Know the facts on neurodivergence and when an article is spinning it for attention with Ground News. Subscribe through my link ground.news/nowwhat to get 30% off their unlimited access Vantage plan which is about $6/month. We NEED to Discuss the Autism Speaks Rebrand Attempt.: ua-cam.com/video/qTQYubdlR24/v-deo.html What you think? Do you think ‘Autism Moms’ and #actuallyautistic adults can ever get on? I actually had quite a lot more than I thought I did to say about the Jubilee video with Abbey’s mom, so I could potentially do another video discussing it further, if you’d be interested? Just let me know! I went into a stupidly deep hyperfocus on this one and probably had enough research for about 4 different videos 😂 Whoops!! If you missed the one with the autism mom Amber, you can watch here: ua-cam.com/video/-tbhcpXXQ2Q/v-deo.html And if you want some more positive, here are some actually autistic memes!: ua-cam.com/video/v8XUNPm4KeI/v-deo.html Thank you so much for watching! And thank you to my wonderful patrons - there should be a lot of new content for you in the next couple of weeks 💛🐌
I just disagree with the abuse of the word trauma. If people disagreeing with you is traumatic how do you ever rationalize disagreeing with anyone. Please consider the fact people cope in different ways and you trying to control others, is “you trying to control others”. And if being forced to be a certain way is traumatic for you then you forcing someone else to consent to something they don’t want is?? What. Parents have a right to film their child and they want support in the form of normal people seeing what their life is. You can’t have it both ways, you either don’t want to be forced and want to be accepted and so believe that the world should be compelled or you don’t believe in compelling anyone. I think your not taking into account how much in this day and age people are dragging government and force of law and rules and regulations of both government and corporate politics into the “room or space” when people are making arguments so if you don’t specify what you want from your arguments. Are you asking people to take action or are you just speaking your opinion because the manner you are portraying things as moral rather than socially tactful or skillful is coming off as heavy handed. Do you honestly not believe people self identify as autism for the sake of trying to excuse bad behavior. I am Austic myself and worked with Asperger’s kids for years, and later I worked with children who at eight years old could not even speak with words, only clicks and “baby sounds”. That is such a frightening disease and disability. Btw, something being associated with the Nazis is not it absolutely is not an argument against something. Fanta, BMV, Volkswagen, Germans, are all associated more than most things in real ways. You can’t just dismiss something and that is absolutely weaponizing stigma which you seemed to be against. Be aware of what you yourself lend yourself to and then also condemn. You shouldn’t be moralizing something like stigma, if you don’t have any problem using it. Telling people to open up in private is, no different then telling someone to keep it to your group. You say people need more help but you think that certain people crying for help should be keeping what their going through private. Public vs private is the argument. Private is secret, closed, hidden. Public is open. Is there not a connection between hidden and secret and stigma? This whole video feels like a gigantic it’s ok when I do it. I am truly sorry that this is going to come off a rough or harsh or even traumatic but I genuinely feel you need a reality check when it comes to how you seem to want everything to be nice but then put people and their arguments down for not conforming to your idea of nice. The point being sometimes people genuinely need to be forced this is what the criminal Justice system is their for but you seem to think that force or rough or difficult situations should not be created publicly while you yourself publicly go after people for being different in a way you don’t like. I actually agree it’s inappropriate to put footage of disciplining your kids online but speaking out against it like it is something more than a bad look, but something weighty and moral implies you do indeed believe in being unaccepting and stigmatizing when it suits you. So you do want to be free to be judgements and stigmatizing but advocate for a blanket acceptance and people not going after people for abusing the label autistic. The truth, reality, and things being congruent and making the cogs of one’s opinions cohesive and singular in their axioms is something I am really autistic about. And I find it hurtful and offensive to see someone who demands acceptance and openness being unaccepting and closed (you really do tell people to keep something private multiple times). I just find it heartbreaking because I think it is the hallmark of bullies to pretend to be one way and then use peoples prejudice to gang up on people when it suits them. I think your lack of stating what you actually want from your audience, from the public, and from the people involved is a huge issue when you go after someone with such passionate opinions. That energy is intense and it is going to push and slam against things inside people and that will cause some sort of reaction it’s your responsibility to find what you want from that energy and be upfront about that before you unload that kind of pressure on people. Do want want people to go after this lady or is this just you venting and you do want anything. You don’t make it clear but you make very strong hard hitting arguments, your an extremely compelling and emotionally powerful person and when you for instance link something to nazism that is impactful. Even though it is completely unfair because Asperger’s kids once upon a time we’re real. I met them and many of them and there symptoms were absolutely congruent and consistent. It wasn’t something made up and I personally don’t believe the diagnosis should have been disolved because I don’t believe someone like you with is an incredibly articulate and graceful communicator should be put in the same category as someone who slams their head against a wall and makes sounds instead of words to communicate. Frankly and sincerely I believe you should vocalize in your videos or at least to yourself the other side of the argument and see how unfair your being (in my opinion unintentionally). I really really love and appreciate your work this one just seemed to be overly ideological and unthinking. I did not get the impression you really contemplated the effect of your own phrasing or the obvious emotional passion you put behind it. You seemed uneven and slanted to a very particular side and didn’t seem to even acknowledge that there might be any reason behind the other persons decisions which I believe is almond always a mistake with verbal essays. Something as simple as just saying, “I feel kinda emotional about this topic so please don’t take me to seriously and please judge the situation for yourself” would have been enough context for this not to feel like a call to arms. I am always open to having a conversation and would happily speak with you over video chat. My intention is not to just drop a bomb on you and leave you no way was addressing your accuser if you feel I am being unfair. I honestly only write this much for people I feel genuine care for. I believe it or not am trying to look out for you, because I think your incredibly strong and beautiful in your art, I think we have that in common and so I am trying to warn you about something I believe I have failed at in the past and accidentally had an impact on others I did not intend. I truly wish you the best and I still respect and admire you I just felt compelled to point out what I believe to be a glaring hypocrisy in your work and argumentation.
You just defended Nazis. You realize that...isnt appropriate, right? I was interested in what you had to say till that. Let me explain: What Nazis were known for in society is exterminating people. Including non neurotypical and disabled people. That isnt every single thing they did, but that is what they are known for. For you to point out that they did other things that they did, theres a context that you are trying to minimize the horrific things. When someone says "nazi" they are talking about the bad stuff. Everyone knows that they also did other things like VW and Fanta There is no black and white. Nothing is all good or all bad. Nazis are so far on the side of bad though, that to point out other things they did is real bad form and makes it so people think you agree with exterminating people. Dont do it.
I call it "Autism Sneaks." Because they do "speak" for me. These "Autism Mothers" really need to get a life and stop using their autistic children for validation.
Caregiver Oversharing is a form of caregiver abuse. As both an Autistic woman and a former professional caregiver, I really hate how many families treat their disabled relatives.
@miserablepumpkin9453 Thank you. It just really frustrates me (on both ends) how family members can get away with stuff that I would be crucified and lose my license over. I know families are not beholden to HIPAA and similar laws, but God sometimes I wish they were.
My mother who has severe debilitating ADHD overshares often and did so about me to absolute strangers throughout my entire childhood. I actually saw it as a form of abuse until I finally realized what was really happening (although I still think it can be a form of abuse). Because there is often neurodivergency within families its possible that some who overshare are neurodivergent also with ADHD. (Note I am not saying this is the case with this specific parent.)
Especially in the age of the internet, parents and caregivers need to understand that just because they have a thought, feeling, or experience doesn’t mean they should share it to the world. It’s more productive and less harmful to work through those feelings in therapy or with close and trusted friends and family.
When I was undiagnosed, I was “weird.” After I was diagnosed, I “didn’t seem autistic.” When I had a meltdown I couldn’t hold in, I was being “dramatic.” I have always been told how I was supposed to behave and feel. The way my mind and body felt never matched the way I was told to feel. “Stop making that face. It’s disrespectful.” (But it feels good to make the face because I’m happy!) “You’re not listening. Look at me.” (I can’t listen as well if I have to make sure I meet your eyes AND my voice isn’t too loud AND making the right face AND staying on topic AND…) When someone tells me how they feel, I can only believe them. I can’t get inside their brain. I know I can’t. Some NTs are really convinced that they can get inside ours.
People can always tell we are weird, but when we get a diagnosis then it's not valid because "you are normal!". It's like they'd rather believe it's a personality flaw, perhaps so they can keep treating us badly without feeling bad about it
This strikes me because I recently realized I probably pissed off a ton of people due to having problems with eye contact. I have to close my eyes to hear better and looking at people in the eye is too distracting, if I close my eyes I will remember what I heard much better. But people assume I am being rude and hate them, or not paying attention to what they are saying.
As for that last sentence, it's called narcissistic mind-reading. It's... yeah, some dude thinking he's capable of such supernatural feats as knowing what someone is "really" thinking. I overtly roll my eyes at most of their shenanigans; although I try to save that for later because I need to talk to people or I'll lose my damn mind. 🙃
So much this. I always feel a little bad closing my eyes or looking away when I’m interacting with allistic folks, but I Can’t make eye contact. I used to be able to mask more, but autistic burnout plus me/cfs hit hard and it’s simply not going to happen.
They really do want to blame it all on anything that could be a fault of yours, except "your brain is functionally of this structure and reacts negatively to not having basic needs met or being exposed chronically to stress" It's like they think we're ticking meltdown bombs, rather than regular people who when facing visibly, tangibly stressful situations, including feeling differently to typical expectations about rather common things, may emotionally shut down, because like. The human mind does that when it hits it's limits, and needs empathy and support in that moment, not shame.
I am an autistic person. Christine Romeo drives me nuts. She will start filming Abbey about to say something. Abbey will go off track. Instead of just continuing to film, or filming at another time, Christine will force Abbey back on track. I want to hear what Abbey has to say. Not what Christine thinks Abbey should say. Christine is neurotypical. I have enough NT voices to hear from. I’d prefer to hear about what a neurodivergent person had to say.
As an ND person, I find this may be highly rare, but I actually quite enjoy some parts of being autistic, unpopular opinion:its got its flaws, and its pros, at least for me, I also dont believe anyone should be forced into wanting a cure/not wanting a cure, each persons opinion is a little different from anothers
@@Riley.-sJoyabsolutely! i hate the sensory issues, i hate the social struggles, i hate the fact that i even have meltdowns in the first place - but i have found my group of people who love me, and we love to infodump to each other. i love the fact that my autism will send me down a deep dive into interesting niche topics, and i can share all my favourite bits of info with the people i love. i love the fact that being more blunt means people will come to me for honest opinions, because they know i will tell them. i love the fact that learning to cope with my own emotions has given me coping mechanisms that i can share with other people who are struggling. there are definitely negative experiences influenced by being autistic, but there are so so many beautiful ones too
What I don’t really get is why Autistic meltdowns are so demonized, yet neurotypical meltdowns aren’t. Often if I have an outburst, the people around me start reacting with their own. I mean, people say that Autistic people come off rude without meaning to, but I hardly see people talking about how neurotypical people come off rude to autistic folk. It’s a double standard.
Being a spoilt Karen has become normalised. Being overwhelmed with your own sensations / emotions and having a meltdown because you can't process everything at once (this is just how mine happen) isn't considered "normal" because most emotions aren't considered "normal" these days. Only hate, anger, and jealousy get any screen time....
When it’s situations where our emotional expressions are unacceptable but average people’s emotional outbursts are acceptable it’s just plain bigotry. They are uncomfortable around us already for being different so seeing us angry terrifies them. Meanwhile they will justify away an average person doing the same thing as “oh he’s got problems at home” or “you can’t know what demons shes working through,” or my favorite “that’s just how they are.” If they see the world in a “normal or crazy” stereotype like Christian Nationalists then they see us as dangerous as a rage filled wild animal capable of any kind of unthinking feral violence. It’s not just an autistic issue when it come to expressing anger. Autism isn’t special here as this is how they see almost everyone they consider “the other.” People bigoted against blacks, LGBTQ, different religions, and different cultures judge and treat those people with the same inconsistent irrational social rules as they do angry autistics. It’s often less about specifically being autistic and much more about being viewed as not one of them.
I think it comes from the same place where Bpd splits are demonized or schitzophrenic hallucinations are demonized. None of these are inherently harmful to anyone but the person experiencing them. They are, however, the subject of intense NTypical hatred. They’re stigmatized using the same NeuroNormative ideals that made us all fae children or possessed centuries ago.
For real, and I feel that's not even just meltdowns, is any negative (and sometimes even positive) emotions, you see NT people have rage reactions or cry their eyes out and it's just them having a bad moment or some issues to solve, but when ND people do, it's "prove" that we are childish, dangerous, out of control, pitiful, unreadable or whatever. It's not fair, it's like we are not allowed to show our emotions just because they don't appear in the same way some other people have them :/
My mom was and still is extremely emotionally abusive to me. She always acted like she knew MY autism more than I did. She still does this. She refuses to acknowledge that I know my own disorder more than she does, and I'm almost 21. She would also constantly tell her friends about my meltdowns and hardships and acted like she helped "solve" them with essential oils, when she was the cause of most of it and essential oils did nothing but smell good to me. Not to mention she always refers to me as "The Autistic" to everyone.
That's fucking awful, it sounds a tad more narcistic then really trying to understanding you and just failing. You may even sound like an accessory to your mother.
I have also been a victim of abuse by my parents and I had to stop talking to them although that is extremely hard for me. It continues their blame for, "it's my fault". Remember that in all walks of life people can be abused by their parents (or anyone). It hurts bc your parents are supposed to love you and many people fathom at this. There are many support groups for this and I hope the best for your life. All I can say is run away if you can, move states, etc. and it may get better. I wish I had gotten away sooner. Find your people, stay safe always. ❤
My family has abused me my entire life and infantilises me. They are the only people I know. One day I want to cut ties, but I doubt anyone will help me pave that route.
When Christine was complaining about too many people being diagnosed with autism despite having different abilities, it sounded like she wanted a simple label that makes sense to allistic people, so she can make assumptions about someone when hearing that they are autistic. But what if she said you can’t call someone deaf if they are good at lip reading? Or that someone shouldn’t use a wheelchair because you saw them walk once? The truth is, you can’t see the internal experience of autism. But if autistic people feel that they have something in common despite having different abilities, needs, and behaviours, isn’t that a good thing?
Exactly! I feel so enraged that someone thinks they know me based on perceived success. But they don’t know me and my struggles and even if I didn’t struggle my autism diagnosis isn’t up for them to debate or deny.
Its late so I hope Im making sense, but to the average Joe on the street, the distinction doesnt mean jack shit. To a teacher, babysitter, student aid, etc. It does matter. I see the level 1/2/3 support labels being used more and I think its actually very helpful since people do have different needs. I have multiple autistic family members. They do span the spectrum, and look, sorry but the level 1 super low support needs cousin relates way more to me(a weirdo with symptoms of but no autism diagnosis) and other neurotypicals than he would to my mostly level 3 very high support needs cousin. I dont give a crap if people in the community feel sad about being classified as what essentially amounts to less abled. Hell, even for myself, if you have high support needs for basic socializing and are prone to meltdowns, I will be out of there. Thats overstimulating to me personally. Call it misophonia or whatever, but Im no stranger to bouts of intense anger at minor shit. I know how to calm myself down, but dang. Its alsp bloody helpful to students. Its a hit or miss how much info youll get(worked at a few schools, switched careers for pay reasons), but "autism" on its own is fucking scary because spectrums cant be prepared for adequately until you meet the kid. By then youve pissed away valuable time. A diagnosis of anything on its own isnt very helpful, its even less helpful with spectrum disorders.
I'm autistic. I'm a mama of an autistic kiddo. These moms drive me bananas! I can't take it. And they're why I cannot go find support amongst other parents. You either a) hear about how these people are martyrs because they love their child and it is SO hard, b) how autistic people...like ME...are so hard to love, or c) how dare I question what they think is best for autistic kiddos when I tell them *from my life experience* this thing they're doing did me, specifically, harm. (If you don't want to hear my thoughts on something -don't ask!) Can you tell I just recently had a run-in? Probably. Sorry for the ridiculously long comment and thank you for the video
Thiiiisss. I've only found support in other autistic or neurodivergent parents, and even then it feels like you have to watch out because the next post or conversation could suddenly be touting essential oils or mineral baths or ABA
So why doesn't this content creator make you feel the same way? She's basically spending 30 minutes describing herself... you can't have missed that? This UA-camr spreads so much medical misinformation she (unsurprisingly) has a bunch of nahtsees in the comment sections of her vids.
@@jack-a-lopium this youtuber is autistic explaining how mothers of autistic kidos speek to our comunity shes not speeking down to people the way parents do shes asking for parents to stop talking over us about our dignoses
@@jack-a-lopium she's an adult who talks about her own experience as an autistic person. She's not exploiting a child who can't consent to have their image shared, she's not encouraging harmful therapies, she couldn't be further from the people you're trying to compare her to.
@@qryptid She actively tells people not to get a medical diagnosis, she spreads medical misinformation, there are tonnes of nahtsees in her comments section (for some reason). She REALLY encourages a 'them and us' attitude amongst her viewers (hence your reaction). And she heavily implies that anybody who criticises her is a 'hater'. Read between the lines. I don't need to 'try' to compare her to anybody. She literally is somebody using 'autism' to make money... click on her link if you don't believe me, it's like she pitches her stuff JUST ABOVE people like you, so you fall for it every time. It's something known as a Spanish Prisoner con.
"You were bullied your entire life because it's a scientific fact that neurotypical people can clock you from a mile away and narcissists are threatened by you... but you did one thing that made you superficially successful??? You must be faking it" Lady needs to get real.
Abbey’s mom saying her brother with sensory issues isn’t autistic, makes it seem like she doesn’t know how many older folks who missed out on a diagnosis prior to the 90s. Especially since it seems like autism is genetic in families.
I think the "autism mom" is just very focused on the negativity of autism but actually autistic people share more positive aspects which the mom can't really see because autism could never be a positive thing
It’s honestly heartbreaking to me to see parents in this headspace; I grew up in a family that heavily focused on the negative and now want to pretend the bad never happened. I think a lot has to do with parents not being fully healed of their own childhood wounds. Some of the cruelest things I’ve observed or experienced involve someone who sees a trait in themselves, but because of their own complex feelings about it they are unable to show compassion and grace towards it. Because they haven’t learned to do so for themselves. It’s hard work; I started working on all my baggage long before having my son and there’s still much to work through. I am personally triggered by him sometimes and have to step back and question why. He’s not diagnosed with anything - he’s too young - but there’s a high chance he will be. He’s shown some signs but a lot can change in a few years. Either way, I am personally excited to see how he grows into himself, ND or not. His dad came from a perspective of being terrified he’d inherit ADHD because his own experience with that has been so negative. He’s come a long way since we’ve talked about ways we can work with our son if it is the case; to me parenting is ultimately about helping a child meet their full potential regardless of any diagnoses etc. Preconceived notions of what our children should be like are so dangerous. But I also know that support and aid are so minimal and hard to get in the US where I am. I have known “autism moms” and they are often so exhausted that it’s easier to have a negative viewpoint. I’m hoping we can continue pushing for more societal change around this, because depending on a child’s needs, sometimes it is overwhelming and seems too hard. But the child should not pay the price of that, and children are the ones who tend to suffer the most - and then end up having to heal as adults. I know this is a long ramble so I’m sorry about the length. It’s just something that I’ve been reflecting on quite a bit.
Yep--and at some level, I can certainly sympathize with that. If a large part of your life is devoted to dealing with baggage associated with something, it can really grate your gears to hear people gush about how lovely and great it is. One might liken it to hearing people gush about how fun the party was, when you were the one who had to clean up afterwards all by yourself. At the same time, I don't think it's healthy for people to see the unchangeable and inherent aspects of themselves and their lives solely as tragic and terrible crosses to bear, because that certainly corrodes your self-esteem and sense of self.
Same kind of thing happens to disabled kids. It's often the parents that have issues and hang ups with the words. Like they can't handle the truth and insist on words like differently abled
As an autistic person working with autistic children with high support needs, I do understand that. The support systems for people with disabilities are pretty bad, and the whole family suffers as a result. I know several single moms that haven't been on a vacation or had more than a school morning to themselves (usually spent at work) in 18 years. Who are scared to take their child outside, to do activities they both love, because they elope and mom isn't strong enough to stop them running in front of a car. A student at my school drowned recently because he escaped from the school bus and nobody found him fast enough. Some students communicate through sign language or aac devices or pictures or hand leading, others can't tell you when they've broken a bone. One of my current students is on a feeding tube because they stopped manufacturing his safe food. Several only sleep a few hours. Is that the autistic people's fault? Absolutely not. But it is totally understandable that parents are burned out, and sharing that in an anonymous or private setting is perfectly fine. Caregiver burnout is a thing, and it's not uncommon in parents of disabled children because many don't think they're allowed to need breaks. There's also fear for the future, who'll take care of their child and wether they can communicate that they're being abused if that happens. What we need is a better support system. Good information at diagnosis, caregiving hours that don't take 20 years on a waiting list to get, free healthcare and enough therapy spaces, higher standards and more controls in care facilities or group homes, access to medical devices/communication aids that doesn't take years to get, jobs and job training for people with high support needs, etc. If parents have time to breathe and know their child will be taken care of, they'll be able to take better care of their child and have more positive experiences together.
@@Noblebird02why of course! i mean obviously i just love constantly losing friends because of my horrible social skills, and dont even get me started on my panic at barely touching the side of the shower accidentally, its just amazing. i would choose this any day!! (also /sar)
Excactly if these parents had just given some tips or something it would've been fine (I watch plenty of video on parents giving parenting tips or talking about how to deal with tough days or to focus on yourself too) but showing their kids in vulnerable moments, especially if their kid can't concent, is just disgusting behavior
Parents of autistic kids telling their own story, their frustrations, joys, coping strategies, work-arounds etc is fine. What is not fine is putting it in public and shining an artificial magnifying light, displaying their child, especially in their most awkward moments. That affects your story, definitely, but it is not *your* story to share. For reference, I am newly diagnosed autistic at 60 yo. My adhd diagnosis 30 years ago came when I couldn't manage the executive functions required to facilitate and coordinate supports for my son who was then newly diagnosed with adhd and probably also has autism. I advocated for him and his siblings, but their lives are theirs, not mine. They needed a lot of my time, and my identity was wrapped up in what I did for and with them, but their difficulties are not and were not *my* identity, nor mine to share.
Or even just posting people in general without their consent. A lot of the time, it's negative content, and of course, it's easier to exploit vulnerable people such as children. How often do we see people being demonised online because they've reacted negatively to having a camera shoved in their face by a stranger? Even something like someone denying a flower from a stranger (who is covertly filming them) will get blasted with comments criticising them and saying things like, "they seem like such a miserable person." Autistic people can be especially vulnerable to these situations because they don't necessarily react in a way that is seen as "normal" or "correct," according to the majority of viewers. Someone could already be close to an autistic meltdown. To then have that meltdown filmed by a stranger and posted online is bad enough, but then they usually get hate comments as well. The very idea of this gives me such anxiety. So, I wish that something could be done to stop people posting videos of others without their consent (whether they know the person or not).
EXACTLY!! Stop putting children and *especially* in their most vulnerable moments on the internet. People like to excuse it and say "well, I'm just sharing what needs to be shared, I'm being REAL for other's benefit." Yes, you're being real for others benefit, but as a parent, you should be doing stuff for YOUR child's benefit and posting them in these situations or in general isn't helping/ benefitting them. Not right now, nor in the future. Your child is at stake here. Acknowledge that and think less about whether this is "representation." Key word for those autism mom's: *CHILD* As a child, you already have less autonomy.
Like if what the autism moms were doing was just talking about their experience with their autistic kid, it would be fine, as long as they arnt : showing said child on screen (in general mostly, but ESPECIALLY not when said child is in a vulnerable position where they need suport from you), make shure they're not only sharing negatives and are also.sharing the good things (basically not demonizing autism), are not oversharing, and are not invalidating others experiences. This is not what they do though, and that is the issue
It's the dark humor. I think the ND community generally likes it and, also the trauma and bullying can cause that too. We have to find the humor in the shit we have all gone through. I find it funny too. Such a dumb ass video they released and, apparently they tried to take it down and put a comment on the AS website asking people NOT to share it. Like, GTFO you are a hate organization against Autistic people so no, I'm not going to stop sharing it. AS made a HUGE mistake making that video and releasing it, but I'm surprised it was released in 2009. I thought it was originally released in the 90's. 😳
A bit of dark humor to help us reclaim the phrase away from its harmful use I guess? Or maybe a more direct satire of the phrase, showing how ridiculous its initial use in that video was?
I take a bit of perverse pleasure in imagining the sort of lowbrow, petty bourgeois sheep who support autism speaks seeing me as some sort of bogeyman.
I just want to comment about the part of Autism Speaks quote "......Autism has drained a lot of bank accounts." One help with ALL parents of autism and ALL autistic individuals would be Universal Healthcare in the USA. It kills me that so many medical related charity groups do not advocate for this. But again, I guess the charity making money for the CEO is prime.
Many other countries have universal healthcare and it is still shit, specially for autistic individuals. I have experienced first hand how it is to seek treatment in England, Italy and Brazil. It is shit.
@@LNVACVACso if someone else fails at something that means we shouldnt even try it at all? If one country is full of violent drug cartels do you say "well it's clear that outlawing cocane doesnt work, so theres no point in trying to outlaw it in our country"? That is the very definition of defeatist logic. Just because someone else fails at something that doesnt mean it's impossible to succeed at it. There is nothing inherent about socialised healthcare that causes it to fail in some aspects. That is the fault of the governments overseeing it. And youre either not american or youre a very privileged one to say that our current system is good enough. I'll never be able own a house because of my medical bills. I dont understand how people like yourself think that's OK in America, "the best country on earth." We should always strive to be better. America didnt get to where it is today by giving up before even trying.
Imagine. Just imagine. You're in a room, full of autistic people, all of which are younger than you. Then you proceed the entire time to dismiss other autistic adults, because you don't think they are as autistic as your daughter. You'd think she would have had her whole motherhood to learn to not dismiss people with autism. But that's essentially all she does in this entire Jubilee round table.
