, would always tell me that I am not taking care of my hair.. at 5-13 years old. I would’ve taken care of my hair if I had known how.. mind you this is pre UA-cam years and I also grew up in a VERY white state up north. My step father would convince her to get to shaved off, most of my childhood photos are me looking like a boy. Once it would grow out she would either take me to salons who’ve “worked with black hair before” and butcher it, completely uneven and awful looking, or she’d buzz it off again. Every time I got my hair “done” I’d cry, I hated it. I was taught to hate my hair. When I was around the age of 13 I reached out to my biological family (way too soon to do so btw) I met my older siblings who helped me learn. Now, I am apart of the natural hair community and left that awful state to move south and be with other people like me. I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, a baby girl. I am so excited to teach her to love her hair and the skin that she’s in. That she’s beautiful. All the things I, myself is still learning today. I could go on and on regarding this topic but I just thought I’d finally share my experience.
Again love the podcast Morgan!
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
This is why I’m so fearful for children in transracial adoptions. Not just black children either. But ultimately, many white people do not realize how racist or bigoted their thoughts and actions can be until they have someone of another race living in their home. Not all white parents obviously. But regardless, I pray for those kids to be loved and accepted for who they are by their parents.
hi Jen! I’m watching all of Morgan’s videos backwards, and I just read your, and it really touched my heart. I then noticed that this video is 11 months old, which means you must have a nine-month-old baby! You are absolutely beautiful in your picture, and I’m sure your baby is absolutely beautiful, too. Some thing about being a mother: we go through life and at times when we really feel hurt, when we really suffer, I think a lot of us make a mental note that when we are parents we won’t make that same mistake. And I think that’s the best kind of parenting! to have so much foresight into what you do and do not want for your child shows the amount of love and dedication you have for your little girl. I hope you and your daughter are well, And I hope she grows to love herself for exactly who she is, all the little beautiful pieces that make her who she is. Sending love, support and hope from Kentucky!
My heart breaks for the girl in the 1st story… That is totally unfair & feels extremely unfair to the baby especially bc I feel like the man will always look at his child like “what would you be like if you had Elle’s DNA” wishing the child was with Elle. Just very strange to me that he’s still that stuck even after 10 years, like I totally get still loving the person you lost but what he is doing & thinking is a bit extreme
The dad with the daughter missed a major issue for his partner when his mother suggested she straighten her hair for the wedding. He missed so many things, but that was such a big red flag. Still proud of him for accepting his blindness, making amends and turning around to go all in for his wife and daughter, and commit to educating himself.
My husband proposed with the ring taped to the part of the baby book where “mommy and daddy got engaged on….” That was great and made me so happy. I didn’t need a huge proposal.
Thats so sweet
I feel really bad for the women. Idk being told that I’m just not her especially when I have their child on the way is just really heart breaking.
Reacting to the post about the mixed baby girls hair. The post is racist, she is so cute "now" is really not okay to say. Calling her hair "nappy" is not okay, you should never wait days to condition her hair. Having natural balck hair is hard but it's not unmanageable. This podcast is normally very white and I was scared to hear the opinions, but Im glad you addressed it.
Yeah, I read that one a few days ago on Reddit, it was really disturbing. The language he used was very telling
I 100% agree and I hate to say it but I’d definitely be questioning my marriage. As a black women I can’t even imagine my white husband saying such things about our daughter. I’d also have an issue with the mother in law making comments like that as well. The micro aggression is REAL and from her own father and grandma makes it worse for the child
@@makeupmonkey123 yea definitely don't know how the marriage lasted this long. Hopefully they can work it out because I'm sure the wife puts up with alot of micro aggressions.
Agreed I felt angry when he said he hadn't taken care of her hair for a few days so he got it permed to be more "manageable". HE neglected his child's needs, she's a young child and needs her parents help with her hair, especially having a hair type as a black child that needs conditioning to keep it healthy. I'm glad his wife stood her ground and I'm glad he eventually saw the errors of his ways.
He’s putting so much effort and energy into a memory rather than his very real family. It’s all going to click for him one day and he will be filled with regrets.
