Anna - dear! The way this video was put together, is so ... soooo helpful. Do you realize how much healing, comes from your precise, comprehensive observations? & not any less important - from your honest, sincerely caring, humble approach? Those are the gifts you & your team gave me in this video: Validation Normalization Love Clarity Encouragement Hope RELIEF What you`ve said about isolation feels freeing and great, then realizing we've become weird hermits.. and the nagging anxious feeling of 'wasting my life' + the realization that a lot of it has to do with being fundamentally a shame of my self --- wow girl! Spot on the money. Until like a month ago - I didn't even know I suffer from CPTSD (And I'm about to hit 50….) I MAKE SENCE TO MY SELF NOW. Can't thank you enough - God bless you. You people are life savers. literally.
Yes and we all isolate harder. I always connect with people with similar issues online, but in real life, I'm the odd one, not by choice. That is not to say you instantly connect with everyone you meet who has connection issues you know.
I don’t even feel lonely anymore…..I’m so afraid of people that being alone now is what I want. I don’t think it’s healthy necessarily but it feels safe right now.
Same here! Alone is safer and so I stay isolated too. I keep wishing I had a mate as last BF made me feel 100% happier and whole again until it turned all wrong with a narcissist! I have experienced the companionship I desperately want and need, but the road to finding it is lost and I can’t figure out how to meet single men in such a big married retirement community where I am on the young end? Tough world! My goal was to find a normal guy not a narcissist to get me past that hell, but here I sit isolated not able to do it! I feel alone in public and at places where there’s crowds of people and can’t fit in! Bummer 😩
I’m the same. I love being alone and not talking to people for weeks sometimes. I have two safe friends and they are both in their 80s…so…my dog and me. I’m pretty good.
I would like to add - That I feel one of the biggest challenges of escaping this loneliness is healing a lot of attachment wounds. Forcing connections with people doesn't really work - People detect desperation and it turns people off from wanting to spend time with you. Also, always finding excuses to not spend time with people is also an issue. Letting relationships form organically, and practicing reciprocal connections while putting yourself out there a few times a week is the best you can really do.
It seems as though people feel that sense of desperation from someone when they perceive one might be attempting to place the responsibility for caring for another upon them. People don't want the responsibility for caring for others to be prompted by someone other than from an inkling or determination to do so originating within, meaning it has to come from their own internal impetus, motivation, or sense of caring for others. It's okay to get out there and regularly interact with others; the quality and usefulness of that time spent with others helps to determine the worthwhileness of a continued connection or formation of a lasting relationship. Those who are desperate for this need to maintain themselves without revealing it, allowing for a meaningful and rewarding friendship or some type of significant relationship to naturally form over time apart from any of our own impudent insistences that such should become or follow. Our desperation has to be tempered with LOTS of patience. I agree that forcing connections will rarely, if not ever, work-- not in any sort of healthy way.
@@algallego agreed with this. Others feel my desperation and I feel theirs. I avoid spenid g time with someone who is that desperate. When I try they end up using me rather than be honest. I don't feel connected. We do have to go in to possible friendships with a sense of wanting to connect rather than wanting therapy. It's a bit of a quandary or catch 22.
Wow...all of these comments have helped shed some light on aspects of the relationship between my partner and I, that I haven't been able to put words to. They've had the beautiful and terrible fortune of being the one to open my eyes to all of the trauma I've coped/copped out/neglected to deal with and never really knew its origins...it's not an easy path, and we both have a history of negative codependency and toxic relationships. It's a lot but I'm really leaning into putting in the effort to get better, and with the incredible insight they've given me, the comments in this community, and TCCF's videos have been an absolute gift. It's not easy to admit we've been dysregulated people who have said and done things we're disgusted by, but finding people who are not only willing to allow, but strongly encouraging the uncomfortable growth process and all its icky feelings...just...thank you. All of you.🤟💚 Edited for clarity and because I'm not great with words despite perhaps talking too much.😅
@@i-love-comountains3850 Not easy to say the least! It's the absolute hardest thing you can possibly do! Most folks who need to do this work aren't even aware of the fact that they're wounded, dysregulated and sadly blame and shame themselves without even getting to the ROOT cause of their suffering, loneliness and misery. Bravo to you for getting here. I love the supportive encouraging nature of this awesome group! Together we are strong, capable and less isolated. I thank God for the internet daily as part of my gratitude work.
It is what it is, but please don't 'disappear' into it.. I felt/still sometimes feel it like quicksand.. But the world needs our contributions, there is no one else quite like each of us.. Have a rest and then hopefully with Daily Practise & the community here, reach out gently online or whatever is manageable.. Hugs to you 💕
I’ve been so isolated that once I meet someone, I want to hold on to them but I feel I’m just so awkward in conversation and everything in between. I have such an attachment to my husband (comfort zone) but I want to detach so I can try life with some normalcy. I don’t feel much joy. All I feel is empty and heartbroken all the time. I’ve tried it all and I keep ending up right back where I started. This cycle is frustrating.
I can relate.im so lonely and cling onto my partner I think I'm pushing him away.i suffer anxiety and just feel so unsettled and on edge on my own company which I'm in most of the time.
@@molchmolchmolchmolch has a lot to do with my C-PTSD. I’ve been struggling more since moving to Florida. I’ve had a lot of time to think and with that came memories I buried long ago. Too much time to think.
I shrank from life, from connection, in an attempt to avoid the fear of facing a world that seemingly rejected me. Not even my best moments of being accepted could last, as I was not allowing it. Mindset distortions proved most powerful until I fully faced, uncovered, and understood my early trauma and its consequences. That is when healing first had a chance. 'Alone in a crowd' was me; terrified of parties, of social nuances I had never mastered. Yet I 'covered' well - enough to avoid detection...until the inevitable nervous breakdown. My healing has come a very long way. Yet the lagging indicator of my success is the fact of lingering loneliness. Now I know that no one is coming to rescue me. I must end my isolation and loneliness.
CPTSD are often VERY aware of non verbals. Eye rolling, sighing, passive aggressive cues. So they have a problem with people who don't use words. People who don't use words but instead shrug their shoulders or whatever are poison to them.
Yes! We are so very sensitive to those non-verbal reactions. Just someone reacting with dead silence, without any accompanying 'body language', is particularly irritating on a visceral level. Might be the ambiguity and dismissiveness, bringing us right back to our childhood emotional neglect, shame, ridicule, in the reactions you cited and in the silence 'reply' that's so bothersome? We feel shut out/shut down, blown off, at being denied acknowledgment and the ability to adequately read that person to the degree we want or need to.
Yes, I'm v sensitive to things people say, do and non verbal behaviour and it often makes me want to disengage with people ie if I notice underlying irritation, impatience, hostility. I notice that a lot of people don't notice these things so they make me feel like I'm imagining what I've observed.
I can only connect on a superficial level and then not for long....trust is a huge issue for me...I am happiest alone, the older I get the more comfortable I am by myself....
It's the whole way around for me; I find people too shallow and I get bored easily to common chit chat. I overshare and then I feel stupid for sharing so much information to someone I've just met and I know it's wrong and dangerous.
@@Lyrielonwind I know what you are saying. Shallow conversation, after about 20 minutes, or so, gets exhausting. Most people, like us, are very intelligent and intuitive. That's why I like church, small home groups, where debating eschatology, how to be faithful in an unhealthy pagan society, the false hope in American political parties, or even how to educate your children to be servants not "messiahs". Very stimulating to me. Problems in almost all religious organizations is that their is always some "wolves in sheep's clothing". They can really set off us with childhood trauma and abuse.
@@Lyrielonwind I experience this too, it's a funny one.... Sometimes I project, that a lot of people didn't have it growing up, but then when I listen to people talk generally, and the small talk is so boring and empty, it turns out to be a cover up, things they avoid facing in themselves. I have followed buddhism for years, but meditation I find can compound or heighten aspects of disorders, trauma etc, that it can be counter productive. But culture now, scares me: most just talk nonsense energy, social media waffle eg uncontrolled thoughts, that I can't do with the extra noise. But what we have , has meant we are still more aware than most, a blessing and a curse. x
I used to be very extrovert and outgoing but I spent last years so isolated that I believe I have lost my social skills. I the other hand; I feel lazy, besides; is not easy meeting new people.
This happened to me too. I was abused as an adult and it started me down a road that was so much worse, the pandemic put nails in that coffin for me, I barely leave the house and the last job I had gave me exhaustion. I don’t know what to do maybe I should take the is course
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Cara and Anna. Lucky I feel part of your community. I have been alone for 6 years, even though I have put myself out there.
Here, with you Anna, is the place where I feel the most normal and validated. Leaving my house is a huge challenge. I keep my errands to grocery shopping, which I only do once a month or longer if possible and often only after starving myself for several days, every day hoping that tomorrow I'll have more courage to leave my house and it won't be such a severely daunting task. Interacting with people causes me to wish I was dead ... it "is too costly". Once upon a time I was an ambivert, now my happy peaceful safe place is home alone. Covid lockdown had zero noticeable impact on me and I marvelled watching the world lose their minds. I have started to notice how my isolation has negatively increased my social awkwardness, tactlessness, weirdness and shame. I hate it but it's no where near as costly as with 'people interactions'. I know that my happy place is Not a healthy place. I'm stuck.
@@joeljoy4144 Sometimes I feel people's negative energy and sometimes I don't but negative things still happen. I generally distrust all, with or without tattoos, including myself, religious and non religious folk alike. I've recently left a high demand "christian" religious culty organization that I was a part of for 45 yrs. Talk about Pack wolves dressed in sheep's clothing Point being, my fears are "no respecter of persons". I don't get triggered all the time by all, but when I do get triggered for whatever random reason that is usually unknown to me in the moment, I just become paralyzed (freeze) and covertly (internally) disregulate; at best I fawn, which causes me so much shame. Shame, haunts me. I know I need professional type help but I don't trust them either (not for the lack of trying) nor can I leave my house. I've probably over shared so forgive me if that is the case.
I feel so similar to you , were I live there are so many narcissist , who use people like me for there own needs not caring if they hurt you . I have only learned about this . this year . when I look back on my life , the people I thought were good were only using me for their own needs , I did meet some good people in life who became good friends , but I love the power of one not putting myself in arms way . and not allowing other people to take advantage of my c.p.t.s.d , I feel fine being by myself although I now it's not for everybody. , happy Christmas
Dude. This is so weird, this is exactly what I need right now. Literally just let a girl go that I got too attached to and this video drops at the exact same time. Thank you!
