My family disowned me - 1 year later [narcissism in family relationships] |
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2021
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Can you please share the name of the background music?
@@rishabhrohit uh it's by Dylan Sitts
I think UA-cam does filter the content. I had to go look for your channel and I'm a subscriber. Stay authentic - in all things. ;)
@@LisaSimplified Admitted that I'm no YR-savvy and I have had difficulty orienting myself. Guess it is no surprise. It was at first hard to find Joshua's new channels. But I found out one things about the supposedly new algoritms that steer what YT makes pop up for us to see. There are new priorities for the algoritms. The time we spend on the video and the time spend with comments and discussion also matter, as well as subscriptions and likes. So I'm supportin Joshua when I write long comments! Hurray! Take it as appreciation for the content!
@@DNA350ppm interesting observations. I'll give it a test.
By not enabling their addiction anymore, you are already part of the process of helping them. Keep focusing on yourself and pursuing what makes you happy Josh.
I Have you checked out and connected with the "Sting Flight"channel. That guy is not getting younger & needs pilots and viewers.
If family break ups happens to people like us on Facebook. A BIG HUGE RED FLAG PROBLEM.
I relate do to you on this channel and I adore your legacy. You are doing hard mental health work . Your okay with me Josh.
You will fly free from the nest from now on. There is an eagle is Switzerland that never see's its family members ever again until death when it flies from the nest ,"The Brown Eagle " of the Switzerland .
This is the raw nature of survival. And that sounds brutal because ,it is.
AND people do it , too. Because ,we are animals, too.
Forever.
This transmission was sent from Lake Tahoe -Reno.Nv.
10.10 am
May Day
You must be referring to an open apology in a civil court and public acknowledgement of the apology WITH a bank check in the amount of loss and damages.
@@anatitan5546 Now...THAT would be appropriate, in spades. There were and continue to be immense damages all coming from just ONE direction. A proper fix IS in order. It will not likely come however... just continued damages...it is not wrong to step aside when that is the only potential. That is not any sort of retribution.
The actual crime remains continuing drug addiction, the disowning was their crime, not Josh's...he has simply chosen once shoved aside, not to allow more abuse, in fact, he has chosen not to aid and abet actual criminal behavior... life and family destructive behavior that his family has tried hard to force on him.
The one and only rational and survivable response was to step aside from that huge steaming pile of bad news.
Can't believe I've been following these events for a whole year now..
can't believe this shit is actually real
@@JoshuaFluke1 thanks for sharing as always josh
@@JoshuaFluke1 I believe it would be beneficial for you if you did take care of your parents, y know if it’s financially feasible for you. Do you believe you could move on? cus I get the vibe of feeling guilty. You know what ever they did they thought it was for the good of you and for them of course. But y know from 30 years from now when y hit 60, I don’t think the justifications will hold. I mean if you’re financially capable of taking care of their ‘basic’ needs food, shelter, cloths and y refused to do it because of the justifications ,however distasteful they may be, I don’t think y will be able to get away from the guilt josh. You know the activities you do may be reactionary.
Don't listen, you can lead a horse too water but you can't make them drink. You did all in your power too help that's all you can do.
Ah this is coming from south Asian bloke. We kind of know we are being brought up as Insuarence. Of course it’s cruel but it’s real. Y know this may not apply to the first world. So I might be mistaken here. Don’t take it seriously.
Josh talking about his interests and being all happy and nerdy is the sweetest, most adorable fucking thing 🥺 he deserves nothing but the best
he is so respectful man I can swear he is so generous to his parents
His honesty is very meaningful to me.🤓
This isn’t the content I subscribed for, but the content I stay for
Opposite 4 me LOL
Dan Financial Haha opposite for me, too! I never would’ve stuck around so long on a software engineering focused business tips channel, were it not for these videos he made.
Once I got to know who he is as a person, I not only began valuing his business opinion, but also began just enjoying hearing him talk about really anything 🤷🏻
@@DannyD-lr5yg I think u agree with me and not him. He was saying he ISN’T staying because of this content, but because of the corporate content
@@RatBoyTriple6ix Yes, that's what he said, and I'm the same way as him!
