Narcissists Don’t Want You To Be You...
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- Опубліковано 28 кві 2024
- But instead, a version of themselves. How sensible is that? 🤔
#narcissism #narcissist #toxic #toxicrelationships #controller #relationship #teamhealthy #love #control #anger #angermanagement
Your videos have confirmed that I’m married to a narcissist and the minute I set boundaries and didn’t let him cross them, it was a problem. We are now separated and I haven’t had this much peace in the past twelve years!!! Thank you for making me wake and value myself and my children’s well being! ❤
I think I knew for a long time something was wrong but like you these videos revel my wife to be a narcissist- my son is 22 and told me to leave. Not sure I can with our finances so intertwined- how did you seperate?
@@pattracey105 prayer and knowing I could always go back to my mothers house if I ever needed to. When my eyes were opened, my peace and mental health were more important. I refuse to continue to live in stress and chaos and be dead from a stroke and leave my children behind. Best of luck!
God is unmasking the demons in This season
Well said! No more catering to their wants, needs, desires, lies, whims,fantasy/disconnect, or plans at the cost of your own likes, wants, needs desires whims and plans!!
You said an mouthful so true 💯 u
Sadly that was my mother, and back in the 60’s, no one talked about narcissism, so I never understood why she treated me like she did.
It can be horribly confusing. No way to appease the gods. They are either ignoring you, angry, or happy they are abusing you. It is hide or flee from catastrophe lol, or I suppose try to make people laugh, be silly and act stupid to make them feel superior so they don't strike you down.
I resonate with this. I used to get migraine headaches and call out "Mom....Mom...." in my pain. A friend thought I was needing my mother, but, how misunderstood could I have been? Internally, I was going, "Mom, HOW COULD YOU?....Mom, HOW COULD YOU?" but the waves of pain kept me from saying anything but mom, mom. It was some pretty serious trauma I was upset inside my head about. Not one therapist I went to identified or treated it. I was just diagnosed and medicated, which was just what my mother wanted. She's dead now, but the injustice remains. How could she?
When my parents 1st met my husband they said, “We never could control her.” He thought that was so weird and finally I began to see the reality of what they were doing to me my whole life.
Glad you got free from them, 🎉 hoping husband is not controlling. ❤
❤❤❤😢
Amen, Dr C., know yourself & what is in your best interest, be kinder to yourself, protect your hearts! "Have Grit, Show Grace." Your inner being will be at peace. ❤❤
Boy, howdy, isn't that the truth!! My x-narc didn't like it when I didn't think just like him or expressed my own thoughts. He would find fault and complain because we weren't "on the same page." He wanted me to be just like him so that I would lose myself. It almost happened, almost killing me emotionally and mentally in the process.
Love that you said boy howdy! 😊
Me too, finding myself has been a process.
Sending you blessings! You got out!
In school, kids used to say: "Who died and made you king ?" Odd you forget this wisdom as you get older.
That's it. You have no personal rights. It's all about them. They do not speak to you. They ignore you. It's only their opinion. Dealt with it most of my life. Done. Don't marry one they just want control over you. And they hide who they truly are.
❤❤❤ I think I will even shown them the real me.
Yep, you described my ex to a T.
What I learn watching Kenny's videos is that he brings up enough relevant situations across the spectrum that it helps remind me to keep a broader range of behaviors available in helping me understand others and what they're doing and a consistent manner. One that I had not been thinking of but it's really relevant is the fact that they meaning Those that really allow those impulsive narcissistic behaviors to become them will use ignoring us as a way to hurt us and control us break us down.
You hit the nail on the head with this one. This completely summarized a sister that I recently met and had to remove myself from. She wanted me to be like her, and when I pushed back and showed my independence, she didn't like it. And when we would argue, she'd tried to bring me down the same path as her.. the back n forth yelling, i couldn't do it. I maintained my composure, something she couldn't do, and i told her i would not stoop to her level.... she totally hated that! I had to get away and create boundaries!
