how to make new friends in your twenties: helping with your love & friendship dilemmas
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- University friendships dying? Don't like your friend's partner? Dating an older man? Today I'm helping you out with your love and friendship dilemmas 💌
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"honesty without kindness is cruelty" this!
This is such a small thing, but I so appreciate you including the five little words, "church, if that's your vibe." I just really like that you acknowledge that religion can be meaningful and positive. It seems like there are influencers/vloggers/creators who are decidedly religious and those who are decidedly not, but it's refreshing to see someone who isn't a "religious" vlogger still mentioning religion/spirituality as a very normal, often positive thing in so many people's lives. Your videos and advice are always so well thought out and considerate. :)
And I have to thank YOU for writing that comment, it made me feel so “seen” and welcomed into the community. You made a beautiful point ❤
In my country religious people are a bit of a red flag these days
Really interesting observation! Personally I always think even if I don't like something, as long as it doesn't hurt others it is fine for others to do. So yeah, it's great she includes it as a valid option for the people who want it :)
for the age gap person: the way you framed the question suggests you may have reasons to think you should not be with this person -- I think you need to examine whether those reasons are entirely external or if they are also internal -- do you think some things are off in the relationship? I think there's no blanket answer here, my parents have 20yr difference and happily married. It really depends on the particular situation and you're the only person here with the knowledge of a nuanced context. ❤
the best, most nuanced q&a I've ever seen!!
thank you! 💖
“It’s my job to like myself” needed this. Not for me but for people who make you feel like their unhappiness is your fault/ responsibility. Especially if you haven’t hurt them
I think you are the most articulate person I’ve met. The way you responded to these questions. I’m impressed
I find it difficult making friends in uni because I have started later (at 22 years old) and most people are around 18-19 and I sometimes feel like they are slightly more immature and it's hard to feel a true connection with them...
Unfortunately, I don't have any answers bc I'm still struggling to find friends now in my last year as an older student as well (23), however I just wanted you to know that there are other ppl in the exact same boat as you xx its totally okay not to find friends at uni, even though it can be hard seeing especially younger students form those bonds but just know if there is you and me theres sure to be others who are in our position who could become our friends :)
I’m a similar age and after uni, I moved to a new city with a couple uni friends and a year in they’re all obsessed with their bf’s (I’m in a relationship too) and so I’m giving Bumble bff a go. I’d recommend it, there are few girls I’ve chatted to and it’s so refreshing talking to new people. Maybe try looking for some fb groups of people in your city. It’s really shit in your 20s, but trust me you will make friends and find your people x
are there other adult students??
I don't know where you are at uni, but I really recommend clubs and societies for this. I was in a drama society and it was a great way to meet not only older-starting students, but just students in higher years. It might sound intimidating, but have a look at the clubs and societies around you, and go along to a social event for one that interests you. If you don't vibe with it, then that's fine. At least you tried. But you never know who you might meet (I met my husband and my current D&D group through the drama society, and I graduated 4 years ago)
You're not alone Isabelle--I think this is a common situation! Try to find other students who are more serious / mature--they definitely exist:) I made friends with a girl who was 29 & a gentleman who was 82 during university (sweet grandpa was working on a master's thesis!). We often met for coffee or had group study dates at the library. I * loved * the depth of our conversations. Good luck!
I have a year left of college and most of my friends from the beginning are people I don't talk to anymore. They showed that they aren't there for me when I need them and that they're willing to leave me behind on the train platform the day before my birthday. Due to my gap year, I'm a bit older than most of the people here and those that are closer to my age already have their circle of friends. It's not the best, but you hit the nail on the head when you said that college friends are romanticized. In the US, people say 'college is the best 4 years of your life'', but I think it's a bad idea to tell a whole society that everything is downhill after 23. Life goes on and there's tons of people out there to make connections with outside of an educational institution.
Also, I've been debating going to a party on Saturday with people I studies abroad with. I know for a fact my ex will be there and everyone else at the party thinks they're a wonderful person. I think my life would be better if I never saw them again, but I've had this premature fomo about the idea of not going to the party. You're right that there will be other parties with other people, with better people. Sometimes it's ok to spend a Saturday night alone in your college apartment. I'm taking myself to a concert next week for an artist I've listened to since high school, instead of focusing on the fun everyone will have at the party this weekend, I've gotta start getting excited about the things i"m doing for myself in my life.
