For both parties: Sex that isn’t requiring the concerns for disease exposure where polygamy and adultery are illegal in marriage…is a big one. For children having roots and no question of who the genetic father is and carrying the family last name as a unit, even if the last name is “Smith-Jones” …for the mother and father like they do in many Spanish speaking countries… this is important in showing the value of men as well as the women for a child. Furthermore, women outlive men in age and pay less into social security wages while in maternity leave and if she makes less money than the partner, the marital rights after a husband dies are also valid in addition to the shared “breadwinning” for the heterosexual male-female childbearing couples.
Dating has destroyed western society. In general marriage was always arranged. The woman's father chose her husband. And in most parts of the world people still do this
this man just said that marriage is closer to being the end of a journey than the beginning of one, and that just blew my mind. I recently got married, and i just realized how much we waited on in order to feel like we were finally prepared to be married. Where previous generations like my parents would just get married first and then figure the rest out later. WILD
Yeah, the guy would literally start his career journey already needing to support a wife. While now both parts make sure they can support themselves before committing.
In the past it was, men worked and woman raised the kids. Now financially they both must work while also raising the children. This has made things extra stressful and caused a lot of divorce. With the divorce rate so high, getting married looks increasingly undesirable. If we continue to have households that require both parents working, the marriage rate and also the birth rate will continue to decline. Equality could have meant both parents working 20 hours each, and deviding the household responsibilities. But instead, the capitalist society requires 40 hours from each parent, and realistically women still have to do most of the child care. Having the choice to work is a great thing for women, but having no free time makes it a bad choice.
Yeah, it's more about trust and respect, to me... I wont feel safe enough to live with someone for the rest of my life, unless the idea of putting my life in their hands doesn't bother me.
From what i've seen, money becomes an issue that wrecks a lot of marriages and relationships so it makes sense to me that people are waiting until they're more established and that people who are higher educated stay married.
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 Marriage, as far as I can tell, is about love, friendship, and business. You can manage temporarily with 2/3, but if you mess up two or more, you are toast as a man. MArriage has always... always and still does have a strong business side to it. Friendship part of it is what keeps older couples happy still... the whole holding hands at the park thing, and knowing facts about each other... and that sort of Homer And MArge Simpson sort of stuff....
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 unfortunately people still need to be able to afford to live, if money is getting in the way of simply living it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.
Marriage at this point is out of the picture for me; not even dating seems desirable. With economic uncertainty, job insecurity, and political instability, it’s increasingly difficult to bear the burden of constantly pleasing another partner while you yourself are barely getting by and you’re just surviving at this point.
Well said. Due to economic pressure, many people were never raised under a good parent model, so it is difficult to even desire marriage or family when family life was a traumatic experience for many as I experienced it. I am in my 30s already and this kind of life I will never know but I am resign because I am focused on myself and making money for myself and my pets.
Actually it really does feel like that. Instead of playing a game with all our friends from lvl 1. We are instead grinding solo till max lvl in order to join the raid. It takes the fun out of the entire experience..
@@geminiblue6677I like the video game reference. I start to realize that the journey or the grind through all those levels is what life was. Just holding somebody's hand at the credits feels like you missed out on the plot.
@@orangeninja912 You're right, in fact you could even argue that the reasons or causes for trauma may have decreased as general prosperity has increased. People are now manufacturing their own trauma, but that's another topic. Having said that, what /has/ changed is that we as a society are failing to treat trauma. Instead of "hard truths" we opted for "soft lies", and the society leans on affirming individuals, the worse it will get.
@@orangeninja912 you're right it's not something new. But see how past trauma from wars caused fathers to either suicide or not participate in child's life. Which caused generational trauma of fatherlessness among men and women. That's why it's necessary to avoid or cut off any trauma that you can before being married and having children. Women and men need to be educated and take care of themselves so as to be trauma free. It can come from various different things like past relationships, sexual encounters, etc.
This is the key resolve your own trauma and find someone that has done the same or somehow matches your trauma.. has a good career, your schedules match. Etc.
My wife and I married in July of 1982. It has been a roller coaster ride, unimaginable highs, unbearable lows, curves, twists, turns and everything else that can be thrown in there. Has it been easy, not on your life, has it been worth it, every second of it. We've never worked so hard for anything, but we've done it, together. I have no concept of what my life would be like without her in it. I need her more than I need myself. This July will be 41 years married. We couldn't be much happier. I remember my Dad giving me the following advise, "Never stop courting your wife." And from my Mom, "Don't go to bed angry with each other." Words to stay married by.
We are also happily married 41 years this July! As a friend put it, you have to decide to be married and stay married, but I am so so grateful for my husband.
@@normvw4053 Yes we are, and seriously, it's a shame. Marriage can be such a mutual support and bring stability and comfort as well a love and someone special to share special things with, like travels. We hardly even argue anymore, because the other person is not going to change anything at this point!
@@catherinebaxter8571 "We have lived and loved together, through many changing years; We have shared each other's gladness, and wept each other's tears, " Charles Jefferys, lyricist. Yes, yes...he sees it.
Growing up seeing my parents quarrel so many times, had hardened my resolve on not getting married. EDIT : Didn't expect so many likes/agree. On the bright side, I feel I am not alone.
You are right,I feel the same way coming from a broken family, childhood trauma and a failed relationship.i just feel like I need time to heal and find myself..
@@Debby142 A lot of give and take is required for any relationship to work. Anyone who does not understand the aforementioned should not be in a relationship, especially one such as a marriage. I am not traumatized the way you are. I saw in my parents that marriage is not as easy as I thought. They still love each other, but they are obviously incompatible. Compatibility is key but finding Mr/ Mrs Compatible is hard if not impossible. As in all things , luck plays a crucial role. Sorry for being long-winded.
same, my parents got together, married at an age way younger than I am and I'm still single. They have asked me if I'm ever going to meet someone and settle down. and i do truly want someone but growing up in a tumultuous household where pretty much the only interaction i ever saw my parents have with each other was being at each others throats , never gave me the impression that marriage and children was something I particularly wanted. It seemed like a trap that just makes people miserable from which it is very hard to get out of and the results devastating for all those involved, espeically for any children that arise from it. my entire childhood was spent listening to them bitching to me about the other one saying that they were the most awful person . do i want that for my life? HELL NO! im terrifed of getting married and making the same mistakes they did, They made me afraid of meaningful relationships before I was ever in one. That's not to say they were not great parents, but great examples of marriage? No way!
What's missing from this is the fact that a man used to be able to take care of a family of four - mortgage, groceries, car, etc. - on ONE salary, and THAT is the reason marriage as an institution has shifted, not because of feminism or any other reason. It's much more difficult to find stability when you're just scraping by.
Part of the reason a man cannot earn that wage is that the introduction of working women has almost doubled the labor pool. More workers = more competition for jobs = less pay per worker. Thats not the only reason, but it is a significant one. People's expectations of what being "middle class" means have skyrocketed as well. Higher expectations requires more income.
@@38WorksGr8Seems like a simple problem. Why don’t more men just be SAHH? No one is forcing them to compete with other people, males or females. Its not like you need your genitals to do a job, unless you are in a specific line of work.
@@hanatemonstas4485 This is where our biology and culture clash. Working wives seem to divorce SAHH at a very high rate compared to working husbands who support SAHW. I guess women and men arent drawn to the exact same things in each other
In Japan, the decline in marriage and birth was preceded by a breakage in employment security. During our bubble era, jobs were more permanent and stable, but corporations couldn't handle keeping an aging workforce without exponential growth. Part-time workers and freelancers don't have the financial security to start families. And we lack physical space to grow further and remain sustainable.
Also, women are less willing to give up their careers upon marriage. Japan seems less willing to accept married women in the workforce. This worsens if they have children.
The standards for new children have gown too, so it's not enough just to feed a child, he/she must be exceptional to be happy in this competitive world. If a person is an average one, his children will have a hard ime in the new world
Many of us entering marriage age are from divorced homes and saw our parents get absolutely screwed. My parents split when I was 7 (both working, dad earning roughly 1.5x my mom's salary), and my mom won his pension, full custody and child support, alimony, and 100% of their joint non-retirement portfolio. My mom then moved us over an hour away only 3 years later, so I rarely got to see my dad who gave up so much for us... My dad became depressed due to all of this (as confirmed by his longtime girlfriend after the divorce), ended up retiring at 50 (despite no financial position to do so), and died penniless at 61. So yeah, no marriage for me, or at least not until 1) I'm a lot older and have my own assets that I can keep out of the marriage or 2) they fix the family courts to not absolutely ruin the higher earner or the parent who loses primary custody.
That's a grim tale bro. I'm sorry for your dad and your loss. It's difficult to conceal property, assets or cash from marriage. That's especially true for anything obtained after getting married. It would take a Saul Goodman of a lawyer to help develop blind trusts or stuff like that. Winning move is not to play currently I guess.
That ruin is relative. If you make a marrige arraigment that means one party can earn less bc they do household work (including not being able to do overtime work etc - and even if you are divorced and not in a relationsip like marrige but co-parenting) then you need to finace the diffrences. What includes retirment money you would've accumelated (and that's overlooked by people who don't plan for the eventually of divorce, apprently). All in all get a prenup or marrige contract that makes clear what happens if you divorce and if you can't afford that you can't afford marrige. And in that also consider what happens to children.
I lost six figures of retirement, most of the cash in the bank, had to pay alimony for three years (12 year marriage), and I have to pay child support close to $2k/month plus 70% of the kids expenses even though I have the kids 50% of the time. I’m in a blue state, so involved dads are penalized and dismissed. When my boys are old enough I’ll advise them against marriage unless the laws change.
I think we often forget that marriage (like any relationship/friendship) is difficult. It needs to be continually worked on and nourished. It requires sacrifice, loyalty and codependence. These days we are lead to believe if we aren't happy we should just get out of there. This is relevant to our jobs, our marriages, our families, our cities... the list goes on. There is no sense of responsibility any more. We need to learn it's not about happiness, but our role to make our societies and communities better places to live. It's why we admire Fred Hollows restoring site in 3rd world countries or other people giving up their lives to help others. The concerning part is it's not just marriage that is dying. It's friendships, it's our cultural framework and it's our ideologies. The rapid decline in civilisation over the last 5 - 10 years is truly scary. I don't believe we need to adapt to our times (because they are leading us to chaos), we need to examine history vs. today and understand what's going wrong. And finally re-examine what the goal is for our lives.
Corporations crushed men's souls in the post-war period. The government stopped propping up this unholy system in the 60's as everyone left out of the male-dominated suburban utopia protested to force their hand. Things are messy, but still preferable to the Stepford Wife scenario the Church promotes.
This is a classic game theory/nash equilibrium. If two players are both responsible and willing to co-depend on another, then the total amount of profit together is the highest. However, for a specific player, not being responsible or leaving the marriage gives you the highest individual profit no matter if the other player is being responsible or not. Therefore, both players find leaving the marriage to be the best option, even though it is not the most profitable option
Marriage is indeed a Guarantee for love. The moment you say „I do“ activates key neurochemicals where you brain creates an inner eternal source for love and passion, it’s like a damned perpetuum mobile of monogamy.
I was married in my 30s. Never again, not for me. I do not want to live my life 24/7 around someone else. I found it unbearable and certainly ruins all pretentions of romance. I am a lone wolf. If anyone I meet asks me "why are you not married?" I reply: "I guess I just got lucky".
The reason why marriage is dying is also the same reason as to why most relationships are failing or being kept at something less serious and more open/casual...because it's becoming harder and harder to pay for things and that makes people end up focusing more and more on themselves rather than on others(which is kind of a requirement for most relationships to work).
Truth. Even children in poverty have the same problems, you need money to participate. There were always the public school kids who went skiing with their family every year, Disney, what evs and then the rest. In America, no money means no life, no health, nada.
I think part of that is a combination of inequality of income/resources as well as a lack of contentment. There are poor villages where the people are happy, but it's mostly because everybody is poor and there's nothing to be jealous of or pine for. In the US everybody is significantly better off than people in poor countries unless you're homeless, but there's a noticeable hierarchy of lower, middle, upperclass and rich folk living in close proximity where everyone and everything they own is being compared.
Marriage was created to join two families for power and wealth. That was then changed for “love” which I can agree but the problem with love is, you fall in and out of love. Then with absolute freedom people don’t stick around and look for the next person and repeat the cycle. Almost like a new car. You love it when you first get it, but that fades and want something new.
Happily married 12 years and just had my sixth child. Life is good. My husband is a gentle and good man and I do not engage in mind games. We help each other and talk to each other kindly and without a sharp tongue. It works.
I live in third world country and the problem is mainly the spouse's family. When you marry your spouse, you also marry their family. Imagine having to not only take care of your own family, but also your spouse's extended family. RIP all salary and it's especially worse when you're the only child
People are living longer and some are blessed to find "the one" much later in life nowadays. My husband and I met when we were in our late 50s, been married 3 years now and both of us are grateful every day that we found one another. The only downside is we don't have many years left to spend together, but we endeavor to appreciate every minute we do have 🙂
That’s lovely. Gives me hope as a young man who feels like I’ll never meet someone like that again. Thank you for sharing (: I wish the best for you and your husband
I’m 47 and never wanted to get married because I never wanted to get divorced. About 10 years ago a co-worker in her 60’s got married and seeing her joy and youthfulness being in love opened my eyes and made me think that maybe I’d wait til I was her age to get married. I still hold the idea that I will find a life partner in the next decade. The older I get, the more comfortable I feel being single. Maybe because I’ve never been tied down and got to travel my whole life, while my married friend’s lives have remained quite the same as they were when they married 20 years ago. Anyway, it’s nice to read stories like yours. Wish you a long & happy life together!
I honestly feel super lucky to not want kids, and know there are women who feel the same. It totally changes the dynamic for why two people want to stay together, and allows two people to actually get to know each other.
@@ll2323 Don't knock marriage. I'm on 27 years. Best thing to ever happen to me. Not saying it's for everyone. But if you do find that someone special, it's magic.
I been married with my wife for 10 years. I love every bit of my wife. How she smells, the way she talks, the way she looks at me, how she feeds me, all of it. I'm 36 years old and I never looked at another woman from the day I meet her. Any advice I can give anybody just from my own experience man or woman is listed below: 1. Marriege is 100% or nothing. Its all of you when you want or when you dont. 2. The best feeling of marriege is the hug after work, the smell of food and the sound of welcome greetings. 3. The small things matter. The more you remember the better. 4. Keep your word... especially to each other. Its the foundation your marriage is built on. 4. Test after test after test. Either it will make you or break you. 5. Never disrespct your partner in public or in front of anyone. Just bite your toungue and take it to the house. 5. Never talk to anybody about the ups and downs, the good or the bad. The state of your marriage only concerns you. 6. Smile, laugh, dance whatever you can do to enjoy each others company. The best marriages are like best friends. 6. Don't be so serious all the time, relax, laugh, kick back. 7. You marry his/her family.... remember that. 8. Jelousy lurks around every corner.... and 80% is not coming from your partner but people close to you. 9. Kids if you decide.... means its no longer about the two of you. 10. Kids will remind you why you love each other.
I am female & in my 60’s now. I married far too young under religious pressure & divorced early. Sadly I remember my grandmother telling me she wished she could have divorced my tyrannical grandfather, but she “had 4 children & nowhere to go.” I remarried much later in life and have two terrific daughters. I was a much better parent because of my life experience & maturity. The marriage has had its challenges, but endures - again because of maturity & experience. But also, I believe, because I can walk away - financially & emotionally- if need be. This forces both sides to put in the work, compromise, & be respectful & supportive long after the infatuation fades. Something my grandmother would have cherished.
@@daycrow8651 „Better or worse“ does not include physical and mental abuse, cheating and complete dependancy. Or just sheer incompatibility. How should an arranged or pressured marriage work if the partners don‘t like each other or treat each other well, aren‘t attracted and fight constantly? Vows don‘t mean anything if the solid base and a good relationship isn‘t there
@@kali7055 How do all of you women magically marry abusive men? This is literally what every single one of you say when a relationship or marriage doesn’t work
It is quite ironic that these days, people "claim" they don't get married based on economic dependence, but money is the major issue of marriage collapsing.
You make a valid point, but as a gambler who married a woman making significantly more than I do, I can suggest that I could have ruined things pretty easily and not blamed her for walking away. Fortunately, I gave up betting on the ponies and we are on sound financial ground.
As a professional wedding photographer, Although I'm a Father to two and unwed, I can completely agree with everything mentioned in this video. I truly believe you should only marry someone when it feels right, not forced or pressured. The amount of times I've been questioned about it and feel like I have to joke off why I'm not, I'm a brilliant dad, busy businessman, and I do well by everyone in my family, why does marriage have to determine me or my direction. I've witness people CLEARLY not suited for eachother, and I can physically see and it's a shame I know when couples are genuine, or if there are other motives behind people getting married. It's beautiful, and a real shame all in one. Great video.