Me too my friend, they say to remove people who won't treat you decent from your life, but for me it means a complete do over from the ground up, since all the connections I had around her only saw the nice and harmless side of her. I am forcing accepting invitations for new connections but this means a long slow start for those of us with authentic empathy and cptsd, but NO MATTER WHAT, we must keep pushing forward and showing up for ourselves despite times of hopeless feelings and the wounds we're left holding. We will make it out through the other side that much more ready to try again. Stand firm
I'm in awe. You have no idea how much I needed this. This specific thing has been my greatest sadness my whole life. As a child and young adult, I found it almost impossible to connect with the people around me. I was painfully shy, afraid to put myself out there because it meant others recognizing how weird and socially underdeveloped I was. And they always did. I always felt so "other" and I never wanted it. I didn't understand why making and keeping friends was so easy for everyone else. A lone wolf, begrudgingly. Only now at 28 am I making the first steps towards healing this. I am so excited to finally connect like a normal person. I can't wait to finally have best friends or a friend group I can hang out with and talk to. I'm so excited to finally have the confidence to reach out towards others. I can't wait to be my authentic self and then let others accept me. I can't wait to open my arms up to the world. I have hope now.
Good. Including more people in my life has made my life richer. I'm better understanding what qualities I really appreciate and need in others. I also see more clearly how I actually am, which is fun. Talking to people forces me to witness myself, and it's pretty funny @@ALGARIC
haha i did all of these and it just stung my ass loll. i go through cycles of becoming a positive energy in everyones lives, listening and supporting them, loving their traits and promoting them, i build connections and bonds and then i realize its just me who does that and i never receive anything back, get judged and then toss away and i become negative and lose faith in the good things again, isolating myself. and each time this happens the more i realize its stupid to keep going back to the happy side because its all superficial and fake, the final truth is that everything comes from selfishness and thats depressing
Ugh! I do this too and feel all the same feels! I also stew in it, ruminate and chastise myself for participating in this cluster mind F behavioural cycle. I think it has something to do with codependence as well as not being aware of nor respecting our personal boundaries. I also identify this as the way I experience limerence.
I was thinking about this lately and trying to remember my childhood. I remember being happy as a kid but when I was sexually molested (not once but many times by different people) at 9 or 10yrs old, I started isolating myself and no longer want to go out and play with other kids. I also didn’t like people coming and going in our house whenever they wanted to. My mum didn’t care if they come and go. I thought I was just being a snob and now realizing at 40 that I was trying to protect my child self. Up to these days I never like people visiting me at my house all the time. I never once did house party it feels very intruding to me but with this I feel very isolated with everyone.
Being involved in deliverance ministries for years, the most prevalent way to open a soul to "darkness" was not the occult, drugs, dark music, reading your horoscopes or astrology, Tarot cards or false religions, but childhood trauma and abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse. Hands down. The Devil always go after the most vulnerable among us
I've had so many women in my life call me "amazing" among other nice things but yet I still have an underlying (secret) fear of someone regretting having chosen me. Which leads to me subconsciously doing things that push them away.😥 My earliest memories are when I was with my grandmother, wondering where mom was or if she was coming back.
I’ve just “woken up” from a 3-day episode of disregulation and its always sad to see how much I hampered my life in the way. Isolation and self derogatory mantras are always a big part of it. I wish I could be part of any group of people to at least have some activity to ease my mind in these periods, but unfortunately I can never manage to be part of a group. It always feels as if I’m acting and after a while it becomes a burdensome activity that I prefer to avoid. I’ve been trying to change this and I feel I’ve had some progress so far, but it’s really a difficult path :(
Have you ever had the experience of being in school, and dreading that the teacher calls on you, and the feeling when they do? I still, to this day, have that feeling when I talk to anyone in general. The intensity varies, depending on how comfortable I feel around the person, or multiplies with more people. It doesn't help that the thoughts in my head doesn't translate into speech. It's often a more scaled back, over simplified version of what I intend to convey. Which often makes me cringe to hear coming out of my mouth, and then escalates my anxiety. Which then exacerbates the problem, in a self perpetual cycle. Including the numbness, and figgy mind. Hence, I get pretty lonely. It's only been a few years since I discovered I can type my thoughts way more easily than speaking them.
You have an amazing gift ! Your presentations have allowed me to heal wounds that I have been putting bandaids on and each video is equal to a year of counseling. So insightful an informative. You are literally saving my life right now. Truly a Godsend !!!
Bill i agree! I can relate to everything she is saying. It’s sad but true to be treated the way we have been. I finally broke the cycle of bad relationships going on 8 years ago. I also struggled with drugs and I’m going on 6 years of being clean. I get upset at myself sometimes because I am 60 yrs old. I feel I wasted a lot of time. But I really do try to not think about how long it took. I’m just grateful I changed and broke some cycles in my life. God bless you Bill 🙏. I found this site by accident but was it an accident? Or a meant to be? I’m so grateful to get confirmation on the way I felt for a very long time of my life and still learning. I love knowledge. I hope you find your happiness and get through what is bothering you. I will be praying for all. 🙏❤️
I have a part time job which is my only connection with sociability and I have to really be careful not to harm it by talking too much or trying too hard. The other women all have lives and I think they understand that my job is my only connection with the world, though they have no idea of the extent. Every so often it hits me like a brick wall that I don't have the friend and family group that I would love to have. I often think I ought to have a hostel somewhere in order to just have company and feel useful
My work is also my connection to the outside world. And for social exchanges of sorts. I have the issue of talking too much at times. So I pull back and don’t speak for days sometimes. I have made some friends over the last couple of years. Two very fine ladies. I don’t want to bombard them with my crap I reveal things sometimes and then regret it. WHAT IS THAT?
I also got a part time job to get out of the house and be able to come home and not have to think about work. Otherwise I was afraid of actually losing myself into an abyss of some kind. I do like the attention to detail of my work. Brings me out into the light
I have been isolating for the last seventeen years. Your videos are helping me to understand myself better. Thank you. I am in therapy now and back to a recovery program. Stepping out of my shell slowly. The line I always used was “me, myself and I get along just fine”. The sad reality is I believed it.
wow, Anna, I feel validated after hearing you say you can't talk before you've done the daily practice. I asked my husband years ago to try to not talk to me for about an hour after I wake up because I'm cranky. Later I learned it was dysregulation. I'll give this a go, because I'd like to see real change. Thank you
Your the first person who makes sense of my situation! I'm 60 and alone. I have 4 grandchildren and I adore them. I have a people service job so it's a great help.
Thats great to hear. This is the right place for you. You might be interested in giving Anna's free Daily Practice course. It could be helpful. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
"Walk the Path of Love"💕👏😘 The beauty way....excellent video Anna. I love you sister. Keep up the great work. You're a holy, holy, holy gift to hurting humanity.
I have learned so much about myself from your posts. My hubby is a war vet with ptsd and I am on the regular basis disregulated because of childhood trauma. Your webinars help so much, I still need work especially with loneliness
Went to a Xmas party didn’t connect with anyone everyone thought I had a great time but all I got was a headache and felt sick for a week is it worth it I’m 54 isolating feels so right and trying to connect never seems to feel right I don’t feel like others understand me.I cried when Covid lockdown ended I loved it …no pressure it was awesome for me
same !!! I felt like during covid I was finally like everyone else...ISOLATED. But its the only way I know to be and others were forced into it, I was at ease. Now I need connection as always but so afraid and have no excuse
Good morning my namesake. I too definitely have CPTSD. I promise you sis. Being alone for a long time is NOT healthy or good for anyone. Even small changes, maybe a couple of one to one interactions a day DOES help to feel more human. There are many of us in a similar situation. YES. It is for me a great struggle and effort. I am autistic as well, so the misunderstandings I face are awesome, stressful and frustrating. We must push ourselves to speak to a few people who seem kind or reasonable or safe. Practise IS required. It is the only way. I am not cured yet sis. I am also a Christian and my Faith in my triune creator has brought comfort and healing in what has been for me at times almost impossible situations. I hope this helps and I pray for freedom from isolation and for supportive, loving people with whom you can relax into your life in Jesus's mighty name.
Funny I’ve just spent the last 2 years learning to be content and ok with being alone and isolating myself. I really enjoy my own company now. In fact I can’t stand being around most people now.
I joined a crochet group. But quit going because of the group leader. After realizing that she is who she is and setting personal boundaries. I went back. A little uncomfortable, but realizing that I have no control over an others behavior, helped a lot.
I feel lonely in my marriage, I have a wonderful man but I always think he is annoyed by me so I hold back to not annoy him further. He says he’s not annoyed but it’s so hard for me to believe him. I mis read everyone and I always feel my coworkers hate me as well.. because of these thoughts I have, I choose to not get close to anyone and as a result of this it leaves me feeling alone and left out. It’s a vicious circle that I don’t know how to correct
Hi Anna, I watched this before, but now it really makes sense to me. I think this helps when ppl reach a stage when they realise being lonely for far too long, to avoid triggers, actually ends up hurting us more - without connection its too much mental suffering from being lonely for a very long time. So no matter how difficult, if you feel you've had enough of self-isolating, try to re-engage, even at the the most basic level is more than enough (eg: sports/activities/charity work groups)
Felt so much of this. I've found my "comfort" on the outside of everything. I don't feel cut out for life and I just simply don't like other people. It is what it is. Maybe someday I'll come out of my isolation.
I thank you crappy childhood fairy for everything. You are a beacon for so many other people in this world. I know that suffering or trauma is never worth it, but yours truly maybe has been made such a great gift for many people who struggle to know or heal themselves and their lives. They are truly held back. Their time now will not be wasted.
I am 70, and been isolating for 10 years since my husband passed away. Turned to substance abuse to cope. Also have not gotten back to church. Been in rehab a couple times over my lifetime. I am the oldest of 6, and was put in a Mother role at age eight. Was born with Spinal Bifida Occult, that put me in the hospital as a baby for a couple surgeries. My dad was in the Air Force the first 5 months of my life. Was sick a lot as a kid/teen. Never made friends in grade, and high school. My Dad was alcoholic, and Mom had prescription addiction. Fighting, and lots of emotional stress in the household. I have many gastrointestinal issues (overgrowth of yeast, bacteria, and fungal infections) that cause brain issues like depression, anxiety, brain fog, and suicidal ideation. I feel if I don’t deal with the gastrointestinal issues I won’t be able to get help with Trama. I can absolutely relate to what Anna, and others are sharing. It is hard to move forward. Sometimes I feel it’s too late for me to change. I am hoping for some connections that bring me out of this empty pit I am in. Bless you all.❤
After decades I'm finally making friends and even have a lover. However, it's too little too late. The chronic emotional loneliness has left me unable to really connect to humans and at my age its just never going to be enough to undo a lifetime of pain. Removing the isolation isn't enough. I've a void inside of me where 40+ years of love and affection and validation should have been, and you can't cram that amount of love into a few months or years.
