"DINKS" Shouldn't Brag About Being Childless
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- Опубліковано 14 гру 2023
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There was a video that had gone viral recently and even made a few news headlines of a couple who has committed themselves to living the DINK lifestyle. Which at this point, I’m not sure if it’s a euphemism or a pejorative, but if you don’t know, it’s an acronym which stands for double income no kids.
And in the video they extolled all the reasons why their life is one to be envied with all the great privileges that they get to enjoy as a result of this lifestyle choice. And what struck me about it was how superficial and self-centered all the of the privileges and benefits that they had identified were.
Music written and generously provided by Paul Jernberg. Find out more about his work as a composer here: pauljernberg.com
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How is Brian always wrong on every issue ?
Can I challenge you to tell me what the thesis of this video is and what is specifically wrong with that thesis?
Did you have to use the word "challenge" and "thesis"? Or has this been your ploy to discourage a response? For example, was it your calculation that, by suddenly expecting the equivalent of a doctoral defense that is thorough and rigorous, you'd run him off because complying would be a disproportionate waste of his time? Now, I'd also like him to elaborate, lol, but I only require a few words here and there to get the general picture.
@@BrianHoldsworthQuite frankly, I'm not sure you have a clear thesis to begin with. This video comes off as an incoherent rambling of someone trying to sound smart, but in really has nothing of clear substance offered - and I mean this as charitably as possible - maybe you could benefit from a script editor?
All I got from your rambling was this: having no kids = immoral because of hedonism and chasing of transient desires, while having children = moral because of the sacrifices you make to have kids?? Lolwhut?
Deciding on having a child is an inherently amoral choice. I honestly fail to see the connection between morality and having a child - you either have one or you don't, and not having one because you choose not to doesn't make you inherently worse than someone who does. Are barren people immoral for not having children? What about Latin-Rite Catholic Priests and Bishops? Don't you think it's a bit rich that a bunch of childless old men in the Vatican look down upon couples who choose not to have kids?
In fact, the people who you describe as "DINKs" in a rather condescending tone openly admit that they don't want kids because they want to enjoy their lives in a different way, and having kids would get in the way of that.
Great! At least they're honest about the fact that having children would be a great detriment to them and to the child especially. To me that's 1000x more moral than what some people who quite frankly shouldn't have been parents in the first place.
Moral of the story is, leave people who want to live their lives in a way that doesn't affect you - alone lol!
@@the_tax_consultantperhaps “morality” (strictly right/wrong) is not the best judgement term here, though the critique of selfishness vs self sacrificing and giving is a general morally good behavior. As you noted, glamorizing and praising the selfish behavior may lead some people to regret that later in life.
😂😂😂 really? Maybe lol in the mirror
Society never shuts up about single mothers, baby trapping, families who struggle to feed their kids and then is shocked when people and embrace a lifestyle thet avoids said problems
No, the society isn't shocked, only the people who learned something by overcoming struggles. And yet, it shouldn't even be a reaction of shock, more of a pity.
@@stephenson19861 but why take a chance? Why suffer when you can straight up avoid?
@@stephenson19861 maternal mortality rates in the states are rising but the critics don't say a word. One of whom, a famous athlete, tori Bowie, died last year
@@thecreativemillenial Why are they rising, and why isn't thay adressed? If it's true, it means the standards are falling and sooner or later it will affect other areas.
Who are the critics, what do they criticize?
I can see legitimate reasons for someone not to have children - grave fear, a dedication to some sort of service to others and total commitment to a goal, health concerns. If the reason is "I don't want that because I want to enjoy life" I have no problem saying - ok, if that's your goal, but I would feel absolutely no obligation to help that person later because the fair and just answer would be - all your life you cared only about your enjoyment and now, in the same vain, by yourself, take care of your own problems. And that's one huge problem I can see in many individuals today whose mindset goes something like this: "no one has the right to interfere with my choices but when I face problems everyone should help me." Society has vested interest in people who have children because it is a contribution, on many levels, from practical to existential.
There is one other situation and that is, companies who want people available exclusively for their goals and work effort so they have incentive that people have nothing outside the work, nothing they can really call theirs. They don't want people to belong to anyone but the company. Since this is not out of love but pure interest those who accept that kind of game should very well be aware that once they have served their purpose they will be simply discarded and when it's done they'll find themselves very much alone.
@@stephenson19861 I've seen countless podcasts ranting about single mothers and literally encouraging men not to date them. I've seen youtubers complain about the baby trapping.
If a couple decide not to have children then that is entirely their own business and nobody else's. Far from criticizing so-called dinks for life choices, I wish some parents had made the same decision. Too many people have children that they clearly didn't want or can't look after. My children are everything to me and I can't imagine life without them. No amount of holidays or the accumulation of material things could come close to the happiness and contentment motherhood has brought me. Parenthood was my choice let others make theirs.
Yes😊
Brian absolutely reserves the right to criticize idiots on the internet.
My family are Oinks.... One income nine kids. 😂. Currently aged 25 - 9. We have made many sacrifices but would absolutely not have done it differently . LOVE my family.
I love the idea of being an “OINK” it’s definitely something to work towards and on, as an only child I couldn’t imagine HOWEVER I would have loved to have younger siblings. Congratulations on your success!!
This is awesome!
😂 Maybe you can make a video to counter the DINKS. I’d love to see a wholesome and selfless family video that counters the depraved and selfish DINK video.
Babylon Bee covered that acronym well!
Pretty bad ass
Why can’t people understand that dinks and childfree people are just living their lives and sharing it on social media like everyone does these days. Instead of taking it personally, the best thing one can do is look within and reflect on why they get so upset or triggered by the choices of strangers. It is not the childfree, the childless or the dinks with the problem, it is those who have such a visceral reaction to the choices of others that need to make changes in their lives and attitudes.
People often have the mindset, "This works for me, therefore it must work for you."
Regret is the answer. Realizing there was a CHOICE makes them angry.
I also know people with children that will definitely die alone because their children don't respect them. No one wants to die alone but not sure that having kids is the best way to ensure that.