The chick that doesn’t like all of the proposals is not ready or not sure about the guy. If she really loves him and wants to get married she would have already planned the wedding/ gotten married. If they do end up married I foresee a divorce. The entitlement is huge red flag, she is living in Lala land romanticizing the idea of a proposal, while it might be nice but does not make the marriage.
As a mixed person who used to perm her hair, it took over a decade to get comfortable wearing my natural curls, and in some ways, my hair is still recovering from years of damage. A lot of mixed kids have an identity crisis and mine was no exception.
To this day, if I could go back in time, I would’ve never gone to get my hair permed, not even once.
ive never permed my hair but have years of damage from dying and straightening it. i feel like im still going through my identity crisis.
My natural hair used to be long and when it was chemically straightened it began to break off and was thin. I have been growing it out for 6 years it finally healthy again. I personally would never chemically straighten my hair again.
Reacting to the first story, man I feel so angry and sad. So, I watched this video last night and this story just stuck with me. I began thinking about everything about it and, I'm sad to say, I honestly don't like that woman's husband. Yes, he was dealing with grief and loss and death is absolutely terrible. To have a relationship cut off so abruptly without seeing that future together is heartbreaking. However, I'm looking at this from what that poor OP must have experienced.
First, she was highly sensitive to how close her husband was to his dead SO. However, she went to therapy. Repeat, she went to therapy for this man! She accepted his dead SO onto her altar for Dia de Los Muertos. What I've heard/read about this is that altar is for family. She adopted his dead SO into her family like a sister or best friend!
After a decade of being together, they try for a baby. This is their combined decision they are eager and excited for. However, she gets pregnant. She is probably overjoyed while he is just... lackluster about it. Then, they start arguing more. Her body is changing to prepare to bring life into this world and they are arguing about meanless things. She's already experiencing hormonal changes and he is just adding on to her body's stress. Then, when he gets tired of arguing, he runs off to his dead SO's grave. Every. Single. Time.
She tells him she doesn't want him to do it and he keeps doing it! He has to know he's hurting her! Yet, he just continues. Finally, she reaches her breaking point. After countless fights where she waits hours for him to return home (while she is pregnant with his child), she snaps. Sure, her comment was pretty ruthless, but I don't blame her. I would have reached that same point and lost it on him too! Honestly, I would have cracked sooner.
However, the moment she realizes what she did, she tries to apologize. She realizes she hurt him and wants to take it back. Then, there was what he said. He said to her that she wasn't his dead SO. That is the worst thing he could have ever said to her. After all she went through for this man, he told her that he pretty much wishes she was his dead SO and that since she isn't, she just isn't worthy. He implies that she isn't enough. He doesn't apologize. He doesn't regret it. He hurt her again in the worst sort of way and doesn't attempt to take it back.
If he cared about the OP so much, he should have gotten therapy sooner. Personally, I think he should have gone when the OP was going to therapy or when his SO died! The fact that he never did speaks volumes about his inner feelings about her and the situation.
Now, as the situation is falling apart, he does the mature thing and moves out. They get their space and he's working on himself, as he should. Yet, there is this poor woman left to go through the process of creating their child by herself. She has to handle it without his love and his support. Honestly, this is so terrible. He wasn't there for her from the start and until he works on himself, I doubt he will be there.
Also, a part of myself, if I was her, would be terrified if one day while he was thinking of his SO would turn to my child and say something horrible. Something like "you should have been her kid" or "I wish your mother was [insert dead SO's name]." Like, how could she trust he wouldn't do that?
Honestly i think her cmt on marrying the grave was legit...fuk him he is a man child actin like this he was only married to the dead obe for 2 years idk how long they dated b4 but still why remarry...he sounds like HE needs therapy. He is a jerk to treat his preg wife this way
I feel the exact same. I understand it hurts but the wife put so much effort into her jealousy I just don’t see why the husband couldn’t have gone and worked through his grief sooner.
YES! I do feel bad for him but it doesn't justify his actions. I do think her comment was rough, but his reaction really said it all, he is not over his late wife. If I was her, I don't think I could give him another chance just based on how bad what he said was.
