I lost my goofy sense of humor and just cried most of the time. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. Thank God I left. There would have been nothing left of me
That goofy sense of humor will come back. It did for me. I’m just very selective on who gets to see it. You will actually learn to love the new you more in due time. If you do things right from here on end, you will be a healthier version of your wonderful self ❤. Hang in there and keep learning about the topic and how you HAVE to change for the better to avoid these types of relationships.
I was in a survival mode. I was working full time and taking care of our kids. She refused to help me with the daily chores. She would have a temper tantrum if I asked her for help, even with the kids. After she found a dirtbag to have an affair with, she left us. I realized after two weeks the kids and me were doing better since she left. My home was quiet and the intense drama was gone. I got the divorce quickly as possible. It was the worse time of my life but I got through it. Reading Psalms was just about the only thing that comforted me.
I was battling rare disease while in a relationship with my ex. I was already in survival mode because of my health condition. He took that and ran with it. He sabatoged any effort I had to stay the positive person I am. Encouraging me to feel like a burden, a crazy person, useless, unattractive, unworthy....the list goes on and on. I finally figured him out after 4yrs and went no contact. Best decision I could have ever made. It's been almost a year and despite living with a debilitating incurable disease, I have found that positive bubbly spirit inside of me again. My children have their mother back. I didn't realize how much time & energy he had stolen from me. I'm free of that emotional vampire.
I was in survival mode in our back and forth relationship, I realised this when I felt relief when we broke up - it was as if I could finally breathe, finally feel like myself, finally remember how awesome I am. It felt good to not see myself through his eyes anymore.
I was definitely in survival mode my entire childhood. Even as a baby one of my earliest memories was of me crying myself to sleep and trying to self soothe myself.
The bright side of this scenario is that once they have taken you down to nothing, they will leave for someone else. And that is the exact minute that you know you have been saved.
This actually saddens me, because there is that connection. It’s the good side so to speak. It’s the side that the public (family and friends) see. Not every day with a narcissist is bad. You do have good times and good memories. That’s why so many of us stay as long as we do. It’s those times where they are breaking you down that cut so deeply. It’s why I stuck it out so long with my ex husband (18 yrs)… I liken it to the highs and lows that someone with Bipolar experience. It’s that constant push and pull between the two extremes that takes its toll. It’s not just the devaluation etc., but if you account for any external stressors such as money issues, affairs, etc that just makes it worse. Usually it’s family that helps to pick up the pieces but as I have on several occasions asked my ex husband; what happens when his parents are no longer around? At what point does the narcissist grow up? I told him the last time I saw him that he’s getting too damn old to still be acting like a damned fool.
The good times were all part of the love bombing so in effect, even the good times were part of the abuse cycle and were ultimately abuse just like the devaluation. When you understand that none of it was real, especially the good times, there is nothing left to feel sad about, just relief you escaped and happiness and hope for the future 😊
@@lj6871 I agree with you. I could never and would never dream of going back to my ex husband. The damage was too extensive. There is just nothing left of that relationship and honestly as you say it was never real to begin with. I made peace with that several years ago.
I enjoy creative writing. The trauma bond has extinguished my ability to write, to tap into the essence of me where my inspiration comes from. It’s like a grey fog that settles over my brain and deep into the core of me. He’s never fully conquered me: I know too much but he’s still wormed his way inside of me and my psyche but I fight and resist and it’s interesting to see him working hard to gain that control. I want me and my life back: pre-trauma bond. Beyond the fog, I can see and feel the warm sun waiting for me to find my way back. In the trauma bond, there is a real war happening with self. The unhealed part of me vs the free and wise part of me. It is torture to love a damaged, broken person. People say we choose who we love, but do we? Joe, in one of your other videos you talk about how our trauma feels at home with each other in the early stages of the relationship. It’s true and a very powerful pull. It’s very compelling. But then again, so is survival.
Excellent, Joe! This fully describes the living hell, the mental fog and spin outs the predator narc put my mind in. I left exhausted, spent, health ruined, depleted and depressed but overjoyed to have finally gotten out of his clutches. Although he tried, for his own amusement, I never fell for the hoover. Not sure I was healthy enough to survive another narc go around nor do I have a desire to. It is a miracle I made it out. As others have mentioned, I am saddened that my iniate joy of life and happiness therein is gone…not that I need someone to find joy, more like I was stomped on so badly that I am struggling to recover…and I will. I am so much better than I was after initial no contact. I do know there are better days ahead. Thank you for this video. 💜
I am so happy to be me again. To be living a joyful, happy and creative life. I did not realize how much i had lost of myself until he left me for someone else. It has taken a few years, but i am back. Perhaps i should have sent her a sympathy card. And to the woman after her.🥴 0:30
When I would ask him to do at least a few things around the house (we were both working full time with kids) he’d use feigned incompetence or just ignore me. Then he’d tell me stuff like “I know what would do you good, you should write a book!” It’s hilarious now that I know what I know… thanks Joe
Like an Apex predator! Hostile in its enviroment, on the lookout for any threats 24_7, looking for food sources on the go, opportunities along the way... to survive & to store the sources of supply like a 🐊 does its food/meat! (Not creepy at all.... 👀😅😮).