The things what Abby’s mom said made me furious. Ian is a diagnosed autistic and she just casually said that Ian is just neurodifferent.. like what??? Seems like Abby’s mom does not know ANYTHING about autism and autistic masking.. which Ian said he does. She is very close minded an disrespectful
Don’t you just love it when “autism moms” are just straight up ableist to your whole existence and tells you “you can’t be autistic” feels real great when I know I can’t do stuff because of my label
I was trying to get an updated letter requesting accommodations for my Autism (to use in Grad School) and I had a Psychiatrist who I was trying to get in to see tell me that she wouldn't take me as a patient because adults cannot have Autism. I told her I was diagnosed as a child and like, I'm still Autistic even though I'm 24. Her medical profile on my insurance literally said she specializes in supporting and helping Autistic individuals from childhood to adulthood. But I guess that's a lie 😂
My mother is an autism grandma to my nephew. She refuses to acknowledge my diagnosis but brags how she's taking trainings to help raise my nephew. I was diagnosed 2 yrs ago at 41. I grew up in the 80s and as a girl. The knowledge and resources were wrong and non existent for girls like me. I was introverted and high masking especially around my own family. I still am. I was made fun of because of my "quirks" and reprimanded for always being so sensitive. My mother asked me to send her a book about helping autistic children. I also sent her a book about the hidden signs of women and girls on the spectrum, hoping she would try to understand me. She ignored that book but thanked me for sending the book for my nephew. She's always been extremely emotionally self absorbed but since my diagnosis she refuses to ask me about anything personal. I went extremely low contact with her because I would ruminate and be angry the next days after speaking with her. Forgive me for over sharing. This topic just reminds me of my own experience with a parental figure who virtue signals only if it benefits their image. Does anyone else have a similar experience with their mother?
I do (sort of). I'm the first of my family to be formally diagnosed. People either belittled me for it or completely ignored it; choosing to neglect my needs. My mother was on the side of ignoring it. (She insisted that I wasn't autistic but rather just had asperger's syndome.) My family CONSTANTLY mocked me and isolated me from other people throughout my childhood; including themselves. They pointed out every insecurity, they dug at every mistake I made, they ignored my pleas and cries for help when I had severe depressive episodes. I moved in with my partner across the country at the last second and have went low-contact with my family as well. They still refuse to acknowledge my diagnosis/status so I still refuse to contact them. It's sad but I'm doing so much better far away from them.
Yes and please refer to my comment on this video if you have any answers for me on diagnoses. Sorry your family may have narcissistic qualities. There is a specific term for only being able to "love" or show love for one person at a time. This is not true love. There are many terms such as triangulation, flying monkey, grey rocking etc. etc. I am sorry I was having a hard time finding this exact term as there are so many. I hope you find a community that also understands this as not all autistic people are abused or it does not necessarily mean being autistic or not you will be. I definitely can see how having autism will make your abuse worse. I am not formally diagnosed, but in short was wondering if an MRI can determine if you are.
Not exactly the same but similar age and awaiting assessment but pretty sure it will be confirmed. I lost my mum in my 20s and ended up walking away from my family at that point due to emotional abuse. I am beginning to wonder if the idea NTs can tell someone is autistic can manifest with the same aversion in families. I grew up being essentially demonized and my issues ignored or gaslit. They would find reasons to have a go, push me out and if not actually create something sensational. *Trigger warning * This included sexual assault denial and denial of multiple suicide attempts to make me the manipulative demon they wanted me to be. .... I suspect that they knew something was off as I was frequently called "special child" embarrassing, useless, pathetic... yet when questioned by professionals they wouldn't engage with the subject, denied anything unusual etc.. as I believe they were ashamed of me. I don't think my family could cope with the shame of having someone who wasn't quite right in their view and it played out in various emotionally abusive ways as I grew up.... or pure neglect, my mother refused to ever take me to a dentist for example as she was embarrassed by my meltdowns... I was 21 before I could afford a dentist or recieved any treatment that would be free to children. I'm sorry you are still experiencing what seems to be another expression of this in your mum, it must be heartbreaking she refuses to take you as you. I find that we find each other without knowing and small ND tribes get pulled together and become a replacement for the family we didn't get but desperately needed.
To add to that @@sampreston1791 My parents used to do things like have me read this paper that said " I am sofa king stoo pid etc, and I dont remember it all, but they had me read this for YEARS after reading it at one of their drunken parties for about the 500th time at around 11 I finally figured out it was saying, "I am so f**ing stupid, etc." it was pretty long and I have musical memory so the sounds of laughs I may never forget
Also a lot of high support needs autistic folk who are nonspeaking aren't inherently noncommunicative, or don't understand things they just can't SPEAK - plenty of nonspeaking people can communicate with sign language, or aac devices, honestly some 'autism parents' potentially may limit their child's ability to interact with the world, and consent, by not providing these devices
Yup. I am semi-non-speaking (I have episodes where I can’t speak at all and I used to not be able to as much as a kid as I can now, just don’t have a name for why I experience this rn) and I can tell you, most people who just always have the ability to speak will actually treat you like you understand 0 things because of it. It doesn’t matter how else I try to communicate when I’m like that, I will be ignored. And the moment I can speak again, if it happens later in the day, I will be swarmed by the very same people who will accuse me of faking and being a horrible person.
@@buriedinbooks881 Hi! I just became semi non speaking last year as I am still a minor, or maybe it was because I just got my ASD diagnosis. I was just wondering if you had any other communication styles you wouldn’t mind sharing with me, as I mostly rely on writing which is quite difficult. Also, in your opinion is it better for me to force myself to talk as much as possible or lean into not talking even when I can technically talk?
@@SnakeatHogwarts I use Text to Speech on my phone or writing things down in the notes app or on paper when I can’t speak because I don’t have a lot of sign language knowledge. Also for the second one I’d say it’s always better for your mental health to not force yourself to do anything. However when I am talking about non-speaking episodes I mean quite literally I lose the ability to speak with my voice even if I want to. It feels kind of physical, I’m not sure what it is. For me it’s often very frustrating and gets me into a lot of trouble historically (unfortunately)
@@buriedinbooks881 Thanks so much for the reply! I have those episodes too, were it feels like there’s a block in my brain. I was talking about when I can physically talk, it still feels uncomfortable
I was in the Jubilee video! Thank you so much for your support as well as sharing the content you post! We've got so much to do to break down the misconceptions surrounding autism! Thank you again!
Thank you sooo much for watching, Ian! You came across as such a lovely person in the Jubilee video - I’m so pleased that you like my content 🥰💛 I’m excited to read some of your articles!
I can relate to what you said about masking, I don't know if you feel the same but sometimes I think the mask is so pervasive I don't really know what is my natural behaviour any longer. Although, sometimes it's pretty obvious, like when I got my first Squishmallow and spent 24 hours with it smushed in my face. 😂
Abby’s mom feels like she’s subtly dissing her child. The comedian she insist can’t have autism because they’re “funny” and successful. Like… being funny means you can’t struggle with a mental condition? And your kid ain’t funny, I guess.
I mean, ironically, humor often subverts expectation so i can see alot of people with autism probably being fantastic comedians, or at least having absolute few banger jokes here and there, just from the fact they inherently are different
I’m autistic and a mom of an autistic magical princess fairy. 🌈💖🦄 I just wish people would see us as people and not try to fix us all the time. Respect our decisions, believe us, it’s not hard!! She’s 5 and moderately “verbal” and when she has meltdowns in public she is horribly embarrassed. She’d be MORTIFIED if she saw that I was posting videos of it… it’s so sad. Also, the mom thinking that the child was doing that because she “didn’t get her way”. Is so f-ing disgusting and shows her complete lack of understanding what autism is and how it can effect people. I’ve literally cut people out of our life for saying this to my daughter it is completely UNACCEPTABLE. No wonder we have such a high suicide rate :(
The "didn't get her way" thing pissed me off too. People used to talk about me like that all the time when I had meltdowns and it hurts like heck to be in pain and have people blame you for it. And especially the mom in the video acting like she was giving people info about autism in the same breath as misrepresenting an autistic meltdown. Silly silly lady.
@@donnerthereindeer366 There's an absolute tonne of bot comments in this UA-camrs videos, there always is. Nahtsee commenters as well, she's well sinister. Almost certainly a child molXXter.
When I was younger I accused my mom of being an autism mom because I thought she talked about autism too much and I was embarrassed. Now I’ve realized that’s called being supportive. I was in my preteen parent hating era, and I didn’t realize what real autism moms were.
Well at the exact same time you shouldn't feel like you need to tell everyone you have autism at the same time I asked my mom not to mention my autism to every dang person we meet and she was kind enough to do so but if you like her telling everyone about your autism that's cool too what ever your comfy with
@@bluevines1303 When I first received my diagnosis my mom said that she wasn't going to tell people because it's my business and it wasn't her business to share (which was nice). But, I was also struggling with how to tell the rest of my family and family friends because it felt awkward to just say to them one day "by the way, I'm Autistic". So, I actually asked my mom to help me tell others because I wasn't sure how to tell people that I wanted to know without it being awkward or, not really understanding how to bring it up. I also feel like I want people to know because this is part of who I am and I'm tired of hiding my true self. Plus, I want people to realize that Autism can look so many different ways and, that while I may require lower supports, I still require some and, I still have struggles that I have to manage because I'm Autistic. For instance, I'm trying to be kinder to myself and give myself more patience or, grace and practicing more self-care when I am struggling. But, sharing my diagnosis with others through my mom was what I wanted because I just didn't really know how to bring it up to others that I wanted to know. I think it really varies from the type of the relationship and how close you are to the other person. I have chosen not to tell certain people because I know their reaction would just be too much for me to handle and, they don't need to know. Sorry for the long comment. I guess I just kind of rambled.
I'm kinda at that stage but when my mom talks about autism to me it just makes me annoyed and sad idk why but I hate it, I'm not ashamed of being autistic it's just when she starts recommending me podcasts on it and stuff it just makes me feel like im being studied or something
I grew up being told autism isnt real and my diagnosis was wrong. I became very confused and always wondered what was wrong with me. It led me down a rabbit hole of abuse and being victimized and misdiagnosed with mental disorders by lazy doctors. My daughter was also dx'd and she hates me talking about it too, but i just dont want her to go thru what i did. Understanding autism helped me understand myself, which is VERY important for self worth.
The whole language around autism has a negative connotation when promoted by the allistic. It is always how majorities attempt to demean minorities to justify their position. The need to dismiss the views of autistic individuals because they don't match the current public stereotype and for them to say "oh well you can't be autistic" is just dismissive. This is just putting back a time when we can be accepted for what we are and then just leave us alone to run our lives our way. How hard is it for people to grasp that autistic children become autistic adults. My value and how I am treated should not based on how high or low my support need are - just my rant sorry.
The vocabulary is pretty bad in general. The term autism, even, like "selfism" is not great. And while there is neural diversity, saying one group is the divergent already means that it's not the "normal" one, so I prefer to talk about neuromajority and neurominority instead. PDA, ADHD and so many others are also both misleading and negative, and I think there are so many more. I wish we could be moving to using better terminology over time (which would also require coming up with better alternatives...).
@@fintuxAny word you use will be negative if it doesn't fit the majority, every time. If you grew up in a slum, "rich" is an insult. If you go to support groups, "neurotypical" is often an insult. "Alcoholic" can be a compliment in some groups. I feel like it's somewhat human nature to want to belong to the largest group in your vicinity, and being told otherwise feels insulting.
@@hayuseen6683 Ooh, that also removes the inherently negative connotations of stating we're neurodivergent rather than "neurotypical". It also feels like it falls into a similar vein of when people say (I or my parents are) "differently abled" rather than just "disabled", given the former is a catch-all they created for their own comfort rather than one that was created *by* our respective communities.
@@imautisticnowwhatDoes she make most of your earrings? I've been wondering for a while now how it can be you have so many different fancy earrings and then have them be on topic a lot, too.
These parents seem to be saying "you're not profoundly disabled like my child so you can't use this label." Well, if you don't like that then take it up with the people who created the diagnostic criteria. This makes me really mad... They are demanding understanding for their challenges while being completely dismissive and callous about the very real, if sometimes less obvious, challenges of others.
Why is hate in airquotes? Also, by the way, sorry if this comes off as a spelling stickler, it’s clout, cloat is either: a surname, a cross between cloak and coat, and possibly a type of screw. Don’t quote me on that, I might be being stupid, it’s just that the spelling of clout is etched into my brain
It should be illegal to post children on a specifically public platform. A private platform I think is perfectly fine (like private facebook or youtube) but they should block anything that the general public can see. And any post with a child cannot be MONITIZED. Its sick that children can be actors for their parents without being paid or protected by child labor laws.
The lack of resources or services for autistic adults is shockingly low. I received my diagnosis in my last year of high school. I’ve been privileged enough to have a very supportive family, but I face significant hurdles, especially if/when I can’t live with my parents anymore. There are so few resources and services nearby, except for families with an autistic child under 18, and even then, they prefer to support and give services to younger kids
I feel for you and hope you can get the help you need. If I might be bold, if you are interested in attending college, you should definitely look into what their autism support is. The college I went to was Missouri Science and Technology (2011-2014) in the US which has a pretty high neurodivergence/learning disability rate compared to nonSTEM colleges in MO (about 20% of the student population at the time). They had special dorm floors/rooms that catered more to adults with autism in that they had nonsharing bathrooms, had more sound regulations than other floors, and the floor had an onsite couciling room for those that had anxiety about going on campus for that. The downside was that it was much more expensive than the neurotypical floors but if you had a diagnosis, they would assign you there regardless of where you were on the spectrum. It also very much "outed" autistic individuals because if someone knows what floor you live on they could know that you were autistic. I was an RA and there were a few times when parents would hide their kid's autism diagnosis so they didnt have to pay for the extra stuff which was fine for the most part except for one case where that student's autism was such that they did not have much executive decision making and would sit in their room unless they were told to leave and their parents would come in on the weekends to do laundry and clean the room. The parents basically guilted the roommate to taking care of their son for almost 3 months until he came to me in tears because he was getting overwhelmed. Once this student was moved to the "autism floor" they got the type of help they needed and really excelled and learned a lot of good life and coping skills. So really understand your flavor of autism and take advantage of the resources available if you need them. If you don't then flourish to the best of your ability as well!
Being diagnosed as an adult is bizarre because they just are like “yep you have autism bye” and then never even bother to like explain it to you. Not even basic stuff like how exactly you were diagnosed but like I'd also appreciate if they gave you some basic advice so I didn't have to go look up everything online and slowly learn things on my own. Like fuck even a phamphlet would have been nice.
High needs autistic children are difficult to deal with. As a parent, its your job to cultivate, in your child, self love and acceptance. If all your children get from you is that they are burden, they will hate themselves. People who hate themselves will hate the world. You should be asking for help in raising your high needs child. We don't spend nearly enough public funding helping kids with special needs and the families of children with special needs. Don't blame your child for them being born, blame our governments and society letting us down, family included.
I'm 22 years old now, going on 23 much later in the year, and I still struggle significantly with being repeatedly and blatantly told I am a "monster" and "will never be a real member of the family" by both my parents, among MANY other things. I was constantly reminded of the burden I put on everyone around me, regardless of how I was acting or feeling, my presence was enough to disrupt any positive encounter. I still feel constantly guilty for being alive, being in a wheelchair, needing complex medical care, being legally blind and unable to drive, having seizures, ever being born. I've made attempts on my life multiple times because of how obvious it was that I was not wanted in this world, and I'm very grateful none of the attempts were successful because I am finally learning to heal and finding people who truly love me... But the pain doesn't go away, and the belief that I am not only subservient to others but worthless and unwanted still influences everything I do.
@thinecuprunnethoverwithblood I'm really sorry that happened to you. I don't know what to say, but I feel compelled to say something. I'm glad you're alive. I can only imagine the pain you have gone through and still do. So long as you keep living, you will probably never forget it. I want you to know that it does get easier with time. The more you heal, the more you are with those who love and accept you. It gets easier. It may never be easy, but you are very strong for continuing to exist. As you get more distance from your pain, it will get easier to deal with, but it does take time. It's only now that I'm 30 that I've been able to make a dent in my own pain. There aren't any words I can't think of to close this out on, but I will say this. Just keep going.
At least in the U.S., our government doesn't want to give even a penny to help Autistic people. Our State and Federal Courts will make every excuse possible to deny an Autistic person the right to get paid the money the person worked for, and that's REALITY. It's so bad and unjust, you can only conclude that these Neurotypical Judges truly believe Autistic people are undeserving of even being paid for the work they did with their own hands. And, THAT IS A FACT.
@@thinecuprunnethoverwithblood Likewise. I’ve spent my years an alien, terrified of my diagnosis, seeing caricatures of people like me everywhere. I’ve seen schitzophrenics, bpders, adhders, and other people who, like me, are aliens, demonized abused and worse for who they are. It’s fucking scary. It’s left an imprint. The NTypical now, seems to me, to constantly be waiting to hurt me too. Constantly on edge thinking of how next to segregate or imprison us. About how NDivergents are subhuman. And to find out this dates back centuries? To find out we had a specific badge in concentration camps? To find out how often we are deleted by police? By our own families? That even today Typicals are flirting with eugenic concepts? That autists from our own rank and file join them?? It’s disgusting. It’s scary. I have no home, no comfort outside spaces that are explicitly queer and disabled and disordered now. Typicals literally scare me and any space with them makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells. But those few spaces where I know I’m with freaks like me? Aliens like me? Where I know we control the discussion on our own topics? Where the few Typicals around are either woke or know not to act up? Where I can drop the mask and talk like my robotic self? That community and love and oneness propels me like nothing else.
My mam routinely complained about me, around me to others when I was little (undiagnosed) she doesn’t remember it, though. Now, i struggle to ask for help when I need it, because I feel like I’m being inconvenient
It's unbelievable how many "autistic moms" I've seen in the comments, their comments always sound like they hate their child, and when you point it out to them, it's a disaster
I think they hate that their child isn't the perfect image they always dreamed of or planned for. This idea so many folks have of this perfect baby that does all the right things at the right time, that will be an extension of themselves is so toxic. When their kid ends up being born Autistic or honestly any other way except "normal" they see failure. See it as a slight against them, punishment for something and they get stuck in this victim mentality and have to grasp at anything that will make them feel better. Even if it's making people feel sorry for them because "Omg my child is so autistic and it's horrible and my life is so hard." 😒 Nevermind their kid probably knows exactly how they feel and has to live with a parent they know regrets their entire existence 🤨 Too many people have kids for the wrong reasons.
Loads of moms don’t hate their children. They may not be well educated about autism, how to best raise autistic children and are frustrated by the lack of support from family, schools, doctors etc. I think you can tell who a good parent is by how much they are willing to learn and be receptive to change their preconceived notions on the right ways to go about parenting autistic children
@@electricbopthat's a mom with an autistic kid, autism mom refers to a specific type of mother who harbors preconceived notions about asd that affects their kid, and refuses to really change at all.
And the thrower being a man means nothing. Being abused by a man is in NO WAY better than being abused by a woman. To be clear both parties here are child abusers
Yeah because like, what if that asshat of a guy fucking missed the sofa? That poor child’s head could have hit the floor while she was mid meltdown, barely able to properly communicate without stimming so aggressively that she hurts herself even more. And that child barely looks nine years old to me. If that kid got thrown just a LITTLE too hard, just a LITTLE bit off target, that kid’s either dead, seriously hurt or just fucking traumatised and never gonna trust her own family again. The fucking AUDACITY in some people.
I have a good story to share. A little while ago, I was talking to a good friend and I said, "I have something to tell you. I think... I might be... Autistic." Wonderfully, she said, "oh, that makes sense. I can see that in you." That made me so happy. I knew I was friends with you for a reason!
I totally agree with your comment regarding the competitiveness and how the father of the non-speaking child could have said the same about Abbey. Abbey's skills were hard fought for, but I think her mom underestimates how hard fought other people’s skills could be. Abbey absolutely could post tiktok videos and comment on things independently, and no one would know exactly how much support she receives along the way. The same is true for others. All of the people she immeadiately assumes are just "mildly autistic" or "neurodifferent" online bc they agree with proffessionally successful autistics could have caretakers and speech and vocational therapists behind the scenes. Abbey is also 25, how much will she grow in 5 or 10 more years? Maybe she will write a book, or make some of her public appearances more independently. She won't suddenly not be autistic if she is able to do those things.
I am 43 and still high needs, have a 24/7 caregiver, yet i have had "autism moms" say i am not autistic because i can type 🤦♀️ they have no clue all the treatments and therapies i have been through!
my mom is like the opposite of an autism mom, I have an older sibling who happens to be autistic, and so do I, but the fact that my stimming wasn’t the same as his (because it would get us scolded and punished if we flapped our hands) she refuses to even consider taking me to get a diagnosis. and the other day we were talking about autistic inertia, and her reply is that I was simply lazy. :/
Actually that's the exact type of attitude that's pervasive among "autism mums" - a rigid, narrow definition of autism that focuses on the negative effects autistic people have on others and frequently underrecognises autism due to that rigid definition, resulting in aggressive gatekeeping.
I feel that, my brother is with my mom and hasn't ever experienced life as an adult. I got punished for my special interest in music which was heavily centered around shocking music/underground music/just strange and "dark" I guess. Welp here I am undiagnosed, drowning in labor, in an endless burnout, completely responsible for myself since I left the house at 18, struggling with executive function, still don't have a car in the past 5+ years of being on my own, never had a car, which means I bike miles to get groceries. I have silent/repressed meltdowns at work which leaves me embarrassed afterwards almost everyday, I suffer a lot because I verbally can't express that I need help unless it's the last straw. The plus side is that at least I get to surround myself with my special interests and have a whole space to myself to be completely unmasked.
@@bosstowndynamics5488I wonder how much of it is people with their own undiagnosed autism thinking their baseline experience is normal and thinking in turn that their (or other people’s) low support needs children are just lazy, difficult etc. It would make sense given the rigidity of their definition of autism and the opposition to changing what they believe is the truth.
@@honestalex5790I’m so sorry! ❤️🩹 You also strangely described my life 💯!! 😳😳 Only difference is I haven’t been able to work the last few years, but I’m getting through to my lil bro again finally 🥰 First time was before I left at 18, I left him my hidden “forbidden” music under his bed. Two years later the movie “Almost Famous” came out! Yup…that’s “our movie” 🙌 (Minus things working out with the mother in the end)
Autism is undeniably a disability under the social model of disability. Society makes it difficult too impossible for us to integrate and function therefore disabling us. Autism does not have to be a disability but right now it is one.
The only aspect of mild or moderate autism i would say is disabling in a traditional sense is the overstimulation part (which ofc not everyone has). At least in my experience its not too difficult to work around the other stuff in the right environment (at least when it comes to productivity), its just that almost no one is willing to provide said environment.
I don't really get that take. If society didn't exist and you just have an autistic person alone on this Planet, most autistic people would still struggle with and have a harder time surviving because of their autism?
@@Kyuupire 1) Compared to what? Anyone would struggle and be "disabled" in this scenario. 2) Autism is a disability mainly because it makes it difficult to go to a job and be independent, which typically requires 40 hours of consistent+steadily improving work, and punishes people who can't hold jobs or be 100% consistent. If we did not rely on labor for our wellbeing, we wouldn't be (as) disabled. A better analogy would be to imagine a world where language is taken literally. An allistic person would struggle in this, as they often use language that hints at what they're saying; they would therefore have difficulty being understood, which could be classified as a communication disability. Disabilities are always relative. You must have a non-disabled person to become disabled. For example, you can't say I'm disabled for not having a tail, as no one has a tail. Everyone has legs, so not having legs is more difficult than having them, which makes you disabled.
@@KyuupireGardening is easier than filling out forms. Starting a fire is easier than small tall. Building is easier than socializing. Survival outside society is a skill, living in it is a trial with ever shifting rules and enforced by people who can strip your freedom and livelyhood for not dancing to their tune.
Overstimulation is not the only problem. Loneliness and isolation due to being misunderstood feels like a big deficit too. Not having a good grasp on the unspoken societal dynamics also feels like a disadvantage and a disability. The majority of all relationships are built on knowing how these dynamics operate. And what if you can't grasp that and what if you are still bullied and marginalized for it as an adult, even if you ARE 'successful'? Not all of our struggles are overstimulation. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
I really appreciated Aden in the Jubilee video so so much. He saw the dynamic happening between Abbey and her mom and he gracefully would speak directly to Abbey and ask her questions to allow her moments to speak her own words.
The funny thing is that the autism DIDNT waste my parents money, I actually didn’t need tutoring until recently for chemistry. Otherwise I was straight A+B student and kept to myself. HOWEVER…. Mine and my moms physical health HAS drained their bank- IVF baby, born and needed emergency surgery after I was born via C-section about 20 days early and couldn’t keep food down. Got sick MULTIPLE MULTIPLE times, respiratory illnesses, the flu, colds, I got COVID, chronic illnesses etc. I have the worst immune system and food allergies (just nuts though luckily.) But yeah. That’s why my parents spent a lot of money on me.
I made the same comment on the video with Amber and BookAngel, and I’ll say it again: there’s a damaging martyr complex present in many of the people claiming that some of us are “not Autistic enough”. They can’t handle not being so “special” as they thought, because the condition is more widespread than originally expected. They are often bitter that their life turned out different than they wanted. And it’s toxic as hell.
You’re exactly right. Aspies, high functioning, and other self identifying supremacist autists want to be special. They grew up and internalized the ableism around them and project it on other autists and they hate that there are so many other Autists realizing who they are without necessarily needing a diagnosis or obvious accommodations. They become precisely the problem that built them.
I feel like a lot of NTs struggle with their self worth because they base it so much on comparisons with others and this means that if they didn't achieve what they wanted they need some sort of excuse. So if you're an autism mom whose life got derailed by having an autistic kid it's nearly impossible to accept that you aren't some sort of brave martyr and that autism isn't always life destroying because if you do that you lose your excuse and whatever pride you were clinging to. You can't just accept that life doesn't always go the way we want and that's fine, you're not lesser just because you aren't “successful” in a more traditional way like having a career or being famous. Humans have intrinsic value and you don't need to prove to anyone else that you deserve respect.
I think the real root of the problem is not enough support. Those autism moms are complaining about the stuff they do because they are likely lacking support, and half the time probably they are undiagnosed autistic themselves, and they don’t realize how much they need until becoming parents of a kid that needs more. It’s really sad to me. I say this as a late in life mom, who had, still has very little support. My son is audhd and I am more certain than I’ve ever been that I am also on that spectrum. I feel I have to protect him but also prepare him for the world and it’s a hard thing to balance.