@@dudacanever5440 Exactly! Just imagine how badly it must it have hurt for her to be compared to this idolized version of his dead SO. It must have broken her heart after all those years she had stayed by his side. My heart goes out to the poor girl and I hope she finds happiness for herself.
@@LM-qb7ch Right! Like, why didn't he ever try to go to therapy in 15 years? It makes me question how much he actually cared for the OP.
Justin is feeling feisty in this one…love it 😂 you two are great together
Reacting to the first one, having lost my mum at rather young age to cancer (15) and seeing my dad going back in the dating pool and now being in a long term relationship (she is great and has been very understanding - bless her). I just hope that my dad has moved on and he is profoundly happy and not like the husband in the story. It's so sad for both but especially for the woman who wrote, it just breaks my heart...
My fiance proposed without anything. He asked me in the car on the way to Lowes to get a ceiling fan lol and I was perfectly happy!
It really depends on each relationship
Totally agree! I love that
As an asexual who has almost an irrational fear of sex (therefore it is not present in my wonderful relationship) I felt very seen and happy when Justin mentioned that sex and relationships are not mutually exclusive. It’s hard when everyone assumes that you have to be having good sex in order to have a good relationship (I totally understand that it is normal for most people and isn’t talked about enough though!) so it was nice to hear it discussed 😌 great work. I always love listening to you guys
I usually listen on spotify but after hearing the story about the biracial girl I had to come over here. First of all the title is miss leading he did not straighten her hair he gave her a perm. When I heard the title I was like oh it's not that bad that he took her to a salon and got her a blow out or flat ironed it because if she got it done right her hair would be back to normal in a week. But a perm is literally permanent you are putting harsh chemicals that probably burned your daughter's scalp to alter her hair texture and your wife is right, to get it back she'll most likely have to cut it. I after talking to my mom about it for about year got a perm when I was in 8th grade to fit in more at my predominantly white school it was one of the biggest regrets of my life because less than a year later my hair was so damaged by the perm that I had to cut most of my hair off and start new.
To put this in terms that non black people can understand. Imagine your young daughter is a brunette and her father thought she'd look better as a blonde. So he bleached her hair without talking to you. I've never bleached my hair but from what I can understand sometimes you can't just dye it back. And I've never seen parents allow their young kids to bleach their hair.
Second, this is why not everyone can have interracial relationships. I feel like some people think that biracial kids (white/black)only come out looking one type of way. Type three hair (loose curly pattern), light skinned, light eyes, slim noses, full lips and that is not true. Both parties have to be prepared for the fact that the child can be born white passing (straighter hair, white ) or black passing (kinky hair, dark skin). It sound like (and I'm making an assumption) that the girls hair is more kinky and "blacker" than the man expected and he's upset. He called her "pretty now" and her natural texture "nappy". And the fact that her hair was so tangled a brush broke is completely on OP. I have 4c hair (the kinkyiest or as OP would say nappiest type of hair) and I have never had a comb or brush break on me because my parents never neglected my hair. He neglected her daughter's hair for days to the point that it was so mated he couldn't fixed it. And my heart goes out for this little girl because I know she was in pain if a comb broke.
Third, it sound like op has a lot of internalized racism. His mother is completely inappropriate for having any opinion on how OP's wife should wear her hair, especially because for most black women it took us a lot of time to get comfortable with the idea that our hair is beautiful and is not something that needs to be fixed. The fact that he's taking his mother's side, obviously favouring her straight hair to her natural hair makes me scared for his daughter. I always felt that if I ever had kids they wouldn't have to go through the identity crisis and self hatred I and so many others had to, because they'd have other kids at school wearing their hair natrual and parents at home that instill in them that they are beautiful regardless. But having a father who so openly favors his child looking a way that is chemically altered is going to mess up her confidence (imagine your parent saying you only look good with make up), she's going to get enough flack from society she doesn't need it at home.
I'm happy that he's acknowledged where he went wrong. And is now taking his wife's side. The grandmother is obviously racist and should not be let around that little girl. I wish them both luck.
Well said! Thank you for sharing your insights.
Thank you so much for sharing! Your take is amazing and provided so much insight!!
The bleach is a great analogy
Thank you so much for your comment: perfectly articulated.