Good morning ! 🌞 Today i have time to relax and to have a cup of joe with Joe☕☕ ! Drinking my ☕ and thinking .. Its so sad that we were in this narcissistic maze and we even did not know it , living from month to month being like a zombies that narcissists made of us and only now when we are out of this maze we can see that we acted completely different from who we really are. Thank you Joe !❤🤗 Have a great summer ! 🏊♂🚴♂🏄♂🏌♂
You really pegged it on this one. Even two years post discard, I still have not regained my “get up and go”. I go, I do, I explore, but it’s not the same. It will never be what it once was, I don’t think.
I’ve been there. Sometimes the Universe tells us to wait further instruction. If we have to start over and get it back, we can and we will! Our ‘best’ changes. I try to give myself grace.
So my daughter is in this space where her whole personality is gone and everything is about her narc husband..does that mean he will disgaurd her now? I sure hope so because she has been isolated from me for a year and a half
OMG, same as our daughter, she’s a mess, she has isolated from us too. I’m hoping for her to wake up and leave the idiot….shes I such bad shape last time we saw her, not sure she’ll recover.
If they are married he likely will not “discard” her. He will make her life miserable until she decides she has had enough. Doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on her etc. But if he beats her down low enough she may not leave either. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but all you can do is be there for her if and when she gets to that point.
@@kerimorgan6665 thank you…I hope she comes to us…she has told us she needs time, I haven’t contacted her in 8 months…trying to respect her wishes…think I should reach out? I’m at a loss here, we had such a great relationship prior to her marriage, slowly he’s got her away from us as he knew we were close. They have his parents in their life but not us🙁
I lost my goofy sense of humor and just cried most of the time. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. Thank God I left. There would have been nothing left of me
That goofy sense of humor will come back. It did for me. I’m just very selective on who gets to see it. You will actually learn to love the new you more in due time. If you do things right from here on end, you will be a healthier version of your wonderful self ❤. Hang in there and keep learning about the topic and how you HAVE to change for the better to avoid these types of relationships.
Same here. I noticed I don't laugh anymore.
The humor and joy for life comes back with time and education on npd. It did it for me, you’ll be able to recognize them and stay away from them.
I was in a survival mode. I was working full time and taking care of our kids. She refused to help me with the daily chores. She would have a temper tantrum if I asked her for help, even with the kids. After she found a dirtbag to have an affair with, she left us. I realized after two weeks the kids and me were doing better since she left. My home was quiet and the intense drama was gone. I got the divorce quickly as possible. It was the worse time of my life but I got through it. Reading Psalms was just about the only thing that comforted me.
I was battling rare disease while in a relationship with my ex. I was already in survival mode because of my health condition. He took that and ran with it. He sabatoged any effort I had to stay the positive person I am. Encouraging me to feel like a burden, a crazy person, useless, unattractive, unworthy....the list goes on and on. I finally figured him out after 4yrs and went no contact. Best decision I could have ever made. It's been almost a year and despite living with a debilitating incurable disease, I have found that positive bubbly spirit inside of me again. My children have their mother back. I didn't realize how much time & energy he had stolen from me. I'm free of that emotional vampire.
😮❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
😮❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
@@flightmama3191 💜
Good for you, Kelly! You are such a strong woman💪🏻💝💯
@@SagittariusBabe87 Thank you so much 💖
I was in survival mode in our back and forth relationship, I realised this when I felt relief when we broke up - it was as if I could finally breathe, finally feel like myself, finally remember how awesome I am. It felt good to not see myself through his eyes anymore.
I was definitely in survival mode my entire childhood. Even as a baby one of my earliest memories was of me crying myself to sleep and trying to self soothe myself.
I used to constantly catch myself saying I'm sorry... Sometimes I still slip and say it... Symptomatic of a lifetime of narcissistic abuse...
The bright side of this scenario is that once they have taken you down to nothing, they will leave for someone else. And that is the exact minute that you know you have been saved.
This actually saddens me, because there is that connection. It’s the good side so to speak. It’s the side that the public (family and friends) see. Not every day with a narcissist is bad. You do have good times and good memories. That’s why so many of us stay as long as we do. It’s those times where they are breaking you down that cut so deeply. It’s why I stuck it out so long with my ex husband (18 yrs)… I liken it to the highs and lows that someone with Bipolar experience. It’s that constant push and pull between the two extremes that takes its toll. It’s not just the devaluation etc., but if you account for any external stressors such as money issues, affairs, etc that just makes it worse. Usually it’s family that helps to pick up the pieces but as I have on several occasions asked my ex husband; what happens when his parents are no longer around? At what point does the narcissist grow up? I told him the last time I saw him that he’s getting too damn old to still be acting like a damned fool.
