Marriage : Shattered Vows [A Documentary on Marriage]
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2025
- Watch this fascinating Documentary that takes an inside look at the Institution of Marriage from many different angles.
Marriage: Shattered Vows was the winner of the Best Feature Documentary in the 2015 NYLA International Film Festival
Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any resulting biological or adopted children and affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage).
With changes in society leading to a fall in marriage and rise in divorce, is it possible that the institution has outlived its function?
It’s well known that the origins of marriage are in consolidating wealth, unifying allied families and fomenting a society where the family unit is self-sufficient, but as we have moved on, the concept of marriage has remained static. Marriage : Shattered Vows examines what marriage means to us today, visiting the lives of those devastated by their own perceived failures and religious figures who promote it. We investigate the marriage industry and the costs of divorce, against a backdrop of government incentives, look at the arrival of Gay marriage, the rise in sanctioned infidelity and alternative relationship structures.
I got married in 1981. It was a very small wedding, just our families and a few friends, less than 30 people all together. We got married in my parent's home. It was what I wanted. I never wanted a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. I guess I'm different. That was never important to me. But it's coming up to 39 years now, and we are still married, still happy, although there have been a few bumps in the road. Mly husband is my best friend, and more dear to me than anyone else in the world
Do you have any advice for a young woman like myself. I'm in my mid twenties, never dated but open to finding a serious partner down the road. I am currently working on my health, faith and friendships because I feel that I'll need that support for life.
What advice do you have for young women looking for a good partner? What are good traits, what are some red flags?
Thank you for your post
@@nnebundoannaobi1386 I don't know if I'd be the right person to give you any advice. I am not a religious person. I did not go actively looking for a partner, I met my husband through a chance meeting because we had mutual friends. Also, I was 17 at the time. When we met, I had no idea I would end up marrying him four years later.
As far as good traits go, that is pretty simple. Does a person treat you well? Does he respect you? Do you have common shared beliefs and interests? Those things will make the basis for a good relationship.
Congrats
We were married on July 21,1969. The wedding was beautiful, 150 guests, in our church with a very modest reception in the church basement. We hired one woman to handle everything... invitations, cake (she was a Pillsbury Bake Off winner), decorating the sanctuary and basement, providing the food, like I said, EVERYTHING. Hearing that the average wedding costs $20,000 amazed me. My wedding cost my parents $250. My how things have changed!!
It amazes me that some people would spend thousands on a wedding. Why not use that money for a down payment on a home? My wedding was very small, (30 guests) in my parent's home with a supper in a private room at a restaurant afterward. We spent a few days at a mountain resort afterward. My dress cost $200.00. The wedding was about $500.00, including the restaurant, food, and hotel room. For me, getting married was never about a huge, lavish affair with myself as the princess of the day. It was about sharing the most important day of my life with the people I love.
Congrats
My thoughts on staying single voluntarily can be summed up with a Cormac McCarthy quote: "You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
Yes, I will admit getting married at 19 years old was definitely a bad idea. Now I’m a single mom of 4 children. I feel sad for my babies, they didn’t deserve it.
Hope you are coping
Congrats
Those that married late still get divorced. It not your fault.
I feel your pain. I was 22 when I met him. I thought I was so blessed to get married young, but he was an unfaithful and abusive narcissist. I hate that my babies had to go through it all, but God is good. He's taking care of us ❤🙏🏽
I believe in marriage and working on it to keep it strong, married now 41 years
Congrats
My husband put his foot down and we had a small wedding, only our parents and siblings in a court house. It cost us 4500€, we decided to spend the money for our flat. I was not stressed at all, it took me 3 weeks to plan everything and for me it was one of the best days in my life.
4500 euro for 2 sets of parents and siblings ? You must have at least 100 siblings or the wedding was caviar and champagne.
@@handoromper7987 No. 4500€ was my dress, his suit, the photographer and the food. For the food and drinks we paid 1500€.
As long as u were happy
I agree with the historical premise of marriage, but, today, it just doesn't apply. Marriage is now the ultimate game of chance. I am speaking from experience.
True
This is a well made documentary but the danger is the biased one sided narrative only from divorced people. Couldn't there have been successful married couples, especially the elderly who would equally share their success stories? Marriage is as good as the people involved in it.
My parents were married for 62 years (until my mother's passing) and it was the most dysfunctional marriage I have ever witnessed. My mother stayed married because she was raised a devout Catholic and you never divorce. So, the fact that the elderly stay married is not always out of love, but obligation.