Also a wedding photographer and minister so I totally get what you're saying. it's sad when it's so obvious by the actions of the bride and groom before and during the wedding make it clear the relationship is doomed. Thankfully, getting to share an extraordinary day with two people who are obviously in a loving and respectful relationship makes up for the ones where the couple should be running in opposite directions. Marriage can be the best of all partnerships or a soul-killing slog, it's up to the two adults who created it to keep making the next right decision and learning to "zip it" when a derogatory thought tries to escape one's mouth. Belittling and complaining never elicits change in another person, only distance and contempt.
Where do you get love and intimacy from, if not form your wife ? The likely answer is, from girlfriends If so then you're raising your kids in an environment where they don't get to see what a permanent relationship looks like. Which might lead to them having trouble with relationships in their own life "Oh dad keeps bringing different women home all the time, so that must be okay"
@@herweirdoo0904 *A* girlfriend maybe, not necessarily girlfriendS? Marriage and having children are mutually exclusive, It's very possible to raise children with one person without getting married to the perosn. And being unmarried doesn't automatically mean he's having relations with a multitude of women.
@@user-kpkxgtj marriage and having children are mutually exclusive? So you think singe parenthood is not an anomaly and is something that should be accepted?
@@herweirdoo0904 flip that situation though my friend, when they grow up and realise, wow, Dad took his mental health into account and decided to do what’s best for himself and us. In your specific scenario, that’s just a basic marriage with no story behind why someone or what I think you’re insinuating “me”, is a commitment issue without knowing any backstory.
Being single for decades. I did want to be married and propose to all my ex bfs but they all turned me down, fortunately. Looking back I was not a good marriage partner because my interest and activities were my priority. I am retired now and take care of my mother. Marriage is off my plate for good. I don’t have much time to do what I want therefore I am going to devote my physically and cognitively able years to fulfill my goals.
I believe marriage is becoming a thing of the past. None of my friends in their 30s are married or seriosly planning to have a wedding at all. People are buying homes, having children, stay in longterm commited relationships - just without being married. My partner and I have been together for 10+ years and we don't see what getting married would add to our lives. It has no religious or traditional meaning for us and we are not interested in planning or celebrating a wedding (let alone paying for it). So there's no reason why we would pursue it at this point. (for context: We are millenials living in Germany)
Exactly my thought. If you love and are committed to your partner, you should be like this either married or not. It’s the same relationship, same person, nothing really added to the partnership. Marriage for me is just a contract made based on societal norms that can just possibly benefit the children or the relationship a bit more than outside marriage (e.g. covid situation - when if you were in an international relationship, only spouse or family was allowed to travel to see you).
Two people do not need a piece of paper from the state to have a long lasting and loving relationship, or to have kids. The state should not be involved in people's romantic lives.
I’m of the millennial generation. A lot of us millennials saw our parents either divorce or in very unhappy or difficult marriages. We saw our parents struggle a lot. My parents are still married but have had a lot of very hard times, poor communication, a mismatch of values, lack of respect for eachother, ect. It hasn’t always been the easiest thing to witness. But they will never divorce. But my siblings and I have all chosen marriage or want to be married one day. There were a lot of happy times too growing up. We were all born in wedlock and we all want kids so marriage is the way to do that (or so we have all decided to believe). There is not a whole lot of divorce in my family. Some, but it is not the norm. I have noticed that the children of divorcees tend to divorce at higher rates than children of those who stayed married. I understand why many people choose not to marry though. Being married is a full-time job just in and of itself.
That is not really a real issue before having children see if both of you are mentally and emotionally ready Marriage can still be a very beautiful thing don't judge it by what your parents did make better decision with a partner people are so negative today and i was raised by a single mother many young couples still get married just make smart choices along that path if it is a path you want.
Marriage is basically an expensive luxury for most people now, wages are insanely low, working hours are insanely long. Yet people are expected to have time, energy and money to cope with marriage ontop of all the work place exploitation... things are only going to get worse for the average person
Wait until you hear about what life was like before the New Deal, when there wasn't even a minimum wage and most families had to bring their children to work in factories to make ends meet. People now have more privilege and prosperity than they did through most of human history.
If you think marriage is about love, then don’t get married. People fall in and out of love very easily. However, if you’re looking for a strong partnership and family is important, then marriage should be considered an option because society still favors families economically vs being single. Hopefully the pressure of being single in modern society starts to change because it’s unfair for people who choose not to be married. It’s just another example of how religious traditions still control us even today
I agree with this. Thankfully I still love my spouse but both of us entered this marriage talking about goals in life as oppose to love in the long term.
Protestant Work Ethic----One reason this is about the only civilized country without mandatory paid sick leave, paid vacation, and government-paid medical.
@@Jedimack7 Did you miss my statement: "society still favors families economically vs being single"? The incentive for getting married shouldn't be for financial relief, but that's how society in the US is still structured even though it also puts financial pressure on us to bring in a dual income (i.e. it's messed up). So the person who chooses to be single and live alone has the most financial pressure. It makes absolutely no sense for marriage to offset the financial pressure of a single person. For example, a person who chooses to be single and live alone should be the one who's eligible for tax breaks. Instead, they give the tax breaks to the dual income couple. So now imagine being single, buying a house, paying the mortgage yourself (and everything else in the household), and being in a higher tax bracket than a married couple with dual incomes who share the bills. You really think that's fair? LOL It's even more backwards now that feminism is finally making progress.
Marriage is mostly an economic arrangement, and always has been. Love etc. may be a significant motivating factor for entering the arrangement (particularly in modern times), but that doesn't change the nature of the arrangement itself. So, very understandably, mostly economic factors affect the institution of marriage and individual marriage choices and outcomes. Hence the strong correlation of marriage rates with social class, education and income levels in (post)modern society.
@@Dhruv_Dogra it's better to die lonely than being with a women...i will live as free man whereas you will be slave to your wife....and also men can handle loneliness better than women...
The fact that we get free videos on UA-cam by Richard is truly a gift. 👍👍👍 By the way, may I also remind you the fact that our Native American population in our motherland, the Continent of America before the European Colonizers arrived, was around 15 millions, while the European population in their motherland, the Continent of Europe was around 25 millions. - Today, Native American population is 15 million, while the European population, in the Continents of America + Europe, is a staggering TWO BILLION! A shockingly sad truth. 😔 - In my humble opinion, it's about time to decolonize the Colonized lands, and return it to rightful owners Native American people. Notorious global cardinal crimes the Christian West has committed, and benefited a great deals, such as Slavery & Colonialism had long been over, why on earth is notorious Colonization still lingering on, may I ask? 😔
You're paying him with your time and validation so he can increase his own personal reach. He needs your validation for his personal opinions so he can feel he is working just as the rest of us would like to feel. He doesn't need your money. His basic needs have probably already been met. 🙏🏻
Marry when you feel ready. Not when you feel pressured. I am 28. Some of my friends and married and some are not. It doesn’t matter if they are a man or woman. We shouldn’t feel down because of what people are doing or not doing. You don’t need to impress anyone with your life choices.
If you want kids, surely there will be pressure on most older women. Given that by the age of 30, 90% of a woman's eggs are gone... It gets harder to have kids and carry babies to term as you age past 30.
@@acustomer7216 Ma'am good for you. By 30, women have lost 90% of their eggs, by 35, it's a high risk pregnancy... Just because you had a kid at 37, that doesn't mean every woman can. Your personal experience does not reflect the realities of everyone. From 30, a woman's fertility decreases exponentially.
@@philipehusani almost every friend i have had at least one kid after marriage. women still have many eggs in their thirties. we start with 2 million...
Then youll probably be one of the unmarried childless women jp Morgan forecasted. Good luck. (if only women realised that their mate preferences were different to men's, the world would be a better place.)
I am a 34 year old woman who is unmarried, has never wanted it, and do not understand what the big deal about is. A person’s relationship status is the most trivial thing about them in my opinion. And why is it considered a “life goal” to incorporate a legally binding contract into a private relationship where half of your earnings are subject to distribution in the event of dissolution anyway? The way I see it, everyone has the opportunity to establish themselves financially. Therefore, we all need to work to have our own. Then, if you find someone that you like well enough to do life with, just stick together until the relationship tuns its course (that is - IF it runs its course). But why do you need a contract to do that?
You would think this would be so natural and self-explanatory but the marital institution brainwashing is the most powerful dogma that has ever been invented in human history. It;s surreal how people parrot self-oppressive insanities that make no sense in realty.
Depends on your interpretation of love, for some a union with another is all that they desire but they need legal protection in case things go awry, hence a contract. Yes we all the opportunity to establish ourselves financially but in a relationship there will be times where one will have to rely on the other and in those cases certain policies must be imposed to keep the more vulnerable party protected (alimony, martial assets, property division, child care etc). Of course marriage in a religious (and by religious I mean Christian) sense means something entirely different - it's a covenant which means that it's a binding agreement broken only when either one of the spouse passes on. This advances an entirely different notion of what it means to be joined together because now you've voluntarily surrendered your own person to another WITH the intention of forming a permanent and intimate union.
What about the children? Witnessing his/her parent splitting apart because of being "lazy" to renew the license will break his/her trust for relationship.
@@arifbagusprakoso2308 If the parents value it and everything that can be affected by not renewing, then they won't be lazy about it. Much better than children witnessing a loveless and bitter marriage.
@@kfk256 Lol, the vows would have to be changed, not "till death do us part" anymore haha but "till this license expires, I guess". The idea is not gonna fly, anyway. The older one gets, the more one's life is ran by inertia. I'm probably low-key depressed, but I don't want to go through a change if I can help it. There are things I don't like about my current job and/or my current home, but if net gain is still +ve, I'm not compelled to chase a bigger net +ve. Most adults are like that. My passport expired last year and I'm still not that bothered to renew it coz I don't need to travel yet. I imagine making a marriage license renewable would cause so many marriages to expire because people simply forget to renew the license. My own parent's marriage has no romance anymore, but they're fine. They're just an old man and old woman being somewhat friends. No reason to make them "divorced through inaction". I'm sure a lot of old couples are in similar situations.
We were teenage sweethearts, who married in our 20’s, and now have three beautiful intelligent children. I thank God everyday for my wonderful wife and life!
I can't get where I want to go without the support, love and encouragement of my husband. Don't care if it's "on trend". My marriage is my biggest asset. If you don't have a vision for your union and relationship skills, it will fall apart.
The problem is many people think marriage is like a belt you can take off if it's uncomfortable. In reality, marriage is like a hand-cuff with no key that you have to keep on no matter how uncomfortable it is. When a couple divorce the chain may be broken, but the cuff is still on the wrist forever.
If the chain is broken, the cuff is fine. After all, kids are probably involved, so it's not like you can erase the past. As long as people can re-build their lives. Divorce is necessary as an accountability mechanism at the societal level.
The fall of marriage is because it is doomed to fail, and people start to realize that. Divorce rate is like 50% and even if you stay in the marriage that does not necessarily mean you are happy. People stay in unhappy marriage because of kids, money, social expectations, don't want to be alone... The percentage of people who are in a happy marriage is a lot smaller than we would think. On top of that, divorce is a stressful and catastrophic event especially when there are kids involved. Given all that, why would anyone want to be married?
I personally don't think they're doomed to fail. I think of marriages as friendships only with marriages you are basically locked in and not allowed to switch "friends" if you don't see a fit as easily. And extremes within a marriage cause strains. Like in heterosexual marriages, either the husband or wife not being fair with one another. Someone earlier commented "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages". If two people romantically love each other and/or think of each other as friends, I don't think there's any doom. That's a great foundation.
@@lalawala9929 I said it is doomed to fail because statistically speaking, there is a small chance you get a happy marriage. If you are a strong foundation then go for it. I am not against marriage but I do think we need to have a modern definition/expectation of/from marriage. If you look at the top reasons why people get divorce, one of them would be married too young which can be fixed if we educate ourselves and our kids to avoid that. Also we can study more into why marriage fail a lot more in some occupation to better the odd. I also wonder if we have a less stressful work life, would it increase or decrease the chance of divorce/bad marriage.
Marriage has largely run into trouble these days because society has rendered people more neurotic than in the past. The failure of modern feminism, the broad decline in traditional communities, and the isolation of the digital world have confused humanity and rendered many people unable to understand or compromise with others. That means less success in relationships.
@@zibbitybibbitybop you hit the nail on its head. The decline of traditional meeting places and tech-induced isolation are partly to blame why the divorce rate is high and marriage is failing. I go to church every Sunday where I, in my mid-twenties, is the youngest/second-youngest parishioner. The next youngest person after me is in his late 40/early fifties. 7 years ago, the demographic spread was much more even. The situation is only marginally better in churches around me. And I don't know what moron decided that "gEN-z lIkE sOCiAl mEdIA" but neither i, nor most of my friends do. It was not made by us, not introduced by us, and not marketed by us. Gen-X and older millennials came up with Facebook, Instagram and other apps. It was a great folly by my generation to fall for it. At least Zuck's Metaverse is failing, I was worried when it was announced in 2020 that it would eat up the last ebbing remnants of human, intra-personal contact still around.
Thats applying statistics wrong, just because 50% of marriages fail doesn't mean your marriage has a 50% chance of failing, first of all that 50% statistic doesn't represent the average population, i think its was meant for people who got married in the 80s or something like that, the real number of divorces would be around 30-40% tho to tbf some marriages who never divorce have to be taken into consideration so sure, you can say 50% fail. But another problem with the assumption that any given marriage has a 50% chance of failure is that it doesn't take into account that there are simply certain types of people that are simply a lot more likely to get divorced, like those who marry to early without knowing themselves well and they drive up the averages significantly. If you consider the factors involved into making a marriage good enough, we can safely say they are not doomed to fail at all. Prove of this is how the average marriage rn are lasting a lot longer than in previous generations
Good for you. But most people are gonna want some sort of intimacy and connection in their life. Since the majority of us don't actually have a greater purpose to distract ourselves like Swami Vivekananda or APJ Abdul Kalam.
Its a beautiful thing to feel with all your heart, that you have a partner along the road until the end.Being one for eachother,just for eachothers,in good and bad,doesn't matter what will happen.Marriage should be both of the partners agreeing on that, officially and publicly.
I did not marry until 38. It was a long journey to reach that level where I was mature and responsible enough to take on a lifetime commitment. For the most part it was really good and a big life lesson, if you're willing to learn and have the humility to admit you're not always in the right. It ended 13 years later. Lesson learned there, don't take anything for granted no matter how content and secure it seems, and nothing lasts forever.
The role of marriage is to bind two people who are willing to make an absolute commitment to each other. But that means those who are married must ignore politics and reinforce that commitment every day.
My girlfriend and I have talked about marriage a few times and we don’t really see any benefit. We are raising our 5 year old son and have been living together for about 7 years. Most days are great! Sometimes we argue but that’s normal in any relationship/family. We do not have a joint bank account. We are not religious and both come from broken homes. I believe that plays a major part in our subconscious not to get married as well.
Mmm interesting. Women always want to marry a man that they love and respect. Does she earn more than you or something? I’ve noticed it’s women who earn more than the guy that do not care if he marries her or not. It’s like They almost have one foot out of the door or something.
You 2 seem married in all but name! I'm happy for u 2. Consider going to therapy to work through these traumas, and see if your mind changes afterwards!
Same for us girls. We were told, "all men want is a nurse or a purse." LOL!! And I don't like weddings. Seriously boring. Or pervy if they say both are virgins and all know what they'll be doing that night, talk about creepy pressure in the most gross of ways. Weird. Many of us are forced to at least be in or attend a wedding. You know, your sister gets married so you HAVE to be in it, and then other relatives and it's like, why are bridesmaids dresses so ugly??? And the hair and make up, you're like does he know what you look like naturally??? Women completely look different with make up on and how many have fake boobs? So, it's really the idealized version of herself he's marrying. And then what kind of man marries a woman with fake boobs, like that's gross too. Weird. He already doesn't like you for you. Clue number one. It's just creepy being behind the scenes. Never mind the bachelor and bachelorette parties - cheating the day before you're married....um...what??? Bartenders and make up artists, we see behind the glossy photos....lol!!!! One day people will get married with face apps on their actual faces, called, "the ideal me..." or some such nonsense. LOL!! Gen X best generation Evah!! :)
I am a man in a long term relationship and my girlfriend keeps asking where her ring is. We’ve been together for 6 years. What frustrates me is women these days like to pick and choose the traditions they want to follow. They want to be strong independent women but want to be taken care of 😑so many contradictions.