You subscribed for content other than Josh's deeply personal videos like this one; however, you stuck around because of it.
I, on the other hand, subscribed because of this personal content, but I stayed because of the corporate content -- which I wouldn't have been interested in without first knowing more about Josh.
opposite for me
When I saw the notification I thought his family has disowned him again
Same omg
Yeah me too
Well they would have to re-own me to do that and no one has ever reached out since.
@@JoshuaFluke1 hugs, brother
@@JoshuaFluke1 You've been through HELL. I'm so glad that you have HR Lady & her amazing family as your own now. That's amazing, & you deserve these good folks in your life!❤
I don't talk to my dad anymore. The stress and anxiety dealing with his baggage I got tired of it and cut it off. Parents shouldn't do that to their kids. Boundaries are important.
Same man. My dad has been in and out of my life as an abusive drunk. He missed all 3 of my graduations and my wedding. Yet he drunk calls me on my birthday at 3 am in the morning to start arguments. It hurts for a while but sometimes you have to make decisions that is best for you. You aren't in this alone, there are a lot of us that have to deal with terrible parents! But we got this!
@@DJ-xp9bs I remember reading someone on UA-cam referring to that as the Annual Birthday Ruining phone call, or something like that, they got every year - for me, it WAS my brother.
I can relate. I have two narcissist family members who are jealous and cruel. I went no contact with them a few years ago. They go around telling people all these lies about me as retaliation but I stand my ground. I have not gone back to them and I don’t try to convince anyone to believe me about their behavior. I’ve walked away, I let people say and think whatever they want and I’m much happier.
Josh, it's crazy how similar our situation is. It feels good to know that I am not alone. Ignore the hate, because you are helping a lot of people whether you know it or not.
Dude I am going through the exact same situation right now. The problem is my despite me being out my brother is still enabling my family. I am trying desperately to get him to stop but he's basically working 24/7 living in a tiny room and just paying rent for my mom and my sister. I used to sleep on the COUCH despite making 100k as a software dev because my mom refuses to move to a cheaper place and wanted to keep up with the neighbors.
You should NOT be caring for people that do not care about you. You WILL be used as long as you let yourself be used.
and some people think a certain socio-economic policy will work after it's nth iteration... The problem: not all people are equally caring (i.e. reality)
I just wonder why these people don't claim public assistance instead of making a family member pay for them- they are entitled to welfare and ebt and it would be a lot less of a burden on the kid that is working to provide for them. If they have no income they can get the rent assistance, food stamps, etc.
@@ThingsILikke you may have not seen the other videos. They have a drug problem.
@@destroyonload3444 I have seen the other videos- does having a drug problem prevent people from getting welfare and ebt?
@@ThingsILikke in some states, it is; they do drug screenings. Enabling drug abuse by infusing more cash isn't exactly a wise solution.
Josh, I'm real happy that you've gotten so far without your deadbeat biological "family." You did everything you could and they repaid you with lies and gaslighting. I appreciate you speaking out and think you're doing all the right things.
"Look welcome to the most depressing channel on youtube" nah it's the realest channel though
I don't hate these videos because people need to witness the change and increased peace that comes with moving on from, or at least protecting yourself from, the most abusive and toxic people in your life (regardless of how close of a family member they might be). There are too many good people out there to waste energy on those who will do nothing but drag you down with them.
It's the realest channel on UA-cam again.
True, because he’s not even hiding the fact that all this “drama” is to grab viewership and nothing more! Using his family to make money on UA-cam. It’s pathetic & honestly feels desperate.
@@Purya kf your life is shit might as well make monetary gains anyways.
@@Purya I'd like to make back the money I gave them for 'rent' aka hard drugs and I think that's reasonable.
@@Purya It is a desperate thing to be treated like Joshua has, by those we expect to love and cherish him the most! You tempt me to wish, that you would get of your own medicin one day! You are so envious crying pathetic! We see through you!
@@DNA350ppm Am I envious of having 'corrupt evil family' ?! you can't be serious. I do not appreciate you attacking me. You don't know me, so please stop trolling & get a life.