While I think that there a lot of problem behaviours with "autism moms", as a parent I have a lot of sympathy. Being a parent can be really challenging. If your child has needs such that they will need your care for their entire life, that really turns your life upside down. You might have to give up on a career, having more kids and other hopes and dreams you had for the rest of your life to care for your child. How could they not make their whole identity about their autistic child when caring for their high needs child takes up their entire life? Maybe if these parents had enough support so that they could do other things with their life as well then they'd find the freedom to develop their own personality again.
When you've got the baby who doesn't sleep and is always crying EVERYONE turns against you. The doctors tell you that you're coddling your baby and toughen up, your friends and family tell you that if you would just do everything exactly their way everything would magically get better, years go by and it has only gotten worse, you're beyond exhausted, completely socially outcast, yet you research every possible explanation you find, and fight your way to be taken seriously and finally get an Autism diagnosis for your small child and you think maybe people will finally believe that you're not a bad mother but that your unique child has unique challenges and no matter what you do your child will not be like everyone else's easy babies. But then you tell everyone and you get, "Oh no, how dare you say Autism is hard. That makes you evil! Toughen up and stop complaining." And then you get blamed for your child's meltdowns as being a bad mother who isn't accommodating enough even though before the diagnosis you were accused of being coddling. There is seriously NO winning as a parent of an Autistic child who isn't easy going. If your kid is easy, you can fit into society. But if your kid is difficult, you will be socially outcast and judged as a bad parent. And THAT is what is the hardest part. The other parents not being accepting and supportive.
I'm glad the internet wasn't around when I was a kid. One thing that infuriates me about "autistic moms" is how they severely underestimate their child's intelligence and understanding. They think their child with NEVER be able to understand or have any feelings about the content. They also say their children will never be able to use the internet or do anything that would allow them to see the content. I've known many autistic people with high support needs, and many people would be surprised that many have high intelligence and abilities even if they are nonverbal or need help with other things.
Yeah, from what I understand the issue in many of these cases isn't so much a lack of understanding, but a lack of ability to communicate that understanding. Like, I heard stories where the self harming type stimming comes from a whole "something is wrong with this, I know it is, but i don't know how to tell you, and this is the only way I know to get your attention" sort of thing. Or meltdowns due to frustration over how the other person doesnt seem to understand what your trying to communicate. It's rarely a case of "they don't understand" and is much more often a case of "we haven't found the right tools to help them communicate their understanding to us" yet they just. Get dismissed whenever they try to communicate and then it blows up, rather than working together to find a method to get that understanding across. Its really frustrating.
Abbey looking at her mom before she felt like she could answer even though she clearly wanted to say something broke my heart. She is smarter than her mother gives her credit for and honestly treats her like she's way less capable than she is. Unfortunately Abbey seems to be stuck in the people pleasing, mommy knows best because that's probably all she's ever heard and doubts herself and that is truly sad. Thats the real tragedy with these parents trying to "help" they lose sight of the potential and only focus on what their child may struggle with or can't do.
A big cause of this is that so called professionals are basically leading parents to believe that. They are given a diagnosis for their children and then scaremongered into pushing a bunch of therapies on their plate if they want to do right by their child.
14:11 So maddening!: A "Mildly affected" autistic adult has a much better chance of correctly representing the actual experience of a "severely affected" autistic adult than a NON AUTISTIC adult. I've never heard any autistic adult claim to speak for anyone but themselves anyway. If someone cannot consent, then nobody has the right to speak for them, or can. It's that simple, and that tragic. They must be afforded the same rights as every other human being however, and that includes the right to PRIVACY. The default must be to protect their privacy and their right to exist. Next topic please.
Yeah. That statement is very much giving: "The matter of fact is you're different and should refuse to stoop down to your autistic child's level to understand what they're going throug. Rather you should teach them that they should please society than go against it. Because ew! Disability and I don't think you're disabled! Please support us I dare you not to Karen with an autistic nephew of two!"
This whole thing about whether the person is disabled or not reminds me of the licensed Florida Bar member my husband and I met back in 2003-2004, whose head joined his neck at around a 90 degree angle, and was visibly and obviously disabled, who told us "I'm not disabled." The hostility among membership at The Florida Bar against disabled people is so entrenched and overwhelming, those who become licensed with them won't and can't admit they are disabled because of what will happen to them and their law license if they admit it. I see some of the same thing going on in the Autism community. When you are someone who is more severely Autistic, in a Neurotypical-designed World, the social disabbility of Autism is very real. It he[ps no one to claim the disabilities that come with Autism do not exist. But Autism is an intersectional minority class, as well - many, many Neanderthal and Denisovan genes are also listed in the Autism genetic databases. One of the problems is not acknowledging Autisms intersectional classification, because the intersectional part is why being Autistic is a part of us and who and what we are and the part you can't remove from the person.
Soooo about those parents talking about representation of the group that cannot consent... who is that representation for? Because it seems to be for the parents not the children with autism... which they can do without exploiting their child's meltdowns and such.
Excacly, they could at the very least talk about a situation without filming their child. It'd do the same but without (fully) exploiting their kids. I believe that kids who can't concent should be filmed even less. Not being able to concent just means that they'd be even more vulnerable and exposing them like that just ain't right.
As an autism mom I was so offended by that lady talking to Buck. She very clearly feels that only her child and kids who present in the same way are autistic and everyone else is pretending. She should be ashamed of herself. My daughter blends in for the most part in school and doesn’t cause disruptions, but she had enough of an issue that at a year and a half I started feeling like she was needing extra help and at about her third birthday she was diagnosed at UC Davis by the people who were doing major research about how girls present in autism. Her diagnosis and her support needs are not less valid because she doesn’t meet this lady’s criteria.
PREACH. i'm a 26 year old struggling adult Autistic lady with 3 generations of ppl with ASD in my family, but since im not a 5 year old nonverbal boy who likes trains im lying apparently. I WISH i had a not shtty childhood with ab4sive parents who cared enough to get ME help and this GENUINELY makes me so happy. Thank you for getting your child the help and love she deserves. W parenting. Your child WILL appreciate you doing this for them later in life.
@@darkdest6664 when I made this comment I was waiting for my appointment where I too was diagnosed as autistic. My terrible mother is who told me how if I get her diagnosed people will treat her differently, I know from experience that having a diagnosis is not why people treat autistic people differently. She just didn’t want it to reflect badly on her. She doesn’t know that I was diagnosed because I stopped talking to her the year prior, I miss the illusion of support from her, but I still don’t miss her. I decided that I don’t have to keep letting her hurt me. I instead try to be the mom my kids and my younger self deserve(d) and try to break as much generational trauma as I can.
I am 1000% against filming all children to make internet content (holiday photos/family photos/etc. obv oki on a private social account). People need to let children enjoy their childhoods with a sense of privacy, security, safety, and belonging within their home/family.
I follow a dad of 2 high support needs autistic sons on tik tok and I think he dose everything right, he just shares his day with the boys and what they do, no meltdowns no distressing moments just every day activities like going to the park , and he is doing a lot of good for the community in my opinion, I think autism parents can be done right
That one quote from someone : "Self identifiying as autistic is offensive. Sensory issues are not something you'd ever wish to have." EXACTLY I would never wish to have those. I am not diagnosed yet, but self identifiying as autistic in the moment is the only way to understand my issues that I already have my whole life.
also ignoring that while sensory issues and differences are very common, not all autistic people present with them the same way. the stereotypical presentation typically only ever includes sensory avoidance, not sensory seeking, when they are effectively two sides of the same coin. the point is not that all autistic people have major sensory avoidance, it's the presence of overall sensory differences. I was very sensory seeking as a child, ive gotten more sensory avoidant as ive gotten older. I would chew through copious amounts of pencils to the point of them snapping in half, getting paint stuck in my teeth and the taste was gross but it felt fantastic to feel the soft wood give under my molars. I would swing up to the highest altitude and jump off from so high my legs would buckle when I landed on my feet, then I'd get up and do it over and over. I was also a biggg fan of the monkey bars and hanging upside down on them. I engaged in soooooo much repetitive sensory seeking behavior, that's only the tip of the iceberg. I was definitely considered a picky eater as a child though and some still think so. I have more sensory issues regarding food now even though my range is much larger and I generally like healthy food. I can't stand how most food smells when it's hot, smell is my biggest gripe with most foods. The biggest reason I'm considered picky by some now is just that there's a fair amount of things I don't like. don't like basic condiments, don't like hot sauce, don't like eggs, dont like raw onion or tomato. I'm just quite specific.
I genuinely do not understand how anyone could believe that people are self-diagnosing as autistic for fun. Like do you know that we live in an extremely ableist world where the word “autist” is literally used as an insult? How can you think people are doing this for fun and not because they're genuinely looking for a way to explain their experiences.
the recordings of meltdowns and such are so upsetting, like jeez as someone who has experienced that, its such a purely vulnerable state, completely humiliating, terrible, i dont think id ever forgive my parents if they recorded me like that, ever, just no
@@j.b.4340 I’m gonna assume that you just made a typo, so an autistic meltdown is pretty much a complete sense of being overwhelmed to the point where the person having the meltdown can no longer fully control themself. The meltdown can be shown through hyperventilating, going nonverbal, (temporarily losing the ability to speak) excessive stimming, to the point where it can become harmful to themself and/or others, etc. They’re typically caused by extreme overstimulation or stress, paired with access to comforting items/behaviours (headphones being dead if Bluetooth, no internet for music, being told or forced to repress stimming, being forced into social situations without the mental energy to successfully go through them, no fidget toys available to reduce stress, no access to comfort food to reduce stress, etc.) These are often completely involuntary, and humiliating for the person having the meltdown, so it’s understandable why recording and posting an autistic person going through a meltdown.
i really hate how people act like EVERYONE who is a teen, queer, and online a lot is automatically faking autism... i am 17, and i have had extreme meltdowns since i was a little kid. i still do sometimes. no i do not have an official diagnoses, becuse my mom didn't want to deal with it. doesn't mean i'm not autistic. and i am online a lot becuase it helps me DEAL with being an undiagnosed autistic (i also have a special interest in art and animation/cartoons, and i do a lot of digital art). seeing these people not believing others like me are autistic... it makes me very upset that people might not believe me, when my struggles are very real.
Most people don't understand how unbelievably difficult and mentally damaging it is to try and get diagnosed. Especially for A DECADE! So many doctors are genuinely just completely misinformed and/or don't care. Especially where I live in the South. I only found out at like 18 that I got unofficially diagnosed years ago, I wasn't ever told it was just randomly put in my files like wtf.
I honestly don't understand where all these supposed "fake Autistics" are? Like I can't think of 1 person I've come across online that is or has said they were Autistic for "clout." I'm not saying these people don't exist it just seems like it's being blown WAY out of proportion. I have come across many professionals, a lot of them Autistic themselves, who have stated that most, if not 99% of the people who self diagnosed and then sought an official diagnosis were in fact Autistic. It's not something the vast majority of people sit around thinking about or questioning. It just doesn't happen. Also, how else would someone who is not a child figure out they're Autistic? Of course you would look online and take tests and watch videos, learn from others. To me it's like showing up at the doctor saying "I think I might have *insert random illness* and they ask why and you say, no reason 🤷♀️. There's generally a reason a person would seek a diagnosis or think they're Autistic. In my opinion as a late self diagnosed then officially diagnosed Autistic adult with ADHD (at 40) if you believe you are Autistic, you are. If accommodating yourself and making your life easier to live is helpful, awesome! It takes absolutely nothing away from anyone else. I say the more the merrier because the more "normalized" Autism becomes, the better for Autistic people in the long run. Lessen the stigma and force NT society to accept not just Autistic people but everyone that may function in a different way. It just makes the world a better place all around.
Yeah, a lot of people have a very distinct and specific idea of who they think is "least likely to be faking autism". Usually it's just amab dudes who are no more than slightly above average in looks and have very significant social difficulties or something else that catches their eye that checks off their autism box or whatever. Most girls online will get fakeclaimed, this is even more true if the girl is considered pretty. Definitely also a problem with fakeclaiming against afab queer ppl especially, but also queer ppl in general. Some of my longest standing special interests are in the beauty sphere like fashion, makeup and skincare which can lead to a lot of dismissal from others who believe it's only natural/right that a girl be interested in that stuff. Others may just see, oh she's a pretty girl with a nice, maybe weird or distinct style but still nice. Really not the presentation people associate with autism. What they don't see is that I can tell you the release date of most (if not all) of my beloved exclusive dresses from my favorite japanese alternative fashion brand, including pieces that were released multiple times and how you can tell which year yours is from based on the manufacturing or special colors that were only released in one in-person shop in japan in 2011. I'm sorry about your troubles with meltdowns, they present some pretty significant challenges for a lot of us. I'm lucky that my struggles are largely in other areas like black & white thinking, perfectionism, and some general inflexibility. Usually stuff that can affect how I am with others, vs a bunch of sensory sensitivities. I do have them but I've always skewed towards sensory seeking vs avoiding. The sensitivities I do have are usually not terrible all the time, just sometimes I randomly break down crying in the line for crowded grocery stores like costco due to the sensory chaos. Costco checkout is actually hell, it's just always the worse which sucks cuz I really like shopping usually. Otherwise sometimes I can struggle to bond or spend quality time with people in simple things like watching movies or shows because I really like to rewatch things (have since I was a young child) and I have trouble compromising on a super regular basis.
“You're just doing it because it's trendy!” because it's definitely trendy to be part of a minority that recieves regular discrimination in all its forms and that very much include violence.
If you have meltdowns you don’t need to be tested they will likely just give you a diagnosis. I was 14 and my neurologist diagnosed me just off of talking to me about my migraines. Getting my diagnosis was easier than I could have ever imagined. I can’t say that it will be as easy for you as for me, but I want to encourage you to try because it did help me.
I also didn’t like that in the jubilee vid that they said that ppl with Asperger’s can’t have learning disabilities, I have heavy dyslexia and math issues + the autism makes me not be able to go to mainstream school
Sometimes, it feels like those moms have a savior complex. They spend so much time trying to figure out how to understand and 'help' their child that they think they know it all, believing in the mantra 'Mother knows best.' However, they are often the ones who hurt the most with their words. I expect them to be more understanding than others, but the truth is, the only thing they know is what it's like to be the mother of one type of autistic child.
I worked as a psychologist specialized in Autism for over 25 years, half way through this journey, I got diagnosed with Autism and Complex PTSD. Not only have I made myself incredibly unpopular on media platforms, especially since I did not agree with the mainstream ideas and assumptions about autism. I started working with other Autistic adults, when we realized that Autism is used as a money making scheme, especially through charities, we decided to do our own research, and find out for ourselves what is happening with sensory and anxiety challenges. Using our hyper focus to dive into the chemical mechanisms of our body functions'. We discovered a lot of useful things, we tested our theories on ourselves, and had some wonderful progress. However fighting against the victim mentality of parents that feel deprived of the kid they wanted, and the hardship parents face, especially when they are marginalized by their social communities, can leave parents feeling isolated or resentful. As a female autistic, I have noticed that we are the most unpopular group, most marginalized, even if we seem to fit into society. I have seen the effects of parents being over protective, parents that just gave up, and the absolute heartache experienced by their autistic children. Trying to bridge the gap between Neurodiverse and neurotypical, is like bridging the gap between a person speaking English, thinking they are speaking French, and mother speaking Spanish thinking she is speaking English. So many non verbal's have been dismissed for not speaking, speaking is so very important in the neurotypical community, that they assume if a person is not speaking, that they have no cognition or ideas., which is so very very wrong, especially when you listen to non verbal expressing their needs through other communication devices. Body dysregulation is a challenge for autistic people , it does not mean they are not comprehending life, it means they are struggling to get their body to co operate. My non verbal clients have so much to offer, if people made the time to figure out their unique communication style. More than anything else, people have not been guided to understand the difference between meltdowns and tantrums. Autism refers to a population of humans that seem to find it easier to talk to each other, than neurotypicals. Autistic people are hard to understand, because it was grouped with intellectual disorders, which seems to be immensely inaccurate. Just because they are not speaking, does not mean they are an empty vacuum. A few of my clients with selective mutism, told me, after I had to work hard to earn their trust, that speaking is problematic, because people put their own meaning on words. Watch out of the parents that have become and advocate, or has the victim mentality. I focus on helping care workers to be companions for Autistic people, and teach them how to connect, how to bridge the gap, and it takes a willingness to change and adapt their thinking about Autism. There is so much misguided support from the Mental Health community, and I don't know how long it will take for people to embrace the reality of Autistic people, as we can all be contributing members of society, even if we just support each other. It is wonderful that more Autistic are speaking their mind, and sharing their unique autistic experience. We have come a long way, and still have a lot to change. but by no means, should any parent think their non verbal autistic is intellectually disabled.
24:00 PARDON ME Did she, while sitting right next to her autistic daughter, say "aspergers kids are different because they're so intelligent". Did you for real call your kid stupid like she's not a grown adult SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. So much about the way these people speak about autism ans autistic people bothers me, but that has me absolutely fuming. I'm mad for Abbey watching her sit there listening to her mom put "less disabled" people on a pedestal.
If somebody picked me up and threw me while I was melting down I don’t like any of the possibilities for what would follow. Soul crushing terror and heartbreak or blind going into fight for my life mode rage. Or both
I've had people do similar things to me in a meltdown, it is horrible and makes you feels very unsafe. It is a horrible thing to od to anybody, let alone an autistic child, shame on those parents. I also have had both of those reactions.
My mom is an autism mom, and I'm glad to say my mom is not like one of those crazy people. She's really chill and knows that autism is different for everyone, and that her autistic child knows more about having autism than she does. When I told her about Autism Speaks, she was appalled. It probably helps that she's a special ed teacher, so she has experience with a wide range of autistic people.
same here, she hasn’t been perfect and there’s been rough patches that have been super traumatic for me growing up but i’m so grateful for her because there’s many times where if i didn’t have an advocate in a high pressure medical setting i would’ve been assaulted way more by medical staff and doctors than i have been. she’s now a successful professional therapist who specializes in autistic child development and caretaker abuse prevention, as well as working with the local first nations health authority to help underserved autistic kids teens and adults on the rez.
It’s very interesting she’s so focused on if they’ve had speech therapy and that’s because Abbey had to. It’s so self centered and obviously they are way too focused on the own experience even over their own child
I am quite lucky that a decent amount of my autism cons are able to be addressed and lessened in ways that are under my control. I definitely have some that are a more difficult nut to crack like black & white thinking or general rigidity, but I don't have super terrible sensory sensitivities, I have my worse days where I'll burst out into tears at the costco checkout (sometimes meltdown in the car) without my loop earplugs or a nice pair of headphones, but there are definitely others who've got it worse on a more regular basis or who have very frequent meltdowns from sensory issues. I'm more likely to struggle with rigidity and how that can make people around me feel. Not everyone is very happy that I like to rewatch the same things over and over or watch shows together that I've already seen, and tend to avoid new things including recommendations. I certainly still do it sometimes, but I'm definitely at my most joyful watching someone else react to something I've already seen.
The last video you had with Gatekeeping Autism triggered a meltdown response in me, I was so so upset. I was almost afraid to watch this one but I think I could keep calm because I knew the trigger could happen. Nobody should be gatekeepers autism. And Autistic moms, they really get to me. I am low support needs but that doesn't mean those of us at my level deserve to be invalidated.
My "level" of autism is "wants to be fed pudding" not "needs to be taught the ABCs". I'd like have someone around for comfort and support, but I don't really "need" it. Like, it makes things more easy for me to socialize but I don't "need" to be spoonfed applesauce. Sounds good though. It would help, but I can manage fine on my own except in social situations.
Using the fact that someone has had speech therapy and occupational therapy as "proof" that they really are autistic or really are disabled is bizarre. Those are signs of privilege-at least, in the U.S., even with good health care you've got to be reasonably affluent to have access to decades of expensive therapy. There's nothing wrong with being affluent, but most Americans aren't and that doesn't make anyone less autistic. It just means we have access to fewer resources. It doesn't matter whether or not we would benefit from these therapies, they aren't available.
I agree because I could have benefitted from speech. I clutter my words and struggle with fluency. As an adult I had to basically do my own speech therapy by practicing talking slower. It still doesn’t always work.
I have worked with autistic people of all kinds who have many different ways of communicating. Every single one of them was able to consent or deny consent. Non verbal and low verbal autistic people are still capable of finding communication methods that work for them. A person not being able to advocate for themselves is generally due to a lack of willingness to learn from the person trying to communicate with them.
Consent to what? Being filmed for content? Not saying your experience is wrong, but I would be careful about the assumption that everyone with autism can consent, and if they can't its because they are unwilling to do so.
Hi! I just became semi non speaking last year as I am still a minor, or maybe it was because I just got my ASD diagnosis. I was just wondering if you had any other communication styles you wouldn’t mind sharing with me, as I mostly rely on writing which is quite difficult. Also, in your opinion is it better for me to force myself to talk as much as possible or lean into not talking even when I can technically talk?
I definitely agree with the fact that it feels like alot of these parents never try to understand or truly accommodate their kids. Alot of nonspeaking autistic kids and adults can communicate in other ways, but many of these caregivers never teach them how, or listen when they try. Emotions, movement, sounds, text to speak, aac devices, sign language, written it down, speaking in memories, speaking in quotes, using one or two words, expressions. They all communication. And I think taking care to listen to kids and not expose them like the parents that film their kids meltdowns is even more important with kids that can't concent or communicate as easily. I'm no expert though so grain of salt.
When a parent has to use their child for exposure on social media, I begin to question their motives. There are many parents who are Narcissistic and having a child to gain sympathy or money from, that would be a typical set up for that kind person.
I seriously trust no one who shows their kid on social media unless the kid has their face covered up and rarely appears. Kids don't fully know how far internet reach can go, and to film stuff like their most embarrassing and distressing moments for all to see? That's my biggest nightmare.
@tomrio9152 Munchausen by Proxy, you mean. And no, not quite. Munchausen by Proxy is when one person fakes someone else being ill or disabled for sympathy. These people are using their relatives' real disabilities as a sob story to make themselves look pitiable.
What about ABA therapists making videos that make fun of their clients or what the therapist does at work? I think this is just as bad as autism parents and their videos.
I've had some really upsetting ABA videos on my FYP recently - definitely something I want to research and cover in future. I'm yet to see any ABA content that doesn't make me uncomfortable. Luckily, it's not that big in the UK and not available on the NHS.
@@imautisticnowwhatABA is commonly recommended in USA. It needs talked about more. (I'm really uncomfortable with what I've seen about it, too, despite others raving about its "miracles." I'm not convinced. ) Really appreciate what you do here and would love your input on this topic! 👍
I'm reminded of my dad and sister trying to tell me I'm not autistic because I've never had trouble speaking like my brother has or "haven't struggled as much" as my brother.
I hate seeing the kids have meltdowns. It is so triggering growing up undiagnosed and having my meltdowns be a joke to my family and being talked about like I was a monster. They are so embarrassing. And I'm thankful I've never been filmed having one. I also hate when autism moms get mad at us for standing up for their autistic children who have zero say.
I watched the jubilee video and I think it was my last. I was irritated with abbeys mom as well. To be honest, I don’t know that we need neurotypicals giving their two cents about autism in public spaces. We have plenty of that already. Their videos are structured to pit two sides against eachother and when human rights are involved it seems a little unnecessary to do that. I think parents of autistic children should have room to express feelings but when those feelings are humiliating to their children and asking the world to pity them and recent their child’s condition with them, they need to be deplatformed. Autistic people just wake up the way that we are and we don’t get to choose the world we live in. Non autistic people do have a choice with how they view and talk about autism and somehow, us autistics are expected to fight back or risk things getting worse for us. I just get so frustrated having to smack away the false information and dehumanizing talking points. It feels like I’m standing in front of those tennis ball launching machines and I have to deflect all that’s being hurled at me and IM NOT GOOD AT TENNIS. I think I let this comment get a little tangenty but I stand by it. No more jubilee videos for me
jubilee is just sensationalism 2.0, like going from the traditional tabloid to multimedia platforms (obviously they do a good casting, choosing the right people, enhancing that confrontational vibe)
It is so frustrating because a lot of parents of autistic children are stuck in the past. Especially those who have grown children who were diagnosed as children are particularly resistant to the very well researched changes in diagnostic criteria. They want the diagnosis to reflect their experience, but it's a spectrum disorder.... no diagnosis can ever encompass a person's experience. I understand the struggle parents have of finding support and community for high support needs autistic children. It can be isolating and severely change your life, and requires a ton of resources to fight for your child's needs. Lack of resources is the problem though. The diagnostic changes have improved access to accommodations and expanded the community so that we can increase acceptance and support for everyone. I wish they would let go of the bitterness and join the community.
I'm one of the many late diagnosed autistic people who were neglected as a child it's not that I don't have support needs its that I didn't get them from my caregivers because I was "too old" for needing help in brushing my hair for example and I think that what a lot of autism parents dont understand about a lot of people who were diagnosed in adulthood is that some of us burned ourselves out to a krisp because even if we had a lot of support needs they weren't met
That dismissive "not a learning disability, a learning difference" language reminds me so much of some governmental abuse I suffered a whole bunch of years ago, where they reclassified some language just to randomly cut off some help, because conservatives. That language just brings pain to me now. I hear it and wince, as I've already seen it employed to do harm to us.
It’s an unfortunate tension between trying to create this accepting language that de stigmatizes, but at the same time there are real challenges due to these “differences” and there need to be supports in place to help deal with them. I’m sorry to hear about your case. Goblins like that are always looking for ways to be cheap and hide their malfeasance at the same time.
@@d3pr0fundis you're right, word reclamation is always messy and never unexploitable. I tend to think of "disability" as a fully reclaimed word, and forget that it's "dis" + "ability", but of course now I'm reminded, and can see the problem.
I feel like for me personally calling it a difference is very apt. I have always excelled at math, the sciences and history because those subjects were taught in a way that made sense to be but I struggled with the humanities for a long time because I didn't have any teachers who were willing to teach it to me in a way I understood. Then I got teachers who were willing to listen to me and I was able to excell in those subjects as well.