Having kids so the person doesn't die alone is the best way to guarantee that they die alone. Children see through the self-centeredness of that.
My grandmothers both died 'alone' it was just happenstance. Stop with your obnoxious nonsense.
At least with offspring, you have a unique argument for them to not disown you
@@markpugner9716 Using that argument would be the highest level of using the offspring.
work at a assist care, and ( nursing home) you watch a lot people die alone that have families and kids that never come to visit.
No one commenting on the fact that this man photoshopped one family member’s face on to the rest of the family? Hahaha
Some (i would guess many) childless couples are heavily involved in caring for ailing loved ones, being an extra pillar of support for their family, or being especially available to the community or other people in need. For instance, I know a couple whose nieces & nephew ended up parentless when the mother died and the father went to prison. Their extra availability was huge in their family's group effort of helping to care for those kids for many years.
It's ok for people like this to also express delight in the side-benefits of their circumstance, even the "shallow" benefits. Doing so doesn't mean their whole existence is that shallow.
Similarly, my auntie never had kids, lived with my grandparents her whole life, and played a key role in helping to raise all of us (me and my many cousins). She didn't have her OWN children, but was a pillar in our family.
True, some couples aren’t called to have children. Aunties and uncles can be great pillars in their families / communities. Or found a nonprofit to help rescue animals or support the environment etc.
But of all the videos I’ve seen in this trend, none mention having free time to devote to others/greater purpose. It’s all about having a consumer lifestyle and freedom from others.
I just found out my wife is pregnant with our first 😊 I am both delighted and terrified 😅
W
Convince her to take a 'regret' pill
I am a young woman but I'm not going to have kids because God has called me to make a vow of chastity. As part of my vocation I have more time to devote to prayer, which is the cornerstone of my life. In my opinion this is the only "worthwhile" trade-off when considering whether to start a family. A life dedicated to prayer is very fulfilling and a valid and important contribution to the community. It is designed to help you become selfless in a different way, complementary to those called to marriage. Outside of dedicating your life more exclusively to God and neighbor, the single life can be very dangerous spiritually because of how easily it can become selfish. Staying single for all the hedonistic perks is a road to despair and deep unfulfillment.
Vow of celibacy. Even those who are married are called to chastity.
Exactly. Notice the first words were not about becoming clergy. Self gratifying celibacy is what I read. Some people want to be able to tap out.
I don't understand your comment, could you please explain?
I am choosing this life as well! Not because I hate kids or marriage (those are beautiful things) but I believe I have a different purpose in life. And I think people especially in the Church need to realize that that's a valid vocation.
How did God call you to a vow of chastity/celibacy? He spoke to you? How?
You know what the real treat about having children is? It's actually the grandchildren that you eventually get to give you something to do in the second half of your life. 😋
Except if the children decide that child-free is better for them...
@@UnconventionalReasoning The more children you have, the less likely that is to be the case.
Until you end up in nursing home and they never come to see you. Its cliche.
@@sitka49 only if you american. Us asian don't let our parent die alone.
Perhaps it is a wise choice to not have kids, than to start a family and regret doing so.
Any choice can be regretted and they cannot be undone. So I don't know, maybe we shouldn't decide on anything.
There are many reasons, and good reasons, why someone would decide to be childless. If someone l, for example, dedicates his whole life to medicine and saving lifes, it's a valid reason. If someone decides not to have because all they want is travel, have miney and have fun it's still ok but it's a good sign not to get to close to that person because if, in someone's life the only important thing is "me" the other can be nothing more than object.
You won't regret starting a family! I don't even know how to follow up that sentence, except a full stop. You won't regret starting a family.
@@nathandyck2558 too many people do regret having entered family life creating a bad situation for everyone.
@@nathandyck2558 The idea that you can assert that for everyone else is truly absurd.
@@nathandyck2558 So Chris Watts didn't regret starting his family? What do you people get out of lying?
If they don't have children fine. Conservatives need to start having huge families and homeschool. The future is ours then. Instill values, morals responsibility and faith
Damn, I never really saw it like that but it makes sense , let the God fearing Catholics take over
Amen
In the US, politically conservative have had more kids than politically liberal at least since year 1980. Currently the difference is about 2.5 children per woman vs. 1.5 children per woman. The so called moderates are hovering around 2.0. However, there's an ongoing conversion from conservative to liberal (mostly happening via the universities) that is said to make the difference slightly net-negative for the conservatives. That being said, if the conservatives become even slightly better at maintaining their group size the tide will quickly turn. The increased negative view towards abortion and gay issues has been partially explained being due to the past fertility difference between conservatives and liberals. Hope this helps.
@@Stabu Now that the left-wing ideology is accelerating towards extremism, I expect more conservatives to stay conservative. And with the disparity in birth rates, the conservatives will eventually become the voting majority. Demographics are destiny.
I agree, well said.
Had to go back and check out your family photo, well done! Very fuuny!
I have a shitton of kids, but I find this entire dialogue exhausting. Have no kids, have 10, I really dont't care. There's no right or wrong way to live wrt family size.
Methinks dinks are aptly named
My wife and I struggle with this. We are both infertile and the perception at times is that we’ve chosen this path.
Agree wholeheartedly with your assessment that DINK isn’t a positive lifestyle worth emulating.
I remember when I was much younger and my sperm count was very low. But I prayed earnestly for stronger health, and was blessed with a child. We were not married yet. And I should have immediately asked her to marry me. The responsible godly man would have waited until we were married before sex. But I second guessed my own motivations and delayed to ask for her hand in marriage. After our child was born we did get married. By my conscience is scarred by my own failure to accept God's blessings. I was so much in a hurry, I failed to patiently wait for God's timing.
@@villefere6968 Amen, my friend. Just ruminating on errors I made that were clearly my fault. I could blame no one else but myself. But I have confessed my sins and thankfully I am forgiven. If we confess our sins, and we participate in the Eucharist with a clean heart, the Lord will feed us lively virtues: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility.
