My godfather actually gave me a very good advice to find someone to date formally: make a list of the 10 things I want that someone to have, and then choose the three most important ones. No one will have the 10 things, but someone must have the three big ones. If that person doesn’t have those three, I wouldn’t bother dating that person. Ideally, he would also have maybe 4 or 5 of the other ones. Thanks as always guys, very insightful. Xoxo
The best way to know that you meet the right person is when both of you can talk nonstop about everything. If the communication is awkward on the first date, that's mean he is not the right person for you.
Personally, I find gay dating insanely difficult. The community lacks commitment and is extremely sex driven. I don't even know how people find each other at all. For me, I must have emotional connections before having sex. But people seem to want to "hop on and hop off".
What’s funny is in my experience I’ve met multiple men who weren’t even sex-focused or sexual at all and they were completely terrible at forging or maintaining an emotional connection. I worry about some queer men and their mental resilience or emotional intelligence.
I like the idea of deleting/getting a break from using the apps. It seems, this move helps to ground onself more and our vibe and focus changes. I also enjoy walking at the beach and got approached by a cute guy and despite the commom discretion in the area and other pressures. It felt surreal. This didn't lead to number exchange and yet the fact that this happened was magical. The conversation was definitely more meaningful than on the apps. The message of not overthinking it seems also true. I need to self-check to not get lost in myself or the others. Meeting friendly people when you are yourself seems easier. Thank you so much for this video. ❤
Great conversation, guys. I agree with what Michael said about [paraphrasing] most people are so consumed with what they want from a date / potential partner that they don't stop to think about what they are bringing to the table.
Glad that resonated with you. Dating can bring up a lot of mind drama/noise, so if you can ground yourself in the fact that you DO bring something valuable to the table, it changes the way you show up on a date and it comes across to the other person as a natural, grounded confidence.
Been single the last four years. Went on a date for the first time this past February and I just wasn't ready. I honestly don't enjoy the modern dating landscape...and I'm 32 lol!! I'm completely off the apps and honestly believe if it's meant to happen it'll happen and if it's not then it's not. That helps takes the pressure off for me at least.
Hey Nathaniel, I understand! I'm the same, I don't have any of the apps and I met someone only after I deleted them all and stopped "looking" for it. the universe brings you the things you're ready for when they're meant to be for sure!
I understand. I haven't been on the apps either and one thing that helps me meet new people is always going to friends' holiday/birthday/parties in person and let the relationship form organically.
I started dating recently myself. As of 2020 I had been in 2 LTRs and my spouse died in 2020 and I was thrusted back into dating mode. I never knew what dating was going to be such a painful process. I have dealt with scammers, and catfishers and basically it has set me back financially as a result of dealing with these freaks that I have been encountering. So I have developed a great mistrust of gay men as a result. I have to have an emotional connection in order to be able to have sex. Otherwise I am stressed so ONSs are out. I agree that online dating tends to bring the freaks out. I have stopped all those and am trying to participate in gay related activities (choir, karaoke, etc). At 60 I have resolved myself to not try to actively find someone to be in my life. Sometimes one cannot force something to happen out of desparation.
Groups like the ones you mentioned are wonderful ways to meet like-minded guys, be it for friendship or romance. Good for you for putting yourself out there to meet people.
Chris.... when my partner divorced me...within 2 yrs I was not actively in the dating scene... I guess that IS what you want... I only wonder if you're pushing to fast to ovbtain a man... and not accepting that it may take more time than we want.... Increase your networking, activities, volunteering.... and softly put out that you're interested, in time, to finding a new husband..
Chris, I feel for you. I am in my late 60s; but I still have slight hope. If you give up. Then you know exactly that, NOthing. it is very difficult, exasperating, but we both need to keep putting our good positive selves out there. Good luck !
Try being involved in a 32 year LTR and have them pass at age 66. I'm now four years after his passing and EXHASPERATED by my attempts to date. I'm wholly OK to be alone but I'd PREFER to share my life with a great guy who ENJOYS our mutual lives... together. It was so easy as mid-thirties guys but immensely more difficult as an old fart. lol. (I'm NOT an old fart, BTW!!) I'm looking at Matt and thinking "Is it you??". OMGSH.
Thank you so much this valuable discussion! It would be interesting to throw in a generational aspect. Guys in his 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s even 70s. I’m sure each has both challenges as well as wisdom.
I love dating, I used in person meetings as well as okcupid (not trying to solicit for them by any means) and ended up getting married with the latter. Dating is extremely difficult unless you're meeting people who say "yes" to things, or have more of a constructive attitude instead of trying to tear things/people down all the time. I believe that also means opening up your point of view to dating people you might not otherwise meet, like across gender expression, race, class divides etc...