Absolutely, thank you Dr Carter!
My nex is like that. It was always "why can't you be" or "you should do" . I got so sick of it. I just wanted to be me. The last thing I wanted was to be like him.
Hatbox is a great tag imo! Good on you, seeing really & getting away!
After my relationship ended, the narc said "Maybe if you had just done everything I asked you to do I would have stayed with you."
@@amiblueful Wow. But if you had done everything he asked, he'd most likely find something wrong with that too.
@@Hatbox948 Oh absolutely. I spent years puzzling over why he acted the way he did. I didn't feel lesser about myself, but I just didn't get it. Then I discovered Dr. Carter's channel, got my answer, and was able to let it go.
I am thankfully almost finished with a long divorce from a severely abusive narcissist. I am grateful for all the information you provided which helped me on this journey towards healing.
Brilliantly said dr Carter❤ independence is the only way to go. This is who I am. No apologies 😊 thank you 🙏 God bless you❤
I am so happy that I have your videos to listen to thank you for all that you do Love to all
I heard an expression recently, " anger is the punishment we give ourselves for someone else's behaviour ' it might sound a tad bit simplistic but I've been applying it to the narcissist in my life and it kind of works
That is so onto it! I need to stop doing that now.
I like this very much and put it on a 3x5 to remind myself!❤ Thanks.
So true. You have confirmed everything that is happening in my life. He wants me to be just like him and live in a warped world. Thank you so much, Dr. Carter.
Always helpful!!!
Your assertiveness will resurface as soon when you leave. Thank you Dr. Carter your words resonates to my healing
Kinda tough after 60 years, no, I left after 20 years but was still caught up in THAT massive web from h377. A lot of learning and regrets (and resentment) and NOW working hard on leaving a positive impact with ALL!!!😊
When someone STALKS and COPIES multiple clothing items, and tries to compete with you in everything you do, except they do not want to do all of the WORK involved, they certainly do want to be just like you !!
That’s creepy.
Yeah it's so weird how they view everything as a competition
@semisweet322 Are you away from her now ? What is her situation ?
I Totally Agree ❤
They want you to just go along to get along, go to bars and smoke pot....
My EXfriends diet consists of caffeine, pot,alcohol,painkillers,sleeping pills & her dogs medication too. She thinks I'm bad because I started a daily mushroom gummie supplement. I've had to go no contact because she CANT control me😮❤
Totally fell back into the anger this weekend. Kicking myself but at the same time the cruelty I had to bare would only bring up anger.
The worst is she absolutely loved it! That's evil to me, to enjoy someone's downfall at your hand.
Trying to comfort myself and move forward...growth.
Thank you Dr. Carter, you save people's lives. God bless you
Pain is coming for her.
Proverbs 17:5
“Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished.”
I feel that he saves lives as well. When you have really experienced this he touches you in a way that is incredibly healing.
I got really angry too by the way. Still learning to not react to outrageous things. Give it some distance before doing anything or saying anything.
@@dakoderii4221 I don't wish pain on her but I wouldn't want to be her when she has to face what she has and continues to do to me
@@andreacook6000 thank you
Thank you for validating my feelings.
NO. MORE. APOLOGIES.
This is the only answer anymore.
Take me as I am. I will take you as you are.
Move on and so will I.
Two weeks ago today I left my narc ex partner of six years .
He was demonic and extremely violent at the end and I had to run.
He trashed my house and took my phone and bank card .
He’s even still driving past my property a few times a day .