@@hedgehog3180 I get what you mean, but the term is spoiled for me because it was invented by a government with a track record of disability discrimination with the express purpose to discriminate. The problem isn't that 'difficulty' does apply, the problem is the suggestion that 'disability' doesn't (which obviously is untrue). That's what I don't like about it. If you ignore the connotation then it's a perfectly fine term for any disability, although I see no particular reason to change words either, so whichever you prefer. I'll stick with disability I think.
“autism is trending” NO IT ISN’T. 🙃 no it isn’t. no it isn’t. if that were the case i wouldn’t still be getting discriminated against because of my autism. it’s not “cool” to be autistic in the real world. we still get made fun of by “cool” people. this whole “trend” idea makes me FURIOUS.
You're absolutely right! 💯 These "influencer moms" have no self-awareness, it seems. My observation is that this type of know-it-all attitude/emotional immaturity is a common trait of people who don't live in the real world. They think reality television is reality and their sense of social reward & social consequence is formed by spending all their time on social media online and almost never in person, in the real world..
During the Plague: "this whole plague thing is trending now. It's fashionable now to die in horrible conditions." In reality now more people can get an explanation than before. Yes, maybe we have some false positives, but beforehand we had so many false negatives.
Yea what they dont grasp is Trending isn't Trendy. Trending just means something is getting exposure or attention online for a minute. It doesn't mean it's "cool" or popular or incentivized. It just means more ppl are hearing that it exists.
"I don't care how much I hurt my child, as far as it is "... Such mothers deserve to be hated. And btw, what was "her way"? Why not explaining that? Sometimes the parent's way is unfair. Some months ago I was talking with a Thai friend about food. We both have same disgust for some textures. But while she was understood and loved, I was ignored and forced. I still recent those things (and now I know about autism, even more). Context: I got my diagnostic one year ago. My friend thinks that she is NT, but who knows.
I think a lot of the issue is what we've collectively, as a society, done to motherhood. I'm autistic and ADHD, my son is the same. We are considered "low support needs," but he still has an aide to school and needs alternate transportation. I notice that there aren't a lot of autism dads, it's mostly moms. Motherhood has been made into this eternal martyrdom and if you aren't suffering enough you aren't doing it right. When I became a mother it's like I ceased being a whole person. How dare I have needs or wants or opinions or anything except caring for my child?
I want to say more after I watched the whole video, but one thing I have to get off my chest now is that it's really f***d up to say you need to have had speech therapy to be autistic, when she lives in a country where healthcare is a privilege of the rich. Especially, but not only, because autism is hereditary and autistic people are more likely to be poor and unemployed, so they're less likely to have the money to pay for speech therapy for their kids. That lady is excluding a lot of people who've had it way harder than she can imagine.
I think it was less "you can't be autistic if you haven't had speech therapy" and more "you can't be autistic if you _didn't need_ speech therapy" She's still wrong, of course, and I don't know how she would even know if a person did or did not have speech therapy, but I don't think her point was necessarily to punch down on those who can't afford such therapy. (though there is still room to talk about how if you can't afford speech therapy you are also probably far less likely to realize that you might _benefit_ from such a service because you never even had the chance to be evaluated).
@@SilverDragonJayyes I think that’s what she meant and you’re right. She is wrong. Some Autistic children have extremely advanced speech and language. They “teach themselves” to read at a young age. It doesn’t mean they are not autistic and that they don’t struggle with other things in their lives.
I think she showed the Ultimate Misery in my opinion: the sweet spot for being absolutely unwell, but well enough for people to dismiss your issues: "you can talk normally therefore you can't have big issues".
On the speech therapy thing, there’s a small lil issue with some autistic kids called “can speak very well” I personally was one, I could read better than my peers and liked science. So clearly nothing could be wrong right? (Completely ignoring the fact I only hung out with a few people, would cry if someone yelled or even slightly raised their voice at me, would screech when touched, overly concerned about small things like the candle in the classroom that hasn’t fully gone out yet and had to be dragged out to recess, took forever on assignments and projects trying to get them perfect and to add every single little detail, limited food palate which turned into ARFID purely because of texture, hardly had friends over, couldn’t speak up for myself or talk to the teacher no matter how hard I tried because the sound would take so much force and effort to actually come out. Etc. Etc.
THIS!!! 👍 When my daughter was diagnosed my sister was all "Now you get all this FREE help!" But my child doesn't need speech therapy, I don't believe in ABA, she's Autistic AND Gifted so public school has no frickin idea what to do with kids like that so homeschooling is a must (husband is a public school teacher so we refuse to have our child endure that, we know what's going on from the inside), we've been on a waiting list for YEARS just trying to get a regular therapist for our Autistic child's anxiety issues... yeah, we're getting ZERO help of any kind.
I haven't seen the original jubilee video but abbey seemed really excited that someone felt the same way she did and that they could relate with each other so it's very sad that her mum just turned around and said those things
I want to say, I'm a person with ADHD and BAP. I watched many of your videos when I was wondering if I was in the spectrum a while ago. My bestie is in the spectrum, I love to come to your channel to listen and learn about what is going on and how can I be more supportive of her and other people. It's great to listen to different voices and widen your horizon. I wish for autism moms, they could see they can exist with adults in the spectrum. Your reality doesn't change theirs, both can exist in the world, this is why ASD is a spectrum... It's not black and white! And I wish their kids could have more autonomy in their life, get heard more... I understand some parents tend to coddle and speak over their children even after adulthood, and having a different kid only fuels this need, (I can certainly say growing up w ADHD I lack autonomy) but your children is a whole different life, different needs, wants... Please live your life, and let your children live theirs...
The part at 20:04 is actually pretty depressing if you think about it. Abby is a successfull actor and does social media and her mom seems to act like she isn't successfull. I think she doesn't think her daughter is really "successfull", while in any other situation what she has done at her age is pretty impressive. An autistic people talking about autism issues isn't much different than a pro-union politician that worked a low paying job before. Nobody would question their work which is based on their life struggles, like she indicates about ehr own daughter. The ironic thing is that many autistic people couldn't survive in the wild but with decent accommodations can trive comparable or better than allistic people. As someone with very high life goals I think this behavior is dangerous. Most autistic people that can focus on what they are good on while not having much speech therapy will just look excentric, if they get accommodations. Autism support shouldn't be about being normal but about autistic people maximising their potential. For some this may include speech therapy (I myself got some, but only for a few months) but at some point Abby's moms program gives me anxiety because it sounds very excessive. I have seen therapy as a key to live a better life and reach goals. Especially important because Abby's mom seems to be kinda mad at other successful people. It kinda hits hard when as a younger autistic kid hearing that makes you think "I don't want to just have these low goals; I want to do more with my life". And often autistic people can grow. I also was in my own world when I was a kid and until like age 16 I was guaranteed to have a big falling out at least once every school year. Now at 21 I am quiete good with people, because I was given the room by my parents to develope. And I literally just watched YT videos which shouldn't make me more social but worked for me.
I've been watching Abbey and her mother for awhile and she has always acted like Abbey is only successful thanks to her and her parenting. She lives vicariously through her daughter.
I made a TiikTok about the video where they recorded their child having a meltdown and how I thought it was inappropriate to show a kid in this situation and how it could affect the poor child in the future, and I have had so many people argue against my post and say that I can't silence the parents, but I'm sorry... what about the kids? They'll be affecte forever! At least blur out you and your child's face.
I've been told my whole life that huge changes are coming for humanity, and it's proving true. Something I've noticed is that we've switched from a broad brush approach to fine-tuning in discernment relative to the way we treat each other. We used to think there were large categories of people causing all the problems, e.g. criminals, communists, atheists, religious fanatics, etc. Now we can see that even within a small community, e.g. autistics and parents, it comes down to kindness and character. I'm committed to a nonviolent revolution of consciousness resulting in a win/win culture. Let's embrace radical inclusion.
As the mom of a funny, smart, active, Mario Brothers obsessed boy who we suspect might be on the spectrum, I need advice. Should I be seeking an official diagnosis for him? When we saw a neuropsych for him she said he wasn't autistic because he "was a lovely little chap who clearly is interested in making conversation and makes regular eye-contact." Facepalm. But she didn't see him in a loud, group environment. I don't want to be a crappy mom. Help!!! He really struggles in group environments, and i want to help him succeed.
If you think having accomodations for him in school or having occupational therapy might be helpful for him, it might do you good to seek out an expert who doesn't rely on lack of eye contact for their diagnosis. It's only one of several diagnostic criteria and is actually described as "abnormalities in eye contact or body language". Some autistic people also do "overly intense" eye contact and some may do both. My kiddo does the overly intense thing and I do both depending on how regulated my nervous system is. Having a diagnosis, autism or otherwise, may also give you a good confident place to know how to talk with him about how his body and brain work and how he can take care of his needs in ways that work for him even if they are different from what others do or need.
We have found that the diagnosis for our son helps with the school setting. It also helped to get services in place that are helping him. His diagnosis was the first in our family, then our daughter, then my husband.
As an autistic person who was diagnosed late, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I think early diagnosis is best for all autistic people. Like you, my mother was dismissed when bringing up my symptoms with doctors as a child, because in their reasoning, I could make eye contact , I was verbal, and I was a girl. I'm in my early 20s so during the time I was a child the information on autism wasn't what it is now, many doctors even believed girls couldn't have autism. I looked at the doctor because my mother had repeatedly taught me to look in people's eyes, and I knew the doctor was important, so I was trying to be on my best behavior so I made a big effort of looking at the doctor even though it was uncomfortable to me. So despite my mother taking me to multiple doctors, they all dismissed her and didn't even look into it. Those doctors failed me and my mother by taking a single look at me and dismissing me. I struggled much more through my life because I was undiagnosed and so I got no help. Now I am an adult, very little help is available for an adult with lower support needs. I have not achieved what I believe I could have with help. If I was diagnosed in childhood I would have had access to programs that would help me build skills to make my life easier. If your son is autistic, getting him diagnosed is the first step, but the next has to be getting him the best help. I'm not qualified to tell you what therapies may best help your son, but I think getting him diagnosed ( if he indeed is autistic) will give you (and him!) something to start understanding him more. I wish doctors had listened to my mother. There were signs, they didn't even look. A diagnosis enables someone or their caregivers to learn what they need and access resources to get that help. Keep fighting, it may take a long time, but if he is autstic, it will make it all worth it. I hope you, your family, and son get the help you need ❤
I have an autistic son. That is why I follow your channel. Also, because I suspect that I myself am neurodivergent, and my husband as well. I did not know that there were moms of high support need kids that hated blue haired highly verbal online autistics. I did see a childless autistic person claim the other day that autism is not a disability. I found that difficult. I wish she had said "my experience of my autism is not disabling." My autistic son is disabled. I had hoped he would not be; that he would just be different... but as he approaches the end of high school, his disability is something I have to come to terms with as his parent, and as we help him transition to adult life. My cousin also has autistic kiddos that are quite disabled. Raising disabled kids is difficult. My son is much more challenging to raise than my other two kids. I would love to see more compassion and support for both parents raising autistic kids and autistic people themselves.
{DISCLAIMER} before some idiot reads this and thinks "Oh MaH gAwD, tIsTiC pPl ArE eViL" NO SHUT UP, ppl with ANY mental disability are ALWAYS going to me more likely to be VICTIMS then PERPS. Your average joe is more likely to harm you for no reason then a mentally ill person. They dont usually want to harm others. Please treat ANYONE disabled or not with kindness because it REALLY can help someone in a bad headspace, even if from the outside, they seem fine. Thankyou. There are parts of the spectrum that are DEF DEBILITATING. My brother for example, he is vi0lent. He wasn't always like that but he just slowly grew more and more aggressive and he ended up stabbing my bio mother. He absolutely knows that its wrong because when it happened he lied to me about it. Sure my brother can hold a conversation and can tell you about the newest hyperfixation he's into, but he has his LOWS and they are BAD. I kinda hated using the word disorder a few years back to describe myself (yes i am also on the spectrum) but that's because i *usually* need less support then my brother does and it felt wrong to me. Iv def changed my mind now a days esp when my needs have now shifted greatly as iv grown more dysfunctional trying to snag a much needed diagnoses. And sadly i have those self h@rming stims. I wouldn't hurt anyone but they are debilitating. ASD is a DISORDER, even if your support needs are low. but every ASD person should always just keep in their mind that those needs can fluctuate. I sadly cant help my brother. Im 3,000 miles away and i have a lot of my own struggles. I just hope he can get himself on a healthier schedule thats works with him and he can get out of his funk. I wish you luck on your journey. I raised my brother since i was 8. It wasn't easy some days, especially the day he made a poop art all over the house.... Dont forget to start his Spongebob again sister!
I think there is a useful comparison to be made between how “autism moms” seek to raise awareness and how parents of kids with Down syndrome advocate for their kids. I have never heard one of them say “my kid will never do x or y” (I worked as an educator for over a decade and the number of autism parents who have already decided what their three year old won’t be able to do is shocking…this doesn’t seem to happen in any other disability), or try to silence publicly prominent self-advocates for daring to portray people with Down syndrome as capable individuals, even if their support needs may be lower than their child’s. You don’t see them constantly talking about how hard their life is because of their child. They make it pretty clear that their children are the light of their lives. I think this difference in attitude comes from the top down. The organizations that serve people with Down syndrome want to make their lives better by providing tangible support. They educate the public with the goal of eradicating ableist misconceptions that would limit opportunities. For whatever reason, Autism Speaks decided to go with fear as a way to raise money. Their conception from the beginning was that autism was something to “fight against”, not support. And that messaging is usually the first information that parents come across when their child is diagnosed. And that can be hard to undo once you’ve been steeped in it.
My biggest issue with autism moms are the ones who act like they are the tragic main character, and that their autistic child is something terrible that happened to them
I am an Autism mum... But a aspire to never be the stereotype portrayed in this video. I so deeply value the insights of Autistic adults who can give me glimpses into my daughters experience of life. There is nothing I want more than for her to understand and value herself and to learn to speak of diagnosis with kindness and speak up for her needs with confidence. Because of her diagnosis and the things I have learnt from people like you Meg, is creating a home of acceptance, accommodations and safety, while still also stretching her to grow in her independence and confidence. I've also learnt to keep quiet in the comments section as autism is her experience not mine. I'm still learning here.
@@imautisticnowwhat just thinking it'll be like (in an old gran voice as that's what I apparently relate to 😆) "I haven't watch that one yet, that's what that red bar means and the lot of ya can't convince me otherwise" "but gran you just watched that one" "don't be silly child you can never watch enough Meg'an, dementia is a very serious condition ya know" "we know gran, we know" (all nodding their heads and rolling their eyes)
Lol just realised I forgot to finish off the video 😂😂😂, if there is a sudden drop off viewers around that dementia comment you'll know why (the target audience got distracted)
There was a part in this video that really resonated with me. Any time I mention my autism, I mention that I’m diagnosed (sometimes I mention the age I was diagnosed because I was diagnosed at an early age), how many years I was in speech therapy, and all the different schools and “special needs” classes I’ve been in in my life, and I’ve gotten a cold response. I didn’t really get it at the time, but when you mentioned that it makes it sound like people who do so are belittling other people’s experiences, it made me realize that I do it because I feel like I have to “prove myself” because I’ve become so low needs and I mask so well. It makes me look at my whole way of communicating differently and how to accept myself in the future.
I don't want to offend those who have lived with a severe diagnosis, and I would never want to trivialize the challenge faced by those with a severe diagnosis, but viewing autism in a spectrum has so many pragmatic benefits! It makes no sense to clinge to an outdated understanding and definition of the disorder. If we're going back in time, should we regress back to asylums? The autistic stigma was vile a few decades back and it is still very negative today. The more autism is understood and diagnosed in the general population, the less the stigma for all autistics. Also, the better understood the entire spectrum is, the closer we are to having answers for autism as a whole. It's the evolution of theory and scientific knowledge. (By the way, I find all your videos very insightful and entertaining, thanks!)
I am an Autistic mom (mother who is autistic) and a researcher and I want to weigh in on the need for genetic research on everything (not only Autism). Knowledge on genetics could actually help us improve the research itself, as there are some things that can't be properly researched with randomised clinical trials (RCTs) due to the nature of the research object, it's the lack of ability to randomise into different groups I am talking about. For example, if you want to do research on alcoholism, it would be highly unethical to divide 100 people into two groups and force half of them to become an alcoholic for the purpose of the study. Because we can't do RCTs, we need to do other experimental designs but they can only give us knowledge on correlation and not causality and we need to repeat the experiements so many times until we actually can assume a causality, it is very expensive and time consuming. Mendelian randomization actully gives us the possibility to have a research design that allows us to randomize without having to actually randomize in the above mentioned way and would give us clear insights into mental disorders. Yes, it can be abused, but I just wanted to highlight that there is a rational reason for wanting that knowledge and it is to improve the research designs and the research on health to go beyond correlation and to explain causality.
Please respond to my comment if possible, but I will reiterate. I was born with conjoined disc in my neck, which is a genetic disorder that can make it more likely for me to have autism. Do MRIs show autism? I was trying to research it, but the answer seems unclear.
@@magneticcrochet This is a very complicated question and I don't know anything about your genetic disorder, but I will answer the question to the best of my knowledge, there might be people who know more about this than me and hopefully correct me if I am wrong but to answer it very shortly: yes and no. What researchers do is they can compare healthy brains with neurodiverse brains in so called fMRI (where you can see brain activity and not only brain structure) and then say that there are differences in the brains but as far as I know it, you can do this only when you know the person has Autism/is neurotypical and it doesn't work for normal MRIs (where you can only see the brain structure) and not the other way around. I know that fMRI cannot/is not be used for diagnostic purposes and I don't think that it's possible to look at a brain in an fMRI and say if the person has Autism, as there is always differences between Autistic brains and not all brains are the same. Does this answer your question or do I need to clearify on something in particular?
I wish I could show you a screen shot of what comes up when I search this. I am due for an MRI. I read it takes 15 minutes and can only be seen in adults. Look up "autistic brain" they have a different brain wave in pictures. I wish it was easier to see my other comments, but I just can't keep it short. I get how doctor stuff works and you HAVE to ask, so when I go for a VERY expensive MRI for other medical reasons, I'd like to know. I want a firm piece of paper saying so. I have been accused of doing drugs by quite a few people now and at the age of 30+ I am finally seeing maybe why. I have hardly even drank alcohol. Mostly, I have only done stuff basically after being accused. Not their fault, but seeing these videos is helping me understand a lot and I'm not a big "masker" I just generally follow examples and do them correctly and fear being accused of things I have not done really bad bc my parents did that to me. However, I have never done hard core drugs in my entire life. I don't fear messing up, but as a mom who has been accused of stuff I do worry about being accused of being on drugs really bad and get awkward in intense situations I am nervous around police, etc. @@nanajasmin1008 I am dealing with harassment from my neighbors after a lonnngg journey of trying to heal and this is what started me on my "am I autistic" journey like WHAT is wrong with me, I try to do everything "right/correctly". I am an adult who pays their bills, goes/went to counseling, so like can I just take out my trash or maybe have a drink on new years already? Jeeze. Meanwhile their whole yard smells like weed so badly I feel the need to take my children inside the house. Sorry that was so long, I really hope I could get it on paper.
Thank you for your help. Did you get to read my comment? Klipple Feil but I only have the condition of conjoined disc diagnosed from being in the womb and really no further study except once they thought maybe I had meningitis so spinal tap. There are photos of my conjoined disc in the womb@@LNVACVAC
I'll never understand why, when someone has struggled all their life, they will immediately try to discredit when someone else confides that they've had similar struggles. Honey, it's not a competition! You're not getting any bonus points because you suffered 'more' than someone else. All that mentality does is cause people (like me) to just shut down and not seek any help because "oh, others have worse issues, you're not worth worrying them with." It's asinine. Me speaking up about my issues isn't to decry yours.
I have thoughts as a mom of two autistic sons (now adults) and dealing with a one child who is high support needs. I am now self-diagnosed AuDHD myself, which has only happened in the last year. I think that, for me at least, it seems that the thing that often drives these moms is the lack of support. In this society right now, parents, and moms in particular, are pretty much expected to be the primary/only support needed for disabled children, for the most part. The expectation is that you shouldn't need any help, support, or respite, regardless of the challenges your child faces. And it will wear you down to the point where you are running on fumes...especially if you are autistic yourself, or have mental health issues. My experience with one of my sons was to be constantly questioned on how to deal with my high-support autistic son by everyone, as if I should have the "magic" solution to make him more "normal". I gave up everything in my life in order to effectively parent this particular child, and I don't hold it against him...he is lovely. But, I should NOT have had to give up everything in my life, either. There should have been supports, both for him and for me, to make a life worth living for both of us, because honestly, it often felt like society was telling me "oh, so sorry, your so amazing/so brave/so exceptional" but never offering any type of real support other than thinking that giving lip service to how "amazing" I was was enough. It's like, hey, I'm not amazing, I didn't really have a choice but to step up and care for my kids the way they need, because who else is going to do it? But I see a LOT of these moms are really crying out for the support they need in raising their high support needs children, and I do understand that. How they are doing it is a problem. I also think that they see lower support needs autistic people as possibly making it more difficult to get the help they and their children need...like, if everyone thinks that autism is just being "a little quirky" then society will decide it's not a big deal and supports are not needed. I really think it's a fear of not having what they and their child need (and often NOT getting what they need anyway) that causes them to belittle people who don't seem to require as much support. If we were doing an adequate job of supporting everyone's needs, and supporting the parents who ARE the primary caretakers of high support needs individuals, then I don't think you'd see as much gatekeeping around the "types" of autism. I've come to the conclusion that I'll be caring for my high support needs son for probably as long as I'm alive, because there isn't anyone else out there to do it. I don't have support or help. I didn't get it when he was little, and I'm not going to get it now that he's older. I do my best, and it is easier now that he's older, but expecting a person to basically make the autistic child their whole life because they are the ONLY support available to the child, and then complain that the child and their autism is the parent's whole life is a bit unfair. I know this is a bit long and rambling, but we need to be better and more understanding that parents of high needs autistic children DO need support and help...both for their children and for themselves.
People shying away from terms like disabled kinda grinds my gears. I just like…. Don’t want people to start dismissing how disabling being neurodivergent is sometimes. It doesn’t make it a bad thing that it’s disabling. It means that we need help sometimes.
Know the facts on neurodivergence and when an article is spinning it for attention with Ground News. Subscribe through my link ground.news/nowwhat to get 30% off their unlimited access Vantage plan which is about $6/month.
We NEED to Discuss the Autism Speaks Rebrand Attempt.: ua-cam.com/video/qTQYubdlR24/v-deo.html
What you think? Do you think ‘Autism Moms’ and #actuallyautistic adults can ever get on?
I actually had quite a lot more than I thought I did to say about the Jubilee video with Abbey’s mom, so I could potentially do another video discussing it further, if you’d be interested? Just let me know!
I went into a stupidly deep hyperfocus on this one and probably had enough research for about 4 different videos 😂 Whoops!!
If you missed the one with the autism mom Amber, you can watch here: ua-cam.com/video/-tbhcpXXQ2Q/v-deo.html
And if you want some more positive, here are some actually autistic memes!: ua-cam.com/video/v8XUNPm4KeI/v-deo.html
Thank you so much for watching! And thank you to my wonderful patrons - there should be a lot of new content for you in the next couple of weeks 💛🐌
Good job getting a sponsor
@@dawnsantowasso7847 That's so kind, thank you 💛
I just disagree with the abuse of the word trauma. If people disagreeing with you is traumatic how do you ever rationalize disagreeing with anyone. Please consider the fact people cope in different ways and you trying to control others, is “you trying to control others”. And if being forced to be a certain way is traumatic for you then you forcing someone else to consent to something they don’t want is?? What.
Parents have a right to film their child and they want support in the form of normal people seeing what their life is. You can’t have it both ways, you either don’t want to be forced and want to be accepted and so believe that the world should be compelled or you don’t believe in compelling anyone.
I think your not taking into account how much in this day and age people are dragging government and force of law and rules and regulations of both government and corporate politics into the “room or space” when people are making arguments so if you don’t specify what you want from your arguments. Are you asking people to take action or are you just speaking your opinion because the manner you are portraying things as moral rather than socially tactful or skillful is coming off as heavy handed.
Do you honestly not believe people self identify as autism for the sake of trying to excuse bad behavior.
I am Austic myself and worked with Asperger’s kids for years, and later I worked with children who at eight years old could not even speak with words, only clicks and “baby sounds”. That is such a frightening disease and disability.
Btw, something being associated with the Nazis is not it absolutely is not an argument against something. Fanta, BMV, Volkswagen, Germans, are all associated more than most things in real ways. You can’t just dismiss something and that is absolutely weaponizing stigma which you seemed to be against. Be aware of what you yourself lend yourself to and then also condemn.
You shouldn’t be moralizing something like stigma, if you don’t have any problem using it.
Telling people to open up in private is, no different then telling someone to keep it to your group. You say people need more help but you think that certain people crying for help should be keeping what their going through private. Public vs private is the argument. Private is secret, closed, hidden. Public is open.
Is there not a connection between hidden and secret and stigma?
This whole video feels like a gigantic it’s ok when I do it. I am truly sorry that this is going to come off a rough or harsh or even traumatic but I genuinely feel you need a reality check when it comes to how you seem to want everything to be nice but then put people and their arguments down for not conforming to your idea of nice. The point being sometimes people genuinely need to be forced this is what the criminal Justice system is their for but you seem to think that force or rough or difficult situations should not be created publicly while you yourself publicly go after people for being different in a way you don’t like.
I actually agree it’s inappropriate to put footage of disciplining your kids online but speaking out against it like it is something more than a bad look, but something weighty and moral implies you do indeed believe in being unaccepting and stigmatizing when it suits you. So you do want to be free to be judgements and stigmatizing but advocate for a blanket acceptance and people not going after people for abusing the label autistic.