@@dalelerette206our only goal is to imitate Christ. Since He has forgiven you it would be a betrayal of that imitation to not forgive yourself. Do not dwell on it brother. Much love.
@@seanainohearcai3860 Thank you in Christ. I have found some so-called help from social media has led me to Desolation and steals my energy. Yet other help from social media (like yours) seems to actually flow by authentic virtue of the Holy Spirit, leading me to Consolation, refreshing and releasing new energy in us. Mary, Joseph & Jesus pray for our Consolation to be the gifts of the Holy Spirit, all 10 Commandments properly balanced within the lively virtues: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility -- perfected as Christ is perfect.
In Summa Theologica II.II, Thomas Aquinas asserts the following correspondences between the seven Capital Virtues and the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit:
The gift of wisdom corresponds to the virtue of charity.
The gift of understanding corresponds to the virtue of faith.
The gift of counsel (right judgement) corresponds to the virtue of prudence.
The gift of courage corresponds to the virtue of fortitude.
The gift of knowledge corresponds to the virtue of hope.
The gift of reverence corresponds to the virtue of justice.
The gift of wonder and awe corresponds to the virtue of temperance.
Adopt
That was a thing when I was in my thirties, three decades ago. I became a parent through adoption. It changed my life. God bless.
You should not become a parent unless you are sure you want them and are financially able to care for them. No one should have children just because they think they have too.
In Canada if you're a "DINK", one thing you should keep in mind is that the Child Tax Benefit is fairly substantial, and in my opinion takes away a lot of the financial pressure and fear of having more children. That's one area our government continues to do something right is giving some financial support to growing families.
Some people feel called to marriage and parenthood. Others don't. Both life paths are equally valid. There really isn't an issue here.
Married, no chlldren here (became Catholic later in life), and I know it’s an enormous loss to not have children. I have a nephew to dote on, and I teach, so I still will always have children in my life to nurture, and it’s a blessing.
These people always seem to forget all the childless people that step in to fill the gap of raising their children, or educating their children. Why is that contribution any less valid? All these things run on time because people are not actively taking care of children. There are priests and nuns that don’t have children either. I just don’t understand this logic.
Beautifully articulated. I will be sharing this with my kids, who are just old enough to be thinking about marriage. They should know what they are in for, and why they should enter in.
Excellent presentation. Thank you, Brian.
Our first child was hard for us. The first kid is almost always the toughest. But confronting my selfishness and hedonism moved me along the road to salvation. Most importantly: my child exists to be loved, and respond to love. Parenthood is a challenge, yes, but it is a gift. What an indictment on our culture, that we are debating things like this. As if children are just another possession, and their merits can be compared to experiences and inanimate objects. Are we fully human anymore?
Well look, we relegated marriage to a contract with the state where there is an incentive for one party to break that contract and walk away with cash and prizes.
"my child exists to be loved, and respond to love"
You made your child into a possession, existing for your purpose instead of theirs.
@@UnconventionalReasoningIt takes a kind of a very twisted logic to write something like you wrote.
@@stephenson19861 It takes a kind of very self-centered person to dismiss what I wrote, because you're so inside your own mind that you can't see what you're really doing.
Well explained and considered, very accessible. Great job, Brian.
Plenty of "DINKS" I know are super active community members who are contributing far more to the world than people who are selfishly absorbed with only their own little family unit. I know one couple of doctors who volunteer their time, others who volunteer a lot in different ways, academics who do very important work in science, one couple where the wife is a full-time caregiver to BOTH her ageing and ailing parents. A silly meme video does not reflect the reality of childfree adults' lives. Having children is not "noble". Living childfree is not "hedonistic". Many many parents are just as hedonistic, and as a result shitty parents. Many people REGRET their children. Certainly it must be better for someone to regret not having children - a regret only the person themselves will suffer from - than having children and regretting THAT, victimizing your kids who will feel it and know they are fundamentally unwanted.
We need to do one for SILKS...single income lots of kids!
We're SILKS we need to go to Costco every two weeks...we're SILKS we are the reason social security may still be viable.
Protect all the DINKs❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I have twins due in less than 2 weeks! Hopefully the first of many!
Congratulations! Praying for a safe delivery❤
Congrats, blessings for a safe delivery! God Bless
Awesome video. These subjects on morality and ethics to me you do very well. Do you have any books on this topic you recommend to become more virtuous? Currently I am reading Prudence from Fr. Gregory which is excellent.
Merry Christmas to you and your family
What's that old, sad saying? That Sinatra's "My Way" plays on an infinite loop in hell.
That and “Imagine”
Hell sounds like a good place.
@@UnconventionalReasoning lol then you clearly haven't ever meant it when telling someone to "go to hell" lol
@@Multipurpose_Bagel Of course not. If I meant it, that would be a truly cruel thing to do, and it's not my place.
Thanks, Brian. Those of us who no longer have a spouse and also don’t have kids through no fault of our own, well, we really enjoyed this video.
I like being childfree.
They new studies claim that loneliness is the same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, if not worse.
All DINKs end up SINKs.
And then NINKS because they can retire without needing to keep working.
2:17 Brian out there living the Samwise Gamgee life😂
God bless❤
2:18 I was shocked you would put your family picture up on UA-cam. Then I took a closer look.
I think if DINKs did it and served others: volunteering, helping the sick, the poor, the lonely, basically helping Jesus. But, as someone who speaks from having a DINK sister and brother in law, they just live selfish, vapid lives. And their greediness knows no bounds. This is only for self proclaimed DINKS, obviously not infertile couples. I’m sure they believe their lives are very meaningful, and I hope they are happy and have no regrets. I just wish more couples who choose not the have children, just do more to help others. Be a blessing in other lives. I know many older women, for whatever reason, in my church who have no children or even husbands for that matter. They live their lives for others. They are such a blessing to others. I don’t believe everyone is meant to have children, but everyone is meant to serve and love others. When my children are adults, my time of serving does not end. It continues on and on until I die.
