Why You Feel Lonely Even When You're Not Alone (And How to Fix It)
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
- This video explores the common experience of feeling lonely even when surrounded by people. We'll explore the psychological reasons behind this phenomenon and provide practical strategies to foster genuine connection and combat loneliness.
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I started visiting the elderly and helping them.
I am part of a volunteer group now.
This helps my mental health a lot!
I feel so happy to see them happy.
I used to do that with visiting my grandma when I felt most depressed and lonely. It helps a lot paying attention to others, it makes you feel helped along the way.
This is how I feel every day. It's so rare to feel truly seen.
I feel that way a ton, but I also have some really beautiful encounters too to balance that a bit. It's harder to when you get older and aren't as good looking and desirable as you may have been younger. It's hard.
@@AtortAerials The older I get, the less I want generic people around. I agree about being older and less "beautiful," people want to ignore what they aren't attracted to. I want sincere connection with the company I keep, not small talk. I don't like myself as much around other people, so they need to be people I genuinely enjoy for me to enjoy myself with them.
@@Sarappreciates 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I'm always the one to initiate a connection with people. It's so draining because if they are emotionally unavailable, then all they are going to do is take take take and give nothing in return. I'm always checking in on people stepping outside of my comfort zone. But no one checks on me or even care unless they want money or want to be nosey.
U are so right, I'm so tired of that ppl who only use to u when u always gives everything for anyone
❤❤❤
People don’t care about me. I reach out and they just don’t care.
@@kunserndsittizen2655 I feel the same so many times. People do care I’m sure just everyone is SO busy in their own crap it seems and caught up in life sadly. I care. Hang on there.
Top tier content, thank you! I
I have felt alone all the time, especially when I was in school, even though I never was alone. Feels like you are secluded from the world.
As a teen, it was a horrible feeling. Now, most of the times I see it as a gift, it gives me inner peace
I think I often feel the opposite. I spend a lot of time alone, but not lonely. I've had people say they worry for me being alone so much, tell me I "need to get out more." I sometimes miss certain specific people, which isn't the same a "lonely," but I rarely feel like I need general human companionship unless I need help with a specific task. I hate myself more when I'm around other people. That inner judgemental voice quiets when I'm alone, and I enjoy that silence.
Anytime I allow myself to be vulnerable, it's used against me
I swear this video was made for me. I'm literally feeling this way right now, and part of me feels a bit ridiculous for it. Thanks for the kind words Doc.
Same 🤕🎨
I talked about this with my friend this morning I'm staying with we both feel this way and talked about how lonely we feel so crazy...literally an hour ago and now watching this.
Same!
It's ok to talk about it. It helps some. Sending hugs to all of you 🤗
And for me too ☝️ 😢
My diagnosis changed from bipolar disorder to schizoaffective disorder bipolar type in 2022. I used to feel lonely as a bipolar patient, and now that psychosis is a constant presence in my life, things have just gotten worse, much worse. So, thank you for this video. I really needed it today. ❤
Sorry you’re going through all that.
@@ben_is_tall thank you. 😀
Off topic but love your pfp
@@EtherealSolana Thanks! :😀 😃
Sorry about your situation. Have you ever tried a Dialectical Behavior Therapy course? It helps tremendously with your diagnosis. Worth a shot. Good luck with everything!
This introvert has never felt lonely for people, & I'm really glad for that.
It’s not a longing for people really… It’s more like a feeling there’s a twin of us who died in-uterus that nobody else knows about… It’s like half of you is missing… But the feeling is coming from the lack of being seen, recognized, acknowledged by everyone we ever encountered.
The suggestions you make about joining a simple book club and stuff I swear for me made things worse. I literally signed up for board game night and showed up a little late because I couldn't find it as my first time and all the people there were so rude to me and unwelcoming made me feel that much more alone and annoyed. Then I went to a meet up at a healing circle and same thing everyone else there seems cut off to being open and making a friend fucking over it. It's like nobody seems open everyone living in fear and a paranoid mess...rather be lonely alone!
i'm dying from crushing loneliness yet i don't want to be around people anymore... can't make connections with people. don't know where/how to meet people with similar morals and interests. people are shallow and selfish.
Not only that, I find I literally like my quietness. I hope things get better soon for you. ❤
@@thecozyconstellation nature for the win. Nature. Heals maybe find some others that simply enjoy being in nature?
Learning mindfulness is one of the most important lessons right now.
Im stuck inside in an apartment bld, no car, 70 yrs old. No relatives left. I was productive in the past, in the Bay Area. An area where theres Always Somthing To Do. no car, didnt matter. there was always a ride to where i needed to go. Huge Metro Area. Now in midwest small town. Nothing to do, If i Did have a ride. bumming rides to Drs... Nobody checks in.. I was born here, but was successful in Bay Area. Now back in midwest, im very unsatisfied w my current reality. My cat is my friend. & shes a Really Great One.