I totally get it, and I don't even have a lover or much hope of ever having one. It's just not fair...but that's just the way it is. Saying that doesn't make it suck less. I'm so resentful of people 20 and 30 years younger than me who are doing this work. Oh well.
You are where you are, but you don’t have to stay there. I’m 52 and only just now figuring this stuff out. I’m determined to heal as much as I can - C-PTSD will always be a part of me and I’ve accepted that - but I do believe, partly thanks to Anna @ CCF that there is still hope for me to live a happy life with the time I have left. I am dedicating my remaining time on this planet to continually learning and growing. I don’t care if it’s 30 years I have left or 30 minutes. I’m going to do my best and I’m going to feel proud of myself for trying even if I don’t completely succeed. I wish hope for you, become it only takes a spark of hope to light the fire of living life to the full and to burn away the fear and self-imposed limitations. My parents and the bullies messed up the first part of my life. I’m going to be my own superhero from now on.
@@SailingNovaturient Thank you. I've tried everything I can, but I dont think it's solvable. I keep trying, but the evidence is that some things are untreatable.
This episode is one of the best I’ve seen on this subject. I had some childhood trauma, but most of the trauma I’ve had was in adulthood that probably resulted to some degree from the childhood trauma. I isolate and have for a few years because I get very emotional when I experience certain triggers from others. I don’t want to experience the pain of that or act in a way that is hurtful to anyone else because of the broken ways I feel and behave with others. Thanks for this video.
Anna. You kinda just blow me away with your empathetic, gentle loving truths that hit right in the heart- while calling me out on my BS- like nobody in my life is capable of. I was one of those feral children- the only adult in my family- at age 8 until 18- the day I turned 18 and walked out of that hell hole. I started my journey through healing basically at age 12 when I started voraciously consuming self help. During this time I was the family therapist, mother, adult and voice of reason. At age 27 I got sober in AA and began the 12 step life- and it helped a great deal and I connected to people in a meaningful way finally- still have some of those connections 36 years later. I first started therapy at age 19 and had off and on returned to it- sometimes it was helpful- it saved my life actually- and then AA. In my 40's I went to college and in my 50's got my master's in counseling. In all of my years of healing and travels through sponsors, therapists and self -help books- you are the first person that gets me. You are the first person that is smarter than I am about this stuff and you have nailed it on the head with this video. I have so many boundaries and so many work arounds to being triggered, I am isolated and lonely and beginning to get weird! To my horror it is morphing into hoarding - in a mild way but it's progressing and my adult daughter is worried about both the hoarding and the isolation. I tell her it's not her job to meet my socialization needs, it's my job. I am in EMDR therapy now and my therapist that is younger than I am is able to reach me in a way that is more meaningful because we don't discuss my traumas in extreme detail- she helps me resolve it. I have been able to let someone see me- and let someone have insights into me that I didn't already know! But you get me! And I hear you. I will work on softening those boundaries some in order to connect in a deeper way and ease the loneliness and budding hoarding. I am going to begin the daily practice and continue my trauma therapy- and having good boundaries against abusive people but connecting to the multitudes of good and safe people in the world. I recommend your channel to clients everyday and your work informs my work. You have enormous influence on my work. You and Emma of Therapy in a Nutshell- which is how I found you. Thank you and I just had to tell you. Thank you again.
It is difficult to make friends when I am feeling socially awkward and at work is not necessarily a loving atmosphere. But yes your videos explain why this is happening and I will keep believing and trying out this tool to reregulate myself.
Like with many of your videos, I have to listen over and over. It’s been so hard lately. Maybe it’s just the time of year, I don’t know. Today was especially hard. I seriously wanted to just hibernate. I’m trying hard not to escape. I want a real relationship
I tell people what you do quite often & they are very interested! haha, but it is true. It's interesting to me that you are not drawing people who aren't wounded, I think that is an amazing indicator of your own level healing....it's a goal for me to have relationships that aren't mostly based on helping each other survive this world as people with cptsd. Around the 36 minute mark, I feel like you are watching me, right now, trying to get out of going to a party tonight because I'm "too fat" or I "don't feel well". The struggle is so real. Thank you for your help Anna. You obviously have an awesome team working with you & I appreciate all of you.
Listening to this information puts me in such a state of sadness and self loathing 😢 but it has as also made me more aware of how horrific and painful my childhood was. I turned 70 a few months ago and I still have alot of healing to do. I sincerely thank you for sharing these much needed tools and information.
I'm so glad that I found you Ms Fairy, my whole life finally makes sense to me now and I'm so grateful that there is still time for me to heal and flourish in life ❤🙏
I feel ok when I listen to your channel. I could not understand why I felt a part of me shut down in childhood. It is such a relief to know what caused it. I met a lady in the grocery line. She had a Christian t-shirt on and I commented on it. Her smile spread across her face. We had a fun conversation and waiting in line went by before I knew it. My goodness God has given you a gift. I am concerned to journal due to privacy concerns.
Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to enable us to heal and move out of fear and isolation. Most of us carry a lifetime of hurt and pain, causing resentment and bitterness towards those who have hurt us. And we also should look deeply within to see how we often need to forgive ourselves, sometimes even more so than anyone else. Choosing to forgive helps to clear out the old garbage in our psyche, which changes our hearts and minds to be more open to others. This was VERY hard for me to do! Praying for the grace of God for help with this is often necessary to "forgive from the heart". And the practice of the Ho'oponono prayer -- "I'm sorry...Please forgive me...Thank you...I love you" -- is helpful, too, even if only spoken in your mind.
Idk if you read this, but I've been homeless for 10 years now, I'm 29, thanks to you I can start my journey of healing due to my CPTSD. you give me hope that I can better myself for me and my loved ones. I can stop this consistent cycle of bad relationships with abusive people... There's so much I wish I could talk with you about but unfortunately my financial situation isn't where I'd like it to be. Keep up the GREAT WORK. great to know we're not alone
Wow, I am so glad the channel has been helpful! If you haven't already, please try Anna's free course 'The Daily Practice.' It costs nothing, and it's the technique that led to Anna’s own healing. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
I come from a family that is sorely affected by CPTSD. Both my parents were abused, however this was just not recognized, let alone understood. Your work has been an amazing help to me. The daily practice is essential for me because it is a process which counters the dysregulation in a powerful way. I am also HSP, which is very important for me to understand how dysregulation affects me. After 2 years of healing I can descern when others are prone to struggle with what may be their own childhood trauma. I can't work on anyone other than myself; however by keeping my dysregulation under control, I can have empathy for triggering people while setting and maintaining boundaries that keep me from the "victim" fear that would otherwise ruin interrelationship activities. I am 71 years of age. My future looks brighter that ever. Keep doing this important work, Anna
Thank you. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want go thru the hurt of having a negative relationship. It is not worth the end result. I am lonely but I like my own company better than anyone I have ever met.
I was also a feral child and I do everything for myself. Now that my kids are grown and I have been divorced for years, I cannot imagine living with anyone else, ever. I'm still feral. I do have lots of friends, though, and I am getting more accepting of their foibles. Maybe that's enough.
I just split with my younger bf totally dis ~regulated. Feel desperately lonely, no friends or family that cares. I see everyone around me happy. And i am totally depressed sad lonely & isolated living in accommodation with others i barely have a nights sleep work my ass off as a self employed cleaner which is more isolating working alone. I need someone to love me. I have alot of pain physically & emotionally. Just feel i am gunna be alone forever! People totally dislike me as i am different....im struggling! Love your vids they help alot
Great information, too bad I found this so late in life. Nothing to do at this point. Just exist. And go thru the motions. Listening to your work has been cathartic, but nothing can make up all the damage we have been dealt with. Never realized others could detect the damage. 😢😢
Taking steps i broke my isolation through VR i met so many wonderful people in VR and see them every day. We do a star trek review every week like 20 of us. Some people dont even say anyhring but we are there and we are together.
I love your channel, you have no idea but you literally saved my life from so much pain. I love learning more about myself from you. I listen to your videos everyday.
Super great. Found you only a few weeks ago but you're talking directly to me. Can't wait to learn more. I'm 73 and you've given me some hope. BTW, would love to know what the print is behind you at 32 minutes.
May everyone be healed, don’t give up. You are valuable. Every day is a new opportunity. God bless you all. God loves you and May God direct your paths and bring discernment , healing, peace. happiness, health , many blessings!Keep the faith, hugs, you matter!🙏🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️you are lovable! You are enough!!
I can’t think of the words to describe how I feel..and then you came along. Thank you so much! I’m becoming weird…I don’t like the town I live in. It’s a small town that looks at me as an outsider and probably always will. I’m so embarrassed about how hard I tried to fit in. I feel like I mess things up. Things will be going great and then I’ll do something, unintentionally of course, and I’ll realize certain people have dropped out of wanting to include me or do things with me. I did all those things mentioned..I hid my family situation or I told someone about my situation (TMI) either way, I ran normal people off. 😢
Love this video! You are right! I was out at a gathering and other people spoke to me and I was in a great mood and responded lovingly no matter what anyone said and it felt like good normal interaction and a connection to my home state too! I took a shot just going to socialize and it was nice! If I do this once a week surely I can break down my wall and feel more comfortable around others now that I understand my entire life as I never had before! The learning has been powerful in my content with it all now getting the facts of it all! You are awesome Anna at opening our eyes!
Thank you seems so simplistic compared to what you have done for me. I have learned so much about myself. Today I used your strategy to be brave. Really brave. To most people what I did would seem trivial. To me it was like riding the back of a great white shark. I would not be so brave if not for you.