Completely agree. When I was in HS, I constantly said I was attracted to the most attractive girl just so that I could stay in the closet and not have a GF.
It was really interesting to hear someone whose experience suggests having become demisexual. I feel rather lucky that I was socially active before there were so many questions of gender and sexuality. If I'd been sufficiently younger, I'd likely never make it out of the maze.
Yup... for me so GOOD to see that demisexual is FINALLY describing me.... and others... Tho as I 'mature'... I'm challenge by time and do I do more hookups or wait to connect w/ a man.... with whom we may do an open LTR.... and yes, I LUV LUV LUV #Kink/ #BDSM... Is this futile to expect a loving, caring KINKY mate ??
Hahaha I thought I started getting ED like at 27 but yeah just started catching feelings recently for the first time in ages and... everything works fine. Why do we act like we're all still in college? To the point that not being hypersexual means that you need a whole new label. Thats sorta fucked up
I'm guilty of 'mosting' and I'll kind of explain what I'm doing. Maybe someone will realize this is happening to them, and I can provide some insight. When I feel a connection, I really feel it. I want to text the guy I like when I think about him, I want to hang out as much as our schedules allow. But at a certain point, I will notice I'm the only one putting the effort in. The other guy is actively engaged in my pursuit, but its not like he reaches out or asks about my day or anything. He takes for granted that I will always reach out first. So I delete his number out of my phone. The only way for the relationship to continue is for him to think about me unprompted. After this happens a few times, I will go silent. I've spent weeks to months chasing you and feeling like a simp. Now it's your turn to chase back. Most of my short lived romances end this way and trust the 'moster' is just as hurt when you don't chase back.
Like I could either be suffocating, or I could do this. But what I don't do anymore is play 'the game' of timing texts back and feigning disinterest. If a guy is doing that, he doesn't get through my system
In terms of values, I tend to feel romantic attraction to people that have values or traits I wish to cultivate in myself. Right now, pragmatism is like the most erotic trait a guy can have to me. This is new for me as I feel a lot of career anxiety right now and am critical of my own tendencies towards delusion. So yeah, a pragmatic rational man feels almost intoxicating.
It's understandable to want to feel reciprocated effort in a relationship. It's great that you're recognizing the pattern of 'mosting' in your own experiences. It can be really painful when you feel like you're the only one putting in the work. Remember, a healthy relationship involves both parties actively participating. If you continue to feel like you're the only one making an effort, it might be time to reassess the situation.❤
That sounds awesome!😎We'd love that. Why don't you start by joining our Facebook group? You too can meet everyone there.🥳 If you consider joining, please click here: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood
I’m glad you brought up the demisexual. Never heard it before but it makes since as to why I don’t feel I fit in with other gay guys. They are ready for sex but I’m not until I get to know them and they take it as I don’t like them. I’ve never realized that 😮
I feel like its just growing up and maturing. We're all playing this hypersexual stereotype bc thats what 'hot gays' do But half these guys are using viagra and cialis to keep up the 'fuck boy' appearance. Everyone's craving intimacy but doesn't want to seem like 'the chick who cries after sex'
You're right-it’s not easy to be gay, especially with the challenges that come with it. Navigating identity, acceptance, and the pressures of society can be really tough. Just know you’re not alone in feeling this, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it can be.💞
Thank you !Dr Pius Ozigbe for your help with the herbal meds you gave me and since when I'm done I've been seeing positive results and now I'm doing just fine. and thank. you for the encouragement keep it up and prosperity...
My godfather actually gave me a very good advice to find someone to date formally: make a list of the 10 things I want that someone to have, and then choose the three most important ones. No one will have the 10 things, but someone must have the three big ones. If that person doesn’t have those three, I wouldn’t bother dating that person. Ideally, he would also have maybe 4 or 5 of the other ones. Thanks as always guys, very insightful. Xoxo
Great insight! Thanks for sharing!
YES good ideas... AND take time, don't rush...ask lots of questions AND be willing to compromise some :)
The best way to know that you meet the right person is when both of you can talk nonstop about everything. If the communication is awkward on the first date, that's mean he is not the right person for you.
Absolutely! Communication is key. Thanks for sharing your insight! 🗣✨
Idk though, conversation will be awkward at first if you're both very physically attracted to eachother
Like if I don't sound like severely disabled on that first meeting, I probably don't feel any butterflies or anything.
