Stop People Pleasing and Start Doing What's Right For You - Jordan Peterson
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- Speaker: Jordan Peterson Thanks for watching!
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“If you’re a friend to everybody, you’re an enemy to yourself.” - Mike Tyson
So true. I don't want many friends and don't care if you don't like my boundaries.
@@user-em8on8py9zI'm so disgusted at the weirdos I don't even know outside of a 9-5 who were initiated into my personal life that's just not their business 🤷🏾♀️ the even weirder weirdos who used them as an intimidation tactic should swiftly find them a new purpose cus I don't feel sorry for what's to happen when they just can't let me go. It seems I'm the center of their universe & they feel special targeting me because they are truly jealous & want importance 🤷🏾♀️ not my problem.
@@vodkavuitton Yes I agree
You're on shorts too much
Tell me about it, especially the family that manipulated you to be like that. Dysfunction in the family
Anxiety diminished for me when I started to stand up for myself.
Wonderful
love that thank you very helpful
Well done 😅😅😅😅
Same thing for me. I'm a little more assertive now because I've learned that this is healthy for someone. "Not more than necessary but not less than necessary"
What??? My axienty is about to end on that one.
I used to be an agreeable person. Now I am a person with clear boundaries.
❤
How?
How did you develop that ability?
Don't be a person with clear boundaries.
Be a woman with clear boundaries.
the answer is simple actually, grow a spine
Kindness must be balanced with wisdom.
Very well said!
So True 💯💯✨✨
Well said sir 👏
Fawning people pleasing
Be wise as serpents, gentle as a dove -Jesus Christ
It took me 45 years to stop people pleasing. I wasn't taught saying no to others is necessary to take care of myself.
People who benefit from your lack of boundaries will be angry when you finally put them up.
42 years
Loads of times we dont take seriously some advise until we see it for ourselves. How many times we got good advise and did not put it into practice? Until the experience makes us see for ourselves the consequences of our acts therefore the deep meaning of that advise. When we learn then we decide to change or not. The people that don't know how to say no, a lot of times, is because they are so generous and nice and enjoy pleasing people...then over time you learn that saying no is not a bad a thing, that it does not make you a selfish person, you deserve to be generose to yourself too. It is good to get the balance in everything.
@Ana-rb7ws yes, true but not always. Remember everybody is different. I know of a narcissist that grew respect for his woman when she finally stood for herself and put him into place. Basically he realised she was nice but not stupid and he loved the combination of the two. Ah and realised she was not longer scared of loosing him.
✋ 46 years over here....
I feel like he directly adressing me. I just made a decision yesterday to stop being the nice one. I wanna show people that I no longer accept disrespect and abuse.
Proud of you for that! I'm still working on that decision for myself but it's so important
It is important.
@@VictoriaEnlow
Welcome in the club.
He's like the Grandfather we all need.
He is Shegh our Emam from someother religion or belief.
شيخ. Sheagh
A religious figure
I think he's scary.
Yes, you're absolutely right!
Probably the best advice I’ve ever related to.
People takes advantage of your good and kind nature, and think your kindness is a sign of weakness.
I think that often depends on where you live. If you're surrounded by good people, the chance is dramatically altered.
Absolutely agree
Lots of times "kindness" is actually weakness. Being kind as well as a self respecting person is extremely rare. I agree though 99 percent of people will take advantage of you if youre too kind and a pushover.
Good nature or low self esteem?
Yet another reason why weak people are the best people.
Amen. Narcissists and abusers can't take no for an answer and love to use and abuse caring and kind people. I had to learn the hard way.
Spot on.
Especially when we depend on them for something otherwise we r fool no doubt
We are just discounted by them. Expected to perform or do a service for them, and then we immediately disappear to them or at least we are resented for having done the task they truly are responsible
❤❤❤
Same. My grandmother is a complete narcissist who cannot take it when I dared to disagree. I lived with her for near a decade and the abuse was hell, but I learned the great value of standing up for myself. I am my own person now, and my fear of people is gone.
Kind people are misused and mistreated. The hardest lesson one can achieve is being kind to one self enough to say no and have clear boundaries.