The truth, reality, and things being congruent and making the cogs of one’s opinions cohesive and singular in their axioms is something I am really autistic about. And I find it hurtful and offensive to see someone who demands acceptance and openness being unaccepting and closed (you really do tell people to keep something private multiple times). I just find it heartbreaking because I think it is the hallmark of bullies to pretend to be one way and then use peoples prejudice to gang up on people when it suits them. I think your lack of stating what you actually want from your audience, from the public, and from the people involved is a huge issue when you go after someone with such passionate opinions. That energy is intense and it is going to push and slam against things inside people and that will cause some sort of reaction it’s your responsibility to find what you want from that energy and be upfront about that before you unload that kind of pressure on people. Do want want people to go after this lady or is this just you venting and you do want anything. You don’t make it clear but you make very strong hard hitting arguments, your an extremely compelling and emotionally powerful person and when you for instance link something to nazism that is impactful. Even though it is completely unfair because Asperger’s kids once upon a time we’re real. I met them and many of them and there symptoms were absolutely congruent and consistent. It wasn’t something made up and I personally don’t believe the diagnosis should have been disolved because I don’t believe someone like you with is an incredibly articulate and graceful communicator should be put in the same category as someone who slams their head against a wall and makes sounds instead of words to communicate.
Frankly and sincerely I believe you should vocalize in your videos or at least to yourself the other side of the argument and see how unfair your being (in my opinion unintentionally).
I really really love and appreciate your work this one just seemed to be overly ideological and unthinking. I did not get the impression you really contemplated the effect of your own phrasing or the obvious emotional passion you put behind it. You seemed uneven and slanted to a very particular side and didn’t seem to even acknowledge that there might be any reason behind the other persons decisions which I believe is almond always a mistake with verbal essays.
Something as simple as just saying, “I feel kinda emotional about this topic so please don’t take me to seriously and please judge the situation for yourself” would have been enough context for this not to feel like a call to arms.
I am always open to having a conversation and would happily speak with you over video chat. My intention is not to just drop a bomb on you and leave you no way was addressing your accuser if you feel I am being unfair. I honestly only write this much for people I feel genuine care for. I believe it or not am trying to look out for you, because I think your incredibly strong and beautiful in your art, I think we have that in common and so I am trying to warn you about something I believe I have failed at in the past and accidentally had an impact on others I did not intend.
I truly wish you the best and I still respect and admire you I just felt compelled to point out what I believe to be a glaring hypocrisy in your work and argumentation.
@@dorjedriftwood2731 too long + Gish gallop + written with ChatGPT
You just defended Nazis. You realize that...isnt appropriate, right? I was interested in what you had to say till that.
Let me explain:
What Nazis were known for in society is exterminating people. Including non neurotypical and disabled people. That isnt every single thing they did, but that is what they are known for. For you to point out that they did other things that they did, theres a context that you are trying to minimize the horrific things.
When someone says "nazi" they are talking about the bad stuff. Everyone knows that they also did other things like VW and Fanta There is no black and white. Nothing is all good or all bad. Nazis are so far on the side of bad though, that to point out other things they did is real bad form and makes it so people think you agree with exterminating people. Dont do it.
Ableist abuse robbed me of my childhood. Not autism.
I’m sorry 😞 Hope things have been better for you as an adult 💛
Exactly 😭 I don’t feel like my autism makes me incapable of doing things, but the way people treat me DOES
@@that.neurodivergent I am disabled by my autism and society. Both.
I like ur pfp :) it’s pretty
@@Catlily5 true that! I just meant I’m capable of way more than people believe
Autism Speaks should be renamed "Speaks Over Autism"
Fucking iconic. Someone please make this a trend inside the community,
👏
Oh I'm so using that, thank you random stranger.
I call it "Autism Sneaks." Because they do "speak" for me. These "Autism Mothers" really need to get a life and stop using their autistic children for validation.
literally
Caregiver Oversharing is a form of caregiver abuse.
As both an Autistic woman and a former professional caregiver, I really hate how many families treat their disabled relatives.
Thanks for saying this
@miserablepumpkin9453 Thank you. It just really frustrates me (on both ends) how family members can get away with stuff that I would be crucified and lose my license over.
I know families are not beholden to HIPAA and similar laws, but God sometimes I wish they were.
My mother who has severe debilitating ADHD overshares often and did so about me to absolute strangers throughout my entire childhood. I actually saw it as a form of abuse until I finally realized what was really happening (although I still think it can be a form of abuse). Because there is often neurodivergency within families its possible that some who overshare are neurodivergent also with ADHD. (Note I am not saying this is the case with this specific parent.)
Especially in the age of the internet, parents and caregivers need to understand that just because they have a thought, feeling, or experience doesn’t mean they should share it to the world. It’s more productive and less harmful to work through those feelings in therapy or with close and trusted friends and family.
😧
When I was undiagnosed, I was “weird.” After I was diagnosed, I “didn’t seem autistic.” When I had a meltdown I couldn’t hold in, I was being “dramatic.”
I have always been told how I was supposed to behave and feel. The way my mind and body felt never matched the way I was told to feel. “Stop making that face. It’s disrespectful.” (But it feels good to make the face because I’m happy!) “You’re not listening. Look at me.” (I can’t listen as well if I have to make sure I meet your eyes AND my voice isn’t too loud AND making the right face AND staying on topic AND…)
When someone tells me how they feel, I can only believe them. I can’t get inside their brain. I know I can’t. Some NTs are really convinced that they can get inside ours.
People can always tell we are weird, but when we get a diagnosis then it's not valid because "you are normal!". It's like they'd rather believe it's a personality flaw, perhaps so they can keep treating us badly without feeling bad about it
This strikes me because I recently realized I probably pissed off a ton of people due to having problems with eye contact. I have to close my eyes to hear better and looking at people in the eye is too distracting, if I close my eyes I will remember what I heard much better. But people assume I am being rude and hate them, or not paying attention to what they are saying.
As for that last sentence, it's called narcissistic mind-reading. It's... yeah, some dude thinking he's capable of such supernatural feats as knowing what someone is "really" thinking. I overtly roll my eyes at most of their shenanigans; although I try to save that for later because I need to talk to people or I'll lose my damn mind. 🙃
So much this. I always feel a little bad closing my eyes or looking away when I’m interacting with allistic folks, but I Can’t make eye contact. I used to be able to mask more, but autistic burnout plus me/cfs hit hard and it’s simply not going to happen.
They really do want to blame it all on anything that could be a fault of yours, except "your brain is functionally of this structure and reacts negatively to not having basic needs met or being exposed chronically to stress"
It's like they think we're ticking meltdown bombs, rather than regular people who when facing visibly, tangibly stressful situations, including feeling differently to typical expectations about rather common things, may emotionally shut down, because like. The human mind does that when it hits it's limits, and needs empathy and support in that moment, not shame.
I am an autistic person. Christine Romeo drives me nuts.
She will start filming Abbey about to say something. Abbey will go off track.
Instead of just continuing to film, or filming at another time, Christine will force Abbey back on track.
I want to hear what Abbey has to say. Not what Christine thinks Abbey should say.
Christine is neurotypical. I have enough NT voices to hear from.
I’d prefer to hear about what a neurodivergent person had to say.
As an ND person, I find this may be highly rare, but I actually quite enjoy some parts of being autistic, unpopular opinion:its got its flaws, and its pros, at least for me, I also dont believe anyone should be forced into wanting a cure/not wanting a cure, each persons opinion is a little different from anothers
Is Abbey the one who was on Jubilee? Omg her mom drove me bananas!!!
Absolutely agree, like Jesus Christ let your daughter who is her own person speak. Even children are allowed more autonomy
@@Riley.-sJoyabsolutely! i hate the sensory issues, i hate the social struggles, i hate the fact that i even have meltdowns in the first place - but i have found my group of people who love me, and we love to infodump to each other. i love the fact that my autism will send me down a deep dive into interesting niche topics, and i can share all my favourite bits of info with the people i love. i love the fact that being more blunt means people will come to me for honest opinions, because they know i will tell them. i love the fact that learning to cope with my own emotions has given me coping mechanisms that i can share with other people who are struggling.
there are definitely negative experiences influenced by being autistic, but there are so so many beautiful ones too
Yea I do think theres a weird showmenship made of abby. It’s uncomfortable.
I thought the “Autism Moms” thing was overblown until I had one tell me I shouldn’t exist
That’s awful 😞
Lie detected.
O.O
@@j.b.4340why do you think this?
@@j.b.4340 Piss off.
What I don’t really get is why Autistic meltdowns are so demonized, yet neurotypical meltdowns aren’t. Often if I have an outburst, the people around me start reacting with their own. I mean, people say that Autistic people come off rude without meaning to, but I hardly see people talking about how neurotypical people come off rude to autistic folk. It’s a double standard.
NTs are the rudest people i know. NDs seem to have more empathy and can understand how it feels when someone is rude to them.
Being a spoilt Karen has become normalised.
Being overwhelmed with your own sensations / emotions and having a meltdown because you can't process everything at once (this is just how mine happen) isn't considered "normal" because most emotions aren't considered "normal" these days. Only hate, anger, and jealousy get any screen time....
When it’s situations where our emotional expressions are unacceptable but average people’s emotional outbursts are acceptable it’s just plain bigotry. They are uncomfortable around us already for being different so seeing us angry terrifies them. Meanwhile they will justify away an average person doing the same thing as “oh he’s got problems at home” or “you can’t know what demons shes working through,” or my favorite “that’s just how they are.” If they see the world in a “normal or crazy” stereotype like Christian Nationalists then they see us as dangerous as a rage filled wild animal capable of any kind of unthinking feral violence.
It’s not just an autistic issue when it come to expressing anger. Autism isn’t special here as this is how they see almost everyone they consider “the other.” People bigoted against blacks, LGBTQ, different religions, and different cultures judge and treat those people with the same inconsistent irrational social rules as they do angry autistics. It’s often less about specifically being autistic and much more about being viewed as not one of them.
I think it comes from the same place where Bpd splits are demonized or schitzophrenic hallucinations are demonized. None of these are inherently harmful to anyone but the person experiencing them. They are, however, the subject of intense NTypical hatred. They’re stigmatized using the same NeuroNormative ideals that made us all fae children or possessed centuries ago.
For real, and I feel that's not even just meltdowns, is any negative (and sometimes even positive) emotions, you see NT people have rage reactions or cry their eyes out and it's just them having a bad moment or some issues to solve, but when ND people do, it's "prove" that we are childish, dangerous, out of control, pitiful, unreadable or whatever. It's not fair, it's like we are not allowed to show our emotions just because they don't appear in the same way some other people have them :/
My mom was and still is extremely emotionally abusive to me. She always acted like she knew MY autism more than I did. She still does this. She refuses to acknowledge that I know my own disorder more than she does, and I'm almost 21. She would also constantly tell her friends about my meltdowns and hardships and acted like she helped "solve" them with essential oils, when she was the cause of most of it and essential oils did nothing but smell good to me. Not to mention she always refers to me as "The Autistic" to everyone.
I’m so sorry. That’s awful 😞
That's fucking awful, it sounds a tad more narcistic then really trying to understanding you and just failing.
You may even sound like an accessory to your mother.
I have also been a victim of abuse by my parents and I had to stop talking to them although that is extremely hard for me. It continues their blame for, "it's my fault". Remember that in all walks of life people can be abused by their parents (or anyone). It hurts bc your parents are supposed to love you and many people fathom at this. There are many support groups for this and I hope the best for your life. All I can say is run away if you can, move states, etc. and it may get better. I wish I had gotten away sooner. Find your people, stay safe always. ❤
My family has abused me my entire life and infantilises me. They are the only people I know. One day I want to cut ties, but I doubt anyone will help me pave that route.
I pray to God you figure it out sooner than later. Don't ruin your life for them like I did. May God be with you@@emilphant
When Christine was complaining about too many people being diagnosed with autism despite having different abilities, it sounded like she wanted a simple label that makes sense to allistic people, so she can make assumptions about someone when hearing that they are autistic. But what if she said you can’t call someone deaf if they are good at lip reading? Or that someone shouldn’t use a wheelchair because you saw them walk once? The truth is, you can’t see the internal experience of autism. But if autistic people feel that they have something in common despite having different abilities, needs, and behaviours, isn’t that a good thing?
I think the people who think autism = constant meltdowns and nonverbal are the same people who think that wheelchair user = completely non-ambulatory.
@@valentinewiggin7782 yeah fr, it's just another form of ableism and ignorance
Exactly! I feel so enraged that someone thinks they know me based on perceived success. But they don’t know me and my struggles and even if I didn’t struggle my autism diagnosis isn’t up for them to debate or deny.
Its late so I hope Im making sense, but to the average Joe on the street, the distinction doesnt mean jack shit.
To a teacher, babysitter, student aid, etc. It does matter.
I see the level 1/2/3 support labels being used more and I think its actually very helpful since people do have different needs. I have multiple autistic family members. They do span the spectrum, and look, sorry but the level 1 super low support needs cousin relates way more to me(a weirdo with symptoms of but no autism diagnosis) and other neurotypicals than he would to my mostly level 3 very high support needs cousin.
I dont give a crap if people in the community feel sad about being classified as what essentially amounts to less abled. Hell, even for myself, if you have high support needs for basic socializing and are prone to meltdowns, I will be out of there. Thats overstimulating to me personally. Call it misophonia or whatever, but Im no stranger to bouts of intense anger at minor shit. I know how to calm myself down, but dang.
Its alsp bloody helpful to students. Its a hit or miss how much info youll get(worked at a few schools, switched careers for pay reasons), but "autism" on its own is fucking scary because spectrums cant be prepared for adequately until you meet the kid. By then youve pissed away valuable time. A diagnosis of anything on its own isnt very helpful, its even less helpful with spectrum disorders.
@@Meerkat628it's only higher functional folks that complain about the levels. every. single. time.
I'm autistic. I'm a mama of an autistic kiddo.
These moms drive me bananas! I can't take it. And they're why I cannot go find support amongst other parents. You either a) hear about how these people are martyrs because they love their child and it is SO hard, b) how autistic people...like ME...are so hard to love, or c) how dare I question what they think is best for autistic kiddos when I tell them *from my life experience* this thing they're doing did me, specifically, harm. (If you don't want to hear my thoughts on something -don't ask!)
Can you tell I just recently had a run-in? Probably.
Sorry for the ridiculously long comment and thank you for the video
Thiiiisss. I've only found support in other autistic or neurodivergent parents, and even then it feels like you have to watch out because the next post or conversation could suddenly be touting essential oils or mineral baths or ABA
So why doesn't this content creator make you feel the same way?
She's basically spending 30 minutes describing herself... you can't have missed that?
This UA-camr spreads so much medical misinformation she (unsurprisingly) has a bunch of nahtsees in the comment sections of her vids.
@@jack-a-lopium this youtuber is autistic explaining how mothers of autistic kidos speek to our comunity shes not speeking down to people the way parents do shes asking for parents to stop talking over us about our dignoses
@@jack-a-lopium she's an adult who talks about her own experience as an autistic person. She's not exploiting a child who can't consent to have their image shared, she's not encouraging harmful therapies, she couldn't be further from the people you're trying to compare her to.
@@qryptid She actively tells people not to get a medical diagnosis, she spreads medical misinformation, there are tonnes of nahtsees in her comments section (for some reason).
She REALLY encourages a 'them and us' attitude amongst her viewers (hence your reaction).
And she heavily implies that anybody who criticises her is a 'hater'.
Read between the lines.
I don't need to 'try' to compare her to anybody. She literally is somebody using 'autism' to make money... click on her link if you don't believe me, it's like she pitches her stuff JUST ABOVE people like you, so you fall for it every time.
It's something known as a Spanish Prisoner con.
yeah i'm fighting in the war on autism
on the side of autism
Damn it! I was too late!
I am also joining
same :3
@@gluehfunke1547 Those are just perfectly normal names 😂
@@seekerlemm875That's deliberate, see "Charlie" being used to refer to the Viet Cong, or "Fritz" as a stand-in for "German" in the world wars
How egocentric you have to be to be mad at people who were belittled and bullied all their lives for trying to share their experience with others.
It's normalized now, unfortunetly 😕 I see it irl and online too
"You were bullied your entire life because it's a scientific fact that neurotypical people can clock you from a mile away and narcissists are threatened by you... but you did one thing that made you superficially successful??? You must be faking it"
Lady needs to get real.
Yeah, like thanks abusers, we’re gonna stay miles away from you
You mean Hateful right? Because that's pure hate.
People don't like it when others have boundaries
Abbey’s mom saying her brother with sensory issues isn’t autistic, makes it seem like she doesn’t know how many older folks who missed out on a diagnosis prior to the 90s. Especially since it seems like autism is genetic in families.
Yeaaaaaah that one made me go "you sure tho?"
Yeah... big helping of denial there I think!
I think the "autism mom" is just very focused on the negativity of autism but actually autistic people share more positive aspects which the mom can't really see because autism could never be a positive thing
It’s honestly heartbreaking to me to see parents in this headspace; I grew up in a family that heavily focused on the negative and now want to pretend the bad never happened. I think a lot has to do with parents not being fully healed of their own childhood wounds.
Some of the cruelest things I’ve observed or experienced involve someone who sees a trait in themselves, but because of their own complex feelings about it they are unable to show compassion and grace towards it. Because they haven’t learned to do so for themselves.
It’s hard work; I started working on all my baggage long before having my son and there’s still much to work through. I am personally triggered by him sometimes and have to step back and question why. He’s not diagnosed with anything - he’s too young - but there’s a high chance he will be. He’s shown some signs but a lot can change in a few years.
Either way, I am personally excited to see how he grows into himself, ND or not. His dad came from a perspective of being terrified he’d inherit ADHD because his own experience with that has been so negative. He’s come a long way since we’ve talked about ways we can work with our son if it is the case; to me parenting is ultimately about helping a child meet their full potential regardless of any diagnoses etc. Preconceived notions of what our children should be like are so dangerous.
But I also know that support and aid are so minimal and hard to get in the US where I am. I have known “autism moms” and they are often so exhausted that it’s easier to have a negative viewpoint. I’m hoping we can continue pushing for more societal change around this, because depending on a child’s needs, sometimes it is overwhelming and seems too hard. But the child should not pay the price of that, and children are the ones who tend to suffer the most - and then end up having to heal as adults.
I know this is a long ramble so I’m sorry about the length. It’s just something that I’ve been reflecting on quite a bit.
Yep--and at some level, I can certainly sympathize with that. If a large part of your life is devoted to dealing with baggage associated with something, it can really grate your gears to hear people gush about how lovely and great it is. One might liken it to hearing people gush about how fun the party was, when you were the one who had to clean up afterwards all by yourself.
At the same time, I don't think it's healthy for people to see the unchangeable and inherent aspects of themselves and their lives solely as tragic and terrible crosses to bear, because that certainly corrodes your self-esteem and sense of self.
Same kind of thing happens to disabled kids. It's often the parents that have issues and hang ups with the words. Like they can't handle the truth and insist on words like differently abled
As an autistic person working with autistic children with high support needs, I do understand that. The support systems for people with disabilities are pretty bad, and the whole family suffers as a result.
I know several single moms that haven't been on a vacation or had more than a school morning to themselves (usually spent at work) in 18 years. Who are scared to take their child outside, to do activities they both love, because they elope and mom isn't strong enough to stop them running in front of a car. A student at my school drowned recently because he escaped from the school bus and nobody found him fast enough. Some students communicate through sign language or aac devices or pictures or hand leading, others can't tell you when they've broken a bone. One of my current students is on a feeding tube because they stopped manufacturing his safe food. Several only sleep a few hours.
Is that the autistic people's fault? Absolutely not. But it is totally understandable that parents are burned out, and sharing that in an anonymous or private setting is perfectly fine. Caregiver burnout is a thing, and it's not uncommon in parents of disabled children because many don't think they're allowed to need breaks. There's also fear for the future, who'll take care of their child and wether they can communicate that they're being abused if that happens.
What we need is a better support system. Good information at diagnosis, caregiving hours that don't take 20 years on a waiting list to get, free healthcare and enough therapy spaces, higher standards and more controls in care facilities or group homes, access to medical devices/communication aids that doesn't take years to get, jobs and job training for people with high support needs, etc. If parents have time to breathe and know their child will be taken care of, they'll be able to take better care of their child and have more positive experiences together.
They only think of autism from the perspective of their burden as a parent rather than the reality of autism from autistic people.
It's a strange thing to be accused of faking autism. It's kind of like being accused of fitting in.
No. Clearly we chose to be weird, unemployable and unlovable. Everything about us is a moral flaw because we make bad choices.
/S
@@Noblebird02why of course! i mean obviously i just love constantly losing friends because of my horrible social skills, and dont even get me started on my panic at barely touching the side of the shower accidentally, its just amazing. i would choose this any day!! (also /sar)
@@Silly_lil_scribbles my rage anxiety when I dropped a newly laundered pillowcase was totally dignified and not at all shameful. /S
I think that the problem isn’t talking about raising autistic kids with higher support needs, it’s putting children in general on the internet
Excactly if these parents had just given some tips or something it would've been fine (I watch plenty of video on parents giving parenting tips or talking about how to deal with tough days or to focus on yourself too) but showing their kids in vulnerable moments, especially if their kid can't concent, is just disgusting behavior
Parents of autistic kids telling their own story, their frustrations, joys, coping strategies, work-arounds etc is fine. What is not fine is putting it in public and shining an artificial magnifying light, displaying their child, especially in their most awkward moments. That affects your story, definitely, but it is not *your* story to share.
For reference, I am newly diagnosed autistic at 60 yo. My adhd diagnosis 30 years ago came when I couldn't manage the executive functions required to facilitate and coordinate supports for my son who was then newly diagnosed with adhd and probably also has autism. I advocated for him and his siblings, but their lives are theirs, not mine. They needed a lot of my time, and my identity was wrapped up in what I did for and with them, but their difficulties are not and were not *my* identity, nor mine to share.
Or even just posting people in general without their consent. A lot of the time, it's negative content, and of course, it's easier to exploit vulnerable people such as children.
How often do we see people being demonised online because they've reacted negatively to having a camera shoved in their face by a stranger? Even something like someone denying a flower from a stranger (who is covertly filming them) will get blasted with comments criticising them and saying things like, "they seem like such a miserable person."
Autistic people can be especially vulnerable to these situations because they don't necessarily react in a way that is seen as "normal" or "correct," according to the majority of viewers. Someone could already be close to an autistic meltdown. To then have that meltdown filmed by a stranger and posted online is bad enough, but then they usually get hate comments as well. The very idea of this gives me such anxiety.
So, I wish that something could be done to stop people posting videos of others without their consent (whether they know the person or not).
EXACTLY!! Stop putting children and *especially* in their most vulnerable moments on the internet. People like to excuse it and say "well, I'm just sharing what needs to be shared, I'm being REAL for other's benefit." Yes, you're being real for others benefit, but as a parent, you should be doing stuff for YOUR child's benefit and posting them in these situations or in general isn't helping/ benefitting them. Not right now, nor in the future. Your child is at stake here. Acknowledge that and think less about whether this is "representation."
Key word for those autism mom's: *CHILD*
As a child, you already have less autonomy.
Like if what the autism moms were doing was just talking about their experience with their autistic kid, it would be fine, as long as they arnt : showing said child on screen (in general mostly, but ESPECIALLY not when said child is in a vulnerable position where they need suport from you), make shure they're not only sharing negatives and are also.sharing the good things (basically not demonizing autism), are not oversharing, and are not invalidating others experiences. This is not what they do though, and that is the issue
“i am autism” is such a fun inside joke tho. like autistic people using it while showing their special interests. its very funny to me idk why xD
It's hard to believe it's real - it's so bad! I've seen lots of great parodies, for sure 😆
I think it's hilarious too! (Mainly talking to other autistic people mocking it and other funny overdramatized peices.)
It's the dark humor. I think the ND community generally likes it and, also the trauma and bullying can cause that too. We have to find the humor in the shit we have all gone through. I find it funny too. Such a dumb ass video they released and, apparently they tried to take it down and put a comment on the AS website asking people NOT to share it. Like, GTFO you are a hate organization against Autistic people so no, I'm not going to stop sharing it. AS made a HUGE mistake making that video and releasing it, but I'm surprised it was released in 2009. I thought it was originally released in the 90's. 😳
A bit of dark humor to help us reclaim the phrase away from its harmful use I guess? Or maybe a more direct satire of the phrase, showing how ridiculous its initial use in that video was?
I take a bit of perverse pleasure in imagining the sort of lowbrow, petty bourgeois sheep who support autism speaks seeing me as some sort of bogeyman.
I just want to comment about the part of Autism Speaks quote "......Autism has drained a lot of bank accounts." One help with ALL parents of autism and ALL autistic individuals would be Universal Healthcare in the USA. It kills me that so many medical related charity groups do not advocate for this. But again, I guess the charity making money for the CEO is prime.
Is easier for them to paint autistic children as the burdens rather than our broken healthcare system.
Many other countries have universal healthcare and it is still shit, specially for autistic individuals. I have experienced first hand how it is to seek treatment in England, Italy and Brazil. It is shit.
@@LNVACVAC There's a difference between bad health care and effectively no health care. Health care you can't afford is no health care at all
@@LNVACVACso if someone else fails at something that means we shouldnt even try it at all? If one country is full of violent drug cartels do you say "well it's clear that outlawing cocane doesnt work, so theres no point in trying to outlaw it in our country"? That is the very definition of defeatist logic. Just because someone else fails at something that doesnt mean it's impossible to succeed at it. There is nothing inherent about socialised healthcare that causes it to fail in some aspects. That is the fault of the governments overseeing it. And youre either not american or youre a very privileged one to say that our current system is good enough. I'll never be able own a house because of my medical bills. I dont understand how people like yourself think that's OK in America, "the best country on earth." We should always strive to be better. America didnt get to where it is today by giving up before even trying.
@@daminox The welfare state is a pyramid scheme.
Imagine. Just imagine. You're in a room, full of autistic people, all of which are younger than you. Then you proceed the entire time to dismiss other autistic adults, because you don't think they are as autistic as your daughter. You'd think she would have had her whole motherhood to learn to not dismiss people with autism. But that's essentially all she does in this entire Jubilee round table.
The things what Abby’s mom said made me furious. Ian is a diagnosed autistic and she just casually said that Ian is just neurodifferent.. like what??? Seems like Abby’s mom does not know ANYTHING about autism and autistic masking.. which Ian said he does. She is very close minded an disrespectful
Don’t you just love it when “autism moms” are just straight up ableist to your whole existence and tells you “you can’t be autistic” feels real great when I know I can’t do stuff because of my label
I was trying to get an updated letter requesting accommodations for my Autism (to use in Grad School) and I had a Psychiatrist who I was trying to get in to see tell me that she wouldn't take me as a patient because adults cannot have Autism.