THIS! I've always noticed how DINKs and single people never seem to have time to volunteer. They're always "too busy". I usually think "busier than a parent with a full time job? I don't think so." Yet any time we've volunteered, there are never DINKs or singles alongside us, only families with small children. Funny that.
@@l.r.8573Just because you don’t see them volunteer alongside you doesn’t mean they don’t volunteer at all. They may volunteer with other organizations just not where that you volunteer at. In my church, there are single people and childless couples that volunteer at church prayer ministries or volunteer outside of church at hospitals and they just don’t get involved in family centered ministries. Also, I am not getting your point. Are you trying to say that just because you don’t see them volunteer, that they must be selfish, since everyone knows, all singles and childless couples, yes, all of them, without exception are selfish. Yeah, funny that.
@akiram6609 There has been no church, ministry, or volunteer organization wherein I've seen single or childless people volunteer. There may be the occasional couple of them, but they are never the majority and are rarely ever present. The single and child-free people I know personally also do not volunteer anywhere. As a general rule of thumb, be it a single person, childless/child-free couple, or even a family, I find people who don't volunteer anywhere, pretty selfish.
@@l.r.8573 Your opinion. People do not volunteer for a variety of reasons other than that of selfishness. There are also people who volunteer for selfish reasons. I actually know a full blown narcissist who volunteers because that is the best way she can get her supply. The idea that volunteers are virtuous while non-volunteers are selfish strikes me as a bit too simplistic.
@akiram6609 ok, fair enough. Though I'm not quite sure why you seem intent on trying to start an argument with me when I simply replied that I find many single/child-free people making the claim that they are too busy or busier than others with more responsibility. Of course everything is nuanced, but if we are talking in generalities (which I am), then the point stands, statistically speaking.
Also if people don't want kids, it should not be pushed.They could wind up horrible parents?
Nobody has a problem with them deciding to not have kids. This is something I've seen people misinterpret, if they do or don't have kids, that's their choice, they'll later realize the consequences of making unwise choices. The problem is them trying to promote this lifestyle to the youth, it's cope from the Dinks, trying to convince themselves/others that the single lifestyle is ideal, worthy to envy. If they decide they aren't going to have kids they'd be doing us a favor, but trying to brainwash the youth by promoting the Dink lifestyle is the Crucs of the issue.
Edit: Brian was not explicitly stating that the Dinks need to have kids, but rather stating the warnings of what will come from making such decision. He also defended parenthood in this increasingly anti-parental society. We all have fruitful desires, it's in our spiritually and DNA, they cannot be rewritten, ignored, or suppressed. If not met, does and will leads to misery and unhappiness.
@@Battlefield1918There's countless online spaces for parents so what's the problem with childfree couples having a space?
@@Battlefield1918But it’s totally okay when trads push their narrative to the youth that having a dozen children is the ideal lifestyle that’s worthy of envy, right?
@@Wishmaster787 Man you're living in the stone age. Social Medias including Tik Tok, Instagram, and Snapchat are brainwashing platforms that are pushing anti-biblical beliefs, liberalism, and extreme ideologies. I'm part of Gen Z, and yes, the people of my generation are getting brainwashed to practice satanic beliefs, to worship yourself, live materialistic lives, fornication, adultery, (hostile towards the family unit), hostile towards traditional beliefs, I could make a never ending list. The Dink's trend is hostile towards the family unit, is promoting a lifestyle where you consume consume consume, don't have kids, work work work, and somehow costco always makes the list on these reels. Where have you been for the past 15 years?
@@the_tax_consultant Only in your world is the truth considered a "narrative". You need to get yourself together because you sound unhinged.
The family photo was hilarious 😂 But seriously, I love how you dress your children. You look like Little House on the Prairie, and I mean that as a huge compliment. Charles and Caroline Ingals are goals.
What does this have to do with our faith? It's not everyone's calling to have kids.
Your children are darling.
Brian certainly can't deny them, they are definitely his children, wonderful!
DINK - Double Income No Kids - The first imperative given by God to Adam & Eve was to be fruitful and multiply - Genesis 1:28 - God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” There are so many blessings we have lost by not fulfilling God's imperative to our first parents from the Garden of Eden.
Yes, one imperative was given when there were two members of "his chosen people". There are 8 billion people today.
@@UnconventionalReasoning 8 billion people can be united with God in Holy Matrimony if they walk to the motion of the Holy Spirt. Strength, according to Tolkien, manifests itself most clearly not in the exercise of power but rather in the willingness to give it up.
Now quote the one where barren women in the last days are the lucky ones. You people make Christians look so bad.
@@DelicateRedRose Many do not understand this passage.
For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!’ - Luke 23:29
That family photo, though. 😂🎉
Some people dont want kids but are out under immense social pressure to do so anyways They're happy with their choice. Get over it.
I've never wanted kids myself, don't ever remember a time when I did . . . but think TikTok DINK videos were some of the cringiest things I've ever seen.
My guess is that about 5% of people genuinely don't want kids or have a calling other than children. But these DINK vids are the ultimate cope of people who are trying to convince themselves that they haven't made a terrible mistake.
To judge people based on a TikTok video is pretty cringe.
Thanks for talking with us about a dangerous spreading around. Thank you. I encourage everyone in the car. I’ll find it what kind as soon as her.
I've been married a long time. We'd love kids, but we still don't have any. I'm very, very, very tired of people with kids making assumptions that we don't like or want kids. A friend even told me once, 'Well, when we decided to have kids...' Like I didn't decide to have them? I decided just as much as she did, but here I am, still childless. So, since we don't have any, I refuse to continue to feel morose all the time. I can actually afford to experience and do a lot of things that others can't. I don't brag, but I refuse to be quiet about it either if it comes up in conversation. Nobody has ever once considered my feelings before they open their mouths.
Babylon Bee’s response was great, the “OINK” for Mormon families (or previously Catholic) was “One Income Nine Kids”! 😃
What animal goes "Oink"?
It’s fine to be a DINC. Neither Jesus nor Paul had children.