Ik exactly what ur talking about. Every family I've met there parents r divorced. Marriage has no benefits and it can change ur relationship and even ruin it. I do believe marriage is pointless but if someone wants it they can have it. Me and my girl we've been together for a long time and we see each other as husband and wife already and we want kids. We got each other rings!
@@bigthink Many people don't understand going in that marriage is a lot of work. Give a couple decades people can change drastically. You can wake up one day and find that you are stuck. Stuck with a binding contract that could be very painful to escape. Like the cure is worse than disease type of painful in some cases.
@@solorsixi get what you are trying to say. Like the responsibilities it comes with, hinders the freedom or individuality. But i think it all boils down to how good of a significant other you have. Its a HIGHLY important decision of your life afterall and you have to be extremely wise in choosing your partner. A good partner can be a source of comfirt and ease in your life. They can promote the individuality in you. They can grow you.
Marriage is essentially a life long promise. You promise to your partner that you will never leave himher. However, in a world where promises are seen as holding someone hostage, the meaning of marriage goes out the window. Some people believe in a life without promises, without commitments. But if I can switch partner at any moment, that also mean another man can replace me at anytime, without reason. Imagine being scared everyday that your partner is going to leave you. That amount of attention taken away fron you could have been way better spent on yourself, making yourself grow, and making your partner grow. Thats why i think marriage is so important. Unfortunately divorce has been made easy to the point to defeat the purpose of marriage. Still, if two people can sign a contract where they promise their commitment to eachother, they set eachother up for unconditional love
Yes, but that is naive. It leaves neither person room to grow into full adults. If it's not cheating etc., most marriages dissolve due to one person growing, gaining knowledge, while the other is still the same old same old. I knew of one couple back in the day. T.V. had just gotten into middle class working man's homes and this dude, who's the master of the house, simply because God and Country say so, thought Archie Bunker and Edith were really married. He didn't understand the light box was just actors. He thought it was real life. No one could tell him otherwise because "I'm the gaza!!" He would boom. Or what about men who watch football every damn year, so boring for the wife to know the fall means Thursday - Sunday, blah, blah, blah. I know so many women, that the moment the last child moved out of the house she filed for divorce. She was bored to tears daily. And I'm sure there are men that feel the same way about their wives doing the same old same old. Our brains are like trees, they need to grow. :)
Weird given how so many men especially in the older generations describe marriage to be shackles that limits their freedom. If marriage is important, then its all the more reason people should think carefully who to marry rather than doing it willy nilly and then divorce later. The decline a healthy sign of this.
Having left a bad marriage a decade ago, I have mixed feelings on this topic. My own experience with marriage leads me to say good riddance to what amounts to slavery with a slightly hipper wrap but the hopeless romantic in me still clings to the idea that marriage could be a force for good in the world.
@@jessicayoung3656 Not really. Legally speaking marriage has been reduced to a wealth redistribution device and divorce is the new normal. Being over 40yo myself all the loyal women in my age group are taken and will stay that way until widowed in the coming decades.
Most people I know are marrying later in life. I am also in this category as I am 39 years old. I did not think I was financially nor emotionally ready to marry when I was first asked 10 years ago by the person I am still with today. Hell, I did not even think we would have lasted this long when taking a look back. However, we have now grown together and know more about our own likes, dislikes, needs and wants and have the ability to exercise patience with each other as well as the ability to compromise before being asked to do so because we know each other so well. I feel that when we do wed, we will not be going into it with unrealistic expectations of the other person because we already know each other; not getting to know each other, then figuring out this is not going to work!
I think the class divide with marriage should be examined in order to determine whether it is the cost of doing so (e.g. the "wedding industry," licenses) that is the barrier, or whether other factors are playing a bigger role (such as lack of education or job prospects making someone less "marriageable").
@@7of9 But is not the only reason. Some of those men use escapism, they don't feel motivated to work or study. But those are a part of it, then you have another part of society that sees marriage as a tool to then divorce and take a % of your income and even house, etc. That is not needed anymore, hell, women are doing better than man: men suicide more often than women, men are leaving education (specially college), men are more likely to die a non natural death than woman (i.e. a war for example), etc., so without strong men (i.e. without someone motivating them) the lack of marriage is going to be the same. Maybe for the men that wants to marry they don't want to in the circumstances we are living right now, if we have equality of outcome (which is desired) then the law in regards of marriage needs to change, for the men that cant, we need to help them (we need to study the tools to help them), and those that don't want to marry, you can't do anything about it, and that is fine.
In the US it’s mostly the cost of the consequences of a failed marriage that turns people away from marrying …a lot of women today are career child support and alimony collectors and do it based on an ulterior motive
Yes marriage is dying as well as dating. Several reasons: 1. Swipe next mentality due to online dating and social media platforms. It makes it harder to meet and connect with people 2. increased divorce rates among boomers and older gen x'ers, resulting in younger gen x'ers and millennials having a less than idealistic view of marriage 3. the phasing out of the antiquated view that a woman's self worth is tied to her marital status. 4. Unrealistic expectations and self centered love - imperfect people desiring the perfect mate and wanting to be the taker in the relationship, but give very little to make it work. 5. HOOKUP CULTURE - this is the death of any chance of having a lasting and meaningful relationship. Hookup Culture rewires the brain to view people as objects of pleasure, rather than human beings to be loved and cared for. It destroys a persons ability to create connect and create bonds that will effectuate a healthy life long relationship with a partner/spouse. The brain rewires itself to solely equate intimacy with sex and pursue the same. This is counter-intuitive to the pursuit of marriage.
Dating and marriage is not dying did you not hear what he said it is only because of money if anything dating websites are actually losing lots of money and is losing popularity with us Gen Z all that is happening is that dating and marriage is just happening later however i have seen tons of Gen Z and Gen mil getting married were I am so no what you said seems very extreme and wrong. PS Hook Up culture is actually kind of dying.
When you do not consider your spouse as a friend and a lover you will not have a happy partnership. Marriage is a label we put on the pledge to spend a lot of time together.. perhaps our whole life.( We are not very religious in my country so the church marriage is for the majority % just a tradition). If you consider it like this and partake in your duties child care, building the garage, move the sofa,cooking dinnertogether it will be fun .. if you allow each of you to also be different and have separate and common friends it will be interesting. Don’t look at it as an obligation and as a failure when times get tough.. it might last or it may not.. time and effort will show.
As a guy who doesn't plan on never marrying, it's all because there's zero benefits of Marriage that I wouldn't get if I didn't. There's more negative possibilities of marrying than not. So I'm out. Luckily I didn't want to have kids and I will never have kids. I chose to dodge both bullets; marriage and having kids
I realize it's politically incorrect, but I believe in eugenics. While I almost have a Mensa IQ, I'm a physical SUBFIVE---Short, fat, bad eyes, and a head full of dying hair. (Think Geo. Costanza). Not the best breeding stock to populate a colony on Mars. Thus, I chose not to perpetuate the problem.
@@elultimo102 Same, guys hate to go out with me with other women present as they're all start talking to me non-stop and ignore other guys lol. It's not because I look good. I'm pretty short, bald, crooked teeth, chubby and so on. My genes are all screwed up as I was born with six fingers, suffer from high blood pressure, liver and heart problems, cholesterol, allergies. I would hate to pass it along to my child, so I chose not to have any. Shitty genes should die out, I wish more people would look at themselves realistically and realize that fact.
That's increasingly becoming the case. Rich people are still marrying, staying together longer and living the nuclear family lifestyle model. The continuing economic and societal collapse leading to more people to fall into poverty has lead to a severe drop in marriage and marriage resilience in lower socioeconomic levels.
It’s wonderful that women now have the option to provide for themselves, so marriage is not an economic necessity. However as this has shifted, men and boys have not been given the tools to become desirable partners as women’s expectations have risen. Ironically, one of the most common challenges women face today is dealing with dysfunctional men, including husbands, fathers, and sons. For humanity to thrive, we need to treat men and women as equals. I hope we can see a future where people are free to marry based on a mutual desire to love each other and live as a team. It’s a beautiful thing when a husband and wife care for each other and their children, having made and kept that commitment of their own free will.
Men see modern women as quite dysfunctional as well. Women are not working to become desirable partners for men. A woman today brings less (that man cares about) to the marriage than ever before , and expects more from the men. This is why women initiate 80% of divorces . So what reason does a man have to "man up" for a woman?
Women working is the single worst thing that has ever happpened to western society. Declining birth rates because no women have time to raise children means we have to bring in foreigners from countries that do have traditional marriage and stable birth rates. The way humans have not went extinct is because in the past men do all the work outside and women do all the work of raising children.
Given how easy it is for people to cheat on each other marriage is becoming obsolete, & honestly I don't know why people who want to be unfaithful get married in the first place?
I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's with a mother who was socially and financially the head of the household. This brought us a bit of scorn from the neighborhood 'housewives' who believed my mother should just stay home and cook. But I found the egalitarian marriage of my parents to be refreshing and inspiring. One thing I would say is that the stricter definitions of marriage 50 years ago provided convenient cover for some of our human shortcomings. Men especially could leverage their self-appointed 'superiority' for all kinds of indiscretions. These days, neither partner has much wiggle room to get off the hook. I think the message here is that all of us, be it female, male, non-binary--even groups, governments and societies--must work hard to keep and foster relationships. For those that do, marriage and all kinds of other relationships offer more benefits than ever, not just to ourselves, but for the greater good.
Forget the "self-appointed superiority" shtick. Rethink it when you're under a house laying in a mud hole to repair a furnace while your partner suffered terribly washing dishes.
Marriage should be two individuals who support each other and truly love each other (that includes loving the stuff you hate about your partner) instead of two people relying on each other.
I've been married and I am currently divorced and single. Having experienced both, I can tell you that a married life with somebody thst is pursuing common goals, has shared experiences, and that common interests is a much richer and fulfilling experience than being single.
@chrisdell5679 I guess my point is that if you haven't had the experience of both you can't be so sure of your opinions having only experience being single. You lack the experience and context and don't understand. I know that experiences and partners differ.
Don’t get married. You could love someone without it and no matter who you get married to they change. Just stay single find happiness on your own you’ll be better off.
How isn’t the leading cause of divorce marriage? You can’t divorce unless you are married. I do agree this guy was definitely giving women more spotlight in the video.
We got captain obvious over here "leading cause of divorce is marriage" This guy is literally Einstein, I never would have figured this out myself For fucks sake
I think marriage can be a really beautiful thing! I’ve been married for eight years to my soulmate, and our life is amazing and full of freedom and love and growth! 😍 But unfortunately, the way our society approaches marriage is very toxic. Even for myself, I grew up hearing people make jokes about being “tied down” or having no freedom, etc. I know many people also feel pressured to get married and end up marrying people they shouldn’t have. And especially in some of the older generations, they were forced into marriages they did not want. My grandmother was one of those people. She was in love with one man, but her father forced her to marry my grandfather. They were together for 60 years and it was a relationship, full of abuse and regret. This is largely how our culture views marriage, and I think that is why the concept of marriage is starting to die because people want happiness and freedom. Love isn’t dying, relationships aren’t dying, but our idea of marriage certainly is and I actually think it’s a good thing!
That's real nice, Danielle. How old were you when you got married? How many kids do you have? Hope your "soulmate" feels the same about you, and that you both still feel that way 20 or 30 years out.
Cheers, ms Liechty! I totally get you: my partner has been (and still is) doing wonders for my personal growth, and never in my life before I felt as stable and as free as I am with him. It's been ages, and I only keep finding him and our relationship progressively more interesting and stimulating. I wish I saw more examples of how joyous and fun marriage could be when I was a teen - I feel like society is practically grooming us for some pre-determined failure when we're raised on this cynical diet of pessimistic statements like "it's nothing but platonic mutual respect after the first stage of infatuation ends" or "you'll never feel free again and will forever regret it" etc. My "top favourite" (/s) is couples telling everyone how they can't stand each other or how they hate their status and yet keep sticking together. No wonder I used to fear marriage on some conceptual level. However, our grandparents were instead raised on empty promises of some utter bliss that should just magically pop up and last with any random partner simply because you signed the lines. Both approaches are harmful, imo. And tbh, though I'm married, the magic is not about the legal status, but about the bond itself. I hope more and more people will be able to discover true happiness and growth in their relationships, whatever form they take - legal or not, opposite or same sex, mono or poly, romantic or platonic.
Listening to women, especially older women talk about their marriage made me absolutely hate the idea. I decided from a young age to fullfil my life first and if I meet the right person along the way then I'll think about marriage. Other than that it's a NOPE for me....too stressful. I would rather work in the hospital instead.
was thinking the same thing and avoided the issue of gov weaponizing marriage against men. this is the #1 reason men dont want marriage. lose 1/2 minimum and make payments for your ex to F someone else. forget winning custody of your kids or even seeing them but a few days a month if lucky
@@bigang3248Not to mention inserting Meghan Markle's book as if it is some philosophical piece of literature to support his position! Really...of all the enlightened brilliant authors past and present you chose to insert her! 😂
College educated women are more likely to be married. However they also initiate 90% of divorces, so that is a red flag. I think divorce and custody laws need to be updated to reflect that women and men are equal earners and equally financially responsible. Common Laws need to be updated to not punish people who live together without getting married. Having a situation where one partner can divorce another, without them ever agreeing to be married in the first place, is a trap.
Women who make more than their husbands still end up paying alimony. I know many women who have did so. I make high 6 figures, am a woman, and would have to pay alimony if I got married to an average American man.
@@MsFlamingFlamer Alimony should not exist. That average american man can get a job. The concept of "Keeping them in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed" is a mistake. There should be no such thing. Split assets 50/50 (or as stipulated in prenup), 50/50 child custody, and that is it, that should be the end of a divorce. No child support in a 50/50 arrangement, and no alimony.
@@MsFlamingFlamer that is a consequence of a law that wanted to give men's money to women. I don't think the higher earner pays alimony law makes sense.
Maybe a topic for a future video could be why so many married couples are getting a divorce when their children are still very young. I'd like to understand the reasons behind that.
Ur in the me era…this is generation “me” and most young parents don’t see their kids as anything more then an accessory ….it’s all about what the parent wants at the moment…not many actually think about the well being and long term affects of it all on their kids…my daughter in law is like this…she is spoiled rotten by both sets of parents who rake in the $ compared to my son who has just me. I’ve raised both my sons on my own since they were 1 & 7…now 22 & 16….I see a huge difference in how my son is with his son compared to other kids his age who have kids…he’s always with his wife and son when he’s not working …his friends…I’ve never seen them with their wives and kids ever lol…
I'm interested in this, too. Since women are SO much more likely to initiate a divorce, I think we need to start at understanding why. I think people jump to the conclusion that they need a divorce far too easily without thinking what's best for the kids and without putting effort into trying to improve their marriages first.
Honestly, if there is open conflict or simmering hatred between the parents, it is quite traumatic for young children & can cause lasting damage. Amicable parenting by a separated couple is far healthier.
This is a great example of how media can influence our view of the world. We are in our late 60’s and travel a lot. My 40 year old son travels far more than we do. He taught me to completely ignore the medias view of the world. Look around through a different lens. This is a great world we live in. People are as loving today as they were yesterday. Couples are still falling in love, getting married and having a family. The problem with social media is we are having difficulty separating what’s real reality from social media reality.
I am that rare man who has wanted to get married and have a family since I started liking the opposite sex. Life just never worked out for me that way though. Still single at 42 and not unhappy.
@@DigitalJuggernaut yes, he can. But will most likely only find old, used up women, with past, likely traumatic experiences and possibly with children. A person that is a virgin and has never been in a relationship deserves to find a partner just like them. But for a man in his 40 today, it is very unlikely that a 20 year old woman will want him. My granfather is 20 years older than my granmother and they have been married for more than 50 years. But those good old days are gone for men.
Where I live it's really common to never get married. Many people live together and have kids together and don't marry. Or they marry after being together for at least 10+ years. My own parents got married after being together for 25 years and only because of legal reasons. I personally wouldn't choose to get legally married. I don't mind at all having children being unmarried and my boyfriend feels the same. We would skip having a wedding and go on a honeymoon when we have money in the future. We simply don't want to spend money on hosting a wedding, rings etc.
Why give up the celebration? There should be more happy days in life. It brings positive emotions and memories to last a lifetime. And the money will be earned
I'm not married and have zero regrets about it. I'm financially independent, strong, healthy, and free to make my own choices and am comfortable in my skin. When I was with my ex for 15 years, I desperately saw him as 'the one' but he would literally laugh in my face whenever I brought up the idea of marriage. Then he broke up with me because he said he 'wanted a partner to settle down and have kids'. I see things now very differently and I thank my lucky stars every day I didn't marry him, because love makes you ignore SO MANY red flags. I wake up everyday feeling great about myself and every night knowing I had a full productive day, just doing whatever makes ME feel good. I have no interest in dating. It's nice to be single.