Yes! Grandma is so wrong for that. I can’t believe she was even telling her to straighten her hair hair for her wedding. Soooo freaking bad.
My husband proposed to me after we had cooked dinner in our one bedroom apartment. No candles, no roses, and it was STILL the best proposal I could have asked for because he was asking me to spend the rest of our lives together. That is all that matters. You can make the wedding as glamorous as you want. People are really loosing sight of what a proposal signifies. This is about your love, not an IG post.
As a friends fan, the candle light proposal sounds very cool to me. Also rings are not mandatory to ask someone to marry you…
Like I said don’t need rings but at least some sort of token to highlight the significance is nice
@@TwoHotTakes agreed
I would have loved that proposal.❤️ And I don’t care for rings, they’re too impractical for me to wear in my daily life, and I also think it’s absolutely insane to spend so much money on something that is just a symbol, when that money could be spent on the marriage instead. Same goes for the massive amount of money that some people spend on weddings. I just don’t get it.
@@MatildaV1980 yup agreed. My ring is like $100 and honestly I can't belief my now husband spend that much since he wasn't getting paid and living off $20 a week on food. Our proposal went all sorts of wrong as well. If she was sure, the ring and proposal wouldn't matter.
Loved the way you two handled the hair story! As a black woman, perms are so damaging to our hair because it straightens our curls. But all it those chemicals aren't good for our hair at all. It can be permanently damaging for our hair, especially at a young age. I'm glad he learned from this but there is still so much more he needs to learn. But he's definitely on the way there.
Him being like that after 10 years makes me feel like there's other things and he's using his passed wife as a scapegoat. Wouldn't he have realized she wasn't Elle in tbe first decade?
This!!!! How can he literally marry someone else and start thinking that 10 years into it
The whole story reeked of cheater-cheater pumkin-eater
I agree. He shouldn't still be grieving so heavily 15 years after her death. It seems like he never fully accepted that Elle was gone.
agreed... when they initially said he wasnt sitting at the grave for hours I assumed they will contineu with "actually i was meeting someone else"
The first DECADE. or year. or month. or first date. We’re all so unique. No one can be anyone else.
I like the first 2 proposals honestly haha. Presumably knowing you are both on the same page with the direction of your relationship... laying in bed with the person you love and suddenly overwhelmed with knowing it's the right time. Ring or no ring, if its right it's right and that's beautifully romantic
The story about the guy who permed his daughters hair was absolutely heart breaking but has a heart warming end.
I’m mixed, half black and half Mexican, but my hair used to make me feel so conflicted about my self esteem and self image. Even though I know I’m half black, I’ve always felt like I can’t do black hair styles like braids because I don’t look black. The one time I did box braids on myself was such a difficult decision for me because of those feelings. I went through with it because my younger sister wanted braids but didn’t want to be alone. It make me happy to be able to give her the confidence she needed to embrace her blackness. She was given nothing but compliments (side note she looks like a light skin) but I was told I couldn’t because I’m not black even though I’m half. It took me more then four years after that to even consider wanting to do braids again.
What makes it crazier is my boyfriend, he’s white, has encouraged me as well and always tells me he wants to do my hair and help me in anyway with my hair so that he can learn for our kids someday.
I’m glad the guy came to the realization that he was wrong and wants to fix the damage he caused. That part made me smile after being so sad for his daughter end her hair.
She definitely shouldn’t have said that but I still feel bad for this girl! I would be crushed! It probably feels like he’s emotional cheating. “You’re not her” I would’ve been broke. He needs help in moving on. The grieving process never ends but he needs therapy to move on from Elle.
I am so glad the dad in “The Hair” story realized his mistake and is doing everything he can to fix it. As a “mostly white” girl with Hispanic heritage I am pretty much the only person in my family with curly/ coiled hair. It took me years to accept and embrace my natural curls and I can’t imagine how much harder it would have made it if someone who is supposed to love me for who I am, decided to chemically straighten my hair. Please hype up your kid’s curls! Make them see the beauty in their hair!!
“Well if your relationship is founded on yarn” 😂 I’m in tears!