My heads still spinning
Get evidence, take his a** to Court. Don't ignore! I ignored my current Malignant Narcissist Sociopath and he changed his appearance, falsified his Federal and State Employment Applications, falsified literally everything about himself and now has me currently enslaved as his unwilling domestic servant/Slave/unwilling tax deduction, against my will. He is a Retired Corrupt Federal Official that I Whistleblew against. He is also a former schoolmate of mine growing up that refuses to accept that I don't want any relationship with him at all. I am laying low until I can escape again. Next time I escape, he will be in prison, where he belongs. He has ILLEGALLY used his Corrupt inside law enforcement connections to Deprive Me of My Rights, Under Color of Law, for years and years. I ignored his aggression in the beginning and he and his many flying monkeys/criminal co-conspirators destroyed literally every aspect of my life, my health and my overall well-being. Please learn from mistake! Don't ignore his aggression. It will get worse and more dangerous!
❤️🩹
Stay strong. Don't fall for the trauma bonding. You got this!!!
Have a restraining order and don't hesitate to report the stalking.
Build yourself a support team right away. ⭐️Yes, I agree that you need to report the abuse to establish a history.
Almighty God is by your side❣️🪽🛡️🪖
Wow. So true. Revealing. In many ways. HIT REPEAT.
This is 1 of the best shorts I've seen on this subject; calm, balanced, to the point
Thanks.
Truth.
God Bless you Dr C fir what you do 🤗
My neighbor. She is a psychopathic narcissist who does not respect boundaries, not even property line boundaries. Her behavior is very concerning. I needed to hear this, especially today. Thank you.
This gets straigth into the heart! ❤
Another powerful encouragement.
Spot on
Thank you for this! It’s my one minute pep talk!
Amen!!!!!
Beautiful Dr C👏👏👏
No apologies, thanks dr. Carter
I always have to be quiet at a restaurant or in a public place. I can never raise my voice. I can’t laugh, I can’t say omg this is so good!, I can’t get up off the table to find ketchup. I was at a restaurant with him and my daughter and the meal was taking a very long time. I told him this, and he repeated to the waiter that I couldn’t wait for my meal. If I said that about him, he would have went ballistic. You basically can’t be yourself
Difficult decision when you're being subjected to parental alienation.
💯 Truth! Thank you Dr. C! Bless you! Gus 🐾 ⭐
My narc mom wanted me to pursue her career goal for her that I had zero interest in. To avoid her toxic, invalidating reactions I pretended to be interested, then just said I didn't get in. She then broadcast to a wide audience that I must've done poorly in the interviews because of poor social skills (my social skills are normal). I quietly pursued my real goals.
When she found out what I was really doing, she went on about how she would never want to do that (like that's relevant).
Narcs are ridiculous.
So so true. When my ex and I lived together, I always had the feeling that he didn't see his son from a previous relationship as his own person, but rather as an extension of himself. Fortunately, his mother is wonderful, she had more influence on him, and he grew up to be a fine young man.
That happened to me today. Now I get it. I planned to simply go to the garden on my day off to pick a vase of flowers. He had me helping him clean out a shed for an hour of dirty work. It definitely should have waited until I was free in my schedule.
An idealized version.
Thanks for letting me know how much they operate mentally 👌👍😊
Very succinct. I appreciate the clarity.
👍❤
Love the way you talk. So educational. Thank you for your good works. Narcissism needs to be understood by the general public. How a narcissist is made, to prevent it from repeating generations after generations.
Ohhh, I needed to hear and see this today! Thank you so much!
Thank you
I desperately needed it this morning
Amen ,perfectly said
I'm thankful to God for you and your content sir. Thank you. Take care 💜✞🕊
With these clips, you first clearly described a former supervisor I horrifically suffered four years under. With this clip, you just perfectly described my former "best friend". Glad I defeated both foes when I decided I was done playing their games. Both clowns were recent. Now it's time to master the art of forgetting and forgiving the deep mental trauma they've caused me. Much thanks!!!
I'd rather be me..
Glad to have your advocacy
Mine told me that I should look as old as him. Ive always looked younger than my age which is what most men want. I turned around and said under my breath, "Nobody's that old." No matter what I did or how I looked, it was never good enough. Looking back, he gave me 4 complements in 40 years, one every 10 years.