I'm glad that you are living a happy life being single if that is your calling, that's totally fine. But I would caution that MANY women in similar situations as you (single, financially independent, etc) grow old and regretting not having a family. There have been countless testimonies about women who thought their successful career and independence would make them happy, coming to find out that a family was really what they wanted. And unfortunately, they come to that solution when its too late. This is a good question to consider, if you found a good man who loved you and he proposed, would you say yes? I think your ex, who acted like a jerk and terrible toward you BTW, scared you away from pursuing a relationship with a potentially amazing guy. Now again, if you truly have no desire to get married, that's okay. But marriage is such an amazing thing and starting a family is so accomplishing. Money and success can only fulfill you for so long, but a family and being with people who love you is much more worthwhile.
Yeah I'm in this same boat enjoying my single but if something comes along the way I'm opened to it. Yes deep down i want a relationship but I also made peace with being single for now and enjoying the moments I can alone should a partner come along the way
My wife came to America when she was 16...married her at 19 ...been together 13 years and still madly in love and obsessed with her and in awe of her personal growth and beauty and intelligence and how far she had pushed me to grow myself as a man ...A high value woman is not being like a Beyonce or Cardi B or having 1 million followers on IG and tons of blue check marks after getting a BBL and having a million in the bank... A high value Woman is a woman who any time, money or love and effort you invest into her she doubles it and returns it right back too you because she knows if I'm up win she's up...if she wins, I win as well Trust, teamwork and communication are the foundation...We are one flesh and one spirit for real.
@@arminxvs3372 You can get to know the person better if you spend more time with them. One doesn't have to marry over night. But you are right, but it is not because you don't know the person deep down, but because they can change. Most people tend to change over time and it is not always for the better.
@@arminxvs3372 That's a bit of a fatalistic view point though, I think you have a higher chance of a successful marriage if the woman was a virgin when you met her. The stats also show that based on the fact women over a certain body count are more likely to get divorced.
@@blackngold007 Inevitably the mind compares the current man with the rest (exes and potential new lovers). The more you had, the less happier you will be with your current choice. A high BC is fatal.
I feel like younger generations, were given the advice of not to marry and choose career over marriage by the older generation. I feel that this has to do with the fact that marriage means settling and younger generations don’t like the word of settling, We like freedom, and able to get up and go somewhere or do something different.
No, they told them not to marry and not to breed because they knew that Roe was still under the chopping block and the axe was coming down and they were right. So now many women are doubling down on no thank you. People forget, many abortions are done by married couples. There is too much outside control in the marriage bed and it's freaking people out, rightfully so.
Marriage is a social contract with socio economic benefits .if you are lucky you have love + friendship in it and it's like having nice sugar icing on marriage . if you have same religious belief and life values probably it will last as longer as there is no interference from outside in the institution.
I've always found it so funny that you can get divorced. What's the point of marriage then? "I pledge to be with you forever, but I can still leave." Marriage doesn't make sense to me. True love is knowing that you can leave but still choosing to come home to your partner every day. Like a bird that comes back to the nest. It doesn't have to be caged
I was 35 and Jen was 31. She had already divorced and I had never married before. No kids, still married after almost 8 years of marriage and 10 years of living together. Everyone said everything is going to change after you guys get married but it didn't. I can't imagine life without Jen. I don't think marriage is for everyone. Some of us are better off single. I am glad culture has shifted from "you have to gert married and have kids" to "do what is best for you". There was a lot of societal pressure when we were younger to get married and have kids. It REALLY sucked. It made it hard to keep going on with life. Other people cave to that pressure and aren't sure it was the right thing to do so if they can you to do it, then it will somehow validate their own shaky choices. I am glad I met Jen but was in no hurry to marry because in effect we already were. I trusted her with everyrthing already and she never pressured me into marriage. Interesting topic. I think most of our institutions are changing hopefully for the better. I think the classic idea that you have to get married and have kids to "fit in" and "keep up " with the Jonses is dying thankfully. I know for a fact that I am treated differently at work because we do not have kids. People treated Jen and I differently because we were not married. I really do not like society in general.
I'm going to disagree to some degree here. You are an idealist; I am more a pragmatist being Gen. X. Yes, my parents got married to start life. Your generation (31). . .starts life and then gets married. The problem is women are living it up, riding a carosel of men in their 20's (confirmed by 60% of women will have genital herpes by 2026 thanks to Gloria Steinhem), and then suddenly hitting 30 and now I want kids and a husband who wants to settle down with a woman with a past. The human female body has NOT kept up with that from an evolutionary perspective let alone the social factors.. Mary and Joseph were married off at age 15 around 2000 years ago and had Jesus to think of the most famous example. I think an age for marriage, family and reproduction is 20-25 for a woman and you could add a few years for men. Women also have to stop expecting ALL men to make 6 figures when they are taking up half the jobs out there. The dating market is a complete mess thanks to social media and kids can now expect to NOT have a nuclear family vs. have one. I disagree with the author's subliminal thesis that men and fathers are rather optional.
I wish you the best and hope it works out, but you cant really say at 8 or 10 years its been a great success. If you are still happy at 20 years then you could start saying that. One of the biggest age groups for divorce right now are 50-65 year old's who have been married for 20 years or longer. That really tells you something. I've also seen (and experienced) things changing rather suddenly after many years of happiness. Again, I hope you make it, just saying don't count your chickens before they hatch.
@@cstuartdc Social media is not to blame for female entitlement. Chivalry is. Also, ideal age for female to marry is 15-25, same age range for men. Also, marriage shouldnt be promoted as a privilege/right like it is now. Also, Gem X arent pragmatic, theyre nihilist.
Marriage was never "funadamentally based on female dependence". The fundamental basis of a true marriage is; exclusivity, mutual service, shared sacrifice. Marriage has never changed, only our expectations of it have.
Traditionally women married to search provider and yes for happiness. But men married to find purpose. Working 12 hrs a day and having no purpose was like living a life slave. With children men find purpose and happiness.
I don't full understand this stance. You can still be purposeful without marriage. You can donate to domestic violence centers (those that help men, women, and children), you can volunteer to help disadvataged groups, you can foster or adopt children or animals, you can donate in general, you can be part of a club/group (religious or recreational) or even organize one that you feel might help the community in a positive way, you can spend more time with your friends, you can help the elderly, you can devote yourself to worshipping God- there are so many ways to find happiness and feel purpose outside of marriage and having children. I understand that nothing is one size fits all but there are so many different ways to contribute to society and maybe, just maybe, along the way while doing so you might find a life partner and with the efforts you've already put in, start a family at marriage that exists in a better environment than when you first entered it. Even if that doesn't happen, you've helped to make it better for others. Marriage is not the only way to find purpose and I would hate for everyone to limit themself to just that because the reality is that not everyone marries or even feels purposeful within a marrriage so you shouldn't put all your eggs into one basket. Just take each day as it is but still be purposeful to the best of your ability that day.
@@lalawala9929 i get where you are getting at. You said you have to in your comment which i find kinda funny, likewise in general, men are selfish. They like to value which they have created on their own. I mean in general. Why men are pursuing high career jobs? Is not it cause they feel valued and in work they are creating something of their own like setting their life straight. Similarly, most men(in general) loves only the children that they have created with their so called wives(which holds to be true even for women as you can see they are freezing their eggs so that they could have of having babies when they are married late like crossing 40s and all). Why don't most barren couple and those who dont have the fertility power adopt babies from orphanage? Simply because it is not their creation and their blood and lineage won't be passed down; which traditionally speaking most of the people who are married in today's holds that value even now. So they damn care other babies and creating and growing (for most people) something which is of your own really gives much fulfillment than anything in this world. That's where the purpose fits in. Hope you get it. And i have to to say it is a traditonal and conservative concept but deep down within us(most men) it has been ingrained in us. PS: Forgive my English
I'm 70 years old. My grandparents married young and stayed together until death. My parents generation and my generation married and divorced usually several times. My preference would be the old way, imperfect as it was. When you divorce, you not only lose your partner, but all the memories you shared and have to start over. It is like losing an arm or a leg.
100% agree he mentioned bad marriage and women exiting out but failed to say is very seldom do romantic relationship have bad spots in it. Thus easy exit means increase in divorce. Men resolved and don't be quitter or weak is driven in men culturally so even when we have had enough we keep fighting. Its certainly not that all of these women going for divorce are not flawed and the men are horrible human beings.
I'm the exact opposite. I believe people should absolutely leave marriage if they're getting abused by their partner. Abuse is not just minor "imperfection" or "bad spots". Abuse is abuse. Its better to lose an arm than to live with one that will spread cancer to your entire body.
@@dipanjanghosal1662 Well I actually agree and I did exactly that. My contention though is that a careful courting process could prevent most of that. Granted that many cannot do that, I still think the old fashioned method of marrying someone you have gotten to know pretty well and "vetted" carefully to be someone whose values match yours well enough to last a lifetime would be preferable to just hoping for the best.
As you said, we are now a society based on equality, and yet so many of our laws like marriage, divorce and even the military draft are still based on outdated male/female traditional roles.
Dating and marriage is not a priority for me in the slightest. Dating is a landmine, and marriage could be worse. Can't tell you how afraid I am by the possibility of winding up in divorce/family court as a poor man.
Thank you. I'm reading all these comments, and I'm hearing both sides of the coin. But I'm 30 and do hope to be married one day soon, but to the right one
What do you think the role of marriage should be in today's society?
For both parties: Sex that isn’t requiring the concerns for disease exposure where polygamy and adultery are illegal in marriage…is a big one. For children having roots and no question of who the genetic father is and carrying the family last name as a unit, even if the last name is “Smith-Jones” …for the mother and father like they do in many Spanish speaking countries… this is important in showing the value of men as well as the women for a child.
Furthermore, women outlive men in age and pay less into social security wages while in maternity leave and if she makes less money than the partner, the marital rights after a husband dies are also valid in addition to the shared “breadwinning” for the heterosexual male-female childbearing couples.
the institution of marriage has been destroyed. in current times marriage is little more than an act of submission to a woman.
non. Let women be free and men to be in peace.
Dating has destroyed western society. In general marriage was always arranged. The woman's father chose her husband. And in most parts of the world people still do this
What it has always been... Companionship, procreation and partnership
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
The lack of incentive.
The Power of Friendzone
The lack of meaning
Many women just focus and care about wearing an engagement/wedding ring to "fit in", rather than caring for their relationship.
The lack of respect
this man just said that marriage is closer to being the end of a journey than the beginning of one, and that just blew my mind. I recently got married, and i just realized how much we waited on in order to feel like we were finally prepared to be married. Where previous generations like my parents would just get married first and then figure the rest out later. WILD
Yeah, the guy would literally start his career journey already needing to support a wife. While now both parts make sure they can support themselves before committing.
@@5Demona5 and the result is declining birth rates. Way to go to preserve heritage.
@@noobboon2579 maybe its not so bad considering all the over population
The idea was they would build together
Standards skyrocketed cause of the internet seeing they can always find someone more established.
In the past it was, men worked and woman raised the kids. Now financially they both must work while also raising the children. This has made things extra stressful and caused a lot of divorce. With the divorce rate so high, getting married looks increasingly undesirable. If we continue to have households that require both parents working, the marriage rate and also the birth rate will continue to decline. Equality could have meant both parents working 20 hours each, and deviding the household responsibilities. But instead, the capitalist society requires 40 hours from each parent, and realistically women still have to do most of the child care. Having the choice to work is a great thing for women, but having no free time makes it a bad choice.
yup the double shift phenomenon!
@@Dimitris_Half but women had easily enough time to look after children
@@Dimitris_Half well pointed
@@Dimitris_Half but you can't do that in a modern job
You don’t make arguments with anecdotes. You don’t know enough people to prove anything.
Marriage seems like a dream to me. To be able to afford living with a partner and having someone to love and trust enough seems impossible today.
Yeah, it's more about trust and respect, to me... I wont feel safe enough to live with someone for the rest of my life, unless the idea of putting my life in their hands doesn't bother me.
Americans posting their Ls online
@@shamanthjilla 💀💀 Americans getting karma for their history and war crimes
@@fbyi2940 Karma? For history. Karma for something you didn't do?
How does that work?
@@ReasonAboveEverythingask your dad
From what i've seen, money becomes an issue that wrecks a lot of marriages and relationships so it makes sense to me that people are waiting until they're more established and that people who are higher educated stay married.
Women are waiting to find an established man. Smart men hide their money.
I though marriage was about love
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 Marriage, as far as I can tell, is about love, friendship, and business. You can manage temporarily with 2/3, but if you mess up two or more, you are toast as a man.
MArriage has always... always and still does have a strong business side to it. Friendship part of it is what keeps older couples happy still... the whole holding hands at the park thing, and knowing facts about each other... and that sort of Homer And MArge Simpson sort of stuff....
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 unfortunately people still need to be able to afford to live, if money is getting in the way of simply living it can be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.
@@emmanuelnaranjo8114 love can be bought by money and highly paid degree.
Marriage at this point is out of the picture for me; not even dating seems desirable. With economic uncertainty, job insecurity, and political instability, it’s increasingly difficult to bear the burden of constantly pleasing another partner while you yourself are barely getting by and you’re just surviving at this point.
Well said. Due to economic pressure, many people were never raised under a good parent model, so it is difficult to even desire marriage or family when family life was a traumatic experience for many as I experienced it. I am in my 30s already and this kind of life I will never know but I am resign because I am focused on myself and making money for myself and my pets.
They say equality but also the ones demand for the economic power from the men
Yep
Being in a relationship isn’t about pleasing someone else. It’s about two people supporting each other.
Same here. At this point I don’t even know how I can share myself with another human being when I feel like there’s hardly enough of me for me.
“…rather than the beginning of a journey, it’s as much the end of a journey…” felt it
It’s just getting to the end of that journey AND finding someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with is the hard part nowadays 😭
He makes it sound like a video game.
Actually it really does feel like that. Instead of playing a game with all our friends from lvl 1. We are instead grinding solo till max lvl in order to join the raid. It takes the fun out of the entire experience..
@@geminiblue6677 way to explain it brother, I feel ya
@@geminiblue6677I like the video game reference. I start to realize that the journey or the grind through all those levels is what life was. Just holding somebody's hand at the credits feels like you missed out on the plot.
People have so many unresolved traumas, nowadays that getting into a relationship can be detrimental to one’s wellbeing.
Trauma is not a new phenomenon
@@orangeninja912 You're right, in fact you could even argue that the reasons or causes for trauma may have decreased as general prosperity has increased. People are now manufacturing their own trauma, but that's another topic. Having said that, what /has/ changed is that we as a society are failing to treat trauma. Instead of "hard truths" we opted for "soft lies", and the society leans on affirming individuals, the worse it will get.
@@orangeninja912 you're right it's not something new. But see how past trauma from wars caused fathers to either suicide or not participate in child's life. Which caused generational trauma of fatherlessness among men and women. That's why it's necessary to avoid or cut off any trauma that you can before being married and having children. Women and men need to be educated and take care of themselves so as to be trauma free. It can come from various different things like past relationships, sexual encounters, etc.
exactly
This is the key resolve your own trauma and find someone that has done the same or somehow matches your trauma.. has a good career, your schedules match. Etc.
My wife and I married in July of 1982. It has been a roller coaster ride, unimaginable highs, unbearable lows, curves, twists, turns and everything else that can be thrown in there. Has it been easy, not on your life, has it been worth it, every second of it. We've never worked so hard for anything, but we've done it, together. I have no concept of what my life would be like without her in it. I need her more than I need myself. This July will be 41 years married. We couldn't be much happier. I remember my Dad giving me the following advise, "Never stop courting your wife." And from my Mom, "Don't go to bed angry with each other." Words to stay married by.
This sounds like prison, where suicide is the only option.
We are also happily married 41 years this July! As a friend put it, you have to decide to be married and stay married, but I am so so grateful for my husband.
@@catherinebaxter8571 We, are in a very special minority...
@@normvw4053 Yes we are, and seriously, it's a shame. Marriage can be such a mutual support and bring stability and comfort as well a love and someone special to share special things with, like travels. We hardly even argue anymore, because the other person is not going to change anything at this point!
@@catherinebaxter8571 "We have lived and loved together, through many changing years; We have shared each other's gladness, and wept each other's tears, " Charles Jefferys, lyricist. Yes, yes...he sees it.
Growing up seeing my parents quarrel so many times, had hardened my resolve on not getting married.
EDIT : Didn't expect so many likes/agree. On the bright side, I feel I am not alone.
You are right,I feel the same way coming from a broken family, childhood trauma and a failed relationship.i just feel like I need time to heal and find myself..