LOL this term is nothing new a bunch of posers it’s been around since the late 90’s.
It’s a sad and selfish existence pray for them🙏
Not selfish to have many children God bless you and your wife and other couples that live a true Catholic life.
We know people who were told by their doctor that they were selfish for not aborting their son who had pediatric hydrocephalus. The dr claimed the boy would never walk or talk. 17 years later he's about to graduate high school. I hope they mail the dr a graduation picture with a reminder of his prenatal diagnosis and recommendation 😂
Who are they being selfish towards? 😂
@DelicateRedRose The doctor told the parents they were "selfish" for letting their "special needs" child live instead of killing him before he even drew breath. Yeah, I know, it makes no sense. Never said the dr was smart, just "educated" and "licensed." And obviously bloodthirsty because he wanted that little baby boy dead instead of living and thriving with his family and friends. Nice guy.
@brandywineblue Ma'am or Sir I did not @ you. I was speaking to the initial commenter and not you. Learn how youtube works.
I’m a single Protestant man, and having a wife and children is something I wish I had; it’s one of the things that I actually find attractive about Catholicism. Oftentimes the Protestants I’ve met kinda treat the whole issue of children and the act of making them as this rather cold process.
I work with a lot of people in unhappy sexless marriages though and that does not instill confidence in me. Everyone at the factory makes it sound terrible. Growing up, I also heard adults in my family say things like, “sex stops, when marriage begins.”
So again, that’s not a good endorsement. Hopefully they’re wrong, but I’m not sure.
They are wrong, they are lying about marriage, marriage is hard and it’s not supposed to be how movies make it seem.
@@sleepystar1638 I’m not sure if they are. I think a lot of people I’ve met in the factory genuinely are in unhappy sexless marriages. Although again, hearing things like, “if you want sex, don’t get married” is just really off-putting to me. I’m still a virgin, I have desire. I know that you shouldn’t get married just to have sex, and I agree. But telling me that marriage is supposed to be sexless just doesn’t make me want to be married. I understand marriage is hard, I get that. I just don’t want to end up with a roommate when I want a wife.
@@prestonowens4594 the whole purpose of Marriage is to help the other get to Heaven first, then comes sex and Kids. the Idea of submitting to your spouse is literally written by Paul. Your Soulmate should be Jesus, Marriage is just until Death. Paul says if you bur with "passion" then to get married.
1 Corinthians 7
1NOW concerning the thing whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. 4The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency. 6But I speak this by indulgence, not by commandment. 7For I would that all men were even as myself: but every one hath his proper gift from God; one after this manner, and another after that. 8But I say to the unmarried, and to the widows: It is good for them if they so continue, even as I. 9But if they do not contain themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to be burnt. 10But to them that are married, not I but the Lord commandeth, that the wife depart not from her husband. 11And if she depart, that she remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife. 12For to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife; and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband: otherwise your children should be unclean; but now they are holy. 15But if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in such cases. But God hath called us in peace. 16For how knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband ? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife ?
so you DO get married just to have sex, the idea that you have to spend eternity with your spouse is modern scare tactics BS. Having a spouse is suppose to satisfy those urges, Spiritually legal.
Marriage isn’t hard.. if you find the right person. I don’t know why so many people say it’s hard. If it is, it’s probably not the right relationship to be in.
Just because a person or couple has kids doesn't guarantee that the children are going to be around or help you when you're old. I know lots of people now whose children disowned the parents or became drug addicts or moved to the opposite side of the country and want nothing to do with helping their elderly parents. My own brother is an example of this as well as my cousins. The underlying problem is that our culture needs to recover a respect for the elderly and create living arrangements like they have in traditional European societies where the elderly are integrated with all ages in a town or village and you have younger people looking out for the old, and the old feel like they are part of a community, instead of in American culture we just put our elderly in senior care facilities, like warehouses where they wait to die and no one visits them.
It's more or less same in Europe, trust me.
It's not a guarantee, but _not_ having kids *is* a guarantee that you won't have your kids around to help
People shouldn't havd children only because someone told them to but your argument is stupid because it's all up to parents whether their children will care about them or not. My parents gave me everything: love, money, education, and i respect them and will never leave them alone
Excellent writing. Especially 7:20 to 8:00. Gold...
Gawd, what a crap load of disorganized thoughts. An pathetic mishmash of appeal to emotion.
I’m going to state what everyone is thinking. Some people are total idiots and it’s probably better they choose to remain dinks.
The 11th Commandment: Judge as others as much as possible.
@@UnconventionalReasoning There is literally nothing wrong with judgement we judge people all time. I.E people who aren’t qualified pilots don’t get hired because passengers don’t want to die. This is just a fact of life i’m not even speaking from a religious perspective.
The idea you would have no kids is less crazy to the average American then having lots of kids. It makes me sad, even when I tell my friends and family I want a lot of kids they all act like I’m crazy. When you view your life through a pursuit of virtue the “negatives” associated with children seem to be a lot less important.
When a person says, "I want a lot of kids," do they realize the sentence starts with "I want"?
@@UnconventionalReasoning point being?
@@calebgasca Having kids is more about you than about the children. That seems problematic.
@@UnconventionalReasoning not true at all, everyone is called to some type of parenthood. You seem to assume that the fact that I want them eliminates any other reason. Like that fact that having children is a moral good itself.
@@calebgasca Asserting "everyone is called to some type of parenthood" does not make it true. You are, and that's fine for you.
I blame the economy for more DINKS. However people are doing what is best for them.
And I Respect that
I love having two kids. It’s actually the first commandment. Thank God for blessing us. Money comes and goes. Vacations get forgotten a week or two after.
I plan to have a wife and kids, but if God decides that's not for me, I'm going to enjoy the life that I can with the resources that He provides to me, and if I marry a woman past childbearing age, we will be Catholic DINKS by circumstance, not by choice.
There's no vocation to marriage outside of child bearing age so it's not really an option.