Kind people are taken advantage of - the day I realized it’s ok to say NO - it was my awakening of my existence- I cried and asked myself for forgiveness for neglecting my needs
By definition kindness means being used by others. Kindness means being good to others for their benefit. Niceness is what you are referring too. It means to be agreeable especially to avoid conflict. Become good at conflict and your world will change
@@susanhaines7358 I think nice is being cordial. I agree being kind is to other benefits rather than your own. It just brings heartache.
@@NatAriel-zj7dz pretty much, not respecting yourself, people usually respect you the way you respect yourself..
Be strong enough to show vulnerability
I don’t like conflict but I am brave enough to say “No” when I need to say “No.”
Same. I avoid unnecessary conflict, for which there is an abundance. For necessary conflict, it's vital to say No when necessary.
yup! And let the chips fall were they may.
I am reforming from people pleasing. And it gets easier to simply say no, without offering explanation. It’s very liberating.
Yes. Stay strong. 💪 You don't owe them an explanation.
"Not more than necessary but certainly not less than necessary" he's so f*cking cool
dont swear @go. its not nice.
He strikes me as a very angry man inside.
@@Sparkle835 As angry and resentful someone could be, as long as they don't act on it, I think it's alright
@@gu7740 👍
Cool? Mumbo jumbo no value words to sound intelligent / different. Dah.
when JP looks at you and says "if you don't stop doing that, something you do not like will happen to you with 100% certainty"
me: *Gulps loudly*
😆 He definitely has those piercing eyes of dangerousness when saying that.
FK use I'll do what I know
😂😂😂
😊
@@human-qp1mf you got something to say, say it scumby
Being pleasing & not saying no is just survival for many children though, it was for me. It takes time & courage to realise you have choices, as an adult & even as a child.
Saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself!
Beautifully said❤
Absolutely 😍
@amjPeace ... I prefer ""fuck off -- NO."" 🤣🤣🤣😁😎👽🤠😈👿👹👺🔥🔥🔥💥✌️
Not really, you can say no to children for their own benefit without beeing a yes to yourself.
Not everything is a me vs you...
Saying no could even say yes to the greater good to as many as all other people sooner or later.
I was like that, then I got into a relationship with a narcissist.
Luckily I was strong enough to get out.
I am different now, stand up more for myself and don’t let people bully me or take advantage
Same u had to learn my lesson from it i research narcissistic personality disorder for 5 years and country dependency they teach u to have boundaries
Oh I envy you! I wasn't strong enough and lost everything that mattered
@@karenhinton6069 bless u have u looked up online to research get help for narcissistic abuse they always pick empaths i left mine after 3 half years
@Audrey mine was quite a bit longer "ago" I just never recovered. He went to jail..I went to treatment..life has just never been the same
@@karenhinton6069 I know i became spirtual while I with him don't want to scare u because they sleep around he called the jazzibell spirt I actually seen it i started having a spirtual awaking realised I was an empath he was using my energy I research narcissistic personality disorder disorders so i would know the red flags I also realised I was civil dependent I follow Lisa A Romano she's good Google her on u tube she's lovely ok hun God bless u
I finally said no to my controlling parents yesterday, at age 37. I felt relaxed a couple of hours after that. My life is not going to be all sunshine after that, but I don't have a weight on my shoulders after twenty years.
🎉 A step in the right direction. ❤
Wow , Good for you 👏
👏 how is it going?
@@meloalan well earlier in this month of June, we had a good talk, both sides said sorry, we had to explain worries and situations from the past and present...we both know now we can't change personalities to please One another, but it was good for a start.
That was me at age 27 finally
I’ve learned saying no gets easier the more you practice it. The first few times feel awful..but then you realize the world didn’t end, and it made you happy. You’ll definitely want to do it again.
True
Fact!
un fortunately people that say no cuz theyre a$$hls hear this and think see what a good person i am o say no to everyone and other peoples suffering even tho i can ease it is none of my business... not talking about you
Or just makes you feel at peace not even happy. We have to be true to ourselves otherwise whats the point of anything?
I am still a very agreeable person. I want to see other people happy and having a good time. BUT I have recently started focusing more on what feels right for me, but when I say no sometimes I still feel so riddled with guilt.
At the end of the day, it's going to take time. We have to know ourselves and respect ourselves enough to say no.
Stay strong kings
There’s nothing wrong with being agreeable. Just don’t make being agreeable the true north of your moral compass; that’s the real trap.