@@Debby142 A lot of give and take is required for any relationship to work. Anyone who does not understand the aforementioned should not be in a relationship, especially one such as a marriage. I am not traumatized the way you are. I saw in my parents that marriage is not as easy as I thought. They still love each other, but they are obviously incompatible. Compatibility is key but finding Mr/ Mrs Compatible is hard if not impossible. As in all things , luck plays a crucial role. Sorry for being long-winded.
@@Debby142 go to India and become a Buddhist. Then come back to reality.
Same here, I grew a dislike for love, romance, marriage, family and all that because of my parents.
same, my parents got together, married at an age way younger than I am and I'm still single.
They have asked me if I'm ever going to meet someone and settle down. and i do truly want someone but growing up in a tumultuous household where pretty much the only interaction i ever saw my parents have with each other was being at each others throats , never gave me the impression that marriage and children was something I particularly wanted.
It seemed like a trap that just makes people miserable from which it is very hard to get out of and the results devastating for all those involved, espeically for any children that arise from it.
my entire childhood was spent listening to them bitching to me about the other one saying that they were the most awful person .
do i want that for my life? HELL NO!
im terrifed of getting married and making the same mistakes they did,
They made me afraid of meaningful relationships before I was ever in one. That's not to say they were not great parents, but great examples of marriage? No way!
What's missing from this is the fact that a man used to be able to take care of a family of four - mortgage, groceries, car, etc. - on ONE salary, and THAT is the reason marriage as an institution has shifted, not because of feminism or any other reason. It's much more difficult to find stability when you're just scraping by.
Part of the reason a man cannot earn that wage is that the introduction of working women has almost doubled the labor pool. More workers = more competition for jobs = less pay per worker. Thats not the only reason, but it is a significant one. People's expectations of what being "middle class" means have skyrocketed as well. Higher expectations requires more income.
@@38WorksGr8 This person gets it. Women entering the workforce while great for equality, definitely had downsides and culture shifts.
@@38WorksGr8Seems like a simple problem. Why don’t more men just be SAHH? No one is forcing them to compete with other people, males or females. Its not like you need your genitals to do a job, unless you are in a specific line of work.
@@hanatemonstas4485 This is where our biology and culture clash. Working wives seem to divorce SAHH at a very high rate compared to working husbands who support SAHW. I guess women and men arent drawn to the exact same things in each other
If you think that's bad, AI and robotics is going to have a doozy of an effect on the jobs market.
In Japan, the decline in marriage and birth was preceded by a breakage in employment security. During our bubble era, jobs were more permanent and stable, but corporations couldn't handle keeping an aging workforce without exponential growth. Part-time workers and freelancers don't have the financial security to start families. And we lack physical space to grow further and remain sustainable.
The people are not sustainable. But it is great for *Japan* 🗾 to have a less distracted workforce.
Also, women are less willing to give up their careers upon marriage. Japan seems less willing to accept married women in the workforce. This worsens if they have children.
@@UXtatichence the birth rate is also dropping
The standards for new children have gown too, so it's not enough just to feed a child, he/she must be exceptional to be happy in this competitive world. If a person is an average one, his children will have a hard ime in the new world
@@asekuvena Doing nothing but work is detrimental to society tho, just look at the decline in birth rates. People need a more balanced life.
Many of us entering marriage age are from divorced homes and saw our parents get absolutely screwed. My parents split when I was 7 (both working, dad earning roughly 1.5x my mom's salary), and my mom won his pension, full custody and child support, alimony, and 100% of their joint non-retirement portfolio. My mom then moved us over an hour away only 3 years later, so I rarely got to see my dad who gave up so much for us... My dad became depressed due to all of this (as confirmed by his longtime girlfriend after the divorce), ended up retiring at 50 (despite no financial position to do so), and died penniless at 61. So yeah, no marriage for me, or at least not until 1) I'm a lot older and have my own assets that I can keep out of the marriage or 2) they fix the family courts to not absolutely ruin the higher earner or the parent who loses primary custody.
The courts are Gynocentric. They're not biased against the higher earner, as divorces with higher earning wives rarely pay out such proceedings.
That's a grim tale bro. I'm sorry for your dad and your loss. It's difficult to conceal property, assets or cash from marriage. That's especially true for anything obtained after getting married. It would take a Saul Goodman of a lawyer to help develop blind trusts or stuff like that. Winning move is not to play currently I guess.
That ruin is relative. If you make a marrige arraigment that means one party can earn less bc they do household work (including not being able to do overtime work etc - and even if you are divorced and not in a relationsip like marrige but co-parenting) then you need to finace the diffrences. What includes retirment money you would've accumelated (and that's overlooked by people who don't plan for the eventually of divorce, apprently).
All in all get a prenup or marrige contract that makes clear what happens if you divorce and if you can't afford that you can't afford marrige. And in that also consider what happens to children.
I lost six figures of retirement, most of the cash in the bank, had to pay alimony for three years (12 year marriage), and I have to pay child support close to $2k/month plus 70% of the kids expenses even though I have the kids 50% of the time. I’m in a blue state, so involved dads are penalized and dismissed. When my boys are old enough I’ll advise them against marriage unless the laws change.
@@greglarson6293 Was your wife a stay at home wife?
I think we often forget that marriage (like any relationship/friendship) is difficult. It needs to be continually worked on and nourished. It requires sacrifice, loyalty and codependence. These days we are lead to believe if we aren't happy we should just get out of there. This is relevant to our jobs, our marriages, our families, our cities... the list goes on. There is no sense of responsibility any more. We need to learn it's not about happiness, but our role to make our societies and communities better places to live. It's why we admire Fred Hollows restoring site in 3rd world countries or other people giving up their lives to help others.
The concerning part is it's not just marriage that is dying. It's friendships, it's our cultural framework and it's our ideologies. The rapid decline in civilisation over the last 5 - 10 years is truly scary. I don't believe we need to adapt to our times (because they are leading us to chaos), we need to examine history vs. today and understand what's going wrong. And finally re-examine what the goal is for our lives.
Well said!
if you want citizens to actually work and contribute to society and not for their own gain, then abolish capitalism
this is the best comment I’ve seen on the internet! Recently, I was unhappy with my job and your comment woke me up and gave me light! thank you!
Corporations crushed men's souls in the post-war period. The government stopped propping up this unholy system in the 60's as everyone left out of the male-dominated suburban utopia protested to force their hand. Things are messy, but still preferable to the Stepford Wife scenario the Church promotes.
This is a classic game theory/nash equilibrium. If two players are both responsible and willing to co-depend on another, then the total amount of profit together is the highest. However, for a specific player, not being responsible or leaving the marriage gives you the highest individual profit no matter if the other player is being responsible or not. Therefore, both players find leaving the marriage to be the best option, even though it is not the most profitable option
"Marriage is not a guarantee of love"
„Never Gonna give you up“
Marriage means endless love, and it just works.
Yeah... people lie about marriage vows all the time.
Its a gaurantee of misery
Marriage is indeed a Guarantee for love.
The moment you say „I do“ activates key neurochemicals where you brain creates an inner eternal source for love and passion, it’s like a damned perpetuum mobile of monogamy.
I was married in my 30s. Never again, not for me. I do not want to live my life 24/7 around someone else. I found it unbearable and certainly ruins all pretentions of romance. I am a lone wolf. If anyone I meet asks me "why are you not married?" I reply: "I guess I just got lucky".
Certainly no resentment in your worldview ;)
The reason why marriage is dying is also the same reason as to why most relationships are failing or being kept at something less serious and more open/casual...because it's becoming harder and harder to pay for things and that makes people end up focusing more and more on themselves rather than on others(which is kind of a requirement for most relationships to work).
Truth. Even children in poverty have the same problems, you need money to participate. There were always the public school kids who went skiing with their family every year, Disney, what evs and then the rest. In America, no money means no life, no health, nada.
Medieval peasants have entered the chat
WEF is happy. You will own nothing and be happy. Gold standard was there for a reason.
@@ReasonAboveEverything What's WEF?
I think part of that is a combination of inequality of income/resources as well as a lack of contentment. There are poor villages where the people are happy, but it's mostly because everybody is poor and there's nothing to be jealous of or pine for. In the US everybody is significantly better off than people in poor countries unless you're homeless, but there's a noticeable hierarchy of lower, middle, upperclass and rich folk living in close proximity where everyone and everything they own is being compared.
Marriage was created to join two families for power and wealth. That was then changed for “love” which I can agree but the problem with love is, you fall in and out of love. Then with absolute freedom people don’t stick around and look for the next person and repeat the cycle. Almost like a new car. You love it when you first get it, but that fades and want something new.
Totally agree
❤❤❤❤
This is so true. People fall in love do many times which makes you wonder what if the person you have married falls out of love with you
@@dhirajgawande007if you fall out of love, you were never in love to begin with.
@@jordanwilson4182 that's not true.
Happily married 12 years and just had my sixth child. Life is good. My husband is a gentle and good man and I do not engage in mind games. We help each other and talk to each other kindly and without a sharp tongue. It works.
Happy for you. How old were you when you had your first child?
@@kayann3 27. 🙂
I’m wondering how you’re able to have 6 children in this modern day economical situation!
@@Mmmtruk by being selfish
👍
I live in third world country and the problem is mainly the spouse's family. When you marry your spouse, you also marry their family. Imagine having to not only take care of your own family, but also your spouse's extended family. RIP all salary and it's especially worse when you're the only child
LOL, it depends who you marry. There is no rules, especially in islam to give your salary to support your spouse's extended family 😂
That's why i am single. I don't want obligations
@@tytiw516 Islam people going MGTOW as well
People should always separate culture from religion
Support extended family? Hell nah.
People are living longer and some are blessed to find "the one" much later in life nowadays. My husband and I met when we were in our late 50s, been married 3 years now and both of us are grateful every day that we found one another. The only downside is we don't have many years left to spend together, but we endeavor to appreciate every minute we do have 🙂
Barring any accidents or illnesses, it is quite likely you will have many happy years together to enjoy life and each other 😊
That’s lovely. Gives me hope as a young man who feels like I’ll never meet someone like that again. Thank you for sharing (: I wish the best for you and your husband
Aw! Late 50s is still
Young if you live to be in your 80s! I think it’s great to meet someone later in life
@@Bellaa4578 exactly! It's a very distinct possibility they could have a solid 30+ years together, maybe more ❤️
I’m 47 and never wanted to get married because I never wanted to get divorced. About 10 years ago a co-worker in her 60’s got married and seeing her joy and youthfulness being in love opened my eyes and made me think that maybe I’d wait til I was her age to get married. I still hold the idea that I will find a life partner in the next decade. The older I get, the more comfortable I feel being single. Maybe because I’ve never been tied down and got to travel my whole life, while my married friend’s lives have remained quite the same as they were when they married 20 years ago. Anyway, it’s nice to read stories like yours. Wish you a long & happy life together!
It takes maturity, kindness, love, an understanding of one’s self and empathy for your partner to make a good marriage.
Well that's western society doomed then.
I honestly feel super lucky to not want kids, and know there are women who feel the same. It totally changes the dynamic for why two people want to stay together, and allows two people to actually get to know each other.
non-breeder high five!!!
Same. No point to have kids or marry. I pick a career first.
@@ll2323 Don't knock marriage. I'm on 27 years. Best thing to ever happen to me. Not saying it's for everyone. But if you do find that someone special, it's magic.
@@bikebudha01you're right. Marriage isn't for everyone, that's why some of us knock it.😂
@@davidterrell1242 knocking marriage is like knocking chocolate cake...
I been married with my wife for 10 years. I love every bit of my wife. How she smells, the way she talks, the way she looks at me, how she feeds me, all of it. I'm 36 years old and I never looked at another woman from the day I meet her. Any advice I can give anybody just from my own experience man or woman is listed below:
1. Marriege is 100% or nothing. Its all of you when you want or when you dont.
2. The best feeling of marriege is the hug after work, the smell of food and the sound of welcome greetings.
3. The small things matter. The more you remember the better.
4. Keep your word... especially to each other. Its the foundation your marriage is built on.
4. Test after test after test. Either it will make you or break you.
5. Never disrespct your partner in public or in front of anyone. Just bite your toungue and take it to the house.
5. Never talk to anybody about the ups and downs, the good or the bad. The state of your marriage only concerns you.
6. Smile, laugh, dance whatever you can do to enjoy each others company. The best marriages are like best friends.
6. Don't be so serious all the time, relax, laugh, kick back.
7. You marry his/her family.... remember that.
8. Jelousy lurks around every corner.... and 80% is not coming from your partner but people close to you.
9. Kids if you decide.... means its no longer about the two of you.
10. Kids will remind you why you love each other.
This comment is EVERYTHING
@@DieselGloriLots of sanctimony though.
I felt like I'm in the 1950s reading this.
I am female & in my 60’s now. I married far too young under religious pressure & divorced early. Sadly I remember my grandmother telling me she wished she could have divorced my tyrannical grandfather, but she “had 4 children & nowhere to go.” I remarried much later in life and have two terrific daughters. I was a much better parent because of my life experience & maturity. The marriage has had its challenges, but endures - again because of maturity & experience. But also, I believe, because I can walk away - financially & emotionally- if need be. This forces both sides to put in the work, compromise, & be respectful & supportive long after the infatuation fades. Something my grandmother would have cherished.
are the vows literally not “ for better or worse”?
@@daycrow8651 „Better or worse“ does not include physical and mental abuse, cheating and complete dependancy. Or just sheer incompatibility. How should an arranged or pressured marriage work if the partners don‘t like each other or treat each other well, aren‘t attracted and fight constantly?
Vows don‘t mean anything if the solid base and a good relationship isn‘t there
@@kali7055 How do all of you women magically marry abusive men? This is literally what every single one of you say when a relationship or marriage doesn’t work
@@daycrow8651 Because manipulative/abusive people hide their true colors. Never of the concept of lying?
@@sweetpoptart9486 the point was women at large pick men for the wrong reasons
It is quite ironic that these days, people "claim" they don't get married based on economic dependence, but money is the major issue of marriage collapsing.
Biggest predictor of divorce is the employment status of the male. Also, women typically file for divorce once they start out earning the husband.
You make a valid point, but as a gambler who married a woman making significantly more than I do, I can suggest that I could have ruined things pretty easily and not blamed her for walking away. Fortunately, I gave up betting on the ponies and we are on sound financial ground.
As a professional wedding photographer, Although I'm a Father to two and unwed, I can completely agree with everything mentioned in this video.
I truly believe you should only marry someone when it feels right, not forced or pressured. The amount of times I've been questioned about it and feel like I have to joke off why I'm not, I'm a brilliant dad, busy businessman, and I do well by everyone in my family, why does marriage have to determine me or my direction.
I've witness people CLEARLY not suited for eachother, and I can physically see and it's a shame I know when couples are genuine, or if there are other motives behind people getting married. It's beautiful, and a real shame all in one.
Great video.
Also a wedding photographer and minister so I totally get what you're saying. it's sad when it's so obvious by the actions of the bride and groom before and during the wedding make it clear the relationship is doomed. Thankfully, getting to share an extraordinary day with two people who are obviously in a loving and respectful relationship makes up for the ones where the couple should be running in opposite directions. Marriage can be the best of all partnerships or a soul-killing slog, it's up to the two adults who created it to keep making the next right decision and learning to "zip it" when a derogatory thought tries to escape one's mouth. Belittling and complaining never elicits change in another person, only distance and contempt.
Where do you get love and intimacy from, if not form your wife ?
The likely answer is, from girlfriends
If so then you're raising your kids in an environment where they don't get to see what a permanent relationship looks like.
Which might lead to them having trouble with relationships in their own life
"Oh dad keeps bringing different women home all the time, so that must be okay"
@@herweirdoo0904 *A* girlfriend maybe, not necessarily girlfriendS? Marriage and having children are mutually exclusive, It's very possible to raise children with one person without getting married to the perosn. And being unmarried doesn't automatically mean he's having relations with a multitude of women.
@@user-kpkxgtj marriage and having children are mutually exclusive?
So you think singe parenthood is not an anomaly
and is something that should be accepted?
@@herweirdoo0904 flip that situation though my friend, when they grow up and realise, wow, Dad took his mental health into account and decided to do what’s best for himself and us.
In your specific scenario, that’s just a basic marriage with no story behind why someone or what I think you’re insinuating “me”, is a commitment issue without knowing any backstory.
Being single for decades. I did want to be married and propose to all my ex bfs but they all turned me down, fortunately. Looking back I was not a good marriage partner because my interest and activities were my priority. I am retired now and take care of my mother. Marriage is off my plate for good. I don’t have much time to do what I want therefore I am going to devote my physically and cognitively able years to fulfill my goals.