I told her I was diagnosed as a child and like, I'm still Autistic even though I'm 24. Her medical profile on my insurance literally said she specializes in supporting and helping Autistic individuals from childhood to adulthood. But I guess that's a lie 😂
@@smolshay oh yeah you should definitely report her to someone
@@smolshay; That sounds like a horrible excuse of a psychiatrist! She ought to be sued for false advertising! 😨⁉️😨
@@smolshayomg, if adults can’t have autism, does it just disappear when you turn 18?/j
@@briclareyou didn't need the /j 💀💀💀
My mother is an autism grandma to my nephew. She refuses to acknowledge my diagnosis but brags how she's taking trainings to help raise my nephew.
I was diagnosed 2 yrs ago at 41. I grew up in the 80s and as a girl. The knowledge and resources were wrong and non existent for girls like me. I was introverted and high masking especially around my own family. I still am. I was made fun of because of my "quirks" and reprimanded for always being so sensitive.
My mother asked me to send her a book about helping autistic children. I also sent her a book about the hidden signs of women and girls on the spectrum, hoping she would try to understand me. She ignored that book but thanked me for sending the book for my nephew. She's always been extremely emotionally self absorbed but since my diagnosis she refuses to ask me about anything personal. I went extremely low contact with her because I would ruminate and be angry the next days after speaking with her.
Forgive me for over sharing. This topic just reminds me of my own experience with a parental figure who virtue signals only if it benefits their image.
Does anyone else have a similar experience with their mother?
I do (sort of). I'm the first of my family to be formally diagnosed. People either belittled me for it or completely ignored it; choosing to neglect my needs. My mother was on the side of ignoring it. (She insisted that I wasn't autistic but rather just had asperger's syndome.) My family CONSTANTLY mocked me and isolated me from other people throughout my childhood; including themselves. They pointed out every insecurity, they dug at every mistake I made, they ignored my pleas and cries for help when I had severe depressive episodes. I moved in with my partner across the country at the last second and have went low-contact with my family as well. They still refuse to acknowledge my diagnosis/status so I still refuse to contact them. It's sad but I'm doing so much better far away from them.
Yes and please refer to my comment on this video if you have any answers for me on diagnoses. Sorry your family may have narcissistic qualities. There is a specific term for only being able to "love" or show love for one person at a time. This is not true love. There are many terms such as triangulation, flying monkey, grey rocking etc. etc. I am sorry I was having a hard time finding this exact term as there are so many. I hope you find a community that also understands this as not all autistic people are abused or it does not necessarily mean being autistic or not you will be. I definitely can see how having autism will make your abuse worse. I am not formally diagnosed, but in short was wondering if an MRI can determine if you are.
Not exactly the same but similar age and awaiting assessment but pretty sure it will be confirmed. I lost my mum in my 20s and ended up walking away from my family at that point due to emotional abuse. I am beginning to wonder if the idea NTs can tell someone is autistic can manifest with the same aversion in families. I grew up being essentially demonized and my issues ignored or gaslit. They would find reasons to have a go, push me out and if not actually create something sensational.
*Trigger warning *
This included sexual assault denial and denial of multiple suicide attempts to make me the manipulative demon they wanted me to be. .... I suspect that they knew something was off as I was frequently called "special child" embarrassing, useless, pathetic... yet when questioned by professionals they wouldn't engage with the subject, denied anything unusual etc.. as I believe they were ashamed of me. I don't think my family could cope with the shame of having someone who wasn't quite right in their view and it played out in various emotionally abusive ways as I grew up.... or pure neglect, my mother refused to ever take me to a dentist for example as she was embarrassed by my meltdowns... I was 21 before I could afford a dentist or recieved any treatment that would be free to children.
I'm sorry you are still experiencing what seems to be another expression of this in your mum, it must be heartbreaking she refuses to take you as you. I find that we find each other without knowing and small ND tribes get pulled together and become a replacement for the family we didn't get but desperately needed.
To add to that @@sampreston1791 My parents used to do things like have me read this paper that said " I am sofa king stoo pid etc, and I dont remember it all, but they had me read this for YEARS after reading it at one of their drunken parties for about the 500th time at around 11 I finally figured out it was saying, "I am so f**ing stupid, etc." it was pretty long and I have musical memory so the sounds of laughs I may never forget
@@magneticcrochet an mri can show brain differences that are sometimes there, but cannot provide a definitive diagnosis on its own🇨🇦❤️
Also a lot of high support needs autistic folk who are nonspeaking aren't inherently noncommunicative, or don't understand things they just can't SPEAK - plenty of nonspeaking people can communicate with sign language, or aac devices, honestly some 'autism parents' potentially may limit their child's ability to interact with the world, and consent, by not providing these devices
Yup. I am semi-non-speaking (I have episodes where I can’t speak at all and I used to not be able to as much as a kid as I can now, just don’t have a name for why I experience this rn) and I can tell you, most people who just always have the ability to speak will actually treat you like you understand 0 things because of it. It doesn’t matter how else I try to communicate when I’m like that, I will be ignored. And the moment I can speak again, if it happens later in the day, I will be swarmed by the very same people who will accuse me of faking and being a horrible person.
@@buriedinbooks881 Hi! I just became semi non speaking last year as I am still a minor, or maybe it was because I just got my ASD diagnosis. I was just wondering if you had any other communication styles you wouldn’t mind sharing with me, as I mostly rely on writing which is quite difficult. Also, in your opinion is it better for me to force myself to talk as much as possible or lean into not talking even when I can technically talk?
@@SnakeatHogwarts I use Text to Speech on my phone or writing things down in the notes app or on paper when I can’t speak because I don’t have a lot of sign language knowledge. Also for the second one I’d say it’s always better for your mental health to not force yourself to do anything. However when I am talking about non-speaking episodes I mean quite literally I lose the ability to speak with my voice even if I want to. It feels kind of physical, I’m not sure what it is. For me it’s often very frustrating and gets me into a lot of trouble historically (unfortunately)
@@buriedinbooks881 Thanks so much for the reply! I have those episodes too, were it feels like there’s a block in my brain. I was talking about when I can physically talk, it still feels uncomfortable
@@buriedinbooks881 selective aphasia. It happens to me sometimes, not as much now but... it's often a trauma response too.
I was in the Jubilee video! Thank you so much for your support as well as sharing the content you post! We've got so much to do to break down the misconceptions surrounding autism! Thank you again!
Thank you sooo much for watching, Ian! You came across as such a lovely person in the Jubilee video - I’m so pleased that you like my content 🥰💛 I’m excited to read some of your articles!
I really appreciated your points. You were awesome.❤
I can relate to what you said about masking, I don't know if you feel the same but sometimes I think the mask is so pervasive I don't really know what is my natural behaviour any longer. Although, sometimes it's pretty obvious, like when I got my first Squishmallow and spent 24 hours with it smushed in my face. 😂
thank you for representing us in the video the way you did!
Abby’s mom feels like she’s subtly dissing her child. The comedian she insist can’t have autism because they’re “funny” and successful. Like… being funny means you can’t struggle with a mental condition? And your kid ain’t funny, I guess.
I mean, ironically, humor often subverts expectation so i can see alot of people with autism probably being fantastic comedians, or at least having absolute few banger jokes here and there, just from the fact they inherently are different
I’m autistic and a mom of an autistic magical princess fairy. 🌈💖🦄
I just wish people would see us as people and not try to fix us all the time. Respect our decisions, believe us, it’s not hard!!
She’s 5 and moderately “verbal” and when she has meltdowns in public she is horribly embarrassed.
She’d be MORTIFIED if she saw that I was posting videos of it… it’s so sad. Also, the mom thinking that the child was doing that because she “didn’t get her way”. Is so f-ing disgusting and shows her complete lack of understanding what autism is and how it can effect people. I’ve literally cut people out of our life for saying this to my daughter it is completely UNACCEPTABLE. No wonder we have such a high suicide rate :(
The "didn't get her way" thing pissed me off too. People used to talk about me like that all the time when I had meltdowns and it hurts like heck to be in pain and have people blame you for it. And especially the mom in the video acting like she was giving people info about autism in the same breath as misrepresenting an autistic meltdown. Silly silly lady.
“Autistic magical princess fairy” no but that was me in 1st grade 😂
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@@donnerthereindeer366 There's an absolute tonne of bot comments in this UA-camrs videos, there always is. Nahtsee commenters as well, she's well sinister. Almost certainly a child molXXter.
When I was younger I accused my mom of being an autism mom because I thought she talked about autism too much and I was embarrassed. Now I’ve realized that’s called being supportive. I was in my preteen parent hating era, and I didn’t realize what real autism moms were.
Thank you. Exactly right. There isn’t a parenting your autistic child manual. They do their best.
Well at the exact same time you shouldn't feel like you need to tell everyone you have autism at the same time I asked my mom not to mention my autism to every dang person we meet and she was kind enough to do so but if you like her telling everyone about your autism that's cool too what ever your comfy with
@@bluevines1303 When I first received my diagnosis my mom said that she wasn't going to tell people because it's my business and it wasn't her business to share (which was nice). But, I was also struggling with how to tell the rest of my family and family friends because it felt awkward to just say to them one day "by the way, I'm Autistic". So, I actually asked my mom to help me tell others because I wasn't sure how to tell people that I wanted to know without it being awkward or, not really understanding how to bring it up. I also feel like I want people to know because this is part of who I am and I'm tired of hiding my true self. Plus, I want people to realize that Autism can look so many different ways and, that while I may require lower supports, I still require some and, I still have struggles that I have to manage because I'm Autistic. For instance, I'm trying to be kinder to myself and give myself more patience or, grace and practicing more self-care when I am struggling. But, sharing my diagnosis with others through my mom was what I wanted because I just didn't really know how to bring it up to others that I wanted to know. I think it really varies from the type of the relationship and how close you are to the other person. I have chosen not to tell certain people because I know their reaction would just be too much for me to handle and, they don't need to know. Sorry for the long comment. I guess I just kind of rambled.
I'm kinda at that stage but when my mom talks about autism to me it just makes me annoyed and sad idk why but I hate it, I'm not ashamed of being autistic it's just when she starts recommending me podcasts on it and stuff it just makes me feel like im being studied or something
I grew up being told autism isnt real and my diagnosis was wrong. I became very confused and always wondered what was wrong with me. It led me down a rabbit hole of abuse and being victimized and misdiagnosed with mental disorders by lazy doctors.
My daughter was also dx'd and she hates me talking about it too, but i just dont want her to go thru what i did. Understanding autism helped me understand myself, which is VERY important for self worth.
The whole language around autism has a negative connotation when promoted by the allistic. It is always how majorities attempt to demean minorities to justify their position. The need to dismiss the views of autistic individuals because they don't match the current public stereotype and for them to say "oh well you can't be autistic" is just dismissive. This is just putting back a time when we can be accepted for what we are and then just leave us alone to run our lives our way. How hard is it for people to grasp that autistic children become autistic adults. My value and how I am treated should not based on how high or low my support need are - just my rant sorry.
The vocabulary is pretty bad in general. The term autism, even, like "selfism" is not great. And while there is neural diversity, saying one group is the divergent already means that it's not the "normal" one, so I prefer to talk about neuromajority and neurominority instead. PDA, ADHD and so many others are also both misleading and negative, and I think there are so many more. I wish we could be moving to using better terminology over time (which would also require coming up with better alternatives...).
@@fintuxAny word you use will be negative if it doesn't fit the majority, every time. If you grew up in a slum, "rich" is an insult. If you go to support groups, "neurotypical" is often an insult. "Alcoholic" can be a compliment in some groups.
I feel like it's somewhat human nature to want to belong to the largest group in your vicinity, and being told otherwise feels insulting.
I like neuro-diverse. Makes a point about being part of a greater whole than the average.
@@hayuseen6683 Ooh, that also removes the inherently negative connotations of stating we're neurodivergent rather than "neurotypical". It also feels like it falls into a similar vein of when people say (I or my parents are) "differently abled" rather than just "disabled", given the former is a catch-all they created for their own comfort rather than one that was created *by* our respective communities.
They’re not just dismissive, they’re ableist and hateful.
Your "novelty earrings" are fabolous btw
Thank you!! My mum made them 😁💛
@@imautisticnowwhat A reply! That is amazing, she's so talented at it! 🥹🌟
@@imautisticnowwhatDoes she make most of your earrings? I've been wondering for a while now how it can be you have so many different fancy earrings and then have them be on topic a lot, too.
These parents seem to be saying "you're not profoundly disabled like my child so you can't use this label." Well, if you don't like that then take it up with the people who created the diagnostic criteria. This makes me really mad... They are demanding understanding for their challenges while being completely dismissive and callous about the very real, if sometimes less obvious, challenges of others.
I "hate" when anyone exploits their children for cloat, autism or not. "Just keeping it real"
Why is hate in airquotes?
Also, by the way, sorry if this comes off as a spelling stickler, it’s clout, cloat is either: a surname, a cross between cloak and coat, and possibly a type of screw. Don’t quote me on that, I might be being stupid, it’s just that the spelling of clout is etched into my brain
It should be illegal to post children on a specifically public platform. A private platform I think is perfectly fine (like private facebook or youtube) but they should block anything that the general public can see. And any post with a child cannot be MONITIZED. Its sick that children can be actors for their parents without being paid or protected by child labor laws.
@@carolbaker2773i agree so much!
The lack of resources or services for autistic adults is shockingly low. I received my diagnosis in my last year of high school. I’ve been privileged enough to have a very supportive family, but I face significant hurdles, especially if/when I can’t live with my parents anymore. There are so few resources and services nearby, except for families with an autistic child under 18, and even then, they prefer to support and give services to younger kids
It is especially frustrating because these services are proven to work. If you look at Germany their autistic unemployment rate is over 3 times lower
@@EnigmaticGentlemanwhat resources do they provide in Germany?
I feel for you and hope you can get the help you need. If I might be bold, if you are interested in attending college, you should definitely look into what their autism support is. The college I went to was Missouri Science and Technology (2011-2014) in the US which has a pretty high neurodivergence/learning disability rate compared to nonSTEM colleges in MO (about 20% of the student population at the time). They had special dorm floors/rooms that catered more to adults with autism in that they had nonsharing bathrooms, had more sound regulations than other floors, and the floor had an onsite couciling room for those that had anxiety about going on campus for that. The downside was that it was much more expensive than the neurotypical floors but if you had a diagnosis, they would assign you there regardless of where you were on the spectrum. It also very much "outed" autistic individuals because if someone knows what floor you live on they could know that you were autistic. I was an RA and there were a few times when parents would hide their kid's autism diagnosis so they didnt have to pay for the extra stuff which was fine for the most part except for one case where that student's autism was such that they did not have much executive decision making and would sit in their room unless they were told to leave and their parents would come in on the weekends to do laundry and clean the room. The parents basically guilted the roommate to taking care of their son for almost 3 months until he came to me in tears because he was getting overwhelmed. Once this student was moved to the "autism floor" they got the type of help they needed and really excelled and learned a lot of good life and coping skills. So really understand your flavor of autism and take advantage of the resources available if you need them. If you don't then flourish to the best of your ability as well!
Being diagnosed as an adult is bizarre because they just are like “yep you have autism bye” and then never even bother to like explain it to you. Not even basic stuff like how exactly you were diagnosed but like I'd also appreciate if they gave you some basic advice so I didn't have to go look up everything online and slowly learn things on my own. Like fuck even a phamphlet would have been nice.
High needs autistic children are difficult to deal with. As a parent, its your job to cultivate, in your child, self love and acceptance. If all your children get from you is that they are burden, they will hate themselves. People who hate themselves will hate the world. You should be asking for help in raising your high needs child. We don't spend nearly enough public funding helping kids with special needs and the families of children with special needs. Don't blame your child for them being born, blame our governments and society letting us down, family included.
I'm 22 years old now, going on 23 much later in the year, and I still struggle significantly with being repeatedly and blatantly told I am a "monster" and "will never be a real member of the family" by both my parents, among MANY other things. I was constantly reminded of the burden I put on everyone around me, regardless of how I was acting or feeling, my presence was enough to disrupt any positive encounter. I still feel constantly guilty for being alive, being in a wheelchair, needing complex medical care, being legally blind and unable to drive, having seizures, ever being born. I've made attempts on my life multiple times because of how obvious it was that I was not wanted in this world, and I'm very grateful none of the attempts were successful because I am finally learning to heal and finding people who truly love me... But the pain doesn't go away, and the belief that I am not only subservient to others but worthless and unwanted still influences everything I do.
@thinecuprunnethoverwithblood I'm really sorry that happened to you. I don't know what to say, but I feel compelled to say something. I'm glad you're alive. I can only imagine the pain you have gone through and still do. So long as you keep living, you will probably never forget it. I want you to know that it does get easier with time. The more you heal, the more you are with those who love and accept you. It gets easier. It may never be easy, but you are very strong for continuing to exist. As you get more distance from your pain, it will get easier to deal with, but it does take time. It's only now that I'm 30 that I've been able to make a dent in my own pain. There aren't any words I can't think of to close this out on, but I will say this. Just keep going.
At least in the U.S., our government doesn't want to give even a penny to help Autistic people. Our State and Federal Courts will make every excuse possible to deny an Autistic person the right to get paid the money the person worked for, and that's REALITY. It's so bad and unjust, you can only conclude that these Neurotypical Judges truly believe Autistic people are undeserving of even being paid for the work they did with their own hands. And, THAT IS A FACT.
@@thinecuprunnethoverwithblood
Likewise. I’ve spent my years an alien, terrified of my diagnosis, seeing caricatures of people like me everywhere. I’ve seen schitzophrenics, bpders, adhders, and other people who, like me, are aliens, demonized abused and worse for who they are. It’s fucking scary. It’s left an imprint. The NTypical now, seems to me, to constantly be waiting to hurt me too. Constantly on edge thinking of how next to segregate or imprison us. About how NDivergents are subhuman. And to find out this dates back centuries? To find out we had a specific badge in concentration camps? To find out how often we are deleted by police? By our own families? That even today Typicals are flirting with eugenic concepts? That autists from our own rank and file join them??
It’s disgusting. It’s scary. I have no home, no comfort outside spaces that are explicitly queer and disabled and disordered now. Typicals literally scare me and any space with them makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
But those few spaces where I know I’m with freaks like me? Aliens like me? Where I know we control the discussion on our own topics? Where the few Typicals around are either woke or know not to act up?
Where I can drop the mask and talk like my robotic self?
That community and love and oneness propels me like nothing else.
My mam routinely complained about me, around me to others when I was little (undiagnosed) she doesn’t remember it, though. Now, i struggle to ask for help when I need it, because I feel like I’m being inconvenient
It's unbelievable how many "autistic moms" I've seen in the comments, their comments always sound like they hate their child, and when you point it out to them, it's a disaster
You mean autism moms.
I'm an autistic mom, as in a mom who is autistic. Super different.
Becouse they do
I think they hate that their child isn't the perfect image they always dreamed of or planned for. This idea so many folks have of this perfect baby that does all the right things at the right time, that will be an extension of themselves is so toxic. When their kid ends up being born Autistic or honestly any other way except "normal" they see failure. See it as a slight against them, punishment for something and they get stuck in this victim mentality and have to grasp at anything that will make them feel better. Even if it's making people feel sorry for them because "Omg my child is so autistic and it's horrible and my life is so hard." 😒 Nevermind their kid probably knows exactly how they feel and has to live with a parent they know regrets their entire existence 🤨 Too many people have kids for the wrong reasons.
Loads of moms don’t hate their children. They may not be well educated about autism, how to best raise autistic children and are frustrated by the lack of support from family, schools, doctors etc. I think you can tell who a good parent is by how much they are willing to learn and be receptive to change their preconceived notions on the right ways to go about parenting autistic children
@@electricbopthat's a mom with an autistic kid, autism mom refers to a specific type of mother who harbors preconceived notions about asd that affects their kid, and refuses to really change at all.
11:36 She's a monster. Throwing a child against anything, hard or not is CHILD ABUSE. Autistic or otherwise. Lock her up.
For real a child is having a mental breakdown, you make them sound like the bad guy, and you pick them up and throw them... what the f
And the thrower being a man means nothing. Being abused by a man is in NO WAY better than being abused by a woman. To be clear both parties here are child abusers
A man threw the child is what I heard.
Edit: A man threw the child. She was making excuses for him but she didn't throw the child.
Yeah because like, what if that asshat of a guy fucking missed the sofa? That poor child’s head could have hit the floor while she was mid meltdown, barely able to properly communicate without stimming so aggressively that she hurts herself even more. And that child barely looks nine years old to me. If that kid got thrown just a LITTLE too hard, just a LITTLE bit off target, that kid’s either dead, seriously hurt or just fucking traumatised and never gonna trust her own family again. The fucking AUDACITY in some people.
@@Catlily5and having condoned it, filmed it, and defended him she is just as guilty as if she had done it herself
I have a good story to share. A little while ago, I was talking to a good friend and I said, "I have something to tell you. I think... I might be... Autistic." Wonderfully, she said, "oh, that makes sense. I can see that in you." That made me so happy. I knew I was friends with you for a reason!
I totally agree with your comment regarding the competitiveness and how the father of the non-speaking child could have said the same about Abbey. Abbey's skills were hard fought for, but I think her mom underestimates how hard fought other people’s skills could be. Abbey absolutely could post tiktok videos and comment on things independently, and no one would know exactly how much support she receives along the way. The same is true for others. All of the people she immeadiately assumes are just "mildly autistic" or "neurodifferent" online bc they agree with proffessionally successful autistics could have caretakers and speech and vocational therapists behind the scenes. Abbey is also 25, how much will she grow in 5 or 10 more years? Maybe she will write a book, or make some of her public appearances more independently. She won't suddenly not be autistic if she is able to do those things.
I am 43 and still high needs, have a 24/7 caregiver, yet i have had "autism moms" say i am not autistic because i can type 🤦♀️ they have no clue all the treatments and therapies i have been through!
my mom is like the opposite of an autism mom, I have an older sibling who happens to be autistic, and so do I, but the fact that my stimming wasn’t the same as his (because it would get us scolded and punished if we flapped our hands) she refuses to even consider taking me to get a diagnosis.
and the other day we were talking about autistic inertia, and her reply is that I was simply lazy. :/
Actually that's the exact type of attitude that's pervasive among "autism mums" - a rigid, narrow definition of autism that focuses on the negative effects autistic people have on others and frequently underrecognises autism due to that rigid definition, resulting in aggressive gatekeeping.
Sorry to hear about your moms lack of support, that must be hard ❤️
I feel that, my brother is with my mom and hasn't ever experienced life as an adult. I got punished for my special interest in music which was heavily centered around shocking music/underground music/just strange and "dark" I guess. Welp here I am undiagnosed, drowning in labor, in an endless burnout, completely responsible for myself since I left the house at 18, struggling with executive function, still don't have a car in the past 5+ years of being on my own, never had a car, which means I bike miles to get groceries. I have silent/repressed meltdowns at work which leaves me embarrassed afterwards almost everyday, I suffer a lot because I verbally can't express that I need help unless it's the last straw. The plus side is that at least I get to surround myself with my special interests and have a whole space to myself to be completely unmasked.
@@bosstowndynamics5488I wonder how much of it is people with their own undiagnosed autism thinking their baseline experience is normal and thinking in turn that their (or other people’s) low support needs children are just lazy, difficult etc. It would make sense given the rigidity of their definition of autism and the opposition to changing what they believe is the truth.
@@honestalex5790I’m so sorry! ❤️🩹 You also strangely described my life 💯!! 😳😳
Only difference is I haven’t been able to work the last few years, but I’m getting through to my lil bro again finally 🥰
First time was before I left at 18, I left him my hidden “forbidden” music under his bed. Two years later the movie “Almost Famous” came out! Yup…that’s “our movie” 🙌
(Minus things working out with the mother in the end)
Autism is undeniably a disability under the social model of disability. Society makes it difficult too impossible for us to integrate and function therefore disabling us. Autism does not have to be a disability but right now it is one.
The only aspect of mild or moderate autism i would say is disabling in a traditional sense is the overstimulation part (which ofc not everyone has). At least in my experience its not too difficult to work around the other stuff in the right environment (at least when it comes to productivity), its just that almost no one is willing to provide said environment.
I don't really get that take. If society didn't exist and you just have an autistic person alone on this Planet, most autistic people would still struggle with and have a harder time surviving because of their autism?
@@Kyuupire 1) Compared to what? Anyone would struggle and be "disabled" in this scenario.
2) Autism is a disability mainly because it makes it difficult to go to a job and be independent, which typically requires 40 hours of consistent+steadily improving work, and punishes people who can't hold jobs or be 100% consistent. If we did not rely on labor for our wellbeing, we wouldn't be (as) disabled.
A better analogy would be to imagine a world where language is taken literally. An allistic person would struggle in this, as they often use language that hints at what they're saying; they would therefore have difficulty being understood, which could be classified as a communication disability.
Disabilities are always relative. You must have a non-disabled person to become disabled. For example, you can't say I'm disabled for not having a tail, as no one has a tail. Everyone has legs, so not having legs is more difficult than having them, which makes you disabled.
@@KyuupireGardening is easier than filling out forms. Starting a fire is easier than small tall. Building is easier than socializing. Survival outside society is a skill, living in it is a trial with ever shifting rules and enforced by people who can strip your freedom and livelyhood for not dancing to their tune.
Overstimulation is not the only problem. Loneliness and isolation due to being misunderstood feels like a big deficit too. Not having a good grasp on the unspoken societal dynamics also feels like a disadvantage and a disability. The majority of all relationships are built on knowing how these dynamics operate. And what if you can't grasp that and what if you are still bullied and marginalized for it as an adult, even if you ARE 'successful'? Not all of our struggles are overstimulation. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
I really appreciated Aden in the Jubilee video so so much. He saw the dynamic happening between Abbey and her mom and he gracefully would speak directly to Abbey and ask her questions to allow her moments to speak her own words.
The funny thing is that the autism DIDNT waste my parents money, I actually didn’t need tutoring until recently for chemistry. Otherwise I was straight A+B student and kept to myself.
HOWEVER….
Mine and my moms physical health HAS drained their bank- IVF baby, born and needed emergency surgery after I was born via C-section about 20 days early and couldn’t keep food down. Got sick MULTIPLE MULTIPLE times, respiratory illnesses, the flu, colds, I got COVID, chronic illnesses etc. I have the worst immune system and food allergies (just nuts though luckily.) But yeah. That’s why my parents spent a lot of money on me.