I'm glad you found HR lady and her parents treat you like a son. My momma heart hurts when i hear what you went through, and your videos teach me a lot about being a good mom to my kids, so thank you for sharing your experience. I like seeing everything you have achieved :)
My momma heart hurts too. I have kids close to his age.
I feel this so much. I effectively went no-contact with my family 3 years ago. The hardest thing is dealing with the emptiness and loneliness, especially during the holidays.
It's the holiday season now. Sending up some prayers on your behalf and some good vibes your way. I'm sorry this is a difficult time for you.
You can find people who won't let you be alone.
@@Asfgxff Yeah, missed out on all those years of abuse.
It's normal to feel like that, Josh,
Your life has been full of unstrustworthy people taking advantage of you during your whole life so I don't blame you for being skeptical and cynical when things start to go well. I've been there as well, I tend to focus negatively and be on guard when good things start to happen to me out of habit.
My only advice to you would be to appreciate and be thankful of this precious, happy times you're experiencing right now, you've earned it with your hard work, discipline, consistency and by surrounding yourself with strong and hardworking people like HR Lady and her parents.
Best regards.
Your very brave to share this with us. It’s a great sacrifice and will be a big help to others.
I’m probably the same age as your mother. My mother is a lot like yours from what I can see from your videos.
I was very close with my mom my whole life. Then I had a son and took second place. She worked on him for years to separate him from the family. She had no relationship with my other five children .
My father died a few years ago and then they moved and stopped taking my calls.
It’s been long enough that I am starting to see clearly how she manipulated and sabotaged my life, my entire life.
This actually happened around the same time you separated from your family.
It’s been a gift to know that I’m not alone.
Thank you
Yeah it's rough dude. They were the one's that made you giving them money a prerequisite for a relationship; you didn't cut them out of your life. You just made boundaries. You'd still miss them even if you were the initiator of no contact.
You're not living without your family, you made a new one of your own design.
Josh, I always appreciate you being candid about your life in these videos. These are my personal favorites. The handful of morons who judge you for talking about your family are either a) suffering in silence and are envious of your ability to talk about this stuff or b) have never had any real family trauma. Go off king.
U forgot option c) they are abusers
Dude you got some truly good content! Some of us do have family issues, but one thing I learned is to not waste time on people who do not appreciate you, regardless if they are your family or friends. Value your time man, sooner or later it will run out.
Ohhh man if your dad had a little mechanical engineering UA-cam channel where he could show people some "how-to" videos of creating cool little gadgets, I would have subscribed!
Dude, I remember back ago Josh said he was helping him create Mechanical Dad, a channel, don't know how it ended up but he sure tried helping him out. I remember...
It wasn't specialized enough to suit his dad. His dad's hobby is apparently drugs.
When I was in high school I hung out with ambitious and entrepreneurial stoners. We used to go to the hardware store or dig through junk drawers to "McGyver" a bowl or bong to smoke weed out of. We would have subscribed to a channel devoted to improvised weed smoking devices if the internet existed back in the 1980s.
Pops needs a channel about engineering drug paraphernalia.
He did
@@toxicpoop2766 I didn't know! I thought Josh was just saying it was an idea he had.
Too bad drugs took away his dad's manhood.
@@Steven-ud8kz yeah bro he made a channel for his dad and everything. They had a few vids on it. It was called Mechanical Dad
I think the idea of cutting family off is often romanticized, it doesn't get easier, like most things you just get better at dealing with it is all. Personally, I find that not trying to forget them but rather reminding yourself of why you made the choice you made (to cut them off) is less emotionally taxing. Happy to see how far Josh has come
The older I get, I’m in my 40’s, I realize that I only want to associate with people who don’t want anything from me other than conversation and time. I’m loosing family and friends along the way because you have to cut these user-friendly people out. I’m 3 years No Contact with my family and yes, the ruminating sucks. It’s the worst part actually.
Seeing you take your dogs to the beach warmed my heart. I just had to put my dog down due to stomach cancer, and it reminded me of the two trips to the beach that I took him. I hope your family gets their act together, for their own sake. But that's their journey, and you don't have to let them drag you with them.