You have a healthy perspective
Hobbies should always be your first priority because they reflect who u are
Oh wow, exactly in the same position here 😮
Good to see someone else too ❤❤❤ (except that I am not yet retired)
I believe marriage is becoming a thing of the past. None of my friends in their 30s are married or seriosly planning to have a wedding at all. People are buying homes, having children, stay in longterm commited relationships - just without being married. My partner and I have been together for 10+ years and we don't see what getting married would add to our lives. It has no religious or traditional meaning for us and we are not interested in planning or celebrating a wedding (let alone paying for it). So there's no reason why we would pursue it at this point. (for context: We are millenials living in Germany)
Exactly my thought. If you love and are committed to your partner, you should be like this either married or not. It’s the same relationship, same person, nothing really added to the partnership. Marriage for me is just a contract made based on societal norms that can just possibly benefit the children or the relationship a bit more than outside marriage (e.g. covid situation - when if you were in an international relationship, only spouse or family was allowed to travel to see you).
Two people do not need a piece of paper from the state to have a long lasting and loving relationship, or to have kids. The state should not be involved in people's romantic lives.
Europe is a lot more progressive than the states.
Do you get any tax benefits for marriage?
@@afreen5058 only if we would earn very differently. Since we make about the same and don't plan for one of us to go part time, it's no benefit.
The real reason why marriage is dying is money, for the upper class nothing really changes.
Couldn’t agree more
Yep
For richer or poorer....
I think it's mostly people not wanting to commit, then money, etc. Also people paring with people who have conflicting personalities.
@@catharsismemoryit’s because of money that people don’t want to commit
Married for 34 years. It's been a ride, up and down, but we still hang out and do things together, so we'll keep going I guess.
well done bro
Im guessing you’re the one that got cheated on😂🤣🤣
@@elotro-qx4sw the other, you can guess what you want to. Go for it 🤣🤣🤣
@@rjung_ch yet here you are right?🤡
@@elotro-qx4sw you are here too, or is that the other troll using the same account?
I’m of the millennial generation. A lot of us millennials saw our parents either divorce or in very unhappy or difficult marriages. We saw our parents struggle a lot. My parents are still married but have had a lot of very hard times, poor communication, a mismatch of values, lack of respect for eachother, ect. It hasn’t always been the easiest thing to witness. But they will never divorce. But my siblings and I have all chosen marriage or want to be married one day. There were a lot of happy times too growing up. We were all born in wedlock and we all want kids so marriage is the way to do that (or so we have all decided to believe). There is not a whole lot of divorce in my family. Some, but it is not the norm. I have noticed that the children of divorcees tend to divorce at higher rates than children of those who stayed married. I understand why many people choose not to marry though. Being married is a full-time job just in and of itself.
That is not really a real issue before having children see if both of you are mentally and emotionally ready Marriage can still be a very beautiful thing don't judge it by what your parents did make better decision with a partner people are so negative today and i was raised by a single mother many young couples still get married just make smart choices along that path if it is a path you want.
Marital Longevity at the cost of quality of life. Humanity is insane.
Marriage is basically an expensive luxury for most people now, wages are insanely low, working hours are insanely long. Yet people are expected to have time, energy and money to cope with marriage ontop of all the work place exploitation... things are only going to get worse for the average person
Wait until you hear about what life was like before the New Deal, when there wasn't even a minimum wage and most families had to bring their children to work in factories to make ends meet. People now have more privilege and prosperity than they did through most of human history.
Pass. I knew I didn't want to be married after hearing my mom and aunt discuss it. That was 21 years ago. i'm 31 now.
Heading for the wall.
What were your female relatives saying about marriage?
@@markaurelius61 They probably belittled their husbands a lot or something
If you think marriage is about love, then don’t get married. People fall in and out of love very easily. However, if you’re looking for a strong partnership and family is important, then marriage should be considered an option because society still favors families economically vs being single. Hopefully the pressure of being single in modern society starts to change because it’s unfair for people who choose not to be married. It’s just another example of how religious traditions still control us even today
I agree with this. Thankfully I still love my spouse but both of us entered this marriage talking about goals in life as oppose to love in the long term.
@joe seabreeze Lamo religious traditions won't die out with that goal in mind of being single; all ideas die if there is no inheritance.
Protestant Work Ethic----One reason this is about the only civilized country without mandatory paid sick leave, paid vacation, and government-paid medical.
@@Jedimack7 Did you miss my statement: "society still favors families economically vs being single"? The incentive for getting married shouldn't be for financial relief, but that's how society in the US is still structured even though it also puts financial pressure on us to bring in a dual income (i.e. it's messed up). So the person who chooses to be single and live alone has the most financial pressure. It makes absolutely no sense for marriage to offset the financial pressure of a single person. For example, a person who chooses to be single and live alone should be the one who's eligible for tax breaks. Instead, they give the tax breaks to the dual income couple. So now imagine being single, buying a house, paying the mortgage yourself (and everything else in the household), and being in a higher tax bracket than a married couple with dual incomes who share the bills. You really think that's fair? LOL It's even more backwards now that feminism is finally making progress.
@@joeseabreeze it's like when the communists in Eastern Europe paid families to have more children
Marriage is mostly an economic arrangement, and always has been. Love etc. may be a significant motivating factor for entering the arrangement (particularly in modern times), but that doesn't change the nature of the arrangement itself.
So, very understandably, mostly economic factors affect the institution of marriage and individual marriage choices and outcomes. Hence the strong correlation of marriage rates with social class, education and income levels in (post)modern society.
Stop being a wage slave for a woman. Never marry.
❤❤❤❤
No cohabitation
No marriage
No divorce
No Alimony
No child support
Result happy life...😁😎
Lonely old age
Lonely and miserable death
@@Dhruv_Dogra it's better to die lonely than being with a women...i will live as free man whereas you will be slave to your wife....and also men can handle loneliness better than women...
@@shubhamsingh-gl1fh who told you I have a wife, you fool? Aise hi Hawa mey??
@@Dhruv_Dogra haa to acha hai ki wife nhi hai....
That’s a miserable life and one full of cope.
The fact that we get free videos on UA-cam by Richard is truly a gift. 👍👍👍
By the way, may I also remind you the fact that our Native American population in our motherland, the Continent of America before the European Colonizers arrived, was around 15 millions, while the European population in their motherland, the Continent of Europe was around 25 millions.
- Today, Native American population is 15 million, while the European population, in the Continents of America + Europe, is a staggering TWO BILLION! A shockingly sad truth. 😔
- In my humble opinion, it's about time to decolonize the Colonized lands, and return it to rightful owners Native American people.
Notorious global cardinal crimes the Christian West has committed, and benefited a great deals, such as Slavery & Colonialism had long been over, why on earth is notorious Colonization still lingering on, may I ask? 😔
Stop Sucking Dick
Not really, we pay by watching the advertisement... unless you have UA-cam premium then is not free because you pay for ad free service.
@@OP941nine adblock lol
Truly he's gonna be at the forefront when talking about issues related to men's health and discrimination.
You're paying him with your time and validation so he can increase his own personal reach. He needs your validation for his personal opinions so he can feel he is working just as the rest of us would like to feel. He doesn't need your money. His basic needs have probably already been met. 🙏🏻
Marry when you feel ready. Not when you feel pressured. I am 28. Some of my friends and married and some are not. It doesn’t matter if they are a man or woman. We shouldn’t feel down because of what people are doing or not doing. You don’t need to impress anyone with your life choices.
If you want kids, surely there will be pressure on most older women. Given that by the age of 30, 90% of a woman's eggs are gone... It gets harder to have kids and carry babies to term as you age past 30.
Women don't "lose" eggs as they age. Very many women conceive naturally & have healthy children after age 30. I had 2, the 2nd at 37.
@@acustomer7216 Ma'am good for you. By 30, women have lost 90% of their eggs, by 35, it's a high risk pregnancy... Just because you had a kid at 37, that doesn't mean every woman can. Your personal experience does not reflect the realities of everyone. From 30, a woman's fertility decreases exponentially.
@@philipehusani almost every friend i have had at least one kid after marriage. women still have many eggs in their thirties. we start with 2 million...
Then youll probably be one of the unmarried childless women jp Morgan forecasted. Good luck.
(if only women realised that their mate preferences were different to men's, the world would be a better place.)
I am a 34 year old woman who is unmarried, has never wanted it, and do not understand what the big deal about is. A person’s relationship status is the most trivial thing about them in my opinion. And why is it considered a “life goal” to incorporate a legally binding contract into a private relationship where half of your earnings are subject to distribution in the event of dissolution anyway? The way I see it, everyone has the opportunity to establish themselves financially. Therefore, we all need to work to have our own. Then, if you find someone that you like well enough to do life with, just stick together until the relationship tuns its course (that is - IF it runs its course). But why do you need a contract to do that?
You would think this would be so natural and self-explanatory but the marital institution brainwashing is the most powerful dogma that has ever been invented in human history. It;s surreal how people parrot self-oppressive insanities that make no sense in realty.
Depends on your interpretation of love, for some a union with another is all that they desire but they need legal protection in case things go awry, hence a contract. Yes we all the opportunity to establish ourselves financially but in a relationship there will be times where one will have to rely on the other and in those cases certain policies must be imposed to keep the more vulnerable party protected (alimony, martial assets, property division, child care etc). Of course marriage in a religious (and by religious I mean Christian) sense means something entirely different - it's a covenant which means that it's a binding agreement broken only when either one of the spouse passes on. This advances an entirely different notion of what it means to be joined together because now you've voluntarily surrendered your own person to another WITH the intention of forming a permanent and intimate union.
I think marriage licenses should have expiration dates to be renewed at little to no fee by people that value it and want to stay together.
But what about Rick Astley's credo?
What about the children? Witnessing his/her parent splitting apart because of being "lazy" to renew the license will break his/her trust for relationship.
@@arifbagusprakoso2308 If the parents value it and everything that can be affected by not renewing, then they won't be lazy about it.
Much better than children witnessing a loveless and bitter marriage.
@@kfk256 Lol, the vows would have to be changed, not "till death do us part" anymore haha but "till this license expires, I guess". The idea is not gonna fly, anyway. The older one gets, the more one's life is ran by inertia. I'm probably low-key depressed, but I don't want to go through a change if I can help it. There are things I don't like about my current job and/or my current home, but if net gain is still +ve, I'm not compelled to chase a bigger net +ve. Most adults are like that. My passport expired last year and I'm still not that bothered to renew it coz I don't need to travel yet. I imagine making a marriage license renewable would cause so many marriages to expire because people simply forget to renew the license. My own parent's marriage has no romance anymore, but they're fine. They're just an old man and old woman being somewhat friends. No reason to make them "divorced through inaction". I'm sure a lot of old couples are in similar situations.
@@nastyayoyo4963 I guess over 65 can qualify for homestead 🤣🤣🤣
We were teenage sweethearts, who married in our 20’s, and now have three beautiful intelligent children. I thank God everyday for my wonderful wife and life!
do you think the guys saw the divorce coming ?
would she say the same?........or just say "meh" in regards to being married?
Don't listen to negative comments, Someone people just can't handle seeing other people happy. I hope you and your family will have a wonderful life.
Why don't you thank yourself and your wife instead?
OK boomer
I can't get where I want to go without the support, love and encouragement of my husband.
Don't care if it's "on trend". My marriage is my biggest asset.
If you don't have a vision for your union and relationship skills, it will fall apart.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
The problem is many people think marriage is like a belt you can take off if it's uncomfortable. In reality, marriage is like a hand-cuff with no key that you have to keep on no matter how uncomfortable it is. When a couple divorce the chain may be broken, but the cuff is still on the wrist forever.
If the chain is broken, the cuff is fine. After all, kids are probably involved, so it's not like you can erase the past. As long as people can re-build their lives.
Divorce is necessary as an accountability mechanism at the societal level.
The fall of marriage is because it is doomed to fail, and people start to realize that. Divorce rate is like 50% and even if you stay in the marriage that does not necessarily mean you are happy. People stay in unhappy marriage because of kids, money, social expectations, don't want to be alone... The percentage of people who are in a happy marriage is a lot smaller than we would think. On top of that, divorce is a stressful and catastrophic event especially when there are kids involved. Given all that, why would anyone want to be married?
I personally don't think they're doomed to fail. I think of marriages as friendships only with marriages you are basically locked in and not allowed to switch "friends" if you don't see a fit as easily. And extremes within a marriage cause strains. Like in heterosexual marriages, either the husband or wife not being fair with one another. Someone earlier commented "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages". If two people romantically love each other and/or think of each other as friends, I don't think there's any doom. That's a great foundation.
@@lalawala9929 I said it is doomed to fail because statistically speaking, there is a small chance you get a happy marriage. If you are a strong foundation then go for it. I am not against marriage but I do think we need to have a modern definition/expectation of/from marriage. If you look at the top reasons why people get divorce, one of them would be married too young which can be fixed if we educate ourselves and our kids to avoid that. Also we can study more into why marriage fail a lot more in some occupation to better the odd. I also wonder if we have a less stressful work life, would it increase or decrease the chance of divorce/bad marriage.
Marriage has largely run into trouble these days because society has rendered people more neurotic than in the past. The failure of modern feminism, the broad decline in traditional communities, and the isolation of the digital world have confused humanity and rendered many people unable to understand or compromise with others. That means less success in relationships.
@@zibbitybibbitybop you hit the nail on its head. The decline of traditional meeting places and tech-induced isolation are partly to blame why the divorce rate is high and marriage is failing. I go to church every Sunday where I, in my mid-twenties, is the youngest/second-youngest parishioner. The next youngest person after me is in his late 40/early fifties. 7 years ago, the demographic spread was much more even. The situation is only marginally better in churches around me.
And I don't know what moron decided that "gEN-z lIkE sOCiAl mEdIA" but neither i, nor most of my friends do. It was not made by us, not introduced by us, and not marketed by us. Gen-X and older millennials came up with Facebook, Instagram and other apps. It was a great folly by my generation to fall for it. At least Zuck's Metaverse is failing, I was worried when it was announced in 2020 that it would eat up the last ebbing remnants of human, intra-personal contact still around.
Thats applying statistics wrong, just because 50% of marriages fail doesn't mean your marriage has a 50% chance of failing, first of all that 50% statistic doesn't represent the average population, i think its was meant for people who got married in the 80s or something like that, the real number of divorces would be around 30-40% tho to tbf some marriages who never divorce have to be taken into consideration so sure, you can say 50% fail. But another problem with the assumption that any given marriage has a 50% chance of failure is that it doesn't take into account that there are simply certain types of people that are simply a lot more likely to get divorced, like those who marry to early without knowing themselves well and they drive up the averages significantly. If you consider the factors involved into making a marriage good enough, we can safely say they are not doomed to fail at all. Prove of this is how the average marriage rn are lasting a lot longer than in previous generations
Never thought of marriage, not once in my life, now in my 60s.
Fibber
Good for you. But most people are gonna want some sort of intimacy and connection in their life. Since the majority of us don't actually have a greater purpose to distract ourselves like Swami Vivekananda or APJ Abdul Kalam.
@@SmugCat85 I'm just like you but I'm a 20 year old woman. I love that.
W
Me neither, and I'm 51.
Its a beautiful thing to feel with all your heart, that you have a partner along the road until the end.Being one for eachother,just for eachothers,in good and bad,doesn't matter what will happen.Marriage should be both of the partners agreeing on that, officially and publicly.
I wouldn't know. I've never met anyone who wasn't ultimately there only for themselves.
With a pre nup or blind trust.
I did not marry until 38. It was a long journey to reach that level where I was mature and responsible enough to take on a lifetime commitment. For the most part it was really good and a big life lesson, if you're willing to learn and have the humility to admit you're not always in the right. It ended 13 years later. Lesson learned there, don't take anything for granted no matter how content and secure it seems, and nothing lasts forever.
Why did it end?
Don't make this same mistake again. Marriage to a woman is the most foolish thing a man can do.
How much did you lose in alimony?
The role of marriage is to bind two people who are willing to make an absolute commitment to each other. But that means those who are married must ignore politics and reinforce that commitment every day.
Yes. And must avoid selfishness that leads to spouses leading separate lives. Which can happen gradually and by imperceptible degrees.
Yes, they must ignore a lot of things.Not influenced by the outside but open enough to interact..
Politics are an extension of your morality and values. There's no ignoring it.
My girlfriend and I have talked about marriage a few times and we don’t really see any benefit. We are raising our 5 year old son and have been living together for about 7 years. Most days are great! Sometimes we argue but that’s normal in any relationship/family. We do not have a joint bank account. We are not religious and both come from broken homes. I believe that plays a major part in our subconscious not to get married as well.