Dont worry, it's a matter of habit. Practice it and soon will get the habit. And also you will realise there are no bad consequences in putting you first by saying no. If somebody gets offended when you say no it's not a good friend therefore you put distance. So saying No makes you free. It means you dont worry about what the others think when you say no... And if anybody gets upset it is their problem 🤷
Another advise? be carefull to get the habit of saying no because it gets addictive Ha ha ha 😂 kiss
It’s in a trauma past when you had no power to say no. How to fix that!
🙌
This man is so helpful. i am this caring person and i have just learnt how to say NO. It took me 60 years and lots of tears. I did expect the best of others. Thank you Jordan.
Thevonly people who are not happy when you find and defender your boundaries are those who systematically overstepped them! Be kind to everyone, yourself included. ❤
60 years!?!?! Damn. Atleast you did it , Happy for you
@@tas9551exactly 💯
Oh my, you are so right. People who can't say no are exploited and often don't even notice it till it's too late.
From childhood
Beta male nice guys are exploited, because they cannot say no, when there is no need to agree with the most arrogant focking moron in the room. Its not good to agree with arrogant people, because them speaking arrogantly shows, that they dont much respect you and only value themselves, so thats why they speak towards you arrogantly.
Trauma response. People pleasing.
@@TruthseekingdivinefemalePeople pleasing can be a trauma response, certainly, but more often than not, it's just a personality trait that has is positives and negatives like all personality traits.
There's a book out called being nice can get you killed...
I'm a 52 year old empath who is now burnt out. Always caring for others, putting them before myself. It just happened naturally, I didn't even realize until a year ago. I'm done now, focusing on myself. Self love and self care. I'm focusing on helping animals these days and mother nature. I wish I awoke to this long ago.❤🇨🇦
Am like you ...I start working on my empathy and set boundaries and feel better
Same here! Trust and care is my default. I have felt proud of that most of my life, and felt brave. I also got burned out by an ex spouse and I let my life fall apart. Healing is happening so slowly. How do you train your brain to see people clearly? I don't know how to stop seeing them as beautiful and the broken ones deserving of faith or a chance or whatever.
OMGosh I’m almost 52 and am going through the same thing. I wonder if the 50’s is the magical age where empaths just say enough is enough 😂
@@adamroth719 some of us woke up a little early..in 40s .thank God and universe
Another one here from Sweden but “only” 47 years old. Got badly burnt out and in the beginning I could not get the word no out of my mouth when the therapist started training me on saying no.
We should form a worldwide network. Maybe it could also involve ways to easily get into helping animals, nature or humans in need. Except to learn about and support with saying no and distance oneself from pushy people and people users.
You young people are so Lucky to have this man as a mentor! He literally saved my life! ❤
I did the full no contact with my five of my 6 siblings. My sister who was 3 yrs older than me lied and one by one turned my siblings against me. They blamed me for everything negative that came up in our family. Many times I wasn't even there when things went down, yet I was responsible for it. No matter how I tried to reconnect with my siblings, they wouldn't accept me and truly believed what they were being told. I finally decided that I was a person deserving of respect and trustworthy regardless of what they assumed. My life has been much more peaceful. Mission accomplished I want nothing further to do with them.
Wow!! You're speaking my story...my 2 sister are sisters from hell, for over 20yrs they have been blaming and accusing me for things I'm not guilty of -until I said to one-no more....
Then the main accuser died recently and the other one jointing in now with my 2 brothers to start blaming me for how my sister went to the grave wonder what she did to me, why I stopped talking to her( just constantly guilt tripping me)- they're so wicked
@@hoppiw5735 I'm sorry it's a bewildering game they play and your left wondering what all the ugliness was truly about. Prayers for the loss of your sister.
@@DannaK247 yeah! I've always wondered, "what's with all this strife? And these are my sisters I've grown up with.... and it just kills me the amount of time I've wasted defending myself all these years......I thank you for your sympathy and yes may her soul rest in peace and with Jesus...only eternity will tell 🙏
@@hoppiw5735 She's resting in peace, the one's suffering, so they said. are the one's present, just forgive ,just don't forget, but don't let that stress you out. if they want to carry that load ,is their desicion.