As someone who is mixed and lived with my mother (white) who’s never took the time to learn how to take care my hair. It took my years to get it to the health it is now due to her excessive washing and drying out my scalp and constantly straightening and almost destroyed my curl pattern. It made me sad and I was bullied in school for my destroyed hair to the point that I cut it most of it off. I also now have a very distant relationship with my mother and that side of the family. I still am learning on how to care for my hair as well which I sometime resent my mother for never taking my to my fathers or just to someone who knew how to help me. I love my hair. I just wish more people realize the beauty of curly, coily, and 4c hair.
The proposal guy DID try to talk to her though.. he wasn’t clueless, she just wasn’t telling him what she wants.
This!!! The hosts seem to be more concerned about how this could apply to their future proposal, rather than actually discussing the story at hand. At least Justin kind of gets it 😅
The one where she went to the grave to apologize made me cry, no matter the outcome of the marriage she is a wonderful woman
My fiancé proposed while we were walking downtown with our puppy! It was simple, and so sweet!
My fiance's parents kept bugging him to get me a ring. I would have been happy with him proposing with a kitten honestly.
“I wouldn’t have been mad if he proposed with a ring pop”
Not gonna lie, I think my inner cat lady would 100% prefer to be proposed to with a kitten instead of a ring.
A kitten sounds better than a ring tbh
As a Black woman who takes her natural hair very seriously (and destroyed it through her middle and high school years), I seriously respect your take on the father perming his daughter’s hair. You are one of my fav podcasters and I appreciate how knowledgeable and gentle you are with subjects. You state when you don’t know about something and you are honest with your viewers. You even know that box braids are “protective” hairstyles! I love your effort in the podcast. Thank you so so much!!!
The guy who straightened his daughter's hair, he educated himself AND he confronted his mother + whole family. Honestly the best thing he could have done after that mistake.
The story of the little girl's hair literally made me cry. I think most of us who have textured or curly hair, grow up with the struggle of people constantly telling us our hair isn't pretty. I spent my whole childhood hating my hair and comparing it to my girls classmates who had straight hair and when I was around 12 I started to straighten it constantly until I got my perm. Everything about my hair made me feel upset and it lowered my self esteem for many years until I started to read about other people who went through the same struggle and I understood it was all caused by racism. Straight hair has been the beauty standard for ages and textured hair has always been viewed as an ugly type of hair, so most of us grow up hating the way our hair naturally is. Last year I decided that I no longer wanted to feel that way about myself and I chopped all my hair off to let it grow naturally again. I felt so good about myself after that and even if I'm still learning to love it the way it is I am glad I came to that decision. I am still receiving harsh comments from family members about it and other people as well, but I don't really care anymore. They can say I look untidy all they want, I'm not gonna stop loving who I am.
I love how you and Justin talk about marriage without any problems, this means that you are not stressed about it and that is really good for your relationship
The proposal one was really annoying. People who care this much about a “story worthy proposal” and a nice ring are not cut out for marriage.
The perm story. I'm latina and I was getting perms to straighten my hair since I was 10 because I hated my "mated" and "messy" hair, but it was simply because no-one in my family knew how to care for it. And let me tell you, those chemicals BURN. They are so harmful, no child should be getting expose to that. I'm now 23 and learning to embrace my curls, and it's honestly so liberating. And Justin is 100% right on how hair is so important to someone's identity.
I have so many thoughts about the first story but my main one is that, that woman is an extraordinarily beautifully kind soul who deserves so much love and happiness in this world she’s beyond understanding and selfless. I hope her husband finds peace and I hope his late wife watches over both of them and their baby.
My great grandfather proposed with a cigar band, my grandfather with a bread tie. In carrying on that tradition, my partner proposed with a hair tie. I still have it! ♥ The right proposal doesn't have to be big or flashy. Or it can be if that's what you're into. Rings are not required for a proposal. Just the love and commitment!
I love that you and Justin are so clearly devoted to each other but also comfortable enough in your relationship and yourselves that you’re not in a rush
Edit: also Justin being on the gf’s side in the two first proposals speaks volumes! What a good guy
Hey Morgan, as a child of Spanish peaking parents I want to say thank you for learning our language those you help ❤️
My husband didn't even ask me to marry him lol! We were celebrating Christmas with our 1 year old at the time, and opening presents. He told me to check my stocking, and inside was the ring. It was hilarious because it was so my husband's style. I did love that it was private with just our little family.