But i see No city lights, no sign of life beyond my bld. It truely Sux !!!
You’re not the only one. Embrace it. Read. Write. Start a hobby. Play music. There’s a lot more you can do.
@@emiliog.4432 don't tell people to embrace loneliness, that's toxic.
@avodiablackheart6131 I am a recent Midwestern resident. I know what you mean. ❤
This video makes me feel so much better! ❤
Awesome! ❤️
"It's okay to have needs" The way society tries to make people feel bad for having needs
I’m autistic so I feel like this most often
This is kinda spooky because I just had a conversation with my neighbor about feeling lonely even when having family around. I always been the black sheep of the family, my siblings friends do not know about me, everyone in the family knew about my Aunt passing away today and I didn't find out until later. My siblings won't call to check on me but they talk to the rest of the family. Yet they do not understand why im dealing with depression and anxiety and hurt 🤦🏽 I told them I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and my brother said it's because I don't get out but yet he is the same one that told me I don't need gas money just chill at home 😞
I've always felt lonley ever since I started elementery school when I had undiagnosed adhd as a kid and saw that the other kids and the grown ups acted so much differently than how I would've wanted to interact with them so I shyed away from them to not get bullied or ridiculed fot it. My little sister is very extroverted, I am not so it was easier for her to talk to a lot of people and that made me feel like a weirder freak of nature so I just decided not to be a people person. It's crucial to have friends in your adult life however when all you do is work, go home, go to sleep and repeat for decades.
I have always described it as though I am a ghost no one can see.
🫂
I have described it as being on a separate planet that is far away from everyone else.
I’ve battled loneliness and depression for as long as I can remember, and even when I’m surrounded by friends or family, I still feel like a stranger…disconnected, as if I don’t truly belong.
same
Same here..
@@Loneranian I know how you feel
Same here! I 100% get where you're coming from
This is how I’d felt for the longest time. Ngl my faith helped a LOT. Now people admire and see and hear me when I speak or walk into a room, more than before. I have more confidence now. And feel a bit more connected than before but still a bit distant. But deep down I’m more content with life now. Before it was much worse and was taking meds for depression. I always used to think, since elementary school, maybe the reason I’m not that connected with others is because I “have no personality”. I felt like something was wrong with me. My parents never really let us play with the neighborhood kids much so that stunted my growth.
Dr.Marks, this video is pure therapeutic gold! Your wisdom, compassion, and expertise reached me at a time when I really needed your wisdom on exactly this subject to help me better connect in relationships with those I want to feel a deeper connection to, but have been struggling to deepen my bond with. Your compassionate advice has really helped me to see a way forward with deepening my connection to them. Thank you! ❤
Thank you for your top notch content as always. You are so generous to share your wealth of knowledge with all of us!
Thank you Dr. Marks, for this video. It revels how, along with purpose we can associate the correct emotion with the correct revelation. God Bless You
Succinctly presented. Thank you so much for these guidelines. You are so very skillful!
Thankyou Dr Tracy mark most part of the world is lonely even when you are with your family or friends, yes mindfulness, meditation and spirituality, Buddhism zen stories are wonderful, I am a bi polar mental illness , I live in India❤
Being adopted and having literally no family and the only family I know is my Mom who is 90 with progressed dementia really stinks. Totally lonely all the time to the point I feel what's the point of even being on this planet. Yeah I get it it's hard.
That's really hard. During COVID and afterwards many family members and family died. I'm beginning to understand loneliness in a different way.
I wish I seen this sooner. I’ve felt like this majority of my life from a teen to now being in my 30’s.. 😞
The reason is simple. People just don’t listen to each other. Active listening and true empathic listening is rare. Everyone is out for themselves. People are in their phones instead of engaging with others.
Thank you, Dr. Marks. I would love to see a vid about those of us who are in chrinic pain, disabled and suffering insular loneliness. 💝
Got to notice. Let's check it out.
The loneliest I ever felt was during my last marriage.
Now I'm often on my own, but not lonely anymore.
I just spoke about this with my client today. Thanks for the work you do. I was inspired by you and others to start my channel ❤
Thanks!Dr. Marks never misses ❤
You’re welcome and thank you! 🙏🏽❤️
Very insightful. Connection with others and resilience are strengths we all need to build inthe world today. Thank you.
The loneliness I have ever felt is when I have been in a relationship
Thank you for this video. Having MDD makes it hard to connect with people, since I tend to isolate myself which lead to feelings to loneliness. I am going to try your suggestions. Thanks again.