My jouirney is a testimony to the ability to heal, but also just how much work and time it takes. My abusor was my mother, a communal narc. I have done nearly 2 decades of therapy, everything from CBT and DBT to talk and EMDR (which is what I'm currently doing). I have healed to the point that I can now find connections. I fought for the first 25 years of my life to find somewhere I fit in, to be seen and accepted. I have finally found a communithy where I fit and am accepted and loved. My chosen family is there without judgement or drama and I am there for them in the same way. The connection I have to them has exponentially sped up my healing over the last 1.5 years, but it took nearly 20 years to get to this point. Give yourself the time to heal but never give up! Not believing you can heal may be the main reason a person is not healing. Once I believed in my heart that I could heal and told my therapist that my goal was to 100% heal from PTSD and no longer have the symptoms of PTSD, that opened new doors of healing. THank you so much for the message you put out to the wwrold, CCF, and the people y ou help with your message. There was a video about believing in healing that put me on the path to believing just that and it changed so much for me!
I like being alone specially in the country I be in heaven early in the morning surrounded by nature love the birds.Being alone sometimes feels relaxing. Thanks.
Hello Ana, Tomorrow, Christmas day I am invited to Christmas dinner by an early childhood best friend of 60 years ago. (Anybody else would be thrilled). She turned out beautifully and I turned out a beautiful mess. I love her with all my heart but it's almost excruciating to go be with people that I feel are better than me. I feel so uptight and shy and can not wait to escape. I want to ditch out really bad, but she's even got gifts. I know I cheat myself out of so much love and friendship this way. I will force myself to go because she wants me to. I wish I was the normal little girl she knew long ago. I am watching today to find the mental strength to do this. I seem to run from those I love the most. I am afraid I will be a disappointment.
I have mixed quite a lot in life , but couldn't stand big crowds, being in big groups , and noisy places . and that will never change , I have alway liked my own space , and am happy to do so it's not for everybody I know ' but has you became older things change for most people , I am not afraid to talk to people but I can see the world is changing and less forgiving , people by me Donn't mix like they used to. they do more judging . which is not good for people with c.p.t.s.d , I don't feel lonely I feel more calm about life living the way I like . happy Christmas every body .🐬
Thank you so much for sharing this life saving information. I have suffered with this my whole life. Nothing I've done has helped, and I've done so much personal growth work. Bless you!
I'm so thankful to this channel. I've been constantly rejected from friend groups since childhood, and although my parents comforted me, I was always very serious and highly sensitive, and during the last 3 years, most people I talked with were my family. Now I'm at college away from my country, and loneliness strikes again. It is especially triggering as it is so similar to the school I was bullied in, and I'm still trying to break through my comfort zone, while the emotions are so overwhelming and painful. I wish there was a free online community for people with these struggles. Wish you all true healing and happiness!
Thank you for sharing. Isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course to help called Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection. Also, if you'd like to join our members' community, you can have access to the Crappy Childhood Fairy secret Facebook group where people with childhood trauma can connect, exchange thoughts, and support each other. It's a great place to start connecting with people! Nika@TeamFairy
Sometimes I am able to pause now when I'm triggered . I had a lot of verbal abuse (along with the other forms of abuse ) and when I get really triggered the voice of my abuser comes out of my mouth and I'm an ass and mean . I have such shame about this and I isolate because I'm disgusted with myself and feel I don't trust myself. I'm going to watch the video again so it will really sink in .
Ofc I don't know your situation in detail but at least if we met I'd appreciate you telling me this from the start. Where it comes from, what it means etc. Or at least once it's happened for the first time. Usually being very ashamed of sthg doesn't help in changing it. But I get that that would be the feeling. If someone knows the reason for it they might show some understanding and that might help. Plus, be understanding and compassionate with your own struggles. They don't come from nothing. ♡
Does anyone else just absolutely love 💓💖💖 our Crappy Childhood Fairy? You are God's sent, you are so real, so practical in your approach and you help more people than you will ever know!! You ARE the ONLY non-medical pill 💊 we will ever need 🙏💝. Thank you 🤗🤗❤️. I always cry in admiration of you. You CARE so much ❤️. Thank you God's sent Fairy xx
"In your inclusion is your happiness. In your isolation is your misery. Your misery has no foundation, for you are not alone and your success is guaranteed, for alone you can do nothing." _Steps to Knowledge, The Book of Inner Knowing » Step 337: Alone I can do nothing._
Well that's pretty narrow and ideological I would say. It sounds like the doctrine of a nomadic tribe in a hostile environment that wants to frighten you into thinking you can never survive on your own. And then there's always ppl that go off and do it anyway and find solace in isolation bc trying to be included is worse for them. If you have to go against what is most important to you to be included I can tell you that's NOT where happiness lies for anyone.
But I like being alone sometimes... actually a lot of the time, but sometimes nobody being there makes it like the tree that falls and no one heard it. It may as well not made any noise at all. I get it.
Oh my. Only recently I began to watch your videos. Yes, you've been describing me, & YES you made it very clear that there is help, & you make it free! That is beautiful, to truly want to help others with similar issues, giving us no excuse to avoid beginning to help ourselves! Talking, talking, & talking more about problems never worked for me, either. It makes me feel like living the stress all over again & I begin to feel the anxiety again. As Einstein said, "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it!" Thank you for bringing this perspective. It's a blessing. 💖
Anna, AKA Crappy Childhood Fairy : thank you for your great care and energy and devotion to your talks. Thank you for making my life better. I tune in to one or more of your presentations daily. Temi, SF bay area of CA USA
About 2 years ago I purchased Anna's course about disregulation, how to re-regulate. It changed my life 180 degrees, before that course I was a walking bomb ready to explode any minute, full of fears, suppressed anger,grief, overwhelmed all the time. I was triggered even washing the dishes at home( trauma from my childhood when my mum was highly critical, perfectionists) not to mention being outside around people 😢 These days I get disregulated still but knowing what to do I'm able to calm down and be back to normal, steady state, I've got the power now, my emotions no longer get the best of me😅 The course was really helpful , I'm glad and very Thankful that I came across Anna's work , I can 💯 recommend 😊💛
Everytime you say you can heal I want to cry uncontrollably and everything else in this video I do or have done to the extreme my last trainwreck of a relationship made me stop everything this video gives me a little hope thank you
Hi Anna, I just came across your channel a week ago, and these videos on loneliness have gotten to the core of my issues quicker than most therapists I’ve worked with. Some of the habits you describe yourself experiencing hit the nail on the head! I’ve never been able to put a label to what I’ve been dealing with for the past few years, but I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one. This past year I’ve lost a friendship and an 8 yr relationship because I’ve become so guarded and hyper independent (mainly because I don’t believe these relationships were with secure people to begin with). I’ve cut so many people out of my life, and it’s become harder and harder to socialize. If I hadn’t come across your page, I don’t believe I would’ve had this light bulb moment 💡 So I want to thank you for this work you do! I plan on signing up to become a member and hope to make connections with others. ❤
Thank you for watching the videos and for the time to comment. I'll make sure Anna reads it. We're glad you are a part of our community here! Feel free to connect with our customer service (hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com) if you need more information about the membership. We'd love to have you! Nika@TeamFairy
Anna - dear! The way this video was put together, is so ... soooo helpful.
Do you realize how much healing, comes from your precise, comprehensive observations?
& not any less important - from your honest, sincerely caring, humble approach?
Those are the gifts you & your team gave me in this video:
Validation
Normalization
Love
Clarity
Encouragement
Hope
RELIEF
What you`ve said about isolation feels freeing and great, then realizing we've become weird hermits.. and the nagging anxious feeling of 'wasting my life' + the realization that a lot of it has to do with being fundamentally a shame of my self --- wow girl! Spot on the money.
Until like a month ago - I didn't even know I suffer from CPTSD (And I'm about to hit 50….)
I MAKE SENCE TO MY SELF NOW. Can't thank you enough - God bless you.
You people are life savers. literally.
I agree with every word you said. The symptoms match my problems. I’m 58 years old.
So wonderfully stated! I will be 54 this year and Anna's approach truly helped me.
Me too - I’m 51 and have been doing some form of self help my whole life
@@sophiafaith Good luck.
Our
It’s unbelievable how alone you can feel in this world while so many people experience something so similar
That is so true.
Yes!! We feel so alone, we think we're alone in that, too.
It's because we crave authentic connections.
Yes and we all isolate harder. I always connect with people with similar issues online, but in real life, I'm the odd one, not by choice.
That is not to say you instantly connect with everyone you meet who has connection issues you know.
Isn't that the truth. I think we are like the walking wounded, almost afraid to reach out. But if we were brave enough, we may find things in common.
I don’t even feel lonely anymore…..I’m so afraid of people that being alone now is what I want. I don’t think it’s healthy necessarily but it feels safe right now.
Other people mostly seem dangerously under-vigilant and so naively optimistic as to be brainwashed or dumb?
same
Same here! Alone is safer and so I stay isolated too. I keep wishing I had a mate as last BF made me feel 100% happier and whole again until it turned all wrong with a narcissist! I have experienced the companionship I desperately want and need, but the road to finding it is lost and I can’t figure out how to meet single men in such a big married retirement community where I am on the young end?
Tough world! My goal was to find a normal guy not a narcissist to get me past that hell, but here I sit isolated not able to do it! I feel alone in public and at places where there’s crowds of people and can’t fit in! Bummer 😩
I’m the same. I love being alone and not talking to people for weeks sometimes. I have two safe friends and they are both in their 80s…so…my dog and me. I’m pretty good.
Me too
" Your immune system needs to be around people." If for nothing else, I salute you for this single statement. Vow!
I don't know if I agree with that statement.
@@thereseschab5042chicken pox😊
@@thereseschab5042go get your 8th Booster
No it does not
It's very true@@thereseschab5042
I would like to add - That I feel one of the biggest challenges of escaping this loneliness is healing a lot of attachment wounds. Forcing connections with people doesn't really work - People detect desperation and it turns people off from wanting to spend time with you. Also, always finding excuses to not spend time with people is also an issue. Letting relationships form organically, and practicing reciprocal connections while putting yourself out there a few times a week is the best you can really do.
That's a great start!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It seems as though people feel that sense of desperation from someone when they perceive one might be attempting to place the responsibility for caring for another upon them. People don't want the responsibility for caring for others to be prompted by someone other than from an inkling or determination to do so originating within, meaning it has to come from their own internal impetus, motivation, or sense of caring for others. It's okay to get out there and regularly interact with others; the quality and usefulness of that time spent with others helps to determine the worthwhileness of a continued connection or formation of a lasting relationship. Those who are desperate for this need to maintain themselves without revealing it, allowing for a meaningful and rewarding friendship or some type of significant relationship to naturally form over time apart from any of our own impudent insistences that such should become or follow. Our desperation has to be tempered with LOTS of patience. I agree that forcing connections will rarely, if not ever, work-- not in any sort of healthy way.