@hoppiw5735I
I'm so glad you mentioned JESUS!❤ I think we rarely consider the possibility that such incomprehensible evil may not just be the personalities of our siblings or co-workers etc but the machinations of evil trying to destroy all humanity and targeting those of us who are natural empaths for relentless, unjust attacks😠😠😠
I know it's happened to me my entire life both with family and at work in what seems a direct attempt to make me feel worthless and helpless which leaves you so bitter and angry. 😡😭
But I've learned to fight back with spiritual weapons , namely daily prayer and meditation on scriptures which gives me a restored sense of Peace and stability so that I'm no longer controlled by the rage I was feeling against whoever it is👊👊👊
I also say a prayer for that person even though I don't feel like doing it, because I notice it seems to take the sting away and I feel more peaceful and in control again after I do. I am absolutely certain by GOD'S WORD that there are consequences, both temporal and eternal for each individual so I figure the safest thing for me to do is to submit myself to GOD by acting in obedience to His Holy commands so He can give me The GRACE to overcome the evil satan is throwing at me through *any* vessel he can find, including family members 😠
JESUS King of MERCY I trust in You 🙏🙏🙏✝️✝️✝️💖💖💖
I’m one of those people. I’m glad I developed the ability to say “no”. Too many people took my kindness for weakness. And people WILL take advantage of you if you let them. Do not go with the flow. Stay true to your feelings but still maintain that kindness for others. Everyone has problems.
Do not go with someone else his/hers flow, the flow in existence found in deep meditation or religious experience, can always be followed. Going against it results in friction, it creates imbalance,
Thank you!
Exactly, now on my 50’s I learned to say No…but it costs losing friendships, they say I’m different…it’s sad but necessary to our good health…
I'm in my way to my thirties and I've just realised the massive negative impact of being agreeable person on my health and I'm so grateful for that.
"Not more than necessary, but certainly not less than necessary"🔥👏🏽👏🏽Love this man!
"You're going to always assume the best of others"
As an agreeable person this an eye-opener for me.
👍
Do NOT mistake my kindness for weakness. I am not afraid to fight for myself or family or even a stranger. I've always looked meek, small, quiet and friendly. I think many would think I look like an easy target. Some have tried to make me a victim (in one way or another)and were surprised to find I can stand up for myself and fight back if necessary with the same level of energy that they are using against me.
Me too
How?
Same here 💯. It gets tiring having to ward off people like that because they're drawn to us.
People may not agree with one another but can still respect each other! Respect is fundamentally absent in today’s world
Yes! I learned that when I dropped my toxic manipulative friends. They knew I had a heart of gold and they would constantly shit and spit on it with their selfish manipulations. I finally started to say no and then cut all ties because they couldn’t handle the new side of me. It feels good to be caring but also to take care of yourself. Put yourself ahead of others y’all
Me tooo
Yeah me 2, ended up myself but less stress xx
Spot on. 👍
I was the same and I did the same
You are the 5 people you spend the most time with. Good you got rid of them 👍
As a child I was agreeable to the point of letting my bullies push in front of me in line to the canteen, because any time I had actually gotten angry enough to retaliate in any way and defend myself (not well mind you, I didn't know how to go about it properly, but still) my teachers and especially my mum would come down on me like a tonne of bricks, because I was meant to be the "good kid". If they did something wrong, I was meant to forgive them to encourage cooperation and friendship. Ended up turning that anger and resentment on myself for somehow always doing the wrong thing in someone's eyes and almost committed "un-aliving" myself at age 10. It took a long time for me to understand that saying no, and upsetting someone when you told them no or the truth, wasn't a mean thing to do and didn't make me guilty or a bad person. Good, quiet kids need to be on everyone's radars man 😔
I'm very happy you learned so much.
I'm so sorry anyone had to go through that massively unjust punishment, I know what it's like.
But it's just that parents only know how to say Don't do this or that, but no one teaches them, how to handle this behaviour properly cause they don't know what it means, and they see it as just aggression, they don't know one needs guidance, not punishment 😢
🙏❤️me too
It's easier for them to control the nice, good kid than to deal with the narcissistic sadistic bullies. Somehow they learned it was OK to say No early on. Probably the parents were afraid of their temper tantrums and backed off.