The story about the little girl’s hair broke my heart so much! Growing up I wasn’t allowed to wear my natural hair. When I did, I would get left at home. I was stubborn and only caved in when I needed to go out to get tampons. You guys handled the discussion well! Because so many girls with kinky or curly hair go through this. And only recently were anti discrimination laws passed to prevent schools and employers from discriminating against natural hair styles. Before then it was a toss up that could get you kicked out of school for having “unkempt hair and grooming”.
Story 2- I proposed to my husband. It was during a very sweet, emotional moment. I was sitting in his lap and we were having the greatest conversation and I just said "marry me" he said yes. I told I was being serious, he said so was he. I started crying and told him I didn't know why I was crying. His response "because you are happy and happiness looks amazing on you"
My current girlfriend's dated someone who passed away 5 years ago while they were dating. She has told me that he was the only person she ever considered starting a family even though she doesn't like or want kids. For me, I haven't felt much jealousy. Its hard to compare me to her boyfriend since I am a woman and I am a completely different person from him in many regards. Not really the jealous type in the first place. I'm not sure myself if we will get married but I know we will be life long friends. I haven't been treated this good in a long time (not by past so's but by people in general)!
She has been very open to talking about it probably cause I lost my best friend of 7 years right before what our senior year of high school. So no matter what, my gf and I will always be trauma buddies lol
Justin, stop saying its dumb. My husband had a ring, but literally he proposed while we were laying in bed. It was super romantic. It was our special place where we felt safe and happy. I just feel like youre calling my husband dumb!! We have been married for 15 years and have 3 kids. We also never got to have a wedding, because my dad made a huge deal about how expensive it would be instead of congratulating us... So like... some people dont need to be the centre of a huge ordeal to feel chosen and special. Morgan might hate that, but it's not dumb.
With the first story, my neighbour was an old lady probably in her late 80’s, she had a husband (hank) that was amazing he was so kind and gentle and they both looked after us a lot growing up. A few months ago, I can’t remember how the story came up or how we got to talking about it, but she tells my mum and I about her first husband who had passed when she was in her 30’s. she met and married Hank a few years later, but when they met and started dating she told him that she was always going to love her first husband more than she loves him, he was her first and biggest love and no other man will change that, and he was okay with that and accepted that. She said that she to this day is still in love with her first husband, her and Hank are still happily married and he is fully aware of her feelings and okay with them. That’s the most important thing I think, is that they always communicated so well and were both on the same page, that’s what led them to have such a healthy and happy marriage
To Justin's position on surprise vs not surprise proposals:
I think the circumstance of the exact proposal is fun to have an element of surprise, but the couple's communication and understanding of the relationship should be in the same place so it's not a "surprise" that they want to get married.
Like, on/around a birthday people are not surprised if someone says happy birthday or gives a present, but the exact present or circumstance or like a party can have an element of spontaneity.
IDK if I'm just talking in circles, lol
coming from a mixed 15 year old with 3 sisters, our hair is not “difficult” it’s just very annoying to do because it takes a lot of time. By using perm to make curly hair straight is very damaging. My sister lost all of her curls and had to use a lot of products and trimming to get her hair back and now it looks better than ever. I even had damage just from straightening my hair every month. It’s crazy. I had to work to get some curls back also but it did not take me as long but my sisters took at least a year or 2. They will also get there daughters hair back with good care.