@@algallego agreed with this. Others feel my desperation and I feel theirs. I avoid spenid g time with someone who is that desperate. When I try they end up using me rather than be honest. I don't feel connected. We do have to go in to possible friendships with a sense of wanting to connect rather than wanting therapy. It's a bit of a quandary or catch 22.
Wow...all of these comments have helped shed some light on aspects of the relationship between my partner and I, that I haven't been able to put words to. They've had the beautiful and terrible fortune of being the one to open my eyes to all of the trauma I've coped/copped out/neglected to deal with and never really knew its origins...it's not an easy path, and we both have a history of negative codependency and toxic relationships. It's a lot but I'm really leaning into putting in the effort to get better, and with the incredible insight they've given me, the comments in this community, and TCCF's videos have been an absolute gift.
It's not easy to admit we've been dysregulated people who have said and done things we're disgusted by, but finding people who are not only willing to allow, but strongly encouraging the uncomfortable growth process and all its icky feelings...just...thank you. All of you.🤟💚
Edited for clarity and because I'm not great with words despite perhaps talking too much.😅
@@i-love-comountains3850 Not easy to say the least! It's the absolute hardest thing you can possibly do! Most folks who need to do this work aren't even aware of the fact that they're wounded, dysregulated and sadly blame and shame themselves without even getting to the ROOT cause of their suffering, loneliness and misery. Bravo to you for getting here. I love the supportive encouraging nature of this awesome group! Together we are strong, capable and less isolated. I thank God for the internet daily as part of my gratitude work.
I've made peace with my loneliness and isolation. It is what it is. I'm too tired.
I've had that feeling too.
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is what it is, but please don't 'disappear' into it.. I felt/still sometimes feel it like quicksand.. But the world needs our contributions, there is no one else quite like each of us.. Have a rest and then hopefully with Daily Practise & the community here, reach out gently online or whatever is manageable.. Hugs to you 💕
I feel the same way. It's exhausting trying to be an interesting person in an effort to entice strangers into a conversation
Yo tambien
I’ve been so isolated that once I meet someone, I want to hold on to them but I feel I’m just so awkward in conversation and everything in between. I have such an attachment to my husband (comfort zone) but I want to detach so I can try life with some normalcy. I don’t feel much joy. All I feel is empty and heartbroken all the time. I’ve tried it all and I keep ending up right back where I started. This cycle is frustrating.
Do you have some inkling of why you constantly feel empty and frustrated? Has it ever been different in your life? Even if just for a moment?
I'm the same, with no husband. I'm mentally tired of trying and getting no results for years.
I understand, and you can heal too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate.im so lonely and cling onto my partner I think I'm pushing him away.i suffer anxiety and just feel so unsettled and on edge on my own company which I'm in most of the time.
@@molchmolchmolchmolch has a lot to do with my C-PTSD. I’ve been struggling more since moving to Florida. I’ve had a lot of time to think and with that came memories I buried long ago. Too much time to think.
I shrank from life, from connection, in an attempt to avoid the fear of facing a world that seemingly rejected me. Not even my best moments of being accepted could last, as I was not allowing it. Mindset distortions proved most powerful until I fully faced, uncovered, and understood my early trauma and its consequences. That is when healing first had a chance.
'Alone in a crowd' was me; terrified of parties, of social nuances I had never mastered. Yet I 'covered' well - enough to avoid detection...until the inevitable nervous breakdown. My healing has come a very long way. Yet the lagging indicator of my success is the fact of lingering loneliness. Now I know that no one is coming to rescue me. I must end my isolation and loneliness.
CPTSD are often VERY aware of non verbals. Eye rolling, sighing, passive aggressive cues. So they have a problem with people who don't use words. People who don't use words but instead shrug their shoulders or whatever are poison to them.
Thanks for chiming in!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Very good description
Yes! We are so very sensitive to those non-verbal reactions. Just someone reacting with dead silence, without any accompanying 'body language', is particularly irritating on a visceral level. Might be the ambiguity and dismissiveness, bringing us right back to our childhood emotional neglect, shame, ridicule, in the reactions you cited and in the silence 'reply' that's so bothersome? We feel shut out/shut down, blown off, at being denied acknowledgment and the ability to adequately read that person to the degree we want or need to.
Yes, I'm v sensitive to things people say, do and non verbal behaviour and it often makes me want to disengage with people ie if I notice underlying irritation, impatience, hostility. I notice that a lot of people don't notice these things so they make me feel like I'm imagining what I've observed.
I can only connect on a superficial level and then not for long....trust is a huge issue for me...I am happiest alone, the older I get the more comfortable I am by myself....
It's the whole way around for me; I find people too shallow and I get bored easily to common chit chat. I overshare and then I feel stupid for sharing so much information to someone I've just met and I know it's wrong and dangerous.
@@Lyrielonwind I know what you are saying. Shallow conversation, after about 20 minutes, or so, gets exhausting. Most people, like us, are very intelligent and intuitive.
That's why I like church, small home groups, where debating eschatology, how to be faithful in an unhealthy pagan society, the false hope in American political parties, or even how to educate your children to be servants not "messiahs". Very stimulating to me.
Problems in almost all religious organizations is that their is always some "wolves in sheep's clothing". They can really set off us with childhood trauma and abuse.
@@Lyrielonwind i do that 100%
@@Lyrielonwind I experience this too, it's a funny one.... Sometimes I project, that a lot of people didn't have it growing up, but then when I listen to people talk generally, and the small talk is so boring and empty, it turns out to be a cover up, things they avoid facing in themselves. I have followed buddhism for years, but meditation I find can compound or heighten aspects of disorders, trauma etc, that it can be counter productive. But culture now, scares me: most just talk nonsense energy, social media waffle eg uncontrolled thoughts, that I can't do with the extra noise. But what we have , has meant we are still more aware than most, a blessing and a curse. x
@@apparently_sonam
That's how I always felt about empathy; it can be a blessing and a curse.
I used to be very extrovert and outgoing but I spent last years so isolated that I believe I have lost my social skills. I the other hand; I feel lazy, besides; is not easy meeting new people.
💯 how I feel so you are not alone
Ditto :(
This happened to me too. I was abused as an adult and it started me down a road that was so much worse, the pandemic put nails in that coffin for me, I barely leave the house and the last job I had gave me exhaustion. I don’t know what to do maybe I should take the is course
I had to get rid of everyone from my life coz they were all toxic and abusive.
Now my isolation is getting worse.
There are healthy connections out there, glad you are here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Cara and Anna. Lucky I feel part of your community. I have been alone for 6 years, even though I have put myself out there.
Same.
Here, with you Anna, is the place where I feel the most normal and validated.
Leaving my house is a huge challenge. I keep my errands to grocery shopping, which I only do once a month or longer if possible and often only after starving myself for several days, every day hoping that tomorrow I'll have more courage to leave my house and it won't be such a severely daunting task.
Interacting with people causes me to wish I was dead ... it "is too costly". Once upon a time I was an ambivert, now my happy peaceful safe place is home alone. Covid lockdown had zero noticeable impact on me and I marvelled watching the world lose their minds.
I have started to notice how my isolation has negatively increased my social awkwardness, tactlessness, weirdness and shame. I hate it but it's no where near as costly as with 'people interactions'.
I know that my happy place is Not a healthy place. I'm stuck.
Exactly what I’m going through 😢
I hope anna sees and replies to this..
@@southernsierra9404 💔😔💓
@@joeljoy4144 Sometimes I feel people's negative energy and sometimes I don't but negative things still happen. I generally distrust all, with or without tattoos, including myself, religious and non religious folk alike. I've recently left a high demand "christian" religious culty organization that I was a part of for 45 yrs. Talk about Pack wolves dressed in sheep's clothing Point being, my fears are "no respecter of persons". I don't get triggered all the time by all, but when I do get triggered for whatever random reason that is usually unknown to me in the moment, I just become paralyzed (freeze) and covertly (internally) disregulate; at best I fawn, which causes me so much shame. Shame, haunts me. I know I need professional type help but I don't trust them either (not for the lack of trying) nor can I leave my house.
I've probably over shared so forgive me if that is the case.
I feel so similar to you , were I live there are so many narcissist , who use people like me for there own needs not caring if they hurt you . I have only learned about this . this year . when I look back on my life , the people I thought were good were only using me for their own needs , I did meet some good people in life who became good friends , but I love the power of one not putting myself in arms way . and not allowing other people to take advantage of my c.p.t.s.d , I feel fine being by myself although I now it's not for everybody. , happy Christmas
Thank you. Experiencing a loving relationship is the one thing I'd like in life but it does feel unachievable x
I get that, but it's not!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The self-defeating behavior is overwith. But I just can't forgive myself for accepting horrible treatment from others in the past.
I get you... ❤❤❤ I also feel I will never have such a relationship 😢
Dude. This is so weird, this is exactly what I need right now. Literally just let a girl go that I got too attached to and this video drops at the exact same time. Thank you!
Perfect!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi I'm no p
Dude?
Me too my friend, they say to remove people who won't treat you decent from your life, but for me it means a complete do over from the ground up, since all the connections I had around her only saw the nice and harmless side of her. I am forcing accepting invitations for new connections but this means a long slow start for those of us with authentic empathy and cptsd, but NO MATTER WHAT, we must keep pushing forward and showing up for ourselves despite times of hopeless feelings and the wounds we're left holding. We will make it out through the other side that much more ready to try again. Stand firm
@@inezkarkabe2454 haha some people just talk that way. He's probably a young guy
I'm in awe. You have no idea how much I needed this. This specific thing has been my greatest sadness my whole life.
As a child and young adult, I found it almost impossible to connect with the people around me. I was painfully shy, afraid to put myself out there because it meant others recognizing how weird and socially underdeveloped I was. And they always did. I always felt so "other" and I never wanted it. I didn't understand why making and keeping friends was so easy for everyone else. A lone wolf, begrudgingly.
Only now at 28 am I making the first steps towards healing this. I am so excited to finally connect like a normal person. I can't wait to finally have best friends or a friend group I can hang out with and talk to. I'm so excited to finally have the confidence to reach out towards others. I can't wait to be my authentic self and then let others accept me. I can't wait to open my arms up to the world. I have hope now.
YES!!! We are behind you 100%
-Cara@TeamFairy
Spirit Valentime... OMG , your post describing you coming into being more involved with life is outstanding. Really outstanding.
It's like you are describing me, this gives me hope ❤
How you doing?