Personally, I find gay dating insanely difficult. The community lacks commitment and is extremely sex driven. I don't even know how people find each other at all. For me, I must have emotional connections before having sex. But people seem to want to "hop on and hop off".
What’s funny is in my experience I’ve met multiple men who weren’t even sex-focused or sexual at all and they were completely terrible at forging or maintaining an emotional connection. I worry about some queer men and their mental resilience or emotional intelligence.
The thing I don't get is, it's not like grindr is a super fun or user friendly app at all and premium is so expensive.
This should be watched by all young men.
Please share it :)
I like the idea of deleting/getting a break from using the apps. It seems, this move helps to ground onself more and our vibe and focus changes. I also enjoy walking at the beach and got approached by a cute guy and despite the commom discretion in the area and other pressures. It felt surreal. This didn't lead to number exchange and yet the fact that this happened was magical. The conversation was definitely more meaningful than on the apps. The message of not overthinking it seems also true. I need to self-check to not get lost in myself or the others. Meeting friendly people when you are yourself seems easier. Thank you so much for this video. ❤
Who in the heck would ghost/no-show Matt? OH, GOODNESS...would love the chance...he's gorgeous and seemingly has it so together...
Great conversation, guys. I agree with what Michael said about [paraphrasing] most people are so consumed with what they want from a date / potential partner that they don't stop to think about what they are bringing to the table.
YAAAAAS!
Glad that resonated with you. Dating can bring up a lot of mind drama/noise, so if you can ground yourself in the fact that you DO bring something valuable to the table, it changes the way you show up on a date and it comes across to the other person as a natural, grounded confidence.
Been single the last four years. Went on a date for the first time this past February and I just wasn't ready. I honestly don't enjoy the modern dating landscape...and I'm 32 lol!! I'm completely off the apps and honestly believe if it's meant to happen it'll happen and if it's not then it's not. That helps takes the pressure off for me at least.
Hey Nathaniel, I understand! I'm the same, I don't have any of the apps and I met someone only after I deleted them all and stopped "looking" for it. the universe brings you the things you're ready for when they're meant to be for sure!
@@CalanBreckon Thank you for this!! I appreciate you reaching out!
I understand. I haven't been on the apps either and one thing that helps me meet new people is always going to friends' holiday/birthday/parties in person and let the relationship form organically.
I started dating recently myself. As of 2020 I had been in 2 LTRs and my spouse died in 2020 and I was thrusted back into dating mode. I never knew what dating was going to be such a painful process. I have dealt with scammers, and catfishers and basically it has set me back financially as a result of dealing with these freaks that I have been encountering. So I have developed a great mistrust of gay men as a result. I have to have an emotional connection in order to be able to have sex. Otherwise I am stressed so ONSs are out. I agree that online dating tends to bring the freaks out. I have stopped all those and am trying to participate in gay related activities (choir, karaoke, etc). At 60 I have resolved myself to not try to actively find someone to be in my life. Sometimes one cannot force something to happen out of desparation.
Groups like the ones you mentioned are wonderful ways to meet like-minded guys, be it for friendship or romance. Good for you for putting yourself out there to meet people.
Chris.... when my partner divorced me...within 2 yrs I was not actively in the dating scene... I guess that IS what you want... I only wonder if you're pushing to fast to ovbtain a man... and not accepting that it may take more time than we want.... Increase your networking, activities, volunteering.... and softly put out that you're interested, in time, to finding a new husband..
Chris, I feel for you. I am in my late 60s; but I still have slight hope. If you give up. Then you know exactly that, NOthing. it is very difficult, exasperating, but we both need to keep putting our good positive selves out there. Good luck !
Try being involved in a 32 year LTR and have them pass at age 66. I'm now four years after his passing and EXHASPERATED by my attempts to date. I'm wholly OK to be alone but I'd PREFER to share my life with a great guy who ENJOYS our mutual lives... together. It was so easy as mid-thirties guys but immensely more difficult as an old fart. lol. (I'm NOT an old fart, BTW!!) I'm looking at Matt and thinking "Is it you??". OMGSH.
I agree with your sentiment
How nice to listen to gay men interested in the soul how refreshing !!! thanks Bisous
Thank you so much this valuable discussion! It would be interesting to throw in a generational aspect. Guys in his 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s even 70s. I’m sure each has both challenges as well as wisdom.
I love dating, I used in person meetings as well as okcupid (not trying to solicit for them by any means) and ended up getting married with the latter. Dating is extremely difficult unless you're meeting people who say "yes" to things, or have more of a constructive attitude instead of trying to tear things/people down all the time. I believe that also means opening up your point of view to dating people you might not otherwise meet, like across gender expression, race, class divides etc...