@@samson9535 That's not always the case. My grandparents were married for over 60 years and were madly I love with each other. My parents have been married for 40 years and have a strong relationship. So there ARE many happy and successful marriages.
Well, seems the goal was trivialize the institution of of marriage
Beautifully filmed discussion about marriage
I wish society would be more accepting of people wanting to be single. My experience is so many people make a big deal of me being single but they don't realize that I have tried to date but the guys were unwilling to commit/wanted to run around with other girls, cheaters, financial black holes or generally irresponsible. I have a house and am debt free (minus my mortgage). I worked my ass off to pay my student loans off early and I'm a very loving person. I don't want to waste time with someone who only makes me feel unwanted or like I'm a sugar momma. But that is very hard to find. I'd rather be single than miserable but my relatives and coworkers keep making stupid comments about how ill find the one or are shocked that I'm not popping out babies yet. Yet it seems society would rather see people divorce after years of fighting versus being more discerning in the 1st place
I am 42 and never been in relationship. I am pretty happy about life. I don't mind living a single life for the rest of my life. Back then, marriage was good for both men and women. In modern days, people are promiscuous. They had dozens or more lovers by the time people get married. Sex has very little value and there is no longer a sacred between husband and wife.
Good luck
sex is sacred when you are in love. it always will be. I think sex was designed for procreation, but when there is love, sex becomes the physicial representation of a spiritual state and thats amazing, especially if children are birthed out of it, thats the great hope.
thank you for this documentary. i was looking for something exactly like that.
Thank kindly for taking the time to view :)
I'd rather tell my partner that I'm choosing to commit to them everyday than being scared to breakup/divorce because of a piece of paper (marriage certificate)!!
Very interesting eye opening documentary. It's hard because people fall in love, fall out of love.
Most of us get married within three years of knowing each other. You’re still in love then, all those lovely sex and love hormones informing our choices. I’m amazed as many people stay together as they do tbh. Good on them. I was rubbish at it. Fell in love twice, married twice and then eventually realised I had married men who were like my father… emotionally cold and distant.
I can’t agree with the premise here. I’m much happier on my own. I have my grown up children, great friends and a job I love.
I choose lovely cats over unfaithful man
correction.....unfaithful poor man
me too
I choose lovely/not so lovely cats over most people, actually.
What did you do, or not do, that made him unfaithful? I am sensing omission.
Selfishness and today's me culture destroyed marriage.
@Solitary Man Ok be single, do your own thing, no need to bash half of the world population though :D
@Solitary Man I think equality works best in relationships, otherwise there will always be one person unhappy. Whats different between now and the past is that women are more vocal when they are unhappy, and men are more accountable for their actions. In the past if you were unfortunate to marry an abusive man you were pretty much screwed. Not saying most men are abusive (duh) but at least these days women and children have more protection from the state which BENEFITS EVERYBODY :)
Monica Mjema benefits women
@@ultrararesabra6159 no, benefits everyone. more women and children protected from abusive and such =more healthy children and women workers and tax payers. How does this not benefit the society?
Monica Mjema it doesn’t protect children from abuses, it just assists women in self destructive behaviors.
The wedding industry isn't as lucrative as it used to be. David's Bridal was a billion dollar business and they had to file for bankruptcy. De beers is starting to feel the pain too.
And yet lawyers and the family courts are now cashing in on the divorce industry. Things have shifted and not for the better.
and now 2020 it's becoming pointless...
When I look at marriage and the institution of marriage, I have come to one very simple conclusion, and that is this. If you take God out of the equation, then marriage really doesn’t exist at all because it’s an institution that was given in the beginning. I find that people take marriages lightly as any other promise.
The promises that are made are very similar to the promises that are made when children are very young. Here’s an example of a promise made when I was young. I promised one of my friends that we would always remain friends forever and after school ended, we drifted apart and we haven’t spoken to each other in 20+ years . The people in this documentary are treating marriage, and the promises that are made in that like they are biological things or something that can be rewritten or reprogrammed. I am very much a person who allows people to have their opinion, and if this is the opinion that these people want, they’re very welcome to it, but I am here to tell you that if you are a person who believes in loyalty, then marriage is a promise that you make, and you are loyal to the person that you make that promise to which means that if you say till death, do us part, then you are obligated to that person for the rest of your life. Single people should not get married is what my dad said, and I understand that to mean that people who are or have a mindset of a single person should not get married, because it will not survive. My parents fulfilled their promise to each other. That’s what I saw and that is the truth they fulfill their promise to each other.
If you don’t believe in loyalty and don’t get married, it’s that simple .