Good. Including more people in my life has made my life richer. I'm better understanding what qualities I really appreciate and need in others. I also see more clearly how I actually am, which is fun. Talking to people forces me to witness myself, and it's pretty funny @@ALGARIC
haha i did all of these and it just stung my ass loll. i go through cycles of becoming a positive energy in everyones lives, listening and supporting them, loving their traits and promoting them, i build connections and bonds and then i realize its just me who does that and i never receive anything back, get judged and then toss away and i become negative and lose faith in the good things again, isolating myself. and each time this happens the more i realize its stupid to keep going back to the happy side because its all superficial and fake, the final truth is that everything comes from selfishness and thats depressing
Ugh! I do this too and feel all the same feels! I also stew in it, ruminate and chastise myself for participating in this cluster mind F behavioural cycle.
I think it has something to do with codependence as well as not being aware of nor respecting our personal boundaries. I also identify this as the way I experience limerence.
I hope you won't give up.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Both of these replies I can relate too.
Same here 😢
I was thinking about this lately and trying to remember my childhood. I remember being happy as a kid but when I was sexually molested (not once but many times by different people) at 9 or 10yrs old, I started isolating myself and no longer want to go out and play with other kids. I also didn’t like people coming and going in our house whenever they wanted to. My mum didn’t care if they come and go. I thought I was just being a snob and now realizing at 40 that I was trying to protect my child self. Up to these days I never like people visiting me at my house all the time. I never once did house party it feels very intruding to me but with this I feel very isolated with everyone.
Glad you are here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Being involved in deliverance ministries for years, the most prevalent way to open a soul to "darkness" was not the occult, drugs, dark music, reading your horoscopes or astrology, Tarot cards or false religions, but childhood trauma and abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse. Hands down. The Devil always go after the most vulnerable among us
Sending u love
I've had so many women in my life call me "amazing" among other nice things but yet I still have an underlying (secret) fear of someone regretting having chosen me.
Which leads to me subconsciously doing things that push them away.😥
My earliest memories are when I was with my grandmother, wondering where mom was or if she was coming back.
Thank you Anna. I'm at the stage of strong one day, and hiding in the woods the next day. I guess it's a start. I'm trying.
Titration!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve just “woken up” from a 3-day episode of disregulation and its always sad to see how much I hampered my life in the way. Isolation and self derogatory mantras are always a big part of it.
I wish I could be part of any group of people to at least have some activity to ease my mind in these periods, but unfortunately I can never manage to be part of a group. It always feels as if I’m acting and after a while it becomes a burdensome activity that I prefer to avoid.
I’ve been trying to change this and I feel I’ve had some progress so far, but it’s really a difficult path :(
I've found 12-step groups to really help me with that need to be with people in a healing way.
As was just mentioned, 12 step groups can be a great solution. CCF also has a membership program with daily zoom calls for support :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
i was just crying my eyes out at how lonely i am. 😔 ly❤️
You are like a beacon of light in somebody's or anybody' s dark times.
Appreciate you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Have you ever had the experience of being in school, and dreading that the teacher calls on you, and the feeling when they do? I still, to this day, have that feeling when I talk to anyone in general. The intensity varies, depending on how comfortable I feel around the person, or multiplies with more people. It doesn't help that the thoughts in my head doesn't translate into speech. It's often a more scaled back, over simplified version of what I intend to convey. Which often makes me cringe to hear coming out of my mouth, and then escalates my anxiety. Which then exacerbates the problem, in a self perpetual cycle. Including the numbness, and figgy mind. Hence, I get pretty lonely. It's only been a few years since I discovered I can type my thoughts way more easily than speaking them.
This is truly a case of "titration", a concept Anna uses for re-regulation in courses & videos.
-Cara@TeamFairy
You have an amazing gift ! Your presentations have allowed me to heal wounds that I have been putting bandaids on and each video is equal to a year of counseling. So insightful an informative. You are literally saving my life right now. Truly a Godsend !!!
Bill i agree! I can relate to everything she is saying. It’s sad but true to be treated the way we have been. I finally broke the cycle of bad relationships going on 8 years ago. I also struggled with drugs and I’m going on 6 years of being clean. I get upset at myself sometimes because I am 60 yrs old. I feel I wasted a lot of time. But I really do try to not think about how long it took. I’m just grateful I changed and broke some cycles in my life. God bless you Bill 🙏. I found this site by accident but was it an accident? Or a meant to be? I’m so grateful to get confirmation on the way I felt for a very long time of my life and still learning. I love knowledge. I hope you find your happiness and get through what is bothering you. I will be praying for all. 🙏❤️
💯 agree
I have a part time job which is my only connection with sociability and I have to really be careful not to harm it by talking too much or trying too hard. The other women all have lives and I think they understand that my job is my only connection with the world, though they have no idea of the extent.
Every so often it hits me like a brick wall that I don't have the friend and family group that I would love to have. I often think I ought to have a hostel somewhere in order to just have company and feel useful
Can't recommend enough connecting with us in membership, we have live zoom groups every single day.
-Cara@TeamFairy
You just described me my exact feelings and almost the exact same situation
My work is also my connection to the outside world. And for social exchanges of sorts. I have the issue of talking too much at times. So I pull back and don’t speak for days sometimes. I have made some friends over the last couple of years. Two very fine ladies. I don’t want to bombard them with my crap I reveal things sometimes and then regret it. WHAT IS THAT?
I also got a part time job to get out of the house and be able to come home and not have to think about work. Otherwise I was afraid of actually losing myself into an abyss of some kind. I do like the attention to detail of my work. Brings me out into the light
I have been isolating for the last seventeen years. Your videos are helping me to understand myself better. Thank you. I am in therapy now and back to a recovery program. Stepping out of my shell slowly. The line I always used was “me, myself and I get along just fine”. The sad reality is I believed it.
Being alone is so hard ❤ really needed this
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
wow, Anna, I feel validated after hearing you say you can't talk before you've done the daily practice. I asked my husband years ago to try to not talk to me for about an hour after I wake up because I'm cranky. Later I learned it was dysregulation. I'll give this a go, because I'd like to see real change. Thank you
Definitely, give it a go!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Your the first person who makes sense of my situation! I'm 60 and alone. I have 4 grandchildren and I adore them. I have a people service job so it's a great help.
Thats great to hear. This is the right place for you. You might be interested in giving Anna's free Daily Practice course. It could be helpful. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
"Walk the Path of Love"💕👏😘 The beauty way....excellent video Anna. I love you sister. Keep up the great work. You're a holy, holy, holy gift to hurting humanity.
I just got out of my 3rd EMDR session and listening to this makes me cry (in a good way). It sounds very eloquent.
Has it worked?
I've considered EMDR
@@dinosaur___7209 Yes. You have to trust the process. It’s different than talk therapy but same results.
I have learned so much about myself from your posts. My hubby is a war vet with ptsd and I am on the regular basis disregulated because of childhood trauma. Your webinars help so much, I still need work especially with loneliness
Thanks for being here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Went to a Xmas party didn’t connect with anyone everyone thought I had a great time but all I got was a headache and felt sick for a week is it worth it I’m 54 isolating feels so right and trying to connect never seems to feel right I don’t feel like others understand me.I cried when Covid lockdown ended I loved it …no pressure it was awesome for me
same !!! I felt like during covid I was finally like everyone else...ISOLATED. But its the only way I know to be and others were forced into it, I was at ease. Now I need connection as always but so afraid and have no excuse
Good morning my namesake. I too definitely have CPTSD. I promise you sis. Being alone for a long time is NOT healthy or good for anyone. Even small changes, maybe a couple of one to one interactions a day DOES help to feel more human. There are many of us in a similar situation. YES. It is for me a great struggle and effort. I am autistic as well, so the misunderstandings I face are awesome, stressful and frustrating. We must push ourselves to speak to a few people who seem kind or reasonable or safe. Practise IS required. It is the only way. I am not cured yet sis. I am also a Christian and my Faith in my triune creator has brought comfort and healing in what has been for me at times almost impossible situations. I hope this helps and I pray for freedom from isolation and for supportive, loving people with whom you can relax into your life in Jesus's mighty name.
Funny I’ve just spent the last 2 years learning to be content and ok with being alone and isolating myself. I really enjoy my own company now. In fact I can’t stand being around most people now.
Solitude is a great skill, isolating is more dangerous.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Within the first minute of listening to this video, I spontaneously want to say, " I love you," this is how grateful I feel to you!! 😭😭😭
Thanks so much for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sometimes..we Need to be Alone to reconnect with ourself..who we are! Us people pleasers can get very lost!
Definitely! Anna talks about intentional solitude as being a very healthy regulation strategy, but isolation is different.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Mine is pretty close to isolation. It is hard.
I joined a crochet group. But quit going because of the group leader. After realizing that she is who she is and setting personal boundaries. I went back. A little uncomfortable, but realizing that I have no control over an others behavior, helped a lot.
I feel lonely in my marriage, I have a wonderful man but I always think he is annoyed by me so I hold back to not annoy him further. He says he’s not annoyed but it’s so hard for me to believe him. I mis read everyone and I always feel my coworkers hate me as well.. because of these thoughts I have, I choose to not get close to anyone and as a result of this it leaves me feeling alone and left out. It’s a vicious circle that I don’t know how to correct
Correct it with the Daily Practice :) /bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I watched this before, but now it really makes sense to me. I think this helps when ppl reach a stage when they realise being lonely for far too long, to avoid triggers, actually ends up hurting us more - without connection its too much mental suffering from being lonely for a very long time.
So no matter how difficult, if you feel you've had enough of self-isolating, try to re-engage, even at the the most basic level is more than enough (eg: sports/activities/charity work groups)
Appreciate you commenting!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Felt so much of this. I've found my "comfort" on the outside of everything. I don't feel cut out for life and I just simply don't like other people. It is what it is. Maybe someday I'll come out of my isolation.
I thank you crappy childhood fairy for everything. You are a beacon for so many other people in this world. I know that suffering or trauma is never worth it, but yours truly maybe has been made such a great gift for many people who struggle to know or heal themselves and their lives. They are truly held back. Their time now will not be wasted.