Mmm interesting. Women always want to marry a man that they love and respect. Does she earn more than you or something? I’ve noticed it’s women who earn more than the guy that do not care if he marries her or not. It’s like They almost have one foot out of the door or something.
You 2 seem married in all but name! I'm happy for u 2. Consider going to therapy to work through these traumas, and see if your mind changes afterwards!
@@hybras Thank you! Sometimes people will ask how "My wife" is doing lol I just let it slide most of the time.
Even if you're not married, having a stable union for that long means she has all the rights she would have in a normal marriage.
Common law?
Ever since I was 18 (back in the mid 90s), married men have been telling me not to get married. I listened, and 29 years later, couldn't be happier.
That option was right for you. For others, it would lead to loneliness and being unfulfilled. Everyone is entitled to a choice
The odds are pretty bad, so that's probably why you heard that a lot. For a lifelong happy marriage its somewhere between a 13% and 36% success rate.
Based
@@DefenestrateYourself There is no fulfillment in being married to a cheating slut... and then she gets money and prizes when she leaves.
Same for us girls. We were told, "all men want is a nurse or a purse." LOL!! And I don't like weddings. Seriously boring. Or pervy if they say both are virgins and all know what they'll be doing that night, talk about creepy pressure in the most gross of ways. Weird. Many of us are forced to at least be in or attend a wedding. You know, your sister gets married so you HAVE to be in it, and then other relatives and it's like, why are bridesmaids dresses so ugly??? And the hair and make up, you're like does he know what you look like naturally??? Women completely look different with make up on and how many have fake boobs? So, it's really the idealized version of herself he's marrying. And then what kind of man marries a woman with fake boobs, like that's gross too. Weird. He already doesn't like you for you. Clue number one. It's just creepy being behind the scenes. Never mind the bachelor and bachelorette parties - cheating the day before you're married....um...what??? Bartenders and make up artists, we see behind the glossy photos....lol!!!! One day people will get married with face apps on their actual faces, called, "the ideal me..." or some such nonsense. LOL!! Gen X best generation Evah!! :)
I am a man in a long term relationship and my girlfriend keeps asking where her ring is. We’ve been together for 6 years. What frustrates me is women these days like to pick and choose the traditions they want to follow. They want to be strong independent women but want to be taken care of 😑so many contradictions.
I am married, been together for 26 years and don't regret it. But marriage isn't something I would recommend. That may sound strange.
Ik exactly what ur talking about. Every family I've met there parents r divorced. Marriage has no benefits and it can change ur relationship and even ruin it. I do believe marriage is pointless but if someone wants it they can have it. Me and my girl we've been together for a long time and we see each other as husband and wife already and we want kids. We got each other rings!
@solorsix, why wouldn't you recommend it?
@@bigthink it can ruin the relationship
@@bigthink Many people don't understand going in that marriage is a lot of work. Give a couple decades people can change drastically. You can wake up one day and find that you are stuck. Stuck with a binding contract that could be very painful to escape. Like the cure is worse than disease type of painful in some cases.
@@solorsixi get what you are trying to say. Like the responsibilities it comes with, hinders the freedom or individuality. But i think it all boils down to how good of a significant other you have. Its a HIGHLY important decision of your life afterall and you have to be extremely wise in choosing your partner. A good partner can be a source of comfirt and ease in your life. They can promote the individuality in you. They can grow you.
Marriage is essentially a life long promise. You promise to your partner that you will never leave himher. However, in a world where promises are seen as holding someone hostage, the meaning of marriage goes out the window.
Some people believe in a life without promises, without commitments. But if I can switch partner at any moment, that also mean another man can replace me at anytime, without reason. Imagine being scared everyday that your partner is going to leave you. That amount of attention taken away fron you could have been way better spent on yourself, making yourself grow, and making your partner grow.
Thats why i think marriage is so important. Unfortunately divorce has been made easy to the point to defeat the purpose of marriage. Still, if two people can sign a contract where they promise their commitment to eachother, they set eachother up for unconditional love
Yes, but that is naive. It leaves neither person room to grow into full adults. If it's not cheating etc., most marriages dissolve due to one person growing, gaining knowledge, while the other is still the same old same old. I knew of one couple back in the day. T.V. had just gotten into middle class working man's homes and this dude, who's the master of the house, simply because God and Country say so, thought Archie Bunker and Edith were really married. He didn't understand the light box was just actors. He thought it was real life. No one could tell him otherwise because "I'm the gaza!!" He would boom. Or what about men who watch football every damn year, so boring for the wife to know the fall means Thursday - Sunday, blah, blah, blah. I know so many women, that the moment the last child moved out of the house she filed for divorce. She was bored to tears daily. And I'm sure there are men that feel the same way about their wives doing the same old same old. Our brains are like trees, they need to grow. :)
@@juliebella1221 This is why most women do not deserve to be married and the stats are showing that. Eventually marriage disappear from society.
Weird given how so many men especially in the older generations describe marriage to be shackles that limits their freedom.
If marriage is important, then its all the more reason people should think carefully who to marry rather than doing it willy nilly and then divorce later. The decline a healthy sign of this.
Marriage takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical energy. For some it’s not worth it.
With divorce laws as written, the risks are too great for any man. It's not worth it anymore.
Friendship is not a consolation prize, it's a prerequisite. My late wife of 22 years was my best friend, and that's why our marriage was good.
Having left a bad marriage a decade ago, I have mixed feelings on this topic. My own experience with marriage leads me to say good riddance to what amounts to slavery with a slightly hipper wrap but the hopeless romantic in me still clings to the idea that marriage could be a force for good in the world.
Never ending dilemma! Marriage has both benefits and disadvantages
It depends on who you are married to
@@jessicayoung3656 Not really. Legally speaking marriage has been reduced to a wealth redistribution device and divorce is the new normal. Being over 40yo myself all the loyal women in my age group are taken and will stay that way until widowed in the coming decades.
@@jessicayoung3656 nope that's why MGTOW is getting extremely popular in USA
@@FamilyIsGone And those men are losers but carry on with your hate. You hurt no one but yourself
Most people I know are marrying later in life. I am also in this category as I am 39 years old. I did not think I was financially nor emotionally ready to marry when I was first asked 10 years ago by the person I am still with today. Hell, I did not even think we would have lasted this long when taking a look back. However, we have now grown together and know more about our own likes, dislikes, needs and wants and have the ability to exercise patience with each other as well as the ability to compromise before being asked to do so because we know each other so well. I feel that when we do wed, we will not be going into it with unrealistic expectations of the other person because we already know each other; not getting to know each other, then figuring out this is not going to work!
I think the class divide with marriage should be examined in order to determine whether it is the cost of doing so (e.g. the "wedding industry," licenses) that is the barrier, or whether other factors are playing a bigger role (such as lack of education or job prospects making someone less "marriageable").
Men who spend 60 hours a week playing video games have made them less mariageable.
@@7of9 But is not the only reason. Some of those men use escapism, they don't feel motivated to work or study.
But those are a part of it, then you have another part of society that sees marriage as a tool to then divorce and take a % of your income and even house, etc. That is not needed anymore, hell, women are doing better than man: men suicide more often than women, men are leaving education (specially college), men are more likely to die a non natural death than woman (i.e. a war for example), etc., so without strong men (i.e. without someone motivating them) the lack of marriage is going to be the same.
Maybe for the men that wants to marry they don't want to in the circumstances we are living right now, if we have equality of outcome (which is desired) then the law in regards of marriage needs to change, for the men that cant, we need to help them (we need to study the tools to help them), and those that don't want to marry, you can't do anything about it, and that is fine.
@@7of9 Why are you like this?
In the US it’s mostly the cost of the consequences of a failed marriage that turns people away from marrying …a lot of women today are career child support and alimony collectors and do it based on an ulterior motive
@@7of9 boop!
Yes marriage is dying as well as dating. Several reasons: 1. Swipe next mentality due to online dating and social media platforms. It makes it harder to meet and connect with people 2. increased divorce rates among boomers and older gen x'ers, resulting in younger gen x'ers and millennials having a less than idealistic view of marriage 3. the phasing out of the antiquated view that a woman's self worth is tied to her marital status. 4. Unrealistic expectations and self centered love - imperfect people desiring the perfect mate and wanting to be the taker in the relationship, but give very little to make it work. 5. HOOKUP CULTURE - this is the death of any chance of having a lasting and meaningful relationship. Hookup Culture rewires the brain to view people as objects of pleasure, rather than human beings to be loved and cared for. It destroys a persons ability to create connect and create bonds that will effectuate a healthy life long relationship with a partner/spouse. The brain rewires itself to solely equate intimacy with sex and pursue the same. This is counter-intuitive to the pursuit of marriage.
Dating and marriage is not dying did you not hear what he said it is only because of money if anything dating websites are actually losing lots of money and is losing popularity with us Gen Z all that is happening is that dating and marriage is just happening later however i have seen tons of Gen Z and Gen mil getting married were I am so no what you said seems very extreme and wrong. PS Hook Up culture is actually kind of dying.
When you do not consider your spouse as a friend and a lover you will not have a happy partnership. Marriage is a label we put on the pledge to spend a lot of time together.. perhaps our whole life.( We are not very religious in my country so the church marriage is for the majority % just a tradition).
If you consider it like this and partake in your duties child care, building the garage, move the sofa,cooking dinnertogether it will be fun .. if you allow each of you to also be different and have separate and common friends it will be interesting.
Don’t look at it as an obligation and as a failure when times get tough.. it might last or it may not.. time and effort will show.
exactly! in more traditional countries, it is very unlikely to find such a male partner who has this kind of mentality, and who is also into marrying.
Well said. Marriage should be the trophy of a healthy relationship.
@@EmberC yes and it’s a problem
As a guy who doesn't plan on never marrying, it's all because there's zero benefits of Marriage that I wouldn't get if I didn't.
There's more negative possibilities of marrying than not. So I'm out.
Luckily I didn't want to have kids and I will never have kids. I chose to dodge both bullets; marriage and having kids
I realize it's politically incorrect, but I believe in eugenics. While I almost have a Mensa IQ, I'm a physical SUBFIVE---Short, fat, bad eyes, and a head full of dying hair. (Think Geo. Costanza). Not the best breeding stock to populate a colony on Mars. Thus, I chose not to perpetuate the problem.
@@elultimo102 Same, guys hate to go out with me with other women present as they're all start talking to me non-stop and ignore other guys lol. It's not because I look good. I'm pretty short, bald, crooked teeth, chubby and so on. My genes are all screwed up as I was born with six fingers, suffer from high blood pressure, liver and heart problems, cholesterol, allergies. I would hate to pass it along to my child, so I chose not to have any. Shitty genes should die out, I wish more people would look at themselves realistically and realize that fact.
@@FirstHandLLC exactly. Why would you make your children suffer when you can stop it?
I've recently come to the conclusion that marriage is exclusive for rich people.
That's increasingly becoming the case. Rich people are still marrying, staying together longer and living the nuclear family lifestyle model.
The continuing economic and societal collapse leading to more people to fall into poverty has lead to a severe drop in marriage and marriage resilience in lower socioeconomic levels.
It’s wonderful that women now have the option to provide for themselves, so marriage is not an economic necessity. However as this has shifted, men and boys have not been given the tools to become desirable partners as women’s expectations have risen. Ironically, one of the most common challenges women face today is dealing with dysfunctional men, including husbands, fathers, and sons. For humanity to thrive, we need to treat men and women as equals.
I hope we can see a future where people are free to marry based on a mutual desire to love each other and live as a team. It’s a beautiful thing when a husband and wife care for each other and their children, having made and kept that commitment of their own free will.
Men see modern women as quite dysfunctional as well. Women are not working to become desirable partners for men. A woman today brings less (that man cares about) to the marriage than ever before , and expects more from the men. This is why women initiate 80% of divorces . So what reason does a man have to "man up" for a woman?
Women working is the single worst thing that has ever happpened to western society. Declining birth rates because no women have time to raise children means we have to bring in foreigners from countries that do have traditional marriage and stable birth rates. The way humans have not went extinct is because in the past men do all the work outside and women do all the work of raising children.
Given how easy it is for people to cheat on each other marriage is becoming obsolete, & honestly I don't know why people who want to be unfaithful get married in the first place?
I grew up in the late 60's and early 70's with a mother who was socially and financially the head of the household. This brought us a bit of scorn from the neighborhood 'housewives' who believed my mother should just stay home and cook. But I found the egalitarian marriage of my parents to be refreshing and inspiring. One thing I would say is that the stricter definitions of marriage 50 years ago provided convenient cover for some of our human shortcomings. Men especially could leverage their self-appointed 'superiority' for all kinds of indiscretions. These days, neither partner has much wiggle room to get off the hook. I think the message here is that all of us, be it female, male, non-binary--even groups, governments and societies--must work hard to keep and foster relationships. For those that do, marriage and all kinds of other relationships offer more benefits than ever, not just to ourselves, but for the greater good.
"Self- appointed superiority "😅. This phrase alone is what is killing marriage.
Yet you boast about your mother's self-appointed superiority. That is not egalitarian.
That's nice hippie. Stfu now.
@@theloquaciouslady you don't even know what egalitarian means. it's equal opportunity, not outcome.
Forget the "self-appointed superiority" shtick. Rethink it when you're under a house laying in a mud hole to repair a furnace while your partner suffered terribly washing dishes.
Marriage should be two individuals who support each other and truly love each other (that includes loving the stuff you hate about your partner) instead of two people relying on each other.
I’m almost 43 and never had a relationship. My way of thinking is if she’s not my Wife, it’s just my turn.
Can you elaborate
Yes, elaborate ?@@yashsinghal1023
huh?
I've been married and I am currently divorced and single. Having experienced both, I can tell you that a married life with somebody thst is pursuing common goals, has shared experiences, and that common interests is a much richer and fulfilling experience than being single.
...FOR YOU.
@chrisdell5679 I guess my point is that if you haven't had the experience of both you can't be so sure of your opinions having only experience being single. You lack the experience and context and don't understand. I know that experiences and partners differ.
I’ve had both and I’m so happy to be single. It all depends on your individual experiences
@@CalicoCooperFan But one is only married to ONE person - it's all relative to an individual's needs.
@@joeseabreeze same case here. One's experience really does influence which they think is better between being married or single.
Don’t get married. You could love someone without it and no matter who you get married to they change. Just stay single find happiness on your own you’ll be better off.
Marriage as a capstone instead of the beginning of a relationship 😲 thats a HUGE mental shift
The guy didn't mention how divorce screws men over and leading cause of divorce is marriage.
How isn’t the leading cause of divorce marriage? You can’t divorce unless you are married.
I do agree this guy was definitely giving women more spotlight in the video.
Genius.
We got captain obvious over here
"leading cause of divorce is marriage"
This guy is literally Einstein, I never would have figured this out myself
For fucks sake
@sydenym9986 The MAJORITY of the time, men are screwed over.
It's like you say the reason someone dies is because they stop being alive ...
I think marriage can be a really beautiful thing! I’ve been married for eight years to my soulmate, and our life is amazing and full of freedom and love and growth! 😍
But unfortunately, the way our society approaches marriage is very toxic. Even for myself, I grew up hearing people make jokes about being “tied down” or having no freedom, etc.
I know many people also feel pressured to get married and end up marrying people they shouldn’t have.
And especially in some of the older generations, they were forced into marriages they did not want. My grandmother was one of those people. She was in love with one man, but her father forced her to marry my grandfather. They were together for 60 years and it was a relationship, full of abuse and regret.
This is largely how our culture views marriage, and I think that is why the concept of marriage is starting to die because people want happiness and freedom. Love isn’t dying, relationships aren’t dying, but our idea of marriage certainly is and I actually think it’s a good thing!
That's real nice, Danielle. How old were you when you got married? How many kids do you have?
Hope your "soulmate" feels the same about you, and that you both still feel that way 20 or 30 years out.
No, all three are actually dying.
We want to hear your soulmate's side too !😄
@13. Ghani Ziyad Sagiansyah It's not snark. It's reality.
Cheers, ms Liechty! I totally get you: my partner has been (and still is) doing wonders for my personal growth, and never in my life before I felt as stable and as free as I am with him. It's been ages, and I only keep finding him and our relationship progressively more interesting and stimulating. I wish I saw more examples of how joyous and fun marriage could be when I was a teen - I feel like society is practically grooming us for some pre-determined failure when we're raised on this cynical diet of pessimistic statements like "it's nothing but platonic mutual respect after the first stage of infatuation ends" or "you'll never feel free again and will forever regret it" etc. My "top favourite" (/s) is couples telling everyone how they can't stand each other or how they hate their status and yet keep sticking together. No wonder I used to fear marriage on some conceptual level.