I made the same comment on the video with Amber and BookAngel, and I’ll say it again: there’s a damaging martyr complex present in many of the people claiming that some of us are “not Autistic enough”. They can’t handle not being so “special” as they thought, because the condition is more widespread than originally expected. They are often bitter that their life turned out different than they wanted. And it’s toxic as hell.
You’re exactly right.
Aspies, high functioning, and other self identifying supremacist autists want to be special. They grew up and internalized the ableism around them and project it on other autists and they hate that there are so many other Autists realizing who they are without necessarily needing a diagnosis or obvious accommodations. They become precisely the problem that built them.
I feel like a lot of NTs struggle with their self worth because they base it so much on comparisons with others and this means that if they didn't achieve what they wanted they need some sort of excuse. So if you're an autism mom whose life got derailed by having an autistic kid it's nearly impossible to accept that you aren't some sort of brave martyr and that autism isn't always life destroying because if you do that you lose your excuse and whatever pride you were clinging to. You can't just accept that life doesn't always go the way we want and that's fine, you're not lesser just because you aren't “successful” in a more traditional way like having a career or being famous. Humans have intrinsic value and you don't need to prove to anyone else that you deserve respect.
I think the real root of the problem is not enough support. Those autism moms are complaining about the stuff they do because they are likely lacking support, and half the time probably they are undiagnosed autistic themselves, and they don’t realize how much they need until becoming parents of a kid that needs more. It’s really sad to me. I say this as a late in life mom, who had, still has very little support. My son is audhd and I am more certain than I’ve ever been that I am also on that spectrum. I feel I have to protect him but also prepare him for the world and it’s a hard thing to balance.
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While I think that there a lot of problem behaviours with "autism moms", as a parent I have a lot of sympathy.
Being a parent can be really challenging. If your child has needs such that they will need your care for their entire life, that really turns your life upside down. You might have to give up on a career, having more kids and other hopes and dreams you had for the rest of your life to care for your child.
How could they not make their whole identity about their autistic child when caring for their high needs child takes up their entire life? Maybe if these parents had enough support so that they could do other things with their life as well then they'd find the freedom to develop their own personality again.
@@stephen7630Couldn't have said it better.
THIS!!!❤ I'm so glad someone said it and even moreso glad to see supportive responses and not attacks.
When you've got the baby who doesn't sleep and is always crying EVERYONE turns against you. The doctors tell you that you're coddling your baby and toughen up, your friends and family tell you that if you would just do everything exactly their way everything would magically get better, years go by and it has only gotten worse, you're beyond exhausted, completely socially outcast, yet you research every possible explanation you find, and fight your way to be taken seriously and finally get an Autism diagnosis for your small child and you think maybe people will finally believe that you're not a bad mother but that your unique child has unique challenges and no matter what you do your child will not be like everyone else's easy babies. But then you tell everyone and you get, "Oh no, how dare you say Autism is hard. That makes you evil! Toughen up and stop complaining." And then you get blamed for your child's meltdowns as being a bad mother who isn't accommodating enough even though before the diagnosis you were accused of being coddling. There is seriously NO winning as a parent of an Autistic child who isn't easy going. If your kid is easy, you can fit into society. But if your kid is difficult, you will be socially outcast and judged as a bad parent. And THAT is what is the hardest part. The other parents not being accepting and supportive.
I'm glad the internet wasn't around when I was a kid. One thing that infuriates me about "autistic moms" is how they severely underestimate their child's intelligence and understanding. They think their child with NEVER be able to understand or have any feelings about the content. They also say their children will never be able to use the internet or do anything that would allow them to see the content. I've known many autistic people with high support needs, and many people would be surprised that many have high intelligence and abilities even if they are nonverbal or need help with other things.
Fair points
Yeah, from what I understand the issue in many of these cases isn't so much a lack of understanding, but a lack of ability to communicate that understanding. Like, I heard stories where the self harming type stimming comes from a whole "something is wrong with this, I know it is, but i don't know how to tell you, and this is the only way I know to get your attention" sort of thing. Or meltdowns due to frustration over how the other person doesnt seem to understand what your trying to communicate. It's rarely a case of "they don't understand" and is much more often a case of "we haven't found the right tools to help them communicate their understanding to us" yet they just. Get dismissed whenever they try to communicate and then it blows up, rather than working together to find a method to get that understanding across. Its really frustrating.
Abbey looking at her mom before she felt like she could answer even though she clearly wanted to say something broke my heart. She is smarter than her mother gives her credit for and honestly treats her like she's way less capable than she is. Unfortunately Abbey seems to be stuck in the people pleasing, mommy knows best because that's probably all she's ever heard and doubts herself and that is truly sad. Thats the real tragedy with these parents trying to "help" they lose sight of the potential and only focus on what their child may struggle with or can't do.
A big cause of this is that so called professionals are basically leading parents to believe that. They are given a diagnosis for their children and then scaremongered into pushing a bunch of therapies on their plate if they want to do right by their child.
Yeah, please don’t tell SSDI (US) that Autism isn’t a disability! I haven’t had any luck with jobs!
i wish i could get on disability. it is hard to receive when they try to see how you are functional
14:11 So maddening!: A "Mildly affected" autistic adult has a much better chance of correctly representing the actual experience of a "severely affected" autistic adult than a NON AUTISTIC adult. I've never heard any autistic adult claim to speak for anyone but themselves anyway. If someone cannot consent, then nobody has the right to speak for them, or can. It's that simple, and that tragic. They must be afforded the same rights as every other human being however, and that includes the right to PRIVACY. The default must be to protect their privacy and their right to exist.
Next topic please.
“If I was in that situation I would find XYZ uncomfortable” “Oh so you think you can speak on behalf of my child!?” “No that's why I said ‘if I was’”
Yeah. That statement is very much giving: "The matter of fact is you're different and should refuse to stoop down to your autistic child's level to understand what they're going throug. Rather you should teach them that they should please society than go against it. Because ew! Disability and I don't think you're disabled! Please support us I dare you not to Karen with an autistic nephew of two!"
This whole thing about whether the person is disabled or not reminds me of the licensed Florida Bar member my husband and I met back in 2003-2004, whose head joined his neck at around a 90 degree angle, and was visibly and obviously disabled, who told us "I'm not disabled." The hostility among membership at The Florida Bar against disabled people is so entrenched and overwhelming, those who become licensed with them won't and can't admit they are disabled because of what will happen to them and their law license if they admit it. I see some of the same thing going on in the Autism community. When you are someone who is more severely Autistic, in a Neurotypical-designed World, the social disabbility of Autism is very real. It he[ps no one to claim the disabilities that come with Autism do not exist. But Autism is an intersectional minority class, as well - many, many Neanderthal and Denisovan genes are also listed in the Autism genetic databases. One of the problems is not acknowledging Autisms intersectional classification, because the intersectional part is why being Autistic is a part of us and who and what we are and the part you can't remove from the person.
I think the DSM needs to add a new section for „Momtism“
😂
Lol
Sado-factitious disorder?
I think dadtism could definitely exist too.
@@user-cp1pd9wj1ihear me out, “parentism”
Soooo about those parents talking about representation of the group that cannot consent... who is that representation for?
Because it seems to be for the parents not the children with autism... which they can do without exploiting their child's meltdowns and such.
Excacly, they could at the very least talk about a situation without filming their child. It'd do the same but without (fully) exploiting their kids. I believe that kids who can't concent should be filmed even less. Not being able to concent just means that they'd be even more vulnerable and exposing them like that just ain't right.
As an autism mom I was so offended by that lady talking to Buck. She very clearly feels that only her child and kids who present in the same way are autistic and everyone else is pretending. She should be ashamed of herself. My daughter blends in for the most part in school and doesn’t cause disruptions, but she had enough of an issue that at a year and a half I started feeling like she was needing extra help and at about her third birthday she was diagnosed at UC Davis by the people who were doing major research about how girls present in autism. Her diagnosis and her support needs are not less valid because she doesn’t meet this lady’s criteria.
PREACH. i'm a 26 year old struggling adult Autistic lady with 3 generations of ppl with ASD in my family, but since im not a 5 year old nonverbal boy who likes trains im lying apparently. I WISH i had a not shtty childhood with ab4sive parents who cared enough to get ME help and this GENUINELY makes me so happy. Thank you for getting your child the help and love she deserves. W parenting. Your child WILL appreciate you doing this for them later in life.
@@darkdest6664 when I made this comment I was waiting for my appointment where I too was diagnosed as autistic. My terrible mother is who told me how if I get her diagnosed people will treat her differently, I know from experience that having a diagnosis is not why people treat autistic people differently. She just didn’t want it to reflect badly on her. She doesn’t know that I was diagnosed because I stopped talking to her the year prior, I miss the illusion of support from her, but I still don’t miss her. I decided that I don’t have to keep letting her hurt me. I instead try to be the mom my kids and my younger self deserve(d) and try to break as much generational trauma as I can.
I am 1000% against filming all children to make internet content (holiday photos/family photos/etc. obv oki on a private social account). People need to let children enjoy their childhoods with a sense of privacy, security, safety, and belonging within their home/family.
I follow a dad of 2 high support needs autistic sons on tik tok and I think he dose everything right, he just shares his day with the boys and what they do, no meltdowns no distressing moments just every day activities like going to the park , and he is doing a lot of good for the community in my opinion, I think autism parents can be done right
That one quote from someone : "Self identifiying as autistic is offensive. Sensory issues are not something you'd ever wish to have."
EXACTLY I would never wish to have those. I am not diagnosed yet, but self identifiying as autistic in the moment is the only way to understand my issues that I already have my whole life.
also ignoring that while sensory issues and differences are very common, not all autistic people present with them the same way. the stereotypical presentation typically only ever includes sensory avoidance, not sensory seeking, when they are effectively two sides of the same coin. the point is not that all autistic people have major sensory avoidance, it's the presence of overall sensory differences. I was very sensory seeking as a child, ive gotten more sensory avoidant as ive gotten older. I would chew through copious amounts of pencils to the point of them snapping in half, getting paint stuck in my teeth and the taste was gross but it felt fantastic to feel the soft wood give under my molars. I would swing up to the highest altitude and jump off from so high my legs would buckle when I landed on my feet, then I'd get up and do it over and over. I was also a biggg fan of the monkey bars and hanging upside down on them. I engaged in soooooo much repetitive sensory seeking behavior, that's only the tip of the iceberg. I was definitely considered a picky eater as a child though and some still think so. I have more sensory issues regarding food now even though my range is much larger and I generally like healthy food. I can't stand how most food smells when it's hot, smell is my biggest gripe with most foods. The biggest reason I'm considered picky by some now is just that there's a fair amount of things I don't like. don't like basic condiments, don't like hot sauce, don't like eggs, dont like raw onion or tomato. I'm just quite specific.
I genuinely do not understand how anyone could believe that people are self-diagnosing as autistic for fun. Like do you know that we live in an extremely ableist world where the word “autist” is literally used as an insult? How can you think people are doing this for fun and not because they're genuinely looking for a way to explain their experiences.
the recordings of meltdowns and such are so upsetting, like jeez
as someone who has experienced that, its such a purely vulnerable state, completely humiliating, terrible, i dont think id ever forgive my parents if they recorded me like that, ever, just no
I’ve never seen an autistic meltdown, but my parents have. Where are they?
@@j.b.4340 where are what?
@@j.b.4340what?
@@j.b.4340 I’m gonna assume that you just made a typo, so an autistic meltdown is pretty much a complete sense of being overwhelmed to the point where the person having the meltdown can no longer fully control themself.
The meltdown can be shown through hyperventilating, going nonverbal, (temporarily losing the ability to speak) excessive stimming, to the point where it can become harmful to themself and/or others, etc. They’re typically caused by extreme overstimulation or stress, paired with access to comforting items/behaviours (headphones being dead if Bluetooth, no internet for music, being told or forced to repress stimming, being forced into social situations without the mental energy to successfully go through them, no fidget toys available to reduce stress, no access to comfort food to reduce stress, etc.)
These are often completely involuntary, and humiliating for the person having the meltdown, so it’s understandable why recording and posting an autistic person going through a meltdown.
@@j.b.4340 if you don't know where your parents are you should go look for them or something.
i really hate how people act like EVERYONE who is a teen, queer, and online a lot is automatically faking autism... i am 17, and i have had extreme meltdowns since i was a little kid. i still do sometimes. no i do not have an official diagnoses, becuse my mom didn't want to deal with it. doesn't mean i'm not autistic. and i am online a lot becuase it helps me DEAL with being an undiagnosed autistic (i also have a special interest in art and animation/cartoons, and i do a lot of digital art). seeing these people not believing others like me are autistic... it makes me very upset that people might not believe me, when my struggles are very real.
Most people don't understand how unbelievably difficult and mentally damaging it is to try and get diagnosed. Especially for A DECADE! So many doctors are genuinely just completely misinformed and/or don't care. Especially where I live in the South. I only found out at like 18 that I got unofficially diagnosed years ago, I wasn't ever told it was just randomly put in my files like wtf.
I honestly don't understand where all these supposed "fake Autistics" are? Like I can't think of 1 person I've come across online that is or has said they were Autistic for "clout." I'm not saying these people don't exist it just seems like it's being blown WAY out of proportion.
I have come across many professionals, a lot of them Autistic themselves, who have stated that most, if not 99% of the people who self diagnosed and then sought an official diagnosis were in fact Autistic.
It's not something the vast majority of people sit around thinking about or questioning. It just doesn't happen. Also, how else would someone who is not a child figure out they're Autistic? Of course you would look online and take tests and watch videos, learn from others. To me it's like showing up at the doctor saying "I think I might have *insert random illness* and they ask why and you say, no reason 🤷♀️. There's generally a reason a person would seek a diagnosis or think they're Autistic.
In my opinion as a late self diagnosed then officially diagnosed Autistic adult with ADHD (at 40) if you believe you are Autistic, you are. If accommodating yourself and making your life easier to live is helpful, awesome! It takes absolutely nothing away from anyone else. I say the more the merrier because the more "normalized" Autism becomes, the better for Autistic people in the long run. Lessen the stigma and force NT society to accept not just Autistic people but everyone that may function in a different way. It just makes the world a better place all around.
Yeah, a lot of people have a very distinct and specific idea of who they think is "least likely to be faking autism". Usually it's just amab dudes who are no more than slightly above average in looks and have very significant social difficulties or something else that catches their eye that checks off their autism box or whatever. Most girls online will get fakeclaimed, this is even more true if the girl is considered pretty. Definitely also a problem with fakeclaiming against afab queer ppl especially, but also queer ppl in general. Some of my longest standing special interests are in the beauty sphere like fashion, makeup and skincare which can lead to a lot of dismissal from others who believe it's only natural/right that a girl be interested in that stuff. Others may just see, oh she's a pretty girl with a nice, maybe weird or distinct style but still nice. Really not the presentation people associate with autism. What they don't see is that I can tell you the release date of most (if not all) of my beloved exclusive dresses from my favorite japanese alternative fashion brand, including pieces that were released multiple times and how you can tell which year yours is from based on the manufacturing or special colors that were only released in one in-person shop in japan in 2011. I'm sorry about your troubles with meltdowns, they present some pretty significant challenges for a lot of us. I'm lucky that my struggles are largely in other areas like black & white thinking, perfectionism, and some general inflexibility. Usually stuff that can affect how I am with others, vs a bunch of sensory sensitivities. I do have them but I've always skewed towards sensory seeking vs avoiding. The sensitivities I do have are usually not terrible all the time, just sometimes I randomly break down crying in the line for crowded grocery stores like costco due to the sensory chaos. Costco checkout is actually hell, it's just always the worse which sucks cuz I really like shopping usually. Otherwise sometimes I can struggle to bond or spend quality time with people in simple things like watching movies or shows because I really like to rewatch things (have since I was a young child) and I have trouble compromising on a super regular basis.
“You're just doing it because it's trendy!” because it's definitely trendy to be part of a minority that recieves regular discrimination in all its forms and that very much include violence.
If you have meltdowns you don’t need to be tested they will likely just give you a diagnosis. I was 14 and my neurologist diagnosed me just off of talking to me about my migraines. Getting my diagnosis was easier than I could have ever imagined. I can’t say that it will be as easy for you as for me, but I want to encourage you to try because it did help me.
I also didn’t like that in the jubilee vid that they said that ppl with Asperger’s can’t have learning disabilities, I have heavy dyslexia and math issues + the autism makes me not be able to go to mainstream school
Sometimes, it feels like those moms have a savior complex. They spend so much time trying to figure out how to understand and 'help' their child that they think they know it all, believing in the mantra 'Mother knows best.' However, they are often the ones who hurt the most with their words. I expect them to be more understanding than others, but the truth is, the only thing they know is what it's like to be the mother of one type of autistic child.
I worked as a psychologist specialized in Autism for over 25 years, half way through this journey, I got diagnosed with Autism and Complex PTSD. Not only have I made myself incredibly unpopular on media platforms, especially since I did not agree with the mainstream ideas and assumptions about autism. I started working with other Autistic adults, when we realized that Autism is used as a money making scheme, especially through charities, we decided to do our own research, and find out for ourselves what is happening with sensory and anxiety challenges. Using our hyper focus to dive into the chemical mechanisms of our body functions'. We discovered a lot of useful things, we tested our theories on ourselves, and had some wonderful progress. However fighting against the victim mentality of parents that feel deprived of the kid they wanted, and the hardship parents face, especially when they are marginalized by their social communities, can leave parents feeling isolated or resentful. As a female autistic, I have noticed that we are the most unpopular group, most marginalized, even if we seem to fit into society. I have seen the effects of parents being over protective, parents that just gave up, and the absolute heartache experienced by their autistic children. Trying to bridge the gap between Neurodiverse and neurotypical, is like bridging the gap between a person speaking English, thinking they are speaking French, and mother speaking Spanish thinking she is speaking English. So many non verbal's have been dismissed for not speaking, speaking is so very important in the neurotypical community, that they assume if a person is not speaking, that they have no cognition or ideas., which is so very very wrong, especially when you listen to non verbal expressing their needs through other communication devices. Body dysregulation is a challenge for autistic people , it does not mean they are not comprehending life, it means they are struggling to get their body to co operate. My non verbal clients have so much to offer, if people made the time to figure out their unique communication style. More than anything else, people have not been guided to understand the difference between meltdowns and tantrums. Autism refers to a population of humans that seem to find it easier to talk to each other, than neurotypicals. Autistic people are hard to understand, because it was grouped with intellectual disorders, which seems to be immensely inaccurate. Just because they are not speaking, does not mean they are an empty vacuum. A few of my clients with selective mutism, told me, after I had to work hard to earn their trust, that speaking is problematic, because people put their own meaning on words. Watch out of the parents that have become and advocate, or has the victim mentality. I focus on helping care workers to be companions for Autistic people, and teach them how to connect, how to bridge the gap, and it takes a willingness to change and adapt their thinking about Autism. There is so much misguided support from the Mental Health community, and I don't know how long it will take for people to embrace the reality of Autistic people, as we can all be contributing members of society, even if we just support each other. It is wonderful that more Autistic are speaking their mind, and sharing their unique autistic experience. We have come a long way, and still have a lot to change. but by no means, should any parent think their non verbal autistic is intellectually disabled.
24:00 PARDON ME Did she, while sitting right next to her autistic daughter, say "aspergers kids are different because they're so intelligent". Did you for real call your kid stupid like she's not a grown adult SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
So much about the way these people speak about autism ans autistic people bothers me, but that has me absolutely fuming. I'm mad for Abbey watching her sit there listening to her mom put "less disabled" people on a pedestal.
If somebody picked me up and threw me while I was melting down I don’t like any of the possibilities for what would follow. Soul crushing terror and heartbreak or blind going into fight for my life mode rage. Or both
I've had people do similar things to me in a meltdown, it is horrible and makes you feels very unsafe. It is a horrible thing to od to anybody, let alone an autistic child, shame on those parents.
I also have had both of those reactions.
My mom is an autism mom, and I'm glad to say my mom is not like one of those crazy people. She's really chill and knows that autism is different for everyone, and that her autistic child knows more about having autism than she does. When I told her about Autism Speaks, she was appalled. It probably helps that she's a special ed teacher, so she has experience with a wide range of autistic people.
Seeing some of this shit really makes me appriciate my mom.
Even if she hasnt always handled everything perfectly she is willing to learn and change.
Same here!
same here, she hasn’t been perfect and there’s been rough patches that have been super traumatic for me growing up but i’m so grateful for her because there’s many times where if i didn’t have an advocate in a high pressure medical setting i would’ve been assaulted way more by medical staff and doctors than i have been. she’s now a successful professional therapist who specializes in autistic child development and caretaker abuse prevention, as well as working with the local first nations health authority to help underserved autistic kids teens and adults on the rez.
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It’s very interesting she’s so focused on if they’ve had speech therapy and that’s because Abbey had to. It’s so self centered and obviously they are way too focused on the own experience even over their own child
I tend to think of my autism as less of myself having support needs and more that NTs need to cut out the bullshit.
I am quite lucky that a decent amount of my autism cons are able to be addressed and lessened in ways that are under my control. I definitely have some that are a more difficult nut to crack like black & white thinking or general rigidity, but I don't have super terrible sensory sensitivities, I have my worse days where I'll burst out into tears at the costco checkout (sometimes meltdown in the car) without my loop earplugs or a nice pair of headphones, but there are definitely others who've got it worse on a more regular basis or who have very frequent meltdowns from sensory issues. I'm more likely to struggle with rigidity and how that can make people around me feel. Not everyone is very happy that I like to rewatch the same things over and over or watch shows together that I've already seen, and tend to avoid new things including recommendations. I certainly still do it sometimes, but I'm definitely at my most joyful watching someone else react to something I've already seen.
The last video you had with Gatekeeping Autism triggered a meltdown response in me, I was so so upset. I was almost afraid to watch this one but I think I could keep calm because I knew the trigger could happen.
Nobody should be gatekeepers autism. And Autistic moms, they really get to me. I am low support needs but that doesn't mean those of us at my level deserve to be invalidated.
My "level" of autism is "wants to be fed pudding" not "needs to be taught the ABCs". I'd like have someone around for comfort and support, but I don't really "need" it. Like, it makes things more easy for me to socialize but I don't "need" to be spoonfed applesauce. Sounds good though. It would help, but I can manage fine on my own except in social situations.
Mine is the give me a warm soft blanket and let me watch otter videos for hours. I might accept a cat. I'll find food eventually level.
Idk about autism level but I have several model trains.
Using the fact that someone has had speech therapy and occupational therapy as "proof" that they really are autistic or really are disabled is bizarre. Those are signs of privilege-at least, in the U.S., even with good health care you've got to be reasonably affluent to have access to decades of expensive therapy. There's nothing wrong with being affluent, but most Americans aren't and that doesn't make anyone less autistic. It just means we have access to fewer resources. It doesn't matter whether or not we would benefit from these therapies, they aren't available.
I do a similar thing. I bring up diagnoses and therapies whenever someone says I "can't be autistic because I don't act autistic."
I agree because I could have benefitted from speech. I clutter my words and struggle with fluency. As an adult I had to basically do my own speech therapy by practicing talking slower. It still doesn’t always work.
I have worked with autistic people of all kinds who have many different ways of communicating. Every single one of them was able to consent or deny consent. Non verbal and low verbal autistic people are still capable of finding communication methods that work for them. A person not being able to advocate for themselves is generally due to a lack of willingness to learn from the person trying to communicate with them.
Consent to what? Being filmed for content? Not saying your experience is wrong, but I would be careful about the assumption that everyone with autism can consent, and if they can't its because they are unwilling to do so.
Hi! I just became semi non speaking last year as I am still a minor, or maybe it was because I just got my ASD diagnosis. I was just wondering if you had any other communication styles you wouldn’t mind sharing with me, as I mostly rely on writing which is quite difficult. Also, in your opinion is it better for me to force myself to talk as much as possible or lean into not talking even when I can technically talk?
I definitely agree with the fact that it feels like alot of these parents never try to understand or truly accommodate their kids. Alot of nonspeaking autistic kids and adults can communicate in other ways, but many of these caregivers never teach them how, or listen when they try. Emotions, movement, sounds, text to speak, aac devices, sign language, written it down, speaking in memories, speaking in quotes, using one or two words, expressions. They all communication. And I think taking care to listen to kids and not expose them like the parents that film their kids meltdowns is even more important with kids that can't concent or communicate as easily. I'm no expert though so grain of salt.
When a parent has to use their child for exposure on social media, I begin to question their motives. There are many parents who are Narcissistic and having a child to gain sympathy or money from, that would be a typical set up for that kind person.
I seriously trust no one who shows their kid on social media unless the kid has their face covered up and rarely appears. Kids don't fully know how far internet reach can go, and to film stuff like their most embarrassing and distressing moments for all to see? That's my biggest nightmare.
Munchasser syndrome maybe?
@@tomrio9152That’s what I guessed also
@@tomrio9152 Munchausen by Proxy (factitious disorder imposed on another) ?
@tomrio9152 Munchausen by Proxy, you mean.
And no, not quite. Munchausen by Proxy is when one person fakes someone else being ill or disabled for sympathy. These people are using their relatives' real disabilities as a sob story to make themselves look pitiable.
What about ABA therapists making videos that make fun of their clients or what the therapist does at work? I think this is just as bad as autism parents and their videos.
I've had some really upsetting ABA videos on my FYP recently - definitely something I want to research and cover in future. I'm yet to see any ABA content that doesn't make me uncomfortable. Luckily, it's not that big in the UK and not available on the NHS.
@@imautisticnowwhatABA is commonly recommended in USA. It needs talked about more. (I'm really uncomfortable with what I've seen about it, too, despite others raving about its "miracles." I'm not convinced. ) Really appreciate what you do here and would love your input on this topic! 👍
I'm reminded of my dad and sister trying to tell me I'm not autistic because I've never had trouble speaking like my brother has or "haven't struggled as much" as my brother.
I hate seeing the kids have meltdowns. It is so triggering growing up undiagnosed and having my meltdowns be a joke to my family and being talked about like I was a monster. They are so embarrassing. And I'm thankful I've never been filmed having one.
I also hate when autism moms get mad at us for standing up for their autistic children who have zero say.