I am 70, and been isolating for 10 years since my husband passed away. Turned to substance abuse to cope. Also have not gotten back to church. Been in rehab a couple times over my lifetime. I am the oldest of 6, and was put in a Mother role at age eight. Was born with Spinal Bifida Occult, that put me in the hospital as a baby for a couple surgeries. My dad was in the Air Force the first 5 months of my life. Was sick a lot as a kid/teen. Never made friends in grade, and high school. My Dad was alcoholic, and Mom had prescription addiction. Fighting, and lots of emotional stress in the household. I have many gastrointestinal issues (overgrowth of yeast, bacteria, and fungal infections) that cause brain issues like depression, anxiety, brain fog, and suicidal ideation. I feel if I don’t deal with the gastrointestinal issues I won’t be able to get help with Trama. I can absolutely relate to what Anna, and others are sharing. It is hard to move forward. Sometimes I feel it’s too late for me to change. I am hoping for some connections that bring me out of this empty pit I am in. Bless you all.❤
After decades I'm finally making friends and even have a lover. However, it's too little too late. The chronic emotional loneliness has left me unable to really connect to humans and at my age its just never going to be enough to undo a lifetime of pain. Removing the isolation isn't enough. I've a void inside of me where 40+ years of love and affection and validation should have been, and you can't cram that amount of love into a few months or years.
I totally get it, and I don't even have a lover or much hope of ever having one. It's just not fair...but that's just the way it is. Saying that doesn't make it suck less. I'm so resentful of people 20 and 30 years younger than me who are doing this work. Oh well.
On the other hand, though I'm running on empty, I am still trying to heal and grow. It's just so hard to accept all that I have missed out on
@@Cathartesaurea I don't think it can be ever be healed. I was ridiculously lucky to find a lover. That was an outlier. I wish you the best of luck.
You are where you are, but you don’t have to stay there. I’m 52 and only just now figuring this stuff out. I’m determined to heal as much as I can - C-PTSD will always be a part of me and I’ve accepted that - but I do believe, partly thanks to Anna @ CCF that there is still hope for me to live a happy life with the time I have left. I am dedicating my remaining time on this planet to continually learning and growing. I don’t care if it’s 30 years I have left or 30 minutes. I’m going to do my best and I’m going to feel proud of myself for trying even if I don’t completely succeed.
I wish hope for you, become it only takes a spark of hope to light the fire of living life to the full and to burn away the fear and self-imposed limitations.
My parents and the bullies messed up the first part of my life. I’m going to be my own superhero from now on.
@@SailingNovaturient Thank you. I've tried everything I can, but I dont think it's solvable. I keep trying, but the evidence is that some things are untreatable.
This episode is one of the best I’ve seen on this subject. I had some childhood trauma, but most of the trauma I’ve had was in adulthood that probably resulted to some degree from the childhood trauma. I isolate and have for a few years because I get very emotional when I experience certain triggers from others. I don’t want to experience the pain of that or act in a way that is hurtful to anyone else because of the broken ways I feel and behave with others.
Thanks for this video.
I'm so glad that it has helped!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh my word thank you- being ferrel as a child- so relatable and what a good way to describe the experience
Anna. You kinda just blow me away with your empathetic, gentle loving truths that hit right in the heart- while calling me out on my BS- like nobody in my life is capable of. I was one of those feral children- the only adult in my family- at age 8 until 18- the day I turned 18 and walked out of that hell hole. I started my journey through healing basically at age 12 when I started voraciously consuming self help. During this time I was the family therapist, mother, adult and voice of reason. At age 27 I got sober in AA and began the 12 step life- and it helped a great deal and I connected to people in a meaningful way finally- still have some of those connections 36 years later. I first started therapy at age 19 and had off and on returned to it- sometimes it was helpful- it saved my life actually- and then AA. In my 40's I went to college and in my 50's got my master's in counseling. In all of my years of healing and travels through sponsors, therapists and self -help books- you are the first person that gets me. You are the first person that is smarter than I am about this stuff and you have nailed it on the head with this video. I have so many boundaries and so many work arounds to being triggered, I am isolated and lonely and beginning to get weird! To my horror it is morphing into hoarding - in a mild way but it's progressing and my adult daughter is worried about both the hoarding and the isolation. I tell her it's not her job to meet my socialization needs, it's my job. I am in EMDR therapy now and my therapist that is younger than I am is able to reach me in a way that is more meaningful because we don't discuss my traumas in extreme detail- she helps me resolve it. I have been able to let someone see me- and let someone have insights into me that I didn't already know! But you get me! And I hear you. I will work on softening those boundaries some in order to connect in a deeper way and ease the loneliness and budding hoarding. I am going to begin the daily practice and continue my trauma therapy- and having good boundaries against abusive people but connecting to the multitudes of good and safe people in the world. I recommend your channel to clients everyday and your work informs my work. You have enormous influence on my work. You and Emma of Therapy in a Nutshell- which is how I found you. Thank you and I just had to tell you. Thank you again.
"I was fundamentally ashamed of who I was.." yes, that one resonates ❤❤❤❤
It is difficult to make friends when I am feeling socially awkward and at work is not necessarily a loving atmosphere. But yes your videos explain why this is happening and I will keep believing and trying out this tool to reregulate myself.
my words too
You got this! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Like with many of your videos, I have to listen over and over. It’s been so hard lately. Maybe it’s just the time of year, I don’t know. Today was especially hard. I seriously wanted to just hibernate. I’m trying hard not to escape. I want a real relationship
You are not alone, glad you are here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I tell people what you do quite often & they are very interested! haha, but it is true. It's interesting to me that you are not drawing people who aren't wounded, I think that is an amazing indicator of your own level healing....it's a goal for me to have relationships that aren't mostly based on helping each other survive this world as people with cptsd.
Around the 36 minute mark, I feel like you are watching me, right now, trying to get out of going to a party tonight because I'm "too fat" or I "don't feel well". The struggle is so real. Thank you for your help Anna. You obviously have an awesome team working with you & I appreciate all of you.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Listening to this information puts me in such a state of sadness and self loathing 😢 but it has as also made me more aware of how horrific and painful my childhood was. I turned 70 a few months ago and I still have alot of healing to do. I sincerely thank you for sharing these much needed tools and information.
I'm so glad that I found you Ms Fairy, my whole life finally makes sense to me now and I'm so grateful that there is still time for me to heal and flourish in life ❤🙏
I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment. -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel ok when I listen to your channel. I could not understand why I felt a part of me shut down in childhood. It is such a relief to know what caused it.
I met a lady in the grocery line. She had a Christian t-shirt on and I commented on it. Her smile spread across her face. We had a fun conversation and waiting in line went by before I knew it.
My goodness God has given you a gift.
I am concerned to journal due to privacy concerns.
The hollow connections...yep BTDT!
I've dreaded going to family reunions, etc and cancelled over and over. I almost missed my Mom's funeral.
I’ve also had conversations with people when stuck in line, or at the DMV for hours. It makes it fun. I need to make a habit of chatting with people.
Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to enable us to heal and move out of fear and isolation. Most of us carry a lifetime of hurt and pain, causing resentment and bitterness towards those who have hurt us. And we also should look deeply within to see how we often need to forgive ourselves, sometimes even more so than anyone else. Choosing to forgive helps to clear out the old garbage in our psyche, which changes our hearts and minds to be more open to others. This was VERY hard for me to do! Praying for the grace of God for help with this is often necessary to "forgive from the heart". And the practice of the Ho'oponono prayer -- "I'm sorry...Please forgive me...Thank you...I love you" -- is helpful, too, even if only spoken in your mind.
Idk if you read this, but I've been homeless for 10 years now, I'm 29, thanks to you I can start my journey of healing due to my CPTSD. you give me hope that I can better myself for me and my loved ones. I can stop this consistent cycle of bad relationships with abusive people... There's so much I wish I could talk with you about but unfortunately my financial situation isn't where I'd like it to be. Keep up the GREAT WORK. great to know we're not alone
Wow, I am so glad the channel has been helpful! If you haven't already, please try Anna's free course 'The Daily Practice.' It costs nothing, and it's the technique that led to Anna’s own healing. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Calista@TeamFairy
I come from a family that is sorely affected by CPTSD. Both my parents were abused, however this was just not recognized, let alone understood. Your work has been an amazing help to me. The daily practice is essential for me because it is a process which counters the dysregulation in a powerful way. I am also HSP, which is very important for me to understand how dysregulation affects me. After 2 years of healing I can descern when others are prone to struggle with what may be their own childhood trauma. I can't work on anyone other than myself; however by keeping my dysregulation under control, I can have empathy for triggering people while setting and maintaining boundaries that keep me from the "victim" fear that would otherwise ruin interrelationship activities. I am 71 years of age. My future looks brighter that ever. Keep doing this important work, Anna
Wow, thank you for sharing this! I'm so glad Anna has been helpful, I'll make sure she reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you. I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want go thru the hurt of having a negative relationship. It is not worth the end result. I am lonely but I like my own company better than anyone I have ever met.
I was also a feral child and I do everything for myself. Now that my kids are grown and I have been divorced for years, I cannot imagine living with anyone else, ever. I'm still feral. I do have lots of friends, though, and I am getting more accepting of their foibles. Maybe that's enough.
That sounds like progress, and progress is good :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just split with my younger bf totally dis ~regulated. Feel desperately lonely, no friends or family that cares. I see everyone around me happy. And i am totally depressed sad lonely & isolated living in accommodation with others i barely have a nights sleep work my ass off as a self employed cleaner which is more isolating working alone. I need someone to love me. I have alot of pain physically & emotionally. Just feel i am gunna be alone forever! People totally dislike me as i am different....im struggling! Love your vids they help alot
Your videos are a balm for my soul thank you for your encouragement ! You speak to my stony heart.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Great information, too bad I found this so late in life. Nothing to do at this point. Just exist. And go thru the motions. Listening to your work has been cathartic, but nothing can make up all the damage we have been dealt with. Never realized others could detect the damage. 😢😢
It's never too late to heal. Jack@TeamFairy
writing helps- for real- and keeping a journal makes it less likely to vent too much or unburden inappropriately.
Taking steps i broke my isolation through VR i met so many wonderful people in VR and see them every day. We do a star trek review every week like 20 of us. Some people dont even say anyhring but we are there and we are together.
I love your channel, you have no idea but you literally saved my life from so much pain. I love learning more about myself from you. I listen to your videos everyday.
You are so welcome!
Super great. Found you only a few weeks ago but you're talking directly to me. Can't wait to learn more. I'm 73 and you've given me some hope. BTW, would love to know what the print is behind you at 32 minutes.
The more I break the isolation, the more I want to return to it.
That's the instinct, but it's so worth it to keep going. Titration helps and so does this free course: bit.ly/38JfzK1
-The Fairy Team
May everyone be healed, don’t give up. You are valuable. Every day is a new opportunity. God bless you all. God loves you and May God direct your paths and bring discernment , healing, peace. happiness, health , many blessings!Keep the faith, hugs, you matter!🙏🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️you are lovable! You are enough!!