I TOTALLY relate to Calan's version of demisexual! That is 100% ME!
Calan's face @2:27 to Matt's story about avoidant men LMAO 😂🤣😂🤣
Now watch it again and look at Reno's reaction. TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
Completely agree. When I was in HS, I constantly said I was attracted to the most attractive girl just so that I could stay in the closet and not have a GF.
It always seems to be a running trend and cover story for a lot of you gays out there. Thanks for the comment!
It was really interesting to hear someone whose experience suggests having become demisexual. I feel rather lucky that I was socially active before there were so many questions of gender and sexuality. If I'd been sufficiently younger, I'd likely never make it out of the maze.
Yup... for me so GOOD to see that demisexual is FINALLY describing me.... and others... Tho as I 'mature'... I'm challenge by time and do I do more hookups or wait to connect w/ a man.... with whom we may do an open LTR.... and yes, I LUV LUV LUV #Kink/ #BDSM... Is this futile to expect a loving, caring KINKY mate ??
OMG IM DEMISEXUAL AND HAD NO IDEA! that was a true jewel.
Hahaha I thought I started getting ED like at 27 but yeah just started catching feelings recently for the first time in ages and... everything works fine.
Why do we act like we're all still in college? To the point that not being hypersexual means that you need a whole new label. Thats sorta fucked up
This was an awesome and very enlightening conversation with a lot of aha-moments, thank you guys and all the best on your (dating) journey :))
Thanks so much for the support and feedback Fabian! We're glad you enjoyed it! All the best to you as well on your journey :)
I love this!
Glad you enjoyed! You may also enjoy the more recent episode we did on Dating Apps specifically (Episode 61)
I'm guilty of 'mosting' and I'll kind of explain what I'm doing. Maybe someone will realize this is happening to them, and I can provide some insight.
When I feel a connection, I really feel it. I want to text the guy I like when I think about him, I want to hang out as much as our schedules allow. But at a certain point, I will notice I'm the only one putting the effort in. The other guy is actively engaged in my pursuit, but its not like he reaches out or asks about my day or anything. He takes for granted that I will always reach out first. So I delete his number out of my phone. The only way for the relationship to continue is for him to think about me unprompted. After this happens a few times, I will go silent. I've spent weeks to months chasing you and feeling like a simp. Now it's your turn to chase back. Most of my short lived romances end this way and trust the 'moster' is just as hurt when you don't chase back.
Like I could either be suffocating, or I could do this. But what I don't do anymore is play 'the game' of timing texts back and feigning disinterest. If a guy is doing that, he doesn't get through my system
In terms of values, I tend to feel romantic attraction to people that have values or traits I wish to cultivate in myself.
Right now, pragmatism is like the most erotic trait a guy can have to me. This is new for me as I feel a lot of career anxiety right now and am critical of my own tendencies towards delusion. So yeah, a pragmatic rational man feels almost intoxicating.
It's understandable to want to feel reciprocated effort in a relationship. It's great that you're recognizing the pattern of 'mosting' in your own experiences. It can be really painful when you feel like you're the only one putting in the work. Remember, a healthy relationship involves both parties actively participating. If you continue to feel like you're the only one making an effort, it might be time to reassess the situation.❤
I would love to hang out with you four and be friends
That sounds awesome!😎We'd love that. Why don't you start by joining our Facebook group? You too can meet everyone there.🥳
If you consider joining, please click here: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood
Thanks!
Thanks for being such an amazing fan!
I’m glad you brought up the demisexual. Never heard it before but it makes since as to why I don’t feel I fit in with other gay guys. They are ready for sex but I’m not until I get to know them and they take it as I don’t like them. I’ve never realized that 😮
I feel like its just growing up and maturing. We're all playing this hypersexual stereotype bc thats what 'hot gays' do
But half these guys are using viagra and cialis to keep up the 'fuck boy' appearance. Everyone's craving intimacy but doesn't want to seem like 'the chick who cries after sex'
Thats very common
not easy to be gay well
You're right-it’s not easy to be gay, especially with the challenges that come with it. Navigating identity, acceptance, and the pressures of society can be really tough. Just know you’re not alone in feeling this, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it can be.💞
No clue!
💥
Thank you !Dr Pius Ozigbe for your help with the herbal meds you gave me and since when I'm done I've been seeing positive results and now I'm doing just fine. and thank. you for the encouragement keep it up and prosperity...