I'm sorry
Through all of this, I can tell you still miss your dad, or at least miss what he was or what you thought he was. I think you've come out of it handling it pretty well all things considered. Keep on with this content. It's pretty therapeutic.
Yea
This just broke my heart ❤️. I’m estranged from my daughter because I was tired of helping her financially. It’s truly devastating and the pain comes and goes. Praying 🙏🏾 for us both.
Dear lady,I don't understand your situation totally but here is what I have to say: please don't separate yourself from your daughter for any reason. It's on your death bed that you begin to regret that decision. Trust me, dying with no child by you or no child coming to honor you is not a good thing. Let nothing in this world separate you from your own. We only have one life to lead in thi s earth. It doesn't make sense for strife over money to separate you and your child. Peace.
Had to put distance between my son and our little devastated family. 15 years of hell and destruction.
@@The_Harylaba Spoken like someone who has never had a family member like that. It is not an easy decision and a person has to be truly and irredeemably shitty to make the choice to cut someone out.
@@ashm4938 Okay. Do you. I really don't have to now be in a competition with you on who has been hurt most by family
Don't worry about the drama of your deathbed. Ask yourself this: Would you accept this behaviour from any other adult in your life? Neighbor or friend? No you would not. If a person brings absolutely no joy into your life, then you gotta kick them out. Sometimes our kids turn out to be bad seeds. Even in the Bible, not every person had a child that was good. Caine & Abel? Such is life. You're doing the right thing.
My adult son quit talking to me when I refused to give him anymore money too. It was painful at first, because you remember the sweet child that they were. But, that sweet child of mine grew up to be very greedy and entitled. I moved out of state to put some distance between us. My life is good here, far away from his drama.
He calls me now, he's 38. But, I keep him at arms length. He's very successful, makes a lot of money and still very rude and greedy. Some people never change.
I started watching this dude before landing my first full time job, just after graduating end of 2019. He was a nice source of advice and encouragement at a time where I needed it. I dipped out since getting that job, because I didn't need the advice anymore. Now checking back, bout a year and a half later, none of my plans from back then panned out. I am no longer with my girlfriend of 4 years. And I haven't seen my family in over a year. I've also been promoted past junior engineer and am technically a senior engineer now. I've lost 30kg, I eat well and exercise. I've travelled, met many many new people and reconnected with so many old ones. I've patched things up with my sisters, and am both mentally and physically the healthiest and happiest I have ever been in my life. I genuinely cherish my life rn. Rare are the days that I am down, though obviously they happen. Life gets better lads. Im glad to see it does for my homie too. I'm about to fly off to reunite with my fam once my current contract is up. Cheers guys
It's so, so hard. It's hard to grieve people who are still alive.
Its what I subscribed for! I'm so glad you're out of that toxic family situation.
Narcissists are the worst when they are family members since they turn all the other family members against you. It's better to not have family than to have a group of people that gangs up on you and grows accustomed to abusing you.
OK, I've just ditched any tv drama series and jumped into a continuation of this story 🙃
Josh's family literally be like " You better give your hard earned money whenever we ask you for it cause we wanna smoke some pot or else we will cut off ties with you and yeah..don't forget to pay our bills this month "
I'm sure it was a bit more than pot.
@@benjamindover5676 He has said it was. So sad. Just like the frying egg in the pan commercial. She picks up the pan and starts destroying the kitchen with it to emphasize the ripple effect on your family.
I sure wish it had been just pot. Opiates/opioids are a whole different (much worse) substance to abuse. I would assume it started with a prescription for opioid pain meds, as is the usual mode of addiction. I really hope that in a few years his family recovers with some serious rehabilitation, apologizes to him, & they can spend time loving each other before someone passes away. I pray for all of them, & I will forever feel so bad for Josh having to go through this awful situation!💕
LOL as if pot would have that kind of effect.
Seriously hits home man. The nostalgia, the grief, and the delusion that things can be like they were and that they are the same people. It hurts a lot when you know they are still alive. Hang in there man, the dysfunction in families is rarely talked about and not a lot of people get how it makes you feel daily.
Thanks for your comment, it really speaks to me.