Parents, teachers, grownups are busy dealing with the naughty kids. When the good kid stands up for themselves, they can't handle it. It's as if you've let them down and then insist that you be compliant. That only creates resentment and frustrations that carry into adult life.
The good kids need to be taken care of also. Otherwise, they often pay for it later on.
I was also this way. They used to call me La Señorita, because I was soo good and compliant. Now I speak the truth and it poses problems for those who be benefitted from my compliance.
Jordan Peterson is a legend the world 🌎 needs to come out of the fog❤❤🍀
Thank you Dr Peterson, every time I listen to you I feel a little bit stronger. I'm a major people pleaser who absolutely needs to learn to say no.
No🟰boundaries which are fences that say this, is my space, and you must respect it, as I respect yours. By the way, family members are people too! They must abide by our boundaries.
Beta male nice guys cannot say no and so they get used by arrogant people.
This was me! The first time I said no I was hooked ever since don’t wear yourself out for ppl they will just let you
Amen to that, i experience that too
I think this man is one if not the smartest man on earth. ❤
This intelligent man just described my character and boy have I learned the hard way. Painful lessons I’ve had to learn for not being able to be firm when I’ve said no in the past. I’ve had compassion on people only to regret it. I’ve made terrible mistakes because of it. But you live and you learn!
I am still there and don’t know how to say no
@@melissaferguson5280 at some point you really may have to because your peace of mind may depend on it. Sometimes it’s very important to be assertive and say no because that could avoid a painful regret in the future.
this is so important. i ended up in an abusive relationship as a result, in part, of not saying "no". please, please, for the sake of yourself and your children, say NO when you need to. it's uncomfortable in can be infinitely hard, but it only gets worse, the more you "go along to get along". you must stand for the truth, for goodness. get out if you need to. God bless everyone out there who has a hard time saying no, and I pray for your strength, clarity, and safety. in jesus' name, amen.
Yes, and it’s important to teach our children and make them practice saying No. Setting boundaries is a necessary life skill.
Thank you. I'm leaving a covert narcissist, and I'm embracing the " No"!
@@elizabethy2912 Hopefully you maintain a healthy balance though and don’t become too uptight. Feminists as an example are usually an extreme version of “saying no” to men and it even makes them bitter towards them. Nothing in the extreme is ever really healthy. Wisdom is in finding a healthy balance.
If you are thinking this woman had any intimacy whatsoever the last 16 years
Your deluded.
He married me solely to abuse me and
As an asexual who obsessed over hundreds of porn dvds he clearly got off on depriving a female of intimacy too.
Torture was a regular if not weekly part of the marriage.
Verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse.
Very, very rarely did sexual activity occur and only in the first 23 years
On the very rare occasion at his request, occasionally mine but violence and abuse put me off.
Pleased to say Divorcing now.
@@Mr.Honest247
Sadly it's been forced upon us.
Yes there are some decent men out there but I won't be getting with anyone through choice.
I would never take the risk again
Kind, agreeable, compassionate people...are NOT "the problem".
Exactly... however, we must learn... cuz the orher side somply don't care if you are good or not...
I’m that person and only got me in toxic relationships, including abuse. It’s important to set boundaries and maintain them.
I'm 31 years old this year and I NEED this. Needed this.
I’m 48 and he’s talking about me
He's right.
Develop the character of saying no and fucking mean it. Let people know you won't be messed with without serious consequences.
Who needs to go to psychiatrist for useless visits when you have Dr. Peterson all you need to know in one post !!!
It's good to research this stuff yourself it's confusing dependency have to learn to have boundaries they teach y online how to gave boundaries
After the internet, anything psychiatrist is pretty much useless paying for. All the psychiatrists post their knowledge online anyways!!!
Lol there's lots of professionals online giving advice u right
So true the time and money I have spent ha ha xxx
you gotta be in his frame
Learning to say no was the best thing that happened to me. Learning that all people do not have your best interest at heart is important. Lastly, that there will be people who don’t like you and that’s ok. There are ways to say no thank you without burning down the house. I’ve learned it’s better to let people know your boundaries upfront, because they get angry with you and think you are a pain if you finally say something. Some people don’t like to be told that something isn’t right, they may leave, but eventually they do anyway if they are allowed to walk on you.
Cuz some individuals can't accept that you SAID "No".