But something that is never talking about among people is that how mostly mixed girls always go through a phase of only wanted straight hair because they think it is what “ makes them fit in” I even went through this and had to realize my hair is beautiful even tho it is different! ( and also my dad is white and my mom is black, he never has done my hair but it was never an issue as a child because most of the time (not all) when you are mixed you are born with more straight with light curls, then when you get older it gets thicker)
He didn’t ask his wife first because he already knew what she would say and he was too lazy to do his daughters hair
My husband proposed to me in the car on our way to a concert. I admit, I would have liked something a little more romantic but it was still nice & intimate. In the almost 10 yrs we’ve been married, he has been nothing short of amazing. This girl must not want to married to this guy because I would have loved a candlelit proposal ❤️
As someone who is mixed and got their hair relaxed at 10 because "it was time I do my own hair." I can say that, it doesn't do great things for the self-esteem. Up until that point my mom, who is my black parent, was the only person who could do my hair because I'm also tender-headed. My dad tried about twice and tried to take me to a Salon but even they couldn't do it. I will say these were black women too that tried. My dad was the one to make the decision, big surprise there, but I also feel like he may have been pressured to do it as well. It took me 10 years to stop getting it relaxed but I like to keep it short. It was the best decision I ever made, I get so many compliments and it really helps my self-esteem. I love my dad's side of the family but they just don't understand. So I'm glad he's trying now, better late than never. I think OPs mother is an awful person as well and needs to learn some things.
32:31 NOOOO DON'T GIVE MORGAN'S MOTHER HOPE LOL
Hahahaha
This parent, admitting their mistake, making updates, understanding the root of this problem brought me to TEARS. Some personal growth has happened regardless of difficulties comming from standing up for their family.
For story 3, I want to preface that you guys did an amazing job tackling this subject. As a person who comes from an indengonius-mexican background, I've been subjected to believe eureo-centric hair was ideal. Although very beautiful, I am now appreciating my curly, somewhat coily hair, as it is. Hair is a huge factor in how someone identifies themselves. I'm glad OP learned from his mistakes and is learning from it!
Dude, if I got proposed on Times Square... I would pee myself with happiness, seriously 😂 but I would probably pee myself if I was there, even without the proposal 😆 I live in Czech Republic and New York is my dream ... I love me some billboards 😂
I loved Prague when I visited. If I got proposed to there I’d be so pumped. But hehe you’ll have to visit someday. It is really cool!
Justin talking about all the experiences he wants with you is just so wholesome. Love you guys together.
Justin being tiffy about the proposal. " FINE. I GUESS" 🤣
I feel for the mother and daughter in the Black/mixed hair situation ❤️ I’m also mixed but I have a white mother and Black father, and have always felt so lucky that my mom took amazing care of my hair when I was little. I am so glad that this father actually learned from this and has promised to do better. We can only imagine how harmful of an experience that was for the daughter! It would have been awful for her to continue having contact with the racist white family. The mother was absolutely in the right, I hope that she is getting the support she needs now, and that this family is healing together. Your response and empathy for this one was so lovely, thank you.
The story about the insemination has another update! She ended up having a beautiful boy and the partner is still with OP.
26:47 such a good moment on a rewatch after they’ve been engaged for a good bit ❤️
As a black woman, that Reddit story made me livid I can't lie. Black girls especially while young, see everyone else with straight hair, and not enough representation as is. Many salons cant even style/cut our hair to this day. Personally, I went to all-white schools, with zero representation of people who look like me, thus making me want to fit in and not accepting my hair for what it is. It took me till college to love my hair. That creates self-confidence issues that many black girls face. That girl's dad and grandma more than likely make comments like "wow it looks so much better", or "it's so much easier to do" which ignites the idea that her natural hair doesn't look as good because of daddy and grandma like this better. Not to mention how damaging the perm is for hair alone. I used to get them. Only recently is my hair healthy because I cut it all off. The only way to save your curls is to truly cut them off. Props to the mom for not leaving his ass honestly, shes told him before I 100% know she has.
Justin has me cracking up during the entire proposal story lmao I’m dying listening to him talk about how boring it all is
The hair one is 100% getting on my nerves. The fact that the dad didn't even mention his daughter is such a red flag to me (even if she is really young). How did she feel? Was she happy with her new hair? Damn, she probably felt in pain because he couldn't even brush her hair properly. I 100% agree that the mom should have been consulted, and even tho I agree with Justin that any change in hair would have been dramatic, in this case it doesn't seem like it's just the hair. The fact that the mom has to deal with the (not so) micro agressions of her mother in law AND THEN see her child suffer from the same thing is absolutely unacceptable. And he even has the audacity to say that she is overeacting. In a relationship, I feel like we should try to understand who our partner is and where they come from, and in this case he is absolutely neglecting this important aspect of his partner's and CHILD's identity. Even if they had never talked about this before and he was ignorant , if he doesn't at least recognize his mistakes, it's because he's racist.