Been through and still going through something similar and I know what you mean man. Shit sucks. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Another part of the crazy story that happens to be his life, mad respect for getting threw this till this point🙏
Wow crazy how you're the only one in your family without drug problems
I was disowned after my mom died in 2013. It's been a tragic existence ever since. It was before too but its been worse and gets worse every year. Had to get that off my mind
I'm glad you confessed your mental state, and I'm really happy to hear you aren't depressed.
I believe you should keep on living your life to the fullest and while it is indeed quite hard to do it with the kinda shit you've been through, but life shouldn't always be about clinging to our past, but more so on living the present and focusing on the future.
If they ever decide to apologize to you, then so be it, but there's really no need to wait for their apology, especially since it just might never happen and you might be then waiting for it forever, and that will always make you feel empty inside, so stick to what you already have and try to live in the moment as much as you can without worrying about your past.
Best of luck man, I'll keep on supporting you.
I like the heartfelt talks. I remember wanting my family to be different and thinking about it too much. As I got older I learned and grew and those thoughts have gone away. You can't force it to happen. For me, I hold my head high and treat myself well. This too shall pass...Have a good day Joshua
Joshua, we dont know each other.. but i know what you're going through. Many thinking it is easy for yourself to just forget, but there is a place in your heart, what always gonna be hurt, because everything happened. And "im proud of you"..without any extras, without wanting anyones help. You're strong because you can show what most people can't: you have a HEART.
July will be 10 years no contact with my family. Holidays suck still, but not as much as with them. I could wish they’d be better people, but I have to care for me and my soul more then toxic people. I filled my life with crafts, books and caring for my pets. Still learning to tolerate/trust people.
Thank you for sharing these stories over the past year+, it's always helpful to hear another person talk about their family trauma, and reassures us that we are not alone in these things. You're not a bad person for doing what you're doing with hard boundries, you're making healthy decisions. You're not weak or lacking progress for still having thoughts of family like this.
You're in a good place with your progress on this. If able, seek therapy and counseling, there is no shame in having a professional guide you through dealing with these heavy and horrible family issues. You can't rush healing, and someone with experience can help a lot.
Take care, and take care of yourself.
Glad for an update. I'm nosey 😊. Glad you are level headed about them. Mad respect for you. Stay blessed and stay strong.
Josh, I’m so proud of how far you’ve grown over this past year. I hope you, HR Lady, and the “kids”(dogs) have many more years of joy and excitement. Go on another 1300 mile journey this year and keep us updated. Can’t wait to see your next year- update in 2022. Stay strong, keep up the amazing transformation.
I appreciate the update and enjoy when you post new videos.
Dude thank u for telling ur story, I makes the rest of us feel less alone.
Wow, heartfelt. You're on the best/correct path, it's difficult but in the long run worth the effort. Carving out your own person is the only thing you can trust and count on. Keep the faith in you. Peace.
I watched my father go through this with his parents, he so badly just wanted to get praise from them, a simple “thank you” or a “love you son” is all he wanted, he never got it before he passed away. He kept on doing what he needed to, he survived and rose above it, you are doing the same. It probably hurts like hell emotionally, watching your parents struggle and make dumb decisions, but you gotta do what is best for you.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It’s what you do WITH THE TIME. And it takes more than a year. It happens in tiny bits as you continue to live a life YOU can be proud of. 20 yrs later I still have those “wish my mom could see this’ and “wish my dad could be proud of this” and a lot more painful moments. They become less painful as you continue to put one foot in front of the other. I’m praying you find peace.
Dude this is one of the most helpful videos I have ever seen on UA-cam. Thank you.
These videos have been helping me massively with some similar family shit. I really appreciate these videos a lot. Thank you, Joshua Fluke!
i like your content and I hope we all are working for what is correct good luck
I sincerely hope your dad and family come around from their habits. My dad had to experience getting beaten, going blind and almost dying multiple times to finally come clean finally and not just for show but really clean.. I hope it doesn't have to be that way for your family. Sometimes that's what it takes for addicts to change unfortunately.
Thank you for talking about this publicly. It is important for people to see both sides of addiction, and too often, we see it only through the eyes of the reformed (or still active) addict and how bad it is for them.