Thank you for sharing encouragement!
Julie@TeamFairy
I can’t think of the words to describe how I feel..and then you came along. Thank you so much!
I’m becoming weird…I don’t like the town I live in. It’s a small town that looks at me as an outsider and probably always will. I’m so embarrassed about how hard I tried to fit in. I feel like I mess things up. Things will be going great and then I’ll do something, unintentionally of course, and I’ll realize certain people have dropped out of wanting to include me or do things with me. I did all those things mentioned..I hid my family situation or I told someone about my situation (TMI) either way, I ran normal people off. 😢
You are not alone!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes a “grinding sense of loneliness and isolation” in childhood.
This lady has me remembering the saying “ your mess becomes your message” GRATEFUL TO YOU MAMMA
In 12 step programs they say: Share the message, not the mess :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I wish I could give a thousand likes, this is pure gold!
Appreciate you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thanks for putting so much energy into helping all of us.
Thank you for your kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Love this video! You are right! I was out at a gathering and other people spoke to me and I was in a great mood and responded lovingly no matter what anyone said and it felt like good normal interaction and a connection to my home state too! I took a shot just going to socialize and it was nice! If I do this once a week surely I can break down my wall and feel more comfortable around others now that I understand my entire life as I never had before! The learning has been powerful in my content with it all now getting the facts of it all! You are awesome Anna at opening our eyes!
I'm so happy to hear this!
Thank you seems so simplistic compared to what you have done for me. I have learned so much about myself. Today I used your strategy to be brave. Really brave. To most people what I did would seem trivial. To me it was like riding the back of a great white shark. I would not be so brave if not for you.
Great job! I get that it's a big deal :
-Cara@TeamFairy
My jouirney is a testimony to the ability to heal, but also just how much work and time it takes. My abusor was my mother, a communal narc. I have done nearly 2 decades of therapy, everything from CBT and DBT to talk and EMDR (which is what I'm currently doing). I have healed to the point that I can now find connections. I fought for the first 25 years of my life to find somewhere I fit in, to be seen and accepted. I have finally found a communithy where I fit and am accepted and loved. My chosen family is there without judgement or drama and I am there for them in the same way. The connection I have to them has exponentially sped up my healing over the last 1.5 years, but it took nearly 20 years to get to this point. Give yourself the time to heal but never give up! Not believing you can heal may be the main reason a person is not healing. Once I believed in my heart that I could heal and told my therapist that my goal was to 100% heal from PTSD and no longer have the symptoms of PTSD, that opened new doors of healing. THank you so much for the message you put out to the wwrold, CCF, and the people y ou help with your message. There was a video about believing in healing that put me on the path to believing just that and it changed so much for me!
Love this encouraging message!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for sharing I’m stuck and this helps thank you so very much ❤
You are the first person who describes and provides solutions for what I am experiencing in my life.
I'm so glad you found the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I like being alone specially in the country I be in heaven early in the morning surrounded by nature love the birds.Being alone sometimes feels relaxing. Thanks.
You are an Angel. Thank you a thousand times for the tremendous help you provide.
Hello Ana, Tomorrow, Christmas day I am invited to Christmas dinner by an early childhood best friend of 60 years ago. (Anybody else would be thrilled). She turned out beautifully and I turned out a beautiful mess. I love her with all my heart but it's almost excruciating to go be with people that I feel are better than me. I feel so uptight and shy and can not wait to escape. I want to ditch out really bad, but she's even got gifts. I know I cheat myself out of so much love and friendship this way. I will force myself to go because she wants me to. I wish I was the normal little girl she knew long ago. I am watching today to find the mental strength to do this. I seem to run from those I love the most. I am afraid I will be a disappointment.
Hugs
Ditto
How did it go? ❤
I feel like you really understand what I’m going through. And you’re able to give a lot more meaningful advice bc you’ve been through it yourself.
Shows like "Friends" and "Cheers" made it look so easy.
Yes!
Now I understand
You are a treasure, God bless you❤
Wow, this is exactly me all of my life! Never ever have had close trusted relationships. I tried, only to be thrown away every time.
I have mixed quite a lot in life , but couldn't stand big crowds, being in big groups , and noisy places . and that will never change , I have alway liked my own space , and am happy to do so it's not for everybody I know ' but has you became older things change for most people , I am not afraid to talk to people but I can see the world is changing and less forgiving , people by me Donn't mix like they used to. they do more judging . which is not good for people with c.p.t.s.d , I don't feel lonely I feel more calm about life living the way I like . happy Christmas every body .🐬
Happy Christmas :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for sharing this life saving information. I have suffered with this my whole life. Nothing I've done has helped, and I've done so much personal growth work. Bless you!
I'm so thankful to this channel. I've been constantly rejected from friend groups since childhood, and although my parents comforted me, I was always very serious and highly sensitive, and during the last 3 years, most people I talked with were my family. Now I'm at college away from my country, and loneliness strikes again. It is especially triggering as it is so similar to the school I was bullied in, and I'm still trying to break through my comfort zone, while the emotions are so overwhelming and painful. I wish there was a free online community for people with these struggles. Wish you all true healing and happiness!
Thank you for sharing. Isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course to help called Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection. Also, if you'd like to join our members' community, you can have access to the Crappy Childhood Fairy secret Facebook group where people with childhood trauma can connect, exchange thoughts, and support each other. It's a great place to start connecting with people!
Nika@TeamFairy
Finally someone is telling my story! And you have helped me see I'm not alone. Thank you!
You certainly aren't alone and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel soo blessed to have discovered your site. I learn so much from you. Your videos have been soo helpful.
Sometimes I am able to pause now when I'm triggered .
I had a lot of verbal abuse (along with the other forms of abuse ) and when I get really triggered the voice of my abuser comes out of my mouth and I'm an ass and mean . I have such shame about this and I isolate because I'm disgusted with myself and feel I don't trust myself.
I'm going to watch the video again so it will really sink in .
Ofc I don't know your situation in detail but at least if we met I'd appreciate you telling me this from the start. Where it comes from, what it means etc. Or at least once it's happened for the first time. Usually being very ashamed of sthg doesn't help in changing it. But I get that that would be the feeling. If someone knows the reason for it they might show some understanding and that might help. Plus, be understanding and compassionate with your own struggles. They don't come from nothing. ♡
I couldn't pause when triggered without the Daily Practice in my life. /bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy time for me to commit to this !
Triggers can be opportunities for growth, when we are able to. ✌️❤️
Does anyone else just absolutely love 💓💖💖 our Crappy Childhood Fairy? You are God's sent, you are so real, so practical in your approach and you help more people than you will ever know!! You ARE the ONLY non-medical pill 💊 we will ever need 🙏💝. Thank you 🤗🤗❤️. I always cry in admiration of you. You CARE so much ❤️. Thank you God's sent Fairy xx
Aw, now you're going to bring tears to MY eyes. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this message 🙏🏻🎯💪🏻 full of hope . Many Blessings back with kind regards from Denmark 🇩🇰
Thank you for watching Denmark!
-Cara@TeamFairy
"In your inclusion is your happiness. In your isolation is your misery. Your misery has no foundation, for you are not alone and your success is guaranteed, for alone you can do nothing."
_Steps to Knowledge, The Book of Inner Knowing » Step 337: Alone I can do nothing._
Well that's pretty narrow and ideological I would say. It sounds like the doctrine of a nomadic tribe in a hostile environment that wants to frighten you into thinking you can never survive on your own. And then there's always ppl that go off and do it anyway and find solace in isolation bc trying to be included is worse for them. If you have to go against what is most important to you to be included I can tell you that's NOT where happiness lies for anyone.
Success is guaranteed? Nothing in life is guaranteed. Aren't actually in control of anything outside of your own self.
Thank you!
But I like being alone sometimes... actually a lot of the time, but sometimes nobody being there makes it like the tree that falls and no one heard it. It may as well not made any noise at all. I get it.
Thank you!
Oh my. Only recently I began to watch your videos. Yes, you've been describing me, & YES you made it very clear that there is help, & you make it free! That is beautiful, to truly want to help others with similar issues, giving us no excuse to avoid beginning to help ourselves! Talking, talking, & talking more about problems never worked for me, either. It makes me feel like living the stress all over again & I begin to feel the anxiety again. As Einstein said, "You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it!" Thank you for bringing this perspective. It's a blessing. 💖
Anna, AKA Crappy Childhood Fairy : thank you for your great care and energy and devotion to your talks. Thank you for making my life better. I tune in to one or more of your presentations daily. Temi, SF bay area of CA USA
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
just watching Anna speak is already regulating for me! thank you! 🙏🏼
About 2 years ago I purchased Anna's course about disregulation, how to re-regulate. It changed my life 180 degrees, before that course I was a walking bomb ready to explode any minute, full of fears, suppressed anger,grief, overwhelmed all the time. I was triggered even washing the dishes at home( trauma from my childhood when my mum was highly critical, perfectionists) not to mention being outside around people 😢 These days I get disregulated still but knowing what to do I'm able to calm down and be back to normal, steady state, I've got the power now, my emotions no longer get the best of me😅 The course was really helpful , I'm glad and very Thankful that I came across Anna's work , I can 💯 recommend 😊💛
Wow, I'm so glad the course was helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Everytime you say you can heal I want to cry uncontrollably and everything else in this video I do or have done to the extreme my last trainwreck of a relationship made me stop everything this video gives me a little hope thank you
Hi Anna, I just came across your channel a week ago, and these videos on loneliness have gotten to the core of my issues quicker than most therapists I’ve worked with. Some of the habits you describe yourself experiencing hit the nail on the head! I’ve never been able to put a label to what I’ve been dealing with for the past few years, but I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one.
This past year I’ve lost a friendship and an 8 yr relationship because I’ve become so guarded and hyper independent (mainly because I don’t believe these relationships were with secure people to begin with). I’ve cut so many people out of my life, and it’s become harder and harder to socialize. If I hadn’t come across your page, I don’t believe I would’ve had this light bulb moment 💡 So I want to thank you for this work you do! I plan on signing up to become a member and hope to make connections with others. ❤
Thank you for watching the videos and for the time to comment. I'll make sure Anna reads it. We're glad you are a part of our community here! Feel free to connect with our customer service (hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com) if you need more information about the membership. We'd love to have you!
Nika@TeamFairy