However, our grandparents were instead raised on empty promises of some utter bliss that should just magically pop up and last with any random partner simply because you signed the lines. Both approaches are harmful, imo. And tbh, though I'm married, the magic is not about the legal status, but about the bond itself. I hope more and more people will be able to discover true happiness and growth in their relationships, whatever form they take - legal or not, opposite or same sex, mono or poly, romantic or platonic.
Marriage is dying , but divorce is flourishing.
Listening to women, especially older women talk about their marriage made me absolutely hate the idea. I decided from a young age to fullfil my life first and if I meet the right person along the way then I'll think about marriage. Other than that it's a NOPE for me....too stressful. I would rather work in the hospital instead.
People are too much trouble now a days. I've learned to enjoy my own company and avoid others as much as possible.
A nice, safe, unimaginative video explaining nothing not already known.
Couldn’t agree more, 0 lack of critical thinking or trying to think deeper just to appease to the masses
was thinking the same thing and avoided the issue of gov weaponizing marriage against men. this is the #1 reason men dont want marriage. lose 1/2 minimum and make payments for your ex to F someone else. forget winning custody of your kids or even seeing them but a few days a month if lucky
Yep
@@bigang3248Not to mention inserting Meghan Markle's book as if it is some philosophical piece of literature to support his position! Really...of all the enlightened brilliant authors past and present you chose to insert her! 😂
College educated women are more likely to be married. However they also initiate 90% of divorces, so that is a red flag.
I think divorce and custody laws need to be updated to reflect that women and men are equal earners and equally financially responsible.
Common Laws need to be updated to not punish people who live together without getting married. Having a situation where one partner can divorce another, without them ever agreeing to be married in the first place, is a trap.
It is because want it all don’t have consequences. Hygpamy.
I think college educated women have much lower divorce rates than those without.
Women who make more than their husbands still end up paying alimony. I know many women who have did so. I make high 6 figures, am a woman, and would have to pay alimony if I got married to an average American man.
@@MsFlamingFlamer Alimony should not exist. That average american man can get a job.
The concept of "Keeping them in the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed" is a mistake. There should be no such thing.
Split assets 50/50 (or as stipulated in prenup), 50/50 child custody, and that is it, that should be the end of a divorce. No child support in a 50/50 arrangement, and no alimony.
@@MsFlamingFlamer that is a consequence of a law that wanted to give men's money to women. I don't think the higher earner pays alimony law makes sense.
Maybe a topic for a future video could be why so many married couples are getting a divorce when their children are still very young. I'd like to understand the reasons behind that.
Ur in the me era…this is generation “me” and most young parents don’t see their kids as anything more then an accessory ….it’s all about what the parent wants at the moment…not many actually think about the well being and long term affects of it all on their kids…my daughter in law is like this…she is spoiled rotten by both sets of parents who rake in the $ compared to my son who has just me. I’ve raised both my sons on my own since they were 1 & 7…now 22 & 16….I see a huge difference in how my son is with his son compared to other kids his age who have kids…he’s always with his wife and son when he’s not working …his friends…I’ve never seen them with their wives and kids ever lol…
Women.
I'm interested in this, too. Since women are SO much more likely to initiate a divorce, I think we need to start at understanding why. I think people jump to the conclusion that they need a divorce far too easily without thinking what's best for the kids and without putting effort into trying to improve their marriages first.
@AtheismF7W Men
Honestly, if there is open conflict or simmering hatred between the parents, it is quite traumatic for young children & can cause lasting damage. Amicable parenting by a separated couple is far healthier.
This is a great example of how media can influence our view of the world. We are in our late 60’s and travel a lot. My 40 year old son travels far more than we do. He taught me to completely ignore the medias view of the world. Look around through a different lens. This is a great world we live in. People are as loving today as they were yesterday. Couples are still falling in love, getting married and having a family. The problem with social media is we are having difficulty separating what’s real reality from social media reality.
I am that rare man who has wanted to get married and have a family since I started liking the opposite sex. Life just never worked out for me that way though.
Still single at 42 and not unhappy.
Keep your head up. You can still get married
maybe cuz you have an anime pfp 💀
@@krishp1104 damn
@@DigitalJuggernaut yes, he can. But will most likely only find old, used up women, with past, likely traumatic experiences and possibly with children. A person that is a virgin and has never been in a relationship deserves to find a partner just like them. But for a man in his 40 today, it is very unlikely that a 20 year old woman will want him. My granfather is 20 years older than my granmother and they have been married for more than 50 years. But those good old days are gone for men.
Found the redpiller ^
Where I live it's really common to never get married. Many people live together and have kids together and don't marry. Or they marry after being together for at least 10+ years. My own parents got married after being together for 25 years and only because of legal reasons. I personally wouldn't choose to get legally married. I don't mind at all having children being unmarried and my boyfriend feels the same. We would skip having a wedding and go on a honeymoon when we have money in the future. We simply don't want to spend money on hosting a wedding, rings etc.
Really and where do you live?
Couldn’t you accomplish the same thing by just going to the courthouse and getting married?
Why give up the celebration? There should be more happy days in life. It brings positive emotions and memories to last a lifetime. And the money will be earned
@@svetlanaflo4760 because its stupid and expensive. You could still celebrate your marriage and not spend thousands of dollars on a venue or a ring.
@@Bambam14361 You can define what is your wedding like. It can be as cheap as a friday party. Your choice
Living together has changed a lot also. Men don't have to marry anymore.
I'm not married and have zero regrets about it. I'm financially independent, strong, healthy, and free to make my own choices and am comfortable in my skin. When I was with my ex for 15 years, I desperately saw him as 'the one' but he would literally laugh in my face whenever I brought up the idea of marriage. Then he broke up with me because he said he 'wanted a partner to settle down and have kids'. I see things now very differently and I thank my lucky stars every day I didn't marry him, because love makes you ignore SO MANY red flags. I wake up everyday feeling great about myself and every night knowing I had a full productive day, just doing whatever makes ME feel good. I have no interest in dating. It's nice to be single.
I'm glad that you are living a happy life being single if that is your calling, that's totally fine. But I would caution that MANY women in similar situations as you (single, financially independent, etc) grow old and regretting not having a family. There have been countless testimonies about women who thought their successful career and independence would make them happy, coming to find out that a family was really what they wanted. And unfortunately, they come to that solution when its too late. This is a good question to consider, if you found a good man who loved you and he proposed, would you say yes? I think your ex, who acted like a jerk and terrible toward you BTW, scared you away from pursuing a relationship with a potentially amazing guy. Now again, if you truly have no desire to get married, that's okay. But marriage is such an amazing thing and starting a family is so accomplishing. Money and success can only fulfill you for so long, but a family and being with people who love you is much more worthwhile.
Yeah I'm in this same boat enjoying my single but if something comes along the way I'm opened to it. Yes deep down i want a relationship but I also made peace with being single for now and enjoying the moments I can alone should a partner come along the way
My wife came to America when she was 16...married her at 19 ...been together 13 years and still madly in love and obsessed with her and in awe of her personal growth and beauty and intelligence and how far she had pushed me to grow myself as a man ...A high value woman is not being like a Beyonce or Cardi B or having 1 million followers on IG and tons of blue check marks after getting a BBL and having a million in the bank... A high value Woman is a woman who any time, money or love and effort you invest into her she doubles it and returns it right back too you because she knows if I'm up win she's up...if she wins, I win as well Trust, teamwork and communication are the foundation...We are one flesh and one spirit for real.
Big win for you brother!
I will be entering the US soon, please pray for my prosperity!
This comment made me genuinely happy, I hope you two have a great life brother ❤.
Cardi b sounds more intelligent when she speaks Spanish. I do not speak Spanish.
Aren’t you a success story🙄
phrases like "high value woman" are always concerning. why does she need to double what you give?
I would only choose marriage if I met the right person.
You never know how somebody is deep down.
@@arminxvs3372 You can get to know the person better if you spend more time with them. One doesn't have to marry over night. But you are right, but it is not because you don't know the person deep down, but because they can change. Most people tend to change over time and it is not always for the better.
@@thenomadeducator Not always for the better... and you rarely know which direction it will be.
@@arminxvs3372 That's a bit of a fatalistic view point though, I think you have a higher chance of a successful marriage if the woman was a virgin when you met her. The stats also show that based on the fact women over a certain body count are more likely to get divorced.
@@blackngold007 Inevitably the mind compares the current man with the rest (exes and potential new lovers). The more you had, the less happier you will be with your current choice.
A high BC is fatal.
I feel like younger generations, were given the advice of not to marry and choose career over marriage by the older generation.
I feel that this has to do with the fact that marriage means settling and younger generations don’t like the word of settling,
We like freedom, and able to get up and go somewhere or do something different.
No, they told them not to marry and not to breed because they knew that Roe was still under the chopping block and the axe was coming down and they were right. So now many women are doubling down on no thank you. People forget, many abortions are done by married couples. There is too much outside control in the marriage bed and it's freaking people out, rightfully so.
The happiest people at a wedding: lawyers.
Marriage is a social contract with socio economic benefits .if you are lucky you have love + friendship in it and it's like having nice sugar icing on marriage . if you have same religious belief and life values probably it will last as longer as there is no interference from outside in the institution.
I've always found it so funny that you can get divorced. What's the point of marriage then? "I pledge to be with you forever, but I can still leave." Marriage doesn't make sense to me. True love is knowing that you can leave but still choosing to come home to your partner every day. Like a bird that comes back to the nest. It doesn't have to be caged
No fault divorce definitely destroyed the concept. "I'm not haaaaaappy"
If you live your woman, you can protect her by marriage, there are many legal reasons to protect her with marriage.
Just have a wedding, wear rings, dont sign the govt contract and make the bride’s family pay for the wedding. No one needs to know you arent married
I was 35 and Jen was 31. She had already divorced and I had never married before. No kids, still married after almost 8 years of marriage and 10 years of living together. Everyone said everything is going to change after you guys get married but it didn't. I can't imagine life without Jen. I don't think marriage is for everyone. Some of us are better off single. I am glad culture has shifted from "you have to gert married and have kids" to "do what is best for you". There was a lot of societal pressure when we were younger to get married and have kids. It REALLY sucked. It made it hard to keep going on with life. Other people cave to that pressure and aren't sure it was the right thing to do so if they can you to do it, then it will somehow validate their own shaky choices. I am glad I met Jen but was in no hurry to marry because in effect we already were. I trusted her with everyrthing already and she never pressured me into marriage. Interesting topic. I think most of our institutions are changing hopefully for the better. I think the classic idea that you have to get married and have kids to "fit in" and "keep up " with the Jonses is dying thankfully. I know for a fact that I am treated differently at work because we do not have kids. People treated Jen and I differently because we were not married. I really do not like society in general.
I'm going to disagree to some degree here. You are an idealist; I am more a pragmatist being Gen. X. Yes, my parents got married to start life. Your generation (31). . .starts life and then gets married. The problem is women are living it up, riding a carosel of men in their 20's (confirmed by 60% of women will have genital herpes by 2026 thanks to Gloria Steinhem), and then suddenly hitting 30 and now I want kids and a husband who wants to settle down with a woman with a past. The human female body has NOT kept up with that from an evolutionary perspective let alone the social factors.. Mary and Joseph were married off at age 15 around 2000 years ago and had Jesus to think of the most famous example. I think an age for marriage, family and reproduction is 20-25 for a woman and you could add a few years for men. Women also have to stop expecting ALL men to make 6 figures when they are taking up half the jobs out there. The dating market is a complete mess thanks to social media and kids can now expect to NOT have a nuclear family vs. have one.
I disagree with the author's subliminal thesis that men and fathers are rather optional.
lol your going to disagree with a person that literally only talked about their experiences. LOL. no wonder he doesnt like society cuz folks like you.
@@bernsky that’s not my problem. You can make it yours tho.
I wish you the best and hope it works out, but you cant really say at 8 or 10 years its been a great success. If you are still happy at 20 years then you could start saying that. One of the biggest age groups for divorce right now are 50-65 year old's who have been married for 20 years or longer. That really tells you something. I've also seen (and experienced) things changing rather suddenly after many years of happiness. Again, I hope you make it, just saying don't count your chickens before they hatch.
@@cstuartdc
Social media is not to blame for female entitlement.
Chivalry is.
Also, ideal age for female to marry is 15-25, same age range for men.
Also, marriage shouldnt be promoted as a privilege/right like it is now.
Also, Gem X arent pragmatic, theyre nihilist.
Marriage was never "funadamentally based on female dependence". The fundamental basis of a true marriage is; exclusivity, mutual service, shared sacrifice. Marriage has never changed, only our expectations of it have.
Traditionally women married to search provider and yes for happiness. But men married to find purpose. Working 12 hrs a day and having no purpose was like living a life slave. With children men find purpose and happiness.
Something pique my interest. What purpose do not-plan-to-married people have in working 12 hrs/day?
you can be a slave to your wife and children
I don't full understand this stance. You can still be purposeful without marriage. You can donate to domestic violence centers (those that help men, women, and children), you can volunteer to help disadvataged groups, you can foster or adopt children or animals, you can donate in general, you can be part of a club/group (religious or recreational) or even organize one that you feel might help the community in a positive way, you can spend more time with your friends, you can help the elderly, you can devote yourself to worshipping God- there are so many ways to find happiness and feel purpose outside of marriage and having children. I understand that nothing is one size fits all but there are so many different ways to contribute to society and maybe, just maybe, along the way while doing so you might find a life partner and with the efforts you've already put in, start a family at marriage that exists in a better environment than when you first entered it. Even if that doesn't happen, you've helped to make it better for others. Marriage is not the only way to find purpose and I would hate for everyone to limit themself to just that because the reality is that not everyone marries or even feels purposeful within a marrriage so you shouldn't put all your eggs into one basket. Just take each day as it is but still be purposeful to the best of your ability that day.
@@arifbagusprakoso2308 sometimes it's helping to provide for the family they came from (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc)
@@lalawala9929 i get where you are getting at. You said you have to in your comment which i find kinda funny, likewise in general, men are selfish. They like to value which they have created on their own. I mean in general. Why men are pursuing high career jobs? Is not it cause they feel valued and in work they are creating something of their own like setting their life straight. Similarly, most men(in general) loves only the children that they have created with their so called wives(which holds to be true even for women as you can see they are freezing their eggs so that they could have of having babies when they are married late like crossing 40s and all). Why don't most barren couple and those who dont have the fertility power adopt babies from orphanage? Simply because it is not their creation and their blood and lineage won't be passed down; which traditionally speaking most of the people who are married in today's holds that value even now. So they damn care other babies and creating and growing (for most people) something which is of your own really gives much fulfillment than anything in this world. That's where the purpose fits in. Hope you get it. And i have to to say it is a traditonal and conservative concept but deep down within us(most men) it has been ingrained in us.
PS: Forgive my English
It should have no role. It means nothing. I got married, divorced, and will NEVER marry again. Getting married is one of my biggest regrets.
Men get treated like criminals going through divorce court, and the women are always the victim no matter what.
I'm 70 years old. My grandparents married young and stayed together until death. My parents generation and my generation married and divorced usually several times. My preference would be the old way, imperfect as it was. When you divorce, you not only lose your partner, but all the memories you shared and have to start over. It is like losing an arm or a leg.
100% agree he mentioned bad marriage and women exiting out but failed to say is very seldom do romantic relationship have bad spots in it. Thus easy exit means increase in divorce. Men resolved and don't be quitter or weak is driven in men culturally so even when we have had enough we keep fighting. Its certainly not that all of these women going for divorce are not flawed and the men are horrible human beings.
I'm the exact opposite. I believe people should absolutely leave marriage if they're getting abused by their partner. Abuse is not just minor "imperfection" or "bad spots". Abuse is abuse. Its better to lose an arm than to live with one that will spread cancer to your entire body.
@@dipanjanghosal1662 Well I actually agree and I did exactly that. My contention though is that a careful courting process could prevent most of that. Granted that many cannot do that, I still think the old fashioned method of marrying someone you have gotten to know pretty well and "vetted" carefully to be someone whose values match yours well enough to last a lifetime would be preferable to just hoping for the best.
As you said, we are now a society based on equality, and yet so many of our laws like marriage, divorce and even the military draft are still based on outdated male/female traditional roles.
Dating and marriage is not a priority for me in the slightest. Dating is a landmine, and marriage could be worse. Can't tell you how afraid I am by the possibility of winding up in divorce/family court as a poor man.
Married is a partnership that you need to continue to work on it to maintain love, friendship and shared commitments.
I don’t know about everyone else, but my wife and I married in our 40’s and our relationship is great. I love living with my best friend.
That's awesome!💜
Thank you. I'm reading all these comments, and I'm hearing both sides of the coin. But I'm 30 and do hope to be married one day soon, but to the right one