I'm glad to see your vids! They still pop up in my feed.
These videos are providing us with valuable information on how to deal with these situations.
So even if at times it might be depressing, it's doing way more help than harm.
Anyway, good luck with your life man, you're gonna do just fine.
... you are going to do fine, because it is you who are the captain of your journey! Stay your course! We trust in your capacity.
YES, you can choose both friends and family. The biggest lie is that you have to be tormented by people just because they are "family", those who say that have never been exposed to that shit. Do not stop talking about this either, we are several viewers who have experienced the same experiences as you and some stil do and need someone who they can relate to,
even if it's just hearing your life story.
I can relate to not being able to share in your success with your family. I worked my way into a 6 figure salary, 401k, pension, medical benefits, career. About 2 years after I landed this job, my mom and step father filed for bankruptcy. Short story is: step-dad is a small business owner, things weren't going well and he hid it by running up 6 figures of credit card debt over years. So, I can't call my mom and say, "Mom, I had a record breaking salary year!" or "Hey mom, I maxed out my 401k already!" or even just "Yea, were going to take a nice vacation for a week", "We got a new car!", "We bought some land to build a house on."
One day, one of my co-workers who keeps to himself a lot asked me why I share so much of my personal life. He had no idea how profound the question was, and neither did I until i thought about it and realized it was because I don't have anyone else to share the joys of my life with. It's very lonely, so I'm there with you on that.
I'm just glad Josh is still with us today and his new family is supporting him, he deserves it ^_^
"ad revenue's dropped; subs have dropped."
:'(
You bet I'm smashing that like button for you my guy.
Stay strong & take care of yourself, not good you’re family are sponges, you tried to help them but the took advantage of you, 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Bro, thank you for putting this out there. Thank you. Your message resonates with me on the deepest level. Keep sharing your invaluable experiences with us.
Just a guy from Russia here. God bless. Keep being awesome.
Hey Josh, been watching your videos for a while now. Your videos have really helped me get perspective and that what’s going on in my family isn’t normal either - It’s really tough for me to accept that.
The “what if’s” are very hard to process and I wish the past could have been different for you. Keep going doing the things you love with the people you love.
16:35 josh finally enjoying life, you love to see it
You've come a long way in a short time, Josh. You were mistreated for years... don't feel bad if you're not "over it" by now, or 5 years from now, or ever. Just live how you want to live. Good luck!
I appreciate this content man. There are many ugly sides to families that people don't like to talk about. My mom is a narcissist and it's been over a whole year since I've seen her (not my choice). My parents are going through a divorce, and my mom's side of the family has basically shunned my siblings and me. It's a horrible feeling knowing your grandparents, cousins and your own mom wants nothing to do with you anymore, especially after all those years of seeing them, for something that was out of your control. I really don't think people with normal healthy families can understand how toxic some families really are. Best of luck, also, these vids help me feel a bit better knowing others are going through somewhat similar things thanks
Hey, man. Don’t worry and keep moving forward! You may have heard that many times but it’s a really good idea to keep moving. Keep doing what you like to do and all will work itself out. I’m glad to have found your channel. Like it or not, you’ve helped me and possibly others by just being you lol
So thank you for sharing!
Have a great day!
I haven’t had contact with with my father for about five months because he kicked me out in a very shitty way. And I know he’s an asshole and I know that he’s been terrible to me, but there’s always gonna be something we used to enjoy together that I see. And it was like a calm in the storm that I wish I still could have with him. You’re incredibly strong.
I also want to take my dog to the ocean! I keep telling him that we will make it to the coast so I can take him to the beach all the time. It's my promise to him so I can keep doing better and getting a job on the coast
That's so sweet he's a lucky boy
I am glad and sad for you, man. I remember watching the stream live when this process started. I hope things continue to get better for you!
Josh, the drugs really don't surprise me. I remember watching your videos about a year ago where you described their behavior. As someone who had been friends with a person in the throngs of heroin addiction, your descriptions of the disappearing money, joblessness, lying, string-along tactics, stealing, and erratic behavior mirrored my experiences with my childhood friend before he went to prison. Your parents being strict Christians were a big throw-off for me initially because those types of people just don't fit the traditional drug addict profile. I'm deeply sorry you had to go through this with your family, and I hope that your story touches people who are experiencing similar struggles. Drug addiction is nothing to laugh at.