If this is the future of partnership…video games for the win
My ideal relationship is you live over there..way over there.
Great documentary very informative 👍🏽
Thank you kindly and thank you for watching :)
The woman with swingers couple seems like she’s the dominant one..
Although it was informative, I found this video very biased and questionable.
Don’t do it fellas.
If you cant find someone willing to work with you , then it's not worth you . Based on how much you have , What you can do for me , ARE YOU RICH ??? NEVERMIND .
This seems like an anti-divorce advertisement within the first 5 minutes. Marriage (like all human customs) has changed over time. It is in no way a sign of its demise or need to do away with. Thanks 🙏👍❤🇺🇲😊
relationships begin by being physically attracted to a person
Been married 6 years. I had a lot of doubts when I was engaged but I thought it was just cold feet. All I can do now is try to make it work but I really don’t recommend others make this choice. If you love each other just be together. Once married you won’t know if they are with you b/c they really love you or if they just don’t want to go through a painful and expensive divorce and cause unnecessary trauma to the kids.
Is this documentary about marriage or divorce????
Ikr very one sided view
FYI 'I was born into a muslim family and hence had an arranged marriage. I did not even speak to the guy', is NOT the ISLAMIC way of getting married. The way she got married is from her culture, not Islam. Please don't confuse the two.
mom and step dad have never been married and together for 26 years
I didnt even have a wedding but I bet my marriage will last alot longer than all of yours. Hehehehehehe
It will
Ive done both lol it does not matter. I'm still close to all my exes and their now spouses, but Im not sure if you have big wedding or no wedding has anything to do with it
If you wear black tights it should last forever
Everyone whom loved been heartbroken? Yeah let's keep making the same mistake...
I couldn't have any
Marriage is an awful contract you shouldn't sign!
People get married for the same reason I eat Doritos: they hate children.
Turtle 🐢 is the real life 40 year old virgin lol 😂
I don't think so
I eloped to Vegas had my honeymoon and wedding at the same time and still got divorced.
I was married for 3 years when I was 21.
I vowed never to do it again
I am now 48, have a young, hot boyfriend and am very happy 😊
half the reason that people divorce now is that the divorce laws became easier. Before the 1970's it was legally difficult to get a divorce and frowned upon by society. Married people stayed together even if they were unhappy because they really didnt have much choice because getting divorced was too difficult The new no-fault divorce law brought about a deluge of divorces in the 1970's because it took away a big barrier to getting divorced and every unhappy couple that got married in the 60's now could get free. Since so many people were getting divorce, it also removed the social stigma of divorce. The other half of the reason that divorce is common now is that banking laws changed in the 1970's that allowed women to have their own credit cards, bank accounts, sign apartment leases, get a mortgage etc... without legally requiring their husband's or father's co signature. Also, in the 1970's women got jobs outside the home and earned money which gave them the financial option to walk out on an unhappy marriage. There are many reasons why marriage doesnt work today but the ease of getting a no fault divorce and women being legally financially independent are the starting point.
Not wired to be alone psychologically, so how come if a person lives long enough they end up on their own.
Not true
I agree, that was clumsily said. We’re motivated to mate and have children but I don’t believe humans are meant to stay together for 50 plus years. Historically we would be dead by the time we were 30. Once our children are raised, there’s no point to us. ( I’m just talking about evolution !)
@@ibrahimhaneef6684 it is for many people in Britain. Cannot say for the middle East
you are supposed to take care of your elders and grand children are supposed to participate in that care. old people are not supposed to be abandoned by their family.
@@anastasia10017 Some of them are abandoned by their families. A lot of old people wish to live on their own and not with family. Be independent and do what they like.
In today's digitial world I will throw this disclaimer out there. 1). We are increasingly addicted, both to drugs/alcohol and the internet. Assume, as you grow older the people you meet, if single, will be or have some form of trauma and assume if someone has internet access, there are atleast 4 plus other men/women involved with your partner in some fashion. Fuck getting married that is no longer feasable.
Hippos use urine to attract a partner? I thought I was the only one who did that. 🤔
😂 thank you for making me laugh
It's the bride's day? She wants the wedding more than she wants the marriage? Huh!
Sad that all your money will be lost to get the divorce because you wanted the wedding, hey.