Thanks DR needed to hear this I'm a truck driver on the road 10 days off 3 I find this very helpful
this is a very powerful video full of helpful lessons - thank you
Thank you, this was really insightful.
Ohh I don’t fight with loneliness, it won, I am completely alone
Yeah? And what happens when you've read dozens of books, including the nonviolent communication method, spend years identifying your needs, finally do so, express them to your "friends" and they all tell you that you are too needy? Then what? I am exhausted with all of this. Maybe this approach works for neurotypicals, but it sure doesn't work for autistics and I am tired of the bad advice. My friends did not listen, and I tried many different "professional" approaches.
The people around me are so superficial and self-absorbed. No strategy for deepening the connection worked unfortunately. They ramble on about themselves and are addicted to social media. I hate being alone but also hate being around them.
Three useless things I hear:
1. I’ll pray for you
2. Have you thought of seeing a therapist?
3. I don’t know that to tell ya...
This is such an important subject to talk about. Would you be interested in making a video talking about loneliness in people with mental health disorders like ADHD and autism?
I was on a party recently (don't Go on many) and I was treated so well by some old friends I didn't see in a while and I thought: "Why does it feel so weird to be liked?", guess you shed some light on it
I like to describe it as hiding in plain sight it's like I'm surrounded by all these people but I still don't feel seen or heard
"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely. But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely man, and companionship thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others!"
Carl Jung
Memories, Dreams, Reflection
Thanks for the video! 🤗
I've had various relationships where I'm always the initiator. That gets old when you're always the one reaching out, and I tend to give up on it. Over time you wonder if people just don't want to be around you 🤷🏼♂️
I've been/felt alone for most of my life especially as I got older and the people who I was connected to the most exited my life through death or otherwise. The only time that I was able to experience meaningful connections was when I was in college and was around like minded people and it felt amazing, but then I graduated, moved and lost touch with my classmates. Now I'm back in the same kind of headspace and I always think about that time when life was better. It feels like a theme or cycle that I keep going through making it hard to break out of 🙃 I miss feeling connected.
Imagine that! The popular student(s) in high school. That, I admired so much. Could of been just as lonely as me!
Thank you for this video! It made me think about how loneliness is one of the major factors driving people toward problematic social movements, like white supremacy, incels and pickup artist stuff. I would be so interested in a video that addresses people at risk for those things and explains how to avoid them. It’s so sad to see people seeking relationship and community finding it only through racism and misogyny. Thank you for everything you do.
Yeah,I tried to just say that and it's like ugh, stop complaining = my parents, and friends. So I just keep it to myself and try and work through it on my own. Yes,I've been saying I need new friends with shared interest.
Thank you so much for the great explainations for the cuases of loneliness and for giving us aclear steps to improve our lives in this regard! ❤️
To feel lonely even in a crowd is one of the worst feeling's ever,it's like you're invisible or don't even matter,but at the same time I know it's alot of people that enjoy their own company & staying to their self
Can we clarify if depression is its own stand alone condition or a labeling of a certain number of experienced conditions. Thank you.
this format really suits me
I don’t mind being lonely it’s peaceful and less stressful
lonely is not the same as alone. you don't mind being alone.
@@thecozyconstellation alone and lonely too I’m perfectly capable of going several months without seeing or talking to anyone
@@fifibc7925
Are you for real?
@@samuelugoagha5200 yeah I suffer from agoraphobia and have extreme social anxiety and bipolar disorder
The psychologis was fast to put me on meds😊. I was never a threat, just sad and I wantedso.eone to talk I 😮felt like this in Hong Kong! Hundreds of highrises just wow!
This video was incredible! Thank you for the breakdown ❤
For yrs my partner made me feel lonely and I would let her know and she would ignore me and was bad listener, So I started hanging out with a group of people who were also toy sellers like my self and helped me some but I met a girl who also was a toy seller and I eventually opened up to her and she explained the same from her partner it's a long distance friendship but we are very close now and developed some feelings towards each other because we have so much in common....
If you don't want to be with someone anymore break up with them it's that easy
Be a decent person tell your partner and break up with her.
@jacquelinemuwonge3618 That's were I'm at this point....
@@ADHDSOPHIA Yes.....
Thanks for sharing Dr Mark.
Clubs with common interests as mine are helpful too...
Mine is fear of abandonment
really liked this video
For me, (using the food analogy) is I'm surrounded by junk food. Hard to find a good "meal" with like minded people because there are precious few of those, and they are probably in their own island somewhere compounded by my spouses complete lack of empathy.
I sometimes feel isolated around people... Support Groups and Dayhabs help me with this...
I've tried integrating with peers but I need to drink a few shots in order to relate to them.
Thanks for your videos.