I watched the jubilee video and I think it was my last. I was irritated with abbeys mom as well. To be honest, I don’t know that we need neurotypicals giving their two cents about autism in public spaces. We have plenty of that already. Their videos are structured to pit two sides against eachother and when human rights are involved it seems a little unnecessary to do that. I think parents of autistic children should have room to express feelings but when those feelings are humiliating to their children and asking the world to pity them and recent their child’s condition with them, they need to be deplatformed. Autistic people just wake up the way that we are and we don’t get to choose the world we live in. Non autistic people do have a choice with how they view and talk about autism and somehow, us autistics are expected to fight back or risk things getting worse for us. I just get so frustrated having to smack away the false information and dehumanizing talking points. It feels like I’m standing in front of those tennis ball launching machines and I have to deflect all that’s being hurled at me and IM NOT GOOD AT TENNIS. I think I let this comment get a little tangenty but I stand by it. No more jubilee videos for me
jubilee is just sensationalism 2.0, like going from the traditional tabloid to multimedia platforms (obviously they do a good casting, choosing the right people, enhancing that confrontational vibe)
It is so frustrating because a lot of parents of autistic children are stuck in the past. Especially those who have grown children who were diagnosed as children are particularly resistant to the very well researched changes in diagnostic criteria. They want the diagnosis to reflect their experience, but it's a spectrum disorder.... no diagnosis can ever encompass a person's experience. I understand the struggle parents have of finding support and community for high support needs autistic children. It can be isolating and severely change your life, and requires a ton of resources to fight for your child's needs. Lack of resources is the problem though. The diagnostic changes have improved access to accommodations and expanded the community so that we can increase acceptance and support for everyone. I wish they would let go of the bitterness and join the community.
I'm one of the many late diagnosed autistic people who were neglected as a child it's not that I don't have support needs its that I didn't get them from my caregivers because I was "too old" for needing help in brushing my hair for example and I think that what a lot of autism parents dont understand about a lot of people who were diagnosed in adulthood is that some of us burned ourselves out to a krisp because even if we had a lot of support needs they weren't met
That dismissive "not a learning disability, a learning difference" language reminds me so much of some governmental abuse I suffered a whole bunch of years ago, where they reclassified some language just to randomly cut off some help, because conservatives. That language just brings pain to me now. I hear it and wince, as I've already seen it employed to do harm to us.
It’s an unfortunate tension between trying to create this accepting language that de stigmatizes, but at the same time there are real challenges due to these “differences” and there need to be supports in place to help deal with them. I’m sorry to hear about your case. Goblins like that are always looking for ways to be cheap and hide their malfeasance at the same time.
@@d3pr0fundis you're right, word reclamation is always messy and never unexploitable. I tend to think of "disability" as a fully reclaimed word, and forget that it's "dis" + "ability", but of course now I'm reminded, and can see the problem.
I feel like for me personally calling it a difference is very apt. I have always excelled at math, the sciences and history because those subjects were taught in a way that made sense to be but I struggled with the humanities for a long time because I didn't have any teachers who were willing to teach it to me in a way I understood. Then I got teachers who were willing to listen to me and I was able to excell in those subjects as well.
@@hedgehog3180 I get what you mean, but the term is spoiled for me because it was invented by a government with a track record of disability discrimination with the express purpose to discriminate. The problem isn't that 'difficulty' does apply, the problem is the suggestion that 'disability' doesn't (which obviously is untrue). That's what I don't like about it. If you ignore the connotation then it's a perfectly fine term for any disability, although I see no particular reason to change words either, so whichever you prefer. I'll stick with disability I think.
“autism is trending” NO IT ISN’T. 🙃 no it isn’t. no it isn’t.
if that were the case i wouldn’t still be getting discriminated against because of my autism. it’s not “cool” to be autistic in the real world. we still get made fun of by “cool” people. this whole “trend” idea makes me FURIOUS.
You're absolutely right! 💯 These "influencer moms" have no self-awareness, it seems. My observation is that this type of know-it-all attitude/emotional immaturity is a common trait of people who don't live in the real world. They think reality television is reality and their sense of social reward & social consequence is formed by spending all their time on social media online and almost never in person, in the real world..
Yeah, cool people are autistic friendly but people widely considered "cool" are extremely hit or miss, usually miss.
@@AliceBunny05 i love how you worded this 🫶🏼
During the Plague: "this whole plague thing is trending now. It's fashionable now to die in horrible conditions."
In reality now more people can get an explanation than before. Yes, maybe we have some false positives, but beforehand we had so many false negatives.
Yea what they dont grasp is Trending isn't Trendy. Trending just means something is getting exposure or attention online for a minute. It doesn't mean it's "cool" or popular or incentivized. It just means more ppl are hearing that it exists.
"I don't care how much I hurt my child, as far as it is "... Such mothers deserve to be hated.
And btw, what was "her way"? Why not explaining that? Sometimes the parent's way is unfair. Some months ago I was talking with a Thai friend about food. We both have same disgust for some textures. But while she was understood and loved, I was ignored and forced. I still recent those things (and now I know about autism, even more).
Context: I got my diagnostic one year ago. My friend thinks that she is NT, but who knows.
Btw you probably mean resent, not recent. Resent means that you hate or dislike something, recent means that something happened not very long ago.
I think a lot of the issue is what we've collectively, as a society, done to motherhood. I'm autistic and ADHD, my son is the same. We are considered "low support needs," but he still has an aide to school and needs alternate transportation. I notice that there aren't a lot of autism dads, it's mostly moms. Motherhood has been made into this eternal martyrdom and if you aren't suffering enough you aren't doing it right. When I became a mother it's like I ceased being a whole person. How dare I have needs or wants or opinions or anything except caring for my child?
I want to say more after I watched the whole video, but one thing I have to get off my chest now is that it's really f***d up to say you need to have had speech therapy to be autistic, when she lives in a country where healthcare is a privilege of the rich.
Especially, but not only, because autism is hereditary and autistic people are more likely to be poor and unemployed, so they're less likely to have the money to pay for speech therapy for their kids.
That lady is excluding a lot of people who've had it way harder than she can imagine.
I think it was less "you can't be autistic if you haven't had speech therapy" and more "you can't be autistic if you _didn't need_ speech therapy"
She's still wrong, of course, and I don't know how she would even know if a person did or did not have speech therapy, but I don't think her point was necessarily to punch down on those who can't afford such therapy. (though there is still room to talk about how if you can't afford speech therapy you are also probably far less likely to realize that you might _benefit_ from such a service because you never even had the chance to be evaluated).
@@SilverDragonJayyes I think that’s what she meant and you’re right. She is wrong. Some Autistic children have extremely advanced speech and language. They “teach themselves” to read at a young age. It doesn’t mean they are not autistic and that they don’t struggle with other things in their lives.
I think she showed the Ultimate Misery in my opinion: the sweet spot for being absolutely unwell, but well enough for people to dismiss your issues: "you can talk normally therefore you can't have big issues".
On the speech therapy thing, there’s a small lil issue with some autistic kids called “can speak very well” I personally was one, I could read better than my peers and liked science. So clearly nothing could be wrong right?
(Completely ignoring the fact I only hung out with a few people, would cry if someone yelled or even slightly raised their voice at me, would screech when touched, overly concerned about small things like the candle in the classroom that hasn’t fully gone out yet and had to be dragged out to recess, took forever on assignments and projects trying to get them perfect and to add every single little detail, limited food palate which turned into ARFID purely because of texture, hardly had friends over, couldn’t speak up for myself or talk to the teacher no matter how hard I tried because the sound would take so much force and effort to actually come out. Etc. Etc.
THIS!!! 👍 When my daughter was diagnosed my sister was all "Now you get all this FREE help!" But my child doesn't need speech therapy, I don't believe in ABA, she's Autistic AND Gifted so public school has no frickin idea what to do with kids like that so homeschooling is a must (husband is a public school teacher so we refuse to have our child endure that, we know what's going on from the inside), we've been on a waiting list for YEARS just trying to get a regular therapist for our Autistic child's anxiety issues... yeah, we're getting ZERO help of any kind.
I haven't seen the original jubilee video but abbey seemed really excited that someone felt the same way she did and that they could relate with each other so it's very sad that her mum just turned around and said those things
I want to say, I'm a person with ADHD and BAP. I watched many of your videos when I was wondering if I was in the spectrum a while ago.
My bestie is in the spectrum, I love to come to your channel to listen and learn about what is going on and how can I be more supportive of her and other people. It's great to listen to different voices and widen your horizon. I wish for autism moms, they could see they can exist with adults in the spectrum. Your reality doesn't change theirs, both can exist in the world, this is why ASD is a spectrum... It's not black and white!
And I wish their kids could have more autonomy in their life, get heard more... I understand some parents tend to coddle and speak over their children even after adulthood, and having a different kid only fuels this need, (I can certainly say growing up w ADHD I lack autonomy) but your children is a whole different life, different needs, wants... Please live your life, and let your children live theirs...
The part at 20:04 is actually pretty depressing if you think about it. Abby is a successfull actor and does social media and her mom seems to act like she isn't successfull. I think she doesn't think her daughter is really "successfull", while in any other situation what she has done at her age is pretty impressive. An autistic people talking about autism issues isn't much different than a pro-union politician that worked a low paying job before. Nobody would question their work which is based on their life struggles, like she indicates about ehr own daughter.
The ironic thing is that many autistic people couldn't survive in the wild but with decent accommodations can trive comparable or better than allistic people. As someone with very high life goals I think this behavior is dangerous. Most autistic people that can focus on what they are good on while not having much speech therapy will just look excentric, if they get accommodations. Autism support shouldn't be about being normal but about autistic people maximising their potential.
For some this may include speech therapy (I myself got some, but only for a few months) but at some point Abby's moms program gives me anxiety because it sounds very excessive. I have seen therapy as a key to live a better life and reach goals.
Especially important because Abby's mom seems to be kinda mad at other successful people. It kinda hits hard when as a younger autistic kid hearing that makes you think "I don't want to just have these low goals; I want to do more with my life". And often autistic people can grow. I also was in my own world when I was a kid and until like age 16 I was guaranteed to have a big falling out at least once every school year. Now at 21 I am quiete good with people, because I was given the room by my parents to develope. And I literally just watched YT videos which shouldn't make me more social but worked for me.
I've been watching Abbey and her mother for awhile and she has always acted like Abbey is only successful thanks to her and her parenting. She lives vicariously through her daughter.
It's ironic that Abbie's mom criticized others for being rude.
Common narc trait
Autistic people need to be more rude to NTs.
I made a TiikTok about the video where they recorded their child having a meltdown and how I thought it was inappropriate to show a kid in this situation and how it could affect the poor child in the future, and I have had so many people argue against my post and say that I can't silence the parents, but I'm sorry... what about the kids? They'll be affecte forever! At least blur out you and your child's face.
I've been told my whole life that huge changes are coming for humanity, and it's proving true. Something I've noticed is that we've switched from a broad brush approach to fine-tuning in discernment relative to the way we treat each other. We used to think there were large categories of people causing all the problems, e.g. criminals, communists, atheists, religious fanatics, etc. Now we can see that even within a small community, e.g. autistics and parents, it comes down to kindness and character. I'm committed to a nonviolent revolution of consciousness resulting in a win/win culture. Let's embrace radical inclusion.
Just because my brain works differently, doesn't mean I am broken. There is nothing to "fix".
As the mom of a funny, smart, active, Mario Brothers obsessed boy who we suspect might be on the spectrum, I need advice. Should I be seeking an official diagnosis for him? When we saw a neuropsych for him she said he wasn't autistic because he "was a lovely little chap who clearly is interested in making conversation and makes regular eye-contact." Facepalm. But she didn't see him in a loud, group environment. I don't want to be a crappy mom. Help!!! He really struggles in group environments, and i want to help him succeed.
If you think having accomodations for him in school or having occupational therapy might be helpful for him, it might do you good to seek out an expert who doesn't rely on lack of eye contact for their diagnosis. It's only one of several diagnostic criteria and is actually described as "abnormalities in eye contact or body language". Some autistic people also do "overly intense" eye contact and some may do both. My kiddo does the overly intense thing and I do both depending on how regulated my nervous system is.
Having a diagnosis, autism or otherwise, may also give you a good confident place to know how to talk with him about how his body and brain work and how he can take care of his needs in ways that work for him even if they are different from what others do or need.
We have found that the diagnosis for our son helps with the school setting. It also helped to get services in place that are helping him.
His diagnosis was the first in our family, then our daughter, then my husband.
As an autistic person who was diagnosed late, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I think early diagnosis is best for all autistic people. Like you, my mother was dismissed when bringing up my symptoms with doctors as a child, because in their reasoning, I could make eye contact , I was verbal, and I was a girl. I'm in my early 20s so during the time I was a child the information on autism wasn't what it is now, many doctors even believed girls couldn't have autism. I looked at the doctor because my mother had repeatedly taught me to look in people's eyes, and I knew the doctor was important, so I was trying to be on my best behavior so I made a big effort of looking at the doctor even though it was uncomfortable to me. So despite my mother taking me to multiple doctors, they all dismissed her and didn't even look into it. Those doctors failed me and my mother by taking a single look at me and dismissing me. I struggled much more through my life because I was undiagnosed and so I got no help. Now I am an adult, very little help is available for an adult with lower support needs. I have not achieved what I believe I could have with help. If I was diagnosed in childhood I would have had access to programs that would help me build skills to make my life easier. If your son is autistic, getting him diagnosed is the first step, but the next has to be getting him the best help. I'm not qualified to tell you what therapies may best help your son, but I think getting him diagnosed ( if he indeed is autistic) will give you (and him!) something to start understanding him more. I wish doctors had listened to my mother. There were signs, they didn't even look. A diagnosis enables someone or their caregivers to learn what they need and access resources to get that help. Keep fighting, it may take a long time, but if he is autstic, it will make it all worth it. I hope you, your family, and son get the help you need ❤
I have an autistic son. That is why I follow your channel. Also, because I suspect that I myself am neurodivergent, and my husband as well.
I did not know that there were moms of high support need kids that hated blue haired highly verbal online autistics.
I did see a childless autistic person claim the other day that autism is not a disability. I found that difficult. I wish she had said "my experience of my autism is not disabling."
My autistic son is disabled. I had hoped he would not be; that he would just be different... but as he approaches the end of high school, his disability is something I have to come to terms with as his parent, and as we help him transition to adult life.
My cousin also has autistic kiddos that are quite disabled. Raising disabled kids is difficult. My son is much more challenging to raise than my other two kids.
I would love to see more compassion and support for both parents raising autistic kids and autistic people themselves.
{DISCLAIMER} before some idiot reads this and thinks "Oh MaH gAwD, tIsTiC pPl ArE eViL" NO SHUT UP, ppl with ANY mental disability are ALWAYS going to me more likely to be VICTIMS then PERPS. Your average joe is more likely to harm you for no reason then a mentally ill person. They dont usually want to harm others. Please treat ANYONE disabled or not with kindness because it REALLY can help someone in a bad headspace, even if from the outside, they seem fine. Thankyou.
There are parts of the spectrum that are DEF DEBILITATING. My brother for example, he is vi0lent. He wasn't always like that but he just slowly grew more and more aggressive and he ended up stabbing my bio mother. He absolutely knows that its wrong because when it happened he lied to me about it. Sure my brother can hold a conversation and can tell you about the newest hyperfixation he's into, but he has his LOWS and they are BAD. I kinda hated using the word disorder a few years back to describe myself (yes i am also on the spectrum) but that's because i *usually* need less support then my brother does and it felt wrong to me. Iv def changed my mind now a days esp when my needs have now shifted greatly as iv grown more dysfunctional trying to snag a much needed diagnoses. And sadly i have those self h@rming stims. I wouldn't hurt anyone but they are debilitating.
ASD is a DISORDER, even if your support needs are low. but every ASD person should always just keep in their mind that those needs can fluctuate. I sadly cant help my brother. Im 3,000 miles away and i have a lot of my own struggles. I just hope he can get himself on a healthier schedule thats works with him and he can get out of his funk.
I wish you luck on your journey. I raised my brother since i was 8. It wasn't easy some days, especially the day he made a poop art all over the house.... Dont forget to start his Spongebob again sister!
I think there is a useful comparison to be made between how “autism moms” seek to raise awareness and how parents of kids with Down syndrome advocate for their kids. I have never heard one of them say “my kid will never do x or y” (I worked as an educator for over a decade and the number of autism parents who have already decided what their three year old won’t be able to do is shocking…this doesn’t seem to happen in any other disability), or try to silence publicly prominent self-advocates for daring to portray people with Down syndrome as capable individuals, even if their support needs may be lower than their child’s. You don’t see them constantly talking about how hard their life is because of their child. They make it pretty clear that their children are the light of their lives.
I think this difference in attitude comes from the top down. The organizations that serve people with Down syndrome want to make their lives better by providing tangible support. They educate the public with the goal of eradicating ableist misconceptions that would limit opportunities. For whatever reason, Autism Speaks decided to go with fear as a way to raise money. Their conception from the beginning was that autism was something to “fight against”, not support. And that messaging is usually the first information that parents come across when their child is diagnosed. And that can be hard to undo once you’ve been steeped in it.
My biggest issue with autism moms are the ones who act like they are the tragic main character, and that their autistic child is something terrible that happened to them
I am an Autism mum... But a aspire to never be the stereotype portrayed in this video. I so deeply value the insights of Autistic adults who can give me glimpses into my daughters experience of life. There is nothing I want more than for her to understand and value herself and to learn to speak of diagnosis with kindness and speak up for her needs with confidence. Because of her diagnosis and the things I have learnt from people like you Meg, is creating a home of acceptance, accommodations and safety, while still also stretching her to grow in her independence and confidence.
I've also learnt to keep quiet in the comments section as autism is her experience not mine. I'm still learning here.
"Meg has Dementia, Now What?" 🤣🤣🤣 I'd be watching that too on repeat in my own dementia 🤣🤣🤣 think of the views, Lewis would be rolling in it 🤣🤑🫣
😂😂 he’ll be uploading anything and everything!
@@imautisticnowwhat just thinking it'll be like (in an old gran voice as that's what I apparently relate to 😆) "I haven't watch that one yet, that's what that red bar means and the lot of ya can't convince me otherwise" "but gran you just watched that one" "don't be silly child you can never watch enough Meg'an, dementia is a very serious condition ya know" "we know gran, we know" (all nodding their heads and rolling their eyes)
Lol just realised I forgot to finish off the video 😂😂😂, if there is a sudden drop off viewers around that dementia comment you'll know why (the target audience got distracted)
There was a part in this video that really resonated with me. Any time I mention my autism, I mention that I’m diagnosed (sometimes I mention the age I was diagnosed because I was diagnosed at an early age), how many years I was in speech therapy, and all the different schools and “special needs” classes I’ve been in in my life, and I’ve gotten a cold response. I didn’t really get it at the time, but when you mentioned that it makes it sound like people who do so are belittling other people’s experiences, it made me realize that I do it because I feel like I have to “prove myself” because I’ve become so low needs and I mask so well. It makes me look at my whole way of communicating differently and how to accept myself in the future.
I don't want to offend those who have lived with a severe diagnosis, and I would never want to trivialize the challenge faced by those with a severe diagnosis, but viewing autism in a spectrum has so many pragmatic benefits! It makes no sense to clinge to an outdated understanding and definition of the disorder. If we're going back in time, should we regress back to asylums?
The autistic stigma was vile a few decades back and it is still very negative today. The more autism is understood and diagnosed in the general population, the less the stigma for all autistics. Also, the better understood the entire spectrum is, the closer we are to having answers for autism as a whole. It's the evolution of theory and scientific knowledge. (By the way, I find all your videos very insightful and entertaining, thanks!)
I am an Autistic mom (mother who is autistic) and a researcher and I want to weigh in on the need for genetic research on everything (not only Autism). Knowledge on genetics could actually help us improve the research itself, as there are some things that can't be properly researched with randomised clinical trials (RCTs) due to the nature of the research object, it's the lack of ability to randomise into different groups I am talking about. For example, if you want to do research on alcoholism, it would be highly unethical to divide 100 people into two groups and force half of them to become an alcoholic for the purpose of the study. Because we can't do RCTs, we need to do other experimental designs but they can only give us knowledge on correlation and not causality and we need to repeat the experiements so many times until we actually can assume a causality, it is very expensive and time consuming. Mendelian randomization actully gives us the possibility to have a research design that allows us to randomize without having to actually randomize in the above mentioned way and would give us clear insights into mental disorders. Yes, it can be abused, but I just wanted to highlight that there is a rational reason for wanting that knowledge and it is to improve the research designs and the research on health to go beyond correlation and to explain causality.
Please respond to my comment if possible, but I will reiterate. I was born with conjoined disc in my neck, which is a genetic disorder that can make it more likely for me to have autism. Do MRIs show autism? I was trying to research it, but the answer seems unclear.
@@magneticcrochet This is a very complicated question and I don't know anything about your genetic disorder, but I will answer the question to the best of my knowledge, there might be people who know more about this than me and hopefully correct me if I am wrong but to answer it very shortly: yes and no. What researchers do is they can compare healthy brains with neurodiverse brains in so called fMRI (where you can see brain activity and not only brain structure) and then say that there are differences in the brains but as far as I know it, you can do this only when you know the person has Autism/is neurotypical and it doesn't work for normal MRIs (where you can only see the brain structure) and not the other way around. I know that fMRI cannot/is not be used for diagnostic purposes and I don't think that it's possible to look at a brain in an fMRI and say if the person has Autism, as there is always differences between Autistic brains and not all brains are the same. Does this answer your question or do I need to clearify on something in particular?
I wish I could show you a screen shot of what comes up when I search this. I am due for an MRI. I read it takes 15 minutes and can only be seen in adults. Look up "autistic brain" they have a different brain wave in pictures. I wish it was easier to see my other comments, but I just can't keep it short. I get how doctor stuff works and you HAVE to ask, so when I go for a VERY expensive MRI for other medical reasons, I'd like to know. I want a firm piece of paper saying so. I have been accused of doing drugs by quite a few people now and at the age of 30+ I am finally seeing maybe why. I have hardly even drank alcohol. Mostly, I have only done stuff basically after being accused. Not their fault, but seeing these videos is helping me understand a lot and I'm not a big "masker" I just generally follow examples and do them correctly and fear being accused of things I have not done really bad bc my parents did that to me. However, I have never done hard core drugs in my entire life. I don't fear messing up, but as a mom who has been accused of stuff I do worry about being accused of being on drugs really bad and get awkward in intense situations I am nervous around police, etc. @@nanajasmin1008 I am dealing with harassment from my neighbors after a lonnngg journey of trying to heal and this is what started me on my "am I autistic" journey like WHAT is wrong with me, I try to do everything "right/correctly". I am an adult who pays their bills, goes/went to counseling, so like can I just take out my trash or maybe have a drink on new years already? Jeeze. Meanwhile their whole yard smells like weed so badly I feel the need to take my children inside the house. Sorry that was so long, I really hope I could get it on paper.
@@magneticcrochetHi. For MRI research to make actual sense we need genetic research to make sense first.
FOXP1 syndrome here.
Thank you for your help. Did you get to read my comment? Klipple Feil but I only have the condition of conjoined disc diagnosed from being in the womb and really no further study except once they thought maybe I had meningitis so spinal tap. There are photos of my conjoined disc in the womb@@LNVACVAC
I'll never understand why, when someone has struggled all their life, they will immediately try to discredit when someone else confides that they've had similar struggles. Honey, it's not a competition! You're not getting any bonus points because you suffered 'more' than someone else.
All that mentality does is cause people (like me) to just shut down and not seek any help because "oh, others have worse issues, you're not worth worrying them with." It's asinine. Me speaking up about my issues isn't to decry yours.
I'm an autism Mum but not that kind of autism Mum! I love seeing autistic adults, creators thriving and it makes me hopeful for my son's future 😊
Hell yeahhhh
I have thoughts as a mom of two autistic sons (now adults) and dealing with a one child who is high support needs. I am now self-diagnosed AuDHD myself, which has only happened in the last year. I think that, for me at least, it seems that the thing that often drives these moms is the lack of support. In this society right now, parents, and moms in particular, are pretty much expected to be the primary/only support needed for disabled children, for the most part. The expectation is that you shouldn't need any help, support, or respite, regardless of the challenges your child faces. And it will wear you down to the point where you are running on fumes...especially if you are autistic yourself, or have mental health issues. My experience with one of my sons was to be constantly questioned on how to deal with my high-support autistic son by everyone, as if I should have the "magic" solution to make him more "normal". I gave up everything in my life in order to effectively parent this particular child, and I don't hold it against him...he is lovely. But, I should NOT have had to give up everything in my life, either. There should have been supports, both for him and for me, to make a life worth living for both of us, because honestly, it often felt like society was telling me "oh, so sorry, your so amazing/so brave/so exceptional" but never offering any type of real support other than thinking that giving lip service to how "amazing" I was was enough. It's like, hey, I'm not amazing, I didn't really have a choice but to step up and care for my kids the way they need, because who else is going to do it? But I see a LOT of these moms are really crying out for the support they need in raising their high support needs children, and I do understand that. How they are doing it is a problem. I also think that they see lower support needs autistic people as possibly making it more difficult to get the help they and their children need...like, if everyone thinks that autism is just being "a little quirky" then society will decide it's not a big deal and supports are not needed. I really think it's a fear of not having what they and their child need (and often NOT getting what they need anyway) that causes them to belittle people who don't seem to require as much support. If we were doing an adequate job of supporting everyone's needs, and supporting the parents who ARE the primary caretakers of high support needs individuals, then I don't think you'd see as much gatekeeping around the "types" of autism. I've come to the conclusion that I'll be caring for my high support needs son for probably as long as I'm alive, because there isn't anyone else out there to do it. I don't have support or help. I didn't get it when he was little, and I'm not going to get it now that he's older. I do my best, and it is easier now that he's older, but expecting a person to basically make the autistic child their whole life because they are the ONLY support available to the child, and then complain that the child and their autism is the parent's whole life is a bit unfair. I know this is a bit long and rambling, but we need to be better and more understanding that parents of high needs autistic children DO need support and help...both for their children and for themselves.
People shying away from terms like disabled kinda grinds my gears. I just like…. Don’t want people to start dismissing how disabling being neurodivergent is sometimes. It doesn’t make it a bad thing that it’s disabling. It means that we need help sometimes.