You are so right- some people really do not like you. It Is Ok. But they need to go away ALSO.
Women especially need to learn this.
I love your brain. I could listen to your wisdom morning, noon and night !!!!
Same
Me too
He is awesome🙏
He may not know everything, but he sure has the human emotions Spot on.
"No" is the most important word one can learn.
Active duty military service taught me how to say no when I first left my parents home. Learning how to set boundaries and most importantly, stick with them, had made me much less anxious than my 3 sisters. The ability to say no and mean it has also made me a much better parent than mothers who don’t have that ability. No is a complete sentence and doesn’t need an explanation, apology or justification. I am so grateful that I learned that lesson early in adulthood.
Are you allowed to say 'no' to higher ranking officers in the military? I've always thought blind obedience was highly demanded and valued in the military. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
Always set boundaries,don't be afraid to say no on something you don't like.A short video but very valuable
💯
I did this today I stood up to someone who was getting used to disrespecting me unprovoked, simply because she can. Thanks to this video I felt so relieved after confronting her
This is exactly what I needed to know and intend to do. My husband has some of Peterson’s books… and now I sent him this video. The man my husband praises just gave me the best marital vice I have ever received!
The work begins for me.
I value it when my friends say "No." I know them better and can more fully respect their needs.
This man is just ridiculously terrific. Man. Wish I knew him personally.
The thing that makes him so important is that we DO know him personally. He has a transparency of personality that is why he is where he is today. He really tries tries to live what he believes...
On this podcast he is quite good but minorities I feel sorry for those transgender people because he doesn't realise the transgender women born with a female brain ! The psychologist I'm a gp t is a female and male brain and all embryos go through the cycle as a female embryo and in in male and brioche develop on the end of that and these transgender people got a female brain! Call embryo start offers female embryos male embryos develop on the end of the cycle some embryos don't complete the cycle some particularly if the mother is very stressed, you have transgender! Also hermaphrodites that have both vaginas and penis
I am NOT an " *Agreeable* " person. BUT I Am an *EMPATH.*
It's so hard to say no when you're dependent on someone
Very true. But find a way to not depend on people who do not have your best interests in mind. As children, we have little choice, but as adults, choice is all we have. It's difficult, yes, but it's possible if we decide we deserve more, we can break free.
I empathize you 😢
@@coreytallman7759 I appreciate your skill and care, gifted, in how: simply, specifically and clearly, you articulated this. Solid line of reasoning for me. TY
@@coreytallman7759so true. Especially when it comes to your health. Depending on someone then can be awful, especially when people don’t have your best interests at heart. Health, housing, finance whatever it might be for someone….. it’s not always “a choice”. Sometimes your stuck in a situation and can’t say no.
But all you want to do is scream it lol 😂
@@happydaze7386Well said. Nothing worse than someone knowing that you are dependent on them and doesn’t respect your boundaries. It is worth risking it all to say No. Most of the times it doesn’t even backfire.
Kindest people have that trait, that strong NO that you dont fuck around with...
AMEN. I am very empathic.....and I find it hard to say no. It makes me feel guilty. But it is needed to protect me!
I like that he defines what No means. You have to mean it. And you don’t have the freedom to say Yes and mean it if you don’t have the internal freedom to say no and mean it.
Great advice from a trustworthy friend. Thank you Dr.Jordan Peterson.❤
I have been the most caring person all my life, ppl have abused me and taken the piss, threatened me just 4 saying no once. I have forgotten to care 4 me and my self worth for a really long time thru fear, I am still agreeable but within reason and I certainly will no longer be bullied into saying yes anymore, u definitely find out who your true friends are, I love you JP U TAUGHT ME SO MUCH, stay well and love to ur family xxx
The best part of being an agreeable person and being able to establish healthy boundaries is that when those are not met, the shock that causes in others the sudden change into a dangerous person is almost always warranted. 😂
I know what u mean,i started saying no,leave my relatives in shock,because im that one person everyone can rely on.
Ha ha 😂 🤣 😆
I'm a caring person but have gotten good at saying NO I found my voice, that was a big lesson I have recently learned 😊🙏
You're awesome!!