Oh ok I got to the updates... Oof, that's was tough, I still feel sorry for the wife, I hope she feels seen and accepted in the relationship now.
the proposal story puzzles me SO much and as much as I typically agree with Morgan I can’t on this one.
if you truly love your partner it doesn’t matter if they have a ring or not. it isn’t about the ring, it’s about making a commitment to see a future with your partner, to say you’re ready for forever, you know? I get though, some people have their hopes, but no way would I ever even think of making my partner propose not a fourth time, not a third time, not even the second time. it kind of takes the special moment away. also think about it, how much stress would this be putting on your partner? is the perfection of your proposal so much more important to you than their well being?
Sounds like the gf doesn’t want to marry him.
The proposal story: yes as a girl I have dreamed of the perfect proposal but people tend to forget it’s also the guy’s proposal. It’s also I huge moment in their life the same way it is ours. Neither persons dream proposals could be the same and that ok. But that girl was just hating on all his efforts belittling it. At that point I would just leave
my husband proposed to me in his underwear in our living room after a failed proposal (imagine sitcom scenarios of forgetting the ring, the restaurant not working out lol) I said yes, of course. Was it the most romantic? No. But it's our proposal story, and I love it. The proposal, the wedding.. not important. What's important is the marriage.
concerning about the 4 year old with a perm, I found it alarming that the Dad commented "she looks cute NOW", glad it had a happy ending
The proposal story: they're not compatible, plain and simple.
After 4 proposals that weren‘t enough he should just quit. She will never be happy.
And people should only propose if they talked about getting married to each other beforehand.
Honestly, with the whole proposal, I feel like the women just wants something to show off, not to tell her kids in the future but to her friends or the people around her, which explains why she brought up her friends proposal. I feel like she wants something to top that. A proposal does not need to be flashy, it should be intimate (but I guess everyone has there own preferences, which I respect.)
Edit: this was my thought before they talked it out and she explained her reasoning
When my parents where still just dating, they said they'd get a scanner when they'd get married. And one night, on the couch, my dad was looking at ads, he saw one for a scanner and told my my mom "should we get it ?". My mom answered "so we're getting maried ?" And that was it, they improvised a ring with something they had and I find it really cute !
As soon as I heard “I gave my daughter a perm” I thought…Ohhhhh he fuuuuuuucked up…he should have known better!
the woman in the first story is a beautiful, sweet soul ✨🦋 i love that she said elle has a place on her altar
i’m at the part where they’re talking about proposals, and honestly it’s sounding pretty privilege. If someone brought me to Times Square and propose to me, it would probably be like a dream come true! I live in the south in a town that I do not like, money is tight and all of those proposals sound amazing! Just getting to Times Square, having a ring with real diamonds in it… it all seems so far away.
That proposal story that girl is just ridiculous.. Justin not everything “is dumb” my husband spontaneously gave me my engagement ring while we were sitting on the sofa watching a movie and we’ve been married 20 years.. So not every spontaneous engagement would be dumb..
This is my favourite episode with Justin. He is really well spoken and empathic in this episode, I've never respected him more!! He's such a great guy. Love you two 🥰
The proposal girl is either addicted to the feeling of being proposed to or she is trying to end things with this guy without being the one to end it.
1. It’s kinda crazy she asked him to not visit the grave without her. 9:10
In regards to story 3, if he took his daughter to the salon to get her hair straightened, why did he not think to have the salon do her hair instead?
And he didn’t brush or style the little girls hair for 4 days??
Because internalized racism
It's SO FUN watching this after seeing the real proposal Justin did! The communication is obviously KEY
I agree with Morgan on wanting it intimate but wanting someone taking pictures. My boyfriend knows not to do it in front of strangers. He’s asked me what type of ring and I’ve showed him what style I like. I’m not one for surprises but I want this to be a surprise.
Morgan hit the ball on story number three! I love how she is so respectful and on point with her take!