Thank u for sharing this comprehensive guidance on friendship. I am a concise and internally childish guy. I always have trouble making friends. I think I can learn a lot from your video. Nice day~🥰
missing out on the weekly night with pals because i *might* be sick, so thanks for the reminder that there will always be other nights. hard to keep that in mind sometimes!
Havent finished watching this yet but the embroidered cushion in the background .. SO PRETTY
This got recommended to me, so this comment is super delayed, but the comment about having only one opportunity to talk to a friend about a shitty partner is so real! I also have a close friend who is still with her partner (now for almost 4 years) who I had big red flags about during their first year, and since voicing those concerns (and her staying with that partner) it has been 3 years of working to rebuild our friendship, which has included me learning that her relationship is off-limits for us to discuss (which is hard but also what can you do)
I have a crush on an older guy but we’re basically at the same stage of life. Is it just verbatim that an age gap relationship never works? I really don’t feel like he would use his age as a way to sway anything and even if he did, he’s probably right. The fact he may know more about something is a comfort for me. He is the sweetest person. I don’t know what to do. I also work with him though. And I know he falls hard and fast and I take a really long time to develop genuine feelings. I’m also not that experienced or great at being in a genuine relationship. Ahhhh
My bf is 4 yrs older than me and we met whilst we were both at uni, been together about 3 yrs now. In my personal experience, as long as the age gap isn't massive, and there's no power imbalance, it tends to be the stage of life that you're both in that matters the most. He now has a full-time job, and I'm in my last year of uni, so slightly different stages of life now, but it still works! Very much context-dependent, but I've never felt as if the age difference has gotten in the way in a manner that we couldn't communicate about and work past. How does your day to day life differ to theirs, and how do your goals/ambitions etc differ to theirs, especially in the next couple of years?
Seriously it all depends on the specific situation and only you can tell if this is right for you or not. My partner and I have a 13 year age gap and we have been together for almost 15 years now and both really happy with it. Yes there's things that they have more experience in and it's okay to take comfort in that, but there's also things that I have more expertise in so it's genuinely balanced and there's no power imbalance for us.
Love love love this. Like a free therapy session. Thanks Lucy! 💕
Such healthy advice Lucy!❤
I can relate to this video on a personal level great advice &tips
Loved this video, such sage advice 👌 totally agree about not being too nostalgic over fading uni relationships! Easy trap to fall into.
Awesome video!! You seem like a very wise friend to have
You give such good advice!! It was refreshing to hear a feminist perspective about the dating an older guy situation, so thanks
This colour on you girl 😍😍😍😍
I loved this Q&A! Your answers are so thoughtful and nuanced - thank you.
You are so wise! Thank you so much for making this video!! Loved this so much!
Love the insight x And the colour of the cardigan is amazing on you!!
congratulations on the flat! 💫🔑 Love your vids
thank you for this!!💜
I love these videos, so calming and very insightful! xx
Thanks so much! For this video and many others
Hey Lucy, this one was great as always and it's always nice to hear advice coming from a personal perspective, ever since I experienced ego death at the hands of that big wasp at Jo's birthday party I've found it really difficult to connect with my son who has been going through a difficult end to a relationship. He's started connecting to my BT speaker and playing really loud sad Nikki Minaj songs while I'm on the toilet because he knows that's the ONLY time I won't be able to stop it (especially after that shower incident! haha !). Once I've finished wiping down the walls I try to talk to him about it but he just keeps shouting "I know you are but what I'm I?!" and sometimes it really feels like I don't know the answer. I think I'll send him this video it might help him and I hope he'll be able to move on soon but I haven't had enough time to fix the dent in the car though.
yessss i love your advice vids
I adored this video and I adore you ❤ felt like you were speaking directly to me with some of these questions…
This is top tier advice and I loved this style of video! Hope you get the chance to do another one of these
Such a lovely video as usual 😍
Where is that cardigan from? 😊
Lucy please could you tell me where your cardigan is from? ❤
Oh I really enjoyed this video!
I just need to ask , where is your cardigan from! I love the colour so much!😅😊
never clicked so fast on a video 😅
How are you finding the rephr moisturizer? I saw you have it in your stash in the bathroom!
Can't stop looking at that squint lampshade
Nice videovery helpful thanks.
That was a very helpful video. 👍
damn this was so good, i wish i was as articulate as u
Favourite big sister !
😇 P r o m o S M!
Thank you so much for this video! I can definitely relate to this issue. Im glad to be in this community where we can freely speak up and get useful advice from you 🫂🤍
Favourite big sister !