So long as you don't make a cringe tik Tok about we chilling 😂. Peace be with you my friend. May God bless you with a family.
DINKs ARE THE BEST INNTHE WORLD❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Dinks shouldn't brag about being childless?
Meanwhile parents say "I have this number of kids" whenever introducting themselves, they say "Mother/Father to # kids" in their social medias, they constantly talk and brag about their kids even when their friends aren't even interested and have never got a chance to mention any of their endeavors, they try to force others to 'help' raise their kids when it's their responsibility in the first place, they bully and belittle the childfree and show no respect and regard for their reasons why they aren't having kids.
By the way, didn't you make a video called "Why you need to have kids (and lots of them)" before? Isn't that bragging and being disrespectful? Completely ignorant to those who are childfree or who can't have kids?
Absolutely ridiculous?
What sounds funnier than "DINK" is "DINKWAD" (double income no kids with a dog)
It’s a very strange culture we live in where people commonly define themselves by the things that they don’t do or the people that they don’t like instead of positive attributes about themselves…
People do not "define themselves" with this. They are responding to the expectations that get imposed on them continually. There is a lot more to their lives than what you see in a short video.
@@UnconventionalReasoning I'm really not talking about people on the internet exclusively. I have family members who put a significant portion of their identity into political figures that they don't like, ideas that they disagree with, and actions that they avoid doing in their day to day lives. For a very simple example of this take being a vegetarian. This is not an identity based in positive action it's an identity found in a lack of action.
As someone who can't have kids people who choose not to have children and brag about it work my last nerve.
Envy?
People brag and boast about many things they believe they are "winning at." The womanizer has contempt for Incels.
The middle-class black male whines about racism as to why he is not rich and has contempt for the financially impoverished black man while at the sametime envying the rich men.
Most of us take for granted what we do have be it fertility, a middle-class life, two functional legs.
Black Lives Matter, and rich, beautiful, celebrity black women talk as if they have it worse than parapalegics. So, people take fertility for granted, not surprising 🤷.
Perhaps consider adoption? There are many children out there who need good parents
@catholicguy1073 My husband and I are in the same boat. We looked very broadly into adoption, but because of our age, we were not eligible. That's the insidious aspect about the plight of the barren: we try and try, only resorting to adoption as a last resort, and then it's too late. Broke our hearts. Please be compassionate about childless couples, because you never know their stories.
Right!?!? My one dream is to have a happy home with many children. So insulting to hear these spoiled brats brag about not having children when it’s all you want….💔
That's some spiteful behavior. Enjoy hell.
I love my Children, To them: the future.
This all started when you had couples with kids complaining on tik tok that they had no time or money to do anything, because they had kids. And the DINKS just did a parody of it
'do what thou wilt'...Crowley and fre mas nry.
Stone cutters come from Islamic Sufism
This was a pointless argument. Having kids is not a noble goal.
As a Vietnamese person, I don't think I like how freely people are tossing "dink" around
There are *no* altruistic reasons to have children, especially these days.
I can't help but notice and be bothered by, how when I talk about my job, and my future plans of becoming a plumber; people, even-fellow Catholics, talk about how I can use my money to get stuff that I want, as opposed to using the money to support my future wife and kids. (in fact it's the key reason why I've decided to pursue becoming a plumber) This anti-child sentiment in our society has gotten so bad, I wonder if these people would view me as immoral for being employed and seeking to get a high-paying job, just for the sake of having a family as opposed to pleasure & entertainment.
I’m not sure how this works in Catholicism but is having children seen as a universal good? I mean I see children as a blessing but I also think that people who are entirely self interested would make terrible parents and it’s probably for the best that they aren’t having children.
@@harrygarris6921 it is in the sense that it's part of human nature to procreate, just as it is a good for living organisms to reproduce. There are exceptions though for certain people and individuals, though very often these exceptions are viewed as kind of sacrifice, especially in the case of priests, monks and nuns. For individuals who are in such a state as described, there is hope that they can get out of it, change and become good parents and have kids.
The problem with the topic at hand is not with the individuals but with the society, there is an effort to normalize this kind of attitude and behaviour. In the Church there is concern with clericalism, the effort to glorify the role of priests, yet no one in the Church, as far as I know glorifies celibacy the way childlessness is glorified in the secular world; yes it's viewed as a good, holy and heroic practice, but it's not normalized, it's not presented as something every single human being should do, it's a sacrifice.
@@claritasyoutubechannel3312 Why are you bothered by how other people react? If you are confident in your goals, their responses are irrelevant.
@@UnconventionalReasoning because, a society that frowns on having kids and having families is unhealthy and problematic.
Brian as always very wise for your age! And you seem to have stroked a nerve based on some comments 😄 good!...keep up the good work Brian!! God Bless
The elderly living alone is not a pretty thing. Look at the stats, between divorce and DINK lifestyle, persons living alone is a growing statistic, as is the number of those being found dead only because the stench was seeping from their apartment.
Having children is not always a solution for the elderly living alone.
Nothing wrong with people making life choices for themselves
Actually they can change their minds later, or if it's to late to have kids, they can adopt.
People change there minds all the time. Nothing is etched in stone, nothing at all.
Their minds could change but their content is already up, promoting a lifestyle that is nor ideal or desirable, the brainwashing has already happened, good thing people were calling out the Dinks and defending parenthood (as we're living in a society that is ever increasingly hostile towards parenthood).
Right, and what if parents change their minds and regret having children and become abusive as a result? How does this guy’s “thesis” account for that?
Most of the relationships in today's world can be easily ditched, once they become uncomfortable, taxing and expensive. You can ditch your friends, divorce your spouse, forsake your parents, turn your back on brother or sister without consequence.
Having children might be the only relationship you can't throw away that easily, that's why it's becoming something scary. How can a modern person who always wants to have an exit strategy once it becomes "complicated" accept something potentially irreversible.
After all, isn't this what most people today seek? Not another person with its own thoughts and feelings but a pet that is worshipped because it's always subordinate.
it's not a trend it's a Costco marketing gimmick to target their core demographic of middle income women between 29 and 45. These kinds of relationships are pretty common and have been for many decades already, but this is literally an advertisement for Costco.