Remember-all you did was set a boundary once you had enough.
It was THEIR CHOICE to give you threatening ultimatums, and to disown you. All you’ve done is maintained the no contact they implemented and distanced yourself. And...
Who broke the no contact first...not you.
In my opinion, it’s necessary to maintain that boundary and distance protect yourself from further abuse. You think about the good times... but you know to be wary...it’s nice to fantasize about a normal relationship as long as you don’t forget that you are envied and resented for not only your money and success, but also for the experiences you’ve earned the right enjoy and want to share...sometimes it’s just easier to stay no contact but I understand you’re torn...you have feelings and it’s normal for you to mourn the death of a relationship of any kind...
If you do share things with them...you risk that they will use that interaction to manipulate and hurt you... you wonder if they think about you... they do...and mostly they resent you setting that boundary and not allowing them to abuse you-how dare you stand up for yourself. 🙄
I remember my own mother telling me-“You know...you’re not all that!” My response...
“Uhhh...ok...I never said that I was...” 🤦♀️ they pretend just enough to get back in after you e slammed the door, but the mask always inevitably slips again...
Yes, that's the very difficult thing, all what they imagine in their heads, that has nothing to do with reality.
We are with you
Have to say Josh, you are an inspiration. You may not feel it, but your raw honesty on this subject shows it hurts, but you can get through. Feels like wading through treacle, but you have (un)knowingly held up a mirror for people to reflect on their own situations.
so happy to see you moving on to better things and a happier life, love your energy brother keep moving forward!
"without any family" lol man you have your family at your new home. The rest were people who raised you, they know shit about beign a family. You are cool man!!
My dad was in a similar situation, his parents always wanted money for rent, because they refuse to work.
He says it's new memories he makes now with the friends, my mother, brother and I that get him through the tough times.
I think this is called healing,love your journey,stay awesome.
Love your honesty
Myself and my siblings were all born in a cult. After id run away and left when i were 15 1/2 years old. Our mother cut me off treated me as if i were dead. Never spoke to me once over next 25 years. Then one day the cult family arrived on my doorstep telling me that they'd come to apologise to me. And that things would be different from then on. They treated me decent again for next 2 or 3 months. But once they'd realised that i had no intention on returning into their group. They cut off the contact again.
I love softwhiteunderbelly's channel!
Don't worry we all have mom and daddy issues to some degree. I think you have a big heart, and had difficulties setting boundaries. Before (if ever) you let any of those who hurt you back in, heal your wounds and remember the booundaries and the things you've learned this year.
Im 54 and yesterday was the first time I ever watched one of your videos and it just so happened to be the video one year ago that was the first part to this story and there was so much that I could identify with on so many levels with you. After the video I thought to myself I wonder how things are going for him now and I kind of ran through some of your videos and I didn't see anything pertaining to it, and then I turned on UA-cam and this is the first video that I saw on my feed. Then I heard you mention the addiction that your family has come to admit to and that just like really hit home because I come from generations of addicts and too long of a story for me to tell here. I don't know if you've ever had experience with people that suffer from addiction but I can assure you that it wouldn't matter if your parents loved you with her heart and soul and one of the very best for you it's not anything that they will ever be able to express to you while they are in active addiction. Is something that is just so powerful it's unimaginable how powerful it is if you've never suffered from it. But as the person who is suffering from all the mental anguish and hurt you should really consider finding out something about living with and loving and yet being rejected by addicts. Not trying to sound pushy or anything but something you might consider is looking online for an online Al-Anon group just to maybe sit in and check it out and see if it's something that you might find helpful. There are so many people who have gone through and who are still going through what you are dealing with and have dealt with for the last year and they all have different stories and they all got their different ways but they're hurt is the one thing that they have in common. You would have an opportunity to hear people who have had to find a way to live with us and not let it destroy them emotionally and while many people deal with things many different ways you may just hear something that clicks with you but they are people who will 100% understand what you're going through and they all know that when they finally made the decision to care about themselves and be okay with that that it wasn't an easy road. Understand that some things may feel uncomfortable as I got the feeling from your first video that you're not too tuned into a higher power but you also seem to be a pretty open-minded person and you owe it to yourself to at least check it out and if it's not for you it's not for you but don't stop looking there are people out there who have been through when you're going through and they can help you through your struggles as you find a way to leave the guilt behind. I wish you the best I've subscribed to your channel I'll be following you I'm looking forward to you getting better.