I feel marriage is two fold. There is legal marriage, which comes with terms and conditions as all civil binding contracts to. This is a human creation and has very tangible consequences: home, finances, childcare. Then there is spiritual marriage (mind you, I dont mean a specific religion, I mean a spiritual state). In spiritual marriage there is a commitment which is bound by some higher value that the law, something which holds our soul/concience accountable rather than us accountable in front of the eyes of the law. I believe the legal definition of marriage should not be entered unless the spiritual definiton of it is not reached first. I believe there are couples who are "spiritually" married even though they never signed a document, and people who are legally married who were never in it spiritually/morally. both can break. both have similar consequences. But I believe God's marriage is not in the ceremony, its in the spiritual commitment.
I honestly kind of cant believe men have to put up with these unreaslistic wedding expectations from women. And I am a woman. I don't get it... I used to when I was a kid but as I grow up, its incredibly childish.
Polygamy benefits men. For any woman who has had to live in a polygamist relationship there is jealousy &the children are affected as well. They know the status of their parent & they will always know their position
Marriage Preparation Classes talk about the reality of marriage and children finances ect, this is all done in the Catholic Church
In my experience when you find yourself so focused on the wedding?.....you already taken the first towards divorce, ask your partner what would make them leave, people are honest what they tell you ....if you do it you will have a big problem.
I don’t think that being focused on the wedding leads to divorce. If someone does everything else you listed then focusing on the wedding and wanting a big one shouldn’t impact your marriage at all.
whats the background music at the start called?
Its called background music at the start..
Lick my love pump, by Spinal Tap.
the term soul mate came from the Symposium by Plato, written by 360 BCE
good to know very helpful
Thank for taking the time to watch the documentary. Your feedback is appreciated.
Why is it only about it being “HER” day????
Because most weddings (notice I said most) are mostly all planned by her and again most of the time the wives care more about the wedding than husband. Therefore “her” day.
I wonder how much wedding dresses would go for if the woman had to pay for it out of her own pocket. It just seems silly to pay huge sums for a piece of clothing that's worn once. It's like some kind of brainwashing. Whoever convinced people that this was a good idea must be some kind of marketing genius.
Plenty of women pay for their own wedding dresses - and the rest.
@@nicholamalpas1931 Well thats probably a good idea. The rest should probably be split among the couple since marriage is a shared experience
Um I spent 1500 of my own dollars and it's hands down my favorite and highest quality item of clothing I own and is 100% worth it. I plan to put it on for anniversary photos every year, good motivation to stay in shape. Not everyone does things the same way lmao. Like I know plenty of guys with sneaker collections worth tens of thousands and they never get worn so maybe people just like the things they like
who do you think pays for the wedding dress ????
Never ever get married... believe me!!
No i will....
I prefer try and fail , try again and again if need be
I cant imagine myself alone for the rest of my life
Maybe have great agreements before getting married. And try as much as possible to lower expectations..
Current society idealizes alot
Samira Miriam I wish you lots of luck!!! ❤️
@@jaceylataire2511 thank you..
(im a girl) Ive always cheated in my relationship s, but its like not like All discovered it so does it matter. like they didnt know so they didn't care anyway
You sound a great catch
So misogynistic. Socrates putting all the faults on the wife. The first marriage contract being the wife traded for some cows “lucky guy” for getting a 14year old wife! I’m out 👎
I need to get married
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I believe marriage is all about the women, we as men do it to make them happy and second to follow society’s standards . Both are mistakes, big, big mistakes
Poorly miss informed "scholars" take on concepts of marriage. It's too bad you have such a difficult time understanding the Catholic faith and tradition and all its beautiful practices. The problem isn't the church and it's rules, it was society wanting their every whim met, and this is pushed onto people. However, God calls us to live our life better than this. For our best chance at fulfillment and joy. There is no escaping sorrow in all its forms in this life, however, there are things you can do to prevent unnecessary suffering. The church tries to protect this for ALL parties involved aka CHILDREN. You can't subscribe your own perspective onto an entire institution that has been around for over 2,000 years. The church has grown and its active and alive ran by God Almighty. As science catches up with the realities of marriage and humans and happiness, this video is already outdates and it was only posted 5 years ago.
4:35
32:30 👨🏿🦱 :(
Factorio
marriage should be outlawed..
Living with a woman, or getting married is madness. Women in the West know that they can leave their husbands without consequence because the state / Government will back her up. The false narrative of the oppression of women has resulted in three or four generations of fatherless children and generations of impoverished men.
Ban marriage, get the state out of private life.
no matter how you look at it the divorce costs more than the wedding save your money live in sin and file common law lol
You all need Jesus
No they need something real, like a hug.
@@Hawkeyes319 JESUS IS REAL WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS U HAVE EVERYTHING
Ave Lilith,
Hail Satan!
Marriage in the modern age is like walking into a meat grinder. Don't do it gents.