😢
It’s so hard when you had to be agreeable to your parents as a child because you were so scared that if they didn’t like you they would leave you. I felt fundamentally and infinitely leave-able as a child. That has been so hard for me to overcome.
embrace it. when you embrace it it cant be used against you. and when something cant be used against you it wont be :) remember my friend. salvation is hidden behind mortal fear. thats why you need courage to save yourself.
Protect JP at all costs
Yes, you were conditioned to become a ppl pleaser to the point of being used to abuse. One day you'll get a gut full...and then what?
It's important that those you love always know what you stand for, and what you won't stand for.
I have finally learnt to balance my caring and 'No' boundaries.
Dang I'm definitely a people pleaser and I need to learn to say no. I just hate to hurt peoples feelings
If someone is offended by your ‘no’ it’s a huge red flag. ‘No thank you’ is a complete sentence.
Saying no dosent even hurt anybodys feelings much at all. It just shows that you dont want to do it and then, if they ask why. You can explain it by giving your own reason for it. What hurts people feelings more is physical and mental abuse, like punching and kicking and really wanting to make person cry after beat up, so saying no is nothing compared to that, but I dont think you want to put up with toxic relationship where you get physical abuse, because your nice guy pusio, that is scared to say no, even to the most obnoxious arrogant pieces of shite.
Its also alright, that you dont like somebody, because its natural, that you dont like a person who has loud voice, speaks over you, has so obnoxious personality and is arrogant in beliving she is right about everything, while she has nothing special in her soul. Like why you even need to like that kind of person, when you just cannot do it in any way. Best is not to put up with arrogant people and just go away, so you dont need to deal or listen to how obnxious pieces of shite they are. This is why its not good to be agreeable with everybody, because some people are so arrogant to extent, that they dont care about anybody else, than themselves and so they will just use you, if your scared to say no to them.
But what about hurting your OWN feelings??
I used to agree and help people all the time, then i started to say no and got alot of backlash for it. Ive been called numerous names and yelled at for saying no, but i feel much better and happier for it. Being selfish sometimes isnt a bad thing.
That's the lie they make you believe, it's not selfish at all.
Thank You Dr. Peterson
Some people attack you when you say no or tell them hard truths.
That's life
@@montanan1997 That's childishness, immaturity and idiocy. All they do is project who the y truly are onto others
But everything comes full circle. Everything.
@@nobody_8_1Who they are, or who they think they are?
@@moflo6093 Nevermind.
Yup
It would be nice if more people had an understanding of the truth
I'm finally learning how not be so much of a people pleaser and that's its okay to say no! This is a great reminder!
He’s such a beautiful man ❤️
That’s my biggest issue. I try to avoid conflict at all costs because I hate conflict and want us all to get along but once I’ve had enough you will know it
When you avoid conflict with others you start conflict within yourself. No conflict in the outside is conflict in the inside.
It is absolutely possible to be caring, compassionate, agreeable and simultaneously wary. Trust is earned, not freely given. You dont earn it, you dont get it.
For some, people pleasing has survival value, so it is not going away soon.
It is true 😀
I’m so thankful that the work of this man exists ❤ a true gentleman ❤
Yeah
This content hits to my core.
Hurts deeply hearing this truth.
It's extremely important to follow your no with consequences if your boundaries are not respected.
Thank you❤..I never knew that saying NO can give you a lot of power and respect..I used to be taken advantage by narcissistic people until I learned that I own my life,.
Yup 👍🏼 you’re absolutely right. Givers are often time’s empathetic people who get taken advantage of. 💔
I did that today and was asked if I was "on the warpath again"☹️People prefer a doormat.
I’m proud of you for saying no! People that say stuff like that are use to having power over you and manipulating you, trying to make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for it, people that make you feel guilty are using you.
Working on developing that side of my character. Thank you for the reminder ❤🙏
This speaks to me so much ,I wish I was more aware or awake spiritually earlier in life.
This man has opened my eyes so much, thank you JP ❤
I’m 32 and bottoming out with people pleasing ! Thank you Dr. peterson! You help me a lot :) I’m getting better watching your videos and my faith in God ! Imma strengthen this backbone!
One of the best life lessons you can come across.
Being assertive and setting boundaries is absolutely essential in life (especially as women who tend to be conditioned to be more agreeable)
It’s helpful to develop that side of you. Most people don’t know what their limits are and are not certain about what they want to say no to.