Honestly I love these videos
Josh, people saturated with extreme entitlement don’t ever believe they have anything to apologize for. No contact is hard. What’s harder is living with their insanity.
Josh, I have had to cut family off, cold. I understand those thoughts of, "I wonder if I called. Would things be different?". You know what? It does change. It feels worse. You realize that you HAVE to go on with those people. It's more painful to try to carry on even an "arms length" relationship.
I promise you. On everything that I do love. It will become much easier. No matter what happens. That initial trust is broken. That will never come back. NEVER.
It may be therapeutic for you to put together a video. Or, a book. So, you have something to go back and remember the good times. Or, to show to people in your future that you grow to love. Something to remind you that there were good times.
Until those people sober up. And I mean for over a year. Proving that they really want to live a life. Not just exist. The best thing for you to do is, live your best life.
You're not alone. Others have had to cut off family. To save their own sanity. Keep sharing. We'll keep supporting you.
Addiction is pure evil, and Josh, you’re setting boundaries and you aren’t being a co-dependent. You’re doing great in a sad, difficult situation. You are the most articulate, thoughtful “introvert” that I’ve ever seen. Thanks for sharing; I’m sure many more than I can relate to the pain of what addiction does to people and families. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Ahh I've been sick but I'm catching up lol. Hey Josh hope you had a great weekend! I remember finding you because of your family story and it hooked me. I couldn't believe FINALLY a man able to show real emotions while talking about such an intensely intimate subject. I'm still sorry but I'm not because look at who you've become! Love all your videos including these. You're brave and stronger without them. Stay safe!
As someone who has been apart of a severely drug addicted family, the best thing you could have done is to cut contact. All the manipulation, drama, and crime will drag you down. It's sad, but it's just how it is
Thank you for sharing from your heart. ❤️ Keep those happy memories alive within you. U Rock Josh!!
Thank you for talking about it. Makes me feel that I am not the only one in this situation.
My mom stopped taking her schizo meds 4 years ago, my dad spilt and her brother has been hot and cold toward us
I can relate
Its so lonely
I'm sorry you're suffering through it,
I wish you the best
I remember an old video you made talking about how you wanted to get your dad a passport so you guys can travel cause he's never left America... I'm sad it didn't work out... I know how hard it is to let go... You love your family
I can really hear the pain in your voice when you talk dude, it almost sounds like your about to cry at times (which wouldn’t be a bad thing). Cutting off ties with your family so they don’t have drug money is actually helping them in a way though. You have already started a process to help them move toward recovery. Making these types of videos where you dump your feelings out is probably really good for your mental health as well. Speaking about the things that hurt always makes me feel better anyway. On the bright side though, you sounded completely different in your clips with your girlfriend at the beach. Like you sound so happy in those clips, and it gives me hope that you’ll eventually feel better and get over this. We love and support you Josh. Never give up, ever. 💞 sending love from California ✨🌟
Love these videos, I am going through almost the same situation
Time doesn't heal wounds, it just gives you the time you need to figure out how to heal.
"Its not about money it's about the family"
But if you wont give us money then you ain't the family. LOL
Funny how people say that yet they ask for someone else’s hard earned money.
You are a good person Josh. Keep doing you and have a good heart. We were not put on this earth to be used. We are here to learn, love and enjoy our lives. Chin up. There are many people out there that feel the way you do. That have had to cut people out our lives even though we still love them. Many of us that dont understand why these people are like this. I love your heart
your story is as useful as the information you share about abusive bosses and avoiding the "corporate ladder" and "job loyalty" memes
thank you. It's good to show people to be sober about both their work life and their personal life