That's weird. Doesn't Costco sell jumbo packs of everything? The only ones who need discounted multi packs are large families. You can't eat all that alone in less than a year!
That's what I thought, somehow Costco always makes the cameo in these Dink clips, it's almost like its Costco propaganda. I'm also convinced that alot of the things we see on social media are fake, as in, a third party is paying these people (with a mixture of real content) to promote these lifestyles and taboo's than promoting it in the algorithm to brainwash the youth, I'm not surprised since it's a Chinese communist app, the people behind these algorithms know about human psychology, if the kids see Costco enough in the clips, they'll want to go to Costco.
Amen!
Live and let live
Conservatives would be up in arms if these people had so many kids government assistance was needed.
I always feel like this guy is about to start crying.
Here is my problem with this. I don't think the DINK mindset is good. I think it overlooks the long term for the short term. That being said, Brian's position seems to put everybody into the same box with the same values and decision points that he does. If you're not approaching parenthood from God's perspective, this whole approach is meaningless. The decision point is something that they have to make. Many DINKs see how hard parenthood is on their friends and it looks terrifying. Some of those parents literally hate being parents. I absolutely love being a parent, but to expect that everyone else will have the same experience or have the same values as myself is a fallacy, especially those who do not serve and follow God.
Having children is not something that everyone is supposed to do. Not all marriages are supposed to have children either. There is a wide range to humans and we are very messy. To try to force everyone into the same path is problematic and would lead to disaster. And I'll say it, some people should not have kids.
Here is my problem with this. No DINK cares if you think the mindset is good. They are only bothered by you needing to tell them that you don't think their mindset is good. At least you're following the 11th Commandment: Judge as many others as possible.
@@UnconventionalReasoning Your problem is with the original video or with my comment?
@@huntsman528 My problem is with, "I don't think the DINK mindset is good." If that is you quoting the original video, then it is with only the video. If that is your position, then it is with your comment also. If I misunderstood your point, I apologize.
I was an only child so I wanted a bigger family. My husband and I had three boys who are all married with kids of their own. Just this last week we were told by our eldest son that he and his family are emigrating to another country. I'm devastated. Yes I know for a better life ( we live in South Africa, what else can i say!!) but I looked after their two lovely sons for the first years of their lives before they went to nursery school, so i feel I have a special bond with them. Now they are teenagers and i will never see them again as they are going very far away and my husband and I won't be able to travel that far. Yes, I still have the other two sons and their families but we want them all together. The cousins won't see each other anymore either. It's so terrbly sad. How people can decide not to have families I don't know. My mother used to call it " legal prostitution"!
You said "I" about a dozen times in this paragraph. Clearly you know what you want. Other people know what they want. Why is it so difficult to understand that they may want something different than you? Are you so special that only your answer to life is correct?
@@UnconventionalReasoning wow! How nasty. I'm explaining how upset I am about my family leaving to live overseas. Can I not feel sad? What does it have to do with being right!??
Many childfree people have moral reasons underpinning their decisions and then it’s like icing on top all the extra perks. Think we can all have different views thankfully.
Yes, having different views is good. Too many have the mindset, "This works for me, therefore it must work for you."
Wow! "We can go to Trader Joe's and Florida on a whim!" To each their own I guess. Nothing against Trader Joe's, but having children and grandchildren means a lot more to me than any store.
I'm in Florida every day is its like ever other state
Yes, what you have means a lot more to you. Why is it necessary to judge what means a lot to someone else?
@@UnconventionalReasoning idk br9
I completely agree with the message here that publicly bragging about living in sin (using contraception) is foolish and immature but I don't think it's very fruitful to make a whole video essay about these random people. In my experience, people who promote their sinful lifestyles online seek attention and you are giving them exactly what they want. As Catholics, we of course shouldn't ignore that sin exists and speak up against it but we also shouldn't be so engrossed in the world that we get scandalized every time someone uploads a foolish video on Tiktok or on other places. We shouldn't "feed the trolls" by giving them more attention than is necessary.
The 11th Commandment: Judge others as often as possible.
The message of perusing hedonism will not result in genuine satisfaction is a good message, but telling it through this lens really weakens it. It's a weird assumption than everyone without children is that way because they just wanted to pursue the next pleasure. There are infertile couples, those in religious orders, and single people who live fulfilling lives, and gives love to others.
I think it’s sad.
The world is a very strange place today, and only getting stranger.
Yes, it's sad, that you think some people wanting to be DINKS makes the world a strange place. Only your way of living is acceptable, it seems?
@@UnconventionalReasoning I wouldn’t live like them if that’s what your asking.
Why are you asking about acceptance, and what do mean by it anyway?
hearing their videos, all i can think is how sad their life will be.
I have two kids, the youngest will graduate when I'm in my mid forties.
plenty of time for me to enjoy my life then.
the fancy car I could've bought with the money spent? it would break down (new cars suck). the fancy house? would need a ton of work after a few years. all the lego sets i could've bought? some of my best memories with the legos are when my kids have stolen the mini figures, and decided the submarine needs to be pulled apart like the reactor went critical.
my son has two years left at high school and I'm only 40. I was critised for having my son "young" and being a single mum. But now I have a very unique opportunity to start a new chapter in my life, and it's terrifying and exciting at the same time. Other times I cry when my son isn't home thinking how much he's grown up but I won't stop him lol. My point being, you can live life after children and there's no reason not to have kids and a family. I love the film "It's a Wonderful Life" 1946 about the importance of family.
You're assuming that, from watching a 3 minute video, you have enough sense of their lives to judge how sad it is or will be. That seems pretty arrogant.
@@UnconventionalReasoning arrogant to point out that they're assumption of parents never getting a "normal" life? or arrogant to point out that there isn't anything wrong with having kids? I mean, it's literally a biological function of the body. assuming youre here to listen to Brian, and not just troll, I would assume that you would be for what is essentially a traditional world view of kids are a blessing.