One of the best videos of Dr. P's that I have seen so far. You make the world a better place. ❤😊
The problem with being agreeable is Your most likely quiet when you're being picked on, insulted, or singled out. Normally...I send off warning shots. If someone keeps poking I explode... Currently living and dealing with a mother-in-law with bipolar disorder. And trying to find the compassion and empathy within me to not explode and remember that she is mentally ill.
Ah ... she's probably just gotten use to masking solvable underlining issues & is stuck hearing that from everyone . Speculation at its best is all that is -& because it's so dang popular like the jab was geez folks don't go looking to fix the underlining causes like unprocessed trauma or abuse / or sleep depravation or missing basic nutrition hydration , hunger even & substance abuse even caffeine . Labels like these getting the green light are a kinda lazy cover & why not create mayhem around something like covid if it makes people rich . [ Dr. Peter R Breggin ;
Toxic Psychology , ask
;"WHAT happened ?" to her ? Sorry we have to grow & are full of layers to unfold around our past why not her? 🙏
you got this ,God got you, you are amazing !!!
I know the feeling, my ex was bipolar and I blew up at him all the time, if he wasn’t in Scary Mode he was constantly berating me and making into this evil villain in his head in an incredibly paranoid and infuriating way... I remember one night he woke me up at 4am just to yell at me about some vague wound I had evidently inflicted upon him, so I had to go sleep on the sofa since I had to be up for work ... there’s just so much of that a person can take. Good luck to you, it’s not easy at all
@@justsomenobody889 wow that’s terrible
I hope you left him
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. As a Catholic, I see dealing with such folks as years off of Purgatory.
What a valuable insight. Wish I had been taught this 55 + years ago.
Agreeing with everyone is a bad trait to have in a world where everyone is wrong about everything
I know this from experience unfortunately. Sometimes people have a hard time expecting a no from me. Thank you Jordan. I need to put my foot down more. ❤
Lest we forget--- NO is a complete sentence. 🙌
As compassionate and empathetic as I am, I'm very capable of saying no. With a bite. Who can't love this man?
He's not scary. I believe he's a experienced psychologist & he's very smart, has much wisdom too which is not the same as being smart, & he's courageous, not afraid to say what he thinks. I find him very refreshing & very helpful.
He has addiction for which was in Moscow for rehab after it failed in Canada. Not accepted by his university and school of psychologists any more for hatred speach and political affiliation s.
Be your own guru he's a millionaire has decent business of UA-caming.
These kind of gurus are misleading.
You can be far better then him.
He’s *AN (not A) experienced… A vs. AN⛔️⚠️ Sharpen your early English!
Being married to a narcissist for almost 14 years (I stayed in large part because I'm so agreeable) taught me to stand up and say no. Once I finally got the courage to do that I was divorced within two months and moved almost 2000 miles away. I went no contact with my covert narcissist grandmother as well. I've managed to cut everyone out of my life guilt free who used to crash through every boundary I set because I learned that no means no, and I will not be packing my bags for another guilt trip!!! Jesus gets all the credit, because He's the One who taught me that I am valued.
I once had a friend ( enemy ) who tried to Assert, that their "No" didn't necessarily mean No.
I told the person I wouldn't pretend to even guess when that was the case.
Soon, it ended after that
You might want to recognize some responsibility is yours, and try a soft approach before you elliminate half of your relations.
Why did you get married if you knew that your partner was a narcissist?
@@Observa211 Agreeable people always start with a soft approach. Why are you judging her story? Its been her life and her experience. I don't understand why you feel so harshly towards a stranger on the internet...
@@DrL3g1t The thing is narcissists are excellent liars and keep up appearances very well. You have to be super patient with a keen eye for what to look for if you ever hope to catch them out early. Usually it takes 6 months to a year of keen, pointed observation. Unfortunately in romantic situations these early stages are full of distracting emotions that the narcissist uses to their advantage.
It's more than necessary in today's woke society.
Thanks, I needed to hear this .
Nobody can explain us better than Jordan Peterson!
Allow your surrender to God, motivate you. The world will hate you.
As well as sweat drops of blood.
For God is good, after all were healed one day, He left those seeking a healing touch to go preach somewhere else.
And His dedicated disciples didn't die for a lie.