Very lonely .. the only person i feel safe w is my therapist but i still feel incredibly disconnected even from her...😮💨
So good!
Thank you!😊
Thank you for your coontent!!!!! Trying to unbuild those taumas
Siempre he estado sola aunque durante un tiempo me las ingenié para estar siempre rodeada de gente. Solo al final he sabido que padezco trauma infantil que hace que mis relaciones no sean significativas y tienda a apartarme de la gente. También he sabido que soy autista y siempre he estado muy enmascarada. En el autismo hay muchísimas dificultades para relacionarte con la gente. Estoy trabajando con una terapeuta que me insiste en que procure relacionarme bien conmigo y que esta es la clave para sentirte bien acompañada
Great content, as usual! I loved the nod to the Psych2Go animations. And would it be possible to discuss some more details about this and other social connection issues in autistic adults?
Alone in the crowd.
Cool now explain it via social class.
05:42
09:54
Hello Dr. Marks, I appreciate your videos, including this video on the topic of loneliness which is very timely for me. But the AI voiceover for the prompts at timestamps, 4:28 and 6:40 was so jarring I had to stop and back up. I dreaded hearing that voice again so I read the text. I am going to assume (and please forgive me if I am wrong) that you don't do your own editing, but have hired someone to do it for you? The AI voice was so mechanical and impersonal, even creepy, that it disrupted your reassuring presentation. And to what purpose? To me it was counter productive.
AI is the shiny new toy. But I find it's increasing and indiscriminate use alarming and disturbing, especially because it lacks human quality.
I studied film at university. There are lots of mental health content creators. But I subscribed to your channel because I respect your expertise as a medical professional, your focus on solutions, and. . . the production values of your videos. Please consider dropping the AI voice. Thank you for your consideration.
Yeah, big agree, I associate this AI voiceover with like, lazy content reading out reddit creepypasta posts or something.
therapy did not help ! Now as a senior, I trust no one. Dogs are much better that people !
I'm with you!
I completely agree
I’m 24 and I feel the same !!!!
It's the same with a cat, my best friend
Then why did you watch a video about connecting to humans better? This isn't a video talking about how to connect with dogs better. Ultimately this comment hurts others as it reinforces loneliness and teaches others to make their lives worse not confronting the challenges they face. Only by facing your challenges can we solve them and heal and be happy.
Tisk, tisk.
Dr. Marks do you have any advice on how to help people who self harm? Any coping mechanisms that can help? I know this can be a really sensitive subject but it’s something that I don’t have the answers to
What if you are completely alone, as in no family left. So you have no choice but to feel alone.
for me, it's my nervous system not being relaxed and i'm unable to be authentic in the presence of anyone, without fear of judgement/shame. So I'm lonely when I'm suppressed by my nervous system.
I was raised in a DOOMSDAY CULT. I left the cult because I no longer believe in thar religious institution' s rules, policies or doctrine. . The leadership of the Jehovah's Witnesses enforces MANDATORY SHUNNING. Therefore, I am being shunned by all family members and my entire social network. I was born in. In addition, no one was allowed to have an outside relationship with anyone who was not a Jehovah's Witness. I suffer now from social anxiety and depression. Please help
Thank you for all you do Dr. Marks☺️ What is your opinion about Dr. Sam Vaknin’s proposed Covert Borderline diagnosis? I am diagnosed histrionic and borderline but have many different traits of other PDs and Covert Borderline as a diagnosis fits me perfectly.
I’m happiest when I’m alone but when I’m with other people, I feel so sad.
TIL Loneliness is your brain's hunger for humans..... wait....
GLORY!!!'m favoured, $140K every 3weeks! And I am retired i can now give back to the locals in my community and also support God's work and the church. God bless America 🇺🇸 ❤️
Excuse me for real?, how is that possible I have struggling financially, how was that possible?
Thanks to my co-worker whom God used to give a great opportunity of crossing paths with 'Mrs KATE ELIZABETH BECHERER'.
She's a licensed broker here in the states🇺🇲 and finance advisor.
YES!!! That's exactly her name (Kate Elizabeth Becherer) so many people have recommended highly about her and am just starting with her Brisbane Australia🇭🇲
Same here, with my current portfolio made from my investments with my personal financial advisor (Kate Elizabeth Becherer) I totally agree with you.
................................
Talking, i guess was too much effort!!! You are just lost with all the people....
People will fail you, but never Jesus.
Really enjoyed this one, thank you for sharing with me.... I've got some new tools for the mental toolbox.
Excellent! I'm so glad to hear. Keep that toolbox well-equipped. 😊
read the forbidden book Magnetic Aura on Borlest, and you'll see the secrets they're keeping from us.
Thank you very much. This video was extremely helpful.
Thank you for this