The good times were all part of the love bombing so in effect, even the good times were part of the abuse cycle and were ultimately abuse just like the devaluation. When you understand that none of it was real, especially the good times, there is nothing left to feel sad about, just relief you escaped and happiness and hope for the future 😊
@@lj6871 I agree with you. I could never and would never dream of going back to my ex husband. The damage was too extensive. There is just nothing left of that relationship and honestly as you say it was never real to begin with. I made peace with that several years ago.
Exactly ! I became the shadow of myself😢 recovering now though very slowly
I enjoy creative writing. The trauma bond has extinguished my ability to write, to tap into the essence of me where my inspiration comes from. It’s like a grey fog that settles over my brain and deep into the core of me. He’s never fully conquered me: I know too much but he’s still wormed his way inside of me and my psyche but I fight and resist and it’s interesting to see him working hard to gain that control. I want me and my life back: pre-trauma bond. Beyond the fog, I can see and feel the warm sun waiting for me to find my way back. In the trauma bond, there is a real war happening with self. The unhealed part of me vs the free and wise part of me. It is torture to love a damaged, broken person. People say we choose who we love, but do we? Joe, in one of your other videos you talk about how our trauma feels at home with each other in the early stages of the relationship. It’s true and a very powerful pull. It’s very compelling. But then again, so is survival.
Did he leave or did you leave him?
@@sonlya2010 I left.
@@marybethmorris4963good to hear! How long were you with him..I'm wondering because my daughter is going through this. Thanks.
@@sonlya2010 six months.
@@marybethmorris4963you were smart, daughter is 9 years now, more damage every day
Excellent, Joe! This fully describes the living hell, the mental fog and spin outs the predator narc put my mind in. I left exhausted, spent, health ruined, depleted and depressed but overjoyed to have finally gotten out of his clutches. Although he tried, for his own amusement, I never fell for the hoover. Not sure I was healthy enough to survive another narc go around nor do I have a desire to. It is a miracle I made it out. As others have mentioned, I am saddened that my iniate joy of life and happiness therein is gone…not that I need someone to find joy, more like I was stomped on so badly that I am struggling to recover…and I will. I am so much better than I was after initial no contact. I do know there are better days ahead. Thank you for this video. 💜
I am so happy to be me again. To be living a joyful, happy and creative life. I did not realize how much i had lost of myself until he left me for someone else. It has taken a few years, but i am back. Perhaps i should have sent her a sympathy card. And to the woman after her.🥴 0:30
✨🌺 THaNks FoR The UPLOAD 🌺✨
You are so right! this is exactly how it was when I became strong again and finally stood up to him.
When I would ask him to do at least a few things around the house (we were both working full time with kids) he’d use feigned incompetence or just ignore me. Then he’d tell me stuff like “I know what would do you good, you should write a book!” It’s hilarious now that I know what I know… thanks Joe
Like an Apex predator!
Hostile in its enviroment, on the lookout for any threats 24_7, looking for food sources on the go, opportunities along the way... to survive & to store the sources of supply like a 🐊 does its food/meat! (Not creepy at all.... 👀😅😮).
🎉👍
Well stated!
The victim will put the blame on someone else other than the abuser
Good morning ! 🌞 Today i have time to relax and to have a cup of joe with Joe☕☕ ! Drinking my ☕ and thinking .. Its so sad that we were in this narcissistic maze and we even did not know it , living from month to month being like a zombies that narcissists made of us and only now when we are out of this maze we can see that we acted completely different from who we really are. Thank you Joe !❤🤗 Have a great summer ! 🏊♂🚴♂🏄♂🏌♂
Thank you! ❤️ Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!
You really pegged it on this one. Even two years post discard, I still have not regained my “get up and go”. I go, I do, I explore, but it’s not the same. It will never be what it once was, I don’t think.
I’ve been there. Sometimes the Universe tells us to wait further instruction. If we have to start over and get it back, we can and we will!
Our ‘best’ changes. I try to give myself grace.
So my daughter is in this space where her whole personality is gone and everything is about her narc husband..does that mean he will disgaurd her now? I sure hope so because she has been isolated from me for a year and a half
OMG, same as our daughter, she’s a mess, she has isolated from us too. I’m hoping for her to wake up and leave the idiot….shes I such bad shape last time we saw her, not sure she’ll recover.
If they are married he likely will not “discard” her. He will make her life miserable until she decides she has had enough. Doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on her etc. But if he beats her down low enough she may not leave either. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but all you can do is be there for her if and when she gets to that point.
@@kerimorgan6665 thank you…I hope she comes to us…she has told us she needs time, I haven’t contacted her in 8 months…trying to respect her wishes…think I should reach out? I’m at a loss here, we had such a great relationship prior to her marriage, slowly he’s got her away from us as he knew we were close. They have his parents in their life but not us🙁
Have said outloud, "Im trapped."
Once I was out of the survival mode I got a week’s worth of 8.5 hours of sleep every day.
It was very to break that trauma bond 💔 connection. Thank goodness I left it all behind and rebuilding myself.❤
Well, I had to comment, this is a very accurate description of relating with a narcissist.
Thank you
🗞️☕️