@@UnconventionalReasoning thing is even my 87 yo grandma knows about these guys and we all have them in the family so yes we can make these claims as it’s also anecdotal
Yay!! Population control and consumerism
I think he's talking about the toxic reddit childfree communities.
Oh God
I know many people who are sad they only had 2 children. I’ve met many throughout my work life that have flat out said they wished they had more and now that kids are grown they are lonely and feel a massive void. I’m just talking about ordinary folk with no Christian bearing and speaking from a completely secular worldview. I think middle age is really going to suck for the dinks. They make these videos because I believe it’s indicative that the void is already there. I know Catholics that NFP’d and feel great regret and they have more than three. John Ford and Ottaviani, prophets for our time with the minority report!
"They wished they had more and now that kids are grown they are lonely and feel a massive void."
This seems very self-centered, people who were unable to find value in their lives without expecting their children to provide it. That is a truly cruel burden to place on children.
Amen. This society has gone pffft.
You nailed it. None of these DINK brag videos mention freedom to do good by others. It’s all about pleasure and consumption. Expressive individualism is pernicious. All lives should at least be about giving and making the world better for others.
It's a TikTok trend. You can't judge an entire group based on a few TikTok folks. I know some who made the choice because they didn't believe they would be good parents. I know others who made the choice because of genetic disease that shouldn't be passed on. I know one who is trying the opposite, to have a kid as a single divorced through a donor bank. Life is complicated, motivations are complicated, and groups are not fully or accurately represented by TikTok.
@@huntsman528where does my comment say
my opinion is extended to said “all childfree” people? My comment doesn’t speak to those who can’t have children or life circumstances led to being childfree like my friend who husband changes her mind but she never found a new partner in time.
I’m literally responding to the people who participated on a TikTok trend.Literally talking about people who participated in the trend and making judgements based on what they put to the world to judge.
@@AliciatheCho Judging people by their TikTok video is still silly. It's about social media likes, so they make it light and playful. Maybe some of them are unable to have children, but would have them if they could. Making the video could be healing for them. Others have probably chosen to be child-free for societal reasons. They get so much grief over it, making the video is a fun change.
Lol
I am a single father as a result of the choices I made before finding Jesus and the Church. I live with my mother, I'm relatively poor, and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Of course I'd prefer to be married, and in a better financial situation, but I'm doing the best with what I've got. I have faith our Lord Jesus will lead me exactly where I need to go.
Shine strong brother, be an example for those who can’t see the happiness in the situation.
not everyones calling is marriage - that's just a worldly way of thought, wish you peace.
' ... as it was promoted in that video ...' is the key phrase here. Your whole argument assumes (for argument sake) that this video was a representative sample of childless couples. It's like the classic 'straw man' where instead of characterising an opposing argument in a way that suits your argument, you stumble upon an example and then seek to burn it down.
Life's more complex than your easy characterisations.
I know a couple, for example, who have chosen not to have kids. I think they have gone through a process you might recognise as 'moral discernment'.
I've also known couples who have had kids with very little thought or discernment. Some have stumbled into being good parents, others are the kind of people who should never have had kids.
Yes, it is a key phrase. That's why I included it - so that I could not be accused of a straw man. You recognized that I made the distinction and then accused me of pretending it represented all childless couples - which would be a straw man fallacy against me. And it isn't some example I stumbled upon, it's a social media trend that has made mainstream media headlines. Seems like it might be a significant sample of the phenomenon.
@@BrianHoldsworthSo, to be clear, your observations are about a subset of childless couples -- we don't really have any idea how representative they are -- who seem to be making very superficial decisions about parenthood. We don't even know if this will be their enduring attitude. It may well be that their circumstances change or their attitude changes. Young people eh? What can ya do?
@@tonycarey1735 Cultural commentary makes generalizations almost by definition. Otherwise we'd say nothing and be nothing. Brian should continue to make videos without exactly knowing how representative anything is, because that's what having an opinion means on anything that can't be tracked in real time. And conservatives or Christians often do wait far too late to give their opinion for these very reasons. Waiting to always be right can be cautious, but it can also be cowardice avoidance of culture if you aren't careful.
@@CanditoTrainingHQ I don't pretend to be an expert on 'cultural commentary' but I don't think your 'we'd say nothing or be nothing' follows from your assertion about making generalizations.
Generalizations have value according to how much they reflect on what is going on in a culture. Are DINKS on the rise? If so, that's worth critical examination. I don't think Brian established that.
When you don't do that, you run the risk of just finding trends that fit your narrative rather than making a substantial commentary.
In my experience, FWIW, single people, including single couples, can live very compassionate, creative, generous lives. Couples who have children can wind up living bitter, destructive, selfish lives.
@@tonycarey1735 Remember that the video was specifically covering the topic of Dinks while also addressing parenthood. If they do or do not have kids, that's their choice, they'll later realize the consequences of making unwise choices. The problem here is them trying to promote this lifestyle to the youth, it's alot of cope from Dinks trying to convince themselves/others that the single lifestyle is ideal, worthy to envy. If they decide to not have kids, that's their choice, we can't force them, but trying to brainwash the youth into promoting the Dink lifestyle is the Crucs of the issue. And what Brian did in this video, wasn't to force the Dinks to have kids, but rather warning of what is to come from taking such decisions (of not having kids, and living materialistic self-center lives), while also defending parenthood (in this increasingly anti-parental society). We all have fruitful desires, it's in our spiritually and DNA, they cannot be rewritten, ignored, or suppressed. If not met, leads to misery and unhappiness. I'd also appreciate if you'd make the distinction of parenthood within the faith apart from the parenthood of the world, as using examples of failed parenthood not within the faith, but a part of the world isn't an equivalent comparison, "In my experience, FWIW, single people, including single couples, can live very compassionate, creative, generous lives. Couples who have children can wind up living bitter, destructive, selfish lives", are you referring to couples within a faith, or who are faithless? It's very important to make a distinction.