Always so helpful.
Glad it was helpful!
they’re nuts
This is who I am no apologies I appreciate your insight
Majority of my problems were because I had my own thoughts opinions and hobbies. I became enemy number one.
When u tell a narcissist who u are _ Run.
You heal when u leave the abusive environment _ like when Abraham had to leave his birth family cause they are abusing himm.
I have been through this _ many many times in my lifetime. It's the only environment you're in _ it's not u.
Excellent! Very well said! I needed this message today, thank you Dr. C !
So well said. So supportive. 👌👌👌
That's a hard knock life
You saved my life
Narc mom loves to use the words "defiant" and "brainwashed" to describe people who don't toe the line. Always pathologizing and complaining about the things "wrong" with everybody else. Said she "hates" people with different political opinions from her. Bigoted, etc. Such a nightmare.
You are telling the truth and I had to make that decision for myself . I just wish I didn't have to cut my ties with my family. But I'm happy and not stressed out because of them 🙂
Thank you so much for your point of view. It seems that the narcissistic person forces themselves on others. I have decided to consistently live my life aside from whatever they think.
Hi Doc, I love these short videos.
They are such a great help to us, here , at team Healthy. ❤
Bravo, dr. Cater .
The man who was too lazy to use a prophylactic (aka my narc father) sired 4 children; two became nurses like him in order to please him. They’re in their late 30s now and repeating our family in their families. It’s been 10 years, two organ transplants, a house purchase, and two beautiful safe children since Lazy and I have had contact. I’m healing and living my best life by breaking the cycle.
We are warriors, folks, wear your scars proudly. We’re worthy and we are working! ❤
Removed!!!!! I did it!!!!
Become unapologetically authentic - in everything you do. No one else lives your life, or faces any consequences for your choices. Narcissistic individuals or otherwise. Particularly with narcissistic people, consider how they live their lives. What, in that swirling vortex of entropy is anything worth emulating or accepting advice from? Enjoy being you! Stay Healthy!!
You hear that? NO APOLOGIES
Amen...❤🙏🏻
facts!
So true!
Life has many dips and curves!😂 As painful as it is on occasion, Alive ROCKS along with FREEDOM!❤
❤🎉INTERESTING
BLESSINGS
broke my neck 2022 they feed on your pain.
Hope you are better. Awful pain.
@@rg-mi5hh thanks everything good just have cptsd but I have a job working with plants and it’s a nice place to process the trauma
So real
Thanks Doc! This is all I needed to hear!!👏🏽✊🏼👍🏼
Thank you for your videos!
You're quite welcome.
Thanks very much ❤🎉❤
Thank you for the wonderful mantras 🌟
Glad you like them!
It’s so weird. My husband tells me, “ This is who I am, and you need to accept it. I’m 83 years old and I’m not changing now.” While he is, constantly, trying to change who I am and what I do. Since I found you, I’ve been calling him out,calmly and quietly, because it works best and much less gas lighting. 😅. I’ve seen subtle changes but, have noticed, lately, how shallow his changes are. The slightest thing can turn it back into insanity.
My heart goes out to you.💜✨💛🌼🌸
This is who I am. No apologies. I like that.I should have said that 9 months ago. O well. I didn’t know.
I can't push against anything it's in my nature to try to be a better human being and want to do the right thing and that all plays right into the narcissist's hand because they are taking advantage of my genuine interest in being a real person when they're not giving that at all it's like my human instincts betray me in this circumstance it's terrible hard knock life
Indeed. So true.
Keep going Dr C, your work is 😮💨
Thanks Veronica.
I agree
Super help blessing Doc ❤
Thank you
Very good advice!
Yes l agree
Amen
I think there are full blown narcs and some with varying degrees of narcissism.
🔥
Very good!! I definitely backed off.
Good advice
💯
You’ve met my mom??
My mother