How to Respond to Gaslighting
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- Опубліковано 23 вер 2024
- Gaslighting has become much more known to the general public. The general public are much more well-versed in spotting this behavior often referred to as "crazy-making." Unfortunately, betrayed partners seem to get stuck at knowing the most effective way of responding to gaslighting behavior. In this episode, licensed therapists and betrayal trauma specialists, Carrie and Josh, discuss and demonstrate a few different ways to respond to gaslighting.
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My ex would often threaten with "It looks like we need to end the relationship" when the slightest disagreement would come up. Often if I tried to address his hurtful behavior, it's like he would panic and couldn't be held responsible, and would rather end the relationship than face his wrong-doing. He'd use excuses like "We're just too different" when I would say things like "It hurts me when you snap at me". Or "I feel lonely, we're in the same house and you haven't said a word to me all day". He could never see anything he was doing as wrong. He also could never apologize.
It’s amazing how all narc behave the EXACTLY the same way. Almost split image of my husband right now. And the threat happens way more often since you start to assert yourself, asking for their partner to take responsibility for their hurtful behavior or words, they will snap and rage and threaten to leave you or worse discard you by asking you to leave, they show no signs of human compassion or willingness to improve relationships, they wanted to end and re-start new relationships seeking for new narc supply.
Normally I just say to the Gaslighter "Ah!, so you have learned how to gaslight people now".
That’s when I no longer love that person nor engaged in the romantic feelings. That would work 😂
@@Afternoon99from a narcissist’s perspective? That would be accurate description.
i held in my wife's obvious passes at my brother in law for a year and a half. When i couldn't hold it in anymore and confronted her she tried to gaslight me about a very specific situation and convince me i'm crazy. When i said if im having delusions i need to be in a psychiatric care facility, she said i should just call my mother to talk about it. When I said we can ask other people who witnessed the event to see what happened, she said she doesn't "know why we're even talking about this anymore." I don't know how to trust her anymore.
Just watching this is comforting. I feel validated. Thank you.
Wouldn't the best way is ignore the gaslighter completely?
Yes. I just ghosted mine and walked away. Don't respond to gaslighting
Currently treating him like a well loved toddler. Barge into the office while I’m on an important business call (jealousy on his part has him constantly bombing my business deals) asking very loudly about where to put the baby wipes. (Seriously?) and I just answer him as if he were a well loved toddler. Oh honey! I’m so glad you found your wipes! You can keep like keep them in the bathroom? (He loves to embarrass me because I occasionally use flushable wipes *roll eyes*)
I have tried therapy, individual and couples, talking to him rationally, writing letters, sharing videos. You name it. At this point it’s either lose my mind or disassociate (bye relationship) and fight back with the beloved addled spouse tactic.
I’m still looking for Healthier ways of living in this relationship and ultimately my life ❤ good luck everyone
Good luck to you too. We can all do only what we can do.
@@RecoveryTV4u I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 39 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
You may have helped me decide my next topic for our podcast - navigating bullies.
i grew up in a toxic family and my feeling were invalidated
I realized that I am guilty of some of this and also a victim of it growing up.
thank you
You're welcome
Keeping someone on hold is that part of gaslightning as well?
It could be. It really depends on what else is going on.
YES ITS CALLED THE NARCISSIST WAITING GAME
Anything else ???
Well, apparently this tactic doesn’t get old for them 🎉 shame on them for coming between parent and child for no good reason except to cover up their shortcomings very wrong and the system affords them the luxury to badger the other parent
Why are you snooping on his phone? That's a betrayal. In good relationships, you don't betray the other person by breaking agreements or by invading their privacy. If someone betrays you, they're not someone you want to be with. If you don't want someone to be defensive, you mind your own business - even if it leaves you vulnerable.
😂
It's the mutual phone record. Not the same.
I guess we found the narc
People behave in ways that make us need to check their phone, we’re going to check their phone. I never checked my exes phone because it never left his pocket. He accidentally messaged me instead of her one day, gave himself away, when I checked the temporary files on our computer I found six years worth of serial cheating I couldn’t evidence before. Apparently I was crazy and paranoid for those 6 years leading up to finding out for sure.
If you genuinely suspect something check their phone!
Trust your gut, not your imagination. I usually discourage responding to suspicion of sneakiness with sneakiness. If trust has diminished to such a degree you feel compelled to check the phone, doesn’t that in and of itself indicate a problem, in general?
im beng abused
Way to support folks who nag, play the victim over trivial things and blame shift. Your examples are terrible and supportive of the gas lighter. Everyone has random numbers calling their phone all the time. Whether you answer or not. If it's a I. Whatever. The person in question should be the one who is so insecure that they're asking about a couple of unfamiliar phone numbers on another person's phone. Why do they even have that person's phone without permission? That's called snooping. And that's unacceptable. Let's not forget that more often than not The suspicious party is actually the one committing the betrayal. Going behind someone's back to look in their phone is betrayal in itself. Not to mention pointing out a few trivial phone numbers that may mean absolutely nothing. Is the further attempt to take the focus Off of the person who is claiming to be victimized.. To distract from what they are actually doing to damage the relationship behind the other person's back. The phone example here is a form of projection. Not gas lighting. You tube is not always the best place for information. Go to therapy and see a professional.
You are literally the example of the defensive behavior a gaslighter has when being held accountable, let aside the phone numbers example whatever situation you put this response in is exactly what they sound like, because any kind of questioning is a breach of trust and snooping and betrayal to the gaslighter.
If we're in a relationship i am allowed to look at your phone. Why the hell not? What's stopping you from showing it? Trust is earned not given freely.
In relationships, often it's one person paying the phone bill for the family. Seeing a bunch of the same phone numbers with several calls/texts more than the number of communications w the romantic partner does raise a red flag to simply as the question. It's not always sexual infidelity, rather perhaps the partner ended up starting a business without the other partner's consent, that is a breach of financial trust in one another (presuming this relationship is far along that their sharing expenses and potentially have joint assets). Cheating is not always sexual.
Thanks, this will help when dealing with far left activists 😅